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Kuni had the stomach flu. That explained why he could barely keep any of his food down recently. It explained why he’d felt nauseous all the time recently. It definitely explained why he’d been unwilling to see Kazuha as of late and had kicked him out of his bed and not let him return since last Saturday.
The stomach flu was definitely the reason.
At least, Kuni desperately hoped it was. Because the alternative was something he was not ready for in the slightest.
A knock came at Kuni’s door and he barely mumbled into his pillow for whoever it was to enter before he heard the door open and click shut a moment later. Footsteps walked across the floor and Kuni blinked his eyes open to find Heizou had stopped before his bed and bowed his head to him.
Heizou was one of three new maids in the palace his mother had recently hired after finding three of their former maids were spies from another region. Kuni didn’t think his kingdom and his family were interesting enough to merit spies until he remembered his relationship with Kazuha was a secret he couldn’t risk getting out. So he’d agreed quickly when his mother had told him she was firing them and shipping them back to their home region, banning them from stepping foot on Inazuman soil ever again.
Heizou and the other two new maids named Venti and Xiao had been vetted personally by the prince before they’d been hired and had now been with the royal family for over a month. Heizou had also been chosen personally by the prince to replace Kazuha when Kuni banished him from his rooms a week ago.
It wasn’t permanent, Kuni often told himself. He just didn’t want to get Kazuha sick. There was nothing else behind it other than a concern for his lovers safety.
“Your Highness,” Heizou said. “Her majesty sent me to check on you. She says there’s a dinner planned for tomorrow night and needs to know if you will be attending.”
“No dinners.” Kuni grumbled, holding his stomach. “Tell her I won’t be there.”
“Of course.” Heizou bowed his head and made to turn away when Kuni stopped him.
“How is he?”
“He, your Highness?”
Kuni licked his lips. He remembered Kazuha’s face that day he’d thrown him out of his room. It was a couple days after he’s started feeling sick. Kazuha had turned a bit green when Kuni explained his symptoms to him, telling him he thought it was just the flu. Then Kazuha had made the suggestion that maybe it was something else and Kuni had tossed him out. He’d panicked, he’d known he had. He’d caught a bug and would be fine in a few days then he would apologize for overreacting.
That was a week ago.
“Kazuha.” Kuni said finally.
“Oh, he’s… okay.”
Kuni sighed and shook his head. “Tell me the truth, Heizou. I am your prince, do not lie to me.”
Heizou bit his lip, debating between his loyalty to his prince and his loyalty to his newfound friend he’d made in Kazuha. Finally he sighed and said, “He’s not well, your Highness. He’s worried about you and saddened that you won’t let him see you. That you replaced him with me.”
“I’m sorry if he’s taking anything out on you.”
“He’s not,” Heizou said quickly. “He wouldn’t.”
No, he wouldn’t. Because that wasn’t the Kazuha Kuni knew. That wasn’t the Kazuha he fell in love with. Heizou was innocent in all of this, there was no reason to hold any grudge against him and Kazuha knew that.
“Heizou, I need you to do me a favor.” Kuni said, attempting to sit up.
Heizou held his hand out to help the prince into a sitting position. “What is it?”
It was time, Kuni thought, to figure this out once and for all. “I need you to go out and buy me something.”
Heizou returned to Kuni’s rooms two hours later, still dressed in his street clothes he’d been given for when the royals sent the staff out for tasks that required discretion. He took the hood of his cloak down when he entered the room and walked over to the bed where Kuni still rested.
“Did you get it?” Kuni asked, looking the maid over.
“I did.” Heizou held his hand out and Kuni took the unmarked brown bag he held.
“Discreetly?”
Heizou nodded. “No one knew who I was or who I needed this for.”
“Good. Thank you Heizou.”
“Yes, your Highness. The shopkeeper wrote instructions down and slipped them in the bag as well. It seems fairly simple from what she told me.”
Kuni nodded and opened the bag, peaking inside. “You may go.”
Heizou bowed and, without another word, exited the prince’s room. Kuni felt his stomach twist as he looked over the contents of the bag before dumping them onto his lap. A small cup, a slip of plastic wrapped in paper and a card with the instructions for use on it. Kuni picked that up first.
“User must first urinate into the cup to the fill line near the top. Once complete, unwrap the sample strip and let it sit in the cup for ten minutes. After the time is up, pull the strip out and rinse in cool water. If it turns pink, the user is pregnant. If it does not change color, they are not.”
Simple enough, just as Heizou had said. Kuni picked up the little cup and examined it for the fill line. Once he’d located it, he got up from bed and went into the bathroom with his things.
Filling the little cup just right was the hardest part but Kuni was able to get it after a minute of struggle. Once it was filled, he set it aside, finished his business and washed his hand then carefully unwrapped the sample strip and placed it in the cup.
All that was left to do then was wait.
And think.
Two things Kuni hated.
If the strip turned up pink then Kazuha had been right in his suspicion that this ailment that had taken over Kuni wasn’t just a flu. But then, where did that leave them? Kuni had kicked him out when he’d even dared to suggest the idea. And what did that say about him? Did he even want to be a father? Did Kazuha?
They hadn’t talked about it at all. Though, hindsight being what it is, Kuni now knew that was a stupid mistake. They didn’t wear protection when they fucked and Kuni wasn’t on any sort of birth control. And while he identified himself as male, his body was still predominantly female so of course the risk was there.
But fuck. This was all happening so quickly. They’d only just admitted their feelings for one another a month ago, had only talked about the idea of marriage once more since then and a family hadn’t even come up in conversation. They weren’t there yet, they couldn’t be.
Could they?
Kuni groaned and tugged on a strand of his hair. This was too complicated. He wanted nothing more than to go back to the way they used to be. Just two people in love and having sex.
A knock came at the bedroom door then and Kuni glared at his piss cup before getting up to go see who was bothering him. He thought maybe Heizou had come back for some reason or maybe his mother was coming to check and make sure he really was too sick for dinner tomorrow. For some reason, the idea of opening the door to find Kazuha standing on the other side didn’t even cross his mind.
“What are you doing here?” Kuni asked, a little taken aback.
“Can I come in?” Kazuha asked and Kuni, maybe stupidly, stepped aside. Kazuha walked in and waited until the door was closed before he started talking. “Heizou told me what he got for you.”
“Little snitch.” Kuni grumbled and sat down on his sofa before the fireplace. Kazuha took a seat beside him, leaving about a foot of space between them.
“Why didn’t you send for me? Kuni, you know I would have been here for you in a heartbeat.”
Oh gods. Kuni couldn’t look at the hurt he knew was clouding Kazuha’s whole face now. He needed to stay strong. “I- I didn’t want to get you sick.”
“What?” Kazuha sighed. “Kuni, it’s either a stomach bug or pregnancy, neither of those things are contagious.”
“Can you-” Kuni sucked in a breath. “Don’t say that word. Please.”
At those soft, defeated words, Kazuha softened. “My love,” he scooted closer, grabbing the prince’s hand. “Are you… worried? Is that why you banished me from your rooms?”
“Of course I’m worried!” Kuni nearly shouted. “I don’t… I’m not ready Kazuha. We’ve never even talked about kids. We’ve barely talked about marriage. We haven’t even told anyone about us. Besides Heizou apparently.”
“I needed someone to talk to Kuni, he’s my frie-”
“I don’t care that you told him. He was bound to figure out who got me… knocked up anyway.”
“So… you are?” Kazuha asked, voice soft.
“Would you still be with me if I was?”
Kazuha gave Kuni a small smile and scooted even closer so their legs were touching. “Of course I would. I’ve always thought there might be some magic in having children one day. I suppose I didn’t expect it so soon and I never would have imagined it would happen with a prince but I wouldn’t be mad about it. But I also understand that you aren’t ready. That maybe… maybe you’re more scared than you even thought. And Kuni, that’s okay. The timing is definitely not great and I get it if you don’t want this. Not yet or even ever.”
Kuni sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. He knew Kazuha would be sensible about this. Gods he felt like such a moron for nearly throwing away this wonderful man. “I’m sorry I kicked you out and had Heizou fill your position. Just… when you suggested that it could be more than just a flu I freaked out. I don’t know what I want Kazuha. Before I met you, my path was set. I was a prince who would one day take a partner to rule with me, maybe someone I cared for, maybe not. Then, when my mother was ready, I would take the throne as king. But now… I have all these choices. I’m overwhelmed and the idea of bringing a child into this mess is so insanely stressful.”
“I understand.” Kazuha rubbed circles around Kuni’s back. “Can I ask you something though?”
Kuni nodded.
“Do you want children? Ever? I’m okay if you don’t, really. I love you and am perfectly happy to love you and only you forever. But…”
“You want them, don’t you?”
Kazuha paused then nodded. “I think a big part of me always has.”
Kuni let out a long breath and nodded as well. “I do. I’ve always liked children. It’s just… bad timing. And… call me old fashioned, but part of me had always wanted to be married first. At least for a little bit. It’s something I didn’t think would be an option until I met you but now I want to see the world with you. I want to be able to call you my husband and do whatever we wish before I have to start pushing out heirs. Maybe that’s selfish but it’s what I want.”
“It’s not selfish. You’re not selfish for wanting to live.” Kazuha pressed a kiss to Kuni’s cheek then reached over and placed his hand on his stomach. “This doesn’t have to take over your life. I know a discreet doctor who could help take care of it. No one would have to know. Not even your mother if you don’t want. But please, Kuni, whatever you decide, let me be here. Let me help you anyway I can. I love you and it hurts me to see you struggle with this on your own.”
Kuni felt tears sting his eyes as he looked into Kazuha’s sincere face. Then he leaned in and hugged him tight. “I’m sorry I hurt you. I love you too. I- I need you.”
They held each other for a few minutes, Kuni crying softly into Kazuha’s shoulder. The maid rocked them slowly, letting his hand continue to rub soothing circles on the prince’s back. Finally, Kuni sat up and wiped his eyes.
“The test is probably ready. Will you come with me?”
Kazuha nodded. “Of course. I admit I’m actually a bit relieved you don’t know yet. I wanted to be here with you. When Heizou told me he’d bought you a test, I dropped what I was doing and came running here as fast as I could,”
Kuni smiled and got to his feet, pulling Kazuha with him. “I’m glad you made it.”
They walked hand in hand into the bathroom where Kuni dumped his piss cup into the toilet and rinsed the test strip in the sink in cool water, as the instructions had said. The two watched as the water hit the strip and... it didn't change. It stayed the same white color it had been when he'd first pulled it out of the package. Kuni let out a sigh of relief he hadn’t realized he’d been holding in and Kazuha glanced at him, clearly confused. “Negative.” Kuni explained.
“It really was just the flu.”
“Is.” Kuni said, his stomach rumbling again. Now that he was clear of the pregnancy scare, his body picked right back up where it had left him when Heizou had dropped off the test. “Definitely is. Can you help me to bed?”
Kazuha chuckled and scooped Kuni into his arms, carrying him to his bed. “Do you need anything?” he asked, laying Kuni down in bed and pulling the blankets over him. “Would some warm soup help?”
Kuni shook his head and wrapped his arms around his middle. “No, I don’t want to throw anymore soup up. It burns coming back and I hate it. Just make me some tea please? Then lay with me until I feel better. I’ve missed you so much.”
Kazuha pressed a kiss to Kuni’s brow then disappeared from the room to do as he was asked. He returned twenty minutes later carrying a tray with a tea cup, kettle and a dish of crackers. “If you can,” he said, pouring tea into the cup and helping Kuni sit up before handing it to him. “You should try to eat these crackers. You need some form of sustenance.”
“Sustenance makes me vomit.” Kuni said, sipping his tea. Warm jasmine - his favorite - filled his senses immediately and he sighed happily into the cup.
“I know but you can’t not eat, my love.”
“I can and I will. Now come lay with me.” Kuni patted the other side of the bed and Kazuha dutifully walked around and climbed in the other side. He slid under the blankets and held Kuni close while the prince sipped his tea.
“One day,” Kuni said after a few minutes of silence. “One day I’ll be ready. But for now, I’m going to see if I can get a contraceptive brew made without raising suspicion.”
“That might be for the best.” Kazuha agreed. “I can see about taking one as well. Double the protection and all.”
Kuni nodded and set his tea cup aside, snuggling close to Kazuha’s chest. “I love you. And one day, I promise you I’ll give you everything you want and more.”
Kazuha kissed the top of Kuni’s head. “My prince, you already have.”
The next day, Kuni tried eating more soup and miraculously was able to keep it down. The day after, he was able to get out of bed without immediately running to the toilet. He was able to get dressed and go down to breakfast with his mother as normal. The queen was happy to see him and even happier to see him eating solid foods again.
“I’m very glad you’re feeling better, darling.” she said as he took a bite of a piece of toast. “I was getting quite worried about you.”
Kuni smiled at her. “I was too, honestly. But look at me now. Fit as a fiddle.”
“That’s wonderful dear. Now that you’re feeling better, I hope you won’t mind helping me plan the Spring Harvest Ball?”
“Mother, the Spring Harvest Ball isn’t for three more months.”
The queen sighed and tossed a long strand of purple hair over her shoulder. “I know that Kunikuzushi, obviously. But we must start preparing now. This ball… Well I suppose you’ll find out soon enough anyway.” she glanced over her shoulder to Miko who stood nearby as always before looking back to her son. “I’ve decided that I will be inviting all available suitors to this ball. It’s time you started thinking about your future, my son and the future of this kingdom.”
Those words sent every bit of food Kuni had just consumed roiling in his stomach. He thought he might throw up again. The future of his kingdom, a kingdom he wasn’t even sure he wanted to rule over. Let alone with anyone who wasn’t Kazuha.
“I don’t wish to marry.” he said plainly. “Not… another royal, anyway.”
“My darling, if not another royal, then who do you think you’ll marry? A commoner cannot be a ruler.”
“I don’t… Then maybe I don’t wish to be king.”
“Kuni,” Ei said, clearly trying to stay calm. “What has gotten into you? You’ve always been so willing to take the throne and continue on with your duties.”
Kuni took a deep breath. Well, if it was going to come out somehow, it might as well come from him. “I’ve… met someone. A commoner. And he makes me feel like my heart is on fire. I want to marry him, not a prince or princess I don’t even know.”
The queen placed a hand over her heart. “Kuni I… I am thrilled you have found someone who makes you happy but... It is not proper. It isn’t right. You cannot become king with a commoner on your arm.”
“Then I won’t. Mother, I told you. Maybe I don’t wish to be king. Maybe I don’t want any of this anymore. Maybe I just wish for a simple life with the man I love.”
“Who is it?” Ei asked. “What is his name?”
Kuni took a steadying breath then looked past his mother to where Miko stood. “Would you please go get Kazuha for me?”
Miko got that knowing look in her eyes. Of course she had figured it out. Nothing got past her. “Of course, your Highness.” she bowed and walked away to find the maid.
“Kazuha?” Ei sputtered, clearly confused. “What does he have to do with this? Kuni, I asked you for a name.”
“And I intend to give you one.” was all Kuni responded with.
They sat in silence for what felt like hours. Kuni quietly ate the rest of his breakfast while his mother watched, trying to figure out what game he could possibly be playing. The silence was deafening and nearly suffocating and Kuni wasn’t sure how much longer he would be able to keep his cool. Finally, just as he finished his breakfast and set his fork and knife down, the dining room doors opened and Miko strolled back in, Kazuha behind her looking nervous. Kuni wondered how much Miko had filled him in on, if any of it.
“What is the meaning of this?” Ei asked Miko as she took her place behind the queen once more. But Miko didn’t say anything. She simply waited for Kuni to explain.
“Mother.” Kuni said, directing her attention back to him. “This is Kaedehara Kazuha.”
“I know who he is, Kuni. I hired him, remember?”
Kuni continued on like she hadn’t interrupted him. “The man I wish to marry.”