Work Text:
There was an unspoken rule amongst the group that one shouldn't sleep cuddled up in the same bed with another when they're in the dorms, to not allow for any speculations between friends or make anyone else in the room uncomfortable.
So Matthew and Gunwook fall asleep on the coach in the shared room a lot, despite how their bodies always ache the next morning, and how they're always woken up too early by either their manager or other member coming in in the morning.
–
After taking photos in the pool they're playing around, splashing water until Matthew pouts slightly and comes closer, barely wrapping his arms around Gunwooks waist before he gets startled from the direct skin to skin contact and jumps away, throwing some more water at Gunwook’s face to hide his own blush. Gunwook laughs obliviously to his halted action and he wipes the water out of his eyes with a stupidly large grin.
Suddenly Matthew is this much more focused on the way the droplets fall from his chin, and the way his big chest clenches as he moves and it's too much.. It's breaching a boundary he does not wish to face. He smiles with pain before swimming over to the edge of the pool, resting his back against it and closing his eyes.
Gunwook follows suit and sighs next to him, his arm travelling to embrace the shorter's shoulders as usual but Matthew jumps underneath of his touch.
Wook takes the hint and pinches Matt’s cheek with a smile before wrapping his hands behind his own head, looking out at the scenery in front.
Matthew feels the skin on his cheek where Gunwook just touched burn and he glances at his satisfied expression with a blank stare. He admires him for a while before his thoughts get interrupted.
"Take a picture of it if you like what you see so much," Gunwook says slowly looking back at Matthew with the same boyish smile "It's really pretty here isn't it.." he looks back at the view in front of him and Matthew follows.
"It is."
–
"Is Matthew oppa and Gunwook oppa dating?" Yujin reads the comment and Gunwook freezes slightly as Matthew peaks at him and leans back further into him, nuzzling his head into his cheek. He rests his own on his hair revelling in the nice smell of the older's shampoo. He gets the topic off of them and tightens his grip on Matthews hands.
The idea is always on Gunwook’s mind whenever he and Matthew are together and Yujin reading that comment out loud just made it come to the front for the entire stream. At one point, after minutes of hazy thoughts he very secretly whispers to Matthew; a non-binding "if this is what dating you feels like, I wouldn't complain" .
Matthew looks at him with a smile and laughs silently before putting his attention on the rest again. Gunwook looks at Matthew’s lit up face as he's joking with the others for a longer while and smiles as he brings him into an even closer hug, his hyung easily complying.
–
Ever since their debut, they have frequented the small company gym together whenever they have a free evening. They both loved exercising way before they met each other, but having a new gym buddy is always a fun encouragement. Whether they actually exercise together, spot each other, or do their own thing on the opposite side of the gym - they always come in and out together.
Tonight, Matthew was still focused on his training, when Gunwook took a break to just look at him. He admired the determination on his face, the way his hair stuck to his forehead, the way his arm muscles moved, the way the sweat dribbled down his neck staining his grey shirt.
The way he puffed out his cheeks and bit his lip. He just couldn’t help but smile as he watched him, before going back to doing his thing.
Their post-workout chill-out sessions were also something they did as frequently. After managing to come back home either squished in the last bus of the night or sitting next to each-other in their managers black suv, they would always just throw themselves on the couch, Matthew most likely on-top of Gunwook, too tired to do anything but just lay there.
Tonight was no different.
Laying together, Matthew snuggles his head into Gunwooks big chest and inhales so deeply, the sweat mixed with the fresh laundry detergent leaving his mind hazy. He paws at the fabric, like a cat pawing at a woollen jumper, a big hand lovingly landing on his hair, slowly patting him.
He melts under the touch but catches himself right as he feels a short and silent whine escape his throat involuntarily. He halts his actions, almost forgetting to keep breathing as he quickly stands up and excuses himself to go take the shower.
Gunwook follows Matthew’s steps with his eyes and looks as his tensed back turns to him, scurrying off to the bathroom. He feels confused at the fact that their casual cuddle had ended so abruptly but still finds himself smiling. And he doesn’t fully understand why.
–
The two of them were laying in one of the rooms in the dorms, late past midnight, giggling together quietly so as to not wake up anyone in the next room.The walls were pretty thin after all.
They were both in a silly mood, bringing up each others’ little mistakes on stage, during recordings and practises. Gunwook started imitating one of Matthew’s voice cracks so well that Matt couldn’t stop laughing.
Quickly catching his loudness level, Matthew throws his hand over Gunwooks mouth to shut his mouth and let himself calm down from his laugh attack.
What makes him want to scream even louder is Gunwook licking his palm to make it go away.
"Eww". He shushes at him in between broken snickers.
Matthew looks at the wet spot. Dizzying thoughts meddle with his mind so he brings it to his face.
"Hey, why would you smell it-..."
He licks it.
He looks Gunwook in the eyes through his fingers, and licks the spit off of his palm. His tongue hidden by the hand, Gunwook can only imagine what acrobatics it's doing by the slick and slow sound of it.
The air between them gets stuffy, Gunwook’s mind weakening the longer Matthew keeps him hypnotised under his daze.
Matthew definitely realises he's doing something weird in the middle of his action but he continues for just a bit longer, just to see the younger’s further reaction.
He turns to look at the wet palm of his before placing a short peck on it one last time and wiping it on Gunwook’s shirt with a giggle. Gunwook doesn't even budge.
His gaze doesn't follow the hand dirtying his shirt, rather fixed on Matthews smug mouth, blown away by the absurdity of their 'bicker'. Matthew tries to ease the atmosphere, maybe tries to get off of Gunwook’s hips where he was straddling him, but Gunwook’s stare as well as his grip on his thighs constrains him close. It's too much.
He gets closer.
He can feel the invisible boundary begin to crackle.
He can clearly see the bright pink blush on the younger’s face.
His breath hitches as he hears his short exhales.
He…
Somewhere in the dorm a door gets opened.
Gunwook closes his eyes.
Matthew gets away, leaving to a different room, running away from Gunwook and the heat of his body, and his breath, and his blush.
And his spit, and his lips, and, most importantly, his feelings.
–
They’ve been left alone in the dorm once again; they got a whole week without any mandatory practice so most of the group has gone to their families or on short trips to spa resorts. Matthew stayed, since his family is in Canada, and Gunwook stayed, because Matthew did.
Matthew was rambling about something in Gunwooks lap. He wrapped his hands around his neck mindlessly a long time ago and ever since, Gunwook has not listened to a word he said properly. All he could make out of his vent was the wet sound of his mouth closing and opening, the small whimpers and groans as he apparently talked about something miniscule that annoyed him.
His eyes were focused on his mouth, Matthew's ones exploring the room around them as a way to contain his thoughts to stay on one topic. Gunwook couldn't stand to keep pretending to listen anymore.
"Can I kiss you."
It comes out more like a sentence than a question.
There's no silence. There's no thinking.
Matthew's mouth immediately shuts, words thrown away and forgotten as he closes the distance between their lips hastily, hungrily, as if he was waiting for this all along.
Despite being the one that proposed it, Gunwook is stunned by his hyung's fast response, albeit not for long as he slowly melts under the pressure of their lips stuck together. His hands travel to cup Matthews cheeks as he deepens the kiss, their teeth clashing uncomfortably as Matthew whimpers high pitched, the grip on his neck tightening.
The kiss, although clumsy and tame, feels like two hungry, primitive men devouring their hard earned prey. It felt like both of them needed to be connected in this way without actually noticing, or at least by pretending not to notice.
It feels like their lips mesh with each other perfectly, as if destined to be together.
Matthew revels in the softness of the plump bottom lip that he longed so long for.
Gunwook feels soft tears of overwhelming emotions pricking at the corners of his eyes.
-*-*-
Matthew was straight.
Matthew felt himself falling in love with Gunwook but he knew he couldn’t imagine a future with him and he didn't want to give the boy hope and break his naive heart.
But Gunwook was so mindlessly persistent that Matthew thought that maybe he could let himself love for the remaining 2 years, even if it'd be at the expense of Gunwook’s young heart.
No labels, just love.
‘You’re free to get an actual partner if you want and I'll stop having feelings for you when you want me to’ type of love. ‘But until then, let me "love" you’.
Their kiss definitely left a lingering impact on the older. He mostly just got his old flirting confidence back and he stopped being so shy and jumpy around the younger. For a while at least.
It just felt easier for Matthew after their first kiss. This ‘breaching of a boundary’ he was so afraid of, smoothly transitioned their relationship to one that didn't need an explanation, genuinely didn't need a label.
They remained good friends, always-there-for-each-other gym bros, cuddle buddies. But with an addition of semi frequent make out sessions.
Matthew didn't feel the need to stop Gunwook's fiery, boyish desire. Truthfully, he enjoyed how the moment they were left alone even for a short minute, the younger would attach himself to his lips. He enjoyed that their usual late night talks started to more frequently end with a short 'lets-explore-our-mouths' moment.
This undying desperation must've stemmed from his lengthy pining for the other but it was definitely fueled even more by the younger's lack of experience in love mixed with his hormone filled barely adult mind.
He didn’t see anything wrong with whatever "thing" they had between them.
Beside the fact that they were idols, two male idols in the same group in fact. It wouldn't be fun to get caught at this point of their booming careers.
And so, keeping all of that in mind, and noticing just how obsessed with kisses Gunwook became, Matthew decided it would be better to slowly wean him off of this small addiction.
It started tame and slow. Matthew would prepare millions of topics to talk about during their late night talks to keep them busy with anything else but kissing. He would tickle Gunwook whenever his face got close and they were left alone in the dorms, praying the other wouldn't notice the way he was forcefully distracting him.
And so far it seemed to work, Gunwook obediently keeping their distance and not questioning their lack of kisses.
That being, until Gunwook locked him under his embrace on his bed, while all of the rest of the group was already long asleep. Gunwook felt heavy on Matthews chest so he pushed him away slightly, but the giant wouldn't budge. Instead, he buried his face in the crook of his neck, sniffing before placing small, dry kisses down to his collarbones.
"Hyung, I missed you…" He stopped fluttering his skin with little pecks and whined like a sad and needy puppy.
There was silence after that. Well, as silent as it could be, considering Matthew could hear his own thumping heartbeat fill out the room. Gunwook just hugged him after and didn’t make any further attempts at stealing any kisses. And it made Matthew this much more confused.
He was forced to fight his feelings; wanting to keep a relative distance between them and just taking all that the other could give him and devouring him whole.
Gunwook’s breath was pleasantly warm and steady on his neck, and it was slowly lulling him to sleep.
They were about to break the one rule the dorm had, but in the bigger scheme of things, it was the smallest misdemeanour that they could get written up for. If they were to get caught by their leader, they wouldn't mind the nagging and washing the dishes for the next two weeks, if it meant sleeping in each other's embrace.
Thankfully, when Matthew woke up, they weren't caught by anyone, and the weight on his chest felt long gone. The other bed on his right looked as if it remained unused throughout the night so he wondered where the other went, especially since he was not known to be a very morning person.
Despite his curiosity, he didn't question it further, even after seeing his last night's teddy bear during breakfast, peacefully going on with his day.
For the rest of the days after their falling-asleep together, Matthew got back to being more lenient with the younger and more affectionate again. Gunwook’s little ‘break’ in character just awakened the similar feelings that he tried to suppress.
Matthew was actually the one who initiated their first kiss after the long break. One day, they caught each other getting water and snacks in the kitchen in the middle of the night, and he swiftly realised that his thirst was not for water.
He dragged his feet towards the giant with a smile and hugged Gunwook’s side, goosebumps spreading all over as the other wrapped his hands around his arm immediately, as he would usually do. He giggled like a middle schooler as he unconsciously went on his tiptoes to place a long, loving kiss on the younger’s lips.
Gunwook smiled into the kiss and turned to place his hands on the shorter’s shoulders, hunching his back to make it easier to reach him. His fingers played with the fabric, scrunching and pulling it up, sending cold breezes through Matthew's body. He felt his whole face burn with redness and his breath became shallow as he forced himself to stand on his own instead of relying on the taller’s tough body.
It didn’t take long before Matthew caught himself again and jumped away, smiling awkwardly and standing still, forgetting why he was even in the kitchen in the first place.
Gunwook didn’t question. He smiled back, got his glass of water and left the room, brushing past Matthew, almost deliberately. Matthew stood in the same place for a while, before scurrying off to his room, his small bowl of popcorn left forgotten on the kitchen counter for someone else to find in the morning.
And so, their make-out sessions have been reinstated to their previous glory. Matthew would still be aware of their surroundings and keep Gunwook off of his lips in the shared spaces, but he would let go of himself more whenever they got to a more private area.
There have been times where they would nearly get caught - by their members while making out in the laundry room, their manager while sneaking kisses in the back of the van or music show staff while cuddling a bit too close to be seen as "completely friendly and platonic".
Sometimes Matthew felt like he wanted to get caught. To just say ‘ fuck it’ and just kiss Gunwook whenever he wanted to. Thankfully his puppy-love stained mind had bits and pieces of situational awareness left, and he would successfully bury and destroy any thoughts of that sort before he could act on them.
And, the pieces of consciousness left in his brain would also painfully remind him of how young Gunwook was, and how he was probably the first real "love" in his life. Their age difference wasn’t huge, they were barely 3 years apart, but it still left a gap in their experiences. Matthew knew he shouldn’t feel guilty but he did. His uneasiness and thoughts of ‘this won’t last’, ‘I’ll just break his heart in the end’, ‘he deserves an actual relationship with someone who can wholly and truthfully cherish him’ made him doubt for hours on end, hitting mostly when Gunwook’s hands would travel too close.
That was definitely something that always bothered Matthew. Gunwook was always progressing their relationship, be it by being more affectionate and romantic or by holding him just so close, and letting his hands fall onto Matthew’s ass during their more passionate kisses. It didn’t actually bother Matthew, it scared him.
He was sure the other was just doing it instinctively, probably oblivious to the turmoil he would cause in Matthew’s heart, brain, and tummy. And it scared him, that naive and curious innocence of his. He couldn’t imagine Gunwook getting ‘stained’ like that, not when he tried to keep their relationship as casual as possible. So he would push his arms away, slightly to not startle him. He would avoid inherently sexual cuddle positions like cradling his lap and he tried to keep his pleased little noises to a minimum.
He was doing it to protect and preserve Gunwook’s innocence.
Definitely not to avoid facing his needs, that were deeply rooted and engraved in his own heart.
Or maybe it was just the latter.
They were cuddling as per usual, alone in one of the dorm rooms, in the early evening, their talk interrupted by casual pecks and kisses. Matthew was laying, cuddled into Gunwook’s side, scrolling feeds mindlessly and Gunwook was just admiring his face, and patting his strawberry blonde hair.
Despite feeling relaxed on their long-needed break from their constantly filled schedule, just laying around made them both bored.
And boredom has a tendency to make people seek out some thrill.
Matthew felt the hand on his head stop moving and he realised he hadn't heard the other’s voice in a while. He raised his head to examine the situation and was met with Gunwook’s hazy gaze.
He took the phone out of Matthews hands, folding it and putting it away, before holding his hand in his and tracing circles with his thumb. His eyes were sparkly and mesmerising, something in them slowly consuming Matthew’s conscience.
"What’s up?" Matthew asked, bringing their intertwined hands to his cheek and pouting.
"Nothing, I just love you."
Nothing could’ve prepared Matthew for those sudden words, nor for the way it made him feel. Gunwook looked calm as usual, as if it was no big deal, while his heart went crazy, as if he was running a fifty mile marathon.
He could feel his lungs compress, and his skin became so much more sensitive to everything surrounding them, and he felt the urge to get closer and closer to him, as if the walls were pushing them together.
He climbed onto him, dizzy as he lowered himself to kiss him, way more passionately than usual. He felt possessed, but he didn’t dislike it, he wanted more and more of the man below him. He bit Gunwook’s lip on accident, as he was hungrily going down to place wet kisses on his jaw and down to his neck. He shivered as he tasted the salty sweat mixed with the bitter taste of perfume on the other’s skin, everything just amplifying the daze he was in.
Matthew's hands travelled faster than his thoughts, and he pulled Gunwook’s shirt up, pushing the fabric into the younger’s hand so he could hold it for him as he went further, kissing a trail lower and lower. He relished on how warm and nice the muscles felt under his tongue, and he made sure to adore every square inch of the man’s chest and firm stomach.
His nose barely scraped the softer part of his lower belly as Gunwook twitched and let out an "eek" sound. Matthew immediately freezed and got up.
"No, Matt it's okay I was just startled." Gunwook said, his free hand trying to reach out to Matthew but he was too far away.
Matthew shaked his head. "Let's not do anything today."
"W-why? Matt, I'm telling you I want this ."
"I.. I'm not ready..?" Matthew looks down, making himself look smaller than usual. "My mind.. it's just not letting me. I lo- like you and I think I want this too but it's just, too soon. Too soon for me, and too soon for you, too."
"..." Matthew refuses to look back at Gunwook, too embarrassed by the situation to face him.
"So what I mean is... I won't be able to enjoy myself today. And if I won't enjoy myself, you'll think you're the problem. That you're doing something wrong. I don't want that. "
Gunwook lowers his hand with his shirt back down, covering his stomach that started to get cold now. "Okay. We won't do it today."
"Next time, I promise." Matthew keeps his gaze down but he reaches to grab Gunwook's hand and squeezes it tightly, feeling like his promise might be too optimistic.
--
A few months passed without them bringing up the late situation again. Matthew was more reserved at first but he quickly tensed down, when he noticed that Gunwook was not trying to intentionally cross any of his boundaries.
But Gunwook is still young. He's still a teen, with hormones raging for a release.
And so, he finds himself experimenting with himself more, with Matthew always in his mind.
He didn't intend on appearing inpatient, but his body screamed for more, anytime Matthew would leave him with nothing but a simple kiss and cuddle session.
Getting himself off in the bathroom right after was his and only his problem, he did not have a right, nor a real need to burden the older with it.
But it got to a point where it started getting uncomfortable and Gunwook was afraid Matthew would start to notice. A sick, hormone-fueled voice in his head always wanted that to be true, but his right mind quickly reminded him of how disgusted he might feel if he ever knew.
Gunwook would get turned on from usual stuff - Matthew accidentally grinding on his lap whilst shuffling for a better position to watch movies in, Matthew obliviously moaning into their a-bit-too-long kiss and other inherently intimate situations.
What was unusual was him getting hard from ‘normal’ things, like Matthew's smell, the way his hair looked that day, the way he would walk to and from practice rooms. There were countless times for example, where Gunwook would get out of the shower just to go right back in to deal with his hard-on just because he accidentally bumped into Matthew on his way out of the bathroom.
It has gotten to a point where Gunwook felt truly ashamed of his high libido, and tried to put distance in between them again. The action was obviously quickly noticed by the older but no sides were really complaining, especially since they got less time to spend together anyways because of new comeback activities.
Putting distance between them worked in the beginning, but, to Gunwook's dismay, it soon made it more unbearable. Even just taking out the sexual aspect of his adoration towards the other, they just needed each other. A kiss, a hug, even just holding hands. They were both yearning for any form of contact but they never could reach it.
One day, Gunwook decided to stay longer in the practice room, other members long gone, tired and exhausted from the constant training. Gunwook felt bad too, but he needed to constantly have something on his mind, otherwise it would just circle back to Matthew.
After de-stressing with some easier tiktok dances and going over their new choreography a few more times he finally gave up and laid on the floor. His shirt was soaked from sweat and he felt uncomfortably sticky. He needed to go back to the dorm, to not go past the curfew, take a shower and go to sleep in a place that's softer than this floor.
But all of the tiredness of the day finally caught up to him and he didn't even notice when he dozed off completely.
…
He felt a weight on his chest, and a familiar warmth spreading in his body. It felt like a dog or a cat was rubbing its head into his shirt and it made him feel happy and ticklish. He smiled as his hand went to pat the unspecified creature on his chest but the cuddling stopped once his hand reached the hair.
He opened his eyes slowly, noticing that he's still on the floor of the practice room, and the clock in the corner still showed the middle of the night. He also noticed that the weight on his chest was not a cute animal but rather an equally cute hyung of his, now looking up at him with wide eyes, like a deer caught in the headlights.
Gunwook's smile widened as he brought Matthew closer into a tight hug. The older one didn't resist.
"What are you doin'..." Gunwook managed with a husky, sleepy voice. He could feel Matthew tense under his touch before he stood up and reached out to him, urging him to stand up too. Gunwook looked at him confused before complying. He tried to read anything from Matthew's puzzled expression. He was biting his lip and looking all around the room.
"Let's go to a hotel."
Gunwook felt heat hit his face at the words and his mouth got all dry from shock.
"W-wha-..?" Before his dazed words could come out of his mouth Matthew quickly interrupted him.
"It's past the curfew anyways, we can't go back to the dorms, it's going to be better if we just pretend we stayed in the practice room all night." Matthew's words were a bit frantic, but it sounded like he had everything planned out, like he thought about it a lot . "Besides, we've been so busy lately, we haven't got time to just ourselves... I... missed you."
He forced himself to look Gunwook in the eyes as he said the last part. And Gunwook didn't need any more convincing.
—
"Sorry you had to wait so long."
"Never apologise about something like that again."