Work Text:
“I’m home,” Alhaitham said, as he locked the door behind him. A brilliant aroma wafted from the kitchen, likely from gheymeh, though he hadn’t seen Kaveh get any ingredients for that the last time they went grocery shopping. A part of him wondered why Kaveh had chosen to prepare stew, buying the ingredients with his own money too.
Guess I won’t read at dinner today, then.
After washing his hands, freeing them from the grime of the day, Alhaitham sat down at the dining table, as Kaveh carried the gheymeh. He’d tied his hair up, red hair clips scattered all around the back of his head.
“Come on, try it!” Kaveh sat down opposite Alhaitham, a smile on his face. Kaveh’s smile felt fishy, but Alhaitham chose to ignore it. Instead, he did what Kaveh asked, and tried the meat and potato stew.
Like every other time he’d tasted gheymeh, the bomb of flavours detonated in his mouth, from how savoury the tomatoes made the stew to the faint sweetness of the split peas.This stew wasn’t something made often, since it required such a lengthy amount of time. Alhaitham could barely recall the last time.
So why had Kaveh made it today?
As the two of them helped themselves to the stew and saffron rice that accompanied it, Kaveh initiated conversation.
“How was work?”
“Work was fine, nothing unusual happened.”
“Any new assignments?”
“Not at all.” In actuality, Alhaitham wasn’t sure what Kaveh meant exactly, but there really wasn’t anything that had stood out at work. Even after examining his day thoroughly, Alhaitham didn’t feel like Kaveh really cared about the incident reports he had to review.
Eventually, Kaveh couldn’t find anything else to inquire about Alhaitham, and they faded into silence. This puzzled Alhaitham, who figured Kaveh could just fill the silence with what happened in his day. He didn’t mind hearing Kaveh talk on and on about what his client had been like, or whatever trips to the bazaar Kaveh had made, since they definitely didn’t have the saffron and they’d just run out of onions.
After seeing Kaveh rush to wash and dry the dishes, shooing away Alhaitham from helping him, Alhaitham figured it was time to ask why he was behaving so much nicer than usual.
Kaveh clearly wasn’t used to having to dry dishes, so out of habit, he passed them to Alhaitham, only realising his ‘error’ a second too late. Alhaitham deliberately held it high enough that Kaveh couldn’t reach it, as he watched Kaveh jump in an attempt to get it.
“What happened, Kaveh? Why are you behaving so strangely?” Alhaitham asked, genuinely curious. He hoped Kaveh understood that.
Kaveh just sighed, returning to his job of washing the last few utensils. “Well… If I tell you, you can’t say anything rude about it, okay?”
Alhaitham nodded, as he dried off the utensils and opened the drawer to put them back.
“So… On my way home from my meeting with a client, you know, the one who wants a rose-themed pavilion? Yeah, them. I decided to walk back home by passing through the bazaar, just to spice things up a bit. I know what you’re going to say! I swear I didn’t buy anything unnecessary!” Kaveh glanced at Alhaitham’s face, then looked back to the sink when he deemed it an okay reaction. In reality, Alhaitham hadn’t absorbed much information to even react to.
“There was this new booth, some old lady selling her handmade creations. She told me my shawl was pretty, then gestured to her wares to tell me she had something similar. I wasn’t going to just decline her, that’s plain rude. She was right, there were so many beautiful clothing pieces!
“I noticed they weren’t sewn together, but done in some other way. So I asked her, you know, and she told me she crocheted them! I hadn’t heard about crochet before that, so since I didn’t have anything else to do then, I let her explain to me what crochet was. Turns out it’s something like knitting, but it can’t be machine-done, which really spoke to me.
“After that long conversation, she decided to give me a spare hook and gave me a list of vendors who sold yarn, which I’m still surprised that I hadn’t noticed before. I guess maybe I don’t go to the bazaar that often. Aren’t you proud?” At that, Kaveh let out a self-conscious chuckle. The two of them had already finished washing and drying everything, yet Kaveh hadn’t said why he was behaving so nicely towards Alhaitham.
“...Continue,” Alhaitham muttered, interested to know what would happen next. He wouldn’t be able to sleep if Kaveh didn’t properly explain himself. Plus, he figured that if Kaveh hadn’t spent dinner asking Alhaitham about his day, this would have tumbled out anyway.
Either that, or Kaveh was just being Kaveh, not too eager to express what he really wanted.
“So! Can we go yarn shopping?” Kaveh trailed on.
“Well, I’m still trying to figure out what to make, but she suggested I start with granny squares so I can practise the stitches and all first,” He backtracked.
“Of course.” Alhaitham knew he would end up paying for it, since Kaveh had spent his money on the gheymeh ingredients. Yet, a part of him found it easier to pay for something Kaveh wouldn’t use for self-destructive purposes. Really, what was the worst thing that could happen?
Now, Alhaitham certainly wasn’t about to complain upon seeing Kaveh so excited over every shade of yarn at the bazaar. Though, they’d left the house when the afternoon sun was still high, and by the time they returned, the sky had transformed into its nightly spectacle. Not to mention, he had to carry the bags of Kaveh’s crochet supplies, which he was definitely getting Kaveh to pay him back for.
There were differences in the wide display of yarn, from the size, to the shade difference and the hook that fit for each type of yarn. Alhaitham hadn’t found himself this stumped when it came to understanding minute differences. Even different batches of yarn could vary in colour, since the dye lots would differ.
Kaveh examined every single booth that sold yarn, trying to find yarn that would fit the hook the elderly lady had given him. Even when it matched the size of the hook, something about the yarn’s hue would put Kaveh off, and they would proceed to the next booth.
However, Alhaitham grew to understand why Kaveh was so picky, because there came a time when Kaveh’s discerning eye struck gold. This one booth had the most gorgeous rose shade Alhaitham had seen, something Kaveh was absolutely enamoured by. They ended up with a bag half full with that shade of yarn. Granted, Alhaitham would have brought bigger bags if he had known the size of the yarns they would be buying.
They hadn’t returned home with just yarn, of course, that would have been too good an outcome for Alhaitham’s wallet (not that he really minded). One couldn’t just crochet with a hook and yarn, they had to have patterns to follow. Kaveh ended up buying books full of patterns, ranging from ones that came from Sumeru and others that were written by Inazuman authors.
On the way home, Alhaitham barely had the energy to tease Kaveh about all this, simply plopping down on the divan and flipping through some of the books. Even though they didn’t have many words, he still found some enjoyment seeing the explanations painstakingly written by masters who wanted to pass on their crafts to the world. Kaveh, meanwhile, sat beside Alhaitham to see what patterns he was interested to pursue.
“That is the most gorgeous thing I've ever seen,” Kaveh pointed.
“That’s just a square with a flower in the middle,” Alhaitham deadpanned. This book was full of similar squares with different patterns to them, labelled as a beginner’s guide to crochet stitches. The pages were yellowing, yet that contained some endearing quality to it.
“What if I make that for my first project?” Kaveh mused, pushing past Alhaitham’s lack of enthusiasm. Even without reading Kaveh’s mind, Alhaitham could tell that there were wondrous projects swirling about.
“Teyvat to Kaveh. You do know even one shawl will take a lot of these, right? Are you sure you have that commitment?” Alhaitham snapped his fingers in front of Kaveh’s eyes, earning a displeased huff.
“Well, can’t I just do one granny square from every single pattern in this book?” Kaveh suggested, more to himself than Alhaitham, who sighed and hoped he wouldn’t find a bunch of those granny squares in the house, without any clear purpose in mind for them.
“Sure, if that’s what you say.” A smirk shaped Alhaitham’s face. He could almost hear Kaveh’s eyes roll back in his head.
“Whatever, whatever. What else should I make? Shit, I should have decided before getting yarn,” Kaveh cursed, half aware that this was going to activate Alhaitham’s I-told-you-so mechanisms.
“Can’t you just use your existing yarn?” Alhaitham parsed through the pages, not really seeing anything that couldn’t use the shades they’d bought earlier.
“Yes, for the granny squares, sure, but there are other projects, you know, that require specific colours. Just check out the amigurumi book.” Kaveh fished it out from the bag, handing it to Alhaitham.
Alhaitham rapidly flipped through the pages, realising he was being proven wrong. “Do you really think you’ll have the time for all this? You complain to me every day about your tight deadlines.”
“Stop doubting me for once and maybe I’ll do it,” Kaveh huffed. He missed the slight smile on Alhaitham’s face, too busy reading through the granny square guidebook.
Their house was indeed a lovefest of granny squares. Alhaitham found them scattered wherever Kaveh chose to crochet. Some of them were rather wonky, so he gathered them all and categorised them. Arguably, that was the most fun part. He didn’t exactly know why Kaveh didn’t want to store them somewhere safe, so he could find all of them to assemble together.
(Perhaps he knew Alhaitham would do that for him.)
After categorising them, Alhaitham laid all the nicer ones side by side, deciding to see whether Kaveh had kept to his attempt of trying every single pattern in the book. The fact that he had didn’t surprise Alhaitham too much.
He watched Kaveh crochet out of the corner of his eye, the crochet book propped up. For once, Kaveh wasn’t slaving away over his work, so maybe that was an upside to this all.
Alhaitham had to reread his own book multiple times, often too distracted by Kaveh’s mumblings of frustration. He watched the crochet hook dip in and out of his peripheral vision, as it created yet another granny square.
Around the time they went to bed, and Kaveh finally gave his wrists a break, Alhaitham felt a tap on his shoulder before he entered his room. He turned around, to see Kaveh with an undecipherable emotion on his face.
“Thanks for organising my granny squares.”
It was easy to say Alhaitham laid in bed with his cheeks flushed and his mind replaying that interaction. Kaveh plagued his dreams, and he wouldn’t change it for anything in the world.
“I’m taking a break from these granny squares. God, there are so many. I don’t think it’s enough for anything substantial yet, but what do you think?” Kaveh looked to Alhaitham for his opinion. He’d laid out the granny squares that Alhaitham organised to visualise how close he was to making something real.
“It could be a shawl, but you have enough of those already.” Alhaitham was met with Kaveh’s burning glare.
“Why don’t you finish the book before deciding to do anything with these?” Alhaitham seriously suggested, thinking it would be more special to create something that Kaveh didn’t already have.
“Hm, I’ll do that next time.” Kaveh didn’t sound like he was completely rejecting Alhaitham’s offer, so maybe there was a chance.
“You know, I was at the bazaar again, not buying any more yarn, of course, just there because my client saw my hook in my bag and told me about this one booth who sells their crochet products. I saw the cutest thing ever. You know, maybe I could try making that.” There was a look in Kaveh’s eyes that suggested he had an ulterior motive, which made Alhaitham pay more attention.
“I see. Remember to take a break, you can’t just treat this as work all over again.” Alhaitham stood up from the divan, placing his book down, leaving the room before Kaveh could splutter indignantly.
Yet, he still wondered what was that cute thing Kaveh had seen.
Having grown used to seeing Kaveh’s projects all around the house, in places they shouldn’t have been, Alhaitham felt a strange feeling clamp around his heart when Kaveh refused to show Alhaitham what he was making.
He had survived much worse. He could carry on. This was no big deal.
Alhaitham returned home to see a drawer in his filing cupboard open, as if whoever had opened it hadn’t closed it fully. Curious, he opened it to see the design specifics of his headphones, from the times Kaveh had helped repair them. Kaveh’d insisted on writing down an analysis of every part for future use. This included detailed drawing, complete with the exact measurements.
When Kaveh had shown Alhaitham this, he’d been… surprised, first of all, but also… slightly touched that someone would do all that for his headphones, and by extension, him. His headphones really were an important part of his life, preventing all the extra headaches and potential sensory overload from too much noise.
Alhaitham wondered why Kaveh suddenly needed these. He hadn’t faced any problems with his headphones recently, so could this have anything to do with that cute thing Kaveh mentioned and refused to show him?
Although Alhaitham felt no less stuck in the dark, somehow, this realisation lightened something stuck in his chest that had been there for a while.
He took it upon himself to prepare dinner the next day, and accomplish whatever chores he knew Kaveh didn’t enjoy doing.
While hanging up the laundry, a task Alhaitham actually didn’t mind doing, someone tapped on Alhaitham’s shoulder. He had his headphones on the highest noise-cancelling setting possible, so he lowered them and turned around. Obviously, it was Kaveh, hiding something behind his back.
“I’m done! Now, I bet you’re curious as to what it is.” Kaveh presented his work to Alhaitham, who took a moment to understand what it was. “It’s a sprout for your headphones. I saw the boother at the bazaar have something like this on their own headphones.”
So, in short, he’d been reminded of Alhaitham? That was something he would hold close to his heart for a while.
Alhaitham stood there, processing what Kaveh had just done for him, the shirt in his hands remaining still. A moment passed before Alhaitham recovered.
“...Thank you.”
The next day, he wore it to work. Alhaitham quite liked it, being able to wear something that Kaveh created for him. He could call it a part of Kaveh, if he was feeling particularly poetic.
Their routine resumed, and Alhaitham went back to feeling at peace. The novelty of the headphone sprout eventually got rubbed away, Alhaitham not bothering to take it off. Though, there was something noteworthy in the way Kaveh’s eyes always shot up to where the sprout would be on Alhaitham's head.
Kaveh started churning out amigurumi patterns, often bemoaning how his existing yarn wasn't the right shade, but continuing on nonetheless.
Little crochet creatures started occupying their home, Alhaitham finding them everywhere. They weren't unwelcome, just surprising to see. At one point, Kaveh started hiding something away from Alhaitham again, but unlike the first time it happened, Alhaitham didn't feel as uneasy. Knowledge was comforting.
Sure enough, a little grey cat with an awfully familiar sprout of “hair” on its head greeted his eyes in the morning. Alhaitham sighed, hoping Kaveh hadn't spent a night toiling over this. He appreciated the sentiment, but not the execution.
Alhaitham cradled its face, observing the way it bore a neutral straight line in place of a mouth, as he subconsciously made the exact same expression.
He figured he should do something to pay Kaveh back, but what could match someone’s original creation?
Another original creation, it seemed.
Alhaitham eyed the parchment on the table. He would find it useful.
He soon found himself illiterate, having completely forgotten his command of all the languages he learnt. What did he want to write? What form of writing could be good enough to pay Kaveh back for this?
Hm. Kaveh had made something that resembled Alhaitham, so couldn’t he just mirror that? He could write something about Kaveh, incorporating all the unique features only Kaveh bore.
His pen touched the parchment tentatively. Words soon cascaded out, flooding the parchment and leaving their indelible mark.
Needless to say, Alhaitham hid this from Kaveh until it was completed. Somehow, it became embarrassing to be caught in the act of creating for someone else until the creation was done and over with.
Alhaitham hadn’t seen Kaveh’s reaction to it in person, but when he went into Kaveh’s room to clean, tear stains appeared where facial expressions did not, and Alhaitham thought to himself: maybe, Kaveh was right about art, all this while.
Things hadn’t completely changed. Alhaitham still continued playing his little pranks, snatching Kaveh’s keys off the rack while Kaveh was still in the bathroom rushing his kohl. There was a spare key under the flowerpot, but he doubted Kaveh had noticed it thus far.
Instead of the basic gold key greeting his eyes, a little crochet lion had attached itself to the key through a key ring. Kaveh had crocheted a gearshift and the lion body parts, attaching them together.
There was something to be said about the fact that Kaveh had incorporated the Technology aspect of Kshahrewar together with its mascot, the lion.
There was something else to be said about the way it had the exact same head shape as Alhaitham’s grey cat, but instead of its neutral expression, the gearshift lion bore a prideful look, complete with blush on its cheeks that weren’t entirely necessary. Kaveh didn’t have to spend his time threading rose yarn through the lion’s head, but he did, anyway.
Alhaitham felt the lion form a silhouette in his pocket, but he didn’t mind, not much at all, really.
Of course, nothing would be complete with Kaveh’s reaction to it all.
“Are you just jealous that I have a cute keychain and you don’t?” At that, Kaveh just laughed, though it was the kind of laugh that to anyone else, looked borderline pointed and uncomfortable to watch, but to Alhaitham he simply found it amusing. Dry humour was a weapon often wielded in their house.
“As if I’d be bothered over something trivial.” Alhaitham couldn’t resist letting a smirk escape.
“Don’t act like you're not the pettier one in this household!” Kaveh huffed, already listing down all the times Alhaitham’s hand had ‘slipped’ and added a bit more spice than Kaveh could handle, all because Kaveh hadn’t cleaned the living room the day before.
“Don’t even get me started on that time you stacked all your books so they were all horizontal… That was physically uncomfortable to look at… Or that time you knew I was going to run late and turned my shoes the other way, what was that even for? I always just slip on my shoes and you know that,” Kaveh ranted, as a sense of accomplishment rose in Alhaitham’s heart.
“That was rather ingenious if you ask me,” Alhaitham flexed his hand, palm facing the sky, as he stood against a counter, watching Kaveh cook.
“Anyway… I think I’ve proven my point. You would be petty over that, so don’t try to deny it.”
“Hm, whatever you want to think. I can’t stop you from seeing things where they aren’t.”
Oil sizzled in the pan. “You should watch your attitude in front of the person making dinner for you!”
“You’re still cooking, aren’t you? Or are you going to burn what’s going to be your dinner too?” Alhaitham remarked, turning up his headphones to the highest noise-cancelling setting before stepping away to go read a book.
He glanced at their keys, both hanging on the rack, one decorated, one plain.
Alhaitham hadn’t minded a life without trinkets adorning everything he owned, so this felt like a fitting representation.
A thought slipped into his mind, infiltrating and planting a future possibility he hadn’t wanted to think about.
What if there was a future where the bulk in his pocket would remain, where their keys could hang together, complete with crochet animal keychains of their Darshans’ representative animals?
What if there was a future?
Dread followed Alhaitham like the Grim Reaper.
He started avoiding his calendar. The days had been left unchecked, for he left it sitting there on the desk, but time wasn't as kind to wait for him.
It had been many years. Alhaitham should have grown used to the feelings clamping around his heart, too fickle for his logical mind to even touch. It wasn't rational, but feelings didn't abide by rationality.
He saw her in his dreams. Time eroded the image of her in his mind, and he could only remember her warmth. Her face flickered into sight, but soon became extinguished.
Alhaitham stopped sleeping. That was the right decision to make, it seemed. If one didn't want to face an uncomfortable situation, one should just avoid it.
But feelings weren't rational, and this wasn't just uncomfortable, it was heartening as well. Once upon a time, he had loved his grandmother, and now, he still did. Seeing her was just the consequence of having lived and loved.
This was just the consequence for daring to attach oneself to another.
So why had he done it again, when he knew the pain of loss and the agony of remembrance?
Alhaitham figured maybe being rational, being correct, choosing to do the least harmful thing, wasn’t what he wanted. Kaveh was selfless, and he was not.
Maybe he should avoid making decisions about who he was at such a vile hour of the night, when night was on the brink of eviction, demanded by the landlord known as day.
He didn’t know whether he preferred his grandma’s company, in his dreams, or the pure agony of silence, in his reality.
None, really.
He passed a stray glance to his bedside table, only to see a certain grey cat with a straight line for a mouth.
Maybe silence wasn't too bad, when one couldn't even speak.
In silence, Alhaitham decided to see space. A space where grief would let its seeds grow, a space where sprouts would be watered with love.
A space where he did not bother playing games of hide and seek.
For as much as he liked being that space for Kaveh, being devoid of one's own feelings, only content to absorb and be permeated by other flavours of grief…
He wanted to be the one giving out.
And what else could top something that couldn't speak, couldn't share its own grief, and only knew the joy of being born out of love?
It was always the two of them at her grave.
There had been this weird tradition for the sky to turn cloudy, and Alhaitham's eyes would glaze over, as rain cascaded and he could fool himself into thinking it was the rain on his cheeks.
Kaveh’s legs would grow numb, as his hand held an umbrella with a lion head for a handle. The handle wasn't ergonomic, but it was cute.
Today, as Alhaitham slipped on his shoes, Kaveh instinctively reached for his umbrella.
There was a bouquet crafted with love in his other hand, that Alhaitham had yet to see.
Alhaitham spoke. “What do we need that for? The sky is clear.”
Kaveh hesitated.
“What if it starts raining? You never know.”
“I do.”
Alhaitham did not turn around, instead simply stepping through the doorway, knowing Kaveh would follow.
He did. He still brought the umbrella, because on what grounds was Alhaitham on to declare a day free of rain?
Alhaitham had started walking, at a slower pace than normal.
“I swear to god, you better wait for me!” Kaveh seethed, with no fire, as he leaned the umbrella against the wall, only for it to fall. He had yet to lock the door.
The bouquet stayed in his hand, as he gave up propping the umbrella up, knowing it didn't really matter.
Kaveh received no response from Alhaitham, but the way the leaves rustled in the wind was good enough.
Grabbing the umbrella, Kaveh sought to catch up with Alhaitham, who was still walking like he didn't have a care in the world.
Soon, they were by each other’s sides. Kaveh tried to make sure the flowers didn't scrape against Alhaitham, but that was not an easy task.
“Just give the flowers to me.” Alhaitham took them from Kaveh. Now, Kaveh and the umbrella were on the left, Alhaitham and the flowers on the right.
He stopped when he saw the flowers. The pause was not unwelcome.
Kaveh hadn't realised until a moment later, before realising Alhaitham wasn't with him.
“Did you make these?” Alhaitham asked, glancing down at the mourning flowers made up of yarn, stitches and someone's hard work.
There was an air of uncertainty in the way he said it, even though there was really no one else that could have crocheted these. Perhaps instead of uncertainty, it was something more akin to him not believing that Kaveh would do such a thing. Again, even though Kaveh had shown on multiple occasions that he would have done such a thing.
“Well… yes.” Somehow, Alhaitham's uncertainty had influenced Kaveh too, even though he had nothing to be hesitant about.
Now, it was Alhaitham’s turn to catch up.
He kept his eyes fixed on the crochet bouquet, shoulder occasionally bumping against Kaveh's.
They basked under the sun and they basked in the silence of it all.
They were so close they might as well have been holding hands. Though, with Alhaitham's head downturned, and with the purpose of their walk, Kaveh didn't feel like this was the right time.
Her grave neared. Alhaitham steeled himself to see the place where grief manifested.
There she was. The flowers from last time no longer remained. Alhaitham could momentarily visualise every single flower he had once placed, and suddenly the act of leaving such permanent ones became intimidating.
What would he bring next year?
It did not feel sufficient to bring only himself. (He did not feel sufficient.)
The sunlight intensified. The crochet stitches became all the more visible.
It did not feel right to be dwelling in whatever he was dwelling in on such a fine and sunny day.
Alhaitham placed the flowers. He'd almost forgotten that Kaveh was here too, albeit further away, so as to give Alhaitham some space.
Space. He was so far away, from his grandmother, and maybe from Kaveh too.
The graveyard was silent, and soon, the tears fell. Kaveh was far enough away that it felt okay to let loose. Maybe that was the point. Vulnerability was less embarrassing if the only ones to bear witness were things that did not speak.
The sunlight became less intense. Alhaitham could feel his upper lip trembling as his breaths shook.
He sat down on the grass, hugging his knees to his chest. Crying really let down his many inhibitions. He figured the dead would not mock him. Neither would Kaveh. He wondered why he hadn't figured that out earlier.
Footsteps neared.
Kaveh sat beside him. Alhaitham didn’t dare look, but he didn't shrink away either.
The sun might have intensified. Either that, or Kaveh’s smile and hand rubbing circles on his back was equivalent to the sun’s warmth.
When it didn't require so much effort to breathe, Alhaitham leaned against Kaveh. He felt Kaveh’s hand stop moving, instead coming to rest on his shoulder.
“Do you want to go home now?”
I'm already home.
Kaveh assembled all his granny squares on the floor, the table not big enough for all of them. Or, rather, it just felt more satisfying to sit cross legged on the floor and look at his creations.
He didn't know why he hadn't done this earlier, but it felt like a good idea to add something nice, so whenever they remembered his grandma’s death anniversary, they could also think about this symbol of love and creation.
Alhaitham wasn't reading a book, instead coming over to Kaveh with two cups of chai.
“So, you're finally working on that, aren't you?”
“I don't have anything else in mind to make. Is there anything you want?”
“...Not really.”
Alhaitham sat down beside Kaveh. They both drank the chai, as Kaveh voiced out every single idea he had for the blanket. Alhaitham vetoed some of them, to Kaveh’s mock consternation.
“If you hit me one more time, I will not hesitate to spill this on you.”
“You're actually such a bastard. I can't believe I did all that for you.”
Then, they slipped into silence. It was easy to do, and not uncomfortable either.
Eventually, Kaveh made a decision. He stopped shifting the position of the granny squares and he started assembly.
Kaveh had a feeling he wouldn't finish this today, but at least he started. With Alhaitham as his little grey cat, everything seemed achievable.
The sun no longer lingered high in the sky. The landlord had been defeated, but only for so long.
Kaveh broke the silence with his endless complaints about how long this was taking, but there wasn’t much bite behind his words. They were said for the sake of saying something.
At one point, he leaned his body to the side, all the way until his head ‘knocked’ into Alhaitham. A large sigh left his mouth, and Kaveh realised, too late, that Alhaitham had shifted backwards and he was going to end up in his lap.
He didn't feel like moving, even if embarrassment stifled him.
Figuring that after the day's events, this was just a blip in the ocean, he stayed there for a while. Alhaitham didn't say anything, but Kaveh could feel Alhaitham's gaze searing into him.
“You can stop here, you know. If you're too tired,” Alhaitham said.
“I don't want to.” Kaveh's eyes were half closed, so he didn't know why he was objecting.
“You should. It'll stay.” Alhaitham was being more reasonable than usual.
I know that.
“Will you?” After saying this, Kaveh turned his head around to look at Alhaitham. Since his body was now in a weird position, he decided to let his legs lie straight, arms laying across his chest.
At this, Alhaitham didn't hesitate. “I will.”
“Did you think I would say no?” Alhaitham’s expression didn't exactly harden, but it didn't soften either. Somehow, his neutral straight line of a mouth became even straighter.
“Why would I?” Kaveh snorted.
“I wouldn't know.” Alhaitham moved his hand, and Kaveh didn't know what to do.
“Just like why I don't know why you continue doubting your decisions. You kept editing the blanket you're making, even though I couldn't discern much difference. The colours were fine. The patterns didn't clash.”
Alhaitham's hand hovered above Kaveh's.
“I don't know how you manage to imbue so much love into what you create, and yet, you don't believe that I can do that for you too.”
Kaveh froze. Alhaitham wasn't wrong. He was always proud of his creations, but whenever he made something for Alhaitham, the fear that Alhaitham wouldn't love a work in progress chipped away at him. This was always proven wrong, but it was hard to weed out.
“I will stay with you, Kaveh, but if you don't start resting, there won't be a Kaveh for me to stay with. Don't act like I didn't know you've been treating crochet like your second job.”
Alhaitham took Kaveh's hand in his. In a much softer voice, he said, “We can do this together.
“You don't need to pay me back. Your rent can wait, because I can wait. Your crochet is nice, but you don't owe me anything.
“I would just like to stay with you. Anything more than that is a privilege.
“You have shown me so much love. Now, there will be flowers on my grandmother's grave that will not wither. There will be a cat on my table that represents what I am to you. Do not think I cannot see the care you put in everything.
“I just ask that you make a promise to me, that you promise to be loved.”