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I look at him, and it hurts. In a good way. He's so pretty, and you know what, I love him. In a romantic way. I know, it's fucked up, to fall for your best friend. I mean, it'd be one thing, if Nick were straight but it's way different since he came out to me as bi. Because that means, I could actually get with him. Though he's a very touchy person with me, he never admitted anything. I even know, that I'm his taste. He likes dark hair, especially curls and blue eyes. He likes dimples and drummers. When he told our friends in the past, I wanted to scream something like, 'that's me, Nick,' or 'why don't you see that I'm that kind of person?' Did I do that? No, of course not. I can't risk losing my best friend since I've been outed. I remember the exact day....
{AN- This is from Nick POV}
I look at the young boy, who sits there, alone, in the corner of the art room. He's always on his own, there. Could I go there, and calm him down? He looks like he's crying pretty much.
"Hi," I say quietly while walking up to him. His eyes flicker up to me and I meet a pair of blue, restless and especially piercing eyes. They're very pretty. "H-hi," answers the pretty boy with the dark curls. "I'm Nick, and you are?," I ask while sitting down next to him. "I know, who you are, Nick. One of the fucking players of the fucking rugby team. I'm Charlie, by the way." Charlie....could that possibly be the Charlie, Harry talked shit about? As much as I know, he's gay and a lot of my mates are giving him a bad time here at Truham, just because of that. "Can I help you in any way?," I ask, looking at him. He's pretty. Very pretty. Since when do I think that boys are pretty? I mean, I've always thought that boys are as good looking as girls but I never thought of a boy being pretty. "N-no. You'll probably leave if I tell you, who I am." "I'd never." "You don't know that. Nick, I'm the gay kid. So, you better not touch me or you'll catch the 'gay disease,'" he says with a sarcastic laugh. "I don't think you can catch being gay. Either you are or you're not. But you can't choose that, Charlie." I take one of his hands and he looks at me with a terrified look. "Charlie, you are who you are. Don't let anyone make you feel bad, based on your sexuality." "Th-thanks." "Oh, no." "Sorry." "You've got nothing to be sorry for." "Sorry." "Stop saying sorry, Charlie," I laugh. "I-" "No, Charlie. And now tell me, how I can make you feel better." "I....don't know." And then, I wrap my arms around him. It feels good. "Thanks," he mumbles against me. "Always, if you need it, I promise."
'Always, if you need it, I promise,' is what he said to me all those years ago. And he has. He's been there when I got bullied, when my mental health was bad, when I had my first breakup with Jack. When I almost committed suicide. When I felt alone. When I needed a friend. There's just one thing he wasn't there for me, and that was my fault. I fell in love with him. From the moment we met. But he never did anything to show me that the pining is mutual. I thought it would, when he came out to me but no.
"Ch-Charlie?," I ask quietly into the silence. "Nick, we should sleep." "I know but....I want to tell you something." "And that can't wait till tomorrow." "U-um," I say. Okay, I'm seriously nervous. He looks at me, now fully awake. We're at Tao's, having a sleepover with Tao, Elle and Isaac. And he looks very curious. I feel like in February when I caught Ben assaulting Charlie. I had nightmares for weeks, after that happened. I don't even want to imagine, what would've happened if I hadn't met Charlie last year. I probably would've had to go to Harry's party. But now, I've got four amazing friends. "You know, you're really important to me Charlie. A-and I'm tired. Tired of hiding my feelings," his eyes dart to me and once again, I want to crawl up to him and kiss his gorgeous lips. I want to make him my boyfriend but I know, he doesn't like me like that. I shouldn't assume that just because he's gay. It's not like every straight guy falls in love with with every girl, he draws looks on. "Now you're scaring me," says Charlie and crawls up to my air mattress. "So?," he asks and looks at me. "Whatever it is, I promise I'll support you." That's almost the same he said to Elle when she told us, she wants to change schools to Higgs. "Th-thanks. Charlie, I-I'm b-bisexual." There, I said it. It feels good to say those words out loud. "Thanks for telling me," he says and wraps his arms around me. For a few seconds I think I could kiss him now. But I can't do that. He's my best friend and he's clearly not in love with me.
I wanted to kiss him in that moment, just like all the other moments when I told myself that my pining was mutual. Pathetic, I know. And I really should get over him, so it wouldn't hurt anymore if he goes on a date with someone.
"Charlie, you ready?," calls Nick and bursts through the door. "W-," I don't even get the chance to say he's to wait a few seconds since I haven't decided on an outfit yet, but it's already too late. And then he stands there, in my room while I'm just wearing boxers. "Oh-oops, sorry," he says, quickly leaving my room. God, how am I supposed to get over my crush on him if he keeps doing things like that. A few minutes later, I'm ready and head downstairs to the sitting room where Nick's already waiting. It's nice that he wants me to come with him. Though I usually hate clubs, I said yes. It's the first time Nick hangs out with his rugby team besides their practice. "I'm ready," I say, and Nick turns to me. "You look great, Char," says he. As if the compliment isn't enough, he calls me Char. It always makes my heart jump. Only to remind me in the next second that Nick and I are just friends. "Thanks," I say. Nick gets off the couch and grabs his keys before we leave our dorm.
"Nick," I hear someone calling as soon as we enter the club. Nick looks around, then points to a table with a lot of people. "Ah, there." And then he wents there, dragging me with him.
"Hi, I'm Katy, and you are?," asks the girl next to me as I sit there in silence for fifteen minutes. "Charlie, nice to meet you." "Thanks. You look really hot in that tshirt, you know?" "Uh, thanks, I guess." What am I supposed to say now? How can I tell her without hurting her? "So....do you have a girlfriend?" There it comes. Shit. "U-um, no. I'm gay," there I said it. I don't remember when I said it the last time. "Oh, uh, sorry, I guess." "It's fine, you couldn't know that." "Yeah, thanks. It's just your hair. It makes me feel a little flustered. It's so pretty." "Thanks. If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm always there to listen," I don't want to make her feel uncomfortable. "Thank you, that's nice." Then she leaves to the bathroom.
"Nick?," I ask about two hours later. "Yeah," he draws his entire attention to me. "I'm going home. Good night." "I can bring you." "It's fine. I'll just walk." To be honest, I'm not tired. I just can't stand all these girls trying to hit on him anymore. As well as this stuffy air. "Okay. Good night, Charlie." At least he's not calling me Char again. Don't get me wrong, I like that nickname, but it hurts because it reminds me that my crush is one-sided. "Good night, Nick. Good night, everyone." And then I leave.
Three hours later, I'm still laying in my bed, scrolling through TikTok when I get a text from Nick. I immediately open our chat. God, when did I get so desperate and dependent from him.
A RugBI Lad- Aee ypu srill aeake, Cgar????
Me- yes, why????
A RugBI Lad- Cayse I miss ypu
Okay, he's clearly drunk. According to how he's texting. All those mistakes tell it. And the sappyness.
A RugBI Lad- Dp ypu miss me tpp????
Me- yes dork
A RugBI Lad- Im bi abd I pnly knpw thst becaise of ypu
Me- huh????
A RugBI Lad- Cayse you'er spppp pretty
Me- oh, are we drunk again, nicholas????
A RugBI Lad- Nooo I'n not
Me- right
A RugBI Lad- I'n a soebr
Me- sure
A RugBI Lad- pleade beleive mr
Me- god nick
Me- i'll go to sleep now
A RugBI Lad- Np, plsade dotn
Me- good night nick
A RugBI Lad- No Chsr I midd ypu
Me- god nick please stop!!!!
A RugBI Lad- Olsy gppd nugjt cgsr
Me- good night🥱
A RugBI Lad- ❤️
Nick never sent me a red heart before. I get a lot of hearts from him but not the red one. Then, I turn my phone on 'Do Not Disturb' mode and go to sleep. Of course, I dream of Nick. I do that almost every night.
The next day, I opened my window and put on one of the jumpers on my floor. It's one of Nick's. I love wearing them. They smell like Nick and feel like him as well. Warm, comfy, and big. Then I sit down on my bed again. I take my phone and see that there're loads of new messages from Nick and one from Keane, one of the players of Nick's rugby team. I decided to read all of Nick's messages because I could definitely use some funny, drunken texts from Nick.
A RugBI Lad- I'n npt drynj
A RugBI Lad- I wss jydt prerrndimg
A RugBI Lad- Chsr????
A RugBI Lad- Chsrlir????
A RugBI Lad- I gurss ypu'll resd thod akk im tge mprnunf tjwn
I snort. Does he really think that I have no feelings? But yet I'm reading all those messages
A RugBI Lad- I'ce gpt tp tekk ypu spmerginf
A RugBI Lad- Plradr dpm't hsre ne adrer tgst
A RugBI Lad- Olsy????
Believe me, Nick, even if I wanted to, I couldn't.
A RugBI Lad- Gppd
A RugBI Lad- Chsr
A RugBI Lad- I love you
A RugBI Lad- In a romantic way
Holy shit. Did he really write that? I guess so. My feelings aren't one-sided, then! I don't know what to do now.
A RugBI Lad- Smd ir's cpmpketeky fome of ypu dpn't deek lole tgst
It takes me a few minutes to figure out what he's trying to tell me, but oi, I feel the exact same things about you.
A RugBI Lad- Ir ig ypu're crungung rm
Um, no. I kind of want to drag you and kiss you harder than you've ever been kissed.
A RugBI Lad- I'd indrrstamd id ypu dpm't wsnt tp ne frormds amymire
I want to be your boyfriend, Nick. And then, I get up and run downstairs to the sitting room, where Nick sits as always on Saturday mornings. But today, he doesn't eat leftovers. Right in front of him is a plate full of pancakes.
"You coming to join me, Char?" "Maybe. If you tell me what this is." I throw my phone towards him. He catches it. "I-I....tried to....to confess m-my f-feelings to you." "Really?" "Yeah." And then, I can't hold myself back from crawling up to him on the couch. I stand still for a few seconds before I lean in, and my lips touch his. Fuck. Fuck, this feels so good. I don't ever want to let go of the perfect lips of Nick. Nick's hands find their way to my waist, pulling me over him, so I'm lying on top of him. Then he turns, so he's on top of me. He kisses me with an urgency, I never thought it existed. It feels like a dream. As I try to part our lips, to take a breath, he chases after my lips. I never would've thought it could feel so intense when you just kiss someone. But I guess that is. "So you like me back?," asks Nick sheepishly. "Fuck, yes, Nick," I say before I press my lips against his again.