Work Text:
Anemone knows she shouldn’t be pushing herself so hard. That she can’t keep up this pace. Eventually, she is going to crash. Given her luck, it’s going to be exactly when she can’t afford to.
Every time she tries to rest though she just… can’t. She lies down and closes her eyes and that night is there waiting for her. That thing in all its monstrous, faceless glory. Kom’s limbs twisted the wrong way. Her own screaming ringing in her ears. The unrelenting roar of the monster’s rampage continuing as if it hadn’t just ripped her world to pieces.
It’s easier when she’s exhausted. When she’s so busy training, preparing, and planning, her brain no longer has the space to bring up those memories. Nem keeps herself so busy now that she can hardly keep track of the days anymore. She wants to say the work keeps her from thinking about Kom at all but… that would be a lie.
The truth is Nem does nothing but think of Kom. Her world is marred with his memory. His jersey over her shoulders. His name on her rifle barrel. His blood on her hands.
Dedicating herself to wiping out these wretched creatures is the only thing she can do. Because if she takes them out the attacks will stop. No one else will have to die. None of them will have to wait in fear as Glow Season circles in. If Nem can get rid of the monsters maybe they’ll take her nightmares right along with them.
She works around the clock. Combat training during the day. Lookout or guard duty at night. Dismantling a rifle and putting it back together becomes as easy as breathing. Vace and Rhett praise her over and over and she lets them. She takes their assurance as evidence that what they’re doing is right.
Cal becomes more and more insistent that they’re being cruel. That they’re waging a war against creatures who didn’t deserve their hatred. Nem doesn’t know how to say that they picked the fight first. That Kom’s death was their fault and she can’t just sit back and pretend like everyone else that it didn’t happen. She can’t just move on.
The only time she sleeps is when Sol is there beside her. They were the only one who was there that night. The only other person who saw the same things she saw. Nem knows they have nightmares, she can feel them shaking, and she wonders if they dream about that night too. If they think about all the ways they could have saved him the way she does.
She doesn’t know why Sol makes things easier. Maybe it’s just that when they’re there she’s forced to remember she isn’t alone. That she isn’t the only person who’s lost someone.
She closes her eyes with a soft sigh. Glow Season is coming up; she’s going to need all her strength to get through it.