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It was far colder than normal, and the rain had been coming down endlessly for hours by the time Charlie finally returned to Babe’s house. It was still hard to call it his house, even though Babe had made it very clear that Charlie belonged there are well. Yet, returning to a secure safe place felt good. It wasn’t something that he was exceedingly familiar with. While the condo he had rented with Jeff had been safe, at least from Tony, it had always been far from secure. The lock frequently jammed, the door would swell so much in the summer that it would no longer shut, and some of the windows leaked no matter what they did to try and prevent it. On more than one occasion, Jeff’s sight had been the difference between someone breaking in and a good night’s rest.
Babe’s place was warm in a way that Charlie was not used to – surprising given how industrial and open the layout was – it felt protected. Like a castle wall or a bulletproof vest. He liked to think that his presence added another layer of protection for Babe as well, a secondary alarm system or a guard dog. He could never say that to Babe, not anymore.
Since discovering more about his past and the lengths at which Tony abused him, Babe had scaled up his protective nature to an eleven. It was almost comical, would be if the stakes were lower, how much both of them tried so hard to protect one another.
Except for Charlie, Babe’s protection wasn’t necessary. He wasn’t worth all the extra effort or pain it might cause Babe – it was counterproductive. He was the one who was supposed to protect Babe. That was his sole purpose, wasn’t it? To protect and love Babe. To protect Jeff.
“Charlie? You’re late and soaked,” Babe appeared at the top of the stairs.
“Yeah, One of my clients decided last minute that we would just meet virtually…” he carefully placed his laptop bag down by the door and did his best to keep the excess water to a minimum while he removed his shoes. Unfortunately, Charlie hadn’t brought a jacket with him so his shirt and jeans were suctioned to his body and completely saturated, “But they didn’t call me until I had been waiting outside for a half hour already – the computer should be alright though,”
“If I’d had my senses I could have probably noticed you before you got out of the car and been ready,” Babe called out offhandedly, quickly rummaging through his drawer for a pair of sweats for the younger to change into.
A sudden rush of guilt filled Charlie’s gut making him almost queasy, “If you ever want them back –” he started as soon as Babe reappeared with a towel and some dry clothes.
“No.”
Charlie jolted and the words died on his tongue, “I just meant –”
“I know what you meant, Charlie,” the burst of anger that Babe had was replaced with a smooth sadness that Charlie equally disliked, “But listen to me, I will never want you dead. Do you understand?” he waited for the slightest nod, then quickly brought the towel up to dry Charlie’s hair, “Take off those clothes before you caught cold,”
“Take off my clothes?” he tried to make it sound playful, but Charlie’s joke was still tainted with the self-deprecation and lack of self-worth that had decorated his previous statement making the joke come out almost timid.
“Yes,” Babe smiled regardless and helped Charlie change, mindful of the bruises that still lingered across the smaller man’s ribs from the other night, “Your client sounds like an ass by the way,”
“Oh yeah,” Charlie was grateful for the topic change, “I’ve been working for that company since I graduated – this is not the first time they have changed their minds at the last minute. Not even the first time they have left me out in the rain either,”
“You should drop them,” Babe commented casually, once again helping to dry Charlie’s hair.
“It’s not that easy,” and it truly wasn’t. Not while he and Jeff still stayed in their apartment anyway. Jeff was making money working for X-Hunters, but Charlie had refused to allow him to contribute to their rent. He had promised Jeff years ago that he would have as normal a life as Charlie could offer him. He had failed in so many ways to provide that, but he could at the very least make sure that Jeff came out of university with money saved away and no financial burdens, “Gotta pay for stuff somehow. Who do you think pays for rent,”
Babe hummed quietly, “Doesn’t Alan pay Jeff – I know they initially joked that he’d be an unpaid intern, but I thought he had changed his mind,”
“Alan changed his mind about three seconds after meeting Jeff,” Charlie laughed as he pulled up the sweatpants Babe offered. They were much too big on him, “I told Jeff to save the money. I make enough for the both of us,” and he did, but only just. He made just enough money to cover rent and make sure that their fridge and pantry were always decently stalked, “But if I drop that client, that will not be the case,”
Babe hummed again, “I can mention something to Alan, I’m sure he’d be willing to pay you while you train – or give Jeff an increase - I could help cover things as well,”
Waving off the concern as he tried to suppress a yawn, Charlie grabbed his wet clothes and started towards the bathroom, “You can ask about giving Jeff a raise if you'd like. I want him to have a good amount saved up just in case,”
Babe was slow to follow, “in case what?”
He felt the answer on the tip of his tongue, but Charlie hesitated. They hadn’t had many legitimate arguments over the last several months. However, the few that had come up all seemed to revolve around Charlie’s well-being, confusingly enough, and given Babe’s earlier reaction admitting to safeguarding his brother in the event of his death was probably not the smartest move, “In case I can’t,”
“Nothing is going to happen to you,”
The defiant nature of Babe’s words elicited a smile, “It’s my job to protect you, not the other way around,” Charlie tossed back playfully, pulling up the pants which had started to slip, “my purpose,” Before Babe could say something else he placed a quick kiss on the tip of Babe’s nose, then added, “That and making you happy,”
“Charlie – you are ridiculous…”
Babe’s laugh made Charlie smile border, reenergizing him, “I take my job seriously! I’m your biggest fan,” he pouted dramatically, “I have to make sure you don’t forget that,”
“Charlie,” Babe repeated almost chastising, “go shower,”
“Shower?”
“Stop that — you’re shivering. Just go shower,”
“By myself?”
“Charlie!”
“I’m going. I’m going,”
Being with Babe was the easiest thing Charlie had ever done, it felt so right and warm in ways nothing else ever had. Yet, there was a painful needle ever piercing into his side at the same time. Good things rarely lasted in his life — Jeff being the sole exception, and even then, Charlie had done everything in his power to protect his brother over the years. Everything short of dying – though there had been a handful of close calls early on. He didn’t think he’d be that lucky with Babe.
He wasn’t a seer, that was Jeff’s gift, but Charlie was not naïve nor was he ignorant. He’d die for Babe when the time came. The painful part was not knowing what the fallout would be. Would Babe grieve for him? Would he miss him? Charlie liked to think that Babe would, but sometimes the dark parts of his mind tried to tell him otherwise.
Assuming his death would be the end of their relationship was selfish, Charlie knew that. It was more realistic to acknowledge that Babe would one day tire of him. That he would no longer serve any use and be disposed of like spoiled leftovers. He knew Babe wasn’t like that – at least not that callous. Tony had been. Charlie had seen the kids whose powers had mysteriously disappeared be beaten and cast out, left to fend for themselves once their use was gone. However, since Babe kept Charlie around after discovering the nature of his special ability maybe it was safe to assume he wouldn’t be disposed of in such a harsh fashion.
“Charlie? You’ve been in there a while. Are you alright?” there was a hard edge to Babe’s question that Charlie didn’t like as though something was eating him up. The softer concern had only doubled after he divulged his past to Babe, it still felt unnatural to hear it directed at him – Babe deserved far more concern than Charlie did. Charlie had been cast aside, but Babe was the one who had to deal with the horrors of that house for years longer.
“Lost track of time – I’ll be out in a minute,”
“Just don’t drown in there,” then after several beats of contemplation, Babe added, “Though I could resuscitate you,”
The smile that rose to Charlie’s face erased some of his inner turmoil, “Maybe I should drown then!”
“Charlie,” Babe’s laugh could be heard through the door, soft and full, “Hurry up,”
Later that night, pleasantly worn out, Babe posed a question Charlie had never considered answering, “How do you know?”
The heat from Babe’s body and Charlie’s relaxed state, made him not even hesitate to ask in return, “How do I know what?”
Tensing slightly, Babe shifted so that Charlie was more squarely on his chest, “How do you know that my senses will come back if you die?”
“I, uh, just assume… it makes sense, right?” he couldn’t keep the slightly panicked edge out of the response, “Of course… they’d go back to you…”
“Charlie, how do you know?”
The care in Babe’s voice was too much, so much more than Charlie deserved. There wasn’t a reason to ask such a question – why did it matter how he knew, the fact is Charlie knew how to get rid of his stolen powers. How to free himself from the burden and pain if he needed to. Babe didn’t need to know about the details – the pain – the terror that accompanied them. There was no reason to further concern the only person that Charlie desperately needed to protect from all badness – who deserved only good things.
“Charlie – Charlie, you don’t have to tell me… Charlie, it’s alright,” Babe had started running his warm hand up and down Charlie’s arm soothingly, “I didn’t mean to – it’s alright if you don’t want to tell me I guess. I just need to know why you are so obsessed with dying,”
Was he? Was he obsessed with dying? Dying was painful in Charlie’s experience, the act of it was nearly as excruciating as being revived, how could he be obsessed with something like that? Except, it was also peaceful – knowing that what he’d stolen had been returned, knowing that his ability was shut off and couldn’t be inflicted on anyone unintentionally. Perhaps he was obsessed with the idea of death, the safety in the nothingness that it would offer.
“I worry about you,” Babe whispered those words under his breath, they were not meant to be heard, but to Charlie they were explosions.
“Because… I’ve died before…” he felt obligated to respond, if Babe was so troubled he was obligated to try and fix it. He felt Babe freeze beneath him, “a couple of times… actually…”
“What?” his breathing was uneven like he was trying to maintain it and failed, “What do you mean?”
“Sometimes, people took it too far – trying to get me to demonstrate my abilities… and when they did, they’d bring me back…”
“Tony,” it wasn’t a question, there was nothing but hate and disdain in Babe’s voice, “you mean Tony and his men,”
“I mean Tony and his men,” he confirmed softly, “It happened several times before he outright gave up and kicked me out. They never intended to kill me –”
“I hate him.”
Charlie couldn’t say anything else. The night had been both exceedingly mundane and all too telling.
“That will never happen again,”
Despite the conviction, Charlie doubted Babe’s declaration – too many cogs in motion and too many stones unturned.