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Okay, Hal is sure at this point that he is right. Batman is intentionally trying to elongate these meetings for the sole purpose of torture. Batman acts as though Nightwing and Green Arrow didn’t drop a giant f bomb at the beginning of the meeting. Obviously the f bomb being married. With kids!
But, no, Batman can just keep droning on and on about the importance of staying vigilant. They have this talk all the time. There is no way that they need to hear it this often. What the League needs to hear about is the relationship between Nightwing and Arrow.
“That is all for today. I motion to call this meeting to an end.” Batman, finally, announces.
“Seconded!” Superman practically shouts.
Unlike every other meeting when everyone almost immediately flees the meeting, almost no one moves aside Batman, Arrow, Nightwing, and Kid Flash.
Superman turns his chair and points an accusatory finger at Arrow. “I thought you were dating Lex Luthor!”
Green Arrow sputters, his mouth open and closing several times. He finally shouts, “What?”
“You said that you had a hot date with Lex Luthor and then Oliver Queen told me that’s what you call those dates!” Superman states. “But-”
Arrow puts out his hand and waves it frantically. “Who do you think I am?”
Superman freezes before he says, “Bruce Wayne.”
Arrow laughs, “No, no. That’s a good one. I didn’t think you’d actually believe that lie when I said it as an off handed comment.”
“What?” Superman raises an eyebrow, his face scrunches up. “You’re not Bruce Wayne and you’re not dating Lex Luthor.”
“No!”
“Right,” Wonder Woman calmly chimes in. Hal’s head feels like it is on a swivel as he whips to turn at Diana. “He is dating Black Canary.” Wonder Woman points between the two and then uses air quotes to say, “I heard the two talk about their ‘hot and heavy night’”
Beside Arrow, Black Canary groans, dropping her head in her hands. “Ugh, no.” She points a thumb at Arrow. “This buffoon and I haven’t dated in over ten years. He’s just an idiot that calls eating alfredo for dinner ‘hot and heavy.’”
“Hey!” Arrow spins his chair and points at Black Canary and defends. “That pasta has a heavy sauce and is hot! I’m not wrong. It’s hilarious.”
“Wait, so you two are not dating?” Diana questions.
“No.” Black Canary and Green Arrow answer in sync.
“Right,” says J’onn. Hal flips his head again. J’onn matter of factly says, “Green Arrow was dating Oliver Queen.”
With that one, about half the League chimes in agreement.
“You all thought I was dating Oliver Queen, just because of that one comment that he had the best butt.”
“Actually,” Barry cuts in, “It’s the fact that you said you have seen that butt in person frequently.”
Arrow thunks his head onto the table. Nightwing starts laughing at the other man’s misery.
Hal stands and yells at Nightwing, “Oh, you must think this is so funny that your husband dug himself such a big hole and fell down it.”
Immediately, Nightwing stops laughing. “My what! He’s not my- We’re not-” Nightwing looks to be malfunctioning for a moment. He grabs Wally towards him and pulls him over. “I’m dating Wally!” Nightwing points at Arrow. “He’s my st-”
Nigtwing quickly closes his mouth with an audible click.
“You’re what?” Diana asks, calmly.
Nightwing’s eyes bounce around the table. “Um, my, uh-”
“Stepdad,” Batman cuts in, saving Nightwing the trouble. Hal looks at Batman.
“You knew?” Hal scoffs, “Of course you knew, you’re Spooky.”
“Then why did you mention that it has been awhile that it was just the two of you with no kids.” Shayera asks from the other side of Cyborg.
Nightwing runs his hand down his face. “Because I was adopted when I was a kid. And when I was 11, my dad started seeing someone. When I was 17, they got married. But when I was 15 my dad adopted another kid. And when I was 17, he adopted another one a few months before they were married. There’s more now, but for four years, it was just me and my dads even if they weren’t married yet. Now, I don’t get a lot of time as just me and, uh, Arrow.”
“Is that the reason that Wally thought he was having dinner with you, Arrow? A few months back?” Barry asks.
Silently, Arrow nods his head.
“Wait,” Barry turns to Nightwing and Wally, “But I know who Wally is dating. They met in school. It’s Dick Grayson.” Barry looks at Arrow and tilts his head. “The oldest son of billionaire Bruce Wayne, notorious bachelor.”
Arrow rubs the back of his neck. “Ha, yeah, more like a notorious liar.”
“So you’re married to Bruce Wayne?” Hal asks. Green Arrow nods slowly. “And you still picked Oliver Queen’s ass over Brucie Wayne’s!”
Arrow laughs, “Ha, yeah.”
“Okay,” Diana says, pulling attention to herself, “So you’re saying that Nightwing is your stepson Dick Grayson. That you are married to billionaire Bruce Wayne. You used to date Black Canary, but don’t anymore. And you somehow tricked Superman into thinking you were Bruce Wayne, dating Lex Luthor.”
Arrow clicks his tongue, “Yup that about covers it.”
“Then, who are you?” J’onn asks.
With a sigh, Arrow pulls out solvent from his pocket and dabs it around the edges of his mask. Carefully he pulls off the mask to reveal billionaire Oliver Queen.
“Oliver Queen has a ridiculous goatee though.”
Oliver scrunches up his face and shrugs. “Really good makeup.”
“It’s ugly, Ollie,” Dinah states, pulling off her mask. “Dinah Laurel Lance. I was only keeping my identity a secret for this bozo.”
Hal gapes.
Barry shouts, “I’ve worked with you so many times when I’ve traveled to Star City for court cases!”
“Yeah, I know Barry. I know everyone’s identity already.”
“How?” Shayera questions.
“I was his favorite babysitter for years.” Dinah says, pointing at Nightwing.
“Yeah, but Arrow doesn’t have that kind of influence in the League.” Shayera argues. Then adds, “No offense.”
Oliver taps his fingers, “None taken. You’re right, I don’t”
“I do.” Hal turns to look at Bruce Wayne standing at the end of the table. Bruce Wayne has Batman’s voice. Bruce Wayne has the Batsuit on.
“Batman ate Bruce Wayne.” Hal stage whispers to Barry.
Bruce rolls his eyes. “You’re an idiot, Jordan. The only reason I have kept my identity hidden for so long was to keep my children safe.” Batman glares at Nightwing, who just smiles innocently. “But, that reason is no longer valid since my son and idiotic husband revealed their identities with their antics.”
“Hey,” Nightwing protests. “Do you really think that I’m that dumb? Ollie had no part of it B, but I knew exactly what I was doing.”
Bruce raises an eyebrow. “Did you now?”
Dick leans on to the table. “I’ve had Oracle keeping tabs on this since Wally slipped up before dinner. We all thought it was time to introduce the family and that you would never come to that decision on your own. We made our own plan.”
“You didn’t.” Bruce narrows his eyes at Dick who nods his head.
Dick scrunches his nose. “We did.”
On cue several different figures drop down from the ceiling. The Leaguers that were still in their chairs jumped up, prepared to fight.
Bruce sighs and sits down. “Stand down. These are my other children.”
Hal spins around and looks at the various heights of the six figures that had dropped into the room.
“You have a serious adoption problem, Spooky.”