Work Text:
Alhaitham lets the ink of his pen drip contemplatively onto the paper. He considers signing his name, but who else would be sending a letter on this day? Both the Traveller and Paimon know what today’s date is, with how much of an interest they seem to take in the lives of those they meet on their journey. And even if they somehow forgot, there are enough context clues in the text for them both to piece together the sender’s identity. He needn’t insult their intelligence by filling the page with unnecessary words and pleasantries.
Nevertheless, for whatever reason, he finds himself walking over to his study to find Kaveh. Despite the plans they made for today, Kaveh is still toiling away at his latest commission for as long as he still can. Ever the diligent worker, he insisted that he make some quick changes now before their date, or else he might lose the inspiration or end up worrying about it all throughout what is supposed to be time off. Those five extra minutes of tweaks have turned into an entire afternoon, leaving Alhaitham to quietly pace the house in between rereading his favourite books. Eventually, he took to writing a few memos to be sent to his friends, as is apparently customary on days like these. And while he has no particular love for the Traveller, he can’t help but feel a sense of pride upon hearing that Paimon has taken a liking to reading. Although, those Fontaine detective novels aren’t exactly the pinnacle of literature for a mind thirsty for words. Better that he put her on the correct course by sending a few old copies of his own Vedanagari texts. Kaveh is always complaining that he has too many books anyway, so he may as well share the knowledge.
“So sorry, I’m just finishing up!” Kaveh exclaims when he finally notices Alhaitham waiting for him in the doorway. His hands are stained with graphite, and he’s removed one of the earrings he’d put on earlier when he was getting dressed for their date. The golden jewellery doubles as a measuring tool, if he recalls correctly. Form and function. Beauty and utility. So very Kaveh.
“That’s fine.” Alhaitham ignores the fact that Kaveh claimed he was finishing up over an hour ago. He walks over to the desk, where ideas have blossomed and wilted on endless sheets of paper. Alhaitham has never been one to edit himself, especially not to the extent that Kaveh does, but perhaps this language of feedback and fixes would be one that Kaveh responds to. “Could you look over this letter? I need to make sure the message comes across clearly before I send it.”
Kaveh’s brows furrow as he takes the slip that Alhaitham offers him. The message is short and doesn’t take very long to read, so almost immediately Kaveh looks back up with a questioning look on his face. “Is this for the Traveller?”
“It’s for Paimon. The Traveller is merely the means through which I can communicate with her.”
Kaveh shakes his head and hands the page back. Graphite fingerprints remain on the paper as evidence of his involvement in the editing process. Only a year ago, Kaveh would have panicked at the notion of leaving traces of himself on Alhaitham’s possessions, lest anyone find out about their cohabitation. That all melted away quite quickly when they finally repaired their relationship, and Kaveh was even so cheeky as to slip a few “we” s and “us” s into his last letter to the Traveller. “You should include something for them, too. Didn’t you two work closely for some time while I was gone?”
“You mean like a reference to what we’ve experienced together? I suppose I could tell them about Isak’s progress with his reading and writing. Oh, I could link that to Paimon’s education, too.”
“I… I suppose that’s as good an option as they will get,” Kaveh sighs.
Alhaitham takes a seat on the bench next to him. In all the times Kaveh has convinced him to go shopping for new furniture, he never once asked that they replace this two-seated desk. Even though Alhaitham is sure that any other table would be much more appropriate for a draftsman such as Kaveh. Some items in their home don’t need to be the most practical for every task. Sometimes, it’s nice to have the option to sit together like this, shoulder to shoulder as they each work on their own halves of the desk.
“Thank you for your input,” Alhaitham adds while he amends the letter. “You’re no Haravatat scholar, but your unique perspective is valuable nonetheless.”
Kaveh snorts and lightly elbows him in the side. “Didn’t you say something similar during our thesis proposal?”
“I did. I’m surprised you remembered that.”
“How could I forget something so important?”
Kaveh’s weak smile starts to falter, and he rests his head on Alhaitham’s shoulder. His blond hair has been neatly plaited with golden chains to match his usual jewellery. He was looking forward to tonight. Alhaitham knows from how much effort he put into his appearance, and even from the amount of effort he put into trying to finish his work so that he could enjoy himself, free of guilt.
“I’m sorry I spent so long working.” Kaveh cringes as he says it. “On your special day, of all days!”
“Kaveh.” Alhaitham loops an arm around his partner’s waist, holding him closer. “You overwork yourself all the time. I did say that I didn’t want us to make such a fuss about today, so what’s so wrong with it feeling like every other day with you?”
“But this was supposed to be special!” Kaveh complains. “It’s the first of your birthdays we’ve had to celebrate together since -”
He cuts himself off and clears his throat. Attempts to compose himself. Even in his best efforts to have a guilt-free time, he still manages to hold onto regrets tighter than Alhaitham can hold him in turn.
“Just…” Kaveh abandons the blueprints before him to lean into his lover, resting his ear right above his heart. “Tell me more about Paimon and Isak.”
Alhaitham strokes blond hair while he recounts what he heard at the House of Daena the other day, as well as the small correspondence he’s had regarding Paimon’s love of literature. Kaveh laughs and nods at all the right moments, but the tension in his shoulders doesn’t seem to go away.
“You seem very interested in these kids’ educations,” Kaveh retorts at one point.
“Well, why not? If either of them needs a mentor figure to look up to, I would be suited to the role.”
“What, just because you saved Sumeru and were the Acting Grand Sage for a time?”
“Precisely that.”
Kaveh hums thoughtfully. “I don’t think it’s only that.”
Alhaitham gently rubs his back. “You’re right. It’s not.”
They sit together in silence for some time. Kaveh’s steady breathing tickles his neck. The window in front of their desk trickles in warm light from outside as golden hour descends upon Sumeru. The day vendors outside on Treasure’s Street can be vaguely heard packing up their wares, their pockets filled with coins from their Sunday market. There are fewer scholars than usual making the trip to and from the Akademiya, but the most dedicated ones are no doubt already holing themselves away for a long night. The same goes for any students who squandered their weekend and are now cramming for tomorrow at the first sign of dusk. So much life exists outside their little world, where it’s just the two of them. A complimentary pair that fulfils each other without the need for anything else.
And yet, something still lingers on Alhaitham’s mind. He brushes his lips against a blond braid held in place by Kaveh’s signature red clips and presses a kiss to the top of his head.
“Kaveh,” he speaks into threads of gold. “Do you want to have children with me?”
He braces himself for Kaveh to act surprised at the sudden question, yet he’s still not prepared for how Kaveh’s body stiffens against his own. He watches as his friend, senior and life partner pulls away to stare at him, an emotion akin to fear in his red-alert eyes.
“You don’t have to answer right away,” Alhaitham quickly adds. The idea of parenthood is a sore subject, for both of them. But Alhaitham is sure of what he wants. Not necessarily a full family, but a life with Kaveh that they can build together. With children, or not.
“I…” Kaveh shakes his head. “Haitham, I don’t think I’m suited to be a parent.”
“There are many ways to be a parent,” Alhaitham reminds him. “No right or wrong answer.”
“No, there is definitely a wrong answer.” Kaveh tugs at the end of a braid at the side of his head, seeking a way to calm his nerves. “What if… I would mess it up, Haitham.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I do! Look at how I messed up your birthday. Taking care of someone, a kid… I don’t think I could do that. I could barely take care of my adult mother.”
“You were a child yourself, back then.” Alhaitham takes Kaveh’s hand to keep him from unravelling the braid he worked so hard on. “And look at how well you take care of me.”
“You don’t get it,” Kaveh insists. “Looking after someone, and being the one that they turn to for all their needs… It’s hard. ”
Alhaitham presses a kiss to Kaveh’s knuckles. He ignores how his chest constricts at Kaveh’s repeated rejection. Now isn’t the time for him to get swept up in his own emotions.
“You forget, senior, that I’ve had my fair share of taking care of others. I’ve looked after you during your worst days. And I tended to my grandmother’s every need during her last days. You’re not the only one who had to learn fatherhood from books.”
Despite his best efforts, his voice shakes the more he speaks. He’s hardly ever spoken to Kaveh about that period of his life. There was never any need. Now, he can’t keep the words from spilling out of his mouth.
“Yes, I didn’t have traditional parents, so maybe I don’t know anything about how to raise a child. I had no siblings, nor baby cousins to raise. And I’m not saying that we need to have a child of our own, or that it should happen immediately. I only considered bringing it up because… because I want to keep planning our future together.”
Kaveh chews his lip silently. His eyes fall to watch how Alhaitham touches his hand, kneading out any pressure that has built up in the instrument of his career. Fingers stained with ink massage over skin smeared with graphite, eventually settling on the gold band that rests on his fourth finger. Alhaitham twists the ring in the way he often fidgets with the matching silver one that encircles his own finger.
“I don’t need a marked day to celebrate my life with you,” Alhaitham continues, keeping his gaze down. “You’ve already promised me that and more.”
He doesn’t lift his head to look at Kaveh. Not until he feels sweet lips press against his forehead. Zaytun peach lipgloss, if he remembers correctly. He’d watched earlier that day as Kaveh had applied that gloss to his lips, only for Alhaitham to swiftly kiss most of it off. Kaveh had complained, but they both knew Alhaitham would do such a thing. Maybe that was why Kaveh kept restocking his lipgloss with new flavours at any chance he could get.
“You’d make a great father,” Kaveh whispers against his forehead.
Alhaitham lifts his head and pecks those oil-soaked lips. Quick, but tender. “So would you.”
Kaveh smiles, but he shakes his head. “You see how much I work. I could never tear myself away for long enough to raise a child. I couldn’t even do that for my fiance.”
“Then I’ll look after them while you’re busy. We can make it work.”
“Haitham -”
“Don’t make your choice now, okay? Just… think about it. Decide if it’s something you want, and know that I will be with you no matter what you decide.”
Kaveh swallows his fear. “Okay. No guarantees, okay? This isn’t something I can just decide on. Maybe, if we find a kid who really needs a home. Like… like Collei. I would love to raise a child like her.”
See? Alhaitham thinks to himself, remembering all the times Kaveh had helped Collei with her studies when Tighnari needed someone to watch her. Or the many stories Kaveh has told him about the kids in his part-time architecture class. You’re already raising wonderful children.
Instead of saying any of that, he nods and rises to his feet and takes Kaveh’s hands. “It’s still light out. If we hurry, we can still catch that Zubayr Theatre performance that you mentioned.”
Kaveh stands up, smiling sheepishly. “I… realise now that a loud gathering at the Grand Bazaar might not be exactly what you wanted for your birthday. We can just stay in tonight if you’d prefer that.”
“Nonsense. After you went to all this trouble to do your hair? We can’t waste that here. I’d love nothing more on my birthday than for all of Sumeru to see the dazzling Light of Kshahrewar on my arm, knowing that we will be married next spring.”
Kaveh’s cheeks turn red and he stutters out a few protests. “Okay, fine! I’ll go finish getting ready.”
“No time.” Alhaitham takes his hand and already starts dragging him to the door. “Come on, I wouldn’t want you to miss the best that Sumeru culture has to offer.”
“Wait!” Kaveh looks back at the letter on the desk. “Shouldn’t you send that first?”
“It can wait.” Alhaitham pulls his keys from the bowl, staring fondly at how the lone silver key interlocks with the golden one with the lion keychain. “There are things more important that I need to prioritise.”