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His hands were trembling just a little when he finally put down the quill. He looked at the piece of parchment in front of him, carefully smoothing out the edges to keep his hands busy.
The room was dark except for the almost burned-down candle on the desk he was sitting at. Next to him his owl was starting to get restless, waiting for him to finally send her off with the letter.
Looking at the parchment one last time, eyes flying over the lines he sighed before neatly folding it and sliding it into an envelope. He wrapped a string around it and tied it to his owl’s leg before opening the window.
“Be careful my friend. I hope he'll take care of you for me…”
His eyes followed the bird until she disappeared in the night, carrying the letter with her.
He grabbed his bag and his wand, looking around his room one last time.
“Well, I guess this is it,” he mumbled before climbing on the windowsill, holding his wand close.
“Goodbye.”
With that, he jumped into the dark.
~
Dear Sirius,
I hope this letter reaches you, but know that when it does, I'll probably not be around anymore.
A few months ago, we had our last conversation. The snow was still falling outside, and everyone else was excited for Christmas…
Well, you weren't. You were terrified. I came to your room to check on you. I know you didn't understand it - we were never really that close, were we?
When I saw you there with your jacket in one hand and the backpack in the other I knew you were leaving. I knew you were running away, leaving me behind.
I couldn't help myself, I couldn't stay in this house without you, so I begged you to stay.
You said, “Hey man, I love you but no fucking way.”
Something in me broke when you said that. You couldn't even look at me before turning around and walking to your window.
Did you know what it meant for me when you left? Do you know now? Are you disappointed in me? Hate me?
Why did you have to say that?
Mother was furious. I can still feel her rage…
You weren't there at Christmas, so I had to take your place. Nobody seemed to care that I was too young for it. They burned the mark into my skin.
Don't hate me, I had no choice. I couldn't run away like you. I don't have friends to take me in…
Since that day, I hate myself every time I look into the mirror and see this terrible thing on my forearm.
I found a way to harm HIM, maybe even defeat him. At least, I think I did.
Trust me, I'm as certain about this as I could possibly be, and I'm not just doing this to prove anything to anyone.
I have to do this for myself.
I can't just live like this, can't just accept this like our parents did.
I'm not a coward, brother.
Not anymore.
I never said this, and I regret it deeply, though I don't think it would have changed much.
I love you, Sirius.
And I wish you would have taken me with you. Maybe things would have been different then…
Don't try to look for me.
Your brother
Regulus