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“don’t cry baby,”
he looked up to me. tears falling from his eyes. i leaned over and hugged him, my own eyes threatening to tear up. “it’ll be okay,” i rubbed his back, reassuringly. “you can’t leave man, you can’t, I need you,” i sighed, thinking of what to say. “it’s only for a little bit,”
it was 2am, he had to come through my window, or my dad wouldn’t be happy. he wanted to say goodbye. “you have to leave,” i whispered. he looked at me, he started to laugh, what’s wrong with him, why is he laughing? he leaned forward and kissed me, climbing on top of me he tried to get closer.
“what’re you doing?” i whispered-yelled. he looked up at me with “puppy” eyes. “cmon, babe, one more time?” he begged me, not actually asking. “this is the reason i have to leave, my dad will kill both of us if he walks in,” i spoke in a hushed voice. we were both male. i was gay and my dad didn’t like it, i was being sent away to a camp somewhere. he said he didn’t like how i was “changing”
i don’t care, i need you,” he was acting weird, he was stronger than me, he had me pinned to the bed.
“what’s wrong with you right now?”
he looked at me with wide eyes. he kissed me harder and pulled my hair whenever i tried to move.
“just suck it up for me baby, cmon”
that’s when i got scared. “get off of me, i’m serious, not right now please my love,” my eyes were tearing up. i just gave up and tried to be quiet.
—-flashback—-
“WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU, GET OUT!” my boyfriend looked up fearfully and left as quick as possible. “dad, please i’m sorry,” he didn’t care. his fist slamming into my chest over and over again as i laid on the floor, sobbing, trying to defend myself. the bottom of his foot hit my mouth, hard. i could taste blood. he kicked me in the head and i couldn’t feel anything else. it went dark.
——
“hello son,” my dad spoke casually the next morning. he was sitting with my mom on the couch, calmly. “we want to have a talk,” she smiled gently. i sat down on the couch across from them. i looked up fearing what they were about to say. “what happened last night was not okay, we’re not gay in this household,” playing with my fingers, keeping my head down, i felt my eyes tear up. “we’re going to send you to a camp in georgia, we think it’ll be good for you,” my eyes shot up, they’re sending me away. “dad, you can’t, please” i knew my begging wouldn’t help. “it’s final, don’t try and fight it, you’re leaving next weekend”
——
“baby, wake up i’m done,” i passed out from overstimulation. my eyes were wet. i needed comfort, even if it was because of him, i hugged him and sobbed into his chest. “i don’t wanna leave,” my eyes hurt, i was sore, everything hurt. “i’ll see you soon, i swear,” he kissed my forehead, he was always gentle with me afterward. “i love you sweetheart,” even though i was terrified of him sometimes, i still smiled at the pet name. he rubbed my back till i fell asleep.
he was gone when i woke up. “hurry up, we’re leaving,” my dad slammed the door open. “get out of bed,” i rubbed my eyes and crawled out of bed, my legs hurting. it was early morning, the window was left open.
i sat in the back of my dads car after hugging my mom goodbye. it was a four hour drive. i reached into my pocket to find my earbuds, there was a note.
see you soon,
love you sweetheart
i felt nothing as we drove away.