Work Text:
willy: did any of you know that Yugoslavia isn’t a country anymore?!?!
sheriff: yes
sheriff: i’m pretty sure we’ve been over this too
marns: wait who is this
nick: arber
cauly: pricey changed it
marns: why?
pricey: he doesn’t have the braincell to make habs laws but he does enforce the ones i make
sheriff: a task i am more than happy to take
sheriff: i’m not allowed to harm anyone BUT i can smack cole when the occasion calls for it
sheriff: and i can check people into the board during practice
marns: huh alright
willy: anyway back to me and my question
willy: yugoslavia seems like it was a cool place and we should bring it back
sheriff: it broke apart into like ten separate countries
sheriff: and those countries/territories don’t really get along even now
willy: and?
cauly: also weren’t a chunk of yugoslavian officials/higher up dudes charged with war crimes and stuff
cauly: or like certain serbian parties
slaf: yes
slaf: how did YOU know that?
cauly: i went through a phase when i was like 12
sheriff: a former european states history phase?
hughsie: no it was a war crime phase
zeegs: learning about them
zeegs: not committing them
cauly: idk if they needed clarification about that
matts: why are you thinking about countries that aren’t countries anymore willy?
willy: so when knies and i were banned from having sleepovers
matts: which you never stopped doing
willy: yeah
willy: i told kyle that the person in my bed was josip broz tito
slaf: he’s been dead for very long time
willy: how was i supposed to know that?
slaf: google?
marns: forget willy’s inability to fathom being wrong
marns: i wanna hear more about cole’s war crime phase
hughsie: oh fuck
cauly: gladly!
cauly: so like there was Mengele during the holocaust but also Japan had a until called Unit 731 and they did some FUCKED up shit
cauly: and apparently its practically not taught at all there
cauly: tho the us doesn’t really teach about its horrible history and fuck ups sooo
marns: like what did the us do?
cauly: the united states had similar ideologies as hitler we just didn’t kill millions of people over it
cauly: or like millions of people in a couple of years and very obviously
cauly: the us has killed A LOT of people
cauly: there’s a word for the ideology tho
cauly: like wanted a “perfect race”
kerfy: eugenics
cauly: yeah that
cauly: the united states also started the whole shit show in the middle east
cauly: or like Bin Laden technically did
cauly: but the US went in and FUCKED shit up for two decades
cauly: also not managing to kill bin laden for 13 years
marns: cole this is FASCINATING
nick: this is just the start
cauly: and there have even been arguments and an investigation around the fact that the US invasion of Iraq actually wasn’t legal which would make it a war crime
cauly: Rwanda and Cambodia both had horrible and significant genocides
cauly: rwanda had like 500,000 deaths in 100 days
cauly: the cambodian genocide killed like 2 million people
cauly: which was almost a quarter of the countries population at the time
josty: holy shit
cauly: and the recently deceased henry kissinger is majorly responsible for the cambodia one
cauly: whatever the opposite of rest in peace is i hope he’s doing it
cauly: also canada during the first world war was terrifying
cauly: like the germans were terrified of them bc they were a little bit berserk
cauly: shoot first and don’t worry about asking questions later
cauly: and like there were no real truces between the canadians and germans
marns: did the germans have truces with others?
cauly: kind of
cauly: like meal breaks and bathroom breaks weren’t uncommon between the french and americans and the germans
cauly: tho chemical weapons were first used by germany in world war 1
cauly: it was chlorine gas i believe
cauly: but not like germany the country today
cauly: like royal germany but it was called something else
drai: imperial germany
cauly: yes thank you
cauly: ironically, the dude mainly responsible for chemical weapons is the reason there wasn’t like a global famine in the 20th century
cauly: the haber-bosch process
kerfy: the fact that you know all of this like off the top of your head is insane
kerfy: is there more?
josty: lmao nerd
cauly: the famine in china under Mao wasn’t a war crime but idk if it’s considered genocide
cauly: but like more than 10 million people died and some estimates go higher than 50 million
cauly: and Mao got the idea from this russian idiot
cauly: lysenko
cauly: also responsible for the death of millions of soviet people
geno: My dad met trofim lysenko.
geno: Said he’s never wanted to punch a man more
cauly: kind of wish he had
geno: Don’t we all?
derms: is it wrong to ask for more war crime facts?
marns: lmao him and kerfy are both nerds
cauly: the armenian genocide was like right after the first world war
cauly: but it also depends on who you ask cause some people deny it
cauly: same with the bosnian genocide in the 90’s
marns: THE 90’s!?!?!?
sheriff: yeah it wasn’t that long ago at all
sheriff: like you were probably alive during it (barely but still)
cauly: the last emperor of germany didn’t really commit war crimes
cauly: he was just incredibly stupid and is definitely part of the reason the first world war happened
drai: can confirm he was stupid as fuck
cauly: then there is the belgian emperor and the congo
cauly: lot of people died and a lot of people lost their hands
chucky: wait what
cauly: google it
cauly: he liked rationed ammo so that the congo people couldn’t hoard it
cauly: so they had to bring the hand of the person they killed as proof that they weren’t using it for hunting
cauly: but it ended up that they just cut hands off of people to act like they killed someone but kept the bullets
willy: and YET belgium gets to still be a country
willy: but Yugoslavia can’t
sheriff: it’s not that it can’t be a country but
sheriff: it’s like the USSR
sheriff: eventually the soviets could not maintain one massive country due to conflicting ideologies
sheriff: so it split up into a lot of tinier countries
willy: okay that makes more sense
willy: continue with the war crimes
cauly: there was a ton of shit during the vietnam war mainly from north vietnam and the us
cauly: kissinger also had a lot to do with that one
cauly: the us has also done A LOT of fucked up shit in south america
cauly: so understandably there are a decent amount of countries there that absolutely hate us
cauly: iraq was actually found guilty of violating the geneva convention
cauly: for chemical weapon use
cauly: the LRA in uganda is still active
marns: is that the group from the Kony 2012 poster things
cauly: yeah Joseph Kony
cauly: real dick bag
cauly: syria’s president has been committing war crimes against the syrian people for a while actually
cauly: he was also an eye doctor before becoming a dictator
chucky: the fuck?
cauly: yeah his dad was like the “president” (dictator) before him but he was never supposed to take power
cauly: but then like all of his brothers died or something so
chucky: huh never would have guess there was an eye doctor to dictator pipeline
cauly: also the whole russian invasion of ukraine thing going on
cauly: and there have been accusations of war crimes on both sides of the israel-palestine conflict
zeegs: i didn’t realize you were still into the war crime stuff
cauly: yeah i got back into it when covid happened bc i was bored
nick: he did have to promise our coach he would learn about war crimes on his own time tho
cauly: yeah he said no war crimes on the job
marns: love the implication that war crimes are fine as a hobby