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//
“Akashi-kun, if you don’t come down in ten minutes, I’m leaving without you,” Kuroko called, and heard Akashi’s faint “Wait!” in response.
Honestly, the amount of time Akashi spent agonising over what to wear was ridiculous.
After exactly eight minutes, Akashi rushed into the living room, his tie a haphazard mess around his neck.
Kuroko tutted softly before moving to correct Akashi’s tie. Akashi ran one hand through his messy hair, and Kuroko watched with slight envy as they fell perfectly over his forehead.
He tied Akashi’s tie and moved back, scrutinising his boyfriend with narrowed eyes.
Akashi raised an eyebrow at Kuroko’s appraisal. “Let’s go, shall we?”
Kuroko nodded, and took Akashi’s hand.
They were going on their first vacation together.
//
Akashi took the wheels despite Kuroko’s protests, so Kuroko got to choose the music. He chose J-Pop and K-Pop just because he knew it would annoy Akashi, but after some time, Akashi began bobbing his head to the beats.
Kuroko stared at Akashi in betrayal.
Akashi shrugged sheepishly. “They’re really catchy.”
Kuroko shook his head as he hid a smile. Akashi could be surprisingly childish sometimes, and Kuroko didn’t want to take those little moments (that were so precious) away from him.
“I love you, Akashi-kun,” Kuroko said, and in some ways, he was glad he said that when he did.
Akashi opened his mouth, but Kuroko never heard his reply.
They didn’t even feel the impact.
//
Everything hurt.
Everything hurt so bad, and Akashi couldn’t remember why it hurt so much. He couldn’t feel his right arm at all, and something sharp was poking his side, and -
It all came to him in one sudden flash.
The accident, the impact, Kuroko flying through the windshield to fall in front of the car, the car rolling with Akashi in it, and Kuroko, Kuroko he -
His eyes flew open, frantically searching for his blue haired lover. He tried to get up, but the pain that shot through his body like lightning crippled him, and he lay back down, wheezing.
“Kuroko,” he called, his voice hoarse and cracked, sounding completely unlike himself.
“Tetsuya,” he called again, this time warmth pooling in his eyes. “Tetsuya, Tetsuya where are you?”
He couldn’t lose Kuroko, he couldn’t lose the one good thing that had happened to his life since his mother’s death, he couldn’t, he couldn’t -
He took a deep breath and assessed his damage. His legs were non-functional, probably from shock, but he could work around that, and his left arm was broken from what he could feel. His right arm was usable, though.
He could crawl.
Akashi thanked whatever entity above that there wasn’t debris covering him, even as he crawled painfully on his hands and knees, taking care to avoid using his left hand.
His whole body ached, but he would endure it for Kuroko.
“Tetsuya?” he kept calling, even as he moved, albeit very slowly.
The sound of sirens was like music to his ears.
The bastard that had hit them had gone, but at least he had apparently had the humanity to call the emergency services.
But where was Kuroko?
Warm blood trickled into his eyes, and he couldn’t even brush it away.
He accidentally placed his weight on the wrong hand and sank to the road, groaning.
That was the condition the paramedics found him in, tears leaking freely from both the eyes, and half delirious with pain.
A woman approached him, “Hey there, don’t be scared, we’ve got you.” She shone a flashlight into both of his eyes and called out, “Pupils reactive, no apparent brain damage.”
“We’ve still got to be careful, the windshield is broken, and he seems like he was travelling alone-”
Alone?
He tried to speak, but his vocal cords failed him. He resorted to clutching the woman’s sleeves to capture her attention.
He shook his head slowly at her.
Her eyes widened. “What is it sweetheart? You’re going to be okay, you’re lucky you’re in good shape, we’ve got you.”
“Not alone,” he managed to rasp out.
Comprehension followed by dread settled on her face, and Akashi’s hand fell from her sleeves, exhausted by even this simple task.
“Takahiro-kun, he says he wasn’t alone!”
“What? He’s probably raving. We checked out the area, we didn’t see anyone.”
Akashi cursed in his mind. Damn Kuroko and his low presence. His Kuroko was lying there, bleeding to death unable to be saved on time, because Akashi couldn’t convince these people that Kuroko had travelled with him.
“Tetsuya, his name is Tetsuya. Light blue hair, 5 feet 6 inches,” he told the woman in a clear voice with every last ounce of his strength.
She took one look at the determination shining in those red eyes, and shouted, “Check for a light blue haired male, 5 feet 6 inches!”
Her teammates grumbled but complied and after a few minutes -
“Ayaka-san, we found him!”
Akashi shut his eyes and welcomed the darkness with only one thought in mind, ‘Thank God’.
//
Akashi opened his eyes to a clinical looking room, and he was sure he was in a hospital. He still couldn’t feel his left arm, and his entire body throbbed with a dull ache, but he felt better than he had at the time of the accident.
Akashi looked around and spotted the nurse call button and lifted his good hand (with a surprising amount of difficulty) to press it.
Two minutes later, a flustered looking brunette entered into his room with a clipboard in her hand.
When she spotted him awake, she gave a startled little squeak, and left the room again.
Immediately after, an intimidating looking woman in a white coat, along with the brunette in tow, cane in.
“Akashi-san, I’m your doctor Hoshino Shirakawa. I’m sure you’ll be having some questions but-”
“Where’s Kuroko?” he asked.
Her green eyes darkened slightly. “Kuroko-kun’s condition is stabilised and he’s out of danger-”
“You’re lying,” he croaked, even the movements of his vocal chords much too strained for his body to handle.
Shirakawa averted her eyes. “He’s out of danger, but immobilised. I’ll let you see him if you allow me to complete my exam on you.”
Akashi blinked slowly, his brain moving too sluggishly for him to comprehend.
“Okay.”
//
Roughly half an hour later, the doctor deemed him to fit to visit his boyfriend.
As soon as he left his room, he was immediately accosted by a hassled-looking Midorima.
“Akashi! Are you okay? I came as soon as I heard, but they wouldn’t let me take the case.” He looked extremely displeased that Akashi had to crack a smile.
“I’m okay Midorima, but I want to see Kuroko. It seems he can’t walk,” Akashi informed him, and Midorima narrowed his eyes slightly.
“Akashi, Kuroko is-”
Akashi pushed open the door that separated him and Kuroko, the words Intensive Care Unit not registering in his mind in his haste to see Kuroko.
Kuroko lay on a bed, eyes closed and sleeping peacefully from the looks of it. Akashi shut his eyes in relief at the sight of his lover’s unhurt body.
He walked over to him, and placed a hand over Kuroko’s forehead and pushed away the pale blue strands. Kuroko did not stir. Akashi imagined that he must be very tired after the accident. He hobbled out of the room, feeling much better now that he had confirmed Kuroko’s well-being with his own eyes.
Midorima stood there, looking stricken at the soft smile on Akashi’s face.
“Kuroko’s okay, Midorima. I just saw him, and-”
“Akashi,” Midorima cut him off, “Kuroko hasn’t woken up since the day of the accident. He is in a coma.”
//
“You lied!” Akashi hurled his words like weapons to the doctor who had the gall to look righteous.
“I said what was necessary to placate my patient. And I never said he was conscious, just that he was immobilised. Akashi-kun, I’ll have to ask you to stop causing a scene or risk confinement.”
“You! How dare you! I’ll sue you! I’ll take Tetsuya to the US where he can better treatment and why isn’t Shintarou the one who’s treating us!” Akashi shouted, feeling completely out of control.
“Kuroko-kun isn’t in a condition to be moved. Midorima-kun has too much of a personal connection to you both to allow him to treat you. I’m sorry Akashi-kun, but I’ll have to put this incident in your report.”
Akashi gave her a withering glare and stalked off.
//
That had been three weeks ago. Kuroko hadn’t woken up since.
The doctor had told him that all coma patients who do not recover within 72 hours had a high chance of staying in a coma for an indefinite period of time, but Akashi had faith in Kuroko. He was a miracle, after all.
“Tetsuya. That woman is so irritating. I’ve asked for a switch of hospitals, but they say you’re too fragile to move,” Akashi snorted softly at that. “You’re anything but fragile,” he said clutching softly at Kuroko’s hand.
“So please wake up.”
//
Akashi stayed in Kuroko’s room the entire day, even falling asleep on the chair next to Kuroko sometimes.
After catching him asleep for the third time in a row, the nurse took pity on him and moved them both to a bigger room so Akashi could stay there.
Akashi’s hand had healed nicely, but Kuroko showed no signs of ever waking up.
//
“Akashicchi, Kurokocchi,” Kise greeted, and the redhead gave him a smile before turning his eyes to the man lying motionless on the bed adjacent to him.
Kise ignored the pang in his heart at the sight of Akashi’s hopeful face, the light in his eyes that seemed to dim every time he visited them.
“I bought you tofu soup, Akashicchi,” he said giving the container of hot soup to Akashi. Akashi took the box, gave him a nod and a soft thanks, before going back to staring at Kuroko.
“What did you get for Kuroko, Kise?” Akashi asked, eyes still on the blue haired male.
Kise bit his lip. “Flowers, Akashicchi,” he said, setting a bunch of dahlias on the bed next to Kuroko.
Kuroko was his friend, but Akashi was his friend too.
And to see Akashi waste away over the unconscious phantom-like boy, was something even Kuroko himself would have frowned at.
“Akashicchi,” Kise said, and something in the tone of his voice must have reached Akashi, because he broke off from staring at Kuroko and turned to look at Kise. Kise’s heart clenched at the hope warring with hopelessness in Akashi’s eyes and he averted his eyes from the heartbreaking sight.
“Akashicchi, when are you getting discharged?” he asked.
“In two weeks,” Akashi’s voice was hollow.
Kise did not know what to say, to comfort the broken looking redhead, so he shut his eyes. They could only pray Kuroko woke up.
//
Shizuka was a new nurse who had her first posting in the ICU, and she could not believe her luck. ICU nurses had the worst schedules and the fatality rate was also high. She persevered on, however, in the hope that everything would be okay.
Her first patient ever, was a man named Kuroko Tetsuya, admitted to the hospital with serious injuries to his brain and spine, so the odds weren’t looking good for him, but at least he wouldn’t die any time soon.
That was before she saw Akashi Seijuurou.
Akashi Seijuurou was every woman’s dream come true.
Handsome, rich (He was the son of some business hotshot), and intelligent, he was the kind of man she would have loved to go home to, if hadn’t been for the fact that his heart was already stolen, by the man who was her patient.
She didn’t suspect much at first, thinking they were good friends, but as she saw the fire in Akashi’s eyes die out to a soft flame, on the verge of being extinguished, she knew.
Akashi Seijuurou loved Kuroko Tetsuya.
It became crystal clear when she went to check on Kuroko’s IV drips one day.
“Kuroko-kun, I hope you’re okay,” she said cheerily to her patient. “Everyone’s waiting for you here. It would be wonderful if you woke up, especially to Akashi-san.”
Satisfied with the amount of drug in the drip, she went to change the flowers in the room (she didn’t have to do it, but she just liked to do it) hidden by the curtains.
That was when he came in.
She heard footsteps and almost instantly concluded it to be Akashi.
Her assumption was confirmed approximately half a minute later, when a rough voice began to speak.
“Kuroko, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I hurt you so much in middle school, and even in high school, and when we were dating,” Shizuka suppressed a gasp at the revelation, homosexual relationships weren’t exactly commonplace in Japan.
“I’m a stubborn man, and I’ve always denied any form of affection, even when it was given so freely by you, because- Akashi’s broke off at this point, and Shizuka began to feel uncomfortable. This was a private conversation. She had no rights to be eavesdropping, but she couldn’t exactly leave. She bit her lip, trying her hardest to avoid hearing the words Akashi spoke.
“Because I was scared of losing you,” Akashi said, and Shizuka shut her suddenly wet eyes.
//
She asked Akashi to move in with Kuroko the next day.
//
Their friends never failed to visit them.
Akashi was sometimes overwhelmed by the sheer amount of affection they showered upon him and Kuroko, even when he knew he didn’t deserve it.
Murasakibara always, always came on weekends even though the journey from Akita to Kyoto was tedious.
Kise, Aomine and Momoi visited every alternate day.
Midorima literally lived in the hospital.
Kagami and Seirin always came with a bunch of flowers.
Ogiwara came every Thursday, and despite their mutual understanding that Akashi and Ogiwara could never be friends, they bonded for Kuroko.
But it was not enough.
//
“Akashi, it’s been three months since the accident, and a month since you’ve been discharged. I think it’s about time you went back to university,” Midorima said.
Akashi took in Midorima’s defensive stance, Aomine and Kise’s wary glances, Murasakibara’s suddenly tense hands and Momoi’s teary eyes.
This had been planned.
He tried to keep his calm.
“Midorima, I wouldn’t be able to concentrate with Kuroko lying here anyway. And what if he wakes? I want to be with him when he wakes, and-”
“Akashi, Kuroko waking up is a possibility not an inevitability. I know you love him, but it doesn’t mean you can just throw your life away-”
“He is my life!” Akashi snapped, feeling tears creep up against his lashes.
God, he was so sick and tired of crying.
“Kuroko would have thrown away his life for me in a heartbeat, and you know that.” Akashi glared at them, his friends, who were only concerned about his well-being, but there were some things they wouldn’t, couldn’t understand.
“And we would have told him the same thing, Akashi-kun,” Momoi spoke up suddenly, her pink eyes glistening with unshed tears.
“This is hard for all of us too, not just you,” Aomine said and before Akashi could open his mouth to give him a piece of his mind, Kise cut him off.
“What Aominecchi means is, we don’t want to lose you too, Akashicchi,” Kise said, and really what could he say after that?
“We just want Aka-chin to be happy,” Murasakibara said, his sombre expression looking out of place on his face.
Akashi chanced a glance at his sleeping lover and shut his eyes.
//
He decided to go to classes regularly.
It didn’t mean everything was okay, though.
Akashi still visited Kuroko everyday, opting to stay back at the hospital even after visiting hours sometimes, having been shooed many times by the friendly looking nurse who worked there.
Until that particular phone call.
//
“Seijuurou, will you be able to graduate early?” were the first words his father greeted him with.
Akashi frowned slightly, but nodded. He had been keeping his grades up, so there was a definite chance he could, but why would his father which had never been much concerned about him, take an interest in his studies?
“Very good,” Akashi knew he wasn’t praising him, but he still couldn’t help but feel proud, “I will need you to take care of our overseas branch in South Korea, seeing as I’m too busy.”
“Very well, Father. How long do you require me to be there?”
Akashi Masaomi rustled through a sheaf of papers, not looking up. “Oh, indefinitely,” he said causally and Akashi’s heart sank.
His father knew.
He knew it was hopeless trying to hide things from his father, but to actually send him away?
“Father, I-”
His father gave him a cutting look. “I have been more tolerant of your behaviour than my peers. You will do as I say.”
Akashi bowed, feeling ashamed of his own cowardice. “Yes, Father.”
//
Akashi went to the hospital.
“Visiting hours are over, Akashi-san,” the nurse began, but seeing Akashi’s red-rimmed eyes, and defeated posture, she only said, “Fifteen minutes. That’s all I can give you.”
Akashi thanked her profusely, and rushed to Kuroko’s room.
//
He knew he was on the verge of a breakdown, and Kuroko had always been his anchor at times like these.
Who would he depend on after this?
Who would he smile and laugh with?
Who would he share the rest of his life with?
Who would he come home to?
Who would love him back like Kuroko did?
“Kuroko, I’m begging you, please wake up,” Akashi said, his voice hoarse with emotion. “I can’t do this without you, Tetsuya, I can’t, I just can’t-” Akashi stopped, shuddering. “I’m so weak. I’m only strong with you next to me, and I can’t handle this, don’t leave me please, I love you, I love you so much-”
Kuroko lay unmoving.
Akashi took Kuroko’s hand into his, and placed them over his wet eyes.
“You promised,” he said, tone changing, becoming more accusing now, “You promised you won’t leave me, I -” Akashi hiccuped softly, tears clogging his throat, “I love you, so much. I can’t, I can’t live without you, it’s not,” he laughed, a little feeling slightly bitter, “I probably could. But the truth is,” he brought Kuroko’s hands to his lips and kissed it softly, “I wouldn’t want to.”
Akashi, who had his eyes closed, did not notice the sudden spike in Kuroko’s heart-rate monitor. He continued talking, oblivious.
“I’m going to South Korea next week. Can you believe it? Next week. I didn’t even say no. Just nodded. Because,” he dropped Kuroko’s hand to swipe at his tears, “there is nothing here for me.”
“There is no one for me, except you.”
“I love you more than life itself, and I wish you’d wake up, Tetsuya.”
He got up to leave, to stop crying in front of an unconscious person, because honestly, how much more pathetic could you get, only to be stopped by the sudden beeping of monitors, and the sound of an alarm ringing.
He turned with horror-stricken eyes to watch, as Kuroko convulsed on the bed, his heart-monitor spiking abnormally.
A medical team suddenly rushed into the room, pushing him to the side, and immediately began stabilising Kuroko.
One of them turned to him. “Who are you? Aren’t visiting hours over? Please leave, this is an emergency.”
And as he stood there stunned, a man physically pushed him out of the room.
//
He watched, as they repeatedly tried to revive Kuroko’s heart.
He watched, as all their efforts failed, they wheeled him into an operating theatre.
He sank on a chair, feeling shocked and disoriented.
It did not even occur to him until an hour later to call his friends.
//
Everyone except Murasakibara and Kise arrived within three hours.
Kise was currently in Hong Kong for a photo shoot, and promised to come in by morning, as there were no flights available at that particular time.
Murasakibara, living in Akita, was still on his way.
Aomine took one look at Akashi’s haggard face and went out, only to come back with a bowl of warm soup and some bread.
Akashi sipped on the soup, the warmth of the soup never quite warming him, for the cold he felt was a different kind, a selfish kind, the kind one felt deep in their hearts, when they feared being left alone.
Midorima went to discuss with the doctors, about Kuroko’s condition, and did not return.
Satsuki curled up against Akashi, and fell asleep.
Akashi patted her soft pink hair, wondering if this was how prisoners who awaited their sentence felt.
The team of surgeons, along with Midorima, emerged at around five in the morning.
Akashi looked on with a strange mix of dread and anticipation, as Midorima removed his surgical mask.
The smile Midorima gave him was equal parts tentative and hopeful, and the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. All the tension left him and he threw an arm over Satsuki and Aomine (who was slumped next to her) and settled comfortably.
“He will be awake. Once the effects of the anaesthesia fade-”
Akashi was asleep before Midorima finished his sentence.
//
When Akashi woke, there was a cashmere blanket draped over him, and he immediately knew Kise must have arrived.
Sure enough, Kise bounded over to him once he had spotted that Akashi was awake.
“Akashicchi,” Kise chirped at him, “Kurokocchi will be awake in half an hour, Midorimacchi told us.”
“Good to hear, Kise.”
“Ah, you’re awake, Akashi.” Midorima walked over to him, “Kuroko suffered from a massive heart attack,” Kise let out a gasp, “but we’ve stabilised him for the moment. He has suffered extensive injury to his spine and certain parts of his brain, so-” Midorima cleared his throat, “there may be loss of a few essential functions.”
“Midorima, you bastard. Tell me what that means,” Aomine growled.
Midorima scowled at the dark blue haired man. “Put simply, it means Kuroko might have some kind of disability. Possibly for life.”
“What-”
“That’s okay,” Akashi cut in, “I’ll take care of him. He’s my responsibility.”
“That’s all very good-”
“Akashi-kun!” Satsuki interrupted them. “Tetsu-kun is awake!”
//
When they rushed into the room, Kuroko was sitting up, looking healthy and alive.
Akashi honestly couldn’t believe his eyes. Kuroko waking up had always seemed like a distant dream, and to see it actually come to pass, took his breath away.
Kuroko looked up at them and smiled.
“Kise-kun, Momoi-san, Murasakibara-kun, Midorima-kun. I’m so sorry for worrying you.”
Alarm bells went off in Akashi’s head the moment he heard the words Kuroko’s mouth.
The others exchanged puzzled looks. Akashi moved forward, but before he could, Aomine pushed him away.
“Tetsu,” he said, and as Kuroko’s eyes fell on Aomine, they did not soften with that familiar affection that he always looked at the other boy with.
“Ah, I’m sorry, but have we met?” Kuroko asked, and Aomine’s eyes grew wide.
Nothing could assuage the panic surging through Akashi’s veins, however. “Kuroko,” he said tentatively, “do you remember me?”
Kuroko frowned slightly, and Akashi’s heart shattered. “Of course I do, Akashi-kun,” Akashi’s heart stuttered painfully with hope, “Though I don’t believe we have ever spoken.”
For the first time in his life, Akashi Seijuurou fell to his knees.
//
“He seems to have a selective type of amnesia,” Kuroko’s doctor told Akashi, who sat there, dumbfounded by the fact that the love of his life was awake, but couldn’t remember him.
It seemed like something out of a bad drama.
“It’s quite rare, and I don’t understand why he doesn’t seem to remember you both. He has also suffered severe damage to his spine that may render him immobile for the rest of his life.”
Akashi watched with apathetic eyes, as Aomine clenched his fist.
“Is there any reason why he doesn’t remember just the two of us?” Aomine demanded, and the doctor looked shifty.
“He may be trying to suppress traumatic or abusive memories-”
“The fuck he is!” Aomine slammed his fist on the table, and the doctor looked taken aback by his sudden outburst.
“Aomine,” he said, and Aomine froze. “Let’s go. She’s told us all she can,” Akashi said, and walked out of the room, and Aomine followed.
//
They went to Kuroko’s room, where he was lying peacefully.
Akashi kissed his forehead, and smoothed the slight wrinkles that appeared as Kuroko frowned in his sleep.
“I’ll make him fall in love with me again,” Akashi said.
“Akashi, I don’t think that-”
“He fell in love with me once, didn’t he?” Akashi said, voice trembling. “He will love me again. I have faith in him. I can’t leave him when he’s like this. I will take care of him even if-”
“What about your father?” Aomine asked, feeling surprised at the emotion in Akashi’s voice. He had never seen his former Captain like this, fragile and vulnerable.
“- even if I get disowned,” Akashi continued, as if Aomine hadn’t interrupted him.
“I will always love him.”
//
- End -
Epilogue
“Akashi-kun is always here, isn’t he? He’s so kind,” Kuroko told Satsuki, who was busy knitting him a scarf. She turned out to be surprisingly skilled at it, despite having never knitted before.
“Yes,” Satsuki said, trying to hold back the tremors that shook her voice.
“He’s so wonderful, really,” Kuroko said, a wistful lilt to his voice, and Satsuki looked at him.
Aomine had broken down in tears when Kuroko had finally remembered him (or at least the fact that he had been close to Aomine), but he showed no signs of remembering the redhead.
Still, Akashi was as persistent as ever, and Satsuki had never seen a more tenacious man.
“I wish-” Kuroko stopped.
“You wish?” Satsuki prompted, and Kuroko let out a soft laugh. It had been another of the changes that had been prominent after his operation, Kuroko was now an open book. He no longer hid his feelings under that impassive mask, and Satsuki suspected Kuroko had forgotten the incident to do with misdirection because it involved Akashi.
“Nothing, Momoi-san,” Kuroko said, and Satsuki sighed. Just because he was more open about his emotions, didn’t mean he went about sharing them voluntarily. His inner most thoughts were still a mystery to her, seeing as he chose to keep tight-lipped about them as always.
I wish he was mine. I wish he felt the same way as I do about him, Kuroko thought, but never said out aloud.
//