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Chapter Text

~Recap~

Fade in on a wide shot of Camp Wawanakwa as Chris' narration is heard in the background. "Last season on Total Drama Island... Jen and Brick battled it out for $100,000. In the end, the fabulous fashionista, Jen won a fabulously large check. But she gave it all up for the chance to win one million big ones! With the million smackeroos stuffed into a briefcase, our twenty-two campers set off on a Race for the Case! It went through about half the campers before they all ended up in the lake and the money got eaten by a shark". Chris let out a laugh. "I bet you they didn't see that one coming. Now, all twenty-two of them have been given the chance to win another million dollars". Chris laughed again. "Actually, it's the same money".

We cut to a shot of Chris on a film set that looked similar to the campgrounds but with notable differences. For example, there were trailers rather than cabins. "They've been instructed to report to an old film lot for a whole new set of challenges. Twenty-six episodes. Twenty-two cast mates. One heck of a lot of cash! Welcome to Total! Drama! Action!" A clapperboard appeared before the camera as a crew member closed it.

~Theme Song~

Lights and cameras pop up throughout the film lot, unintentionally endangering a rat and a raccoon that were just hanging around. An intern hits a clapperboard before the camera starts zooming through the lot following a wide establishing shot.

"Dear Mom & Dad, I'm doing fine"

We also zoom past Chris riding a golf cart. The POV shot goes through artificial backgrounds and a costume rack before eventually reaching the peak of a fake cliff.

"You guys are on my mind"

We jump off the cliff and into a small water tank. After the splash, we cease the POV and instead see Anne Maria land in the water, a shark swimming right behind her.

"You asked me what I wanted to be and now I think the answer's plain to see"

However, it turns out that Anne Maria is aware of the shark this time, as she gestures for the shark and its swimming partner, Dawn, to follow after her. We pan up to see a surfboard machine set up over the tank. We see Stephanie expertly dodging several seagulls being shot in her direction until one finally hits her and knocks her off the surfboard. 

"I wanna be famous"

We see that the seagulls were being shot out of a mechanical cannon that was manned by Gwen, who pumped her fist upon seeing that she was able to hit Stephanie. Kitty, who was standing behind her, began ambushing her girlfriend with several kisses. We pan past them to see Mike doing Svetlana-esque somersaults while wearing pink clothes he found on a costume rack. We then zoom past him and out of the studio.

"I wanna live close to the sun"

Tom and Jen are on a beach set, lounging next to some sharks. The two fashionistas high-five as they enjoy themselves.

"Well, pack your bags cause I've already won"

Cody is in a make-up trailer, where he picks up a bottle of cologne. He shrugs his shoulders and decides to give himself a spritz, only to accidentally spray himself in one of his eyes.

"Everything to prove, nothing in my way. I'll get there one day. Cause I wanna be famous"

We see two high platforms with Jacques standing on the one while Rodney stood on the other. The ice dancer tried to do a graceful leap over to the farm-boy but he ended up missing and fell all the way down into Chef's kitchen, where he knocked over a pot of soup. Chef angrily chastised the frightened and bruised ice dancer. DJ stepped into the kitchen, wanting to try and break it up but Brick came by and escorted him away, as this was not his fight. We zoom out to see that this is being seen on a monitor in the control room. Beardo is in there, just chilling and beatboxing. Out of curiosity, he presses a button and immediately regrets it.

"Na na na na na na, Na na na na na na, Na na na na na na"

It turns out the button that Beardo had pressed caused a massive explosion to go off, destroying an entire set and leaving nothing but a bear. Sammy walked by and waved happily at the camera, only for the bear to roar and frighten her away. However, the bear soon ran in the other direction, as Jasmine, with Shawn sitting on her shoulders, chased after it.

"I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous"

They all run past a limo, where the window opens to reveal Leshawna. She sees that Harold is on the other side of the door to greet her and escort her down the red carpet. However, he tried too hard to open the door and ended up falling over, much to Leshawna's concern as well as her amusement. We zoom down the red carpet while Sierra tries to catch several pictures on her phone. The camera stops at an amphitheater where Chris wore a blue tuxedo.

"I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous"

He opened up an envelope as if he were at an awards show, only to notice Chef walking up next to him. He was wearing a pink dress and carrying a tray that held statuettes of the infamous host. We pan out from a large monitor that this is playing on and pan down to see that Rock and Dakota are about to make out, only to realize that they're on camera.

As all the other contestants begin whistling the end of the theme, we pan out to see them sitting on couches on both sides of the couple. As the camera stops, the monitor showing Chris and Chef cuts to static before revealing the title of the show:

TOTAL DRAMA ACTION

Not so long ago, in the mysterious land of Muskoka, Canada, a dilapidated bus stopped in front of an empty film lot. The lot was old and had not been used in quite a while, as evident by the fact that the sign above the entrance was falling apart. The doors to the bus opened and a tall boy with spiky hair stepped into view.

"And so it begins," Mike said to himself. He walked off the bus and was followed by several others. First Sammy, then Jasmine, Brick, DJ, Stephanie, Shawn, Rodney, Sierra, Jacques, Tom, Jen, Anne Maria, Dawn, Beardo, Leshawna, Harold, Dakota, Rock and Kitty.

Naturally, Kitty was followed by her girlfriend. "Hello, darkness, my old friend," Gwen sighed.

"Aw, come on, Gwenny!" Kitty encouraged her. "This could be fun. You never know".

Cody, the final contestant left, poked his head out of the bus. "Kitty's right-"

Gwen jumped back because of Cody's sudden appearance, causing her to bump into Kitty, who bumped into Rock, who was making out with Dakota, who bumped into Harold, who bumped into Leshawna and fell over while the girl of his dreams seemed to barely register what had happened.

"Sorry, Leshawna," Harold said, weakly.

"No harm done," Leshawna reassured him with a smile.

Once Cody hopped off the bus, it shut its doors and took off, leaving all twenty-two contestants at the gate of the old film lot. Alone. Without anyone else in sight. "Sooooooo," Rock droned. "Where's everyone else?"

"More importantly, where's Chris?" Sierra asked, eagerly. "I need to see Chris!"

"Bet that's the first time anyone's said that," Stephanie remarked.

"How much ya wanna bet we got off at the wrong stop?" asked Anne Maria.

"I knew it," Jacques remarked. "I told you that the bus was sketchy. Did you see the state that it was in?"

"Most buses are sketchy, man," DJ told him. "But that heap of junk only had one stop".

"And only Chris McLean would go for such a cheap ride," Brick added.

"You know if he doesn't show up after fifteen minutes, we can leave, right?" Rodney asked his competitors, who didn't quite know how to react.

"I'm pretty sure that's not how it works, dude," said Shawn.

"He's right, Rodney," Dawn chimed in. "We're all here due to an unfortunate contractual obligation. Thus, we're forced to compete for money once again".

"Ah, money," Jasmine sighed. "The one reason any of us put up with Chris' crap".

"Totally," said Jen. "Well, except for Dakota". Dakota became weirdly alert once she heard the sound of her name. "I mean, she could be the first one booted off and still have more money than the rest of us combined".

"Speaking of which," Tom joined in. "You complained about being bald when you got back to Playa Des Losers but you're still not wearing a wig? I figured you could afford a thousand or so. I mean, I'll be honest, you are killing the look so I'm not judging. I just wanna know why".

"Well" Dakota stammered. "You see... Uh...” She turned around and pointed at Sammy. "Why does she always wear a cheerleading uniform when she's not at cheer practice? Huh?"

Sammy looked down at herself as if she somehow hadn't realized that she wore a cheerleading outfit 24/7. "Come to think of it, I don't actually know". She turned to Dawn. "If you do know, please don't say anything," she asked of the moonchild. Dawn responded by pretending to zip her lips shut.

Suddenly, they heard a melodious car horn beeping. Everyone looked over at Beardo, who was just as clueless as the rest of them. "Wasn't me," he said in a normal voice.

Chris McLean drove over in a tram that was meant for studio tours. "Good morning, Starshine!" he greeted them all. "The Earth says 'Hello'!"

"Geez, it's about time," Stephanie chastised him.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now, hurry up and hop on". Nearly everyone did just that. "We haven't got all day. This cart's rented by the hour".

While almost everyone else boarded like a normal person, Jacques decided to do a backflip through the opening in the tram's rooftop into his seat to prove that he was better at everything than the rest of them. After he sat down, however, Sammy did the same thing and her foot landed right on Jacques' groin, much to his discomfort. "Cheerleading!" she proudly exclaimed.

"Welcome to the set of Total! Drama! Action!" Chris said as he began the tram tour. "This season's hottest reality show will be shot here. On an abandoned film lot".

A loud high-pitched squeal of excitement rang out, startling Chris. He turned around to discover that it belonged to, of all people, Mike. The theatre kid cleared his throat. "I'm just very excited about starring in movies is all".

"First off, you're not starring in movies," said Chris. "You'll just be continuing to star in a TV show. Secondly, do not interrupt me. Ever!" He gave Mike the stink-eye before turning back around and continuing their tour.

The tram drove through an old-school Western set. "You'll be spending the next month or so here, competing against each other in challenges, and for rewards. All for the chance to win some monster cash!"

"Aw, yeah!" Cody exclaimed. "The Code-ster's in it to win it!"

"Shush! Like last season, one team will win and one team will watch one of their own make their way down the dreaded Walk of Shame to the Lame-O-Sine". As they exited the Western set and drove towards the Lame-O-Sine, Chris put up his windows. The Lame-O-Sine's muffler began to backfire and a large amount of disgusting fumes came from the exhaust pipes. It was hell on the contestants' lungs but Chris was safe.

"Could you not have tried to get a more environmentally friendly vehicle?" Dawn asked after coughing.

Chris lowered the windows and turned back to Dawn. "No". They drove past a makeup trailer with an orange door. "Now, since we don't have the outhouse to dump your deepest, darkest secrets in, you'll dish your dirt in our new makeup confessional!".

[static]

Tom and Jen sat next to each other in the makeup confessional. They looked like they were trying not to explode from pure excitement. Emphasis on 'trying'. "Tom?" said Jen.

"Yes, Jen?" asked Tom.

"Have we died and gone to heaven?"

"We must have because WE'RE IN A TRAILER FULL OF MAKEUP!" The two of them began squealing with excitement as they ran around the whole room. "Jenny, they have all of our favorite brands!"

"I've always dreamt this could be true and it is!"

"It's so, so true!"

Suddenly, Leshawna poked her head in. "Yo!" she exclaimed, causing the two to freeze. "Are you two almost finished in here?"

Tom and Jen raced back to their seats and calmed down. "Yes," said Jen. "We are almost done".

Leshawna exited the frame, allowing Tom and Jen to hug each other and squeal excitedly once again.

[static]

The tram drove past a brown and beige striped tent. "To your left is the Craft Services Tent, catered by fan-favorite, Chef Hatchet!"

Chef stood outside the tent, minding his own business. Sierra hastily pulled out her camera. "Ooh! First Chef sighting of the season! This'll be perfect for my Chref blog!"

Suddenly, Chef scowled as he noticed one particular passenger. We cut back and forth numerous times between the threatening glares that Stephanie and Chef were exchanging with each other as a royalty-free hip-hop track played in the background. The moment was cut short when a raccoon ran out of the tent, leading to Chef chasing after it with a meat cleaver.

The next sighting on the tour was a large choral shell theater with massive golden statues of Chris on both sides. "If you survive Chef, you'll have to make it through our dramatic awards ceremony! Here, all but one loser will receive a Gilded Chris Award!"

[static]

Sierra had a crazed look of desperation in her eyes. "I want it... I needs it... MY PRECIOUS-"

[static]

Kitty raised her hand. "Hey, are we almost done? Cause, I'll be honest, I didn't get enough sleep last night and-"

"I have an eject button!" Chris threatened her. "And I will use it!"

"Promise?" Gwen asked, only half-joking because she didn't want to be there. Chris ignored this comment and the tour continued as they drove through a set of UFOs on the moon.

"Woah!" Harold exclaimed. "This is, like, everything I've always wanted and everywhere I've ever wanted to go, all at once! Why was this wonderland ever abandoned?"

"Well, it's simple, Harold," Chris said as they drove off the moon set and onto a city set. "See, this was once a thriving film lot until just a few months ago. A big-budget monster movie was set to begin production until the star began experiencing some... uh... difficulties". He winked at the camera.

"Ah, must've been a stress-induced breakdown," Mike commented. "Happens to a lot of talent when the immense pressure starts getting to them".

"Has that ever happened to you, babe?" Sammy asked.

"Pfft, no!"

"It has," said Dawn.

"C'mon, man".

"Well, it's not the case for this flick," Chris said. "Because this star couldn't really feel stress. You see, this star... was a giant animatronic monster".

Dramatic music plays as we see several shots of large bite marks on the prop buildings and trees, which did cause a few of the contestants to tremble in fear. Gwen even gripped Kitty's wrist tightly. "What happened to it?" she whimpered.

[static]

"Why did I ask that?" Gwen asked herself. "Why, oh, why did I ask that?"

[static]

A loud monstrous roar echoed throughout the entire film lot, frightening the competitors even more. "It's fake, right?" Anne Maria asked as she threw her arms around a surprised Dawn as if she were a teddy bear. "It's gotta be fake!"

"It's all pretend," Shawn told himself. "It's all pretend. It's all pretend". He had his arms around someone else due to how frightened he was: Stephanie.

"Shawn, let go of me," she said, sounding more annoyed than angry.

The roar rang out again but this time, a large green tail was seen whipping around until it knocked over a transmission tower. The campers all screamed in terror before the tower landed right in front of the tram.

While they all calmed down, Chris kept up his hosting duties. "Since we're on a film lot, this season's challenges will be based on movie genres. Can anyone guess what today's genre is?"

Rodney raised his hand. "Are we doing rom-coms?"

Chris was stunned by this answer. "No. No, we're not doing rom-coms". The deafening roar was heard once again. "It's the monster movie. Duh".

While we don't see the monster in full, we get a shot of its torso as it walks past the tram. DJ began stuttering and stammering before finally fainting. "Dev?" Brick said, because he was allowed to call DJ 'Dev'. "Dev, honey, you okay?"

Jasmine poked DJ on the forehead a few times to try and rouse him back into consciousness. "Yeah, he's out cold".

"Now, contestants," said Chris. "For your first challenge, everyone must get from here to the cast trailers while our state-of-the-art monster prevents your every move". He let out a chuckle when he saw the panicked looks on everyone's faces. "Chef has kindly offered to control the beast".

We see a brief shot of Chef in a surveillance tent. He was wearing a mocap suit with his little chef's hat on top, as he stomped around and made roaring noises.

"Aaaaaaaaaaand... Action!" The contestants stayed in the tram as crickets chirped in the background. Chris cleared his throat. "Uh, that means go".

Everyone scrambled to be the first one off the tram and as far away from the mechanical monster as possible. Sammy was shoved aside by Jacques, who was karate chopped by Harold, who was bulldozed by Anne Maria. The ginger fell face first onto the pavement. "I can taste the asphalt!" he moaned.

"This is gonna be a long season," Chris sighed.

As the trailers sat in the middle of the film lot, waiting for somebody to find them, the contestants all ran in different directions. Some hid in sets that had already been shown off, like the Western or moon backdrops. A few ran around the city set. Half of them ran to a nearby beach set. Jen was a part of that half, as was Tom. As per usual, Tom was trailing behind his best friend.

"Come on, Tom!" Jen called out. "I thought you were gonna jog in between seasons!"

"I did!" he panted. "There were only two days between seasons!"

DJ never got up to run after he passed out so Brick had to carry him, bridal style. When he finally stirred awake, he was rocking back and forth and quietly calling out for his mom. "Easy, big guy," said Brick. "We can do this!" They didn't see the giant green hand that was reaching from behind.

Cut to Rock as he tried to outrun the monster. As it grew closer, he was ready to give up. That was until Dakota came down from the heavens like an angel, except she was using a telehandler instead of wings. "Get in!" she commanded. "Quick!"

"Aw, thanks, babe!" Rock said. "You're a life-saver!" He hopped on, the crane went up and the couple... just stood there. Not moving. And still within reach of the monster. "Hey, babe? Who's driving this thing?"

Dakota slapped herself on the forehead. "I knew I was forgetting something".

The monster reached over and grabbed the two of them in one foul swoop. He stomped over to the trailers. On the left of them was the contestants' terrifying prison for the remainder of the challenge: A bouncy castle. At the very least, it was a soft landing. Not to mention, Rock and Dakota weren't alone.

"Hello, friends," Brick greeted them. "Nice weather we're having, huh?"

Dakota and Rock looked around, surprised to find that Brick was their only companion in the bouncy castle. "Hey," said Dakota. "Where's DJ? I thought you guys got caught together".

Brick shrugged. "Don't ask me. I'm just as clueless as the rest of you".

[static]

"Why did the monster take me to a secondary location instead of the bouncy castle?" DJ said. "Well, the thing is-"

For some reason, the confessional cut off before DJ could give his answer.

[static]

"Hey, Jasmine?" Mike said to his friend as they all kept running. "You're a master navigator, right?"

Jasmine smiled, pridefully. "I mean, I wouldn't call myself a master navigator but-"

"Jasmine," said Sammy. "I love you, but can you please drop the modesty and help us figure out where the trailers are?!"

"Right! Yes!" She looked over and gestured to all the others on the beach set. "Follow me, everyone!"

Everyone did so, except for Tom, who fell to his knees and tried to catch his breath. "Just give me a minute, Jenny. I'll be- I'll be right there".

Jen looked behind her and saw Tom on his knees as the monster's hand reached for him. "NO!" She ran over and shoved Tom out of the way, which resulted in her being grabbed and carried away by the monster.

[static]

"I got caught by the monster," Jen recapped. "So what? At least my bestie for the restie is safe".

[static]

"Hey, Jenny!" she heard a voice say as the monster held her tightly. Jen looked over and saw that, much to her disappointment, Tom was in the monster's other hand.

"Right," Jen groaned. "Two hands".

"I appreciate it anyway, honey".

Jen, being Jen, couldn't stay disappointed for long. "Thank you! Love you!"

Back at the Western set, Gwen and Kitty were hiding in a fake saloon. The goth poked her head out from the swinging doors to make sure that the coast was clear. "What the sitch?" Kitty asked.

"I don't see him," said Gwen. "But maybe we should play it safe and wait another minute or two".

"I don't think I saw it coming this way," Cody said from behind them. They had completely forgotten that he was there so his sudden comment caused Gwen to jump in fear and punch whoever was behind her in the gut. Cody held his stomach as he fell to the floor.

"God!" Gwen shrieked. "Sorry, Cody. But you've got to stop looming!"

Kitty shuddered at the word 'looming'. "That word gives me the ick for some reason".

"Got it," Cody groaned as he got back to his feet. "Make my presence more known. Will do".

"Alright, let's go," said Kitty. "We just have to do this as carefully and quietly as-"

Suddenly, the sound of someone playing 'The Entertainer' on a piano erupted, nearly giving the three of them heart attacks. They turned to see that Sierra was the one making music while Rodney was standing over her, greatly impressed. "Wow!" he exclaimed. "You're so good!"

"WHY?!" Cody asked them in hushed anger. Suddenly, the roof of the fake saloon was lifted and the monster was right above them. The five of them all ran out to try and escape from its grasp but only Cody was successful in doing so.

[static]

"I'm really lucky that Gwen forgave me for last season," said Cody. "But I think I've made her a lot more jumpy. And I'm not sure that's something I can help her with other than just announcing myself every time I walk into a room. I mean, I thought I was doing better but can that really undo the damage I've caused?” He rested his chin on his fist and let out a sigh. Then, his eyes widened with realization. "Hey, wait a second. Wasn't I just running from a monster?"

The roof to the makeup confessional was lifted off and Cody screamed a high-pitched squeal.

[static]

The monster dropped Cody into the bouncy castle, where he joined Brick, Rock, Dakota, Tom, Jen, Gwen, Kitty, Sierra and Rodney. Counting the missing DJ, half the contestants had already been caught. "I'm here," Cody said, flatly.

"Cody's here!" Sierra said with enthusiasm.

"Well, he tried," said Gwen. "No one can criticize him for that".

Several of the other campers were still running through the city set, following Jasmine to their supposed victory. "Not gonna lie," Stephanie said to Beardo, who was running right alongside her. "This is kind of a cakewalk. I mean, there's no explosions or burning buildings or bears or any of that crap so far".

As if fate was waiting for someone to say just that, a mansion set exploded. Then a house burned down to reveal a bald bear that was hiding in it. Beardo made a classic sad trombone noise before he ran away from the bear. The bear, of course, gave chase because it was a bear. He managed to escape the bear but only because he ran right into the monster's hand.

Back in the surveillance tent, Chris watched as Chef carried Beardo to the bouncy castle. "I thought Molotov was tranquilized and returned to his handler".

"Had one day left on his contract," Chef explained.

"Nice!" Chris laughed.

Meanwhile, the others kept on running, trusting that they could escape from the city. "You think we're getting any closer?" Shawn asked Jasmine.

"Totally," Jasmine said with a mixed amount of confidence. "There's no way I'd lead any of you astray! Right, Sammy?" She turned around to find that Sammy and Mike were no longer in the group of runners. "Sammy? Mike?"

"Hi, Jasmine!" Mike called from afar. The others stopped to see that Mike and Sammy had been caught by the monster and were being carried away. "So this funny thing happened-"

"WE'RE GONNA DIE!" Sammy shrieked as the two of them disappeared from view. She grabbed her boyfriend by his shoulders. "Mike, if this is really it, I just want you to know that I love you!"

Tears welled in Mike's eyes. "I love you too!" The two of them began making out in the monster's hands. They made out as the monster dropped them into the bouncing castle. They made out while they were in the bouncy castle. This led to Rock and Dakota making out as well.

"Straight couples," Tom and Jen huffed in unison.

"Kitty, no offense," said Gwen. "But if you and I were this disgusting, I'd have to rethink our whole relationship".

"Oh, same, dude," said Kitty.

Meanwhile, Harold and Leshawna were hiding in the craters of the moon set. "Are you sure this is a good idea, string bean?" Leshawna quietly asked.

"Absolutely," Harold said, confidently. "The monster's passed by us several times now. There's a less-than-zero chance of it finding us now".

Suddenly, the monster's face eclipsed the sun as it appeared right above the crater they were hiding in. "You were saying?" Leshawna said with a raised eyebrow. The monster moved and picked up the two of them, knocking two more campers down for the count. "Easy now!" she yelled. "This booty is breakable!"

The monster dropped the two of them into the bounce house. As they fell, Harold figured it was now or never. "I love you!" he called out to Leshawna.

They fell into the castle and bounced back up. "Excuse me?" Leshawna asked with her arms crossed before the two fell back into the bounce house.

Back at the city set, they were still running before Jacques decided that he'd had enough of it. "This is getting us nowhere!" he chastised the others. "From now on, I am flying solo!" He leapt in front of the others and began to gracefully leap and dance across the sets, even managing to jump to higher ground.

However, after one leap, the monster clapped its hands together and caught Jacques in between them as if he were a fly. Once again, the monster stormed back to the bouncy castle and dropped Jacques in it. After he'd landed, Beardo began making victory horn sounds to mock the ice dancer in an attempt at humor. It seemed to work since everyone began laughing. "Oh, shut up!" Jacques snapped.

Back at the city set, Stephanie came close to outrunning the monster's grasp. However, the fact that the monster was Chef Hatchet got to her head and resulted in some classic Stephanie cockiness. "Try and catch me, Captain Crazy!" she taunted him. The monster obliged, scooping her up while the others kept on running.

Anne Maria looked back to watch it all happen. "Ha ha! Nice one, idiot! That's what ya get after last season!"

Dawn was running right behind her. "As amusing as this whole thing is, perhaps we should wait until we're safe to laugh".

"Ah, please," Anne Maria scoffed. "A little laughter never hurt nobody". Unbeknownst to her, Dawn was scooped up while she was talking. "You could stand to be a little looser, Greenie". She looked behind her to face her friend, only to realize what had happened. "DAWN, NO!"

Dawn waved her friend farewell as the monster carried her away. "Goodbye, Anne Maria!"

After that was an awkward silence between Stephanie and Dawn as they were being whisked away. "So," the former began. "How are things?"

"I don't wish to speak to you".

Stephanie sighed with disappointment. "That's fair". With that, the monster dropped the two of them into the bouncy castle.

There were only three of them left now. It was just Jasmine, Shawn and Anne Maria. "I dunno..." Anne Maria panted. "How much longer... I can... run..."

"Okay, then!" said Shawn. He pointed to a random house on the set. "Let's hide in there for now!"

[static]

"I relate to Shawn a lot," said Jasmine. "He's got great survival and tracking skills and he uses them to help people. He's got lots of grit but he's also unselfish. We're almost like kindred spirits in a way".

[static]

The three of them ran into the house, only to find that it was just a house standee for the background. It was not for a location that was meant to be filmed. As such, there was no furniture, walls or a roof. It was just a flat cardboard house, with nothing but a cardboard car on the other side.

"Okay, I'll be honest," said Shawn. "I got so caught up in the moment that I forgot everything here is fake".

[static]

"And yeah, he tends to jump the gun under moments of high pressure," Jasmine continued. "But everyone does so from time to time".

[static]

Jasmine and Anne Maria ducked behind the car standee while Shawn was caught and taken away by the monster. The two of them poked their heads out to see if the coast was clear. "Alright, let's go!"

"No," Jasmine said with utmost seriousness. "I'm done running". She pulled out two knives. "That monster dies today".

A stunned Anne Maria was, for once, not exactly in a fighting mood. "Yeah, I'm just gonna keep running".

"You find those trailers," Jasmine ordered. "I'll take down this beast!" The two of them ran in different directions. Anne Maria kept running away from the monster. But Jasmine ran towards it.

She let out a battle cry to get its attention as it came back over. "Hello, Beastie..." It tried grabbing her but she kept dodging its hands. Every single attempt by the monster was foiled by a Herculean jump by Jasmine. At some point, Jasmine hopped onto a mailbox and leapt into the air. She held her knives up, aiming right for its heart.

That was when the monster grabbed her in midair before she could make her impact. Jasmine had been caught. "Oh, how humiliating," she lamented as the monster carried her away. The monster dropped her into the bouncy castle but there was an issue that it didn't notice as it walked away. Jasmine never put away her knives. So when she fell, her knives did too. Thankfully, neither of them landed on her peers. But the blade of one fell right into the bouncy castle, tearing a hole in it. As a result, all twenty of the prisoners were freed from their inflatable prison.

"So," Brick said as he crawled out from underneath the deflated castle. "What do we do now?"

Meanwhile, the lone survivor ran through the lot as the monster chased after her. Anne Maria usually had stamina and drive but both were starting to run out. She'd been running for a while and she'd begun to grow tired. Maybe she should just stop, she thought to herself. Everyone else already got caught. Why not give herself over to Chef?

That's when a realization struck her. In the heat of the moment, it seemed as if she and nearly all of the other contestants had completely forgotten that the animatronic monster was being controlled by Chef. And unlike many of the others, Anne Maria wasn't really afraid of Chef. She thought he was nothing more than a condescending tough guy just like all the other condescending tough guy authority figures from back home. This was who she was trying to escape from?

She ground to a halt, turned around and faced the monster as it stomped closer. "Come and get me, ya loser!" She began running towards the monster at full speed. The monster reached its hand downwards, ready to capture the final contestant. It was so easy, after all. She was about to run right into its hand.

Just before Anne Maria and the hand met, she put her head down so that she was running at him, hair first. The moment her hair touched the hand, the green scaly exterior of the palm shattered, along with a few parts of the animatronic's exoskeleton.

Back in the surveillance tent, Chef held his hand and groaned in pain. "Aw, man! I felt that!"

[static]

Anne Maria just sat there, smiling. Then, she pulled out a razor, turned it on and began moving it towards her hair. It seemed unfathomable that she would even do such a thing but the moment the razor touched her hair, it began dismantling itself. Her hair remained unchanged and she was smiling the whole time. "I love bein' me".

[static]

The monster stormed away from Anne Maria, letting out several roars and growls that sounded an awful lot of moans of pain. Anne Maria laughed and shook her fist at her conquered foe. "And there's more where that came from, ya big baby!" she taunted. "That's right! I win! The hottest and baddest contestant is the winner! Is anyone surprised?"

"You're certainly gonna be surprised," Chris said, suddenly appearing next to her. "Because you're not done yet, Anne Maria".

Anne Maria deflated upon hearing this. "I'm not?"

"Nope! You've still gotta find the trailers and free your fellow contestants!"

"Ah, crud".

We pan up to the sun, which eventually fades into the moon, which fades back into the sun. We pan back down to see Anne Maria walking through the film lot with bags under her eyes. To say she was exhausted would be an understatement. "I searched all night for those dang trailers," she said, her voice sounding a bit worse for wear. "And I still can't find them anywhere. I've crossed this bit so many times! Where the heck are they?!"

They were actually several feet behind her and she somehow failed to notice them. What she did notice was that twenty of her competitors were standing to the right of her. They seemed like they were well-rested and a few of them were having a discussion about a new TV show based on a graphic novel.

"Look," said Sammy. "I'm just saying that, for a ‘What If?’-style anime dedicated entirely to character development, they should have included her character development too".

"She already got plenty of development in the books and movie," Mike countered. "The new show is about developing the other characters we haven't gotten to know".

"There was like one line about her backstory in the movie," Harold argued. "The books are the only time we see her as more than just a shrew of an ex-girlfriend. And that's why they're superior".

"Yeah, but they're all amazing," Kitty insisted. "I don't get why we need to nitpick and compare all of them".

"How long have you bozos been here?!" Anne Maria shouted at her peers, silencing them.

"Oh, hey," Cody greeted her. "Yeah, we haven't been here long".

"Yeah, we were trapped in this bouncy castle and then Jasmine tore a hole in it by complete accident," said Sierra.

"And then we found out that there was this Bed & Breakfast not too far from the lot," said Jen. "So we just hung around there until, like, an hour ago".

"Oh, you should have seen it," said Tom. "It was so charming".

"So, wait," said Gwen. "You're saying that you spent ten-and-a-half hours going through the entire film lot and passed this area several times... and you still haven't found the trailers?"

"Alright, Smartypants!" Anne Maria sniped. "Let's see you find them!" The twenty campers all pointed over to the trailers, which Anne Maria finally noticed. "Were those always there?"

"I'm getting worried about DJ," Brick said. "I haven't seen him since we were snatched up by the monster".

"Don't you worry your flat-topped head," Leshawna told him. "I'm sure he'll turn up any minute now".

Right on cue, the monster stomped back over, its foot crushing the trailer on the right, and carefully let DJ back down to the ground. "Hey, guys," he greeted them. "What's up?"

Nearly everyone was happy to see him and Brick ran over to share a quick kiss. "Dev, what happened? Where were you?"

DJ tugged at his collar and began to lightly perspire. "I'll, uh, tell you later, okay?"

Chris stepped out of the trailer on the left. "Whoa. Am I ever glad I chose to wait in that trailer". He turned to the constants. "Now, I've got good news and bad news. The bad news is that the first challenge was a warm-up". Everybody groaned. "The good news is that this is a reward challenge! No elimination tonight!" Everybody cheered. "Just like the Brunch of Disgustingness last season, this next challenge will be boys against girls, with the winner getting the first pick of the trailers, where you'll be living for the remainder of the show! You will have your choice of Trailer A, or Trailer..." He grimaced upon looking at the smashed trailer. "Yeesh. Anyway, off to the Craft Services Tent!"

"Ugh, finally!" Anne Maria groaned. "I didn't have dinner or breakfast. I'm starvin'!"

Dawn went over to her friend and offered her a blueberry muffin. "I saved this from the Bed & Breakfast in case you wanted it".

"Lemme wait and see what the grub's like at the tent".

The grub at the tent was a spread of turkey, steaks, pineapple, cheese, mashed potatoes, gravy, sandwiches, rolls and so much more. It all looked too good to be true.

"Wow, this is, like, commercial-level good," Shawn commented.

"Don't get your hopes up, kiddos," Chris said to them. "This is commercial-level. As in, this is all fake food! That's right! Nothing more than props made from foam core, silicone, sawdust, and wax, which is probably why Dawn hasn't passed out just from the mere sight of the turkey".

"That makes sense," said the moonchild.

"I'll take that muffin now," Anne Maria said to her friend, who happily bequeathed the muffin to her.

"Your challenge is to find the key within one of these props," Chris said. "The winner will get to pick the trailer that their gender will be sleeping in for this season! Now, on your marks... get set... go!"

Nearly every single one of the contestants all ran over to the buffet table and began tearing the prop food apart, desperate to find the key because none of them wanted to sleep in a smashed-up trailer. The only one who wasn't tearing up the props was Dawn.

Chris walked over to her as she stood on the sidelines, looking as calm as usual. "Hi, it's me. The host of the TV show you're on," he said. "Perhaps you'd like to actually participate in this challenge".

"I did," Dawn responded to him without hesitation. She held up the prop turkey. "And I've already found the key". She tore the prop in two, revealing the key, which she caught in mid-air.

Chef put his fingers to his mouth and whistled, silencing all the campers. "Well, that was quick," said Chris. "But dear Dawn has found the key in under a minute!" The girls all cheered while the guys all groaned in disappointment.

[static]

"I'm, like, ninety-nine percent sure at this point that Dawn's a witch," said Harold. "I'm not absolutely certain but I'm still mostly certain".

[static]

"If Dawn really is magic, then I need her and cousin Ella to meet as soon as possible," said Gwen. "I think they'd really hit it off. Not as girlfriends or anything though. Kitty insists there's something between her and Anne Maria. And I'm gonna believe her".

[static]

"Of course Gwen believes me," said Kitty. "My super sensitive love detector goes bananas whenever Dawn's around Anne Maria!"

[static]

"If my time on this show has taught me anything, it's that you should never doubt Dawn," said Stephanie.

[static]

"I knew I should've just sat back and let her do her thing," said Leshawna. "She's the reason I was able to bring my own trailer back home".

[static]

"And now that you've demolished that fake but delicious-looking food," said Chris. "You can chow down on Chef's real but disgusting food!" The campers looked over and saw Chef stirring a pot and smiling sinisterly at them.

"Any chance we can keep hitting that B&B?" Sammy asked.

"Only if you've got the money to do it every day for at least forty-two days".

Everyone looked over at Dakota. "Don't look at me!" she shouted at them. "I'm not your cash cow!"

Later that day, all twenty-two of the contestants stood outside of the two trailers. The one on the left was in a not completely damaged condition while the one on the right still was. Dawn looked back and forth between the two of them and thought long and hard. Finally, she made up her mind. "I choose the one on the right".

The girls all groaned while the boys all cheered. "Why would you do that?!" asked Jen.

"Yeah, Dawn," Dakota agreed. "Not cool".

Dawn was unphased by everyone's reactions. "I just didn't want to get your hopes up by choosing the trailer that wasn't squashed".

"Get our hopes up?" Leshawna asked. "What the heck are you talking about?"

"This," Dawn answered. A half-second later, the monster's foot came down once again and destroyed the trailer on the left, shocking the boys.

"No, that's fair," Jasmine remarked.

By that night, Chef had managed to repair both of the trailers. Neither of them looked as good as they did when they'd first arrived but at least they were standing again. "Okay, everyone!" Chris said from his cart. "Get a good night's sleep because you've got a seriously early wake-up call. Call time is 6:00 a.m.". He chuckled to himself as he drove away.

The boys threw their stuff into their cabin and began to discuss their sleeping arrangements. "Top or bottom bunk, Dev?" Brick asked DJ.

"You take the top," DJ responded. With that, the two set up their stuff.

Jacques was going over to one of the beds but Tom hopped onto the top bunk before the ice dancer could. "Looks like I'm the top and you’re the bottom!" he teased.

Jacques scoffed at this. "How childish!" Begrudgingly, he set up his stuff on the bunk below Tom.

On the top bunk next to Tom's sat Cody, who was snickering to himself. "You knew what you were doing when you said that".

"Oh, a hundred percent!" Tom confirmed before laughing.

"What was he doing?" Rodney asked from the bunk below Cody.

"I'll tell you when you're older," said Cody.

"I'll take the top bunk," Harold said to Rock.

"Sweet!" said the rocker. "I'll take the bottom bunk".

"Top or bottom, Beardo?" Mike asked. Beardo just set his stuff down on the bottom bunk. "Well, that solves that, then. Hey, Shawn? You okay bunking by yourself?" They looked over and saw that Shawn was already lying down on one of the bunk beds, fast asleep.

The girls were going through the same process in their trailer. "I get bottom, you get top?" Gwen asked Kitty. "Just like at camp?"

"Sure thing!" her girlfriend responded.

"Here, Anne Maria," Dawn said as she sat down on one of the bottom bunks. "You can have the one above me. I know you prefer the top bunk".

"Are ya sure?"

Dawn was taken aback by the question. She didn't expect Anne Maria to take her own opinion into the matter. She smiled at this. "Yes, I'm sure".

"Okay!" She threw her stuff on the bed and then hopped on top.

"I've gotta sleep on a top bunk this time," said Leshawna. "I can't be hitting my head on someone every morning".

"I agree," Jen said as she hopped onto the bunk below the one where Jasmine was setting her own stuff.

"Only the top for moi!" Dakota exclaimed as she hopped onto the bunk above Sammy.

Stephanie walked over to the bunk that was below Leshawna. "Mind if I sleep here?"

Leshawna chuckled at this. "Are you serious?"

"I mean, it's me or her," Stephanie said, gesturing to Sierra.

Leshawna looked over and saw that Sierra had a miniature stuffed Chris McLean doll in her hands. "Alright, Chris Jr., where should we sleep?" She held the doll up to her ear and awaited its answer.

Leshawna looked back at Stephanie. "It's all yours".

"Welp, I'm turning in early," Jasmine said. "G'night, guys!" Jasmine hopped onto the mattress... only for it to fall underneath her, nearly crushing Jen to death.

Hours after they picked their bunks and Jen was saved from suffocating to death, the campers were all sound asleep and completely relaxed. Chris stepped out in between the trailers. "Shhh, they're sleeping," he whispered to the camera before pulling out a megaphone. After letting the loud feedback play out, he began yelling into it. "This is your 5:00 a.m. wake up call!" Everyone’s groans were heard after this. "Just kidding!" Chris chuckled. "You can sleep. For now!" Everyone groaned again.

Chris faced the camera again. "That's a wrap on day one. How will everyone survive after dealing with Chef’s cooking once more? What will tomorrow hold for all the couples and friendships? Who knows what drama is in store for our cast? Well, I do. But I ain't tellin'. See you next time for another thrilling episode of Total! Drama! Action! McLean out!"

The monster's roar was heard one last time. "Can someone please put a wrap on that monster?!"

Chapter Text

~Recap~

"Last time on Total Drama Action... Twenty-two teenagers. One engaging host. A dilapidated film lot. And a whole lot of coin. Ka-ching! Oh, and did I mention a remote controlled monster? Ah, I love this show. Some fared better than others. Anne Maria ran for her life before deciding to run straight at the monster. Dawn tore a fake food prop in half and scored the reward: first pick of the cast trailers. Shockingly, she picked the wrong one. But it was only because she knew that the boys' hopes of victory would be crushed, along with their new digs. Who will be one step closer to the million bucks? Find out on another thrilling episode of Total! Drama! Action!"

~Theme Song~

Fade in on the Craft Services Tent, where everyone was gathered in a single file line to get some eggs, bacon and toast. As Rock gathered his food, he noticed how reluctant his girlfriend was to get some of her own. "Not hungry?" he asked Dakota.

"Oh, I'm starving," Dakota clarified. "It's just that..." While no one was particularly thrilled about Chef's cooking, Dakota's intern experience meant that she had to assist him in his culinary efforts. She saw how both the proverbial and literal sausage gets made and she didn't like it one bit. "I'm just really craving prunes today".

"Hey, don't hog all of those!" Anne Maria called from the back of the line as Dakota shoveled prunes onto her tray.

DJ and Brick were next in line after Rock and Dakota walked off. Chef grumpily dished out breakfast to a smiling DJ. "More eggs and bacon for me. Keep it comin', Chef". Chef growled in response, startling DJ.

"You just have to learn to speak his language, Dev," Brick said. Chef dished Brick his food and the jarhead saluted him in response. "Sir! Thank you sir!" Chef saluted him back. "You see? Just like I said".

DJ looked back as they went to take their seats. Chef was growling at him again. "I don't think that's the case, Bricky".

"I get why you'd want more, DJ," Gwen said as she stepped up to get her food. "I'm seriously so hungry that I'd kill for this slop". She looked up and saw that Chef was still growling. "Uh, no offense, Chef".

Chef put on a fake smile. "None taken". With that, he dropped her scrambled eggs onto the ground.

A stunned Gwen walked off, her girlfriend beside her. "Oh, Gwenny," Kitty mused. "One of these days, you'll learn. In the meantime, you can have my toast if you want".

"Thanks, but I can't take enemy toast," Gwen joked. She felt her stomach growl and immediately changed her mind. "On second thought, I guess I could-"

Kitty grabbed Gwen's wrist before she could take the toast. "No, it's too late!" Kitty said in a clearly exaggerated rage. "You already made up your mind!" She broke character once she noticed Gwen's red cheeks and proud smile. "Gwen, come on. I'm supposed to be threatening you right now".

Cut to Jasmine sitting down next to Mike and Sammy. The former was slathering his pancakes with maple syrup. "I love maple syrup but don't you think you're overdoing it?"

Sammy chuckled at this question. "Welcome to Canada, Jasmine". She looked over and noticed that Mike was still dowsing the pancakes with syrup to the point where the plate was overflowing and it was getting all over the table. "Okay, no. You're overdoing it".

"C'mon, Mike," Jasmine said. "What's the problem, boy? Speak".

Mike sighed as he tried to put down the bottle of maple syrup, only to find that it was now stuck to his hand. "Well, you guys remember how I relied too much on my characters last season and it got me eliminated and nearly destroyed all the bonds I've formed?"

"How could I forget?" Jasmine snarked.

"Well, on the bright side, you haven't been any of your characters since," Sammy said in an attempt to cheer him up. "So what's the problem?"

"What's the problem?" Mike repeated. "We're on a film lot this season, babe! I feel like I'm walking through some sort of acting landmine".

"Ah, I see," said Jasmine. "You're jonesing".

"I'm what?"

"You're addicted to your characters," Sammy elaborated. "Like how I got addicted to candy after Amy made sure to embarrass me on the first day of high school and left me as a total outcast the whole time so I just ate my feelings". She looked over at Jasmine and saw the surprised look on her face. "What?"

[static]

"I've made it known that I'm not some magical being who can make everyone's problems go away with a wave of my hand," said Jasmine. "But until the show's done and they can go back to therapy, someone's gotta look after these two!"

[static]

Tom and Jen sat down at their table and Dawn was sitting across from them. They'd all been used to Chef's cold slop of indeterminable origin so they certainly weren't expecting eggs, bacon, toast and pancakes. Dawn especially wasn't expecting it as she sat there with no food in front of her. She was also completely frozen.

"Uh-oh," said Tom. "Everything okay, Dawn? You look pale. And, like, not your usual mysterious ghost-like pale that you're able to pull off so well".

"Don't worry, Tommy," said Jen. "Dawn just gets like that whenever she's around meat. All you have to do is wave something vegan-y in front of her face and she'll be back to normal in no time".

"Normal-normal or Dawn-normal?"

"Dawn-normal".

"Ah".

Anne Maria came over with two trays. One had the works: Eggs, bacon, toast and even a pancake or two. It was a lot but she was starving. Besides, a lifetime on the hips? She welcomed that. But on the other tray was simply plain toast and the bowl of prunes from earlier. That tray was set down in front of the moonchild. "Here ya go, Dawnie".

Dawn snapped back to life at that moment. "Oh, thank you". Jen shot Tom a look that said "I told you so".

At the end of the table sat Sierra, who was talking excitedly to anyone nearby. Cody and Rodney were the only ones listening. Jacques was there too and he was questioning why he decided to sit there. "Ooh, I wonder what the next challenge is going to be! Chris was in so many different genres. It could be literally any of them".

"I don't think it'll just be whatever movies Chris was in," Cody said. "I mean, they need to fill up a whole season".

"Au contraire! The first challenge was a monster movie. In the 90's, Hollywood tried to reboot the Rhedosaurus series with none other than Chris McLean as the lead!"

"Oh, that one?" asked Rodney. "My brothers said that was the worst of the series and a complete waste of time".

"Oh, it was a complete waste of time," Jacques chimed in. "Once, Josee and I were at a hotel the night before a competition and it was on TV. It was one of the worst things I'd ever seen".

"Okay, sure, it tanked at the box office and got terrible reviews," said Sierra. "But he just looked so dreamy. And that line about fish was just so funny!"

Jacques let out a smarmy chuckle. "You know, I like sitting next to you, Sierra. You make me look so sane".

Just then, Chris McLean walked into the Craft Services Tent wearing a red beret and a matching ascot. "Welcome to day two of Total! Drama! Action!" He pulled out a clapperboard and closed it.

A clearly tired Stephanie was not amused by any of this. "A) It’s too early for this! B) I thought the challenge was every three days".

"A) I don't care how early it is. B) I made the last challenge a reward so I wouldn't be asking for any favors right now".

Stephanie crossed her arms. "Fine".

"Now, today's movie genre is... Aliens!" Sierra gasped at Chris' announcement.

[static]

"Chris was the star of the Direct-to-DVD mockbuster, Plutoins," Sierra explained. "It was about a space crew terrorized by aliens from Pluto that were birthed out of people's shoulders. It was a knock-off of a certain popular sci-fi series. I would've mentioned it but something tells me that he's not exactly proud of it". 

[static]

"Our unpaid interns have been hard at work figuring out what makes an alien movie successful. Chef?"

Chef grunted in acknowledgement as he stirred a pot of green mush. "You got three basic rules," he said, sounding very fed up with the whole thing. "Aliens wanna take over the world and start making lots of baby aliens, people fight back, then the military's called in". He waved his hand around the whole time, resulting in the green mush flying off the spoon and hitting Harold in the face. "Yo, Chris! Where's my paycheck at?!"

"It's in the mail," Chris said without care. He pulled out a green backpack. "Today's challenge: find an alien egg and return to home base before Mama Alien finds you. The two fastest get to pick the teams this season".

"Aw, yeah!" Shawn exclaimed as he got to his feet. "I love alien movies! I'm gonna ace this!"

"In your dreams!" Gwen taunted him. "No one loves alien movies more than me!"

"You say that now," said Shawn. "But just you wait because I'm gonna blend up those no-good aliens-"

"And have them for breakfast!" Gwen finished. The two of them gasped.

"You've seen Alien Chunks?!" Shawn asked, excitedly.

"It's only my favorite movie of all time! I've seen it so many times that I lost count".

"Oh, dude, remember that scene where they turn the aliens into fruity blended drinks?"

"Are you kidding?" She pulled a necklace out from under her shirt. "This is the blender from that scene! It's basically my lucky charm".

"Look out for those!" Sammy said out of impulse.

Beardo started making blender noises. "You've seen it too?" Shawn asked. Beardo made a cha-ching sound effect. "Nice!"

Gwen threw her arm around her girlfriend. "We're so gonna win this thing, Kit. I mean, I love horror. You love horror. We've got this in the bag".

Kitty laughed nervously. "Uh-huh. Yeah. Totally".

[static]

"Don't get me wrong. I do love horror," said Kitty. "But I'm not really a fan of the super bloody and gory ones. I take those elements in moderation. So if Gwen's favorite movie is something like Alien Chunks, then movie nights with her may be a bit hard to get through".

[static]

Cody raised his hand. "So, like, what's the deal here with the alien?" he asked. "You got another animatronic or some really kick-butt makeup effects?"

Chris laughed at this. "You wish!"

Chef stepped out from the kitchen, now wearing a green knock-off Xenomorph costume. Sierra tried not to squeal. "From Plutoins!" she said under her breath.

"Um, what is this?" asked Chris. "Where's the slime? Makeup! More slime over here!"

A tear opened up from the top of the tent and interns began pouring a bright green goop all over the cook. "I hate my life," he grumbled.

Chris opened up the backpack and pulled out a few tablets. "Here are your GPS devices, complete with maps of the film lot". He tossed four of them out. Jasmine, Gwen, Brick and Sierra each caught one. "Find the alien eggs, but be careful. 'Cause today, you're all on Chef's menu". The slimy, costumed Chef chuckled at them sinisterly.

Cut to the set for that day's challenge. The best way to describe it would be like if someone tried to describe the sets of Aliens from memory. It was an attempt to look like some top-secret government base that would be hiding aliens or their eggs. At first, they all walked in one group.

"Aw, man," Rodney whispered. "This is so cool. Now I'll be the second person in my town to have seen aliens".

"You know someone who's seen aliens?" asked Rock.

"No way," Dakota doubted.

"Yes, way!" said Rodney. "Old Bill has seen, like, a bazillion crop circles".

"You idiot!" Jacques chastised Rodney. "This is a film set! We already know that the aliens are fake".

"Jacques' right," Shawn agreed. "Besides, aliens aren't real".

"Says the guy who believes in zombies," Stephanie teased.

"I only believe in zombies! No other weird conspiracies".

"I thought you believed in the moon being made of cheese?"

"I'm still on the fence about that".

At one point, they walked by a steel door. Leshawna stopped as a chill ran down her spine. "Can you feel that? It's like there's something in there cold as ice, with no soul".

We zoom out from a monitor to see that Chris is watching them in a surveillance room from the other side of the door. "Thanks," he chuckled. "Now, take that!" He pressed a button on the keyboard in front of him.

Steam hissed out from one of the pipes above the group, startling nearly all of them. Harold screamed as he jumped into Leshawna's arms. He smiled at her with hope. She looked greatly unamused.

[static]

"I have already told that skinny little tadpole that neither of us are ready to be together right now," Leshawna said before smiling, pridefully. "Guess he can't get over the lusciousness that is Leshawna".

[static]

"I'm pretty sure Leshawna isn't over me yet," said Harold. "I see the way she looks at me. Like she's undressing me with her eyes. Her beautiful brown eyes. Like chocolate almond–"

[static]

Kitty was walking alongside Tom and Jen, who were wearing matching baby blue hazmat suits. "What are you guys wearing?" she chuckled.

"You're laughing now," said Jen. "But it's called being safe".

"Getting my top filthy is the true horror," said Tom. "Let's be real".

"Yeah, I get that," said Kitty. "I mean, this isn't my best sweater but I'd die if I got all those slimy alien entrails or whatever on it".

"Entrails?" Jen raised an eyebrow but Kitty couldn't see it because of the hazmat suit. "I thought it was just slime".

"It's sci-fi movie 101, Jen!" said Tom. "They make the alien blood a different color to get a milder rating". Jen stared at Tom in silence. "I watch a lot of sci-fi movies! I have a life outside of you!"

"Red blood, green blood, it's all still gross," said Kitty as she put her hands on her stomach. "I can only deal with so much".

Tom and Jen giggled like small children. "You're gonna have to let your girlfriend know," Jen said. She pointed at Gwen, who was walking right in front of them. She had a slight spring in her step. Not a big one but enough for anyone who'd spent months with the goth to notice.

Kitty took a few steps forward and cleared her throat. "Hey, Gwenny?"

"Oh, hey!" Gwen greeted with a smile. "Sorry I lost you back there. I'm just..." It was evident from her voice that she was trying to contain her excitement. "God, this is so cool! It's like I'm actually in Alien Chunks!"

"Ha-ha, yeah," Kitty chuckled, nervously. "Alien Chunks. That's cool".

"You've seen it, right?"

Kitty sheepishly rubbed her arm. "Um... no".

"Oh, we should totally watch it sometime!" Gwen said, giddily. "Trust me, you're gonna love it!"

Kitty's eyes widened. "Yeah, funny you should say that because-" Kitty suddenly went silent when she and all the others heard a strange and bizarrely wet suction cup-like noise.

"What the heck is that?" Sammy whimpered.

Brick and Leshawna shared a look of recognition before turning around to see Rock and Dakota making out. "Control yourselves!" Brick commanded.

The two of them pulled away from each other and stood up straight. "Sorry," they said in unison.

"I can't with these two," Leshawna sighed.

[static]

Gwen and Kitty sat in the confessional together, neither one looking particularly amused. "I love love, don't get me wrong," Kitty said. "But all this PDA is way too much".

"Like, we get it," said Gwen. "You're in love. You don’t have to make us your audience".

"It's so easy to keep it to yourselves. Gwenny and I do it all the time"

"Exactly. For example..." Gwen reached over and covered the camera with her hand.

[static]

Cut to the next confessional and several items had been knocked over. Gwen and Kitty's hair looked frazzled and they both had lipstick stains all over their faces. Red on Gwen's and teal on Kitty's. "And that's how easy it is to keep it to yourselves," Gwen said, matter-of-factly. "Isn't that right, Kitty?"

Kitty had a wide smile on her face and she was giggling in a ditzy manner. "Let's do that again".

After a beat, Gwen responded with "Yeah, okay" before reaching over and covering the camera with her hand once again.

[static]

"Guys," Cody said, nervously. "The noise hasn't gone away". Everyone remained silent to get a good listen. Sure enough, the suction-like noise was still occurring.

"What do you guys think it is?" DJ asked, a tremble in his voice.

While everyone else was at least a little afraid, Sierra was wearing a wide grin. "Oh, Chris," she said, like she was in a bad sitcom. "Are you doing this, you big prankster?"

Cut back to Chris in the surveillance room. "Why do I get blamed for everything?"

Cut back to the contestants, who were standing right next to a corner but none of them wanted to move forward. "It's gotta be Chef," said Jen, who turned to Anne Maria. "You wanna go first?"

The Jersey girl scowled. "Why do I gotta go first?"

"You're the least scared of Chef," Tom pointed out. "So, like... Good luck, sweetie!"

Anne Maria crossed her arms. "Nuh-uh! No way! I ain't getting slimed today. Besides, if anyone's the least scared of Chef, it's Ste-fart-nie!"

Stephanie ignored the unimaginative nickname she hated so much as she stepped forward and brandished her fists. "She's right. Chef's got nothing on me".

“Or me!” Shawn exclaimed as he stepped forward.

"Oh, no," Stephanie insisted. "Not today, Shawn. I'm lone wolf-ing this".

"Um, if anyone is lone wolf-ing this, it's me," Jasmine said as she stepped forward. 

"Not if I have anything to say about it!" said Shawn.

Their debating was cut off by Jacques' annoyed groan. "Oh, my god! Just go together! It will be the three of you against Chef! It will be so easy!"

In response, Stephanie grabbed Jacques by his shirt and pulled him over. "Thanks for volunteering, Jacques!"

"You're truly the bravest of us all," Jasmine said in faux admiration.

"I'll start planning your funeral," said Shawn. "Do you want everyone wearing black or pink and purple?"

Once again, Jacques' big fat mouth had gotten him in trouble. Then again, if his words got him into the situation, maybe it could get him out of it. "Um, I see no reason we can't all go together," he said, nervously. "Four against one is a sizable advantage" No one said a word in response. Instead, they all pointed forward, telling him that he absolutely could not talk his way out of it. "Ugh, fine".

Jacques nervously took a step forward. And another. And another. Finally, he swallowed his pride and hastily rounded the corner. "Get ready, alien! The king of the podium is here to-” He froze once he saw the culprit behind the corner. It wasn't Chef but a mischievous Beardo. "Are you kidding me?!"

Beardo responded by howling with laughter upon noticing the success of his prank. Jacques walked back over to his competitors, now very annoyed. "False alarm, everyone," he informed them. "It was just Beardo".

Half of them let out a frustrated sigh. "Are you serious?" asked Leshawna.

"I am very serious" Jacques insisted. "Come on out, Beardo!" A Wilhelm scream was heard from a few feet away.

"A Wilhelm scream?" Mike noted. "Definitely Beardo".

"SOMEBODY FREAKING HELP ME!" Beardo shouted.

"Yeah, yeah, laugh it up," Stephanie spat back. "We're not falling for it this time, funnyman".

After a beat, Beardo suddenly fell from behind the corner, covered in green slime. Nearly everyone shrieked in response. "He's dead!" Rodney cried. "He's dead and we let it happen!"

"Calm down, you big chicken!" Leshawna said. "He's not dead. He's just been slimed".

"So Chef was there the whole time?" asked Jen. "But the GPS didn't go off at all!"

"He snuck up on Beardo like a ninja!” Tom exclaimed. Upon hearing the word "ninja”, Harold started hastily taking off in the other direction before Leshawna grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, keeping him in place.

"We're not safe!" DJ said, sounding very panicked. "This is it! It's over! Mama! If you're listening, you can have my limited edition Raptors draft cards! They're worth some serious coin!"

Brick couldn't stand to see his boyfriend in such disarray, let alone all his friends and acquaintances. "Let's not lose our heads, everyone!" He said above them. "What's important now is that we stay together".

[static]

"Was I afraid?" Brick asked. "Oh, very much so. But I had to keep a cool head. We can't fall apart so easily. As long as we have our numbers advantage, there's nothing we can't do!”

[static]

"Okay, guys," Brick said. "When I said we should stay together, I didn't mean we should all walk in a single file line for Chef to pick us off one at a time". We zoom out to see that they were indeed in a single file line and Brick stood at the very front.

"Give better instructions next time, Sarge!" Stephanie sniped.

Suddenly, a robotic voice erupted from all four of the GPS devices. "Danger! Danger! Danger! Danger! Danger! Danger!" Everyone froze in fear as the warning echoed.

The automated voice continued to repeat its warning while everyone was petrified. Once again, the similarly afraid Brick tried to keep everyone from erupting. "Alright, guys," he addressed them. "I know things might seem bleak but we have to remain calm or-" DJ interrupted his boyfriend by screaming for dear life and running away. "I said we have to remain calm, Dev!" Brick ran after his boyfriend.

"Dang chicken," Leshawna remarked under her breath before running after them.

"Wait for me!" Harold called as he followed after her.

Jacques looked back and forth between the group that just took off and everyone else. "I assume none of you will miss me," he remarked before running after the rest of them.

"I think they had the right idea," Sammy said, shakily. "Maybe we could also get out of here?"

"I second that emotion!" Mike chimed in, beating Rock to the punch.

Ever the optimist, Jasmine disagreed. "No. We're not giving up that easily! We can do this, you guys!"

The nervous Sammy and the withdrawn Mike didn't give their friend a verbal response but they silently agreed that listening to Jasmine was typically a good idea. And they weren't the only ones to think that. Shawn stepped forward and saluted her. "We're with you, Jasmine! Just tell us where to go and we'll be right behind you!"

"Right-o!" Jasmine took off from the rest of them while Mike, Sammy and Shawn followed after her.

Stephanie shrugged her shoulders. "Screw it," she muttered before running after them. Dakota and Rock did the same while letting out excited whoops.

Cody turned to his allies and pointed in the direction that the others went in. "Jasmine usually knows what she's talking about, so maybe we should-"

"No!" Sierra interrupted. "I'm the only human being who has seen Plutoins twenty-seven times! I know how this story plays out and this is exactly what they want us to think!"

"I don't know, Sierra. That seems pretty flimsy- Wait, what the heck is Plutoins?"

"Doesn't matter! Follow me!" She shouted before grabbing Cody like he was a misbehaving child in dragging him in a different direction. "Come on, Rodney!" The farm-boy followed the stalker girl and the gap-toothed geek on their journey.

Now, only Gwen, Kitty, Anne Maria and the hazmat suit-wearing Tom & Jen were left. "I'm almost impressed by how quickly that fell apart," said Gwen. She looked down at the GPS, whose robotic voice was still warning them of the danger ahead. "The map says that the boiler room is east so I'm heading that way. Anyone else wanna come with?"

Kitty wrapped her hand around her girlfriend's. "I'm sticking with you. Always".

Jen put a hand to her chest and let out a wistful sigh. "I really need a girlfriend".

"Well, until then, we're going with Gwen and Kitty," said Tom.

"Me too!" Anne Maria chimed in.

"Are you sure?" asked Jen.

"Wouldn't you rather go with Dawn?" asked Tom.

"Uh, bozos, I am goin' with Dawn," Anne Maria asserted.

To everyone's surprise, Dawn popped out of her hiding place: Anne Maria's hair. That was where she hid a lot of stuff. "Hello, everyone!" she cheerfully greeted them.

Everyone stared at the two of them in disbelief. "Let's just get going," said an uncomfortable Gwen.

Sierra, Rodney and a very reluctant Cody made their way back to the steel door that they had passed by earlier. Sierra recognized the door now that she'd gotten a better look at it. Of course, she recognized the entire set. "Alright, Rodney," she said to the farm-boy. "Pull the door open".

"Yes, ma'am!" Rodney happily complied and began trying to pry the door open.

Cody was understandably skeptical. "Why exactly are we trying a place we passed by?" he asked Sierra.

"Ok, so I didn't want to say anything,” said Sierra, who absolutely wanted to say something. "But Chris was in this straight-to-video mockbuster called Plutoins and the twist was that the alien eggs were behind this door the entire time!"

"We're going off the logic from a mockbuster?"

"A mockbuster starring Chris McLean!" Sierra said, dreamily.

Cody wanted to give some sort of rebuttal before remembering how proud and egotistical Chris McLean was. "Alright, I'll give it a shot".

Meanwhile, Rodney kept trying to pry the door open. "Almost... got it..." After a good amount of struggling, he finally managed to throw the steel door open. "I got it!"

On the other side of the door was the surveillance room, where Chris McLean was sitting. He had an evil smile on his face. It made Cody and Rodney nervous. Sierra just smiled back. "So," Chris began. "You're one of the few souls that sat through Plutoins".

"Um, of course!" Sierra said, proudly. "I've seen basically everything you've been in".

"Including Plutoins..." Chris pulled out a large firehose, frightening the trio. "Which means you know too much". Gallons of slime shot out of the firehose, dousing the three teenagers as they screamed.

[static]

A slimed Cody, Sierra and Rodney all sat in the confessional. Sierra was going through her phone with Rodney looking over her shoulder. Cody was the only one addressing the camera. "Alright," he said, not looking very pleased with how things played out. "Sierra has Plutoins downloaded on her phone so we can find out what was so important to the challenge that we ended up losing".

"Okay, it's up!" she said. Cody leaned in closer and the three of them all watched as the movie began.

[static]

*Thirty Minutes Later*

Cody and Rodney were still watching the movie and laughing so hard that they were crying. Sierra didn't look pleased with either of them. "Oh, this is the worst thing I've ever seen!" Cody cackled.

"It's not funny!" Sierra protested. "He's trying his best!"

"Wait, wait, wait!" Rodney said above her. "I wanna hear what he's gonna say".

They all quieted down while Chris' voice was heard from the phone. "We're under attack from the Protons! Crap! I mean, the Plutoins!"

Cody and Rodney howled with laughter. "That couldn't have been the best take they had!" Cody heckled.

"Leave him alone!" Sierra whined.

[static]

*Thirty Minutes Later*

They were still watching the movie but now, Sierra had joined in on the laughter. "Okay, everyone, be quiet!" she shushed them. "Best part's coming up!"

They all quieted down while Chris' voice was heard from the phone. "You may be from Pluto but it’s time to go back to Uranus!" They all laughed like a pack of crazed hyenas.

[static]

We cut to another one of the groups, this one being led by Jasmine. The Australian Amazon warrior looked at her gap-toothed friend, whose hands were fidgeting nervously. "You, uh, holding up alright, Mikey?" she asked her friend.

"Yeah, I'm great," Mike said, mindlessly. "On an unrelated note, remember how you helped me figure out that I didn't need to rely so heavily on my characters to realize how skilled I am?"

"Yeah". Jasmine tried not to grimace at the memories. "Mike, you know you can still do them from time to time, right? Like, as a launching point and not a lifestyle?"

"Okay, great, yeah," Mike nodded. "Because it's been a while and I think I'm a little bit rusty".

"Love that song!" Rock abruptly shouted out.

"Such a good song," Dakota agreed before she began making out with her boyfriend.

Meanwhile, Jasmine put her hand on Mike's shoulder. "Just take it easy, buddy. You don't need to do that much acting today. With me, Shawn and Stephanie, we've got all the muscle we need".

Everyone looked back to see that Stephanie was indeed walking beside Shawn and they somehow didn't notice. "I'm glad you're here, Shawn," said Sammy. "But why'd she have to come with us?"

"Now, now," Shawn spoke up. "Stephanie might be... going through some stuff". Stephanie wasn't listening to a word anyone was saying. She didn't care. She simply and stoically walked beside them with both her fists up in case Chef popped out of nowhere. "But she's one of the toughest people here and she's not afraid to challenge Chef".

Speaking of the devil, they suddenly heard a thud. They all looked forward and saw Chef in his slimy, green alien costume. That same evil smile from earlier was still plastered on his face as he aimed his prop gun at them. "Say hello to my slimy friend!"

"SAY HELLO TO MY FISTS!" Stephanie shouted before she began charging at the ‘alien’. Chef began firing slime at her but she dodged every single shot, even doing a few flips and somersaults. But that didn't mean everyone was safe. As a result of the dodging and wild firing, both Sammy and Rock were hit and knocked to the ground. 

"Sammy!" Mike and Jasmine yelled as they ran over to help her up.

"Rockie-Poo!" Dakota yelled. Her brow furrowed as she looked at Chef. "This! Means! WAR!" She began charging at Chef while letting out a massive battle cry. At the same time, Stephanie had made it to Chef and the two of them began their little scuffle. Shawn hopped over to try and help her as well. While Stephanie hopped onto Chef's shoulders so she could try and put him in a headlock, Shawn tried to wrestle the gun out of his hands. In his struggle, Chef accidentally fired the prop gun and the slime hit Dakota right in the torso.

"Screw it," Dakota sighed before walking away. "Come on, Rock. Let's go".

While they left and Shawn and Stephanie continued to fight against Chef, Jasmine and Mike were at Sammy’s side. "Are you okay, babe?" Mike asked.

"Talk to us," Jasmine said.

"I'm s-s-so c-c-c-cold," Sammy moaned. "I knew I should have packed more than a cheerleading uniform".

As Jasmine helped Sammy to her feet, Mike stood back up and looked over at Chef. "You've done it now," he said under his breath. He began marching towards the large man in the alien costume.

Jasmine couldn't help but notice. "Mike, what are you doing?" Mike didn't respond. But he did pull a fedora out of nowhere. "Mike, don't you dare!" Mike put the fedora on his head as he continued to march. He was really doing this, Jasmine thought. "Sammy, hold me back".

"What?" asked Sammy. "I don't think-"

"Hold me back!" Sammy hastily grabbed Jasmine's arms and tried with all her might to stop her best friend from going over to kill her boyfriend.

There was no Mike anymore. There was only Manitoba Smith. He stopped right in front of the three that were fighting, cleared his throat, and addressed them in his trademark stereotypical Australian British accent. "Right. What's all this then?"

It wasn't exactly a good British accent. It was arguably enough to make Dick Van Dyke in Mary Poppins wince. Naturally, it made Jasmine ease up a bit. "You can let go now, Sammy".

[static]

"Yeah, Manitoba Smith is British now because I said so," said Mike. "If you've got a problem with it, I don't care. My character, my rules".

[static]

Jasmine walked over to her fedora-wearing friend, who she didn't even want to strangle anymore. "Are you ready, Manitoba?"

"Let's duff up this jiggery-pokery," said ‘Manitoba Smith’.

Chef shook both Shawn and Stephanie off of him before pointing his slime gun at Stephanie. "You hid in my kitchen last season," he said, menacingly. "That's my domain! It was off-limits!"

Stephanie barely flinched, even with the slime gun right in front of her. "So what, old man? You gonna shoot me? You don't have the guts!"

"I'll show you guts!" However, before Chef could pull the trigger, Jasmine and the fedora-wearing Mike jumped him and tackled him to the ground.

As this was all going down, Chris was watching everything from his surveillance room. He wasn't happy with what was transpiring, especially as Shawn and Stephanie charged back into the fray. "Are you kidding me?!" he groaned. "What's the point of hiring someone with military training if he's gonna get jumped by four teenagers?!"

Frustrated, he walked over to a safe and opened it, revealing one of the camo hats from the paintball deer challenge. "Fine. I'll do it myself". He took the cap and placed it on his head before admiring his reflection in a hand mirror. "I should really wear camo more often".

As that was going down, the final group of contestants - Gwen, Kitty, Tom, Jen, Anne Maria and Dawn - rounded the corner and walked in on the large scuffle between Chef and four of the competitors. Watching all of this was Sammy, who was sitting in a lawn chair and eating from a bowl of popcorn. No one knew where she'd gotten any of these but they barely questioned it. "So, what's uh- What's going on here?" asked Kitty. 

"I don't really know anymore," Sammy said, with a mouthful of popcorn. "But it's something". The others all shared a look of confusion before they silently agreed to sneak around everyone so that they could get to the boiler room. 

After they had gone, Jasmine managed to wrestle the slime gun out of Chef's hands while the other three held him up. Shawn and Stephanie each held him up by one of his arms while Mike had a hold on one of his legs. "It's Chef season!" Jasmine quipped as she pointed the gun right at Chef.

But Chef wasn't going to give up yet. "Nah! It ain't going down like that!" He swung his free leg over so that he was able to hit Mike in the groin. The theatre kid let go of Chef's other leg once the pain set in. Before anyone else had a chance to react, Chef once again swung both Shawn and Stephanie off of him. Jasmine was about to pull the trigger but Chef pulled a prop grenade seemingly out of nowhere, startling all the others. He pulled the pin and said "I'll see you delinquents on the other side".

Jasmine, Shawn, Mike and Stephanie all froze in terror. "Aw, f-"

An explosion of slime broke out and splashed almost everywhere. None of it actually hit Sammy but some of it did hit her popcorn. "Well, that's a waste," she sighed before throwing the bowl over her shoulder. She looked back up and noticed that Chef had mysteriously disappeared but the other four were covered in slime and wearing a variety of emotions on their faces.

Mike ran off in another direction, his slime-covered tongue hanging out. "EH EH AH AUUAH!" he shouted, which translated into "It's in my mouth". Shawn was hugging his legs and rocking back and forth while singing a Cranberries song to himself. Jasmine was lying on the floor and looking as if she had come into contact with an actual grenade.

Stephanie, meanwhile, managed to get back to her feet and shook her fist in a random direction. "Yeah, you better run! You're nothing but an emotionally withdrawn cook in a Halloween costume! I would've mopped the floor with you!"

[static]

"So what if I got out immediately and everyone else had to do all the work?" Sammy asked. "So what if I wasn't allowed to help my friends and also Stephanie? That doesn't mean I'm worthless. It doesn't. It's fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. It's fine. I'm f- It's fine". She let out a defeated sigh before she remembered that she was being recorded. "I'm fine".

[static]

Meanwhile, the group that had snuck past the fight followed the directions on their GPS to a large door that seemingly led to the boiler room. Anne Maria turned the wheel on the door, causing it to creak open. They all poked their heads in and saw a large, hissing boiler. Below it was a deep, dark pit that had hundreds of alien eggs sitting at the bottom.

But while two of the groups had gone east, one group had gone west. Then again, they were more of an accidental group than anything. DJ ran into an empty room that showed off just how quickly and cheaply made the set actually was. Why did this top secret government room have a water cooler and a stoplight in its pipes?

Brick entered the room after DJ. "DJ? Dev? Is everything okay?" He put his hand on his boyfriend's shoulder, causing DJ to jump before realizing it was just Brick.

"Ah, sorry, Brick," he panted. "This challenge is just making me all jumpy for some reason".

"And what exactly is the reason?" asked Leshawna, who walked in with her hands on her hips. "I know you're a bit of a scaredy cat but this is ridiculous!"

Harold ran in after her. "I was gonna ask the same thing. Is it Chef? He did carry you off during the monster challenge".

Jacques ran in as well. "I'm just here because I had to follow somebody but I am very interested in the details". He clapped his hands together. "So come on! Dish!"

Brick ignored Jacques' query but chose to keep prodding anyway. "Harold's right," he said. "You've been acting a lot weirder around Chef".

DJ chuckled nervously. "I mean, isn't everyone afraid of Chef?" he asked in an attempt at deflection.

"Don't give us that," Leshawna said, sternly. "That monster didn't carry any of us off. There's something going on around here". 

"Dev," Brick began as he held his boyfriend's hands.

DJ felt his stomach melt. He couldn't just hold everything in. That's what Brick realized last season. He actually helped Brick with his emotions. He wasn't just going to forget about all of that now. "Okay," he said. "Here's what happened". However, before he could go any further. The door to the room suddenly slammed shut behind them, startling everyone. DJ jumped into Brick's arms. Harold jumped into Leshawna's. Jacques just screamed like a little girl.

We cut to the costumed Chef attaching a hose to one of the pipes outside of the room. He turned the nozzle that was attached to one of the pipes. We see exactly what Chef was up to as slime shot out of the sprinkler system in the room that the contestants had entered. Soon enough, the five of them were all covered in slime.

"Gross!" Harold groaned.

"Disgusting!" Leshawna shuddered.

Jacques kept on screaming before rubbing his face. "This actually feels pretty good for the skin".

Meanwhile, DJ hopped out of Brick's arms and the gears in his head started turning. Chef was behind this, obviously. It was his job to slime all of the contestants that episode. But that didn't make DJ feel any easier about the corner he had backed himself into. While he was ready to tell everyone about what had happened between him and Chef during the last challenge just a few minutes ago. But now? He decided to remain committed to keeping his mouth shut.

We cut back to the last remaining group. The six survivors had entered the boiler room and were trying to contain their excitement. No one else had gotten there and there was a plethora of eggs. Victory was seemingly theirs.

"We did it!" Tom and Jen celebrated in unison. "We're the best!" they chanted. "We're the best!"

"Okay, I won't lie," said Kitty. "This is kind of exciting! I've played so many games like this!"

"That's the spirit!" Gwen encouraged her. "God, this is so cool, right?"

"So friggin' cool!"

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves," Dawn told the others. "We still have to get all the eggs back in order to win".

That didn't seem to deter anyone. "This is gonna be a breeze," Anne Maria said in a braggadocious tone.

Cut to a few minutes later and everyone was trying to get eggs using the same method. Anne Maria was lowering Dawn down by her ankles. Jen was lowering Tom down by his. Kitty was lowering Gwen down by hers. Tom grabbed one of the eggs but it broke apart before he could bring it back up to Jen. "Ugh!" he moaned as he noticed the green slime that emerged once the egg broke apart. "Whatever happened to plastic props?"

Gwen was trying to grab two of the eggs but she heard a gagging sound from above her. "Kitty? You okay?"

Kitty, who was having a minor visceral reaction to the burst egg, swallowed both her pride and her vomit. "All good," she lied. "I'm good. Nothing to worry about".

Gwen believed her girlfriend and got ahold of two eggs. "Alright. I got them. Pull me up!" Kitty did just that.

Tom finally managed to keep a firm hold on two of the eggs. "I got some too!" Jen pulled him up.

Meanwhile, Dawn had only grabbed one of the eggs but Anne Maria tried not to let that bug her. She knew not to rush Dawn. The blonde knew what she was doing. Suddenly, an alarm noise sounded off from the GPS yet again. Now, it was time to rush. "Come on, Dawnie! We gotta get going!"

Dawn had finally managed to keep her hold on two eggs. "I've got both of them". Anne Maria breathed a sigh of relief and began to pull her friend up. However, the door to the boiler room creaked open once again without anyone realizing it. Chef poked his head in and shot slime right at Anne Maria's side.

"EW!" she shrieked before falling off of the platform and into the pit... right on top of Dawn.

"It's Chef!" Kitty cried.

"Run!" Tom and Jen shouted at the same time before the four of them all ran off, with Chef giving chase.

Down at the bottom of the pit, Anne Maria noticed that her entire front was now covered in slime after landing on the eggs. "Ah, man. This is so gross!" It was then that she noticed that she'd landed right on top of Dawn and jumped off of her friend. "Ah, crud! Sorry, Dawnie!"

Dawn, who was also covered in green slime, simply laughed in a ditzy manner after Anne Maria got off of her. "No worries," she said with a flighty chuckle. "I didn't mind".

Meanwhile, Gwen, Kitty and the hazmat suit-wearing Tom & Jen ran out of the studio and emerged onto the Western town set. They heard the sound of blades whirring and looked up to see Chris McLean in his helicopter... with what looked like two nuke props attached to the bottom. "Attention, civilians!" he shouted through a megaphone. "The military is here to protect you now! Unfortunately, we can't let you leave with any alien eggs!"

"What?!" Kitty, Tom and Jen angrily shouted.

"But you said we were supposed to take the alien eggs!" Kitty objected. "You said those were the alien horror movie rules!"

"Right!" Chris shouted down. "I did!" He pressed a button and the two nuke props were dropped.

"Incoming!" Jen shouted as she and Tom ran off.

Gwen started to run off as well until she noticed that Kitty wasn't running. She was just angrily stomping in the same spot. "Kitty, come on! We've got to-"

"This is so stupid!" she complained. "This is the problem with a lot of popular horror! Everyone is a total idiot and they throw in a disgusting amount of blood and gore to distract you from it!"

Gwen ran back over to her girlfriend. "Kit, we don't have time-"

"This is why I don't watch these stupid alien horror movies! They're all the same and they're all gross and they're all bad!"

Gwen took a step back in surprise. "Do you really mean-"

*KABOOM*

The two nuke props had gone off, igniting a mushroom cloud of slime. Some of it even splashed onto Chris' helicopter. Gwen and Kitty were lying on the ground, covered in slime. Not that it mattered anymore but their eggs had been obliterated as well. "Kit?" Gwen rasped. "Were you afraid to tell me that you get squeamish about blood and gore after what we talked about at breakfast?"

Kitty let out a defeated sigh. "Yeah, I did. I didn't want to let you down. I know Alien Chunks is your favorite movie and I didn't want you knowing that I thought it was lame or gross or whatever".

To Kitty's surprise, Gwen chuckled in response. "Why would that matter?"

"What?"

"Kit, I don't know if you noticed this but we're pretty different already," Gwen reminded her. "I don't care what movies or music you like. I just like you". Kitty couldn't help but smile at this. She was also blushing but that was covered up by all the green slime.

As they got to their feet, Tom and Jen rejoined them. Naturally, their hazmat suits were also covered from head-to-toe in slime. "They got you guys too, huh?" Tom asked.

"It was hard not to get us," Kitty said with a laugh.

Tom and Jen pulled the masks off of their suits, revealing their naturally gorgeous faces. "Shame," Jen sighed. "We were so close to winning too".

"OMG, Jen!" Tom gasped. "Your hair still looks gorgeous!"

"My hair looks gorgeous?" Jen echoed. "Look at yours! It's like you weren’t even in a hazmat suit for an hour!"

"Um, naturally. I woke up like this!"

Gwen and Kitty just stood there, wanting to bring up the obvious detail about Tom and Jen but chose to let them figure it out on their own. Eventually, after the fashion bloggers went back and forth on complimenting each other, it finally sunk in. "We're both clean!" they said at the same time. Tom threw his hazmat suit off. Sure enough, while the suit had been slimed, his actual person was completely clean. "We're the best!" they chanted. "We're the best!"

[static]

Tom and Jen were sitting in the confessional together, looking very proud of themselves. "They laughed at us," said Jen.

"They said we were being ridiculous," said Tom.

"But who made it the farthest?"

"WE DID!" they squealed in unison before they hugged each other in celebration.

"Nothing's gonna keep us down this season, Tommy!"

"As long as we're together, we'll be unstoppable!"

[static]

Harold pulled out a large book and cleared his throat. "And now, an excerpt from the Oxford dictionary," he said before opening up to a bookmarked page. "‘Foreshadow. Verb. To be a sign of something that will happen in the future’". He closed the book shut.

[static]

Tom and Jen's celebration was interrupted as Chris parachuted down to the slime-soaked ground. "You two may be cleaner than the rest," he began. "But unless you can pull two eggs out of thin air, I'm afraid you're still losers".

Jen was about to take off her hazmat suit before Tom tapped her on the shoulder and pointed to a plank next to where Chef was sitting. Teetering on the edge were two intact alien eggs. "It's not over yet!" Jen cried as she ran towards the eggs.

A determined Chef hopped to his feet. "Oh no, you don't!" Before he could pick his gun back up, Tom threw his hazmat suit right at Chef. In an attempt to get it off of him, he slipped and fell to the ground. Jen, still in her suit, slid through the slime and caught the eggs before they could land in break. She threw them up in the air and jumped out of her hazmat suit.

Tom stuck out his arms and Jen landed in them. A second later, she caught both of the eggs. They were officially the winners. "WE'RE THE BEST!" They chanted once again before running off. "WE'RE THE BEST!"

Chef shook his fist at the fashion bloggers as they ran away. "I'll get you next time, bloggers! Next time!"

Chris sighed with disappointment. "Man, can't you do anything right?"

These words were a mistake as he suddenly found himself running away from an angry Chef Hatchet. "Where's my money?! Huh?! Gimme my money, Chris!"

Gwen and Kitty couldn't help but laugh as they walked off to join everyone else. "So you don't like horror?" Gwen asked Kitty.

"Are you kidding me? I love horror!" Kitty said. "I just don't like that brand of horror. It's so lame and disgusting".

Gwen affectionately rolled her eyes. "Alright, film snob. What horror do you like?"

Kitty shrugged her shoulders. "I dunno. Like, horror that isn't just blood and jump scares. Horror that makes me really care about the characters and not make me puke or want to yell at the screen or both. Ooh, you know what I really like? I like psychological horror. I mean, I don't even get a lot of it but I don't really mind. Because, like, just the tension and the atmosphere is enough to make me so uneasy. It's so creepy, even if it doesn't make sense half the time. I love that kind of stuff. I see it a lot in games like-" She stopped her rambling once she noticed the surprised look on Gwen's face. "Uh, Gwenny? You okay?"

[static]

Gwen took a deep breath. "I don't care if we're only sixteen. I need to marry that girl as soon as possible".

[static]

The slimed Gwen & Kitty and the clean Tom & Jen rejoined everyone else in front of the trailers. They were all hovering around Sierra and laughing at the Plutoins movie she was showing them on her phone. As Gwen and Kitty went over to join the other losers, Chris came over, apparently no longer being chased by Chef. "We have our winners!" he announced. "Our only two winners". He looked across all the slimed contestants. "The rest of you stink".

"We're the best!" Tom and Jen chanted again. "We're the best!"

"Yes, Tom and Jen have won this challenge! As a reward, they'll be the ones in charge of picking the teams next episode".

"We're the best!"

"That means they'll be competing against each other this season!"

"We're the-" The fashion bloggers froze as Chris' words broke through their chanting and reached their ears. "Come again?" Jen asked.

Chris chuckled at their reactions. "Bet you didn't see that one coming!"

Brick, who suddenly remembered Jen's recounting of the times she and Tom were pitted against each other in the past, felt a curtain of dread fall around everyone. "This isn't gonna be pretty," he thought out loud.

"But don't you two worry," Chris said to the very worried fashion bloggers. "Like I said, it'll be next episode. Which means it'll be after we vote off two cast members in the first ever Gilded Chris ceremony!" Everyone gasped at this latest surprise announcement. "Yes, you heard me. I said two. I'm liking the two's today. Must be Tuesday". Crickets chirped as everyone stared at the host, looking very unamused. "Yeah, I don't get paid to write this show," he said before walking off.

We cut to that night, where we see the first ever Gilded Chris ceremony. Spotlights lit up the amphitheater as a highlight reel of Chris from the previous season passed over the screen before the camera would zoom out to reveal one of the golden Chris statues. All the while, a triumphant theme played in the background. It was an intro that surely wouldn't get old after it repeated nearly twenty times.

Chris, wearing a blue tuxedo, walked out on stage while the twenty-two teens all sat in the stands. "It's time to cast your votes! Under your seats, you'll find your voting devices". Everyone reached under their seats to find small tablets. "Just press the button of the person you want voted off. Oh, and no peeking or it's bye-bye, baby!"

Everyone scrolled through the tablets before making their respective choices. "The votes have been cast!" Chef walked out, carrying several Gilded Chris awards. He was also wearing the pink dress, gloves and hats from the dare episode in season one. Everyone laughed at the sight while Chef cursed them under his breath. 

Chris had to stop laughing in order to proceed with the ceremony. "If you get a Gilded Chris, it means you're safe. For now. And don't worry about head injuries or whatever. The gold is just wrapping. These things are chocolate". Anne Maria gasped with delight while Dawn sulked. "Naturally, the first two to get their awards are Tom and Jen!" He threw two statues at the fashion bloggers, who happily caught them. It was almost enough to make them forget about the horrors that awaited them.

"The next two go to Brick and DJ!" He threw two more statues to Brick and DJ. They caught them and were so happy to receive them that DJ didn't even notice Chef scowling at him.

"Next up is Mike".

"Leshawna"

"Jasmine"

"Cody"

"Dawn"

"Anne Maria" Anne Maria happily caught her award. Dawn handed the chocolate statue to the Jersey reject, making her even happier.

"Harold"

"Sammy"

"Sierra"

"Rodney"

"Shawn"

"Beardo"

There were six contestants left but Chef was now holding only four. "Surprisingly," said Chris. "The next two go to Jacques and Stephanie". He threw one to the gym nut and another to the ice dancer.

Gwen and Kitty looked at each other, nervously. Rock and Dakota did the same. "The final two awards go to..."

...

...

...

...

"Kitty and Gwen!"

The two of them caught the statues that were thrown to them and Kitty started doing a little victory dance. "We get to stay! I'm so happy! I just-" Gwen tapped her girlfriend on the shoulder and pointed over to Rock and Dakota. Rock looked disappointed. Dakota looked like she'd just seen a ghost. "Oh, um- Sorry, guys".

"Aw, man," Rock whined. "This is so bogus! Right, Dakota?" No response. "Dakota?" Silence. She was completely petrified. "I'll, uh, help her".

Rock had to carry the frozen Dakota in his arms as he partook in the Walk of Shame and entered the Lame-O-Sine, which sputtered a bit before taking off.

Chris walked back into the shot. "Who will Tom and Jen pick for their teams? Will DJ spill the beans on what happened during the monster challenge? Will I make Sierra regret showing everyone that god awful movie? Tune in next time for another exciting episode of... Total! Drama! Action!"

The Votes

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"Straight couples," Tom and Jen said in unison before sharing a worried glance at each other.

"We're gonna be okay, right?" asked Jen.

"Of course, we will," said an unsure Tom. "Why wouldn't we be?"

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"I mean, I like them and all," said Brick. "But Dakota's already a millionaire".

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"Dakota's rich and Rock got pretty far last time," said DJ. "So..."

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"It's not so much that they were making out during the challenge," said Mike. "It's that the sounds were so weird".

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"Sorry, guys," said Leshawna. "But I can't help y'all this time".

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"Dakota already has all the money in the world," said Jasmine. "And if I vote for Rock, she'll at least have him".

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"They almost make me want to never make out with someone," said Cody. "Almost".

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"No more," said a clearly grossed-out Dawn. "Just... no more".

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"I want money," said Anne Maria. "But she's got money! I don't even know why she's here! Guess I gotta vote off Rock too".

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"I never thought I'd say this but I'm glad Leshawna and I aren't together right now," said Harold. "Or else, we'd be the ones on the chopping block".

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"Sorry, Rock and Dakota," said Sammy. "But at least you'll have each other!"

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"Sorry, Rockota fans," Sierra said.

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"I vote for Rock and Dakota," said Rodney. "But only because they make me jealous". He let out a depressed sigh. "I wish I had something like that".

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"I've seen 672 Hours Later," said Shawn. "I know what happens when you make out too much. One of you gets infected but you keep on kissing anyway. It's not pretty".

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"Using their make-out sounds to freak everyone out was funny," said an auto-tuned Beardo. "But I also hated doing it".

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"Voting off the power couple now before they get too far," said Jacques. "I am, of course, talking about Gwen and Kitty".

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"Kitty made it to merge last time," said Stephanie. "She and Gwen nearly won the challenge today. They're too dangerous to keep around".

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We see a continuation of Gwen and Kitty's shared confessional from earlier. They both had mussed-up hair and were still covered in lipstick marks. "And it's because Rock and Dakota can't keep it to themselves," Gwen began.

"Which we are so good at," said Kitty.

"That we vote for them," the two of them finished in unison.

[static]

Rock and Dakota shared the confessional. "We vote for Stephanie and Jacques because they're the worst," said Dakota.

"Yeah, everyone's totally gonna vote for them," said Rock. "I hope no one votes us off. I could really use the million".

"Oh, Rockie-Poo. We don't need the million".

"But aren't you already a mill-" Dakota began making out with Rock before they collapsed onto the floor.

[static]

Chapter Text

~Recap~

"Last time on Total Drama Action... Twenty-two teenagers, one spooky film lot, and a whole bunch of alien eggs. In a world where an army chef wore an alien costume, only the strong could survive. Finally, two best friends shared a heroic victory. But now, they'll be forced to endure a tragic separation. And so it was that another pair were the subjects of a vote-off for the ages. This time, it was a pair of lovers. Rock and Dakota's elimination shocked the rich girl so much that her boyfriend had to carry her off during the Walk of Shame. It seems like his love was enough to carry the two of them. But enough of all that! This week, we're gonna bring the pain! Well, if I have anything to say about it. And I do, by the way. So brace yourselves for some deliciously painful Total! Drama! Action!"

~Theme Song~

We fade in on the two trailers in the early morning. It was so early that the sun wasn't even out yet. We cut to inside one of the trailers and see the ten remaining boys of Total Drama Action. Some slept normally. Others, not so much. Harold was picking his nose. Mike was mumbling a Shakespearean monologue. Shawn was muttering some spiel about saving the others, whoever they were. Beardo's snores sounded like a train whistle. And Rodney was making out with his pillow.

Cut to the other trailer where we see the ten remaining girls. Some slept normally. Others, not so much. Jen's tossing and turning looked like she was going through a series of poses. Sierra was cuddling a stuffed Chris McLean doll. Stephanie kept punching the air beside her. Dawn wasn't even lying down as she slept. She sat upright, with her legs crossed and hands folded. Suddenly, her eyelids flew open. "It is time," she whispered. She materialized two ear plugs out of nowhere and inserted them before the sound of an air horn woke everyone up.

Leshawna bolted up, hitting her head on the trailer's ceiling. "Not again," she muttered.

The very tall Jasmine didn't hit her head. Instead, she fell off her bunk. "Why'd I take the top?" she asked herself.

Cut to outside the trailers and Chris was shouting through a megaphone. "All crew on set! Call time is 4:00 a.m.!" He covered up the megaphone and addressed the audience. "I love this thing".

[static]

Dawn pulled out her earplugs. "While I'm fortunate enough to know when these moments are about to occur, I still wish that Chris wouldn't do that to my friends and companions".

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As an example of Dawn's statement, we see Anne Maria with noticeable bags under her eyes. "I NEED MY BEAUTY SLEEP!"

[static]

"Remember, kids," said Mike, also with bags under his eyes. "The people working backstage or behind the camera deserve more credit than they actually get. Holy crap, I can't believe I'm stuck doing this show again".

[static]

Everyone trudged out of their trailers, having thrown their regular clothes on in a hurry. Obviously, no one was happy. "This continuing sadistic wake up call is messing with the natural rhythms of my mind clock," Harold whined. "My mojo will be destroyed!"

Cut to later. The sun was finally out and everyone was a bit more awake than they were before as they stood lined up in front of the trailers. "Listen up, kids!" Chris addressed them. "You're on a film set now, and you're gonna learn that show biz is not all red carpets and pool parties". Jacques sighed with disappointment at this. "Today, you're gonna get schooled on how tough on-set production life can be".

"Whatever, I can deal," Gwen commented. "I once had a summer job at a petting zoo. It's so adorable. Everybody feeding the adorable kids their adorable cabbages. But somebody, i.e. me, had to shovel up the less adorable end of the digestive process".

Rodney scratched his head in confusion. "You had to clean up little kid poop?"

"‘Kid’ is another name for a baby goat," Harold explained.

"Oh... Wait, Chris just called us kids. Does that mean we're goats?"

Tom rolled his eyes and walked away from Rodney. "I cannot right now".

"Actually, Thomas," Chris spoke up. "You can. If I remember correctly, you and Jennifer have to pick your opposing teams today".

Tom felt himself freeze as Chris' reminder echoed in his head. Jen wasn't faring much better either. It took every ounce of her strength to not chew on her nails. However, the most nervous out of everyone was Brick.

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"During the finale, Jen was telling me about how competitive she and Tom get when they're pitted against each other," Brick recalled. "She kept calling it a bloodbath and saying that it almost always ends in tears. Last season, I realized that I never really wanted to go to war but I guess I'm about to".

[static]

Tom and Jen stepped in front of everyone, both of them wearing a smile. Jen stuck out her hand. "Tom," she said.

Tom shook Jen's hand. "Jen," he said.

"Let's agree to not get all nasty and competitive this time, okay?" asked Jen.

"Did she say ‘this time’?" Kitty whispered. Brick whimpered in confirmation.

"Of course not!" said Tom. "We've learned our lesson in the past. We know what not to do".

"Exactly! See? We're already so good at this".

Brick felt himself ease up a bit. Maybe things wouldn't be so bad after all. Chris, however, was having none of it. "Before we start, I've been meaning to ask," he said with false innocence. "Which one of you started your fashion blog anyway?"

"Um, isn't it obvious?" Tom chuckled.

"I did," Tom and Jen said in unison. They turned to each other, both sets of eyes wide with shock.

"No, I did," Tom argued.

"I did," Jen insisted.

"I did," they said at the same time. "I did!" The tension in the air suddenly became a lot thicker. Brick was quaking in his boots.

Chris was rubbing his hands together like an evil little fly. "Okay, let's get this bloodbath started! You're gonna choose schoolyard style. Boy, girl, boy, girl, etc. Now, Jen, as last season's winner, you'll be going first".

Jen looked at the eighteen contestants standing before her. She had to pick a boy to go first so that narrowed her options down to nine. Her first choice was obvious. "I choose Brick".

"Oh," Brick said, his voice cracking slightly. "Lucky me". Tom eyed Brick as Jen greeted him with a hug.

[static]

"So what if she picked the guy she made it to the finale with?" said Tom. "So what if she picked the person she was going to split some of the money with? So what if she picked the person she partnered up with to take down Stephanie? And soooooo what if she picked the person whose permission she asked to give up the prize money for? I'm not jealous! Why would I be jealous?!"

[static]

Tom cleared his throat and made another obvious choice. If he was going to be pitted against his bestie for the restie, then it would also be the case for Jen's BFFFL. "I pick Kitty".

Kitty was certainly surprised by this. "Oh, um... Okay". She walked over to Tom's side. "Sorry, Jen". The only person who was more surprised than Kitty was Jen, who desperately tried to hold it together.

[static]

Jen laughed, sinisterly. "Oh, I'm going to kill him".

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Jen had to pick a girl now. Maybe it was because Kitty had just been chosen but Gwen couldn't help but feel like Jen was staring right at her. "If what I think is happening is happening," Gwen said to herself. "It better not be".

"I choose Gwen," said the fashionista.

[static]

Gwen and Kitty sat in the confessional, wearing the fakest grins imaginable. "Oh, boy!" Kitty said through her gritted teeth. "Our friends are using us as pawns against each other! Aren't you excited, Gwen?"

"So excited!" Gwen said through her teeth. "I've never been more excited for anything in my life! Can you believe we're only three episodes in?!"

"I can't! This is gonna be so much fun!" After a beat, the two of them finally snapped and began trashing the trailer before the footage was cut short.

[static]

Now that they'd both stabbed each other in the back, it was time for Tom to reasonably pick someone for the team now. And this time, he had to pick a boy. Tom wasn't an idiot. He knew he wasn't exactly the most physically fit. So he needed someone tough. Someone with a specific set of skills. Someone who could fly under the radar. "I pick Shawn". There was no reaction from Shawn. There was no sight of him either. He wasn't among the line-up. It seemed as if he had disappeared without anyone noticing. "Uh, Shawn?"

Behind Tom, Shawn emerged from his grassy camouflage cover and got to his feet. "I'm right here". Tom screamed and jumped at the sound of Shawn's voice, causing everyone to laugh.

Jen laughed too before having to pick another guy. And she didn't want a repeat of the Gwen/Kitty situation. "DJ!" she called out. "Come on down!" DJ happily went over to his new team. He high-fived Jen and Gwen and embraced his boyfriend.

Tom and Jen guaranteeing that Gwen and Kitty were on different teams just to spite each other meant that neither of them were able to use their first girl pick on one of, if not the best player on the whole show. "I choose Jasmine!" said Tom, causing Jen to facepalm over her own missed opportunity.

"Happy to be on board," she said as she joined her new team. She stopped in front of Shawn and shook his hand. "I look forward to working with you," she said, keeping it cool.

Shawn felt himself becoming flustered but kept trying to keep it cool as well. "I look forward to working with you as well". They continued shaking hands for another seven seconds or so.

But Jasmine wasn't the only incredibly skilled nature girl in the game. "Dawn," said Jen.

The pointy-eared girl drifted over to her new teammates. "I'm happy to be here with all of you". She then turned her focus on Jen specifically. "I do think that it's beneficial to talk about why you and Tom are so-”

"Welcome to the team!" Jen said, ignoring Dawn's spiel and shaking her hands before gesturing for her to join the others. "We're glad to have you here".

Gwen took Dawn by the arm and pulled her to the side. "I think we've just gotta let this one play out, Dawn," she whispered.

"I understand," Dawn sighed.

Tom had to pick another guy and the choices that were left weren't bad, exactly. But they were still wild cards. The only ‘normal’ ones left were Mike and Jacques. While Mike was talented, unique and certainly knew his way around film, Tom decided that they needed something that he didn't have: an edge. Naturally, for the edge, he went with the flamboyant French-Canadian ice dancer who always wore pink and purple. "Jacques," he said flatly.

Jacques tried not to act surprised. He was full of himself, sure. But he was also entirely aware that no one on the show liked him. And why would they? He spent his entire time at Camp Wawanakwa being shady and insulting anyone who dared to enter his peripheral vision. He fully expected to be picked last as a result. But skills were skills and Jacques had skills.

"Ah, yes," he said as he walked over to them. "I am very grateful that you would choose me. I will do my best to-"

Tom grabbed Jacques by the arm before he could walk past him. "You do any cheating and you'll regret it. Trust".

Jacques couldn't help but scoff. "And what will a skinny little twig like you do to me?" Tom didn't answer but he didn't need to. Jasmine, Shawn and Kitty all shot him threatening looks. They were incredibly effective. "I will take your words under consideration".

Jen, on the other hand, didn't hesitate to pick the next boy for her team. In fact, she was beyond grateful that Tom picked Jacques. "Mike!" she called out. "Gotta have you on my team!”"

Mike immediately hopped on over. "Let's do this!" he cheered. "The tri-armed team together again!"

"I know that's right!" The two of them high-fived with as much force as possible.

Naturally, Tom felt a bit jealous. "Yeah, Mike is cool and all. But you know who's cooler? Leshawna".

Jen let out a quiet gasp as the girl who nearly everyone was friends with sauntered over to Tom. "This guy knows what's up!" Leshawna said before giving Tom a fist bump.

And there went Jen's next choice for a girl. She looked at who was left. She definitely needed someone tough. Someone brave. Someone who leapt before looking. She had enough smarties on her team already. She looked back and forth between Anne Maria and Stephanie, trying hard to choose who to pick. "You guys are smart, right?" she asked her teammates.

"Sure," said DJ.

"I guess so," said Gwen.

"Maybe?" said Brick.

"After last season, I don't know why you'd think that," said Mike.

"Great," Jen said, mindlessly. "I'm trying to pick between Anne Maria and Stephanie. Which one do you think-"

Before she could finish, DJ cleared his throat and spoke up. "Do you really think it's a good idea to put Stephanie and Dawn on the same team?"

Jen didn't even think about that and she wanted to kick herself over it. She looked back at Dawn, who wasn't paying attention to the conversation. Her eyes were closed and the others were fairly sure that she was meditating. Jen knew what she had to do. She looked forward again. "Anne Maria, come on down!"

Anne Maria let out a shrill shriek of excitement. "Ah! That's me!" She turned to Stephanie and made childish gestures. "I got picked before you, tight shorts!" Stephanie just rolled her eyes in response. "Let's win some money!" she whooped as she joined the others.

Tom looked between the four remaining guys. To him, the next choice was obvious. "Beardo!" Beardo walked over while reciting the theme song for The Price is Right. Sure, Tom could have picked Cody. But could Cody make sounds that no other human being could make, defying any sort of logic?

In turn, Jen decided to pick the guy who became a surprise fan-favorite. "Cody!"

"Aw, yeah! The Code-ster is here!" he announced as he strutted down.

Tom had to pick another girl. Even if one of the girls wasn't exactly loved by the others, she was the strongest one left. In fact, she was one of the strongest ones there. "Stephanie".

"Nice" was all Stephanie had to say as she joined her teammates and stood beside Shawn.

Sierra and Sammy were the only girls left to pick from. "I pick Sammy!" Jen said, instantly. Sammy may have cursed her team last season and been a bit dependent on Jasmine. But she wasn't a crazy Chris McLean fangirl so the choice was easy. Plus, she broke her sister's arm without even trying so she had a good amount of strength as well.

[static]

"Sure, I don't have Jasmine with me this season," said Sammy. "But at least I have Mike. Besides, Jasmine has Shawn..." She giggled, knowingly.

[static]

There were now two boys left. By complete happenstance, they were both very awkward gingers. Rodney didn't say anything but Harold decided to try and plead his case. "Don't wicked skills count for anything?" he argued. "I mean, who else here went to film camp and is fully trained as a junior cinematographer with a thorough knowledge of lighting filters, film stop–"

"I pick Rodney!" Tom interrupted. "Only because he isn't rambling about nothing right now!" Rodney happily went over to Tom's team while Harold shut up and sulked as a result.

"Well, there's only one boy and one girl left," Chris narrated. "So, Harold, you'll be going over to Jen's team and Sierra to Tom's!"

[static]

"I thought knowing everything there was to know about the show and Chris and just about everyone here would make me an obvious pick!" said Sierra. "Instead, I was the last one chosen. And I wasn't even chosen!" Insecurity and dread were visible in her eyes. "Am I gonna be another early boot?"

[static]

Harold trudged over to Jen's team. Despite being on the other team, Leshawna couldn't help but feel a good amount of pity upon seeing Harold so downtrodden. She wasn't the only one who felt that way either. "Don't take it personally, man," Gwen comforted her former bandmate.

"So you were a junior cinematographer at film camp?" Mike asked him.

Harold perked up at this. "Yes?"

"I need all the details," Mike said with anticipation. "Right now".

"Alright," Harold said, now significantly more upbeat. "So at Fabelman Steve's Film Camp, I-"

Harold went silent when Chris pressed on the air horn once again. "We can talk nerd stuff later," he said. "Right now, team names!" He walked over to the team on the right. "Jen, I hereby christen your team... The Screaming Gaffers!" We see the team's logo. It was a green seal with a lightbulb and crossbones.

He ran over to the team on the left. "Tom, you guys are... The Killer Grips!" We see the team's logo. This seal was red and was a symbol of a clenched fist.

Harold groaned at this. "These are just lazy rehashes of the team names from last season".

"I could use some rehashes right now," said Rodney. "I'm so hungry". Tom facepalmed at this and wondered if he made the wrong call in not picking Harold.

"What even is a grip anyway?" asked Kitty. "It sounds wrong".

"Count yourself lucky that ya ain't a gaffer," Anne Maria remarked. "What is that? Some sort of rabid gerbil or somethin'?"

We hear crashing noises which startled all the contestants. They looked over and saw two crew members breaking equipment in anger. It was clear that one was a grip and one was a gaffer. Don't ask the author which one was which, though. "I'm sick and tired of getting no respect around here!" one of them said before storming off. The other crew member shoved a monitor onto the floor before following after his friend.

Chris didn't seem very phased by the events that had just transpired. He was too busy looking at his watch. "Okay, since we're running late now and don't seem to have anymore, um... whatever those... two... crew... dudes... did, we better get going!" He walked over to the assorted equipment that sat in front of another set of trailers. The ones on the left were for the Grips. The ones on the right were for the Gaffers. "Your challenge? Each team has to set up a film set!"

While there was a decent amount for both teams, it didn't seem like too much work at first glance. Leshawna seemed to agree, as she chuckled at Chris' instructions. "We'll be scarfing flapjacks by 7:00".

"Can I have rehashes with that?" asked Rodney.

Chris ignored Rodney's inane question but Leshawna's caused a devilish smile to appear on his face. "Well, if that's the case, then, as location manager, I want your sets to go..." He looked around before pointing up. "There!" We pan out to see that he was pointing to the life-size recreation of the cliff back at Camp Wawanakwa.

[static]

Leshawna held her head in her hands. "Now why'd I have to go and open my mouth?"

[static]

"It seems I am not the only one whose mouth gets them in trouble," Jacques said with a snooty chuckle.

[static]

"Okay, new rule," Jen told her team. "No matter what Chris assigns us, just assume it's the worst and don't say anything".

"Got it," her teammates said.

Chris pulled out a walkie-talkie. Naturally, Chef was on the other line. "All clear for traffic up there?" Chef looked over the fake cliffside in order to provide an answer for Chris. His only response was a shrug. Back on the ground, Chris pulled out his damned megaphone. "Lights! Camera! Action!" All the contestants began running towards their equipment and began their challenge.

Many of them grabbed spotlights and ran up the imitation cliffside because getting the lighter stuff out of the way first seemed like a good idea. Kitty and Tom grabbed a tray of props and began wheeling it up. Dawn overestimated what she could carry and tried to take a camera up the hill. She nearly fell over backwards before Anne Maria ran up and saved her.

"Thank you," Dawn said, breathlessly.

"No prob!" said the Jersey girl. "Now, let's get goin'!"

Kitty and Gwen, who was running up with another spotlight, couldn't help but notice it. "Okay, they're kinda cute," the goth conceded.

"I told you!" Kitty gloated. "They are soooooo in-"

"No flirting with the enemy!" Tom snapped at Kitty. "We're here to win, Kitty!"

"Flirting with the enemy?" Gwen and Kitty asked in unison.

Jen ran over and began pushing Gwen forward. "Ignore him, Gwen! He's just an overblown secretary!"

Fire appeared in Tom's eyes. "EXCUSE ME?! A secretary!?" Despite being a bit of a weakling, he picked up the pace and ran the fastest he had in a long time.

"Okay, Tom," said Kitty. "Let's calm dow- WOAH!" Tom began pushing the tray with all his might, to the point where Kitty wasn't even helping anymore. She was being carried away like a bird's prey.

[static]

"So apparently, Tom is a lot stronger when he's really motivated," Kitty observed. "And apparently he gets really motivated when he's mad at Jen. So, that's... good?" She rested her head on her chin. "Hoo, boy. This is gonna be a long season".

[static]

Brick jogged alongside Jen and Gwen with his own share of the load. "Always a good day for a morning jog," he remarked.

"I disagree!" Gwen panted.

"Since I'm the leader, can I suggest that we do this relay style?" Jen asked her friends. "You know, just pass the equipment up to each other?"

"I second that!"

"Come on, Gaffers!" Brick encouraged them. "You've just gotta get some energy in you. That's all!"

"Really?" asked Gwen. "Cause Cody's usually pretty energetic and look at him now".

They all looked behind them to see Cody had fallen behind and was short of breath. "You guys... just keep... going..." he wheezed. "I'll... catch... Oh, god, I taste colors!" He fell to his knees but DJ grabbed him and his equipment and carried them up the hill.

Meanwhile, Tom had pushed the tray of props all the way up the hill, although Kitty didn't stop hanging on for dear life. "Am I dead?" she squeaked.

Tom fell to his knees. "Oh, my god," he panted. "That was the most I've run in my whole life!"

Tom's breather was interrupted by a certain ice dancer's smug chuckle. "Looks like you may not have the physical prowess to lead this team," Jacques said as he approached the other boy, en pointe. "But I must admit that you are no dummy".

Tom got back to his feet and crossed his arms. "Like I need you to tell me the bleeding obvious".

"‘Bleeding obvious’? Do you know how much it took for me to compliment another person?"

"That was a compliment?" Kitty asked in disbelief.

"Look, I chose you because you're willing to take things a bit further than anyone else," Tom admitted. "But if you're just going to act all pompous again, then you can get your tight butt in the Lame-O-Sine".

Jacques tried not to let the attempted threat get to him. But he already knew that he would be on the chopping block the moment the team was up for elimination. No one was happy that he was around. Despite Stephanie's war path from last season, they'd all take her over him in a heartbeat. So now, he had to play his cards right. "I am not here to gloat". That was a lie. Even if Jacques was saving orphans from a burning building, he'd be doing it to gloat. "If you want me to take things a step further than everyone else, then wouldn't it be beneficial if I was, say, your right-hand man?"

Tom raised an eyebrow. "So what? Are you suggesting an alliance?"

"Maybe," said Jacques. "I am just saying that I am good at sabotage and physical challenges. You are smart and vastly underestimated. Together, you and I could lead this team to victory and crush Josee into the dirt!" He began laughing maniacally while Tom and Kitty watched him, looking unamused. Jacques realized his error and cleared his throat. "Did I say Josee? I meant Je-"

"Yeah, I've heard enough," Tom said. "Let's get back to the challenge, Frenchy".

"But I-"

During their conversation, Stephanie had run up the hill and placed her stuff down. Then, she ran over to Jacques and shoved him down the hill. "Get back to work!"

Jacques tumbled down the steep hill, screaming the whole time. At the bottom of the hill, Harold was flexing to try and impress Leshawna. Unfortunately, Jacques rolled down and collided with Harold, leading to both of them lying on the ground in pain.

[static]

"When it was me and Josee, she came up with a majority of the ideas and treated me like a sidekick!" Jacques vented. "Well, no more! If I cannot get someone smart like Tom to be my partner, then I will find a dumb monkey to do all the work for me whilst I come up with the ideas". He stroked his chin in thought. "Now, to find a dumb monkey who would want to work with me".

[static]

When everyone was back at the bottom of the hill, Chris began barking at them through his megaphone again. "It's neck and neck, people! And now for the heavy stuff!"

The ‘heavy stuff’ were the two new trailers. While the Screaming Gaffers didn't contain the heaviest hitters, they had their fair share of muscle. "Alright, here's how we're gonna do this!" Jen exclaimed with a clap of her hands. She pointed to two of the boys. "Brick and DJ, you pull!" She pointed to two of the girls. "Anne Maria and Sammy, you push! Let's go, go go!"

A few minutes later, Sammy and Anne Maria were pushing the trailer up the hill while Brick was pulling it. DJ was right next to his boyfriend but he wasn't really making any movement. If anything, he was getting pulled along with the trailer. It didn't take a detective to notice it. "What's wrong?" Brick asked. "Are you tired?"

"Well, ya ain't the only one!" Anne Maria called from behind. "Now get to pulling!"

DJ stuttered and stammered before he could finally respond. "I can't really explain it". He could but there were cameras on him. "But I feel like I'm always on edge. Like someone's out to get me. I mean, what if that someone snips the trailer and it rolls down and hurts someone? I don't wanna do that".

While the others seemed annoyed, Brick was very concerned. "DJ, I don't wanna pry but you're starting to worry me".

"I'm sorry, man," DJ said with a defeated sigh. "But I don't think I can do this right n-"

"HEY, DJ!" Sammy shouted, startling everyone.

"Uh... yeah?"

"Y'ALL READY TO STOP?"

"...No?"

"AND Y'ALL WANNA KNOW WHY?"

To Brick's delight, DJ smiled and got caught up in the hype. "WHY?" he chanted back at Sammy.

"CAUSE IT'S THE SLAM JAM!" Sammy and DJ shouted in unison. DJ kept singing along as he began pulling the trailer with Brick.

Anne Maria looked over at Sammy with great confusion. "The heck was that?"

Sammy beamed. "Cheerleading!"

[static]

"I don't even know what a ‘slam jam’ is,” Sammy admitted. "But that song always gets everyone pumped up at the basketball games so I decided to give it a shot. Turns out, it always works!"

[static]

As for the Killer Grips, they were merely pushing the trailer but the sheer brute force on their team was enough to get the job done nonetheless. Jasmine, Rodney, Stephanie and Jacques were pushing the trailer with all their might. They were sweating and grunting the whole time as they partook in a literal uphill battle.

However, after a few minutes of Jacques leaning against the trailer with all his might, he opened his eyes and just... stopped. He stopped pushing the trailer and stopped moving all together. Meanwhile, Rodney, Jasmine and Stephanie kept on pushing. They didn't even seem to notice that Jacques had stopped helping them. They didn't have to put in any more effort than they already were and the momentum didn't decrease one bit. Jacques just watched them as they exited the shot.

[static]

"I'll be honest," said Jacques. "I do not think I was propelling that thing forward at all".

[static]

"Looks like things are still at a draw," Chris dictated to the camera. "Will the slam jam be enough to push the Screaming Gaffers to victory?"

"Come on and slam!" Sammy and DJ sang. "And welcome to the jam!"

"Tune in after the break to find out!"

Fade back to Chris McLean. "Welcome back! We're in the middle of some pretty wild action right now".

The Screaming Gaffers were still pushing and pulling their trailer up the hill. Sammy and DJ were still belting out the Space Jam theme to the annoyance of some and the confusion of others.

"So they just know the whole song by heart?" Gwen asked as she and a few others walked beside them.

"You don't?" asked Harold.

Suddenly, there was a loud rumbling noise. It almost sounded like rocks falling. DJ began taking deep breaths to try and keep himself calm. Brick and Sammy tried to do the same. "No need to panic, everyone," Dawn said, calmly. "I'm sure it's nothing more than a trick to-"

"AVALANCHE!" Anne Maria shouted. She stopped pushing and ran down the hill. Apparently, she was doing a majority of the heavy work, considering the trailer began sliding downhill the moment she let go. Brick and DJ got pulled along with it. All the team members ran for dear life. Sammy landed on her back and nearly got run over but the wheels thankfully never touched her.

[static]

Sammy looked traumatized. "I watched my entire life flash before my eyes!" Her face melted from a look of shock to one of apathy. "It was nothing to write home about, honestly".

[static]

But despite the silver lining of Sammy or anyone else not getting crushed by a runaway trailer, the Screaming Gaffers still didn't have much in the way of celebrating. They were barely tied with the Killer Grips before but they had just fallen behind by a significant margin.

Towards the top of the hill, the Grips were still on their trek with Jasmine, Rodney and Stephanie hard at work. It turned out that Dawn was correct. The sound of rocks falling was a trick. How could it not be? It was a fake hill. Then again, if anyone were to throw boulders down a fake hill, it would be Chris McLean. But it was Beardo behind the noises. Once again, he had used his inhuman skills for a juvenile prank, one that gave his team a huge lead.

"Not gonna lie," said Leshawna. "I really didn't think that would work".

"Your sweet tooth for mischief making is admirable," said Jacques. "Would you, perhaps, consider working with a partner this season to-" Beardo made an ‘incorrect’ buzzer noise before Jacques could even finish asking. The human soundboard began walking faster so that he didn't have to walk beside Jacques, who muttered several French curses under his breath.

[static]

"One of these days, we're gonna learn to stop falling for Beardo's tricks," said Brick. "One of these days".

[static]

While the Screaming Gaffers found themselves back at the bottom of the hill, the Killer Grips had finally reached the top. The ten of them all celebrated upon reaching their victory. "We won!" Kitty cheered. "We actually won!"

"How do you like that, fools?!" Leshawna shouted from above. "We! Are! The! Winners!"

Chris poked his head into frame. "Well, not exactly," he said.

The Grips ceased their celebration as all the energy they had was suddenly taken away from them by the joy vacuum that was Chris McLean. "Pardon?" asked Jacques.

"Yeah, that was only the first part of the challenge," the host continued. "Did I forget to mention that?"

"You did, actually," said Rodney, causing all of his teammates to groan.

Cut to later and all twenty of the contestants were at the top of the hill. However, only one of the two teams had a trailer. On the fake hill were two smaller sets. One set was meant to look like the interior of a house filled with various antiques. This was where the Killer Grips stood. "It's time to make a movie!" Chris narrated. "And what we've got here is the set for a tearjerker, starring an elderly lady considering her long life".

"Boring!" Stephanie jeered.

"It's dry, it's generic and it's been done," Tom criticized.

"I think it sounds pretty engaging, actually," Shawn said, mindlessly. He then noticed that all his teammates were looking at him, surprised. "I mean, uh, sounds lame. Wake me when we're making a cool movie!"

The other set was meant to imitate the office of someone's large home. This was where the Screaming Gaffers stood. Understandably, they all seemed a bit dejected. "I can't believe we don't have a trailer," Cody huffed.

"Ugh, I soooo cannot apply makeup without vanity lighting," Jen whined. "This is gonna be a nightmare!"

"And to think," said Gwen. "We were so close to winning". She and nearly everyone else on the team shot a nasty look at Anne Maria, who was filing her nails and didn't notice a single thing happening around her.

"Now, now, we can't just blame everything on one person," DJ was quick to say. Perhaps a little too quick.

Chris turned to the Screaming Gaffers. "You'll be making a feature about a thug who tries to go straight but can't resist the lure of the street," he told them.

"Lame," Gwen remarked.

"Oh, boy," Mike said, sarcastically. "We're Scorsese copycats now".

Sammy raised her hand. "Um, excuse me? Are we gonna have a break to eat?"

Chris blinked upon hearing this, as if she was asking some sort of unreasonably fantastic request. "Are we gonna what?"

"We've been working for eight hours," Harold chimed in. "And union rules are clear that you're legally obligated to give us a meal break".

Chris raised an eyebrow. "Oh, yeah? Who here is in the union?"

No one raised their hand or said anything. Except for Harold. "Well, I’m in a u-"

"That’s what I thought".

[static]

"When Emma went through the whole contract with me, she pointed out that it never said anything about feeding us three times a day," Kitty recounted. "I remember telling her something like 'Oh, no one would be so cruel that they wouldn't feed us!'". She laughed before letting out a depressed sigh. "I hate it here".

[static]

"And now it's time to choose an actor to perform a scene". Chris turned to Chef, who was carrying two first class envelopes. "Chef, give the teams their scenes".

Chef shoved one of the envelopes into Jen's arms and the other into Tom's. Tom didn't even open the envelope before he began to direct his teammates. "Alright, Grips! The movie we're making is called The Goats of Yesteryear. We're gonna need an old lady!"

Sierra gasped with recognition upon hearing the name. She raised her hand and jumped in the air to get Tom's attention, even though she was the second tallest girl on the team. "Ooh, Chris was in that movie! He was the grandson! I've seen that movie so many times! I know it inside and out! You've gotta let me do it!"

"I could maybe do it," Jasmine shrugged. "I mean, I've spent long enough around Chester".

"What if I did it?" Kitty asked. "I can do a perfect impression of my Lola. Watch!" She hunched over, pretended to hold onto an invisible cane and spoke in an ancient tone. "‘Oh, Kitrina, you're too skinny! You need to eat!’"

"Actually," Leshawna spoke up. "Have y'all ever noticed how abnormally skinny some of the girls here are?"

"And how come the set only has three walls?" Rodney asked.

Jacques, being Jacques, quickly got fed up with everyone and what they had to say. "Oh, can we all cease this useless yammering already?! We all want this day to end so can you just decide on who will be the old lady?!"

At that moment, Stephanie shoved Jacques out from the rest of them. "Alright, Tom," she said. "We've found our old lady!"

Everyone else applauded Jacques for ‘volunteering’. The ice dancer, of course, had his reservations about this idea. "I cannot be the old lady!" he protested. "I am not even a woman!"

Tom pretended to wipe away a tear. "Oh, wonderful! You're already so believable in the role!" He snapped his fingers. "Alright, Grips! Let's get to work!"

While nearly everyone else walked off so that they could be assigned their various jobs, Jacques stayed where he was and continued to protest. "Don't ignore me! Just because I'm a performer does not mean that I am also an actor! Do you want to lose the challenge?!"

Stephanie, who also hadn't left, put on a teasing grin upon hearing Jacques' question. "So you're saying that we're basically guaranteed to lose today because of you?"

Jacques thought about this for a moment before giving Stephanie an unamused glare. "You just love making things miserable for me don't you?"

"It's what gets me out of bed in the morning".

Meanwhile, Jen was reading the label on the front of the envelope, which contained the name of the script. "Okay, so we're making something called Big Lucky Parmesano".

Anne Maria scoffed at this. "Parmesano? What, are we on a cooking show now?"

"The name doesn’t matter," Gwen said. "We need somebody for our tough guy role".

"Don't expect DJ to be a tough guy," Chef butted in. "That's for sure".

Everyone looked over to notice that Chef Hatchet was still standing beside them and giving opinions that nobody asked for. Brick comforted DJ as tears formed in his eyes. Cody finally said what everyone else was thinking. "What are you still doing here?"

"WHAT IS YOUR FACE DOING HERE?!" Chef shouted at Cody before running off, greatly confusing nearly everyone on the team. Only DJ and the all-knowing Dawn knew what was happening. But that's a story for later.

"Well, ignoring whatever that was," said Mike. "Where are we gonna find someone to act out the scene?" He tapped his head in thought, murmuring "Think, think, think" to himself before he looked up and noticed everyone was staring at him. "What?"

"You're kidding, right?" asked Gwen.

"Mike, you're an actor," Brick reminded him. "And you were a tough guy on the island for over a week too".

"A hot tough guy," Anne Maria said before biting her bottom lip.

Mike rubbed the back of his head. "I'm not so sure, you guys. I mean, I like doing my characters but I already did one last episode. I don't wanna lean too heavily on them. Again".

Sammy was having conflicting feelings about this. Jasmine literally referred to Mike's desire to hop back into one of his characters as ‘jonesing’. She didn't want to throw her boyfriend back into something he could easily be lost in. On the other hand... "Mike, you're probably the only one who can do this".

Mike knew he couldn't resist Sammy's pleas. He nodded with determination and proclaimed "Let's make a movie!" much to everyone's delight.

Chris began talking to everyone through his megaphone again. "All right, set up the shot! Whoever can get the most emotion out of Mr. Ex-Army Corporal, Chef Hatchet, wins the challenge". Chef walked over to a director's chair and threw on a pair of headphones before leaning close to the camera and growling.

Cut to Jacques wearing a bonnet and standing in the Grips set while Kitty and Tom applied make-up to him. Jacques didn't look very happy about the mess he'd been thrown into. "Oh, come on!" he whined. "How much longer is this going to take?!"

"Shut your mouth and hold your horses!" Kitty shouted at the ice dancer before sharing a laugh with Tom. "Performers, am I right?"

"I know, right?" said Tom. "You do the lead in one play and suddenly the whole world revolves around you".

Just then, a boom mic appeared beside Jacques. "Sound is ready," said Beardo. The camera panned over to reveal that he was the one holding the mic and was wearing headphones to pick up the sound. "Give me a level".

Because the usually spiteful Jacques was feeling significantly more spiteful than usual, he took a deep breath and shouted "TESTING!" into the mic as loud as he could. This caused the headphones to shake around Beardo's head, much to Jacques' amusement.

Over at the Gaffers set, a certain someone was buckling down and taking charge. Naturally, that someone was Jen Gwen. "Okay, people! Let's get this done!" She pointed to Dawn and Harold. "You two are on lighting," she said, exciting the two of them. She pointed to Cody and Brick. "You two are on sound". Brick saluted Gwen while Cody pretended to do a power riff. She pointed to Anne Maria and DJ. "You're both on make-up". Neither of them looked surprised by this. She pointed with Sammy. "And you're gonna help Mike run lines".

Jen, the team's leader, approached Gwen. "Okay, Gwen, I love this whole power trip you're on. You're so fierce".

"Thank you".

"Of course. But also, like, I'm the team leader, so I'm wondering if maybe-"

Gwen smacked herself on the forehead. "Right. Yes. Sorry about that, Jen. So, like, what do you want me to do? You want me to do make-up or sound or-"

Jen's eyes widened. "Um, I'm hair and make-up, obviously!" She walked over to Anne Maria and DJ. "Scooch over, you two! We're a team of three now!"

Meanwhile, Mike was pacing back and forth as he kept looking through the script. Sammy, who felt a bit guilty for asking Mike to do something he was unsure about, hopped onto the set and approached her boyfriend. "Hey, Mike? Are you okay?"

Mike looked up from the script. "Huh? Oh, yeah. Yeah, I'm fine". He seemed a bit more nervous than he usually did. Sammy definitely didn't remember being this nervous before the talent show from season one. "I just... Well, it's... This script is kinda weird, ya know?"

"I think so?" Sammy, in fact, didn't know because she hadn't actually looked through the script. Mike was the only one who had. "Can I look at it?"

She reached over to try and take the script from Mike. However, the theatre kid yanked it away from her very suddenly, startling her. "Ah, you know what? I'm probably just overthinking things. I'm gonna go get some air," he said, even though he was on a set that was outside and not in an enclosed studio.

Sammy had no idea how to feel as her boyfriend walked off. "Oh. Uh... Okay?"

Mike hid behind the set and leaned against the wall, surprised to find that Jasmine was doing the same against the wall of the Grips set. "Oh, hey," he greeted.

"Hey, Mike," she greeted back. "I take it you got picked for the challenge?"

"Pretty much. You?"

Jasmine chuckled as a response. "Oh, god, no. I just wanted to give this thing a once-over". She looked down and briefly skimmed some of the lines. "It's kinda weird, though".

"Tell me about it," Mike said, walking up to her. "I mean, listen to this-"

However, before we hear anymore of what Mike had to say, we cut to DJ standing next to Chef in his director's chair as they had a heated discussion. "For the last time, Chef," said DJ. "The answer's no!"

"I'm offering to do you a favor here, boy!" Chef argued. "You need to start toughening up! I mean, you got put on make-up duty-"

"My mama always told me I had a flair for applying her church makeup. It just makes sense".

"Forget about what your mama taught you!" Chef said in hushed anger. "You're never gonna make it out there in the real world without someone like me in your corner! Now, I'm offering to help you win that million if you just man up for once!"

DJ didn't respond instantly. It was almost as if he was actually considering Chef's honor. But he decided to do the tough thing and stand his ground. "No, Chef. I'm not doing this. It ain't right". With that, he stormed off.

However, Chef still seemed undeterred by the whole thing. "He'll be back," he said to himself. "It's an offer he can't refuse. I won't let him".

As DJ walked away from Chef, he came upon Jasmine and Mike showing each other their scripts and having some sort of debate. He hid so they didn't see him but he also couldn't hear them. DJ could only trust his eyes on this. Jasmine seemed a bit unconvinced by what Mike was saying to her but after a few more words from Mike, she began to laugh. With that, they shook hands and returned to set.

[static]

"Now what was that all about?" DJ asked.

[static]

Later, Sierra was finally reading the script that had been given to them after retrieving it from Jasmine. She looked at it and recognized every single word. The problem? It was every single word from a very different script. "This can't be right," she quietly observed.

As her eyes searched every word, Jacques stood beside her. He was tapping his foot, impatiently, as he waited for her to finish whatever it was she was doing so she could actually go over the lines with him. "How long is this going to take?" he groaned. "At this rate, I actually will be old by the time this is all over".

"I just don't get it," Sierra remarked. "The envelope said it was the script for The Goats of Yesteryear but-"

"Look!" Jacques interrupted her, finally reaching his limit. "Is this a script to a movie you know inside and out?"

"Um, of course! Chris was in it!"

"Then, let us go over the lines again!"

Sierra wanted to try and get a word in once more but decided to back down. After all, someone was asking her to run lines from a Chris McLean movie with her. So why pass up the opportunity even if it wasn't what she was expecting. "Alright," she said. "I want you to say these lines just like how Damien Drake said them. Now... Once more, with feeling!"

[static]

"For some reason, we got the script for Big Lucky Parmesano instead of The Goats of Yesteryear," Sierra explained. "But it doesn't matter. Jacques still said the lines exactly like I directed him to".

[static]

Cut to after Sierra and Jacques were finished running lines. "Alright," said Sierra. "You did it exactly like I directed you to. You're ready!"

"Ugh, finally!" Jacques groaned. "I feel like it took forever for my cadence to be good enough to your liking".

Meanwhile, Leshawna was adjusting the spotlight so that it hit Jacques just perfectly. She looked down at one point and saw Rodney walking by, not really minding his surroundings. To her horror, she saw that he was about to trip on one of the wires and ruin the lighting. "Hey!" she shouted down at them. "Watch where you're going down there!"

Rodney looked up at Leshawna and froze before looking down and noticing the plug for the light that he nearly tripped on. He carefully stepped around it, avoiding disaster. "Thanks, Leshawna!" he called up as he walked away. Unfortunately, he still wasn't really minding his surroundings so he ended up walking into Jacques. This caused the ice dancer to trip backwards and continue to fall back until he got tangled up in a different set of wires.

[static]

Jacques was still tangled up in wires and he didn't look happy. "That stupid farm-boy! Rodney is such a dumb monkey of a man that he-" Jacques froze and his eyes widened with realization. "Lightbulb," he droned.

[static]

"And now, it's time for the final hair and makeup!" Chris announced through the megaphone.

The Gaffers didn't have an actual make-up trailer to work with after the ‘avalanche’ so DJ, Anne Maria and Jen were left to their own devices. They sat Mike down and went to work. "Ugh, this light is just appalling," DJ complained. "How am I supposed to work without a proper trailer and lighting?"

"I know, right?" Jen agreed. "I mean, this is just ridiculous!"

"Ay, Mikey," said Anne Maria. "Lift ya chin up a bit, okay?"

Mike did just that as he tried to get into character. A character that was somewhat similar to Vito. "Sure thing, toots," he said in his heavy Italian-American accent. Anne Maria blushed and giggled in response.

Sammy also laughed at the whole thing... until she noticed Dawn standing beside her, looking rather cross. "Everything okay, Dawn?" No response. Just a frown. "Okay, then". She took a few steps away from the blonde hippie.

[static]

Dawn looked less than pleased with herself. "My aura is beginning to match the color of my sweater. That isn't good. I should work on that".

[static]

Meanwhile, in the Grips make-up trailer, we see a close-up of the artist who was putting the finishing touches on Jacques' look. That artist was Shawn. He was applying make-up and blush. "A little bit of this. Some of that over here. And one more thing..." He pulled a loose hair that was sticking out of Jacques' bonnet, causing the ice dancer to wince in pain. Shawn looked at his human canvas and did a chef's kiss. "Perfect. Now you look just like an old lady".

Shawn stepped out of the way and we continue to see Jacques' POV as he saw his reflection in the mirror. It was actually pretty good. It was nothing on the levels of Rick Baker but it was solid considering that none of them were Hollywood-level make-up artists. Jacques didn't look ‘exactly like an old lady’ or even like a lady but the make-up was convincing enough. Although, he seemed to disagree. "No," he said. "I do not look exactly like an old lady!" Shawn looked disappointed. "Because old ladies do not look this good," he said smugly. Shawn smiled with pride.

The make-up, lighting, sound and lines were all done to perfection. Everything was in the hands of the actors now as the crew scattered away and Jacques and Mike took to the center of their respective sets. Chris and Chef sat next to each other in their director's chairs, ready to dish some harsh judgement.

"Oh, what heights I will hit," Jacques whispered to himself.

"On with the show," Mike whispered to himself. "This is it".

Chris pulled out the clapperboard yet again. "And... action!"

Mike, wearing a pinstripe suit and fedora, went first and began speaking in his Vito voice. "When I was a young schoolgirl in Poland, frolicking through my fields with my pet goat in da summer sun, those were my happiest days".

The Screaming Gaffers were completely aghast as they watched Mike's performance. "What in the New Jersey is he doing?" asked Jen.

"Sammy, I thought you ran lines with him," said Brick.

"I did!" Sammy defended herself. "This was the script he was reading. Honest!"

[static]

DJ was lost in thought. "Mike didn't... switch scripts with the other team, did he?"

[static]

Jacques, holding himself up on a cane, began to give his performance. "Now, you listen and you listen good!" he said with gumption. "If your fighter doesn't go down in the first round, you'll be sleeping with the fishes!"

"This is the movie you know inside and out?" Stephanie asked Sierra.

"I know more than one movie inside and out!" Sierra clarified.

Meanwhile, Mike was still committing to his performance, even if he had been grossly miscast. "I've lived a good, long life! I've loved, I've laughed... But what I miss most of all is my sweet little goat!" Tears formed in his eyes. Oh, Shopa! Baa! Baa!"

Several of the Gaffers began tearing up, although Cody was full on sobbing. Chris and Chef also got choked up as well. "Lookie there," said Anne Maria. "He made Chef cry. We are so gonna win this thing!"

But the Grips weren't done yet. Jacques still had more lines to go through. "Now, I know you may think that I am weak!" he said. "You might think I've gone soft! But the truth is I was never soft. For you see, the tough life is but a siren... and I could never resist her sweet, sweet song".

Chris wasn't as moved by Jacques' performance as he was Mike's. Chef on the other hand got to his feet and began applauding. "Bravo!" Chef cried. "Bravo!"

"Woah, a standing ovation from the Chef man!" Chris said. "I think we have a clear winner here today: The Killer Grips!"

The Grips all cheered over their victory while Jacques began bowing. The Gaffers were all shocked and severely let down. Mike seemed to be the most downtrodden by all this. "You okay, man?" Harold asked him.

Mike rolled the fedora down his arm like Fred Astaire and then held it up to his chest. "Baa," Mike said. He closed his eyes and let his head down in disappointment. "Baa".

[static]

"Many assume that I am dainty and fragile just by looking at me, only to realize just how nasty I am," said Jacques. "I saw a lot of myself in the character. No wonder I was so impressive today".

[static]

"I've gotta admit," said Chef. "I saw a lot of myself in that character. Someone soft trying not to be all tough. That's what I'm see in DJ right now. But overtime, I stopped trying not to be tough! I knew who I was and I developed the macho in me all by myself! Now, I'm gonna give DJ the help I never had. Just you wait..."

[static]

Later in the day, Kitty had stormed into the boys trailer and began dragging Tom outside. "Stop shoving!" he protested. But it was no use. Kitty effortlessly pushed Tom out of the trailer, where he was greeted by Dawn and Jen.

"Last season, we all learned that we should always listen to Dawn," said Kitty. "Always! So you and Jen are gonna stop all this petty cat-fighting so you can listen to what she has to say!"

Tom crossed his arms. "Fine".

Jen crossed her arms. "Fine".

Dawn stepped in between the two of them. "You both seemed to have a good control of your emotions until Chris brought up the blog," she began. "I know that this isn't just an issue of who was the brains behind the operation".

"I was," said Tom.

"You wish!" Jen snapped.

"Quiet!" Kitty shouted over them. "Dawn, please continue".

"Thank you," said Dawn. "What I was saying was that this whole debate seems to stem from some sort of unspoken fear. Perhaps you're afraid that if one admits to having more power over the blog, then that person will admit to not needing the other. Thus, this debate is nothing more than the fear of your friendship ending".

Tom scoffed at this. "Why would I be afraid of Jen leaving? I'm doing perfectly fine without her".

Jen gasped. "Keep in mind you're talking to the girl who won last season!"

"And you're talking to the boy who led his team to victory!"

"Then, I guess we don't really need each other, do we?!"

"I guess not!"

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

Tom and Jen turned around, stormed back into their respective trailers and slammed the door behind them. An annoyed Kitty plopped down beside a seemingly indifferent Dawn. "Sorry, Dawn," she said. "We tried our best".

To Kitty's surprise, Dawn smiled at her. "Do not fret, Kitty. The tea leaves said that this will all sort itself out and end happily. We just have to wait it out".

"Or you could just ignore it until then".

"I wish I could but I can only ignore one person at a time".

[static]

"It takes an intense amount of focus in order to ignore a person's aura," Dawn explained. "As such, I can only do it with a single person and I already am. I won't say with who, though".

[static]

Cut to that night, as the Gilded Chris theme sounded out and the intro began to play. But don't worry. The author isn't going to go into detail about the intro every single time. They don't even want to. So let's just skip to the ceremony itself. Jazzy music played as Chris walked out on stage. It was revealed that Chef was doing all the music for the ceremony. Thankfully, that meant he wasn't in a dress that was not his color at all.

"And now it's your turn to cast your votes and determine who will stroll down the Walk of Shame" said Chris. Everyone on the Gaffers grimaced as the got another good look at the rundown limousine that was their chariot away from the show. "Under your seats, you'll find your voting devices. Just press the button of the person you want voted off. It's easy. So, cast your votes. Who will it be? Who will be cast off the set?"

Chef did a drumroll as everyone scrolled through the voting device and saw their faces on the screen. Eventually, everyone made their choice and Chef ceased his drumroll so he could put emphasis on an ancient printing machine that took forever to do its job. Once it was finally done, Chef tore the paper out and gave it to Chris.

"And it looks like all the votes have been cast," the host said. "Remember, if you get a Gilded Chris, you get to stay, because rather suitably, the Gilded Chris represents the luster of fame and immortal greatness!" Chris laughed at this remark but no one else did. "And the first Gilded Chris goes to... Jen!" The fashionista happily caught her chocolate award.

"Brick"

"Cody"

"DJ"

"Dawn"

Dawn caught the award but grimaced again because it was still chocolate underneath the gold foiled wrapping.

"Harold"

"Sammy"

"Gwen"

There was only one Gilded Chris award left but there were two people who had yet to receive one. Anna Maria and Mike both looked very nervous. "The final Gilded Chris of the evening goes to..."

...

...

...

...

"Anne Maria"

Anne Maria caught her award and did a not-terribly-good dance to celebrate. "Sorry, Mikey," she said. "But it's time to g-" She turned to Mike, only to find him with his hair slicked back and his shirt taken off. "Oh, my god..."

"Yo, who's Mikey?" asked ‘Vito’. "Da name's Vito!"

Chef rolled his eyes. "Not this again," he grumbled.

"Mike," said an impatient Chris. "This bit is dead. Get in the Lame-o-sine!"

"Sorry, Chris," Sammy said with a shrug. "But Mike's not here anymore. It's only Vito".

"What Blondie said," said ‘Vito’.

"You got a pen on you?" an unamused Chris asked Chef. Chef pulled out a pen, which Chris took so he could scribble out Mike's name. "It says ‘Vito’ now, okay? Not ‘Mike’. ‘Vito’. You're out. And you can't come back. Ever!"

"Aight," ‘Vito' shrugged. With that, he made his way down the Walk of Shame and entered the Lame-o-sine, which carried him off to wherever it had taken Rock and Dakota.

DJ felt a bit guilty as he watched everything unfold. Even if he wasn't entirely sure what Jasmine and Mike were talking about and he wasn't the only one who voted, he still couldn't help but feel responsible for Mike's elimination. He scooted a bit closer to Sammy and put a hand on her shoulder. "Sorry about that, girl," he said. "I know he means a lot to you".

Sammy let out a sigh. "It's okay".

To DJ's surprise, Sammy didn't seem all that upset. In fact, she seemed indifferent to it all. "Are you good?"

"I'm just in shock," said Sammy. DJ left it at that, even if he wasn't entirely convinced by what she had said.

The Votes

[static]

"I seriously think we could've won that challenge if we had a make-up trailer," said Jen. "Sorry, Anne Maria".

[static]

"This is always my least favorite part," said Brick. "But I vote for Anne Maria".

[static]

"Thought for sure we had the challenge in the bag with Mike," said Cody. "Maybe he's just a bit rusty".

[static]

"I was gonna vote for Anne Maria," said DJ. "But after what I saw Mike doing, I can't help but feel like he's up to something".

[static]

"Anne Maria may have given us a sizable disadvantage," said Dawn. "But I could never vote for her".

[static]

"Sorry, Mike but I guess you're not ready for the silver screen," said Harold. "I recommend film camp for the future".

[static]

"I'm voting for Anne Maria," Sammy said before trying and failing to stifle a laugh. "Sorry, I was just thinking of something funny Mike told me earlier".

[static]

"On one hand, I don't think he could've won with the script mix-up," said Gwen. "On the other hand, if he knew something was up, he should've said something".

[static]

"I thought I heard an avalanche!" Anne Maria argued. "Why's that so hard to believe?! Anyway, I vote for Mike".

[static]

Mike laughed like he knew something no one else did. "That wasn't my final performance. I vote for Anne Maria".

[static]

Chapter Text

~Recap~

"Last time on Total Drama Action... It was the story of two best friends. They had each other's backs since childhood. So naturally, I forced them to compete against each other in separate teams. The two of them managed to keep power couple, Gwen and Kitty on opposing sides. Tom got his fair share of heavy hitters. Jen got Harold. And Jacques got pushed down a mountain. We also gained a bit more insight into why DJ feels like Chef's out to get him. And while Mike had previously proven himself to have incredible thespian skills, Jacques managed to act his team to victory. It made Chef laugh and cry and it made the Gaffers vote Mike off. But he didn't leave until I wrote ‘Vito’ on the ballot. Doesn't matter, though. He's out either way! Will Tom and Jen manage to fixed their crumbling bond? Will Rodney ever learn that they're called ‘hashbrowns’? Will my nonfat vanilla soy latte ever get here? All the answers, uh... answered... right now in another tear-jerking episode of... Total! Drama! Action!"

~Theme Song~

Fade in on the Craft Services Tent, where we see Chef Hatchet serving breakfast to the contestants. It... certainly looked like meat. So it had to be food, right? Kitty gagged upon being given her serving. "Guess I'm on an involuntary diet this season," she sighed.

"And here I was thinking about eating more," Tom said with a grimace.

"More for me then," said Leshawna.

"You actually like eating this slop?" asked Kitty.

"Heck, no! I just don't wanna slim down. I mean, look at me!"

"Oh, we'd never ask that of you," said Tom. "Never change, honey".

At the Gaffers table, Gwen and Jen were stomaching their brownish slop while Dawn sat across from them, frozen once more. Jen looked up from her food and noticed something that pulled her out of her mundane morning. "Hey, Gwen," she said, elbowing the goth. "Check it out. Anne Maria's coming".

"And?" the goth questioned.

"Just watch!"

Once again, Anne Maria came over carrying two trays of food. She set one of them down on the table and the other in front of Dawn, who sprung back to life. "Bacon for me. And facon for you, greenie". Anne Maria laughed at her own pun. "Ya get it? It's like bacon but it ain't bacon".

Gwen rolled her eyes, not at the pun but at the facon itself. "Vegan food's fine. Why have it pretend to be meat?"

"I agree that it's not a product of an ideal world," said Dawn. "But I appreciate the tofu breakfast anyway. Thank you, Anne Maria".

"Ya welcome!" Anne Maria said.

Jen and Gwen exchanged knowing smiles. "See?" the fashionista asked. "I told you it was interesting".

"Oh, it's interesting, all right," said the goth.

[static]

"I think Anne Maria's always had a more caring side than she's let on," said Dawn. "But it's been a joy seeing her go out of her way for me lately. It could be a real sign of growth". Dawn's eyes widened. "I mean, it is a real sign of growth. Because I saw it in her aura". Dawn then gagged because she typically wasn't a fan of lying.

[static]

Not too long after, Gwen, Jen and Anne Maria had shuffled over to another end of the table where DJ, Brick and Harold were sitting. Dawn was left on her end with Sammy. "And then they walked off," DJ quietly said to his teammates. "I'm not sure if Mike switched the scripts with Jasmine but the whole thing smelled pretty fishy to me".

"I don't know," said Jen. "It doesn't sound like something Mike would do".

"Maybe he let the whole acting thing get to his head," said Gwen. "Thought he could do both at the same time or something like that".

Cody, who had joined them without anyone noticing, spoke up. "Gwen's ri-"

Gwen let out a hushed curse after getting startled by Cody suddenly materializing next to her before instinctively smacking him in the face with her tray. "Cody!" Gwen scolded as the geek fell to the ground. "I thought we talked about this!"

"Right," Cody weakly said from the floor. "My bad".

"Mike did warn us that he didn't want to rely too heavily on his characters," Harold added. "Maybe we put too much pressure on him".

Cody raised his hand so that he was visible to the others. "I second that".

"I say, who cares," Anne Maria remarked. "We voted that bozo off and he can't screw us over anymore".

"That still doesn't change how uncharacteristic it'd be for him," said Brick. "Sammy did say that the script was given to us like that. Maybe we have Dawn try to see if she's telling the truth?"

On the other end of the table, Sammy was finishing telling Dawn some kind of secret. "And no matter what, you can't tell anyone yet," Sammy whispered. "I'm only talking to you about it because I figured that you already knew".

"It's true," Dawn admitted. "I did already know".

At the Grips table, Jacques sat down beside Rodney, who was eating alone. Jacques knew that Rodney wasn't the brightest bulb amongst them. In fact, he was probably the least intelligent member of the cast. It was that reason that Jacques found Rodney to be the perfect candidate for someone to boss around. The henchman to his own mastermind villain. "Hello, dear friend of mine," Jacques said as he sat beside the farm-boy.

Rodney stopped his chewing upon hearing Jacques' greeting. "We're friends?" he asked with a mouthful of food, much to Jacques' disgust.

The ice dancer tried his best to soldier on despite this. "Of course we are! And since we're friends, I can tell you that I am looking for someone smart and capable to partner with this season and I think you might be the perfect choice".

Rodney swallowed his food. "I am?"

"Of course you are!" Jacques lied through his teeth. "In fact, I would say you are-"

"Hey, Rodney!" Sierra suddenly proclaimed as she plopped herself down beside him. "How are you doing?"

"Doing great!" Rodney answered with a smile, completing ignoring his conversation with Jacques. "How about you?"

"Oh, this is like Chris McLean heaven to me! OMG, Jacques you killed it as Big Lucky during the last challenge!"

"Yes, thank you," said a frustrated Jacques. "Now, as I was saying-"

"Rodney, have you seen that movie? My mom showed it to me when I was three and that's why I'm desensitized to violence and gore! But it pretty much changed my life!" Sierra continued her long spiel about all her mother did to expose to Chris McLean and Rodney sat there, listening to every single word. Jacques just buried his head in his hands as his opportunity was lost.

After a bit, Chris McLean entered the tent. He was wearing sunglasses and carrying a surfboard. He blew a whistle, successfully getting everyone's attention. "Hang on to your coconuts, players! We're going back to the beach!"

"HAZZAUH!" Jacques shouted while everyone else just sat in silence. Jacques didn't seem the least bit embarrassed. "I look magnifique in my swim suit," he justified.

"Ever seen one of those 1960's surfer movies where the kids get up to neato fun before the big bonfire Twist-a-thon?" Chris asked. "And the bully kicks the sandcastle in the nerdy guy's face?"

More silence from everyone, even Jacques. Beardo even made cricket chirping sounds for comedic effect. "The answer is no, Gramps!" Stephanie heckled.

Harold raised his hand. "Actually, I've seen a few".

"Harold, what haven't you seen?" asked Jasmine.

"The Breakfast Club".

Half of the cast was absolutely shocked by this revelation. "How have you not seen The Breakfast Club, dude?!" asked a stunned Cody.

"Everyone always says that so I'm just not watching it out of spite at this point".

"Well, it doesn't matter if you've seen 'em or not," Chris interrupted them. "Cause you're about to recreate one! Two challenges followed by a tiebreaker, if necessary. So grab your swimsuits!"

Everyone got up from their seats and followed their host as he exited the tents. "Hey, guys?" Harold said to his team. "Can we make sure the sand thing doesn't happen? I've had enough of it kicked into my face".

"Mine too," said Cody.

"Of course not," said Jen.

"Wouldn't dream of it," said DJ.

"Don't really feel like kicking sand," said Anne Maria.

"Eh, we'll see," Gwen joked. Harold took the joke in stride but Cody seemed a bit downtrodden after hearing it. "Hey, you okay?" she asked.

"Yeah," Cody sighed. "I'm fine".

She put her hand on his shoulder. "You know I was just joking, right?"

"I know".

Gwen wasn't really convinced. "I'm sorry for smacking you in the face earlier. I just got a bit startled".

"It's okay".

The next few seconds were very awkward but Gwen wasn't going to let it stay that way. "So, uh, excited for the beach challenge?"

Apparently, the reminder of a beach-themed challenged was enough to bring Cody back to life. "Are you kidding? This is gonna be epic! LET'S GO!" He ran ahead of everyone, whooping loudly the whole time.

Gwen smiled at the rejuvenated Cody. "That's more like it".

Cut to the inside of the studio, where the contestants would partake in their first beach-themed challenge. Naturally, it was freezing cold, to the point where there were icicles hanging off of the lights. As if that wasn't bad enough, everyone followed Chris' instructions and showed up in their bathing suits so they were all shivering.

"Subzero temperatures," said a shuddering Kitty. "Yup. It's just like being at the beach".

Chris stood in front of them all, wearing a parka, gloves and goggles. "As you can see, we're actually inside the shooting studio this time".

"And you turned on the AC and cranked it up to eleven, why?" asked Stephanie.

"All the cameras and lights get so hot, they could melt Chef's heart," Chris explained. "Plus, the network told my agent that sweaty isn't a good look for me".

"Oh, Chris," said a starry-eyed Sierra. "Any look is a good look for you!"

"Cheer up, team," said Shawn. "This isn't too bad. We can just pretend it's like Christmas!"

"I'm from Australia," Jasmine reminded him. "We go swimming during Christmas!"

"Oh, yeah". Shawn wanted to slap himself for that.

"So you swim in ice water?" Rodney asked Jasmine, much to everyone's annoyance.

Chris walked over to a pool, where the water somehow wasn't frozen into ice. In the pool was a surfboard attached to some sort of machine that made it move around. The whole thing stood in front of a green screen. "Now, onto today's challenge. You have to hang ten this deck into the big blue without swallowing tail in the soup".

Naturally, Chris' attempt at surfer lingo was indecipherable by most. "What did any of that even mean?" asked Brick.

"He said we gotta stay on the surfboard without falling in and whoever makes it the longest wins," Anne Maria said. Everyone looked at her, surprised that she was able to understand what Chris had said. "I live near a beach," she explained. "I hear fake surfer talk all the time. Also, IT'S NEVER THIS COLD, MCLEAN!"

"That's showbiz, kiddo!" Chris shrugged off. "Now who's going first?" Of course, nobody stepped up or volunteered. Beardo made cricket sounds again. It was just too cold to have much incentive to do any sort of physical activity. "The team that wins will get a half-hour head start on the next challenge. Just sayin'". 

"Anyone wanna bite the bullet?" Leshawna asked before she was approached by Harold. "Whatchu want?'

"Oh, I uh-" Harold suddenly forgot what to do with his hands. "Just wanted to say that you sure make that bathing suit look pretty". Everyone cringed at the attempted flirting. "You know, because you're- uh-" Suddenly feeling very flustered, Harold ran away in the other direction.

"We have a volunteer!" Chris announced.

"What?" Harold looked behind him and noticed that he had run away from Leshawna. And also, everyone else. He had stepped forward, accidentally volunteering. "Oh, what the f-"

Cut to Harold standing on the surfboard, with the green screen now showing an image of a sunset. Harold took a determined stance. "Mad surfing skills, activate!" Just then, the machine turned on and shook Harold slightly, startling him.

Chris stood on a ladder to the pool, the evil smile on his face once more. "And please welcome the return of some season one fan favorites: The sharks!" A shark jumped out of the pool and nearly bit Harold, causing him to let out a high-pitched shriek.

[static]

"I'm very protective of my buttocks," said Harold. "They provide me with the low center of gravity that is the key to my many mad skills. You could say they're my hugest asset". Harold was trying very hard not to laugh. He stood up and turned around, sticking his behind out. "Check it! I can juggle my Magic Steve's Magical Trading Cards!" Indeed, Harold began moving his bum so that a trading card bounced from pocket to pocket while the author questioned what they were doing with their life.

[static]

We see that Harold had jumped off the surfboard and hanging from the ceiling while a shark kept leaping out to try and bite him. "My booty and I are out!" he cried.

Leshawna raised an eyebrow. "Your booty has an opinion?"

"It's too small to have an opinion," Anne Maria cracked.

"I'll have you know that this is a selfless act!" Harold said, defensively. "My lady fans couldn't handle the loss of this perfect behind!"

"He's referring to his mother," Dawn revealed.

"Oh, come on, man!"

"Sorry!" said Dawn. "I'll try to-" She felt a chill run down her spine and it wasn't just because of the temperature. She'd found the perfect opportunity to save Harold. "Sharks, look! Meat!"

She pointed to Shawn, who was revealed to be eating a plate of bacon. "I missed breakfast, okay?"

The two sharks that were in the pool tried reaching out for the bacon while Shawn kept it from their reach. Harold saw this as an opportunity to save himself and let go of the ceiling. Unfortunately, he didn't land in the water but onto the board above the pool, which certainly wasn't a pleasant experience.

"Way to stick the dismount, bro," Chris teased.

While nearly everyone laughed, Jacques walked a bit closer to Rodney. He was the least bothered by the cold, as he was an ice dancer, and decided to try and talk Rodney into an alliance yet again. "Hello, friend," he greeted the farm-boy once again.

"Hey," said a shivering Rodney. "So you know how you were saying I was smart earlier?"

"Yeah?"

"Well, do you think that'll be enough to convince my dad that I should major in philosophy?"

"Forget about that," said Jacques. "Do not think about the future. Think about the now. For example, I am now asking you to join me in a partnership. An alliance, if you will?"

"An alliance? Is that a good thing?"

Wow, Jacques thought to himself. This was gonna be so much easier than he'd anticipated. "Oh, it is a very good thing. It means you and I can work together to make it to the final two!"

Rodney smiled like a kid on Christmas upon hearing this. "That's great! So what do I need to do?"

"It is very easy. You just need to listen to everything I tell you and do everything I command you to do, no questions asked".

Rodney didn't spot a single red flag in that sentence. Somehow. "That sounds fair".

"Fantastic!" Jacques pointed to the surfboard. "Now, go take one for the team".

Rodney was understandably unsure about this order. "Uh..."

"I said ‘no questions asked’!"

"Right, sorry!" Rodney ran off to do the surfboard challenge.

When Rodney got on the surfboard, he thought he knew exactly what to do to win. However, Chris decided to mix things up a bit. He pressed a button so that the imagery on the green screen was now a farm being ravaged by a tornado. Chef plugged in a giant fan for a more immersive effect. "IT'S A TWISTER!" Rodney shouted before jumping into the pool for safety. Underwater, Rodney and the sharks were holding each other in fear.

[static]

Jacques took a deep breath and tried to collect himself. "This will all work out in the long run," he told himself. "This was not a bad idea. You are smart and capable and you are not a sidekick".

[static]

The next contestant on the surfboard was DJ. His boyfriend cheered him from the ground. "Go, DJ!" A shark came out of the water and bit DJ's trunks off, exposing him to the entire viewing world. Brick wanted to keep encouraging DJ but he was frozen from shock at the sight. Meanwhile, DJ hopped off of the surfboard and ran away, covering himself the whole time.

"The body's a beautiful thing!" Chef shouted after him. "You don't need a swimsuit!"

Tom was on the surfboard next. He lasted about a second before a single jerk from the surfboard caused him to fall into the pool. A second later, he jumped out of the pool and ran in the air like a Scooby-Doo character. "AGH, DON'T EAT ME!"

We transition to a montage of contestants taking part in the challenge, set to royalty-free music that definitely wasn't trying to sound like a Beach Boys song. Cody tried to hop onto the surfboard, only to immediately slip. Kitty lasted around seven seconds before taking one wrong step and falling out of the pool. Wearing those boots on a surfboard wasn't exactly a great idea. Jasmine was up next and she lasted the longest out of everyone so far. However, a shark jumped out of the pool and tried to bite her hand off. It didn't succeed but it angered Jasmine so much that she jumped into the pool and got into a fist fight with them. She won, obviously.

After she went, it was Dawn's turn. As she stepped onto the surfboard, the sharks just sat in the water, playing with their fins and whistling rather than attacking her. "Are you kidding me?!" Chris asked. "Don't just sit there! Attack her!"

"My apologies, Chris," said Dawn. "Sharks just seem to like me".

"Ugh, fine!" Chris scoffed. "Alright, get out here, sharks. It's time for your break". The sharks perked up hearing this news and they hopped out of the pool.

Everyone was shocked upon seeing the sharks sitting in chairs, drinking tea and eating shrimp. "Are you kidding me?!" raged Stephanie. "The sharks get a break and we don't?!"

"The sharks are actually in a union!"

Brushing off the weird revelation, the Gaffers cheered on their teammate. "You got this, Dawn!" Jen shouted.

"No sharks, no problem!" Gwen chimed in.

"You can do it!" Cody encouraged.

The surfboard began moving and Dawn expertly stayed on. It seemed that a win for them was in the bag. That was when Chris brought out a Gatling gun. A Gatling gun that shot seagulls at whoever was on the surfboard. The moment Chris shot one out, Dawn jumped in the air. "NO!" She caught it in midair... only to fall into the pool as a result, forfeiting the challenge.

"I love this game," Chris said.

We transition into another montage set to the faux-Beach Boys song and we see almost everyone left get hit by a seagull at some point. Jacques kept leaping in the air and expertly dodged the seagulls that came his way until one bit him in the ear and he fell over. Gwen got hit in the face by a seagull. She shrieked upon being hit by a ‘sky rat’ and waved her arms around wildly, causing her to lose balance. Beardo got hit by multiple seagulls, half of them getting stuck in his hair. Brick didn't get hit by a seagull because, as soon as he got on the surfboard, a shark that was missing a tooth jumped over and began punching him in the face. Stephanie kept punching the seagulls that came her way with great results. However, she failed to see one that ended up hitting her right in her nose. Sammy dodged one, got way too cocky as a result and then got hit by several more in a row. Leshawna tried swatting all the seagulls away, distracting her from actually trying to stay on the surfboard as it bucked her off. Jen got hit by one seagull, decided she'd had enough and held the surfboard like she was stuck on a mechanical bull. Sierra tried to catch the seagulls for some reason, which obviously didn't work out.

Then, there was Anne Maria. She kept getting hit by seagulls. Every shot Chris fired at her managed to hit her. And yet, she never reacted. She didn't scream or cower. She didn't acknowledge that she was being shot at by a seagull cannon. They just bounced off of her. More importantly, they bounded off of her inhumanly strong hair, a sound of metal clanking accompanied every hit. It seemed the Jersey girl was unstoppable.

That was, until she made the mistake of taunting her tormentor. "That the best you can do, Chrissy?!"

This had struck a nerve with Chris. "Oh, I'll show you the best I can do!"

Dawn was standing beside her teammates, watching the whole thing go down, when another strange feeling greeted her. "Does anyone else hear- WOAH!"

To everyone's surprise, Chris picked up Dawn and threw her right at the Jersey girl. "Dawnie?!" cried Anne Maria. The sight of her friend being hurled straight towards her was so shocking that Anne Maria froze, allowing the hippie to collide with her. The two of them landed on the studio floor.

"Okay, Anne Maria's time was the best yet!" said Chris before turning to the Killer Grips. "Shawn, let's see if you can best it!"

Shawn clenched his fists with determination. "Let's do this thing!" He ran onto the surfboard, ready for whatever Chris was willing to throw at him. Thankfully, it was just seagulls and not another person. He managed to dodge several of them for about ten seconds. Then, one of his team members made a huge mistake: encouraging him.

"Woo-hoo!" cried Jasmine. "You've got this, Shawn!"

Shawn felt himself growing redder and hotter upon hearing Jasmine cheer for him. This distracted him long enough that a seagull hit him right in the groin, causing everyone to wince. Shawn held his pained area before sliding off the surfboard and into the pool.

"Well, it was a close call there," said Chris. "But the Screaming Gaffers have won the first challenge!"

The Gaffers all cheered while the Grips hung their head. Except for Jasmine, who jumped into the pool to try and save Shawn. Feeling a bit too prideful, Jen went over to gloat at Tom. "So, Tommy," she said. "I see your team is doing just fine with you leading them".

"We're doing great!" Tom shot back. "Amazing, even! You know why? Because I don't have you holding me back!"

"Holding you back?!" asked an aghast Jen. "I freaking carried you this whole time!"

"You only carried me because I was carrying the blog!"

"Oh, that is it! This means war!"

"We are going to destroy you in the next challenge!"

"I'd like to see that!"

"You will!"

"Fine!" Jen stormed off in a huff, leaving an enraged Tom alone... before she ran back over to him. "You're killing it in that swimsuit, BTW".

A wide smile formed on Tom's face. "Oh, stop, girl! You're absolutely stunning in that bikini!"

"OMG, you're gonna make me blush! You're so right, though".

"No, you're so right!".

"Yeah, I still hate you right now, though".

"I hate you too".

"Okay, bye!" Jen said cheerfully.

"Laters!" Tom chirped back.

Fade in on Chris and all the swimsuit-clad contestants standing in front of the gate to the film lot. "Welcome back to Total Drama Action, where our players wisely listened to me when I told them to stay in their bathing suits so that they don't end up swimming in their jeans".

"For the record," said Jasmine. "We only did this because Dawn said you were telling the truth. You know, for once".

"It's very rare," Dawn concurred.

"If it helps, Chris," said Sierra. "I insisted that you weren't lying".

"While you were trying your best, Sierra, many of the people here find that your opinion doesn't count".

"What?!"

Everyone avoided any sort of eye contact with Sierra as she looked at all of them, furiously. "I may have overshared again," Dawn admitted.

"I think your opinion counts!" Rodney blurted.

"Thank you," Sierra said, stoically.

[static]

"My opinion doesn't count, huh?" said an upset Sierra. "Oh, I'll keep that in mind next time you guys need help figuring out Chris! Or the next time your blogs need updating!"

[static]

On the bus ride to the beach, the campers were all singing an assortment of songs that a bunch of teenagers would probably know by heart despite being several decades old, like ‘Sweet Caroline’. The only one who didn't seem to be in a very good mood was Sierra. She sat alone with her arms crossed and a frown on her face. Rodney would've sat with her but he was sitting with Jacques instead so they could talk strategy. Eventually, Cody approached Sierra and tried striking up a conversation with her. "For what it's worth, I think your opinion counts," he said.

"Thanks, I guess," Sierra said, grumpily. "I should've figured everyone felt that way after I said that Stephanie should win last season".

"Well, to be honest, I don't think they mean that none of your opinions don't count," Cody explained. "They probably just didn't think that your opinion mattered in this one instance because it was about Chris".

Sierra perked up slightly upon hearing this. "You really mean that?"

"Of course, I do," Cody said with a smile. "We hate that guy. So much. Why would we believe anyone defending him?"

"Aw, thanks, Cody. I mean, you're wrong about Chris but thank you!" It was times like this that Sierra was glad that she dropped her obsession with crush on Cody now that they were friends.

"Anytime". Cody was about to leave it at that before a certain question entered his head. "Speaking of which, was there any beach movie Chris was in, or-"

Sierra nearly jumped out of her seat when she heard Cody's question. "Of course he was! Okay, do you know that singing competition show? National Icon?"

Cody was flabbergasted that Sierra even had to ask. "Of course I do! Everyone knows that show! It's massive! But what does that have to do with-"

"Okay," Sierra said, still too excited to let Cody finish anything he had to say. "So the finalists of the first season were contractually obligated to make this weird tie-in movie where they're teenage lovers on a beach! There's, like, a billion subplots and Chris plays the guy who runs the tiki bar in this one story featuring the girl who would go on to voice-"

"Wait, wait, wait! Are you... Are you talking about From Jackson to Kelsey?"

Sierra gasped and twinkles appeared in her eyes. "You know it?"

"Know it? I've been to a live roasting of it! It's terrible!"

Sierra, who usually stuck up for Chris, couldn't help but agree. After all, he was barely in it. "Oh, IKR? It's sooooo bad! Like that big romantic duet where-"

"Where they're not even looking at each other the whole time? I wish I could make comedy gold like that!"

"And poor Kelsey Carlson just looked so miserable but I kept laughing anyway. Is that bad?"

"Heck, no, it's not bad! She has to deliver lines about how every girls restroom has a secret entrance! It's hilarious!"

Sierra and Cody's laughter managed to be heard by Chris, who was sitting all the way at the front of the bus. While everyone else was jovially singing together, Chris was scowling at the two teens who were laughing about his film career, even his so-called biggest fan. "Chef," Chris said in a hushed rage. "Flip the bus".

"No," Chef was quick to say.

"Flip the bus, Chef!"

"We ain't doin' this again, Chris!"

[static]

"Poor Chris," Sierra sighed. "I assume he got forced into doing that movie too".

[static]

"The movie just got ten times funnier," Cody said, giggling. "No wonder it was bad! The leads got forced to do a movie where Chris McLean shows up!"

[static]

Soon enough, the nineteen campers were on the beach. The Grips were on one side of Chris while the Gaffers were on the other. In front of each team were boxed-off areas filled with toy sand buckets  and shovels. It was also worth noting that this wasn't just any old beach. "Yes, campers," said Chris. "We're actually back at your old stomping grounds: Total! Drama! Island! If you need to take a moment and reminisce about the great times you had here..."

Beardo made a fake farting noise before Chris could even finish his spiel, causing everyone to laugh. Chris, however, was unamused. "Fine. We'll skip the ‘good memories’ montage". After the laughter finally died down, Chris put his camera-ready persona back on. "Screaming Gaffers! You've got a thirty minute head start on..." We see close-ups of the DIY sandboxes. "The sand castle building contest! To be judged by our resident King o’ the Dunes!" Chris patted Chef on the shoulder. Chef put a fake sandcastle over his hat. "Make like prop masters, guys, and give me something awesome. I really don't want the tiebreaker to have to go down. I don't think legal's quite approved it yet".

We see Chris' tiebreaker idea. A test dummy is standing under a large rock that's tied to a rope hanging from three logs. The rock fell on the dummy. Along with the logs. And then a racecar drove off of a nearby cliff and crashed onto the logs. What was the challenge even supposed to be? Who knows.

Cut to the Gaffers in the middle of their thirty-minute head start. They were actually getting along pretty well, with a sturdy foundation and well-formed structures. This was probably because Harold decided to take the lead on the challenge. However, there was a downside: Harold decided to take the lead on the challenge.

"DJ, Sammy, wetter sand in the bucket!" he commanded. The jock and the cheerleader followed Harold's orders. "Anne Maria, Cody, pack it in firmer!"

"Hey, don't be yelling at me, Glasses!" Anne Maria snapped back. "Who died and made you Bossy McPushy?"

"I had to take the lead on this challenge," Harold explained. "I'm a huge Gehry buff".

"Gehry?" Anne Maria had no idea what Harold was talking about. "What, like the snail?"

"He's talking about Frank Gehry," Cody explained. "Dude's an architect or something".

Harold gasped with delight. "You know Frank Gehry?"

"No," Cody was quick to say. "I just asked Dawn why you were acting all tyrannical and that's what she told me".

Dawn poked her head out from behind the sand castle. "It's true".

Harold wouldn't let the mockery of his hobby stop him from trying to win the challenge. "Dawn, get some props for my fine buttresses!"

"Yes, Harold". Dawn scurried off while Anne Maria and Cody snickered like idiots because Harold said "buttresses".

"Now, where's Jen, Gwen and Brick? They were supposed to be getting more buckets?"

Cut to Jen, Gwen and Brick standing beside the bus while everyone else was on the beach. Brick stood at attention while Gwen tapped her foot impatiently. "Alright, Jen," said the goth. "What did you wanna talk to us about?"

"I don't want our team to think that we're slacking off," said Brick.

"The team is actually what I wanted to talk about," Jen said as she nervously played with her hands. "So you guys know how I'm the team leader?"

"Yeah," the two replied in unison.

"And you know how we lost the last episode?"

"Yeah".

"And you know how I haven't exactly been that assertive or doing that much leading or-"

"Let me stop you right there," Gwen interrupted. "Jen, if you don't feel confident leading the team, then maybe we can just, ya know, not have a leader".

"It's not a bad idea," Brick agreed. "That's what we did last season and it worked out great. Everyone pitching in and pulling an equal amount of weight".

"Yeah, I'd love to go back to being part of a communist team".

"Yeah, exact-" Brick stopped talking as Gwen's words sank in. He shot the goth a confused look while she barely succeeded in not laughing. "Gwen, what the-"

"That's not what I was going for," Jen clarified. "I just know I work better with partners".

"Like Tom?"

"I've never heard that name before in my life". She clapped her hands together and smiled. "So! I was wondering if you guys, maybe, wanted to be my right hand man and right hand lady?" She carefully watched their faces, hoping for some sort of reaction.

"Can I be the right hand man?" Gwen snarked.

"Gwen, come on! I'm being serious".

"Why us, though?" Brick asked. "I mean that sincerely".

"Why not you?" Jen said. "Brick, you're always putting yourself on the line for everyone else. You never leave anyone behind".

Brick couldn't argue with this. "I suppose that's true".

Jen turned to the goth. "And, Gwen, you took charge better than I did during the last episode. You had fire in your eyes!"

"Yeah, I still don't know what happened there," Gwen admitted. "But... thanks".

"So, come on, guys. Please?" Jen began sporting large doe eyes, which both Brick and Gwen tried to ignore... but to no avail.

Brick conceded and saluted. "Brick McArthur, Right Hand Man, reporting for duty!"

Gwen sighed and smiled slightly. "Yeah, I guess so".

Jen pumped her fist. "Yes! Now, let's lead this team to victory!" She ran back towards the beach.

"Jen, the extra buckets".

Jen ran back to the bus. "See, you're already helping".

As for the Killer Grips, they were still standing there, eager to get a start on their sandcastle. They had no idea how they were going to beat the Gaffers. Their sandcastle was already very impressive and, due to Harold's perfectionist attitude, they still weren't done. Chris was looking at his watch as the timer for the head start reached its end. "And three... two..." As Chris counted down, Jacques was pointing to the Gaffers' sandcastle and whispering something into Rodney's ear. Rodney didn't seem too suspicious of whatever it was Jacques was instructing him to do. Suddenly, Chef began playing a horn, off-key. "Thank you, Chef. Screaming Gaffers, your thirty-minute lead is over! So, Tom and the Grips, get to castling!"

All the Killer Grips ran for their assigned sandbox. All of them, except for Rodney. Per Jacques' instructions, Rodney ran towards the the Gaffers' sandbox and didn't stop. Harold jumped in front of the sand structure while the others all jumped out of the way. "Rodney, no! Stop!" Rodney didn't stop. Instead, he knocked Harold out of the way and ran right through the sand castle. Thus, Harold's masterpiece - a sand recreation of the Taj Mahal with significantly more detail than sand could realistically depict - was destroyed. Rodney kept running at the lake while the Gaffers approached their wasted hard work and despair and frustration. Harold laid on the ground and didn't feel any sort of pull to get back up. "WHY?!" he yelled to the sky. "WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHY?!?!?!"

Just then, Jen, Gwen and Brick came back with the extra buckets. "Hello, everyone!" Jen greeted. "We're ba- What happened here?"

Meanwhile, the Grips observed as Rodney took a bucket full of water from the lake, confused as to why he needed to run right through the Gaffers to do so. "What was that about?" asked Kitty. 

"It is simple, really," said Jacques. "I told Rodney to get some water and I pointed out a shortcut for him to get that".

While Rodney was gullible enough to fall for that explanation, the other Grips weren't. "So you cheated," said Jasmine. "Again".

"You say ‘cheat’, I say ‘gave us a sizable advantage’," said Jacques. "It's basically the same thing".

Suddenly, Leshawna grabbed Jacques by his top and pulled him over. She did not look happy. "I swear, if this backfires on us, I will-"

"Kill me?" Jacques interrupted. "Do your worst. These threats are nothing that I have not heard before".

Leshawna let out a smarmy laugh. "Actually, I was gonna say..." She leaned into ear and whispered a threat that you can't exactly say in a kids show (or G-rated fic). Jacques' jaw nearly hit the ground. "You wouldn't!"

"Try me," Leshawna said before dropping him to the ground.

[static]

"I will say this," said a traumatized-looking Jacques. "I've never heard that threat before".

[static]

Since the half-hour head start was all for naught, both teams were scrambling to start a sand castle around the same time. The Grips' castle wasn't as good as the Taj Mahal replica that Harold was going for but it didn't matter now because that had been destroyed. Now, the Gaffers were making a castle of a similar quality to the Grips, much to the dismay of Harold. "Come on, everyone!" Jen said, dumping a bucket of wet sand in their area. "We can't waste a single second!"

"You heard her!" said Gwen, who ran off to get more water.

While most of the team members were getting water or sand or helping to form the actual castle, Brick had volunteered for the very important job of holding Harold back so he couldn't interfere. "Let me go!" Harold pleaded. "We need to do this the right way! I can't stand by!"

"We've lost thirty minutes of work, Harold!" Brick told him. "We can't waste time getting every single minute detail right!"

"Yes, we can!" Harold argued, trying to wriggle himself free. "We have to! It's all about quality!"

"No, Harold!"

Dawn calmly walked over as Brick kept holding Harold back. "Please," she said to the jarhead. "Allow me". She gave Harold a nerve pinch and the nerd fell to the ground, unconscious.

"Well, thank you very much, Dawn".

Some time later, both teams were almost done with their admittedly average castles. It would be a tough call as to who would be the winner so these last few minutes really counted. "Alright, somebody go to the lake and get more water!" Tom ordered.

Before anyone else could volunteer, Rodney raised his hand and began jumping in the air. "Ooh, ooh! I'll go get it!"

"Ugh, fine," Tom sighed.

"And don't go through the Gaffers' sandbox this time," said Kitty. "Got it?"

"I got it!" And so, Rodney took off... and ran right through the Grips' sandcastle, completely unaware that he had just doomed his team. "We're gonna win!" he cheered.

While everyone else was absolutely shocked and appalled by Rodney's actions, something broke within Leshawna and she turned to look at Jacques with hellfire in her eyes. "Now, wait a minute!" Jacques said, defensively. "That was not my faul-"

"YOU'RE DEAD, PINKY!"

Jacques shrieked like a little girl and ran away from Leshawna as fast as he could. Their chase went in several different directions before Jacques eventually tripped on a rock. He ended up landing right on top of the Gaffers' sandcastle, which obviously destroyed it. Jacques picked his head up and spit out the sand that he had almost swallowed. His frustration and annoyance at the world was extinguished when he was able to see nearly all of the Screaming Gaffers staring right at him. Dawn and Sammy looked annoyed. Jen, DJ, and Cody looked furious. Gwen and Brick looked like they were ready to jump the ice dancer. Anne Maria looked like she wanted to kill him. "Now, I know this looks bad-"

Before Jacques could finish, the Screaming Gaffers picked him up off the ground and threw him over to Leshawna, much to his horror.

[static]

Jacques, who was sporting two black eyes, repeatedly banged his head against the table. "This is a good idea!" he insisted. "This is a good idea! This is-"

[static]

Rodney walked back to the Grips sandbox with a pail of water. "Okay, I'm back". He looked down and noticed the castle had been obliterated. "Aw, what happened?" Stephanie punched Rodney in the face and he fell to the ground.

"Well, on the plus side," she said as she rubbed her fist. "The Gaffers don't have a castle either. So we're not exactly gonna lose".

"No!" said a determined Jasmine. "We can still do this! All we need is hair spray, a bunch of magazines and-" Just then, Chef whistled with his fingers, signifying the end of the challenge. "Never mind," she sighed.

Leshawna threw a battered and bruised Jacques over to the team. "If you want, we can just dump a bunch of sand on him and call him a castle".

Chris and Chef stepped in between the two castles and look incredibly disappointed. "Sooooo," Chris droned. "What do you think, Chef?"

"I think that these are the most pathetic things I've ever seen in my gosh darned life!" Chef ranted. He looked over at the Grips and kept his eyes on DJ. "You ask me, they coulda used a strong helping hand". DJ hung his head to avoid eye contact. This didn't go unnoticed by Dawn.

"Well, looks like we're going with the tiebreaker," said Chris. "And I was hoping for the evening off".

Cut to even later in the day. It wasn't night yet but the sun was setting, resulting in a gorgeous orange sky over everyone's heads. Around the two teams were several lit torches to help with the beach movie aesthetic. "Alright, campers," said Chris. "It's time for our big tie-breaking challenge: A watusi twist, mashed potato, dorky, old-school dance contest!"

"I swear, he's just making up words," said Shawn.

"And to make things extra fun, we actually paid for the rights to use existing music this time!"

"What's the catch?" asked Leshawna.

"It's all 90's/2000's Eurodance songs," Chris admitted. "We can only afford so much. Alright, teams. Choose your best boogier for battle!"

"‘Boogier’?" Jasmine asked with a raised eyebrow.

On the Gaffers side, Gwen took a step back. "I don't dance".

"My mama says I'm a great dancer," said DJ.

"Maybe I can dance!" Anne Maria suggested. "I love dancin'! Everyone back home says my dancin' stops traffic!"

"Why don't you dance?" Cody asked Sammy. "Don't you do that a lot anyway?"

"I guess," Sammy said with a shrug. "But cheerleader moves only get you so far".

"I'll dance!" Harold spoke up. His team turned to look at him, most of them unsure if he had what it takes. "I know I got carried away during the sandcastle challenge but I guarantee we can win this! I have made skills in dance! In fact, at Dancing Steve's Dance Camp, we-"

"Harold," Jen interrupted. "You're sure you can do this?"

"Cross my heart and hope to get eliminated," he said, crossing his heart. "If we lose, I'll accept responsibility".

Jen thought it over before nodding. "Alright, H-Bomb. Show us what you got".

The Grips were also having a debate over who should dance, although theirs was a tad messier. "I can totally do this!" Kitty said. "I have slamming dance moves!"

Stephanie snickered at this. "Did you just say ‘slamming’?"

"I am an ice dancer!" said Jacques. "It is in the name!"

"We're not letting you do anything!" Jasmine scolded him.

"You or the farm-boy," Tom said, sassily.

"What about me?" asked Sierra. "I'm a pro slap dancer, remember?"

Leshawna stepped forward. "I think I'm the obvious choice to dance for-"

"NO!" Everyone said, panicked.

This answer annoyed Leshawna more than anything. "Now what is that supposed to mean?"

Before anyone could muster the courage to answer Leshawna's question, Chris spoke through the megaphone. "We have our dancers!" The Grips froze upon this announcement. They never chose their dancer. Did someone volunteer while they were arguing. "For the Gaffers, we have Harold!" The ginger winked at the other team, notably Leshawna. "And for the Grips, we've got Beardo!" Indeed, Beardo had stepped forward and volunteered himself for the dance challenge. No one knew what to expect. They didn't know whether to prepare for the worst or the best. They just had to find out along with everyone else.

"Now, gentlemen," Chris went on. "The rules are simple. Dance until you drop. Last man standing wins invincibility for their team! Are you ready?"

"Ready," answered Harold. Beardo just nodded.

"And..." Chef pressed a button on a boombox and music began echoing throughout the beach. "Dance!"

The opening to ‘Better Off Alone’ by Alice Deejay and both dancers immediately began getting down. Beardo began popping and locking while Harold did moves that were combination figure skating/hip-hop. It was unique and all his own. But Beardo wasn't done yet. He was a human soundboard. He knew how to move exactly to the beat. They were both slick and fluid but they each had their own flavor. Beardo had timing while Harold had grace. And they both had very determined looks in their eyes.

"He's dancing like a pro!" Tom said of Beardo. "We are so gonna win this!"

"I've never seen anything like it before!" Jen said of Harold. "I think we've got this!"

*One Hour Later*

"La-la-la-la-la, it goes around the world; Just la-la-la-la-la, it's all around the world; Just la-la-la-la-la"

Harold and Beardo were still dancing to the best of their ability while another song had begun playing. Naturally, the longer things went on, the more dance moves they each had to think up. Beardo had gone to old-school hip-hop moves while Harold began doing just about any dance he thought of. At that moment, he was doing the can-can and he was actually making it work. "How has this not ended yet?!" Chris groaned.

"Told you to give 'em more time on the sandcastle," Chef commented.

"Oh, so now it's my fault?!"

"It is!" Chef shouted. "It is your fault! We took a vote!"

"Who's ‘we’?!"

"Me and the interns!"

"Since when do their votes count?!"

While Chris and Chef had already grown bored, the teams had not. They were completely mesmerized by the events and were eager to see who would drop. Sammy was eating from a bowl of popcorn. "Where'd you get that?" DJ asked her.

Sammy stopped munching and swallowed her popcorn. "I don't really know," she said, looking down at the bowl. "They've just been showing up in my hands but I'm not complaining".

"Oh," said a perplexed DJ. "Well, can I have some?" Sammy happily handed him the bowl.

Gwen elbowed Cody and leaned over. "Five bucks says Harold's gonna do the Charleston at some point".

"You're on," said Cody.

Anne Maria scooched closer to them. "I'll take a piece of that action".

Over at the Grips side, Rodney was holding a pen and a paper while Jacques watched the dance moves carefully in case he ever wanted to implement them into an act. "Write that down!" he told Rodney, who hastily scribbled what he saw.

"Honestly, I'm glad I didn't start dancing," Kitty said. "I don't think I could have ever done this".

"I've never seen two people with drives like this," Shawn remarked. "It's almost inhuman".

On the dance floor, Harold had begun doing the Charleston to the beat. Beardo began doing it too. Somehow, they were in a synchronized Charleston-off. Gwen pumped her fist in the sidelines while Cody and Anne Maria groaned. "Pay up!"

"Yeah, yeah," Anne Maria said as she and Cody begrudgingly gave five bucks each to the goth.

"Wanna go again?" Cody asked them.

"Nah," said Anne Maria. "They're totally gonna stop soon".

*One Hour Later*

"'Cause every time we touch, I get this feeling; And every time we kiss, I swear I could fly; Can't you feel my heart beat fast? I want this to last; Need you by my side"

Harold and Beardo were still dancing. Somehow. And they still didn't look tired nor had they broken a sweat. Somehow. Beardo was doing the Worm while Harold was doing the Running Man. Meanwhile, Chef had his nose in a book while Chris kept on whining. "I wanted to get a mani today!" he moaned.

Meanwhile, the betting over the dance moves had spread across the entire Gaffers team. Dawn led the bets, since she had an advantage in guessing, while Sammy handled the money. Everyone else was left guessing. "Now, what does everyone think Harold will do next?" Dawn asked her team, ready to write them all down.

"He's gonna do the macarena!" Anne Maria yelled. "I know he will!"

"Ooh, he's gonna do that thing where he spins on his head!" Brick blurted.

"He's gonna moonwalk!" Jen shouted.

"I'm getting in on the moonwalk!" DJ called out.

"He's gonna do an Irish jig!" yelled Cody.

"The Roger Rabbit!" Gwen exclaimed. "I don't know why but I just know he's gonna do the Roger Rabbit!"

Meanwhile, Leshawna had gotten so caught up in the moment that she began dancing on the sidelines. The rest of her teammates tried their best to ignore her and focus on Beardo's dancing. Someone who wasn't ignoring her was Harold. Leshawna wasn't distracting him. If anything, her dancing fever helped to keep him going as he transitioned from the Running Man to an insanely fast Irish jig.

"Yes! Yes! Yes!" Cody cheered while his teammates groaned in frustration.

"Cody said ‘Irish Jig’!" said Dawn.

Sammy gathered up thirty bucks and threw them to Cody. "Here you go!" She turned to Dawn. "Alright, are we gonna keep doing this or do you think we're out of time?"

Dawn shook her head. "Not yet".

*One Hour Later*

"I'm a Barbie girl in the Barbie world; Life in plastic, it's fantastic!"

They were still going. The author doesn't dance. They don't know what else to describe. Chris and Chef had fallen asleep. The Gaffers stopped betting because DJ ended up cleaning them all out and there was no money left to bet. But they hadn't gotten tired of the dancing yet. "Harold! Harold! Harold!" they cheered. Meanwhile, Leshawna had gotten tired of dancing with the others so she had given up a half-hour ago. That allowed her teammates to watch things play out again so they could keep on rooting for their dancer. "Beardo! Beardo! Beardo!" they cheered.

Eventually, the song stopped and it wasn't followed by anything else. The boombox had stopped playing music. But the challenge wasn't over yet because Harold and Beardo still hadn't stopped dancing.

"Yo, Chris!" Anne Maria shouted. "Wake up!"

The host and the cook jolted awake upon hearing Anne Maria. "Right, right," Chris yawned. "Alright, so the winner is..." Chris' eyes finally adjusted and saw that Beardo and Harold hadn't stopped. "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!" he shouted. "Can you both just stop?!"

"If you want me to stop dancing, you're gonna have to kill me!" Harold proclaimed. Beardo made a bell noise to signify that he was gonna do the same. Both teams cheered in response.

Chris pulled out the megaphone and shouted "Time out!", causing Beardo and Harold to freeze in their positions, ready to get back to dancing as soon as they were able to. Chris moved the megaphone away from him. "This evening is wasted and I'm ready for all of this to be over. So I'll tell you what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna play one more song. Just one. If no one drops during this song, I'm calling it a tie and no one will get eliminated".

No one cheered at this, mainly because they were so surprised by the news. "So you're mad at them for keeping it going so long?" said Gwen.

"That's right".

"And your solution is to make it so that no one goes home tonight?"

Chris realized the problem with his logic. "Um, is that what I said? I changed my mind because-"

"Oh, no, no, no, no!" Kitty blurted out. "You can't do that!"

"Says who?" Chris asked with a smirk.

"Says the contract," said Kitty, shocking both Chris and Chef. "Clause 5, Section 7A, Paragraph 22, Part D: 'The host cannot retract a non-elimination challenge should one come up unless a contestant has to leave due to injuries'".

[static]

"And I only went through the whole contract because Emma talked me into it," said Kitty. "Emma, I know you're watching this. I know you've said 'I told you so' during every episode I've been in. You don't have to say it when I get back".

[static]

"I told you not to include that bit," said Chef.

"You are not helping!" Chris sniped before turning back to the campers. "Okay, fine! We'll do the non-elimination if neither of you drop during this last song. Either way, I just want this to end".

"Bring it on!" said Harold. Beardo made a noise like a motor to show that he wasn't ready to stop either.

"Alright, Chef, cue the music". Chef kicked Chris in the butt, launching him over to the boombox. "Um, ow! Way to contribute!" A grumpy Chris pushed a button on the boom box and the final song began playing.

"Ska-badabadabadoo-belidabbelydabbladabbladabblabab-belibabbelibabbelibabbelabbelo-doobelidoo; I'm the Scatman!"

Harold and Beardo both gasped in horror.

[static]

"That's when I thought that there was no way Beardo wouldn't dominate ‘Scatman’," Harold recapped. "'He basically is the Scatman!' My best bet was to keep on going and make sure that we didn't lose".

[static]

"I'm actually not great at dancing to the rhythm of ‘Scatman’," Beardo admitted. "It's hard to move to the beat when it's based on a guy's improv jazz".

[static]

"Everybody stutters one way or the other, so check out my message to you; As a matter of fact, I don't let nothing hold you back; If the Scatman can do it, so can you"

Harold was indeed moving to the best of his ability, determined not to drop while Beardo surely took advantage of the upper hand he had. However, Harold was so caught up in his own dancing that he didn't notice how Beardo kept nearly tripping over his own feet.

"Oh, god!" said Tom. "Oh, god! What's he doing?!"

"I think we may have found Beardo's weakness," said Shawn. 

Beardo was trying his best not to fall over and lose a chance at a non-elimination round. Harold was just focused on the dancing and the rhythm of the night. Eventually, the powers of Scatman John became too much for Beardo to handle and he fell flat on his back, much to the shock of his teammates.

"Oh, finally," Chris grumbled before pulling out his megaphone once again. "Harold, you can stop now! You've won the challenge!"

Harold didn't believe it at first. It didn't sound right to him. But he finally forced himself to stop dancing. Once he did, he was finally able to see that Beardo had fallen over while the Grips all stared in surprise. Taking in the victory, Harold fell to his knees. "YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" he shouted to the sky. The Gaffers all roared in celebration before running over to Harold and tossing him up in the air. "Harold! Harold! Harold!"

"Alright," Chris sighed. "Now let's get on the bus. I don't wanna waste anymore time than we already have".

[static]

"I AM THE SCATMAN!" Harold yelled, victoriously.

[static]

"Maybe they won't vote me off," said Rodney. "Maybe they'll realize that my mistake of running through our sandcastle is forgivable because we're all just humans. That none of us were perfect and that it was so easy to mistake an order for not running through their sandcastle as an order to run through ours. It's just our feeble human nature, after all". Rodney then sighed in defeat. "Who am I kidding? It's over for me. And now, I'll never major in philosophy". 

[static]

We cut to the Gilded Chris ceremony but the intro was cut down significantly so Chris could just get the whole thing over with. "Alright, Grips," he said. "Your voting devices are below your seats. Make your choices. There should be a good amount to choose from". He let out an evil chuckle. "I mean, Jasmine jumped off the surfboard". The Aussie didn't look the least bit amused. "Tom didn't even last a second". The fashionista turned red with embarrassment. "Rodney destroyed your sandcastle". The farm-boy hung his head in shame. "Jacques is Jacques". The ice dancer rolled his eyes. "And Beardo cost you a non-elimination round". The human soundboard began to perspire.

"Alright," Chris said, reading off a piece of paper. "The votes are in and the first Gilded Chris of the evening goes to... Jasmine". He threw the chocolate award to the athlete.

"Stephanie"

"Leshawna"

"Kitty"

"Sierra"

"Shawn"

"Tom"

"Jacques"

The ice dancer caught his award, surprising a few Grip members. Now, it was just Rodney and Beardo on the chopping block. "Gentlemen, I have but one Gilded Chris award left. And it goes to..."

...

...

...

...

"Rodney"

Rodney happily caught his award, shocking more members of the team, including Beardo. "Walk of Shame's a-waitin', Beardo. Just remember, you could have prevented this. After all, if the Scatman can do it, so can-"

Kitty threw her Gilded Chris at the host, silencing him and knocking him out. Beardo nodded with gratitude. Kitty shrugged as if it were nothing. "Four episodes was way too long of a wait to do that," she remarked.

[static]

Jacques wore a wicked smirk. "I guess it wasn't a bad idea after all". He began cackling, evily.

[static]

Beardo waved his teammates goodbye before taking the Walk of Shame and entering the Lame-O-Sine, which sped away to who-knows-where. Jacques stood on the red carpet, looking pleased with how things ended for him. Rodney ran up to him like an excited dog. "Jacques, can you believe it? I didn't get voted off! I guess everyone understood that I'm only human after all".

"Of course, they didn't!" Jacques scoffed. "There were just more people annoyed that Beardo cost us a non-elimination round".

"Huh," Rodney remarked as if he hadn't even considered the possibility. "I guess that's true. Does that mean I'm the next one to go?"

Jacques shook his head. "No, it does not. You just need to get better at following directions".

Rodney perked up. "You mean you still want me as a partner?"

Jacques chuckled, mischievously. "Of course I do... friend".

The Votes

[static]

"Why did he run through our castle?" Jasmine asked. "What could possibly make him think we asked him to do that?"

[static]

"Get Jacques out of the way now? Don't have to tell me twice," said Stephanie.

[static]

"Told ice boy he'd pay for this," said Leshawna.

[static]

"Rodney ran through the sandcastle," said Kitty. "End of story".

[static]

"Rodney's my friend and Jacques does have what it takes to keep us ahead," Sierra thought out loud. "So..."

[static]

"I vote for Beardo," said Shawn. "We wouldn't be here right now if he didn't drop. Sorry, man".

[static]

"I'm definitely voting for Jacques," said Tom. "I warned him not to pull anything".

[static]

"It is not over yet," said Jacques. "I am voting for Beardo".

[static]

"Beardo, I guess," a depressed Rodney sighed.

[static]

"Rodney," said an autotuned Beardo.

[static]

Chapter Text

~Recap~

We open on shots of a beach while calming music plays in the background. "People have always been drawn to the beauty of the sea..." We see a seagull with a six-pack ring around its neck sleeping on a buoy as the sun rises. Just then, we see a shark fin swim by while a knock-off of the Jaws theme plays in the background. The seagull is startled awake and flies away upon seeing the shark fin. However, it's soon revealed to be none other than Chris McLean wearing a fake fin on his head. "But that's not where we were last time!" he chuckled.

"We had some animal troubles during our last challenge. Dawn tried to save a seagull. Brick got punched by a shark while Jasmine did the punching. And DJ was stripped bare. Nice pecs, dude. Thanks to Anne Maria's gnarly moves and hair of steel, the Gaffers won the first challenge. But their half-hour head start in the sandcastle contest didn't mean much when Jacques' alliance with Rodney backfired with the farm-boy accidentally destroying both teams' castles. With no overall winner, we moved on to our dance contest tiebreaker which went on way longer than anyone expected thanks to dedicated dancers, Harold and Beardo. In the end, however, it was Harold's resilience that gave the Gaffers a win while Beardo's sudden stumbling got him the boot in our close call elimination. With the teams on even ground again, will the Grips pull ahead or will the Gaffers win their second challenge in a row? Find out tonight on Total! Drama! Action!"

~Theme Song~

We fade in on the sun shining down on the abandoned film lot. And it was shining hard. It was an absolute scorcher of a day and everyone was suffering as a result. Leshawna and Shawn were sitting on a bench together, with the former holding an umbrella over their heads to try and block out the heat. Sammy and Jen were sitting on the steps to the girls trailer with an awning providing them shade.

Harold, who was in the boys trailer, crawled into view and hung his head out. "Too hot... to do... anything!" he groaned.

[static]

It seemed like the confessional was empty before Harold pulled himself off the floor and revealed himself to the camera once again. "My mad skills are leeching out of me. I can feel it. My mojo isn't sweat proof". He collapsed back onto the floor.

[static]

Jacques was crawling on the ground and gradually losing the will to live. "So hot," he panted. "I am not... dressed... appropriately!"

Tom was moving like a caterpillar beside him, also losing the will to live. "Then don't wear insulated clothes in the heat... You idiot..."

"How... dare you... sir!" Jacques gasped. "I will have... you know that... these clothes... Where are you going?"

"Worming away," Tom answered as he continued to worm away.

"Oh, no... you don't... I am... the one... leaving this... conversation!" Jacques weakly raised his hand in the air and snapped his fingers. "Rodney!" Rodney trudged over and grabbed Jacques by his pant leg before dragging him away. They passed by DJ, who was squatting in a tiny kiddie pool.

Meanwhile, Jen noticed Tom moving across the lot like an insect and began to wonder if she was having a heat stroke. Her attention eventually shifted to Anne Maria and Dawn, who sat down near the where Jen and Sammy were shaded. Anne Maria was sitting in a lawn chair and tanning while Dawn was meditating on the ground. Neither of them seemed too bothered by the heat. "How are you two not dying right now?" she asked.

"You guys are dyin'?" Anne Maria asked. "Cause this is Heaven to me. I could lay here forever".

"And I just don't feel heat," Dawn explained. "So this temperature doesn't bother me very much. Not to mention, I enjoy Anne Maria's company".

"Ha, gay," Jen chuckled quietly. Anne Maria didn't hear her but Dawn did. She chose not to say anything though. 

Joining the others as they suffered through the heat was Jasmine, who seemed perfectly calm and enthusiastic. "Morning, everyone! Lovely day, huh?" She got no response from anyone. She walked by Brick, who was lying face down on the ground. "Oh, hey, Brick! Didn't see you jogging this morning. Everything okay?" Brick answered her question with a grunt. "Oh, yeah. I get that".

Sitting under a tree were Kitty and Gwen but the camera only focused on Gwen as she laid against her girlfriend, whose head was out of frame. While everyone else was sweating, Gwen was having a different problem. She was pale - well, paler than usual - and her nose was red. She let out a sneeze, startling Kitty. "I can't be getting a cold in this heat," said a very stuffy-sounding Gwen.

Kitty brushed her fingers through Gwen's hair. "You're just under the weather, Gwenny. That's all. Just relax for a bit".

"You don't have to tell me twice," Gwen chuckled. She closed her eyes and rested her head. "I'm so tired".

"There you go," said Kitty. "Just close your eyes". The camera panned over to reveal that Kitty's hair had taken a toll thanks to the humidity. Her hair had gotten all frizzy and her twin tails had gone all round and poofy. She almost looked like a human Minnie Mouse. "No one's gonna disturb you. Just relax and don't open your-"

"Hey, what's wrong?" Cody asked, poking his head out from behind the tree. Kitty and Gwen both yelped at the sudden voice and Gwen ended up falling onto the ground. "Oh, hey," Gwen moaned from below. "I'm just... I'm..."

Gwen kept trailing off so Kitty had to answer for her. "She just needs some rest, Cody".

"Right," Cody said, feeling awkward once again. "Relaxation. Can't be disturbed. I'll, uh, just go now". Despite the scorching heat, he dashed away at top speed".

"Okay, Gwen," said Kitty. "Let's get you off the ground now".

"No..." Gwen droned. "The ground is my friend..."

[static]

"I thought I was getting better at this but I don't think I am," said a downtrodden Cody. "I know Gwen says we're friends now but do I deserve to be? She's probably tired of me right now".

[static]

Gwen was not venting any sort of frustrations about Cody but she was tired. In fact, she was fast asleep, snoring as her head rested on the table.

[static]

Old-school western music played as we cut to a close-up of Chris' face. He pulled out a revolver because somebody thought it was a good idea to give this man a gun. He pulled back the hammer, aimed the revolver at the sky and pulled the trigger. A loud shot rang out, startling many of the contestants. Harold ended up hitting his head on the window. Shawn shouted "HIT THE DECK!" and jumped away from the umbrella, which ended up closing around Leshawna. Several of the others jolted to their feet while Sammy threw her hands over her hears. "I THINK I'M DEAF!" she shouted.

"My cranium..." Harold moaned.

"Take it easy," Chris told him. "On movie sets, the guns are loaded with blanks. Least I'm pretty sure one of them is". We pan out to reveal that he was standing a few feet away from Harold and that he was actually holding two revolvers because somebody thought it was a good idea to let this man hold two guns at the same time. He twirled the guns and stuck them back in his pockets because he didn't have holsters.

Jasmine walked over to Sammy, who was still gripping her ears. She felt a little guilty that she hadn't been talking to her friend as much as before now that they were on opposing teams, so she decided to check in on how she was doing. "You okay?"

Sammy had no idea what Jasmine had just said to her. "WHAT?"

Chris addressed the contestants now that they were all fully awake. He did so while sporting a subpar Southern accent. "Since there's no beatin' the heat, we're goin' west this week. There's a town meetin' at high noon. Be there or I'll drive you deadbeats outta town!"

Rodney shook his head upon hearing this. "Um, I take offense to that".

Tom and Jen couldn't help but notice that Chris was now sporting a black button-down as opposed to his usual blue shirt. "So I very strongly advise you from wearing that black shirt right now," Tom warned Chris.

"Oh, totally," Jen chimed in. "Don't you know that darker clothes attract the heat?"

Tom scoffed. "Way to step on my line".

"Well, maybe don't take so long to say your lines".

"GUYS?" Sammy shouted over the bickering. "WHAT DID CHRIS SAY?"

[static]

Leshawna managed to pull the umbrella off of her but now her hair had burst into a large afro. "Ugh! Darn humidity!" She noticed that an intern was staring at her from off-screen. "Whatchu think you're looking at? Nothing to see here!" The intern let out a smarmy chuckle.

[static]

Cut to the Western set from the first episode. A lone tumbleweed rolls by before stopping in the center of the frame. Because it was so hot, it spontaneously burst into flames. Nearly everyone was already at the set, fanning themselves. Shawn and Leshawna were the last ones to arrive. "Sorry again about the umbrella," the survivalist said.

"Eh, don't worry about it," Leshawna assured him. "It ain't like you control the sun". She ground to a halt when she heard Stephanie snickering to herself. "I'm sorry, do you see something wrong with my hair?!" Leshawna fumed.

"Not at all," Stephanie said, fighting a smile.

Leshawna kept on walking and stopped beside Anne Maria, who was in awe of her afro. "Ooh, gorgeous! You should wear it like that all the time!"

"Uh... thanks?" Leshawna leaned over and whispered to Dawn. "She telling the truth?"

"I believe so," said the blonde.

As they spoke, Chris kept his eyes on a cheap pocket watch from Sears Roebuck right until the hour, minute and second hands were all at 12:00. "Listen up, partners!" Chris said in the bad Southern accent before transitioning back to his normal voice. "In any good western, there are heroes, outlaws, horses, and pretty dames. The hero defeats the outlaw, then rides off into the sunset on the horse".

Jen's eyes began darting everywhere. "Pretty dames? Where?"

"NONE OF YOUR BEESWAX!" Chris snapped, shocking the teens. He then dropped the act and laughed. "Just messing with ya! They usually hang out in the saloon during the bar brawl".

"That's where I belong," Anne Maria remarked.

"Must we have a bar brawl?" asked a concerned Dawn.

"Heck yeah, we must!" an excited Harold answered. He began doing various karate kicks and chops before he accidentally punched Jacques in the face.

"Ow!" the ice dancer exclaimed. "Oh, that is it!" He raised his fist, ready to deck Harold but Rodney picked him up before he could make contact. "Eh? Put me down, farm-boy!"

"But you said to stop you in case you ever get yourself in trouble," said Rodney.

"Punching Harold will not get me in trouble!"

"I feel like everything you do gets you in trouble, boss".

"You may wanna put him on a leash, then," Tom snarked.

"You'll regret saying that!" He kept swinging forward to try and hit Tom but Rodney made sure that he didn't make it very far.

"Enough talk! All eyes on me!" Chris ordered before shooting blanks into the air once more. "It's time for your first challenge. No cowboy worth spittin' at will go one day without saddle practice. It's time to saddle up!" The campers all looked over to the fake farm, a horse standing on the other side and eating from a bucket. The horse was weak and well-past its glory days. It was so unkempt that it was surrounded by flies. It then farted for a good nine seconds. Yes, really. The author counted. And then it farted again. Naturally, Chris was less than pleased with this so called ‘noble steed’. "That's the best steed we could afford?!"

We cut to Chef in the barn window, crunching some numbers. "You want a five-star hotel and champagne and caviar for breakfast?! I gotta cut something!"

"It's perfect! Don't change a thing!"

"WHAT ARE THEY SAYING?" Sammy yelled.

[static]

Gwen and Kitty sat in the confessional together. "Aww, I've always wanted to ride a horse!" said Kitty. "Although, after today, I also wish I didn't have the ability to smell".

"Eh, you get used to horse farts after working at a petting zoo," Gwen shrugged.

"Really?"

"No, not really. I'm just too congested to smell right now".

[static]

"I spent three summers at Medieval Steve's Medieval Camp," said Harold. "We learned to joust, ride horses, and how to look manly in tights. It's harder than it looks".

Jacques suddenly poked his head in, startling Harold. "No, it is not!"

Rodney poked his head in too. "I don't think you look really manly, Jacques".

Tom also poked his head in. "You can say that again".

"Can you all get out of here?!" Harold shouted. "Gosh!"

[static]

"I always asked my dad to let me learn how to ride a horse when he was training me," said Brick. "But he didn't let me on account of the fact that the military hasn't ridden horses into battle for a century. Guess this is another thing I finally get to do on this show!"

[static]

The horse, now standing on a large target area, continued to eat from the bucket. Stephanie walked over to the creature and laughed once again. "That's our challenge? Mount this old thing? Piece of cake".

"Not so fast," Chris said as she attempted to mount the horse. "You cowboys and cowgirls are gonna have to mount the steed from up there!" The camera panned out to reveal the large water tower above them. Everyone gasped. "Oh, not there. Waaaaaaaaaaaaay up there!" The camera panned out even further to reveal a ladder and high-dive attached to the water tower. "Since the Gaffers won last week, they'll be going first!" The Gaffers all gasped... except for Sammy. DJ elbowed her and pointed up at the platform from which they were supposed to jump. Sammy gasped. "Don't worry. Our unpaid interns have assured us it's safe".

Ripple effect to a brief flashback of Chef pushing a red-haired intern off of the high-dive. "No! No, I won't do it!"

"You mount horses all the time, ya big baby!"

"Yeah, but not from way up this hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii-" He didn't get to finish his last word before Chef finally shoved him off.

"Looks safe enough to me".

Ripple effect back to the present day. Jen raised her hand "Hi, question. If we won last time, then why do we have to go first?"

"Because I said so," said Chris.

"Sorry, Jen," said Brick. "Can't argue with orders".

"Pretty sure we can," Gwen said before sneezing. "Ah, screw it. I'll go first".

Everyone was surprised by this. Nearly everyone. "WHAT DID SHE SAY?" asked Sammy.

"Uh, are you sure you wanna go first?" Cody asked.

"I mean, I already feel like I'm dying anyway," Gwen said as she made her way over to the ladder.

"But what if something goes wrong and you fall right on the horse?"

"...Then I get us a point".

"Oh, yeah".

Gwen felt a bit dizzy as she put her hands on the ladder. "Okay, I am gonna need help getting up. Can you give me a boost?"

After a beat, Cody took a step back. "I'm not sure I should".

"Oh, a germophobe, huh? Whatever. Harold, you don't care about germs. Can you give me a hand?"

"Yes, milady!" said the ginger as he ran over to help the goth.

"Alright, guys," Gwen sniffled. "Wish me luck".

"Good luck," said Jen.

"We're rooting for you," said DJ.

"I have the utmost confidence that you'll have a safe landing," said Dawn.

"Break a leg," Cody said without thinking. The others stopped and stared at him, appalled that he'd even think of saying such a thing.

"WHAT'S HAPPENING NOW?" Sammy shouted.

"Cody just told Gwen to break a leg!" Anne Maria yelled.

"Don't repeat it!" Cody pleaded.

"WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT?" asked Sammy.

"I don't know!"

[static]

"Okay, the dying thing was a joke!" Gwen clarified. "I didn't actually want to plummet to my death! Why the *bleep* did Cody say that?!"

[static]

After an exhausting climb, Gwen managed to make it all the way to the platform. Against her better judgement, Gwen decided to look down at the hundred foot drop that awaited her. The fear in her heart finally became too much for her to overcome. "I can't do it!" she shouted down to her team. She began walking back to the ladder. "I'm coming dow- ah- ah- ACHOO!" The force from the sneezed propelled her backwards and she fell off the platform. 

"Oh, no!" shouted Brick.

"Gwenny!" shouted Kitty.

"I THOUGHT SHE SAID SHE WASN'T GONNA JUMP," said Sammy.

[static]

Harold was doing the math in a notebook. "Acceleration equals mass times the gravitational constant occasional equational- Not good, people! Not good!"

[static]

Gwen screamed as she plummeted and everyone braced themselves for the worst. However, as luck would have it, Gwen landed right on the saddle, successfully mounting the horse. She was in tremendous pain but she still won the first point for her team. Her teammates all ran over to help her, as did Kitty.

"You're alive!" Kitty exclaimed.

"We knew you could do it!" Jen cheered.

"Are you okay?" asked Cody. Gwen stayed silent as she slid off the horse and onto the ground.

"That was awesome, Gwen!" Chris said, ignoring that Gwen had fallen and wasn't moving. "That's one for the Gaffers. Grips, you're up!"

Rodney was the first Grip for the challenge once again. He didn't seem to think much of it. After all, he mounted horses all the time. He just had to do it from several feet in the air. Nothing to it, he thought. Actually, he was getting into the spirit of things. "Yee-haw!" he exclaimed as he jumped off of the platform. The horse looked up to see who was trying to land on it next and its eyes widened in horror when he saw the large hulking boy coming its way. In a panic, it kicked its hind legs up in the air just before Rodney could make impact. As a result, Rodney flew over the water tower and high-dive like a magical arch of fairy dust flying over an enchanted castle. He landed on the fence, causing everyone to wince.

Rodney wobbled back to his feet, cartoon stars floating around his head. "Heh... Let's do that again..." He collapsed back onto the sand and wood.

"Yeesh, glad that wasn't me," Chris remarked. "Gaffers, you're up next!"

We cut to Harold jumping off of the platform, screaming the whole way down. Thankfully, he landed safely on the saddle. "Wicked!" he cheered.

Leshawna jumped next... before Harold even got the chance to get off of the horse. Both the horse and Harold groaned as Leshawna stuck the landing. "Ooh! Sorry, Harold!"

Harold smiled, dopily. "No problem..."

"Way to pad the saddle, Leshawna!" said Chris. "That's two for the Gaffers and one for the Grips! Sammy, you're up next!" He was loud enough to make sure that the cheerleader actually heard him.

Cut to Sammy jumping off of the platform, screaming, and landing a few feet away from the horse and into the dirt. She ended up leaving a Looney Tunes-style Sammy-shaped hole in the ground. Jasmine ran over as her best friend struggled to get out. "Sammy! Are you okay?"

Sammy emerged from below the Earth's crust. "Yeah," she assured Jasmine. "Yeah, I'm o-" She froze and then smiled in realization. "Hey! My hearing's fixed!"

We cut to a montage of the contestants partaking in the challenge while wacky banjo music played in the background. Stephanie torpedoed down and landed on the horse without breaking a sweat. Brick miscalculated his jump and landed crotch-first on a fencepost. Shawn jumped off of the platform and flailed around the whole time before sticking the landing. It turned out that this was his plan all along or, at least, that's what he said. The score was all tied up. Jen jumped next and landed on the horse after screaming for so long that she nearly shattered glass. Kitty dived down like she was at the pool before flipping over at the last minute so that she didn't land face-first onto the horse.

Next up was Cody, as he climbed up the ladder, the others in line tried to make conversation. Jasmine was going to ask DJ why he was carrying what looked like a skirt but then another thought entered her mind. She turned back to address her teammate. "Hey, Sierra," she said. "You said that all the challenges so far have been references to Chris' movies, right?"

Sierra felt herself buzz upon hearing someone actually ask about her interests. "Yes! I have! But, also, like, the acting challenge weren't references! They were scripts for movies that Chris had a supporting role in! Like, in The Ghosts of Yesteryear-"

"Okay, I get that," said Jasmine. "But what Western was Chris in?"

Sierra buzzed yet again. "Okay, so have you ever heard of The Lonely Trooper?"

"The cowboy? Yeah, I've heard of that but I don't think I've ever seen-"

Sierra was too excited to let Jasmine finish. "Well, not that long ago, Chris was one of the lead actors in the big-budget reboot! You know, the one with-"

The conversation had reached other ears at that point, such as DJ. "Oh, that one? Wasn't that one really bad?"

Jacques scoffed because he was part of the conversation now too. "Josee dragged me to that and I am still bitter about it!"

Tom shrugged. "I dunno. I liked it".

"Ooh, and that pocket watch Chris had earlier is from the movie!" Sierra gushed. "It's the pocket watch that the sidekick sold his tribe out for without even knowing it! Chris plays the- Oh, look, Cody's gonna jump!" Sierra waved up at the sky. "Hi, Cody! Good luck!"

"THANKS!" Cody shouted down.

"You got this, dude!" Gwen yelled up at her teammate.

"THA- WOAH!" Cody fell off the platform too early and ended up landing on this horse... on his whole front. The pain was excruciating but Cody had gotten his team another point.

"Alright!" said a determined Jasmine. "My turn!"

Chris suddenly stepped in between Jasmine and the ladder. "Oh, I don't think so, Jazzy".

"First of all, don't call me that," Jasmine said, venomously. "Second of all, I have a challenge to partake in".

"Yeah, your friends do," said Chris. "But you don't. We only have enough room in the budget for one horse, don't you know?"

Jasmine put her hands on her hips. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"Too tall," Chris said simply. "We don't want you crushing the horse. Besides, you saw what he did to Rodney".

Jasmine did not like this one bit. "Excuse me?"

Tom poked his head out of the line. "What is wrong with you, McJerk?!"

"That's super messed up," DJ remarked.

"Not to mention, it doesn't make much sense," said Dawn. "Just because Jasmine is taller doesn't necessarily mean that-"

"Don't care!" Chris interrupted. "Sorry, Jasmine but it looks like-" Chris went silent upon noticing that Jasmine was no longer next to him. "Uh... Jasmine?"

We hear an excited "WHOO-HOO!" as Jasmine jumped down from the platform and expertly landed on the horse. The horse's knees wobbled a bit from the impact but that was the worst that happened from Jasmine's landing.

"Okay, then," said a stunned Chris. "So that's yet another point for the-" Jasmine walked over to Chris, shoved him to the ground and then kept on walking. 

We cut to DJ jumping off of the cliff and using the skirt as a parachute because he wasn't exactly great with heights. However, a gust of wind arrived and blew him away. "NO!" DJ screamed as the wind pushed him towards the power lines. "NO! NOT THE-" But it was too late. DJ hit the power lines and was getting shocked.

"DJ!" Brick called out.

"Chris, DJ needs help!" Sammy told the host. Unfortunately, the host was still lying in pain on the ground so whatever he said in response was incoherent. Chef had to be the one to get DJ down. Brick ran over to embrace and kiss his boyfriend upon seeing that he was okay... only to get electrocuted as well.

Sierra was up next. She shouted "HEY HO, GOLDIE! ONWARD!" from The Lonely Trooper. Unfortunately, she was just a few feet off and landed just behind the horse. She picked herself up and giggled in a ditzy manner. "Did... Did I win?" The horse farted and Sierra fell over once again.

Chris, back on his feet, looked at his pocket watch again. "Okay, teams! We're running a bit longer than expected so once Dawn jumps, we're gonna have Tom and Jacques go together".

"WHAT?!" a shocked Tom, Jacques and Anne Maria exclaimed while Dawn was busy climbing up the ladder.

"You heard me".

"That ain't fair!" Anne Maria.

"Hey, don't act like I want any part of this!" said Tom.

"How come the girls don't have to go together?!" Jacques demanded to know.

"Because Dawn's turn is gonna be real quick," Chris said. He snapped his fingers and Dawn fell from the platform and safely onto the horse's saddle. It was quick and painless. The horse didn't even seem to notice it. "And that's another point for the Gaffers".

Annoyed, Jacques sharply nudged Tom. "Do not ruin this for me".

"You'll do that all on your own," Tom shot back.

Tom and Jacques continued their bickering as they climbed up the ladder. "So what's your amazing plan this time?" Tom asked, sarcastically. "Put a mask of yourself on Rodney and get him to jump for you?"

"Do not get mad at me for wanting to do the dirty work!"

"Or maybe you're gonna put on an Anne Maria mask and land next to the horse?"

Jacques scoffed. "What is it with the masks? I would never wear a mask! Why would I wanna to cover up this..." He blew a kiss at the camera. "Beautiful face?"

"Because you fall on your face in every single ice rink?" Tom joked as they made it to the top.

"I'll have you know that it was Josee who fell!" Jacques said. "And it only happened once!"

"Doesn't matter," Tom tutted. "All I know is that, unless you clean up your act, the only color that'll suit you will be..." He leaned closer and whispered into Jacques' ear. "Silver".

Tom had crossed the line by whispering this as something primal awoke within Jacques. The ice dancer tackled the fashionista to the floor and the two of them tumbled right off of the platform and down to the ground. Tom made it onto the horse but he ended up landing on his own back, which wasn't fun. Jacques landed into the bucket that the horse was previously eating out of. Jacques' head was stuck in a bucket and the Grips had just earned themselves another point.

There was only one contestant left and it was all on her to break the tie. Anne Maria climbed up the ladder, reached the top of the platform, jumped off the edge... and became the second contestant to hit the water tower instead of the horse. She hit it hair first. So naturally, the water tower began crumbling down and chaos ensued. Everyone ran in various directions as the bits and pieces of the water tower fell all over the place, nearly hitting several of the teens.

"RUN!" Chris shouted before running out of the way. A piece of debris hit the camera, breaking the lens before cutting to static then to black.

Fade in on a disheveled looking Chris McLean standing in front of the camera. "So, uh... Welcome back to Total Drama Action" he greeted the audience. "I won't bore you with the details of our miraculous survival, partially because we only got about 5% of it on camera. But thankfully, we all made it out okay". The camera panned over to reveal all eighteen contestants. Every single one of them looked a little worse for the wear... except for Anne Maria. Despite being the one who brought down the water tower, her hair looked completely fine and was filing her nails as if nothing happened.

[static]

"I was always afraid that Anne Maria would be the death of me," said Stephanie. "That's karma for you".

[static]

"Now that we're all here and accounted for," said Chris. "It's time for our pre-challenge tiebreaker! And the hallmark of any good western is the quick-draw cowboy showdown. The captains will pick their strongest cowpoke to compete in what will likely be a fight to the death!"

Nearly everyone gasped at the mention of "death". Everyone except for Dawn. "He's just trying to get a rise out of us," she told the others.

Chris held the bridge of his nose in exasperation. "You just wanna suck all the joy out of- Alright, fine. For legal reasons, I was just joking. It's not really to the death but rather a fight to mild injury and/or childish meltdown. Whatever. Time to pick your cowboys!"

Both teams were huddled their respective members together. Cody tried to volunteer for the duel. "So, I know I kind of messed things up last time-"

"You did?" asked Brick.

"You know," Cody said, feeling embarrassed. "When I said to Gwen to, uh... When I-"

"Cody, I'm still here and I'm still standing," Gwen said, firmly. "I'm fine".

"At least you didn't fall in a bunch of power lines," said DJ, who was zapped once again from whatever leftover electricity there was.

"Look, the point is, let me do this. I can break the tie. I promise!"

"Are you a good shot?" asked Jen.

Cody hesitated to answer. "I mean... I've played laser tag in the past".

"Yeah, no". Jen took the water gun that their team was given and shoved it into Harold's arms. "Come on, H-Bomb," she said. "Show us what Marky Steve taught you".

"I've told you!" Harold stomped. "There is no Marky Steve! Marksman Camp was run by Mark and Manny! They taught me to-"

Anne Maria shoved him forward before he could continue his spiel. "Just get over there, ya bozo!"

Over with the grips, Leshawna held the water gun Chris had given them and addressed the team. "Okay, everyone. Now, I know we all think it's funny to make Jacques do all the work every time he decides to open his mouth".

Everyone except for Jacques chuckled at this. "You can say that again," Stephanie laughed.

"But we need to get our heads in the game".

"Um, I believe I'm the team leader here," Tom chimed in.

Leshawna raised an eyebrow. "Were you just gonna give the gun to Jacques?"

Tom crossed his arms. "No comment".

"Alright, then. Who wants to step up?"

Jasmine cleared her throat because raising your hand didn't accomplish much when you were seven feet tall. "I'll do it".

Cut to Jasmine and Harold standing back to back, water guns in hand. Naturally, Jasmine towered over the ginger. Chris pulled out the pocket watch once again. "And... One". The two contestants took a step away from each other. "Two". Another step. "Three". Another step. "Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten paces, FIRE!"

Harold turned around, the gun pointed forward. However, before he could even pull the trigger he saw the stream of water that Jasmine had shot at him. He screamed like a girl as the water splashed him and he fell to the ground. "I'm hit!" Harold cried. "I'm hit! It can't end like this! Tell Leshawna I-" He stopped his theatrics upon remembering that he was hit by water and not a bullet. "That felt pretty nice, actually".

"And Jasmine breaks the tie!" Chris announced. "Edge goes to the Killer Grips!" The Killer Grips all cheered while the Gaffers were obviously let down.

"Hey, Cody," said Jen. "How good are you at laser tag?"

"I mean, I'm getting better".

"Okay, we still made the right choice".

Once Harold was dried off, Chris was ready to get the show back on the road. "Now that Jasmine has udder-ly obliterated Harold, we can finally move on to the final challenge!"

Jacques raised his hand. "I believe you meant ‘utterly’".

Chris chuckled, smarmily. "No, I do not mean ‘utterly’. Because your final challenge of the day will be calf roping!"

Dawn shuddered at this news. "I'm not sure I'll be comfortable with this task".

"Oh, don't worry. You will be!"

DJ, another animal lover, looked around, hoping to find the adorable animals. But there were none to be found. "Where are the cute little baby cows at?"

"There aren't any!" DJ sulked and Brick put a hand on his shoulder for comfort. "One team will be the cattle and one team will be the cowboys. And since Jasmine won the tiebreaker for the Grips, they'll be the latter!"

Shawn pounded his fist into his palm. "Oh, this is gonna be good".

Stephanie cracked her knuckles. "Let's do this".

Cody raised his hand. "Wait. How are we gonna know who's who?"

Chris was understandably taken aback by this question. "Do... do you not know who's on your team?"

"Um," Cody stammered. "Uh... I mean..."

"Well, that's a comfort," Brick remarked.

"I feel devalued," said Harold.

"If it helps, I forget he's on the team too," said Anne Maria. "Don't sweat it, short stuff".

"Well, don't blame Cody for this next bit," Chris said. "It was always in the cards. Gaffers, since you lost the tiebreaker, you'll be wearing these!" Chef tossed a bunch of cow udder hats to the Gaffers while the Grips got cowboy hats. One was obviously much more respectable than the other.

"Dawn," Anne Maria said as she angrily snapped the udder hat onto her head. "Gimme one reason why I shouldn't strangle Harold for losing the gunfight".

"Because it's murder!"

Gwen had to put Jen's hat on for her because the fashionista was too disgusted to do it herself. "Gwen, could you be a dear and put me out of my misery?"

The goth put her own udder hat on. "Only if someone puts me out of my misery too".

Cody charged over to them. "I can, if you want," he said, awkwardly trying to get in on the joke.

Both girls were stunned by this response. "Cody, what the *bleep*?" asked a shocked Jen.

Gwen was shocked but not offended. She was more worried by Cody's behavior. "Are you sure you're not sick too?" Gwen sniffled.

"Well," Cody began. "You see, I..." Cody suddenly ran away like he was a character in a Wes Anderson movie.

[static]

Dawn was meditating in the confessional. "Be one with the cow," she told herself.

[static]

Harold snickered like an idiot. "I have cow boobies on my head!"

[static]

An unamused Sammy pointed to her udder hat. "See this? See how I'm wearing this right now? By the time I finally go back to school, Amy will have covered all the walls in pictures of me with this hat on. That's the story of my life".

[static]

"The other team is lucky," said Rodney. "I wish I was wearing a cow hat right now".

[static]

The Grips had their cowboy hats on, although Leshawna and Kitty both had large amounts of hair sticking out of them. "Now that you're all dressed up, dear Chef will judge the competition!" Chef stepped into view, now wearing a large old-timey red dress with a matching bonnet. Several of the contestants fought a laugh. Chris didn't fight it. "Ha! Nice! Love the dress, Chefette!" Chef scowled and growled as Chris continued to laugh at and mock him. Some of the contestants were even worried that he'd burst a vein.

Chef did not burst a vein but he did tie Chris to a fence post as tightly as he could, much to the host's chagrin. "Maybe when I change, I'll come back and untie you," Chef grumbled. He walked off as Chris continued to struggle.

"I can't feel my arms!" the host whined. "Ah, screw it. Let the calf roping begin!" The Gaffers shrugged their shoulders and ran off before the grips began chasing after them.

"Alright, team!" said Tom. "We can't be reckless!"

"Tom's right!" said Jasmine. "We've got to-"

Before she could finish, Rodney began shouting at the top of his lungs as he ran ahead of everyone else. He twirled his lasso around before throwing it with as much force as he could. He successfully managed to wrap it around Harold before he yanked the rope as hard as he could, causing the nerd to fall on his backside. "My gluteus!" Harold moaned.

The Grips stopped running as they observed Rodney's victory. "How did you do that?" asked Kitty.

Rodney looked at the tied-up Harold and then looked back at his team. "I dunno. I just do it a lot with the pigs back home".

Jacques slowly clapped his hands. "Bravo".

"You lasso pigs?" Leshawna questioned.

"Okay, new plan!" Tom said, suddenly. "We're gonna be reckless".

"YES!" Stephanie shouted before running off, her lasso twirling in the air. Nearly everyone else did the same and followed after her and the Gaffers, ready to win the challenge.

"I'm such a good leader," Tom said to himself.

Wacky banjo music played once again as everyone began running in different directions. Brick, despite his training and stamina, found himself being tailed by a determined Leshawna. "Come on, Leshawna!" he pleaded. "We can talk about this!"

"One sec, Sarge!" She threw the lasso around him and he fell to the ground. "Alright, Sarge. Let's talk!"

Jen once again found Tom trailing far behind her. "Ha! That's what happens when you don't jog, twinkie!" Jen mocked. It was at that moment when Tom tripped on a rock and tumbled into Jen. "I guess that works too," Jen said as she laid on the ground. Jen picked herself up and dusted herself off... only to suddenly be lassoed. As if things couldn't get anymore humiliating, it was Jacques' lasso.

"I AM THE CHAMPION!" Jacques cried. In celebration, he danced around the set in celebration.

Once Tom was sure no one was looking, he ran over to Jen and pulled the udder hat off of her. "Okay, you're free now, honey! I mean, you're still tied up but you're not wearing the hat!"

Tears welled in Jen's eyes. "You did that? For me? Even though we're mad at each other?"

"Oh, I still think I started the blog, don't get me wrong. But I just cannot stand to see you like this".

[static]

Jen wiped a tear from her eye. "It almost makes me want to tell him that he started the blog. Almost".

[static]

While Dawn was running, Shawn jumped out of nowhere and tried to lasso her. However, before he could, Anne Maria bulldozed him away. "That's what ya get! Don't pull that crap again!"

Suddenly, Jasmine threw her own lasso around Anne Maria before she even had a chance to notice that the Aussie was approaching. Anne Maria tried to charge away but even she was no match for the strength of Jasmine. "Steady, girl!" Jasmine shouted as she held the rope back. "Steady". While Dawn was distracted by this turn of events, Shawn was able to lasso her.

Sammy ran behind the barn, thinking that she would be safe there for just a little bit. But then, to her horror, a voice bellowed out from above. "HEY HO, GOLDIE! ONWARD!" Sammy looked up and saw Sierra jump down from the roof of the barn and zooming down like a dive-bomber, like she had when she jumped from the platform. The difference this time was that she actually hit the target. She landed right on Sammy and the two of them disappeared behind a large dust cloud. Once the smoke finally cleared, we see that Sierra and Sammy were tied up together. "So," Sierra said, calmly. "How're things at home?"

"Eh, could be better. So, ya know, same ol', same ol'". Sammy spoke casually, as if she wasn't lying on the ground while tied up next to her peer.

Meanwhile, Stephanie was chasing DJ. He was definitely quick on his feet but Stephanie liked to play dirty. Like everyone else, she'd noticed how weird DJ was acting around Chef. From the ‘monster’ taking DJ to a secondary location while the others were taken to a bouncy castle to DJ's huge Chef fear during the alien challenge to Jasmine offhandedly mentioning that she saw DJ and Chef talking during the acting challenge. So all she had to do to gain the upper hand was to utter a few little words. "LOOK, IT'S CHEF!"

DJ froze in a panic. "Where?!" Suddenly, he was lassoed by Stephanie and brought to the ground. "Sorry, big guy," the athlete said, despite not being sorry at all. "But I've got a million bucks to win". Not too far from them were Leshawna and Brick. The latter was very interested in Stephanie's tactics.

[static]

"Okay, I know most of us are intimidated by Chef but DJ's reaction was something else," Brick observed. "Enough is enough. I need to know what's going on".

[static]

There were only two Gaffers left that hadn't been lassoed. One of them was Gwen, who ran with all she had within her. Unfortunately, she still had a cold so what she had within her was running out quickly. At one point, thinking she was safe, stopped beside a prop cactus to catch her breath. "Oh, god," she wheezed. "Oh, god. Good lord, I feel like I'm dying". She kept trying to catch her breath and allowed herself to finally blow her nose after a long chase. However, unbeknownst to her, Rodney was beginning to approach her and the pig-lassoing farm-boy had that determined look in his eye once again. He began twirling the rope, threw it at the goth and...

"NO!" Cody shouted. He ran over and pushed Gwen out of the way, much to her surprise. The lasso fell around Cody instead. Rodney tried to lasso one Gaffer but another one jumped into his rope.

"SOOWEE!" Rodney yelled, very much caught up in the moment.

As the farm-boy laughed and danced around in victory, a tied up Cody lied on the ground and let out a satisfied sigh. "I did it," he said. "I frickin' did it".

"Oh, you sure did," he heard Gwen remark. He looked up and saw that, much to his disappointment, Gwen had immediately gotten lassoed by Kitty. "Thanks, Cody".

Cody chuckled nervously. "Sorry".

Kitty yanked on the lasso, causing Gwen to fall over. Kitty walked closer and towered above the goth. "Got ya, cowboy," she said in her own attempted Southern accent. Once again, Kitty's attempt to be threatening was met with a smirk from Gwen. "What? What is it?"

"There's a joke I really wanna make but it would definitely get cut from the show".

Kitty felt herself grow hot and it wasn't from the scorching temperature outside. "Gwenny!"

Cut to all of the lassoed Gaffers rounded up together and Chris, who somehow managed to free himself from the ropes, sauntered over to them. "Now that's what I call a rodeo!" he laughed. "The Grips are the winners!" The Grips all cheered in victory once again as the Gaffers were untied and allowed to stand up again. "You Gaffers are the losers. And you know what happens to losers..." Next to Chris was a roaring campfire with a metal stick poking out of it. Chris pulled out was actually a branding iron in the shape of an ‘L’ and waved it at the Gaffers. "It's branding time!"

The Gaffers all gasped... except for Dawn. "He's trying to get a rise out of us again".

Chris scowled at the moonchild. "I wish I could eliminate you right now". He threw the branding iron into a bucket of water. "No, the real punishment will, of course, be yet another thrilling Gilded Chris ceremony. Now, all of you, go take a shower! For heaven's sake, you stink!"

Cut to later where it's revealed that the ‘shower’ for that episode was just a wooden barrel full of water. Harold was in there at that moment, much to the annoyance of everyone who was in line. Leshawna impatiently tapped her foot. "Come on, Harold! I ain't the only one waiting!"

"But I haven't finished sudsing my hair!"

Gwen joined the shower line, right behind Cody. Once he noticed who had just moved behind him, he tried to act like he was tuned off from the rest of the world. He kept his eyes forward and whistled, seemingly without a care in the world. Gwen wasn't buying his bluff. "Alright, Cody," she said, raspily. "What's going on?"

"I don't know," said Cody. "We have showers. I don't know why they're making us use a barrel".

Gwen crossed her arms. "You know what I mean. Why are you acting so weird?"

Cody let out a sigh. It seemed as if he'd been painted into a corner. "I'm trying to make up for what I did last season".

Gwen was taken aback by this. "What?"

"You know," said Cody. "How I invaded your space and was just an overall creep when we first got to the island?"

Gwen didn't know whether to laugh or groan. "Are you still worried about that? Cody, we're friends now. I forgave you. Remember? At Playa Des Losers?"

"Oh, yeah!" said Sammy, who had gotten in line behind Gwen. "I remember that! I'm glad I got to see it. It would've been really neat if the audience got to see it too". Judging by the looks Cody and Gwen were giving her, Sammy realized that she may have accidentally butted in on a private conversation. "I'll just, uh..." She took a few steps back and gave them their space.

Cody resumed the conversation. "I know you forgave me. But you've been really jumpy whenever I'm around and I know it's my fault". He sighed with shame. "I just wanted to try and make up for it".

Gwen inhaled sharply before speaking calmly. "Cody, you can't make up for it, okay?"

"What?"

"You can't". Gwen put a hand on Cody's shoulder. "I forgave you. You're my friend now. There's nothing else you can do besides just not doing it again. And if I get jumpy, then I get jumpy. I'll just try not to punch you next time".

Cody let out a breathy laugh. "I mean, it's not like I can't take a punch".

Speaking of punches, we hear Harold exclaim "Ow, my eye!" before panning over to reveal that Stephanie had punched Harold out of the barrel. "Oh, quit your whining," she told him. "That'll heal right up".

While Harold writhed in agony, Leshawna decided to take action. "What the heck was that for?!"

"Oh, please," Stephanie brushed off. "Like you're not glad he's finally done".

"Doesn't mean you can just go around punching everyone!"

"Oh, yeah?" Stephanie taunted. "And what are you gonna do about it?" Leshawna and Stephanie both brandished their fists as suspenseful Western music (complete with whistling) played in the background. The two of them both swung their fists and-

[static]

Cut to Leshawna and Stephanie sitting in the confessional. Leshawna had a black eye. Stephanie had two. "So," Leshawna spoke up. "What have we learned?"

Stephanie was unbothered. "To hit harder next time".

Leshawna rolled her eyes. "I don't know why I bother".

[static]

Brick walked over to the trailers and saw exactly what he was expecting to see. Sitting on the steps to the boys trailer was DJ, looking sullen with his chin resting on his hands. It hurt Brick to see his boyfriend like this. Even if he hadn't suspected that something was up, he couldn't let things play out this way.

DJ noticed Brick walk up to him and tried to save face. "Hey, Bricky!" he said with fake delight. "How's it going?"

Brick didn't smile back. "DJ, what's going on?"

DJ began to perspire and it wasn't because of the heat this time. "You mean because of earlier? Yeah, I'm still getting over the electricity-"

"Devon Joseph," Brick said, in the most militaristic tone he could muster. This got DJ's attention as the jock sat up straight upon hearing his full name. "What's going on? Why are you so afraid of Chef?"

DJ hesitated for a few seconds. He wanted to tell Brick. He'd wanted to tell him for days now. Keeping secrets on Total Drama was never a good idea considering everything was caught on a hidden camera. Nothing would really stay a secret for that long. Then again, it wasn't really his secret. It was Chef's. Chef was the one being callous about what got caught on camera. Why should DJ be the one to get worked up about all of this? He took a deep breath and let it all out. "Chef is trying to form an illegal alliance with me," he admitted.

Brick was silent for a moment. He didn't know what to say. He certainly didn't expect this to be the reason. In hindsight, it made some amount of sense. It would explain why Chef, as the monster, carried DJ away during the first challenge. But there were several more questions that had yet to be answered. Such as... "Why you?"

"I don't know," said DJ, who sounded just as desperate for an explanation. "He said something about me being like him as a kid. Wanting to toughen me up".

"Well, training is one thing but an alliance?"

"I don't know either, Brick!" DJ said, raising his voice. He let out a depressed sigh. "I don't know what to say".

Brick wrapped his arms around DJ. "Hey, it's okay. It's okay".

"Do you think he's right?"

Brick pulled himself off of his boyfriend. "What?"

"Do you think he's right? Do I need to toughen up? Am I just... a weakling?"

DJ was getting choked up but Brick wasn't going to let that stand. "Remember when you afraid of the water and you swam our whole team to victory last season?"

"...Yeah".

"Okay. Remember when you and I were stuck on a runaway bike even though you've never ridden one before?"

"Yeah".

Brick held DJ's hands. "Then, there's your answer. You are so much stronger than you think, Dev. I know it and everybody here knows it too".

DJ nodded, determinedly. "You're right, Bricky". He began to choke up again, though more out of sentimentality rather than fear or sadness. "Thank you". The two of them pulled in for a tender kiss. It was something that would make the viewers at home cry. After all, everything on Total Drama Action was caught on a hidden camera.

Cut to the intro to the Gilded Chris ceremony before transitioning to the ceremony itself. Chris McLean was on stage in his blue tuxedo while the Gaffers all sat in the stands, worried about who would be the next to leave. "The votes have been cast!" said the host. "You should know how this goes by now. If you get a Gilded Chris, it means you're safe... for now". Chef walked on stage carrying the statuettes in his arms. The only difference this time from the previous ceremonies was that, this time, he wasn't wearing a dress. Instead, he was wearing a sports coat over his usual attire. "What happened to your dress?"

"The same thing that's gonna happen to your hair if you don't-"

"OKAY, THEN!" Chris interrupted with a very forced laugh. "And the first Gilded Chris goes to... Jen!" The fashionista caught her Gilded Chris.

"Brick"

"Dawn"

"Sammy"

"Gwen"

There were four Gaffers whose names had yet to be called but only three Gilded Chris awards left. Each one of them had a reason to be nervous. Anne Maria accidentally brought down a water tower. Cody's skittish behavior hadn't gone unnoticed by the others and definitely made things awkward throughout the day. Harold didn't even get to fire during his duel with Jasmine. And DJ had been acting strange for days, especially around the person who was arguably the show's co-host.

"Harold"

"Anne Maria"

There were two left but only one statue to give. Cody felt himself shrink while DJ felt his stomach knot. "Gentlemen, the final Gilded Chris of the evening goes to..."

...

...

...

...

"DJ"

DJ sighed like he hadn't been breathing for minutes as he caught his statue. Cody just got to his feet and stepped down from the stands. This was his third time getting eliminated now. He knew how things played out. "Welp," he said, turning to the others and putting on a smile for as long as he could. "I'll see you guys later". He made his way down the Walk of Shame and towards the Lame-O-Sine.

He opened the door and almost stepped in before he heard a voice from behind him. "Hey, Cody".

Cody jumped and shrieked upon hearing the sudden voice. He turned around to see, of all people, Gwen. "Well," Cody said, clutching his chest. "Now I know what that feels like".

Gwen chuckled and extended her hand to Cody. "I'll see you later, bud".

Cody took Gwen's hand. "I'll see you later". Before they could shake hands, Gwen pulled him in for a hug, which he was all too happy to return. After a moment, they let go and Cody hopped into the Lame-O-sine, which took off.

Gwen walked away before it did so that she wouldn't have to breathe in the toxic fumes of the beat up car. As she walked up the red carpet, Chris suddenly ran over and stopped her so they could pose in front of the camera. "Chris, what the-"

Chris put his arm around Gwen. "See all you groovy cats next time on Total! Drama! Action!" Gwen threw her fist down and punched the host in the groin. Chris winced and fell to his knees while Gwen exited the shot.

The Votes

[static]

"Cody was giving off a really weird vibe today," said Jen.

[static]

"Sorry, Harold but I have to vote for somebody," said Brick.

[static]

"I vote for DJ," said Dawn. "I feel like exiting the challenge will grant him peace of mind".

[static]

"I'm voting for Cody," said Sammy. "He's nice and all but you shouldn't shout that to someone who's about to jump from a high-dive". She was speaking from experience.

[static]

"I would vote off Anne Maria over Harold," Gwen began. "But if her hair is so strong that it brought down a whole water tower, we should probably keep her around".

[static]

"Cody made me feel normal today," said Harold. "When someone makes me feel that way, it means they're too weird, even for me".

[static]

"I'm votin' with Dawnie, which means I'm votin' for DJ," Said Anne Maria. "Dawn's smart. I trust her".

[static]

"I thought I was scared before," said DJ. "But then Anne Maria nearly got us killed".

[static]

"Gonna have to vote for Anne Maria," said Cody. "That was terrifying!"

[static]

Chapter Text

~Theme Song~

After a brief montage of clips of the eliminated contestants - including Mike baaing after losing the acting challenge, Beardo pranking everyone during the alien episode and Cody getting snatched out of the confessional by the monster animatronic - we see a fancy transition into the title: TDA Aftermath. Afterwards, we fade in to see Dakota and Rock sitting on a couch in front of a live studio audience.

"Hello, hello, everybody!" Rock greeted the viewing world. "We're coming at you live from Muskoka to bring you the absolutely rockin' Total Drama Action Aftermath show! We're your hosts, Rockington Roland..."

"And Dakota Milton! You may recognize me as the fabulously wealthy hotel heiress. And you may recognize my boyfriend as the front man for Next To Vomit".

"That's right, baby!" Rock did an imitation power riff. "But you probably recognize us most of all from Total Drama Island and its thrilling sequel series, Total Drama Action".

"Which we were voted out off from because everyone didn't think I belonged in the competition". Dakota tried not to let her bitterness over the events show. Not just for herself but for Rock too. "Let's just say it was fair for a minute," she began. "Did Rock deserve to go too just because he was close to me?"

"It's okay, Dakotazoid," Rock said, referring to his girlfriend by his pet name for her. "I'm glad I get to be with you anyway".

Dakota let out a sigh. "You're right, Rockie Poo. I'm sorry". She looked back at the audience and smiled. "Besides, with the two of us in charge, this after show is where the real action is gonna happen! Am I right, folks?!" The audience cheered and whooped in response.

"Yeah, the film lot may be cool and all but we'd much rather be here with you beautiful people!" The audience cheered and whooped even louder this time. "That's what I'm talking about!"

"And you even have a chance to get in on this action yourself!" said Dakota. "We've got tons of messages and e-mails from you guys and even a few video calls coming in".

"And boy, have we got a show for you today! We've got Mike joining us today!" The audience roared with applause.

"Not to mention: Beardo!" More applause followed.

"And of course, the surprise fan favorite of season one..."

"CODY!" Rock and Dakota announced in unison. The audience response was so loud that it nearly caused a few people to go deaf. A few of the girls in the crowd even fainted, as well as one or two guys. It was very surprising how popular Cody was but who were Rock and Dakota to question it.

"I hope my band gets that popular one day," Rock said.

"Don't worry, it'll happen," Dakota assured him. "I know people". She turned back to the audience again. "And we're here to ask our special guests the burning questions you've all wanted answers to. Why did Cody choke in the last episode? What's the deal with Beardo in the first place?"

"And, of course, did Mike actually double cross his team?"

"Speaking of which," said Dakota. "Let's get our first guest out of the way!" We pan up to a large screen above the two of them, which began to show footage of Mike's time during the season. "After making it to the final five last season, Mike's time on the new season was surprisingly short".

"But he still spent his time here in the Mike-est way possible!" said Rock. "That's a word, right?"

"Yeah, I think so". The montage stopped on an image of Manitoba Smith during the alien challenge. "Mike managed to put a new spin on one of his most infamous characters..." Dakota began drawing on a tablet on the desk with front of her with a red marker. We see that she was drawing a monocle and pencil thin mustache on Mike because Manitoba Smith was British now.

We see the clip of him and Sammy kissing while they were being carried away by the monster. "And he got to admit his love to the girl of his dreams," Rock recapped, which caused several audience members to react with "Awwww".

"But to everyone's surprise, the theatre kid ended up losing the acting challenge to ice dancer, Jacques".

"And any chances that the day could have ended in a tie were shattered when DJ caught Mike and Jasmine showing the teams' scripts to each other".

"And if that wasn't shocking enough, Mike seemed to relapse back to his characters once he got eliminated, not even leaving until Chris put Vito on the envelope".

"What's the deal with that? Well, we're about to find out!"

"Indeed, Rock! Our first guest is an angry old man, an Olympic gymnast, a body-builder and a British and/or Australian adventure all at once! Please welcome to the stage: Mike!"

While the audience cheered for the first guest, Mike was sitting in a green room with Beardo and Cody. Mike got to his feet and took a deep breath. "Wish me luck, boys," he asked of his companions.

Beardo didn't say anything but he high-fived him. Cody shot Mike the double guns. "Break a leg, man!"

Mike chuckled at this. "You gotta find other things to say, Code-ster".

"Yeah, I know".

With that, Mike exited the green room and walked out on stage, waving to the adoring public. "Hello, all you happy people!" Mike enthusiastically greeted them. He sat down in a seat next to Rock and Dakota, although we only see Rock for some reason. "Great to see you guys!"

"Great to see you too, my man!" Rock greeted back.

"Nice hair, Dakota".

Rock frowned at this remark. "Aw, come on, man. That's not very ni-" He glanced over at Dakota, only to have to do a double take. It seemed that, while Mike was coming out on stage, Dakota had placed a brown mullet-like wig onto her bald head. It wasn't exactly her color nor was it a good hairstyle. "Uh, Dakotazoid?"

"Yes, Rockie Poo?" Dakota asked, feigning innocence.

"Is, uh... Is everything alright?"

"Yeah, why?"

"No reason," Rock lied. Rock didn't want to bring up the wig or the fact that Dakota was bald. He knew it was a touchy subject for her and he didn't want to make her upset. So he ignored it and just kept things going. He cleared his throat in turned back to Mike. "So, Mike, how did it feel to be the first one voted off this season?"

Mike smirked and put his chin onto his fist. "I don't know. How did it feel?"

Half the audience gasped while the other half laughed. Rock was confused before Dakota leaned over and quietly spelled it out for him. "We were the first ones voted off this season, remember?"

Rock sulked upon this reminder. "Oh, yeah..."

"So, Rock," Mike went on. "How did this make you feel? Were you understanding? Did you feel betrayed? Did you somehow feel both at the same time? The people want to know".

Rock rubbed the back of his neck. "Well, I can't say I wasn't surprised. And sure, it was hard at first-"

Dakota threw a hand over her boyfriend's mouth. "Hey, now!" she said with a fake smile. "We're the ones asking questions, Mike".

Mike shrugged. "If you say so".

Dakota put her hosting demeanor back on. "So, Mike, what was going through your head during the Gilded Chris ceremony?"

Mike exhaled sharply, ready to inform the hosts. "I can't lie to you... except I can because that's what actors do. They lie for a living". The audience laughed at this and Mike pointed to them. "These guys know what I'm talking about! I love you guys!"

"Well, Mike, lying is about to get a bit more difficult," said Rock.

"How do you mean?" asked Mike, whose attention was still mostly directed towards the audience.

"What Rock means is that it's time for a little game we like to call... TRUTH OR HAMMER!" We see the intro to the ‘Truth or Hammer’ game, where we see a statue of Lady Justice... which was immediately crushed by a hammer.

Mike's eyes widened upon hearing the name of the game. "Truth or what now?"

"Truth or Hammer!" Dakota repeated. "It's oodles of fun! We ask you a question and if you get the wrong answer, a huge hammer will swing down and knock you clear out of your chair!"

"Don't worry. The hammer is rubber," Rock assured him.

"It's just rubber?" Mike repeated, sounding a little unconvinced.

"Sure is".

"So it won't hurt as much?"

"It won't," said Dakota.

Mike still didn't seem convinced. He got to his feet once again, faced the audience and told the first lie that came to his mind. "I am a trained helicopter pilot". The rubber hammer swung down from above, whacking Mike in the face, much to the shock of the audience. The impact from the hit flipped Mike into the air and the landed on the ground, hitting his face once more.

"See?" Rock asked. "Was that so bad?"

A bruised Mike got back to his feet and spit out several woodchips. "A rubber hammer, huh?" he said, spitefully.

"They told us it was rubber!" Rock said in defense.

"It was rubber!" Dakota added. "I checked myself before the producers said they wanted to make a few tweaks to the- Oh, I see what happened".

Mike sat back down in his seat. "Well, I was just joking before but now, I know not to lie. So hit me with your best shot". Mike ducked as the hammer swung down once again. "Not literally!"

"Okay, okay," said Rock. "Let's get serious".

"Yes. Serious," said Dakota. "Mike, a potential tiebreaker between you and Anne Maria was thrown out the window the moment DJ caught you having a sidebar with Jasmine. So I've gotta ask what everyone wants to know... Did you switch the teams' scripts?"

Mike didn't hesitate to answer. "Nope. The scripts were just given to us like that".

Dakota jumped to the floor to avoid any potential hammer attacks but the hammer never came down. The audience gasped in shock. Rock wasn't too surprised but Dakota was. "So, wait? You didn't switch the scripts?"

"No," Mike repeated. "I mean, maybe I could have said something to Chris or Chef but I feel like they wouldn't have actually done something about-" Mike stopped before he finished his sentence as everything began to sink in. "Wait. Sorry... Everyone thought I switched the scripts and no one thought to actually confront me about it?"

"Well," Rock began. "We've been talking about it since the start of the episode".

"I thought you guys were just joking!"

"Why would we be joking?" Dakota asked.

"Why didn't anyone go up to me and be like ‘Hey, Mike! How come you changed the scripts and screwed up the challenge?!’"

"That's what the show is for!"

"Hold on! Did you guys think Jasmine was in on it too?" Mike sounded offended but more on his friend's behalf than his own. "Did you think that Jasmine was a saboteur?!"

"What?" asked a baffled Rock. "No, dude!"

"Everyone assumed you pulled a fast one on her," Dakota explained. "That's all".

Mike was silent for a moment. And then he began laughing. The audience began laughing with him, though it was more out of overall confusion than actual amusement. "You thought that I could trick Jasmine? That's... That's adorable. Hilarious, even! You should do stand-up".

Dakota blushed with pride. "Oh, my god, do you really think so?"

"I told you we should try something like that, babe!" said Rock. "Like, a rock 'n roll/stand-up mashup or something!"

"That's such a good idea! You're so-" Dakota went silent once she noticed that Mike got up from his seat and tried to creep away. "Hey, wait a minute!"

She and Rock got up and each grabbed one of Mike's arms and dragged him back to his seat. "Sorry, dude," said Rock. "But your time's not up yet".

Mike was mentally berating himself for trying such a cheap stunt. Not only did it not work but he had just revealed that there was something that he didn't want to give away. He had painted himself into a corner. "So, Mike," Dakota began. "What exactly are you hiding from?"

"Um... nothing?" Mike shrieked and jumped to the floor to avoid the giant hammer as it swung down.

"Okay, then. If you weren't switching the scripts, then what were you and Jasmine talking about?"

Mike thought for a moment before a lightbulb went off in his head. "I can tell you one of the things I talked about with Jasmine".

"Sounds fair to me," said Rock.

"Um, no!" Dakota rebutted. "So not fair! We're here to get all the details, Mike!"

"Well, I'm afraid I can't do that," Mike said with a shrug. "Legal reasons".

"Legal reasons?" Dakota scoffed. "You're kidding, right?"

"Do you see a giant hammer swinging down right now? I can call my lawyer right now. Ooh, actually, his son is an aspiring songwriter so if you want, I can call him later".

"Yes," said Rock. "Please call him. I would like to meet him".

"Rockie-Poo, not now," Dakota whispered to her boyfriend before going back to addressing Mike. "Alright, Mike. What's the one thing you can tell us about your conversation with Jasmine?"

"We were talking about Sammy". The audience was heard going "Awww" yet again. "We were talking about how she would be now that Jasmine's on a different team and how she would react if I got eliminated".

Rock put his hand to his chest. "That's real sweet, man". He wiped a single tear from his eye.

"Hang on," said a seemingly unmoved Dakota. "You said ‘if you got eliminated’. Did you think you were gonna get eliminated that episode?"

"Well, not that episode," Mike clarified. "But even if I had done my best, I always had this feeling that I wouldn't make it to the end. Especially after what happened last season". The audience members all began murmuring over each other as they recalled the infamous Playa Des Loser elimination.

"Interesting. So you're still bitter about your unfair elimination from last season?"

"Oh, not at all," Mike said, truthfully. "Actually, it got me thinking and-"

"Well, if we're not gonna get all that gossip, then we're gonna have to ask the real important questions," Rock interrupted. "You're an actor, Mike. Why do you think you lost the acting challenge".

"Now, that is an interesting question," Mike said, seeming more than a little eager to get into a tangent about acting. "I tried my best to stay in character despite the weird dialogue but I don't think that was enough. I think I got way too caught up in the accent that I was just Vito again. I don't think I can sell emotion as Vito. I was Vito playing a grandmother. I wasn't Big Lucky Parmesano playing a grandmother".

Rock was listening intensely while Dakota just looked bored. "Fascinating".

"I mean, I think I heard Dawn say that Chef threw the acting challenge because he was mad at DJ but I might be misremembering things, I don't know".

"Very fascinat-"

"Wait, wait, wait!" Dakota blurted out. "What was that last part?"

"I think I heard Dawn tell someone that Chef wasn't all that moved by Jacques' acting and was just acting bitterly towards DJ for some reason," Mike said again, no giant hammer in sight. "But again, I could be wrong".

"But why would he be acting bitterly towards DJ?" Dakota prodded. "And why didn't Dawn tell anyone else? And why didn't-" Suddenly, the same music that played during Mike's intro began playing, signifying that his time was up. "Wait, no!"

"Yes, sorry, babe," said Rock. "But it looks like it's time to move on to our next guest".

"Oh, thank god," Mike said under his breath. Dakota's incessant questioning were starting to scare him a little bit.

"So if you could just take a seat over there..." Rock pointed to his right where there was a set of couches. "And you can be the first member of our peanut gallery!"

"It would be an honor," Mike said with the utmost sincerity. Mike made his way over to the other couches while Dakota crossed her arms and pouted that her drama-hunting had gone nowhere.

"Aw, come on, babe!" Rock said. "I know how much you've been wanting to do the intro".

Dakota affectionately rolled her eyes. "Okay". She put on her camera-ready smile once again. "Are you ready for our next guest?" The audience all cheered once more.

Static cut to a montage of Beardo's time on on TDA. "Beardo was hoping that his unique skillset would help him get farther than he did last season and, for a moment, it looked like he could".

"The secret prankster used his beatboxing knowledge to get one over on the other team," Rock continued. "Especially when he gave his team a sizable advantage during the third episode. Sadly, it all came crashing down".

"Just like Beardo when he tried to dance to Scatman!" Cut away from the montage and back to Dakota and Rock on the couch. "Introducing our next guess, the human soundboard and the only man capable of scaring sharks..."

"Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the stage: Beardo!" As Beardo walked out on stage and waved to all Total Drama fans watching, Dakota began whispering to her boyfriend and co-host. "Okay, so we know Beardo only talks, like, once a day. So we've got to make sure we don't waste our one chance, okay?"

"Okay".

Beardo sat down and clicked his tongue at the hosts. It was his way of saying "Hello". "Nice to see you too, Beardo," Dakota greeted. "Now, we're all wondering just what-"

"Actually, wait a second," Rock interrupted. "We've got a video call coming in for Beardo right now. Is it okay to take it?"

Dakota took a moment to think about the question, considering if this was a good idea or not. She shrugged her shoulders and decided that it probably wasn't a big deal. It was just one fan asking a basic question. "I don't see why not".

"Perfect! Okay, Beardo. We've got a call coming in from somebody named ‘Sanders’".

Beardo nearly jumped out of his seat upon hearing that name. The big screen showed static before cutting to live video feed of what seemed to be an empty room with a police siren going off in the background. However, a young woman in blue appeared on the screen, revealing that she was actually the one making the siren noise, surprising the audience. The woman broke out in laughter before addressing the bearded teen on the other side. "Bitty B! How's it going?"

"Sanders!" Beardo greeted, joyfully. "I'm doing great! How you doin', girl?"

"Doing great! I'm in the cadet academy now!"

"That's awesome, man!"

"Thanks! And thank you for the shoutout during the special. To answer your question: Yes. My girlfriend and I are doing much better now. Not to mention..." Sanders reached down and pulled a sickly-looking Chihuahua into frame. "We got dogs!"

Beardo's eyes went heart-shaped. "Oh, my god! I love them!"

"Yeah, she's got four brothers but she's the only Chihuahua. MacArthur loves them all equally but I'd be lying if I said that Booger here wasn't my favorite!"

Dakota, Rock, Beardo and the audience all let out "oohs" and "ahs" while Mike tilted his head in confusion. "Who names a dog ‘Booger’?" he said to himself.

"Don't let her size fool you, though," Sanders went on. "She nearly bit the face off of that weird old man who lives upstairs".

"Oh, Mr. Henderson?" Beardo asked his neighbor. "Yeah, he probably had it coming".

Sanders laughed at this. "Alright, I've taken up enough of your time. Bye! I'll see you later!" The two of them waved each other goodbye before Sanders ended the video call and the camera feed cut to static.

"Well, that was kinda nice," said Rock.

"It sure was but now it's drama time!" said Dakota. "Alright, Beardo. What was going through your head during the elimination ceremony?" Beardo responded by doing a perfect recreation of the music sting from Psycho, signifying the fear and anxiety that consumed him at the time. Dakota's face fell upon hearing this. Beardo had already exceeded his daily amount of regular speaking. "Beardo, everyone," she said half-heartedly. The exit music started playing as Beardo moved over to Mike's side while joyfully waving to the audience.

Dakota buried her head in her hands in frustration, which concerned Rock. "Hey, babe? You okay?"

"I'm fine," Dakota grumbled. The giant hammer swung done, even if there was no one in the seat for it to hit.

Rock's eyes darted back to the camera. "Uh... We'll be right back after this break for more of the TDA Aftermath!"

We fade back from the ads to see Rock and Dakota, unaware that the break was over, having a discussion about the preceding events. "I just want the show to go exactly the way it's supposed to," Dakota said.

"I know," Rock sighed. "And I'm sorry. I should have waited to bring up the video call".

"No, Rock, it's not your fault," Dakota said, cupping her boyfriend's face with one hand. "It's just these interviews".

"Uh, guys?" Mike chimed in from off-screen.

"The producers told me that they want drama and we have to give it to them. That's our job. I don't want us to lose this".

"Guys?" Mike said again.

"But they're our friends, Dakota," said Rock. "I don't want to force them to talk about things they don't wanna get into".

"Guys?" Mike said a third time.

"I don't want to either but we have to!" said Dakota. "Don't you see that-" Their conversation was interrupted yet again but not by Mike. Instead, it was by Beardo making a foghorn noise, which was just loud enough to get their attention. "What?" Rock and Dakota asked in unison.

"First off," Mike said. "Thank you, Beardo". Beardo smiled and nodded. "Second, you guys are live".

"We're what?" Dakota asked before she and Rock looked forward and saw that the red lights on the cameras were on. They were in the middle of filming. "Oh, sh-"

"And now, it's time for a brand new segment that we know you guys are gonna love!" Rock said suddenly, saving face. "We call it ‘That's Gonna Leave a Mark’!"

We see the intro for this segment, which is somewhat similar to the one for the Gilded Chris ceremony. We see several clips from the first season of various characters getting hurt or injured. Some notable clips included a coconut hitting Jacques on the head at Playa Des Loser, Dawn shooting paintballs at the opposing team and Gwen choking Cody while lifting him in the air. "So here's how this works," Rock began. "We're gonna show you the funniest moments of pain throughout the show, included some never-before-seen bonus content!"

"So let's leave a mark!" Dakota announced before the show transitioned into the montage of pain.

We see a few moments from throughout the season. Anne Maria falling on top of Dawn, who reacted like the secret-crush-having girl she was. Jacques getting caught in mid-air by the monster. Gwen getting hit in the face by a seagull. Jacques getting pushed down the fake mountain by Stephanie. Rodney getting kicked over the water tower by the old horse. Jacques getting beat up by Leshawna. Tom slipping the second he stepped onto the surfboard. Jacques getting thrown into the sandbox. There were a lot of moments of Jacques going through pain and the audience loved every single one.

Next came the never-before-seen footage. The first was Leshawna trying to get down from the lights during the acting challenge, only to accidentally knock one down. It fell right on Jacques' head. Naturally, the audience loved it. Next was when Sierra, Rodney, Cody, Gwen and Kitty were running away from the giant animatronic monster. Cody managed to get away but the monster managed to grab Gwen and Kitty and then Sierra. Rodney stopped to yell for his friend, only to get crushed onto the monster's foot. Then, we see Anne Maria helping out with the sandcastle challenge before a crab jumped up and pinched her on the nose. She began running around, wildly, with the crab still hanging on. Then, we see a clip of Tom trying to rope Jen, only to lasso his own legs. We see Chef walking down the hall during the alien challenge, only to slip on his own ammo, do a somersault in the air and fall right on his head. The last clip we see is of Cody running through the Western set, hoping to avoid falling debris from the collapsing water tower. He stops to take a breather when he thinks he's avoided all of it, only for a huge chuck to fall right on top of him and bury him six feet under.

"I think that clip is a good segue into our next guest," Dakota said. "Surprise audience favorite: Cody Emmet Jameson Anderson!" The audience whooped and cheered once more while a montage of Cody's time on the season. "After winning the audience vote to return to the last season halfway through the competition, it seemed that luck was on Cody's side".

"But whatever luck he had quickly ran out," said Rock, drawing buck teeth and a pair of glasses with tape in the middle onto a screenshot of Cody. "While many had forgiven him for his actions against Gwen, including Gwen, it seemed that Cody hadn't really forgiven himself".

"His constant need to walk on eggshells during his time there led to a few weird and embarrassing moments before a few of his teammates decided that it was time for him to go".

"So is the Code-meister back to normal now or is he just as skittish? Let's find out!"

"Our next guest got eliminated for peeing his pants, survived walking on a land mine and got bitten by a rattlesnake. Please welcome... Cody!"

Cody walked onto the stage as the audience members, especially the girls, went wild. He strutted on over to the hot seat, shooting finger guns. He had that same confident bravado he had when he had first appeared on Total Drama Island. "Great to have you here with us, Code-ster," Rock said as the Code-ster sat down.

"Thanks, man," said Cody. "It's great to be here. But also, like, please don't hit me with a giant hammer".

"Well, don't tell a lie and we won't have to worry about that," said Dakota. "So let's cut to the chase, Cody... What happened on the show?"

Cody blinked. "Have you not been watching the-"

"To you," Dakota clarified. "What happened to you on the show?"

Cody took a second to think before giving his answer. "Uh, gosh... I don't really know, ya know? I guess- YIPE!" Cody ducked his head so as not to get hit by the giant hammer that swung down. "Oh, come on! I wasn't even lying! I'm just bad with words!" The hammer didn't swing down that time.

"Wait, so it counted the first one as a lie but you saying you weren't lying wasn't a lie?" a stunned Rock asked. "Woah, I may need some brownies for this".

Cody smiled mischievously. "Oh, I've got an idea". He cleared his throat. "This statement is a lie". The hammer began to swing down but then stopped halfway through and went back up. Then, it began swinging down again before stopping again before going back up again before-

"I love this wig," Dakota fibbed, causing the hammer to swing back down and hit Cody. "Okay, are we done now?"

Cody, rubbing his jaw, sat back down in the hot seat. "Alright," he said. "So what happened to me was that I became so focused on whether or not I deserved Gwen's forgiveness and friendship that I forgot about playing the game".

"I'll say. You jumped into a lasso for Gwen, only for her to get lassoed immediately".

"Do you think you could have managed to escape elimination if you just tried not getting lassoed?" asked Rock.

Cody shrugged. "I mean... maybe? To be honest-" His eyes darted upward upon saying this. "I think that moment was just the tip of the iceberg of how I was acting this season".

"Well, it's funny you should mention that, Codebreaker," said Rock. "Because we've got a message from @DaveTheeNormie for you".

"Alright. Shoot".

Rock leaned over and looked at the tablet. "Alright, @DaveTheeNormie asks ‘Are you just as embarrassed about how you acted this season as you did last season?’".

Cody was noticeably taken aback by this question. "Um... I mean, if he means if it was embarrassing as peeing my pants, I'd say maybe". The crowd laughed but Cody didn't look very amused at his own joke. "But in terms of what I did in the premiere? What I did to Gwen? The thing that got me eliminated in the first place? Absolutely not. What I did was wrong and saying I'm embarrassed of it is an understatement".

Dakota was now much more invested in the interview. "Care to elaborate for us?"

"Not much to elaborate about," Cody said before he began to elaborate. "Violating Gwen's boundaries was awful. This season, I was afraid that I was doing it again whenever she got jumpy around me. Heck, it wasn't until just before this after show that I discovered that I'm just really quiet when I enter rooms and that I nearly give people heart attacks every time". Cody began to laugh. "You should've seen Beardo when I walked into the green room. He let out some kinda of horror movie scream". Beardo smiled and raised his hand as if to say "Guilty!".

"Oh, that's what that was?" Rock asked.

"I thought someone was getting stabbed," said Dakota.

Mike raised an eyebrow upon hearing this. "And you didn't do anything about it?"

Cody continued his spiel. "The point I'm trying to make is that I shouldn't have done what I did when I first got to the island and, as painful as things were this season, I'd rather spend a lifetime trying to make up for it than actually do it again. And I'm so grateful that Gwen forgave me".

"Well, that's interesting, Cody," said Rock. "Because @DaveTheeNormie goes on to say that-" Rock's eyes widened upon reading what was left in the message. "Oh. Oh! Oh, no!" He looked back up at Cody. "Ha! Just kidding! He didn't say anything else! That's the end of the letter!"

Dakota rolled her eyes, albeit with affection. "Oh, Rockie-Poo. You just need a stronger stomach to handle some of the harsher words. Let me read it". She read from the message on her own tablet. "Okay, so he goes on to say that you should have, and I quote, ‘planted your feet in the dirt and not worried about last season. You shouldn't be so worried about when people call you out because they just don't understand how right some guys are when they-’ OKAY, we're gonna stop reading this now!" Dakota put on a fake smile but there was a traumatized look in her eyes.

"Well, that was... something," a clearly uncomfortable Cody remarked. "I hope to never meet this guy in real life. But we was right about one thing".

"He was?" asked a stunned Rock and Dakota.

"Yes. Well, sort of. I shouldn't have been so worried about trying to make up for last season. Not because what I did wasn't bad but because Gwen forgave me. I was worried about something I didn't need to worry about and it cost me the game. I was acting all weird during the challenges and that really came back to haunt me during the Western episode. I wasn't focused on the game. I wasn't focused on being a team player. And I don't think I'm gonna get a second chance this time". Then, to everyone's surprise, Cody smiled. "But it's okay. I'm glad to be away from the game right now".

"Really?" asked Dakota.

"Really, really. I don't want to focus on relationships or anymore drama. I want to focus on Cody. Who is Cody? Why is Cody? You know, that sort of thing".

"Of course," Rock nodded.

"I don't want to overthink anything anymore. I want to try and move on. I want to know what it means to be fulfilled. I want to be the best Cody I can be".

Dakota put a hand on her chest, clearly moved by the whole thing. "Wow, Cody. That was... actually kinda deep".

"Thanks," said Cody. "Anyway, did you guys know that Chris is in the middle of a brutal prank war with Intern #2?"

"No, I haven't," Rock said, giddily. "But I wanna know everything!"

"Okay, so it started when Intern #2 put a cherry bomb in Chris' toilet-"

"Okay," Dakota interrupted. "We'd love to hear more of that, Cody but we've got another video call coming in".

Cody snapped his fingers. "Oh, well. Guess I'll have to tell you some other time, Rock".

"Aw, man," the rocker sighed.

"Okay," Dakota droned as she read from the tablet. "This is from Steve the... the Yeti? Steve the Yeti from Vancouver, everyone!"

On the giant screen above them was a video call from what looked like Sasquatchanakwa. "How's it going, Steve?" Rock greeted.

Steve the Yeti, however, decided not to beat around the bush. "Chris McLean is the best host ever!" the yeti ranted in a somewhat familiar voice.

"Well, that's your opinion," Dakota began. "But some would say-"

"Not my opinion!" Steve interrupted. "It's a fact! You guys stink! How'd you get your own show?! I can't believe-"

Suddenly, Steve was cut off by a much more recognizable voice: Chef's. "Yo, Chris! If I wanted to take a hot tub by myself, I- Ooh, you on the webcam?" The 'yeti' grinned with embarrassment.

"Chris?!" Rock and Dakota exclaimed in unison.

Chef peeked into the frame. "Don't believe anything you hear about me throwin' challenges! It's all lies and slander! And another thing-" The feed suddenly cut off, leaving only static.

"So... that was certainly a surprise. But I'm afraid our time is up for this week," Dakota addressed the audience. "We'd like to thank you all for joining us here tonight but I'm afraid we've come to the end of tonight's show. But don't worry. We'll see you next time on..." Dakota trailed off as she heard a voice speaking to her through her earpiece. The camera-ready enthusiasm slowly faded from her face.

"What is it, D?" Rock asked.

Dakota let out a frustrated sigh. "The producers are telling me that just because we've used up Cody's interview time, it doesn't mean that we've reached the actual end of the show".

"What? That's a load!"

"I know, right?!" Dakota crossed her arms in annoyance. "What more do they want from us? We've already gone through all three of our guests! What else are we supposed to do?!"

Dakota continued to sulk while Rock stroked his chin in thought. They were both coming up short. But a certain former contestant appeared in between them and put his arms around both. "Now," Cody spoke up. "I don't wanna impose on your hosting duties but I would like to point out that there are two eliminated contestants who haven't been interviewed yet".

"He's got a point there," Mike added. Beardo made bell noises.

Dakota's eyes widened with realization. "Oh, no! No, no, no, no, no! We are not doing this!"

Rock gave Cody a shrug. "I mean, I don't see why not".

"Rockie-Poo!"

"What do you say, folks?" Cody asked the crowd. "Do we want to see these guys be interviewed?" The audience cheered loudly in response, as did Mike and Beardo.

Dakota, however, didn't move a muscle. "No! I'm not going to! I refuse! And so does Rock! Right, Rockie-Poo?" She looked over and saw that Rock had walked over to the hot seat. "Rock, get back here!"

"I'd love to, babe!" Rock said, defensively. "But the audience wants my interview!" The audience cheered at the confirmation of Rock getting an interview. "And this'll make the producers happy and that's gonna make you happy".

Dakota let out a sigh. She couldn't argue with that. Not just because she wanted to get the producers off her back but also because she loved that Rock was doing it partially to make her happy. She loved that about him. Still, she wasn't fully relenting. "Okay, fine. But I'm gonna need a co-host because I'm not interviewing you".

Thankfully, Cody was still sitting on the main couch. "Why have a co-host when you can have a code-ho- No. No, that was terrible. I'm sorry".

Dakota rolled her eyes, this time with no affection whatsoever. Still, she had to do what she had to do. "Alright, Cody. Let's get this over with".

"Okay, then!" Cody sat up straight (for once in his life) and got into serious interviewer mode. "Now, Rock, how did it feel when you found out that both you and Dakota were the first ones voted off the season?"

Dakota flinched upon hearing this question once again but Rock took it in stride once more. "Well, I can't say I wasn't surprised. I mean, I'll be honest. I don't think anyone would've pegged me as a big threat or anything".

"See, you say that but you made it all the way to fourth place last season. Do you think that maybe people thought you were had what it took to make it to the finale this time?"

Rock laughed at this. "It means a lot that you think that, Codebreaker. But I think you and I both know that I made it as far as I did last season purely out of luck. I mean remember when we got tricked into thinking that Dakota was murdered?"

Dakota shuddered at the memory. "Ugh, don't remind me. Do you know how long it took me to wash off all that fake blood?"

"So, with all that said," Cody began. "Why do you think you were voted off along with Dakota?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Rock said, sounding calm and perfectly ambivalent about all that had happened. "They just voted me off because they needed to vote someone off with Dakota. Sure, I was a bit upset at first and just as upset that they'd want to vote her off but I don't mind as much anymore".

Dakota spoke up before Cody could go on. "Wait. I wanna ask a question". She walked over to the hot seat and sat down beside her boyfriend. "Are you really not mad that you were only voted off because of me?"

Rock took Dakota's hands into his own. "Of course not! I love you, D and I'm glad that I still get to be here with you. You finally got your own spin-off and you're away from Chris. Plus, if it was just you and not me, I would've been next to leave anyway. I think I would've just given up once you left".

Tears welled in Dakota's eyes. "I LOVE YOU TOO, ROCKIE-POO!" The two of them began making out on the hot seat, much to the excitement of the crowd and the discomfort of the three guests.

"Okay," said Cody. "The camera crew is gesturing me that we are actually reaching the end of the show this time. So I guess I'm gonna have to do the sign-off too". He turned to the two other guests. "Unless you wanna give me a hand here, Mike?"

Mike opened his mouth to say something but stopped upon a vibrating noise. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and checked the Caller ID. "Oh, it's my lawyer. I gotta take this". He swiped one way on the phone and put the device to his ear. "Jerry! Talk to me, baby!"

"Guess it's just me, then," said Cody before turning back to the cameras as the Aftermath theme played in the background. "Well, Rock and Dakota will see you lovely people here next time! We've got a great season coming up which means these two have got a great aftermath show for you too!" He looked over at the two of them and saw that they were still making out. "When they have the time for it, that is". The crowd laughed at Cody's remark. "And don't forget to join Chris next time for the most dramatically filling episode of Total! Drama! Action!" Cody turned to Beardo. "Do you think that was good?"

Beardo gave Cody a thumbs up in response, which caused the hammer to swing down from the ceiling. It only barely avoided hitting Rock and Dakota.

Chapter Text

~Recap~

"Last time on Total Drama Action, the dry desert heat baked our favorite partners like roadkill on the blacktop. But crispy bottoms or not, they still had to mount their ancient steed... from a hundred foot platform! And then Anne Maria broke said platform with her dangerously strong hair. But that wasn't all. A calf-roping contest had the teams lasso each other and farm-boy, Rodney, managed to lead his team to victory with his mad lasso skills. While there were more than a few fumbles on the Screaming Gaffers last episode, it was Cody's desperate attempts to prove himself that landed him a ride on the 3:10 to Playa Des Losers. The Killer Grips won the west and only seventeen remain! Who will be the next to go? See for yourself next on Total! Drama! Action!"

~Theme Song~

We fade in on all the guys in their cabin, fast asleep as the sun rose. Some were sleeping peacefully. Some were tossing and turning. Harold was drooling and Jacques was muttering "gold" in between his snores. DJ and Brick were sharing a bunk, with the big-hearted jock's head resting on the jarhead's chest. Suddenly, the sound of an air horn erupted, startling everyone awake. Brick threw himself upwards, accidentally shoving DJ onto the floor. "I'm up, Sarge!" he yelled out of instinct.

"Brick," a groggy Tom moaned. "If you brought your alarm clock, I swear..."

"It's not mine," Brick was quick to clarify. "Mine's gone a rhythm to it. This is just noise".

"If there's one thing I cannot stand," Jacques began. "It's all the noise, noise, noise, noise!"

"I love that book," Rodney sleepily agreed.

"Now, now," DJ said calmly. "No alarm clock-related threats against anyone, okay?" Tom silently relented. "Now, let's just calm down, go outside and get some breakfast". DJ walked over to the door, pulled on the handle and... nothing happened. The door wouldn't open. "Huh, that's weird. I guess we're locked inside". After a pause, DJ began rattling the door handle with all his might, which ended up shaking the trailer a bunch. "OH, GOD! WE'RE GONNA DIE IN HERE! I WANT MY MAMA!"

"This is my dream and my nightmare at the same time," said Shawn. "On one hand, we're locked inside, which means we're safe in case something's gone terribly wrong. On the other hand, there are no rations in here!"

"Even worse, we're stuck in here with Jacques!" Harold whined.

"Hey!" cried the Frenchman.

"Sorry, boss," Rodney said to his ‘friend’. "But they've got a point".

"You are not helping!"

"If worst comes to worst, we cook Jacques first!" Shawn proclaimed.

"What?!"

DJ pulled out his canister of spice. "Don't worry, Jacques. I'll make sure you taste delicious".

"ARE YOU ALL ACTUALLY PLANNING ON EATING ME?!"

[static]

Jacques chuckled smarmily. "I do not think I can blame them. I mean, I am a sna-"

Jacques was cut off when someone off-screen reached in and began spraying water at him like he was a cat. As he screamed and ran away, the sprayer walked in, revealing that it was Tom. "Bad!" Tom berated Jacques. "Bad narcissist! No innuendos for you!"

[static]

At the girls' cabin, things were going... better? They had a plan. A very strange plan but a plan, nonetheless. At first, we only see a close-up of Leshawna. "Okay. Y'all ready?

Pan over to reveal Sammy and Sierra standing beside her. "Ready!" they replied with confidence.

"Alright, then. On three! One... Two... THREE!" We see the three of them charge at the door with their own battering ram... which just so happened to be Anne Maria. They were holding up Anne Maria and charging at the door, hair first, to try and break it down. And they were making some sort of progress.

"OW!" Anne Maria cried. "Can ya stop now?! It ain't workin'!"

"No, look!" Sierra said, pointing to the door. "The door's dented! That means it's working!"

"Sorry, girl," Leshawna said to Anne Maria. "But unless you've got a better idea, then we've gotta keep tryin' this".

Anne Maria rolled her eyes but chose not to argue. "Ugh, fine!"

"I don't get it," said Sammy. "How can your hair destroy a water tower and an animatronic monster's hand but not this door?"

"Pfft, I dunno. Ask Dawn. She probably knows".

But they couldn't ask Dawn as she was occupied at that moment. She was sitting on the floor of the trailer, in her meditative pose. "And deep breath in..." She took inhaled deeply and the camera panned over to reveal that Jasmine was sitting across from her and following her breathing instructions. "And deep breath out". Both the moonchild and the Aussie let out deep exhales. "You're doing great".

"Are you sure?" Jasmine asked, a slight tremble in her voice. "I still feel pretty nervous". The usually brave Jasmine had one fear and that was claustrophobia. She could do her best to overcome it if it was for a challenge, such as the phobia episode from last season. But when it was something sudden like this, she wasn't sure she could handle it. Thankfully, Dawn was eager to lend a helping hand.

"What we're doing right now isn't a cure for your claustrophobia," Dawn gently reminded her. "It's simply a way to keep you level-headed given the circumstances".

Jasmine kept breathing. "You're right. And thanks. Again".

"Of course," Dawn said with a smile. "Besides, you're handling it better than others".

We pan over to see who one of the ‘others’ was. A similarly claustrophobic Gwen was hanging on to Kitty's wrist like her life depended on it. Jen sat on the floor, her knees up to her chest and her head down so no one could see what she was feeling (besides Dawn, of course). Stephanie, who'd been instructed to not help with Anne Maria, stood leaning against one of the beds. "Don't leave my side no matter what, okay?" a panicked Gwen asked her girlfriend.

"I won't," Kitty assured her.

"Promise?"

"I promise, Gwenny". Kitty began to wince. "But can you loosen your grip a bit?"

Gwen realized how tightly she was gripping Kitty's wrist and followed up on her request. "Right".

[static]

Gwen and Kitty sat in the confessional together. "Sorry for acting all wussy back there," the goth said.

Kitty put a hand on Gwen's shoulder. "Hey, it's okay. It's not your fault you're afraid of Santa".

"I know. It's just-" Kitty's bad joke finally sunk in and Gwen gave her girlfriend a disappointed look. "Kitty, no".

Kitty began howling with laughter, as if what she had just said was the funniest thing in the world while Gwen simply face-palmed.

[static]

"I hope Tom's doing okay right now," said a concerned-looking Jen. She suddenly caught herself and put on a frown. "So he can live to admit that he's wrong about the blog! I don't miss him! At all! I'm glad that I'm not carrying him around for once!"

[static]

We cut back to the guys' trailer, where we see a few of them standing on each other's shoulders to get who they considered to be the skinniest one of them to squeeze through the vent in the roof and unlock the door from the outside. Who was the skinniest one of them? None other than Harold Norbert Cheever Doris McGrady V.

As Rodney, DJ and Brick hoisted the ginger geek up, Jacques thought that now would be a great time to mock his team's leader. "Looks like you're putting on weight, eh?"

Tom rolled his eyes and took it in stride. "Thanks, Jacques. I've been meaning to. Don't wanna be a weakling, after all".

"You can't be anymore of a weakling than you are right now".

"Says the guy who dropped his lightweight partner on the ice".

"I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW-"

"Got it!" Harold exclaimed. "Alright! Mad slinking skills, activate!" He jumped through the vent and tried to land on the roof, only to slip as soon as his foot made contact and he ended up falling flat on the ground. As soon as he was able to get back on his feet, he used his skills that he'd accrued from Picky Steve's Lock Picking Camp to unlock and open the trailer door.

As soon as the boys all realized that they were freed, DJ ran out and enveloped Harold in a tight hug. "Oh, thank you! Thank you so much! I thought I was gonna die in there!"

"We were in there for five minutes, you big baby," Jacques chastised him.

"Well, technically," Harold spoke up. "We were in there all night-"

"Congratulations, fellas!" said Chris, who walked up to them. The guys were surprised to see him dressed as a pig cop. "You were the first ones to make it out of the trailers". He looked over at Chef, who was standing in front of the door to the girls cabin with his fingers wrapped around the handle. "Alright, Chef. Let 'em out!"

Chef opened the door but as soon as he did, Sammy, Sierra and Leshawna all ran out of it, still carrying Anne Maria. The impact from her hair caused Chef to go flying across the film lot, screaming. "We're sorry!" Sammy shouted after him.

"I sure ain't," Anne Maria remarked before she was let down on the floor.

Gwen and Jasmine came running out of the trailer and fell to their knees upon breathing in fresh air. "Oh, my god!" Gwen gasped. "We're alive! I didn't think we'd make it!"

"It's okay!" Jasmine said, choking back tears. "We're going to be okay!"

"What happened in there?" Brick asked the girls.

"Don't ask," Stephanie said as she and the others exited the trailer.

"Hope you all enjoyed your first taste of the gulag," Chris said to all of the remaining contestants.

"The goulash?" Rodney asked.

"Oh, sacré bleu," Jacques scoffed. "‘Gulag’!"

"The big house," Leshawna said in an attempt to clear things up.

"La casa grande!" said Anne Maria.

"The big house!" everyone said at once, hoping to get it through Rodney's skull.

It finally dawned on Rodney what they meant. "Oh!" Then, something else dawned on Rodney. "Wait, does that mean we're doing prison break movies today?"

"That's right, Rodney!" Chris said as the camera panned over to an exterior shot of a prison set, complete with prison-themed obstacle course. Nearly everyone groaned. Not because Rodney had said something stupid but because Chris had come up with a stupid challenge. Naturally, the only one who wasn't upset by the whole thing was Sierra because she was Sierra.

"Yeah, we're screwed," Kitty said, flatly. "Gwenny's been to prison".

"Kit, for the last time, I was in a holding cell for an hour-and-a-half when I was ten," Gwen clarified. "It wasn't prison".

"Oh, okay". Kitty beamed and turned to Leshawna. "We're not screwed!"

"Ah, prison," Chris mused as he played with his prop police baton. "The confinement. The claustrophobia. The vile, nasty food. And you're always looking over your shoulder cause Mr. Killer Dude wants to cut ya for stealing his tater tots and getting the lead in My Fair Lady!" The longer Chris went on, the more theatrical and animated he became. Everyone found it annoying and desperate. Except for Sierra, of course. "And no matter how hard you try, digging out spoonfuls of dirt, year after year, there's no escape... Unless you get voted off, of course!"

[static]

"The number one rule on your first day at prison?" Stephanie said, looking particularly smug. "Go for the biggest, meanest guy there and BAM!" She punched the camera, cracking the lens.

[static]

One lengthy camera replacement later, Harold sat in the confessional. "Talk about overkill. This place is plenty prison-like already. Not that I'm complaining. I mean, I should probably be locked up for the ladies' sake anyways". He said this with the utmost sincerity.

[static]

Cut to the location of the next challenge. It was a very lazily put-together prison set. It was a room with a tile floor and a curtain with pictures of cells on it in an attempt to make it look like an actual prison. Chris stood in the center of the room while the Grips on one side and the Gaffers on the other. "Lock down, people! Let's get this challenge started! Teams, take a prisoner from the competition! And Chef - Uh, I mean... warden, lock 'em up!"

Brick and Gwen, the two appointed to the right-hand by Jen, rounded up the other members of the Screaming Gaffers. "Alright, guys. We have to think carefully about this," Brick said. "We've got one shot to ace this challenge".

Meanwhile, the Grips were having the same conversation. "No risky moves here," said Shawn.

"Shawn's right," said Jasmine. "We can't get cocky. We've got to pick the best choice".

"Let's go with Dawn," Jacques said without hesitation. "She is one of the smartest players in the game. We should take her out".

"No!" Stephanie objected in a louder tone than she would have liked. She cleared her throat and elaborated. "I mean, uh- No. Chris never said that they wouldn't be playing. We may be setting Dawn up for a win".

[static]

"While I'm still not on the best of terms with Stephanie," Dawn began. "I do appreciate that she didn't want me in the competition just in case something bad happened".

[static]

"I never said that!" Stephanie objected.

[static]

"She didn't but her aura did," said Dawn.

[static]

"Stupid aura," Stephanie grumbled. "Why can't it just be quiet?"

[static]

"Unless it is something physically demanding," Jacques argued. "More reason we should pick her". To Stephanie, that was the main reason she didn't want to pick Dawn but she didn't want to say it out loud. "Back me up, Rodney".

Tom scoffed and rolled his eyes. "This should be good".

"Jacques is right," said the farm-boy. "Dawn's a gentle flower growing in between the cracks of a sidewalk, trying her best to live in a world that's setting her up for crushing disappointment".

Everyone was stunned by Rodney's argument. "Okay, that was good," said Tom. "But I have a better idea. Let's pick Jen".

Nearly everyone groaned at this suggestion. "Just let it go, man," said Kitty.

"We are not letting spite get in the way of winning," Leshawna pointed out. "We've barely lucked out doing that".

"I know but here me out," said Tom. "I've known Jen for years and you guys have seen the dare episode. You know that Jen can only stomach so much".

"She was able to handle enough to win the first season," Shawn reminded him.

"Then, we succeed if it's to take someone out of the game".

The other team members exchanged looks as they mulled over the suggestion. "I say we do it," said Jacques. "It sounds right up my alley".

"Okay," a concerned Tom droned. "Not loving that".

"What'd I just say about spite gettin' in the way of winning?" Leshawna snapped at Jacques before looking at Tom. "But I say we do it too".

"Same here," said Jasmine. Everyone else nodded in agreement.

"Time!" Chris called. Everyone focused their attention back onto the host. "Time to announce your choices. Grips, you won the last episode. You can go first!"

Tom stepped forward, cleared his throat and spoke with an evil smile on his face. "We choose Jen".

Jen gasped at this announcement and the apparent glee Tom had in saying it. "Well, we choose Tom!"

"Wait, what?!" a surprised Gwen asked.

"That's not what we agreed on!" Brick protested.

"Yeah," Harold joined in. "We said we were gonna choose-"

"Don't care!" Chris interrupted. "The choice has been made".

"What?!" asked an appalled Anne Maria. "That ain't fair!"

"Whatever".

"But we-" Sammy spoke up before Chris shushed her.

"Now, will both choices stand at my sides while the interns get things ready?"

[static]

"I may have jumped the gun there," Jen said before letting out a nervous laugh.

[static]

Tom and Jen walked forward and stopped at Chris' side while preparations for the challenge began. Two prison cells were lowered down from the ceiling. Both of the teams got their own table with measuring cups, cake pans and a plate lying on them. As this happened, the fashion bloggers were given a chance to catch up. "Tom," said Jen.

"Jen," said Tom. "You're looking unwell".

"Says paleface," Jen sniped. There was an uncomfortable silence between them before Jen spoke up once more. "I was worried about you when we got locked inside the trailers," she admitted. "I'm glad you're okay".

"Thanks," Tom said after a beat. "I'm glad you're okay too". Another silence, followed by Tom breaking it. "Can we just stop this?" he asked his bestie for the restie. "I mean, this is just stupid. We've got nothing to be mad about. Chris just tried to stir up some drama like usual".

"Right? Like, what is with that guy?" The two of them shared a laugh.

"So are we cool?"

Jen put her hand to her chest. "Honestly, it means so much that you're admitting that I started the blog that I'm willing to-"

"What?" a befuddled Tom asked. "I didn't say that".

"Um, you said you wanted to stop fighting," Jen reminded him. "That obviously means you're admitting defeat".

"I'm not admitting anything!" Tom proclaimed. "I just wanted to stop fighting. But if you're gonna start this again, then yeah! I started the blog".

Jen scoffed. "You wish. You may have typed it out but it was my idea. You were just, like, a secretary".

"Oh, we're doing that again?! You are going down!"

"Bring it, skinny bones!"

"As much as I'm loving this," Chris butted in. "It's time for the the prison chow-llenge!"

"The what?" Tom and Jen asked at once.

Chris pulled a white sheet off of a mysterious object that was in the room, revealing it to be a large container filled with smelly, molding food, including several of the unfinished projects from the tri-armed eating competition. There was also a sizable amount of items that aren't anywhere near food, such as the lower half of a rat. Why? Don't ask. "Each team of prison chefs whips up the foulest, nastiest, most barf inducing slop this side of Alcatraz!" Everyone was disgusted and appalled by the thought, DJ most especially. "Tom and Jen have to stomach as much as they can. Last one to power-hurl, wins!"

Chef threw the two fashionistas into their respective cells. "Good luck," Jen spitefully said to Tom.

"Oh, I don't need luck," he spat.

"Yes, you do".

"Yes, I do".

"You two are gonna want to try your best to keep your lunch down," Chris told them. "Because the winning team gets this!" Chris held up a gleaming, golden shovel.

Jacques gasped at the sight. "Gold! Give it to me!"

"Wait," said Sammy. "How's a shovel supposed to help us?"

[static]

"I mean, isn't it obvious?" Kitty asked, rhetorically. "Digging your way out of prison is the first escape everyone tries. Second escape is hiding in a laundry basket. Third is going through the toilets". She almost stopped before realizing that at least a few of the viewers would question why she'd even know this. "I've seen pretty much every prison movie ever made. Even the ones in space".

[static]

"Everybody knows more wars have been won with a shovel than a sword," Harold stated. "Give a man a hole and what does he have? Nothing. But give a man a shovel and he can dig a hole to contain the nothing".

[static]

"Prisoners ready? And... CULINATE!"

The two teams got to work on their repulsive dishes. On the Gaffers side, Gwen put in bits of old cheese. Brick put in the half of the rat. Sammy put in the moldy pudding from the tri-armed challenge. Harold put in a bunch of slimy anchovy paste and, of all things, a pair of horse lips.

"Oh, my god," Sammy said, trying not to barf. "Where'd you even get that?"

"They're obviously imported. Gosh!" Harold then passed the bowl over to Dawn... who fainted due to all the food.

"Dawnie!" Anne Maria cried. She ran over to help her best friend, only for Gwen to beat her to the punch.

"I'll help her," the goth said. She managed to get Dawn up and threw her arm over her shoulder. "You add something to the food".

As Gwen ushered Dawn away, Anne Maria couldn't help but feel a twinge of jealousy. She scowled at the goth and didn't look away, even as she dropped a tube of fake tanner into the bowl. She didn't empty the tube. She just dropped the whole thing in there.

Last, but certainly not least, was DJ. DJ took cooking seriously. It was one of many things that his Mama had taught him growing up and it was one of his most useful skills in the present. It even helped his team win an episode in the previous season. Thus, as he looked down at the bowl of slop and paste and moldy food chunks, he couldn't help but feel that culinary side of his brain take over. "How's a self-respecting chef supposed to serve that?" he quietly asked himself. Giving in to his thoughts, he pulled out the canister from earlier. "Mama's spice". He shook the canister a few times and the spice mix was scattered throughout the bowl. "And Mama would be proud". With that, he began mixing the monstrous meal so they could serve it to Tom.

The Grips were hard at work as well. Leshawna put in a rancid apple core. Kitty put in two worm-eaten banana peels. Shawn put in a moldy rice cake. Jasmine emptied a tin that was full of sardine bones. Sierra put in a carton's worth of broken egg shells. Stephanie put in an old smashed-up, rotten gizzard that was covered with maggots. Jacques didn't want to touch any of the garbage, as he decided that he'd rather get his hands cut off. So he decided to go with an option that was only barely above getting his hands cut off and began ruffling Rodney's hair. Several dandruff flakes fell onto it like snow.

"On top of spaghetti, all covered in flakes," Chris sang. "And Jen has to eat it. Cause them's just the breaks".

Jen rolled her eyes at Chris' mocking nursery rhyme and then scowled as soon as she heard Tom stifle a laugh. "Don't even pretend that was funny!"

"Time's up!" Chris announced. "And I hope you two jailbirds are hungry!"

Harold walked over to Tom and handed him the bowl. "Today, we have the jailhouse smorgasbord, consisting of horse lips, tanning lotion, aged cheese and rat meat, topped with anchovy paste!" he said in the style of a professional maitre d'. "Bon appétit".

Tom gulped with fear as he looked at what we was served. "Uh, thanks for classing things up?"

"Anytime".

Leshawna went over to Jen and gave her the Grip's disgusting concoction. "It's, uh... a bunch of garbage with Rodney's dandruff on top". She could see Jen squirm. While half of Leshawna was thankful to see it, as it meant her team had a chance, she still couldn't help but feel sympathy for the girl. After all, she wouldn't want to eat it and wouldn't wish it on her worst enemy. "So... good luck, honey".

"Th-Th-Th-Thanks," Jen whimpered.

"Are you maggots ready?" Chris asked.

"No!" Tom and Jen said in unison. "I mean, yes! Hit me! Stop copying me!"

Chris raised one arm in the air while he looked at a watch on the other. "One minute to down that chow! And..." He threw his arm down. "Dig in!"

For a moment, Jen and Tom both stood in their cells, shaking and afraid to eat any of the slop they'd been served. But one of them had to do it or else this prolonged minute would feel like an eternity. To prove himself over Jen, Tom ate the first spoonful. It was a surprise to everyone to be sure. But the most surprising part was seeing the wide eyes and genuine smile that appeared on Tom's face. "This is beautiful," he wept. "This tastes like a ray of sunshine that shone down on me as the heavens opened up to reveal an angel that flew down to Earth just so they could tell me that I'm good enough". DJ smiled at the feedback.

"What?" said a confused Stephanie.

Jacques tried not to cry. "That was beautiful".

"Aw, man," Rodney moaned. "I wish I could come up with stuff like that".

Tom kept happily taking bite after bite of the monstrosity he'd been served because DJ's secret ingredient had made it taste that good. Jen was taking bite after bite too but she was having a considerably worse time than Tom was. She tried not to show it, even though her facial expressions kept giving it away. Still, she wasn't ready to give up. "Oh, sure!" she called. "Just coast on by like you always-" She stopped to force down more disgusting food. "Like you always do while the rest of us actually have to challenge ourselves!"

Tom stopped his eating so he could give a response. "Like the challenge of having a mediocre blog until I stepped up!"

"So you admit that I - Oh, that's awful - I started the blog!"

"No, I'm saying it doesn't matter who started it because I made it what it is today! I started the real blog! I'm Walt Disney and you're Ub Iwerks!"

"Who?!"

"See! I know more than you think!"

"I understood that reference!" Harold exclaimed.

Gwen sighed with embarssment. "I did too". Harold raised his hand for a high-five, which Gwen half-heartedly accepted.

"Okay, I'll bite," Leshawna said as she turned to Kitty. "What the heck are these clowns talking about?"

"I don't know," Kitty admitted. "I mean, ‘Ub Iwerks’ can't be a real name, can it?"

"Not that. I mean the blog nonsense".

"Oh, them. Duh". Kitty jokingly gave herself a light slap on the forehead. "Yeah, Dawn told me they're arguing about the blog because they're afraid that if one of them had a bigger hand in starting it, then the other of them is a useless friend or something". Kitty looked over at Tom and Jen, still arguing between their eating, and then back at Leshawna. "Think she's right?"

"Oh, one-hundred percent".

[static]

"If there's one thing Dawn and I got in common, it's being the one to solve everyone's problems for them," Leshawna lamented.

[static]

"Oh, yeah?!" Jen said after taking another spoonful of dandruff-covered garbage. "Well, while you were so busy with your history or whatever, I'm busy making actual contributions to-" Jen immediately began dry heaving. "OH, GOD, WHAT DID I PUT IN MY BODY?!"

"Hold it in!" Brick shouted.

"You can do it!" Sammy encouraged.

But it was too late. Jen went over to the side of the hanging cell and began vomiting. "Aw, crap," said a groggy Jen.

"Tom keeps it down for the Killer Grips and wins the reward!" Chris announced. The Grips all celebrated while the Gaffers all groaned with disappointment. Chef walked over and opened the cell doors. Tom happily hopped out while Jen just fell face-first onto the floor. "Tom, you and the Grips have won the golden shovel. Congrats!"

Chef couldn't help but notice a nervous-looking DJ, who was observing the canister of spice. The gentle jock couldn't help but feel ashamed. He knew that just a pinch of Mama's Spice would be enough to make the most disgusting slop taste like a five-star dinner. He'd ruined the challenge for his team. Chef didn't find this to be annoying or disappointing, however. Instead, he began to concot a brand new plan.

[static]

"I told that boy that I'd get him in the alliance one way or another," Chef said, wearing a sinister smile. "And now I'm gonna do it the way I shoulda done it a long time ago. That boy is too nice. Too trusting. Too... gullible". He let out an evil chuckle.

[static]

Fade to the outside of the fake prison, where we see the obstacle course from the earlier establishing shot. We see that the course consisted of makeshift prisoner scarecrows with shivs for fingers, wooden wardens with batons taped to moving arms and two separate pathways for each team. There were swinging armored guards over the two pathways, waiting to knock somebody off. In front of the two teams were wheelie baskets full of dirty laundry.

"It's time for the elimination challenge!" said Chris. "Each team must hop in their laundry carts while one member pushes through the obstacle course to freedom".

"Laundry baskets. I knew it," said Kitty, who raised both her hands to high-five herself.

"When you reach the wall, put on the heavy metal boots and get to digging. First team to reach the boxcar to freedom wins immunity!" We see that the finish line is in front of a two boxcars on a disconnected track. "Convicts, select a pusher!"

"I'll do it!" DJ volunteered for the Gaffers. It was mainly because he felt like he'd fumbled the previous challenge for the team but he was still eager to help them in whatever way he could.

"Good on you, Dev," Brick said in an attempt to encourage his boyfriend. "I'm sure with you pushing us, nothing can go wrong!"

"Maybe ease up on the praise just a tad," Dawn said to Brick. "I'm sure DJ appreciates what you're doing but he's also beginning to feel like the entire game is on him now as a resul- Oh, no. I just made things worse by saying all that, didn't I?"

DJ wiped the sweat from his brow. "I should probably lie down," he said before jumping into the laundry basket.

Brick held the bridge of his nose in frustration. Anne Maria put a hand on Dawn's shoulder. "Sometimes, ya get a bit too excited to say things, Greenie".

Dawn sighed. "I understand". She trudged over to the laundry basket to join DJ.

"Okay, we need a new pusher," said Jen. "Any volunteers".

"Welp," Brick spoke up. "I guess I can-"

"I'll do it!" Sammy cut him off. Everyone turned to look at her and the blonde suddenly felt herself grow nervous once everyone's eyes were on her. Still, she wasn't ready to give up yet. "I mean, I'll do my best. If, you know, that's all right with you".

Gwen shrugged. "Cool beans". With that, she went over to the laundry basket and was soon joined by her teammates. Sammy felt proud of herself for how she handled that.

[static]

"After the alien challenge, I promised myself that I was gonna prove to whatever team I ended up on that I was a useful and valuable asset," said Sammy. "In the next episode, I ran lines with Mikey... who got eliminated. Then, I dodged a seagull... and immediately got hit by several others. And I jumped off of a water tower... and missed the target. So I'm not fulfilling my promise just yet but I'm going to! Just you wait!"

[static]

"Alright, team!" said Tom. "Who's pushing us?"

"Oh, do you not want to take initiative, Fearless Leader?" Jacques asked, mockingly.

Leshawna couldn't help but laugh at this attempted teasing. "You're kidding me, right?" She took Tom by the wrist and raised his arm up. "Turkey Limbs here ain't gonna cut it".

"Alright, then," Jacques conceded. "I shall do it".

Stephanie scoffed at this. "No way! You don't have the muscles for this. I'll do it".

"No, I will do it!"

"No, me!"

"Me!"

Shawn, clutching the golden shovel with both hands like his life depended on it, reached up and tapped Jasmine on the shoulder. "Psst!" Jasmine leaned her head down so she could hear the survivalist. "Why don't you push us? I'm pretty sure you're the strongest one here".

Jasmine was quick to decline the offer, however. "I don't know. I don't wanna be the one doing everything. I feel like a did a lot of the heavy work last season".

Shawn shrugged his shoulders and accepted her answer. "To each their own".

But then, Jasmine looked at the laundry basket. The small laundry basket where she'd be squished together with all her teammates in between dirty laundry. It'd be guaranteed to be crowded and hard to breathe. And that was not ideal for her. "Alright, gang!" She took a step forward. "I'm gonna push us!"

"Aw, yeah!" Shawn cheered. "That's what I'm talking about".

"Alright, everyone. Into the basket," Leshawna ordered.

"What?!" asked Jacques.

"No!" said Stephanie.

"I'm gonna push us!" the two said in unison. They scowled and growled at each other and it almost escalated into a physical fight before Rodney grabbed the two of them by their shirts like they were small children and carried them away.

"Hey," Kitty said to Shawn as they went over to the laundry cart. "Can I hold the-"

"NO!" Shawn said, too loudly and quickly.

"Alright, geez".

Cut to later, with most team members in their respective teams' carts. Jasmine and Sammy stood outside, ready to push. "Good luck, Sammy," Jasmine said to her best friend.

"Thanks," Sammy said. "I'd wish you good luck but you probably don't need it. I do, though".

"Sammy, we've talked about this".

"Right. Sorry".

"And you don't need to apologize".

"Sorry again".

"This is it, teams," said Chris. "On your marks... get set... escape!" Sammy and Jasmine began running off at top speed, with both trying their best to win for their team.

"Hey, Gwen?" Sammy asked as she ran. The goth had her head sticking out of the cart so that she could breathe since she hopped in while forgetting that she was also claustrophobic. "Why were in a holding cell when you were ten?"

"Oh, that was actually when my brother and I released all those bugs from the insect convention," Gwen explained as Sammy pushed them past the shiv-crows. "Yeah, people hated us at the time but we've made the town famous".

Dawn poked her head out from the dirty laundry as Sammy tried to avoid the moving arms of the wooden wardens. "It's actually also why Gwen is so-"

A panicked Gwen shoved Dawn's head back into the basket. "Hey! She wasn't gonna say anything deep and revealing about me that she already agreed not to say so please ignore that!"

[static]

"Oh, so Dawn's keepin' secrets for Gothie now?" asked an annoyed Anne Maria. "Since when are they so close? It ain't like she keeps secrets for the others, like Sammy or DJ or-" Anne Maria stopped in realization. "Oh, yeah... Well, I'm still mad about the whole Gwen thing!"

[static]

Jasmine stopped the laundry cart right in front of the swinging armored guards. Jacques poked his head out of the cart. "Eh? Why have we stopped?"

"This isn't a cakewalk, Jacques," Jasmine explained. "I have to time this just right or else we'll-"

Suddenly, a screaming Sammy ran through the swinging dummies as fast as she could, with her eyes closed the whole time. She didn't get hit and made it to the wall unscathed. Brick was the first one to jump out of the basket. "Alright, team!" He pulled a bunch of spoons out of his pockets. "Get your boots on and let's start digging!"

"Wow," Kitty said, sticking her head out of the Grips' basket. "She just ran right through without thinking. That never works in games".

"Screw it," Jasmine said. "Hang on!" She copied Sammy's strategy to equal success.

As they arrived, the Gaffers were still putting on their heavy metal boots. "Anyone know why we gotta wear these stupid things?"

"Ooh, I can!" Sierra offered as she fell out of the Grips' basket. "They're how the prisoners were tracked and controlled in that action movie where the hero and villain swap faces?"

"Wait, you've seen Face 2 Face?" Rodney asked. "That's one of my favorite movies!"

"Uh, of course, I've seen it! Chris was in it".

"Wait, he was?" Brick asked. "But that can't be right".

"Yeah," said Kitty. "Face 2 Face is actually good".

"Well, it's completely ridiculous," Harold chimed in. "But it's still too good for Chris".

"I mean," said Sierra. "All of his scenes were cut, so..."

"Wait, what?" asked Shawn as he put on his boots. "But you just said he was in it".

"Yeah, I said he was in it. Not that he is in it".

"You know what?" said Gwen, who took one of the spoons from Brick. "I'm not saying anything. Let's start digging".

"Agreed!" said Shawn. "DIIIIIIIIIIIIIG!" He immediately began digging with the golden shovel at an inhuman speed. The Grips couldn't help but feel be impressed and also a bit disturbed. Except for Jasmine. She just felt herself grow hot.

[static]

"I feel like if I actually tried taking the shovel from him, he would've bitten my hand off," Kitty remarked.

[static]

Tom was having trouble putting on his metal boots before, to his surprise, Jacques began to help put them on. Tom felt like Cinderella if Cinderella hated the Prince, only to have mixed feelings when he put on the slipper. "Um... Thank you," he said, trying to hide how flustered he was.

"No problem," Jacques said with a smile. "It is the least I could do after you aced the last challenge".

Tom raised an eyebrow. "You're being uncharacteristically nice. What do you want?"

"Oh, nothing," Jacques said, getting back to his feet. "I just wanted to mention that I love the way you handled that situation with Jen".

"Oh... Well, thank you. Again".

"Indeed. I think you managed to prove that you do not need anyone. Just like me". Jacques walked over to the hole Shawn was digging, leaving Tom to pull over the ice dancer's words. They kept echoing in his head. And he didn't like it.

Shawn popped his head out of the hole like a gopher. "Okay, I think it's deep enough for us all to come down. Jasmine, you wanna go first?"

Jasmine took one look at the hole and immediately took a step back. "I can't".

"Well, you have to," Jacques said, spitefully. "Otherwise, we lose".

"Hey, lay off," Shawn snapped at him. He climbed out of the hole and walked over to Stephanie. "Steph, you know what to do".

"Aw, heck yeah!" Stephanie celebrated while Kitty sighed. The health nut took the golden shovel from Shawn and jumped down the hole.

Shawn then walked over to Jasmine. "Tell you what?" he said, looking up at her. "Why don't you go last so it's not as crowded? I'll be right in front of you in case you need help".

"Are you sure?" asked Jasmine.

"Yeah, I think so".

Jasmine smiled as she tried to ignore the butterflies in her stomach. "Thanks, Shawn".

Meanwhile, Chris was sitting in the boxcar, looking over a tablet that was monitoring the cast. However, despite the numerous hidden cameras all over the lot, Chris' method of tracking them via a device in the metal boots meant that the screen only showed them as indigo dots against a black background, just like in Face 2 Face. "Looks like the Killer Indigo Dots have a huge lead over the Screaming Indigo Dots. Man, Face 2 Face really knew how to depict a high-tech prison," the host said without the slightest hint of irony.

We see that Chef is casually leaning against the boxcar, disassociated from whatever Chris was rambling about. "Hey," said Chris. "Did you know I was in Face 2 Face?" Chris asked, even though he'd mentioned this to Chef numerous times before. "Was, not is. All my scenes were cut. So, uh, are you doing anything after work? Because maybe we could watch it or..." Chris trailed off upon noticing how bored and silent Chef was. "Or not. I was... busy... anyway. Very busy. Just throwing it out there".

Meanwhile, the Screaming Gaffers had finally made their way underground with their measly spoons. Some of them were were digging at an average speed to the best of their ability. Others were going at a pace that was careful but also incredibly efficient. Of course, the most notable example was Dawn. The moonchild was digging next to Sammy. The cheerleader kept trying to ape Dawn's methods but she kept slipping back into a more determined speed. Dawn could tell what was going through the other blonde's mind and knew just what to say to her. "You did a very admirable job during the obstacle course, Sammy".

Sammy ceased her digging to take in the sudden compliment. She couldn't help but smile. She wasn't exactly used to them, even if she'd made friends last season. "Oh, well, thanks!" Sammy went back to digging but she still heard a nagging voice in the back of her head. "You don't have to say that to make me feel better, though. I know that I kinda panicked at the last part".

"Yes, it was a little bit... chaotic," Dawn admitted. "But it worked nonetheless. We made it across in one go and nobody got hurt".

"Huh". Sammy hadn't thought of that for some reason. "I guess that's true".

"And for what it's worth, I think we're all very happy that you're on our team".

Sammy simply said "Thanks" again but she felt a lot more satisfied as she dug.

Probably the most aggressive for the Gaffers was Gwen. She was admittedly too aggressive. Her breathing was heavy and her shoveling wasn't doing a lot of work as she wasn't exactly scooping up dirt. She was stabbing it with the spoon more than anything. "Uh, Gwen, honey," Jen spoke up. "Let's maybe take it easy".

"Can't do that!" Gwen panted. "Need to get out!"

"Girl, this is kinda worrying," said DJ. "Let's maybe try taking some deep breaths-"

"No time for that! Have to get to surface!"

"What's her deal?" asked Anne Maria.

"She's claustrophobic," said Brick. "Remember?"

"Not just that," Harold added. "Her biggest fear is being buried alive and now we're underground".

"NOT HELPING, HAROLD!" Gwen snapped.

"Sorry!"

Brick snatched the spoon away from Gwen and began digging with both hands. "Alright, you need a break".

"Don't need break!" Gwen insisted. "Need air!"

"Gwen, come on," said Jen. "You're supposed to be my Right Hand Lady. You're supposed to be all leader-y".

"Actually," Dawn chimed in. "Gwen's leadership traits could be traced back to when she was in the holding cell. She was so distraught by her mother's reaction to the arrest that she had promised herself that she'd take more initiative in her life to make things easier for her family".

"Dawn!" Jen scolded.

"You can't just be giving people's secrets away!" said DJ.

"No, it's fine," Gwen said, a bit calmer than before. "I just... Noise. I need noise. Everyone just keep talking".

"Okay," said Sammy. "Uh, Harold, who's Ub Iwerks?"

Harold cleared his throat. "Well, you see..."

Meanwhile, the Grips were also making very good progress. They had only one digger but it was the insanely strong Stephanie. Not to mention, she had an actual shovel made of gold. Everyone else simply crawled through dirt and followed after her. Tom was lost in thought as he crawled behind Jacques. The horror of the ice dancer's words kept bouncing around his skull. Was he gonna be like him? Was he going to spend the rest of his life complaining about Jen the way Jacques complained about Josee? Over something as meaningless as who contributed more in a blog?

Meanwhile, Jasmine was doing pretty well given the circumstances. She wasn't having trouble breathing. She wasn't shaking. She was actually very calm. Shawn was crawling right in front of her. "How you doin' back there?" he asked her.

"Doing great," she said truthfully. She smiled as she kept her focus on what was lying ahead. "Doing real great".

[static]

"I may have gotten distracted by the view," an embarrassed Jasmine admitted.

[static]

Meanwhile, the Gaffers were still making progress as well as conversation as they allowed Gwen to dig once more. "And so that's not to say that Walt didn't do anything in the creative process," Harold droned on. "It was a collaborative process and he's behind most of what people recognize about the Mouse. It's just that Ub Iwerks came up with the real, iconic design and-" Harold suddenly went silent when he heard something moving through the dirt. "SOMETHING'S COMING!"

"Oh, thank gawd, he's done," Anne Maria sighed with relief.

"DON'T THANK GOD! THE MOLE PEOPLE ARE COMING FOR US!"

"Mole people?!" DJ yelped.

"Mole people aren't real, Harold!" Brick insisted. "Stop scaring DJ!"

"Well, something's coming for us anyway!" Jen shrieked. Almost everyone was petrified with fear as the dirt beside them kept crumbling.

Another hole appeared in the dirt and the something or someone that was coming toward them was revealed. It was a teenage boy with a gap in his teeth and a fedora on his head. "Ello, Gov'nor!" 'Manitoba Smith' greeted them.

Most of the Gaffers were either shocked, confused, or both. Dawn was not most. "Hello, Mike," she greeted him. "How did you get here?"

"Long story short, I didn't take that left turn at Albuquerque. Now, where is-"

"Mike!" Sammy exclaimed.

Mike took the fedora off and threw it away. "Sammy!" he exclaimed in his normal voice.

Sammy crawled over to him and gave him a quick kiss. "I was wondering what was taking so long! I mean-"

"Wondering why what was taking so long?" Brick interrogated Sammy.

Sammy began to perspire. "Um, I mean... Mike! I can't believe you're here! I thought you were gone for- I'm not pulling this off, am I?"

"Not really," Mike told her. "But you tried and I'm proud of you".

"Aw, thanks, babe!"

"Hey!" Jen raised her voice. "What's going on here? What are you two talking about?"

"I'll tell you guys on the way," Mike said. "Come on! This path leads right to the surface!"

"Oh, no, no, no!" Anne Maria snapped. "Spill it! Now!"

"Nope! Not now!" Gwen erupted. "We spill on the way there! I need air!" She began crawling after Sammy and Mike, the latter of whom was quietly singing ‘Working in the Coal Mine’ to himself.

"Gwen's right, Anne Maria," said Dawn. "Besides, I already know about Mike's reasonable explanation". Anne Maria huffed at this.

Some time later, we see a shot of a rock in the surface, which was actually covering up a secret tunnel. We hear Gwen's voice from below. "Air!" her muffled voice pleaded. "I need air!" We see Gwen's hand squeeze out of the small opening that the rock hadn't covered up and the goth pushed the rock out of the way. She began climbing out of the hole and gasped. "We're alive!" she cried as she was fully back on Earth. "We're alive! We are- Aw, man".

Anne Maria poked her head out of the hole next. "Whaddya mean ‘Aw, man’?" She looked over to see what Gwen had noticed. "Aw, man!"

We see that the Killer Grips had already climbed out of the ground and made it to the boxcar. They were all jumping for joy, implying that they had only just beaten the Gaffers by a small amount of time. "We did it!" Kitty celebrated. "We won!"

"We're the best around!" Shawn cheered as he held the golden shovel once more. As he celebrated, Jacques crept up behind him, eager to hold a golden object. But Shawn was Shawn, meaning he was always alert. He whacked Jacques in the face with the shovel and the ice dancer fell to the ground. "No! My shovel!"

What Shawn didn't expect was for Jasmine to put her arms around him and lift him up into a tight squeeze. "Thanks, Shawn. You... you really helped me".

Shawn chuckled nervously as he and the Aussie both blushed. "No problem".

The Gaffers, now all resurfaced, hung their heads in shame. Although, Jen perked up a bit when she heard her name being called. "Jen!" Tom yelled. "Jen!" He ran over to the opposing team. "Jenny!"

Jen put her hands on her hips and frowned. "What do you want? Are you here to gloat?"

"No. No, I just want to-"

"Yeah, yeah, I get it. You're so much better than me or whatever. See you later". With that, Jen turned around and stormed away... only for Leshawna and Kitty to run over, grab her, and drag her back to Tom. "Let me go!"

"Oh, no, you don't!" Leshawna said, firmly. "This has gone on long enough!"

"It's not funny anymore," said Kitty. "It's annoying".

"Talk it out!" the two girls told Jen in unison.

Jen huffed and locked eyes with her fellow fashion blogger. "What is it, Tom?"

Tom took a deep breath. "So Jacques was talking to me-"

"Oh, you guys were talking, were you?"

This pushed Tom over the edge. "OH, MY GOD! YOU CAN'T EVEN LET ME APOLOGIZE! THIS IS, LIKE, THE SECOND TIME TODAY!"

"THEN GET TO THE POINT ALREADY, TOM! I DON'T KNOW IF YOU NOTICED BUT I'M A LITTLE BUMMED OUT RIGHT NOW!"

"THEN LET ME TALK INSTEAD OF CRACKING JOKES!"

"I WOULD IF YOU DIDN'T START RAMBLING ON ABOUT HOW YOU'RE ALL BUDDY-BUDDY WITH JACQUES!"

"I'M NOT! HE'S THE WORST! I JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT HE REMINDED ME OF HOW BITTER HE IS TOWARDS JOSEE AND THAT I DON'T WANNA END UP LIKE THAT!"

"NEITHER DO I! I LOVE AND TREASURE YOU AND I DON'T WANT TO LOSE YOU!"

"I'D RATHER DIE BEFORE LOSING YOU AND I THINK THAT DAWN WAS RIGHT! I WAS AFRAID OF ADMITTING THAT YOU HAD MORE OF A SAY IN THE BLOG BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO REALIZE THAT YOU WERE TOO GOOD FOR A WEAKLING LIKE ME!"

"THERE'S NOTHING TO REALIZE BECAUSE YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND! I WOULD NEVER THINK THAT YOU'RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME! I APPRECIATE YOU SO MUCH AND I THINK I WAS IN DENIAL ABOUT THE BLOG BECAUSE I WAS SO SCARED OF LOSING YOU TWO SEASONS IN A ROW THAT I ENDED UP PUSHING YOU AWAY BEFORE IT COULD HAPPEN AND I'M REALLY SORRY ABOUT THAT!"

"I'M SORRY TOO AND I LOVE YOU!"

"I LOVE YOU TOO! ARE WE STILL MAD AT EACH OTHER?"

"I DON'T THINK SO! SO WE SHOULD PROBABLY STOP YELLING!"

"Okay," Jen said, calmly.

"Glad we sorted that out," Tom said, calmly.

All the other contestants, as well as Chris and Chef, were all afraid to speak. Instead, they just stood there, watching Tom and Jen, curious to see what would happen. Suddenly, the silence was broken when the fashion bloggers ran into each other's arms for a tight hug. "You're my best friend!" Jen cried. "I never wanna push you away again!"

"We're always gonna be there for each other, sweet girl!" Tom sobbed. "Even when we can't see each other as much!"

As the two cried in their tight embrace, everyone else was still unsure what to make of the situation. "What just happened?" Mike asked Leshawna and Kitty.

"I'm not really sure," said Kitty before doing a double take. "Hey, what are you doing here?"

"You got the boot!" said Leshawna.

"Oh, no, I didn't," Mike said with a laugh. "Vito got the boot".

We ripple effect back to the acting challenge, where Mike stepped out to get some air before running into Jasmine. The two began talking to each other about how weird the scripts were (while also taking a brief pause to talk about how they should do their best to help Sammy given the circumstances of the teams) before they hit a realization. "Yeah, I'm pretty sure they mixed-up the scripts," Mike observed.

"Oh, totally," Jasmine agreed. "Should we tell Chris?"

Mike shrugged. "What's the point? He'll probably make us do it anyway for a laugh".

Jasmine chuckled. "I guess that's true. Anyway, I've gotta get back to-"

"Hey, remember last season, when I got eliminated when you all voted off Chester?"

Jasmine cringed at the reminder, especially since she was the one who started it. "I'm sorry about that".

"No, it's okay! Because you gave me a great idea! What if the logic works in reverse?"

Jasmine raised an eyebrow. "What are you talking about?"

"I mean, what if I got voted off but I stayed in character?"

"Then, you get voted off in character?"

"Unless I can get Chris to make it abundantly clear that it's not Mike getting voted off".

Jasmine shook her head. "Why are you doing this, Mike? Do you think you'll get voted off today?"

"Oh, not today," Mike clarified. He held up his script and pointed to the line where he had to make sheep noises. "I mean, have you seen this script? This is the stuff that gets you accolades".

"Then, why do you want to do it?"

"Jasmine, I can't lie to you". Mike took a deep breath. "I think it would be really, really funny".

Jasmine thought about this for a second and chuckled once more. "Okay, yeah, you should do it".

"Awesome! I'm gonna go tell Sammy".

"Alright". Jasmine extended her hand to her friend. "Good luck today".

"You too," Mike said as he shook her hand.

[static]

"AND IT WORKED!" Mike exclaimed before cackling.

[static]

Jasmine was laughing as well. "He was right. It was funny".

[static]

Chris was watching the clip of Mike's elimination on his phone. He kept going back to the part where he told Mike that the ballot "says ‘Vito’ now, okay? Not ‘Mike’. ‘Vito’". Chris sighed and looked into the camera. "I've been hornswoggled".

[static]

Back in the present day, Chris stepped in between both of the teams. "Enough of whatever mistakes may have been made," he said. "Long story short, Mike's technically still in the game. The Grips win. The Gaffers lose and have to vote someone off today". The Gaffers, including Mike, groaned upon this reminder. Once again, they'd have to give one of their teammates the boot. And none of them were really looking forward to it.

While most of the Gaffers walked off, Chef stopped in front of DJ. "Look, Chef," said DJ. "I'm gonna tell you what I already said. The answer is no".

"No, no, not that," Chef lied. "I just wanted to tell you that I think you did a real good job today".

"You're lying," DJ said, almost immediately. Chef thought he'd been caught for a moment until DJ kept going. "I didn't do a good job. My team would've won if I didn't add that spice".

"I ain't talkin' about your challenge skills, boy," said Chef. "Cause they stink". DJ had mixed feelings upon hearing this. On one hand, it was true and it still hurt to hear. On the other hand, he was now fairly certain that Chef wasn't trying to trick him. "I'm talkin' about your cooking skills. You made total slop taste like liquid gold. I admire that".

DJ felt his spirits lifted. "Really?"

"In fact, I was wondering if you could help me with something tonight".

"Well..." DJ didn't know why but he wasn't as nervous as all the previous times Chef had cornered him. "What do you need help with?" Chef smiled at this.

Cut to later that night and the Gilded Chris ceremony had begun. All nine of the Screaming Gaffers submitted their answers into their devices and the results were sent to Chris and Chef. "The time has come and the votes are in!" Chris announced. Chef walked over, still dressed like a prison warden, and handed an envelope to Chris. The host opened it as Chef retrieved a platter of statuettes. "And the first Gilded Chris of the evening goes to... Brick!" Chef tossed an award to the jarhead, who happily caught it.

"Mike". Chef threw the award while Chris muttered "unfortunately" under her breath.

"Dawn"

"Anne Maria"

"Sammy"

"Harold"

"Gwen"

There was only one Gilded Chris left but both DJ and Jen still hadn't received one. DJ felt his stomach twist into knots. Jen tried really hard not to give into temptation and bite her nails. "Jen. DJ. Tonight's final Gilded Chris and another chance at the million goes to..."

...

...

...

...

"DJ"

DJ happily caught his award while Jen let out a heavy exhale. DJ, being DJ, still felt sympathy for the fashionista. "Sorry, Jen".

"It's okay," Jen said, despite sounding more than a little sullen. "I guess I wasn't really leader material". After getting to her feet, she turned to face her teammates. "Right Hand Man and Lady?" Despite being taken aback, Gwen and Brick both got to their feet. "Lead this team to victory". She saluted them.

Brick, of course, saluted her back. Gwen did too after an affectionate eye-roll.

As soon as Jen put her arm back down, however, Chef came over and hand-cuffed her. "Ugh, is this really necessary?"

"No talkin' back to the Warden!" Chef scolded her. Jen began to take the Walk of Shame while Chef walked right behind her. "Dead girl walkin'!" he proclaimed.

"Jenny, no!" Tom yelled from off-screen. He leapt over to the red carpet and grabbed Chef by the ankles. "Leave her! Take me instead!" However, Chef was huge and Tom was not so the other fashion blogger only succeeded in being dragged away.

"It's okay, Tommy!" Jen called to her friend. "Win this for us! I know you can!"

"No, I can't!" Tom cried. "I can't do this without you!"

"Yes, you can! Just look at the blog! Look at what you did! We wouldn't be here without you!"

"That's not true! The blog was your idea! It's yours!"

"No! No, you made so many great changes to it! It's more yours than mine!"

"Get off me!" Chef shouted as they reached the Lame-O-Sine. He walked over to the driver's seat while Jen got into the car.

"Jen!" said Tom. Jen lowered the window so she could finish her goodbye to her bestie for the restie. "What if we say it's ours?"

Jen wept a single tear away. "Yeah. Yeah, I like that". The Lame-O-Sine began to leave, taking Jen away. "Bye, Tom! I'll be rooting for you!"

"And I'll win for you!" He continued to wave until Jen and the Lame-O-Sine were out of sight. As soon as they were, he fell to his knees and began to sob.

On the red carpet stood three of his team members: Leshawna, Kitty and Jacques. "So they spent all that time getting mad at each other and screaming only to make up and be sad that one of them is leaving?" asked a confused Jacques.

"Uh, yeah," Kitty said, as if it were obvious.

"It's called love and respect," said Leshawna. "Which you don't know a darn thing about!"

Jacques stiffened up. "Then I have but one question".

"What is it?" asked Kitty.

To their surprise, Jacques's eyes begun to well with tears. "What does that feel like?" This opened the floodgates and the ice dancer began to sob as well. He was so distraught that he ended up trapping Kitty in a hug as he cried.

"Uh, Leshawna?" said Kitty.

"Nope," Leshawna said, walking away. "Not my problem".

Kitty felt awkward as she remained in the air, suspended by a weeping Jacques. She managed to free one of her hands and patted the Frenchman on his head. "There, there? Ugh, this is gonna be a long night".

The Votes

[static]

"Picked randomly," said Brick. "Landed on Harold".

[static]

"I got in late," said Mike. "So I just asked Sammy who she was voting for".

[static]

"It was foretold that this challenge would be the one to mend the bond between Tom & Jen," said Dawn. "Unfortunately, it was also foretold that I'd vote Jen off here and I'm not one to argue with fate".

[static]

"Gothie slowed us down," said Anne Maria. "That's the only reason I'm voting for her. The only reason. Got it?!"

[static]

"Jen's really nice," said Sammy. "But we all agreed on who we were picking for the challenge and she said Tom's name anyway".

[static]

"I guess I'll go with Gwen," said Harold. "But it's not her fault she's claustrophobic".

[static]

"I saw DJ add those spices," said Gwen. "I don't wanna vote for him but I have to".

[static]

"Sorry, Jen," said DJ. "But speaking over us like that wasn't right".

[static]

"As lovable as DJ is, those spices let the other team win," said Jen.

[static]

Chapter Text

~Recap~

"Last time on Total Drama Action... Imprisoned in a world they didn't create, forced to ingest deadly foods and a whole lotta garbage. Nonetheless, the two courageous teams clawed their way to freedom while a lonely Chef made a new friend. Speaking of friends, Tom and Jen finally stopped bickering about who started their fashion blog and buried the hatchet... only for Jen to be voted off by her team. Thus, it was ‘Goodbye, Jen’ and ‘Hello... Mike?’ Yeah, Mike decided to pull a fast one on us so he's back now. Whole thing drove me crazy. I don't wanna get into it. But will everyone else be driven crazy too? Find out now on Total! Drama! Action!"

~Theme Song~

We fade in on the same night when we last left our heroes. After we see a robotic owl break because Chris McLean is a cheapskate, we see Gwen join the two teams as they walked back to their trailers. Naturally, the first person she decided to interact with was her girlfriend. "Hey, Kitty".

"Hey," Kitty greeted back, flatly.

"So, uh... what's going on?"

"Don't ask".

The camera pans out to reveal that Kitty was dragging Jacques by her leg as he cried. The ice dancer was driven into an existential crisis upon seeing Tom and Jen make up after several episodes of squabbling and, for some reason, he'd decided to make it Kitty's problem. "I could have been loved and appreciated this whole time!" Jacques sobbed. "My whole life is a lie!"

"Hey, Rodney," Kitty greeted her teammate. "Mind giving me a hand?"

"Okay," said Rodney. The farm-boy walked over and pried the sobbing Jacques off of Kitty and dragged him away rather than picking him up.

Meanwhile, Mike and Sammy, were blissfully walking hand-in-hand. "Sorry if I seemed kinda blasé when you left," Sammy said. "I just thought you'd be back a lot sooner".

"Well, the plan wasn't gonna work overnight," Mike told her. "But I'm glad you still missed me".

Jasmine put her bush hat onto Mike's head, like a father putting a baseball cap onto his son. "I still can't believe that worked. But it's good to have you back, Mikey. So good I'll let you do the accent this one time".

Mike let out a sheepish laugh and gave Jasmine back her hat. "I probably shouldn't. They might see it as a way to throw me out".

"Good. That was a test".

Stephanie was frowning as she watched Mike and Sammy. "I seriously can't believe they let Twiggy come back".

"They let you back last season," Sierra reminded her.

"That was different! Besides, we totally lost our numbers advantage".

Leshawna couldn't help but roll her eyes. "You mean the numbers advantage we still have?"

Stephanie looked around and realized that, with Jen gone and Mike returning, the Screaming Gaffers had the same number of players as they did around the start of the last episode. She'd miscounted. "Shut up," she grumbled under her breath.

"What's the point of numbers?" a downtrodden Tom remarked as he trudged beside them. "We're all just gonna leave at some point anyway".

"Oh, please," Leshawna scoffed. "You know you're gonna see Jen again, right?"

"Whatevs," Tom mumbled. "I'm going to bed".

"Slight hiccup," said Brick, who kept pulling at the trailer door's handle with little success. "The door's locked. Again".

"I'm not going through the roof!" Harold quickly blurted.

"Ha! Sucks to be you guys," Anne Maria teased. "Nighty-night!" She tried to pull open the door to the girls trailer, only to find that it was locked as well. "Ah, crud. Alright, no one's using me as a battery ram!"

"Battering ram," Kitty corrected her.

"That's what I said".

Before anyone could try and figure out what was happening or what had to be done, their thoughts were interrupted by the sudden sound of sirens. "Is Beardo back too?" asked Mike.

Beardo was not back. To everyone's surprise, an ambulance drove over to the trailers and stopped. The back doors opened up and someone pushed out a stretcher, which was covered by a sheet so that no one could see who or what was lying on it. As soon as it delivered its ‘gift’, the ambulance sped away. Tom yelped in surprise and jumped back. "Is that a dead body?!"

Dawn took a step closer to it and put her skills to the test. "No, it's a live body," she said. "Although, one could argue that its heart is dead".

Suddenly, the figure under the sheet bolted up and it was revealed to be none other than Chris McLean. But he wasn't alone. Also on the stretcher was a sizable collection of textbooks. "Why, thank you, Dawn!" Chris chipperly said to the moonchild. "That's enough to make me forgive you for ruining my chance to trick Shawn into thinking I was a zombie". Chris still chuckled when he saw the survivalist flinch a little upon hearing the word ‘zombie’. "But you're right. No one's dead yet". He picked up one of the books and showed it off. "These textbooks hold the sum total of eight years of med school".

He began throwing the books out to each of the contestants. "And each one of you gets one because, tomorrow, we're playing doctor!"

[static]

"I've often been asked if I believe in medicine," Dawn said. "Many assume that I'm one of those who believes in ‘natural’ methods rather than relying on hospitals. And to that, I say... that's ridiculous. Go to the doctor's! Get your shots! Oils don't heal broken bones!"

[static]

Harold was having make-up applied to him by an intern, although we could only see their arm at work. "I could be a doctor if I wanted to. I have plenty of hands-on experience 'cause I've contracted more than three hundred known diseases". Upon hearing this, the intern dropped the make-up and immediately distanced themself from Harold. "And I've been cured of nearly all of them. But there is no known vaccine for loving Leshawna".

[static]

Chris hopped off the stretcher while everyone else observed their textbooks. "To win this challenge, you're gonna wanna memorize the entire contents of these textbooks. By morning".

"By morning?" Kitty echoed. "But it's already so late!"

"And we just finished a challenge, butt chin!" Stephanie added. "Every three days, remember?"

"I know, I know," said Chris. "Which is why I've decided to add a few bonuses. First off, this is a reward challenge! No elimination this time, folks!" Everyone let out a collective sigh. Just then, Chef drove in on a golf cart. A golf cart with a large plastic pizza ornament on the roof. "Secondly, what med school all-nighter would be complete without pizza?"

Chef stepped out of the golf cart carrying several boxes of what was apparently pizza. Aside from a squirming Dawn, everyone's mouths began to water from the sound of the word alone. The delicious aroma that was coming from the boxes only made them hungrier. But they knew better. Chris and Chef would never serve them real food, at least not without a catch. The glorious buffet from season one was nothing more than an attempt to hinder them during the Awake-A-Thon. With this in mind, Leshawna said what everyone was thinking. "It's gotta be a trick".

"More like method acting," Chris said, exciting Mike. "Med school interns consume 850% more pizza than the average human. So dig in! Cause there's plenty more where that came from". To Chris' surprise and frustration, nobody went for the pizza. "This is a golden opportunity, folks. It ain't gonna happen again".

"I'm not buying it," said Stephanie. "He's definitely lying".

"What do you think, Dawnie?" Anne Maria asked. She turned around and found that, to her surprise, Dawn had scattered away and was sitting under a tree. She did not want to be near pizza.

"Well, there goes our lie detector," said Gwen.

Sierra, being Sierra, happily ran walked over to the pizza boxes. "I'll have some pizza. Because I actually trust you, Chris". Several cast members rolled their eyes and/or scoffed at this while Sierra grabbed a slice. She took a bite and her eyes started to tear up. "This tastes like heaven!" she exclaimed.

"Wow! We should trust Chris more often," Rodney remarked.

While everyone went to get pizza, two Grips members seemed unconvinced. "Since when could Chef cook?" asked Stephanie.

"Something's definitely up," Leshawna opined.

"Don't care," said Tom, carrying a whole box. "I need to eat my feelings".

Stephanie felt her stomach grumble. "As much as I hate to say it, he's got a point". She walked off to get some pizza, leaving Leshawna as the sole doubter. Granted, there were still two other cast members not eating. One was Dawn and the other was DJ... who was mysteriously absent.

We cut to DJ in the kitchen with Chef. The gentle jock was tossing dough in the air while Chef put on the toppings. "Keep 'em coming!" Chef commanded. "I'll add the final cheesy touch..." Chef chuckled as he sprinkled what appeared to be cheese from a canister onto the pizza.

"I'm grateful that you asked me to help, Chef," DJ said as he tossed and caught the pizza dough. "But why can't I tell anyone about this again?"

"Don't want 'em thinkin' you're getting special treatment," Chef answered a little too quickly.

Just as Chef had hoped, DJ was far too trusting for his own good. He heard Chef's answer and assumed that Chef had finally given up on pursuing an alliance. Surely, with reasoning like that, Chef only wanted help making pizza. Of course, the answer still had a few holes. "But won't everyone get suspicious that I'm not there?"

"Not if they're eatin', they won't! Now, let's get a move on!"

Meanwhile, the Killer Grips were eating their pizza outside of the trailers while reading through the medical textbooks. Some were having an easier time than others. Kitty kept adjusting her sitting position every few minutes, convinced that her comfort level was the reason she was having trouble reading and absorbing the information.

"This is delicious!" Shawn remarked after swallowing another bite of pizza. "Shame I won't have any of this when the zombies take over".

"Why not just horde a bunch in your bunker?" asked Jasmine. "Wasn't that the plan?"

"After last season, I decided that I needed a new plan! I'm not gonna hide from them anymore. I'm gonna run! Be a real survivalist".

Jasmine chuckled at this. "Maybe I'll be there alongside you".

Shawn suddenly felt a lot more awkward. "Uh, yeah. Maybe". This didn't go unnoticed by Jasmine. But she decided to go back to studying instead of dwelling on it. Meanwhile, Shawn noticed that one of his teammates wasn't eating with them. "Hey, Leshawna, aren't you gonna have some pizza?"

[static]

"I love pizza but me and dairy do not agree," Leshawna established. "And brother, you do not wanna be around for that".

[static]

"Apparently, I have to treat people kindly if I want to be treated kindly as well," said Jacques. "It is not something I am comfortable doing but, if it means I never have to deal with another Josee, it is a risk I am willing to take. Plus, it is called the golden rule".

[static]

Jacques got to his feet and cleared his throat. "Everyone, I have an announcement!" Everyone looked up from their books, eager to here what he had to say. "I have decided that I will now be nicer and give you all the respect and compassion that you deserve".

There was a bout of silence. No one really knew what to say to this. Then, Stephanie blew a raspberry and everyone besides Rodney began laughing at Jacques. The ice dancer kept his camera-ready grin up, trying his best not to let the laughter get to him. "I'll believe that when Hell freezes over," Stephanie joked.

"Jacques, why didn't you tell us you were sick?" Tom cracked.

Knowing he had failed to get his point across, Jacques grabbed another slice of pizza and plopped himself down in between Rodney and Kitty. The farm-boy put a comforting hand on the blonde's back. "I think that went pretty well, boss".

Jacques ignored his underling and began whispering to Kitty. "How do you think that went?"

Kitty looked up from her book, which she was still having trouble following. "Why are you asking me?" she asked with genuine curiosity.

"Because you are helping me in my attempts to be the new Jacques, are you not?" the ice dancer asked like this was apparent to Kitty.

"I am not, no," said Kitty. "I never agreed to that. I just happened to be standing next to you when you had your whole crisis".

"But you are one of the nicest people here," Jacques argued. "Surely, you would not turn turn down a chance to help another". He wasn't lying. He found Kitty was sickeningly sweet, which meant that she would be just the person to help.

Kitty sighed with defeat. "Okay, Jacques, you want my help?"

"Yes".

"Great!" Kitty pulled out her phone. "Now, can I show you all of the selfies I've taken with Gwen this season and help me figure out which ones are the best?"

At that moment, Jacques wondered if his sudden decision to try and be a better person so that karma wouldn't come back to haunt him was actually a good idea. "Uh, perhaps some other time. We must continue studying, no?"

Kitty shrugged and put away her phone. "Huh. I guess you're right". She went back to trying to read while Jacques let out a relieved breath. Then, less than thirty seconds later, Kitty pulled her phone back out. "Okay, I don't think I'll be able to focus until I get this done so let's get it out of the way". Kitty pulled up her gallery while Jacques began to regret every decision he'd ever made.

"Okay, so Gwen looks great in this one. I mean, obviously. She always looks great. God, I love her. I mean, I haven't actually said that to her but I really should. There's a lot of things I've wanted to say to her. They're all good, though. Blah. Sorry. We're getting off-topic. Anyway, she looks great but I think I look a bit-"

[static]

"Yeah, I fell asleep, like, ten minutes later," Kitty recounted.

[static]

Meanwhile, the Screaming Gaffers were studying and eating their pizza in the Craft Services Tent. Gwen had volunteered to check on Dawn and came back a few minutes later with the blonde in tow. Anne Maria was happy to see her friend but she still wasn't thrilled to see her be all friendly with Gwen. "What took ya so long?" she asked, a twinge of bitterness in her voice.

"Just getting Dawn like I said," Gwen answered. "She was nervous about being around pizza but she's cool now".

"Indeed," said Dawn, holding up an apple in her hand. "I even have a-" She suddenly froze and went dead-eyed upon seeing the pizza again, concerning all the others.

"Uh... Dawn?" Gwen waved a hand in front of her face. "You there?" There was still no response from the blonde. "Weird. I thought the apple would be enough to keep her from doing this".

Anne Maria stormed over and put herself between Dawn and Gwen. As soon as Anne Maria was close, Dawn immediately snapped back to life. "It's probably cause ya freakin' her out with ya weird witchy vibes or whateva".

"Oh, Anne Maria," said Dawn. "You've no need to worry. It wasn't because-"

"Look, let's just sit down," said Anne Maria, already pulling Dawn away. "I wanna make sure you're okay and not cursed or somethin'".

While Dawn was confused by the whole thing, Gwen was wearing a knowing smile. In that moment, she was able to test a theory she'd had for a few episodes now. In that moment, Gwen knew that Kitty's assumption about Dawn liking Anne Maria was completely accurate.

"Ah, well," Mike said as he gabbed two more slices. One was for him and the other was for Sammy. "More for us".

"Save some for DJ," Brick asked of them.

"Hey," Sammy said with a mouthful of pizza. "Where is DJ anyway?"

As they were conversing, DJ snuck out of the kitchen, crawled on the floor and suddenly popped up before anyone could really think on Sammy's question. "What are you talking about? I'm right here," he fibbed.

"Oh, okay," said Harold, who was none the wiser.

"DJ, what are you talking about?" asked Brick. "I know that-"

"Just hand me some pie, Bricky," he said, the echo of a desperate plea in his voice. Brick let out a defeated sigh and handed DJ a slice of pizza. DJ took a bite and felt nothing but satisfaction. "Man, I am good," he said under his breath. The problem was that his boyfriend was right next to him. While he couldn't hear DJ clearly, Brick was still suspicious of the whole thing.

Back with the Grips, we see that not only had Kitty fallen asleep but her rambling put Jacques into a slumber as well. A tired-looking Leshawna helped the sleeping Kitty up. "I'm gonna get this one to bed," she told the others. "And then I'm going to sleep too".

"Um, no!" Stephanie asserted. "We've got a challenge to win!"

"Yeah, a reward challenge," Leshawna reminded her. "I ain't bustin' my hump for that". With that, she walked off with Kitty.

Stephanie looked over at Tom, who was intensely focused on the textbook. "You're not gonna stop them, Fearless Leader?"

"Can't talk," he said, flatly. "Gotta win".

Stephanie let out a frustrated sigh. "Screw it. I'm gonna draw a mustache on Jacques' face".

Fade to the next morning, where all the contestants were in one of the studios. They were all awake and nearly all of them looked tired and absolutely miserable. "I've never been so sleep-deprived before," Dawn droned.

"I feel like a zombie," Gwen moaned.

"I don't even have the energy to scream and run away," Shawn groaned.

Meanwhile, there were three cast members who didn't look like they'd just gotten out of a coma: Jacques, Kitty and Leshawna. Although, Jacques' eye was twitching like he was trying not to strangle someone. It might have had something to do with a stereotypical French mustache drawn onto his face with permanent marker. "Ah, I had such a peaceful sleep last night," Jacques said after stretching a yawn.

"That's a great way of trying to be more respectful," Kitty remarked.

"What is wrong with what I said? I am simply making conversation".

"Oh, please," said Leshawna. "The only reason you're ‘making conversation’ is so you don't turn into a rage monster over that mustache".

Jacques took a deep breath. "I am not amused about the mustache but I am simply taking it in stride".

"I thought you said it was because you didn't wanna get pummeled by Stephanie," Rodney butted in.

"Shut up, Rodney. I mean, uh... You must have been imagining things". He kept his false grin on while Kitty rolled her eyes.

The door to the hospital set opened up and Chris McLean walked into view. "Good morning, competitors!" he cheerfully greeted them. "Or should I say..." He pulled out a T-shirt cannon from behind his back. "Doctors?" He opened fire and shot stethoscopes and head-mirrors onto all of the contestants. He even knocked Tom to the ground as a result. "Ready for today's challenge?"

"Some of us are more ready than others," Stephanie sniped, her eyes on Leshawna.

Leshawna frowned at this. "You made your choice, I made mine".

"Ooh, tension! My favorite!" said Chris. "Let's take it inside".

Everyone walked inside to see two separate pools of some mysterious green liquid, with two diving boards above it. To the side of each pool were upright operating platforms with a large silhouette in the middle. "Today's challenge is called ‘Visiting Hours’," said Chris. "And only one member of the winning team will get to enjoy the reward".

Rodney leaned over to Jacques. "How are we gonna know who gets the reward then?"

"The person who most directly contributes to the win".

[static]

"Obviously, that will be me," said Jacques. "But I couldn't just say that because I have a brand-new attitude!" His smile was even more forced than before.

[static]

"Chris," said Harold. "You haven't told us what the reward is yet".

"You're very perceptive, Harold. Let's see if that'll help you and your team assemble... a cadaver!"

Kitty grimaced at this. "We have to assemble a dead body?"

"No," Chris clarified. "You have to assemble a giant dead body! These kegs contain the dismembered parts of two identical cadavers. Each player will climb their respective team ladder, strap on the bungee cord, and jump into the tank with hopes of retrieving a body part. Any parts you find will be snapped in place on the platforms". We pan over to one of the platforms and see that they're being held up by chains. "Use those chains to raise them all the way to the roof, where they'll be reanimated by a blast of lightning!" Pan up to reveal two zappers hanging from the ceiling. Chris just had those laying around, apparently.

"First team to bring a Franken-Chris to life wins a cadaverific reward! First crack goes to the team who can tell me how to treat someone with a bean stuck up their nose".

"Ooh! Ooh!" Sierra jumped in the air and raised her hand. "I know this! Administer two cc's of pain meds and probe the infected area with a sterile swab!"

"Correctamundo!" Chris said, shooting finger guns at Sierra, who nearly fainted as a result.

Cut to Sierra on top of the diving board before bungee jumping into the vat of mysterious liquids and body parts. She was propelled back out and we see that she'd managed to grab... an electric eel. She got zapped and immediately dropped it. "What was that?!"

"Oh, yeah," Chris chuckled. "I forgot to mention the electric eels".

Of course, Sierra's natural response to this information was a dreamy sigh. "Oh, Chris. You're so crea-" She fell back into the vat before she could finish. Thankfully, when she came out, she'd managed to grab a fake Chris leg. After the other Grips wrestled it out of her hands, they placed it onto the platform.

"Okay, next question," said Chris. "Your patient has an itchy, red inflammation on their butt. Diagnosis?"

Brick raised his hand. "Diaper rash! Apply salve repeatedly to achieve humectant dispersion".

"Yes!"

Brick jumped into the vat, came out and got shocked by an electric eel. He fell back in, came out again, and got shocked by another electric eel. However, he'd managed to grab two items that time and the other was a dummy arm. He threw it down to his teammates.

"I got it!" Gwen announced.

However, Anne Maria shoved her out of the way and caught the arm. "No, I got it!" She walked over to the platform and gave the arm to Dawn so she could place it, only to be met by a disapproving headshake from the pointy-eared girl. "What?"

Back to Chris. "Next question: your patient's got a white tongue, red eyes, and they're oozing gooey crud. Diagnosis?"

"Ooh, ooh! Piggus Eyeicus!" Rodney answered quickly. "Treat with two rounds of flopperty-gibbits!"

"Correct!"

Jasmine was a lot more suspicious hearing this. For one, half of those words were definitely made-up. But if Rodney was able to get an answer right so quickly, then something had to be up. She leaned down to Shawn. "There's no way that's a real disease, right?"

"Nope," Shawn responded. "But I'll be honest. My eyes got fuzzy before I got to that bit in the textbook".

Rodney jumped in and retrieved another Chris leg. He threw it to Jacques, who caught it, only to remember where it had been and dropped it in disgust. Sierra had to put the leg onto the platform for him.

Back to Chris. "Smells like earwax?"

"Pineappleitis," said DJ. The jock jumped into the pool and got shocked by three electric eels at the same time.

Back to Chris. "Fur between the toes?"

"Stick two horse feathers up the whizzbang!" Tom shouted. He jumped in and grabbed a pair of shorts but screamed in terror and disgust the whole time.

The game went on for a while. The Gaffers managed to grab both of Chris' legs and a pair of shorts. The Grips grabbed a torso and an arm. All the while, different contestants managed to get their answers correct. "Waka waka two-by-four!" Shawn correctly guessed. Gwen checked Chris heartbeat and proclaimed "Sissypants McGee!" which was apparently the right answer. Nearly everyone ended up taking a bungee jump into the pool, with varying results. The more fake body parts disappeared, the more the chances of grabbing an eel and getting shocked increased. Some, like Jasmine, could handle it without batting an eye. Others were Harold, who got shocked three times but managed to grab a full Chris McLean head on the third try. He threw it to his teammates. Now, all their dummy was missing was a left hand.

"The Gaffers and Grips are neck-and-neck!" Chris announced. "Which is funny, because the Grips' body doesn't have a neck".

Meanwhile, Shawn was jumping into the pool to find Chris' head, only to get electrocuted. At the very least, he had two more tries. While most of the Grips watched and cheered him on, Sierra couldn't help but focus on the dummy. It looked familiar and not just because it looked like Chris. After Shawn's second zapping, it suddenly hit her. "OMG!" she squealed. "Chris, are these your body doubles from Conscious?!"

"They are, indeed," Chris happily told her. "I was so robbed during awards season for that one".

"Alright, I'll bite," said Leshawna. "What the heck is Conscious?"

"I'm so glad you asked!" Sierra chirped. "Conscious is a movie where Chris plays a billionaire who gets open-heart surgery but he's conscious during the whole thing so he has an out-of-body experience and finds out that the doctors are trying to kill him! It was so good!"

"My most emotional work, if I do say so myself," Chris said, himself.

"Wow," said Leshawna. "That sounds... really stupid".

"Hey!" Sierra and Chris shouted in unison.

"How does being awake during a surgery turn him into a ghost?"

"Hey, guys!" Shawn called out.

"He wasn't a ghost," Sierra clarified. "He had an out-of-body experience! That's why they needed the body doubles!"

"Guys!" Shawn called again.

"Plus, why didn't they just put him under anesthesia?" Jasmine asked.

"GUYS!"

"WHAT?!" Everyone shouted back at him.

He held up the Chris head. "I got it!" He threw it to Jasmine, who popped it on top of the dummy.

"The Grips have their cadaver!" Chris announced.

"So do we!" Anne Maria shouted as she came out of the vat with a dummy hand.

She threw it over to DJ, who was about to place it onto the dummy, only to turn around and scream as Dawn suddenly appeared next to him. "Dawn, you nearly gave me a heart attack!"

"I apologize," Dawn said as DJ placed the hand onto the dummy. "But I had an urgent matter I wanted to talk to you about".

"Okay, shoot".

Dawn inhaled deeply. "DJ, I know about last night and I believe that you're being manipulated into doing harmful things".

There was a part of DJ that wanted to listen to her. To believe her. But instead, he just forced out a scoff. "What are you talking about? I just made some pizza".

"The harmful things won't be your fault," Dawn told him. "But I believe that Chef is misleading you. It's not too late to-"

"Look," said a nervous-looking DJ. "Can we talk about this later?"

Dawn let out a disappointed sigh but relented anyway. "I can tell you're not lying about talking later". She smiled at him. "So I'll say yes".

Cut to the two teams pulling on the chains in their attempt to get their dummy zapped so they could win the challenge. Chris stepped in front of the camera. "Whose cadaver will hit the roof first?" he asked the viewers. "Make sure you come back for all the Total! Drama! Action!"

Fade back to both teams pulling on their chains. Dawn was standing in front of DJ, who looked back to try and talk to her. "Hey, Dawn," he said. "I'm sorry if I was kinda rude back there".

Dawn didn't think much of it. "It's okay, DJ. I understand".

"You do?"

"Yes. I know that Chef has been giving you a hard time this whole season and you want to believe he's changed. Me trying to tell you the contrary resulted in you becoming worried all over again. It's very understandable".

DJ couldn't help but chuckle in awe. "Dang, girl. You're good".

"Thank you".

"So..." He felt himself grow nervous again. "What was it you wanted to tell me?"

At that moment, Dawn let go of the chain. "I would tell you but, for whatever reason, I'm feeling rather tired. Perhaps we should wait until later".

"I get it," DJ reassured her. "Go get some rest. This is hard work".

While Dawn went to take a rest, the remaining Gaffers kept pulling on the chains, as the competition against the Grips remained neck and neck. At one point, Mike lost his hold on the chain and nearly fell over. Thankfully, Sammy raised her leg, catching Mike before he could fall back and knock her over. "Thanks, babe! Forgot how strong you are".

"If it helps, so do I," Sammy said. She wasn't lying. If she had remembered how strong she was, she wouldn't have broken her sister's arm by mistake.

Mike got back up and stood beside Sammy, rather than in front of her. That way they could be closer together while still helping out the team. "Hey, Sammy?"

A smiling Sammy locked eyes with her boyfriend. "Yeah?"

Mike looked at her with nothing but love. "I'm really glad you're on this team".

Sammy was confused, especially because Mike was the one who was gone for several episodes but she couldn't help but feel her heart swell when Mike said something like that. "Thanks, Mikey". They pulled on the chains for a few more seconds before Sammy looked at Mike again. "I love you so much," she couldn't help but say.

Mike didn't hesitate to respond. "I love you so much too". The two of them leaned in even closer for a passionate kiss. Mike felt himself grow hot. Really hot. Concerningly hot. He was actually a bit feverish and his head started to hurt and-

Suddenly, Sammy let out a massive belch, startling Mike and causing him to fall to the ground. "Oh, my god! Mike, are you- Huh, why do I taste lemons? Mike, are you okay?!"

Sammy dropped to her knees to check on Mike, who insisted he was fine despite making no attempts to get back to his feet. "Yeah, I'm... fine..." he said, sluggishly. "But I'mma just... I'm gonna lie here... just for a lil bit".

Sammy place a hand on Mike's forehead. "Babe, you're burning up!"

Gwen stopped directing the team to pull the platform up when she noticed what had happened to Mike. "Holy crap! Is he okay?"

"I don't know," Sammy cried. "I think he's got a fever! Oh, god! Is he dying?! Am I dying?! Is that why I taste lemons?! Is that a dying thing?!"

"Sammy," Brick said calmly. "Let's just try not to lose our heads. I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation for all of this".

"Oh, totes!" Anne Maria agreed. "Whaddya think, Dawn?" She turned to realize that Dawn had walked off. "Dawn? DAWNIE?!" She noticed that Dawn had fallen asleep in the corner and ran over to her. "DAWNIE, NO! DON'T LEAVE ME!"

Brick continued to remain level-headed. He went over to Dawn and was immediately able to tell that she was breathing and that her heart was beating at a normal rate. "Relax, Anne Maria. She's not dead. She just passed out".

Harold, who was standing next to DJ, noticed something strange about his teammate. "DJ, what's that on your arm?"

DJ raised an eyebrow. "What are you talking abou- OH, MY GOD!" DJ noticed what looked like a red sore on his upper arm and began running around in panic. "GET IT OFF!"

"Dev!" Brick called. "Just take a deep-"

Anne Maria got back to her feet and pointed at DJ. "YOU! You were just talking to her! You got Dawnie sick!"

DJ froze as the accusation seeped into his brain. "Oh, god! Did I!?"

Anne Maria began charging at him. "I'm gonna kill you!" She lunged at him but she was caught by Brick, who understandably didn't want his boyfriend to be mauled to death by a angry Jersey girl. "Lemme go! Lemme at him!"

"We must! Remain! Calm!" Brick insisted, struggling to hold her back.

"Oh, I'll show you cal-" Anne Maria suddenly stopped fighting against Brick and let out an ear-bleeding scream of terror. "There's an icky red sore on your arm too!" 

Brick noticed the giant red mark and dropped to the floor, releasing Anne Maria. "What is happening?!" he cried.

Meanwhile, the Grips couldn't help but notice what was going on with the other team and stopped pulling on their chain as well. They listened to every word and watched every action. But it wasn't until Brick and DJ had noticed the red sores that it finally clicked for one of the Grips. "Wait a minute," said Jasmine. "Mike's got a fever. Sammy has lemony burps. And Brick and DJ have red sores?"

"Oh, god," Tom whimpered. "Aren't those symptoms of one of the diseases from the book?"

"They are!" Sierra proclaimed. "Page 753! Mortotistico Crumple's Disease!" She gasped with realization. "It's fatal too!"

"Not just fatal," said Stephanie, showing fear for once in her life. "It's highly contagious!"

"QUARENTINE!" Shawn screamed before he began to blow up big quarantine bubbles.

While Shawn went into full-on panic mode, everyone else's eyes fell onto their gracious host. "Shawn's got the right idea," Chris said of the quarantine. "See ya! Wouldn't wanna be ya!" He zipped out of the swinging hospital doors, much to everyone's shock.

Tom ran over to try and catch Chris, only to find that the doors were suddenly unable to swing open. He heard drilling and hammering noises from the other side and put two and two together. "He left us. He left us!"

Jacques, trying to stick with his new attitude, walked over to Tom as calmly as possible. "So, leader, what do you propose we-"

Tom grabbed Jacques by his shirt and yelled "WE'RE GONNA DIE IN HERE!"

Cut to the other side of the swinging doors, where Chris was putting the finishing touches onto sealing them off. Once he had finished his work, he turned to the camera with a mischievous smile. "There's more to this disease than either team knows," he chuckled.

Meanwhile, Shawn had finished blowing up six bubbles. Five of them were for the five infected Gaffer members, including the unconscious Dawn. The sixth was just in case someone else turned out to be infected. "How is this possible?" asked Kitty. "How did five of us end up with a fatal disease?"

"You mean, five of them!" Shawn butted in, pointing an accusatory finger at the Gaffers. "It was all members of their team! They're the infected ones".

Harold put his hands up. "I'm sure it's just a coincidence!"

"Nice try," Shawn spat at them. "That's what they all- Ah- Ah- ACHOO!" The Gaffers all glared at him while the Grips took several steps away. "Wait! No! That was one sneeze! I'm not- ACHOO!"

Cut to a few minutes later and we see that Shawn had been thrown into the sixth quarantine bubble. "No, this is fair," he humbly conceded.

"Okay," Jasmine said to the others. "We can't risk anything. We have to make sure no one else is infected. Does anyone else remember the other symptoms?"

"Athlete's foot?" Rodney guessed.

"No, no, no," Harold interjected. "The book said that the symptoms of Mortotistico Crumple's Disease include explosive diarrhea..."

Tom felt his stomach grumble. "Oh, no..." He ran to a porta-potty that was on the set and you can probably guess what happened next.

"Loss of reflex control..."

Stephanie scoffed at this. "What are you even-" Suddenly, and without control, Stephanie's kicked her leg up, accidentally hitting Shawn's bubble. This caused the doomsday prepper to bounce around the set like a pinball. "Never mind," she said as her arm was involuntarily thrown in the air. "Continue".

"Itchy lips..."

"Oh, gawd!" Anne Maria groaned. "My lips are on fire!" She roughly scratched her lips, resulting in them looking red and inflamed.

"Hallucinations..."

"I don't think anyone here is hallucinating," Gwen said. She turned to the empty space beside her. "What about you, Elton John?" She looked over and noticed that everyone was staring at her. "You guys can see Elton John too, right?" Tears filled her eyes and desperation filled her voice. "Please tell me you see Elton John!"

Harold continued his spiel. "Sudden hot flashes..." Rodney fanned himself as sweat rained off of him. "Seasickness..." Sierra suddenly turned green and threw up off-screen. "Speaking in tongues and, finally, lorem ipsum dolor sit amet-" Harold gasped as he realized that he was uttering pure nonsense. "Consectetur adipiscing elit!" he cried in anguish.

Jasmine turned to the other three Grips who had yet to show any signs of infection. "Alright, if I remember correctly, the last symptom is temporary blindness. Is anyone experiencing that?"

"Nah," said Leshawna.

"I can see just fine," said Kitty.

"Unfortunately," Jacques said as he noticed Sierra's continuous vomiting.

Jasmine let out a sigh of relief. "Well, at least there's that". With that, she walked off... right into a wall. "Oh, no..." she squirmed.

[static]

Leshawna looked unconvinced. "I know it's meant to be dangerous and all, but it's still a TV show. No way they'd actually let someone up and die in here, am I right?"

[static]

Cut to Chris in the monitor room. "You think we wouldn't. But just imagine the ratings!"

Back on set, all of the infected contestants that weren't in bubbles were placed onto stretchers. No one fought it. Instead, they just laid there in despair. Kitty went over to Gwen and placed a thermometer in her mouth. "C'mon, Gwenny. Stay with me".

"Kit..." Gwen moaned once Kitty removed the thermometer. "Can I call you ‘Dove’?"

"Dove? I mean, I'm not against it but why ‘Dove’?"

"I don't remember". There was a beat of silence before Gwen suddenly said "Kitty, I met God! And I don't think he likes us!"

Okay, so Kitty was dealing with this now. "‘Us’, like you and me or ‘us’ as in everyone?"

"Yes!"

"Okay, then..."

Jacques passed by Rodney, who grabbed his hand to get him to stop. "What is it?" the ice dancer asked.

"You're not gonna let me die, are you?" the sweaty farm-boy asked. "Boss?"

Jacques let out a frustrated sigh. "You are not dying".

"Aw, you did it," Rodney said with a weak smile. "I knew I could count on you..." He let go of Jacques' hand and let him leave. Jacques' annoyance seemed to fade away as Rodney's words echoed in his head.

[static]

"The last time someone counted on me, I dropped them on ice," Jacques explained. "That is probably why I feel weird. It cannot be genuine empathy".

[static]

Leshawna walked over to a distraught Harold with a glass of water. "How you doin', baby?" she asked him.

"Sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua..."

"Uh, right back at ya". She put the glass up to his lips. "Here, have a sip". Harold took a drink, only to cough it back up, spraying water all over Leshawna.

Frustrated, Leshawna simply walked away and joined her other healthy companions. "This is nuts!" she told them. "We've gotta do something".

"It is very suspect that the three of us fell asleep early and are not the only ones who aren't sick," Jacques noted. "I guess it is a good thing that Kitty and I got tired quickly".

"I didn't get tired quickly," Kitty insisted. "I had lots of energy. I just find it really hard to focus on textbooks. Like, my eyes will go through the text but I'll be thinking of something else and then I'll think of fifty other things. And then sometimes, I'll just get all fidgety and distracted when I'm actually doing something I actually want to do and then other times, I'll be laser-focused. And then, last night, I went on so many tangents that my brain just tired itself out and then I fell asleep".

"It is true," confirmed Jacques, who forced himself to put up with all of it the night before.

"Uh... good to know?" said Leshawna.

[static]

"I'm not a psychiatrist so I'm not gonna say Kitty's got ADHD," said Gwen. "But if a psychiatrist said that Kitty has ADHD, I wouldn't be surprised".

[static]

"Point is," said Leshawna. "I'm starting to question this Morto-testing-my-patience junk. We need to get our hands on one of those textbooks".

"Definitely," said Kitty. "There has to be something there that the others missed".

"Really good plan," Jacques said, with a good amount of sarcasm. "Only problem is that Sissypants McGee blocked off the exit".

"There's more than one exit," Leshawna told him.

"More than one?" Kitty questioned. She looked around the set, searching for some hidden exit that Leshawna had noticed. "I don't see any- Oh, no".

Kitty and Jacques looked up and found what Leshawna was referring to: the opening in the ceiling where the chains came from. The opening they were supposed to lift a mannequin up to so it could get electrocuted. The zappers were thankfully turned off but it didn't make the idea any less scary. "I am not exactly a fan of heights," said Jacques.

"And I'm not exactly a fan of dying," Leshawna snapped back as she and Kitty stepped onto the platform. "Now, shut your trap and let's get going".

Jacques looked unsure. "You know what? I'm sure everyone here needs someone to look after them. I will gladly volunteer to-"

"You know," Kitty interrupted. "If you do this, it sure will be a sign that you are compassionate and respectful. And you'll get a decent amount of compassion and respect in return. Just sayin'". Jacques let out a defeated sigh before stepping onto the platform.

[static]

"It's not ideal that Jacques only wants to act nicer so people will praise him," said Kitty. "But, hey, if it gets him to do stuff without being whiny and angry, then fine by me".

[static]

Cut to a few minutes later. Jacques, Kitty and Leshawna had managed to pull the platform all the way up to the roof. When that was done, they climbed down the ladder on the side of the studio. They were free. But they weren't finished yet. "You two go find the textbooks," she instructed them. "I'm gonna look in the kitchen".

"Yes, ma'am!" Kitty said with determination. She ran off but Jacques just stood there with his arms crossed.

"Oh, what now?" asked a frustrated Leshawna.

"And what if I wanted to look in the kitchen?" Leshawna didn't get a chance to answer because Kitty ran back, grabbed his hair and pulled him away. "Hey! You've got to be gentle!"

[static]

"I take a practical approach to life and to this game," Leshawna established. "Namely, if someone is too nice to you, there has got to be a reason. And you just know it ain't gonna be pretty".

[static]

Meanwhile, everyone else was on set and having the absolute worst time of their lives. The only exception was Gwen because she got mauled by a bear last season. She was still having a rough time, however. Harold kept muttering in tongues. Jasmine kept blinking, hoping she would regain her vision. Still in his bubble, DJ was in a fetal position and quietly weeping to himself. "Dev?" Brick called to him. "It's gonna be okay. We're... we're gonna get through this". DJ just kept crying. "I'll be right here if you need me".

Mike and Sammy kept their bubbles close together. Dawn was still out cold in hers. Anne Maria looked over from her stretcher to see if her best friend had recovered. There had been no progress. "Oh, Dawnie," she mused. "What happened to ya?" She turned to the stretcher next to her, which was holding Gwen. "Aight, Gothie. You pulled her into the tent last night. Ya must've noticed she was sick!"

Gwen looked over at whoever was speaking to her, only for her eyes to widen in shock. "Holy *bleep*, a talking duck!" she yelled before falling off of her stretcher.

Against one of the walls, Sierra was scribbling out her last will and testament while keeping a bucket next to her just in case. "To my dear mother," she said as she wrote. "Do not sell any of our prized McLean possessions to pay for my funeral". She stopped writing, turned her head, threw up into the bucket and then went right back to writing. "I ask that you open the museum in the backyard to paying customers like we always talked about. I only hope that I've made you proud".

Suddenly, Stephanie, who was sitting right beside her, involuntarily kicked the puke bucket over, much to Sierra's chagrin. "Oh, don't give me that look!" Stephanie spat.

Suddenly, the previously boarded up doors were kicked open and Jacques, Kitty and Leshawna entered the set. "Is that you, God?" Jasmine asked, weakly.

"Ut enim ad minim veniam?" asked Harold.

"We've been lied to, everyone!" Kitty announced. "These textbooks are a sham!"

"As a skilled saboteur, I recognized it right away," Jacques told them. He held up one of the textbooks and ripped off its front and back covers. "These covers are nothing more than old cereal boxes!"

"That's right!" Kitty chimed in. "And what's more is..." She felt her stomach grumble. "Oh, god..." She ran into to the porta-potty like her life depended on it and you can probably guessed what happened next.

"It can't be a sham!" Mike objected.

"Yeah, no one's faking being sick," Sammy argued.

"No, but it's still a hoax," Leshawna proclaimed. "I just went to Chef's kitchen and where I found this 'cheese'".

She held up a canister with a picture of cheese on it. DJ recognized it instantly. He had seen it when he and Chef were making pizzas the night before. Dawn's warnings played back in his head once more. But there was a small part of him that was still in denial. "Uh, gee, what's in that canister I've never seen before?" he asked, feigning innocence. "Parmesan?"

"Nope!" Leshawna ripped the label off, revealing another picture. One of a pair of hands, ready to scratch. "It's itching powder and laxatives".

DJ gasped. "Chef," he said to himself. "How could he?"

What DJ forgot was that his boyfriend was right next to him. "Chef?" DJ hung his head in shame as he heard Brick's voice. "Dev, what's going on?"

"Of course," Jacques said, observing the canister. "That explains the diarrhea and itchy lips". He felt his stomach grumble. "Oh, crud!" He ran over to the porta-potty just as Kitty opened the door and walked out.

"That was one of the worst experiences of my- Woah!" Jacques shoved Kitty out of the way and slammed the porta-potty door shut behind him.

"And I'm the only one who didn’t get sick," Leshawna realized. "Cause I didn't eat the pizza".

"What about the red sores on Brick and DJ?" asked Shawn.

Leshawna walked over DJ's bubble and popped it before pulling off his ‘red sore’. "It's just a slice of pepperoni". Leshawna went over to pop the rest of the bubbles, the first being Brick's.

Brick immediately ran over to his boyfriend. "Dev," he said, quietly. "Dev, are you okay".

DJ wiped his eyes and shook his head. "I think I did something bad, Bricky".

"But what about all the other symptoms?" Sierra asked Leshawna. "Blindness? Speaking in tongues?"

Harold jolted upright. "That's it!" he exclaimed via the English language. "First year med school syndrome! Too much studying and too little sleep can make you think you've got every disease in the book!"

Jasmine blinked once more and a wide smile appeared on her face. "I can see!"

Anne Maria ran over to Dawn, who was still unconscious even after being freed from her bubble. "What about Dawn? Why is she still asleep?"

Dawn suddenly awoke and jumped to her feet. "Oh, it's very simple," she said like nothing had happened. "Gwen was helping me last night with a personal problem, which resulted in me getting very little sleep". She looked over and noticed that Gwen was asleep on the floor. "And from the looks of it, I don't believe Gwen got any-"

Dawn was cut off when Anne Maria ambushed her in a tight hug. "Don't ever scare me like that again!"

With everything solved, Chris was lowered down from the ceiling on yet another chain. "Congratulations, Killer Grips! You just won the challenge!" The Grips, now joined by Jacques, all cheered. The Gaffers weren't too upset, however. It was a reward challenge and they were all just glad to be alive at that moment. "Leshawna, Kitty, Jacques. Those were some brilliant diagnostic skills. Way to suss it out. As for your reward..." Chris' face suddenly fell upon realizing that he'd enter the room empty-handed. "I knew I forgot something. Just a sec". The chain pulled him up once more and Chris McLean had left the building.

The Grips all ran over to their saviors to congratulate them on the win. Their team leader, Tom, ambushed Leshawna and Kitty in a tight hug. After letting them go, he turned to Jacques. "Not band, ice dancer".

Jacques let out a pompous chuckle. "I did not do it for you".

"I know". Tom and everyone else knew that Jacques' only motivation was praise. But he kept smiling at him anyway. "But if you keep this up, you might make it farther than you think".

Suddenly, Jacques was scooped up into a hug by Rodney. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!" Rodney celebrated. "I knew I was right to count on you!"

"Yes, yes," Jacques said, nonchalantly. "I already know I am great. I do not need you to tell me".

[static]

Jacques blew his nose into a handkerchief. "NO ONE HAS EVER THANKED ME BEFORE!" he sobbed.

[static]

"Hey!" Anne Maria said to Gwen, who was startled awake. "Wake up, Gothie!"

"Alright, already," Gwen yawned. "Give me a minute. I had some weird dream where I was nannying Elton John's kids or something".

"I got a bone to pick with ya! So you're gonna listen to what I gotta say!"

Gwen stumbled to her feet. "What are you talking about?" she asked.

"I'm talking about how you're stealin' Dawnie from me!"

Gwen was stunned by this answer. "What?"

"Ya heard me! She's my best friend! Don't think ya can just waltz in and try to be her BFF!"

Gwen put her hands together and inhaled sharply.

[static]

"Jersey girls fight dirty so I wasn't gonna laugh in Anne Maria's face," Gwen recounted. "So that's why I'm gonna do it now". The goth began laughing hysterically.

[static]

"Anne Maria, I'm just gonna say this the best I can," she said. "I am not trying to steal Dawn from you".

Anne Maria put her hands on her hips. She wasn't convinced. "Then, why are ya gettin' so close with her lately?"

Gwen fought the urge to smile and tried her best to seriously answer the girl's question. "I was just looking out for her because she's my teammate and friend. If I saw you faint in the last episode, I'd do the same for you. And believe me when I say that I could never live up to the way Dawn feels about you".

The Jersey girl's face softened. "Really?"

"Really really".

Now, Anne Maria was grinning like a devil. "Aw, get over here!" She threw her arms around Gwen and squeezed her tightly. A bit too tightly. Gwen came very close to losing consciousness again.

Chris was lowered back down once more. This time, he was holding a silver platter. "As I was saying, for your reward..." Chris lifted the cover off of the platter, revealing several framed headshots. Each members of the Grips recognized one of the people in the pictures.

"Emma!" said Kitty.

"Is that Jenny?" asked Tom.

"Ooh, that's my best cousin!" Leshawna squealed.

"That's right!" said Chris. "One of you gets a whole spa night away from this cruddy studio lot with your very best friend. So, who's the lucky stiff?"

All of the Grips, except for Leshawna and Jacques, began arguing over each other over who rightfully deserved the spa break. However, they all went silent when Leshawna started crying. "I'm sorry. It's just... It's been so stressful. I thought I was gonna lose you". She sniffled and wiped tears from her eyes. "Fighting for your lives. It's just all been too much".

"Now I know I have a heart," said Stephanie. "Because it's breaking".

"I mean, you were the brains behind figuring this out," said Kitty.

"And I really do not want to spend an evening with Josee," Jacques told the others. "What the heck. I nominate Leshawna for the reward". Both Kitty and Tom were pleasantly surprised by Jacques of all people giving up the reward. "All in favor?"

"Aye!" the other Grips said in unison.

Leshawna gasped in surprise. "No, I can't believe this. You guys are so beautiful! What a generous-"

Chris was disgusted by this display of generosity and affection. "Ugh! Cleanup on aisle two!" Two interns came over and escorted Leshawna away for her spa trip while she continued to cry and thank her teammates. Once she was got, Chris put the cover back on the silver platter and went back to addressing everyone else. "Alright, sickies. Like I said, reward challenge. So no one's going home tonight".

Before anyone could cheer at the reminder, DJ spoke up. "Actually, Chris... someone is".

Brick grabbed his boyfriend's hand. "Are you sure you wanna do this?" Brick quietly asked him.

"I have to," DJ told him. Brick took a deep breath and accepted what was about to come. With that, he let DJ go. "I'm voting myself off," he told Chris. "I'm quitting the show".

"What?!" almost everyone gasped.

"Not sure I can accept that, DJ," said Chris.

"I don't care, man," DJ went on. "I can't stay here anymore. This whole season, Chef's been trying to make me join an illegal alliance". Everyone gasped again.

Chef suddenly ran into the room and over to DJ. "Ha! He's lyin'!" he insisted before getting in DJ's face. "What are you doin', boy?!"

"I'm doing the right thing, Chef!" DJ said with his whole chest. "Chef's wanted me to interfere in challenges and I've always said ‘no’," DJ revealed. "That's why I've been so scared of him lately. Last night, he told me he was done and that he just wanted my help making pizzas. I didn't know he was poisoning you guys. That ain't right. That ain't how I was raised".

"I knew it!" Stephanie exclaimed. "I knew Chef couldn't make good food!"

"I know and I'm sorry," DJ continued. "I should have..." He noticed the looks Brick and Dawn were giving him. "No". He turned back to Chef. "You shouldn't have tricked me like that!"

"I was tryin' to help you!" Chef reprimanded. "Now, you're just gonna be weak your whole life!"

"No, I won't!" DJ shouted, shocking everyone. "What I'm doin' right now is stronger than I ever would have been if I'd listened to you".

"Brick," said Gwen. "Are you just gonna let this happen? He can't leave".

"He has to," Brick said, without hesitation. "It's what's best for him". Gwen could hear the pain in Brick's voice. He was saddened by this decision as well. But she knew he wasn't lying. DJ couldn't stay on the show for much longer. The goth stopped arguing after that.

Cut to that night where we see DJ taking the Walk of Shame. He smiled and nearly burst into tears upon seeing that everyone, except the absent Leshawna, was waiting at the Lame-O-Sine to wish him off. After one big group hug, Brick and DJ said their goodbyes via a tearful and loving kiss. Once that was over, DJ waved everyone goodbye and got into the Lame-O-Sine before it drove off into the night.

Later, Chris was in the monitor room, watching all the contestants in the Craft Services Tent. They were all enjoying DJ's farewell gift: a massive spread of delicious sandwiches. There was even a separate section made exclusively for Dawn. All of the Gaffers sat with Brick to make sure he was with friends and other company during a tough time. It was so wholesome that it nearly made Chris throw up in his mouth. But he ignored it for the time. He had a sign-off to do. "Will Brick and the Gaffers survive without DJ? Or are they gonna wish he'd taken that alliance? Find out next time on Total! Drama! Island!"

But the episode wasn't over yet. Chef had entered the monitor room. "You wanted to see me?"

Chris, looking less than pleased, turned his chair around to face Chef. "Yes, I did. What were you thinking Chef? Trying to start an illegal alliance with DJ?" Chef huffed as Chris scolded him and braced himself for the moment he had been dreading. And that moment came when Chris said, "I told you he was a bad choice! That we should've gone with somebody else! But nooooooooooo, you ‘see yourself in him’ or whatever".

"I get it!" Chris snapped. "You were right and I was wrong".

Chris smirked at this. "Thank you!"

"But I don't see you doin' any of the dirty work! So who's your big candidate, huh?!"

"I'm waiting for the right moment," Chris clarified. "But trust me, it's coming soon. And then, I'm gonna show you just how it's done".

Chapter Text

~Recap~

"Last time on Total Drama Action... A girl with vision. Vision that took her past everyday thinking. But when the chips were down and even when the chips came back up again, she was the only one who could rescue them. Searching for a cure for the disease afflicting her dearest friends. A challenge was won. A cure found. And a dear friend had to leave after fessing up to an illegal alliance. Will this effect his teammates and their-" Chris' recap suddenly became incomprehensible.

Cut to Chris sitting in the stands, revealing that he was munching on popcorn. "Hey, what can I say?" he asked once his mouth wasn't full. "Gross disease movies make me crave a little corn. But it's time to put the snacks away, kiddies. Because after this totally terrifying episode, there won't be a stomach left unturned. Hold on to your buckets. It's time for some Total! Drama! Action!"

~Theme Song~

Fade in on everyone lined up in the Craft Services Tent so they could receive their morning dose of colorless slop from Chef Hatchet. As per usual, the reactions ranged from disgust to numbness to disgust that quickly morphed into numbness. The next two in line that Chef had to serve were Brick and Stephanie. Stephanie had the same scowl that she wore every morning because she and Chef were basically archenemies. Brick had a look on his face that Chef mistakenly took to be the usual stoicism he gave off every day. "Morning, soldier," he greeted the jarhead. It took Chef a moment to realize that Brick didn't have a tray with him. "Um... your meal?"

"How about this, Chef?" Brick asked, sarcastically. The fact that Brick called him "Chef" and not "sir" was enough of a shock for the day but he wasn't done yet. "I'm gonna eat this..." Brick grabbed the nearby bowl of prunes. "And you can eat this". Chef gasped as Brick gave him the finger, which was obviously censored.

Chef was left in a stunned silence by this interaction but he was snapped out of his trance by Stephanie and her witch-like cackling. "Atta boy, Brick!" she laughed. "Knew you had it in ya!"

Chef's anger only grew as Stephanie kept on laughing. "Just get your food and sit your butt down, girl!"

Stephanie mimed tears streaming down her face. "Aw, is lil Cheffy upset that no one respects him?"

"That's it!" Chef snapped. "No breakfast for you!"

"Hey, Stephanie!" Brick called out.

He threw a handful of prunes toward her, which she caught in one hand without blinking an eye. "You were saying?"

Brick plopped himself down at the Screaming Gaffers table, where all of his teammates, sans Dawn, were seated. He continued to angrily eat from the bowl of prunes before noticing that all eyes were on him. "What is it?"

"Nothing," said Sammy. "It's just... Never thought we'd see you talk to Chef like that. Or to anyone".

"It's totally bizarre," said Harold. "I thought you were all about respecting your superiors".

Brick let out a sigh. "I'm sorry, guys. I'm just still ticked off about what happened to DJ is all. I'll try and ease off".

"Ease off?" Anne Maria questioned. "Screw that! Get mad!"

"She's right," Gwen agreed. "You've got every right to be upset right now. You got forced back into this stupid show with the rest of us and the co-host screwed over your boyfriend. Let yourself be furious!"

Brick thought on it for a moment. "Yeah... Yeah, you're right! Chef sucks!"

"I CAN HEAR YOU!" Chef shouted from off-screen.

"I DON'T CARE!" Brick shouted back.

"WHOO!" Stephanie cheered from off-screen. "THAT'S MY GUY!"

"You know," Brick said as he turned back to his team. "That's the nicest Stephanie's ever been to me".

"Yeah, that sounds 'bout right," Anne Maria commented.

"You wanna do some revenge?" Mike asked, eagerly. "Because it turns out I'm great at coming up with mischievous plans".

"Ooh, ooh!" Anne Maria blurted. "I got the perfect idea for revenge!"

Cut to that night, where we see the Screaming Gaffers dragging a beaten and bruised Chef Hatchet across the dirt before throwing him into a ditch. "Chew on that, loser!" Anne Maria taunted him.

Cut back to the Gaffers having breakfast to reveal that this was obviously just Anne Maria pitching her plan to the others and not what was actually happening. Naturally, the team looked horrified. "So whaddya think?"

"Um..." an uncomfortable Brick squeaked. "Let's go with... no".

"Why not?"

"Because that's murder!" Sammy argued.

"Woah! It ain't murder! I never said we should kill him! I don't cross that line".

"If we beat him to a pulp and then throw him into a ditch, then it's at least attempted murder," Harold pointed out.

"We ain't attemptin' to murder nobody! It's just a scuffle!"

"I mean, I wouldn't do it," said Gwen. "But I can draw it if you want". She then noticed that Brick was staring at her, as if to say ‘Really?’. "Um, I mean... We would be doing something bad... and that's not good". Now, all the others, except for a satisfied looking Anne Maria, were staring at Gwen, as if to say ‘Really?’. "Look, Leshawna beat Chef with a steel chair last season," Gwen argued. "I'm sure we'd be fine!"

"I heard my name!" said Leshawna, who had just entered the tent. "Y'all better not be gossiping about me".

"Nah," said Mike. "Gwen's just using you as an example of why it's okay to beat up Chef".

"Oh, then go for it! That was my best memory from last season".

"Thank you!" Anne Maria exclaimed. "And can I just say, ya look soooooooooo gorgeous after that spa day, honey".

Leshawna mimed buffing her nails. "I know".

Harold gazed longingly at Leshawna, his head resting on his hand. "You didn't need a spa day, Leshawna," he dreamily sighed. "You're perfect just the way you are".

"I know that too. But thanks, baby". Harold's heart did summersaults upon being called "baby". But while he lingered on that, Leshawna simply moved on. "I heard about DJ," she said to Brick. "I'm sorry, man. That really sucks".

"Thanks," Brick sighed. "It sucks but at least he's okay now. Oh, and he left you a sandwich".

"He did? I figured they'd all be gone by now".

"No, he wanted everyone to have one. So we saved one for you and left an expertly skilled guard in charge of making sure no one else ate it".

Cut to a picnic table just outside of the trailers, where the last sandwich sat on a platter. Marching back-and-forth in front of the picnic table was Dawn, who was taking her job very seriously. We see that all the other contestants had exited the tent to observe the hippie girl. "Can't believe I didn't notice her before," Leshawna remarked.

"That's what makes her the perfect guard," Shawn explained. "You barely notice her but she always notices you".

"I volunteered to be the guard," Sierra pointed out. "I know every way any of you could've snuck up on me". No response or reaction from the others. "Just saying". Still nothing. "You think I would've been a good guard, right, Rodney?"

Having completely forgotten why everyone had gone over there, Rodney's mouth watered upon seeing the lone sandwich. He walked over to the picnic table, barely paying Dawn any attention, only for the moonchild to give him a nerve pinch that knocked him out cold. "This is the fourth time today, Rodney," Dawn scolded him.

"Well, I'd be happy to take this off your hands," Leshawna joked as she sauntered on over.

"Please do," Dawn said, happily stepping aside so that Leshawna could claim her gift.

She ate it quickly in just a few bites because she couldn't bring herself to stop for even a few seconds. She would've liked to have savored it but it was too good to wait on. "Ooh, man, that boy can make a sandwich".

"And now they're all gone," Brick sighed.

"And so is all the good food in this hellscape," Kitty remarked.

Jasmine clapped her hands together. "Well, guess that means it's foraging time. Who wants to join me?"

"Jasmine, honey," said Tom. "It's just a film lot, remember? Nothing to forage".

A defeated Jasmine plopped herself down at the picnic table. "Right".

[static]

Jasmine rubbed her head in disarray. "I'm so out of my element here".

[static]

Suddenly, Chris' voice rang out through the loudspeakers. "Attention, all Total Drama victims! Please meet me in the northeast corner of the Studio Palooza! Oh, and bring lozenges! Cause the screaming's gonna hurt!"

With that, everyone followed his directions and left the trailers... except for Rodney, who was still unconscious. Jacques had to drag the farm-boy by his ankle. It was no easy task, as he was much heavier that the people that Jacques was used to carrying. As he struggled to move the ginger, Jacques noticed Tom watching and laughing from nearby. "Would you mind giving me a hand?" Jacques asked, venomously.

"I would mind, actually," Tom jested.

Cut to all of the contestants, including the now-conscious Rodney, gathered at the Studio Palooza. They were surrounded by hidden cameras and spotlights, including one right in the middle. The only thing missing was Chris McLean. "Of course," Anne Maria vented. "We come all the way over here and Mr. Greasy Head can't even be bothered to show up".

"I'm sure he'll be here any second," Dawn assured her.

While everyone else grew frustrated, Sierra was scoping out the scene. Something about all of this seemed familiar to her, especially the lone spotlight in the middle of the set-up. Just as it finally clicked for her, one of the spotlights turned on over her head. "Ooh! It's gonna be a horror challenge today!" she exclaimed.

Kitty's face lit up. "Horror?"

"Explain yourself!" Jacques ordered.

"Please do," said a very interested Rodney.

"Okay," said Sierra. "So Chris had a cameo in the third Shout movie, which took place at a film studio. And there's one scene where-"

She was cut off by Gwen's groans of annoyance. "Ugh, not this again".

Sierra put her hands on her hips. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"How do I put this?" said Jasmine. "Look, Sierra. Your movie facts are interesting, don't get us wrong".

"It's just that you keep insisting that they'll be useful to the challenges," Shawn added. "But... they really haven't been".

"They're just tidbits," Leshawna said. "That's it".

Sierra immediately went into denial-mode. "That's not true! They've been so useful!"

"Of course!" said a condescending Jacques. "Like when you got yourself and Rodney and Cody out because the challenge was just like your bad alien movie".

"No one means you any ill will, Sierra," Dawn was quick to say. "We just believe you should take it down a notch".

However, Sierra wasn't one to take ‘no’ for an answer. "I will not take it down a notch! I'm telling you! This is just like the scene in Shout 3 where someone's impaled on a spot-"

Sierra was cut off once again. This time, it was by the blood-curdling scream of Chris McLean as he fell from a great height. Before anyone was able to process what was happening, they were covered in what looked like blood and Chris had been impaled on a spotlight... somehow. Nearly everyone screamed in horror. Kitty nearly threw up. Sierra was crying about how it should have been her.

But, of course, Dawn was the outlier. "He's not dead".

Chris sat up straight and frowned at her. "Did your parents ban the concept of fun from your house? Is that it?"

Sierra hugged Chris' leg like her life depended on it. "Oh, thank God! You're okay!"

"Yes, Sierra, I'm okay," Chris said with a smile, happy to be praised appreciated. "You were right on the money. We used the magic of filmmaking to recreate a moment from the cinematic masterpiece, Shout 3".

"Shout 3 sucked!" Gwen jeered.

Chris ignored her. "Would anyone like to know how we pulled this off?"

"No!" Everyone but Sierra immediately responded.

"Perfect," Chris said, ignoring all of them. "Now, first our-"

"The effects team put fake blood into a thin membrane of plastic and it burst on impact when you fell onto a mattress," Mike interrupted. "When the fake blood splashed everywhere, you went down a trap door and you came back up on a fake spotlight. Can we get on with this now?"

A very annoyed Chris took the half of the fake spotlight that sat on his stomach and threw it off to the side before hopping down to the ground. "I really don't like you sometimes," he said to the theatre kid.

Mike grinned in response. "I know".

[static]

"The others are trapped here with Chris," said Mike. "But Chris is trapped here with me".

[static]

"Whatever," said Chris before putting his host demeanor back on. "Time for today's totally terrifying, blood-curdling horror movie challenge!" Sierra clapped her hands and jumped for joy upon hearing that she was right for once. "And for you squeamish folk, don't worry. There won't be anymore fake blood. We blew our load on that last bit". Kitty breathed a sigh of relief before reaching her earlier excitement levels over a horror challenge. "Now, to figure out which team gets which challenge: a scream-off! Think of every great horror movie you've ever seen".

Harold raised his hand. "Ooh, what about-"

"Sorry, Harold but anime doesn't count".

"Anime totally counts!" Harold and Kitty argued in unison.

"Hey, we should start a band," Kitty joked.

"All horror movies have two things in common," Chris went on. "Fantastic screaming from actors and the killers who snuff them, be they ghosts or chainsaw killers. Each team needs to pick a serial killer while we randomly choose a few of the other members to be the screamers. If your serial killer can make you scream the loudest, your team wins!"

Chainsaw and fake blood transition to the Screaming Gaffers trying to pick their killer. Mike was lost in thought, stroking his chin. "We need to find the perfect person to act as the serial killer," he thought out loud. "But who could it be? Who's gonna be the mean ol' villain?" He looked up and noticed that all eyes were on him. "Oh, come on! No! We're not doing this again!"

"But you've got the most acting experience," Harold argued.

"That's what you guys said last time," Mike rebutted. "And look how well that turned out".

"Why not make Gwen the serial killer?" Anne Maria suggested. "She's the scariest one here".

"First off, thank you," Gwen said, sincerely. "Second, I'm more ghost than serial killer".

"We have to take this seriously, guys," Brick told everyone. "If we don't get this one right, then we'll have lost four times in a row".

"Alright, smart guy," said Anne Maria. "Why don't you be the serial killer?"

"I just said we need to take this seriously!"

"It's not a bad idea, actually," said Dawn. "You're the only one of us who has the stereotypical slasher build. Not to mention, I think you could be scary if you put forth the effort".

Brick held up the serial killer/hockey mask that Chris had gifted both of the team and stared at it with contemplation. After a moment, he put it on. "Let's give it a shot, then".

"See," said Mike. "Was that so hard?"

It turns out that selecting a serial killer was actually very hard for the Killer Grips. "Let me do it," Jacques was quick to volunteer before Stephanie or someone else threw him in the forefront and made him do it against his will. "I nailed the last acting challenge, after all".

"I could do it," Jasmine offered. "I've been told by almost everyone I meet that I'm really intimidating".

"Ooh, what about Rodney?" Kitty suggested. "He's all big and bulky. Like the actual serial killer from last season".

"I have an idea," Sierra said, only to fall on deaf ears.

"No, Kitty, I need to do this," Jasmine insisted.

"But she's right," said Rodney. "I should do it".

"Maybe Stephanie-" Sierra started again only for everyone's voices to drown her own.

"Stay out of this, Rodney," Jacques ordered. "I must use the mask to protect my face".

"I actually get the whole ‘protecting your face’ thing," said Tom.

"Just let Jasmine have this," Shawn argued.

Sierra facepalmed at her inability to be heard. Stephanie was next to her, leaning against a spotlight and minding her own business. "You're not gonna volunteer?" she asked the gym nut.

Stephanie knew why Sierra would want her to be the serial killer but she decided to have some fun. "Why would I?"

"Because you're the scariest person on the team!" Sierra reminded her. "All the people at your school say that! You scared everyone on the island last season! And you can't even get a basic check-up at the dentist without being put under anesthesia first!"

"That may be true but- Wait, how do you know all that?"

"I have my sources".

Stephanie was weirded out but she chose to let it slide for now. "Look, the point is I'm not really interested in being our serial killer. Sorry". Stephanie tried not to laugh as she saw Sierra grow more and more agitated.

Finally, she snapped. "YOU'RE GOING TO BE OUR SERIAL KILLER! YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN PULL IT OFF AND I DON'T CARE IF NO ONE ELSE SEES THAT!" Everyone was brought to a frightened silence by Sierra's sudden outburst, except for an amused Stephanie. "I'm sorry for yelling," she muttered, sheepishly.

Stephanie smiled. "Alright. You talked me into it. I'll do it".

[static]

"I know everything about these people, not just Chris," Sierra established. "I know what they like. I know what they dislike. I know their dental records! I know how they think. There's more to me than just fun facts. I know how to make it so that this team can really succeed. It's time for Sierra Obonsawin to be heard and respected!"

[static]

Cut to that night, where the challenge was finally ready to begin. Standing on the forest set were two randomly selected screamers from each team: Gwen for the Gaffers and Rodney for the Grips. They were making conversation while they waited for things to begin. "So she just snapped at everyone?" Gwen asked.

"Yeah," Rodney confirmed. "It was kinda scary but also kinda cool. Then, she just kept saying sorry until everyone promised her it was alright. It was weird but-"

"Also kinda cool?" Gwen finished for him.

"Yeah. Hey, how'd you know I was gonna say that?"

"Lucky guess".

Sitting in a director's chair in front of the set was Chris. "Alright, Gwen and Rodney. Prepare yourselves for your killers to enter! And then, I want huge, massive, ginormous screams!" Chris looked like a kid in a candy store. "We'll be measuring the volume on our Scream-O-Meter!" A graphic of a green speaker appeared above him before a stock screaming sound effect was heard. When it reached its loudest volume, the speaker showed levels rising to its peak, with the colors ranging from green to yellow to red.

"Lights!" The spotlights turned on. "Camera!" The red light on the camera started flashing, signifying that filming had begun. "Action!" An intern hit a clapperboard and the challenge began.

We see Stephanie's POV through the hockey mask as she hid in the bushes behind Rodney. We cut away from the POV shot and focused on the farm-boy as he simply walked along the path, whistling a happy tune. Suddenly, Stephanie jumped out of the bushes, muttering a simple "Boo". It wasn't loud and there wasn't much anger in it. But it was still enough to get Rodney screaming at the top of his lungs and all the way into the red. After screaming, the ginger fell to the ground and held his knees in fear. "Why are you so scary?" he asked Stephanie.

Stephanie lifted the hockey mask, revealing a satisfied smile. "Born this way".

Gwen, on the other hand, wasn't as easily frightened. Or, at least, that's what she told herself. She was readying herself for Brick to jump out so that she wouldn't have an honest-to-god heart attack. But she didn't want to be too ready for it because she didn't want an inauthentic scream. But she also didn't want-

"BOO!" Brick growled as he jumped out of nowhere. Gwen screamed at the top of her lungs as well. There was just one problem. It only went into the yellow.

"Nice effort, Gwen," Chris commented. "But it looks like Rodney and Stephanie have the edge of this one".

Brick lifted his mask and the insecurities on his face were easy to see now. "Was I not that scary?" he asked.

Gwen felt herself shrink a little as her own insecurities rose to the surface. "No, it's... I don't exactly have the pipes to be a Scream Queen".

Cut to the next section of the challenge, which involved two porta-potties. Thankfully, neither of them were the porta-potty used in the hospital challenge. Inside one of them was the randomly selected Grip: Leshawna. She didn't seem very happy. "There is some serious indignity going on in this scenario," she complained. "I mean, two seasons and I'm filmed sittin' on the potty in both!"

In the other porta-potty was Sammy, who was taking deep, calming breaths and saying calming mantras to herself. "You are useful," she said before breathing. "No one here hates you". Breathe. "You have friends who like you". Breathe. "You have a funny boyfriend who you love and who loves you back". Breathe. "You have nothing to be worried about". Breathe. "You are not a bur-" Brick suddenly kicked the door open and Sammy screamed bloody murder before he could even make a noise.

Meanwhile, Stephanie kicked in the door to scare Leshawna and she gave it all her might. She even had a knife from the prop department. Despite this, Leshawna was stone-faced the entire time. A frustrated Stephanie lifted her mask. "You have to actually try!"

"And you have to actually be scary," Leshawna snapped back.

"I'm giving it all I've got!"

Leshawna scoffed. "That's all you've got? No wonder you weren't a finalist".

Stephanie held up the knife. "Just scream or I'm gonna cut off your hair!"

Leshawna let out a fake scream but it was good enough to make it into the yellow. "See?" she condescended to Stephanie. "You can be scary".

"Oh, don't act like that was some sort of teaching moment!"

"You want a teaching moment? Don't threaten to cut off my hair again or I'll-"

Before Leshawna finished her threat, we cut back to Brick and Sammy after the latter had calmed down. Brick had lifted his mask and, to Sammy's surprise, Brick seemed a bit downtrodden. "Are you okay?" she asked. "You did a really good job. We won this part! For a second, I thought I was gonna-"

"That was just luck, though," Brick interrupted. "I didn't actually scare you. I'm going for fearsome here, but I just don't feel it. I think I'm just coming off as annoying". He sighed and put the mask back down. "I don't know why Dawn thought I could do this".

Sammy knew that, by simply giving Brick advice, she'd be taking a risk. After all, what if Brick took the advice and things went wrong? Then, whatever happened would be on her. But seeing Brick so distraught over such a minor thing made her speak before she could think. "Why don't you just pretend the next screamer is Chef?"

Brick lifted his mask again in curiosity. "What?"

Crap, Sammy thought. She had opened her mouth and painted herself into a corner. She couldn't back down now. She had to elaborate. "I mean, maybe that's what Dawn meant when she said you need to put forth the effort. You're mad at Chef so why don't you pretend you're scaring Chef?" As Brick thought on it, Sammy's mind immediately darted to the worst case scenario. "You know what, it's a stupid idea. We can just pretend I didn't-"

"No," said Brick, renewed life in his voice. "No, it's not stupid. I think I'll give it a shot".

"Oh... yay..."

Cut to Chris in a cabin set with Tom and Jacques sitting on a couch. Neither of them seemed too thrilled about having to work together for the challenge. "All right, guys," Chris told them. "This is the tiebreaker scene. You're gonna have to act your faces off".

Tom read through the script they were given and shuddered. "Well," he winced. "This is a horror movie..."

Jacques read through the script as well and let out a horrified gasp. "Oh, you must be joking!"

Cut to another cabin set. This set's couch was seating Mike and Anne Maria. The latter was having very similar thoughts to Jacques. "Oh, no, no, no! I ain't makin' out with Mikey".

"Yeah," Mike droned as he tugged on his collar. "I don't really feel comfortable doing this".

Chris popped in between them. "Don't forget, kiddies! It's a million bucks!"

As Chris walked back to his director's chair, Mike decided that he was right. "He's got a point, Anne Maria".

"Nuh-uh!" Anne Maria shook her head. "No way! I ain't doin' it!"

While the rest of the Gaffers were a bit annoyed by Anne Maria's refusal, Sammy walked over and sat down in between them. "Hey, Mike?" she said to her boyfriend. "I think I have an idea". She leaned in closer and whispered into his ear. Mike listened carefully and even stifled a laugh at one point. "Sound good?" she asked him at a regular volume.

Mike shrugged. "Let's give it a shot".

"Great".

Sammy walked off and Mike removed his shirt and slicked his hair back. He cleared his throat and spoke in a New Jersey accent. "Yo-" Anne Maria immediately jumped him and the two began making out. Gwen and Harold seemed uncomfortable and Dawn just rolled her eyes. Sammy was just grateful that the two of them didn't risk elimination.

[static]

"I think my relationship with Mike is the one thing I'm not anxious or insecure about," said Sammy. "Even when it comes to Anne Maria. Actually, especially when it comes to Anne Maria. She only likes Vito and he isn't even real".

[static]

Back with the Grips, Jacques was still pouting over the instructions. "No! I am not kissing you!"

"Oh, my god!" Tom groaned. "It's just a stage kiss! You're whining about nothing!"

"I do not care!" Jacques spat. "I have my limits as a performer!"

Tom rubbed his eyes. "So you're gonna lose out on a million dollars because you're too afraid to do a stage kiss?"

"Precis-" Before Jacques could finish, Tom cupped his face, pulled him close and locked their lips together. And to the surprise of both, Jacques wasn't even trying to fight it. He just let it happen. He continued to ‘kiss’ Tom. It was almost as if he was-

"BOO!" Stephanie exclaimed as she jumped out from behind the couch. Tom and Jacques both yelped - not screamed but yelped - and distanced themselves from each other as much as possible.

"I wasn't kissing him!" Jacques was quick to say.

"It was just a stage kiss!" Tom clarified.

Stephanie lifted her mask again so the two of them could see how annoyed she was by the whole affair. "Are you guys kidding me right now?! It's a screaming challenge! Not pee-your-pants-over-a-game-of-spin-the-bottle challenge!"

"What?" they both asked in confusion.

Stephanie let out a frustrated grunt. "Ugh! You guys ruined this for us! Now, we're gonna lose! God!" On her last word, Stephanie threw the knife into the couch and, to everyone's surprise, it stayed there... almost as if it wasn't actually a prop. "Is... Was that a real knife? Did they give me a real knife?!" Stephanie was angrier than ever. "CHRIS, DID YOU IDIOTS GIVE ME A REAL KNIFE?!"

Meanwhile, Brick hadn't showed up to scared Anne Maria and Mike yet so the two of them continued to make out. However, after a bit, Anne Maria suddenly pulled herself off of Mike. "Ya know, I dunno why, but I ain't really feelin' this".

Mike gasped for air now that he was able to breathe again. "Is it because I'm not actually a scrappy dude from Jersey and just a weird actor guy in a committed relationship?"

"Nah, it can't be that," Anne Maria went on. "It's almost like I'd rather be kissin' someone else right now..." Both Gwen and Dawn were suddenly very interested in hearing what Anne Maria had to say. "Someone like-"

Before she could finish, Brick jumped out of nowhere with his own knife (which was hopefully a prop) and yelled at the two of them with all his might. It wasn't a quick yell either but a primal scream that took nearly all the oxygen out of him Because, instead of Mike or Anne Maria, Brick pretended that the person he was scaring was Chef Hatchet. Brick kept on screaming and roaring and shouting, set on showing Chef that he meant business and that he shouldn't mess with him or the people he cared about.

And it worked. Mike and Anne Maria were screaming like their lives were actually in danger. Harold even screamed from the sidelines. But when Brick had finally stopped screaming, Anne Maria kept on going until she passed out right on the floor. "Oh, I know how that feels," Brick wheezed as he sat down on the couch. "Sorry, I just need a minute".

"Anne Maria!" Dawn shouted.

Gwen and the others all rushed over to her. "Is she okay?"

While everyone else was worried about their friend and teammate, Chris stepped in front of the camera, wearing his obnoxious grin. "Well, looks to me like Brick and the well-named Screaming Gaffers have won this won, seeing as they buried the needle. Join us after the break to see if Anne Maria's still alive!"

"Not funny!" Dawn chastised him.

Fade in on everyone crowded around the unconscious Anne Maria while Shawn gave her CPR. As far as anyone could tell, she was still alive. "Is she okay?" asked an anxious Dawn.

"I don't know!" Shawn gasped before giving Anne Maria chest compressions. "I'm doing my best! You can't rush this!"

As Shawn gave Anne Maria some breaths, Stephanie glanced over at Tom and Jacques. She noticed how awkward the two seemed. Jacques even asked Rodney to stand in between the two of them. There was a part of Stephanie that really wanted to make some remark about how Shawn performing CPR on Anne Maria was kind of like what she interrupted Jacques and Tom doing before realizing how said remark could be misconstrued as homophobic. She still laughed to herself from the very thought, however.

Shawn stopped giving Anne Maria breaths and prepared to give her another round of chest compressions. "Alright, now-"

Suddenly, Anne Maria's fist flew upwards due to a reflex and she hit Shawn in the face. He fell to the floor but he was still conscious. And now, Anne Maria was too. Dawn dropped to her knees and wrapped her arms around her friend. "Oh, thank Gaia! I was so worried about you!"

Anne Maria returned the hug as she adjusted to what was happening. "I was havin' this weird dream where I was mackin' on-" She paused, suddenly. "Some guy," she finished. "Hot guy. That's what I was gonna say".

After the two broke apart and got to their feet, Gwen leaned close to Dawn. "Was she lying?"

Dawn shrugged at the question. "How should I know?" she quietly answered.

"Ah, right".

"Moving right along," Chris said, bringing everybody back to reality. "It's time to pack up those overnight bags, loser Grips. You and your sleeping bags are spending the night in the Craft Services Tent". Chris turned to the other team. "Winner Gaffers, back to the comfort of the trailers for a little R&R. I'll see you there in half an hour".

Cut to later as all the Grips had made it to the Craft Services Tent. Jacques and Tom had migrated away from all the others because they had their own issue to talk about. "I told you," said Tom. "It was just a stage kiss. I don't know why you're being so awkward about it".

"I'm being awkward?" said an aghast Jacques. "You are the one who dragged me to this corner to talk about it".

"Because you're being weird".

"I am not being weird! You started it!"

"But who leaned into it, huh?"

"Is that not what you are supposed to do when kissing someone? It is called ‘authenticity’!"

"Oh, sure. Keep telling yourself... that?" Something about Jacques' choice of words stuck out to Tom. "Why did you ask that like you didn't know the answer?" Jacques began to lightly perspire as he didn't know how to answer the question. "O-M-Goodness, was that your first kiss ever?"

Before Jacques could object to it or admit to it or whatever he was going to do, Chris raised his voice from the other side of the tent. "Guys, you mind joining us here?"

Jacques was more than happy to join the others at that moment. Although, he wasn't very thrilled upon hearing Tom whisper "We'll talk later" as they made their way over to the rest of them.

Nonetheless, they plopped themselves down. Everyone was sitting around Chris, who sat on a stool because he was always above them. "Now, would you guys like to know... why this film lot was abandoned and closed?" he asked them in a spooky voice.

"You told us when we got here," Jasmine was quick to point out.

"Noooooo, I didn't..." Chris said, still attempting to be spooky.

"You said the monster lost control and everyone took off," Kitty pointed out.

"That's not true..."

"So it's because this place is a death trap, then?" asked Shawn.

"Everyone, hush!" Sierra hissed at them. Her second sudden outburst of the day was enough to make everyone go silent yet again. "Please continue, Chris".

"Thank you, Sierra," said the host. "Now, this film lot is perfectly safe on this plane..." He pulled out a flashlight. "But in the other dimension..." He turned on the flashlight so that it shone under his face. Sierra and Kitty became engrossed, especially since the latter loved a good non-gory ghost story. Rodney gasped. Everyone else just rolled their eyes.

Chris began to tell his tale. "Juanita Rentacop was a designated security guard who worked here for twenty-five loyal years until her mysterious death right here... on this very spot!" He raised his voice on the last few words, causing Rodney and Sierra to jump a bit. "Now, her desperate and uneasy spirit walks the lot". He shone the light on the walls of the tent. The shadows of the tree branches almost looked like decaying, vengeful hands. "No one has ever managed to spend a whole night in this Craft Services Tent".

"Because they were killed by falling spotlights?" Leshawna snarked.

"Because of the haunting!" After getting in Leshawna's face, Chris turned off the flashlight and cut the theatrics. "Your task? Spend the whole night here without leaving this tent. Track any psychic phenomenon using these ghost meters". Chris walked over to one of the tables where there was an Ouija board and three ‘ghost meters’ that were clearly fake, especially since one of them was obviously a beeper gun. "Oh, and just in case..."

He extended his arm so he that he could hand Kitty his flashlight... only to suddenly pull away and give her a tiny keychain flashlight instead. It worked but it wasn't very effective. "Gee, thanks," Kitty said, sardonically.

With that done, Chris exited the tent and walked over to the trailers where he'd told the Screaming Gaffers to wait. "The Killer Grips are sitting in the craft services tent like sitting ducks. Your task is to make like special effects gurus, and frighten the pants off them," he laughed. "Or at least scare them enough to get them out of the tent before dawn".

"How're we supposed to scare 'em?" asked Anne Maria.

"It's your call. But if you get them out, your team wins invincibility and nobody goes home". Everyone seemed a little excited about the task at hand... until Chris revealed one last detail. "Oh, just so you know, I told them some cockamamie story about a security guard who died on set". He chuckled before walking off.

"Well, that's just great," Gwen huffed. "How are we gonna pull this off now?"

"Don't know," said Mike. "Tom's afraid of his own shadow. Stephanie would be too stubborn to leave. Shawn's both really easy and really tough to scare. It's a real mixed bag".

"Perhaps they'll leave if we convince them there's an actual ghost," said Dawn.

"I got it!" Harold suddenly blurted before walking off. The rest of them didn't have any other ideas so they shrugged their shoulders and followed him.

Later, the Gaffers were standing outside of the tent, ready for Harold's big idea. Brick was holding a fishing rod that was holding a ball on its hook. Harold tied a white sheet over it to create his illusion. "Thank you, my lovely assistants. Now... The Magnificent Harold is ready to scare our opponents into submission with the Phantasm Ball!"

"Oh, joy," Gwen said with a roll of her eyes. "We're gonna win by using Disney World tricks".

Harold didn't take that lightly. "You will quake, mortal! Quake before all I've learned at Magic Steve's Magic Camp! Behold!" Harold took the fishing rod from Brick.

Inside the tent, Shawn and Stephanie were playing table football, Tom kept falling in and out of consciousness and most of the others were deciding which card game to partake in. Rodney and Jacques were separated from the rest so that they could talk strategy... or attempt to, at least. "I dunno, man," said Rodney. "If you're trying to be nicer, then why do we even need to come up with plans anymore?"

"It is precisely why we still need plans, mon ami," said Jacques. "I need you to keep me in check like you have been doing".

"Okay, but why don't you ask your boyfriend to do that?"

"Because it is better that-" At that point, Jacques had finally processed what Rodney had said. "Shut up!" he said in a hushed rage. "He is not my boyfriend!"

Rodney tilted his head in confusion. "But you guys kissed".

"It was just a stage kiss!"

"But you leaned into it".

"I was being- I was-" Jacques stammered for a few seconds before he let out a groan and rested his head on the table. "Okay, friend. You have to keep me from doing dumb things. Stop me from being weird about this".

Rodney patted the ice dancer on the back. "It's okay, boss. You know what they say... love is-" Rodney went silent and his face had gone pale. He was too terrified to speak but his gasp alerted Jacques to what the farm-boy had seen in the window. Jacques looked up and let out a horrified scream.

"WHAT IS THAT THING?!"

"G-G-G-GHOST!" Shawn shrieked.

"Screw this!" Leshawna exclaimed. "I'm gone!"

"Wait, guys," Jasmine called out. "Guys, it's not a-"

"Less talk, more scramming!" Stephanie interrupted her. Nearly all of the Grips made a beeline for the exit, only for their path to be blocked by Sierra. "Move it or lose it, Little Miss Stalker!"

Sierra kept her arms up to act as a barrier and planted her feet in the ground. "No! We're not going anywhere!"

"Move or be moved, Lavagirl!" Leshawna snapped at her.

"What she said!" said Jacques, who was being held up by Rodney the way Shaggy carried Scooby-Doo. "It is too scary in here for Rodney!"

"Yeah!" Rodney whimpered.

Sierra shook her head. "The ghost meters aren't going off and Jasmine says it's not a ghost. I'm. Not. Moving".

"Those ‘ghost meters’ are just Chris' nonsense," Stephanie argued as she cracked her knuckles. "Now, if you don't budge, we're gonna have a-"

"Told you guys," said Jasmine. Everyone turned and looked at her. She had taken the white sheet off of what was revealed to be a soccer ball. Everyone turned back to Sierra, who was grinning at them with pride rather than acting smug. Soon, the others are began to laugh and insisting that they weren't actually afraid. That they were just playing it up for the cameras. Except for Shawn. He was known for being easily frightened so why try and deny it now?

Outside of the tent, the Gaffers were all disappointed by this failed attempt at spooking the Grips. Although Sammy seemed to be the most upset. "Aw, man! Why'd you put a hook in my soccer ball?"

Harold began to nervously sweat. "Uh... Magic?" Everyone was glaring at him in a disapproving manner. "It worked for a little bit! I scared almost everyone! I even scared Leshawna! You know how much I wouldn't want to-"

"Okay, Harold," Mike cut him off. "We get the point. But your plan didn't work. So we'll have to try a different approach".

Mike led the others to the kitchen, where he began mixing several ingredients to make his own fake blood. "Hmm..." he droned after stirring for a minute or so. "Still needs a bit more corn syrup".

"Here it is," said Dawn because she knew what he was going to say.

"Thank you," he said, taking the corn syrup. "I'm telling you guys this plan is foolproof!"

"Sure," said a slightly disturbed Brick. "But also... Why do you know how to make fake blood?"

Mike was surprisingly very quick to respond. "That's life on the stage for you, friend. Even the smallest things require a bit of special effects. I actually used fake blood when I was auditioning for Sweeney Todd".

"That's very strange," said Gwen. "But also, something I'd love to do".

Mike smiled as the memories came flooding back. "Ah, you should've been there". He pulled out the spoon and held it like a razor. "‘At last!’" he recited. "‘My arm is complete again!’"

"Aw, I wish I was there!" said Sammy. "I'm sure you were a great Sweeney Todd".

"Oh, I didn't get the part," he revealed. "But I was still in the show. People seemed to like me as Signor Pirelli". He cleared his throat before singing in a cartoonish Italian accent. "To shave-a the face, to trim-a the beard..."

Back at the tent, Shawn and Stephanie were still playing table football while the others had decided on playing poker, which the author doesn't know how to play. There was one member who wasn't playing with anyone else, however. Jasmine looked up from her cards and noticed that Sierra was sitting by herself. She didn't look angry or downtrodden. Instead, she kept her eyes focused on the ‘ghost meters’ just in case any of them went off. Sierra tended to flow between ‘laser-focused’ and ‘distracted by some sort of meaningless exchange between two cast members’ but there was something about it happening right after the ‘ghost’ incident that caught Jasmine's attention. She folded and exited the game before scooting on over to sit across from Sierra. "Thanks for earlier," said the Aussie. "It felt good knowing that someone believed me".

Sierra looked up from the meters and beamed. "No problem! I checked the ghost meters and saw you were right. There was no way Chris would give us these if they didn't work". Jasmine suppressed a laugh. Sierra still put way too much faith into their self-indulgent host but Jasmine was still gonna take the win. "Not to mention, I've done my research on you and I've determined that you're probably the best player in the game. I even wrote it on my Jasmine blog!"

Jasmine was about to ask Sierra what kind of ‘research’ she did, especially considering she didn't have much of an online presence but whatever concerns she had about Stalker Sierra were extinguished when she referred to the gentle giantess as ‘probably the best player in the game’. It wasn't just modesty talking when Jasmine responded to the statement with "I don't think that's true, Sierra".

"Of course it is!" Sierra was quick to say. "I mean, you've got physical strength, you're great with people and you have all those cool outdoors skills-"

"That's the thing," Jasmine said with a sigh. "Last season, we were outdoors. I foraged. I set traps. I mapped out the island. But everything here is just a set. I think I have what it takes but I have what it takes to be here".

Sierra's smile faded as Jasmine put her walls down for someone who she'd barely spoken to before. Compelled, she decided to be vulnerable as well. "I think I know what that feels like". She looked up at Jasmine. "I mean, after all my research on everyone, I keep thinking that... Uh, Jasmine?" Sierra couldn't help but notice the horrified look on the other girls face.

Jasmine lifted her arm and pointed behind Sierra. "Th- The- The walls..." she managed to squeak. Everyone looked over to see that the window to Chef's kitchen had been boarded up... and blood was dripping through from the crack in the board.

"OH, SAINT LAURENT! THE WALLS ARE BLEEDING!" Tom yelled.

Kitty got to her feet. "Screw this! Everyone for themself!" She ran towards the exit and was soon followed by everyone else... except for Sierra.

Before anyone made it out of the tent, Leshawna looked behind her and noticed that Sierra had run up to the wall and started licking the ‘blood’ that was dripping from it. "Aw, what the *bleep* is wrong with that girl?!"

Everyone else stopped and noticed what Sierra was doing. "Oh, god!" Shawn said, his voice cracking. "She craves the taste of humans! We're so screwed!"

Kitty began retching but never threw up. "I need to get out of this tent".

Sierra turned her head around so suddenly that she was risking whiplash. "No, you're not! This is fake blood! It's another trick!"

"Yeah, I'm not sure I wanna be trusting the girl who decided to lick what looks like blood," Stephanie said with her arms crossed.

"It looks like blood but it isn't!" Sierra revealed. "I've seen a lot of movies. I can recognize fake blood. Half the time, it's ketchup! And this is..." She licked the wall one more time. "Just north of ketchup".

For a second, no one moved or said a word. Then, Jasmine stepped forward. "I believe you," she said. Sierra beamed at this and the beaming continued as the others went back to their seats, laughed off the experience and insisted that they weren't actually scared. Except for Shawn, of course.

On the other side of the window stood Gwen, who had been pouring the fake blood through to the other side. She and her teammates had heard the whole thing and they obviously weren't pleased. "Well, that didn't work and I nearly made my girlfriend choke on her own vomit for no reason so do we have any better ideas?"

"That was my only one," said Mike.

"Pops never covered this in training," said Brick.

"Ugh, this is stupid!" Anne Maria groaned. "Can't we just go to bed?"

"Maybe we should," Gwen sighed. "There's no way they'll fall for a third trick".

"We can't give up now!" Harold exclaimed. "One of us has to have an idea".

"Sammy has one," Dawn said, without thinking. She immediately regretted it as Sammy turned red from all the eyes that were on her. "I shouldn't have said anything".

"No, no," said Brick. "We need ideas". He turned back to Sammy. "So if you have one, we'd like to hear it".

Sammy rubbed her arm. "I don't know. It's probably a terrible idea".

"That's what you said about using my anger," Brick reminded her. "And that got us our advantage".

"And I only did the kiss scene because of what ya did," Anne Maria pointed out.

"I know what your idea is, Sammy," Dawn revealed. "I think it could work. But I won't say it for you".

"And I promise that none of these guys will vote for you," Mike assured her. Dawn nodded, as if to confirm his statement. "We'll definitely be voting off Harold".

Harold was appalled. "What did I do?!"

"You stuck a hook in her soccer ball!"

Gwen hopped down from the kitchen counter and walked up to the cheerleader. "Sammy," she said in an encouraging tone. "You've already been super helpful tonight. If things don't work out, I promise that none of us will see you as a burden".

Those words really sat with Sammy. She was grateful to hear Mike's reassurance, sure. But he was her boyfriend. Even if he hadn't meant it, he'd still be trying his best to comfort her. But Gwen's words? She didn't know Gwen all that well. And one could argue that Sammy's actions had set off the chain of events that ended in the goth getting mauled by a bear the previous season. And yet, Gwen was doing her best to convince the other girl that her unknown idea surely had some sort of merit. With that thought processed, Sammy took a deep breath before explaining her plan.

"So we know that if we try a third ghost thing, they probably won't fall for it," she began. "But maybe the problem is that we're just doing ghosts".

"Uh, yeah," Anne Maria said like this was obvious. "Chris told 'em there'd be a ghost".

"And there will be a ghost," Sammy clarified. "But that may not scare them. Now, we all have our own biggest fear, right?"

"There was a whole episode about it last season," Harold mentioned.

"Exactly! So we use that to our advantage!"

Brick wasn't too sure about this. "So we use ghosts but also zombies and spiders and pirates?"

Sammy sighed. She knew that actually saying her idea would make her feel worse than she usually did. "Told you guys it was a bad idea".

"No," Mike said. "No, that could work, actually".

"Mike, you're just saying that because-"

"Babe, I'm serious! A lot of ghosts and spirits can conjure things in movies! Like visions or... or..."

"Or bleeding walls," Gwen finished for him. "So what if the ghost conjured up the team's greatest fears?"

"Exactly! Sammy, you're a genius!"

Even though she'd expected Mike to be encouraging, she still wasn't expecting to be called a genius. "I am?"

"Absolutely," Dawn told her.

"Let's do this!" Harold pumped his fist. "Let's traumatize our friends!" He began laughing maniacally before everyone else joined in.

The laughter stopped when Brick said "Are we bad people?". Everyone went silent and thought on that. Although, Anne Maria quickly went back to the maniacal laughter.

Back with the Grips, they'd all joined in on their card game and conversation. They all felt very confident that they could last the night now. They fell for two other tricks but they weren't going to fall for a third one. While everyone else studied the cards they'd been dealt, Kitty leaned closer to Leshawna. "Hey, can I ask for some relationship advice?"

Leshawna raised an eyebrow. "Trouble in paradise?

"It's not that," Kitty clarified. "It's more-" Suddenly, the lights went off.

"Oh, no!" Rodney cried. "There's another ghost".

"Let go of my hand!" Jacques ordered him.

"Relax, everyone," Jasmine told them. "It's just Chris messing with us again".

"Exactly," Sierra joined in. "And my team isn't gonna give up".

"Your team?" Stephanie repeated, sounding unamused.

"It's a team that I'm on," said Sierra. "I'm not saying it's mine specifically!"

Suddenly, a lone spotlight turned on from outside so that the Grips could see a figure hanging from the ceiling above. Mike had been the one to turn on the light and used his Olympic skills to quickly make it back to his teammates and get into costume. Already in costume was Dawn, who was hanging from the rafters in a police uniform while Anne Maria held her up. Her hair was tied back and she had the hat tipped over so that her eyes were covered. "It's a ghost!" Rodney shrieked. He wanted to run but now Jacques was holding his hand to keep him from doing so.

"Who dares trespass on the final resting place of Juanita Rentacop?" Dawn asked with her famously ethereal voice.

"Oh, don't even try it!" Leshawna threatened the ‘ghost’.

"Yeah, we're not falling for it this time!" said Kitty.

"This is your final warning," Dawn continued. "Leave and be safe or stay and regret it".

"We're not so easily-" Tom began before Rodney ran out of the tent, screaming. "Well, the rest of us aren't so easily scared!"

Jacques shook his fist at the ‘ghost’. "Do your worst!"

"Very well," Dawn said. She raised her head up to the sky and spread her arms out. "Hellish spirits and ghostly tears," she recited. "I summon all your greatest fears!"

The other Gaffers had snuck into the tent while the lights were out and were lying on the ground. Now that Dawn had recited the incantation, the rest was up to them. Using props, make-up and costumes, they were ready. They all rose up onto their feet while Anne Maria threw a fork down onto a smoke machine that they'd also brought in, giving an even spookier effect. The Grips' confidence had lessened significantly as these mysterious figures rose from the ground and began lumbering towards them. "Rise, minions!" Dawn proclaimed. "And feast on the fear of your victims!"

"Feast?" Shawn whimpered. His knees began quacking and his heart began racing. He heard a groggy voice, calling out for brains. He wanted to close his eyes or hide them behind his hands. But it was too late. Sammy, caked in green makeup, shuffled towards him with her arms out, still calling out for brains. Shawn saw what she wanted him to see. "ZOMBIE!" he yelled before rushing out of the tent.

"Th-that was a cheap trick!" Leshawna scolded the figures. "You c-can't fool the rest of us!"

"Roar!" she heard a voice call out. Leshawna looked down and noticed what looked like a impossibly massive spider crawling towards her. In actuality, it was Harold hidden under a spider costume but it was still convincing and effective enough. "I'm a big scary spider! Roar!"

"Heck no!" Leshawna shouted before running out of the tent.

"Guys..." Kitty whimpered. "It's getting closer!"

Gwen was wearing a pirate costume and Halloween mask and limping towards her girlfriend as if she had a peg leg. She raised her sword in the air and said "Arr-" before Kitty punched the ‘pirate’ in the face and knocked it to the ground before she ran out of the tent screaming for her life.

Gwen knew that Kitty would deck her and that she'd end up back on the ground. So she used that to her advantage. Out of sight, she removed the mask and cupped her hands around her mouth to give her voice an echo effect. "The walls are closing in..." she whispered. "Everything is so crowded... You can't breathe... You're running out of air..." The voice reached Jasmine's ear and the Amazonian's breathing became heavier and heavier before she couldn't take it anymore and dashed out of the tent.

"Cowards!" Stephanie reprimanded the others. "Quitters! This is nothing! This is-" She couldn't help but notice the figure that was getting closer to her. She wasn't afraid of it. She was just confused. Mike moved closer to her. His eyes, hair and body were covered up by a blanket. "What the heck are you supposed to be?"

Mike opened his mouth and spoke in his Svetlana voice. "I am spirit of little Russian lady".

Stephanie chortled at this. "You don't scare m-"

Mike extended his hands out from behind the blanket, revealing that he was holding a bowl of baked beans. "EAT YOUR BEANS!"

"NO!" Stephanie shrieked before she exited the tent as well.

"Да!" He called after her. "You eat beans! Is good for you!"

Soon enough, Tom, Sierra and Jacques were the only Grips left in the tent. But then, there was Brick, who was dressed to kill two birds with one stone. He was wearing a large, old-timey friar robe that hid his face while carrying a large silver cross prop and he moved towards Jacques and Tom. He kept shouting "Repent!" at them.

Jacques and Tom both screamed, which they'd failed to do during their first challenge, and ran towards the exit. However, Tom immediately tripped and fell to the ground. He didn't even try to get up. He just cowered as the ghostly friar kept getting closer. "NO! THAT ROBE IS HIDEOUS!"

Upon hearing Tom's pleas for mercy, Jacques ground to a halt just before he'd made it out of the tent. He ran back, much to Sierra's relief. "Okay, Jacques! With the three of us here, we can still win-" Jacques didn't acknowledge Sierra at all. He scooped Tom up and carried him out of the tent as fast as he could. "Oh, come on!"

Sierra was the only one left now. The Gaffers kept inching towards her. But the purple-haired girl planted her feet in the ground and tried her best to stay brave. "You can't make me leave!" she cried out. "I know this isn't real! You don't scare me!"

As she shouted at them, Anne Maria dropped another fork down to Dawn. The moonchild threw the fork at the precise angle that it would hit one of the ghost meters and bounce off onto the other two. All three of the meters were now going off.

All the color left Sierra's face when she heard the three alarms going off at once. She looked over her shoulder to see if her ears weren't deceiving her, then she turned back to the figures that moved closer towards her. "G-G-G-GHOSTS!" she screamed before running out of the tent.

She kept on running into the night before she ran right into Chef, who was surrounded by Chris and all the other Grips. "And Sierra is the last Grip to leave the tent!" Chris narrated. "That means the Screaming Gaffers win!" Sierra heard an eruption of cheers and whoops. She turned to see that it was the costumed Screaming Gaffers celebrating the end of their losing streak. The fangirl hung her head in shame and disappointment.

Cut to the intro to the Gilded Chris ceremony before Chris and Chef appeared on the stage in their awards show attire. "And now, fraidy-cat Grips, it's time to announce who will not win a Gilded Chris this week! Who deserves to go home bitterly disappointed, tears in their eyes?" All the team members exchanged nervous looks with each other. "And the first Gilded Chris goes to... Stephanie". Chris threw Stephanie her award.

"Leshawna"

"Jasmine"

"Kitty"

"Rodney"

"Shawn"

"Tom"

"Still on the chopping block are the disturbing Sierra and the cowardly Jacques".

"Disturbing?" a saddened Sierra asked.

"Cowardly?" an offended Jacques asked.

"And so," said Chris. "The final Gilded Chris goes to..."

...

...

...

...

"Sierra"

"What?!" Jacques shouted while Sierra caught her award. From the looks on a few of the Grips' faces, this came as a shock to most. Jacques got to his feet and snootily turned his nose up. "Be that way! Good luck winning without me!"

However, before Jacques could leave, he was scooped up into a bear hug by Rodney, who began to cry loudly. "I'm gonna miss you, boss!" he sobbed.

To the surprise of everyone else, tears welled in Jacques' eyes. He had just enough control not to begin weeping but everyone had already seen the subtle display of emotion on his face. "Do not call me ‘boss’ anymore," he told Rodney.

"Okay," Rodney sniffled. "Goodbye, buddy".

"Goodbye, Rodney," Jacques said after the ginger had finally let him go. "I do not think you will win. But, for what it's worth, I hope you do".

With that, he strutted down the red carpet before entering the Lame-O-Sine, which drove him off to the after show, leaving everyone stunned by what had just happened.

[static]

Instead of seeing the votes, we see Chris McLean in his surveillance room, adjusting one of the cameras. "Okay," we whispered in front of the lens. "It's time for my big revenge in my prank war against Intern #2". He held up two coffees. "In my right hand is a coffee cup that's rigged to explode as soon as it touches his lips. That'll make him think twice about putting cherry bombs in my toilet". A knocking sound was heard, causing Chris to set down the two coffee cups and jump back into his chair. "Come in!" he called to the person on the other side of the door.

The door opened but it wasn't an intern waiting. It was Sierra. "OMG, Chris! I can't believe you're letting me see where the magic happens!"

"Oh, right. I forgot I sent Chef to come get you. Welp, come on in".

Sierra was excited as she stepped in but it was soon replaced with worry. "I'm not in trouble, am I?"

"Trouble?" asked Chris. "No, no. I'm just here to say ‘you're welcome’".

Sierra smiled at this. "Oh, thank you! But also, what am I thanking you for?"

Chris, forgetting that he was being filmed, decided to let Sierra in on a little secret. "I changed the votes. Made sure you didn't get eliminated and that Jacques got the boot instead".

Sierra, in euphoric disbelief, gasped. "You did that? For me?"

"Yeah, your goose was cooked," he went on. "I chose Jacques to go since I didn't think a lot of people would care".

Sierra laughed a little too hard. "Classic Chris!" She let out a dreamy sigh. "But that was so sweet of you!"

"You could say that. And because I'm so sweet, I'd like to offer you a job".

Sierra was starting to wonder if she'd died and gone to heaven. "You want me to work for you?"

"Yeah, I need a lot of help this season. I'm not really feeling a lot of drama. Show's not living up to its name. I figured 'who better to stir the pot than the girl who knows everything about everyone?'".

Sierra smile faltered slightly. "You want me to mess with everyone? But they're my friends. And they've got fans I have to-"

"Some friends they are," Chris interrupted. "They've been brushing you off and belittling you just because you're my number one fan".

Sierra sighed. "It is kinda rude".

"And the fans of the show would kill to see some drama! You know just what buttons to push".

Sierra tucked her hair behind her ear. "I do, don't I?"

"So come on, Sierra? You think you can make some trouble? For me?"

Those last two words were enough to distill any doubts Sierra had about the offer. "Yes! I'll do it! Anything for you, Chris!"

"Awesome. Welcome to the team, Sierra!"

Sierra squealed with delight. "I'm so excited!"

"Me too..." Chris said knowingly as reached for his coffee cup. However, as soon as his lips touched the cup, it exploded and Chris was know dealing with the severe burns left by hot coffee. He screamed in agony before we cut to...

[static]

Chapter Text

~Recap~

"Last time on Total Drama Action... The contestants had to suffer through our most horrific challenge yet. Jacques and Tom got very in-character during their stage kiss while Mike and Anne Maria had the bejeebies scared out of them by an angry Brick. Sierra took charge after everyone got tired of her impeccable movie references. Unfortunately, it wasn't enough to secure a victory for the Grips as Sammy's plan manage to send everyone heading for the hills. Tom nearly got stranded and left for the spirits before Jacques ran back and carried him out. Unfortunately, that also meant he helped rob the team of victory and got voted out a result. He only just barely beat out Sierra and that's what happened. Just another fair elimination as the much-despised ice dancer was sent packing. What's next to come? Find out on another thrilling and filling episode of Total! Drama! Action!"

~Theme Song~

Fade in on the usual sight: Gaffers and Grips eating colorless slop for breakfast and hating every minute of it. Rodney sighed after swallowing his food. "I miss Jacques," he lamented.

Stephanie couldn't help but chuckle. "Why?"

"I dunno," Rodney said. "It was just nice having a friend who believed in me".

Leshawna shook her head. "Honey, that boy didn't believe in you. He even told you that before he left".

"Yeah, but he said that he wants me to win!"

"That's Jacques for you," Jasmine remarked. "Can't even wish his one friend well without insulting them".

"Not gonna lie," Tom joined in. "I kinda miss him too. Who else am I gonna trade insults with?" That was part of the reason Tom felt weird that the team's greatest menace was gone. The other was that he never got to thank Jacques for carrying him out of the tent while he was petrified in fear. But he wasn't going to admit that, not even in the confessional.

"You could trade insults with Stephanie," Shawn suggested. "I'm sure she won't mind".

Tom looked over and noticed Stephanie glaring at him. Her eyes were practically daring him to trade insults with her because she would enjoy her retaliation. "That may be the worst idea I've ever heard," said Tom.

"Why's that?"

"Because I like being alive".

Flattered by this statement, Stephanie turned her attention back to Rodney. "If it makes you feel better, I didn't vote for Pinky".

Sierra was about to take a bite of her food before realizing that the gym nut was glaring right at her. "What did I do?" she asked, as if she hadn't just been hired by Chris McLean to stir up drama.

"Forget about your whole power trip the other night?"

"That wasn't a power trip!" Sierra defended herself. "I was just stepping up! You guys told me to!"

"Like you're one to talk," Kitty scoffed at Stephanie. "You voted me off last season just cause I didn't wanna vote with you".

"Oh, please!" Stephanie scoffed. "You're still not over that?"

Sierra felt a sinking feeling in her stomach as she saw an opportunity to stir up some drama. "Go easy on her," she pleaded with Stephanie. "She's already under a ton of pressure to not be seen as lazy or unfocused just because she'll sit down for a few minutes".

Kitty was aghast. "What, are you Dawn now? How'd you know that?"

"I interviewed your guidance counselor," Sierra said as if it were a normal thing to do. "He thinks you may have some sort of disorder".

Kitty crossed her arms. "Well, he lied to you!"

"Are you sure? It definitely explains why-"

Before she could finish, she suddenly jerked her head up and stopped talking. We see that Gwen, who was walking by to return her breakfast tray, had poked Sierra at a pressure point on the back of her neck. "Don't listen to her, Kit," the goth told her girlfriend. "Your business is yours".

[static]

"I'm easing into the whole drama thing subtly so that no one gets suspicious," Sierra relayed to the audience. "You guys think that was subtle, right?"

[static]

"I don't know what Sierra was on," said Leshawna. "But if she keeps actin' like that, she's guaranteed for the Lame-O-Sine".

[static]

Gwen walked over to Chef and returned the tray she was using. Chef, who had lost whatever measly popularity points he had after DJ came forward, tried to make conversation to the passing contestant. "So... how was it?"

"I feel that meal took something from me that can never be replaced and that I've lost the very ability to feel joy," Gwen said flatly before walking back to her table.

Chef tried not to let it bother him. "Drama queen," he muttered.

While Gwen sat down, one of her teammates kept eyeing the other table. "I'm gonna go apologize to Jasmine," Sammy informed her teammates, who groaned in response. "What?"

"Babe, you have nothing to apologize for," Mike told her. "You scared the other team. It was part of the challenge. They all understand".

"Yeah, but Jasmine-"

"Has already heard you apologize several times since it happened," Mike finished for her. "Believe me. I think she's got the gist".

Sammy hung her head and sighed. "I'm sorry".

"You really don't need to apologize".

"It's just... she's my best friend. If she's even a little peeved at me, I just wanna-"

"Sammy," Dawn butted in. "I read Jasmine. She's not mad at you for scaring her. Your anxiety is just very loud". Sammy finally yielded after hearing Dawn's confirmation.

Meanwhile, Harold had noticed an added feature on their table that day. There was a cup full of... "Bendy straws!" he observed. "These are just like the ones they had at the hospital where I had my kidneys switched". After taking a straw, Harold looked around and noticed that everyone's eyes, even those belonging to the Grips, were on him. "What? It's easy to explain. I was born with a rare kidney condition. My left kidney was where the right one should be".

Brick picked his jaw up off the floor to ask one of several questions he had upon hearing this. "You had a surgical kidney swap?"

"Yep".

"How long did you live with your kidneys like that?"

Harold hesitated to answer, which made everyone even more uncomfortable. "It's illegal for you to ask me that".

Dawn knew, of course. She was Dawn. But she chose not to say anything. "I think it's safe to say that our friend, Harold is a rare case".

"He's a rare case alright," Anne Maria scoffed. Harold paid her no mind and went right back to loading up on bendy straws.

"Be nice," Dawn asked of her crush friend.

"Ugh, sorry," the Jersey girl exhaled. "I'm just hungry and I ain't gonna eat..." She looked over at Harold, who swallowed a spoonful of Chef's breakfast and immediately regretted it. "That".

Speaking of poor taste, Chris McLean walked in right at that moment. "Not to worry, Anne Maria. Pretty soon, you'll be glad that you won't have any lunch to try and hang on to".

"And exactly what torture have you concocted for us today?" Brick asked.

"Oh, nothing," Chris said, feigning innocence. "Just that your day will be total... disaster!" No one reacted and a few of the contestants looked at him in confusion. "Get it? It's a disaster movie theme!" Still no reaction. "You know? Like in disaster flicks?"

"People running for their lives from volcanoes, earthquakes, asteroids, tidal waves..." As Chris went on, we see a visual demonstration as Chef narrowly outran a volcano falling from the sky, the earth breaking apart and a falling asteroid before he was finally swept away by a tidal wave. "The more disastrous, the better!"

[static]

Sierra scratched her head as she got lost in her thoughts. "I don't think there's a concrete disaster movie Chris was in. I think the closest was that one meteor movie, you know? Asteroid-pocalypse? The one where the government trained loggers to become astronauts so they can cut up an asteroid? It was a big hit and it cemented Terry McGurrin's directing career but I don't think Chris likes it very much".

[static]

"I asked Terry why it was easier to train loggers to become astronauts than it was to train astronauts to become loggers and he told me to shut... shut... shut the *bleep* up," Chris recalled.

[static]

Cut to Chris outside and standing by some sort of control panel. "Today's challenge is... The Earthquake of Inevitable Pain!" Pan out to see a large metal platform that was on an incline. It was covered with two rows of obstacles, one for each team even though they were identical. There was a path of tires, a path of safety cones, monkey bars over a small pool of water, a large metal tube to crawl through, a log over a large hole and a large wall all the way at the end. The path, mixed with the name of the challenge and the fact that the platform had wires connecting it to the control panel gave pretty much everyone an idea of what they were in for as they looked at their challenge in horror. "Each team has to run the course, challenging your dexterity, maneuverability, and other mad monkey skills".

We see Chef climb up a ladder that stood against the end of the platform. He was carrying a big bag that he set down once he'd reached the top. He pulled out a cinder block of all things and flashed an evil smile at all the contestants. "First team to the top wins the challenge," Chris went on. "Best out of two wins immunity!"

Shawn cracked his knuckles in preparation. "I'm so ready," he said. "I always prepared for the worst".

"Not sure that seems healthy," Jasmine told him. "But I'm also prepared for the worst".

"And how is that healthy?" Stephanie questioned. "You said the same thing".

"I'm Australian. It's different," Jasmine explained. "I live on the danger continent".

"Never mind, then".

"Enough with the chitty-chat!" Chris butted in. "Take your marks".

Both teams took their marks. Some contestants looked worried, like Gwen and Dawn. Some looked determined, like Leshawna and Stephanie, who were jogging in place as a warm-up. Others had their minds elsewhere.

"Don't screw this up," Sammy told herself. "Don't screw it up".

"You'll do great," Mike assured her. "I believe in you".

Sammy smiled slightly. "If you say so".

"This'll be a cinch!" Stephanie remarked as she continued to jog in place.

Kitty felt herself getting charged up as she fixed her eyes on a specific portion of the obstacle course. "Monkey bars," she quietly chanted. "Monkey bars".

Chris pulled out an airhorn. "And... action!" The sound of the airhorn echoed as the contestants began hopping from tire to tire. Some had an easier time than others, like the athletic Stephanie, the Amazonian Jasmine and the faux-Olympian Mike. Even some like Tom, Rodney and Dawn didn't seem to be doing too bad at first.

But of course, Chris was just waiting for those magic words to make the challenge harder. And Anne Maria was the one to say them. "This is just too easy!"

Chris threw up a pair of devil horns. "Who's ready to rock?!" he shouted.

"Me!" Harold answered.

"Not me!" Gwen answered.

But it was too late. Chris pulled on a level and the platform began shaking up and down to replicate and earthquake. Rodney nearly fell backwards as a result but Sierra was quick to turn around and grab him by one of the straps of his overalls. "Don't let go!" he pleaded.

"I'll never let go!" she assured him.

At one point, the shaking got so bad that both Sammy and Mike fell at the same time. Mike ended up falling on the traffic cones, two of which ended up on his chest so that it looked like a bra. Sammy was surprised at the sight but Mike was simply intrigued. "Be honest," he said to his girlfriend. "Do you think I'm pulling this off?" Sammy had no idea how to respond.

At first, it seemed as if all was not bleak for the Gaffers. Harold, Anne Maria and Brick managed to make their way to the monkey bars. "Mad monkey skills, activate!" Harold exclaimed as he began climbing while the other two followed behind him. 

However, it was at then that Chef had decided to take part. "Time to get rid of some old junk," he chuckled while he sinisterly rubbed his hands together. He reached into the bag and pulled out an old, tattered football. He threw it in a perfect spiral before it hit Harold in the torso, knocking him back against Brick and Anne Maria before they all fell off. "Ow, my right kidney!" the ginger yelled.

Chef kept throwing various items from the bag and nearly all of them hit Anne Maria. From a kitchen sink to a bowling ball to a hammer to a rotary phone. But they all managed to bounce off of Anne Maria's indestructible pouffe. "Everyone!" Brick yelled to his teammates. "Get behind Anne Maria!" The rest of the Gaffers complied as they lined up right behind the Jersey girl. For a moment, it seemed like they had figured out a way to win... and then Chef threw a rubber duck, which hit Anne Maria in the eye.

"Ow!" she exclaimed as she put her head down and began rubbing her eye. "Ya jerk!" The rest of the Gaffers ducked down as Chef continued to throw things at them.

Finally, after it seemed like they couldn't take much more, Chris pulled on the lever again and the shaking stopped. "Finally, we catch a break," Kitty sighed.

"Aftershock!" Chris yelled before pulling another lever, which caused the platform to shake a quicker rate. Tom ended up falling over. Then Rodney fell back, right on top of him. Then, before Rodney could get off of Tom, Jasmine fell back and knocked the two of them down the platform. While the ‘aftershock’ was over, Chris still had a few tricks up his sleeve. "It's lava time!" He slammed down on a button which opened up two slots at the end of the platform. Steaming hot red liquid began pouring down towards the contestants.

However, Chef thought the ‘lava’ smelled a bit familiar. He stuck his finger in the fake lava and licked what was revealed to be... "Tomato soup? That was supposed to be for supper!"

As the tomato soup flowed, several of the competitors hopped onto the monkey bars for safety while others tried the bold strategy of running away. Chris fanned himself with his hand. "Hoo-wee! Is it getting hot in here? How 'bout a cool, refreshing... hail storm?!" We pan out to reveal that Chris was standing next to a golf ball launcher that was attached to a cart manned by Chef (who could apparently teleport). "Golf ball-sized hail is bad. But hail-sized golf balls are even worse!" He began laughing like a maniac as he fired golf balls at the contestants.

Jasmine, being Jasmine, managed to expertly dodge all of them. Shawn, being Shawn, managed to dodge most of them, only for one to hit him in the face before he fell into one of the small pools. "I got one!" Chris cheered!

"Don't get cocky, kid," Chef quoted.

Chris continued firing golf balls at the contestants and while everyone continued to react as expected, one of them surprised the rest. Jasmine kept running ahead, dodging all of the golf balls. But she was surprised as Kitty ran past her. The selfie lover was screaming bloody murder and getting hit by every single golf ball but she just kept on running.

[static]

Kitty was covered in red bruises that almost looked like chicken pox. "I don't fold under pressure," she said with a smile. "I get things done. I just procrastinate when I'm not under pressure".

[static]

Soon, Chris finally stopped shooting golf balls at everyone... only to pull out a button. "After-aftershock!" he announced. He pressed the button and the platform started shaking once again. As if that wasn't bad enough, a panel on the platform began opening up and the shaking caused Rodney, Jasmine and Stephanie to all fall in. They each grabbed hold of the edge of the platform. Rodney and Stephanie began screaming for help. Hearing this and seeing the two of them and Jasmine in peril, Shawn ran over to assist them. However, before he could help, Jasmine swung up and let go the platform, launching herself in the air. She flew above Shawn before landing on her feet right next to him. "Oh, um," Shawn stammered. "Looks like you've got it".

"I do," Jasmine panted. "But thanks, anyway".

Shawn wasn't able to say anything in response thanks to Stephanie, who had pulled herself back up, walked over and kicked the survivalist in the groin, much to his discomfort. "Thanks for the help, friend," she said, spitefully.

"Right," Shawn croaked. "Yeah. Sorry". He limped after the two of them, having completely forgotten about Rodney.

But it wasn't all bleak of the ginger farm-boy. Sierra ran over to Rodney and pulled him up, saving him once more. "I got you, bud!" she told him.

"Awesome!" Rodney cheered as he was safe. "Now, let's do this!" He ran forward once again... only to fall into the platform a second time.

When the after-aftershock finally stopped, Chris just went back to firing golf balls at the teens. Once Sierra helped Rodney up again, the Killer Grips managed to get their heads in the game. They managed to avoid as many golf balls as they could while making good progress. Rodney even flung Tom over his back so they wouldn't fall behind. "Not that I don't appreciate it," Tom said. "But why were you so insistent on being the one to help me?"

"Because you're Jacques' boyfriend," Rodney responded.

"Oh, okay- Hey, wait a second!"

Meanwhile, the Gaffers were having mixed results. Brick was getting hit but was trying his best to power through all of them. Anne Maria was doing the same, although with much better results. Not to mention, Dawn was hiding in her hair so she was safe the whole time. Gwen, Harold and Sammy weren't having the best of luck, though. Mike was also staying behind so that he could take ammo for the others.

"Hey, Chris!" Mike yelled at the host. "You're supposed to be yelling ‘fore’!" Suddenly, a golf ball hit Mike on the head, which lead to him developing a cartoony bump on his dome.

"Fore!" Chris yelled. He tried to fire more golf balls, only for nothing to come out. He had used them all up and was out of ammo.

"THEY'VE GOT NO GOLF BALLS!" Harold shouted as his team, who picked up their pace after hearing that the ‘hail storm’ was over.

"Chef, do something!" Chris demanded. Chef did something, alright. Without warning, he backed the cart up against one of the pillars that held up the platform, wrecking the canon and momentarily putting Chris out of commission. Chef dismounted the vehicle and climbed back up the ladder before going back to throwing several objects at the teens, including a potted plant and a frying pan.

Meanwhile, all the Grips had made it up to the wall at the end of the platform. "Okay, team!" Jasmine told the others. "Let's do this!" She somersaulted over the the wall while Stephanie and Shawn began climbing. As Jasmine landed on her feet, she was surprised to find that she wasn't the first one to make it to the other side. Kitty was there, doing a happy little victory dance. "How'd you get here before me? Weren't you..."

"Oh, I just went around the wall," Kitty explained. "It's not that wide, you know".

All the Gaffers had also made it up to the wall, though none of them realized they could go around it. Instead, they kept dodging whatever bottles or blenders that Chef was throwing. "We can still win this!" Brick told his team. "Now, come on!"

He climbed up the wall and his teammates followed suit. Brick was the first to make it to the other side. He thought it was over. He thought he was safe. He thought that his team would soon be safe as well. But then, he saw Chef pull out another object from his bag. It was a massive, green book that was probably bigger than most of the present contestant's heads.

"Ah, my unpublished manifesto," Chef mused.

Brick's eyes widened. He looked behind to see if any of his teammates were about to open themselves up. He only saw one hand reach up and grab the top. He didn't know which one it was. He just knew that whoever they were was about to be in for a world to pain. But not if he had anything to say about it. Chef had already gotten DJ to leave. And Brick wasn't going to let it happen to another one of his teammates.

No. He wasn't going to let it happen to one of his friends.

Chef held the book over his head, ready to throw. "I've lived a lot of years!"

Meanwhile, the Gaffer who'd grabbed the top of the wall - Sammy - climbed up higher and revealed herself. "Guys! Guys, I'm at the-" Sammy froze in fear as she saw Chef about to throw a massive hardcover book right at her. But then, Chef frozen before he could throw it. He was shocked to see Brick McArthur charging right at him like an angry bull. Before Chef could do anything about it, Brick tackled him off of the platform and the two of them both fell to the ground. The book fell as well and Brick shouted in pain once it landed. "BRICK!" Sammy screamed.

Gwen popped up over the wall. "What is it? What's going on? Where is he?"

"He... I was... Chef..." Sammy kept stammering, too shocked to give an actual answer.

Everyone on the Grips had seen the entire thing. Stephanie was smiling. "It was amazing. He tackled Chef to the ground. I'm so proud of him!" The Gaffers all ran to the very end of the platform and looked over the edge. Both Chef and Brick were lying on the ground, covered in bruises. Brick's right arm was under the massive manifesto.

"Holy crap," Harold quietly exclaimed.

"Brick!" Mike shouted down. "Are you okay?!"

Brick managed to sit up and turn the book off of his arm. He was groaning in pain but he kept trying to suppress the sounds he was making. "Yup!" he fibbed. "I'm okay! I'm all good!" He gave a thumbs up at his team using his right hand. Then, his forearm hung down in a way that arms weren't supposed to look. "Um... Is my arm supposed to bend that way?"

"No!" Dawn informed him.

"Oh... Well, that's..." And that was when Brick passed out.

"My editor was right," Chef chuckled to himself. "My life really is dangerous". Anne Maria kicked the bag of Chef's heavy objects off the platform, hitting him on the head and knocking him out.

[static]

"Jen put Brick and I in charge of the team," Gwen recounted. "That means he and I were supposed to have each other's backs. But I didn't. And now he broke his arm". An ashamed Gwen held her head in her hands, feeling like this was her fault.

[static]

Sammy looked horrified. "Brick broke his arm so that Chef wouldn't throw that book at me. Or anyone else. I mean, I'm grateful but... God, I hope he's okay".

[static]

"Um, Chris!" Kitty yelled to the now-conscious host. "Is someone gonna help Brick?"

"Yeah, yeah, don't worry," Chris said. "We're almost at the break. The good news is that Brick just won the challenge for the Screaming Gaffers!" Anne Maria cheered at their victory before both Dawn and Gwen signaled to her that now was not the time.

"Oh, no, he didn't!" Leshawna argued.

"Yeah, we got our team over the wall first!" Stephanie pointed out.

Chris just gave the Grips a shrug. "Serious injury trumps all".

"Are you just making this up as you go along?" Tom asked.

"What can I say? I love my job!"

Cut to later as Brick was carried into an ambulance, which drove away to get him some help. While everyone looked on in shock, Chris just put his camera-ready face in front of the camera. "The wounded Brick," he narrated. "What will become of him? Stay tuned to find out!"

Fade to a water tank that was at the studio. A large submarine with two separate rooms hung over the tank while each of the teams were in a dingy, awaiting both instructions and updates. "Chris? How's Brick?" Gwen asked the host. "Is he okay?"

"Oh, Brick's fine," Chris told the contestants. "His arm's broken and everything but it'll be in a cast and sling for a bit. Shouldn't take more than four-to-six weeks to heal".

Mike gasped at the information. "It's that bad?"

Chris panicked upon realizing that he overshared. "Um... I mean, he's doing fine". Everyone looked at him with suspicion, especially Dawn.

[static]

"That's what release forms are for!" Chris said in defense. "Correctamundo?"

[static]

"All right. Now it's time for the second disaster-themed challenge. Who's excited?" Crickets chirped as everyone sat in silence and glared at Chris.

Everyone except Sierra, of course. "I'm excited!" she was quick to say.

"Because of Brick's win, the Gaffers have the advantage of getting this handy-dandy piece of paper for the second disaster challenge". Chris pulled a handy-dandy piece of paper out from behind his back and quickly (and impressively) folded it into a paper airplane before throwing it at the Gaffers.

Sammy managed to catch the paper airplane before it could hit her in the eye and she unfolded it. Anne Maria peeked over her shoulder to see what they'd been given. "The heck is this? It's just a bunch of 1's and X's and V's".

"They're Roman numerals, obviously," Harold scoffed.

"Okay, kiddos!" said Chris. "Time to get inside!"

"Woah, woah, woah!" Anne Maria cried out. "I ain't gettin' in that hunk of junk!"

"Not even for a million bucks?" Chris asked, smugly.

After a moment of hesitation, Anne Maria relented. "Better be carpeted in there".

Cut to the interior of the submarine, where it was not carpeted. Each of the teams were in one of the two rooms, blocked off from each other. "I don't like this," Leshawna said to her teammates. "Not one little bit".

Suddenly, the alarms in the sub began blaring loudly, startling and worrying the contestants. "What's going on?" Shawn whimpered as he threw his arms around the nearest person for a sense of safety.

"I don't know!" said Jasmine, who was the nearest person that Shawn had thrown his arms around for a sense of safety. The two of them exchanged glances, blushed and then nervously disconnected from each other.

Just then, Chris' voice rang out from the P.A. system. "For this challenge, you've gotta get out before it's too late".

"Too late?" echoed Kitty. "Too late for what?"

"Oh, you'll find out..." Chris let out an evil chuckle as we cut to his location: the surveillance room. He and Chef were playing cards.

"Pick-up two," said Chef.

"You mind cranking that lever?" Chef obliged and water filled both of the rooms in the submarine thanks to leaky pipes and hidden compartments.

"What is that?" a frightened Rodney asked.

Stephanie rolled her eyes at this question. "It's water, brainiac".

Tom clapped his hands together to get everyone's attention. "Alright, people! We're not gonna get anywhere by arguing with each other. Now, let's all try and figure out a way to get out before I get this top wet". Tom turned to Jasmine. "So what should we do?"

Jasmine was dumbstruck. "What are you asking me for?! Aren't you the captain?!"

"But you're better than me at literally everything! You're better than all of us at literally everything!"

"That's not true!"

"No, it is," Leshawna nodded. "It's true".

"Yeah, right," Stephanie huffed.

Back at the Gaffers, Sammy and Mike were pulling on the wheel to open the door they'd used to enter the sub in the first place, only to realize that it was locked. Everyone else was trying to keep calm giving the circumstances. Some were more successful than others. "Why is this water so frickin' cold?!" Anne Maria whined as the levels reached everyone's ankles. "Hurry up!" she shouted at Sammy and Mike.

"We're trying!" Sammy shouted back. "It's locked!"

"And it's too dark to find another way out!" Mike added on.

Gwen, who had been nervously pacing back and forth the whole time, decided that now was a good time to try and be a leader again. "Okay, guys. No need to panic. I spend a lot of time in the dark so I've got pretty good night vision".

"I don't think spending so much time in the dark is healthy," Dawn pointed out.

"Dawn, no offense but you're so pale that you make me look like Anne Maria".

"You wish ya looked like me," Anne Maria said with a laugh.

Gwen ignored her and began looking around. If she remembered correctly, there was a cardboard box somewhere in the room. She just had to find it before the water ruined it and hope that there was actually something useful in it. After a few seconds of searching, she finally managed to locate it and, much to her relief, it was full of flashlights. "Alright. See? We're making progress".

The Grips had also managed to find a box of flashlights and their members were looking around for some sort of alternate exit. Jasmine tried pulling on the door with all of her might but it wouldn't open. Stephanie managed to find the wheel that controlled the pipes and tried pulling on it but it was no use. She eventually tried so hard that she ended up falling back against Jasmine, who fell right on top of her.

"Ow..." Jasmine moaned. "My..." Her eyes widened as she laid in the water. "I think I found a way out!" She pointed up at a hatch on the ceiling. Suddenly, she heard the muffled cries of Stephanie demanding that the Aussie get off of her.

"Wait!" Kitty interjected. "What about that one?" She shone the flashlight down at the floor, illuminating another hatch. While the one on the ceiling had a wheel for a handle, the one on the floor used a combination lock.

Things weren't any easier for the Gaffers. After looking around with the flashlight, Harold found both hatches. "We're saved!" he exclaimed. "Which one should we try first?"

"Easy," Mike told him. He tapped the hatch on the floor with his foot. "This little beauty uses a combination lock".

"Right!" Sammy pulled out the piece of paper that Chris had given the team. "Okay, so the first number is-"

"Ooh, I wanna do it!" Anne Maria interrupted.

Sammy stopped before she could begin reading off the numbers. She didn't want to make things difficult for anyone else. In her mind, she thought that meant refusing anyone's request was a bad idea. "Um, if you wan-"

"Anne Maria," Dawn stepped in. "I appreciate your enthusiasm but I think it would be for the best if Sammy continued reading them".

Anne Maria put her hands on her hips. "Whatcha sayin'? I ain't smart enough to read these weird numbers?"

"Of course I'm not!" Dawn was quick to say. "I simply think that we have a limited amount of time on our hands".

"I can do it!"

"Just lay off her, man!" Mike joined in. "Why is this such a big deal?"

The Jersey girl didn't like that one bit. "Why's ya mom such a big deal?!"

"...what?"

"No, guys, it's okay," Sammy said, sheepishly. "If she wants to read it, she can".

"Guys, we need to-" Gwen began before getting cut off.

"I don't believe it's the best idea," Dawn doubled down. "Anne Maria has many skills but I don't think reading Roman numerals is one of them".

"Ya supposed to have my back, Dawnie!"

"Guys?" Gwen said again.

"Just ignore them, Sammy," Mike chimed in. "Keep reading".

"No! Don't keep reading!" Anne Maria fumed.

"Guys?!" Gwen said a third time

"Will you all cut it out?!" Harold yelled over them. "Gosh! We only have so much time!"

"I know!" Anne Maria snapped at him. "Which is why she should just give me the-" Anne Maria tried to grab the paper from Sammy, only to pull with such force that it ripped in two. In shock, Anne Maria accidentally dropped the half she had grabbed onto and it fell into the water. When she retrieved it, the ink had run. Their easy escape attempt had been botched. "Whoops," Anne Maria squeaked. She felt herself shrink a little.

As for the Grips, they decided to go for the hatch on the ceiling first for one simple reason: Jasmine was able to reach it. "Almost... got it..." she grunted as she turned the wheel with all of her strength before she finally head the lock click. "I got it!" She opened the hatch... and then immediately closed it because a shark poked its head out and tried biting her hand off. "So..." she said as she processed that near-death experience. "Does anyone here know how to pick a lock?"

"No need!" Stephanie exclaimed proudly. The others were surprised to find her twirling a crowbar she'd found in her hands. "Let's get the heck out of here!"

No one was as confident on the Gaffers. Although, Harold was trying his best to salvage the situation. "It's okay, guys!" he told his teammates. "I have mad lock-picking skills! I can get us out of here in no time!"

However, no one was listening to him. Most of the Gaffers were arguing with each other. "I told you to just let her read it!" Mike criticized Anne Maria. "Now look what you did!"

"What I did?" asked an offended Anne Maria. "I told all y'all to lay off me and look what happened!"

"I, um..." Sammy stammered. She still wasn't the biggest fan of confrontation. Still, she swallowed her pride and kept on trucking. "You could have pulled on the paper a little less hard".

"WHAT'D YA JUST SAY TO ME?!" Anne Maria snapped as Sammy began to regret every single decision she'd ever made.

"Don't talk to her like that!" Mike stepped in.

"He's right, Anne Maria," Dawn added. "You've been acting a bit hostile this entire challenge".

Anne Maria was aghast. "Oh, so you're on their side now?!"

"I'm not on anyone's side," Dawn said, defensively.

"Can you all pipe down?!" Harold snapped. "I need concentration for my mad lock-picking skills".

"Sorry, Harold," Sammy muttered.

"Um, no!" Anne Maria said in turn. "No, we ain't sorry!"

"I need to get this done!" Harold roared. "The first thing they teach you at Picky Steve's Lock-picking Camp is that you need to focus all your attention on-"

"Oh, Gawd! Shut up! I'm so tired of all these stupid Steves!"

Harold got to his feet, fire in his eyes. "Don't you dare talk trash about Steve! He's taught me everything I've ever known!"

"Like what?! How to be a whiny lil puppy about Leshawna?! Heck, I'd rather hear about Steve than hear ya talk about Leshawna! Every single day with her! ‘Oh, she's so perfect! She's my soulmate! She's the only reason I get outta bed even though she dumped me! I like her butt!’ I'm sick of it!"

"I never said that last part!"

"You have," Mike said, wearily. "You've said it so many times".

"Look, do I still have feelings for Leshawna? Yes. Do I only have a good day if she speaks to me? Also, yes. But that doesn't mean-"

"Harold," Dawn said over him. "I'm beginning to think that your lingering feelings for Leshawna are starting to get in the way of-"

"No!" Harold stopped her. "No, you are not psychoanalyzing me! Why can't you just keep some things to yourself?!"

"Don't ya dare talk to my girl like that!" Anne Maria roared at him.

"Guys," Sammy chirped. "The water's getting higher".

"Bring it on, ginger!" Anne Maria put her fists up.

"With pleasure..." Harold growled.

Suddenly, the two of them were swinging at each other. Harold nearly broke his hand when it made contact with Anne Maria's hair. Before Anne Maria could kill him for touching her pouffe, Mike stepped in between them to try and break them up. Instead, Anne Maria punched him in the gut. Soon enough, Mike was trying to scuffle with Anne Maria as well but Sammy held him back. Dawn held Anne Maria back while Harold kept going through various fighting poses as he waited for someone else to strike. All the fighting and the screaming over each other about who was really at fault or how they needed to remain calm and stop fighting was finally enough to make the final member of the team break.

"SHUT UP!" Gwen shrieked at everyone. "SHUT UP! SHUT! UP!" Everyone froze and went mute before turning their attention to the angry goth, who was far from over. "WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?! WE HAD A GARUNTEED WIN AND YOU RUINED IT BY ACTING LIKE A BUNCH OF BABIES! AND NOW, WE'RE GONNA DIE AND YOU'RE STILL FIGHTING! WHY'D I EVEN THINK WE COULD WIN?! WE ONLY GOT THE CLUE BECAUSE BRICK BROKE HIS ARM! WE DIDN'T GET IT BY BEING SMART OR STRONG OR ANYTHING! WE'RE NOT A TEAM! WE'RE JUST A BUNCH OF SCREWED-UP WEIRDOS WHO GOT STUCK WITH EACH OTHER! NO WONDER WE LOST THREE CHALLENGES IN A ROW! NO WONDER WE'RE GONNA DIE ARGUING ABOUT GIRLS' BUTTS! THIS WAS ALWAYS GONNA HAPPEN!"

There was a brief bout of silence as Gwen stopped her yelling and started breathing heavily. The others simply watched her, too afraid to say anything for fear of setting her off again. Then, to their surprise, Gwen began laughing weakly. She kept laughing for a few seconds before it began to devolve into crying. Everyone else remained quiet. "Why did Jen think I could lead this team?" Gwen sobbed. "I- I don't know anything about leading. Was it just b-because I took charge during the acting challenge? I s-still don't know what happened th-there. I'm n-not sweet like her or skilled like Brick. I'm j-just..." She sniffled. "I'm a letdown". She hung her head so the others couldn't see the look on her face anymore. "I let Brick down. And Jen. And Cody. And I let you guys down too".

As the water continued to flow, Gwen walked over to one of the walls, and sat down with her back against it. She didn't care if her lower half was submerged. "Now, if you excuse me, I'd like one thing to go right. So please just let me die while it's quiet". The goth buried her head in her lap and went back to her silent weeping.

But even then, the other Gaffers couldn't fulfill her last request. "We're not gonna die here," Mike told his team. "We're getting out". Everyone else nodded in agreement.

Meanwhile, Stephanie's plan of using the crowbar to pry the bottom hatch open didn't work out as well as she'd hoped when the crowbar ended up bending into an L-shape, meaning that it had now been rendered useless. It didn't help that she kept trying to use the crowbar until she was completely underwater, which meant she had to swim back up to tell them the bad news.

"I'll be honest," said Tom. "We gave up on that plan a while ago".

"Well, thanks for letting me know," she snarked. She looked around and noticed that one of their members was missing. "Hey, where's Rodney?"

Everyone looked around and realized that Rodney had disappeared without any of them noticing. "Oh, for the love of..." Leshawna grumbled before she dived down. After a few seconds, she pulled Rodney out of the water because the farm-boy kept forgetting how to swim. The good news was that he was alive and coughing his way back to consciousness. The bad news was that Leshawna's hair had exploded into an afro again. "Did I mention I don't like water? Cause I don't".

The water was getting higher in the Gaffer's room but they weren't panicking anymore. It was all part of their master plan. None of them could've reached the ceiling hatch while their feet were still on the floor so they waited for the water to get higher so they could float up to it. Nearly all of them agreed that it was a great idea. The only exception was Gwen, who had tuned out everything around her. She simply bobbed in the water, looking absolutely defeated.

Finally, Mike was able to reach the wheel that opened the ceiling hatch. "Alright, team! Let's win this thing!"

"Yeah!" The others cheered.

Mike pulled the hatch door open... and then immediately shut it after fire started shooting out. "Let's figure out something else!"

"Yeah?" Sammy said, trying to stay optimistic while the others grew more anxious.

Watching all these events unfold were Chris and Chef, who were still playing cards. Chris hadn't been too worried about the contestants up until that point. They'd gotten out of worse scrapes. They had to deal with wooly beavers, after all. But the latest development for the Gaffers was enough to get his attention. "Fire, huh?" he asked Chef. "Don't you think that’s a bit much?"

[static]

Chef was in the confessional and he didn't look happy. "Seriously! I'm just not in the mood! Busting my hump for a bunch of snot-nosed little-" He slammed his fist down on the table. "Don't I deserve a little me-time?!"

[static]

"Really, it might be time to end the challenge," Chris insisted. "The water's getting pretty high. And, uh, those kids are terrible swimmers".

Chef still wasn't having it, however. "Focus! I want my chips back".

Chris wasn't having it either. "This is getting serious. Turn off the water!" In a huff, Chef pulled on the lever that controlled the water levels. Unfortunately, he found himself in a similar predicament to Anne Maria when the lever snapped in half instead of moving. Chris was in full-on panic mode. "We've gotta get the cast out of there! Simple formula! No more contestants equals no more episodes equals no paycheck and the end of my luxurious lifestyle!"

Chef paid the contestants no mind as he shuffled the cards. "Texas Hold 'Em?"

"YOU'RE NOT HEARING ME!"

"What? Gin Rummy?"

We zoom in on the footage of Gwen miserably floating in the water. Sammy swam over to her and cleared her throat. "Um, Gwen?" No response. "Are you okay?" Still no response. "Okay, just wanted to make sure..." Sammy trailed off before she could finish. She didn't know what it was but seeing Gwen like that made spurred something within her. Before she knew it, she'd thrown her arms around Gwen and embraced her in a tight yet gentle hug.

That brought Gwen back to life. "Uh, Sammy? What are you doing?"

Sammy didn't let go. "I'm giving you a hug. Because it seems like you need one". After a beat, Gwen returned the hug. She didn't say anything but she didn't need to. Sammy didn't need to be told she was right.

Maybe it was the cheerleader being helpful. Maybe it was Gwen's outburst. Maybe it was the fact that they all thought they were going to die. Whatever it was, everyone was feeling a lot more compassionate then they were just a few moments ago. "Hey," Anne Maria said to Mike. "Sorry for gettin' on ya case back there. You were just looking out for ya girl".

Mike shrugged. "Eh, water under the-" Mike caught himself. "It's no biggie".

Anne Maria looked to Harold. "Sorry for, uh, makin' fun of ya back there. Ya just wanted to help us get out".

"It's okay," Harold said. "I'm used to it. And I'm sorry for yelling at all of you. Especially you, Dawn".

"No worries, Harold," said the moonchild. "I need to control my reading better so that I don't suddenly say what I hear".

Anne Maria chuckled and put an arm around her friend. "Eh, don't be so hard on ya self, Dawnie".

"She's right, you know," Mike joined in. "You're pretty cool".

"Remember last season when you figured out which plank of wood would get Stephanie invincibility just by picking it up?" Harold asked. "That was wicked!"

"That's it!" Gwen suddenly exclaimed, startling Sammy into ending their hug. "That's how we can get out!"

"What is?" asked Sammy.

"Dawn, you can figure out the combination by just feeling the lock!" Gwen elaborated.

"She's right," said Dawn. "I can do that..." Despite Gwen's newfound confidence, the blonde didn't seem particularly convinced. "But I don't think I'll be able to stay down there without air for too long".

This tidbit was, somehow, surprising to the others. "Ya mean ya can't breathe underwater?" Anne Maria asked.

Dawn blinked at this. "I'm only human, Anne Maria".

"I'll be honest, I keep forgetting that you're not a forest sprite," Mike said.

"Wait!" Harold interjected. "I just remembered something!" He reached into his pocket and pulled out a handful of bendy straws. "Quick, Dawn! I'll make you a snorkel and you work on the combination!" Dawn didn't respond. She just put one of the bendy straws in her mouth and let herself sink while Harold kept stacking straw after straw.

Back with the Grips, Leshawna was crying. "T-This could be it. The end. Like, the 'end' end. A-And I wanna live!"

Kitty put her hand on Leshawna's hand to comfort her. "Don't cry, Leshawna. It's all gonna be okay".

"Who said anything about crying? Leshawna never cries!"

"Oh, please!" Stephanie said with an eye-roll. "You were blubbering the other day!"

"...I was, wasn't I?"

Suddenly, Shawn burst out of the water with Rodney, who'd forgotten how to swim. Again. "This is getting old, Rodney," said the survivalist.

"Sorry, Shawn," Rodney said in between his coughs. "I wish I could hold my breath for ten minutes like you".

"You can what?" asked Tom.

"What?" asked Shawn.

"Shawn, you can get us out of here!" Jasmine explained. "I mean, if you're good at picking locks. Are you good at picking locks? You seem like you'd be good at it. I mean, you're-"

"I'm okay at it!" Shawn said with a good amount of confidence. "Let's get out of here!" He dived down and went to work.

Chris was watching all of this from the surveillance room, a sense of hope remerging from inside him. "Brilliant! Dawn and/or Shawn will save the day! Once the hatch is open, it'll drain the water out of both the rooms!" The host threw both of his arms around a surprised Chef. "And I'll still have a paycheck!"

We go through a montage that cuts back and forth between Dawn sensing the lock, Harold providing her with more straws, Shawn using a stethoscope to figure out the lock (he just had one of those on him because he was always prepared) and Chris watching everything happen with great anxiety from the safety of the surveillance room. The host would go from biting his fingernails to hiding his eyes with his hands, only to uncover them and discover that the teens still weren't safe. By the time Harold had run out of bendy straws, the water was up to everyone's chins. Anne Maria kept shouting encouragement at her friend before the water had reached all the way up to the ceiling. But by then, Dawn had finally finished turning the lock.

The hatch swung open on its own and Dawn gestured for the others to follow after her as she swam out of the room. After all the Gaffers had evacuated, the water levels finally started going down and the other team was allowed to breathe once more. Chris was jumping for joy and cheering at the survival of his paycheck while an unbothered Chef just ate his chips like nothing had happened.

Meanwhile, the Grips were all gasping for air and coughing as their room was cleared. "You did it, Shawn!" Sierra cheered. "We're saved!"

"Uh, guys..." Everyone noticed that Shawn's hand was still on the lock and the hatch still wasn't opened. "I'm only halfway done".

The tension in the room suddenly became a lot more awkward. But Jasmine just smiled at the survivalist as he finished with the lock. "Thanks anyway, Shawn".

Cut to that night where we see all of the contestants sitting around a campfire outside of the trailers. Everyone was draped in towels and still drying off. There was a variety of emotions between each player. Some were unamused while others were traumatized. There was complete silence within the Grips. It was almost the same for the Gaffers until Gwen spoke up. "Hey, guys?" Everyone looked to her. "I'm sorry for snapping back there," she said with a less-than-proud tone. "I didn't mean to unload all my thoughts onto you and I shouldn't have insulted you guys. I'm not exactly the best with people".

"Eh, don't worry 'bout it," Anne Maria reassured her. "We were actin' kinda whiny back there".

"If anything, your yelling knocked some sense into us," said Mike.

"And that sounds pretty leader-y to me," Sammy said with a smile.

"Um, actually, ‘leader-y’ isn't a word". His uptight attitude vanished when he noticed his teammates glaring at him. "But Sammy's right".

"I wish I didn't have to say this to so many people, Gwen," Dawn began. "But you are not a letdown. Don't beat yourself up".

Not long ago, Gwen was feeling at her absolute lowest. Now, she felt higher than ever. "Thanks, guys. And for what it's worth, none of you are letdowns either". Sammy was the most fulfilled by this statement. "I think we did good today".

Unfortunately, the Grips weren't at the same levels of morale. "I don't know why," Kitty said as she sat beside Tom. "But I'm worried that I didn't do enough today".

Tom certainly didn't expect this. "Um, first of all, that's my line". Kitty chuckled at this. "Second, why would you say that?"

"I... don't know," Kitty confessed. "I just feel that way. I would always feel like this as a kid but it's been lingering all day for some reason". Remembering what Kitty's guidance counselor had told her, Sierra nervously looked away from everyone as she heard those words.

Thankfully, no one had time to linger on anything else as Chris McLean walked out to greet everyone. "Well, that was a pretty exciting day, huh?" No one said anything. They were too busy scowling at him. "First things first, it was so exciting that I've decided that this is a reward challenge now. That means no elimination". The Grips all breathed a collective sigh of relief. "And now lets see what the Gaffers have won..."

We cut to a visual of a pair of curtains rising, revealing... "An all-expenses paid trip to beautiful British Columbia!" It seemed ideal but nothing was ever that simple on Total Drama. "That's right! You’ll be staying at the luxurious inn upon the volcano! A charming lodge teetering on the edge of a little known active volcano on Vancouver Island!" And there it was. "To get you there, you'll be enjoying an exhilarating eight-day hike up the craggy, treacherous–"

"AW, HECK NO!" Anne Maria cut him off.

[static]

"I still can't believe we almost drowned!" Sammy vented. "What is wrong with this show?!" After a moment of thought, she admitted that "I'd actually prefer drowning to dying back at home".

[static]

"Dawn and I had it all under control," Harold stated. "I work best under pressure". The ginger snickered at his own pun. "Ha! Pressure. Get it? Like water pressure? I'm hilarious!"

[static]

"We'll just take some chips and pop, thank you very much," said Mike.

"Suit yourselves," Chris said with a shrug. "More money for my end-of-the-year bonus". With that, the host walked off.

After a few minutes, someone wheeled the chips and pop over to the Gaffers but it wasn't Chef and it wasn't an intern. "Special delivery!" a familiar voice announced. All the Gaffers turned their heads to see none other than...

"Brick!" Gwen exclaimed.

"You're okay!" Sammy gasped.

"Yes, siree!" Brick said, heartily. "Doc said it's okay to participate in the show, so long as I don't cause any further harm to my-" He was cut off when his teammates ran over to him and enveloped him in one big group hug. "Uh, guys? This is nice but my- Ow. Ow! OW, MY ARM!" The Gaffers all jumped off of him so they actually saw that his arm was in a cast and sling, as they'd been told before.

"Let's just have our snacks," Gwen said as Brick seethed in pain. While the others got their food, the goth leaned close to Dawn. "You wanna talk about how Anne Maria called you her girl earlier?"

Dawn turned vermillion at the question. "Maybe later".

But while they enjoyed their reward, one Grip member had snuck away from her team to talk to Chris McLean alone. "So, Sierra," Chris said as he and his biggest fan hid behind one of the trailers. "How goes the drama detail?"

"Oh, it's going great!" Sierra said, proudly. "I dug up Kitty's old fears from when she was a kid about being lazy and/or unmotivated".

"Interesting. What else?"

"Oh, that's it".

Chris was stunned by this update. "That's it?"

"Yep. Did I do good?"

Chris sighed in frustration. "Good? Yes. But we're not asking for good here. We're asking for great".

Sierra's face fell. "Oh, I'm so sorry, Chris! I didn't mean to let you down!"

"No, no, no! You didn't let me down," Chris was quick to say. He didn't need his spy spiraling. "I just... I just know that you're capable of so much more".

Sierra's eyes sparkled with hope. "You really mean that?"

"Of course I do," Chris lied through his teeth. "I just need you to keep doing what you're doing but more. And without getting caught".

"Oh, don't worry, Chris. No one suspects a thing!"

"Good, good," Chris nodded. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got something I have to take care of". Chris began walking off once again before he was stopped.

"Chris?"

"Yes, Sierra?"

"You, um... You weren't really going to let us drown, were you?"

"Of course not, Sierra!" Sierra smiled at this. "I wouldn't get paid if you guys drowned". With that, Chris finally departed.

To anyone else, this would be a confirmation that Chris McLean cared more about money than human lives. Or maybe they'd think that it was Chris trying to save face and not let people think he actually cared. But Sierra? "Oh, that's so Chris," she sighed, dreamily.

Chapter Text

~Recap~

"Last time on Total Drama Action, our competitors took it on the chin as they faced an all-you-can-eat buffet of deadly natural disasters. Such feasts included tomato soup, golf balls, and Chef's unpublished memoir. Brick's arm caught a taste of that one and now, he'll be spending the season in a cast and sling until further notice. Tension between the team members started heating up when the Gaffers started arguing but, luckily, we had a submarine tank simulator full of water to douse the flames in a waterlogged event that had all our competitors gasping for air. Sound tough? Get used to it! Because this time, it's all out war! It's a desperate battle for survival on Total! Drama! Action!"

~Theme Song~

Fade in on the morning as Kitty and Gwen ran through the lot to try and get to the bathroom. For some reason, Chef decided to serve blendies for breakfast and they were having some... effects on the players. "Hey, babe," Kitty said as she ran. "How're you doing? Anne Maria told me about what happened during the submarine challenge".

Gwen was surprised by this nugget of information. "What? Why? And since when did you talk to Anne Maria?"

"Well, she was talking to all the girls," Kitty elaborated. "She's kind of a gossip. You know that".

"Fair enough," Gwen said, flatly. "Anyway, I'm fine. But thanks for asking, Kit".

Kitty beamed as they finally made it to the facilities. "Anytime! Sorry I didn't ask sooner. I feel like we haven't gotten as many chances to talk as-"

"Oh, come on!" Gwen said, suddenly. As they entered the bathroom, they saw that there was a line consisting of Gwen's teammates: Harold, Mike, Anne Maria, Dawn and Sammy. To make matters worse, two of the three stalls were taped up and the one functioning stall was occupied.

"Hey, don't blame us!" Anne Maria said in defense. "Blame this dump of a show that can't afford a plunger!"

"No wonder they were so quick to let me back in after I called my lawyer," Mike quietly remarked.

"Plus, Chef's the one who made those blendies," Harold reminded them. "He did this to us".

"And yet, they were the best thing he's made so far," Sammy joked before burping. "The pizza doesn't count, does it?"

"No, it does not!" came a voice from inside the stall.

Kitty and Gwen recognized it instantly. "Hi, Brick!" Kitty cheerfully greeted. "How's it going?"

"Hi, Kitty," Brick greeted back. "I've... been better".

"Wait, what are you doing here, Dawn?" Gwen asked. "I thought all the blendies used meat".

"They did," Dawn confirmed. "But Chef made one just for me that was one part fruit and nine parts bran".

"Dawnie, I never judge you," said Anne Maria. "But that doesn't even sound food-esque".

"Well, I happen to think it was delicious," Dawn asserted. "Also, I'm very sorry".

"Sorry?" Gwen asked. "Sorry for wha- Oh, God!" She and everyone else held their nose as a certain foul stench lingered throughout the bathroom. "Why?!"

"At least warn us, Dawnie!"

"I did!" cried the moonchild.

"And to think I came here partially to get away from Rodney," Kitty remarked. "He had, like, five blendies". She shuddered with fear.

"Okay, no one's allowed to judge me for my eating habits ever again!" Harold said, definitively.

"I disagree," Mike and Sammy said in unison as they remembered the ‘incidents’ from the last season's special. They then stared at each other with love-struck eyes. "Aw, babe!" they said, still in unison. "We're so in sync!"

Kitty awed at their love while Gwen just rolled her eyes. "Well, this day's off to a great start," she snarked.

"Aw, crap! My arm" Brick exclaimed from behind the stall door.

"And the day just keeps getting better," Gwen mumbled. "You okay, Brick?"

"Yup! Yeah!" Brick stammered, sounding very embarrassed. "I was just... It's nothing!"

"Just tell us, flat top," an unamused Anne Maria demanded.

"Yeah, Brick," Sammy joined in. "You're with friends".

Brick sighed. Knowing that with everyone's concern over his injury, he had no choice but to admit the truth. "I hurt myself wiping," he awkwardly admitted. Harold snickered at this before Anne Maria elbowed him in the gut.

"Brick?" Gwen said his name like a mother who had just caught her child doing something they weren't supposed to. "Did you use your right hand?"

Brick took way too long to answer. "It's a force of habit!" he eventually defended himself.

Gwen pinched the bridge of her nose in frustration. "Brick, we've been over this. Your right arm's in a cast. You've gotta use your left".

"I'm sorry, okay?"

"Yeah, lay off of him, Ma!" Anne Maria joked.

"Very funny," Gwen monotoned.

"Actually, Anne Maria may have a point," said Dawn.

"I'm sorry, what?"

"Not to lay off of him," Dawn quickly clarified. "But rather her taunting nickname. Ever since I discovered that you taking the reigns during the acting challenge was due to spending your developing years working hard to make things easier for your mother, I realized that you became somewhat of a second parental figure to your brother". Gwen wasn't entirely comfortable with this conversation but she was very curious to see where Dawn was going with this. As such, she chose not to interrupt. "So I've come to the conclusion that you trying your best to lead and your easily-triggered yet caring frustration has led to you becoming something of a..." Dawn turned to Sammy. "How did you put it again?"

"Team Mom," Sammy chirped.

"Yes".

Kitty tried with the best of her ability not to break out into laughter as Gwen looked absolutely stunned. "Um... No? No".

"I dunno. Sounds like a classic found family ordeal to me," Mike teased.

"I will kill you".

"Aw, she sounds just like my Ma!" Anne Maria cooed. "Except my Ma's usually sayin' it to someone else".

"It's true, Gwen," Dawn went on. "Anne Maria and Harold are very close to their mothers and miss them dearly. Others like Sammy have a less-than-ideal relationship with their family. And Brick no longer has a mom".

"It's true!" Brick sounded off. "I don't!"

"So, in a way, you are sort of a ‘Team Mom’".

"This is the best day of my life," Kitty squeaked.

"Yeah, no," Gwen said, turning red. "No, this is just- No".

Mike sighed. "We're sorry, Gwen. We didn't mean to make you mad".

"What? No. I'm not mad. I'm just... I dunno... disappointed, I guess".

That did it. "Team Mom!" the other Gaffers chanted. "Team Mom! Team Mom!"

Gwen groaned at the chanting. "Oh, for the love of-"

"Team Mom!" the Gaffers and also Kitty continued to chant. "Team Mom! Team Mom!"

"Kit, you're not even on our team!"

"It's a catchy chant!"

"Okay, screw you guys! I'm going in the woods!" The frustrated goth marched out of frame.

"Ow!" Brick suddenly whined.

Gwen poked her head back into frame. "Left arm!"

[static]

"When I first came to this show, I didn't want to make any friends. Now, I'm their mom," Gwen recounted. "I don't know how it happened either".

[static]

Not much later, all fifteen of the remaining campers stood outside, lined-up single file. Chris was wearing sunglasses and a combat helmet while Chef, much to everyone's horror, was dressed in his boot camp uniform from the previous season. "Today, we're all about war movies!" Chris announced. "So look alive, you-"

"BUCKETS OF HORSE DOO-DOO!" Chef finished.

"And get ready for the first death-defying challenge, you-"

"DISGUSTING, SLIMY CRUSTACEANS!"

"Move it, privates! Fall in!"

"Sir! Yes, sir!" everyone responded.

[static]

"I have very mixed feelings about today's challenge," said Brick.

[static]

"I am so pumped up!" Shawn declared. "I'm more than capable of some good ol' fashioned guerilla combat! No one'll ever see me coming and there's nothing I won't miss!"

Stephanie suddenly jumped out from behind him and screamed "ZOMBIE!" Shawn shrieked at the top of his lungs but the audience only heard about a second of it before the confessional ended.

[static]

"I'm so pumped!" Harold whooped as the two two teams walked together. "My squad in ‘Battlefront’ has won ten online multiplayer gaming titles. The secret to our success? Teamwork!"

Kitty gasped with recognition. "Dude, you play ‘Battlefront’? I love that game!"

"No way! We should totally team-up sometime!"

"Totally!" Kitty stopped her fangirling when Stephanie walked over and yanked on one of her ponytails. "Ow! What the heck?!"

"Stop being so chummy with the enemy, girly," Stephanie chastised her. "We've got a challenge to win and a team to crush!"

"You won't be cocky when I bust out my deadly num-yo" the geeky redhead proclaimed. He busted out his ‘deadly num-yo’, which was just two yo-yos tied together so they could function as non-lethal nun-chucks.

"Didn't you have a pair of actual nun-chucks?" Kitty asked.

"I have to use toys now due to parental complaints," Harold explained before putting his more determined facade back on. "No longer must we live in fear of ninja attacks! Not when I'm carrying this bad boy! I will defeat all enemies! And smite them with dishonor!" Harold began spinning both sides on the num-yo like they were nun-chucks. He didn't even hit himself on the head this time.

Annoyed by his grunting and chanting, Stephanie picked up a twig that was next to her feet. "I'm just gonna throw this at him".

Before she could, Leshawna walked over and smacked the twig out of her hand. "No, no," she said. "I wanna see how long he can do this".

Harold, who was now almost as red as his num-yo, nearly froze at Leshawna's words. He nearly froze when he saw her smiling at his feats. He didn't freeze but he did get distracted long enough to accidentally hit himself in the crotch. "My nether regions!" he cried!"

A cackling Stephanie walked off while Kitty shuffled away. Leshawna covered her eyes with her hand, not wanting to look as Harold fell to the ground, his hand on his pained area. She walked away, embarrassed for him and for herself. Gwen walked over while the others kept trucking along. "So... you okay, guy?" she asked her teammate.

Harold was seething in pain. "Leshawna didn't... see that, did she?"

"Uh... no," Gwen fibbed. "No, she did not".

After an establishing shot of the fake Wawanakwan cliff, we see all the contestants inside of some sort of craft. They were also blindfolded. "Okay, people! Remove your blindfolds!" Chris instructed them. As they did so, he revealed himself. "When it comes to making a war movie, jumping out of an airplane is the most dangerous stunt there is". Chris opened a box next to him that was full of parachutes. He then opened the door to reveal that they were up in the air. "So naturally, it's our first challenge!"

Everyone gasped at this revelation... except for Rodney. He just sighed. And that didn't go unnoticed by Sierra. "Hey, buddy," she addressed him. "What's wrong? You're not usually like this".

"It's nothing," Rodney said sullenly. "It's just... I miss Jacques, you know?"

Sierra didn't know. She was still stunned that anyone would miss Jacques in general, let alone not realize that he was just using the people around him. Then again, Rodney was a bit slow. "Oh, that's a shame," she said in the most convincing way possible. "But also... why?"

"Because he was my friend," Rodney answered. "And I feel like he was the only one here to really believe in me".

"Well, I'm your friend too, remember? And I believe in you!"

Rodney lifted his head. "Really?"

"Of course! We outran a moose together, remember? We're friends to the end!"

"Thanks. Although, to be honest, I kinda forgot that we're friends sometimes. I haven't seen you as much lately. Like, you've been wandering off a lot the last couple days".

The cogs in Sierra's brain began to turn. She actually did view Rodney as a friend, especially after Cody basically made it happen during last season's special. And with Cody being on another team and then eliminated, Rodney was really the only friend she had. But then Jacques tried to make the farm-boy his monkey. And Sierra was dealing with working for her idol. They'd barely spoken at all that season. But Sierra wasn't going to let that happen. She never had friends growing up and Cody was the only other person on the show that she was actually friends with. So she wasn't going to let this go. That also meant that she couldn't reveal her big secret to Rodney. "I've been... strategizing," she finally said. It wasn't exactly a lie so she didn't feel too guilty with this response. "Yeah, that's it. I've been strategizing".

"Aw, we are friends!" Rodney guffawed. "Get in here, you!" He pulled Sierra into a very tight hug.

"You're... very... strong..." she gasped.

"Drop zone approaching!" Chris announced. "Form a line! It's time to par-tay!"

"What, now?!" Mike shouted. "Don't stunt people have to undergo weeks of training before they parachute?"

"They sure do, Mike! But today, we're just gonna skip right to the good part: jumping!"

Sammy held onto her boyfriend tightly. "Mike, I'm gonna need you to carry me out because I'm too terrified to jump on my own!"

"But what if I'm too terrified to jump on my own?!" asked Mike.

"OMG, Chris!" Sierra squealed. "This is just like the behind-the-scenes of The Life and Times of Ernest Miller Hemingway in Approximately 3½ Hours! You told the stuntman you wanted to jump out of the plane by yourself and then you ended up in a cast! It was just like the movie except you didn't fall in love with a nurse!"

"Sierra," Chris interjected. "I really don't wanna talk about that movie, okay? But thanks for reminding me of the fact that there were no parachutes in World War I!"

"So what do we do now?" Shawn asked.

"Simple!" Chris shoved the box of parachutes out of the plane, shocking everyone. "You jump!"

"If you say so, Chris!" Sierra proclaimed before gleefully jumping out of the craft, horrifying the rest.

"I was always afraid she'd go out like that!" cried a shocked Jasmine.

"Wait for me, friend!" Rodney shouted as he ran after her... out of the craft.

It was important to note that Rodney was the heaviest contestant on the show by a large margin. So when he jumped out of the plane, there was a massive weight imbalance. The plane ended up tilting over to where no one had to jump because everyone ended up sliding out of the door to their certain deaths... except it was all a ruse. It turned out that they were never in the air and they weren't even in a real airplane. It was a fake aircraft without wings that was hanging from the ceiling and being rattled around. Chef had giant fans pointed at it to give off the illusion of being airborne. Chris even cared about the players' safety for once and everyone landed on a large mattress.

"You see, guys?" Sierra asked. "This is why we need to put more trust in Chris".

"Sierra," Stephanie groaned. "One more word about Chris and I will smack you".

Chef turned off the fans so that Chris could give more instructions. "Let's roll, soldiers! Because the second part of this challenge is gonna blow your minds! And everything else within a fifty foot radius!"

Cut to somewhere in Camp Wawanakwa where the two teams were placed away from each other while having some sort of protective shield next to them. Given to both teams were piles of... "Bombs?" asked Kitty. "Why are you giving us bombs? Who thought it was a good idea to give you bombs?"

Shawn lightly tapped against the nose of one of the so-called ‘bombs’. "Nothing to worry about, teamie. These babies are just paint bombs".

"That's correct, Shawn," said Chris. "We've divided the camp into two halves. Most creative and controlled splatter wins!"

Chris had already given this spiel to the Gaffers, who were discussing what direction to go in. "I don't know," said Gwen. "My vandal days are long behind me. Unless you count locker decoration".

"We don't," Anne Maria said, bluntly.

"I believe I should take the lead on this challenge," Harold volunteered. "I'm a bit of a chem expert and, after all, what is an explosion other than the chemical reaction of trinitrotoluene decomposing at C7H5N3O6, 3N2 plus 5H2O plus 7CO?"

Before anyone could respond with a confused "What?", Sammy responded with "I know, right?"

"So like," Mike said to his girlfriend. "When Amy sidelined you during cheer, did that mean you also had more time to work on your chem homework?"

"Yeah. How'd you know?"

"Well, then why don't you and I take charge, Sammy? You're knowledgeable about this sort of thing and I've got a ton of experience in blocking".

Anne Maria leaned close to her best friend. "What is-"

"He knows where to place things," Dawn answered before Anne Maria could finish.

"But I just volunteered," Harold complained.

"Well we've got the knowhow and Mike knows where to put them," said Sammy. "Maybe we could both help him?"

"But he's just stepping over-"

Before Harold could finish, Gwen butted in. "No. No, we're not devolving into another argument. Harold, you and Sammy are helping Mike".

"See?" Mike said. "Was that so hard?"

"...and Brick," Gwen finished.

"Aw, what?"

Gwen pointed at Brick, who was already directing Anne Maria and Dawn on where to place one of the bombs. "He's trained for combat. He knows his stuff just like you guys know yours. This is a team effort, remember?"

"Yeah, okay," Mike sighed. "Sorry, Harold".

"It's fine," said the ginger.

"Alright," Gwen nodded. "Now let's get to work".

"Yes, ma'am!" Harold and Mike saluted.

"Yes, Mom!" Sammy saluted before Gwen glared daggers at her. "I'm sorry!"

Meanwhile, Tom was giving this whole ‘team captain’ thing another shot as he stepped into view in a brand new outfit. The top seemed like an appropriate military uniform, which would make one wonder why he'd be wearing it. Then, the camera panned out to reveal that he was wearing a skirt. This was not a military uniform. It was a costume from a Halloween store whose woman's costumes were all scantily clad versions of professions or famous characters for some reason. But now, Tom was wearing it on national television and he was very proud of it. "Alright, troops!" he proclaimed to his team. "It is time for us to choose a battlefield that affords us-"

He was cut off by Leshawna's failure to stifle a laugh. "Boy, what the heck are you wearing?" she chuckled.

"Just because we're at war doesn't mean I can't look fabulous, Leshawna!" Tom sniped. "I figured you of all people would understand!"

Sierra was snapping several pictures on her phone. "Ooh, the blogosphere is gonna go wild for this!"

"You really are perfect for Jacques," Rodney stated.

"Thank you," Tom said before catching himself. "I mean, shut up. Now that we're all accounted for-"

"Actually," Jasmine interjected. "Stephanie took off while you were changing. Said it was important".

"It better have been!" Stephanie shouted from off-screen. She ran into the shot, carrying a large bag of flour. "I could have vandalized Chef's kitchen but I was told to only steal flour for some reason!" She dropped the bag next to Shawn's feet. "So what's the deal?"

"It's the final ingredient for my smoke bomb!" Shawn explained. "We may need it. We're at war!"

"Cool!" Jasmine exclaimed. "Do you..." The seven-foot-tall girl felt a little bit shy. "Do you need help with it?"

Shawn almost melted upon hearing Jasmine's offer. "Oh, uh... I mean... I guess so. Yes. Yeah, you can help. It'll... It'll probably go faster with two people".

"Okay, lovebirds!" Tom spoke over them. "Let's get back to the task at hand!"

"Lovebirds?" Jasmine questioned.

"Actually, I'm not- We're not-" Shawn stammered.

Tom simply ignored them. "Look, my talent of coordinating clothing surely means I'll be successful at coordinating where we put these paint bombs. So everyone stop talking about flour and my fabulous Halloween costume and focus!"

It was ironic that Tom had just told them to focus because the mere mention of Halloween set off a domino effect in Kitty's brain and her thoughts began to drift elsewhere. What was she going to be for Halloween, she thought. Would she be done with the show by Halloween? She probably would be but, then again, Total Drama Island lasted the whole summer. And then, she was immediately thrown into a second season. God, time really goes by fast. Just like how it'll be Halloween within the blink of an eye. Would Gwen do a couple's costume with her? Probably not. Gwen didn't seem like the type. Plus, it was long-distance. Not that long-distance relationships couldn't work but what would the point of a couple's costume be if you weren't with your partner? Whatever, she decided. It's not like this was a deal-breaker. It wasn't gonna be like when Jake dumped Emma rather than try long-distance. God, she missed Emma. She missed her sister so much that she was almost wishing that she was putting up with the five-hundredth rant about how Kitty needs to work harder and do better at school right now. Oh, wow. School had already started and she wasn't with her friends. She missed them too. But she didn't miss school. And she definitely wasn't looking forward to trying to do catch-up when the show ended and she had to start the school year late. She was already known for turning in assignments late and not paying attention in classes and-

Wait. Paying attention. That was a thing she should be doing right now.

"And that's the plan?" Tom finished. "Any questions?" Kitty immediately raised her hand. "Yes, Private Kitty?"

"Okay, so I totally get what we're going for. But, like, could you repeat it for anyone who wasn't paying attention? Not me, obviously but..." She gestured to Rodney with her eyes. The farm-boy had walked off and began moving the paint bombs behind the protective shield. "You know..."

"Of course!" Tom beamed. "So what we're gonna do is-"

"Time's up!" Chris announced as he walked over. Most of the team members suddenly had panic in their eyes. "Uh-oh, looks like you didn't even get started".

Rodney poked his head out from behind the shield. "Okay, guys. I moved all the bombs so we can start-"

"The explosion!" Kitty suddenly interrupted. "Thanks, big guy! This was our plan all along! Just one big bomb pile! Right, guys?" Everyone else nodded. After all, it was the only thing they could do now that they were out of time.

"Okay, then," Chris said, not fully believing their story but not really caring.

[static]

"Yeah, if the assignment ends up overdue and my ‘thriving under pressure’ strategy doesn't work out, then I just cobble something together and hope for the best," Kitty explained.

[static]

Chris went over to the Gaffers. "Are we ready?"

The detonator was handed over to Sammy. "Ready as we'll ever be," she said. She pressed down on the handle and the resulting splatters from the explosions of paint resulted in a large green Screaming Gaffers insignia across the field.

"Alright, good work. Showing some team pride. Now it's back to the Grips".

"Are we ready to blow it up?" Chris asked the Grips.

"Oh, definitely," said Leshawna, even though no one on the team felt that confident.

"I wanna press it," Stephanie said eagerly as she held tightly on the detonator's handle. "I wanna press it. Can I press it? Let me press it!"

"Just press the dang thing!" Leshawna snapped.

She didn't have to be told twice. She pressed down on the handle and... nothing happened. "Well, folks," said Chris. "Looks like we’re having some technical diff-" Suddenly, the explosives went off and they were massive. The problem? They were right next to the shield. Thus, the powerful paint explosion ended up blowing the shield, Chris and the Grips back by several feet. They all ended up getting splattered in paint as well.

"That sure was explosive. Right, Chris?" Sierra asked.

"Explosive? Yes. Creative and controlled? Not so much.

[static]

"I feel like this is my fault," said Kitty. "I should have paid attention".

[static]

"I feel like this is my fault," said Tom. "I wasted way too much time changing. Totally worth it, though".

[static]

"I feel like this is my fault," said Rodney. "I should've moved them even more".

[static]

"I feel like this is my fault," said Stephanie. "I should've taken charge. I left? I can't just leave and then let these idiots do whatever. I mean, look what happened!"

[static]

"The Gaffers are victorious!" Chris proclaimed as the Screaming Gaffers all jumped for joy. Brick tried to raise both his arms in the air, only to immediately regret it, much to the concern and frustration of his teammates. "It is my honor to present your prize". Chef wheeled over the prize. It was a trunk with lifts on the sides and wings on top to make it look like the Ark of the Covenant. However, its similarities ended there. Rather than gold, the trunk was red and covered in stars, butterflies and flowers. "The Trunk of Mind-Blowing Secrets! You'll be defending it with your very lives when we return to more... Total! Drama! Action!"

Fade back to Chris and the contestants not long after the Grips had cleaned themselves off from the paint explosion. "Contestants, get ready to begin your next war challenge. It's a giant game of Capture the Flag! Except in this case, the flag is the Trunk of Mind-Blowing Secrets!" As Chris mentioned it by name, the Trunk was given a nice glowing effect while heavenly music played in the background. "There's only one way to learn what's in the trunk, and that's to win the challenge. Since the Grips don't have a flag of their own, the Gaffers could win by defeating all members of the opposing team. The Grips can win the same way or by successfully taking the Trunk back to your territory. As your reward, we'll give you immunity from tonight's vote. And... a peek inside! But be ready because the secrets inside will blow your brain to bits!"

"But I need my brain," said Harold.

"Not to worry," said Chris. "A roll of tape will be provided so you can piece the grey matter back together".

Cut to Chris and the Gaffers at their designated side on the campgrounds. "Gaffers, this is your base camp!" Chris informed them. There was a large white sheet with the Gaffers logo covering something that was even larger than Chef. "Our set decoration team wanted to build you guys a towering castle full of defensive possibilities..." The Gaffers, especially Harold and Mike, were excited by this news. "But they went to see a movie instead". The Gaffers, especially Harold and Mike, deflated. "So we're gonna give you this!" Chef pulled the cover off to reveal a crummy old shack that was only bigger than the confessional outhouses. "I think it's a tool shed". A gust of wind hit the tool shed, causing it to collapse into bits. All that were left was a bunch of shovels and several pieces of wood. "Was a tool shed". Chris shrugged it off, as this wasn't his problem. "Good luck!"

"Well, this is just great," Gwen remarked after the host had walked off. "How are we supposed to defend this thing when we don't even have a fort?"

Brick let out a hearty laugh. "We don't need a fort! During some of the greatest wars in history, troops have defended much more with much less. This is a battle the Screaming Gaffers can easily win!"

"And how the heck are we gonna do that?" Anne Maria prodded.

"By doing what we in the theater always do when we've got almost nothing to work with," Mike chimed in. "We improvise!"

"I can do that!" Harold said. He walked over to the broken tool shed and grabbed a shovel. Then, an idea formed. "I got it! In WWI, they always had those underground hiding places".

"Foxholes!" Brick realized. "Of course!" He grabbed a shovel while the others walked over. "Come on, team! Let's get to-" Before Brick could finish, Gwen snatched the shovel from his left hand. "What gives?"

"‘What gives’?" Gwen repeated in disbelief. "Brick, why do we have to keep reminding you that one of your arms is broken?"

Brick looked at his right arm, as if he'd completely forgotten that it was in a cast and sling. "I'm sorry, Gwen. I'm just not used to not helping out, I guess".

Gwen, who always helped out around her house, felt sympathy for her friend and eased up a little. "Look, just think of this as a chance to relax for once. So just sit back and let us dig this hole... in the ground..." It was at that moment that Gwen had fully processed the agreed upon plan. "We're gonna hide... in a hole in the ground..." It was then that Gwen fainted.

[static]

"Okay, so Brick's still recovering from an injury and Gwen's having an episode," said Harold. "That doesn't mean we're going to lose! We've still got Mike's improv skills, Anne Maria and Sammy's strength, Dawn's smarts and my trusty num-yo. We're gonna win this war or my name isn't Harold Norbert Cheever Doris McGrady V!" Harold realized what he had just said. "You never heard the ‘Doris’ part!"

[static]

"It's okay," Gwen reasoned with herself. "There's gonna be an opening. I won't technically be buried alive. It's gonna be..." She trailed off before she threw her head on the desk. "Oh, god, why did I ever audition for this stupid show?"

[static]

Meanwhile, Jasmine was helping Shawn finish up their smoke bomb. The last thing they had to do was pour in some flour. Shawn held it steady while Jasmine did the pouring. "Impressive," Shawn commented. "I'm no detective but something tells me this isn't your first time making a smoke bomb".

"Well, you can never be too prepared, you know?" Jasmine said.

Shawn was in awe. "That's... basically my philosophy".

Jasmine smiled and tucked her hair behind both ears at the same time. "It's mine too".

"Boy, they sure do like each other, huh?" Rodney observed as he and the other Grips watched them from a reasonable distance. "Their souls connect like two halves of a locket".

"You know, I can never figure out whether or not you're really smart or really dumb," Leshawna told him.

"Thank you!"

"Don't get too excited about them hooking up," Stephanie told her teammates. "They're both smart enough to know that making bonds just welcomes betrayal and heartbreak. They're just having a moment of weakness is all".

"You do know that you were the one who screwed over your friendship with Anne Maria and Dawn last season, right?" Kitty asked.

"Yes".

"So instead of working on yourself, you just decided to have almost no friends at all?"

"Basically".

Leshawna rolled her eyes. "Of course you did," she mumbled.

[static]

"So it sounds like Stephanie's still a little hung up about last season," Sierra noted. "That could be useful to stir up some drama. But she is my teammate... Actually, Chris would want me to rile up my teammate. It's good for drama!"

[static]

While Dawn, Mike, Sammy, Anne Maria and Harold continued to dig the foxhole, Gwen and Brick stood to the side. Brick was simply observing but Gwen was pacing back and forth in a panic. "It's gonna be okay," she squirmed. "It's gonna be okay. It's gonna be-"

"You don't actually believe that, do you?" Brick asked.

"Is it really that obvious?"

Dawn, unable to focus due to the energy Gwen's aura was giving off, walked over to the pair. "I understand that you have some reservations about hiding in a role in the ground, Gwen. But it's our best chance at winning the challenge".

"I know," Gwen breathed. "I know". She then grabbed Dawn by the shoulders and anxiously shook her. "But I don't wanna do this!"

After Dawn recovered from her dizziness, a lightbulb went off over her head. "Why don't I try something? It'll keep you in bliss while we dig and while we're in the foxhole".

Gwen turned to Brick to gauge his opinion. "Don't look at me," said the jarhead. "She's asking you".

Gwen turned back to Dawn as she racked her brain to come up with an answer. "Um... sure?"

This was not the answer Dawn was looking for. "Gwen, I need an exact answer. I cannot do this without your full consent-"

"Okay, fine! Yes! I consent! Just do whatever you need to-" Gwen didn't finish her answer once Dawn placed her index finger on the goth's forehead. Her touch was gentle but she was using just enough force to try her method on Gwen. Before she knew what was happening, the forest and the other Gaffers melted away from Gwen's view and she found herself in a psychedelic vortex of color. She heard a harp playing in the background as she felt her brain relax and dissolve whatever anxieties it had.

And it worked wonders as we pan away from Gwen's face to reveal that she was still in this kaleidoscopic bliss when she and her teammates were already in their finished foxhole. Dawn's finger was still on her forehead in order to keep the goth at bay. "I think we're in the clear, everyone".

"Good job, Dawn," Brick complimented her. "It's an honor serving with you".

"B-T-Dubs," said Anne Maria. "If anyone farts in here, ya getting voted off". Everyone agreed to this condition.

Cut to Shawn and and Jasmine showing off their finished smoke bomb to the others. Most of them were impressed. Others, not so much. "Why did we stop for that?" asked Stephanie.

"For once, I agree with her," said Leshawna. "Why do we even need a smoke bomb?"

"You never know when you need the element of surprise," said Shawn. "That's why it's a surprise".

"And besides," Jasmine added. "With someone like Dawn on the team, we might need the element of surprise".

"See that?" said Tom. "That's good strategizing. Speaking of which, I have an idea. In case they end up defeating all of us on their side, at least one of us should stay behind so they don't win by default. Now, we have to be fair about this so-"

"You do it," all the other Grips said at once.

"Aw, you guys!" Tom blushed. "That's so thoughtful. Wait, is this because I'm the captain or because I'm the weakest".

"Yes," all the other Grips said at once.

Tom rolled his eyes. "Ugh, fine. But in that case..." He pointed to Jasmine. "You're gonna have to take charge. There's no one else I'd trust with this".

Jasmine saluted, although it was partially in good humor. "I won't let you down".

"I know you won't. I also know that I'm gonna need a bodyguard".

"Not it," Stephanie said instantly. "I wanna fight".

"If it helps, I wasn't gonna pick you anyway. No, it can't just be someone tough. I need someone... unexpected".

Cut to later where Jasmine and a handful of the Grips had gone down the hill to the Gaffers' base camp. Accompanying Jasmine was Kitty, Leshawna, Stephanie and Rodney. Sierra, Tom and Shawn were nowhere to be seen. Jasmine knelt down on the ground to find any traces that the Gaffers had left behind before they vanished into thin air. Unfortunately, there was only one thing she found to be particularly noteworthy. "That's interesting," she said to herself. "This trail of grass is flatter than the rest of the plain. Almost like they had to drag somebody away".

Inside the foxhole, the somebody they had to drag away was stirred from her peaceful trance. "Man, I just had the weirdest dream," Gwen yawned. "I was in this..." As Gwen's eyes adjusted, she began to take note of her surroundings. "Guys, where are we?"

Dawn had stepped away from Gwen to peek out from the foxhole's leafy cover. She turned back to her teammate when she sensed her awakening. "I apologize, Gwen," she whispered. "I have to focus on the Grips. They're right above us".

"I think we can do this, troops," Brick said to his team. "We just have to remain silent".

It was a good strategy. The problem was they were in a hole in the ground with someone whose biggest fear was being buried alive. "I need air!" Gwen gasped at a low enough volume that the Grips couldn't hear her. "I need to get out of here". She ran for the opening in a panic but she was held back by Anne Maria and Mike.

"Nah, Gothie!" said Anne Maria. "Don't blow this for us!"

"Just breathe what you can," Mike said, much more calmly. "You'll be fine. This'll all be over soon".

As Gwen calmed down and took her breaths, Rodney walked by. The farm-boy thought that he'd heard whispers in that area but he looked both ways as if he were waiting to cross the street and didn't notice anything. He shrugged his shoulders and kept on walking. After her breaths, Gwen stepped away from the opening and tried to keep calm while the others all continued to stay quiet. However, it was worth noting that Gwen had come the closest to actually leaving the foxhole. This meant that, for a moment, she was visible. Not to anyone's eyes, though. Only if you were really looking, like if you were up in a tree to get a better look at the grounds.

The reason Sierra wasn't with the others was because she volunteered to go up in the trees to get a better look at the grounds. She thought her eyes were playing tricks on her for a moment but she knew that she'd seen a brief glimpse of Gwen's eyes. As she looked, she thought about the logistics. Why would she see Gwen's eyes in the ground? That would mean that was underground and was either trying to get a good look at the other team or trying to get out. It would make sense. Gwen was terrified of being underground. That must have been it. They were underground. She stared at where she'd seen the pair of eyes before she noticed a small opening in the grass.

"CAW-CAW!" she sounded off to the other Grips from her tree branch. "CAW-CAW!"

"What is she doing now?" Leshawna asked.

"Wow! She's so good!" Rodney awed.

"She knows she didn't tell us she was gonna give a signal, right?" asked Jasmine.

"There's a lot of things she doesn't know," Stephanie sighed. "And a lot of things she shouldn't know but knows anyway".

Sierra, frustrated that no one was taking her hint, decided to take things into her own hands. She jumped down from the branch and onto where she thought the grassy cover was. It turned out she was a few feet off. After spitting out grass and dirt, she leapt again and jumped through the grassy cover, leaving a Sierra-shaped hole.

The Gaffers were in shock at this unexpected intrusion. Gwen, who was lying on the ground, shot up at the noise. "What the heck just happened?"

Sierra sat upright after her landing. "That was softer than I thought," she remarked.

Harold, who she'd landed on, groaned in pain. "Why... me?"

"Guys!" Sierra shouted up to the others. "Guys, they're down here! They're down-"

Anne Maria charged at Sierra and tackled her to the ground. But Sierra wasn't one to go down without a fight. The two of them continued to scuffle while everyone else panicked.

"What do we do?!" Sammy panicked. "Do we run?! Can we outrun Jasmine?!"

"We're not running!" Harold insisted. "Never give up! Never surrender!"

In the chaos, Jasmine ran over to the foxhole and threw the cover off, fully exposing all the Gaffers. "She was right!" she proclaimed as the other Grips joined her.

"Oh, crap," Mike murmured.

Stephanie pounded her fist against her palm. "This'll be a cakewalk," she chuckled.

However, the so-called cakewalk ended just as soon as it began once Kitty had noticed Gwen. "Gwenny?" she asked. "You put Gwen in a hole in the ground?"

"...yes?" Brick squeaked.

"YOU PUT MY GIRLFRIEND IN A HOLE IN THE GROUND?!"

"Kit, we don't have time for this!" Leshawna reprimanded her. "We need to-"

In her rage, Kitty grabbed the smoke bomb from Jasmine. "Kitty, stop!" said the Aussie.

Dawn jumped in front of the Trunk of Mind-Blowing Secrets. "Everybody, run!" she ordered her teammates.

Most of the Gaffers tried to leap out of the foxhole as Kitty raised the smoke bomb. Jasmine was about to grab it from her. It would've been easy. She was so much taller than Kitty that she could've just snatched it right there. But Kitty's reflexes were fast. She shouted "EAT THIS, SUCKER!" and threw the smoke bomb to the ground.

As the smoky flour engulfed the contestants, Gwen managed to crawl her way out of the foxhole. The terror from having been underground mixed with the suffocating chaos that had erupted caused her to nearly have a panic attack. Her breathing grew heavier and heavier but she managed to keep herself down to Earth. It was all still too much. Any noise around her was cut out as her anxiety heightened.

She looked to see a frightened Sammy hiding behind a tree, holding her legs. Gwen turned to see Rodney charging before Mike and Anne Maria jumped him. They tried to bring the giant ginger down before another sort of smoke bomb went off. Rodney's downing of the blendies that Chef served at breakfast had finally caught up to him and the three of them disappeared behind a cloud of green smoke. Mike and Anne Maria soon reappeared, choking and gasping for air. Disgusted and horrified by that, Gwen's eyes continued to dart around the field. She saw Brick trudging through the fight. His cast-clad arm was hanging down. He searched the ground for his sling before he finally found it. But the pain and shock from everything made the simple act of picking up a sling quite strenuous. When he finally retrieved it, he didn't put it on. He just kept on trudging.

It was all too much for Gwen to process. The only thing that could help them now was luck. Gwen wasn't superstitious but she found herself reaching for her lucky blender necklace charm anyway. But it wasn't there. It must have fallen. Her hands swept through the grass but it was thankfully just a few feet away from her. She struggled to put it back around her neck but she kept trying until she had succeeded. When she looked up, she saw that Harold had run up to her. He was asking her something but she couldn't hear him. There was still an absence of sound until, all at once, it finally came back.

"I SAID ‘WHAT THE HECK DO WE DO NOW, GWEN?!’" Harold shouted.

Gwen took one last deep breath, looked around the battlefield and came to a realization. "There's still one way we can win, Harold," she said with determination. She pointed over the hill. "We get everyone!"

Harold nodded and readied his num-yo. "Let's do this. To battle!"

Gwen and Harold began running off but it was only a few seconds before Stephanie had grabbed them both by the necks and held them up in the air. "Where do you think you're going?"

Mike saw this and charged over with a victorious battle cry. He tried to deliver a sweeping kick to Stephanie's legs but she was too strong for it to work. Mike still felt it though. He writhed on the ground, holding his leg and moaning in pain. While he didn't take Stephanie down, he did manage to distract her. "Oh, I know you did not just try that!" she exclaimed. She threw Gwen and Harold to the ground before beating the snot out of the theatre kid. Seeing their chance, the goth and the geek ran off once again.

Dawn was the only Gaffer left in the foxhole. She was petrified. All the negative energy surrounding her was too much. She was frozen with fear until she saw Brick trudge back into the fox hole still holding the sling rather than putting it back on. "Brick, are you okay?!"

"I'd say ‘yes’ but I think you'd know I'm lying," Brick groaned as he plopped himself against the trunk. "I wish I could help. This is what I was trained for!"

"This is the opposite of what I've trained for!" said Dawn. "I'm not a fighter! I'm a peacekeeper!"

Brick put his left hand on Dawn's shoulder. "Then go out there and keep the peace. The Dawn way".

"No," Dawn refused. "No, I can't leave you here to suffer!"

Suddenly, Mike was thrown afar by Stephanie and he landed with his back on the trunk. "Ow, my bones..." he groaned.

Dawn got an idea. "Mike, you have to protect Brick and the trunk. I know you can do this!"

"I can?"

"Yes! Now, if you excuse me, I have to keep the peace!" Dawn hopped out of the foxhole and climbed through the grass like a real soldier.

Mike was left alone with Brick and his own doubts. "How am I supposed to be a guard? I barely held my own against Stephanie!"

"Then, fight her as Svetlana," Brick suggested. "Or Vito. Or Manitoba-"

"I can't!" Mike confessed. "I got back in because I was Vito. I can do the voices for, like, a minute but I can't actually stay in character for too long or else I'm gonna get kicked out! I need to focus up if I wanna do the traits while just being Mike!"

"Didn't we already go through this?" Brick asked in between his groans of pain. "Didn't Jasmine tell you that it didn't matter and that it was all you anyway?"

"Yeah, but I always need to remind myself of it and that requires focus! And I don't know if you noticed but this is a pretty tense moment!"

"Then stay focused! Channel them! Do what you have to do!"

"But I need to look after you!"

"KITTY! NOBLE!" Kitty announced herself as she ran towards them with her arm out. Brick and Mike flinched and braced themselves for what was to come.

But before Kitty could try and take the trunk from them. Sammy ran up behind her and knocked her out with a tree branch. "I'm sorry!" she winced to the unconscious Kitty.

Meanwhile, Gwen and Harold were running for the Grips' base camp before they heard a familiar voice crying out for help. "Harold!" Harold ground to a halt and looked over his shoulder to find Leshawna crawling towards them. "Help me! Please!"

"Leshawna!" Harold cried. "I'm coming, Sweetie-Pumpkin!"

"Harold, no!" Gwen shouted as Harold ran towards his love. "We need to get going!"

Harold knelt down beside Leshawna and held her head in her hands. "Leshawna, my darling! Are you okay?"

Leshawna let out a few weak coughs. "I don't think I can keep going, baby. This might be it". Tears welled in Harold's eyes. "I just have to say..."

"No!" Harold cried. "No, not like this!"

"I... always..." Leshawna stopped her ‘confession’ when Sierra ran up behind Harold and kicked him in the groin. He fell over in pain once more while Leshawna dropped the act and got back to her feet. "Sorry, Sugarboo. But all's fair in love and war". With that, Leshawna and the war paint-wearing Sierra ran back towards the Gaffers.

Gwen ran over to Harold, spit out a tooth and then knelt down beside him. "Yeah, she jumped me while you guys were talking," she informed him. "Now, come on. We've got a challenge to win".

Harold was still reeling from the pain. "No. Go on without me. Don't look back".

"What? No! I can't do this alone!"

Harold extended his hand out to Gwen, offering her his most powerful weapon. "Take the num-yo, Gwen".

"...no".

"Take it!"

"Harold, I'm- I'm not taking the num-yo".

"But you're the only one worthy of carrying it! We rocked out to the Beastie Boys together!"

"I can't carry it for you!" Gwen snapped at him. After a beat, she decided to take matters into her own hands. "But I can carry you!" She scooped Harold up into her arms and began carrying him towards the top of the hill.

Back at the battle, Rodney just... ran around the base camp, unsure of what he was actually supposed to do. At one point, he stumbled upon a rock and decided that it would do. He picked it up, ready to fight, before Dawn appeared out of nowhere and knocked him out with yet another nerve pinch. Sierra, who'd just arrived, saw everything. "Rodney!" she cried. She could have tried to go up against Dawn herself but an idea suddenly popped into her head.

Stephanie had made it back to the foxhole and kept trying to punch Sammy as she guarded Mike, Brick and the trunk. The cheerleader managed to dodge every hit with the tree branch but there was only so much she could do. "Mikey!" Sammy cried to her boyfriend, who was meditating with his eyes closed. "We need you in this fight! But also, take your time!"

"Stephanie!" Sierra called from afar. "You'll never guess who just said she was soooooooooooooo much better than you!"

This got Stephanie's attention as she took a step back from Sammy. "Who?"

"She just knocked out Rodney!"

In Stephanie's mind, there was only one logical answer. "That Jersey reject..." She hopped out of the foxhole and ran towards the unconscious Rodney. She was so pumped up from the battle that she didn't even notice who was there. She just grabbed them by the scruff of their neck and pinned them to the ground. Stephanie readied her fist for maximum damage before she snapped back to reality and realized who she had grabbed.

Dawn looked up at her former friend, who was in a stunned silence. "Please..." Dawn gasped. "I know you don't want to do this".

After a beat, Stephanie let go of Dawn and took a step back. "I'm sorry," she quietly confessed. "I'm so sor-"

Anne Maria ran from out of nowhere and pinned Stephanie down. "STAY AWAY FROM MY DAWNIE!" she roared before she began repeatedly punching Stephanie in the face. To Anne Maria's surprise and frustration, Stephanie didn't even try to fight back. She just took every single punch thrown at her. "This ain't fun if ya don't fight!"

"I... deserve... this..." Stephanie said in between her grunts.

"Now this really ain't fun!" But she kept punching Stephanie anyway.

[static]

"Had it been anyone else punching me, I wouldn't have said that," Stephanie clarified. "I just feel guilty about last season. And normally, I'd break the camera so no one could ever know that I said that but my face is really numb right now and I need to rest".

[static]

Back in the foxhole, Sammy tried to catch her breath from dodging Stephanie so many times. "Okay," she rasped. "That was a lot. But I think the worst is behind us". That was when Jasmine jumped down in front of them. "Oh... Hey, bestie..."

"Sammy," Jasmine said, calmly. "I really don't wanna do anything to you. So please put down the stick".

Sammy held her grip on the branch. "It's a branch! And no! And I'm sorry that I'm going to fight you!"

Behind her, Mike inhaled sharply before whispering "Я выбираю форму Светланы".

"Sammy, I'm serious," said Jasmine. She walked up to her and put her hands around the branch. "Just stand aside and- Ow!"

Before Jasmine could take the branch away, Mike kicked her hand off of it. He went into a fighting pose as Sammy took a step back. "Welcome to the Olympics, kiddo!" he said.

Jasmine, knowing that she had no other choice, kept swinging at her friend. But Mike dodged just about every single attempt by Jasmine. He knew that kicking her hand was a lucky break and that he probably wouldn't land another hit. But he knew how to dodge Jasmine's. He went from ballet to backflips to even the traditional Russian dance where you squat and then jump. However, after the fifth jump, Jasmine used his technique against him and grabbed his leg before he went back into his squat. "Can I just take a moment to apologize?" a fearful Mike asked.

"Sorry, Mike," Jasmine said. "But you hit me first".

Just then, Sammy ran back and whacked Jasmine in the face with the branch. It didn't knock her out but it sent her back a few feet. "I'm sorry!" Sammy squealed.

Jasmine got to her feet and tried to make a break for the trunk but Sammy stood in front of her, holding up the tree branch. Jasmine could have bucked her best friend away but Mike put his hands on the branch and helped his girlfriend push back against Jasmine. "Sammy, thank you! But why'd you do that?"

"Figured I'd help you for once," Sammy joked as she held her best against her friend.

"Aw, that's sweet!" said Anne Maria, who had joined them in holding the branch without either of them noticing. "Am I interruptin' somethin' or..."

"No, you're good!" Mike said, still struggling to push against Jasmine.

"The more the merrier!" said Sammy.

Dawn ran back down to Brick's side, as he could only watch. "Are you okay?"

"Neither physically nor emotionally," Brick answered. "I need to help!"

"Brick, I know you want to help but it's imperative that I... What are you doing?" Dawn was distracted when she noticed that Brick was trying to remove one of his boots. It was certainly an action but she didn't understand what it had to do with anything when his arm was the limb that was broken. And then, Brick removed his boot and Dawn almost died. "Oh, goodness!" she said as she cupped her nose. "That is powerful".

"Thanks!" said Brick. He put the boot in his right hand. His broken right hand. "I can't throw with my left".

"Brick, no!"

"Without sacrifice, there can be no victory!" Aiming at Jasmine, Brick threw the boot with all of his might. He screamed as he let go, feeling just as much pain as he did when Chef's memoir landed on his arm. But it was worth it in the end as the boot... sailed above Jasmine's head. It still hit someone, though.

"LET'S GOOOOOO-" Sierra cried before a flying boot struck her in the head and she fell to the ground.

Leshawna ran over to her in both concern and confusion. "What the heck happen-" As soon as Leshawna got a whiff of the boot, she was out cold.

Up on the top of the hill stood Tom, his skirt flapping in the wind. He watched over his team as they battled but he didn't go down to join them. For one, what could he possibly do to help Jasmine? But also, he was awaiting the approaching opponent. Gwen walked up the hill, all alone. "Hi, honey!" Tom greeted her. "Nice to see you. What do you think of my look?"

Gwen was surprised to see Tom in a girl's Halloween costume but she wasn't judging him at all. "You're pulling it off, actually".

"I know. But thank you! Anyhoo, where's Harold? When I checked the binoculars earlier, you were carrying him up the hill".

Gwen gave him a shrug. "Too heavy. Dead weight. Couldn't carry on".

"Sad. But I'm afraid his sacrifice was for nothing. Because this is where it ends".

Gwen raised an eyebrow. "Oh, really? Little ol' you is gonna stop me?"

Tom laughed at this. "No. No, I can't do that. But he can".

Shawn, in another muddy disguise, jumped out from against a tree and was about to strike at Gwen. However, while he was in mid-air, something wrapped around his ankle and threw him to the ground. "What the-"

Whatever had wrapped around Shawn's ankle suddenly released him and went back to its source. Gwen smiled as Tom and Shawn gasped upon seeing her surprise savior. It was Harold, armed with his deadly num-yo. "I respect your strength!" he said, in an anime-esque tone. "But I will defeat you!"

Shawn held his fists up. "Then, let's do this!"

The two of them charged at each other before they disappeared behind a cartoony fight cloud. Tom watched in disbelief while Gwen smirked at the whole thing. "He was never too heavy, was he?" asked the blonde boy.

"Oh, please," Gwen scoffed. "My backpack on the easiest day of school is heavier than him".

"Okay, so... HAVE AT THEE!" Tom swung his fist at Gwen, who easily caught it without batting an eye.

"You may be the team captain," Gwen began. She twisted Tom's arm around and pinned it behind his back, causing him to whimper. "But I'm the mother*bleep*in' Team Mom".

In the foxhole, Anne Maria, Sammy and Mike were still trying their hardest to push back against the Australian Amazonian. It was going well enough until Anne Maria tried to plant her feet in the ground, only to get a cramp. "My ankle!" she cried as she fell to the ground.

"Anne Maria!" Mike and Sammy shouted at once. Using this unexpected distraction to her advantage, Jasmine gave one final push and her two friends fell over.

"Sorry, mates," she said as she stepped over them. She walked past Dawn as Brick rested his head in her lap. She wanted to try and numb his arm so he wouldn't feel the pain but Brick refused to let anyone touch his arm so as not to cause anymore suffering. Jasmine took the unguarded trunk in her hands and turned around. "Now, if you excuse me, I'll just take this back to my WHAT THE-"

Tom and a tied-up Shawn flew down and toppled the giantess, leaving all of the Killer Grips defeated. The other Gaffers got back to their feet to see what had happened. Standing over them was Harold and Gwen, both of whom were wearing clothespins on their noses for some reason. Harold took Gwen's hand and raised it in the air. "VICTORY IS OURS!" he shouted.

The Gaffers all jumped for joy as soon as those three wonderful words were uttered. Anne Maria scooped Dawn up into a tight bear hug. Mike twirled his girlfriend around as they laughed in celebration. Brick raised both of his arms in the air and then immediately regretted it because he hadn't quite learned his lesson. "Ow!"

Gwen and Harold slid down into the foxhole. "Oh, Brick. Left arm!" Gwen scolded.

"Yeah, I know," Brick sighed. "I was just..." Brick stopped when he realized that, at some point during the battle, a crack had formed in his cast. "How did that get there?"

"Yeesh, that's not good," Gwen winced.

"Speaking of not good, we found this on the way back," said Harold. He held up Brick's boot, explaining the clothespins.

"Brick, did you throw your boot? With your broken arm?"

Brick wasn't embarrassed upon being figured out. Instead, he nodded stoically. "Sacrifices must be made in these troubled times, my friends".

Cut to later as Chris and the players were all gathered together. An ambulance drove up and someone came out of the back with a stretcher. "Congrats to the Screaming Gaffers for landing in the winner's circle once again. Unfortunately, Brick's doctor heard about the cast cracking and decided that he shouldn't actually keep competing in the show. So long, bud".

Brick sat in the stretch as it was wheeled back into the vehicle. He saluted his teammates and smiled at them. "It was an honor serving with you all!"

"Sir! Yes, sir!" said the Gaffers. They all saluted back before the ambulance doors closed and the vehicle drove out of view. Gwen could've sworn she saw Brick nod before the doors closed. As if he was wordlessly telling her before her left that she did a good job. There was obviously still an air of sadness now that he was gone, though. Brick was one of the kindest people on the team. Even if he had his doubts or frustrations, he never gave up on any of them. And he never abandoned them either. And now, he was gone. It was for the best, anyway. If anyone deserved to have a break from the show, it was the big-hearted team player who would do anything for his friends.

Gwen held her salute just a bit longer than the others. "So long, Sarge," she whispered.

"But don't get your hopes up," Chris said to the Killer Grips. "You guys are still gonna have to vote someone off today. I used up the non-elimination episode last time so it's only fair". The Grips trudged off as Chris turned to the Gaffers once final time. "Now, Gaffers". He stepped aside so they could get another good look at the trunk. "It's time for you to see... the mind-blowing secrets within this trunk! Here's what you were fighting for, team!"

"You should do the honors," Harold said to Gwen.

The goth was surprised to see everyone nodding in agreement. "Really?"

"Really, really".

She gave Harold a friendly punch on the arm. "Thanks, Doris".

"...how did you-"

"I was in line for the confessional after you. You can be really loud". The two shared a laugh before Gwen stepped forward and opened the Trunk of Mind-Blowing Secrets. Gwen's face fell as she beheld the contents - or lack thereof - inside, as did the faces of the other Gaffers. Gwen fell to her knees. "All this sadness!"

As did Harold. "All these tears!"

And Dawn. "All this heartbreak!"

And Sammy. "What was it all for?!"

And Anne Maria. "An empty trunk!"

And Mike. "The madness of war!"

In anguish, all the Gaffers began shouting to the sky. "WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!"

Cut to the Gilded Chris intro before transitioning to the actual ceremony where we see Chris in his blue tuxedo and Chef in his sparkly, pink dress. "This one's quite the nail-biter," said Chris. "It could be anyone going home tonight. Kitty, you drifted off during the planning and wasted the team's element of surprise". Kitty didn't say anything. She just shamefully held her head in her hands. "Jasmine, you're the strongest player and you still got your butt kicked". Jasmine just rolled her eyes. "Shawn, you had one job and you got beat up by Harold and his yo-yo".

"He was a worthy opponent!" Shawn insisted.

"Stephanie, you froze when you saw Dawn and then got the snot beat out of you by Anne Maria".

"Oh, shut up," Stephanie spat.

"Finally, there's Tom. You delayed your team's planning so you could change into a Halloween costume".

Tom snapped his fingers. "It was worth it".

"Whatever. Votes have been tabulated. So, it's time to present the awards. The first Gilded Chris of the evening goes to... Leshawna".

Leshawna smiled as she caught her award. "That's what I thought".

"Next award goes to... Jasmine".

"And Sierra"

"Rodney"

"Shawn"

There were three contestants left but only two statues remained. Tom was sweating bullets. Kitty was biting her nails. Stephanie tried not to show any worry but there was still a bit of it in her eyes. Chris read off the next name: "Tom".

"And the final Gilded Chris of the evening goes to..."

...

...

...

...

"Kitty".

Kitty caught her award and took a sigh of relief. She had another chance. But the same couldn't be said for Stephanie. However, to everyone's surprise, the usually aggressive Stephanie didn't seem too upset. Ashamed, maybe. But not too upset. She got to her feet and let out a deep exhale. "My fault," she said. "I showed weakness out there".

With that, the gym nut took the Walk of Shame down the red carpet before entering the Lame-O-Sine. Once she shut the door behind her, it sped off into the night and away from Total Drama Action.

The Votes

[static]

"I'm voting for Stephanie," said Leshawna. "Girl had one thing going for her but now she's freezing during a fight? I don't think so".

[static]

"I don't know why Stephanie froze," Jasmine noted. "I mean, is it so hard to try and talk things out? That's what I did".

[static]

"I don't think Tom's a very good leader," Sierra said, matter-of-factly.

[static]

"Sierra's voting for Tom so I'm doing that too," said Rodney. "I listen to my friends. Especially if they have pretty hair".

[static]

"I watched the whole thing go down from up on the hill," said Shawn. "Apparently, it was Kitty that used the smoke bomb too soon. I'll vote for her".

[static]

"I'm voting for Stephanie," said Tom. "She's scary and she's rude. Like, why are you pulling Kitty's hair?"

[static]

"I'm so going home," Kitty groaned. "I guess I vote for Stephanie".

[static]

"Kitty blew it," Stephanie stated. "End of story".

[static]

Chapter Text

~Theme Song~

After a brief montage of clips of the eliminated contestants - including Jen clinging to the surfboard machine for dear life, DJ telling off Chef as he quits the show, Jacques proclaiming that he's a changed man before everyone laughs at him, Brick charging at Chef and breaking his arm and Stephanie trying to pry the submarine door open with a crowbar only to bend it into an L-shape - we see the fancy title transition before fading in to see Dakota and Rock sitting on the signature couch. "What is up, everybody?" Rock boisterously asked the crowd. "We're so happy to have all you beauties here with us tonight! We're your hosts, Rockington Roland-"

"And Dakota Milton!" the wig-less Dakota finished. "Get ready for some good ol' fashioned dirt-dishing on this juicy Aftermath episode of Total! Drama! Action!"

"Lotta love out there tonight and we'll be seeing a lot more of it, as well as some hate".

"That's right, Rock. Because tonight, we're having Jen!" The audience cheered.

"And DJ!" The audience cheered some more.

"And Jacques!" No one cheered. There was a brief moment where they thought someone did but they were just coughing. Although, maybe the cricket's chirping was its own way of cheering.

"And Brick!" The audience erupted back into cheers.

"And Stephanie!" There were a few cheers. It was definitely in the single digits but it was still more than people who had cheered for Jacques. "And joining us once again in the peanut gallery: Our very own Cody and Beardo!" The spotlight shone on the two eliminated teenagers as they smiled and waved at their adoring fans.

"We would have had Mike join us again but he surprised us all by sneaking his way back onto the show".

Cody chuckled at this. "Ha! ‘Surprised’. That's a good one?"

Rock tilted his head in confusion. "What was a good one?"

"Did... did you guys not see Mike's stunt coming?" Cody asked.

"Uh, no, Cody," an unamused Dakota answered. "We didn't. No one did".

"You're kidding, right? Everyone saw it coming. I did".

"I did," Beardo chimed in.

"Oh, congrats on being so smart," Dakota sniped at them before turning back to the audience. "What about you, loyal viewers? Did you see it coming?"

"YES!" The audience all answered at once.

Dakota and Rock suddenly felt themselves melting as the spotlights kept shining on them. "So..." Rock droned. "Lotta crazy stuff on the show since the last time we saw you dudes. The prison movie, hospital drama, haunted set and the disaster and war flicks!"

"Honestly? So glad I got booted off the show," said Dakota. "I never would've been able to the prison food challenge".

"I might've been able to," Rock shrugged. "Spud has trained me well".

"But the gross food wasn't the worst of it. Was it, Rock?"

"No, it was not. If you wanna see the worst of it, then do we have a segment for you. It's time for... ‘That's Gonna Leave a Mark’!"

After the segment's intro, we see several examples of pain from across the recent string of episodes. From the girls accidentally launching Chef when they broke their trailer door open to Shawn whacking Jacques in the face with the golden shovel. From the electric eel zaps in the hospital episode to Stephanie accidentally kicking Shawn's quarantine bubble across the set. From all the painful moments from the disaster episode to all the ways someone got defeated or knocked out during the war episode.

Of course, we also get a look at some previously unseen moments of pain. We see a moment from the prison episode where Chef is pulling on the chain of one of the cages to try and lift it up... only for the chain to suddenly snap and the cage to flatten him like a pancake. We see Jasmine in the hospital episode when she believed that she'd gone blind. She walked aimlessly before she tripped and fell into the tub of green liquids where the fake cadaver parts were hidden. We then see a clip of enraged Stephanie flipping the couch that Tom and Jacques were sitting on, meaning she also flipped them. We then see Mike nearly chose on a golf ball when one is shot at him before Sammy gives him the Heimlich. However, this resulted in the golf ball being shot out of his mouth and right at Harold. The geek fell off of the earthquake platform while leaving his glasses behind. Finally, we see the moment where Sierra "jumped" Gwen in the war episode. Turns out by "jumped", Gwen actually meant "snuck up behind me and whacked me in the face with a baseball bat".

After the segment ends and the large screen cuts to static, we pan down to see Rock and Dakota, neither of whom were paying attention to their surroundings. Also of note was that Dakota was now wearing an afro wig. "I just don't see what the big deal is," Dakota said in hushed frustration.

"It's not a big deal," Rock insisted. "I just wanna know why you're suddenly all about wigs".

"I'm just not a fan of being bald, Rock. Is that so hard to believe?"

"It's not. But I was just curious. I mean, you only wear them when we're doing this show. It's like you only have a problem with it when-"

"Wow!" Cody suddenly exclaimed, mainly to get the attention of the hosts. "That sure was a great montage of ouch! Right? Guys?"

"What?" Rock asked before he and Dakota suddenly remembered why they were there. "Uh, yup! Sure was, Code-ster! But we should probably get started on interviewing our guests!"

"That's right!" Dakota agreed, trying to hide her panic. "Let's start off with last season's winner: Jen!" A montage played on the large screen of Jen's moments from the season. "After surprising the whole world when she won last season, it seemed like Jen was gonna take Total Drama Action by storm. Especially now that she'd have more time to spend with her bestie for the restie".

"And the fashion bloggers seemed to be dominating the game in the first few episodes," Rock narrated. "But then, it all came crumbling down when the two of them unexpectedly became the leaders of competing teams".

"While the two of them mostly kept their arguments off to the side, Jen messed up big time when she let her anger at Tom get in the way of the prison challenge. Even after the two made up, Jen's team decided it was time for her to go. Oh, the betrayal! The heartbreak! The drama!"

"Our first guest gave up a 100k prize, owns a protective Kevlar cardigan and threw a wooden bust at Chris McLean! Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Jen!"

In the green room, the five eliminees were watching the whole thing unfold when Jen got to her feet and squealed upon hearing her name. "It's my turn! DJ, Brick, wish me luck!" Jen strutted out the door while Jacques scoffed upon being forgotten. But then, Jen stuck her head back in. "Oh, I almost forgot! Steph, wish me luck too!"

"Whatever," Stephanie mumbled.

"Toodles!" Jen continued to make her way to the stage while Jacques realized that she didn't actually forget to give him a shoutout.

The fashionista appeared on the stage to the applause and cheers of the adoring public. Jen blew as many kisses as she could. "Mwah! I love you too, my darlings! Always remember: Fashion, forward!" She stopped at the couch but didn't sit down. She still had a couple greetings to go through. "OMG! Hi, Dakota! It's been sooooooooooooo long!" Her smile briefly faltered when she noticed the fake afro that sat atop Dakota's dome. "Oh... I see you've got a new wig. It's..." She tried to choose the best adjective that also wasn't a lie or backhanded compliment. "It's very bold". There, that was it.

Dakota wasn't buying it, however. She stared at Jen while trying to hide any sort of emotion. "Gee. Thanks".

"What? I'm just saying that..." Jen trailed off when the other host caught her attention. "PIZZA MUG BUDDY!" she gasped.

"PIZZA MUG BUDDY!" Rock greeted back. The two embraced each other in a tight hug. "Aw, it's so awesome to see you, dude".

"It has, hasn't it?" Jen said after they let go of each other. "Oh my gosh. Did you hear that one band teamed up with-"

"Of course I did!" Rock finished before she could name the band or who hey teamed up with. "I thought it wouldn't be my vibe but it actually rocks!"

"I know! I've been listening to that album so much but that one might be my favorite!" Jen started headbanging while doing air guitar. "All I know is this could either break my heart or bring it back to life!" she sang. "Gotta feelin' your-"

Dakota, having a show to run, stepped in between the two. "Okay, I'm glad you're happy to see each other but we've got a schedule to keep".

Jen didn't hesitate to listen. "Oh, of course! I'm so sorry". She plopped herself down on the couch. "Don't let me ruin your moment. I'm just excited to be here".

"So, Jen," Rock began. "You won last season but ended up being the sixth contestant voted off. How did-"

"Fifth," Dakota interrupted.

"What?"

"She was the fifth one because Mike ended up coming back".

"But he still got voted off," Rock doubled down. "Just because he came back doesn't mean he wasn't voted off".

"Yeah but it won't make sense in the placements," Dakota argued. "Like, if he wins, does that mean he gets first place and twenty-first place? That's not how it works".

"But he was still the third one voted off. I'm not doing the rankings. I'm just going through the order".

"Then, just say ‘eliminated’ instead of ‘voted off’".

"But that's not the point. I'm just saying-"

"No, you're not listening-"

"Um," Jen cleared her throat. "Can I just jump back in here?"

For the second time in the episode, Rock and Dakota had to be pulled out of a discussion so they could co-host their show. "The point is, you were an early boot," Rock said. "I guess my first question is: Were you surprised?"

Jen let out a sigh "Yes? No? Both? Maybe? I don't know".

"Well, Jen," said an eager Dakota. "There's one way to be absolutely certain what the truth is".

"That's right, D," Rock chimed in.

The two of them began their announcement at the same time. "It's time for Truth! Or!"

"Hammer!" Rock finished. "Anvil!" Dakota finished at the same time.

"Wait, what?!" Rock and Jen exclaimed in unison.

We see the intro to the ‘Truth or Hammer Anvil’ game, where we see a statue of Lady Justice... which was immediately crushed by an anvil.

"So here's how this is gonna work," Dakota informed them. "You have to tell the truth or else an anvil is gonna be dropped from the ceiling".

"WHAT?!" cried Jen.

"Uh, the producers didn't tell us about this!" said Rock.

"Yeah, they did," Dakota corrected him. "Well, they told me and then, I told you". Rock didn't say anything but he didn't need to. The surprised look on his face told Dakota everything she needed to know. "I didn't tell you?" Rock shook his head. "Oh. Well, now you know, Rockie-Poo!"

"I'm not sure I wanna be doing this".

"It'll be fine! Besides, look at Jen!" Jen was quaking with fear. "She's already buzzing with excitement. Now, come on. Schedule, remember?"

"Uh... okay?' Rock cleared his throat and tried his hand at another question. "So, Jen... Were you angry when you were voted off? And please tell the truth".

Jen tugged at the collar of her sweater. "No," she squeaked. No anvil.

"Cool. Uh, were you disappointed with your team?"

"No, they made the call they thought was right".

Dakota butted in, as a juicy question had just entered her mind. "Were you disappointed in yourself?"

Jen gulped as she kept her eyes on the anvil above. She had to answer the question very carefully. So she decided to have Dakota clarify it as much as possible. "Disappointed in what way?"

"It's a simple question".

Crap. That did not work the way she thought it would. Time to roll the dice, she thought. "Yes! Yes, I was disappointed in myself". Still no anvil.

"Woah," muttered an astounded Rock. "Heavy. So, like... Were you disappointed with yourself as a leader?"

Jen began to ease up. "What? No. Why would I be disappointed in myself as a leader?"

Dakota was taken aback by this response. "Why wouldn't you? I mean, you're not just looking after yourself! You're looking after several people who are counting on you". Dakota was gripping Rock's hand tightly as she bombarded Jen with questions. "How could you not feel disappointed with yourself if even the tiniest thing went wrong?"

"Easy," Jen shrugged. "I had two people helping me out".

"So you had people to pass the blame onto?"

"No". The anvil still hadn't dropped. "I'm not a leader. I figured that out by the beach episode. I'm not the smartest and I'm not the most athletic but I'm great when it comes to working with other people. Even after I lost Tommy last season, I still had Kitty and Brick and so many others!"

"But then, why were you disappointed in yourself?" asked Rock.

"Because I forgot about that," Jen was quick to answer. "I went over my team's head in the prison challenge just so I could spite a member of the other team who, need I remind you, is my best friend!" Everyone stared at Jen in awe as she went on her passionate spiel. "I forgot about my team and I forgot about my friends. So, no. I'm not angry with my team for voting me off. I totally get it. I jumped the gun and paid the price. Simple as that. I'm disappointed with myself for losing sight of the people I care about".

The audience, as well as the three boys on the stage, awed at the sentiment. Dakota, meanwhile, was listening in on an earpiece. We don't hear what's being said to her but she nodded along before focusing her attention back to the interviewee. "But why did you lose sight of it, Jen? Huh? Was it the money? The promise of fame? The-"

"Chris," Jen answered, flatly. "It was stupid Chris and his stupid drama and his stupid drive to make us all hate each other because he feeds off of our misery the way Tom and I feed off the feedback on our blog". She turned to the camera. "Comments help".

"Okay then," Rock said as the the same music that played when Jen had walked out on stage began to repeat. "Let's give a big hand for Jen, everyone!"

"What? No!" Dakota exclaimed. But Jen had already gotten back to her feet to make her way over to the peanut gallery. "We still had so many questions!"

"I know, Dakotazoid," Rock said as he rubbed his girlfriend's back to comfort her. "But we've got four other people to interview. Schedule, remember?"

Dakota sighed in defeat. "Yeah, I guess".

"Hey. Do you wanna start off the next intro?"

Dakota couldn't help but smile. Rock knew her so well. "Okay!" she chirped. "It's time to talk about everyone's favorite Mama's Boy!" A montage of DJ played on the big screen. "DJ started out as a strong contender in this season. He made it to merge last season. Had a well-documented romance with the runner-up. And he was arguably one of the most-beloved cast members of the whole show. Perhaps that soft side of his had something to do with it".

"But to the shock of many, Chef tried to coerce him into an illegal alliance right out of the gate," Rock added. "The curmudgeonly cook kept trying to take the gentle jock under his wing. But DJ's big heart, strong morals and ever-supportive boyfriend kept him from sealing the deal".

"Only for that big heart and those strong morals to turn right around and bite him in the butt. Chef's betrayed DJ's trust to help poison his fellow cast members with laxatives and itching powder".

"But as soon as he caught wind of what happened, DJ decided that enough was enough. He exposed Chef for everything he'd done that season and became the first contestant in TD history to quit".

"Our guest doesn’t eat dolphin dogs, does a heck of a ribbon dance, and once thought he caught a pepperoni disease! Please welcome: DJ!"

DJ walked out onstage to thunderous applause. As usual, he just seemed happy to be there. It was surprising, though, considering he had probably just watched Jen trying to avoid getting crushed by an anvil. He waved at his former cast mates and even hugged Rock upon arrival before sitting down on the left couch. "Hey, Rock! Hey, Dakota!"

"What's up, DJ?" said Rock. "Super stoked to see you here!"

"Glad to be here!"

"So, DJ," Rock began. "How are you feeling after everything?"

"Um, what kind of question is that?" asked a baffled Dakota. "He lost out on a million dollars!"

"But I still have my integrity and my courage," DJ asserted. "And that's enough for me".

"Couldn't relate," Dakota muttered. "Anyway, DJ, are you ready for a game of Truth or Anvil?"

DJ gulped in fear. "Do I have to?"

"Yeah, D," Rock whispered to his girlfriend. "Does he have to?"

"We gotta give the people what the want, baby! And by ‘people’, I mean ‘producers’. I want this to be the best show it can be!"

Rock let out a sigh. He knew that Dakota had wanted a spin-off show of her own so he didn't want to stomp on her dreams. Still, he didn't wanna see anyone get crushed by an anvil. This wasn't a cartoon (or so he thought). Thankfully, for DJ, he did have one trick up his sleeve. "Well, DJ, to help keep you truthful, I think now would be a good time to bring out today's surprise guest!"

DJ's eyes widened with anticipation. "You don't mean..."

"Oh, I do mean! Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the stage: Mama DJ!"

DJ's mom, who was significantly shorter than her brick house of a son, walked out on stage.  She had a smile hat would make you believe that the world is a good place but eyes that made you think carefully about the words you'd choose to say in front of her. "Mama!" DJ cried as he embraced his mother with open arms. "I'm so happy to see you!"

"I'm happy to see you too!" said Mama DJ. "My little Poopy-doo!"

"Poopy-doo?" Jen snickered to herself. She then heard the sound of sniffling and noticed that Cody was choking back tears. "Uh... you okay, buddy?"

Cody suddenly caught himself and wiped his face. "Me? No, I'm fine. Totally. It's just..." He was still fairly choked-up. "I wish my mom hugged me". Jen patted him on the back while Beardo gave him a comforting hug. "Thanks, guys," he quietly sobbed.

"Now, DJ," said Rock. "Your Mama has told us how proud she is that you didn't take Chef's offers for an alliance".

"She also said many less-than-kind words about Chef that cannot be said on television," Dakota added. "And she's here to make sure that the anvil doesn't drop on your head".

"Anvil?!" Mama DJ said in shock. "You told me it was a rubber hammer!"

"You told her it was rubber?" asked Rock. "They got rid of the rubber one last time, remember?"

"Okay, look," said Dakota. "My words may have been misconstrued-"

"And what is that thing on your head, girl?!" Mama DJ cried upon noticing Dakota's afro wig.

"Schedule. To. Keep," Dakota over-enunciated to make a point. "So if I could just ask the first question... DJ, was there actually a part of you that wanted to take up Chef on one of his offers?"

Everyone had expected DJ to immediately deny this question. After all, why would he even consider partnering with Chef? But to the surprise of many, he hesitated. His eyes kept darting back and forth between his mother and the anvil that hung over his head. After a sharp exhale, DJ finally gave his answer. "It did cross my mind at points".

There were audible gasps from everyone. "Devon Joseph!" Mama DJ scolded.

"I never went through with them, though!" DJ was quick to clarify. "They were just thoughts that crossed my mind! And it was for a couple reasons. One, Chef's kinda scary".

"Agreed," said the other former cast members.

"I could take him," Mama DJ remarked.

"But two, it'd make the game easier. And I wanted that million so I could help Mama at home".

"So you're saying that you would've been willing to cheat?" Dakota pressed.

"I appreciate it, Poopy-doo," said Mama DJ. "But I would never have taken cheated money. Remember what they said in Blues Brothers?"

"Yes, Mama," said DJ. "I remember what they said in Blues Brothers. But I always squished those thoughts. Because of my teammates and especially Brick, I never wanted to go through with them. I didn't want to screw my friends over. And I didn't wanna be threatened into doing it, either".

"Lemme just say," Rock jumped back in. "I think you were really brave to say ‘no’ to Chef that many times. And you helped inspire some of the others to stop taking his crap. Where did you find that courage?"

"I don't know, to be honest," DJ answered. "I was still scared. I kept thinking he would jump out of nowhere like some kinda Boogeyman. But I just didn't want to do what I thought was wrong. It's as simple as that".

"It's interesting that you say that, DJ," said Dakota. She pulled out a piece of paper. "Because I have a question from an anonymous crew member about the failed alliance".

"Alright, shoot".

Dakota cleared her throat and began reading off the paper. "So why were you so... uh, so foolish to pass up on a golden opportunity?" She raised her eyebrow as her eyes kept scrolling through the paper. "And why are you such a punk a-" Dakota crumpled up the piece of paper and threw it away. "Okay, no. This is obviously from Chef. I've gotta draw the line somewhere". Rock breathed a sigh of relief upon knowing that Dakota had some sort of line that she wasn't willing to cross. "So instead, I'll ask my own question. Mama's spice made literal trash taste like a gourmet meal on two filmed occasions. What is it, exactly?"

"That's a family secret!" Mama DJ snapped.

"Besides," said DJ. "We don't really use a recipe. And it isn't really- AGH!" DJ ducked to the floor as an anvil dropped right onto where he was sitting. He had his head under his hands like he was participating in a tornado drill. "Paprika! Okay? It's Hungarian Paprika!"

"Fascinating. And what is- WOAH!" Dakota was cut off when Mama DJ lunged at her and began hitting her on the head with her purse.

"DROPPING ANVILS ON MY SON'S HEAD!"

"I'M- OW- SORRY- OW!"

"Okay, Mama!" DJ said as he tried to pull his Mom off of Dakota. "Let's just-"

"AND TAKE THAT STUPID THING OFF YOUR HEAD!"

While the chaos erupted, Cody, Jen and Beardo ran in front of the camera. Beardo began reciting the commercial break music while Cody and Jen tried to keep things under control. "Now seems like the time to hear about all these amazing sponsors!" said Cody. "But don't go anywhere!"

"That's right, Cody!" said Jen. "Stay tuned for all the amazing interviews and wacky hijinks coming up on the TDA Aftermath!" The camera faded to black as Mama DJ kept berating Dakota with her words and her purse.

Fade back to the show. Dakota seemed perfectly fine except she was now wearing a baseball cap instead of an afro. It may have had something to do with the bump on her head gifted to her by Mama DJ but it could've also been unrelated. Whatever the case, she and Rock were back with their camera-ready energy. "Welcome back to the TDA Aftermath!" said Dakota.

"For those of you just tuning in, we've already interviewed Jen and DJ," Rock recapped. "Both of whom have joined Cody and Beardo in our peanut gallery".

"And nothing else happened," said Dakota. "But a lot's gonna happen right now! So let's take a look at our next guest's time on the season".

The large screen began playing a montage of Jacques. "After last season, no one was willing to give the evil ice dancer the benefit of the doubt," Rock narrated. "He even tried to get in the good graces of team leader, Tom".

"But when all seemed lost, he ended up finding an underling in the form of large farm-boy, Rodney," Dakota continued. "Although, this ended up with some... mixed results".

"After getting into petty fights with Stephanie and Tom - and even sharing a stage kiss with the latter - Jacques was suddenly eliminated after deciding to do a good deed for once".

"Was going back to save Tom a moment of impulse or something more?"

"And what was he trying to accomplish with Rodney?"

"Our next guest has been pantsed on national television, dropped his partner on ice and beat up Mike with a rack of ribs. Please welcome to the stage: Jacques!"

Jacques pranced onto the stage in graceful form. Many would consider it to be beautiful. But the audience had been watching Jacques be Jacques for over a season so the ice dancer was met with a large amount of booing and hissing. "Oh, come on!" Jacques exclaimed. He pettily stomped over to the couch and sat himself down. "Bonjour or whatever," he grumbled.

"Hello, Jacques," Rock greeted. "Good to have you here". Dakota didn't say anything because she wouldn't have meant it.

Jacques tried to regain his pompous composure. "Yes, of course. Your show just got ten times prettier!" This was met by someone in the audience yelling "BOO, YOU SUCK!" and throwing a tomato right at his face. He only groaned in response.

"Now, Jacques," Rock went on. "Why did you try to convince Rodney that you were his friend?"

Jacques shrugged. "Same reason I said on the show. I needed a dumb monkey who I could push around and tell what to do".

"Yeah but it failed almost immediately. So, like, why did you keep him around?"

"I thought I could make the plan work and OH, DEAR LORD!" Jacques jumped out of the way to avoid the falling anvil.

Dakota clapped her hands. "Now, we're getting somewhere! So, Jacques, what was the real reason you kept Rodney around?"

"Ugh, fine!" Jacques stared at his feet so no one could see the look on his face. "Rodney continued to believe in me and it was nice having someone like that around. Even if he did make a lot of mistakes. There, are you happy?"

"Not quite," said Rock. "You suddenly decided that you wanted people to think you were a good person. Did that mean you wanted everyone around you to believe in you?"

"No!" Jacques scoffed. "I do not concern myself with the opinions of she- AGH!" He jumped away to avoid yet another anvil. "Okay, yes! But that one was just so they would not vote me- EEP!" He jumped away again. "Okay, that was only part of the reason!"

"Now for the meat of it all," said a mischievous Dakota. "Let's talk about Tom".

Jacques crossed his arms. "What about Tom?"

"Well, you guys made quite a splash during the horror challenge. Everyone saw how nervous you two were after your stage kiss. Could it be that, underneath all the arguing and hissy fits, you actually did develop feelings for him?"

"I-" Jacques stopped before he could utter another syllable. He had already from three falling anvils. He knew what would happen as soon as he lied. Why delay the inevitable at this point? "There was a part of me that appreciated seeing another boy who was fashionable and had good taste, yes". The audience hooted and hollered at this little nugget of information. "Oh, shut up!"

"But I'm asking about feelings, not appreciation," Dakota reminded him.

"I dunno, D," said Rock. "I'm not sure I feel comfortable pushing this".

Dakota ignored him. "So was the bickering just a way of trying to talk to him?"

"It was a little bit, okay?!" Jacques fumed. "I knew that everyone had already decided that they hated me so I had no hope in flirting with Tom. Instead, we just traded insults. It was all I was really able to do".

Rock put his hand to his chest. "Wow, dude. If I didn't know any better, I'd think that I was feeling bad for you".

"Yes, yes, let us all laugh at Jacques' emotions," the ice dancer snarked. "Are we done here?"

"Not yet!" said Dakota. "We've got ourselves a video call coming in from Quebec!"

"Quebec?" Jacques echoed. "But that would mean..." His eyes widened with terror. "Oh, no!"

"Oh, yes! It's time to meet Jacques' former ice-dancing partner: Josee!"

"No, please!"

Rock, actually taking pity on the poor guy, tried to fight this. "Babe, I'm not sure we should-"

"Too late!" said Dakota. "I've already pushed the button!"

Static appeared on the big screen before an image of a scowling young woman with a pointed chin was visible. "Hello, Jacques," Josee smarmily greeted him.

Jacques looked down at his feet again. "Hello, Josee".

"Aw, looks like you didn't make the podium this season either," she taunted him. "Who could have seen this coming? Oh, that's right! I did!"

Jacques buried his head in his hands. "Oh, not this again".

"I told you that you'd regret not going pro with me! I told you that you'd never make it without me! Now, look at you!"

Jacques hopped to his feet and started shouting at the screen. "What about you?! Are you pro?! Who is your partner, Josee?! Who is willing to put up with your torture?!"

"No one! Because no one is fast and graceful enough to match me!"

"Indeed! No one hits their face against the ice as gracefully as you!"

"It would never have happened if you didn't drop me!"

"I would not have dropped you if you did not put so much pressure on me!"

"Pressure?! Are you saying I'm heavy?! Are you calling me fat?!"

"Oh, for the love of- Not that kind of heavy!"

"The only thing heavy was the dead weight I carried around named ‘Jacques’! You're nowhere near as smart or talented as me!" Jacques began to shrink as Josee's words reached his ears. This was actually having an effect on him. "I'm a queen. And you? You are nothing but a clumsy little *bleep*. That is why you will never get the gold without m- OW!"

Against all logic, Mama DJ had appeared in the video call and began beating Josee on the head with her purse. "DON'T YOU TALK LIKE THAT ON TV!"

"WHO- OW- ARE YOU- OW- HOW DID YOU- OW- GET- OW- IN HERE?!"

"THERE ARE CHILDEN WATCHING THIS SHOW!"

As the video call abruptly ended and static appeared on the screen once more, Jacques crept over to the Peanut Gallery and sat down beside DJ. "DJ?"

"Yeah, man?"

"Take care of your mother".

"Sure thing, man".

"Good". Jacques' conversation with DJ ended when Jen grabbed him by his collar and got in his face. "Oh, what now?"

"So you've got eyes for Tom, huh?" asked an angry-looking Jen.

Jacques began sweating bullets. "I mean, that's putting a bit of a-"

"Listen good, primpy," Jen threatened him with hushed fury. "If you hurt him, I will sew your head to your legs and your feet to your butt so that you can fit in a suitcase that I'll send to the Serengeti so that the lions can deal with you! Got it?!"

"You're... you're bluffing!" Jacques said, his voice cracking.

"Do you see an anvil falling?" She released him and went back to watching the show but Jacques still didn't feel at ease.

"And now, for our final two guests!" Dakota announced. "They left in the same episode and they've both gone through some interesting development".

"And they both made it pretty far last time," said Rock. "But let's take a look at their short times on this season".

The montage on the screen this time around kept cutting between footage of Stephanie and Brick. "When Brick and Stephanie first arrived on Total Drama Island, they both had some trouble with their emotions," said Rock.

"While Brick was too nervous and trained to be vulnerable, Stephanie's response to just about anyone was to punch them in the face," Dakota recounted. "But Stephanie made it all the way to third last season, too stubborn to admit she was wrong while runner-up Brick learned how to open himself up to others".

"Having gone through different journeys, they went into Action with the hopes of making it to the end. Brick helped his team on many occasions and was supportive of his boyfriend during a tough time. Stephanie, on the other hand, was her usual angry self but managed to keep herself in check much more this time around".

"But surprisingly enough, it was their care for others that ended up getting the best of them. Brick sacrificed for his team by getting his arm broken and ended up worsening his injury the very next episode".

"Meanwhile, Stephanie refused to fight her ex-friend Dawn, who she still felt guilty about mistreating. Then, she accepted a brutal beatdown from her other ex-friend, Anne Maria. While Dawn saw it as noble and Anne Maria was just confused, Stephanie's teammates decided that it was time for her to go".

"Our next guests have fought a shark and yeti, respectively. One is barely tolerated while the other is much-loved. Please welcome: Brick and Stephanie!"

Brick, right arm still in a cast and sling, walked out on stage and waved at the audience. But after a quick glance over his shoulder, he suddenly walked off stage in the same direction he came from. The crowd went silent with confusion but resumed their applause when he re-emerged with someone else in tow. Using his left arm, he was pulling Stephanie onto the stage. It would've been a daunting task but because the health nut was just standing indifferently with her arms crossed, Brick was able to drag her across the stage with him before the two of them sat down. "Good to have you on the show with us," said Rock.

"Thanks, Rock," said Brick. "It's great to be here".

Stephanie rolled her eyes at this. "Says you," she scoffed.

Brick laughed this off. "Don't take it personally, you two. I'm sure Stephanie's happy to be here and not on the show".

"Yeah, right".

"Well, then, how about we test that with a little game of Truth or Anvil?" Dakota suggested.

Brick began to perspire but he tried his best not to show fear. "Sounds great..."

Stephanie uncrossed her arms as a smug smirk appeared on her face. "Bring it".

"Alright, then," said Dakota. "Let's start with the most obvious question. Are you guys disappointed with your time on the show?"

"Not one bit," Brick answered without hesitation.

"Oh, absolutely," Stephanie answered, honestly. "I sucked this season. I'm not afraid to admit that".

"Well, sounds like we've got two very different answers. Guess we'll have to get a perspective from each of you".

Stephanie raised an eyebrow. "Then what was even the point of brining us both out here?"

"Time constraints," Rock said, bluntly before turning his attention towards the other guest. "Brick, you say you're proud of your time on the show despite getting eliminated via injury. I wanna know why that is".

"Well, Rock, it's real simple," Brick began. "I learned a lot by the end of last season. I learned to stop suppressing my emotions and that winning isn't everything. Thus, I applied that to my mindset of never leaving anyone behind and took that into this season. I got to show some leadership and I helped my boyfriend through a tough time".

A blushing DJ waved from the peanut gallery. No one really noticed this until, Mama DJ, who had reappeared out of nowhere, cheered from the stands. "That's a good boy! DJ, you hold onto that one!" Her sudden words of encouragement startled everyone who was in the peanut gallery, besides DJ.

"Were you not just in Quebec?" asked Jacques.

"I was".

"How did you get here so fast?" asked Jen.

"Mama travels by map," DJ informed the others. "It's the fastest way there is".

"Now," Brick continued. "Do I think I made a bad call by chucking that boot with a broken arm? Yes, but only because I regret that it hit Sierra on the head".

"I would say she deserved it," Jacques remarked, only to be met by a wet willie from Cody. "Ew! Stop that!"

"But aside from that, I don't regret a thing. I especially don't regret tackling Chef like that". The audience cheered at this comment. "I served my tour and I did my duty. I wouldn't have it any other way".

"Oh, how noble," Stephanie said, sarcastically. "But some of us weren't as happy-go-lucky as you, Sargent Sweetness".

Dakota leaned in with anticipation. "This is where it gets good. Stephanie, please tell us why you were so disappointed with your time on the show".

"Easy. I barely had a chance to show off and when I finally had one, I got weak and I choked. It was pathetic. I'm better than-" Suddenly, Brick pushed Stephanie off of the couch. "What the heck is wrong with you, war pig?!" she shouted. She got her answer when an anvil fell from the ceiling and crushed the spot on the couch where she had been. With almost no reaction, Stephanie climbed on top of the anvil and sat down. "Thank you," she muttered to Brick.

"Well, since that was a lie, what was the real reason, Stephanie?" Dakota inquired.

"Okay, so the real reason is that I pulled my punches. I was so caught up in trying not to tick everyone off this time around that I held myself back and I-" Brick shoved Stephanie off of the anvil. "Again with this?!" Just then, another anvil fell on top of that anvil. An annoyed Stephanie climbed on top of the second anvil and sat down. "You only get one ‘thanks’," she informed Brick.

"I understand," said the jarhead.

"Alright, fine," Stephanie huffed. "The real reason I'm disappointed with how I did this season was..." All of a sudden, she was too shy to finish her answer. "I was..."

"Aw, it's okay, Steph," Rock assured her. "You don't have to answer if you don't wanna".

"No, she does," Dakota chimed in. "She has to. Those are the rules of the game".

"What? Why?!"

"Those are the rules! It's Truth or Anvil. Not Truth or Anvil or Pass! What was the real reason, Stephanie?!"

"I was lonely!" Stephanie snapped. "I didn't have anyone!" She crossed her arms and looked off into the crowd, rather than face any of her former castmates. "Last season, I had Dawn and Anne Maria and, sure, that ended terribly but I still had them for a while. This season? I had no one. I mean, Shawn and I were kinda cool but he was so busy going gaga over Jasmine that I barely got to talk to him. And the others? Fat chance. They all saw how I behaved last time? What chances did I have at making allies? So I lashed out again. I pulled people's hair and insulted them. I'm not good at making friends, okay?"

"Yes, Stephanie," Rock said, calmly. "It's okay".

"Yeah, yeah," Stephanie brushed off. "Are we done here?"

"Not quite," said Dakota. "When going back through the footage, the editors noticed that you said you deserved that beatdown Anne Maria gave you during the war episode and-"

"I SAID NO SUCH THING!" Stephanie asserted. She then glanced up and hopped off of the second anvil as a third anvil fell on top of it. "Okay, I did! And maybe I did deserve it! I nearly punched Dawn that episode and I never apologized for how I treated them. I was awful. And these are the consequences of my own actions. Are you happy now?"

"Oh, I will be," said Dakota. "I just need to ask Brick a few more questions".

Brick's eyes widened at this. "Me? I thought we were good!"

"Yeah but there's still a few things I wanna know. Like, have you ever considered that maybe everyone uses your do-good attitude as a way of letting you take the fall for them?"

"What? No! That's absurd!"

"Is it? I mean, Jen just admitted that she wanted other people to help her with leading the team. Maybe in case she failed?"

Jen got to her feet. "That is not what I meant by that!" she interjected.

"And DJ decided to lay all of his problems with Chef on you. Didn't you feel burdened by this?"

"I would never feel burdened by DJ!" Brick exclaimed.

"Lay off him, Dakota!" DJ shouted.

"Do I need to teach this girl another lesson?" Mama DJ growled as she readied her purse.

"I'm just asking basic questions!" Dakota said in defense. "I mean, the possibilities are never truly ruled out".

"I'm feeling an odd mixture of pride and mortal terror," said Jacques.

"D, maybe let's lay off of him a bit," Rock timidly suggested. "I mean, he's obviously telling the truth".

"But the producers are loving this, Rockie-Poo!" Dakota said as she pointed to her earpiece. "I gotta make this the best it can be!" She turned back to her guests. "And have you ever considered that..." Dakota trailed off when she noticed a large shadow was being cast over her.

We pan out to reveal that Stephanie was standing on her toes and holding one of the anvils over Dakota's head. "I think now's a good time to put an end to Truth or Anvil," she said in a threatening tone. "Don't you think?"

Dakota gulped with fear. "I do! I do think! You're so right!"

"Good". Stephanie threw the anvil over her shoulder. "Interview's over!" She marched over to the peanut gallery, Brick tailing after her.

"I don't condone the threat," he told Stephanie. "But I appreciate that you would do that".

"Consider us even, flat top".

"Dakota, what's going on?" Rock asked his girlfriend. "These are our friends! I don't wanna drop anvils on them or have them say things they don't wanna. And I didn't think you'd want to either".

"I didn't!" said Dakota. "I mean, not at first! But after last time, I just wanted to prove to the producers that we could keep this going! I need to make them happy!"

"By acting like Chris McLean?"

"Exactly! This is what's gonna bring in the ratings!" She let out a sigh and took Rock's hand. "Look, I'm sorry for stepping out of line today. But I promise you that this is just so we can keep doing this. I just wanna keep hosting with you. There's no other reason".

Rock couldn't help but smile. "Well, I guess I could understand tha-" Rock was cut off when a fourth anvil fell onto the couch next to them, causing Dakota to turn red with guilt. "Dakota?"

Upon hearing the outro music, a panicked Dakota saw her out. "Uh, and that’s all for today! Join Chris and the cast next time for the most dramatically thrilling episode of Total! Drama! Action! Ever!" With that done, she ran away, stage-right.

Rock got to his feet and ran after her. "Dakotazoid, wait!" Meanwhile, the audience and the peanut gallery sat in shock as they were left to process what had just happened.

Chapter Text

~Recap~

"Last time on Total Drama Action... we learned that war movies are brutal! At first, our contestants were flying high. But soon, the Grips came crashing down after a harrowing final battle where even heavy hitters like Jasmine, Stephanie and Shawn got their butts kicked. And while the Gaffers technically won that battle, they still ended up losing a beloved team member as things got way too intense for the injured Brick. But he wasn't the only one to be sent packing! In the end, Stephanie was given the boot due to her hesitancy to fight Dawn and her willingness to let Anne Maria beat the crap out of her".

Cut to Chris sitting in a red car that looked like it was drawn by Dr. Seuss. "You keep coming back for the explosive drama, I keep coming back for the perks. Car chase this week! And with only thirteen contestants left, the engines are on and the stereo is set to blast the catchy opening theme song. It's time for some more Total! Drama! Action!" He revved the engine before speeding off... right into a tree.

~Theme Song~

Fade in on the remaining cast members eating bacon and eggs. Except for Dawn, who was eating plain toast. She was sitting next to Gwen, who looked as apathetic as usual. But that was on the outside and Dawn was able to see below the surface. "Are you alright, Gwen?" the moonchild asked.

"Why wouldn't I be?" the goth replied.

"Well, your sadness that Brick had to leave mixed with your worry that Kitty's been avoiding you can be a bit much for you to handle".

Gwen wasn't even surprised by this analysis anymore. "Man, you're good".

Dawn beamed. "I know".

"Don't worry about me, kid," Gwen assured the blonde. "I can take care of myself. What about you? How are you doing?"

"Oh, I'm doing-"

That was when Anne Maria joined the other Gaffers at their table, plopping herself down beside Dawn. "Morning, Dawnie!" she greeted her best friend as she threw an arm around her. "Ya finally got some color in ya, huh?"

Anne Maria was referring to the fact that Dawn was turning a bit red once the Jersey girl had joined them. "I'm doing great," Dawn said to Gwen.

[static]

Gwen chuckled. "She's got it bad".

[static]

Dawn buried her face in her hands. "Why must women be so godly?"

[static]

Just for the heck of it, Gwen decided to try and push Anne Maria towards Dawn in a different sense. "You ever wanna talk about your emotions, Anne Maria?" asked Gwen.

"Nah," Anne Maria answered.

Gwen had nothing to say to that. That was her best shot and it didn't work. At least, not on Anne Maria. "I do," Harold chimed in.

"I know, Harold," said Gwen.

"I'm lonely".

"I know, Harold".

"Let him speak," Dawn said, despite knowing everything that Harold was about to say. "Go ahead, Harold".

Harold inhaled sharply before he began his tale of woe. "I miss Leshawna".

Anne Maria buried her face in her hands. "Ugh, not this again".

Harold ignored her and continued his spiel. "The best time of my life was when we were together at Playa Des Losers," he said, dreamily. "I thought it would last forever. She was my day and my night. My only reason to live. My-"

"Um, Harold?" Sammy butted in. "I'm all for love and big displays of emotion but didn't she let Sierra kick you in the groin last episode?"

Harold shot to his feet. "We were at war! It was a moment of high tension! You would've let Sierra do the same to Mike if he was on the other team!"

"Nah, I'd have definitely chickened out," Sammy clarified.

"Also," Mike sounded. "You're talking about me like I'm not here".

"I didn't mean to," Harold clarified. "It's just that when my mind goes to Leshawna, it tends to-"

"AGH, ENOUGH!" Anne Maria groaned. "Just go talk to her already! Why's that so hard for ya to do?! Ya already won't shaddup about her!"

"Harold's afraid that if he asks Leshawna if she's ready to re-enter a relationship, she'll say ‘no’ and that she would exit his life completely".

"Hey!" Harold yelped.

"Anne Maria asked and I answered," Dawn said with a shrug.

"It's not true!" Harold said, defensively. "Just to prove it, I will go talk to her!" The ginger nerd marched towards the other table, much to the relief of Anne Maria and the worry of the other team members.

"Yeah, I can't watch," said Mike. The theatre kid picked up his breakfast tray and got to his feet. "Here, babe," he said to Sammy as he took her empty tray as well. "Lemme get that for you".

Sammy was touched by this small act of kindness. "Thanks, babe".

[static]

"I love Mike," Sammy sighed. "I hope he doesn't think he has to do everything for me. I don't want to be a burden to him".

[static]

"I love Sammy," Mike sighed. "I hope she doesn't think I'm overbearing or anything. I don't wanna scare her off".

[static]

Mike exited the makeup confessional, whistling a jaunty tune and not really paying attention to whatever was going on around him. That was probably how an intern was able to sneak up behind him and knocked him out with a baseball bat before dragging him away.

Back in the tent, Jasmine was regaling her fellow Grips with one of her many strange tales about living in the Bush. Everyone was listening with great intensity. Kitty was on the edge of her seat. Leshawna was shocked by the whole thing. Rodney looked like he was watching a movie. Sierra wrote down every word so that she could post it on her Jasmine blog. But the most invested team member was Shawn, who watched and listened with admiration and awe. "And that's the story of how I defanged a snake," the Aussie finished.

Most of the team was left speechless. A few of them let out a Keanu Reeves-like "woah". And then there was Shawn. "That was incredible!" he gasped. "And you're so lucky! I've always wanted to defang a snake!"

Jasmine smiled at the survivalist. "Maybe I could teach you," Jasmine suggested. "You know, if you ever stop by Australia".

Shawn blushed a little at this, although he tried his best to suppress this feeling. "Yeah," he chuckled. "Maybe".

"Ooh, can you teach me too?" asked a raspy voice. The Grips all turned their heads to find that Harold had walked up to the table. "It's the one thing they didn't teach us at Wild Steve's Wilderness Camp and-" Harold froze and his confidence disappeared as soon as Leshawna made eye contact with him. Uh, hey-" His voice cracked on ‘hey’, much to his embarrassment. "Hey, Leshawna," he tried again. "You're looking nice".

Leshawna put on a satisfied smile. "Oh, baby, I always look nice," she said. "What's up?"

Harold usually wasn't nervous around Leshawna. But standing in front of her, ready to ask this big question? He was sweating bullets. "So you know how you said that we weren't ready for a relationship and that we should take time before we jump back into anything?"

"Uh-huh?"

"Well, I just wanted to say..." Leshawna felt a bit awkward as she sat there in silence while Harold took forever to say his words out. Was this going where she thought it was going? What was she supposed to say? How was she supposed to react? And what was taking Harold so long to- "You were so right!" the ginger finally continued. "Waiting was the right call! I love waiting! I'm a master at it!"

Leshawna certainly didn't expect that. "Um, okay?"

"Yep! So let's keep waiting! Good talk! Okay, bye!" With that, Harold took off back towards his table.

"The heck was that?" Leshawna asked.

"I dunno," said Sierra. "But it's definitely not the update that LeHarold fans are waiting for".

"‘LeHarold’?" Tom questioned. "Please. ‘Lesharold’ works way better. It's like ‘Lesha-’ plus ‘arold’! ‘Lesharold!’"

"I'll be honest, I don't think either one's a very good ship name," Kitty commented.

"There's no ship name, cause there's no ship!" Leshawna insisted. "I mean, for now. I don't think..."

Sierra inched closer. "Interesting. Tell me more!" Leshawna responded by snatching Sierra's notepad away and throwing it out of a window. "Hey!"

Sierra leapt out of the window and into a bush. After a moment, she emerged from the bush, covered in thorns and twigs but didn't seem particularly phased by any of it. She hugged her notepad like it was a teddy bear before one of the interns threw a burlap sack over her head and dragged her away.

Back inside the tent, a flap opened up from the ceiling and Chris McLean himself slid down on a rope. He allowed a moment for the cast to applause but all that happened was Jasmine shrugging her shoulders and remarking "I've seen better entrances".

"Consider it a hint as to this week's movie genre!" Chris told them, ignoring Jasmine's critique. "This week, we're paying tribute to the action-packed bank heist gangster caper film!"

"That had to be a least three genres," said Anne Maria.

Sammy raised her hand. "Um, Chris? Mike's not back yet. Should we wait for him before starting?"

"Sierra hasn't gotten back either," Rodney noticed.

"Mike and Sierra are gone, people!" said Chris. "Because rescuing them is the first part of your challenge".

All the cast members gasped at this information... except for Kitty. She had spaced out. Tom lightly elbowed the girl, snapping her out of her trance. "Sorry, what's going on?"

"Sierra's missing," Tom quietly explained to Kitty, who gasped at the news.

"They've both been locked up in state-of-the-art safes, along with all the tools each team will need to commit a movie perfect bank robbery," Chris explained. "Your job is to crack the safes, rescue your teammates, grab the equipment, and try to be the first ones to rob the First National Bank of Chris. Let's kick it, gangstas!" After the last statement, he held onto the rope as it carried him out of view.

Leshawna was still wincing from Chris' last word. "Gangstas? Really?"

"I would've left if I'd said something as stupid as that too," Tom quipped.

Cut to a set with two vaults. We pan into the one on the left as heavy breathing was heard. We cut to the inside where we see that it was where Mike was being held. The theatre kid was clutching his legs and rocking back-and-forth. "All good, Mike," he told himself. "You're gonna be okay. They're gonna come save you. It's all good. You won't be alone for much longer".

"Ha! That's the silliest bunch of nonsense I've ever heard!" said a weathered and weary voice.

Mike nearly jumped at the voice. "Who said that?! Who's there?!"

He looked to the left and saw that someone had sat down beside him. He looked just like Mike, except he was hunched over and one of his eyes was closed. "I did!" said Chester. "And I know that none of those pansies are coming to save you!"

"That's not true!" Mike argued. "They're my friends! And I'm their teammate!"

"Ha! Teams! That is funny!" said Svetlana, who had joined them. "Teams are just a sham to pad out the Olympics. No one really has each other's backs. That is why Svetlana works alone!"

"I know these teams are only temporary," said Mike. "But they won't get rid of me now! We haven't hit the merge yet".

"It ain't da teams ya worried 'bout," said Vito. "It's ya girl. Ya worried about bein' all lovey-dovey so ya think she's gettin' tired of youse. Dat's why nobody ties Vito down!"

"Sammy would never do that!"

"I dunno, mate," Manitoba Smith chimed in, once again speaking in a bad Australian accent. "You know how women get. Even their compliments are fake. Playing people's the one thing they're smart about".

"Okay, first off, that's so sexist. Second, I seem to remember making you British".

"Looks like the young whipper-snapper's forgotten what it's like to be alone," said Chester. "Maybe we have to sing him... the song".

"Huzzah!" Svetlana clapped. "The song!"

"Oh, no!" Mike said in a panic. "Not the song!"

"This is the story of Michael," Manitoba started singing. "The loneliest boy in town..."

"This is the story of Michael," the others joined in. "The ugliest boy in town..."

In the other vault, Sierra was handling the situation better than Mike. Granted, some of that was because she was working undercover as Chris' mole and believed that this wasn't an act of malice but at least she was handling it well. "This might be one of my top five Chris pranks," the purple-haired girl thought out loud. "And I know my team's gonna get me out of here. There's Kitty's video game expertise and also that time she used a hair pin to open her sister's diary. There's Rodney and Jasmine's strength. There's Shawn's whole deal with vaults in general. There's-"

A crumpled-up piece of paper landed on her head. "Huh? Is someone there?" She sat up and looked around for a person or even a potential opening that someone could have thrown the paper through. When she couldn't find either one, she opened up the paper and saw, of all things, Japanese writing. However, it didn't take long for her to realize why she'd been given a note in Japanese. "This is from Chris!" she realized. "He had to learn Japanese for that Seriously Speedy movie he was in! And those movies started off as heist films! Oh, he's so smart!"

Having been inspired by Chris to learn Japanese, she read through the note and deciphered its hidden message. "Now, let's see. ‘Just so you know, the team that wins the first challenge will...’" Sierra read the rest in her head as her jaw dropped in disbelief. "Oh. Oh, god. How did I not see this coming?"

Outside of the vaults, both teams had arrived on set. Harold volunteered to use his mad safecracking skills for the Gaffers to break Mike free. The ginger geek held his ear up to the door as he listened for the smallest change in the turning knob. He needed complete silence and concentration.

"UGH, HURRY UP!" Anne Maria whined.

Harold slammed his fist on the vault door. "I thought we established that this requires time and attention!"

"Shouldn't we just have Dawn do it?" asked Gwen. "That's what happened when we were drowning".

"Dawnie ain't here," Anne Maria explained. "She went to the confessional. Dunno why. Ain't like she's got any big secrets". After that last sentence, Gwen began whistling inconspicuously. 

[static]

Dawn was trying to read her future with tea leaves. She had her eyes closed as she swirled the teacup around. "And what do the tealeaves say about my future with Anne Maria?" She was just about to open her eyes before she threw the cup away in fear. "Oh, I can't bear to know!"

[static]

"I didn't wanna rush anyone but we really needed to get Mike out of there as fast as possible," said Sammy. "I don't know if you knew this but he gets a little loopy when he's alone with his thoughts for too long".

[static]

As for the Grips, they were trying a similar technique. Shawn was using his handy-dandy stethoscope to listen in as he held it against the lock. Then, to his surprise, he felt someone place their hand on his own. "Let me help," Jasmine offered as she helped hold up the stethoscope. "Don't want you to get overworked".

Shawn chuckled nervously. "Thanks. I mean, I don't mind if I get overworked. This is what I'm good at".

Jasmine smiled and nodded. "It's what I'm good at too. So why not do it together?"

Shawn wanted to respond with "Because that heightens the risk of spreading a zombie virus!" but he didn't say that. He was too flustered by this moment he was having with Jasmine that he completely ignored those doubtful thoughts. He almost forgot about listening in on the lock but managed to catch himself from completely going off track.

Someone who wasn't particularly good at catching themselves from completely going off track was Kitty. She kept restlessly tapping her foot, feeling the urge to do something to help. Or just anything at all. Eventually, she just wandered off to the side to try and get away from it all. It was a good idea, she thought. She could just try and get all her thoughts together (for once) while trying to exert whatever energy she had. The only problem was that Gwen had the same thought.

"Hey, Kit," the goth greeted her girlfriend.

"Oh, hey, Gwenny," Kitty responded, trying to hide how nervous she'd become. "How... how's it going?"

Gwen shrugged. "It's... going. But if you've got a minute, I wanted to talk to you about something".

"What is it?"

"Well, ever since the war challenge, it feels like you've been avoiding me". Crap, Kitty thought. But Gwen kept going. "I know we haven't spent as much time together because of the whole team thing but we still hung out a lot more. I'm not mad or anything. I just wanna make sure that-"

"Gosh!" Harold exclaimed as he made his way over to Gwen. "I can't get anything done!"

"Yeah, that's great, Harold but Kitty and I were-"

Seeing a possible out, Kitty didn't hesitate to take it. "No, I'll, uh, let you guys get back to the challenge," Kitty said before shuffling back to her team.

Gwen sighed upon realizing that she'd missed her chance to talk to Kitty once again. Deciding that it would probably be best to distract herself with the challenge, she turned to Harold. "What is it?"

"I just can't focus," he whined. "Sammy's all antsy about getting Mike out! I keep telling her I need absolute concentration for this but she keeps insisting on using Anne Maria as a battering ram!"

"Okay, look," said the exasperated Gwen. "Just let me talk to them and we can work something-"

"Oh, we are gonna get this done real quick," Leshawna remarked to her fellow team members. "Look at the concentration those two have!" she said of Shawn and Jasmine. "I bet no one can crack a safe like them!"

A depressed Harold trudged away upon hearing his beloved's comments. "I give up," he sighed. "I can't do it".

Well, Gwen thought, that issue certainly resolved itself. "Alright, I guess we're trying the battering-"

"Have we cracked the safe yet?" Dawn chirped from behind Gwen, causing the goth to jump.

[static]

Gwen was playing with her lighter. "I forgot to pack my stash this season," she revealed. "And I could really use it right now".

[static]

Kitty made her way back to her team and stood beside Tom, who had seen everything unfold. "Girlfriend trouble?" he asked.

"No!" Kitty quickly replied. "I mean, I don't think- No".

Tom chuckled at this. "Uh-huh. You want some advice?"

Kitty scoffed, albeit affectionately. "Yeah, right. What advice could you give, Single White Twinkie?"

Tom couldn't help but laugh, which made Kitty smile at least. "I'm not even mad. That's just funny".

Back at the Gaffers, Dawn had just finished using her techniques to figure out the combination and unlock the large door. "Done".

"Ya see?" Anne Maria smugly asked Sammy. "Don't need to use no battery ram when my girl's on the case".

Before Sammy could respond, the door had fully opened and Mike was revealed to his teammates. We see that he hadn't gotten better since the last time we saw him as he was holding his knees to his chest and rocking back-and-forth. "Ugly and weak, they called him a freak!" he quietly sang to himself. "So he lived on his own underground. He lived on his own underground..."

Sammy ran over to Mike. "Babe! You're okay! Thank go-"

"Sammy!" Mike shrieked. "I need you to tell me that I can leave the vault if I want to!"

Sammy was perplexed but, not knowing what else to do in that situation, granted his request. "...you can leave the vault if you wa-"

"DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!" After frightening Sammy and disturbing his teammates, Mike went back to rocking back-and-forth and quietly singing. "He lived on his own underground..." Before he could repeat the lyric again, Dawn approached him and lightly tapped her index finger on his forehead. The light returned in Mike's eyes in an instant and he seemed unaware of his situation. "Sammy, what day is it?" he asked.

"The day ya get off ya butts and get movin' already!" Anne Maria jeered as she grabbed the bank-robbing kit.

"She's right, guys," said Gwen. "We gotta get moving. Let's go!"

"Wait," said Mike. "I still don't know-"

"I'll explain it on the way!" Sammy interrupted before she, to the surprise of her boyfriend, threw him over her shoulder and ran with the others to the bank set.

[static]

Mike sighed, dreamily. "My girlfriend's so strong".

[static]

The other team couldn't help but notice the Gaffers as they ran past us. "Glad Steph's gone," said Leshawna. "If she were here, she'd be saying some crap about how I jinxed us".

"Well, you were pretty vocal about how we were totally gonna win," Tom remarked.

Leshawna raised an eyebrow. "What's that supposed to mean, Single White Twinkie?"

Kitty fist-pumped upon hearing Leshawna use the taunting nickname she came up with. "It's catching on," she quietly celebrated.

Tom didn't seem the least bit frightened by Leshawna, however. "It means you say whatever the heck you want and I love you for that, Leshawna".

"Dang right," Leshawna said with a smirk. "Maybe I should say something like ‘Hurry up, lovebirds!’" She raised her voice to make sure that her words were actually getting through to Shawn and Jasmine.

"Don't rush them!" Rodney shushed the others, even though he was the closest to the person currently locked in the vault. "We're watching the seeds of true love begin to blossom".

Despite irritating some, Jasmine and Shawn were still having their banter has they listened to the lock. "I didn't know this could be just as effective with two people," Shawn said as he looked at Jasmine with admiration.

"Guess it helps to have someone by your side," Jasmine responded. The two of them were growing warmer and the space between them was slowly getting smaller and smaller- "Did you hear that?" Jasmine asked.

"I did!" Shawn gave the lock one final turn before the door finally opened up. "We got it!"

"About time," Tom scoffed.

"What are you talking abou-" Shawn started before he noticed the other vault door was open and the Gaffers were gone. "Hey, where'd the other team go?"

Before anyone could answer, Sierra sped out of the vault with the bank-robbing kit in tow. "WE HAVE TO GO!"

"Sierra!" Rodney exclaimed. "You're ok-"

"No time, buddy! We gotta go! Now!"

"Ain't gotta tell me twice," Leshawna remarked. "Let's get-"

"Where're the Gaffers?!"

"Oh, they unlocked the vault before us," Kitty explained. "But they don't have a massive head start on us or any-"

Before Kitty could finish, Sierra ran off as fast as she could... in the wrong direction. "Where are you going?!" called Shawn. He turned back to the others. "Where is she going?"

"Doesn't matter," said Jasmine. "We need every team member. Let's go!" She ran off after the fangirl with Shawn and Rodney close behind her. After a few seconds of hesitation, Kitty, Tom and Leshawna followed after them.

Cut to the latter three having caught up with Sierra, Jasmine and Shawn. Rodney was nowhere to be seen. They were all in a parking lot, standing in front of a green car. "What are we doing here again?" asked Kitty. "And where's Rodney?"

"I dunno," Shawn shrugged. "Sierra just stopped here, whispered something to Rodney and then he just ran off".

"Sierra, I appreciate your enthusiasm," said Jasmine. "But if you want us to win, we should probably head for the bank set".

"I know," said Sierra. "That's why we're here".

"What, are we gonna drive to the set now?" asked Tom. "Do you have keys? Because I'm not watching the lock-picking lovefest again".

Rodney ran back over and threw a rock through the driver's side window, much to the shock of everyone who wasn't Sierra. "I did the thing!" he announced.

"Great work!" Sierra said to Rodney, who was bearing a proud grin. She unlocked the door from the inside, jumped inside and found a pair of keys hiding in the sun visor. "What are you guys waiting for? Let's get seriously speedy already!"

"Yeah!" Rodney whooped before entering the car.

Kitty and Shawn got caught up in the moment and entered next with anticipation. Leshawna did so as well but with more reluctance. Jasmine sat down on the passenger seat while a reluctant Tom squeezed onto the floor.

"Quick question," Tom interjected as Sierra turned on the engine. "Whose car is this?"

"Oh, it's Chef's!" Sierra beamed. Everyone let out a "WHAT?!" before Sierra put the pedal to the metal and sped off.

Cut to the Gaffers stepping onto the bank set in epic slow-mo. They were all wearing bandit masks over their heads, even Anne Maria. Hers was especially large because her pouffe retained its shape and the mask stayed on. They also had water pistols because even Chris McLean wasn't stupid or unhinged enough to give them actual firearms. The Grips were still nowhere to be seen and a first-half victory seemed inevitable. All they had to do was reach the teller and ring the bell. But then, Dawn froze in her tracks. She looked around as she had sensed something dangerous. What it was, she couldn't quite say for sure.

Anne Maria looked over her shoulder and noticed her friend had ground to a halt. "What's wrong, Dawnie?" she asked, causing the others to stop as well.

Dawn wasn't sure how to answer. She just felt very uneasy. Then, all of a sudden, she realized what she had sense. "EVERYBODY RUN!" she cried before running off to the side.

The others looked at her with confusion... before a green car crashed through one of the set's three walls. Everyone jumped out of the way to avoid the wild automobile as it kept driving donuts in front of the counter. Before the other team had a chance to react, Jasmine kicked the side door clean off and leapt out of the car while it was still spinning. She expertly landed on her feet before she gently rang the little bell. "Could I get some service please?" she asked politely.

The car finally came to a stop after the bell rang and Sierra excitedly hopped out. "We're here first!" she celebrated.

"Bogus!" Harold objected. "We made it to the set first!"

"Yeah, but Jasmine rang the bell first," Leshawna argued as she stepped out. "Which means we made it to the teller first".

"Now that's just contrived," Mike criticized.

"I dunno," Harold said, his love-struck eyes on Leshawna. "She makes a good point". Gwen facepalmed at this.

Meanwhile, Shawn exited the car next and told Jasmine how incredible that was. Kitty was dizzy but said that she wanted to do it again. Rodney was trying not to barf and Leshawna had to drag Tom out as he wondered aloud about whether or not he was dead. Once the Grips had masked up, Chris appeared from behind the counter. "Welcome, Grips!" he greeted them. "You've beaten the Gaffers to the scene-"

"Aw, that's a load of crap!" Anne Maria objected.

"So you'll get first crack at... the teller". Chris stepped aside as a hidden trap door brought the teller into view. They had a long, curly blonde wig on and they had their back to the Grips so no one could see their face.

Before anyone stepped forward, Tom addressed his teammates. "Let me take a crack at it first. I should take more initiative anyway".

"Knock yourself out," said Leshawna.

Tom nodded and stepped up to the counter. He raised his water pistol up, cleared his throat and addressed the teller in an attempt at a deep, masculine voice. "This is a stick-up, toots! Put all the money in the bag and nobody gets hurt!" Everyone was impressed that Tom had it in him to try and pull off being tough, even the teller.

The teller turned around and threw the blonde wig off revealing... another head of blonde hair. "I am impressed," said Jacques. "If I did not know it was you, you may have actually fooled me".

That was when Tom fainted and the rest of the Grips stared at their returning teammate in shock. Chris popped back into view. "Looks like Tom's gone from cool as a cucumber to being in a pickle. He can run - well, in this case, pass out - but he can't hide, because... Total Drama Action will be right back!"

Fade in on both teams, as well as Chris, standing in front of the counter. On the other side of the counter stood the always-smug Jacques. Almost everyone's facial expressions ranged from shock to annoyance but most of them saying the same thing: "You've gotta be kidding me".

"Welcome back to Total Drama Action!" Chris greeted the viewing world. "As you can see, we-

"HOLY *bleep*!" an off-screen voice shouted. The camera panned slightly to the left to reveal that Chef had walked onto the set and notice that his car had crashed through one of the walls, with several dents and a missing door as proof. "I take one lunch break and this happens!"

Chris rolled his eyes. "Chef, you need to calm down".

"HOW?!" Chef cried, more out of sorrow than anger. "WHO?!" He fell to his knees and yelled to the sky. "WHYYYYY?!"

"Chef!" Chris snapped. "Could you not? Please?"

Chef got to his feet and tried not to cry. "I need to call my mechanic," he said before walking off with muffled sobs.

"Anyway," Chris droned. "It is my... ‘honor’ to report that Jacques is back for the duration of the game". Rodney clapped and whooped upon the return of his friend. Tom hid behind Jasmine, who glared daggers at Jacques, as did everyone else.

"Yes, yes, hold your applause," Jacques said in that Jacques way that annoyed the others. "I know you all missed me".

Tom forced out a scoff as he poked his head out from behind Jasmine. "Pfft! Missed you?! Who missed you? I didn't! Not me!"

Sammy raised her hand. "Not to interrupt but why is he back?"

"Popular demand," Jacques was quick to answer. "Just like Cody, the people at home just could not get enough of me".

"There's no shame in admitting you tried to sue your way back, man," Mike assured Jacques with complete sincerity. "I think we both know how cheap this show can be".

"It was not that!" Jacques refuted. "Is it too much to believe that the network actually wanted me back?"

Gwen turned to Dawn. "He's definitely lying, right?"

"It's interesting," Dawn whispered back. "The audience demand statement was a lie but not the network wanting him back". To Gwen and Dawn, this raised more questions than it answered.

"Doesn't matter what the reason is," Chris said. "What matters is he's back and that whoever had first crack at the teller gets him as a reward".

"Some reward," Leshawna snarked.

"So, Grips, welcome back your old teammate!"

[static]

"The producers told me that Chris rigged the votes so that Sierra could stay," Jacques revealed. "Why he wanted to keep her around, I do not know. They told me that they would allow me to compete in the show again and prove my superiority so long as I do not tattle on Chris or his little stalker pet". Jacques' eyes widened as he realized that he was saying all of this in front of a camera. "I assume that they will edit this out".

[static]

Sierra was holding the Japanese note that had been slipped to her while she was held in the vault. "This note from Chris told me about how the producers made him put Jacques back in the game and that the first team to approach the teller would get him as a member. I needed to get there as quickly as possible or else he'd be on the Gaffers and competing against us. I know a lot about the people here so I know how petty and vengeful Jacques can be!"

[static]

We see that Rodney had grabbed Jacques and enveloped him in a tight bear hug. "I missed you so much, Best Buddy!" he joyfully wept.

Jacques tried his best to not show any sort of emotion. "Yes, yes, let it all out so we can end this disgusting display of emotion".

That's when Dawn chimed in. "He doesn't mean that, Rodney. Jacques missed you very much and is overjoyed that you're so happy to see him again".

"Hey!" Jacques snapped at the magic hippie. "I mean, it is true... but it is none of your business!"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Enough with the love-fest," Chris cut in. "Because now's time for you to be driving in a getaway car!"

"Cool," said Leshawna. "Because we got one right here".

"NO!" Chef cried as he jumped out of nowhere and onto his car. "YOU CAN'T HAVE IT! HASN'T IT ALREADY SUFFERED ENOUGH!?"

"This is the saddest thing I've ever seen," Gwen commented.

"You won't be finding your vehicles here," Chris explained to the teams. He handed Tom a bag full of money, since the Grips had won the first challenge. "You'll find them at the top of Mt. Wawanakwa!"

"Aw, man!" Rodney whined. "That's gonna take hours!"

"The fake one, Rodney," Jacques told him.

"That's right, Jacques," said Chris. "Now, get a move on before the cops arrive!"

With that, the contestants bolted out of the studio and made their way up the fake mountain. Several of them wondered what sort of amazing automobile would be waiting for them at the top. Would it be some sort of old-school muscle car? Those yellow Camaros from the Transformers movies? Sierra was really hoping it'd be one of the Japanese-manufactured cars that Chris drove in his Seriously Speedy movie. Whatever it was, they all just knew that it was going to be amazing.

Apparently, they'd all forgot that they were on a cheap excuse for a TV show because they were all surprised to find that there were no cars on the top of the fake mountain. They were go-karts. Actually, not even. They were dismantled go-karts in two separate piles, designated by team colors. As they stared in disappointment, Chris drove over for them in his cartoonish car. "These are your getaway cars," he explained. "Just waiting to be assembled".

Anne Maria let out a frustrated groan. "I don't wanna do the dirty work! I just wanna drive in a cool car!"

"If the vehicles were ready to go, it wouldn't be much of a challenge now, would it?" Chris laughed as he drove away... right off the cliff because he wasn't exactly the sharpest tool on the Christmas tree.

While the teams got to work on reassembling their go-karts, Tom was putting on his hazmat suit because he didn't want any oil or grease getting on his clothes and hair. He surprised to discover that he wasn't the only one with this mindset as Rodney was assisting Jacques in putting on his sparkly gloves. Tom shook off the discovery that he and Jacques had something in common and got to work.

"Merci," Jacques said to Rodney once the gloves were on.

"Sure is good to have you back, Best Buddy," Rodney said with a smile. "It hasn't been the same without you".

Jacques let out a smug laugh. "Of course it hasn't".

"Well, it hasn't been all bad".

"Uh-huh," Jacques responded, not really paying attention.

"I mean, I got to spend more time with Sierra so that was-"

Jacques grabbed Rodney by his overall straps and pulled him down to his eye level. "Do not trust her!" he warned him in a hushed but harsh tone. "Sierra is not your friend! She is just using you for her own personal gain!"

Shocked by Jacques' sudden outburst, Rodney couldn't help but comply. "Okay, I won't trust her!"

Jacques released Rodney and calmed down. "Good. I am glad we had this talk".

"But she was there for me while you were gone and she's really smart and she smells like flowers and..." Jacques facepalmed as Rodney kept going. He was starting to think that a simple order wouldn't be enough to deter Rodney from Sierra.

[static]

"Sierra told me that Jacques was probably just using me and that he shouldn't be trusted but now Jacques is saying that about Sierra," Rodney recounted. "Does that mean that... neither of them should be trusted?" He thought on this for a moment before ultimately deciding "Naaaaaaaaaaah!".

[static]

"Hey, can you pass me those lugnuts?" Mike asked Sammy.

"Uh, yeah," she said, passing him the lugnuts. "Here you go".

"Thanks".

Things were strangely awkward between them, to say the least. The silence between them lingered as they both tried to find the right words to say. In accidental sync, they both took a deep breath and turned to each other. "There's something I have to tell you," they both said at once. "Oh, sorry. You go first. No, you- Okay, let's just say it at the same time".

"I'm sorry if I'm being overbearing," Mike said at the same time as Sammy said "I'm sorry if I'm being a burden to you".

"What?" they asked in unison once again.

"Wait, Sammy, I've been worried that I've been overprotective or that I've been smothering you," Mike said. "You thought you were being a burden to me?"

"Kinda?" Sammy said, now a little unsure. "I mean, I appreciate you and everything you've been doing for me. I was just afraid that, I dunno, you constantly jumping in front of things for me and shielding me was because you felt like you had to. I didn't want to make you feel obligated to-"

Sammy ceased her spiel once Mike had pulled her in for a hug. "I know you've been through a lot," he told her, softly. "But everything I do isn't because of pity. I do it because I care about you so much".

Sammy put her arms around Mike and savored the moment between for as long as she could. "Thank you, Mikey," she finally spoke up. "I was just worried that maybe I didn't deserve-"

Mike pulled himself off of her but put his hands on her shoulders. "Don't finish that," he asked of her. "You deserve everything and so much more".

Sammy couldn't help but snicker at this statement. "That's really cheesy," she said with a blush. "But I appreciate it".

"Good, 'cause I mean it. I'm not just saying it. My moms agree".

"Oh, I really wanna visit you again after the show. I loved your moms!"

"Good because they said if you don't visit again and I leave you with your sister, they'll disown me". The couple laughed before they went back to work. Several of the contestants were hard at work...

...but we're gonna keep focusing on the relationship stuff. Kitty hadn't gotten around to helping her team yet. She decided that now would be an opportune time to call someone for advice. The problem was that the someone was busy and unable to pick up the phone. "...and I know I've always had problems with attention but I'm so much more aware of it lately," she said into the phone. "I just really need to talk to you. I miss you. Please call me back. Love you, Emma".

She hung up and sighed. That got her nowhere and she was shirking the challenge while her team was working. She needed to get her head in the game and- "Hey, Kit," Gwen greeted as she approached her girlfriend.

"Oh, uh, hey," Kitty stammered. "Shouldn't you be helping your team?" she asked, hypocritically.

"Just taking a breather," Gwen shrugged. "Saw you over here and thought I could check in on how you were doing".

Kitty forced out a scoff. "Gwenny, there's nothing to check in on. I'm doing perfectly fine!" Gwen didn't buy it for one second but Kitty was too busy doubling down to gauge her reaction. "I'm just doing... this challenge. Like I'm supposed to. Doing all the... uh..." Okay, so she may have been a bit distracted and forgotten what the challenge was.

"Fixing a getaway car," Gwen reminded her.

"Fixing a getaway car!" Kitty repeated. "That's what I was gonna say! I was just..." Kitty trailed off again as she looked at her team. The challenge instructions truly sinking in. "I have to fix-up a getaway car," she murmured. Gwen couldn't help but notice that Kitty's eyes were sparkling with excitement. "It's just like ‘Auto Homicide 3’!"

"...Auto what?"

"‘Auto Homicide’! It's one of the biggest video game franchises of all time!"

"You mean those games that are just about stealing cars and shooting people?"

"YES!" Kitty roared with anticipation, startling everyone around her. "IMMA BUILD ME A GETAWAY CAR!"

Kitty dashed towards the scrap pile and disappeared behind a classic cartoon smoke cloud as she assembled her team's go-kart. All the other Grips were afraid to speak while she was so intensely focused on building.

Gwen smiled at the sight. "Well, at least she's happy," she said to herself. "And focused. And efficient and not on my team. She's-not-on-my-team. We-are-so-far-behind-oh-my-god!" She ran back to the Gaffers. "Double time, guys!"

[static]

"It's weird 'cause, like, I'm super focused when it comes to video games," Kitty observed. "I can't really explain it".

[static]

The Gaffers were indeed working double time on assembling their escape vehicle, even if some didn't exactly know what they were doing. For example, Anne Maria was using one of the wrenches the way one would a hammer. Still, they were making decent enough progress. However, Kitty had already finished the Grips' go-kart... mostly. "My masterpiece," Kitty awed at the finished product. "The perfect getaway vehicle. Just like in-"

"Kit," Leshawna interrupted. "You know you didn't actually finish it, right?"

"Wha-?" asked a slack-jawed Rodney. "But it's all put-together".

"Yeah, 'cause she just stuck it all together and didn't use any tools. We try and start this thing and it'll fall apart before we're even halfway down the hill".

Tom realized what Leshawna was getting at. "Oh, please don't tell me we're gonna have to-"

From off-screen, Kitty threw wrenches at some of her team-members. Sierra caught one. Jacques got hit in the head. Tom almost got hit in the head but Leshawna managed to catch it. "Then, get to it!" Kitty instructed. "Because I wanna do some Auto Homicide!"

Tom begrudgingly took the wrench that Leshawna caught. "It's a good thing I'm wearing the hazmat suit".

"You hear that, guys?" Mike asked his teammates. "They still haven't finished. We may actually have a chance!"

"Then, let's keep movin', jabronis!" Anne Maria commanded.

"I'm going to ignore that you just said that," Gwen muttered.

While the team kept making progress and the Grips were tightening all the nuts and bolts, Sierra was doing what she did best: sticking her nose into other people's business. She saw that the Gaffers were gradually starting to catch up and her brain went into overtime. She looked at each one of the opposing team members and tried to figure out whose buttons she should press. She debated with herself for a moment before one of her own teammates approached her.

"Hey!" Leshawna hollered at her. "You wanna help with this challenge or you wanna get eliminated?"

Eureka, Sierra thought. "Hey, Leshawna," Sierra began. "Don't you think Kitty did such a great job with this go-kart?"

"Yeah, sure and she's still helping us with the fastening," Leshawna retorted. "So maybe you wanna-"

"And to think that she did it all from video game knowledge too! I mean, what are the odds?"

"Why're you talking like you're trying to be overheard?"

"I mean, can you think of anyone else who could possibly pick up so many skills just from video games? I mean, anyone else at-"

"No!" Leshawna snapped. "No, I can't think of anyone else who could do what she did just because of video games and she did a great job! Way better than what they're doing or what you're doing! Now are you gonna help us or not?!"

Sierra put on a grin and went back to the others. "Oh, of course! Sorry about that!" Leshawna huffed, as if to say "You better be", before following after her.

What Leshawna didn't know and what Sierra had been counting on was that Harold had heard the whole exchange. The ginger threw down his wrench and lay limp on the floor. "I'm throwing in the towel," he sighed.

[static]

"Oh, I hope I made Chris proud with that!" Sierra mused. "And don't worry, LeHarold fans! The drama will make things worth it! I'll make sure they still become endgame!"

[static]

"Um, NO!" Anne Maria chastised. "Ya can't just give up now!"

"We all need to pitch in, H-Bomb," Mike added.

"What's going on?" asked Sammy.

"Harold heard Sierra and Leshawna talking about how fast Kitty and the Grips were with their go-kart and how no one else could've been as skilled from video games alone," Dawn explained in detail. "Harold heard it and took it personally because he believes that Leshawna was saying that his many mad skills and video game expertise isn't impressive".

Harold said nothing. "You're not gonna snap at her?" Gwen asked him.

"Why would I?" Harold grunted. "Everything she just said was true".

"Quelle chance!" Jacques exclaimed from off-screen. The Gaffers all looked over at the Grips, none of whom had tools in their hands. They were finally done. And they were about to take off. "It seems we are all finished!"

"See you at the finish line!" Kitty waved before Jasmine started the go-kart and began speeding down the hill.

"Crap," Sammy squeaked.

"It's not over yet!" Gwen told her team. "Let's just get this finished!" Everyone nodded and got to work... except for Harold. "Dude, seriously?"

"What's the point?" he mused. "Leshawna already thinks I'm useless!"

"Did you actually hear her say that?"

"It was heavily implied!"

Gwen huffed and stormed off. "I'm not putting up with this now".

"This whole thing's dumb anyway," Anne Maria vented. "Why not just work super hard on this junk so she thinks you're cool or somethin'?"

Somehow, Harold had never considered this possibility. Once the words had left Anne Maria's lips, he jumped to his feet with renewed life before running back to the go-kart and disappearing behind his own cartoony smoke cloud. Everyone else stepped back so as not to get caught in the crossfire. "It's not the healthiest start," Dawn observed. "But it's a start nonetheless".

Cut to the Grips as they'd gone down the hill and zipped through the film lot, determined to keep going until they'd passed the finish line. "Any sign of them?" Jasmine asked her team.

Shawn looked through his own pair of binoculars and couldn't see them. "Not one!"

Leshawna rubbed her hands together with anticipation. "Ooh, I have missed the sweet taste of victory!"

Jacques chuckled, pompously. "Ah, yes. Thanks to the work of the one and only Jacques Brunet".

"What work?" Rodney asked. "You did the same as the rest of us".

Rodney was just asking a legitimate question and didn't mean to call out his friend. Nevertheless, the other Grips still laughed at it. "Nice one, Rodney!" Sierra chimed in, extending her hand for a high-five.

However, before Rodney could high-five her back, Jacques blocked his hand. "Do not take her bait!" he warned his friend, which earned him a glare from the tall, purple-haired girl.

Tom ogled the money bag he was still carrying. "Oh, I cannot wait to spend all of this! I'm gonna be looking like Elton John when this is all over!" Just then, a melodious horn was heard from afar. "Uh, did you guys hear-"

Before Tom could finish his question, the Gaffers' go-kart landed right in front of them, seemingly out of nowhere. "WHY DID YOU DRIVE OFF THE FRIGGIN' CLIFF?!" Gwen shrieked at Anna Maria, who had her hands on the wheel.

"Hey, it worked, didn't it?!" Anne Maria sassed back. "Back me up, Dawnie!" Dawn could not back up Anne Maria, as she was still frozen with fear.

But the Grips weren't a team to give up so easily. They merged over and drove up right next to the Gaffers. "Watcha think you're doing?!" Leshawna growled at them.

"Whatcha think you're doing?!" Anne Maria growled back. She spun the wheel, causing their kart to bump the other kart, which spun off the path while the Grips all screamed.

They screamed in fear as they crashed through a rogue costume rack, with each member coming out in a different outfit. Leshawna was a ninja. Sierra was a magician. Jasmine was a clown. Rodney wore a baby bonnet. Shawn was a pirate. Kitty was a cowboy who proceeded to beat Shawn into a pulp upon seeing him in a pirate costume. Tom, oddly enough, didn't get a costume. He just lost his hazmat suit. Meanwhile, Jacques had ended up with a cone bra on, which caused everyone to laugh at him again. "You are just jealous that I look this good!"

[static]

"No, I did not look good," Jacques admitted. "It was utterly humiliating, extra support be darned".

[static]

Tom was blushing. "I actually thought he was pulling it off".

[static]

The laughter ended as the Grips realized that they were heading right for a truck carrying logs. Everyone screamed as they braced for impact... only to find out that it was just a piece of scenery as they drove right through it. They kept screaming when they saw they were heading for a broken bridge and an oncoming boat... only to discover that was scenery as well. As was the police blockade. And the planet Saturn.

Then, they were heading right for an old man with a raincoat and a bad hook prop. Oddly enough, that one wasn't scenery. They hit him and he went flying through the air. Although, from his non-reaction, he may have just been a prop himself. It didn't matter though. Either way, Kitty still would've shouted "Whoo! Auto homicide!"

Eventually, their go-kart had spiraled so much that they ended up back on the path and right and front of the Gaffers. "Oh, come on!" Mike exclaimed. "How?!"

"Movie magic, Mikey!" Jasmine shouted in response.

"Well, it was nice while it lasted," said Dawn.

"Oh, it ain't goin' down like this!" Anne Maria roared.

"Oh, Gaia, she's going to do the same-"

Anne Maria sped up and hit the Grips' go-kart from behind. The best it did this time was jostle everyone on both teams around. But the Jersey girl wasn't about to give up. She tried rear-ending them again. And again. The third time actually made some sort of impact as Rodney found himself falling out of the seat and nearly flying out off the kart. Thankfully, Sierra was there to catch him by one of his overall straps.

"Don't worry!" she assured him. "I've got you!"

Rodney smiled and blushed like a dope. However, it turned out that Sierra wasn't the only one who had this idea. "No! It is I who has him!" Jacques proclaimed as the camera panned over to reveal that he had also caught the farm-boy by one of his overall straps.

"Thanks, best buddy!" said Rodney.

Sierra chuckled, condescendingly. "Yeah, sure. You've got him. I've got his dental records memorized and you probably don't even know his last name!"

"And I bet he does not even know your big secret!"

"You mean how you were using him for your own gain?!"

"Much like how you are being used by-"

Before Jacques could finish his retort, Sierra made a spur-of-the-moment decision and slapped the ice dancer across the face. Infuriated, Jacques slapped the hand that had slapped him. Next thing they knew, Jacques and Sierra were having a childish slap-fight... with both hands... meaning that they'd accidentally let go of Rodney. The ginger giant flew off and landed right onto Anne Maria. "AGH, WHAT THE F-" Now, it was the Gaffers who were speeding off the path with absolutely no sense of direction or what the heck was going on anymore.

And then, it was over. The Grips had sped past the finish line. "We did it," Jasmine gasped. "We won! We actually won!"

"Not quite," Chris informed them as he walked into frame.

"Oh, you've gotta be kidding me," Tom groaned under his breath.

"What is it now, butt-chin?" Leshawna snarled.

"Well, for one," Chris began. "You need all your members across the finish line in order to-"

"GET THE HECK OFF ME, YA SMELLY COWPOKE!" Anne Maria shouted from off-screen. There's a punting noise heard before Rodney sailed across the finish line before landing right on Jacques.

Jasmine crossed her arms and smirked at the host. "You were saying?"

"Well," said Chris. "That settles that. The Grips are the winners!" Everyone jumped and cheered at the news that, for the first time since the hospital episode, their team had won the challenge. Jacques' victory shout was a bit weaker as he struggled to get back on his feet. "Yes, that's right. You get to enjoy your victory and your sweet bag of loot!"

"It's fake," someone interrupted. We pan over to see the Gaffers, battered and bruised and without a vehicle. "The money's fake," Dawn revealed.

Kitty took one of the bills from Tom's money bag. "Lemme see. ‘Non-negotiable Chris cash. Accepted only in the Total Drama Action Craft Services Tent towards the purchase of water from the tap’?!"

Sierra grabbed the ‘money’ from them like her life depended on it. "MINE!"

"Ah, there you are," Chris greeted the Gaffers. "Well, I've got good news and even better news. The good news is you won't have to be voting anyone off!"

"Oh, thank God," Sammy sighed in relief. "Another reward challenge".

"Not quite," Chris said, mischievously. "Here's the even better news!" A screen was lowered down from... somewhere and the static cut off, revealing a video of Mike when he was locked in the bank vault.

"The heck is Mike doin' on TV?" asked Anne Maria.

The theatre kid almost went pale. "Oh-no..."

"Who said that?!" said the Mike on the screen. "Who's there?!" The Mike on the screen hunched over and closed one of his eyes. "I did!" he said in the ‘Chester’ voice. "And I know that none of those pansies are coming to save you!" Then, Mike went back to normal. "That's not true! They're my friends! And I'm their teammate!" Then, he pulled out a tube of lipstick and hastily applied some. "Ha! Teams! That is funny! Teams are just a sham to pad out the Olympics. No one really has each other's backs. That is why Svetlana works alone!"

"It's true," Jacques remarked, off-handedly.

Back on the screen, Mike rubbed his make-up off. "I know these teams are only temporary. But they won't get rid of me now! We haven't hit the merge yet". Then, he pulled off his shirt and slicked back his hair. Oddly enough, Anne Maria had no reaction. "It ain't da teams ya worried 'bout," Mike said in the ‘Vito’ voice. "It's ya girl".

As soon as on-camera Mike said the word "girl", Chris paused the footage and smiled a devilish smile. "What's this?" he said with false curiosity. "Why it looks like Vito? But it can't be. Because Vito got voted off and that's why Mike is still here".

"Oh-no, no, no..." Mike droned.

"Why, it's almost like Mike and Vito are the same person and this whole trick was completely pointless and stupid to begin with".

"You're a terrible actor!" Gwen jeered at Chris.

"YOU NEED TO LEAVE!" Sierra sniped at the goth.

"Thank you, Sierra. Anyway, I guess I have to get rid of Vito now since he was voted off and all that. And I guess that means that Mikey-boy has to go too". Chris walked off, chuckling to himself, leaving the Gaffers stunned.

Perhaps the most stunned was Mike, who fell to his knees and was completely speechless. Sammy knelt down beside her boyfriend. "You okay?" she asked, gently.

"All that work and what did it get me?" Mike quietly asked himself. "Why did I do it?"

Leshawna went up to Harold, the Gaffer she was arguably was the closest to, and decided to offer some comfort. "For what it's worth, you gave us one heck of a race". Had it been any other day, Harold's spirits would have been lifted by a significant amount. He would have been gushing over Leshawna, having been fully convinced that he'd impressed her. Convinced that he still had a chance.

However, Leshawna was still in the ninja costume so Harold let out a high-pitched squeal and ran back up the hill in fear.

Cut to that night. The Gaffers, sans Mike, all sat in the stands while Chris was up onstage, looking incredibly satisfied with how things turned out. "The time has come," he said into the mic. "For Mike's Walk of Shame, that is!" He looked around for Mike so he could call him down to the red carpet, only to realize he wasn't there. "Okay, where is he?"

"Oh, sorry, Chris," said Sammy. "Mike's just getting ready for his speech".

"Oh, okay," Chris shrugged. Then, Sammy's words finally sank in. "Wait, his what?"

Mike zipped onto the stage and shoved Chris out of the frame. "My speech, of course!" The Gaffers all cheered and applauded once Mike had appeared. Sammy was especially exuberant at his arrival.

"No, no!" Chris tried to say. "I'm nixing thi-"

"First off, I'd like to thank my Moms," Mike went on, anyway. "They put everything they had into raising me and I hope I made them proud!"

"LET'S GO, LESBIANS!" Gwen rejoiced.

"Next, I wanna thank all of you! Wouldn't have made it has far without y'all!" Everyone whooped at this line. "From Anne Maria's strength to Gwen's leadership to Dawn's brains to Harold's many mad skills!"

"I APPRECIATE THAT!" Harold shouted.

"I wanna thank Jasmine! I know she's not here right now but she helped me get back here anyway. But most of all, I wanna thank Sammy". He calmed down and lowered his tone slightly so she could hear just how sincere he was. "Sammy, I love you so much. I'm never gonna give up on you and I don't want you to ever give up on yourself!"

Sammy got to her feet. "I'll try not- no - I won't give up, Mike! I promise!"

Chris got back to his feet and tried pushing Mike away. "Okay, I'm just gonna take my light back now-"

"Oh, and Chris..." Mike locked his with the hated host. "This isn't over. I will  have my revenge".

"Chef!" Chris yelped. "Chef, get him outta here!"

Chef stormed onto the stage and began carrying Mike away but Chris had already been robbed of the night he'd been hoping for. The Gaffers were all giving Mike a standing ovation. Sammy was whistling while the others all chanted his name. "Thank you, Total Drama Action!" Mike went on as he was carried away. "You've been a wonderful audience! Thank you! Good night!"

With that, Chef threw Mike into the Lame-O-Sine before getting behind the wheel. Then, he sped off and drove Mike away from the film lot for the second time.

Chapter Text

~Recap~

"Last time on Total Drama Action... The cast members were in for the crime of their lives when both Mike and Sierra were snatched and stuffed into safes. Both teams managed to get their respective members free but it was some quick thinking from Sierra that allowed the Grips to win the first challenge. They also won an old teammate as notorious ice dancer Jacques managed to skate his way back onto the show, much to the delight of Rodney and the shock of Tom. In the end, the Grips got away with a victory and Mike's mental breakdown in the vault meant that I could finally boot him off the show. Is Jacques truly here to stay? How will Sammy handle the competition without her beau? Find out on another awe-inspiring episode of Total! Drama! Action!"

~Theme Song~

We fade in one morning on the girl's trailer before Gwen, Leshawna and Sammy all exited at once so they could make their way to the Craft Services Tent. Gwen and Leshawna seemed fairly unenthusiastic. It was just another morning on Total Drama for them. Sammy, on the other hand, was noticeably more downtrodden. "How're you holding up, girl?" Leshawna asked the cheerleader. Sammy answered with a heavy sigh. "Well, that answers that".

"You weren't this upset when Mike got eliminated last time," Gwen pointed out.

"I know but that was when he had this sneaky plan about getting back onto the show," said Sammy. "I knew he'd be back. But it's definitely not happening twice".

The Gwen that first arrived at Camp Wawanakwa months ago would've scoffed and rolled her eyes. She would've made some snarky remark along the lines of "Boo-hoo, I can't talk to a boy as much". But Gwen and the others had gone through a lot in the months since then. And they all knew about the raw hand Sammy had been dealt when it came to her family. Seeing Sammy once again lose touch (as temporary as it may be) with someone who loved her for herself definitely made Gwen feel an abundance of sympathy for her. "Well, look at it this way. Wherever Mike is, he's definitely rooting for you the way you were rooting for him last season".

Sammy eased up a little, even if she still wasn't at her highest high. "I guess that's true".

"And let's face it. At one point, you were the only one rooting for Mike last season," Leshawna remarked, garnering a chuckle from the other girls.

"I guess that's also true. Especially after what happened with- Jasmine!" Sammy brightened upon seeing a familiar face.

Indeed, Jasmine was standing by the tent entrance, minding her own business. She only looked up when Sammy called her name. "Sammy!" The cheerleader ran over and threw both her arms around the Amazonian. "How are you? Is everything okay?"

"I'm still a bit upset that he's gone," Sammy answered after ending their hug. "But at least I have you, right?"

"Of course," Jasmine reassured her friend. "God, I feel like it's been ages since we've hung out".

"With good reason," Leshawna said under her breath once Jasmine and Sammy were out of earshot.

"What was that?" asked Gwen.

"Uh, nothing," Leshawna quickly answered in an attempt to save face. "Let's go get some food".

"If you can call it that," Gwen snarked. "By the way, have you talked to Kitty lately? I'm starting to worry about her".

"Girl, if she hasn't been talking to you, what makes you think she's talking to me?"

[static]

"She's talking to me," Leshawna revealed. "Leshawna: Everybody's Friend... for better or worse".

[static]

"Okay, I've found someone to talk to about this," said Kitty. "Leshawna's trustworthy and tells it like it is. She'll know what to say to help me with my attention problems".

[static]

"Talk to your girl already," Leshawna told Kitty as they got their breakfast trays from Chef.

"I was really hoping you wouldn't say that," Kitty groaned.

"Look, it's one thing to keep it a secret from the team. But if you keep avoiding Gwen like the plague, it ain't gonna end well. Trust me".

Kitty knew Leshawna was right. Ever since they were selected for different teams, the time between challenges was the only time she and Gwen were able to hang out with each other. And now Kitty was using that time to avoid her so that she didn't find out about whatever she had going on in her head. She felt awful about it. She wanted to tell Gwen, really. But there was a part of her that worried that Gwen would look back on their time together, realize how flippant and inattentive she was and think that it was just too much for her to handle.

But she had to rip that Band-Aid off eventually. And she didn't want to risk losing Gwen anymore than she would by telling the truth. "I'll tell Gwen," she told Leshawna, who seemed relieved by the answer. "But please don't tell the team".

"Okay," Leshawna conceded. "But I still don't see what the big deal is. I mean, we all know how hyper you are".

"I'm just worried that if someone points out how I'm easily distracted, they're gonna think I'm a liability and vote me off".

Leshawna made a noise somewhere between a chuckle and a scoff. "Kitty, believe me. The only one who would really think that is-"

"Good morning, my valued teammates," Jacques greeted them with a camera-ready smile as they sat down.

"That was forced," Tom remarked.

"And I appreciate your feedback". Contrary to his words, Jacques' right eye began to twitch.

Sierra plopped herself down at the Grips table next. "Ooh, is there finally some progression with ‘Tomques’?" She pulled out her notepad. "Tell me everything! Do not spare a single detail!"

That was Tom's cue to get up and leave. "Yeah, I've lost my appetite".

Jacques glared venomously at Sierra, who simply scribbled the brief interaction onto her notepad. Was she just being the intrusive blogger that she usually was? Or was she genuinely trying to get in his head by brining up this weird ‘Tomques’ ship? Did she know he liked Tom? Was it that obvious? Was she that good? Had she seen the Aftermath episode? Was she just trying to get a rise out of him by bringing up their stage kiss? All these questions echoed in his mind.

But he shoved them aside when Rodney sat down in between them and pulled them in for a tight squeeze. "Hey, buddies!" Both Sierra and Jacques let out a simultaneous "hey..." as they stared at each other with great suspicion.

Everyone's breakfast was interrupted by a loud, intrusive noise that almost sounded like a foghorn. We cut outside where we see that it was Chris McLean blowing into a gargantuan horn. He was also wearing a leopard-print loincloth that was impressive to absolutely none of the contestants as they exited the tent to find him standing there. "Oh, god, that outfit is hideous!" Tom shuddered. "I may have to bleach my eyes now".

"Oh, Tom," Chris said with a smile. "You have no idea how happy I am to hear you say that".

Tom leaned over to Leshawna. "What does he mean by that?" he whispered.

"I dunno," she said. "But if I end up in a loincloth, it's your fault". Tom gulped in fear.

"Now, I know most of you aren't exactly happy that Jacques is back," Chris said in a tone that made it clear that he also wasn't very happy that Jacques was back. "So I figured that today, you guys could get all your aggression out by unleashing your more... primal instincts". He let out a sinister chuckle. "Today's genre is the period movie!"

Shawn began sweating bullets. "You mean like Pride and Prejudice and Zombies?!"

"Okay, there's no way that is a thing," said Jacques.

"Oh, it's a thing," said Kitty. "It was a compromise for movie night back home once".

"I'm afraid you're all off when it comes to the type of period movie we're covering today," Chris spoke up before pointing to a certain contestant. "Sierra, you've been gushing about my flawless filmography this whole time. Why don't you tell them about the very expensive period piece I was in?"

"It would be an honor!" Sierra proclaimed as she moved in front of everyone. Everyone braced themselves for whatever asinine cinematic spiel Sierra was about to go on. "Okay, so it's the story of a young low-class nobody who falls in love with a wealthy heiress, who feels trapped in her high-class world. Her mother is forcing her into an engagement with a handsome rich man, played by none other than Chris, who takes her to a paradise of abundance. But it's not enough to keep the uptown girl and her downtown man apart. Desperate, the rich fiancé sneaks an expensive heirloom into the boy's pocket, framing him for theft. Then, when all seems lost, the two of them-"

"Okay, stop right there!" Leshawna interrupted. "You weren't in Titanic, Chris".

"Of course I wasn't in Titanic," Chris said. "Who said I was?"

"Sierra did," Jasmine chimed in. "Just now. By summarizing Titanic".

"I did no such thing!" Sierra said, defensively.

"That was literally the plot of Titanic," Harold insisted. "Rose didn't lose Jack just for you to weasel your way into cinematic history!"

"Sierra wasn't describing the plot to Titanic," Chris doubled down. "She was describing the plot for the movie that I was in. You know the revolutionary cartoon, The Stalagmites?"

"Oh, I love that show!" Rodney gushed.

"Well, they made a live-action adaptation. Then, that was so successful that it got a prequel featuring yours truly: The Stalagmites Go To Monte Concrete".

"It's true!" Sierra beamed. "I've seen it about seven-hundred-and-sixty-seven times!"

"And that's still less than the amount of times Emma's seen Titanic," Kitty observed.

"Wait," said Sammy. "So they wanted to make some sort of follow-up to a live-action version of an old caveman show..."

"And they decided to do it by ripping off Titanic?" Jacques finished.

"I will have you know that it was a loving homage!" Chris retorted.

Gwen raised her hand. "Hi, someone who barely cares about Titanic here. I feel like we're all breezing past the part that the period movie Chris was in was about cavemen. Does that mean that-"

"We're doing a caveman movie!" Chris announced, eliciting annoyed groans from most of the contestants. "I've been wearing a loincloth this whole time! How did none of you piece this together?!"

"So we're all gonna be wearing loincloths, huh?" Leshawna asked as she gave Tom the stink eye.

"That's right, Leshawna! Now, cave people in prehistoric flicks do two things: make fire and use bones as tools".

"But the whole point of The Stalagmites was that it was modern times but just made up of rocks," Harold pointed out.

"Perhaps you missed the part where I said the movie was very expensive, Harold. We don't have that kind of money. I mean, we do but I'm not spending it on you clowns". At that moment, a loincloth-clad Chef wheeled out a costume rack. As suspected, the costumes were just loincloths of varying colors. "Speaking of clowns, here are your costumes! Now get into character, people!"

Cut to later as all the contestants were wearing their leopard-print costumes with assigned colors. As expected, all the girls' wore two-pieces while the boys were wearing what were basically prehistoric speedos. That was probably not how early humans wore clothes but no one really seemed to object. Harold probably felt the urge to but he was too busy flexing in front of Leshawna. He wanted her to swoon instead of the laughing she actually did but he convinced himself that it was still a positive reaction. The negative reaction came when Tom approached her. "I just wanna make it clear," he began. "This was not my fau-"

"Don't talk to me," Leshawna said, flatly. Tom obliged and shuffled away.

"Ya not worried about wearing an tiger?" Anne Maria asked Dawn, who was wearing an olive-green costume.

"Leopard," Dawn corrected. "And I'm not worried because this isn't real. There are no green leopards in nature".

"Really? Weird". Anne Maria eyed her best friend up and down and couldn't help but throw out a compliment. "Ooh, Dawnie! Never seen ya in a two-piece before! Ya look gorgeous!"

Dawn found herself turning red once again as she tucked her hair behind her ears. "Oh. Um... Thank you".

As if Dawn wasn't red enough, Anne Maria kept going. "Ya know, it's weird. I think ya clothes would look ugly on anyone else. But ya just look so cute in them. Probably 'cause ya always look like a fairy or somethin'".

Dawn looked like she was about to explode. "I... appreciate... it..."

Speaking of gay panics, Kitty was staring at Gwen from afar and trying not to have a complete meltdown from how her girlfriend looked in her costume. After a moment, she shook herself out of her trance, took a deep breath and walked over to the goth. She was ready to finally explain everything and hoped it all worked out. "Gwen?"

Gwen turned around upon hearing Kitty's voice. "Yeah?"

[static]

"So here's what I've got," said Kitty. She cleared her throat and practiced her spiel. "‘Gwen, I'm like a squirrel. I'm always hyper and moving all over the place. Am I jumpy and easily distracted? Sure. But when I put my mind to something, I can get it done, no problem. I'm sorry for avoiding you lately. I've just been trying to find the right way to tell you without making you think I'm like an unfocused toddler’. Okay, yeah, that should work".

[static]

"What?" Gwen asked with confusion.

"I'm sorry," said Kitty. "I must have spaced out while I was talking. What did I say?"

"You said ‘Gwen, I'm a squirrel’ and then we just kinda stood here in silence for a few seconds".

Kitty wanted to slap herself in the face. "Okay, let me try again. What I meant to say was-"

"Hello, cast!" Chris greeted everyone as he strolled onto the set. "Nice to see you all decked out for the competition. And might I say, you all look pre-hysterical". No one was amused by the pun. It was the fakest laugh Sierra had ever made in her life. "Yeah, I still don't get paid to write this show. Anyway! Chef, the tools for the first Stone Age challenge please!"

Chef complied and handed each contestant a single stone. "Here's your rocks".

"Don't ya think ya takin' this stone age thing too literary?" asked Anne Maria.

"Actually, rocks have proven to be quite resourceful," Dawn explained to her friend. "For example..."

[static]

"Now see, if it was Harold bein' all nerdy about rocks, I woulda thrown one on his foot," said Anne Maria. "But because it was Dawnie, I wanted to hear everything. I dunno why".

[static]

"First team to collect the hidden firewood and use the ‘flint stones’ to make fire earns something to help 'em with the second challenge," Chris explained. "Ready? And... action!"

The contestants all took off in different directions to look for the hidden firewood. Some, like Jasmine, used skill to great success. Others looked behind whatever object they stumbled across. Leshawna got lucky and found a bunch of logs behind a bush. Others, such as Tom, weren't having the best of luck. Dawn was Dawn and simply trusted her instincts. Gwen was about look in a tree before she was pulled off-screen by Chef. "What's your damage?!" she spat at him.

"Hand it over!" he commanded.

Gwen was, understandably, confused. "Hand what over?"

"The lighter!"

"I don't have it!" she said, truthfully. "It's with my clothes".

"Yeah, right. That's what they all say".

"I'm serious! Where would I even keep it?"

Chef took a proverbial and literal step back. "I'll give it to ya. You got me there".

"That's what I thought". Gwen turned around and walked away, cursing Chef under her breath.

But just because Chef was done with the goth, that didn't mean he was done interrogating people. Two hatted individuals happen to run by at that moment and he managed to pick up the shorter one by the head. "Not so fast, zombie boy!"

Jasmine, who had been accompanying him, noticed what had just happened and tried to argue. "What's wrong with you?! You can't just snatch up innocent people-"

Chef paid her no mind, however. "Alright, zombie survival guide! Empty the hat!"

Shawn's fear went from pure panic to more of an anxious facade. "Empty the hat?" he asked, feigning innocence. "Why, whatever would I have to hi-" Chef dropped Shawn onto the ground but snatched his beanie off of his head. He proceeded to shake it so that several tools of flammability fell out. These included matches, a blow torch, a tub of gasoline and even a friggin' flamethrower.

Jasmine put her hands on her hips and shook her head at Shawn. "I have to say," she began. "I'm very disappointed in you, Shawn. I know you're always prepared but you should know better than to-" Jasmine ceased her takedown when Chef snatched her hat off next and turned it upside-down so that a lighter fell out. With that, he walked away, leaving the two survivalists alone. Shawn crossed his arms and shook his head at Jasmine. "Okay, but a flamethrower? Really?"

"Look," said Shawn. "Brick's just talking to the guys one day about how his dad was looking to get rid of his flamethrower..."

Cut to Gwen coming across Dawn, who had found a substantial amount of firewood. She just wasn't very strong. "Could you give me a hand?" the moonchild asked the goth.

"Sure thing," Gwen said, taking a few logs in her arms. "Where are the others?"

Dawn looked around. "I'm not actually sure. I know Harold disappeared a while ago but-"

Anne Maria ran up to the two of them, panting the whole time. "Yo! Have... ya guys... seen Harold... and a buncha... beaver bears?"

Before either of them could respond with "what?", Sammy ran over to them. "I found them! They're right this-" Harold sped past all of them, followed by a couple of woolly beavers from last season's Boney Island challenges. "...way".

Meanwhile, Kitty was looking in any spot she could for firewood. "Alright, Kit," she muttered to herself. "Don't get distracted. Stay focused. Don't be a burden to your te-" She was distracted from her... attempt at a pep talk when she noticed Harold being chased by woolly beavers. "Ugh, we gotta deal with those again?" she whined.

Sierra fell from a tree branch once Harold and the beavers had left the shot. "Ooh, what a sight!" She jumped to her feet and pulled out her phone to take pictures. "Those look just like the animatronic woolly beavers from the Rodents Who Kill movies! They-"

"Starred Chris?" Kitty finished.

"Yes'm! Don't worry, though. I don't think we're gonna be doing those kinds of challenges. Creature feature is way too close to horror".

"Yeah, I was gonna say-" Next thing they knew, Harold was being dragged off by one of the woolly beavers. "Sierra, I don't think those are animatronics".

"No!" Harold cried. "Not like this!" Before he could face an untimely and unexpected death, Leshawna conked the beaver on the head with a piece of wood, causing it to run away in fear.

"You okay, honey?" she asked him.

"Yeah..." Harold answered as he tried to catch his breath. "I don't usually run from danger. My skills are enough to keep me safe. I guess I just felt more vulnerable without-"

"You don't gotta justify anything, Harold," Leshawna told him with a chuckle. "I already think you're brave".

Harold's heart actually skipped a beat after hearing those words. "Thank you, Leshawna".

[static]

"I meant what I said," Leshawna noted. "Anyone who would step to me after just meeting me a few seconds ago the way Harold did on the first day? That's brave as all get out".

[static]

Cut to both teams gathered around their respective piles of firewood trying to start a fire by hitting rocks together. The ol' fashioned way. Jacques threw one of his rocks into Rodney's hands. "I refuse to touch this filthy rock any longer," he proclaimed. "You do it!"

"Okay, Best Buddy!" Rodney said with a smile.

"Just do the best you can, Rodney," Sierra told him. Jacques started glaring at her again. For a second, he was wondering if he was too harsh on the only contestant who actually viewed him as a friend. But now he was thinking that Sierra was just trying to get a rise out of him once more.

Tom watched all this as he sat beside Leshawna and Kitty, the latter of whom was also trying to start a fire with rocks. "Ugh, can you believe that guy?" Tom scoffed. "What a wimpy jerk".

"Uh, didn't you ask Kitty to try to start the fire so that you wouldn't have touch the rocks?" Leshawna reminded him.

"That's different. I actually asked Kitty. Right, hon?" Kitty didn't respond. She was actively trying to block her friends out at that moment so that she could focus solely on starting the fire and winning the challenge.

"All I'm saying is that if you ain't gonna use rocks, then what are you gonna throw from your glass house?" Leshawna teased.

"Oh, please. Just because I'm also an effeminate gay guy, I'm just like Jacques? That's messed up. Sure, we both have fabulous hair and impeccable taste. But he's a jerk and he's a total snake. I actually try my best to get along with people and befriend them". Leshawna didn't interrupt Tom's rant. She just smiled and hung onto his every word. "And the only reason I don't try that with him is because I know how it'll turn out. He'll either tell me to screw off or he'll stab me in the back".

Leshawna fought back her laughter. "So you thought about what would happen if you tried to get in a relationship with him?"

"Yes, I have!" Tom huffed... before realizing that he'd fallen right into Leshawna's trap. "PLATONICALLY!"

This startled all the other Grips out of whatever it was they were doing as they turned to look at him in confusion. To make matters worse, it was Jacques who asked "Um, why did you just-"

"SHUT UP!"

After that sudden outburst, everyone simply went back to what they were doing. Shawn and Jasmine were each holding their own set of rocks and trying to start the fire separately... albeit while sitting right next to each other and enjoying each other's company. "Hey, Shawn?" Jasmine began. "Can I talk to you about something?"

"Shoot".

"So we've been hanging out with each other a lot more lately..."

"We sure have. It's been real nice".

Jasmine blushed. "I think so too. I... actually feel more like myself around you".

"You have? I don't think you've been acting that different".

"It's not so much how I've been acting and more how I've been feeling, you know?"

"I think so".

"It's just... I feel more at home when I'm working with you. I get to do what I love doing and forget that this is just a bunch of cheap scenery".

Now Shawn was blushing too. "Wow, Jasmine... That's a real nice thing to say".

"So I just wondering if, you know..." Jasmine was wearing her widest smile as she tried to find the right words to say. "Maybe instead of flirting during challenges, you wanted to make this official-"

"NO!" Shawn blurted out. Jasmine's smile was replaced with a look that was a mix of both heartbreak and confusion. "Um, I mean- I'm just not ready for a girlfriend right now".

"Oh, uh... That's fine". Jasmine was still blushing but it was because of an entirely different emotion now. "If you don't mind me asking, when do you think you'll be ready".

"...never".

"Wha-"

Before either of them could keep their conversation going, Shawn hit the rocks together one last time and the logs caught fire... as did the beanie-wearing survivalist. "HOLY CRAP! GET IT OFF OF ME!"

"SHAWN!"

The flaming conspiracy nut began running around the set, screaming in pure terror. Even Kitty was snapped out of her concentration as Jasmine jumped to her feet and ran after Shawn. "STOP, DROP AND ROLL!"

"WE NEED WATER!" Rodney yelled. "Oh, there's some over there". He ran off-screen before the other Grips noticed what exactly it was that he'd spotted.

"RODNEY, NO!" Sierra yelped.

"THAT'S NOT WATER!" cried Tom. "THAT'S GAS!"

Nearly all of the Grips ran after the farm-boy to make sure that he didn't dump an entire tub of gasoline onto someone who was already one fire. Soon enough, Leshawna was the only one left at the fire, still processing everything that had just happened. She looked over and noticed that all of the Gaffers were looking at her with shocked expressions on their faces as they silently begged for answers. "Don't ask me!" she told them. "I dunno what the heck happened either!"

Fade to later as Chris summoned the contestants with the giant horn once again. "Yep, still lovin' this crazy thing," he said to the camera. All the contestants gathered together in their respective teams. Although, Shawn was a little worse for wear than at the start of the previous challenge. He was charred and smoky and there may have been a small flame or two left on his hair.

[static]

"Part of me wants to hate Shawn for leading me on like that this entire season," Jasmine huffed. After a beat, she softened up. "But I'm too concerned about him still being alive by the end of the day".

[static]

"How you doin', bud?" Tom asked Shawn.

"HE WHO HAS TOO MUCH MONEY SHALL ONE DAY BE FORCED TO FIGHT AN EVIL DOPPELGANGER OF HIMSELF COMPRISED OF THE WRETCHED BILLS!" Shawn exclaimed.

"Is this normal for him?" Tom asked.

"No, this is new," said Sierra. "Trust me, I've checked".

"ITS ONLY WEAKNESS IS SALTWATER!" Shawn cried before collapsing onto the ground.

"Holy dooley..." Jasmine winced.

"Well, I think that actually works in my favor today," Chris said as he walked up to the teens. "I need three Grips to step out for the second caveman movie challenge".

Tom and Jacques both noticed the large vat of tar that was behind all them and simultaneously shouted "I volunteer!".

"Ah-ah-ah," Chris tutted. "We're not doing volunteers. I'm choosing who goes. Now, let's see..." Chris looked through all the Grips and he couldn't help but notice Jasmine constantly look at Shawn before looking away before looking at him once again. The crew had to review the footage. They knew what had occurred just before Shawn caught fire. "Jasmine, you're Grip #2".

Jasmine was in shock. "What?!"

"Hey, I gotta keep things fair between the teams".

Had it been anyone else, Jasmine would've taken the compliment and appreciated it. But Chris? "That's not the reason," she said through gritted teeth. "And you know it".

"I do," Chris said, smugly. "Now, for our last contestant, let's get a been more random". Chris waited for Jasmine to carry Shawn off to the side before he stuck out his finger and ‘randomly’ started at Kitty, who was third in the line-up. "My-mother-said-who-is-the-very-best-one-and-you-are-not-it". His finger had stopped on the fourth Grip in the line-up: Sierra.

"Oh, darn!" Sierra stomped her foot to sell the disappointment she was supposed to be feeling. "I guess I can't participate in whatever amazing challenge you have planned for us, Chris!" At the end of the line-up was Jacques, who didn't look happy.

[static]

"If Chris had started at the line-up at the far-left like you're supposed to, his finger would've landed on Tom," Sierra explained. "Instead, he started on Kitty so that means his finger landed on me! He wanted to pick me! I know he cared!"

[static]

"Chef, weapons please!"

Cut to Chef unveiling a pile of bones from underneath a red sheet. "So our reward is bones?" asked Jacques.

"Hey, for cave-people, bones were cutting-edge technology". Chef walked to the five Grips that were actually participating in the challenge and handed each one of them a single bone. Each of the bones was bigger than most of their torsos. They were so large that Tom was barely able to lift his up at first. Even when he was able to lift it, he was struggling the whole time. After that, Chef also handed bones to each of the Gaffers but these were significantly smaller. These ones looked like they could've actually come from a human being. In other words, the Grips' weapons trumped the Gaffers'.

"Now, the props department for caveman movies are bare-bones," Chris continued. "Which means these are all actors have to fight their on-screen enemies with".

"So much for being the villain in an expensive period piece," Gwen cracked.

"Hey, I said expensive! I never said successful! Now, you're gonna use these bones to fight your enemies. And your enemies are each other, of course! The Grip tribe vs. the Gaffer tribe!"

"So we're fighting each other with these toothpick bones?" asked Anne Maria, who decided to give into her mischievous thoughts and throw her bone right at Jacques' head ("Owie!"). "I love it!"

"I'm glad to hear that," said Chris. "Because you'll be fighting over there!" Chris pointed to the tar pit behind them. The contestants all looked up to see the two tall, yet slender stone columns that stood in the center. "Each player that knocks their opponent off the column into that fake bubbling tar pit scores a point for their team. To the tar pits!"

"Suddenly, I'm elated that Jasmine's not participating," Sammy remarked.

"I was already elated," Harold said as he thought back to how the Aussie had knocked him out cold with a dodgeball last season.

Cut to the first pair of contestants assigned to fight atop the stone columns: Tom and Dawn. It wasn't exactly a heavyweight match. "How do we know when we start?" Tom shouted down.

Chris chuckled that snide, evil chuckle of his. "Oh, don't worry. You'll know". He then blew into the horn with all of his might and the result sound was so loud that Tom nearly fell off his column.

To his surprise, it was Dawn who managed to help him stay on top. "Thank you," he panted. "But why?"

Dawn removed the plugs from her ears. "Simple. I knew what would happen and you didn't. I didn't want our match to be unfair".

Tom smiled before trying to lift the large bone over his head. "Then let us fi- WOAH!" Tom nearly fell off the column once again but just barely managed to catch himself.

"Well, as fair as it can be," said Dawn.

What would happen next was just a continuing pattern of Tom lifting the bone, trying to hit Dawn and nearly falling off while the moonchild simply dodged each swing. To the spectating contestants, it was a mix of both intense and exhausting. They seemed to get tired of it happening over and over again, yet most of them still gasped every time it looked like Tom was about to fall. Others simply passed the time by making conversation.

"Can I tells ya somethin'?" Shawn asked Jasmine.

It should be noted that Shawn, still charred, was being held in the Aussie's arms and she was having very mixed feelings about it. The boy she liked had been leading her on the whole season. She wanted to scream at him. But she couldn't leave him in that state. So she pushed her feelings down and tried to be helpful for the time being. But now, he was trying to talk to her. What was she supposed to do? "What is it?" she asked with no emotion in her voice.

"So, like..." Shawn slurred. "There's this girl..." Jasmine scowled. There was a girl?! "And her name's Jasmine..."

Oh, wait. He was just loopy. Time to actually listen. "What about her?"

Shawn's eyes began twinkling. "Oh, she's da bestest! She's really pretty and nice and she's so dang cooler! Do yo wants ta hear about when she defanged a snake?"

"Maybe some other time". Jasmine cleared her throat and tried to remain calm. "So do you like this girl or something?"

"Oh, yesh. I like her so much. And we've been flirting for weeks. But then she actually asked be out on a date and I panicked and said I could never date because I thought I never could, ever in a million years".

Jasmine tried to the best of her ability not to get angry. "Why not?"

"'Cause I's scaaaaared," he whined. "I's always scared! Da zombies are coming!" Jasmine rolled her eyes. "But now I wants to tell her I was wrong".

Jasmine's heart almost stopped. "Wrong about what?"

"Well, ya see, I wasn't being all caution about the zombiefied whenever we hung out so I thought I was being too unguarded around her. But now, I'm thinking that it was because with her, I didn't hafta worry about the zombiefied. Because, like, I felt completely safety when I was with her".

In her attempt to keep up the sham, Jasmine choked back tears. "You really mean that?"

"I do," Shawn confirmed. "And I wouldn't have realizing if I didn't sets ma-self on fire and realize how short life is". After a bit of ditzy chuckling, Shawn finished his rambling. "Thanks for listens. Youse a good friend... uh... What was your name again?"

"Maura," Jasmine fibbed. "My name is Maura". Her heart was beating fast and she was smiling like a dope... but the smile faded as soon as she looked back up. "Are they still going?" she asked of Dawn and Tom.

Sure enough, the two of them were still in their cycle and swinging, dodging, nearly falling off and repeating. The other contestants were gradually growing bored and tired of the whole thing.

Except for one. "WHOO-HOO!" Anne Maria cheered, which caught the moonchild's attention. "LET'S FRICKIN' GO, DAWNIE!"

The sound of Anne Maria's cheers made Dawn's heart swell. Even if the Jersey girl didn't return her feelings, there was something about these little moments that still meant so much to her. Anne Maria and Dawn were complete opposites and yet, they'd formed this tightknit bond with each other. Anne Maria really listened to her, even if her interests were vastly different from hers. She helped her stand up for herself. She owed her so much and she would always be appreciative, no matter-

"DAWNIE!" Anne Maria shouted. "DODGE!"

"Wha-"

*WHAM*

The fight was finally over once Tom had whacked Dawn in the face with the dinosaur bone, causing her to fall into the tar pit. Of course, Tom had also lost his balance and fell in right after her but the point still went to the Grips.

Chris laughed at the misery of the two blondes while the others, especially Anne Maria, stared in shock. "Ha! That was awesome! Totally makes up for how boring that fight was! Anyway, that's one point for the Grips!"

Both Dawn and Tom emerged from under the tar, although the latter seemed to be enjoying himself. "My skin feels amazing, you guys! You should totally come on in!"

"If your team voluntarily jumps into that tar pit, they're forfeiting," Chris informed them".

"...well, you should totally come in later".

Cut to two more blondes standing atop the columns. Jacques for the Grips and Sammy for the Gaffers. Sammy was a tad nervous, per the norm. Jacques was wearing that smug smile of satisfaction, even though the fight hadn't begun yet. After a few seconds of tension, Chris blew the horn and the fight had begun. The ice dancer let out a battle cry and swung the giant bone with all his might.

Naturally, Sammy jumped up, did a summersault in the air and landed on her feet. Jacques was in shock. "What?! But how-"

"Cheerleading," Sammy shrugged.

Jacques scowled as the Gaffers all cheered. He wasn't one to give up without a fight and this was no exception. He swung his weapon in every direction he could but Sammy either kept blocking or dodging. They weren't even complicated moves sometimes. At one point, she just stuck her arms out like she was holding pom-poms and that was enough to parry Jacques' attack.

Watching proudly from on the ground was a member of the opposite team. "That's my girl," Jasmine quietly remarked as she watched her best friend duke it out with Jacques.

"Is she, though?" someone asked her.

Jasmine looked down and saw that it was Leshawna who was addressing her with that question. And she didn't look too happy. "Of course she is. She's my best friend".

"Your best friend, huh?"

Jasmine had no idea where this was going. "Yes. She is my best friend. I don't see what's so hard to understand-"

"You remember that talk you and I were havin' before Mike came back?"

"I have a lot of talks with people, Leshawna".

"You were tellin' me about how nervous she gets? And then you said you were worried about her being too dependent on others?"

"Yeah, and what about it?" The moment Jasmine said "it", everything came flooding back to her. She remembered how that particular conversation with Leshawna ended. Needless to say, the shorter girl wasn't happy with Jasmine's choice of words. "Oh".

"Remember what you said about your so-called ‘best friend’?" Leshawna interrogated.

"I- I was- It was so long ago! And besides, I didn't mean it! It just came out".

"If it came out, that means it was rattling 'round your brain already".

Jasmine continued to deflect. "Well, why are you just bringing this up now?"

"Because now that Mike's gone again, she's trying to hang with you more," Leshawna explained. "Now I don't know that girl very well but everyone here knows 'bout the Hell she's been through back home. Not even Jacques would want to see her best friend talk about her the way you did".

"It was a mistake, okay?" For some reason, Shawn was starting to feel a lot heavier in her arms. "I should never have said it. And besides, I was wrong. I mean, look at her!"

Up top, Sammy was still dodging all of Jacques' attack. She even managed to hit him with her bone a few times, even if the smaller weapon still didn't leave much of an impact. "That is it!" Jacques exclaimed. "I will not lose so soon after my comeback!' He lunged his bone at Sammy as if it were a battering ram but the cheerleader leapt into the air once again and flipped over the ice dancer's head. She landed right behind him... which shocked pretty much everyone who was there. Sammy raised an eyebrow at everyone's expressions. "How are you still standing?!" Jacques demanded to know. "What are you standing on?!"

Sammy snickered. "What are you talking about? I'm standing on my-" Sammy glanced down for a millisecond as she spoke before her brain had processed what it'd seen. She looked down for a few seconds this time and realized that she was standing in mid-air. And following cartoon logic, when you look down while standing in mid-air... "Ah, crap".

Sammy plummeted down into the tar pit, earning the Grips another point. "Sammy!" Gwen and Jasmine cried in unison. They both ran over to the tar pit (Jasmine threw Shawn aside and he landed in Leshawna's arms) and searched around for their mutual friend.

After a few terrifying seconds, Sammy jumped out of the tar and landed on her feet a third time. "Cheerleading!" she proclaimed with a wide grin.

"Sammy?" asked Gwen.

"Are you okay?" asked Jasmine.

"Imma fall down now," the tar-covered blonde said before falling onto the ground.

"Well, that's two for the Grips and zilch for the Gaffers," Chris narrated. "Next up: Rodney and Harold!"

Cut to the two gingers on their respective columns. Harold sized up the farm-boy and the cogs in his head did their thing. He knew that Rodney had a huge size advantage, in terms of his build and his weapon. But Harold knew he had his own set of skills to help him. He was an expert dodger, thanks to all the figure skating he's done and he was learned in hand-to-hand combat. He could do this.

When Chris blew the horn, Rodney shouted "SMASH!" and flung his bone around wildly. Harold only barely avoided it every single time. The randomness and unpredictability of Rodney had also caused his brain to stop working so now he was just focused on survival.

While Harold barely managed to stay in the game, Rodney's ‘best buddy’ approached his other friend. "We need to talk," Jacques whispered to Sierra.

"Not now!" Sierra shushed him as she watched the farm-boy in awe. "I'm watching Rodney!"

"I know you are McLean's mole," Jacques said, anyway. "And he threw me out just to keep you in the game".

Sierra threw her hand over Jacques' mouth and pulled him to the side. "Don't think you can threaten me," she said. "You know no one will believe you".

"Oh, I know," Jacques admitted. "Besides, the producers said I was only allowed back in if I did not snitch".

"Then why are you telling me this?" Sierra knew that Jacques wasn't just giving her a heads-up. She knew he loved to play dirty. Josee had taught him too well.

"Because if I get the boot again, then I'm free to tell anyone". Before Sierra could bring up that he'd just admitted that no one would believe him, Jacques dropped a bomb on her. "And how do you think your farm-boy will feel when he hears that you made a deal to get rid of his ‘Best Buddy’?"

Sierra looked up and saw Rodney still trying his best to hit the frightened Harold. "So what? You want me to help you stay in the game?"

"Well, me and Rodney," Jacques was quick to correct her.

Sierra opened her mouth to say something. But for some reason, she didn't know what to say. The idea that Jacques wanted to make sure that she kept both him and Rodney in the game for as long as possible was a bit of a surprise to her. She'd done her research on Jacques. She knew she could chalk it up to him wanting to keep his easily-manipulated ally around. But she also had the misfortune honor of interviewing Josee. She wouldn't be surprised if Jacques just wanted someone who enjoyed his company, even if he was too stubborn to admit to that. She closed her mouth, as she couldn't quite figure out which one to bring up. Whatever the case, she wasn't going to complain about keeping Rodney around. "Alright, deal," Sierra said.

"Deal. But, then again, I do not think that Rodney will need any help when it comes to facing Harold".

Sierra wanted to say that Harold actually had many talents and attributes that could help him achieve a last-minute victory, when the bespectacled ginger screamed like a little girl. "THEY FOUND ME!" he shrieked.

Somehow, no one had noticed that the large woolly beavers from earlier had returned, jumped into the tar pit and begun gnawing through the plaster columns. "Told ya they weren't animatronics," Kitty muttered to Sierra.

The beavers had chewed through the column just enough for it to begin toppling over but the agile Harold leapt off before it was too late and landed on Rodney's shoulders. "I win!" Rodney cheered.

"Not so fast!" Chris called. "You haven't knocked Harold off into the tar. Until you can do that, he's still in the game!"

The large ginger looked up at the scrawny ginger. The scrawny ginger looked down at the eager beavers, one of whom was readying its fist for what was to happen. "Rodney, please..." Harold squeaked. But his pleas fell on deaf ears. Rodney raised the giant bone and threw it down towards Harold. But Harold was still an expert dodger. He leapt into the air just before the weapon could make contact with him, causing Rodney to hit himself on the hit.

The dizzy farm-boy fell off the column almost immediately and landed right on top of the beavers. Harold landed right onto the column, stomach-first. It was more painful that he could've imagined it to be but he was safe from the beavers and he'd earned the Gaffers their first point of the challenge.

[static]

Both Sierra and Jacques sat in the confessional. Sierra looked frustrated with Jacques. Jacques looked frustrated with the world. "I tried to tell you-"

"Well, excuse me for having some faith in my friend!" Jacques snapped. "That makes me a better person than you!" Sierra looked more confused by the statement than anything.

[static]

"And Harold has saved the Gaffers from a humiliating defeat!" Chris announced. "We'll just have to see if they can pull a victory out of their butts. Now, for our next pairing..." Chris knew exactly who the next pairing would be but he pretended to be figuring it out at that moment for dramatic effect. "Hmm, let's see. Ah, Gwen and Kitty? You two have been super awkward recently. Why not fix that by beating each other up?"

Both Gwen and Kitty were aghast. "Oh, BS!" Gwen called.

"You're just trying to force drama at this point!" Kitty objected.

"I swear, I don't love the drama," said Chris. "It loves me".

Gwen and Kitty stood on the singular pillar. There was still a good amount of room for them because they were abnormally skinny, which almost a given when it comes to being a girl designed for Total Drama. Kitty gripped her weapon tightly and gritted her teeth with determination. She loved Gwen with all her heart but she couldn't afford to lose focus or go easy right now. For several days, she'd been worried that whatever issues were happening in her head would get the best of her and prove that she was detrimental to the team and herself. But now was a chance to change all of that. And she wasn't going to hesitate to take it.

Chris blew the horn and the game had begun. "Okay," Gwen droned. "So did you wanna go fir- WOAH!" Gwen ducked her head, narrowly avoided being clobbered by Kitty's prehistoric weapon. "Okay, then!" Gwen tried to make a few swings at Kitty but her weapon was obviously a lot smaller, making it easier for the other girl to dodge.

Kitty didn't stop at using her hands or bone either. She tried to go for low kicks, from aiming to Gwen's shins or trying to sweep her leg. But Gwen managed to jump just before contact was made each time. They kept lunging, dodging and even trading places. It was both a battle and a dance of avoiding hits. Gwen's footwork was pretty good, Kitty thought. Did Gwen actually know how to dance? She considered dancing as a potential ‘first real date’ idea before she forced herself back down to Earth to keep fighting. She tried swinging at the goth once more and almost succeeded.

Gwen almost fell over but managed to stay on the column. However, the amount of fear in her eyes had increased significantly. "Kit!" Gwen panted. "Look down!"

"That's not gonna work!" Kitty sniped back. "You're not gonna distract me! I'm not unfocused! I'm not some messy screw-up! I'm not a burden! I! Am! Capable!"

Gwen was in shock. For a second, she was speechless. She wanted to say that she didn't think that. She wanted to ask if this was what was bugging Kitty this whole time. She wanted to make it abundantly clear that Kitty wasn't a burden. Instead, Gwen shouted "WOOLLY BEAVER!" and Kitty finally looked down.

Sure enough, one of the woolly beavers had emerged from underneath the tar and the danger of falling off the column had suddenly increased tenfold. One wrong move and Kitty would find herself falling to these weird beaver/boar/bear hybrids and-

Bear.

Gwen got mauled by a bear last season. It took her out of the game. What would happen if Gwen fell into the tar? Would she manage to get away? Or would she get hurt again. Kitty wasn't going to let it happen. She glanced down again. There was only one beaver that had emerged so all she had to do to win while keeping Gwen safe was to knock her off onto the opposite side. That was it. She would prove to herself and her team of her capability while saving her girlfriend.

She kept swinging at Gwen, who kept dodging until Kitty noticed that her back was to the side without the beaver. Now, for phase two. She got ready, set and then lunged right at the goth with all her the force she could muster... only for Gwen to simply step out of the way. Before even processing her girlfriend's actions, Kitty had run right off the column and into the tar.

[static]

A tar-covered Kitty rubbed her eyes in exasperation. "I was so focused," she sighed. "So focused on my strategy that I didn't even consider that Gwen would just... move!" She slapped herself on the forehead.

[static]

The Gaffers cheered their teammate for tying up the score count but Gwen didn't care about the game at all in that moment. "Kitty!" she shouted down. "Kit, are you okay?!" After a beat, Kitty stuck her hand out of the tar and made a 'so-so' motion. "Kit, I can't see from up here!" Exasperated, Kitty decided to just crawl out of the tar.

"And the score's all tied up!" Chris proclaimed. "All either team needs is just one point to avoid elimination. Time for our final pairing: Leshawna and Anne Maria!"

It was almost as if there was no oxygen on the set anymore. All the other contestants knew right away that this was going to be a duel of epic proportions never before seen on the show. While they all looked on with shock and anxiety, Leshawna and Anne Maria were both wearing determined smirks.

Cut to the two of them atop the singular column. Everyone watched from down below with bated breath. Leshawna gripped her large weapon tightly but Anne Maria still seemed cocky and confident. Of course, so did Leshawna. "Alright, New Jersey, hope you got your bags packed. 'Cause Little Leshawna's about to send you home crying".

Anne Maria's eyes narrowed. "No, you".

Chris blew the horn before Leshawna could retort to... whatever that was. The two of them let out a loud battle cry, swung their weapons as hard as they could and...

Static cuts the pair off and a black screen is shown with white text that says "This scene of Total Drama Action has been cut short due to standards of decency".

We see a battered and bruised Anne Maria and Leshawna. They looked short on breath but neither of them looked ready to give up yet. It didn't matter how many hits they would take. They were both too tough (and stubborn) to concede to their respective opponent. It probably had to do with them being on more even ground now. Leshawna's bone had been broken in half and she only had the bottom now. Meanwhile, Anne Maria's smaller weapon didn't seem as feeble in comparison anymore. Back on the ground, the other contestants weren't rooting for one girl over the other. Instead, their respective teams were begging them to just give it up already.

"Leshawna, just throw in the towel!" Tom cried. "She's not worth it!"

"Anne Maria, please!" Dawn pleaded. "It's not your time yet!"

"Had enough yet?" Leshawna said in-between her breaths.

"Missy, I'm just gettin' started," Anne Maria smugly replied.

Leshawna chuckled. "That's funny. 'Cause so am I".

For one last time, the two girls swung their weapons at each other with all the force they could muster. In perfect unison, they had hit each other in the face. After a moment or two, they both fell off the column and plummeted down towards the tar. Was it going to be a tie? It had to be. They were falling in sync. They were both going to hit the far and then, no one would win the game. Or even worse, Chris would come up with some sort of demented tiebreaker.

While one of the woolly beavers had left before this latest match, the other one had finally re-emerged from the tar. It looked around as it tried to figure out what the heck was going on. It looked up and noticed that a girl with suspiciously large hair was on track to fall right on top of it. While the girl looked strong, she was nowhere near as big as the large ginger that fell on it earlier. But then there was the girl's hair. It wasn't moving. At all. Was- Was it real? Was it metal? She was getting closer. If that hair was as heavy as it looked, the beaver would be in for a world of pain.

Anne Maria almost hit the tar before the remaining woolly beaver panicked and slapped her away with its tail. She fell rather ungracefully onto the ground, untouched by tar. Leshawna, on the other hand, belly-flopped into the far before sinking underneath. "Oh, I know you did not just hit me!" Anne Maria shouted at the woolly beaver. Terrified, the creature let out an otherworldly shriek and ran for dear life. "Yeah, ya better run!" Anne Maria didn't get to threaten the prehistoric punk for much longer. Just a second later, her teammates ran up to her and lifted her over their heads. To her delight, they chanted her name in celebration for their victory.

Meanwhile, Tom and Kitty ran over to the tar pit to help their fallen friend. "Leshawna!" Tom cried once they'd successfully gotten her out. "Are you okay, sweetie?"

"The girl sassed me and then whacked me in the face," Leshawna said of Anne Maria. "...I kinda respect that".

"Well, it looks like the Gaffers have saved themselves from both extinction and elimination today," Chris recounted to the camera before turning back to the winning team. "Gaffers, here is your reward!" Chef drove over to them in a golf cart. Tied to the hood was a impossibly massive rack of ribs. "Behold: A mammoth-sized prehistoric barbecue!"

The Gaffers all cheered at the sight of actual food... except for Dawn. Dawn just fainted. Worried, Anne Maria hopped down to the ground and scooped Dawn up in her arms. "Dawnie! Don't worry! I'll get ya outta here!" Before she sauntered off, she shot a threatening glare at Sammy, Harold and Gwen. "Don't finish that without me! Capeesh?!"

Cut to later and we see Kitty sitting outside the girls trailer, wearing nothing but towels because she had just showered off all of the tar. Despite finally being clean, she didn't seem very enthusiastic. She was shaking her leg and melodiously tapped her fingers on the bench as she thought back to her match against Gwen. She tried her best to be the opposite of what she'd been doing and it ended in defeat. Maybe the problem wasn't her focus or lack thereof. Maybe the problem was... her.

"Hey," a comfortingly raspy voice greeted her. She looked up and saw Gwen standing beside her. She was holding out her hand, which was holding a chunk of meat from her team's reward. "Want some?"

Kitty took the meat, muttered out a "thanks" and began snacking. Gwen sat down beside her and took a deep breath. "You wanna talk about what happened out there?"

"Talk about what?" Kitty asked, monotonously. "How I ran off the column like an idiot?"

"What? No! Those things you said about how you were a burden and a messy screw-up".

Kitty simply shrugged. "What's there to talk about? I think it was spot-on".

"Kit," Gwen sighed. "None of that is true. You are not-"

"I AM!" Kitty snapped. "I am, okay?! I tried to fix whatever's happening in my head before my team could notice and vote me off or before you could notice and think I'm some annoying weirdo! But I can't fix it! Because it's me! I'm the problem! I'm just like that!" After unleashing all of her frustrations, Kitty watched Gwen closely as she waited for a reaction. At first, Gwen's face lacked any sort of expression. What was going through that head of hers? Just say something, Kitty internally begged.

"I'm really sorry that you're going through all that," Gwen finally spoke up. "But you've been avoiding me for days now so I have no idea what you're actually going through".

Kitty wanted to slap herself. But she had just enough self-control not to. Instead, she collected herself and tried her best to explain her situation to Gwen. "I have trouble with attention," she confessed. "I mean, I thought that was what's wrong with me. I'm unfocused. Whatever. Like I haven't heard that a million times before from Emma and my teachers. But ever since Sierra brought it up the other week, I've been stuck on it. And I didn't know why it was bothering me so much. And then I went into this weird thought spiral that I tend to go on. Like when you hear one word and then that triggers a song in your head, ya know? Or maybe you don't know because that's what I'm trying to say! It's not just being unfocused in school. I'm unfocused when it comes to my own thoughts and interests! I can never just stay on one thing! I want to play my favorite game but now I've watched The Princess Bride for the fiftieth time instead! I'm finally motivated to clean my room only to start reading webcomics for the next three hours! I can't sit still unless I'm actually trying to get something done! I can never stay on topic during a conversation! I thought back to all of this after Sierra mentioned what my counselor said and now I'm realizing that it's always been there! I've been nothing but an annoying chatterbox on a permanent sugar high my entire life! My attention span isn't the problem, Gwen! I'm the problem!"

After getting everything off her chest, Kitty buried her head in her hands and tried catching her breath after the revealing rant. There was a part of her that wanted to shut down right then and there now that it was all out loud. She wanted to fade away forever so she wouldn't have to deal with herself or the world around her ever again. She wanted to-

"You mean ‘going on’," Gwen softly corrected her.

Kitty lifted her head and shot a confused look at her girlfriend. "What?"

"There's something going on with you, Kitty," the goth elaborated. "But there's nothing wrong with you".

"Gwen, you're saying that but-"

"Kit..." Gwen intertwined her fingers with Kitty's. "Believe me when I say that there's nothing wrong with you just because your brain's wired differently. I'm not just saying that to make you feel better. I mean it". Kitty wanted to say something to that but words failed her. What was she supposed to say? That she felt better? That everything was going to be okay now? That wasn't how it worked. "Can I say something else?" Gwen asked. Kitty simply nodded. "I don't think you're a problem but you're right when you say that this is just how you are".

Now Kitty was really unsure how to feel. "Uh, thanks, I gue-"

"And if your brain didn't work like that, I'm not sure you'd still be Kitty. I mean, all that stuff you just berated yourself for? I love that about you. I love how energetic you are. I love how passionate you are when you do whatever it is you love to do. I love hearing you talk for hours about the stuff you enjoy. And yeah, you tend to space out sometimes. But I'm not just gonna let that get in the way of everything else. I mean, I've had days where I didn't wanna get out of bed and you stuck by me anyway. I know you think you're not good enough just because of everything that's going on with you but I promise that you are!"

A weak smile appeared on Kitty's face. "You really like hearing me ramble about nerd stuff?"

"Of course I do. It's like I'm Link and you're Zelda".

Kitty felt her heart skip a beat. "You did listen to all of my insane Zelink spiels! Aw, Gwenny!"

"Yeah, believe it or not, the whole thing about one character going on a bunch of nerdy spiels and the quiet one just kinda looking at them with love just kinda stuck with me. I dunno why".

Kitty laughed at her girlfriend's usual snark, especially with its extra dose of affection. But there was still only so much Gwen's words could do. "Huh".

"What is it?"

Kitty looked down at her feet. "This is the best case scenario for me telling you about what's happening. You're not even mad that I avoided you for so long, which I am so sorry for. I never want to do that again!"

Gwen gripped her girlfriend's hand tighter. "It's okay. I understand". Those two words were enough for Kitty. "Go on".

"So now I've told you so... why don't I feel better? Is it because I haven't told the team? Do I need to? Oh, god, are they gonna vote me off if they hear?"

Gwen put her free hand on her girlfriend's face. "You don't feel better because this isn't a temporary thing. You're gonna be dealing with this your whole life".

"It's gonna be really hard," Kitty said, her voice cracking slightly.

"I know it is. But I'll be right here whenever you need me. And I will jump anyone who votes you off or says that there's something wrong with you. I mean it".

Overwhelmed with feelings of dread, doubt, hope and love, Kitty threw her arms around Gwen for a tight hug. "Thanks, Gwenny". Gwen returned the hug and the two of them stayed that way for a bit. "I just wish I didn't have to go through all this during the show. It's hard to figure things out when you're always under pressure to help win".

"I know," Gwen comforted her. "But let's just get through this for the time being and then we'll-"

Kitty pulled herself off of Gwen, who couldn't help but notice the look of realization on her girlfriend's face. "Gwen. I have an idea... but I don't think you're gonna like it".

We cut to the Gilded Chris intro, followed by the ceremony itself. All the Grips sat in the stands once again as Chris stood before them in his blue tux. "Welcome back, Grips. It feels like so long, yet so soon since your last visit. Once again, you've got quite a few to pick from. Rodney, you hit yourself on the head and out of the challenge". Rodney hung his head in shame while Sierra patted him on the back for comfort. "Shawn, you set yourself on fire and blew your shot with Jasmine".

A cleaned and aware Shawn's eyes widened in surprise. "I did?" he asked before he fully processed Chris' second statement. "Oh, I did..." Jasmine was sitting behind Shawn, who couldn't see her warm smile and loving eyes as she looked at him.

"Kitty," Chris continued. "You just ran right off of the column". Kitty didn't have any reaction to Chris' words. Instead, the reactions came from Leshawna and Tom, who were snickering at the teal lipstick stains that were all over Kitty's face. "And finally, Jacques. You're Jacques". The ice dancer rolled his eyes while Sierra tried her best not to laugh. She didn't want Jacques snapping when their deal was still in its infancy. "Well, with all of that fresh in your heads, it's voting time!"

Everyone pulled their voting devices out from under their seats and made their choices. Some, however, took a little bit longer to decide than others. At one point, Shawn turned around to try and face Jasmine. "Look," he whispered. "I'm really sorry that I-"

"Hey!" Chris sniped. "No peeking or it's auto-elimination!"

"We'll talk later," Jasmine assured the conspiracy nut. Shawn nodded and turned back around. Despite feeling anxious about what was to come, he couldn't help but feel a sliver of hope.

"And the votes have all been cast!" the host announced. Chef, back in his pink dress, walked over with a silver tray of seven Gilded Chris statuettes and an envelope that held the vote count. Chris took the envelope, opened it and began to read off some names. "And the first Gilded Chris of the evening goes to... Jasmine". Chef threw Jasmine her reward.

"Next one goes to Sierra".

"Tom"

"Leshawna"

"Rodney"

Three Grips hadn't received a trophy but there were only two left now.

"Jacques"

Jacques let out a smug chuckle as he caught his Gilded Chris. Now, it was just Shawn and Kitty. Shawn was biting his nails with worry. Kitty was almost unreadable. She wasn't stone-faced. She was was eagerly awaiting the results. But her expression didn't say ‘worry’ or ‘panic’. Her body language spoke more than her face did, though, as she was anxiously bouncing her leg.

"The final Gilded Chris of the evening goes to..."

...

...

...

...

"Shawn"

Shawn let out a massive sigh of relief like it was the first breath he'd taken in ages. As he celebrated, he couldn't see the thankful look on Jasmine's face. But then, there was Kitty, who still seemed unreadable. She obviously wasn't going to look very happy but she didn't look too upset. She wiped all the lipstick stains off of her face and let out a small chuckle. "Well, it's been a trip, you guys".

"Shame this had to happen, Kitty," Chris chimed in. "Maybe if you'd paid a bit more attention during your duel, you'd have-" Chris was cut off when he got hit in the face by a flying statuette. Then, he fell to the ground.

Now, Kitty had a reaction. "Aw, that was awesome!" she cheered. "Thanks for that, Leshawna!"

Leshawna, who no longer had her Gilded Chris, simply gave her a shrug. "Least I could do".

Kitty took the Walk of Shame down the red carpet before stopping at the Lame-O-Sine. The door was wide open but she took a moment before leaving. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before letting it all out. As she got into the vehicle, it felt as if a massive weight had been lifted off her shoulders. None of the other Grips could quite explain it. Not even those who were in the know. But that didn't matter to Kitty. The Lame-O-Sine took off and she was gone from Total Drama Action.

The Votes

[static]

"I vote for Jacques," Jasmine said with no explanation. Then again, she didn't really need one.

[static]

"I vote for Shawn for lighting himself on fire, yes," said Sierra. "But he also led Jasmine on the whole season and then broke her heart!" She wiped a few tears away. "Also, I don't want Rodney to go. So I asked him to vote Shawn out too".

[static]

"Kitty asked me to vote for her and I told her it was a flat-out no," Tom said. "But then she started doing sad eyes so I caved in".

[static]

"Kitty, this has gotta be the strangest thing you or anyone else has ever asked me to do," said Leshawna. "But if you really want me to vote for you, I will".

[static]

"Jacques told me to vote for Leshawna but Sierra told me to vote for Shawn," said Rodney. "I think I'll go with Sierra on this. She's got all those facts and figures on her side".

[static]

"I will be voting for Leshawna," Jacques declared. "She is too popular and well-liked to keep around for much longer. And I think this might be the best chance I have to drop her. I asked Rodney to vote with me on this so I'm sure she'll have at least two votes against her".

[static]

"I don't remember any of what happened right after I said ‘never’ to Jasmine," Shawn revealed. "Leshawna said Rodney knocked himself out? If that's true, then I'm voting for him".

[static]

Kitty wasn't alone in the confessional. Gwen was by her side. "Are you sure you wanna do this?" she asked.

"I'm sure," said Kitty. "Besides, I already begged Tom and Leshawna to vote for me and they finally gave in. It's a little too late to go back on that now".

"Can you just walk me through this again?" asked the goth. "I mean, if you were so worried about your team voting you off because of what you're dealing with, why do you want to vote yourself off?"

"It's easy," Kitty said. "I don't think I can figure myself out while I'm trying to compete. I'll just make myself feel worse. But if I'm not in the game, then I'll have more time to work things out. And I won't feel responsible if anything goes wrong with my team because I won't be here at all. And if there's another season, I'll know what to do by then".

Gwen smiled proudly at Kitty. "And here you are, saying you can't get anything done. Though, I'd rather lose a toe than do another season of this".

"Not even if I was there?"

"Well, of course, I'd do another season then," Gwen clarified. "I love you, Kitty. I'm not just gonna let you do this by-" Gwen was caught off guard by how big and lovestruck Kitty's eyes had become. "Kit, you okay?"

"You just said you love me".

"Yeah, of course I did". A realization had struck Gwen. "Have I never said it before?"

"I mean, I never said it either but I really wanted to". Kitty enveloped Gwen in another tight hug. "I love you too, Gwenny!"

Gwen held onto Kitty, hoping that maybe if they stayed like that, she wouldn't leave. "I'm gonna miss you so much," she said quietly.

"Me too... So you wanna make out before I go?"

Gwen blinked at this. "Yeah, okay". She reached over to put her hand in front of the camera lens, causing the footage to cut to...

[static]

Chapter Text

~Recap~

"Last time on Total Drama Action... Our caveman movie challenges made some people look good. And other people look better. Shawn found himself on a bit of a hot streak. And Dawn fell for Anne Maria in more ways than one. Meanwhile, Jacques and Sierra made a temporary truce in order to keep Rodney in the game because, let's be honest, he'll need all the help he can get. Finally, after several episodes of avoiding Gwen and hiding her personal problems from her team, Kitty decided that she was tired of this whole thing and convinced two other team members to help vote herself off. How will Gwen fare without her beloved? How long will the peace between Jacques and Sierra last? Will Shawn and Jasmine make it after all? Find out the answers right now on Total! Drama! Action!"

~Theme Song~

We fade in on the trailers early one morning. Stepping into view were Jasmine and Shawn. Jasmine usually went on early morning walks but she was accompanied by her conspiracy crush today so that he could clear the air on what had happened in the last episode.

"So, yeah," Shawn said. "I was afraid. I mean, I'm usually afraid. But I'm not afraid when I'm around you. Maybe I don't need a bunker or to live the nomad life, you know?" The two came to a stop and Shawn looked up at Jasmine so in order to lock eyes with her. "Maybe the way to be safe and prepared is... you". Shawn wanted to hit himself as soon as he said it. "God, that was corny. Sorry. I'm not great with words".

Jasmine kept her eyes on Shawn and smiled the whole time. "No, it's okay," she assured him. "Go on".

"My point is that I should have told you how I felt much sooner," Shawn continued. "But I really hope you can forgive me someday. And if that ever happens, I'd like to take you up on that offer you made before. You know? On making it officia-"

"Yes!" Jasmine erupted.

Shawn blinked in surprise. "R-Really? Just like that? You're not mad?"

"Well, I was," the Aussie explained. "But I forgave you when you explained yourself... during the last challenge when you were charred to a crisp".

"I said all that?"

"Well, you were barely conscious, thought I was a random stranger and couldn't talk very well but you got your point across. I just wanted to hear you say it when your filters were back up and you knew who you were talking to".

"Oh, okay. That, uh, makes sense". This was a lot for Shawn to process but he was able to get the point. "So we're good?"

Jasmine leaned down and held Shawn's face in one hand. "I guess there's only one way to find out".

The time it took for the gap between them to close was just a few seconds but it felt like an eternity to the two of them. Finally, their lips met and the two of them were locked in a tender and passionate kiss. And aside from the hidden cameras all over the lot, it was a moment that was reserved for just them.

[static]

"I can't believe she forgave me so quickly," said Shawn. "But I'm not complaining. I'm grateful that someone as awesome and beautiful and kick-butt as Jasmine still likes me! And that we're actually a thing now!"

[static]

"I was a little worried during the last episode," Jasmine admitted. "But now, almost everything is perfect. I'm finally dating the weird guy of my dreams! The only thing that could ruin my time on the show now would be..." Jasmine's face fell. "The show".

[static]

Indeed, it was the show that would come to ruin their time together. Their long-awaited kiss was cut short by the blaring sounds of a trumpet. "Oh, come on!" Jasmine exclaimed as she stood up straight. Unfortunately, she accidentally knocked Shawn onto the ground in the process. "What does he want now?! Also, sorry, Shawn".

Shawn raised a thumbs-up and croaked out a measly "is oooooooooooooooookay..." before his hand fell once again.

All of the other contestants trudged out of the trailers in their pajamas. None of them looked happy to have been waken up so suddenly and so loudly. A couple members had to be carried out but for various reasons. Jacques was tired like the rest of them but he didn't seem to fully comprehend what was going on as Rodney carried him out. "Josee, please," he muttered. "Let me sleep in and not do sunrise practice just this once. I promise you we are already great".

"Aw, he's all tuckered out," said Rodney.

Tom winced at Jacques' groggy pleas. "You know, I thought the Josee stuff was kinda funny before but now I just feel bad for him".

"Never thought I'd hear someone say that," Leshawna chuckled. "But you ain't wrong. It's kinda sad". She turned her head to look at the final two contestants leaving the girls trailer. "And speaking of sad..."

Sammy was carrying Gwen out of the trailer and the goth looked absolutely miserable. Gwen wasn't a morning person to begin with but Kitty leaving seemed to send her back into a depression spiral that she'd gotten out of a long time ago. She looked like she barely slept and she wasn't even moving a muscle. If it wasn't for Dawn, the other girls wouldn't have even been sure if she was breathing. She was also wearing headphones, which didn't seem like a big deal until she and Sammy joined the others.

"Don't tell me she's still listening to that same song," said Leshawna.

"I think so," said Sammy.

"What was it even called again?"

"‘Black Letter Day’. It's by... uh..."

"It was The Cranberries," Anne Maria chimed in.

"Actually, it was The Cardigans!" Sierra eagerly explained. "They're the same band that did ‘Lovefool’. In the third episode - or second, if you count the two-part premiere as one episode - Gwen and Kitty were talking about their interests and Gwen said that-"

"Kitty..." Gwen mumbled in despair.

"Sierra, we appreciate the explanation," Dawn told her. "But perhaps it would be best if you didn't mention Kitty".

"Kitty..."

"Sorry, Gwen".

"Right, of course," said Sierra. "I promise I won't mention Kitty again".

"Kitty..." Gwen mumbled a third time.

[static]

"Gwen misses her girlfriend and I'm helping to throw off a contestant that's on the other team this time," Sierra recapped. "I think I'm finally doing drama right! I hope Chris is proud of me!"

[static]

"Aw, Gwen, it'll be okay," said Sammy. "It won't be long until-" Sammy stopped and gasped as she noticed Jasmine and Shawn standing next to each other. Unlike the others, they were dressed for the day and fully awake. "Jasmine!" In haste, she accidentally dropped Gwen to the ground and ran over to her friends. The goth barely registered what had happened. "Jasmine, I- I mean... Hey, guys. What's going on with you?"

"Oh, you know," Jasmine said with a blush. "We're just... doing things. Relationship things. Right, Shawn?"

Shawn smiled and took Jasmine's hand. "You know what? Yeah. Relationship things".

Sammy squealed with excitement, definitely waking up anyone who wasn't quite fully up yet (except for Gwen). "Oh, thank goodness!" Jacques gasped upon realizing where he was and who was holding him. "I thought I was stuck with Josee again! It was so terrible!" Rodney patted the ice dancer on the head. Tom wanted to do the same but decided not to.

"Okay, tell me everything!" Sammy cried. "I want to know every single detail! I'm so happy for you guys right now!"

"I don't know," said Jasmine. "Do we really want to shove our happiness down your-"

"Okay, I will," Shawn answered anyway. "So it all started when-"

Once again, however, he was interrupted by trumpet noises, as well as drum and cymbal noises. Chris McLean walked over, dressed as a one-man band, complete with a blue marching band hat. "Morning, sports fans! Who's ready to put up a good offense?"

"Spaghetti here!" Chef called out. "Get your pipin' hot spaghetti here!"

He hurled balls of spaghetti at each and every one of the players. They all caught their spaghetti ball... except for Gwen. She was still wearing headphones and listening to her melancholy tune so she didn't hear anything. As a result, the ball hit her in the face and she ended up on the ground again. "Aw, man..." Harold groaned. "We just got her back on her feet too".

"Not that I'm complaining but why are we having pasta for breakfast?" asked Shawn.

"It's called carbo-loading, contestants!" Chris informed them. "Today, you're all going to give 200% in our exciting sports movie challenge!"

"Perfect," Jacques said. "I am already a professional at the greatest sport in the world".

"Really?" asked Sammy. "What's that?"

Jacques scowled at her. "Ice dancing".

"That's a sport?" Sammy asked with absolute sincerity.

"Yes!" Jacques said through gritted teeth. "It is a-"

Jacques went quiet once Chef threw another spaghetti ball at the back of his head. "Suck that 'ghetti back, you lovable underdogs destined to come back from certain failure!" Chris went on. "We've got a training run!"

Cut to a football field set where we see almost all of the contestants were just finishing up a 3K jog. "That all you got, sports fans?!" Chris mocked them. "It's time for some more ac- Wait a second". Gwen, who was still wearing the headphones and walking instead of running, trudged over a few seconds later before falling to the ground again. "There we go. It's time for some more action!"

"Looks like Team Mom's becomin' a bit of a Wine Mom," Anne Maria cracked. Gwen just laid on the AstroTurf in despair. "Wow, nothin'?"

[static]

"Gwen actually accepted the ‘Team Mom’ moniker at the end of the war episode," Harold explained. "She just didn't want me telling anyone. Though, I don't think she had the energy to fight against it today".

[static]

"Black letter day," Gwen monotonously sang from the ground. "All the joy has gone away".

"Okay, then," said a confused Chris. "Anyway, today's competition is gonna require sweat, guts, heart and sweat.

Harold raised his hand. "Um, you said ‘sweat’ twice".

"That's because it's not just your sweat you'll be dealing with! There's Chef's too..." Whip-pan over to Chef doing jumping-jacks in an old-timey football uniform. "'Cause you'll be pushing him the length of the field! And he just ate a huge jar of jalapeño peppers so he's spraying like a gym-class shower".

"We gotta push Chef like he's some sorta football dummy?" asked Anne Maria.

"Don't call me a dummy!" Chef shouted from atop an actual football dummy.

Jasmine smirked and cracked her knuckles. "Sounds easy to me. Let's do this thing, dummy!"

"Don't call me-" Chef was caught off guard when Jasmine actually started pushing the dummy. She wasn't moving it a significant amount but she was actually getting it to move.

"LET'S FRIGGIN' GO!" Shawn shouted before running over to push with his girlfriend.

"Aw, they're so cute!" Sammy cooed. "Wait for me!" She grabbed a surprised Gwen by the wrist and pulled her over. Everyone else followed suit.

Unfortunately, the motivation and hype didn't last too long for all of them. That was just the start of a good, ol' fashioned training montage. Several of the cast members had fallen behind while pushing Chef before Leshawna got tired of the whole thing and gave him one extra shove, causing him to topple over. Next, they had to run through tires. This didn't seem like too much of a challenge until their feet got stuck. Thankfully, the mousetraps caused them to jump out of the tires and free their feet. Finally, they were forced to crawl through barbed wire and mud for literally no other reason than they were props meant for the war episode that never got used.

Cut to the aftermath and we see that everyone is covered in mud and scratches. A traumatized-looking Tom was hugging himself. "Mommy, I don't wanna be famous anymore," he whimpered.

"Hey, Dawnie," Anne Maria whispered to her friend. "Who won, anyway?"

"You're not gonna like the answer," Dawn sighed.

"Whaddya mean by-"

"Now," Chris began. "In the off-chance that anyone thought that this was the challenge, you're wrong!" Everyone groaned at this announcement... except for Sierra. She was clapping and jumping for joy like a kid being told they were going out for ice cream. "This was just to establish who's playing who for the real contest to follow". Cut to a large screen somewhere on the set and we see all twelve contestants divided into columns: Grips and Gaffers. "We're running five sport-o contests, with competitors seeded according to these results". What was most notable about the rankings was that two of the five rows contained two Grips each. "Now we may have seven Grips to the Gaffers' five but no one's sitting out this time around. We're gonna get... creative".

The ranking was as follows:

1. Jasmine vs. Sammy
2. Sierra & Shawn vs. Anne Maria
3. Jacques & Rodney vs. Harold
4. Leshawna vs. Dawn
5. Tom vs. Gwen

"Aw, I wanted to work with Rodney!" Sierra sulked.

"How'd I rank above you?" Shawn asked Rodney. "You're a beast!"

"I dunno," said Rodney. "Do you think it had something to do with how I kept tripping during the 3K?"

"I'm surprised I didn't end up at the bottom," Dawn noted. "But how did Gwen end up there?"

"Didn't run, remember?" Gwen answered. "God, I am not ready for today," she sighed as she rubbed her eyes.

"How am I supposed to defeat two guys at once?" Harold whined. "That's not fair!"

"Says you," Anne Maria scoffed. "I got this in the bag!"

Sammy simply looked at the screen in complete disbelief. Out of the five remaining Gaffers, she had ranked above everyone else as the most athletic. She had a strange feeling in her chest. It couldn't be pride, she thought. She couldn't remember the last time she'd ever felt that. Heck, she couldn't remember if she'd ever felt it at all. After being told by everyone back home - including her family - that she wasn't good enough to win anything, here she was. The most athletic member of the Screaming Gaffers.

"Hey, Sammy!" Jasmine called as she walked over to her best friend. "Are you excited?"

Sammy was brought back down to reality and thought about why Jasmine would ask her a question. Was it about her being the top member of her team? Would it be conceited of her to assume Jasmine would want to talk to her about that? Was it about her and Shawn? It probably was. "Yeah, I'm excited! Are you gonna tell me every detail about you and Shawn now?"

Jasmine had to laugh. "Oh, I will. Definitely. But I'm talking about the rankings!" Oh, so Jasmine was talking about- "You and I are up against each other!"

"...whazzat?"

"Well, I was ranked above all my team members and you were ranked above yours! So we're going to be competing against each other! It's gonna be epic! I can tell!"

"Oh!" Sammy squeaked. "Okay!"

Jasmine gave her friend a playful slap on the back. "I can't wait! I'm sure you're gonna give me a real fight!" With that, she walked off to rejoin her team.

Sammy was frozen with fear as she processed the information that she had just received. Dawn walked over to her after feeling that something was off. "Sammy? Are you-" Sammy fainted before Dawn could finish her question.

[static]

"WHY'D BRICK AND JEN HAVE TO GET ELIMINATED?!" Sammy cried. "Oh, right, I voted for Jen... WHY DID I DO THAT?!"

[static]

Cut to the set of some hypothetical boxing film and Chris McLean was standing in the middle of the ring, standing beside a hanging microphone. "In the right corner-ner-ner-ner," he recited with his own terrible echo effect. "From the Killer Grips-ips-ips-ips... the wiry wonder... the fashionable fighter... the gorgeously-groomed harbinger of doom: Thomas Carpenter!" Tom posed in the corner like he was about to strut out on the runway rather than box.

"In the left corner-ner-ner-ner, from the Screaming Gaffers-ers-ers-ers... the gruesome goth... the monotonous might... the girl with hair of teal and fists of steel: Gwendolyn Jones!" A depressed-looking Gwen half-heartedly waved to the camera as the spotlight shone down on her.

The usually unfit Tom was trying to pump himself up in order to win the match for his team. He wasn't going to go down easy this time, nor was he going to lose to Gwen so quickly. He stuck his arms out and said "Glove me!" Tom and Gwen received their gloves... their large, white rectangular gloves. "Okay, these are just marshmallows," Tom pointed out.

"Props," Chris explained. "So you don't hurt those pretty actor faces". Tom nodded in appreciation and understanding. Gwen just gave him a shrug.

The dinging of a bell was heard before Chris was pulled out of the ring and the match had begun. Almost immediately, Tom charged towards Gwen while letting out a roaring battle cry. It was worth noting that while Gwen knew what was going on, the emptiness she'd been feeling since Kitty had left kept her mind in other places. As such, she was only barely paying attention when the match actually started. Instead, she was thinking about what she could have done differently. How she could have paid more attention. And some third question she didn't get to finish asking herself because Tom had just punched her in the face with a giant marshmallow.

And she wasn't happy about it.

Tom felt his legs go weak once he noticed Gwen turning red with fury. "Okay, I know you're mad that I took such a cheap shot," he began, his voice cracking. "But let me make it up to you by-"

We cut to the teams' horrified reactions as Gwen beat the life out of Tom in an off-screen match that couldn't possibly be put into detail. "Of all my years watching brutal violence unfold, this is without a doubt the most heinous, unnecessary savagery we've ever witnessed!" Chris exclaimed.

[static]

"It was bizarre to see that from the outside," Jacques said as he thought back to last season.

[static]

Gwen and a black-eyed Tom sat beside each other, both looking very apologetic. "I'm sorry," they said in unison.

After a beat of awkward silence, Gwen pulled one of the giant marshmallows on-screen. "You wanna split this?"

Tom smiled, weakly. "Oh, you know it".

[static]

"Well, it's safe to say that Gwen won the first point for the Screaming Gaffers," Chris said into the mic. "Chef's just gonna resuscitate Tom so we can move on to the next challenge".

Gwen, looking horrified by what she'd done, sat in the corner of the ring, surrounded by her teammates. "Ya think Jenny's ever gonna forgive ya?" Anne Maria asked.

"I don't know," Gwen croaked.

"Gwen," Dawn spoke up. "Have you ever spoken to someone about your anger-"

"I already go to therapy, Dawn".

Jacques was watching Chef give the unconscious Tom mouth-to-mouth with great anxiety. He didn't know why. He thought Tom was attractive and stylish, yes. But he didn't actually care about him, did he? That'd just be uncharacteristic.

Naturally, Sierra noticed all of it. Every single tick on Jacques' face told its own story. It was so obvious what he was thinking. She really wanted to make a blog post about it but she didn't have internet access on the film lot. If she knew TD fans, there was definitely more that she hadn't noticed before. They've probably posted whole analyses of a mere frame. Maybe she could know where the others were and how they were doing. Of course, it would be the best if she kept those to herself, should she find out. The others would probably get all existential like how Gwen was.

Wait...

"Psst! Hey, Chris!" Sierra whispered in the host's ear.

The host faked a grin before turning around to face Sierra. "Yes?"

Sierra awkward put her hands together, resulting in her looking like a human pangolin. "Do you think I'm doing a good job? Stirring up the drama?"

"I'd say you're improving. I mean, sure, it's resulted in you losing two of your own teammates. But look at Gwen! You sent Kitty spiraling one day and now she's an animal! It's manufactured drama while still being authentic!"

"So you're saying I can do better?"

Chris was taken slightly aback. Yesterday, Sierra would've been gushing over feedback like this. Today, she was jumping straight into business. But in the end, it didn't matter. She was still doing it because he asked her to. "I think you're capable of whatever you put your mind to, Sierra".

"Great!" Sierra quietly cheered. "So can I use the Wi-Fi?"

Chris rubbed his chin in thought. "I coulda sworn we'd given you access to the internet already".

"Wait, what?"

"Yeah, as my mole, you were supposed to get special privileges to keep you ahead. Like the internet".

"...so that's a yes?"

"Yes, you can use the internet. Though, I don't know why you'd need it. You're so eagle-eyed that you catch things even our editors miss".

"Oh, stop. You don't mean that".

"I do mean that. Anyway, the Wi-Fi password is-"

"It's ‘fametown4eva’, right?"

"Uh... yeah. How did you-"

"Oh, I figured it out on the first day here! I just wanted your permission to use the internet!"

Chris put his hand to his heart. "You have no idea how much that means to me".

Cut to almost all of the contestants at the next set. "What's with the miniature tennis racket?" Shawn asked as he picked up a badminton racquet. "And why is the net so high?" he asked of the badminton net. "And where are the-"

"It's badminton," Jacques finally said. "This is so obviously a badminton challenge".

"Oh... Well, that's lame".

Jasmine chuckled. "Tell me about it. Call me when they make a movie about squash players".

"Or we could just play squash," Shawn suggested. "And then I'll comfort you after I crush you into the dirt".

"Oh, like you're one to talk, Short Stack".

"Well, what do you say we-"

"Hey! All eyes on me!" Chris interrupted them. "Jacques, you are correct that this is badminton. Shawn and Jasmine, you're wrong that badminton is lame. It's a sport so beloved and sophisticated that only one fantastic film and its spectacular sequels could capture its raw essence".

"Oh, was there?" Tom asked with a raised eyebrow. "And what ‘marvelous’ movies were these?"

"They were the Soaring Birdies movies, I'll have you know! And they starred yours truly!" There was a bout of silence that existed because Sierra was mysteriously absent from the group. But just before anyone could notice, Chris spoke up. "Thanks for asking. I'd love to re-create my finest scene!"

Chris took the racket from Shawn's hands and walked in front of the net. "I just want you to know," he recited. "You guys are the best darn badminton players I've had the pleasure of coaching. You're beacons of freedom! Go show the Olympic committee we deserve a shot! Show them it's not badminton. It's good-minton! Heck, it's great-minton! Now, get out there and win one for the Flipper!" Chef was standing behind the Chris and choking back tears.

[static]

"Why couldn't the Olympic committee just give the Flipper a break?!" Chef sobbed. "It was his big dream!"

[static]

Sierra was scrolling through her phone. "Ooh, it looks like TD is trending worldwide! Wait... Leshawna is trending worldwide! I wonder what that's about!" She clicked on the tag before looking up at the camera. "I hope I'm not missing anything important".

[static]

"Oh, those movies!" Shawn realized. "Yeah, I think I saw the fifth one".

"I know," Chris nodded. "Truly a one-of-a-kind master-"

"One of the worst zombie films I've ever seen".

Leshawna snorted at this remark. "You put a crappy zombie flick in the middle of your badminton movies?"

"One of the Rocky sequels had him end the Cold War and no one said a word!" Chris snapped. "Anyway, Leshawna, it's time for you and Dawn to get your butts on the court".

Cut to Leshawna and Dawn standing on opposite sides of the court. Chris was the ref because that was the best they could do. "Watch the birdie!" Chris said, holding up the item. Leshawna was surprised to find that, in place of an actual badminton birdie, it was what looked like an actual bird.

"Oh, this is gonna be a piece of cake," Leshawna chuckled. She knew that there was no way Dawn would hit a living creature.

"It's stuffed," Dawn informed her. "With a squeaker".

"Oh".

"Were you going to hit an actual bird-"

"Can we start now?!" Chris tossed Leshawna the stuffed birdie. "Thank you!" Leshawna threw the birdie up in the air and then hit it with the racket, shooting it over the net.

Dawn readied herself. Leshawna was tough, there was no denying that. The Grips were filled with such heavy hitters that she was only second to the bottom by default. While being stronger than Tom wasn't hard to accomplish, Leshawna was still miles ahead of him. But Dawn had her own secret weapon. She could tell at what angle to hit the birdie precisely to send it sailing back and avoiding Leshawna's racket. As the birdie approached, she stepped forward and hit it with all her might.

There was just one problem. Dawn didn't have a lot of might. After hitting the birdie, it landed just a few feet a way from her. It didn't even come close to going over the net. The moonchild hung her head in disappointment. The attending Grips all cheered for the one and only Leshawna. "C'mon, Dawnie!" Anne Maria shouted. "Ya can still win! I know it!" Her other three team members looked unsure at the whole thing. "Cheer for her, ya lazy bums! OR ELSE!" the Jersey girl snapped at them. Frightened, the other three found themselves shouting "Don't give up!" at Dawn.

"Alright, best out of three," said Chris. Dawn served the birdie and it didn't make it over. After a few more attempts, Chris let her stand up close to net to guarantee that it'd make it over, only for Leshawna to spike it right over her head. Chris rubbed his eyes at the whole affair. He was really hoping the sports episode would be a lot more exciting than this. "Best out of five," he groaned. Leshawna served the birdie and Dawn hit it once more. As expected, it fell short. "Ok, screw it," Chris sighed. "Leshawna wins a point for the Killer Grips!" The Grips all cheered while Chris grumbled something about this was a waste of his Saturday.

"Leshawna!" the Grips chanted as they held her over their heads. "Leshawna! Leshawna!"

"Leshawna!" Sierra called out as she ran onto the set. "Leshawna, you're-" Sierra froze once she noticed what the set was made to resemble, as well as all the props that took up the place. "Aw, did I miss the Soaring Birdies reference?"

Rodney put a hand on Sierra's shoulder. "Yeah, sorry. He had a whole speech and everything".

"Eh," Jacques shrugged. "You did not miss much".

"Um, excuse me?! The Soaring Birdies is a sports movie masterpiece! And the sequels all stick to the formula while taking unique turns on it! It's nothing like-"

"Onto the next challenge!" Chris proclaimed.

Cut to the next set: an ice rink. Jacques was already so excited by this next challenge that he had begun gracefully gliding across the ice. A few of his castmates watched with begrudging admiration. Rodney clapped the whole time for his best buddy. But then, there was Tom, who was entranced by the whole thing. He couldn't look away and, despite being surrounded by ice, felt himself growing hot. While Jacques could get on his nerves sometimes, watching him work was a wonder to behold.

That is, until Chef threw a tin can at this head. "Ow! What was that for?!"

"While I appreciate the enthusiasm, you're not quite ready to go yet, Jacques," Chris informed the ice dancer. "In case you've forgotten, it's you AND Rodney against Harold!"

"Oh, boy!" Rodney cheered. He jumped onto the ice and immediately slipped and fell face-first.

Harold was caught somewhere between fear over losing to Jacques or hope upon remembering he had been teamed up with Rodney. Still though, one question remained. "So how is this gonna work?" he asked.

"Easy," said Chris. "This is a single vs. doubles competition. You'll be going against the skating duo that is Rodney and Jacques".

Jacques let out a smarmy chuckle. "This shall be a piece of cake".

"And to make sure this match isn't one-sided, Jacques will be catching Rodney!"

"Say what?"

"Cool!" Rodney exclaimed. "We've totally got this!" He gave Jacques a friendly slap on the back, accidentally knocking him off-screen in the process.

Chris sat down beside Chef and a nameless intern to make up a panel of three judges. "Okay, first up for the Killer Grips: Jacques and Rodney!"

Jacques stood in the center of the rink while Rodney stood on the right end. The ice dancer was trembling in his skates as everything was now on his dim-witted farmer friend instead of him. Feeling brave, Rodney pushed himself forward like the figure skaters on TV. Immediately, began slipping and sliding all over the rink. Jacques wasn't surprised by this. What he did find surprising was how Rodney managed not to fall on the ice this time. He was still up as he stumbled across the ice in a way that almost looked intentional. At one point, he even managed to do a figure eight by complete accident. But he could only keep it up for so long. Rodney was beginning to lose balance as he grew closer to Jacques. "You got this?" he asked.

"I hope so," Jacques whimpered. Once the farm-boy was close enough, Jacques took him by the torso and lifted him over his head. Rodney was heavy. Much heavier than the partners Jacques usually had to lift. To his credit, he didn't drop the ginger. Instead, Jacques lost all feeling in his legs and ended up in the splits instead. Everyone, especially the boys, winced as a certain sensitive area of his landed on the ice. But Jacques was still holding Rodney and he was still moving across the rink. It hurt more than he ever could have imagined but he was still going.

"That is truly inspiring," Chris awed. "Not perfect but I have to commend it. Now, let's see if Harold can top that!"

Cut to Harold in a flashy, powder blue figure skating uniform that he had absolutely no shame in wearing. He was zipping across the ice in a graceful and impressive way except he was actually doing it on purpose. At one point, he stopped and spun around and around until it almost looked like he was turning into some sort of skinny twister before he launched himself into the air like a bird. Everyone on the Gaffers cheered at the marvelous display. Most of the Grips were applauding too, except for a now-insecure Jacques. In mid-air, Harold looked down at his adoring crowd but one person caught his interest in particular. It was none other than Leshawna. Her clapping was gentle and her smile was just barely noticeable but she was impressed. That was all that mattered to Harold. And he was going to make sure that he impressed her even more. He was going to land on the tips of his blades before carving the shape of her face into the ice. He had it all planned out. It was going to be-

*WHAM*

Harold had stopped paying attention once he'd noticed Leshawna. Thus, he was so focused on how he'd look when he landed that he didn't notice that his window of opportunity was closing until it slammed shut. Now, he was laying flat on the ice feeling humiliation, as well as tremendous pain in his jaw.

"Well, I think that speaks for itself," said Chris. "That is now two points for the Grips!" The Grips all cheered while Harold slid back to his team.

Chris decided to give everyone a few minutes before they moved onto challenge #4. The Gaffers all sat on one bench while the Grips sat on another. Harold was missing a tooth and had an ice pack over his head but he still tried to maintain his swagger. He waved to Leshawna in a manner that wasn't desperate in the slightest. She awkwardly waved back before, much to her relief, she was distracted by Sierra walking back from her sidebar with Chris. "Hey, girl," Leshawna called. "What was it you wanted to tell me?"

"Huh? Oh, right!" She stuck out her phone to show Leshawna something. "You're trending worldwide!"

Despite it simply being a conversation between Leshawna and Sierra, every member of the cast had this. "What?!" they all exclaimed.

"Way to go!" Jasmine congratulated her.

Jacques snatched Sierra's phone from her hand. "Give me that! If anyone here should be trending worldwide, it is-" Jacques noticed a video queued up and ready to go. A familiar face (besides Leshawna's) caught his attention. "Isn't that your cousin?"

Leshawna looked at the screen and was petrified at the sight. To anyone else, it wouldn't seem like that big of a deal. It was just Leshawna and her cousin, Leshaniqua sitting in a car. But for Leshawna, it spelled trouble. "Don't play this," she said to Sierra. "I'm serious".

Shawn raised his hand. "I'm of the opinion that secrets are a bad idea!"

"How'd you even get Wi-Fi anyway?" asked Tom.

"Guessed the password," Sierra revealed. "It was about Chris so it was super easy".

"Is this the time you went to the spa night?" Jacques interrogated Leshawna. "What is it you are trying to hide?"

"Nothing," Leshawna fibbed.

"Yeah, guys!" Harold joined in. "Lay off her!"

"Nah!" Anne Maria retorted. "I wanna know what she said!"

All eyes were on Leshawna. She hadn't even broken a sweat when she was playing against Dawn. But now? She was perspiring like it was the hottest day of the year.

"Will Leshawna be forced to spill her secrets?" Chris narrated. "Don't go away. There's still plenty of sports-themed backstabbing fun to come on Total! Drama! Action!"

Fade back to everyone staring at Leshawna. No one said a word but their demands were easy to tell. Leshawna felt all the pressure that had been placed upon her. In a spur of the moment, she made a decision. "Alright, look!" Leshawna said before snatching the phone away from Jacques. "This here is Sierra's phone, not yours! Now quit stealin' her stuff and give it back!" She handed the phone back to the taller girl. "Here you go, honey".

"Thanks!" Sierra beamed. "Now, let's give it a watch!"

"NO!"

"Yes!" Sierra pressed the play button and the video began.

"Girl, I cannot believe you been crying!" said Leshaniqua. "You never cry! Not even at Mr. Bunny Rabbit's funeral!"

[static]

Leshawna slapped her own forehead. "Now, why'd I think givin' her back the phone was a good idea? She doesn't even respect Chris' boundaries! Why'd I think she'd respect mine?"

[static]

"Look, even I didn't really think we were gonna die, just thinkin' bout it bummed me out," Leshawna said to her cousin. "I mean, I'm kinda stuck with 'em for a while. I care about them. Like how I care 'bout you".

"Oh, this isn't that bad," Gwen thought out loud. "From the way you were talking about it, I thought you were trashing us".

Leshawna still didn't look very happy or proud of herself. "Well, I don't do that..."

"For real?" Leshaniqua scoffed. "Even that whiny French dude?"

"Hey!" Jacques protested.

"Oh, please," Leshawna chuckled. "Sure, he's annoying and full of himself. But he's got a sweet side too. You should see him bicker with Tom like that ain't his way of flirting. It's almost annoyingly cute".

"F- Flirting?" a blushing Jacques sputtered.

"That wasn't flirting!" Tom argued, also blushing. "I just hate him".

"I hate him too!"

"I'm hearing wedding bells!" Sierra melodiously joked.

"Shut up!" the two blonde boys snapped.

"I hope I'm not the only one who sees that," Leshawna said. "You know how much I don't like bein' everyone's secret keeper. It can be too much".

"Well, at least they got that ghost girl for that too, right?"

"Hey, girl. Dawn's got her secrets too. Last night, when I was trying to sleep, she and Gwen came into the trailer and they were talkin' about her crush on Anne Maria".

Gwen went slack-jawed. Dawn let out a terrified yelp. Anne Maria was speechless. She knew that Dawn thought she was attractive. How could she not? But actually hearing the word "crush" was very different. "Dawnie?" was all she could say. A tomato-red Dawn managed to give Anne Maria a timid nod of confirmation.

"The Jersey chick?! Ain't they completely different?"

"Opposites attract. I dunno what to tell you".

"Is that why you spent the last couple months mackin' on that skinny white boy?" Leshaniqua was laughing in the footage until she noticed how sullen her cousin had become. "Ooh, girl. I'm sorry. I didn't mean-"

"No, no, it's fine," Leshawna assured her. "I just... it's complicated, ya know?"

Leshaniqua couldn't help but laugh. "Try me".

Leshawna sighed before she presented her case. "I like that boy. He's sweet and funny. And I thought all I needed was a break. But ever since we got put on different teams... I'll be honest, I ain't been thinkin' about him that much. I only do when he comes up to me to impress me or somethin' like that. And I know Harold's been thinkin' bout me this whole time. I can see it all over his face". She looked up at her cousin. "You don't think I'm leadin' him on, do ya?"

The present Leshawna noticed Harold going through various stages of grief within five seconds. She wanted to comfort him or try and explain what she meant. But nothing came to mind. So she said and did nothing. And Harold was simply forced to watch all his dreams shatter before him.

"That's just how it is sometimes, honey. I dunno what else to tell you. Maybe you'll be feelin' different tomorrow".

"Oh, that reminds me! You know Shawn, right?"

"That crazy zombie guy?"

"Wow!" Shawn chirped. "I'm famous!" Jasmine lovingly rolled her eyes at this.

"Yeah. He and Jasmine have been eyeing each other all season. But last week, he comes to me all ‘I dunno if I should get with Jasmine. I mean, what if she wins the million? Then, I'll be stuck doing that dumb flower shop/fighting school nonsense’" .

Jasmine stared at Shawn like she was one touched nerve away from punching him in the face. "What was that?!"

Shawn raised his hands for shielding. "I can explain!"

"But then, the next day he comes to me and says ‘Now that I think about it, I'd sell flowers and teach fighting every day for the rest of my life if I got to do it with her’".

"Aw!" Leshaniqua cooed. "That's sweet. And weird".

"That's them, girl. A hundred percent".

"That," said Shawn. "That's my explanation".

Jasmine was grinning from ear to ear. "That is sweet!"

Seeing how this video was affecting everyone, Sammy began to feel uncomfortable. "I'm not sure I should keep watching this," she said. "I'll just be off to the side if anyone needs me". She turned around, took one step in the other direction and...

"But honestly, I don't have that much sympathy for Jasmine," said Leshawna. "Not after what she said about her so-called best friend the other night".

Sammy froze once Leshawna's last recorded statement had reached her ears and made it to her brain. "Not after what she said about her so-called best friend the other night". Who else did that description fit? Sammy turned back around and walked up to Sierra so she could get an up-close look at the video. So she could know that her senses weren't playing tricks on her. As she walked back over, she didn't notice how Jasmine's grin had disappeared and been replaced by a look of anxiety.

"So she's worried about Sammy, right? I think we all are. That girl's been through it. But Jasmine's tellin' me about what Sammy may do now that Mike's gone. Tellin' me that Sammy can get all nervous about turning people off and how she can get all dependent, especially since she's never had friends before".

Sammy continued to watch the video with great intrigue. The words hurt but they were words Sammy had said about herself every day. There had to be more to this. Jasmine must have said something worse. Meanwhile, the tall girl felt as small as a mouse. She didn't know what to do. She couldn't just steal Sierra's phone and stop the video. Everyone knew that she had said something. Sammy knew that she'd said something. There was nowhere to run. There was no getting out of this. The bomb was about to drop.

"And then she says somethin' that ticked me off. She said, and I quote," Leshawna cleared her throat before talking in an exaggerated Australian accent. "‘Honestly, that girl can be so afraid to speak her mind or try too hard to not upset someone that she can be kind of a Samey sometimes’".

Everyone was in shock. Whatever other secrets got revealed just moments before no longer mattered. If Leshawna was to be believed, Jasmine - Sammy's best friend - had said the one thing she knew never to say about Sammy.

In the video, Leshaniqua looked confused. "The heck's a ‘Samey’?"

"Sammy's mean ol' sister called her that back home. Got her parents and friends and the whole school in on it too. Basically means that Sammy's just a clone of her".

Leshaniqua was aghast. "So that giant snake called Sammy that behind her back just because she's a people pleaser sometimes?"

"Yeah! And wouldn't you be a people pleaser if your own family rejected you at birth?"

"Dang, that poor girl".

"Yeah, I really wanted to tell Sammy that. But I just can't. That girl's gonna be crushed if she found out. I can't do that to her. So glad Mike's back so she doesn't have to hang around Jasmine as much".

"Geez, girl. You do have too much on your back. Good thing we're havin' us a spa night!"

Leshawna let out a small laugh. "Yeah, I guess you're right".

By the video's end, nearly all of its effects on everyone had briefly dissipated. Sure, the awkwardness between Jacques and Tom would return. The worry between Anne Maria and Dawn would emerge. And the utter disbelief felt by Harold would hit him like a truck soon afterwards. But no one, not even those five, cared about any of that right now. Everyone was looking at Sammy, trying to get a read on her. She stood there like a statue. Everyone was afraid to say a single word before she did.

Finally, Jasmine was brave enough to approach the cheerleader. "Sammy," she said, quietly. "Look, when I said that, I-"

"I didn't go home," Sammy interrupted.

Jasmine took a step back. "What?"

"The two days between the seasons," Sammy elaborated. "I never went home. I went with Mike instead". She went silent for a few seconds before she kept going. No one wanted to interrupt her, anyway. "I lied and told him that I'd gotten permission when, really, I never told my family anything. I just went with him. When I got there, I felt really guilty and told him and his moms everything. His moms called my house right afterwards and told my parents where I was and what I'd done. Do you know what they said?"

It took Jasmine a bit to find the ability to respond to Sammy's question, even if all she said was "What?".

"Apparently, my Mom chuckled, said ‘good luck’ and then hung up the phone. And Mike's mom only told me that after I'd begged her to tell me the truth".

Jasmine felt herself trembling. "I- Sammy, I didn't know".

"Of course, you didn't," Sammy said with a weak chuckle. "I didn't tell you. I was afraid to. I didn't want you to know. I was afraid I'd make you uncomfortable. Or that I would seem like a little sad sack who clings onto everyone around me just so I won't be sad. Or that by talking about my own problems, I'd be coming off as selfish. But I guess it didn't matter! Turns out you thought all of that anyway! You've thought it for weeks, maybe even longer!" Gone was Sammy's forced calmness. In its place was pure vitriol.

"Sammy," Jasmine said with sympathy. "I would never think-"

"WHY SHOULD I BELIEVE YOU?!" Sammy snapped, startling everyone. "Even if you didn't know that my parents didn't care that I disappeared to another city for two days, you still knew about that stupid nickname! You knew how much it hurts for me to hear it every day! You knew how much it effects me AND YOU SAID IT ANYWAY!"

Sammy was breathing heavily. No one had ever heard her be so loud or seen her so angry. Jasmine was already feeling like dirt over what she'd done. She'd felt even worse as Sammy was raging at her. But she felt her absolute worst when, after a few more seconds of the intense silence, Sammy began to cry. "And the worst part is," she sobbed. "You c-couldn't even say it to my f-f-face..." With that, Sammy ran off, crying. Everyone else was left in silence over what had just happened. Jasmine felt a massive pain in her chest and she knew that there was no one to blame for it but herself.

[static]

Sierra looked conflicted. "I... I did the right thing, didn't I? Yeah. I did. I mean, if it wasn't for me finding that video, Sammy wouldn't have known what Jasmine had said. And she deserved to know". She nodded with confidence. "I definitely did the right thing".

[static]

Cut to the inside of the studio with nearly everyone seated on a set of bleachers. Sammy was noticeably absent but Chris didn't seem to care. Just as long as she showed up for the final match against Jasmine. Speaking of Jasmine, everyone except for Shawn had clustered away from her. No one really felt like being near her at that moment, even if the closeness felt a bit awkward.

Anne Maria and Dawn were sat next to each other as they usually did but they were avoiding eye contact now. "So..." Anne Maria finally spoke up. "Did ya wanna talk about it?"

Dawn took a moment to respond. Truthfully, she did want to avoid this for as long as she possibly could but it would be a tad hypocritical if she did suppress her feelings and try her best not to have an awkward talk. "Yes, I would".

Crap, Anne Maria thought. She was really hoping that Dawn would want to avoid talking about this for as long as she possibly could. "Cool, yeah. So like, when did ya wanna talk about it?" The awkward silence between the two of them resumed after that.

Leshawna scooted closer to a certain member of the opposing team. "Harold? You okay?" Harold just sat there, looking absolutely miserable and dead inside. "Cool, so I wanted to explain what I meant by-"

"Silence!" Chris roared. The contestants were all shocked to find him dressed in a white robe and being pulled on-screen by Chef via chariot. "The score is 1-2! Two challenges remain and the next pairing shall compete in Greco Roman wrestling!"

"What are you doing?" Tom asked. He sounded more tired than confused due to everything that led up to this moment. "Are you seriously trying to do a goofy challenge introduction now?"

"I'm trying to lighten the mood, alright?! Shawn? Anne Maria? Get in the ring! Sierra, you're on stand-by!"

"Good luck," Dawn quietly said to Anne Maria.

"Tha-" Anne Maria caught herself and tried to stay cool. "I mean, I don't need luck," she (forcefully) laughed. "Who ya think ya talkin' too?"

"Wish me luck," Shawn said to Jasmine.

"I'll be rooting for you," Jasmine managed to say. She wasn't exactly feeling talkative at the moment. Shawn placed a gentle kiss on her cheek before jumping down from the stands.

Cut to the two of them standing on opposite sides of the ring in their swimsuits, with Sierra standing outside of the ropes. "Get ready for the butt-whoopin' of ya life, Skinny!" Anne Maria taunted the conspiracy nut.

Shawn tried his best to pump himself up. "Don't count me out," he warned her. "I'm a survivor. I'm not gonna give up".

"Don't you be droppin' Queen Bey lyrics on me!"

"Keep doing it, Shawn!" Sierra encouraged. "She loves Beyoncé! It'll keep her distracted!"

Anne Maria glared daggers at Sierra. "Ya not involved in this, ya- Woah!" Mid-warning, hundreds of multicolored plastic balls were dropped from the ceiling and into the ring, covering the two wrestlers. The Jersey girl emerged from underneath, followed by Shawn just a few seconds later. "The heck's all this?!"

Shawn had to spit out one of the plastic balls before he choked on it. "I dunno what was worse: almost choking or tasting that thing!"

"They don't look very clean," Sierra observed. "Chris, when was the last time they were washed?"

"Never," Chris admitted with a smile. "We got 'em from a local carnival".

"Oh, Chris!" Sierra swooned. "I love your jokes".

"Uh, Sierra?" said Shawn. "I don't think he's kid-"

"PLAY BALL!" Chris shouted before blowing a horn to commence the battle. Before Shawn had a chance to react, Anne Maria charged at him and tackled him beneath the ball pit. For a few moments, the contestants could only watch in anticipation to see what would happen once they finally emerged. But they were shocked when Anne Maria reappeared with no sign of Shawn anywhere.

"Where'd he go?!" she roared. "Where is he?!"

Shawn reemerged from the other side of the ring. He planned on hiding for a bit longer but staying under the pit was a fate worse than death. He swam through the balls as slowly as he possibly could to try and get the jump on Anne Maria, who was still searching for him.

"Whoo!" Jasmine cheered. "Go Shawn!"

Anne Maria turned around at record speed. "YOU!" Shawn yelped in a panic and dived back into the ball pit. Anne Maria dived in after him and Jasmine cursed herself for letting this one speck of happiness she had left in her life getting the best of her and blowing Shawn's opportunity.

What happened next could best be described as a Scooby-Doo chase scene mixed with a game of Whac-A-Mole. Anne Maria would dive in after Shawn at the very spot whence he emerged, only for the two of them to pop up in completely different spots. This went on for a few minutes and, while amusing at first, it quickly became tiring. This was especially apparent to Chris, who simply wanted a good old-fashioned wrestling match. But there hadn't even been a reason for Shawn to tag Sierra in yet. The worm kept slipping through Anne Maria's fingers.

At one point, Sammy finally returned from her cry and trudged into the studio to join her fellow contestants. Her eyes were red and she looked very tired but she tried her best to hold everything together. At least, until the episode was over. But, of course, the first person to notice she'd returned was Jasmine. "Hi, Sammy," she gently greeted the blonde. "Are you okay?" Sammy ignored the taller girl's question and took a deep breath so as not to snap once again. "Okay, that's fair," Jasmine conceded.

When Shawn reemerged, he couldn't help but hear the awkward interaction between Jasmine and Sammy. It wasn't fun to watch and he wished there was something he could do about it. He hated seeing Jasmine so downtrodden but Sammy was not the one in the wrong at all. All this went through his head until Anne Maria finally jumped him and put him in a chokehold.

"Finally!" Chris rejoiced. "Now this is some action!"

Gwen, who was now the most lively Gaffer by default, got to her feet and cheered her teammate on. "Go Anne Maria! Show him what you can do!"

"Shawn, get out of there!" cried Tom.

"C'mon, Shawn!" Leshawna yelled. "You gotta make it to that fighting florist thing or whatever!"

But Jasmine was the most concerned out of the Grips. "Shawn! Tag out!"

Sierra stuck her arm out and tried to reach Shawn. "She's right! Tag me in! I can take it!"

"Not... yet..." Shawn rasped before biting Anne Maria's forearm. The loud girl fell back into the ball pit, allowing Shawn a moment to breathe again. "I can't... believe I... embraced the way... of the zombie," he gasped. "I wouldn't recommend it".

Anne Maria slowly emerged from the ball pit once again and she did not look happy. "Ya bit me!" she said with hushed fury.

Shawn felt like there was a gun pointed at his head. "To be fair, you put me in a chokehold," he whimpered.

This was the wrong thing to say. "YA BIT ME!"

Shawn turned back to Sierra. "Tag in. Tag in! TAG IN!" Anne Maria began charging at him before Sierra slapped his hand and he leapt over the ropes like his life depended on it (because it did). Sierra hopped into the ring, shouted "FOR THE FLIPPER!" and charged at the already-charging Anne Maria like they were two dueling rhinos.

We see the reactions of the other contestants to the brutal battle. The Grips felt like they were at a real wrestling match. Both Anne Maria and Sierra kept switching between being on the edge of victory. It was intense but spectacular. As for the Gaffers...

"So," Gwen said to Dawn. "She's doing well, don't you think?"

Dawn, usually critical of pointless violence, watched with a sense of depressed longing. "She's magnificent," she sighed.

Okay, so Dawn needed some time to herself. Maybe Harold had something to say. "How good do you think her odds are?" Gwen asked. Harold was still speechless and lifeless. "Do you think Chris' robe is historically accurate?" She couldn't care less about the accuracy but she needed to know if Harold was listening. As far as she could tell, he wasn't. Gwen's eyes darted to her last teammate: Sammy.

[static]

"I woke up this morning wishing I could be sad and stay in bed all day but now all my teammates are on the verge of a breakdown". Gwen took a deep breath. "Alright. Time to be the Team Mom".

[static]

Gwen scooted closer to her cheerleader friend while Anne Maria pinned Sierra's arm behind her back. "How are you doing?" she asked.

"I'd say bad but I'm not sure that covers it," Sammy answered as Sierra used her free hand to poke Anne Maria in the eyes like they were in a Three Stooges short.

"I'm sorry, Sammy," Gwen said as Sierra climbed onto the ropes. "I can't imagine how you must be feeling".

"I did," Sammy said as Anne Maria blocked Sierra's attempted elbow drop with her indestructible hair.

"Oh, sorry, I-"

"No, sorry. My tone was off. I meant that I did imagine it. So many times". Gwen stopped paying to the wrestling match. Right now, Sammy needed all her attention. "It's like there's been a little voice in my head telling me that anyone who's nice to me is just pretending. Like they're too polite to tell me that I'm annoying". Sammy cleared her throat, which was still a little sore from all the crying and screaming. "And every time I heard that voice, I planned for what I'd do if it was right. I always thought I'd beg for them to give me another chance. To fix what's wrong with me and be a way more palatable friend. But when it actually did happen, I- I didn't do any of that. I got mad. I shouted. I've barely done that before". She turned to Gwen and asked "Was that wrong?".

After a beat, Gwen answered her question. "No". From the look on Sammy's face, this was not the response she was expecting. "Sammy, you're allowed to be upset. You were right. Jasmine knew what that name means to you and she called you that behind your back anyway. I'd be upset too. Even if she's sorry and even if you ever forgive her, that's not something you should just take so you don't have to lose a friend. And that's me saying this. Do you know how judgemental I was when I first got to camp? I'm still kinda judgmental. Frankly, I don't know what Kitty ever saw in me".

Sammy was impressed that Gwen had been able to say Kitty's name without falling into a spiral of sadness. "Kitty's just good at reading people. She's like a non-magic Dawn".

"Basically".

"I wish I was like her sometimes. She's nice and cool but she's not afraid to speak her mind".

"Are you kidding me? Look at what you did today. We all know how afraid you are to confront people but you told your own friend off. And it was to stand up for yourself too". Gwen smiled at the other girl. "Frankly, I'm proud of you".

Sammy smiled back at her. "Thanks, Gwen".

"No problem," said the goth. "You think you're up to watch wrestling?"

Sammy shrugged. "I mean, my aunt watches wrestling in her free time. Says it's her ‘comfort show’. I wonder if that'll work for-" At that moment, Anne Maria successfully put Sierra in a pile driver. "Woah-ho-ho-ho, BRUTAL!" she laughed.

However, Sierra was quickly able to get back up and put Anne Maria in a full nelson hold. Anne Maria was a tough and worthy opponent. She wasn't an easy takedown like so many others that Sierra had faced in the past. She needed an advantage. She was just about to think up some Beyoncé lyrics as a distraction before she noticed a mesmerized yet sullen face in the stands. Time to put her knowledge of her fellow contestants to good use once again. "Okay, think this through, Anne Maria," Sierra said, partially out of concern. "Dawn's watching this and she hates violence. You don't wanna upset your best friend! And I don't wanna tell all your fans that you have beef with-"

Anne Maria hit Sierra in the face with the back of her own head before turning around and lifting her up by the neck. "This is on you! Dawnie's upset because ya showed that stupid video! She didn't want me to know!"

"But you... love... gossip," Sierra struggled to say.

"I love gossip. I don't love creepy stalkers with ugly hair!" Rodney wanted to stand up in shout something in defense of Sierra's hair but Jacques stopped him. "Ya gave away my best friend's secret!"

"Well, technically, it was the producers," Shawn countered from outside the ring. Anne Maria looked at him with murder in her eyes. "Oh, why'd I say that?"

"That's it! Killing ya both!" Anne Maria threw Sierra out of the ring and right into Shawn. The two of them laid on the floor, feeling pain and agony.

"Ring-out!" Chris announced. "Anne Maria earns another point for the Gaffers and ties up the score!" Gwen cheered and applauded for her teammate. Sammy did too but at a much higher volume. Dawn gently clapped her hands.

[static]

A beaten Sierra was wobbling in the confessional. "Now I'm really wondering if I did the right thing".

[static]

Chef helped Sierra and Shawn back to their feet, although it took a few attempts to get Shawn to stay up. Once he'd finally managed it, he leaned down to whisper in Sierra's ears. "Alright, weirdo girl. Chris wanted me to tell you that, and I quote, ‘You're doing amazing, sweetie’". Sierra gasped with delight before Shawn fell back onto the floor.

[static]

Sierra's energy had been renewed. "Yeah, I'm definitely doing the right thing!"

[static]

Cut back to the football field set. A basketball court and hoop had been placed in the center. While Chef and the contestants stood on the field, Sammy, Jasmine and Chris stood on the court. Also with them was a trampoline. "It's time for the tie-breaker section of the Total Drama sports tourney," Chris said. "Final face-off? A slam-dunk competition!" He pulled a basketball out from behind his back. "Point goes to the most creative dunk. Let's play it for the camera! It's Sammy and Jasmine!"

Chris bounced the basketball over to Jasmine. The tall girl caught it but she nearly missed as she nervously glanced at her friend, if she had the right to call her that. "May the best woman win," Jasmine said. After a brief moment of awkward silence, Sammy quietly responded with "Good luck to you too". She didn't believe Jasmine needed it. After all, she was over seven feet. This was a one-sided competition but she didn't care anymore. She just wanted this to be over already.

"Okay, guys," Gwen said to her teammates. "I know we're all going through a lot right now..."

"I dunno what ya talkin' bout," Anne Maria huffed.

"I believe she's using an understatement," said Dawn.

Harold was still frozen.

"But we need to cheer on Sammy now more than ever," Gwen finished. "So can we table everything for now?"

"Alright," said Dawn before turning to Anne Maria. "But we should talk this out tonight, whether we're up for elimination or not".

"Yeah, I know," Anne Maria sighed.

Harold was still frozen.

Jasmine inhaled deeply before hopping off the trampoline, rolling in mid-air and slam-dunking the ball through the hoop. Even if she wasn't on the best of terms with her team, they still applauded her. After all, she'd just won the challenge for them. Shawn was especially happy, whooping loudly the whole time.

"Pretty good," Chris observed. "But it wasn't very creative. Seemed pretty basic and easy, actually".

Jasmine let go of the hoop at that moment. She wanted to smack herself for forgetting the most important detail of the challenge instructions. But it was too late to do anything about that now. She picked up the ball and tossed it to Sammy.

As Sammy held the ball in her hands, she thought that it felt much heavier than she'd expected. She'd expected this match to be an easy out. Jasmine was taller and stronger than everyone else there. And Sammy had to face her in a basketball competition. But now, there was a chance that she could win. And it felt worse than when she thought there wasn't one. Now there was actual pressure on her to win for her team. There was pressure to prove to everyone that she was capable. To prove to Jasmine that she was capable. That she wasn't a-

The little voice in her head was starting to talk to her again. She couldn't do this. She was going to fail and she would get eliminated. Then everyone would see that her sister was right. Then she'd go home and hear about it forever. Maybe Mike would still let her crash with his moms for a bit.

"She ain't goin'," Anne Maria whined.

"She's scared," Dawn informed. "Everything has come down to her".

Gwen, who had been weighing her options, decided to swallow the bullet and put her pride and dignity off to the side for now. "I can't believe I'm about to do this," she grumbled. She cupped her hands to her face and began. "Come on and slam! And welcome to the jam!"

Now, all eyes were on Gwen. Even Sammy's. What the heck was she doing? Gwen would've been completely embarrassed if it wasn't for what happened next.

Harold sprung back to life and joined in. "Come on and slam! If you wanna jam!" He turned to face the befuddled Dawn and Anne Maria. "What are you waiting for?! Join in already, gosh!"

"C'mon and run, baby, run!" Harold and Gwen chanted. "Run, baby, run!"

Anne Maria and Dawn shared a look, shrugged and joined in. "Yeah, you wanna hoop! So shoot, baby, shoot!"

Sammy finally realized what they were doing. It was the same thing she did for DJ when he was feeling doubt. She was feeling the same wave of emotions when Gwen told her that no one would blame her if her plan for the horror challenge went wrong. For the first time that day, she believed she could win.

"Yeah, it's time to hoop! So shoot, baby! Shoot, baby!" Sammy jumped off the trampoline, spun in the air, stuck out the ball, dove into the hoop like a torpedo, caught herself on the rim by her feet, dropped the ball now that both she and it made it through, grabbed the net and flipped into the air before landing back on the trampoline and onto the court.

"Cheerleading!" she panted.

The other four Gaffers cheered like they were at a concert as Sammy had broken the tie. "The Screaming Gaffers win! Sammy has scored the ultimate underdog victory for her team! Grips, I'll be seeing you at the elimination ceremony tonight".

Rodney, Sierra, Tom and Jacques all walked off with their heads hung low. Leshawna lingered for a bit before leaving too. Shawn, meanwhile, noticed his girlfriend sitting on the edge of the court. "Are those pom-poms?" he asked of the objects she was toying with.

"Yeah, I think they were props he didn't get around to using," she answered.

"You wanna talk about what happened?"

"There's nothing to talk about," she sighed. "Everyone saw what happened. I can't even apologize because Sammy doesn't wanna talk to me. And why would she?" She buried her face in her hands. "What am I going to do?" her muffled voice said.

"Do you want the truth?" Shawn took her silence as an answer. "I have no idea". Jasmine looked up with mild confusion on her face. It wasn't the response she was expecting but it was better than insincere advice. "I mean, look at how badly I handled the two of us. I had no idea if you were ever gonna forgive me. I had no idea if I was even boyfriend material. I just went ahead and hoped for the best".

Jasmine sniffled. "What would you have done if I didn't forgive you?"

Shawn blushed with embarrassment because he wasn't good with advice whatsoever. "I dunno. Probably would've messed me up but... I guess I'd just leave you alone after that. Whether or not you forgave me wasn't up to me".

Jasmine nodded at Shawn's accidental pearl of wisdom. "You're right. It wasn't".

Sammy was being held over the heads of the other four Gaffers. She felt a rush that she hadn't experienced in a long time. The sounds of her teammates cheering "We're number one!" over and over again was euphoric. For a moment, they'd all forgotten about what had happened that day. Anne Maria and Dawn were being normal around each other. Gwen and Harold appeared, well, alive. And Sammy felt like she was on top of the world. But then, a reminder of the day's lesser events decided to try their hand at cheerleading. 

"Sammy, Sammy, you're the best! I say this with all my chest!" Jasmine chanted. The Gaffers went dead silent while Jasmine went through her improvised cheerleading routine. "Sammy, Sammy, you're my friend! I hope this bond we can mend!" Shawn watched with both confusion and love. Sammy was let back down on the ground and walked over to Jasmine. "Sammy, Sammy, I messed up. If you give me a chance, I'll-" Jasmine trailed off as she tried and failed to come up with the next line. "I'll, uh..."

"Rhyming's hard, huh?" Sammy asked, a bit of humor in her voice.

Jasmine chuckled, nervously. "It is, yeah. Honestly, I just wanted to get your attention". Sammy wasn't shooting her down so Jasmine took that as a sign to state her case. "I wanted to apologize. If you'll let me".

Sammy crossed her arms. "Alright". Gwen shooed the other Gaffers away so that Sammy and Jasmine could have a chance to talk. Shawn awkwardly shuffled after them.

Jasmine sat down on the AstroTurf so that she and Sammy could be at eye-level. "I'm sorry," she said, her voice cracking. "I'm so sorry for what I did. I'm sorry for not being upfront with you. I'm sorry for not looking out for you. Most of all, I'm so, so sorry for calling you that name. I never should have said it. Even- No, especially behind your back".

The tall girl was choking back tears and Sammy seemed to ease up. "I was a terrible friend. Just because I didn't know about what happened between the seasons doesn't mean I didn't know about everything else. You're the best friend I ever had and I broke your trust. You deserve a way better friend than me". Jasmine wiped her eyes. "I hope you can forgive me one day. But if you can't, I understand. I'll accept the results because I don't wanna hurt you anymore. I just wanted to apologize because you deserve that at the very least".

Sammy looked like she was trying desperately hard to keep it all together. "Do you promise it won't happen again?" Jasmine nodded. "And you don't think any of what you said anymore?"

"I don't, honest," Jasmine sniffled. "You're not dependent. You're just... well, you're Sammy. And I love you".

"Okay..." Sammy ran over to Jasmine and threw her arms around her. "I love you too!" she wept. 

"You're the best person I know!" Jasmine sobbed. "I never wanna lose you again!" The two of them shared their tearful embrace. Even though they were surrounded by hidden cameras, it still felt like a moment all to themselves.

[static]

"It's gonna take me a while to move on from what happened," Sammy admitted. "Honestly, there's still a part of me that believes that everyone thinks I'm too weak or dependent. But I believe that Jasmine doesn't think that anymore. And I believe she's sorry. And that's good enough for me".

[static]

Cut to the Gilded Chris Ceremony. The seven Grips sat in the stands while the well-dressed Chris and Chef took the stage. "So the Grips lose it again," the host recapped. "Must be tough, especially with your own teammate revealing other people's secrets". Leshawna shamefully shielded her face. "Secrets like dissing your best friend behind their back".

"I guess I deserve that," Jasmine muttered.

"Or secrets that weren't so secret to begin with, like two enemies who actually have the hots for each other".

"He's talking about you," Sierra teasingly whispered to an annoyed Jacques.

"Now, some of you proved worthy during today's challenges. Some of you utterly humiliated yourselves". Tom threw his hands up as if to say "guilty". "And Jacques did both! So with all that in mind, it's time to vote".

Everyone looked through their voting devices and made their choices. Some knew right away who to vote for. Others needed a bit more time to decide. But eventually, all the votes were cast. "And the Gilded Chris awards go to... Leshawna". Leshawna was more surprised than anyone that an award was thrown her way.

"Jacques". Jacques caught his award while exuding arrogance the whole time. Like Chris had said, some of the team members proved their worth that day and he did just that (while also sliding across the ice on his groin).

"Rodney"

"Shawn"

"And Tom".

Jasmine and Sierra were without a Gilded Chris but only one remained. Jasmine was going through every emotion possible. She felt accepting of whatever the outcome would be. But then why did she still feel so nervous? Was she about to leave Shawn after they'd just gotten together? And Sammy after she'd just received forgiveness?

Sierra would have been a lot more confident that she was about to stay, seeing as Chris McLean himself was in her corner. But she did botch her challenge. Not to mention, Anne Maria's words remained in her head. Did everyone feel that way about her and her action? Why would they? She did the right thing. Dawn knew more than anyone that living with secrets was bad.

"Ladies," Chris said. "The final Gilded Chris of the evening goes to..."

...

...

...

...

"Sierra"

Sierra caught her award, squealing "Thank you, thank you, thank you!". Jasmine hung her head in disappointment. She figured that these were the consequences of her own actions and that she had to accept them. But she was still sad to be leaving Shawn and Sammy behind. Especially after how this episode played out.

But she felt a bit better when a warm, living hand held onto hers. She knew it was Shawn's. The warmth of his hands were different than others because he always made sure that his hands never went cold so that he wouldn't be mistaken for the undead. She didn't understand the thought process but still found it hilarious and adorable.

Cut to the two of them walking down the carpet together. "It's totally bogus," Shawn vented.

"I dunno, Shawn," Jasmine countered. "I'm not even sure I'm deserving of Sammy's forgiveness, let alone a shot at a million dollars".

"But I'm still gonna miss you".

"I will too". They reached the Lame-O-Sine and shared a brief, yet passionate kiss. When they broke apart, however, Jasmine still wasn't done. "Shawn, I know you can take care of yourself. And I think Sammy can take care of herself too. I just don't think she knows it yet. So what I'm asking is-"

"That we take care of each other?" Shawn finished.

Jasmine chuckled. "God, we're gonna be one of those couples, huh?"

Shawn shrugged. "Eh, as long as we don't end up forming a hive mind".

Jasmine smiled from ear to ear. "Never change, Shawn". Jasmine entered the Lame-O-Sine. She waved goodbye to Shawn before she noticed someone behind him. She waved goodbye to them too before she closed the door. With that, the vehicle took off and the Australian survivalist was gone.

Shawn didn't even need to look to know that Sammy was the other person Jasmine was waving goodbye to. She walked over to his side. "So what now?" she asked him.

A determined Shawn put his hands on his hips. "Now, we survive".

Sammy thought on those three little words. Maybe they seemed a bit dramatic but that was the literal name of the game. Besides, who better to learn survival from than Jasmine's beloved and a zombie survival expert?

"Wait," said Sammy. "So Chris did a sports movie and then fought zombies in one of the sequels?"

"Oh, man, it was awful. Lemme tell you all about it..."

The Votes

[static]

"I'm sick and tired of Sierra sticking her nose into places where it don't belong!" Leshawna huffed.

[static]

"Everyone's mad at Jasmine right now," Jacques thought aloud. "So maybe now would be the best time to get rid of her. After all, who knows when the teams will merge?"

[static]

"What Jasmine did was... bad," said Rodney. "Good thing I can trust my friends".

[static]

"Jasmine, I love you but that was not it," Tom tutted.

[static]

"I'm honestly thinking about getting a bunker again but just to hide from Sierra," Shawn shivered. "Why does she know so much?!"

[static]

"I'm pretty sure everyone's gonna vote for Jasmine," Sierra said with confidence. "I did the right thing! Chris agrees with me!"

[static]

"It's probably gonna be me," Jasmine sighed. "But just in case it isn't, I vote for Sierra".

[static]

Chapter Text

~Recap~

"Last time on Total Drama Action... It was a festival of guts, determination and sweat, as yours truly put our contestants through their sports movie paces. But it wasn't all fun and games when Sierra somehow managed to uncover a trending video where Leshawna dished several cast members' secrets to her cousin. These included Dawn's crush on Anne Maria, her own mixed feelings on Harold and most shocking of all, Jasmine calling her own best friend a ‘Samey’. Still, after many tears, Sammy found that she was able to give Jasmine. Unfortunately, her teammates weren't able to do the same and the tallest and most skilled member of the game was sent packing. But the fun ain't over yet. Today, we're gonna make the best spy movie ever!"

We see Chris in his blue tuxedo, doing a parody of the iconic James Bond opener. "And we might have a few sneaky surprises along the way. Right here on Total! Drama! Action!" He threw a tomato at the screen because the censors said no gunshots or blood allowed.

~Theme Song~

Fade in one day and we see most of the cast members hanging right outside of their trailers. Some were just chatting. Others were chilling. Some were more downtrodden than others. Leshawna gave Harold a friendly wave. Harold returned it but something about his smile seemed forced. Harold was standing next to a bench where Gwen and Sammy were sitting. The two girl sat in silence when Sammy blurted out an unprompted question. "Do you guys hate me?"

"What? No!" Harold and Gwen answered in almost perfect unison.

"Oh, okay," Sammy went back to silence for a few seconds before asking another question. "Do you think I'm annoying?"

"No!" Harold answered.

"Sammy, we're sitting next to Harold," said Gwen. "If annoyance were a problem, I wouldn't be here".

"Exactly," Harold nodded before Gwen's words sank in. "Hey!"

"The answer's no, by the way. But more importantly, where is this coming from?"

"It's just..." Sammy let out a sigh. "Ever since the whole ‘Samey’ thing, I've become really worried about what people think of me. I mean, more worried than I already was".

Gwen knew what that felt like. And she knew others who had felt like that. But like with Kitty, this wasn't something that could easily be fixed with a pep talk. Still, though, she wished she could find the right words to say.

"Gwen knows what that feels like," Dawn chimed in as she and Anne Maria joined the others. "She just usually hides behind snark and tries not to make any friends so she can never feel betrayed. However, this approach failed immediately once she met Kitty".

"Yeah, that," Gwen said, flatly. "So what's up with you two?"

"Ya know, just hangin' out," Anne Maria said. "Like girls do".

"Indeed," Dawn confirmed. "Just two friends spending time together".

[static]

Dawn and Anne Maria sat beside each other. "Dawnie and I talked it out. She knows I don't like girls and so it's all cool between us. Right, Dawn?"

"Yes," Dawn said. "Everything is just fine now". Immediately after saying "now", Dawn started gagging.

"Woah, ya okay?"

"I'm fine, yes," she said... before gagging again.

[static]

"I'm glad you didn't get voted off last time, Sierra," said Rodney. "I was kinda worried that you would go when it was just you and Jasmine".

"Thanks, Rodney," Sierra said with a smile. "I'm just curious why anyone would want to vote me off. It couldn't be because I showed the video, could it?"

"No way!" Rodney exclaimed. "I mean, if it wasn't for you, people wouldn't have known what Jasmine said".

"Sierra digs up blackmail and it's a good thing," Jacques huffed. "I try and do blackmail and I'm a saboteur".

"Since when have you done blackmail on this show?" asked Tom.

"He means in his illustrious career as an ice dancer. He learned how to do it from Jo-"

"Do not speak her name!" Jacques snapped.

"This bickering's killing my mood," said Tom. "I'm just gonna go back to the trailer".

"Well, I hope you'll get better luck than me," Leshawna chimed in. Everyone looked over and saw that Leshawna was pulling on the door handle to the girls trailer as hard as she could but the door just wouldn't budge. "Just open, you stupid- Huh?" A camera lowered down from the awning (somehow) and a blue light scanned her face.

"INTRUDER ALERT!" came a robotic voice. "ENTRY DENIED!"

"Excuse me?" Just then, the steps turned into a ramp and the ground before them opened up. Leshawna slid down and fell into the pit before she even knew what was happening.

Everyone was shocked by the sudden turn of events. But no one was as distraught as Harold. "Sweetie-Pumpkin!" he cried. "No!" To everyone's surprise, he dove in right after her.

Naturally, Sierra was trying to film the whole thing. "Ooh, it looks like Harold hasn't given up in his pursuit to reclaim Leshawna's heart!" She walked over to the pit. "Let's see if we can still see-" A tranq dart was shot from off-screen and hit Sierra right in the neck. She fainted and fell into the pit.

"Okay, time for standing is over!" Tom yelped. He threw the boys' trailer door open. "Everybody get in!" Nearly all of the remaining contestants ran like hell into the boys trailer. Rodney was one of the last ones left but, in the heat of it all, he closed the door behind him out of instinct. As a result, Sammy was accidentally locked outside.

[static]

Sammy dashed into the makeup confessional. "Okay," she panted. "I'll hide- in here. It'll- be safe here".

That was when someone popped up from underneath the table. "Hey, Sammy!"

Sammy shrieked before realizing that it was just Shawn. "Shawn! You're okay! Oh, thank god!"

"What's going on?" he asked, trying to push away his panic. "Are the producers finally trying to do us in?"

"I think so. They already got Leshawna, Harold and Sierra!"

"I knew it was only a matter of time! Alright, let's stay here for the time being. It's terrifying right now but I think we can make it out alive if we stick together!"

"Right. Yeah. Okay. I-" Something else caught Sammy's eyes. "What's that above your head?" she asked Shawn before two interns knocked them out with batons.

[static]

In the boys trailer, the cast members had barricaded the door with whatever objects they could find, even if half of the objects were pillows. Afterwards, Gwen did a headcount and noticed that someone was missing. "Guys?" she spoke up. "Where's Sammy?"

"I don't know!" said Rodney. "I mean, she was right behind me and..." That's when it dawned on him. "Oh, my B".

"We're gonna die!" Jacques squealed. "I don't want to die! I have not won gold in the Olympics yet!"

Amidst all the chaos, a canister was thrown through a window. It began releasing purple smoke and the remaining contestants soon passed out.

Cut to a cave set somewhere on top of the fake mountain. Jacques and Tom were the first ones to come to and were surprised to find the fashion blogger laying his head on the ice dancer's chest. They both shrieked upon realizing how they looked, waking everyone up. "WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING?!" Jacques cried. "THIS IS NOT RIGHT!"

"OMG, I CAN'T BELIE- Wait, why?"

Jacques trauma was cut short by the abrupt question. "Qu'est-ce qui?"

"Why is it not right?"

Jacques turned as pink as his clothes and could only stammer in response. "We're gonna be dealin' with this all day, aren't we?" Leshawna grumbled.

"Are you alright?" Dawn asked Anne Maria as she helped her to her feet.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine... Ya can let go of my hand now, Dawnie".

"Right. Sorry".

Gwen rubbed her temple. "We're gonna be dealing with this all day, aren't we?"

Leshawna helped Harold up, unintentionally upping the ginger geek's anxiety. "Thank you, m'lady," he said as he performed an awkward bow.

"Just Leshawna's fine, Sug-" She stopped before she fell back into the habit. "I mean, Harold".

"Ooh, drama!" Sierra noticed. "I'm gonna be following this all day!" She reached around for her camera, only to realize that it wasn't on her person. "Hey, Rodney, have you seen my camera?" She noticed that Rodney was asleep and holding her camera as if it were a teddy bear. Sierra decided to leave him alone because of how peaceful he looked.

But then, a live projection of Chris in the control room appeared before them all and the sound of the host's maniacal laughter forced him awake. Everyone started at Chris with confusion and intrigue. He was wearing an eyepatch and had a white cat in his lap. And, of course, he spoke in a terrifying accent. "Welcome to ze cloak-and-dag-air world of spy movees, mon and womon!'

Because it was Chris, however, it was terrifying for an entirely different reason. "As a French-Canadian, your accent needs decades of work," Jacques critiqued.

"That was s'posed to be French?" asked Anne Maria. "Coulda sworn it was bad Jamaican or somethin'".

"Wait, so he's not doing a Japanese voice?" asked Sammy.

"Leave him alone!" Sierra cried. "He's doing the best New Zealand accent he can!"

"Russian!" Chris snapped in his regular voice. "It's so obviously Russian! This is why you guys aren't actors!"

"I actually liked Mike's Russian accent more," Rodney added.

This offended both Sierra and Chris, who ignored the comment and carried on with his hostly duties. "Any good spy in a good spy movie must have three essential skills: 1) the ability to deactivate a bomb. 2) the ability to escape an exploding building. 3) the ability to fake an accent that makes people believe you actually speak the language. Like my fab Russian accent, mon!" Even Sierra was hesitant to agree with the third statement.

"You'll need two of the three skills to get through today's challenges. Can you guess which two? Let me give you a hint. Not ze third one, mon!"

The Grips' leader pulled his pink-colored teammate over to the rest of them. "Shawn, you're good with bombs, right?" asked Tom. "Do you know how to defuse them?"

"Possibly!" Shawn answered.

"Good enough!"

"Harold, for the love of god, please tell me you went to Defusing Steve's Bomb Defusing Camp or something like that!" Gwen pleaded.

"I was actually sick that week," Harold admitted.

"Cool ya jets, lame-o's," Anne Maria chimed in. "Dawnie's totally got this. Right, Dawnie?" Dawn was rubbing her arm and looking down at her feet. Her newfound timidness was distracting her from everything that was going on. "She's totes got this".

"Oh, and one last thing," Chris spoke up. "Since I'm really ho-hum bored of the teams, I'm busting 'em up! From now on, it's every dude and dudette for themselves!" The announcement sent everyone into a stunned silence. "I'll see you back on solid ground. Let the 007-ing begin!" The white cat jumped at Chris' face before the projection disappeared.

The awkward silence lingered for just a bit longer. For a few seconds, no one said a single word.

This ended when Anne Maria pulled Dawn close to her side and pulled a knife out of her pouffe. "DAWNIE! IS! MINE!" Dawn would've been flustered by how she was now pressed up against Anne Maria but she was too busy pondering an important question. "How long was that in your hair?!"

With Anne Maria breaking the silence, all of the other contestants immediately began looking to team up. It was the hour-long season one special all over again. "Ready for more survival training, Sammy?" Shawn asked.

Sammy saluted. "Yep-peroni! Also, please ignore that I just said that".

"Come along, Rodney," Jacques ordered. "It is time for you and I to reach the final two and-"

"Oh, sorry, Best Buddy," Rodney interrupted. "But I just told Sierra that I'd team with her today".

Sierra stepped out from behind the humble hulk and waved her fingers at the perplexed ice dancer. "Heeeeeey, Jacques!"

"Why don't you come with us?" the farm-boy offered. "I don't think Chris said anything about teams in the first place".

"No, he did not," Sierra confirmed. "And I hang onto every word he says. There's no reason we can be a team of three".

Jacques didn't want to work by himself but he also really didn't want to work with Sierra. Her smile was so wide and excited that he couldn't tell if she was just her usual brand of giddy or if she was trying to hide something. He couldn't do it. But he didn't want to disappoint Rodney. Goofy and gullible as he was, he was still the only friend Jacques had.

Thankfully, an excuse came in the form of Tom. "Sorry, guys," he said as he appeared and linked arms with the ice dancer. "This one's taken".

"You heard him. I am taken," Jacques said before processing Tom's statement. "Wait, what?"

Sierra's eyes were akin to those of an anime character's. A proud Rodney smiled at his friend. "Aw, that's nice".

Meanwhile, there was Gwen, who looked around and noticed that her now-former teammates had split off on their own. Anne Maria, despite insisting that she and Dawn were strictly platonic, refused to let anyone come within arms length of the hippie. Sammy had partnered up with Shawn. She couldn't see Harold anywhere. Her plan to make it to merge and partner up with Kitty turned out to be a pipe dream. She was on her own, it seemed. A few episodes ago, she'd been dubbed the ‘team mom’. Now, all her teammates had left without so much as a farewell. She really was the team mom.

[static]

"Whatever," the goth shrugged. "I can handle being by myself. I'm a loner. According to Sierra, that's literally the label they gave me on the series website. I've been way too chummy on this show. No more helping people with their relationships or crises. I could use a little me time".

[static]

Seeing that Gwen was alone, Leshawna decided to approach her. "Hey, girl," she greeted. "You wanna join-"

Without warning, Gwen threw her arms around Leshawna. "Oh, thank god! I didn't wanna do this by myself! I need friends!"

Leshawna, taken off-guard, awkwardly patted her back. "Are... are you okay?"

"I've never been okay".

"There's a lot to unpack there".

Gwen pulled herself off of her friend and tried to save face. "Sorry, I'm working on some things. You, uh, still wanna partner up?"

Leshawna smiled as if Gwen didn't just have an awkward outburst. If anything, she was welcoming it. "Of course! We're happy to have you".

"Thanks, Leshaw- Wait, ‘we’?"

"Yeah, me and Harold". Leshawna stepped out of the way to reveal that Harold was sitting on a prop rock several feet away with her and watching her with heart eyes. "She's on board!" she called to the ginger geek.

"You're so good at negotiating," Harold lulled.

"Oh," said a dumbfounded Gwen. "I figured you guys were-"

"I wanted to throw him a bone," Leshawna explained. "But I still don't know where I stand and now I'm worried that he thinks I do. You think you can just hang around to make sure things don't get too awkward between us?"

[static]

Gwen let out a long, frustrated groan upon realizing the mess she'd gotten herself into.

[static]

"Fine," the goth finally muttered.

Leshawna gave her friend a tight squeeze. "Thanks, honey. I owe you one".

We see Shawn walking with his ear to the walls. Naturally, Sammy was following after him. "Rule #1 of surviving," he began. "Always be alert, for nothing is ever as it seems".

"I've already got that one down," Sammy informed him with a smile. "I'm always worried that there's something people aren't telling me".

"Good! I mean, it's actually very troubling".

"It is?"

"Yes but in this instance, it's perfect".

Meanwhile, Gwen and Leshawna were looking around for a hidden escape before the goth realized that her former teammate was still sitting lovestruck on a rock. "What are you doing back here?" she asked Harold.

"Making sure I don't screw things up," he answered like that explained everything.

In actuality, it raised more questions. "You are worried about screwing things up? The guy who's always raving about his mad skills?"

"I make mistakes!" Harold said in defense. "I'm mortal! I'll admit that.

"But you're never worried about screwing things up! Ever! It is both your greatest strength and weakness! What could have possibly- Is it Leshawna?"

"Yes".

"Oh, my god".

"I don't do anything that'll stick with her unless I know for absolute certainty that I won't screw it up".

"This is so uncharacteristic of you".

"Well, that's because I was an idiot before! But not now! Now, I'm gonna make sure that I'm at my peak. Otherwise..." His bottom lip quivered. "I'll lose her. Again". Gwen almost told Harold she was sorry for calling him out like that. That she felt bad for him and that he should still try his best anyway...

...and then Harold began singing.

"Doesn't seem to matter what I do. I'm always number two"

"I'm leaving," she sighed with defeat.

"No one knows how hard I've tried. Oh, I, I have feelings that I can't explain"

"What's he doin' now?" Leshawna asked.

"I dunno but I hate it," said Anne Maria.

Harold got to his feet as Sierra frantically searched for her phone so she could record whatever was happening. "All my life, been so polite, but I'll sleep alone at night" Harold put his hand on the rock he was sitting on. "'Cause I'm just- Woah!" Harold accidentally pushed the prop rock forward, which caused an elevator to open. "Hey, guys! Found the exit!"

Leshawna smiled at him. "Nice work, hon".

Harold bowed. "It was no problem".

[static]

"SUBLIME!" Harold cheered.

[static]

The elevator led everyone to the top of a water tower. Before, they'd all assumed that the water tower at the lot was just another cheap prop. And while it wasn't a real water tower, it wasn't just a cardboard standee either. Inside the tower was a sleek museum set with only one attraction. A small burlap sack under a glass case in the center of the room. "This is like something out of that spy movie, The Ultimate Ultimatum," Harold observed.

"Ooh, I love that movie!" Rodney chirped. "Was Chris in that one?"

"Of course not," Jacques scoffed. "That movie was actually good". This earned a few chuckles from his competitors, although Jacques was mainly focused on the sound of Tom's quiet laugh.

Sierra, on the other hand, turned her nose in the air and crossed her arms. "I'll have you know that just because Chris' spy movie wasn't prestigious doesn't mean that it was bad! I think the Secret Agent Children movies are masterpieces in their own right!"

A handful of the cast was actually impressed by this revelation. "Woah, I loved those movies growing up!" said Sammy.

"Takes me back," Tom sighed, wistfully. "Which one was he in, anyway?"

"The fourth one," Sierra answered. This revelation was meant with a much more muted reaction than the previous one. Some didn't care. Some said that they were too old for the franchise when it came out. Others simply said that it looked bad so they never got around to watching it.

The only reaction that really stood out was Gwen's. "What does it matter? They were all bad". This was met with several boos and objections from her castmates. "Why are booing me?! I'm right!"

"Agree to disagree!" said the always-unwelcome voice of Chris McLean. Another projection of the host, who was now covered in scratches, appeared before them. "Now, for the first part of the spy movie challenge. See that case in the middle of the room? You have to get whatever's inside. cause you're gonna need it for part two of the challenge".

"I got it!" Rodney proclaimed. He made a beeline for the case as a few small laser pointers emerged from the pillars. No one really noticed them until they were turned on and the lasers hit a bunch of mirrors that bounced them onto other mirrors, thus creating a laser grid.

"I need to finish!" Chris snapped. "You gotta get whatever's inside without setting off the alarm. But be careful. Those lasers will cut you in half!"

"No, they won't," Dawn interjected.

"Oh, if only," Chris grumbled.

"Hmm?"

"Nothing! Do the challenge".

Jacques stepped forward and began stretching. "Stand back, everyone. Because I am going to fly through this challenge like a majestic eagle".

"Please do not insult eagles like that," Dawn joked, causing everyone to laugh. But the biggest and loudest laugh came from Anne Maria.

[static]

"Cracks me up," Anne Maria jovially sighed as she wiped a tear from her eye. "I love that girl". After a beat, she realized what she'd just said. "Like a friend. Cause that's what we are! I ain't gay. I mean, there ain't nothin' wrong with that. Obviously. If there was, I wouldn't be friends with Dawnie. And only friends. Nothing more-"

[static]

"LOL, Dawn, you know just what to say sometimes," said Sierra.

"Maybe next she'll mention how you everyone is creeped out by you sleeping with a stuffed Chris at night," Jacques huffed.

"I don't need to," Dawn clarified. "All the other girls made it clear already".

"Wait, she does that? I was just joking".

"I don't think it's that weird," Rodney consoled the fangirl. "I still sleep with a teddy bear".

"Oh, Rodney, honey, no," Tom said. "That's not why we're-"

"Thank you, Rodney," Sierra said, cheerfully. "It's nice to know that someone has my back. I dare say I can rely on you more than Jacques can". Jacques gripped his fists and Tom couldn't help but notice him shaking. "And that means that I can definitely rely on you as we move through this laser grid".

"You think so?" Rodney asked.

"I know so".

Cut to Rodney with both his hands and feet on the floor and his back arched to the sky. There was a laser underneath him and he had no idea what to do. "I'm sorry," he said, sounding disappointed with himself.

"It's not your fault," Sierra told him. We pan over to reveal Sierra was also trapped above a laser with her hands and feet on the floor. Unlike Rodney, her back was facing the floor so her front was what was arched. As a result, she could only view Rodney upside-down. "You were just running over to help me. It's okay, buddy".

It was important to note that their faces were just inches away from each other. "This is nice though". Rodney was grinning like a kid who was trying too hard to hide a secret. The blushing wasn't helping.

Sierra was blushing too but she wasn't smiling. "Yep. Nice. Uh-huh". She didn't look uncomfortable (emotionally, that is) but she did find the whole thing to be awkward. Still, it could be worse. They could be pressed up against each other.

Speaking of which, in trying to get around the lasers, Anne Maria and Dawn were now pressed up against each other. "This... is fine," Anne Maria said through gritted teeth.

"I know you're lying," Dawn was quick to point out.

"Right. I forgot that ya can tell what I'm thinkin'". For a split second, Dawn looked to the left. "I don't get it. I've seen ya do all this cool junk before why couldn't ya get us through these dumb laser pointers?"

For a split second, Dawn looked down. "I was distracted".

Anne Maria raised an eyebrow. "Distracted? By what?"

Had Dawn stuck to her morals and told the truth, she'd have said ‘by you’. But she really didn't want to make Anne Maria feel uncomfortable so she lied. "Everyone's auras are just so loud," she fibbed before suppressing the urge to vomit.

Thankfully, Anne Maria bought it. "Eh, don't sweat it. Besides, look at me". Why would she tell her to do that, Dawn internally screamed. "No way I could fit through all of these. Ain't that right, Leshawna?"

Whip-pan over to Leshawna, whose right foot and hand were on the floor where her left foot and hand were raised in the air. She felt like a human pretzel and she had no idea how to untie herself. "Appreciate it," she responded with a slight crack in her voice. "But I'm kinda tryin' not to die here!"

"We're coming, we're coming!" Gwen assured her as she stumbled her way around the lasers. Harold had already gotten a head start towards Leshawna and his figure skating expertise led him to avoid every single laser. He probably would have retrieved the prize if he was on his own. But Gwen did not have his mad skills and a nearby distraction certainly didn't help her catch up.

"Are you absolutely sure?" Shawn was heard asking.

We see that he was carefully but successfully moving through a few lasers. Standing just in front of the grid was a visibly nervous Sammy. "I'm sure," she told him. "You... you don't need my help. You've got this". She put on an awkward smile and gave him a thumbs-up.

"I'm just saying, this isn't exactly the best survival strategy," which was Shawn-speak for ‘Let me help you, at least’.

Having spent quite a bit of time around Mike, Sammy had learned a thing or two about improv. "Think of it as me making the necessary sacrifice so that you can keep on surviving. I'll only weigh you down". Shawn shrugged and kept on going but those last words seemed to linger in his head.

But Sammy was correct that Shawn needed to keep going, as he wasn't the only one successfully maneuvering around the lasers. Jacques was dancing gracefully the whole time as he expertly avoided the lasers. Normally, he'd be able to do this with a camera-ready smile and a level of smugness that only a stereotypical British aristocrat could have. But this time was different. This time, we was feeling pure annoyance over the fact that Tom was copying his moves. Not just his strategy but the exact dance movie. They were moving in perfect sync and he hated it. "You are not even athletic!" Jacques balked. "How are you slipping through all these lasers so easily?!"

Tom rolled his eyes and smiled. "I'm wiry".

[static]

"Also, I did ballet as a kid," Tom revealed. "Jen tried it for a bit but she gave up quick. She didn't like the colors. I, on the other hand, was pulling it off".

[static]

"Wiry or not, you are still copying everything I do!" Jacques spat.

Jacques was expecting Tom to snap or to come up with some sassy retort. Make the next move in this game that he'd accepted as a constant in his life. "And how does that make you feel?"

Jacques was flabbergasted but not to the point where it fully threw him off his game. "What kind of question is that?!" Jacques asked before he and Tom simultaneously leapt over a laser. "What is wrong with you today?!"

"Whatever do you mean?" Tom asked, despite knowing what Jacques meant.

"Asking what I meant when I was disgusted that we fell on top of each other! You randomly pairing up with me! Trying to gauge how I feel! What are you doing?!" Everyone, except Tom, was baffled by Jacques' anger. The ice dancer's usual brand of fury came with added petty and whiny flavors. This outburst was new. It was mixed with confusion and even a slight hint of desperation. "Why aren't you sassing me?! Laughing off my reactions?! Calling me names?!"

Against his better judgement, Tom gave in to the devil on his shoulder. "So you're saying you like when I'm mean?" he teased. Jacques became so red with embarrassment that it looked like his head might actually explode.

Harold snickered. "Total tsundere vibes".

"What does that even mean?" asked a befuddled Leshawna. "Also, help me up!"

"Right, sorry!" Gwen and Harold apologized in unison before they finally helped Leshawna to her feet.

[static]

"I hate that I know what a ‘tsundere’ is," Gwen said. She felt her phone vibrating and checked her notifications. "Kitty just sent me a text that says ‘You're welcome’". This was enough to get the goth to smile.

[static]

"What I am asking is why the sudden change?" Jacques continued. "Why do you want to know about me or how I feel, hm?"

Tom, to Jacques' surprise, shook his head and chuckled. "Jacques," he tutted. "Let me tell you something about myself. When I don't fully understand something, I make it my mission to do just that. Like how when Jen tried so hard to make plaid leg-warmers happen, I wanted to know what could have possessed her to ever think that was a good idea? Turns out she saw a goth girl wearing them once and had a gay panic". Gwen made a mental note to remember this. "Or when your friend over there had me questioning why anyone would wear overalls". He gestured over to Rodney. "But then, he told me the oral history of them and I want a pair more than anything".

"Overalls for the win!" Rodney cheered.

"Well, what does this have to do with anything?" a frustrated Jacques asked.

"I want to understand you, Jacques," Tom finally revealed. "We've all seen how smug and pompous and spiteful you can get".

Jacques grinned like a devil. "Guilty".

"But I've also seen how you've treated your best buddy". Jacques' grin immediately disappeared. "You don't berate him too much. You're trusting of him. And, from the looks of it, you like having him around". Rodney was wearing the dopiest smile. "I don't think you're the villain you try so hard to come off as"

Even Shawn, who was making good progress, stopped upon hearing this. "Seriously, man?"

"Oh, don't get me wrong. He can still be an over-competitive jerk. But there's a caring soft spot under all of that. You know, like Stephanie".

Jacques gasped at Tom's offhand comparison. We zoom in to his eyes, where a memory of Stephanie from the first season is reflected. "I think I finally figured out my problem with you, Pinky. Talking to you is like talking to myself. And you of all people know how unpleasant I can be".

"I mean, I don't really get how Jacques is like Stephanie," Rodney said as the ice dancer continued to process the comment. "But that's probably because you're not a-"

But he was cut off by Sierra. "Hey, Jacques! Remember when you said you wanted to be nicer and show people the compassion they deserve?"

Whatever contemplative spell Jacques was under came to an end the moment Sierra opened her mouth. "Don't you start..." he growled.

"I mean, Tom's basically setting you up for the world's quickest redemption arc!"

Tom was taken aback by the visibly throbbing vein on Jacques' forehead. "Sierra, I'm warning you..."

"I mean, you don't wanna keep being the most hated player in the game, do you?"

"SAYS THE ACTUAL MOST HATED PLAYER IN THE GAME!" Jacques finally snapped.

Sierra was stunned by Jacques' response. She'll admit that she wasn't a big fan of him and was still slightly worried that he was using Rodney for his own gain. But she didn't hate him. She only used ‘hate’ because she knew how that's how all the others felt, as well as a good portion of the fanbase. And she still knew enough about him to update his blog for his old ice-dancing fans. And maybe, if he actually grew as a person, she wouldn't have to worry about being exposed or hurting Rodney. In short, she wasn't trying to push him over the edge. She was trying to help.

But, of course, the outburst wasn't the only thing that stood out to her. "I am not the most hated player in the game!"

She didn't know what she was expecting from her fellow cast members but the near-total silence was a possibility she never considered. And it hurt. Almost no one spoke up in her defense. The only exceptions were Rodney going "Yeah!", Sammy saying "I mean, you're always nice to me" and Shawn chiming in with a "‘Hate’ is a strong word".

"Do... do you guys not like me?" she asked.

"*bleep* no!" Anne Maria said without hesitation.

"Anne Maria!" Dawn scolded.

"What?! She asked, I answered! I don't like her".

Okay, so Anne Maria didn't like her. Sierra got that hint during the last episode. But surely, it wasn't just- "I mean, to be honest, you don't really have respect for anyone's boundaries," Tom winced.

"Oh my god, are we allowed to talk about that?" asked Gwen. "Seriously, how did you get my mom's phone number?"

"I'm almost certain you took pictures of some of the girls while we were sleeping one night," Sammy sheepishly added.

"Plus, you basically worship the man who lives off our misery," Harold pointed out.

Leshawna stood next to Harold, arms crossed. Her nodding in agreement somehow stung more than everyone else's words. Maybe she was just nodding along to the Chris comment, Sierra deducted. "What about you, Leshawna? You're everyone's friend!"

Asking Leshawna for her opinion turned out to be a very bad idea. "Yeah, I guess I am," Leshawna began, a hint of bitterness in her tone. "Which means I keep people's secrets. People confide in me and they trust in me. But you? You exposed everything last episode. Even when I begged you not to!"

"What- But I- That wasn't even my fault!" Sierra tried to justify. "The video was there for the whole world to see! We all would've seen it at some point! Why did you even say all that when-"

"Girl, I didn't know they were filming!"

"But they're always filming!"

"She said she didn't know!" Harold argued.

"But isn't it better that the truth comes out?" Sierra countered.

To the surprise of everyone, it was Dawn who shouted, "Some people would rather not have truths revealed!"

"I certainly know that to be the case," Jacques added. "Is there something you'd like to share with the class, Sierra?"

"Is there anything you would like to share?!" Sierra snapped, having reached her limit.

Amidst all this arguing, comments and Shawn trying to sneak through the lasers while singing ‘A Thousand Miles’ under his breath, Sammy remained outside the laser grid. She initially chose not to partake in the conversation... until she shouted something that made everyone go quiet.

"RODNEY, NO!"

Before anyone could turn their heads to look at Rodney, an alarm started ringing off, causing nearly everyone to jump. They looked over and saw that, indeed, Rodney had stood straight up in the middle of the lasers. Of course, the farm-boy hadn't been cut into pieces but the blaring alarms didn't exactly put everyone at ease.

Except for maybe Shawn. "Welp, I've got nothing to lose anymore," he said with a shrug before pouncing at the glass case and the burlap sack within.

"Rodney!" Jacques cried. "What possessed you to do that?!"

Rodney seemed blasé about the whole situation. "You guys were arguing. I figured that this would get you to stop".

Sierra put her hand to her chest. "Aw! That's actually sweet!"

"Awesome!" Shawn remarked. Everyone looked over to see that he was referring to the items inside the burlap sack. "Grappling hook!" he cried as he held it up like a torch. "Oh, and there's wire cutters in here too".

Leshawna thought back to Chris' instructions and went into panic-mode. "To escape a building that's about to blow?!"