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Mayu let the pen they were holding drop. The tip bled pink glitter ink onto the lined paper of their diary as they spun around on their fuzzy lavender desk chair. Their pastel sweater hung a bit loosely over their teenage frame.
They’d lost weight.
In their bedroom’s door frame stood a blonde toddler, swaddled in a big red and white sweater and with her hair kept in a crown braid. Her eyes shone as she perked up at the sight of her older sibling.
“Yuyu!”
Mayu rose from their chair, unfolding their legs from under themselves and picking up a pair of thin gloves that were laying on their desk. They put them on as they padded their way towards the door, their feet barely making any sound. Juri stared at the purple starry leggings covering their legs as Mayu bent down to pick her up.
“Juju!”
Mayu broke into a toothy smile, bouncing Juri a few times and eliciting giggles from the little girl.
“You’re getting so big I won’t be able to carry you soon!”
“Nooooo, Yuyu…” Her little mouth turned into a pout. “I’ll be small forever.”
Mayu stopped for a moment, taking in her round and rosy little face, her huge brown eyes and her tiny nose.
“Forever is a long time, Juri. Don’t you ever want to get big so you can do grown-up stuff?”
“Like what?”
“Hmm…” It took Mayu a while to come up with things that made growing up worthwhile.
“Like going on every ride at the fair. Or eating whatever you want for every meal!”
“Nh-hnn.” Juri bent her neck to rest her cheek on Mayu’s chest. “I wanna be in your arms always.”
Laughter rumbled in Mayu’s ribcage, but it hardly made any sound coming out.
She had no idea how dangerous Mayu’s touch could be, and she’d soon begin to question why they were wearing cursed gloves around her.
“But you’ll always fit in my arms. I just won’t be able to lift you from the ground, but we can still hug.”
Mayu was only a year younger than their older brother but they were much shorter, and since Juri looked so much like Kenshiro already, Mayu assumed she’d be at least as tall as them.
“Promise?”
Mayu looked down to meet Juri’s eyes that held all the hope in the world.
They couldn’t tell her they didn’t know if they’d still be around by next Christmas. She would never understand the constant war inside their head, trying to find their own notion of right and wrong and looking for a way to ease the pain.
No one could.
They couldn't let Juri know that her frail shoulders carried the last remnants of their sanity.
So they just bowed their head, pressed a kiss to Juri’s forehead and mouthed:
“Promise.”
Then, to redirect her attention to easier subjects, they asked with forced enthusiasm in their voice:
“What color should I make my hair? You choose!” Juri did seem a bit thrown off by the sudden shift in mood, but quickly began to think.
“Hmm, black!” She chirped, and Mayu found themselves smiling again.
“It doesn’t really fit tonight’s theme, but I like black.”
It did fit their current state of mind.
In less than two seconds, their entire hair turned dark, starting from the roots down to the ends that reached Mayu’s shoulders. Changing their hair color was the only form of transfiguration that didn’t cause any pain to Mayu’s body. Unlike their older brother, and just like Juri, they were fully human. Ever since Mahito became human, before Mayu was born, Kenshiro had been the only member of their family to carry a part of curseness. With Mahito being human and having lost his cursed technique, and Kenshiro having only inherited his father’s, there was no one to teach Mayu how to control idle transfiguration.
Kenshiro hated being half-curse. Mayu hated to be human.
Still, they’d always been close, managing to get along despite their differences without any difficulties.
It all changed when Kenshiro entered Jujutsu High.
“Mayu, Juri, come down! We’re gonna open the presents!”
Mayu would have never thought Kenshiro’s voice would make their shoulders tense, even when he was talking about something as nice as Christmas presents.
Juri immediately perked up and squirmed in her sibling’s arms. “Down, down!”
Mayu set her down, instructing her to be careful on the stairs, then took a moment to close their diary and padlock it before shutting the door to their room and making their way downstairs as well. Juri had gone down on her butt and was already at the bottom of it.
Nanami was there too, still wearing the pink apron Mayu had gotten him for Father’s Day years ago. He’d been in the kitchen since he’d gotten home from work, and maybe it was the fatigue of working on a full-course dinner for five people, but he frowned when he saw Mayu.
“We’ve discussed this before; Mama doesn’t like it when you make your hair black.”
Every remnant of the genuine smile Juri had put on Mayu’s face disappeared. The eye that wasn’t covered by their bangs turned hard.
“Juri picked the color.” They replied defensively. “It makes her happy.”
Nanami sighed, visibly taking a moment to carefully pick out his words. Mayu hated when they could feel their father was holding himself back. It made them wonder what he’d say if he didn't stop to think — though Nanami had never intentionally hurt Mayu with his words. Sure, there had been times when he’d snapped, either out of anger, weariness or panic, and said something he regretted.
Mayu knew Nanami felt regret, because he’d always apologize for what he’d said. They’d recently begun to have a hard time believing these apologies were sincere, or that they deserve them.
“It’s not against you, but it brings back bad memories for the both of us.”
Mayu’s jaw clenched and they felt the familiar and somehow comforting urge to indulge in overreacting and act more offended than they actually were.
“I don’t even know that kid. He died before I was born, why can’t you move on and let me live my life?!”
Acting like a “bratty teenager”, as they recalled Nanami calling them once — before apologizing — almost brought a satisfied smile to their face, like finally scratching an itch that had bothered them all day. Adolescence was an itch that lasted for years, and Mayu wasn’t even fourteen. They were just getting started on that self-destructive path, but had already experienced the worst of it.
“Mayu, please. You know Mama is easily upset lately.”
The tender, dark pink, not yet completely healed scars down Mayu’s forearms were burning. Only a couple of months had passed since Kenshiro had found Mayu on their bedroom floor, the day after the older boy’s birthday.
Mayu froze in an uncomfortable position, not quite steady on their footing, and they sounded like a small child again as they choked out:
“It’s all my fault, isn’t it?”
They winced when Nanami’s hand touched their face, calloused palm brushing against their cheek before cupping their neck and pulling them into a warm, strong embrace.
Mayu breathed in their father’s scent. The smell of a sorcerer, something they’d sworn to hate. Nanami also smelled like roasted turkey, potatoes and everything he’d been cooking in the kitchen.
He smelled like home. He also smelled like Mahito; they both smelled a bit like each other. Mayu wasn’t sure where one’s scent ended and the other’s began. Living together for fifteen years probably did that for everyone. Kenshiro’s smell still lingered in the house even when he was away for weeks, staying at the Jujutsu High dorms.
The family didn’t live far from the sorcery school, but Kenshiro rarely visited, even on weekends. He was training most of the time, hanging out with his classmates and avoiding Mayu.
He hadn’t started it. Mayu was the one who refused to speak to him after he announced his decision to join Jujutsu High.
Nanami pressed a kiss to the top of Mayu’s head, onto their hair that was still black. Mayu wasn’t a baby anymore, but Nanami could swear their scent hadn’t changed that much since then.
If only Mayu could’ve stayed small forever, so Nanami could hold them at all times and always keep an eye on them. He was terrified of looking away even for a second.
“You’re not at fault because you’re suffering.” Nanami finally got out despite the lump in his throat. “You’re my child. I will always forgive you.”
Mayu held tightly onto Nanami’s shirt. “Even if I ki—”
“What’s taking you so long?” Kenshiro whined as he poked his head through one of the living room’s door frames that connected to the hallway. ”Juri and Mama aren’t gonna be able to wait much longer.”
As soon as they realized they were being watched, Mayu pushed their father away and bolted past Kenshiro, not even looking at him.
They did, however, mouth:
“Shut up, sorcerer.”
Kenshiro quickly caught up to them in the hallway, grabbing their elbow and yanking them back to look them in the eye.
“What did you say?!”
His breath shuddered as he realized how close his hand was to Mayu’s forearm.
But Mayu didn’t cry out in pain or even frown, instead holding Kenshiro’s mismatched gaze with malice in their eye that wasn’t hidden by black hair.
“ Sorcerer. It’s not an insult, is it?”
Kenshiro’s jaw clenched. He felt the need to fight rising within himself.
“You say it with so much disgust it sounds like one.”
No, not fight. Wrestle. Being so close in age, they always had to share everything, so there was an infinity of things to fight over. They’d roll on the floor, hold each other down, block arms and legs and lightly slap their faces. Nanami would sigh that they got that from Mahito, but there was amusement in his voice.
They never hurt each other, or if they did, it was never bad enough to be a pain that lingered.
Lately, Kenshiro tried to provoke Mayu. He’d poke their cheek, tickle them, cover their eyes or repeat everything they said, hoping to get a glimpse of the old Mayu in response.
But Mayu either gave him the silent treatment, or threw words that hurt more than the worst of their fights. Or they’d start crying, screaming at Kenshiro to get away from them and out of their life.
They’d held it together for Kenshiro’s fifteenth birthday in October, shutting down their feelings and barely saying anything, only keeping up a soft smile.
Kenshiro seemed so happy, and Mayu knew they couldn't force themselves to act like this for long, so they’d come to the conclusion that Kenshiro would be better off without them.
“That’s up to your interpretation. But if you really want to believe I insulted you, then I’ll give you what you want; curse killer.”
Mayu could taste the poison of their words on their tongue, and they liked its flavor. They hated the situation, but it felt so nice to be miserable.
Kenshiro resisted the urge to slap or punch Mayu and instead pushed them, shoving them against the wall.
“Is that all you’ve got to say, murderer?” They laughed, but their body was shaking.
“You shut up!” Kenshiro’s deeper voice boomed. “You have no right to say that!”
“No right?!” Mayu parroted, eyes wide and a twisted smile deforming their soft features.
“You’re the one betraying your own kind!” They cried out, and Kenshiro barely recognized them.
It was a desperate attempt to snap them out of it that made Kenshiro slap them across the face. The force of the blow made Mayu’s head whip to the side and the sound of the impact echoed throughout the entire house.
“YOU’RE NOT EVEN ONE OF THEM!!”
Nanami, who had gone back to the kitchen in the meantime, hurried to the scene to separate his children. As he took hold of Kenshiro’s wrist, Mayu chuckled softly like they’d just been proven right.
“Sorcerers don’t have any heart… You’re a disgrace of a curse.”
“That’s not for you to decide!” Kenshiro protested, trying to break free from his father’s grip as he was pulled away from his sibling.
Mayu took a moment to catch their breath, watching as their brother was almost comically dragged into the kitchen with a small smile, until they turned around and met their mother’s wide eyes staring at them from the second door that connected the hallway to the living room.
Juri was holding onto Mahito’s pant leg, tears ready to fall the moment she’d blink. Mahito also looked on the verge of tears.
Mayu felt themselves deflate entirely, smile dropping and voice barely above a whisper.
“Mama…”
They ran into Mahito’s arms, tucking their head under his chin and gently patting Juri’s head, careful not to mess up her hairdo.
“I’m sorry you had to see this…”
The moment Juri opened her mouth, she burst into sobs and barely managed to choke out:
“Kenshin’s s- s- so- so mean!”
Mayu heaved a sigh. Juri had nothing to do with their war. She was human in every way; she had no cursed energy and couldn’t see curses.
“He’s not a bad person.” They assured her, though they weren’t convinced of it themselves. They couldn’t let Juri feel like she had to pick a side.
Mahito was mute. Eventually, since he didn’t hug Mayu back, they looked up to meet his eyes.
“Mama?”
Mahito looked like he’d seen a ghost. Watching children tear each other apart over humans and curses and adding fuel to the fire was something he had stopped enjoying a long time ago.
Mayu held him tighter and changed their hair back to its natural color; just slightly bluer than Mahito’s.
“Mama, it’s okay.” They pleaded, burying their face into Mahito’s sweater to avoid the haunted look in his eyes.
The same look he had when Mayu woke up in the hospital.
That was the moment Nanami and Kenshiro returned from the kitchen. Kenshiro stormed past his mother and siblings, shameful eyes glued to the floor. Mayu didn’t make any comment this time.
Nanami felt his heart sink when he saw the expression on Mahito’s face. “Mahi?”
When he got no answer, he wrapped his arms around his husband and child, holding them tight without being too suffocating. If he listened to himself, he’d never let go of them.
He pressed his forehead to Mahito’s and murmured:
“Everything’s alright. Mayu is here. Kenshin is here. Juri is here. I’m here. We’re in this together.”
Mahito’s state of shock began to crumble as he started to cry, strangled sobs leaving his throat as he tried to hold them back in front of his kids.
Nanami kissed his nose and rocked him slowly from side to side, with Mayu still squeezed in between them.
“You’re so brave,” he spoke just a little louder for Mayu and Juri to hear as well, “I love you more than anything.”
Finally, a different sound left Mahito’s lips. Trembling and filled with tears, but unmistakable; laughter. He wrapped one arm around Nanami while rubbing his wet eyes and cheeks with his other hand.
“That’s it, my sweet curse.” Nanami comforted him. Mahito had been human for well over a decade, but the pet name had stuck. “We’re gonna make it. I’ll never let you down.”
“I love you, Mama,” mumbled Mayu, their voice muffled against Mahito’s chest. “I’m sorry I’m such a monster.”
Mahito instantly snapped out of his panic-induced trance and took Mayu’s head into his hands, tilting their face upward.
“Never say that again.” He commanded softly but firmly. “I know what being a monster is, and I can tell you that you’re not even a tenth of what you’d need to qualify as one.”
Once he judged the situation settled, Nanami picked up Juri to carry her to the living room, but the little girl squirmed in his arms.
“Mama… Yuyu…” she whimpered, but Nanami kissed her forehead and said softly:
“They’re gonna be okay. Why don’t you open your first present?”
Juri wasn’t convinced right away, but Mayu offered her a strained smile and that was enough to have her giggling again.
“Is the biggest one for me?”
Nanami chuckled softly at the sight of his daughter grinning from ear to ear. She was his spitting image; smile included. Nanami had four wonderful reasons to smile now.
“Let’s find out, shall we?”
Once Mahito and Mayu were left alone in the hallway, Mayu noticed how tightly their mother was holding onto them. One hand gripping the back of their powder pink sweater, while the other cradled their head to his chest. It didn’t hurt, but it was desperately strong.
Like he was afraid they’d slip out of his grasp, disappear into thin air. But to Mayu, their own body felt incredibly heavy. Moving, thinking, breathing was a struggle. Their head felt like it was constantly locked in a lead vice. Lifting it from the pillow when they woke up was already a nearly insurmountable battle.
Still, they found the strength to color their voice with hope when they whispered:
“Come on, Mama. Let’s go open the presents.”
Softly, they pushed themselves away from Mahito’s chest, not needing to use too much force to break free from his iron grip.
Firm, but gentle: how they’d always been raised.
They had such the perfect parents; how dare they be unhappy?
Mayu tried their best to control their own soul, to not let anything show. Their suicide attempt had been a surprise to everyone; and all but Nanami could see Mayu’s soul.
So they put on a happy facade, trying to convince themselves they were excited about opening Christmas presents and having to fake smiles. Because no matter how much they’d wanted the things they’d asked for a few weeks prior, they knew they’d feel empty again the moment the wrapping paper came off.
Still, their legs carried their hollow carcass to the living room, where Juri had already opened her first present. The bigger one had, in fact, been for her.
It was a brand new bicycle, with a silver frame and bright purple wheels. Mayu couldn't help but feel the corners of their lips tug upward at the sight of their sister proudly parading around the living room, purple helmet on her head and safety wheels lighting up with rainbow neon lights.
Mayu sat in between their parents on the leather couch that had been in Nanami’s possession since before any of the kids were born, and had been through their zoomies and other adventures. The damaged and worn leather was a testament to fifteen years of Nanami and Mahito being parents; and they liked to think they hadn’t done so badly.
There were family pictures all around the house, happy memories where the godparents who were human and could show on photo often appeared. Much to Nanami’s despair, Gojo had been the most invested in spending time with the kids, but he had to admit the white-haired man had saved his life a few times by eagerly agreeing to babysit at the last minute.
In fact, Juri’s bike was a gift from Gojo. He was spending Christmas with his one and only, who was Mayu’s godfather, but he’d told Nanami he’d be visiting them soon.
“Look at me! Are you all looking?”
“You’re doing so good, Juri! Uncle Satoru’s gonna be so impressed when he sees you!” Kenshiro cheered as his baby sister drove in circles around the couch while Nanami took a video of them. Kenshiro turned around to face the phone’s camera and sighed softly.
“She’s growing so fast, isn’t she?...”
Nanami felt a twinge of sadness at his son’s words.
They were all growing too fast. Slipping through his fingers a little more every day.
But he knew he couldn’t tell him that. He couldn’t ruin Kenshiro’s first smile since his earlier fight with Mayu.
“Imagine when we show her this video ten years from now.” He said, and Kenshiro chuckled.
“Or at her wedding!”
Nanami couldn’t hold back a short laugh that turned into a cough. “Now, that’s looking a bit too far ahead.”
Mayu gazed down at their hands folded in their lap. Getting married sounded like the kind of thing they wouldn’t live long enough to get to see.
But they wanted to see Juri in a decade. To see how big she’d get, if she’d be taller than them, and what kind of young woman she’d grow into.
If only they could simply exist in a different form, free of the obligations and limitations of the human body, and still watch their siblings grow. To be an entity, like a ghost or a spirit, to hang around but no longer suffer. To stop living, but not stop existing.
A pink rectangle suddenly entered Mayu’s field of vision. Hot pink wrapping paper with golden stripes and a red bow, and with Mayu’s name written in big letters.
“This one’s from me.”
Kenshiro’s voice.
“For me?” Mayu asked as they hesitantly took the gift from their older brother's hands, setting it down on their lap and fidgeting with the red ribbon as if they didn’t dare open it.
As if they didn’t deserve it.
“You can read, right?” Kenshiro teased softly, testing the waters.
After a moment of hesitation, and with their eyes glued to the still intact wrapping paper, Mayu replied:
“...Well, yeah, but your handwriting is terrible.”
Kenshiro let out a soft chuckle. It was true that he didn’t have the neatest scrawl.
“Stop yapping and open it already; or I know someone who’ll gladly do it for you.” He said as he caught a glimpse of Juri dropping her bike and joining the family gathered around the couch.
Mayu took a deep breath before tearing a big piece of the paper, ripping their name in half as the excitement of opening a surprise present finally crept in.
Nanami sat Juri on his lap, Mahito shifted towards the end of the couch so that Kenshiro could sit between him and Mayu, and they all watched intently as Mayu uncovered a large, thick and heavy book with their name written once again in very large letters. The lettering was also messy, all done with pink, purple, blue and turquoise glitter glue.
Kenshiro braced himself for another jab at his bad handwriting, but nothing came. Instead, Mayu opened the book, closing it almost immediately when they saw what was in it.
They turned to meet Kenshiro’s eyes and stammered:
“But I- I don’t have a gift for you…”
It was a picture book, and Mayu had caught a glimpse of a handwritten caption under the first photo. They loved hand-made gifts, and the thought that Kenshiro had taken time to craft it while Mayu had not even considered trying to get him a present made them feel like the worst person on Earth.
Mayu and Kenshiro weren’t twins, but they shared a special bond. Their souls were complementary, not quite two perfect halves but always finding a way to fit together like jigsaw pieces. Seeing souls didn’t equate to being able to read minds, but Kenshiro was extremely observant.
He smiled softly at his sibling, not having to force it as he realized they could still interact like they used to.
“It’s okay, it’s not much. Though I shouldn’t say that, since Juri helped a lot! She even kept it a secret for that long, can you believe that?”
“Did you?” Mahito asked his little girl, eyes wide in disbelief.
Juri popped her thumb out of her mouth to utter “I forgot” before returning to sucking it quietly.
Nanami, Mahito and Kenshiro stifled a laugh, and even Mayu couldn’t help but feel a tug at the corners of their mouth.
It was bittersweet. She was so innocent, Mayu had no right to worry her again like the day they ended up in the hospital. She couldn’t understand why Mayu was stuck there and couldn’t go home to play with her. Mayu would never forget the way she cried as their parents tried to convince her to leave once the visiting hours were over.
Mayu wished she could forget about this.
Maybe forget about them, too.
“Mayu?”
Kenshiro’s voice made them snap back to the present moment, at home, with closed wounds and surrounded by their family. The room was warm, messy with Juri’s toys and a pleasant smell escaped from the kitchen.
They were safe, together, and the picture book weighing heavy in Mayu’s hands felt somehow comforting. It was real, tangible, a physical proof of love. They’d struggled to see it lately.
In turn, they looked at Nanami, Mahito and Kenshiro, waiting for a silent signal, and felt their heart swell as they were met with soft smiles. Then, they moved closer to Juri so she could see the book better as they opened it again.
The first picture was one of Mahito about halfway through his pregnancy, laying on the same couch the family was sitting on this very moment. He looked tired, his hair was a mess but he had that pregnancy glow as he smiled for the camera. A blond baby, not yet a year old, was sleeping peacefully tucked under his arm.
The caption read:
“June 2020, Mama’s very first picture.”
Mayu knew the story. The fact that they were fully human meant that Mahito couldn't carry them as a curse, and the fetus that would become Mayu had absorbed Mahito’s curseness in order for both of them to make it.
At least, that was the conclusion Shoko had come up with; Nanami had been so afraid of losing Mahito as he’d become sicker and sicker that he hadn’t cared exactly how he’d survived, and accepted this version as the truth.
Mahito being human also meant that the sword of Damocles now hung a little further from his head. Though the higher-ups didn’t hesitate to sentence human beings to death, Mahito would no longer be an automatic target for sorcerers.
Which meant he could go out of the house, go anywhere he wanted to go without constantly checking if he was being followed or keeping his senses on high alert for any trace of unusual cursed energy, and, of course, show up on pictures.
Mayu turned the page, and the next picture was one of them as a newborn baby in Mahito’s arms. Nanami was there too, with his cheek squished against Mahito’s, eager to catch his first glimpse of his new baby.
The caption read: “December 27, 2020. Here at last!”
The picture on the opposite page was one of Mayu crying in Nanami’s arms while Kenshiro covered his ears.
“February 2021: I didn’t know you’d be this loud!”
“Did you come up with those yourself?” Mayu asked Kenshiro with a fake sneer in their voice, but they couldn’t hide how it trembled.
“Go on.” Kenshiro simply said, and Mayu didn’t argue.
After several more pictures of Mayu and Kenshiro as babies, then toddlers, they got to a much more recent picture.
Nanami couldn’t hold back a chuckle. “Oh, I was huge here.”
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen that picture!” Mahito gasped.
“I took it with my phone and it just kinda sat there ever since.” Kenshiro replied, and Mahito turned to Nanami.
“It’s true that you were enormous.”
“Thanks, my love.” Nanami sighed, but his eyes were soft as he gazed at his husband.
The picture showed Nanami and Mahito laying in the hammock that was still in the garden, enjoying the warmth of spring. Mahito was cuddling up to Nanami, one arm draped over the massive belly that wouldn’t be there for much longer.
The caption was messier than the others, but Mayu managed to decipher:
“May 2032: I’m almost here!”
Mayu’s jaw dropped as the realization hit them.
“Did you write this?” They asked Juri, who, as far as they knew, wouldn’t learn how to read and write for at least another three years.
“Yup!” She beamed proudly, and Kenshiro quietly added: “I just guided her hand a little bit.”
“Kenshin’s such a good big brother.” They said, and Kenshiro’s smile dropped. Though not said to him directly, those words he hadn’t heard in way too long made his stomach clench and he felt tears prickle his eyes.
He caught himself hoping Mayu would stay like this forever, back to their old self like magic.
Maybe tonight would be the night everything got fixed. He held tight onto the image of Mayu’s soft smile, eyes lighting up for every page they turned and calling him Kenshin again.
The next day, when Nanami broke the padlock to Mayu’s diary, desperately looking for a reason as Kenshiro’s wounds were being treated in the living room, he read:
I don’t know if I’m taking the right path, but it’s the one I’ve chosen. I can’t keep living in a world where sorcerers are allowed to kill my only friends.
I know what I have to do, though I don’t want to do it. But it’s the only way to fix things. All sorcerers have to die.
I hate sorcerers.
I hate humans.
I love my family.
I’m sorry.
Mayu had left their cursed energy cancelling gloves on their desk, on top of the picture book.