Work Text:
Nara’s were never very big into relationships. Marry a normal girl, have children, make your child the new head of the clan, and pass away of old age. That was the dream life for most Nara men, but Shikamaru and his father knew he was different before he even entered the academy. Naruto was different. Alone, outcasted, neglected. The villagers hated him and whispered about him harshly. Shikamaru would bite his lip. He found himself feeling hostile around them. He looked Naruto into his eyes and something in his chest squirmed and curled up when he smiled brightly at Shikamaru. So he tried to distance himself. Hanging out more with Chouji, eating in secluded spots, Shikamaru didn’t want to get too close. He didn’t understand it. And he wouldn’t, for a long time. They graduated from Genin, went on more missions, Shikamaru didn’t see Naruto as much and his chest ached horribly. At night he stared at the ceiling of his room and held his hand up to his chest.
Then, when Naruto returned from his two year trip with Jiraiya, Shikamaru felt something soar in his chest when Naruto began making his way toward him. His hair had grown, he was still amusedly the same height as he had been before leaving, and he had the cutest smile–
Hinata bounded over to Naruto shyly, holding out a bouquet of flowers and tucking a piece of her hair behind her ear as Naruto looked at the flowers with a smile, hardly glancing at Shikamaru. Hinata spoke quietly, stuttering and Naruto grinned in agreement, walking away with her. Shikamaru felt himself dying. This had to be death. It went on the same way for years after, the two of them pinning after each other. Shikamaru bought Naruto flowers, left ramen and stuffed frogs at his door, and Hinata stole all the credit. Nara wasn't the type to experience explosive anger, but Shikamaru felt like he was going to tear his hair out.
Then Naruto started blushing at Hinata’s words. They shop together and hold hands in public. War was approaching and Naruto was the main point of it. Their heavy hitter and the one they’re meant to be protecting. Shikamaru and Naruto talk, but they don’t have much time. Tsunade, Hinata, someone always interrupts them. Shikamaru excuses his anger as anticipation due to the upcoming war.
Pain is defeated first and Naruto is the one to do it. He looks beautiful, his hair long and flowy, his eyes pop with the orange. He’s beautiful , and Shikamaru wants to cry with the knowledge that he’ll never be able to get with him.
Shikamaru didn’t know how to express his feelings. He was in love and he knew it now, but it was too late. Temari wanted to date him as well as Ino. He didn’t know what to do. He didn’t want to date them, he didn’t want a girl, he wanted Naruto. He clenched his hands into fists as Temari and Ino began to argue over him again, as if he didn’t even exist. Slowly, Shikamaru opened his eyes and they were a dead green; lacking the curious sparkle they usually had. Taking a deep breath, Shikamaru turned around and walked away. When Ino latched onto his arm and Temari grabbed onto his other one, he couldn’t hold it anymore. He turned around, and he yelled.
“Leave me ALONE. I don’t want either of you, I don’t want to date a girl, I don’t want you! I want a man, I want a man who already has his life planned out with his girlfriend! So if I can’t have him, I won’t have anyone . I can’t choose someone else, I love him more than I love my fucking self, so FUCK OFF and leave me ALONE.” Shikamaru then shunshin’d away into his clan compound. His hands clutching at his hair and scratching at his scalp. It was silly, it was so fucking stupid, he was going to have a panic attack because some popular guy would never want to– Shikamaru stiffened. He had never found his fixation when he was younger, he was too focused on–
Naruto . His fucking fixation was the one who could live his whole life without him. His fixation was the one who probably didn’t remember his fucking name. Shikamaru wanted to die. He wanted to scream, and cry, and sleep for the rest of time. He hated this, he hated feeling this way – Naruto just wanted to be friends and he had to go along and fixate on him and fall in love with him. Shikamaru tried to swallow the lump in his throat– a sign of tears– he didn’t want to cry, he wanted Naruto to love him back .
Falling onto his pillow, Shikamaru contemplated escaping. He contemplated dying. He couldn’t do this– his fixation hardly talked to him and was in love with a girl. Looking at his ceiling with bleary eyes, Shikamaru wished he’d been born a civilian. He glances at his night stand where a pack of cigarettes are and once more contemplates dying. He needs Naruto, he needs him so bad that it fucking hurts, he needs him so bad that he can’t even think. His days are taken over by thoughts of Hinata and Naruto getting married, thoughts of Naruto making Sasuke his advisor and Shikamaru fading into the background–
He hurts and he knows that he’ll die if he has to continue on like this. But what does he do? Give in and become another example as to why Naras need their fixations, or fight like hell to win Naruto over then die if he fails. Shikamaru shrugs and laughs a bit. Might as well go out fighting. (He ignores the fact that the war might as well be lost without his strategies. His father has already been walking around the compound like he was a ghost. He knows he won’t survive this war. Shikamaru hurts.)
Flowers, candy, ramen coupons, stuffed frogs, thoughtful notes, money, interest. Shikamaru left it at his doorstep. He hesitated for a moment, but eventually he wrote his name in bright, bold letters. He would rather live with rejection than the looming question of ‘what if.’
While Shikamaru started planning his inevitable suicide as Naruto planned on how to reject him, he gave away things and locked himself in his room. He didn’t try to be discreet, it didn’t matter anymore. His fixation– his purpose didn’t love him, didn’t care about him at all. Nothing else mattered. Shikamaru grabbed one of Asuma’s trench knives and decided he wanted this to hurt. He decided that he deserved it for falling for someone who didn’t even like guys. He decided he deserved it for everything. He left notes. One to his parents, one to Ino, one to Chouji, and one to the rest of their academy friends alone with Temari. He wrote one for Naruto as well. It was about four pages long. A cold shudder flew through his body as he carefully placed Naruto’s letter down, looking down thoughtfully at it before lighting a cigarette and barricading his door and window. He sat down on the floor and let his shadow jutsu wrap around his body up to his neck. He sighed heavily before grabbing the trench knife. The blade gleamed, reflecting from the light of the cigarette. Shikamaru looked at it blankly before positioning it on his left side. He had taken a number of pills previously and his vision was beginning to blur. Poking the knife into his abdomen to where it pinched a bit, he clenched onto the handle of the knife and pulled .
It hurt. Well, of fucking course it hurt, but it hurt a bit less than expected. He reckoned he didn’t slash hard enough. Grabbing the knife once more, he briefly noted that his hand was shaking and his vision was beginning to blur along the edges. Fantastic. Bringing the knife closer to his abdomen once more. He clenched his teeth and closed his eyes as he stabbed into his stomach. A strangled, quiet yell of pain escaped him before he pulled it slowly across his stomach. Blood pooled out around him and he gave a dazed smile at the sight. Sighing, he slouched back against his nightstand as he bled out. Closing his eyes, he let the cigarette fall from his lips and land onto the pool of blood, fizzing out almost after immediate contact.
Naruto stood nervously at the door of the Nara compound, Shikamaru’s letter held close to his chest and his face dusted a light pink. Knocking at the door, he bit his lip as he heard someone begin to head toward the door. Shikaku, Shikamaru’s father, opened the door and his eyebrows raised when he noticed it was Naruto standing there instead of Temari or Ino. Smiling, he leaned against the door.
“Uzumaki Naruto, I don’t believe we’ve spoken face to face before, have we?” Shikaku smiled when the boy scratched his head a bit. “Uh, no, I don’t think so, Shi– Nara-sama…” Naruto said nervously. Shikaku narrowed his eyes, “You can just call me Shikaku, Nara-sama… that makes me feel older than I already am.” Shikaku smiled and Naruto nodded.
“I was just wondering if Shikamaru was here? I wanted to talk to him about… something.” Naruto finished quickly. Shikaku’s eyes darted toward the letter clutched in Naruto’s hands before he gained a thoughtful expression. He saw Shikamaru walk into his room a few days ago, but he hadn’t seen him around since. He was probably out with Chouji, or sleeping outside.
“No, I don’t think he’s here, but you could go check, if you want to?” Naruto blushed a bit and Shikaku smiled knowingly. Naruto fiddled with the letter as he walked toward Shikamaru’s room. Clenching one hand into a fist, he knocked at the door. Silent greeted him, but it sounded like something was… against the door? His eyebrows furrowing, he knocked once more. Something was definitely against the door, but it sounded more solid? Like the door was barricaded. Naruto’s hand froze and he ran toward the kitchen where Shikaku was sitting, sipping on a drink.
“Shikaku– I think something’s blocking the door in Shikamaru’s room? And– he’s not answering the door–” If Naruto spoke too quickly, Shikaku wouldn't say anything about it as he quickly stood up, placing his drink down and walking toward his son’s room. Knocking on the door, he furrowed his eyebrows just as Naruto had done. There was definitely something blocking the door. Trying to slide the door open, he found that it didn’t budge. Shikaku bit his lip, panicking a bit as he put a bit more power behind his arms, forcing the door open. The heavy, wooden closet dragged against the floor as Shikaku forcefully moved it, grunting a bit.
The room was dark, the light of the window blocked off by something else. Naruto and Shikaku’s eyes immediately fitted toward Shikamaru’s hunched over form, surrounded by blood with an envelope sitting near the pool of blood. Shikaku’s mind stalled for a moment before he hurried over to his son, Naruto following behind him. “Shikamaru!” Shikaku said harshly, his eyes wide and horrified. The knife– Asuma’s trench knife laying by Shikamaru, the cigarette laying in the pool of blood– his son has commited suicide. Naruto shook with emotion as he grabbed Shikamaru’s hand. He’s dead, Shikamaru’s dead, he’s dead, no– please, he can’t be dead, he said he loved me – i love him too, please don’t be dead, please don’t be dead, please, please– The Kyuubi awoke quickly with Naruto’s frantic emotional muttering as he worked himself to tears. Shikaku quickly checked his son’s pulse. It was weak. He wouldn’t make it to the hospital. His body went limp as he stared at his son. His head limp, rolled over to the side and his hands lax. His face was more relaxed than he’d seen it since— since forever , it felt like. Naruto’s hands trembled and were positioned over Shikamaru, looking as if he wanted to do something – anything , but was unsure of what to do. The Kyuubi, unamused, pushed some of his chakra toward him before repositioning his tails and closing his eyes once more. The brat was ruining his sleep with his crying.
Naruto’s hands started to glow a red color, accented by green. Shikaku stumbled up from his limp position and guided Naruto’s hands toward his son’s abdomen, the light from the healing jutsu revealing the severity of Shikamaru’s wound. Naruto hiccuped, sobbing as his hands started to glow brighter with his emotion. Scooting closer to Shikamaru, he buried his face next to his side and positioned his head to where he could hear the dying pulsing of his heart beat. Naruto bit his lip. No. You can’t die, please. I love you, I love you, and I now know that– you can’t leave me now, never, please…
The first wound began to close, the skin stitching itself up with the potency of Naruto’s chakra. Naruto thrust his hands closer to the second, more fatal wound as Shikamaru’s heart beat slowed further. Naruto’s face was wet with tears as he trembled desperately. Shikaku cursed under his breath, placing his hands near Naruto’s as he tried his best to channel the Healing Palm from the few classes he had taken on healing a few years ago. The brightness tangled and the wound healed up faster. Before Naruto could pull his hands away, Shikaku grabbed his wrists and looked him in the eyes. “Keep them there. I’m going to carry Shikamaru– we’re going to Tsunade-Sama, come on kid,” Naruto stood up quickly, his shoes squeaking on Shikamaru’s blood. He tried his best to ignore it, his hands hovering over Shikamaru’s form as Shikaku began to run, Naruto matching his pace as best as he could.
Shikaku kicked the window to the Hokage tower and landed unceremoniously with Shikamaru clutched in his arms. Hinata, Hisashi, and Tsunade blinked at them in shock before Tsunade stood up quickly when she saw Shikamaru and the blood that the two were covered in. Her eyes lingered on the light coming from Naruto’s palms before she swiped everything off of her desk. She wanted to stall up at the sight of blood, but the fear and determination on Naruto’s face made her rethink that. She needed to save him. She needed to out aside her childish fear and be a fucking Medic-nin .
Her palms began to glow a strong green as he hovered her hands over Shikamaru’s abdomen. Naruto made a move to step back but Tsunade leveled him with a glare. “Stay here. Your healing is powerful.” She looked over at Shikaku. “Is he injured anywhere else? Or just in his abdomen?” this is what Shikaku liked about Tsunade, she put business first and asked other questions later. “Just his abdomen, I’m sure.” Tsunade nodded and focused back on Shikamaru. Hinata’s eyes darted between them all before they settled on Naruto.
“N-Naruto-kun, what h-happened? Why is S-Shikamaru-kun bleeding so m-much?” she stuttered nervously. Tsunade glared at her and Hinata’s mouth clicked shut. “Leave the room, please. I have a patient I need to take care of.” not to mention that Tsunade didn’t want to continue her earlier conversation with Hisashi and Hinata. Hinata looked ready to argue but she quickly stopped herself and walked out reluctantly, Hisashi following her.
Shizune hurried into the room with gauze, alcohol, and bandages. Setting them all down quickly, she looked Shikamaru over before looking at Shikaku. “What happened?” she demanded. Shikaku bit his lip. “He attempted suicide. I don’t know why, but–” that last part was a lie. Tsunade and Shizune both knew it, but they didn’t say anything past a narrow of their eyes. “Good news is that he’s stable. I don’t think we will need bandages, like they usually do– with Naruto’s healing we were able to close the surface wound and fix up the muscle under it.” Shikaku sighed in relief.
“But seriously, what happened? The wounds are quite obviously self-inflicted–” Shikaku flinched a bit, it was hardly noticeable, “--And you could tell they were, Shikaku. What happened.” Shikaku averted his eyes for a moment before looking back at his Hokage. “Shikamaru… the Nara clan, in general, is known for their intelligence…” Tsunade rolled her eyes, Nara’s always loved to drag out explanations, “The fixations tie them down to reality and prevent the possibility that the Nara gets trapped in their own thoughts, their own mind.” Shikaku sighs, “With Shikamaru, however… I’ve suspected it for a while, but this just confirms. Most Naras tend to fixate on an activity or something else, but Shikamaru fixated on a person instead… with fixations, the longer the Nara spends doing/being around their fixation, the more motivated and aware they are. However, when they spend a significant time not doing or spending time with their fixation, they essentially lose their sense of self. They lose themself in their mind and thoughts, nothing matters to them and nothing is significant aside from their fixation. And eventually, well… it can lead them to believe they’d be better off dead if they aren’t able to interact with their fixation…” Shikaku gestured to Shikamaru’s body and Tsunade raised her eyebrow.
“Alright, so who’s his fixation? Temari, Ino, Chouji? Maybe Hinata?” Shikaku clears his throat a bit, “I don’t know if it’s my place to–” Tsunade leveled him with a glare, “Spill, Shikaku.” his resolve crumbled instantly, “Naruto. Naruto is his fixation.” Naruto froze at Shikaku’s words as Tsunade and Shizune shifted their eyes to look over at him. Tsunade’s eyes softened. “Naruto, did you know about this?” he blinked slowly, “No… he never… he never told me.” Shikaku sighed, “Yeah, I can understand why.” Tsunade gestured for him to explain.
“Well, no offense or blame to Naruto, but him and Hinata have been, you know… courtesy to each other, so Shikamaru started to fade out and thought that Naruto didn’t need Shikamaru in his life; that it’d be better for his fixation if he was taken out of the equation all together.” Shikaku explained, shrugging. Tsunade’s eyebrows pinched together and she glanced at Naruto. The boy was shaking a bit, goosebumps rose on his arms and tears in his eyes.
“It’s… because of me? It’s all my fault… Shikamaru… it’s…” He muttered to himself, tears flooding his eyes as his hands went to rub at his face. Shizune’s face softened as she hurried over to Naruto, enveloping him into a hug. “No, Naruto; it’s not your fault. Shikamaru made his decision when he decided to not tell you, you didn’t do anything– you couldn’t have done anything. None of this is your fault, you saved him.” Shizune whispered reassuringly to Naruto. Shikaku’s solemn eyes looked at his son’s limp body before his hand suddenly twitched. Eyebrows rising, his eyes darted to Tsunade who noticed as well.
“No fucking way… he was critically injured not even 10 minutes ago, I swear to Sage if he’s waking up…” Tsunade muttered to herself, a frown marring her face as Shikamaru’s arm began to twitch as well. When his eyes fluttered open, however, she placed her hand over them. “Go back to bed kid.” she muttered sternly. Grabbing Tsunade’s hand, Shikamaru removed it from his face with a small, pained frown on his face. When he noticed his father and Tsunade looking down at him, he closed his eyes and groaned. “Ugh, are you serious? I’m still alive? But according to my plans, there was no way I was gonna survive unless–” Shikamaru’s eyes darted around the room and when they settled on Naruto who was still crying into Shizune’s shirt, he sat up swiftly ignoring Tsunade’s agitated growl.
“Naruto.” he said breathlessly, his eyes wide as if he thought the sight in front of him was the product of a dream. The blond stiffened at hearing his name before slowly peeking out from where his face was previously hidden in Shizune’s shirt. “Maru?” he muttered, his glazed eyes settling on Shikamaru who was sitting on the Hokage’s desk. The two simply stared at each other, drinking in the sight of each other before Shikamaru hopped off of the Hokage’s desk, grunting a bit as he did so. Shikaku and Tsunade immediately helped to sturdy him as Shizune slowly let go of Naruto.
“You’re ok..” He said quietly, his voice subdued as if he feared that Naruto would vanish right before his eyes if he were to look away for even a second. Naruto blinked at him owlishly. “ I’m okay?! You’re the one who tried to commit suicide! Are you even okay?! Should you even be standing right now?!” Tsunade shook her head in confirmation that Shikamaru, was in fact, not meant to be standing at this moment. Naruto sighed in exasperation.
“Maru, you need to–” And there was Shikamaru, standing right by him as if it was the most natural thing in the world. “You have blood on you… are you ok? Did you get hurt?” He asked in a low tone of voice, his eyes looking darker than Naruto remembers them being. “Shikamaru— you’re the one who’s–”
“Don’t argue with me.” Shikamaru mumbled quietly, taking Naruto into his arms and enveloping him into a hug. Naruto blinked for a few moments before returning the hug and muttering into Shikamaru’s chest. “Never do that again, you… idiot.” Naruto said with a quiet finality. Something in Shikamaru’s chest stirred to a calm as he closed his eyes, grumbling quietly. “I won’t, not if you stay with me.”