Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

They woke up then, a bit out of it and perhaps scared. Who wouldn’t be? They were sitting in bed after having a nightmare, afterall. Their eyes flash with vague recognition of the person that had looked down on their body in their dream, the face seeming so familiar, yet so alien.

Well. No matter. They’re tired enough to sleep well tonight. Laying themself back down, Kris gently shuts their eyes (they would never admit it, but the way in which they did this was quite panicked.) A few minutes passed by.

The last thing they thought about before sleeping was the person's face, their wretched face.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Fuck. They couldn’t focus on anything other than the dream. Their bleeding body, the tall human standing over them, the sobbing they could vaguely hear through the ringing. Kris was going insane obsessing over it.

This is a new symptom. How should I deal with it? ...fuck... 

Attempting to seize some control over the situation, they confided in Noelle. She always listened to them, ever since Kris first opened up to her about feeling isolated.

“What does it mean?” ‘Elle looked at them in a way that implied have you been taking your medication? , except Kris doesn’t take medication, and she probably means have you been spiraling recently?

Kris bit back a ‘how should I know?’ and replied, “I’m not sure. I’ve thought about it for a while, though, and I swear I remember the human’s eyes.”

“Maybe you knew them?”

“‘Elle, it was a dream. I almost definitely made it all up. It’s not like humans even have eyes like that , in fact, I’m pretty sure those colors are only found in large mammals. Did you know that panthers are actually defined as-” Kris caught themself before going into a rant that probably would have ended in a shutdown for either of them. “Sorry.” People always seem to hate it when they do that, it’s one of the things that they have been trying to stop. Noelle usually doesn’t mind, but right now, it doesn’t seem like she wants to hear a ramble.

“In any case, it’ll be fine.” Noelle was always saying things like that, it’ll be fine, you’ll be okay, you’re safe. As if Kris ever cared about that. “You could always draw or write something about it, if you do, I’m sure it will be beautiful!” Her smile warmed her face up. It warmed everything up, actually.

“Yeah. I might. Thanks for listening, Noelle.” After thinking for a half second, they added, “Stay silly.”

“I will. And anytime! You know I don’t mind! Bye, Kris.” She giggled a bit, kicking her legs and definitely staying silly.

“また後で*、’Elle. See you later.” Kris grabbed their notebooks and pencil and exited the classroom. They felt a pang of guilty satisfaction in confusing someone, and immediately vowed to not do that again, in fear of actually causing damage to someone.

Noelle is the type who needs to have a mutually honest relationship after all, even if that does mean Kris needs to be a teensy bit performative. It’s probably the closest they’ll ever get to having someone who they can fully trust to not abandon them, though.

And Kris was never the type to simply let themselves be forgotten or, angel forbid, hated .

~~~~~~~~~~~

When Kris turned 15, they had the exact same dream.

When Kris turned 16, they had the exact same dream.

When Kris turned 17, they had the exact same dream. (17 was a horrid year for them, two attempts and a ‘week’ of possession)

And when Kris turned 18, they had the exact strange dream.

As time went on, the image kept getting more vivid and clear, and they were also getting progressively more freaked out about it. And the question that’s been on their mind since that first day having the dream plagued them once again, after years of repressing it.

Who the fuck is that?

In a last ditch effort, they resorted to reminiscing on their childhood, though ‘reminiscing’ may be the wrong word. In short, they were combing through their memory of ages 1-8 years old, trying to pinpoint exactly who this person was.

But no matter what, the only thing they could picture in their head was teary, bright eyes.

~~~~~~~~~~~

They were upset.

Why did no one tell them before? That they had a biological brother?

Oh, well. It’s not like getting angry about it changes anything. They will their face into a fake, but warm, smile.

“Who is he? What was his name?”

“My child, I apologize, but they didn’t tell us.” Toriel looked a bit guilty.

Kris immediately jumped in. “Government files should be able to track down where these people go, right? If I go through some sort of legal process, I can find out where he lives!” They muster up courage, and continue. “Then I could meet him. I wonder, is he older, or younger? Are we twins? Huh, maybe I’m secretly in The Parent Trap or something.” They attempt to say this in a playful tone, and it works. Toriel is at ease, it seems, which definitely keeps them from getting messed up at the thought of meeting a strange person they know nothing about and saying, ‘ I’m your biological sibling, hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiioiiiiiiiiiii ’.

“You could! I believe they mentioned something that worries me a bit, though.”

“What was it?” Kris furrowed their brow, trying to play up how much they needed their mother.

“They said that, for ‘various legal reasons’, he was sent to an orphanage in Japan, not the U.S. I am sorry, my child.”

The air was knocked out of Kris’s lungs. What does that mean? Will they ever find him? They breathe, finally, and move on.

“I’ll find him. I speak Japanese, anyways, so it’s not like I can’t sift through the documents. It’ll work out.” They made sure to adjust their voice to sound unsure of themself, though these things get solved all the time.

Toriel gave them a pitying smile, as if she didn’t believe them. “If you need help, don’t be afraid to call me, Kris.”

They glanced at the clock. “Oh, shittucks, it’s almost 11:00 pm-” They speedily threw on a poncho and their shoes. “Love you, mom! I’ll call you when I get to the apartment, which won’t be for another hour or so in the rain, so don’t get worried!” They nearly tore the doorknob off the door trying to get it open, practically jumping out of the doorway in their rush.

“Goodbye! Say hi to Noelle and Susie for me!” They heard Toriel holler out a split second before slamming the door behind them, sprinting into the rain.

The running doesn’t stop until they make it to the bus station where they finally let the burning in their lungs cease. For a moment, they appreciate how the cool drops kept them from overheating, and they take off the poncho, letting the dribble fall over them. A grin involuntarily spread across their face at not being late, and they notice lights coming up the road.

The bus stops, and they get on. They have a lot to think about.

~~~~~~~~~~~

They remember. It’s incredibly blurry, but they remember the same face that stared down at them, the same silver hair, the same beautiful eyes.

They were only 5. And, walking into the room the two shared, they were horrified.

Kris won’t remember the details. They tried to, but it wouldn’t happen. So they settled for...

They remembered how their birth mother died. She was incredible. Always protecting Kris and their unnamed brother a lot, withstanding the brunt of their birth father’s anger. 

...

Obviously, one day, she snapped. 

...

She got drunk and overdosed. Kris remembers seeing her body and assuming she was asleep. Their biological father left it there for days until it started to stink. Their brother knew what happened though. He always tried protecting them, too, despite him barely being a year older. Kris muses that self-sacrifice might be in their genes, just as much as oddly colored eyes.

Their mother was the one who initially taught them Japanese, as she was Japanese-Australian herself. It was then later furthered by a kind teacher in their elementary school, but that’s neither here nor there.

What’s important is that they have everything they need to find this goddamned man, and if they had to fucking move to another country to do it, so be it.

Being isolated from your past sucks dick, and they have no intentions of letting it go on.

...

...

He probably deserves to know anyway.

Chapter Text

Okay, it’s just a couple bottles of Ramune and some gummy candies, I can totally get the stuff and go back in 20 minutes!

Nakajima Atsushi, of course, is lying to himself. He knows this.

...Who am I kidding? The store Ranpo-san told me to pick the sweets up from is on the other side of Yokohama...

Reluctantly getting aboard the train anyways, Atsushi hears absolutely nothing. No chatter, no babies crying, not even so much as a loud breath.

It only took him about three seconds to realize that things were so quiet due to the fact of nobody else being in the car .

“Wha…? Is this a joke? Tanizaki-san, are you there?” There was no reply.

And thus was the moment Atsushi sold his soul for some Ramune bottles and fucking gummy candies.

Despite everything in the universe and his own head telling him this was an important decision that will change his life forever, Atsushi reasoned that it was the time most people were working. He had also gotten on one of the rear cars, so those two things are most likely the cause of such a quiet train ride.

Atsushi moved down to one of the center seats, near a safety pole. He sat down, trying to mentally prepare himself for the likely lecture in punctuality from Kunikida-san. He had to go through at least two different train routes in order to actually get to the closest stop, then go three to get back to the Agency.

Right before the train left the station, someone hopped onto the car, looking slightly lost before her eyes settled on Atsushi. They widened slightly at the sight of him. She hurriedly sat down across from him.

He could have sworn that he had seen her before. Her bright red eyes nearly glowed when she slipped out her phone and glanced at what was presumably a text.

Atsushi supposes three minutes pass, and he spends them staring out the window and taking quick glances to the mysterious young woman. She looked only slightly younger than him, at most two years. The hair closest to her face was left long while the rest of it was cut, and the long bits faded into a deep blue at the ends. She was carrying an over-the-shoulder messenger bag made out of canvas that looked pretty old. There was writing on it, but the only words in what Atsushi thinks is English that he could understand were ‘Angel’s’ and ‘Goddamned’. The woman was wearing a white tank top and loose red hoodie that didn’t go over her shoulders, exposing a few burn scars. Her jeans were baggy and had big holes in the knees, though it seemed like those were genuine holes and not any sort of fashion choice. She wore a pair of white sneakers that had pastel purple and pink accents. The shoes were also laced poorly, with them being incredibly uneven. Frankly, she looked a lot like an American.

“...Ah, it’s pretty weird how quiet this car is, ね*?”Atsushi couldn’t bear the silence between them much longer. He hoped he didn’t sound like a weirdo or something of the sort, but he couldn’t exactly control how awkward he was around strangers in places without anyone else around. “You know, usually these trains are so loud you can’t hear yourself think…”

The young woman smiled slightly. It didn’t look like a ‘this man’s about to kidnap me’ smile. “Yeah. I just moved to this country, but I already feel safer around here. The crime management is great, if you ignore the blatantly obvious mafia issue.”

Atsushi cringed a bit at that, as part of that issue was his responsibility to deal with. “Yeah. I’m Nakajima Atsushi, by the way. Sorry for forgetting the introduction part, aha…”

She didn’t seem fazed by his awkwardness. “Dreemurr, Kris. 18. If you’d like, you can use my personal name. I picked it out after all, no honorifics necessary unless you’d prefer it. And, I hope asking is alright, what type of language would you like me to use for you? Neutral? Feminine?”

Atsushi suddenly realized that 1, he didn’t really care too much to think about that, and 2, he has been talking about this person in his head as if they were a woman without actually knowing. 

“O-oh! Well, I haven’t thought about it much, but masculine words are fine, uhm, you?”

“I prefer to use gender-neutral, well, honestly everything, unless it’s funnier to say something else. Fufu!” They giggled slightly at their own answer, which nearly dragged a chuckle out of Atsushi himself. “Anyways, could you give me a quick, sort of TL;DR of what honorifics and name to use for you? Things have been a little confusing, and I was bad enough at socializing back home.” They asked this so confidently that Atsushi couldn’t help but think for a moment. It was obvious that Kris deserved full respect, and who was he to dismiss someone who glowed like them?

“You can use my given name, at least for now. And honorifics aren’t necessary for me either.” Atsushi obviously used 敬称** in respect, but since Kris didn’t seem to link the two things together, he decided he didn’t care about them when respect wasn’t a part of it. He also decided that he may regret what he was about to say, but that Kris didn’t seem like the type to get upset over it anyway. “Do I know you from somewhere? I could have sworn that I’ve seen you before.”

They didn’t even look confused or surprised at the question, which was...odd. “Oh, I’m glad you at least vaguely remember! Let’s just say we knew eachother as kids.”

Atsushi’s face paled at that. “Were you... at the orphanage?”

That seemed to confuse them. “No, it was before you went there, I think. You were around six or something, last I saw you before this.” Their answer calmed Atsushi down for exactly .25 seconds before an onslaught of questions attacked his mind, such as

How do they remember that far back? 

If that was before the orphanage, then did they know his parents? 

Why did they bring this up only now? 

But he decided to vocalize only the most pressing of the hundreds.

“ Who are you? ”

At this, Kris laughed.

“I should have figured. I’m assuming you have questions about our parents, why I waited nearly ten minutes to tell you, why I can even recall those times, et cetera.”

The world seemed to slow as Kris’s words sank in. The way they phrased everything oozed through his ear canal, and when it all reached his brain, he couldn’t help but yell out,

"OUR?"

Chapter Text

“You’re telling me that you moved to another country just to find me?” Atsushi couldn’t believe it. That someone, even someone who knew nothing about him, cared enough to meet him that they would want to pack their bags and leave everything. “You... you’re crazy…”

“It’s not as if I’ll never see my friends and family again. This isn’t the 1800’s, phones and airplanes exist.” Kris was so calm about the fact that they up and left their life. “Anyways. I’m sick of talking about myself, tell me about you! What’s your life like? How are you faring? Do you have anyone I could meet?”

“W-wait, we’re already getting into that? We haven’t even…” Atsushi tried to think of something that the two should talk about first, even maybe discuss their parents, but he couldn’t really think of anything. “I don’t know! What are you supposed to do in these situations?”

Kris got a fond look on their face. Well, a fonder one, as they seemed to like Atsushi already. “Ufu, you remind me of my older brother. The other one, I mean. The two of you are always worried you’re breaking social rules or something.” Atsushi felt a hint of jealousy at the fact that they had a whole other brother instead of him, but he would unpack that later. “You don’t have to worry about offending me, I threw away societal conventions a ロオオオオオオオオンング* time ago.” Instead of saying the regular word, they stretch out an approximation of what Atsushi assumes is the English word for it.

“Uhm, that’s comforting?”

“I hope so, since being comforting was sort of the goal.” The everlasting smile grows wider. “Like I said, let’s start with you. Tell me about your life!”Atsushi gulped down the saliva in the back of his mouth, thinking of where to start. “You don’t need to tell me about your early life or anything, but I atleast want to know if you’re a student or something.”

“I’m not. Actually, I never went to a proper school. And, well, as for my occupation…” Wait, was he supposed to say that he was a part of the ADA? Would they even know what that was? “I work foorrrrrr the uuhhhhhh fucking... an office! Yeah, I work a boring office job. It’s not interesting or dangerous at all, sorry if you were expecting something cooler.” Wow, lying to someone I just met. But I guess it’s for the safety of everyone in the ADA that I don’t tell a stranger about them. Except Kris didn’t feel like a stranger anymore. Atsushi couldn’t explain it, but they just felt so innately good . Like, what was the phrase? ‘Sugar all the way through’? Yeah, they felt like that, but not just something sweet but bad for you. They felt like honey all the way through, something that you love eating and something that makes you better in return.

“Would you take offense if I called ブルトゥ**?” Kris’s smile took on a slightly amused tone, and the amusion mixed with the fondness. Atsushi didn’t know what this had to do with bulls, but he assumed it was an American thing. “Because I can 99.97% guarantee that you’re lying.”

Usually, someone would get paranoid if this person they just met could instantly read their expressions and quite possibly thoughts, but Kris made this all feel like something to be joked with instead of used against a person. It was refreshing. “Yeah, I’m lying. I can’t tell you what I do though, so. Uh.”

“Right. I’ll pretend it’s an office job.”

“Thanks. And I live with my…” Should he say Kyouka-chan is his friend? Sister? Roommate? But she’s so young, it would be an obvious lie. “Younger sister. She’s only, uh, 13…” It feels like the more detail he adds to it, the more he has to lie. Atsushi makes a mental note to not add many details for the description of anyone else. “And at my ‘office job’ , I work with a few others. I don’t talk to anyone else though.” Finally, his mouth decided to shut up and end his torture.

Kris’s eyes widened, and they noticeably beamed. “Can I meet her? She sounds so sweet, and I’ve always liked dealing with kids!”

Shit. “Actually, she doesn’t like strangers, s-so…” Again with the trailing off.

“Oh, that’s understandable! What about your friends?”

Atsushi was about to say he didn’t have any when he realized that they meant his coworkers, and yes, they’re as close to friends as he can get, but were they really? Is the relationship he has with Yosano-san, for example, what having a friend was like? “Er, maybe? I could call them…” The offer slipped out before he could stop it, but Kris seemed to like the idea.

“Yeah! I obviously wouldn’t want to just enter an ‘office building’,” Kris added air quotes around that, “but if it’s allowed, I won’t turn it down!” Their smile, incredibly, got bigger. If someone were to look at them from the outside, it would seem as if they had just won ¥150,000,000,000***. And Atsushi wanted to see more of it.

“Alright, I’ll make a call- wait. I was supposed to pick something up from a store, and the train should stop by the next station any second now. Are you fine to…” Halfway through asking, Atsushi realized how idiotic he sounded. Obviously he couldn’t just ask someone to follow him around on a complex train ride. He isn’t a douche .

But he didn’t need to finish. “Yeah, I’m okay. It’s not like I was really going anywhere, anyways. Oh, and are you going to that one candy store?”

“What do you mean? The ‘ナサニエルのキャンディーストア****’ one?” Atsushi didn’t know what that name even meant. “Yeah, Ranpo-san-” He slapped his hand over his mouth. I DID NOT JUST SAY HIS NAME. 

“Is this elusive Ranpo-san one of your coworkers?” Kris definitely knew the answer already.

“N-no…”

Kris giggled slightly, and the laugh shone in their eyes. “Let’s pretend I never heard that. So, this Nasanieru-san, right?”

“You know the owner on a first name basis?”

“Actually, yes. We met at a bar a few weeks ago, and just yesterday I went to the shop. Turns out, he has two. One of them is a lot more well-known, with its bright signs and everything. But the other has way better stuff, and for way cheaper. He said that he only told people about it when they humored him and his ‘riddles three’. I can show you there, if you’d like.” Kris immediately stepped near the exit. “Conveniently, the next stop is right near the little hidey-hole he put it.”

Atsushi knew he should be wary of strangers leading you into areas of the city you don’t know, but he couldn’t bring himself to be scared of Kris. They seemed so- so- so harmless . He half thought that maybe it was an ability or something making him feel so comfortable, but it was immediately waved away with the stopping of the train and opening of the doors. Kris practically sprinted out the car, turning around about one and a half meters away from the train to beckon him forward.

Atsushi obliged, and they set off in an unfamiliar direction set for god knows where.

Finally finishing the thought from earlier, Atsushi realized that he didn’t care about the vulnerability of the situation. He just knew that a lecture from Kunikida-san was an inevitable.

Oh well. Maybe he could get some candy in order to balance it.

Chapter Text

“ATSUSHI, YOU DID NOT BRING AN OUTSIDER HERE.”

Kunikida-san seemed... mad. Panicked, maybe.

“ふーん*, I’m sorry, but I insisted on coming! Apologies if me being here is a hassle…”

Kris seemed... unworried. Amused, maybe. They were covering for him, though, so he assumed that they understood how dire this situation was.

They were standing in the middle of the ADA office, since Kris wanted to come straight in without introduction. Now that he thinks about it, Atsushi is sure they knew someone would panic. He has discovered, thanks to their escapades through Yokohama in search of a restaurant neither has been to before, that Kris can be kind of a bastard, in the most charming way possible.

“Haha, no need to worry, miss!” Kris didn’t correct him, so this was likely one of those ‘unless it’s funny’ situations. “ Atsushi, will you please come with me for a moment? I just want to talk.” Ohhhhhhhhhh shit.

“Y-yes, Kunikida-san!” As Atsushi passed by them, Kris gave him their eternal smile, this one seeming a little softer than usual. Usual? I only met them today, why do I feel as if I can even say ‘usual’?

Atsushi closed the door, and immediately was bombarded with question upon question about Kris and what Atsushi had told them.

“What did they ask you?”

“Uhm, they only wanted to know about my life and everything...?”

“What’s their name? Occupation?”

“It’s Kris, and-”

“Do they have any proof of their relation to you? Or of their travel and past? Can you confirm their connections?”

“Kunikida-san, please let me expl-”

“What did you say to them? Do they know about the Armed Detective Agency?”

“Kunikida-san!” Atsushi immediately covered his mouth, whispering an apology. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to yell. But Kris probably knows this is the ADA now , thanks to your... projection. Okay. To answer your questions, Kris didn’t specify a day job, and I’m assuming they don’t have one, due to having just moved to Japan. They produce music as a passion, and hope for it to be a career in the future. Yes, I got curious and they showed me the various legal papers from both the American and Japanese governments. They haven’t shown me anything to do with their plane and didn’t talk much about their home. Yes, they forced me to talk to their adoptive mother. Everything checks out, so there’s no reason to believe they’re a spy or something like that. You don’t have to worry.” Atsushi hadn’t meant to be so rude, but it seemed normal to be this defensive about someone who was definitely just a civilian. “Oh, and I lied and said this was an office building, so try and go along with that!” It was only a half-truth, but Atsushi was afraid that Kunikida-san would legitimately explode if he explained that Kris was just pretending to believe him.

“Oh. Well, I am sorry for yelling. This has just never happened before, and you aren’t necessarily the most difficult person to trick. With all respect.” Kunikida-san started for the room.

“Wait. Uh, s-sorry to ask this, but please be a little bit nicer to them than you would normally be. They’re too good to get caught up in the kinds of things we do, a-and I want to make sure they can get some sort of closure…” Atsushi stammered out. It was true. Even when everyone looked horrified at their arrival, Kris kept smiling and making small talk with Dazai-san who was the only one not fazed by the development. Atsushi was sure that they were already getting Kenji-kun and Tanizaki-san warmed up to them, and the rest should follow suit. Kris couldn’t handle a real interrogation, that was for sure.

“I’ll try. Though, if a real development comes through, I won’t pull any punches.” With that, Kunikida-san finally went back through the door, Atsushi following right behind.

What was happening inside the room was unexpected, to say the least.

Kris had pulled out an acoustic guitar from somewhere and started playing ‘Through the Fire and Flames’, which looked incredibly difficult. Everyone else in the room (a group that was comprised of Dazai-san, Yosano-san, Tanizaki-san, Kenji-kun, Ranpo-san, and Kyouka-chan) was gathered around them in a semi-circle, staring in awe. Not surprising, due to the fact that probably no one in the Agency had much musical talent.

Almost instantly, Kris stopped. “Ufufu, look who’s back! What were you talking about, food? Oh, can I have some udon noodles? I can pay!”

“Ooooooooo! I want some too, if you’re paying!” Dazai-san chimed in, clearly excited by the idea of someone getting him food.

“No, nobody’s getting food. Ah, you,” Kunikida-san pointed towards Kris, “need to answer a few questions.”

“Why? Is this place some sort of government building I’m not supposed to be in?” They were wonderfully clueless about how close that was to the truth. “If so, then I need a job and place to stay anyway, just hire me! Hotels won’t work forever, you know.” They were joking, of course, but Atsushi’s blood stopped moving for half a second before he realized that.

“No. Tell me, what schooling do you have?”

“I finished high school two months before moving here!” They got a mildly relieved look on their face, though still maintained an entirely positive expression. “Ugh, glad I got out of that hellhole. People can wish for small town lives all they want, but I can’t stand having absolutely no strangers around me.”

“Alright. Previous home?”

“Like I said, for most of my life, I lived in a small Maine village called Hometown.” They said something along the lines of ホムタン**, but Atsushi couldn’t tell what they meant by it. “But I moved to New York City with my partners after graduation. Aha, that reminds me, I have to text my girlfriend to make up for yesterday! Give me a second…” Kris pulled out their phone. The case had some anime girl with pink twin drills on it. They texted someone rapid-style, receiving a call in response. “Ahaha, sorry. Gotta take this!” They looked genuinely regretful.

“Kris! You asshole, me and Susie were so worried!” Someone said through the phone in English.

“I know, I know. Sorry, but I passed out earlier than expected. Don’t worry about me.” Kris said this in an incredibly calm tone, much calmer than their usual energetic-playful one.

“Of course we’re worrying about you, we love you dumbass! Don’t you dare get hurt or something in a foreign country where you can’t just make a fountain and escape!”  

“Like I said, sorry. And obviously I’m not just going to build a fountain, what good would that do?” Kris said this in a monotone voice, but something must have given them away, if their girlfriend’s reaction was any indication.

“Bitch! You- you know what I meant! Look, I guess we just- Susie stop trying to-” The phone was apparently wrestled away from the girl on the other end, this ‘Susie’ taking over the conversation. “Sorry, dude. Noelle has just been worried ‘bout ya. We both ‘ve been, I guess. Just stay safe, I’m the only one allowed to bite your head off!” Kris was blushing slightly, and their smile widened.

“Trust me, you’ve made that very clear. And I promise to stab anyone who tries to eat my arm.” They grinned to the point of squinted eyes. “And give eachother looooots of kisses to make up for me! I’m in the middle of something, so I have to go, but I’ll text you guys in the group chat~. Bye-bye, Susie. Bye-bye, Noelle, love you both!” They left it at that, and hung up.

“Okay, what’s next?” Kris seemed to be unaware that they practically proved their innocence already.

Honestly, Atsushi was shaken. Kris truly, legitimately, left two loving partners, probably loads of friends, an apartment, and their adoptive family just to find him. Who even has the ability to do that? Did they think it was worth it after meeting him?

Kunikida-san seemed equally as stunned, along with everyone else. Except Dazai-san. Of course.

A small voice spoke up. “Can you play the guitar again? It sounded so nice…”

A large, warm grin arrived on Kris’s face. “Of course! What song should I play?”

“I don’t know many songs.” Kyouka-chan responded. She seemed to like Kris, and Kris didn’t seem to question why a kid like her was in an ‘office building’.

“Okay! What about ‘Aun no Beats’? That’s one of my favorite love songs!”

“I’ve never heard it. You should play it, though.” Kyouka-chan smiled mildly.

“Definitely!” They suddenly started playing without any warning, and everyone else still stuck in shock went back to being in awe at Kris’s skill. Even Kunikida-san seemed at ease. They began mumbling the words, and surprise surprise, they had the most impressive vocal range Atsushi has ever heard. It was honestly not even jarring. “曖昧さ故にシンパシー...***” They sang, no longer mumbling, but not really going at it full-throttle. 

“You have such a pretty voice! Could you teach me to sing like that?” Yosano-san has officially made a connection with Kris. There isn’t any going back now. 

Atsushi’s, and by extension, everyone else’s, fate was sealed.

“Definitely! The trick is to use the diaphragm, even if it feels like you’re losing air.”Kris responded, looking away from the floor as they continued to play enthusiastically and perfectly . The gods really forgot to nerf them in this department.

And the song went on.

それでも

「貴方から言ってくださいね」

As it neared the end, Atsushi caught Dazai-san looking genuinely impressed by how well Kris played.

Atsushi felt like something important happened that day.

Chapter Text

The next day, Kris stopped by the ADA again. Except they brought food for everyone. Homemade food. They had officially won Dazai-san over with these shenanigans, and he began talking with them, most likely to see how to annoy them easily. Kris wouldn’t give him an inch, though. They eventually got him to just chat instead, even managing to annoy Dazai-san a few times.

“Ufu, so you don’t have any work to do?”

“I would, but dear Atsushi-kun took the paperwork for me! Isn’t he wonderful?”

“I must say, ‘Shishi does seem like the helpful type. If you wanted, I could help too! Wait, is that illegal?”

It took a few seconds for the nickname to sink in. “‘Shishi?” Atsushi didn’t think anyone had ever given him a nickname other than ‘weretiger’, so he wasn’t sure whether this was normally how they came about. Don’t they come from something stupid you say or do, like ‘Armpit’?

“Oh, did you not want a nickname? Most people I know get one from me at one point or another, but if you don’t like it I-”

“NO! That-that’s not it, I just didn’t expect it!” Atsushi didn’t know how to feel about it, but he definitely didn’t want to be the only person to not have a designated nickname.

“Fufu, alright then ‘Shishi!”

“Who’s ‘Shishi?” Yosano-san piped in.

“It seems our Atsushi-kun has gotten to a sibling relationship checkpoint! Where will it go from here?” Dazai-san dramatically leapt from his seat and slid over to Atsushi. “Will Atsushi-kun give Kris here a nickname as well? Will the relationship end in ruin? Or-”

“Dazai! Poor Atsushi only yesterday found out about being an older brother, lay off the teasing for a little bit, would you?” Yosano-san was probably getting pissed herself, evident by the furrowing of her eyebrows.

“Ufufu~! You lot seem to bicker often! Well, don’t worry ‘Shishi, you’ll always be a great older brother in my eyes! All I can hope for is that I’m a good younger sibling~!” Kris seemed unbothered by Dazai-san and Yosano-san’s clashing. They probably had to deal with this type of stuff often back where they came from, if the stereotypes of Americans were to be believed.

“A-aha, thanks, Kris…”

“Always and forever!” They winked dramatically, pointing vaguely in the direction of Dazai-san. In response, he pulled out his suicide book and got to reading once more. Kris noticed this, but didn’t seem put off by it. “Hm, mister Dazai? Really living up to your name, I guess! Next thing I know, you’ll be referencing 人間失格* on a daily basis!”Atsushi reflexively tensed up before realizing Kris had no way of knowing what that phrase meant to everyone here. Though Atsushi also doesn’t know what they meant by it, were they referencing a movie? 

“Ohoho, funny thing, my given name is Osamu!” Kris was immediately taken aback by this, as was Atsushi. Even he hadn’t asked for Dazai-san’s given name yet, was it as easy as that? Dazai-san had said ‘live by the bit, die by the bit’ frequently, though, so Atsushi’s relationships have once again been swayed by a joke. 

“Wait, really? Are you reading a guide to suicide just for the bit, then?”

“You could say that~.” Dazai-san replied smugly. He was not doing this for the bit, no way, no how. Atsushi couldn’t imagine attempting suicide just for a joke.

What should Atsushi do with this information? Ask to use Dazai-san’s given name instead? File it away for later?

A silence had befallen the room. Kris broke it, a thing they seem skilled at. “Sooooo, should I give you a nickname too, or…”

Dazai seemed to legitimately consider it. How Kris got to be so skilled in the ways of charm and charisma was beyond Atsushi. “Sure, why not? Having a name other than ‘bastard’ sounds nice~.” Kris let out their giggle and let it go for a while. 

A few minutes pass without anyone really making an effort to pick up the conversation. Then, Kris’s face lights up in genius. Atsushi can already tell that these two are going to be some duo. 

“What about Zai**?” Once again, the room goes silent as everyone lets that sink in. 

Kris had nooooo idea. As far as Atsushi knew, at least. But this many coincidences? Maybe Kunikida-san had a point... no. Atsushi didn’t even need to think about it for a second to be sure that Kris is who they said they are.

“Well, guess I’m a criminal now! Oooo, d’you think I could start a gang? You’d be the first to join~!” Dazai-san was seemingly trying to play off the whole thing, though his eyes were telling. Dazai-san was worried Kris would figure things out on their own.

“Actually, I was thinking more along the lines of wealth and property as a sign of goodwill, but sure, let’s go with crime.” Oh. Maybe they were just all holding their breath and waiting for something that never will never arrive. “Fufu, maybe even the mafia! Damn, the cops really need to get on that shit, huh. The hotel I was staying at was raided last month by someone who the news people called ‘the Port Mafia’s most dangerous ability user’ or something like that. I had to find a new place and everything.” Atsushi could feel himself pale, as did Yosano-san. “Oh well, sorry to just drop that on you guys. Crime is a sore subject for me at the moment, ufu! Anyways, back to whether it’s legal for me to do some of your paperwork, Zai…”

If Dazai-san was shaken, he didn’t show it. “Alas, it seems like you can’t do someone’s work without them getting paid, so you sadly can’t help me out here.” It’s a good thing, too, since all the paperwork they do is about missions.

“Well, isn’t there also the option of not telling anyone? That Kunikida-san doesn’t need to know a thing. Trust me, I wouldn’t mind being paid anyways! Ko-Fi and Patreon aren’t the best income plans, I’m sorry to say.” They paused for only a moment. “Oh, Kunikida-san seems to be walking down the hallway right now. He’ll probably be here in three, two…”

The door burst open before Kris could say one, and Kunikida-san greeted everyone. “Apologies for being gone so long, my mission was- WHAT ARE THEY DOING HERE? ”

“Tsk tsk Kunikida-kun, that’s no way to treat guests!” Dazai-san managed to get out before all hell broke loose.

“KRIS HERE WAS JUST UUUHHH SHIT THEY BROUGHT US FOOD-”

“Mission? What does that mean? HOLY SHIT ARE YOU GUYS SUPERHEROES-”

“Kunikida! Look, Kris popped in real quick to-”

“Hi everyone! I found a cow!”

“-An everyone PLEASE CALM DOWN-”

“Woooaaahhhh, can I pet her?”

“-E ARE NOT SUPERHE-”

“-Looks upset, though, so she might not want to be pet…-”

“Dazai, get off the table! You’re going to hurt yourself!”

“Good, I-”

“EVERYONE SHUT THE FUCK UP SO I CAN PET THIS GODDAMN COW.” The room went silent, even Dazai-san seemed caught off-guard. “Thank you! Ufu, if you guys had just said, ‘we’re superheroes, don’t tell!’, things would have gone a lot smoother!” Kris started fawning over the cow while Atsushi tried to stop himself from pissing his pants at the fact an outsider had just figured everything out.

Dazai-san sighed dramatically. “Weeelllllllll, the jig is up, it seems. Who wants to tell them?” Nobody spoke up. It wasn’t surprising really.

“How about I guess instead? You lot aren’t superheroes, per se, but something else? Was I right the first time about this place being a government organization? Wait are you guys cops ewwww -”

“We aren’t part of the government, no. We do things the government isn’t allowed to, basically.” Atsushi spoke up. At least they’d get a fresh face...

“Hm, okay! And, correct me if I’m wrong, but is Ranpo-san the famous detective Edogawa Ranpo? The one with the ability ‘Super Deduction’?”

“O-on the nose again…”

“Ah, so it wouldn’t be wrong to assume that you all have abilities, since you guys were so off-put by weird pop culture references I made. Let me go out on a limb here and say that this is the legendary Armed Detective Agency.” Kris looked around the room and took everyone’s shocked faces (except Dazai-san’s, as always) as a yes. “You lot need to get better at lying. I would have figured detectives should know better. And don’t be so surprised at my own deduction skills, most people could have figured it out. I just got lucky with my clues, is all~.” They went back to petting the cow, giving it a kiss on the forehead as if nothing happened.

“Ha, seems like we have a choice here, everyone…” Yosano-san said unenthusiastically.

“You’re right. We are going to take our leave for a moment. Kenji-kun, please stay with Kris and keep them company. Yosano-sensei, Atsushi, Dazai, come with me.” Kunikida led them out of the room, shutting the door behind them.

Hooooooo boy. This is going to be one heck of a conversation. After all, it was either kill this innocent civilian or keep them around. Then again, maybe the vote won’t be very split...

Right before the door closed, Atsushi could hear Kenji-kun start explaining how to take care of cows, with Kris listening intently. They’ve always been listening intently, Atsushi supposes.

Chapter Text

“Aaawwwwww, isn’t it adorable?”

“ Kris . You can’t just keep a random animal you found on the street. What if it has rabies? (What if it pees all over the office...)”

Atsushi had, for the most part, been Kris’s wrangler. They were determined to cheer everyone up anytime the mood seemed to dampen, they had even said so themself. Atsushi had never met someone this smart who still cared enough to do much about things like ‘vibes’, and it was a nice change of pace compared to Dazai-san, who only really took care of things personally, and Ranpo-san, who decidedly didn’t do anything to appease anyone’s aura.

The downside of this, however, was the fact that Kris was stubborn stubborn. They refused to stop until something changed, whether it meant having serious conversations or bringing in cakes and party poppers (For some reason, they focused mainly on cheering Atsushi up, and he couldn’t help but wonder whether they were secretly nervous around people they didn’t know well. Then again, it isn’t like they knew him well, either.)

“But you guys basically found me homeless in a foreign country and decided to give me a job and dorm (well, not the job yet, but I’m sure it’ll be fine). And this poor, defenseless puppy is even missing a leg!” Their face went slightly more serious. Kris didn’t get this way often, and it only happened for short periods, but their serious face was enough to intimidate anyone. Their eyes darkened, brows furrowing ever-so-slightly, and though they kept smiling, it was obviously strained. “I really don’t think it would survive outside, Shishi. The middle of winter isn’t the best time for any domesticated animal, let alone one that’s missing a limb,” They got cheery again, brows unfurrowing and smile growing wider and genuine, “So I should ask the President what he thinks! It’s not like it’d be living in the office, so I should be okay!” Another thing about Kris that was refreshing was that, unlike Kenji-kun or Atsushi himself before Dazai-san swooped in, they weren’t kind to a fault . It wasn’t naïveté or foolishness, they were truly determined to help people and make the world better. And yet, they still were realistic with everything they set out to do. This is all just a long-winded way of saying that Kris is the most morally sound person probably to ever live.

Hey. It’s not like you can blame Atsushi for avoiding being blunt, right?

“Whoa, I didn’t know we had dogs now! Krriiiiiissss, can we keep it?” Dazai-san butted in from across the room. While he and Kris didn’t seem like they’d get along at first glance, Kris’s endless patience seems to have worked in their favor, as Atsushi can see that they read Dazai-san easily. If it bothers Dazai-san, he won’t let it show, and has in fact been going out of his way to interact with them as much as possible. Not a surprise seeing as how they’re very good at listening and doling out advice. “I promise to do all the work! I’ve taken care of a dog before~!” Both Dazai-san and Kris smirk a little at this, and oh god what did they do?

“Well, I’d be happy to have joint custody, but there’s one tiny, itsy-bitsy, glaring issue that’s been vomiting all over my hopes,” They wait for a moment, “‘And what is that?’, I hear you ask? Ufu, the dorms don’t allow pets with fur…” The giggle had been nervous and quiet, a telltale sign that they aren’t very confident. “Now, Dazai, if you help me to convince him...(You too, Shishi,) I can let you all give this lil pup a bunch of hugs and kisses! And treats!”

“I’m in,” Dazai-san immediately replied, “And you can call me Osamu, y’know?” It was slightly confusing how Kris up and refused to use Dazai-san’s given name instead of surname while they basically skipped past all semblance of formality with everyone else (Even Kunikida-san let them start calling him Kuki*, if begrudgingly.) Atsushi wouldn’t push though, and Kris definitely didn’t act like they were doing it only to irritate Dazai-san, so he and everyone else uninvolved just sat awkwardly whenever it was brought up for the hundredth time.

However, even Kris seemed to be at their limit. “Look, I get how it feels exclusionary, but it’s obvious from how you say your name that you don’t like it. If a nickname would be fine, sure! But I won’t let you subtly flinch every time I get your attention,” They dropped the serious tone with the last part they added, though, “And don’t start quivering in your boots around me just ‘cause I can read you! It isn’t like I bite or something!” With that, Kris picked up the puppy and made their way (presumably) towards the President’s office.

For once, Dazai-san couldn’t hide his shock. It didn’t last long, sadly, and he started chuckling out of nowhere, face suddenly filled with a genuine fondness.

“It’s been a while since I’ve met someone as sharp as Kris is, Atsushi-kun. Glad they’re as stubborn in their morality as they are, though, otherwise I may really have been shaking in my boots.” Dazai-san stood up as well and exited, leaving Atsushi alone to try and process what had just happened.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Around 9:00am the next day, Dazai-san came stumbling into the main office with Kris tagging close behind, preparing to catch him and doing so multiple times.

“Uuuugghhhhh, why didn’t you stop me from drinking so much, Kriissssss?” Dazai-san whined. Ah, a hangover. He was always like this with hangovers.

“You probably don’t remember, but I did try and stop you. Besides, you’re older. It shouldn’t be my responsibility (I haven’t even reached legal drinking age here...)” Though their tone was patient, there was also a vaguely disappointed undertone to it. Atsushi shuddered at the thought of disappointing Kris so soon after meeting them. It was difficult, no doubt.

“Oh, yeah, I guess that happened. Well, you drank more than me, sooooooo! Guess you can’t be talking much smack!” Oh dear. Dazai-san was still slightly tipsy.

Kris smiled, being patient as ever. “I did drink as much as you. I should apologize, fufu, I have a very high alcohol tolerance and forget it sometimes. If you’d like, I can get you some water and painkillers. Be right back!” Immediately after they get Dazai-san seated they’re off, not waiting for an answer.

“Did you two really go and get drunk at a bar? Dazai, I would have expected better from you.” Kunikida-san stated, sighing out loudly so all may hear. 

Dazai-san gasped loudly, a hint of genuine offense visible. “Kunikida-kun! You wound me so! I would never be a bad influence on someone so young!” Everyone in the room glanced at Atsushi, “Kris offered, said that they wanted to make it up to me for stating something private so bluntly by buying me some drinks. They actually won me money in a drinking game, that bastard!” That at least made more sense than some sort of coercion on Dazai-san’s end. It was difficult imagining him somehow manipulating Kris, and even harder to imagine why. “They definitely got drunk, though, n should have a killer hangover. How they stay standing is beyond me, they fuckin fell over so much last night without battin an eye.” Dazai-san’s words become slightly more slurred as he almost falls asleep, then jolts awake, then almost falls asleep, then jolts awake, then almost falls asleep...

Atsushi thought about Kris most likely being in excruciating pain right now and would have thought harder had the door not opened gently and the person in question stepped in.

“Speaka the devil!” Dazai-san gets out before falling asleep in his chair. Kris nimbly puts down a glass of water and bottle of painkillers on the desk, then sets a blanket gingerly over Dazai-san, letting the fluffy fabric fall over his unconscious body.

They speak at a volume a mouse would be envious of, “Ha, he’s a light sleeper, so be careful of your voices. I need to use the toilet, be back in a few~!” Kris left again, just as quiet as before.

For a few minutes no one said anything. Atsushi had known Kris was considerate, but this? He had seen Dazai-san drinking before, he’s always pretty rowdy and gets incredibly emotional quickly. And hangover Dazai-san is tired, slurs his words, and barely emotes. Kris didn’t yell at him? Make a jab? Not even a single scolding? How does one manage it?

This trail of questions is interrupted by Dazai-san’s eyes fluttering open as he takes in his surroundings. He looks at the water and pills and silently picks up the painkiller, taking it dry before falling asleep once more.

Atsushi had never seen Dazai-san have this bad a hangover. He frankly shouldn’t have come in today. Kris drank more than him. They did say that they had good alcohol tolerance, but even then...  

Kunikida-san clears his voice and speaks up, “I’ll go get Kris. They most likely aren’t in shape to be here, either, with how Dazai talked about their drinking habits. Yosano-sensei and Atsushi, please deal with Dazai. Everyone else, get to work.” Yosano-san and Atsushi nod at the same time, and Kunikida-san leaves for Kris.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Atsushi keeps wondering through the day how Kris is really doing, without the whole maternal instinct thing. Were they having issues? Could Atsushi have-

“I’m back! Sorry about the whole ‘threw up in a bathroom’ thing, I probably ate some bad food. Anyways, who needs help?” They arrived once more, and okay, just how resilient are they? Atsushi couldn’t help but be morbidly curious as to what their limits were.

There was this feeling around them, one that just exuded mental and physical tolerance. Of pain, of blurriness, of annoyance. One that screamed, ‘ I can take it. ’ They were strong, most definitely.

Despite his thoughts, Atsushi still had the wits to ask, “Can you please tell me what they mean by, ‘The state of desecration on the feces’? How is the shit not the desecration?”

“Oh, they probably mean how someone made the shit worse. Spread it around and stuff. I wasn’t there, though, so I wouldn’t know~! Ufu!” They started to talk faster, saying, “Oh, and when do you think I get to go on a mission? Because I haven’t had any sort of physical test or anything-”

“Now. Will you please join me in my office for an interview, Kris?” The quiet chatter in the room halts. The President was ready and prepared for their exam.

“Oh, of course, Sir! Would you mind giving me a rundown of things?” They quickly stood up, gracefully making their way towards the President, “Oh, and for your update, Hikari**’s house training and recovery have been going swimmingly! She’s been eating and drinking well, and I’ve managed to get a prosthetic for her leg. If you want me to, I can bring her in! She definitely took a liking to Zaki-san and Kenji, you too, so it would probably be nice for her to interact with more people. After all this, do you-” The door closing muffles Kris’s chatter, growing further away.

Everyone is nervous. Most people here wouldn’t admit it after only a few days working with them, but Kris is quite possibly the most likeable person alive, and nobody really wants to start working without them again. Obviously they aren’t an official hire yet, but the President said that he would still pay them for their time spent working whether they join or not, so at least they get money from it?

Look, Atsushi is trying to see the bright side, because he frankly wasn’t sure if they would pass the test. Kris hadn’t just mentioned having an ability, and if they did, they likely weren’t aware of it. The whole pain resistance thing was a shoe-in, but in terms of literal strength, it was hard to tell. They wore baggy clothes almost always, so it wasn’t visible, and they hadn’t demonstrated any sort of feat in muscle mass, so it was safe to assume that they were, at most, average. 

Mentally on the other hand, Kris could likely have surpassed all of them (except Dazai-san) in a battle of wits. Even Ranpo-san lost in a trivia game (the same one where Dazai-san and them had gone head to head and Kris eventually got sick of constantly trying to outdo eachother.) So, it was evident that Kris could, in fact, make up for a lack in strength with a surplus of intelligence (Atsushi, if you couldn’t tell, was dancing around the horrifying thought of Kris on anyone’s side but the ADA’s, mainly due to how easily they could be considered trustworthy.)

Still, despite this constant push and pull between worry and relief, Atsushi managed to get some work done before Kris returned an hour later.

“Guuyyyyys! I won! I knew all the poison shite and how to trick someone into following you, I won! (because this is a perfectly reasonable thing to want to win...)” Kris rushed to Kunikida-san’s desk, sitting atop it. “Kuuuuu~kiiiiiiiii~-saaaaa~nnnnnnn~, we should all go out somewhere to eat!”

“And why, exactly, are you targeting me with this statement?” Kunikida-san sighed, knowing the answer.

“I didn’t bring any money, ufu! Forgot it at home, sorry!” They certainly didn’t look too sorry, with as wide a smile they were wearing. But Atsushi found the same smile on his own face, as did Dazai-san, and Kyouka-chan, and Tanizaki-san, and everyone present in the room, however subtle the cheeriness is. Even Kunikida-san was grinning. “Oh well~. I can make us food, how about that?” As they got up to try and leave, Yosano-san stopped them.

“Nope! We can go get food, don’t worry about it. Instead, tell us about your exam on the way there!” Yosano-san then grabbed Kris and dragged them out, with everyone else following suit.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Oh, and did Kris have some exam. Atsushi figured his was out of the ordinary, but fuck.

“So, at first it was all normal, he was asking me about my ability and I explained it-”

“ What? ”

“Oh, yeah, did I forget to say? Haha, I don’t think mine has a name, but yes. I have an... uncanny ability to ‘read the room’ except with the universe. Now, let's get on with this.

“We walked into Mr. President’s office and I immediately smelled something fishy. Literally, I mean. There were a bunch of smells and everything, one of them was fish. He sat me down and started asking about any experience I have with combat and dealing with violence. To not put a damper on the story, yes, I do know how to fight, I do know how to cope with world-ending risk, I do know my way around violence. I went and demonstrated my abilities with blades, mostly knives and daggers, not much there. Oh, do you guys want to know why I picked the name ‘Kris’? It’s because there’s this cool-looking dagger that- ah, nevermind. I’ll say it later.

“Moving along, Mr. President offered me some tea. He didn’t say what kind, but I believe it was earl gray with a hint of POISON! Haha, no, but really, there were some drugs in that shit. Not enough to make me pass out, but y’know. Drugs. I didn’t drink it for fairly evident reasons. It wasn’t that hard to tell that the shit has stuff in it, the only reason tea would be offered so late in a meeting like that normally would be if the host had forgotten. Mr. President would not forget, so it’s safe to assume he was waiting to be sure that I was sharp enough to tell. I was. 

“Then came the tricky part. He said, ‘I wasn’t planning on your ability to be so hard to demonstrate’ or something like that, so I proposed that we just go off somewhere and see where the wind takes us. Long story short, someone tried shooting another person up, and just a few seconds before it happened, I told Mr. President something felt bad . Bam. He told me right then and there I was good to go and I could be an informant and, if I felt up to it, assassin. I told him I couldn’t kill anyone, so now I’m your intel guy! Woo!”

“That was... an interesting retelling, Kris. I wouldn’t quite go with ‘Bam!’ as a portrayal of the discussion, but for the most part, you are a trustworthy relayer of information.” Kris beamed at this.

Atsushi was, not for the first time nor the last time today, stunned. Was it just a casual conversation? So much so that the two up and left the goddam building? And don’t think Atsushi had forgotten the fact they had glossed over what was, essentially, them reading people's vibes in an accurate and predictable way. They had to deal with world-ending calamities? -

Seriously. It was getting ridiculous how little anyone really knew of Kris’s life. Every word spoken is a million questions raised, every word not spoken is a trillion.

Once again, a question bit at the back of his head:

Who in the fucking shitty-ass hell is Kris Dreemurr?

Atsushi was snapped out of his thoughts by the one and only looking at him worriedly. “You were spaced out. We’re here, I chose your favorite place! You seemed down today, so I figured that you would like going and getting some chazuke.” They spoke slowly, words chosen carefully.

He hadn’t even realized just how drained he felt in all the hustle and bustle of today. Kris seeing it was...

“Thanks. We should go in! ... Did everyone else already leave for the building?”

...Nice. Atsushi knows it’s selfish, but he really hates having to tell people when he feels upset or tired.

“Yeah. I stayed to make sure you were good.” They put up a more boisterous voice, though still speaking slowly. “What, per say, should I eat? I can feel my digestive tract quiver in anticipation! I can feel my esophagus clench in greed! I can-”

“Okay okay okay, stop! Let’s go eat!”

“Aha! I’m glad, you seem starving!”

...

What would they all do with them? (Slash positive...)

Chapter Text

“Hey, Shishi, wanna come over for breakfast tomorrow? Wait, have you ever had an authentic, bona-fide breakfast from the US of A? Oooooooo, I can make you scrambled eggs and toast! Pancakes! Bacon -”

The two were the last people in the office, since Atsushi had dropped his mp3 player and Kris refused to leave without him. They were checking everywhere on the floor while he was looking in potted plants at this point, giving up on even trying to be logical about where it could-

“FUCK” Atsushi suddenly yelled out. The sudden noise was enough to startle Kris, who shot up and banged their head against a desk. 

It took a few seconds for them to recover, though when they did, they looked more concerned about what Atsushi was upset about.

“Oh, sh- no, I’m sorry, I-” He stammered, the words escaping him. He didn’t mean to, it was just, it isn’t like he can be not frustrated, so he can only hope it’s fine, holy shit he just hurt -

“Hey, calm down. I didn’t feel anything, anyway, lost nerves in that spot a while ago. But are you fine? You keep-”

“Yes yes yes I’m fine! Hahahahaha…” Atsushi felt embarrassed at the fact he had blown up over his own forgetfulness, “Sorry, I think I left it at home…”

Atsushi wasn’t sure why, but he expected Kris to at least sigh, or acknowledge that they had both wasted time. Instead, they just giggled out, “Fufu! We should get going! It’s, uhhh,” They took a glance at their watch, “7:48PM. Do you want to get something to eat with me, or would you rather just walk back to the dorms?”

No matter how many times they demonstrated it, Kris’s insane patience/pain tolerance never ceased to bring awe upon Atsushi’s own feeble mind (Actually, he had told them that on an impulse and they seemed upset that he called himself feeble, so perhaps there are limits.) Yet, it didn’t feel godlike the way they were persistent. Hell, it wasn’t even graceful. Kris was annoyingly relatable and their inherent mental strength was clumsy in the way it was presented. It felt feasible . Like anyone could be that good if they just tried hard enough.

“Ah, earth to Atsushi? Are you okay? You seem tired, if you want, I could pester someone into driving us!” Anyone else would have been joking, but no, Kris never joked purely for the fun of it. There was a hint of genuinity to the question, and Atsushi wouldn’t put it past them to beg Yosano-san to come pick them up just because he was feeling under the weather.

“Once more, earth to Atsushi. Wait, Mumu is up, I think, so I’ll get him to drive us…”

The nickname took a moment to register, and Atsushi remembered he had autonomy all of a sudden. “Wait, not Dazai-san, he- he’s probably sleeping! We can just walk, I swear I’ll be fine!” He felt guilty making promises he wasn’t sure of, but oh well.

“I don’t believe you, just so you know. But I also can’t make you do anything, so away we go, I guess.” Kris jumped up and ran out the door.

“WAIT A FUCKING SECOND JEEZ-” Atsushi ran after them, and the two ran all the way home, racing into the night.

Chapter Text

パッパッパラッパパパラパ　煙る蒸気喧騒の目*

A weird-sounding song erupted from Kris’s phone just as they and Atsushi were about to walk home together. It had that tinny noise to it that could only belong to a ringtone, so it was safe to assume a call was coming through. Though, with it being 11:00pm, it was likely that someone from the Americas was the caller.

“Oop! Guess I’m getting a call! Excuse me for a second.” They retracted from the little chat the two were having, stepping away slightly and focusing their eyes on the sidewalk, “ Hmmm?... Oh, sorry mom. Yeah, I forgot to tell you, huh?... Yes yes, please chew me out. I deserve it... Oh, I have a job! My new brother helped me get it~... ” Screaming erupted from the other end, a few English words being understandable. 

“ My job? Do you want something short or long?... Okay, long it is~! ”

“ My brother(his name is Atsushi, and…” They quickly covered the receiver and looked towards Atsushi, “Hey, do you want my mom to use honorifics? And what pronouns do you like to use in English?”

Atsushi, rightfully caught off guard, was forced to stand in place while trying to get his bearings.

Was he a guy? Well, yes, but that’s just because he never really got other options. He supposes being a girl could be nice, but honestly, he sort of didn’t like the thought of it. So, she/her/hers is a no-go. But then again, he doesn’t just want to be a man. Couldn’t he, he doesn’t know, not? Is that an option? Okay, wait, he’s standing in the middle of a sidewalk. Just choose something, dammit-

“No, your mom is fine with my surname. Also, I guess regular he/him/his ? I should think about this more…” He would unpack it later. Along with the weird jealousy he gets when Kris talks about their adoptive brother.

“Actually, I think they way you haven’t put much thought into it is charming~. A lot of people overthink these things. Anyways…” They turned their mouth back to the receiver, “ He’d like you to call him Nakajima. He/him/his, though that seems prone to change.)

“ Well, my brother Shishi found me on a fateful train ride! I forced him to bring me along back to his workplace. It’s a boring office job. But the company is small and the employees are interesting!

“ First off, Shishi is sweet, but also very sarcastic. I fear the day I get on his bad side, wouldn’t want to be torn limb from limb! He has a big appetite, so next time you manage to send something over, don’t forget food for him (And be extra nice and motherly to him unless he says otherwise, trust me on this.) We have dorms on opposite sides of the building, so visiting him is tiring especially at night, but compared to where I was living before, it’s perfect!

“ Mr. President’s real name is Yukichi Fukuzawa, but we all just call him president. He’s suuuppperrrr nice and gave me a dorm even before I was officially hired! Love that guy. I don’t know much about him other than the fact he likes cute things. But he let me keep a puppy, sooooo...

“ Kunikida Doppo-san is pretty uptight, but overall a cool dude. I think he likes me specifically because I do my paperwork without complaint, ahaha! He may just be too busy yelling at Dazai, though, to notice my internet slang and scribbles…

“ Speaking of, Dazai (or Mumu, as I call him) is a bastard, yet endearingly so. We get along swell, and I force him to do his paperwork. Now don’t yell at me… ” Kris’s mother says something muffled, “ Okay. We go drinking sometimes. ” Yells are most likely audible from the other side of Yokohama with how this woman screams(wait, didn’t she promise not to yell? Kunikida-san was a teacher, he could probably drill some English into Asushi...), “ Hey! You promised!

“ Yosano is sweet, if a little intimidating. She’s a doctor who’s on deck for everybody, so that’s nice. Most of the time, though, she just attends to Mumu who won’t shut up about his earlobes hurting (whatever that means.)

“ Zaki-san is cool enough. He’s around my age, and his sister Naomi is- uh...

“ Kyouka-chan is cute, and definitely stoic for her age. Reminds me a lot of myself when I was younger! I don’t know her that well yet, but she likes my guitar playing, and always flatters me with compliments, so she’s possibly my favorite.

“ Tied with Kenji, of course! He’s an adorably kind boy, and he brought a cow once, so that really tipped the scales. Those two both have internships for school, which is why they hang around the office. That’s more of an excuse, though. Sadly, Kenji doesn’t have anywhere to live while in Yokohama and Kyouka-chan is an orphan, so they both stay with us. It’s comfortable and safe around here ”, Atsushi could almost believe he caught the word ‘safe’ if it weren’t for the context of living in fucking Yokohama, “ so don’t you worry!

“ Ranpo is sort of a dick. I still like him, though, and we gorge on sweets a lot, once I even out-ate him! Yay! He sends me, Atsushi, and Kenji a lot to get food~.

“ I’ve seen Haruno-san around a lot, but we haven’t talked. She seems nice!

“Aaaannddd that’s it. I think. Well, what do you think? Motherly approval? ” Their mother presumably answers, and Kris’s face lights up, “ Woo! It wouldn’t matter either way, but it’s obviously nice! Oh, hold on, we just got back to the dorms. Gotta go! I love you mom, and please please PLEASE call me back to fill me in on what the fuck is happening. ” The woman on the other end answers, “ Good! I’ve been ignoring my company for too long at this point, so in farewell, allow me to ask you to say ‘hi’ and ‘I love you’ to Azzy! Love you, mom, see you in a few months~! ” Atsushi could hear the tone from their phone indicating an ended call.

“What’s your mom’s name?” He made a weak attempt at starting a conversation, hoping that he could finally quench his desire for information on Kris’s life. It worked, somehow.

“Toriel**. She likes being called mom by basically everyone near my age, though, so just call her that~.” They started walking towards Atsushi and Kyouka-chan’s dorm without a glance back at him. It pissed him off in a fond way, so he may have oversold the heat in his voice.

“Wha- Hey! Don’t leave while I’m talking to you!... I’m starting to sound like Kunikida-san, huh…” Yeah, he oversold it. Thank the gods he was only with Kris, anyone else would have lost it at his stomping feet and half-pathetic voice cracks. It could have even gotten a smile from Ryu– Akutagawa. He was only guessing, by the way. He definitely wouldn’t know from what felt like years of experience in bickering.

“Ufu, right. But really, what do you want to know?” Oh, yeah. They’re a fucking genius and know everything. Great for dancing around bluntness. (Now that he thinks about it, Kris does seem like a genius. Maybe not in the usual way, but genius nonetheless.)

“I-I don’t know! Just... tell me about the people back where you’re from!” Yeah. That seems right.

“Hmmm. Alright, but there are a lot of people.

“First! You already know about my mom. She likes baking, so get ready to have your face stuffed full once you meet her. She’s a good parent and you’ll definitely like her, mister needs a damn doting mother. She collects orphans like Pokémon, she just adopted another young human a few months ago. They’re adjusting well, I think, but it’s sad I don’t get to meet them for another while.

“My dad. Uh. He’s a great dad, don’t get me wrong, but he fucking sucks with finances. Ha. I had to teach him how to do his taxes.” For once, Kris seemed to not know what to say. At least, if their foggy eyes were any indication. He was about to bring something else up when they jumped back to the usual lots-of-energy persona. Atsushi only just realized that it could be a persona. “Let’s talk about flowers instead! His favorite flower is the white egret orchid! ‘My thoughts will follow you to your dreams’, that one.

“My girlfriend, Noelle, is wonderful. Gorgeous. Perfect. She’s amazing. Sweet and kind and understanding and graceful and beautiful and perfect. She loves the cold and her laugh sounds like a choir of children. What else am I to say?

“My other girlfriend, Susie, is gruff and fucking hot,” Atsushi was tempted to point out that they were already blushing to the tips of their ears, but decided to spare their dignity. Hell knows he would die if someone randomly said he looked like he was being choked. Nevermind, forget he brought anything up. “She’s really tough but will warm up to you in blap! an instant! Give her some food and she’ll follow you like a dog.” Oh, he would get along great with her. They’re both, apparently, oversized dogs. “A heart of gold, that one. She loves eating inedible objects and her laugh sounds like a bear trying it’s damndest to be gentle with you as it fucks you from behind. Ha. Hahaha. Asterisk-blushes-asterisk. Let's move on.” They were red as a tomato. Atsushi would like to move on as well.

“My brother–the other one–Asriel is the most rule-following person I know, and I’m dating Noelle Holiday.” New nugget of information, let’s tuck that away in case he needs to get that girl a gift or something. “His favorite food is Hibiscus Tea, yes, we know that is not a food. He refuses to change it. Currently, he’s trying to major in fucking statistics . Why . Love him though.” What’s so wrong with statistics? He almost said, but once again, the foot in his mouth won. (Atsushi would major in biology, probably. Kris would like that better. Hmph. )

“Zelda used to be kind of a jerk but we made out like once and I fixed her. She’s good at math solely because she was obsessed with grades back in school. Nowadays, she’s trying to make a TTRPG. I’m one of the playtesters! Also, her feathers are great for penning things, ufu!

“WingDin is-” Kris’s face grew blank for a second, suddenly becoming pale. It was a sickly sight, one that should never be seen. Their eyes, which had gone dark, almost instantly lightened when they started talking again. “Nevermind, he doesn’t like strangers.

“Temmie is great. She’s incredibly talented, with her art and everything, if a bit odd. I still have her statue of an egg she gave me for my 18th birthday, I couldn’t bear to leave it since she was so convinced it would hatch.

“That’s... everyone? No, not everyone. Close enough, though, that I can tell you stories about these dumbasses, fufu~!”

Atsushi would not be able to remember all that. Still, it was nice getting context. “Wow. Uh. You sure do know lots of people, huh?”

“(ohhh, my sweet summer child...) You, quite literally, don’t know the half of it. Not even the twelfth of it.” They brought their face back from the distant expression they were wearing and turned towards the door ( when the hell had they gotten home?- ) and smiled widely. “We’ve been waiting out here a while. You should go in. I’ll come by in the morning and make you and Kyouka-chan the best western breakfast I can muster, just you wait! Goodnight, Atsushi, don’t die!” They were off in a jog towards their own dorm(it was a recent addition to the building, so Kris got dibs. Thankfully so, as they don’t need to deal with Dazai-san’s apparent ‘volume issue’ early in the morning.)

There was so much going on with them, he could feel it. But it just wasn’t his place to intrude.

Maybe tomorrow he'll be able to pry something else from their white-knuckled hands. ( Not-my-place my ass, he thought bitterly. Towards no one in particular, except maybe Azzy . Hmph again.)

Chapter Text

Kris, to put it simply, knew exactly how this would play out.

These people don’t understand what civilian life is like! I should show them! I should convince even the mafia to give up killing and lead happy lives!

Ha. At least, that’s how it seemed. But it’s obvious that whatever got them here is smart. It’s smart . Not that there’s anything wrong, really, with that type of story. But they would not, could not tell a tale as worn as that.

No, no, Kris would control the narrative . They will bend the truth, deal with issues, and play a large role through everything.

The responsibility of ‘main character’ is a large one, after all.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Damn. They didn’t even realize that that’s probably what it wanted them to do anyway.

Oh well. Doesn’t matter. They feel it all the same.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Shishi… he is damaged. Mentally. Fuck, Kris would know , wouldn’t they.

So is Mumu. The rest, though, seem to be just fine if a bit flinchy around knives (what kind of detective gets flinchy around knives?) So, those two’s ‘arcs’, they suppose it could be called, must be prioritized. 

Yes, yes, Author-sama. Or whatever you are. This is probably what you wanted anyways. I mean. You are ‘watching’ right now, neh? I’ll have you know that this misery will not consume me. Nothing consumes me. I’m unbeatable, Author-sama. You made me this way.

They could feel their soul pounding.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

One thing Kris noticed after getting a “proper” (not their words) soul is that the gleam in their eye is gone.

You see, the phrase ‘their eyes lit up’ comes from a place of truth. As does ‘their eyes darkened’. It’s quite hard to explain, but you can see it if you’re good enough at feeling.

Kris’s eyes used to always be the same tone. Near black, with the tiniest bit of a rusty red peeking through the edges. Now, their eyes are almost always bright. Lighting the path forward, you could say. However, the last hint of anything real in themself disappeared along with their “broken” (again. not their words) soul. The ‘glimmer in their eyes’ refuses to appear. Sad.

They wonder if this is better, if it’s okay to betray your own biology simply to become good. They wonder if it even matters.

It doesn’t now. Nobody can even tell, why can nobody else tell? At least Mumu should be able to, he’s extremely observant. C’mon, dude.

Eh. What the hell, Kris’ll just embrace it. Living a life of lie after lie after lie until nothing is real.

If it ever was.

Chapter Text

“So, Shishi, I believe it’s time… to introduce you to the world of baking. I know, yes, this is a very important moment. Now, what experience do you have with fractions?”

Oh. Oh shit. Not math, please, not math. “Uh, none. Can’t I just taste test instead…?

“NO!” Kris immediately shut their hand over their mouth, probably not expecting such… strong emotion to come out. “Sorry. But, look around you, dear brother. Everyone has left Café Uzumaki and I talked to the owner. He said that as long as we cleaned up, we could use the kitchen! So come oonnnnn Atsushi, I won’t always be around to make you guys cookies and stuff. Better get to cracking now.” Atsushi always hates to admit it, but Kris makes a valid point. He’s been embarrassed for a while that he can’t cook. It only makes sense to take the offer to learn.

“Oh, alright. But only because you’re my younger sibling and I have to humour you every now and then.” Atsushi has begun to get comfortable in his role as older brother. Kris frequently referred to him as such, lessening the challenge.

Immediately, Kris broke out the bowls and… whatever else bakers use. Some wiry-looking thing. Their graceful movements contrasted Atsushi’s stillness. What should I do? Go get something out or wait to be told?

“Wh-what do I do?” Wait. He could ask. That’s probably the better option.

“Hm. Let’s have you on get-stuff-out duty for now. Watching how I do it can be beneficial for learning yourself. There’s been a myriad of studies on how tactile learners can benefit from visual learning as well, and someone similar to you with little to no experience in the kitchen should first see how things are done before attempting a complicated recipe such as a cake, what we’ll be trying today. However, if you believe performing an act alone would teach you more effectively, by all means, inform me.” Ah, they were serious about this. Kris usually started using more technical terms when focusing. It was almost scary, the fact that they could probably pass a JLPT test with a better score than Atsushi could even dream of getting. Then again, no one even tried teaching him how to write at the orphanage, and he remembers nothing from before then.

“Uh-huh”s and “Of course”s were given, and they both got to it.

Okay, don’t get him wrong. Atsushi figured he wouldn’t hate preparing food. But he also wasn’t expecting Kris to be so good at teaching him. Kunikida-san was kind enough to give him interspersed lessons to make up for the years the weretiger missed in school, and he was a great teacher, but Kris seemed specially suited to teaching practical skills. Home economics or something like that. They had even given him some tips on how to cope with the everlooming dread called ‘taxes’, which, by the way, meant that the foreigner had once again outdone him in things he frankly should know better. (Kris was also younger. So. Yeah, it’s a bit awkward to think about.)

“Ah, pass me the whisk.” Another thing about Kris when they got into ‘the zone’ is that their facial expressions get duller, along with their enunciation. They spoke in a monotone fashion, only adding a bit of playfulness when puns or jabs are made. It was nice, though, knowing that those moments were a lot rawer than the ones that had the positive stuff caked on. (Ha. Kris was rubbing off on him.)

Atsushi grabbed the whisk (he knew what that was before this dee doubleyu eih ai) and tossed it to them. They were standing on the opposite side of the room, but caught it just fine.

“Thanks.”

Okay. Now was the moment. He could tell, this was the perfect time to ask Kris about how they got through the border to Yokohama, especially without going through intense security. It had been weighing on him for a while, and Tanizaki-san had also expressed some trains of thought he’d like to appease. Overall, it was likely that they just got special clearance on ‘visiting family’ (Thanks, Yokohama, for keeping painstaking track of every orphan and orphanage. That was such an effective method for minimizing the pain an orphan may feel.) But Atsushi likes to believe Kris had done some crazy border-hopping illegally. He would word it like… ‘Hey, how the fuck did you get here?’ No, actually, maybe this isn’t–

“You’re thinking about something really hard, huh?” Kris said with a small but almost smug smile on their face. “Well, rather than fry your brain, come and taste the batter. It has raw eggs, but I’m sure your tiger can take care of that.” This dick. They definitely knew Atsushi was planning on asking something. Well, nothing to be done now. Maybe Dazai-san can interrogate them.

“Hm. Sure, it’s fine.” Kris stared at him. “...What?”

“It’s only ‘fine’. What do we need to do to make it better? What do you think it’s missing?”

“Honestly, I love chocolate, but pure sugar has never been my thing.”

“Add more chocolate, then. Thank you.” Having said this, they grabbed the package of baker’s chocolate and poured a handful in. “I was thinking about doing this anyway, but I wanted to make sure you aren’t one of those weirdos who hates chocolate.”

“You’ve come across someone who hates chocolate? Like, hates hates?”

Kris only shuddered in response. “Okay. Time for The Pan. In English, that would be capitalized. Just wanted to make that fact known.”

“Wait, I’m sorry, why would the word ‘Pan’ be capitalized? I thought only names and the start of sentences had those things.” Oh, and Atsushi was also learning a lot of things about unstandardized English (all English is unstandardized). Sure, Kunikida-san could teach him how to technically speak proficiently, but Kris was the only person in the ADA who counted as a fluent English speaker. Therefore, they were the only person who could explain the fucked up grammar, and spelling, and prefixes, and suffixes, and loanwords, etcetera. Turns out, there are so many moving parts to the language (“Burning trash heap”, Kris said once in an affectionate tone) that most native speakers themselves broke grammar rules on purpose to be funny. Apparently this is especially prevalent in Creative Writing,,,,,,,, or intern nets posts, oorrrrrrrrr just like everyday speech or something. It was amazing how a lack of any international authority on English makes characterizing yourself so interesting. It got really weird when Atsushi learned that there was only one way of referring to yourself and one way of referring to others. How do they express their relationship? Is it vague on purpose? Or do English speakers elaborate on their dynamics using tone of voice? The more you learn of a language’s technical side, the less you seem to know about how speakers truly express their thoughts. When Atsushi thinks of it, he realizes how difficult learning Japanese must be to someone from the west. Three alphabets and one having over 50,000 characters, the honorifics that aren’t even present in most situations over there, kanji being read in different ways depending on the context. Atsushi was still learning how to write properly so he can testify that it’s a pain as an adult!

“Oh, most people wouldn’t even think of capitalizing ‘ The Pan ’. It’s just that some people, including myself, like to express the importance or at least the jestly importance of a phrase. Capitalizing the word ‘ Friends ’ could signify to others that the phrase means something different to you than it does other people, like your Friends being an alien concept but a welcome one.” They hastily whisked the chocolate into the batter, then brought out The Pan to pour it. “Intimidating actions can also be capitalized, so I’m capitalizing The Pan in order to make a joke about how this is some important step when it’s the least memorable. This can get confusing. Sorry.” As they were saying this, Kris tipped the tannish bowl over The Pan and let the coffee-level brown sludge lump around the center. They ran over the batter with some spatula thing that had rubber on the end. It seemed like the batter had to be relatively level. Duly noted.

“Oh, that’s interesting. I don’t know nearly enough to put it to good use.”

“Putting it to ‘good use’ wouldn’t even work. You can never make good jokes.” Ah, the jabs. Atsushi could feel them in his SOUL. If he had one left.

Suddenly, that same ringtone of Kris’s played out. Panda Hero , Atsushi was lectured on after asking what song it was.

They grimaced slightly. “Hm, it’s my brother. No vibration.” Actually quite clever. Changing the vibration settings made sense.

“Do you need me to answer it?”

“No! No, it’s fine. I… Azzy’s a bit protective. We talk a lot, so he gets worried when I don’t call and ignore his calls. Could you get the rest of the batter out? Use the rounded corner to gather it up and then scoop it. And please make sure the batter is flat, otherwise it will rise all wrong. And then the poor icing will slide right off the top! Ufufu~!” Their giggle is the only flat thing here.

Atsushi does exactly as he was told. It took some getting used to, but dealing with the lumps wasn't so bad. If being a member of the ADA doesn’t work out (funny thought, he wonders how that could happen)then maybe he could become a baker.

Perhaps he was meant to be a nosy detective, though, because he half-listens in on Kris’s conversation with their other brother. He could pick up on a bit of it.

“ Atsushi… y-yes, but… of course!... dumbass… I know, I know… sorry… no, I really didn’t… he’s so nice!... but look, I… I’ll… every day… mhm… love you, A-Azzy. ” The call ended. Oh, and Atsushi got a whole lot of nothing, save for Asriel likely being the type to shit his pants if he knew the kind of cases Kris had been helping with. (They solved a murder while Ranpo-san was out solving a different but similar murder and Dazai-san was also out solving a different but similar murder. Kris and Dazai-san were working on finding out who the killer was whilst Ranpo-san played killing game antagonist. They have made zero breakthroughs so far.) 

“What were you talking about?” Couldn’t hurt to try. After all, he’s a detective. Atsushi needs to get in the habit of finding the most direct way to information, anyway.

“Oh, Asriel was worried about my phone cutting out. He’s heard about the relatively high crime rate in Yokohama and wants to make sure I don’t have a stalker again. Ugh, and he kept complaining about how he should have never egged me on when I said I wanted to properly learn Japanese if I’m just going to forget about him and live some hotshot life. So now we’ve come to an agreement. I must sacrifice an hour every night to the beast of micromanagement…” Woah. Okay. That was a lot. First order of business.

“Again? You’ve had a stalker before?”

“Five. Please don’t ask. I know you’re getting comfortable with asking people questions and I fully support you but for your own good do not ask.”

“Right. And he encouraged you to become more fluent in Japanese?”

“Yeah. I was already an intermediate speaker in eighth grade, but Asriel really wanted me to go to the same college he was planning on going to. So he bugged me into taking some college level courses and it escalated to me being considered far more fluent than non-native speaking professors. Aha, I was correcting that woman’s grammar left and right…”

“Hm, so how did you come to such an… odd compromise? And how did you manage to make him worry so much?” Atsushi had a feeling he would know.

“Ha, ‘compromise’ is putting it nicely. More like ‘KRIS IF YOU WANT TO KEEP ME FROM GETTING UPSET ABOUT IT THEN YOU BETTER LET ME KNOW YOU’RE SAFE EVERY DAY’. Atsushi, he’s a great brother, but he gets all motherly over the smallest of things. When I was a kid, he even got angry when I would play with other children he hadn’t met first. Dess kicked his ass later on so he stopped, but that kind of protectiveness still shines through every now and then. And for your other question, I truly don’t know.” Kris glanced at the bowl and their eyes lit up. “Hey, it’s practically licked clean! Even I’m not that thorough, good on you, Shishi~. Let’s put this bitch in the oven.” They did just that, swiftly shutting the door.

Atsushi was right. Asriel Dreemurr seemed to be the overprotective type. He would have to report his limited findings to Tanizaki-san in hopes that they could logic out whether that had played a role in Kris’s mysterious border activities.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“Zaki-saaaaaaaaaaannnn! I need your help!”

It was a boring Tuesday. They usually were. At least, until Kris-san inevitably figures out a way to be either a genius or a dumbass, sometimes both at the same time.

“A-ah, yes?” Jun’ichirou responded. He can’t recall hearing Kris-san ever ask for help. Maybe it’s about that serial killer case they haven’t gotten any info on yet. (Or maybe it’s about covering up some illegal border-jumping.)

“Tell me about your’s and Naomi’s childhood and current relationship!” Oh. Not what he was expecting. Really, Jun’ichirou was not in the mood today to be explaining such things.

“Oh! I’m not mentioning this because of the weird parts! I just want to see what the average sibling dynamic is other than the overdramatic stuff on TV.”

“Huh. Okay! Well, uh…” Now where should he start…?

“I would burn the world for Naomi. Anything to keep her safe and happy, really. Her flirting may be embarrassing sometimes, and I might get annoyed with her often, but it’s true. As for childhood, uuhhhh…. Let’s not get into that.”

“Ohhh, that’s like my adoptive brother Asriel! Back when we were kids, he convinced mom to have me homeschooled so that he could keep an eye on me. Azzy always loves hanging out together! But he only ever seems annoyed with me when I try to blow off some of our ‘sibling bonding time’.”

Actually, Atsushi-kun had mentioned this. Kris-san’s adoptive brother seemed to be more-than-slightly overprotective. “Oh, uh, do you mind me asking you some questions, too?”

“Sure! Let’s take turns, though, I think I should be allowed to interrogate someone for a change. Ufu~!” Ah, that damned giggle.

As negative as Jun’ichirou’s inner dialogue may sound, he does enjoy Kris-san’s company. They lived in a relatively normal place most of their life, so they usually were the first to point out how traumatizing a situation must be. The first time Kenji-kun mentioned his necessary eating habits (disorder), they immediately made sure he knew that it was no fun being obsessed with the things you consume. Jun’ichirou thought they sounded like they knew from experience, though that amount of prying seemed like pushing his fragile morality.

“Yeah, that makes sense. Sorry, by the way, for how everyone has been asking so many questions! You’re just kind of, sort of-”

“Mysterious? Is that why you all ignore Mumu’s constant mentioning of suicide and intimate knowledge of the main forms of torture?” Kris-san was also a subtle smartass. Figuratively and literally, as they were throwing the most leads out there on the serial killer case they and Dazai-san were working on.

“Oh, totally. Why was your brother so anxious to keep track of you? Atsushi-kun mentioned him getting angry at any kids you tried to play with.”

“Actually, he got more angry at me! He was a kid, too, so I assume it had to do with the audacity of daring to spend time with someone else. And he was the first person I ever told about what happened before I was picked up by an orphanage.” So something significant must have happened before said orphanage. It likely had to do with what Atsushi-kun couldn’t remember, that being his parents. “Now! Myyyy tuuuuurrrnnnnnnn ! Can you explain how, really, your ability works?”

“Can you explain yours?”

“Yes, actually, but you first. Because it’s myyyy tuuuuurrrnnnnnnn! ” Well, Kris-san always plays fair.

“When I use my ability, I create illusions that only exist in a certain area. Those illusions can disappear when I want them to. You can imagine the various situations this can be useful in.”

“Oh, so I can assume you have a lot of experience with it. You likely knew about it in your childhood and thus trained it a lot, neh?” Fuck, it was like Dazai-san 2.0, except Kris-san doesn’t have a criminal record. In Japan at least, the rest of the world is still on the table.

“Bullseye. Now it’s ‘ myy tuurnnnn ’. Why did you say that in English, by the way?”

“Only one question! So, my ability is called 真の幅 ~~~~~⊂(▀¯▀⊂ )*!” They made a weird motion while murmuring “ ビーム。。。ビーム。。。 **”over and over. “I have to do something stupid or else it will activate, sorry. I said that it allows me to ‘read the vibes of the universe’, but that’s stretching it. Instead, I become ultra aware of clues that could point to the ‘genre’ of story I’m in. It’s useful especially in strange or unpredictable places like Yokohama. Ah, but I suppose that isn’t all. If… If I really had to, I could escape any situation that may be dangerous. You telling me about what you’d do to keep Naomi safe is what makes me trust you with what I’m about to tell you, got it, Tanizaki-san?” Not ‘Zaki-san’. So they must be serious about this.

“Of course.” Time to lighten the mood before delving into seriousness. “That counts as your question, by the way.” Kris-san let out a genuine laugh, so Jun’ichirou considers his atmosphere manipulation a success.

“Sure. Well, my ability can create pocket dimensions. But… uh, said dimensions actually existed prior? Wait, let me try again…” Pocket dimensions???? Jun’ichirou knew that something is off with Kris-san, but fucking pocket dimensions?

“Yes, I see your face. No, I’m not lying. You know how, when you're a kid and sometimes as an adult, you personify inanimate objects? Project your own insecurities onto them? ‘This poor book must be feeling so discarded, so I should read it again.’ That type of thing.” Of course Jun’ichirou knows. Everyone does that. “Okay, so, like… it’s easier to show someone but I am not that fucking careless. Uh. I have never planned what I would say to someone who has no sense of mysticality fuck”

“I have an incredible sense of mysticality!” Jun’ichirou felt offended for some odd reason.

“Sure, sure, Zaki-san.”

“You can use my given name, Jun’ichirou. I think we’ve disclosed enough private information in this conversation alone to make up for the average amount of friendship progression needed for that.” Besides, he was a little curious to see how Kris-san would give him a different nickname.

“Awwww, what a sweet sentiment, Jun’ibijonesu-san***!”

“Wha- have you thought of this? Did you expect me to give you permission before initiating this conversation?” Why does it feel like Kris-san brings out the most ‘nihilistic middle-aged office worker’ side of him?

“Nope, pulling this out of my ass. Anyway, back on topic, those traits you projected onto the objects? My ability has a way of pulling them out and turning them into actual sentient creatures, with movable bodies their own. It makes a world for them, too. That’s where the mystical comes in.” Their smile (Why the fuck have they been smiling all through this? It isn’t even smug.) disappears. “But obviously there’s a catch. If I have too many of these ‘worlds’ open at once, then– パッ! –there goes the universe. Consumed by darkness. I don’t know exactly how many, but I’m guessing the lower limit is one. And, yeah, it’s a pain in the ass to close the worlds because the things in them are so damn sentient they really are just people. Ending the worlds means killing a society and culture that feels like it’s been around for hundreds of years.”

So… unpacking that. Kris-san has a cataclysmic special ability with the power to begin and end what Jun’ichirou can only equate to stories, weaving the sentiments of the people who have interacted with any objects in a confined space into real personhood and lives, with a world to match. Ending these ‘stories’ is a problem due to how real it all feels, so Kris-san’s ability is simply a get-out-of-jail-free card for the worst of situations. It is named True Freedom (~~~~~⊂(▀¯▀⊂ ) ) for some horrifying reason not yet explained. Makes total sense. Oh, and not to forget the part they didn’t hide. What a fucking defense mechanism.

“Ah… okay… I’m accepting this…” No, Jun’ichirou is not going to think about this any more than he has to. “So… why are you telling me and not the President or someone like Dazai-san who can put it to good use?”

“To be honest, I don’t know. Your speech about what you’d do to protect your sister swayed my opinion on it, though.”

“Yeah. Okay. You’re fucking weird.”

They let out what seemed to be a genuine laugh at this. “At first, I thought you would be like Asriel, Jun’ichirou-san, but a part of me is glad you aren’t. That’s a lie, actually, most of me is glad you aren’t.”

Okay. Now is the time to bombard Kris with questions and hopefully get some answers.

“How did you get into Yokohama?” The question came out embarrassingly fast, as if Jun’ichirou was trying to make it into a projectile.

Kris-san was faster, though. “Figured someone would ask me that. To be fair, it is suspicious of me to not complain about it. Anyways, I got in illegally through a group of friendly fishermen. They turned me down at the airport, so I left to sit by the sea and think, and next thing I know an old woman is teaching me how to catch large fish effectively. Great people, I should introduce them to the ADA sometime, ufufufu~!” Jun’ichirou knew it.

“I knew it! ”

“Nice to see that the minds of kids these days are healthily curious. Yes, yes, tell everyone all about how you and Shishi–don’t deny his involvement–successfully deduced a crime I committed.”

“Here I was, thinking you would ever be afraid of the government. I should have known better.” Kris-san likely didn’t fear any of the things they should. Lucky them.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

If Osamu didn’t know better, he would have thought that these murders weren’t connected at all. Luckily, his mafia affiliation was worth something when working as a detective.

Still, Ranpo-san refused to let him and Kris have any clues. Really, it was likely this was all a test to see if Kris could do detective work as well as information gathering, and under normal circumstances, Osamu would hold back as well. Yet he also couldn’t for the life of him figure out what connects the cases except the simple fact of all the violence being rushed.

One of the victims, a renowned serial rapist-killer (they only know that thanks to a note left by whoever their mystery murderer was), seemed to be more planned than the others. Another was a ‘big boss’ of a company that was known for playing dirty. Nothing as serious as organized crime, but that reputation was likely relevant. The third victim, and the first one killed chronologically, was a highschool boy. There was a party reported nearby, so that explains why he was far from home.

Osamu could not, for the life of him, figure out why Ranpo-san told him that there was only one killer and why Kris insisted Ranpo-san wasn’t fucking with the Agency (“Think about what kind of situation a person would be in to go on a rampage like this,” they said. “It should become clear,” they said. Life is hard enough without being out of the information loop.)

“Hey, Mumu, just to double check something, can I have the pictures of the bodies and notes?” Ah, snapping back to reality. Osamu hands Kris said photos and gets back to staring at the autopsies. Was it a method of cutting…? It seemed like, at least for the highschool boy, the perpetrator intended for it to look like a Port Mafia kill but messed up while trying to break the corpse’s jaw in haste. Besides, there were no bullet wounds, so the game of pin-the-blame-on-the-organization was probably an afterthought. What if–

“Just as I thought.” Kris hummed across from him. “Dazai, look at this.” Osamu did just that, and pretended to have a revelation.

“Oh, my, Kris, your incredible infrared vision managed to catch something useful!” He tried to make it sound as annoying as possible, but likely failed with how Kris looked at him.

“Of course. All jokes aside, though, do you see it? In the notes, the katakana is weird.” Well, obviously. The little notes written in blood on paper were a weak attempt at intimidation, even weaker was the handwriting. Most of the more complicated kanji was unreadable, though for some unfathomable reason, the killer went out of their way to translate the note into English but, no, they didn’t just write the English as-is. They transcribed the translation into katakana and wrote that instead. So, yeah, the katakana part is weird.

“Earth to Mumu? And there he is. Anyway, yeah, to the untrained eye this may look normal. But this is actually a shit transcription. See, what I would write is, ‘retsu hafu fan****’. However, the killer transcribed it as ‘rētsu hābu fān*****’, which overly complicates the sounds of English. Therefore, this person is likely not a native speaker and is either a show-off who needs their ass kicked and some lessons or a kid who is only now going through an English course in school. Not only that, but the translation is far too rough to really be accurate. A better one would be ‘ Let’s play a fun game ’, which would be far more intimidating. All this to say that I think I see enough here to come up with a few scenarios.” At least the Agency now had an uncertified but skilled enough in-house linguist to fill a niche that had actually caused a few problems in the past. Not only were they fluent in Japanese and English, they could also be considered an advanced learner of Spanish and an intermediate one of Korean. Overall, good skills that Osamu should have been expecting the benefits from.

Outside of work, Kris was a good drinking buddy (not the best he’s had) and also just… generally pleasant to be around. Osamu usually didn’t worry himself with being comfortable with the people he spent time with (that never stopped the Boss from trying his damndest to make sure he was and it certainly never stopped Yosano-sensei from gossiping and joking everytime he needed a checkup), but Kris was just like that, a sometimes too patient saint. Though every so often, the glow in their eyes would be replaced by a fire that lit the room or a dull rust color; forgive him for the metaphors.

“Hm, if you’re tired, you should go home. Tired people can’t think things through logically.”

Osamu was tired, but that’s never stopped him before. “Not me, though. I’ve always been the exception to things like that.”

“Being miserable won’t give you superpowers. Or high intelligence. Obviously excluding abilities, but… nevermind.” They immediately schooled their expression into less of an ‘I will stab you with one of the three knives (likely more????) that I keep on me at all times ( even in sleep???? ) if you don’t take the Yosano-sensei approved action right now’ and more of a ‘I’m going to treat you like a child because that sadly will always work when you’re either intoxicated or sleepy’. “I want to go to bed either way, the deadline is months away too. I’m sure I can think of something by then, so let’s not risk it all for an early reward. Or at least, let’s not risk our livelihood. That isn’t expendable in an emergency.” God damn them and their stupid logic that has somehow done more to make Osamu care about his well being than any ‘this is an intervention’ or ‘I care about you a lot’ ever did. They were right, and Osamu felt like a kid again being taught how to not die (oh, the irony.) “Will you be okay going back alone?”

“Yes, mom .” Osamu was not acting like a child by referring to his friend (oh, shit, they’re friends ) as ‘mom’, was he? No, Kris was acting motherly, so a jab was made. Osamu Dazai was not childish or immature, especially not around people he met a month ago.

“Okay~! Don’t forget to charge your phone so Kuki-san doesn’t break down your door tomorrow morning~.” They said this as they put away the files. Kris walked to the door to the hallway, turning back to wave goodbye. “Bye-bye, Mumuuuuu~~~~~! I think tomorrow I’m going to try making a new recipe, so you and Kenji can be the taste testers. Prepare!” With that, they left.

Osamu spent a few minutes cleaning the few things he had out before realizing that he literally didn’t give a shit and leaving it all for the morning.

On his walk to Chuuya’s (‘nobody needs to know’, he tells himself every time before staying the night there), he muses about whether Kris just gets lucky in their mother-henning or if they do it on purpose. Since they made a big deal out of not obsessing over what you eat, Osamu can assume they include Kenji-kun in the little ‘taste-testing’ get-together that happens every so often on purpose. However, there’s always a possibility that they were unintentionally forcing Osamu to eat even on days he had no appetite. Somehow . Kris was an enigma, and Osamu supposes it doesn’t matter. He just got to Chuuya’s apartment, afterall, and was already looking forward to the banter and soft looks that lie inside.

Chapter Text

im not sure anyone is paying attention but this version of the fic is discontinued!!! im still enamored with the concept but i dont like how i executed it in this fic so im gonna rewrite it!

stay tuned if you want, the new and improved version should be up sometime.

(i have no idea if anyone even cares lmao)

sorry for keeping anyone waiting, if you're into pjsk you could go check out my other stuff in the meantime 🥺🥺🥺 please 🥺🥺🥺🥺