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He knew better than this.
Thanatos wasn't a child. Putting on a performance to impress a boy was frankly beneath him, and it was especially ridiculous to do so for Mariano, who loved him the same way no matter what he did. The mage didn't need to be impressed in the slightest, which somehow made Thanatos want to try twice as hard. Inevitably, his idiotic "damsel-in-distress" act had gotten him in over his head, literally. It didn't even take an evil person to become so fed up with Thanatos as to toss him off the pier. It was his own damned fault he couldn't control his tongue. All it took for him to act out was his mage taking his eyes off of him for five seconds.
He knew better than to flail. As a child of Athens, it would have been ridiculous for him not to know how to swim. If he would stop thrashing about for ten seconds, he'd float to the surface and be fine, but he couldn't do that. He could barely think over the chorus of nonononono from his panicked brain, the pleases and the idon'twanttodies and the helpmes. Every time his head slipped under the dark water for a moment, he was back in that lake from so long ago, when he couldn't do anything to save himself and was forced to drown over and over and over and over—
The self-pity train had barely left the station when Thanatos felt more than he saw a dark shape impact the water beside him. Mariano, his brain supplied before returning to the panic, and that was confirmed by the snatches of his mage's voice he could hear over his own splashing: "Than… deep breath... hold it!" Take a deep breath and hold it. It was sound advice. If he was focused on holding a breath, not only would he be less frantic to keep his head above water, but it would be more difficult for him to keep flailing. He tried to follow it, he really did, but he just couldn't catch a breath deep enough to convince his body he had enough air.
You don't need to breathe, idiot, his Shadow grumbled, tired of his cowardice, no doubt. Thanatos knew that. He knew better than anyone exactly how long his body could go without gas exchange with the air. Eleven minutes and thirty-seven seconds. He'd counted it. Over and over again. Not a single one of those eleven minutes mattered, because every muscle in his body was convinced that if he stopped breathing now, he never would again.
Mariano must have realized Thanatos couldn't comply, because he threw his arm around the vampire's neck in an attempt to gain a bit of control. This sent Thanatos into a fresh panic. He knew Mariano wouldn't have wasted his time saving him all those other times just to drag him under now, but his instincts screamed that he was dying and the old paranoia reared its head again. What if something he'd said, something he'd done, had tipped the mage over the edge? What if he'd decided it was the last straw, that if Thanatos died here, he could claim to have tried to save him, and no one would be the wiser? Mariano could be rid of him, right here and now, and do the whole universe a favor.
No. That was incredibly uncharitable to think about a man who had never once lied to him. The person who kissed the back of his neck when he cooked, who held him when he had nightmares, who laughed at his jokes, wouldn't betray him like that. Mariano would never try to kill him. Thanatos's newfound conviction was shaken by the wave that broke over his and Mariano's heads, pushing them under. A gout of bubbles burst from his mouth and he swallowed water. This is it. I should just let myself die, at least Mariano will pull me back to shore. There was no point in fighting anymore, he was only hurting himself. So what if he died a few times? He had three and a half thousand years of memories to lose. Odds were, whatever he lost wouldn't be important.
Just as he'd given up on tasting air again before he passed out, his momentum suddenly shifted, strong draconic arms hauling him and Mariano skyward. Bastian, taking his mage and his vampire back from the ocean's grasp. Relief crashed through Thanatos like the same waves that broke over his back on the way to the shore, and as it ebbed, as he coughed and vomited seawater and collapsed onto the sand, it left behind heaving sobs. Oh, thank the gods, he could breathe again. He could breathe and he wasn't drowning and he was soaking wet but he hadn't died.
Bastian's arm pulled him close, and Thanatos pressed himself against the dragon's side as if it could stop something vital from leaking out of him. "Hey. Hey, Than, we have you. We have you. You're all right." He was. He was okay. He hadn't been alone this time.
It took him a while before he could do anything but cry. It was as if every tear he'd been too exhausted to release after Tenebrus had left him at the lakeside, every sob he'd held back after waking up from an aquatic nightmare, all came out of him at once. Eventually, when the emotional catharsis left him hollow, he was able to speak. "Thank you, by the gods, thank you. I thought—"
Thanatos didn't finish the sentence. Mariano hugged him tightly, holding him as if a rogue wave would come onto the shore and drag him away again. "I'll always come for you. Always."
He did know that. He did. Every single time he'd needed Mariano, the mage had been there, with Bastian not far behind. Even when he manufactured minor troubles to be rescued from, he did it secure in the knowledge that Mariano would never consider him "the boy who cried wolf." He would show up every time. Thanatos buried his face in his mage's shoulder. "I know. Even if I doubt for a moment, I always know you're coming."
Clawed fingers tucked wayward strands of wet hair behind Thanatos's ear, and he relaxed into Bastian's touch as the dragon pressed a tender kiss to his temple. Being held by both of them like this... He couldn't really say he hadn't fallen apart already, but they were holding him together. "Mariano, you have to give me more warning before you jump into water like that—" Thanatos smiled a bit. Now that they were safe, Bastian could find time to complain.
"That's what the pact is for." Mariano's voice was quiet, but it resonated through Thanatos's chest because of the proximity. That complete, unconditional trust was the foundation of their relationship, and Thanatos envied it. He was a creature of doubt. Whatever his heart believed, his mind always had a contingency plan, always prepared for the worst possible outcome. The only person standing in the way of what he wanted was himself.
The whole thing had been his fault to begin with. If he'd made a single intelligent choice since waking up this morning, none of this would have happened. "I'm sorry I nearly drowned him," he choked, though that wasn't really what he was apologizing for. "I just… I can't… When the water comes—" It wipes out his senses, starts him running entirely on instinct.
"Hush. He's in trouble, not you." Bastian squeezed the two of them tighter, stalling the rest of Thanatos's stammering on his tongue. "Breathe, Than. You're gonna be okay." Yes. Eventually.
But when? That lake had been twenty years ago. He'd been friendly with the water before that, and now he couldn't even bathe by himself. How long until the memories that had left this seemingly indelible mark on his psyche faded and let him rest? "Incredible how one incident could have so much more of a lasting effect on me than months of torture," he muttered bitterly, then sighed. He shouldn't dwell on such things. "Just... Thank you both. I don't know where I'd be without you." Still half-feral with paranoia, most likely.
Mariano shook his head. "I have things that scare me just as badly. You know you're no less for it, don't you?"
He didn't know it, but Mariano always said nice things like that. Thanatos supposed he should do the mage the honor of believing him. Someday. "You're always so kind to me, Mariano." He shivered as the water dried off of him, leaving him cold and salty.
"I think anyone who almost drowns deserves some understanding," Mariano answered, and rubbed Thanatos's arms to warm him up. He hadn't almost drowned, technically. He would have been fine if he'd just stopped being stupid. "And to be held," he added, tipping Than's face up to meet his eyes. Thanatos blushed and looked away.
"I won't deny that I benefit from physical reassurance, though I think I draw on that particular resource of yours a bit too heavily." He was so used to being borderline unclean, unwanted, universally hated. It was no wonder that he took everything he could get when it was made available. Selfish, leech, all you do is take—
Bastian snorted. "Nah, he needs that anyway. You're fine."
Thanatos was feeling enough like himself now to be a bit dramatic. "Ah, but I've stretched the necklines of most of his shirts by now. Surely he tires of my garment-destroying behavior." A little laugh, an eyebrow raise, asking the audience to engage with him once again. Performing. Hiding.
And Mariano sees through him. The mage holds him even tighter, as if to compress the self-loathing out of him. "I'd rather have you and shirts that need mending over pristine shirts and no you."
The words lanced through to the core of Thanatos's being, penetrating all the layers of theatrics and intimidation he used to hide from his loneliness. They told him, in no uncertain terms, you belong here. I want you.
Thanatos laughed and buried his face in his mage's shoulder once more. "Shut up, or I'll start crying again."