Chapter Text
I WATCH WITH WIDE EYES as the droplet of blood running down my palm slowly trickles down onto the burning, hot coals before me. I had anticipated the sizzling sound it would make since last night, when I made my decision, but I hear nothing except the pounding in my ears, quickly replaced by the roars of excitement from the Dauntless section. Without acknowledging the obvious contradiction of it all, I am scared . I am more scared than I have ever been in my life... but I also feel free; free from a life I never felt was my own. I am no longer Amity, I am Dauntless.
I reach out carefully to grab a piece of cloth from Marcus Eaton, painfully aware of the way my hands tremble against his grasp. "Thank you," I somehow manage to get out, before turning to exit off the stage. With each step down, I will myself not to look over at the Amity section, where no doubt the disappointed looks of my family will stare back at me.
It isn't uncommon for Amity to defect from their faction, but it's always been a shock to those left behind anyway. We grow up surrounded by kindness, harmony, love... there's little reason as to why anyone would choose to leave that life behind simply to pursue brutal honesty, or complete selflessness, or even an enlightened state of mind. Of all of those, though, it's especially hard to believe one of us would leave it all for a life of violence instead... unless of course they truly didn't belong. But in my mind, I know I could have belonged if I really tried. I just didn't want to anymore.
"Welcome to Dauntless."
I snap out of my thoughts as a tall, handsome boy steps out of the line of Dauntless initiates, flashing me an uncharacteristically kind smile. I had never known the Dauntless to hold such warmth within them, only those cold and calculated stares as they ran through the streets of our city.
I find myself floundering as I try to think of a response, but he just gestures for me to stand next to him in the lineup, moving to the side to make some room.
"We don't see much red and yellow around here," he states casually. He positions himself to better face my direction, though he's so much taller than me that he has to crane his neck regardless. Still, his gaze holds a warmth to it that immediately makes me feel like I can trust him — that, or my intense vulnerability at being way in over my head here has made me naive.
"Yeah, I must stick out like a sore thumb," I mumble, looking back at the sea of darkness. At least the blues and whites of the Erudite and Candor transfers mix nicely within the Dauntless ranks. Even the one grey Abnegation seems to fit in better than my own faded yellow attire.
"I'm Uriah, by the way," he adds in, catching my attention again. If he notices the way my skin has no doubt turned a bright red, he doesn't choose to comment on it. "You're Ember, right?"
I nod my head instinctively, before a sudden thought comes to mind. Ember is an Amity name, a sure reminder to my new faction that I wasn't born into their ranks. If ever there was a time to start anew, now is it. "Actually, it's Emmi."
He smiles at me knowingly and nods his head. "Emmi it is."
I find myself smiling back, grateful for his easy going nature. I can still feel a sense of unease bubbling in the pit of my stomach — the realization that I am completely alone now has begun to settle in, but I attempt to appease it by thinking of how nice it would be to have a familiar face to look for during initiation. I've never been very good at making friends, but I have to be brave now.
"So, you're a Dauntless-born?" I ask casually. At least, I hope it sounds casual.
"Born, raised, and hopefully until my demise." His eyes twinkle as he says it, a cheeky grin appearing as he regards me. Already I can feel myself slowly easing up as the conversation begins to grow lighter, a thankful distraction from my otherwise slightly terrifying reality.
Our banter continues for some time, mostly on his part, but I'm happy to listen to his recounts of climbing up buildings and swinging from light posts, my grin growing wider as he passionately reenacts certain moments.
For what feels like the millionth time, the crowd around us roars to life as they welcome another initiate, though this time I find myself looking to the stage to see who it is. My eyes land on a Candor boy, who promptly turns from his place in front of the coals and throws a fist up triumphantly, as if his choice has made him some kind of hero.
I roll my eyes, but watch as the Candor boy turns to grab his cloth before heading down the stage and over to the Dauntless section like I had. There is a certain swagger in his step as he moves, and I can't help but let out a small giggle in response, quickly moving to hide my smile within my scarf as I realize he is coming straight towards us.
The other initiate next to me shuffles to their left and allows him to step in, my gaze remaining on his confident figure only from the corner of my eye. Despite my subtlety, however, Uriah promptly steps forwards and holds his hand out in greeting.
"Hey, welcome to Dauntless," he says. "I'm Uriah."
The boy looks to the both of us and nods his head. "Peter," he replies simply, before turning to me with an expectant look on his face. His dark hair gleams under the lights of the theatre, a stark contrast to his pale skin and light green eyes. He's handsome, but not in the same way as Uriah.
I stare back at him for a moment before realizing he's waiting for my name. "Oh! I'm Emb— Emmi ," I say swiftly, stupidly , my cheeks flushing in embarrassment. I hear Uriah snort from beside me, but I keep my eyes on the Candor boy — Peter . I suppose now he is Dauntless, though, just like me.
I lose track of time as the ceremony continues, though I do take note of two other people — a boy and a girl — who end up transferring to Dauntless too, both of them from Candor as well. Perhaps not so coincidentally, they appear to be good friends of Peter's.
The boy has dark orange hair and a face full of freckles, with the kind of features that most might find boyish if his brows weren't naturally settled into a permanent furrow. As for the girl, she is defined mostly by her broad shoulders and sharp jawline — and even from where I stand I can tell she's much taller than me. Though that's not saying much. She looks like she wants to kill everyone in her path, but I try to tell myself that it's just the way her face has settled and not a reflection on who she is as a person. I hope I'm right.
The two of them have individually made their way over to where we stand, settling on Peter's other side. He greeted them with a jerk of the head, but went back to staring at the stage almost immediately.
"They look like fun," Uriah whispers to me, his voice dripping with sarcasm.
"You never know, maybe they're actually really nice people?" I counter, trying not to laugh.
Though a low, monotonous voice from beside me interrupts our teasing. "They're not."
Uriah and I look to our left and see Peter staring back at us, a blank and mildly bored look on his face. His nonchalance almost frightens me more than it would if he had started berating us. Nonetheless, I nod my head and drop the conversation, focusing back on the ceremony. I try not to think about what Peter means for the rest of the time we're sat there, because I'm not entirely sure I want to know the truth behind it.
*
Once the Choosing Ceremony is finally over, all the present members of each faction stand up together and prepare to leave. I keep my eyes on the ground in an attempt to avoid the stares of my family again — hoping to keep the emotions that continue to overwhelm me at bay, until I am alone and can feel them in privacy.
The Dauntless are the first to leave, and I keep my eyes trained on the back of Peter's head as we move to the stairwell instead of the elevators. I feel like I'm in a dream, like none of this is real, and I will soon wake up in my bed back at the Amity compound.
Then, I feel Uriah bend down to my ear, his breath tickling the back of my neck and breaking me out of my thoughts. "You should probably hike up your skirt for this next part," he says seriously.
I barely have enough time to process what he's said before all the bodies around me begin to jump and shout and run, jostling me violently along with them.
Evidently spotting the way I am struggling to keep up with it all, Uriah quickly reaches out and grabs my arm, holding onto it firmly as he practically pulls me along with the crowd until my feet can finally catch up with what is going on.
I am hit with a harsh gust of wind upon making it out of the Hub, but I don't stop running. Not even to admire the way the sky has turned a dreamy orange colour from the setting sun. No, I keep running, chasing the crowd of black to who knows where.
I follow Uriah down the streets to where the train tracks settle overhead, watching in mild wonderment as the seasoned members begin to climb up the posts to the tracks. I look to Uriah with what must be a look of concern, because he just smiles at me encouragingly.
"First lesson on being a Dauntless: don't think, just do. Ask questions later," he yells at me against the loud rumblings of the crowd, ushering me towards one of the posts. He doesn't seem to catch the nervous look on my face as he hoists me up to the first peg, waiting for me to begin climbing. Just don't look down and you'll be fine , I tell myself. I've never been good with heights.
As I pull myself up onto the platform and quickly roll away from the edge, I peer back just as Uriah's head has popped up behind me. "What now?" I ask in between gasps, desperately trying to catch my breath before the next task hits us.
"Just wait," he tells me, his gaze moving to the distance beyond me.
I nod my head obediently and rest my hands on my knees, absentmindedly looking in the opposite direction, where my eyes land on Peter and his two friends waiting a few feet away. He almost immediately catches my gaze, and I quickly look away, a bit embarrassed that I have been caught. Caught doing what? I'm not sure, but it feels wrong.
I don't have much time to dwell on it, however, as I am interrupted by Uriah hitting my arm to catch my attention, my head turning to look at him in confusion before watching as he suddenly sprints right past me. I'm left in a daze once again, until I see the train in the distance finally make an appearance. "Oh, come on ," I mumble under my breath, jumping up from my place on the ground as I begin sprinting away from the train, attempting to pick up enough speed before it passes me by.
I watch in the distance as Uriah jumps on with practised ease, a nervous knot forming in the pit of my stomach. What if I can't do this? What if I fall and die? Or worse — I get left behind.
"Emmi!" I hear him yell, and suddenly he's leaning his arm out of the train in an attempt to grab me and pull me on. I don't deserve this boy . I reach my arm out towards him while the other hand grips onto the ends of my skirt, but right before I can grab his hand, the train jerks and sends him backwards.
"No!" I cry out desperately, feeling tears well in my eyes. Is this it? Before I can even truly process it, though, another hand reaches out towards me. I grab it without thinking and jump on, grunting as my chest hits the hard surface of the train. I stay on the ground for a moment and allow myself the chance to revel in the fact that I'm not dead, before looking up to thank my savior. "Thank—" I pause as I find Peter looking down at me, his eyes dark and, oddly enough, full of confusion. "Thanks," I force myself to finish, swallowing hard.
"Don't mention it," he says gruffly, turning around to face away from me. He hesitates for only a moment before turning his head back to me. "Seriously, just keep your mouth shut."
I stare at him with mild confusion but nod my head in understanding anyway, watching as he faces away again. I turn my head to look at Uriah, exchanging glances, before my gaze moves back to the tracks. In a strange turn of events, I spot the Abnegation girl struggling to grab on. And without even the slightest hesitation, I reach out and grab onto her, pulling her in like Peter had done for me.
"Thank you," she says breathlessly.
"No problem." I smile over at her, looking between our different attires. Transfers . "Us outsiders have to stick together, right?"
She smiles politely and slowly nods her head. "I suppose we do," she agrees, moving to lean up against the wall of the train. "I'm Beatrice."
"Emmi," I tell her quickly, immediately proud of myself for remembering this time.
I position myself next to her, and we remain in comfortable silence, the wind overtaking any and all possibility of a true conversation. Not that I mind — I'm not sure what I would talk about with an Abnegation anyway.
Uriah moves down the train towards some of the other Dauntless-born, and I take the moment of rest to settle my eyes on the outside world, passing us by at a speed I've never gone before. The Amity don't use the trains, and every other form of transportation doesn't go nearly as fast as we're going now. It feels exhilarating, and I can't stop the smile that forms on my lips as I watch the city blur before my very eyes.
*
I estimate a half hour has gone by since we've made it onto the train. Most of the transfers look less worried now, but I've heard that we've already lost someone — an Erudite boy who didn't make it onto the train. He must be factionless now.
"They're jumping off!"
I lift my head, turning in the direction of the boy who had spoken, an Erudite. I stare at him a moment, waiting for my mind to catch up, before pulling myself from the wall and looking out the open door, watching as the Dauntless in the cars ahead start jumping from the train and onto a rooftop we're about to pass by.
I stick my head out the door and peer down. Seven stories . That's how high up we are, and how close we are to death if we don't make it. I feel like I'm going to be sick.
I look back to see where Uriah has gone, but I can't find him. Instead, I watch as the transfers stand in a line, all of them looking just as uneasy as I feel.
"We have to jump off too, then," says the girl at Peter's side.
"Great," Peter replies harshly. "Because that makes perfect sense, Molly. Leap off a train onto a roof."
"This is what we signed up for, Peter," Molly reminds him, annoyance dripping in her tone.
"Well I'm not doing it."
I pause in my place, frowning, as I turn to the last voice. When my eyes land on the boy who spoke, my frown only deepens as I settle on his familiar features. I know him . At least, I should. He's from Amity, but I can't remember his name. He's crying, and I feel horrible.
"You have to," I find myself saying, taking a step forward. "You'll fail if you don't."
He shakes his head. "No, no I can't!" He's panicking, tears flowing faster, but he takes a step forward and grabs onto my forearms. Now I'm panicking. "Ember, c'mon, maybe they'll take us back. We don't have to do this, we can go back."
I pull my arms away from him, causing him to stumble forward. No, I can't go back. "I'm staying," I tell him firmly. I wish I remembered his name.
"Please," he cries out, moving to grab me again.
" Hey ," Beatrice says, moving between us. Her voice holds a level of command that neither of us expect, and I'm pretty sure my mouth hangs open in surprise.
"She's made her choice, and so have you. If you want to stay, fine , but we're going." Beatrice turns to me then, and she extends a hand towards my own, though it shakes in uncertainty. "Together?" She asks quietly, her eyes trained on my own. Us outsiders have to stick together .
I nod my head and grab her hand. I feel sick, and I can still hear the Amity boy sobbing. Beatrice leads us to the edge of the car, and I suck in a deep breath.
"One... two... three !"
On three we launch ourselves off of the train car, and it's like our world suddenly shifts to slow motion. We glide over the daunting abyss, but my eyes remain on the rooftop ahead, and then suddenly time speeds up again and my feet land on the solid ground, hard . The momentum forces us both forward, and I feel gravel under my cheek as I groan in pain.
"Are you alright?" Beatrice asks immediately, before she's even hoisted herself from the ground.
"I think so," I tell her, looking to see who else has made it. All of the transfers, save for the Amity boy. I try to expel the image of him from my thoughts, though I know the guilt will eat me alive later tonight, when I'm alone again.
I turn to Beatrice to ask if she's okay, when a sudden wail interrupts my thoughts. I turn to look for the source of the sound when my eyes land on a Dauntless girl standing at the edge of the roof, staring at the ground below, her screams enough to make my blood run cold. Someone has fallen, a Dauntless, and my breath hitches as I think of Uriah.
I run towards the edge before I can even think, and I peer below. A body lays on the pavement, a girl, her limbs splayed at varying unnatural angles. I quickly look away, feeling sick all over again. I feel sick, this time, because I am relieved; relieved that I haven't already lost the first friend I made in Dauntless.
I move away from the ledge, trying not to look too uneasy, and join Beatrice again as she examines a cut on her elbow.
"Scandalous! A Stiff's flashing some skin!"
I look over and frown as Peter laughs with Molly and the other boy. The term 'Stiff' is an unkind name that many people use to refer to the Abnegation, though clearly their little trio thinks it's hilarious. I just roll my eyes in response.
"Listen up!" A voice shouts, startling us all back into reality. It comes from a man, older than the others, and we all instinctively begin shuffling towards where he stands near the opposite ledge of the building. His greying hair is only accentuated by his dark skin. "My name is Max, and I am one of the leaders of your new faction!"
I let my eyes wander slightly, and I finally spot Uriah again, stood at the opposite side of the crowd next to a blonde girl. He's listening attentively, so I figure I should as well.
"Several stories below us is the members' entrance to our compound. If you can't muster the will to jump off, you don't belong here. Our initiates will have the privilege of going first."
I feel myself pale. Did they not just see how one of their own fell to her death? And now they want us to just jump from a building like it's nothing? I know another transfer questions it too, but I can barely register what is said, too caught up in my own thoughts.
I look up as the crowd in front of the initiates starts to part, making a path for us. I can feel myself panicking as no one steps forward — what will happen if no one volunteers? Will one of us be chosen? What if it's me? I always thought I was braver than most, but evidently that was widely in comparison to the Amity who surrounded me. Here I am just another coward.
When someone finally steps forward, I am shocked to see them dressed in grey. Beatrice . She walks towards the ledge, where Max stands, and I am taken back by her confidence. Others around me snicker, but I am in awe.
We all watch as she peers down, staring into the unknown, before her fingers nimbly move to the buttons of her collar, releasing her from the confines of her overshirt. I grin to myself as she balls the shirt up and throws it at Peter. He doesn't say anything, but other Dauntless start to catcall in their direction.
I suck in a deep breath as she turns back to the ledge, but I don't even have time to release it before suddenly she's gone, not even a scream echoing from below to indicate she was ever even there in the first place.
Max steps forward and peers down before turning back to the rest of us, an impressed look on his face. "Well alright then. Who's next?"
It takes about five other initiates before I can pluck up the courage to go. I force myself forward and try not to look like I'm scared out of my mind, but I can tell by the snickers between the Dauntless members that I must look like a terrified child.
The wind becomes wilder the closer I get to the ledge, and I'm half convinced that it might just blow me away. Still, I lean forward just enough to look down at what faces me below, and am disappointed when all that stares back at me is a giant, gaping hole in the ground. It's either too dark or too deep to see what lies beyond, and I can't tell if that's a good thing or a bad thing.
Realistically, I know that there has to be something down there to keep me safe — surely Dauntless isn't stupid enough to risk killing all of their initiates so quickly... but standing there, being so high up, I can feel myself growing more and more lightheaded the longer I look down.
You can do it. Stop being ridiculous, just jump .
And so I do.
I let myself fall over the edge and collapse against the weight of the wind, overtaken by its howling screams. By some miracle I've fallen in a way where I am facing up, watching as the rooftop grows farther and farther away, until suddenly I am enveloped in the darkness.
Then I hit something, hard , and it digs into my back like a hard clap, but then it releases me and I bounce back into the air, only to fall back onto my savior. A net . I let out a long breath of air that I didn't know I had been holding, before I feel an arm reach out to grab me.
Once I find myself on solid ground again, I can't help the smile that pulls at my cheeks, causing my face to ache. But I don't care .
"You made it," Beatrice says as she approaches. I notice she is standing with a Candor girl who has cropped black hair and plump lips. She is strikingly beautiful. Beatrice notices me staring at her and motions to the girl. "This is Christina."
"Hi," Christina says confidently. "Can you believe that Tris was the first jumper?"
I look to Beatrice momentarily before taking the name change in my stride.
"I'm Emmi," I answer back. "And clearly, Tris here just has a death wish," I tease, nudging the blonde playfully. We all quietly laugh to ourselves, and it feels right. Like maybe these two could be my friends.
Once the rest of those still on the rooftop have made it down, a loud, booming voice interrupts the hum of conversation.
"Dauntless-borns go with Lauren, transfers stay with me."
My gaze moves to Uriah as he walks over to a group of black-clad initiates. We exchange smiles before I huddle in with the rest of the transfers, Tris and Christina on either side of me.
"Most of the time I work in the control room, but for the next few weeks I will be your instructor," a young man says to us as he circles around the room. "My name is Four."
I hear Christina snort as she promptly asks, "As in the number? What happened, one through three were taken?" I can see from the look on Four's face that he isn't particularly amused, and as his eyes narrow I grow scared for her.
"What's your name?" He asks quietly.
"Christina."
"Well, Christina, if I wanted to put up with Candor smart-mouths, I would have joined their faction," he replies harshly. "The first lesson you will learn from me is to keep your mouth shut. Got that?" Christina seems to pale at the instruction, but Four soon brushes it off and scoffs. "Follow me."
Tris and I exchange a look before gathering Christina. We follow the crowd as everyone walks through the dark, cold corridors of the Dauntless compound. The walls are made of stone and the ceiling slopes, and there are only a few dim lamps to light the way. Still, I look around with mild fascination and find myself gasping as we push through a set of double doors and enter an underground cavern. Built into the stone walls are places for food, clothing, anything and everything. "This is the Pit," Four tells us, and I believe him. This place really is a pit.
I smile at the new possibilities of my life, thinking about how I already feel different. As Four tells us to move on, I turn around to follow him, but end up fumbling as I accidentally bump into someone instead. I look up to see Peter, who smirks down at me.
"Damn, Hippie, maybe your folk back on the farm were okay with you falling all over the place, but here you're going to have to do better than that."
A few of the transfers around him laugh, and I can feel my face turn bright red. I don't know if it's in shame or anger, but who does he think he is? And why does he think he can speak to me like that? It isn't the first time someone's used some idiotic nickname to reference my status as a member of Amity, but 'Hippie' is definitely a new one. His strange, two-faced presence has already put me on edge, so I just can't stop myself from snapping back at him.
"What about you, Smart-Mouth? Maybe if your legs moved as fast as your lips, I wouldn't have to run into you." I can see the shock in Tris and Christina's gazes, but I try to keep a straight face, even if my own words surprise me a bit. In Amity, speaking like this to someone would get me reprimanded. I can feel my scalp begin to prickle with sweat nervously, fearful that I will get into trouble for my comment.
Peter turns back around with an equal amount of surprise etched on his face, though a look of intrigue appears behind his eyes. "And here I was, thinking that the Amity were all about kindness ."
"I'm not Amity anymore," I tell him, though my tone isn't quite as firm as I would like it to be.
He holds his hands up in surrender and turns back around to face his two friends, all of them snickering together. The group of transfers start chatting amongst themselves again, but even as I continue to follow them all down the dark corridor, I can't seem to shake Peter out of my mind. I don't like how he seemed to insinuate that I wasn't cut out for Dauntless, that I was just some dumb Amity girl. So I find myself making a promise: I will be Dauntless, through and through, if not for myself then for the chance to watch that smug grin disappear from Peter's lips forever.