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Headaches were something that Charlie was used to. He’d gotten them throughout his life, whether because of his eyesight, the changing weather, or his abilities they were not uncommon. However, this was the sixth day he’d woken up with blinding pain pulsating behind his left temple. Each morning had been getting progressively worse, the pain would lessen slightly throughout the day, be tolerable by the time he took Babe to bed, and then back with a nauseating crispness the following morning. He’d been able to pretend that nothing was wrong – play it off to prevent Babe from worrying for the last few days, but it was reaching a point where Charlie knew it would soon be impossible, especially with the fever starting to fester just under his skin and behind his eyes and Babe's keen eye.
It was probably nothing, certainly nothing to worry Babe about – and he would worry. Since returning, battered, bruised, and apologetic, Babe had yet to let Charlie anywhere out of his sight.
The whole thing had taken Charlie by surprise honestly. He’d known that Babe loved him, that he would mourn him, but he had falsely assumed it would be relatively short-lived. Babe meant everything to him, sure, but he never imagined that he’d meant the same to Babe. He’d thought Babe would get over it before Jeff even held the funeral. It didn’t make sense to Charlie – he wasn’t anything special. It had been his mission to protect Babe regardless of the outcome. He was completely replaceable.
Sighing silently, Charlie did his best to push the confused cyclone of thoughts elsewhere. He needed to get the pain under control before Babe woke up or at least get it manageable. The fluorescent lighting in the bathroom didn’t help, he was just thankful dinner had been easily avoided the night before, but the hot shower eased the pain some – helped with the shivering too.
He didn’t get sick, alphas rarely do, and he couldn’t afford to be anyway. Babe was just starting to let him behind the wheel of a car again – with Babe in the passenger seat – and he didn’t need to provide yet another concern.
“Fuck…” Charlie hissed softly, crashing his head into the tile beneath the spray of hot water. He felt like his head was going to split in half any second, the pain was too much. He’d never experienced anything this bad before, not with Tony torturing him nor the crash – not even the disgusting sharp burning that came when the experimental drugs had been administered.
“Charlie?”
“Shit… how long have I been showering?” he whispered, pulling back from the wall. The pain was still pulsating, it had expanded from his temple to encase his jaw and scalp as well, “Yeah? I’m finishing up if you want to come in,” he forced his eyes open when Babe entered, “Morning,”
“You’re up early,” Babe grabbed the largest towel from the cabinet and opened it, waiting for Charlie to shake off the water and step out, “Especially with how late you were up yesterday – you need sleep. You’re still recovering,”
While that was technically true, the final encounter with Tony and his men had been only three weeks ago, those wounds were healed, and Charlie had felt perfectly fine — until the headaches started, “restless I guess. It’s weird to, I don’t know, relax,” it wasn’t a lie. For the last ten years, Charlie had spent almost every waking second on edge. With only slight reprieves when he was unofficially dead and literally unresponsive.
“Your body needs to,” it wasn’t quite a plea, but Babe’s voice had an edge to it. Not fully desperate, but on the cusp, “You’ve been through a lot, and you need it – we need it,”
Guilt surged through Charlie, and he did his best to force the pain out of his mind, “I know. Sorry,” he shook off the excess water as best he could.
Babe quickly wrapped the large towel around Charlie’s slight frame, “Don’t be sorry,”
Fighting back a shiver, Charlie let himself be dried with care. It wasn’t awkward necessarily, he and Babe had done just about everything – explored just about every inch of each other’s bodies, but this was a new level of intimacy. The actions were extremely soft and full of adoration rather than lust. He couldn’t help but feel unworthy and exposed.
“Are you sure you are up for going to the garage? I know the guys would love to see you, but –”
“I want to go – you wanted to drive a few laps and try out that upgrade Jeff did. And I need to put in some time too.” Charlie had only been to the garage a handful of times since returning for a huge slough of reasons, most notably guilt. The guys there had generally taken the whole thing rather well, none of them seemed to hate him at least. Except, Alan had been exceedingly standoffish, and it churned Charlie’s insides just a little; Alan was Jeff’s partner and Babe’s best friend after all, “With you, of course,” he added hastily feeling Babe still the slightest amount.
“Okay – Okay, but if you don’t feel up to it, we can always leave early,” he trapped Charlie in the towel and pulled him in tightly, “They have forgiven you, okay? I promise,”
~~**~~**~~
He shouldn’t have come to the garage. Charlie was great at pushing back and ignoring pain. He had done it his entire life; ignoring the mental pain of watching his father be killed, staying silent when Tony had him beaten, following through with missions regardless of the damage done to his body. However, the absolute bone-splitting agony that was trying to drill out through his eye and jackhammer into his jaw was blinding. He had managed to focus long enough to greet everyone and to respond accordingly to Alan’s thinly veiled tests, but by the second hour, Charlie knew that he wouldn’t be capable of pretending much longer. The tortuous pain radiating from his head demanded to be felt, and without concentration, he’d never be able to keep his pain out of his scent.
“Go home,” Charlie hadn’t realized his eyes were closed until Jeff spoke, soft and clearly hoping to keep the conversation between the two of them if he could, “You’re sick –”
“I’m not…”
Ignoring him, Jeff sat at the other end of the bench, “Then you’re in pain. I’m surprised no one else has noticed yet. Let me go get Babe and have him –”
“No,” he fought back the whimper which threatened to overtake his entire body, “let him enjoy himself. They all want to see him. It’s not important. It’s fine,”
“What’s going on, Charlie?” Jeff asked, his voice even lower, eyeing him worriedly, “this isn’t like you,”
“It’s just my head… I’ve,” he paused and licked his lips. Charlie contemplated saying nothing else, but Jeff – like Babe – had demanded transparency when it came to his wellbeing. Even if he only gave them that a fraction of the time, “had a headache for days and it just keeps getting worse,”
“Days! Charlie —“
“It’s fine —“
“Jeff where — oh,” Alan appeared in the doorway, hesitating for a moment, “is something wrong?”
“It doesn’t matter,”
“Could you grab Charlie an ice pack?”
“Don’t bother him with that,” Charlie immediately scolded, though it didn’t carry any heat or weight, he stood intending to go grab it himself. However, the change in position made the pain somehow ten times worse, exploding behind his eyes and blurring his vision.
“Woah,” Alan miraculously reached him before Jeff, looping his arm around Charlie’s shoulders, “What’s the matter? What hurts?”
“His head,” Jeff fluttered beside them, “said it’s been hurting for days,”
“Days? Charlie…” Alan helped lower him back down, “have you taken anything for it? Have you thrown up?” He crouched down in front of Charlie and placed his hand on the younger man’s forehead, “you’ve got a fever too,”
“He’s never sick. He’s never been sick,” Jeff muttered.
“Jeff got get Babe — he should have his headset on,”
“No — don’t worry him,” Charlie pleaded, but Jeff had already dashed off. He’d caused Babe so much trouble already, he didn’t want to further burden him with something as mundane as a headache, “it’s not worth —“
“Don’t you dare say that,” Alan almost growled, “after everything, you still think that way? After everything you put Babe through?” He tried to pull his anger back, feeling Charlie try to retreat, “I’m not — look,”
“That’s why I’m not worth it,” the pain made his voice weaker, “he shouldn’t have to deal with these things, Alan. I’m trying to make it better…”
“Charlie, no one on this team wants you to hurt or suffer, do you understand? I’m frustrated, yes — but I’m not angry at you. The whole situation was a nightmare, you understand. But Babe loves you – he wants you – he needs you. For him to have those things, you can’t just pretend to be fine while you suffer,” he paused, “now, when did you start to feel ill?”
“I don’t know. My head,” Charlie found finding the right words hard. It was almost like he was reaching blindly into a paper bag and not knowing what was inside, “started to hurt Tuesday afternoon…it just keeps getting worse,”
“And the fever?”
“This morning, I think? Normally I’m cold at night…but I just couldn’t…” a wave of lightheadedness started to eat away at his vision, making him sway. He flinched when Alan grabbed onto his shoulders again, “sorry…”
“Stop apologizing,”
“That’s all I can do…”
“Charlie —“
“Babe will be here in a few minutes,” Jeff reappeared with a bag of ice, “Kim said he’d drive you both to the hospital.”
“I don’t need —“
“Days, Charlie. You’re going to the hospital,”
Alan couldn’t help but smile at the brothers bickering. He took the ice from Jeff and slowly placed it where Charlie motioned, “Let me know if it’s too cold — no, I got it,” he shook off Charlie’s hand when the younger tried to hold the pack up himself, frowning at the slight tremor, “how bad is the pain? Don’t lie — we can tell, it’s obvious, but how bad is it really,”
Frowning Charlie couldn’t figure out how bad it was, he had no scale. There was ignorable and not ignorable, “I can’t ignore it… I normally just ignore it,”
Alan tensed slightly and sent a worried look to Jeff who seemed unphased, “If you are in pain you can’t just ignore it! What if something is seriously wrong?”
The ice was helping, or at least it was providing a point to focus on that wasn’t the nauseating sharp pulsing in his head. He shrugged, “it just gets in the way of things. It’s easier to just ignore it,”
“’Gets in the…’ Charlie that’s not how –”
“What happened? Charlie?” Babe arrived like he raced, with power and finesse, dropping down beside Alan as soon as he was close enough, “Jeff said your head hurt and you had a fever? Is this why you’ve been so quiet?”
“We can take him to the hospital,” Kim suggested, out of breath, “I can drive so that –”
It was instantaneous. Like a paper towel tossed into water. Suddenly the physical pain meant nothing, and Charlie couldn’t stop himself from violently darting backward in an attempt to get away. Smacking his shoulder and hip on the edge of the bench as he flipped over it, kicking Alan in the chest and launching the ice pack up into the air. He hit the ground painfully, slamming the side of his still-pounding head into the cement and snapping his glasses in two. Blind, stricken, terror, “It’s supposed to be gone!!”
“Charlie!”
“What’s going on?”
They kept trying to reach him, but Charlie was lost inside the realization. The drug that he’d been given was supposed to make him normal. It was supposed to cure him of his ability. He wasn’t supposed to be a monster anymore, he wasn’t supposed to be a black hole. It shouldn’t be coming back! That’s not what was supposed to happen! The first drug would reduce his pulse to near death, damaging the part of his brain responsible for the special abilities and releasing the ones he’d stolen. The second drug was to do the same thing, in the process damaging the part of the brain further while using a mix of adrenaline to push his heart to regain a normal rhythm and hopefully revive him. “I’m not…it’s not right…it shouldn’t come back,” he’d started hyperventilating before his back hit the wall at the corner of the building, “I can’t…” he couldn’t do it again, “I can’t,” a strangled airy sob tore through his whole body painfully. Was this punishment? Wasn’t it punishment enough to have lived his life up to this point?
“Charlie?” Babe called out, terrified. Jeff, Alan, and Kim now joined by North and Sonic, “Charlie? What’s going on?” He reached out again, but Charlie flinched back slamming his head into the door jam and cutting his temple on the hinge.
“Don’t,” he gasped, “it’s back, don’t — I can’t,” the words weren’t making any sense and Charlie couldn’t control it. He was spiraling back to the first time he’d stolen someone’s ability. The first death he ever caused. The one that he watched. The kid died because Tony expected him to have his power like normal and he didn’t… the kid didn’t deserve that. Charlie deserved that fate. Charlie was a monster.
“Babe?” Jeff had joined them on the floor, “I think… Charlie, you mean your powers are back, right?”
A sob responded, and Charlie grabbed a fistful of his hair. His head was only becoming more painful, “I need — to do it again…have him bring the drugs again…”
“Absolutely not!” To everyone’s surprise, it was Alan who shouted, “Those drugs nearly killed you!”
“I have to!” Charlie pleaded, slamming himself back against the doorframe and splattering blood when Jeff reached out, “I don’t want to be a monster anymore, please,”
“You aren’t a monster —“
“I am! All I do is take things!” He felt like his chest was going to collapse. Collapse in just like the black hole his powers represented. Why would anyone stay around him now? Why would anyone stay? He can’t control it. It just happens. “I can’t…” he couldn’t breathe let alone think.
“Alan, toss me your jacket!”
“What, Babe?”
“Just do it!”
Charlie was going to pass out he could feel it. How darkness clung to the edges, he needed to leave before that could happen. If that happened Babe would grab him and he’d steal from Babe again — he’d betray Babe again. Except he didn’t have enough oxygen in his system to stand much less move with any coordination.
“Woah, hey,” Babe had slid Alan’s jacket on backward, covering as much skin as he could manage. He caught Charlie before the younger could smack his face once again into the cement, “Stop struggling, I’m covered — I’m completely covered,” he could feel Charlie’s chest and abdomen tighten desperately trying to suck air in and failing, “come on,”
“No,” he gasped out, but he could barely struggle anymore. His heart was pounding so loudly, it filled his throat and pressed on his eyes. He didn’t deserve Babe’s kindness. He was a beast that needed to be put down before he caused more trouble.
*~*
Babe knew Charlie well. He could tell when the younger was distressed or upset. He knew when it was serious and when it was something stupid, like North’s crass joke or Jeff purposely eating the last ramen cup. This was entirely different. Charlie had bolted backward like Babe had placed a lump of hot coal onto his forehead – and now he was struggling to breathe, gasping and sobbing, turning a horrid combination of ash grey and violet. Babe could feel each attempt Charlie’s body made to drag oxygen into it, each catch when it got caught, each violent spasm when it was sputtered out, “Charlie,” he tried to speak softly, hoping he could reach him, but Charlie looked so destroyed babbling on, “Charlie, everything will be alright –”
“It shouldn’t,” the blood from the gash on his face had dripped into Charlie’s eye, “I don’t want it,” he tried to scream it out like a declaration but had no air in his lungs to do it.
“Charlie,” Jeff had positioned himself in front of them after Babe pulled Charlie’s back into his chest, “We knew this could happen. It’s not,” even his voice broke, “We’ll find another way. Okay? You and I, we will,”
“That’s it, deep breaths,” Babe coaxed. Looking past Jeff, he could tell the others were all badly affected by Charlie’s break – North and Sonic huddled together in the back, Kim – keys still in hand – looked upset, and worst of all was Alan. Babe knew the older man had been struggling with forgiveness, and he was grateful for the protection, but he also knew Alan, “That’s it Charlie – keep doing that,”
“I’m sorry,” a breath was shattered by the words and Charlie tried to curl up but couldn’t, “I’d hoped it was gone… I’m sorry…”
“I don’t care about your power – or mine – or anything else,”
“I’m sorry…”
“Shh,” Jeff pulled his sleeve down to cover his hand and started to dab at the blood still dripping down Charlie’s face, “How’s your head? Does it still hurt?”
Charlie had stopped struggling, and from Babe’s view, he’d also exhausted his tears, giving only a listless shrug in response to his brother’s question.
“Charlie, you have to tell us if you’re in pain,” Alan handed the discarded ice pack to Jeff, “I do think you should go to the hospital – he hit his head hard, Babe,”
“It doesn’t matter…”
“Charlie –”
“If I’m in pain. It’s penance,”
“Stop that,” Alan pounced before Babe could, “Of course, it matters.”
“Does your head hurt like it did?” Babe whispered into Charlie’s ear; he could still feel the fever through the jacket.
“I’ll pull my car around,” Kim turned as soon as he saw Charlie nod, “Can you guys grab a towel and something to drink?”
“Yeah,” Sonic nodded, pulling North off towards the kitchenette.
“I want it gone…”
“I know, Charlie,”
As Jeff spoke, Babe could see that there had been a million previous conversations about this between the two. Hundreds of words were said. Prayers discarded. Wishes and dreams broken. He’d always known that they had been unified as brothers for years, but Babe had never thought that it was forged in something like this.
“Come on Charlie… Let’s get your head taken care of and then we’ll talk about this, okay?” Babe was careful not to touch him anywhere, “One thing at a time…”