Work Text:
The second he got home, Vessel quickly shrugged his bag off his shoulders and stripped off his work uniform into comfortable pyjamas. Today at work wasn’t even particularly tiring, but he felt unusually frustrated.
The customers were rude and troublesome. An old lady who kept pestering several store employees with the same meandering questions snickered a complacent ‘thank you’ behind her shoulder after essentially making his life harder for no reason. Fuck her lavender-scented candles anyway.
Nowadays, when it came to bigger bouts of mental stress, he had built his routines that helped him manage the emotions. It just seemed that now, surprisingly, the things he couldn’t seem to shrug off his mind were of infinitesimal importance. And because of that reason, it just bothered him all the more, how such small things got into his skin. Was there something wrong with him for that? The thought lingered, but he was too tired to spend more of his energy lingering on it when he was just physically exhausted after an 8-hour shift.
Vessel thought to himself, I’ll feel better when I wake up anyway. Adjusting himself underneath the covers one more time, Sleep dragged him under.
—
Only a few days after that, another incident occurred at work, except with another employee.
They had been co-workers at this store for long enough now, maybe 6 months? She was pretty funny, but leaned on the sarcastic and deadpan side. It took Vessel a while to get used to her sense of humour, since she was a bit intimidating at first, but he came to like working alongside her.
He was manning the cashier this early morning shift, and she was currently in the back, storing through some storage.
He heard some murmured curses, but it was too quiet for him to pick up on. That was until she stuck her head out of the back. “Hey, could you help me back here? I’m trying to find this thing, but I have no idea where it went…”
Vessel’s eyes flickered off her, when a customer had just came up to the cashier opening their mouth with an “Excuse me?” to start asking questions. He signalled to the customer to give him a second so he could respond to her.
“Ah, I’m sorry…” He gestured towards the customer.
She nodded and smiled. “It’s fine if you’re busy. But okay - I see how it is! I don’t like you anyway!” She rolled her eyes and held up her hand in a faux ‘ugh’ motion.
Hearing the middle of her sentence, Vessel had the bodily urge to flinch but suppressed it before the customer or her could notice. He needed to respond to the customer’s question anyway.
Once he finished helping the customer with their question, he came back to the cashier. Checking in with her, he didn’t end up needing his help anyway because she had found it eventually.
“The customer wasn’t too annoying, I hope?”
“Yeah, they were fine.” Vessel responded, and he knew she was just kidding around earlier and back to her usual cheery yet deadpan ways.
But still, the words stuck in his brain like tar.
Once he clocked out, he shifted his hands around his pockets to take out his keys to unlock the door to get into his car. Once he was inside, he slumped, deflating into the driver seat.
He didn’t really understand why people liked being sarcastic instead of just saying the true meaning behind their words. It made sense to him how it might be easier for some to express themselves that way, rather than be more authentic which could be more vulnerable, but still, he didn’t find it really funny… at all.
It’s fine though, he rationalised, since she carried on talking to him between periods of quiet boredom when there was a lack of customers. And she was just joking about it because the previous time she’d asked for his help, a customer also just happened to come up to him at that exact moment.
His keys jingled as he turned it into his car’s lock cylinder, turning on the ignition switch. He took a deep breath in, as he began to drive.
As his workplace drifted away and cars drove past him, his mind began to wander further, stuck on the same topics. But who tells someone they barely even know that they don’t like them, even if sarcastically? That was the tricky part for him to understand, he’d never do that himself and couldn’t imagine himself in those shoes, telling someone he probably didn’t mind that he didn’t like them, even if it was just a lighthearted joke.
I don’t like you anyway
I don’t like you anyway
I don’t like you anyway
I don’t like you anyway…
The more the words repeated in his head, he seemingly forgot the original joking tone she had spoken in, and all he could think about were the words and their direct meaning.
Outside of work, he hadn’t interacted with her, so her opinion about him wouldn’t really matter anyway if she did not like him. So why did he feel so.. dejected?
The repeating circles of his mind didn’t seem to do him any good, as he was left the same amount of frazzled if not more than before. He just turned the knob that adjusted the volume of his car’s speaker higher, letting the music drown out his thoughts.
—
Coming home from his drive that only left him more questions, he dropped his bag off near the kitchen island where he and II ate meals together.
They had been close friends for a while now, but chose to move in together since they’d both recently graduated from university and wanted to cut back on expenses, deciding renting together would be effective as they trusted each other.
It had been nice these few months, living together. They respected each other’s space so it wasn’t invasive or too chaotic, they saved on expenses, and they could still enjoy their company together like watching TV together on rainy days.
He walked over to the fridge, and there was nothing prepared to eat at the ready, but he didn’t really feel like cooking, since that took effort, and he was still just drained from the car ride back home and that interaction at work. When he was about to close the fridge door, a familiar voice and person came up behind him.
“Back from work?”
“Yeah. I’m a bit tired to cook though. Should we deliver something?”
“It should be fine, I’ll cook something. I have to do everything around the house, don’t I? I’ll call you or knock on your door when it’s time to eat.”
Vessel couldn’t read II’s facial expression as the shorter man was now looking through what they had in the freezer. But he was glad for it, since this time he did flinch. He just nodded and began to walk towards his room quietly, wanting to hide himself.
Once he made it to his bedroom, he closed his room and clambered into bed.
Fuck. It was happening again.
I have to do everything around the house, don’t I? II’s words echoed in his mind, and whatever tone II had said it in didn’t matter to Vessel anymore, he didn’t bother fighting it this time.
Because *he* was tired from work, especially from that interaction with his coworker, and maybe even the old lady from a few days ago, and now this all compiled into one. He felt guilty that he couldn’t even do something small to help his roommate.
It was true that II did more around the house than him. Now all he could think of was how that was unfair to II, he had the right to complain didn’t he? Even if Vessel had his reasons, and he could promise it was completely unintentional. Shit- he realised just now he didn’t even say thank you or be polite to II after he was doing something nice for him.
Should he do that now? He thought about it, but only held his blanket closer and curled up tighter. He didn’t want to bother getting out of his position and bother being seen by II like this, when he wanted to make his existence as small as possible.
He just thought at all the times II has been so patient and nice to him ever since they moved in, and how undeserving of his kindness he felt like now. He couldn’t wrap his mind around what he had done to deserve someone so loving in his life.
There were two thuds knocking on Vessel’s bedroom door, but he didn’t even notice the sound when he was drowning in the noise of his mind.
“Vessel?” II asked as he pushed open the door into the other’s bedroom slowly. He didn’t usually do this to respect his friend’s privacy, but he thought that maybe Vessel was just listening to music and couldn’t hear his calling and knocking.
What II saw was Vessel curled up in a fetal position in the middle of his bed, hiding his face into not only his hands, but the blankets too. As he approached closer, he could see the man shaking ever so slightly.
II didn’t want to alarm the man with his touch, so he tried to alert him with his voice again now that he was closer. “Hey, Ves, come back to me. It’s II, I’m here. Can I please hold you? You can tell me what happened if you’d like.”
Vessel peered back at II between the cracks of his fingers still hiding his face. Despite Vessel not being able to formulate words, II still tried to comfort and soothe, rubbing circles in his friend’s shoulder, adjusting himself to sit beside him on his bed.
Once II was close enough, Vessel lurched into the hold of II's arms. II made a oof sound at the other’s sudden movement, but quickly wrapped his arms around him.
“I-I’m sorry…” Vessel mumbled into the skin of II’s clavicle as his shoulders shook and his posture sagged into the other’s embrace.
“Sorry for what? ”
“‘M sorry for being all emotional because… something at work… n’ something you said. You said something like ‘I have to do everything around the house, don’t I?’ and-“
“Oh, Ves, I wasn’t serious, and I seriously never mind doing anything for you if you’re exhausted on some days. I know you would do the exact same for me in a heartbeat. I should be the one that’s sorry. You did nothing where an apology was anywhere near needed.”
“No-no, you don’t have to be sorry, but-“ Vessel let out a breath he didn’t know he was keeping in, before opening his mouth to speak again. “I just.. it’s hard for me, sometimes-“
Vessel tripped up on his words, suddenly embarrassed before he even got his point out. “Even if I should or I even know people’s intentions, like if they’re joking or if it’s really not that serious, it’s like I can’t help but take it seriously, getting my feelings hurt over something they’ll never think twice about.”
Now that he started talking, it all just flowed out. “It just makes me think, is there something wrong with me for being this way? Why can’t I just read how people speak normally like I’m supposed to?”
When II paused and had a slight frown on his face, Vessel immediately wanted to shrink himself smaller. His gaze darted away from the smaller back and onto something, anything. The pens and his notebook left on his desk, sure. Maybe, just maybe he had said too much and II would call him out on it.
In only a few seconds, whole one-sided conversations flickered through his mind, II ranting on about how he was being too picky and it didn’t matter how he felt because it was never about him in the first place .
And he knew those thoughts were irrational, because II would never say that to him or anyone in fact but-
Vessel snapped out of it, feeling II’s gentle caress tender on his cheek. Slowly, II let go of their tight embrace, instead rearranging to shift Vessel’s head to rest comfortably on his lap, and moving his hand to caress Vessel’s cheek once more.
“Darling…“ II spoke out in a steady and reassuring tone, and Vessel felt blood rush to his face. He hadn’t heard II call him darling, or any pet name before, in fact. But the tenderness that stirred in his chest upon hearing that was something for him to address for another time.
Their eyes connected gazes and Vessel felt awfully vulnerable again, simultaneously leaning both into but away from II’s soothing touch on his face.
“Yes, look at me,” And who was Vessel but to deny the drummer’s pretty voice? Ignoring his initial gut reaction to hide away, he kept his gaze locked on the other wanting to hear what he had to say. “There is nothing wrong with you, nothing wrong with feeling the way you do. Do you understand?”
He could hear what II had said, but it felt hard to process immediately. Blinking back tears, Vessel still knew what II was saying was right deep down, and there was no point fighting it. The most he could let out was a meek nod.
II continued, “You’re right that sometimes you shouldn’t take what people say seriously. Your self-worth shouldn’t take a hit just because someone decides to be a piece of shit for no reason. But,” II paused and lifted his hand off his cheek, only to stroke away the hair on Vessel’s forehead with the softest graze. Vessel felt himself become weak in the knees and he wasn’t even standing up. “That’s different with me. I’m your roommate, you’re my best friend, I care about you and I care about how you feel.”
II let out a slow huff of an exhale. “Please, Vessel, you don’t even have to promise to me. But I’ll promise to you that I’ll never be mad at you for saying your boundaries or if I made you uncomfortable in any way. It doesn’t matter if it was accidental or a miscommunication, because things can only be resolved if we both acknowledge it. You don’t need to hide from me.”
They sat in a comfortable silence for a while after that, Vessel just needing to calm his breath, inhaling in, extending his exhale by squeezing his lower abdomen to drag his exhale out and repeating. He cycled through that a good 5 times, but not once did II push him further to speak. II just held him closer when Vessel finally mouthed to speak, “Okay.”
No matter the time it took, he knew II would always be there for him with gentle reassurances that reminded him of exactly how to ground himself. It’s like II could read his thought patterns and split the cycle apart right when he got catastrophizing. That was one of many things Vessel loved liked about II.
II let go of his hold on Vessel’s cheek, standing up from the edge of the bed. Vessel already missed the warmth of II’s skin on his skin.
II turned back to face him once he stood up. He had a slight scowl on his face as if lost in deep thought until it finally hit him. Cute, Vessel thought.
“Oh yeah, I originally came in here because it’s uh… what’s the time?”
Vessel picked up his phone off his nightstand, swiftly turning it on then off just to read the time on his lock screen. “It’s 14:00.”
“Mmm… are you hungry yet?” II asked, and as if Vessel’s stomach had ears to understand what II had said, it let out an embarrassingly loud grumble. “…I’ll take that as a yes.”
The both of them simultaneously broke out into a fit of giggles. Vessel mumbled, “To clarify, just in case you didn’t know, I am hungry.”
“Thanks for the much needed information, Ves,” II winked and Vessel just snickered some more. God, II’s wink was not smooth. “I’m remembering now, when I knocked on your door it was because I wanted to let you know the food I was cooking was ready.”
“The food’s probably gone cold now… because of me.”
II shrugged. “It’s fine, I can just reheat it quickly. But you - you look awfully cozy in your blanket. Are you sure you want to get up?”
“Honestly, no, but I’m hungry so it’s fine-“ Vessel started to shrug the blanket off when II gave him a death glare that stopped him right in his tracks.
“No. You stay there, I’ll be back.” As II swiftly left the room to retrieve the food, Vessel pulled the sheets back over him. The fabric no longer felt suffocating against his skin, but instead warm and cozy.
A few minutes later, II came back with a large plate in one hand, a bowl in the other. While placing the large plate in Vessel’s lap, he set the bowl nearby on the nightstand. On the plate was a croissant that probably only took a third of the plate’s space at most. Vessel raised an eyebrow.
“I put it on a big plate so you could avoid getting crumbs on your bed. It might be hard to drink the soup in bed so I’ll just leave it on your nightstand for now. Be careful with the soup, it’s still hot.”
“Oh, that’s smart, I would’ve never thought of that and gotten crumbs everywhere.” Vessel spoke between bites. “Thank you, II. Mmmh- I really appreciate you, this, and well, everything. Where’s your food?”
II smiled before speaking. “Oh, I couldn’t carry all the plates in one go. My portion is still in the kitchen, but I’d like to stay together with you here, maybe chat while eating. Is that okay?”
Vessel scoffed. “You don’t need to ask me twice. C'mere once you get your food, don’t take too long!”
II was practically in the hallway once Vessel finished his sentence, and came back soon after with food in hand. He sat at Vessel’s desk and chair which was situated next to his bed and nightstand.
Once Vessel was done eating his croissant, he pointed towards the soup. “Do you think it’s cool enough now?”
“Mm, yeah, it should be,” II nodded. “Still be careful not to spill anything though.”
“If I stained my bed sheets with tomato soup, I’d be pissed. You know these are my favourite.” The bed sheets in Vessel’s rotation that he was currently snuggled up in were dark blue, adorned with illustrations of different sea creatures.
“Just taste the soup, and tell me what you think.”
Vessel lifted the spoon of tomato soup up to lips, and his eyes widened after the first sip, staring directly at II in surprise. “Holy shit, II, this is incredible! You made this? How?”
II laughed, the sweetest sound to Vessel’s ears.
“Dunno. Just found some random recipe off the Internet. Maybe I could show you how to make it next time? If you like it so much.” He scratched the back of his neck while he spoke, as if shy.
“Please please please yes! I’d love for you to teach me.” They both smiled fondly at each other then, and it was times like these that Vessel thought everything was perfect.
Life was worth living for all the time, but for these moments especially.