Chapter Text
Isabel Conklin
I ponder about life sometimes, wondering if I made the right decisions or not.
One of the decisions was getting married at 23.
Sometimes I wonder if we were still too young. I had two engagements by the time I was 23.
I didn't even know if my mom would be supportive about the wedding.
Much to my surprise, she was actually very happy.
And when she's happy, I'm happy.
She helped me with the preparations, shopped for my dress with me, and approved of the wedding...
I felt so happy that I thought I made the right choice.
I got married to Conrad that day.
I wasn't so sure if I was in my right mind, but I did it anyway.
Mom was happy. Steven was happy. Everyone seemed happy.
Even Jeremiah was there and I was over the moon that he actually showed up.
We were getting somewhat close again sending texts and hanging out at holiday parties but I thought he wouldn't come after what happened between us.
But there he was.
And much to my dismay, he showed up with this beautiful blonde girl with hazel eyes.
I was enraged that he would move on so fast. But who am I to talk?
I was the one getting married. He just had a date. She looked very familiar. Oh yeah, she came around a few times during holiday parties and he might've told me her name a few times but I never cared to remember although for some reason I liked to remember everything else he told me. She must've been Aubrey or Avery or something? I never really got too jealous because they didn't look very serious and I never really paid attention to her that much. That day, they seemed very close. Everywhere he went, she went. They kissed, laughed, hugged, and held hands. It drove me crazy and I wanted to cry a few times.
I was too afraid to approach them but our ESP was working again and we made eye contact for a solid minute.
He gave me a little wave and I waved back at him, happy that he noticed me.
I blew him a kiss out of jealousy and hoped that he still cared. About me. About us.
He smiled at me and pretended to catch it with his hand as he turned back to his pretty date.
That satisfied me enough and that's when I knew that even though things between Jeremiah and I will never be the same again, he'd always be my best friend. Even if we both still loved each other. Or if we weren't exactly on talking terms.
Because we both seemed to have moved on. I'm with Conrad now and he has his girlfriend.
Sometimes I feel like my life is pointless and Conrad was the only one who wanted me.
No. Let me rephrase that. He's the only one who stuck through and through. I guess he was also the one that scared all the other guys to leave. Jeremiah was one of the guys. He was also the most important one to me. Maybe even more important than the about to become Dr. Conrad Fisher himself. It hurts to think about what went wrong between us. We both truly loved each other and I'm sure we did love each other enough but Conrad was in the way again which caused a misunderstanding between Jeremiah and I. I try to avoid thinking about him because I still love him but it's pointless and it's not like I can go back to him. I'm married now whether I wanted to be or not. I thought I wanted this. I guess I had no choice because it was Conrad or nobody. So I can't think of Jeremiah that way anymore. At least I try not to. It's whatever. No. Not really.
But hey, there's Conrad Fisher.
Your childhood crush. The love of your life. Or so you thought.
Conrad is my husband. A good husband.
He made sure the house was always clean. The bills were always paid. He works hard to support the both of us. He cared for my health and safety. He loved me. Everybody loves Conrad Fisher, especially my mom and brother. I love Conrad Fisher. I am Conrad Fisher's wife and I am happy. That's what I'd tell myself. Happy. Happy. Happy. I'd believe it after a while.
Everything was good. This was all good. Dreams aren't real and marriage isn't supposed to be a fairy tale. This was fine because I got myself into this. It was essentially my childhood dream becoming a reality. Reality being Conrad Fisher as my husband. Reality is not the dream I thought life would play out being with him. But he's my husband and I love him. That was the truth.
But sometimes being married to him felt like a chore and other times, it’s like I feel like I’m single.
On rare occasions, we’d have happy moments; at least we tried to.
I’m 25 now and about to turn 26 in a few months.
A few months would also be our two year anniversary of marriage.
It was the week after Valentine's Day.
He was finally available to see me so we could finally hang out even though it felt more like we were on a blind date gone wrong that our parents had set us up on. We would always fight all the time, which didn’t exactly anger me because it showed that he did care but then sooner than later, I got sick of it all. Sometimes they'd be trivial issues and other times they were more major issues.
I wanted to talk to a therapist about what I could do and she told me I was in an unhealthy relationship and it wouldn’t work out and we’d probably need couple’s therapy. I thought that was utter bullshit so I left in defeat knowing that my problems would never be solved.
I thought I made the right decision in marrying Conrad because everyone knew he was the one but sometimes I had Jeremiah Fisher lingering in the back of my mind. He was just there and sometimes, I stupidly wished I was a better girlfriend and I wished I didn’t get married to Conrad. After constant bickering with Conrad, he’d just storm out of the house and he’d be out the entire night. He’d come back the next night and he would apologize. He promised it would never happen again. We both knew that was a lie but it was nice that he would acknowledge his wrongdoings. I would apologize too and then we'd be at peace again. That was the first few months of our marriage.
Soon he’d just come home pretend everything was fine and we’d be living under the same roof and ignoring each other all the time. That or he wouldn't even show up home for days or he'd only stop by at night.
But now, it was peaceful because there was just no more fighting. Just silent treatments. That's what I thought I needed. What I thought I wanted. But then I realized it was too quiet. I really didn't enjoy it. But fighting was much worse. And now it feels like I'm stuck with someone I don't even want to be married to even though I was the one who agreed to his proposal two years ago.
If I was going to be married to him, I need to try being happy. We’re already settled in so what else can I do? Valentine's Day was coming up so I decided to text him about where we should go and what we should do that night. We had barely spoken the last few weeks but I didn’t really care. We were just busy people with busy lives. Or maybe that was just him. Sometimes I didn’t believe him when he was always gone claiming “I’m so busy.” I thought it was great that he was so career-focused but why be with someone if you don’t make time for them?
I suggested going to this new restaurant that looked really fancy and beautiful. It had just had its grand opening a few weeks ago and it had some open spots that night but he said he was going to be busy the entire night. I was a bit angered because it was Valentine's Day but I brushed it off because he was always busy anyway and it was nothing new.
I hated arguing with him and I would try to avoid any possible argument but I just couldn’t this time.
I argued with him about him missing Valentine's Day and eventually we had agreed for tonight.
But tonight couldn’t have gone any worse.
We were in the car getting to the restaurant and I complimented his outfit.
“You look nice.” I tried to give him a smile. We’ve always been awkward around each other and I used to think it was cute. But now, it felt silly. Who is always awkward around their husband or wife?
”Thanks. You too.” He said, dryly. He didn’t even look at my outfit but he was looking at the road so maybe he just wanted to focus.
My mind brought me to Jeremiah and how he would’ve given me a perfect night. He would compliment me and my outfit. He would’ve given me flowers. Most importantly, daisies—my favorite. Conrad didn’t even get me any flowers. Jeremiah would’ve made me feel loved and we would’ve engaged in any conversation without a care in the world. We would laugh, hug, and hold hands. He'd shower me with kisses. He made it feel like I was the only girl in the world. He made it known to everyone that I was his Bells and he was my Jeremiah. We were each other's. It would just be the two of us. It would’ve been perfect.
Conrad and I didn’t speak for the rest of the ride. I was afraid we would start an argument so it was better to stay silent.
I just needed to get through this date and have some fun and then get back to our sad, little, married life.