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The first time it happened, you had been sleeping together for a few weeks. It seemed like there was an unspoken rule that you would leave soon after sex, giving him his space. You could sense his reluctance to be vulnerable and intimate, so you respected that boundary and didn't push him. But on this particular night, as you lay tangled in each other's limbs, there was a subtle hesitation from him. It was like a whisper of doubt, lingering in the air between you.
"Everything alright, Astarion?" you asked.
He seemed to get startled at this, as if caught off guard by your question.
"Wha- oh! Of course, darling. Everything is perfect."
You nodded, even though couldn't help but feel skeptical about his words. Maybe he needed space again.
"I guess I'll be going then," you said with a heavy heart, slowly rising to your feet.
You got dressed and began to make your way towards the door. Astarion followed closely behind you, his hands twitching nervously.
"Wait." He said, his voice barely above a whisper.
You turned to face him, seeing a hint of vulnerability in his usually cocky expression.
"I...I don't want you to go just yet." He admitted, looking down at his feet.
You could see the internal struggle within him, and your heart ached a bit for him. You walked back towards him and slowly reached for his hand, not wanting to startle him.
"What do you want, then?" you asked, softly.
He looked up at you with an intensity that made your heart skip a beat. There was a raw emotion in his crimson eyes, and it felt like looking into his soul.
"I...I want you to stay the night. If that's what you want, of course." He said, hesitantly.
You could sense the vulnerability in his voice, and you knew that this was a big step for him. Astarion was not one to open up easily, and you were honored that he was willing to share himself with you.
"Okay." You replied, giving his hand a gentle squeeze.
Astarion wordlessly guided you back to his bedroll. This was new territory for both of you, but it felt just right. Hesitantly, he climbed into bed beside you and wrapped an arm around your waist. You couldn't help but smile at his nervousness; he was always so confident when it came to flirting and seduction, yet it was cuddling that seemed to make him flustered.
You wrapped your arms around him, feeling the cold softness of his body against yours. It was a comforting feeling, being this close to him. He hesitantly reached out his hand, his fingers trembling as he gently combed through your hair. As you both lay in silence, Astarion's movements became more confident and soothing, his fingers carefully untangling any knots or snarls. You could sense the tension in him slowly dissipating as he allowed himself to open up and connect with you in this intimate way. It was a moment filled with vulnerability and trust, and you couldn't help but feel grateful for it.
"Thank you for trusting me," you murmured.
Astarion stayed silent for a few seconds, before responding. "Thank you for staying."
Another significant moment was when he finally confessed his feelings for you. You had both agreed to take a break from physical intimacy, which you were completely fine with. However, you weren't sure if this also meant giving up your now nightly cuddling sessions together.
Your answer came when that night, as Astarion appeared at the door of your tent, pacing back and forth. You chuckled under your breath as you approached him.
"Do you require my services, Astarion?"
Astarion's eyes fixated on you, a mischievous grin spreading across his face. "My dear! I've only come here to see you." He cleared his throat awkwardly. "But perhaps we could have a more... intimate discussion?"
You raised an eyebrow in surprise. You thought you had left matters clear that same evening.
"Of course," you replied, stepping aside and gesturing for him to enter your tent. Once inside, Astarion settled onto your bedroll while you sat beside him. He looked at you with a mixture of nerves and determination in his eyes.
"I wanted to discuss what we talked about earlier," he began cautiously.
You nodded, encouraging him to continue. He cleared his throat.
"I... ehm. I know we agreed we wouldn't be intimate, but I was merely wondering if we could keep up..."
"Our nightly cuddle?" You filled in the gap for him.
"Err... yes," he grimaced awkwardly. "That."
You smiled warmly at him, finding his bashfulness rather endearing. "I'm glad you brought it up, Astarion, because I would kind of miss it if we didn't."
Relief shone in his eyes as he gazed at you with genuine gratitude, causing your heart to skip a beat.
"That's...I mean, it's only natural that you would miss it," he responded. "After all, how often do you get the opportunity to cuddle with someone like me?"
You rolled your eyes at his cocky remark, but couldn't hide the small smile on your face.
The two of you sat in silence for a moment, just enjoying each other's company. Finally, you broke the silence again.
"I think it's time for me to call it a night," you gave him a pointed look. "Care to join me?"
Astarion's eyes widened in surprise at your invitation, but he quickly composed himself and grinned wickedly. "I would be honored to share a bedroll with you, my dear."
As you settled down into your bedroll, you patted the spot next to you, inviting Astarion to join. He eagerly complied, curling up behind you and wrapping his arms around your waist. His touch was both gentle and possessive, making you feel loved and protected. He nuzzled his nose against your hair before placing a soft kiss on the nape of your neck. It felt like a promise, and brought a sense of peace as you drifted off to sleep in his embrace.
The third remarkable time happened right
just before reaching Baldur's Gate, when Astarion was gravely injured in a brutal fight. Your heart raced as you tended to his wounds, frantically trying to heal him as the blood pooled beneath him. As night fell, you collapsed onto the ground next to him, gently pushing away sweaty strands of hair from his clammy forehead.
"Are you feeling any better?" You ask, your voice barely above a whisper as you gaze at him with concern. He looks up at you, a weak smile on his lips. "I owe it all to your care."
You feel a wave of relief wash over you before settling down next to him. He immediately wraps his arms around you, burying his head in your chest. Your fingers trace soothing patterns through his soft ivory curls as he drifts off into a meditative state. After a while, you felt his usually tense muscles relax over your body. He was asleep, or at least in a state of deep meditation. You continued to stroke his hair gently, not wanting to wake him. In this moment, he looked completely peaceful – a stark contrast to the dashing rogue always ready with a witty retort.
As you lay there in the quiet darkness, an unfamiliar sentiment rose within your chest, filling it to the brim. You weren't sure when it had happened, but somewhere along the way, Astarion had become more than just a companion or a lover. He was your partner in every sense of the word – someone who understood and accepted you for who you were. And even though none of you could still put a name to whatever you shared, you knew for certain that this bond was something precious, something to be cherished. You realized in that moment, it was love.
"I am in love with you," you murmured into the silence. The admission took your breath away as you shivered slightly under Astarion's touch, your heart pounding against his ear. Would he feel the difference in your heartbeat? Could he sense the shift in your feelings?
A couple of days later, he met his sibling at a pub in Rivington and you had a disagreement that left a bitter feeling in your mouth. That evening, you waited for him in your sleeping bag, as was customary. But as the minutes ticked by, it seemed like he wasn't going to show up. You began to wonder if he wanted you to seek him out instead; so, you got out of your bedroll and crossed the short distance between your tents.
"Astarion?" you asked upon entering.
He was sitting on his cushions, staring blankly at the wall. At the sound of your voice, he turned to look at you with a distant expression, and you immediately knew something was wrong.
"Are you still mad at me from this morning's fight?" you asked, sitting down next to him.
He let out a sigh and shook his head. "No, it's not that," he replied.
You frowned, placing a hand on his shoulder. "What is it then? You know you can tell me," you said softly.
Astarion hesitated, his inner turmoil evident in the clench of his jaw. After a long moment, he finally spoke. "I can't...not tonight. I need to be alone," he rasped out before turning away, unable to meet your gaze.
Your heart dropped at his words, the worry and concern evident in your expression. You knew that Astarion wasn't one to push you away, at least not without a valid reason.
You didn't want to leave him like this but knew that he needed this space right now, so you gave him a small smile and silently went back to your tent.
BONUS
The next day, you tried to focus on other things, helping the group with their tasks and keeping your mind occupied. But as night fell and you lay in your bedroll, you couldn't shake off the worry that gnawed at your insides. What if this was about your confession? What if you had overstepped ahead of time and he couldn't reciprocate?
You turned over restlessly, unable to find a comfortable position. Finally, with a heavy sigh, you got up to go to Astarion's tent and at least get some answers. But just as you were about to open it, the flap of your own tent was pulled back and Astarion stepped inside, a conflicted look on his face. Before you could even utter a word, he spoke first.
"Forgive me for my odd behavior last night," he began, his voice low and hesitant. "I've been trying to figure out everything."
You sat down in your bedroll again, giving him your full attention as he took a seat next to you. You could feel your heart pounding in your chest, unsure of what was coming. He let out a sigh and leaned his head against your shoulder.
"What's wrong?" you asked gently, placing a comforting hand on his cheek.
"I just...I've been thinking about what you said that night," he replied, his voice barely above a whisper.
"What did I say?" you asked, not wanting to assume anything.
He took a deep breath before answering. "That you are in love with me."
Your heart skipped a beat at those words.
"Did...did I misunderstand?" Astarion asked hesitantly, looking up at you with uncertainty in his eyes.
"No," you replied firmly, cupping his face in your hands. "I meant every word I said that night. I'm in love with you, Astarion."
He seemed to take a moment to absorb the weight of your words, his eyes blinking slowly as he searched your face. A myriad of expressions flickered across his features — surprise, fear, and finally... sadness.
"I... I am sorry, but I can't fully reciprocate right now, with everything going on," he confessed, his voice strained with an unfamiliar vulnerability. His admission made your heart clench, but before any words could escape your mouth, he continued.
"I've never been in love before. I'm not sure what it's supposed to feel like, what it's supposed to be. But I know I have this...this feeling that keeps me close to you, that keeps my thoughts wandering back to you no matter where I am or what I am doing..." he paused, turning to look at you with a softness in his eyes that made your heart flutter wildly in your chest, "and I hope that is enough for now."
A wave of relief washed over you at his confession and all the worry you have been carrying seemed to disappear all at once. Tears prickled at the corners of your eyes as you wrapped your arms around him tightly, a warmth spreading through your chest.
Astarion returned the hug, wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you flush against him. The two of you stayed like that for a few moments, just holding each other tightly. It was a mix of emotions, knowing that Astarion was not yet able to return your feelings in full. But at the same time, you felt grateful and content just to have him by your side
"Thank you for telling me," you whispered against his hair, pulling back slightly to look up at him."I will wait for you, all you need."
A small smile tugged at the corners of his lips, and you couldn't help but mirror it. Astarion leaned down and pressed his lips to yours in a gentle small kiss. It was soft and sweet, sending a warmth spreading through your body.
You both curled up in the bedroll, Astarion enveloping you with his arms in a protective embrace. And at that moment, you were certain - if the vampire still had a heart, it would be beating for you alone right now.