Work Text:
Willy and Kniesy chat
Willy: Kyle says we can’t have sleepovers anymore rookie
Willy: cause you got into a fight
Kniesy: noooooo
Willy: no need to worry i have no desire to listen to him
Kniesy: so we can still have sleepovers?
Willy: yeah we just won’t tell him
Kniesy: SECRET SLEEPOVERS
Willy and Kyle chat
Kyle: Hey, who was that in the bed with you?
Willy: mitchy
Willy: we’re having a sleepover
Kyle: Oh. Well tell him he can say hi next time!
Willy: will do
Willy and Kniesy chat
Willy: rookie you gotta be more careful
Kniesy: what did i do?!?!?
Willy: Kyle knows someone was in the bed. I told him it was Mitch.
Willy and Kyle chat:
Kyle: I thought I told you to make sure Mitch knows he can say hi on these calls?
Willy: oh it wasn’t mitchy
Willy: that was Carl
Kyle: who the fuck is Carl?
Willy: a friend from Sweden
1 Week Later:
Kyle: Surely carl went back to Sweden?
Willy: he did
Kyle: So the person in your bed wasn’t Carl?
Willy: of course not
Willy: it was Diana
Kyle: Diana
Willy: yeah Diana Spencer
Kyle: uh huh
1 Week Later:
Kyle: Diana again?
Willy: No that was an old friend
Kyle: Carl?
Willy: No, Hakan Calhanoglu.
Kyle: The football player???
Willy: yeah he's in Toronto this week.
Kyle: In the middle of the season?
Willy: yep.
Kyle: I get the feeling I don’t want to know anymore.
1 Week Later:
Kyle: Who was it this time?
Willy: JT
Kyle: You convinced John Tavares, Captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs to have a sleepover with you?
WIlly: a different JT
Kyle: Okay?
Willy: Joseph Tito
Kyle: Sure.
1 Week Later:
Willy: are you not gonna ask who was in my bed this time?
Kyle: 1) I know who it is and 2) Last week you told me it was a former President of Yugoslavia, which is NO LONGER a country.
Willy: in my defense i was running out of ideas
Kyle: So you went with a dead president of non existent country?
Willy: i didnt say it was a GOOD idea
Kyle: You could have just said it was Kniesy?
WIlly: you banned the sleepovers
Kyle: When have you EVER listened to me?
Kyle: and when have I ever tried to actually tell you what to do with your life?
Willy: okay that’s fair
Kyle: I’m more curious as to how you’ve managed to steal him from John every week?
Willy: JT already called dibs next week
Willy: he wants his free babysitter back
Willy: and I’m not allowed to babysit anymore
Kyle: Why? You’re pretty good with kids?
Willy: Jacer started complaining about wrinkles
Willy: also apparently infants don’t need sheet masks
Kyle: Jacer is FOUR.
Willy: prevention is key Kyle
Kyle: Did he not have any complaints about Axton?
Willy: no he said he’s already accepted that Axton is a mini me
Kyle: Now Kniesy is another mini you.
Willy: YEAH
Kyle: Fuck. We have a kid now don’t we?
Willy: not until i can succesfully kidnap him permanently from JT
Willy: ive got a plan tho
Kyle: I want no part of this. Goodnight.
Willy and Kniesy Chat:
Willy: you don’t have to hide during our video calls anymore
Kniesy: you told him?
Willy: no he knew
Kniesy: ngl I’m not sure i want to be in the same room as you two during these calls
Willy: RUDE
Kniesy: ITS CHEESY AF
Kniesy: “wait so who is Carl? Is he actually a friend from Sweden?” “He’s the king of Sweden” “Incorrect. You’re the king of Sweden.”
Kniesy: DISGUSTING
Bonus :
Kyle: I’m curious as to what other names you were going to give me instead of Kniesy?
Willy: oh i had a list
Willy: Trisha Paytas, Justin Trudeau, Keefer, Oprah Winfrey, Máxima Zorreguieta, Wollsy, and Rasputin.
Kyle: Sheldon Keefe?
Willy: that was only as a last resort
Kyle: I’m not even gonna ask why you though Rasputin was an option.
Willy: desperate times call for desperate measures