Work Text:
If there was one thing Albedo considered himself good at apart from alchemy, it was observing people.
It happened to be one of his favourite pastimes too, although he had to admit there was one person in particular he loved to observe especially – a sentiment which he felt had only grown stronger ever since Kaeya and him had gotten together.
The way the other made an attempt at hiding his smile whenever he saw something particularly uplifting, or the way he had a habit of tossing a coin whenever he was feeling anxious. The way he flipped his hair back to either intimidate or impress, and how graciously he moved in battle.
One particular thing Albedo had noticed though, was the way he avoided using his hands to touch people.
Or more specifically, touch him.
Now Albedo didn’t mind per se. Kaeya made sure to make him feel loved in other ways, their long and often deep conversations as well as their more light-hearted ones more than enough to keep him satisfied. Soft kisses they shared when no one was looking, book recommendations with sweet notes hidden between their pages – because contrary to popular belief, Kaeya was a well-read individual – and even the occasional bouquet of flowers.
And yet he couldn’t help but wish Kaeya would allow him to hold his hand, even just once.
Albedo felt selfish for wanting more when the other was already doing so much, but his aversion to touch was hard to ignore. Kaeya didn’t seem to have any qualms about being touched himself either, so the problem lay either with his hands specifically, or-…
Well.
With Albedo.
It was a concerning theory to say the least, and the problem-solving part of his brain was desperate to prove it wrong and find the true cause.
Albedo would respect any boundary Kaeya set with him – would be fine even if the other refused to ever use his hands to touch him at all.
He just needed to know for certain it was in fact a personal boundary, and not something wrong with him.
Ideally, this little dilemma could be solved through subtle means.
Albedo wasn’t one to shy away from extensive research if a subject interested him, but he didn’t want to make Kaeya feel like he was investigating him in any way. Researching him like one of his projects or experiments.
No, matters of the heart were far more delicate than that.
The most logical solution would be to just ask him directly, but he knew Kaeya well enough by now to know the other would not just give him a simple answer. He’d either shy away from the subject and pretend he didn’t know what he was talking about, or he’d purposely go out of his way to touch him from then on to prove him wrong.
Neither option seemed ideal – for they would both force Kaeya to put his guard up. It would make him feel like he had to wear some kind of mask, or walk on eggshells just to please. Asking him about this little oddity would undoubtedly convince him it was something that required changing.
Albedo didn’t need Kaeya to change in the slightest; he just needed him to communicate what he was feeling every now and then. To put his mind at ease.
So in the end, he decided on the most subtle approach he could think of.
‘Here’s that report you asked for, Captain.’
Which was briefly touching Kaeya’s hands in ways that could be brushed off as accidental, and observing his reaction.
Kaeya didn’t exactly flinch at the brush of gloveless fingertips as Albedo handed him the report, but he did look the slightest bit startled.
‘…Thank you.’ he replied, composing himself almost immediately after and giving him one of his usual smiles.
Brief as it was, the touch had clearly bothered him, and Albedo wasn’t sure what to do with that information. Either Kaeya had a serious problem with his hands, or there was something unpleasant about him in particular.
‘Don’t overwork yourself, alright?’ was what he ended up saying instead.
When Kaeya took a gentle hold of his collar – touching fabric never seemed to bother him – and pulled him forward ever so slightly just to press a kiss against his lips, that latter possibility suddenly seemed a lot less likely.
‘Same to you, Chief alchemist.’
Kaeya could be an enigma sometimes, but Albedo was nothing if not determined.
It continued like that for about a week.
Kaeya wasn’t a fool by any means, so Albedo couldn’t be too obvious about it. This meant progress was slow, and aside from the clear pattern he’d discovered, meant he hadn’t gotten any results or answers yet.
He still didn’t know the reason behind Kaeya’s aversion to having his hands touched, nor had he found a suitable solution yet.
It frustrated him.
The only thing he had discovered was that it didn’t apply to just him – Kaeya actually avoided touching anyone with his bare hands. Whenever they had guests over, he’d conveniently find an excuse not to shake their hand in greeting. Whenever someone tried to hand him something, he’d accept it in a way that required no physical contact, or requested for them to put it down.
It was at the Knights of Favonius headquarters Albedo finally made a breakthrough.
He’d been working on some experiments with Sucrose when they heard a loud crash coming from the hallway, and decided to investigate its source. It could just be Klee blowing things up, but…well, it could be Klee blowing things up, which was concerning enough on its own.
When he stepped out into the hallway however, it turned out to be nothing more than a stack of books having plummeted to the ground as a result of people bumping into each other. Lisa did always have a habit of attempting to carry too many at once because “having to walk twice is such a hassle”, but up until now, she’d always seemed to know what she was doing.
As it turned out, Kaeya had been the other party involved, and was already gathering the books to help.
‘I apologize, I didn’t look where I was going.’ he said, handing them to her as he did. Judging from the scattered papers, he’d been too absorbed in reading a report to pay his surroundings any mind.
‘That’s alright dear, it happens to the best of us.’ Lisa told him as she accepted the books. ‘I’m as much to blame as-…oh my, your hands sure are cold. Are you feeling well?’
Kaeya positively froze, and pulled his hands back as if burned.
‘I’m alright, I assure you.’ he said, cautiously watching Albedo from the corner of his eye upon noticing they had company. ‘Sorry again for making you drop those books.’
The rest of the conversation was lost to Albedo, his mind drifting off to try and connect the dots.
The knowing wink Lisa gave him must have been a figment of his imagination.
Could Kaeya’s cold fingers have anything to do with all of this?
When Klee unexpectedly came down with a fever, Albedo initially decided to put his investigation regarding Kaeya’s hands on hold, at least for the time being. His first priority was helping Klee get better, so any other things would have to wait.
Of course he hadn’t taken into account then Kaeya might have plans of his own.
When he opened the door that afternoon, the other greeted him with his usual cheer, and a basket filled with items that ranged from cough drops to fruit juice.
‘Mind if I come in?’
To say Albedo was surprised would be an understatement.
‘What are you doing here?’ he asked, then winced as he realised how that might have sounded. ‘Sorry, I’m happy you’re here, of course. I just didn’t expect it.’
At that, Kaeya shrugged. ‘I’ll happily take an opportunity to skip work.’ he grinned, walking inside when Albedo invited him to. ‘Besides, I had a feeling you could do with an extra pair of hands. If you’re not careful, you’ll get sick too, and who will look after you then?’
They both knew he’d be working until late at night to make up for lost hours, but neither of them dared to say it out loud.
They also both knew Kaeya would jump at the opportunity to play nurse for Albedo, though between the two of them, Albedo was the only one who knew that would never happen. Not for lack of interest from either of them, but because getting sick was a flaw, and so his master hadn’t provided him with that particular ability at all.
‘Klee will be happy to see you.’
As if on cue, the sound of another coughing fit sounded from the girl’s bedroom.
‘Let’s see what we can do.’ Kaeya hummed, unable to hide his concern entirely even as he strode past Albedo with his usual charm.
‘Klee?’
Despite being buried under a tower of blankets, the way Klee’s eyes lit up once she spotted Kaeya was hard to miss.
‘Kaeya!’ she exclaimed, her voice raspy.
Then, she immediately moved to kick off the blankets.
‘It’s better if you stay in bed, Klee.’ Albedo told her while rushing to put them back. He didn’t want to make her feel like he was scolding her, but she needed to preserve her energy.
‘But I’m hot.’ Klee complained, making Albedo pause.
‘I suspect your blanket fortress may have had something to do with that.’ Kaeya said with a chuckle. In hindsight, perhaps the pile had been a bit excessive. ‘How about a compromise? You stay in bed, but you get to pick the amount of blankets.’
‘Then I want none.’ Klee pleaded, hugging Dodoco tightly as she did.
‘Klee…’
‘It’s too hot!’
Just when Albedo feared he might have to argue with a sick child of all people, Kaeya intervened once more. He made a mental note to thank the other for it sometime, always providing quick and helpful solutions which had saved Albedo from disaster more than once.
‘If I help you feel cooler, will you accept a single blanket?’ Kaeya asked her. ‘My Cryo comes in rather handy in situations like this.’
Klee pursed her lips in thought, whispered something inaudible into Dodoco’s ear, pressed the plushie to her own ear as if to hear its answer, then finally nodded after a few more seconds.
‘Okay.’
While Klee had a habit of trusting people ridiculously fast, she was less easily convinced whenever it concerned things she was passionate about. That included feeling uncomfortable as a result of a fever, so for her to give in so easily showed just how much she trusted Kaeya with her wellbeing.
Kaeya seemed to know this too, and smiled softly as he approached her bedside.
‘Careful now, this might be cold.’ he said as he tugged off his gloves.
‘Good.’
When Klee didn’t protest, Kaeya gently reached out a hand to her. She pressed her cheek against it without any hesitation whatsoever, and sighed upon making contact with the other’s icy cold skin.
‘That’s so much better already.’ she said, urging Kaeya to put his other hand on her other cheek as well. ‘Your hands are the perfect temperature.’
Albedo wasn’t sure whether Kaeya had meant to look so surprised at those words, though the expression was replaced by one of amusement not a second after.
‘Well I’m glad to hear it.’ Kaeya told her, then glanced in Albedo’s direction. ‘Now, about that blanket…’
For the remainder of the afternoon, Kaeya sat by Klee’s bedside like a personal air conditioner, uncomplaining and unwavering. Klee meanwhile behaved perfectly as a result, accepting the blanket being offered to her and lulling off to sleep soon after.
Albedo felt more than a little guilty about only being useful for bringing tea and snacks, though Kaeya didn’t seem bothered by it in the slightest. If anything, he just looked happy.
Happier than a person who hated having his hands touched should have looked upon doing the very thing they supposedly dreaded, that is.
They really needed to have a proper chat about this, didn’t they?
By the time Klee was asleep, it was getting dark out. Albedo had a feeling Kaeya hadn’t intended to stay this long, yet had felt the need to upon realising he’d been needed.
Not just by Klee, mind you, but by Albedo as well. Kaeya was clearly much more accustomed to taking care of sick people than he was. He knew what to do. What to say. How to take care of someone.
Albedo still had a lot to learn, it seemed.
‘Thank you for your help.’ was what he ended up saying instead.
They’d moved to the living room in order to let Klee rest, and had ended up practically collapsing on the couch as a result of the taxing day. They were sitting shoulder to shoulder now, and Albedo could tell Kaeya was contemplating whether he should put his head down and take a proper nap or not.
As it turned out, Klee wasn’t the only one in need of rest.
‘It was nothing.’ Kaeya replied, deciding against it after all in favour of talking some more. ‘Besides, I care about Klee’s wellbeing too. I hate seeing her upset as much as I hate seeing you upset.’
‘Ever the romantic.’
Albedo resisted the urge to take a hold of Kaeya’s hand, and instead decided to awkwardly fidget with his own.
That little act didn’t go unnoticed by Kaeya, their peaceful little moment now disturbed.
‘What’s on your mind?’
Albedo stopped his movements immediately.
‘What?’
‘Something’s bothering you.’ Kaeya said, sitting up straight and suddenly looking a lot more awake than before. ‘So…what’s wrong?’
‘Nothing’s wrong.’
In a way, that was the truth. Nothing was wrong per se, they just had something that needed discussing. But they were both tired, and Kaeya had already put in all that effort into taking care of Klee, so now really wasn’t the time. Albedo’s selfish little dilemma could wait.
Clearly, Kaeya didn’t share that opinion.
‘I recognise that look in your eyes.’ he sighed. ‘It’s that same look you get when the answers you’re looking for seem just out of reach. When your research doesn’t go like you hoped, and you get stuck looking for a solution.’
Albedo apparently wasn’t the only one who’d been observing his partner, and he didn’t know whether to be flattered or frustrated about Kaeya’s ability to read him so well.
‘It can wait.’ Albedo tried telling him. ‘As much as I’d like answers, I think it’s better if we rest now.’
‘Lucky for you, I am incapable of resting when I know there are unresolved problems.’ Kaeya insisted, turning towards him so he could face him properly. ‘So go ahead, talk to me.’
‘I am aware of your sleeping troubles, yes.’ Albedo murmured, knowing that statement was all too true. He didn’t think there were many nights where Kaeya actually managed to get enough sleep, too preoccupied by all kinds of worries.
Albedo refused to become one of those worries.
‘It’s nothing important, alright?’ he tried once more. ‘I still love you, and I’m not unhappy in any way, I just—’
‘So it has nothing to do with your little fixation on my hands?’ Kaeya interrupted him, not sounding as accusatory as Albedo had expected him to at all.
Still, he froze.
Your little fixation on my hands.
‘You noticed?’
His voice came out barely louder than a whisper, and the look on Kaeya’s face almost made it seem like he was pitying him. Albedo hated it.
‘It was hard not to notice.’ Kaeya told him carefully. ‘You’ve been staring.’
‘Oh.’
‘I mean, I do my own fair share of staring too, but the trick is to be more subtle about it. Sneaking glances, and—’
‘You don’t want to touch me, then?’ Albedo interrupted him. Had his heart not been artificially made, he had a feeling it might have burst out of his chest right then and there with how fast it was beating.
This time, it was Kaeya’s turn to freeze on the spot.
‘I—…what?’
A feeling of guilt came over Albedo upon being so blunt with someone he cherished, but the words had slipped out before he’d had the chance to reconsider. All this time, he’d tried to be subtle about his investigation. Had tried not to make Kaeya uncomfortable. Now it turned out he’d been doing exactly that.
If Kaeya hadn’t wanted to hold his hand before, he most certainly wouldn’t want to after this.
‘You don’t like touching me with your hands.’ Albedo brought out. ‘And that’s fine, of course it’s fine, but I just…I thought maybe it had something to do with me specifically.’
Even when Kaeya’s face fell, Albedo continued.
‘I didn’t want to offend you by asking, as it seemed to be quite a personal thing. Besides, you show your love in other ways. I didn’t want to be selfish, I didn’t want you to feel like you had to change, but I also couldn’t stand the thought of—’
Without looking away from his face for even a second, Kaeya took a gentle but firm hold of his hand as if wanting to prove a point, then let out a shuddering breath.
‘I’m sorry.’ Kaeya told him, when really it should have been Albedo uttering those words.
‘Don’t be.’ Albedo whispered.
‘But I am.’ Kaeya said, clutching his hand just a little tighter upon realising he hadn’t pulled away. ‘I made you feel like there was something wrong with you.’
Albedo knew exactly why such a thing would break Kaeya’s heart – more than it would that of other people. The thought of partaking in the same behaviour as those who hurt him in the past must be unbearable.
‘You didn’t.’ Albedo tried to reassure him. ‘As an alchemist, I should have known better than to jump to conclusions. I made an assumption, and it ended up being wrong. I’m sorry for hurting you in the process.’
‘This is human emotion, not alchemy.’ Kaeya gently argued. ‘You can’t predict that sort of thing. Besides, even if you could, you didn’t have all the facts.’
At that, Albedo bit the inside of his cheek in thought. Kaeya always knew how to make a convincing argument, though that didn’t necessarily mean Albedo was easily convinced.
‘My hands…are unusually cold.’ Kaeya murmured upon realising he probably needed a little more persuading. ‘They’ve always been that way, though getting a Cryo vision certainly didn’t help. People complained whenever I shook their hand. Flinched away if I happened to give them cold shivers accidentally. I learned not to let that happen.’
Albedo had had his suspicions of course, after observing the other for a while. But to hear someone who usually liked to talk in riddles put it so bluntly especially made him feel stupid for not bringing it up sooner. For just talking about it.
‘It never struck you as odd how I wear short sleeves even on Dragonspine?’ he asked him softly in return. ‘Or how, even now, I’m not bothered by your cold hands at all?’
Kaeya looked at their intertwined hands upon realising, cheeks flushing in embarrassment Albedo hoped wasn’t just caused by the fact they were holding hands.
‘I just assumed you had poor temperature regulation or something.’ the other said. ‘I didn’t want to make it worse, and not touching people with my hands had become a frustratingly persistent habit anyway.’
‘Well…it won’t.’ Albedo said. ‘Make it worse, I mean. My temperature regulation is poor in the sense that it is artificial, and thus, unnecessary. Meaning your hands can be colder than Dragonspine’s snow, and it wouldn’t bother me.’
‘I didn’t want to comment on something that might hurt your feelings.’ Kaeya admitted. ‘For all I knew it could have been an insecurity.’
So Albedo wasn’t the only one who’d been trying to spare the other’s feelings, huh?
‘My origins don’t bother me as much as they used to.’ he assured him. ‘If you’re uncertain about something, you’re welcome to ask. I’d prefer it, actually.’
‘Oh.’ Kaeya breathed out. ‘Oh, okay.’
For a moment, Albedo assumed that was it. They’d discussed the issue at hand – no pun intended – and voiced their respective concerns. For all the unhealthy bottling up of feelings they both tended to do, Albedo would say this had been quite a healthy way of dealing with it.
Then again, part of the reason he loved Kaeya so was because of the other’s ability to surprise him.
‘May I touch you now, then?’
The hand that wasn’t holding his own in that moment hovered over his cheek, not quite touching him yet, but clearly wanting to.
Albedo once again felt like his heart might burst from his chest, though for entirely different reasons this time.
‘Yes, you may.’
Never again did Albedo feel like Kaeya didn’t want to touch him after that particular conversation.