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Prologue
Sam stared down at the body of Jake Talley, bloody knife hangining in his hand with Dean there beside him staying silent with only a hand on Sam’s shoulder.
“You did what you had to, Sammy. He was gonna kill you.”
“I know Dean, but he was a victim just like all of the others. We were all victims of Azazel.” Sam dropped the knife and it was as if all of the adrenaline he’d been living on for the last few days left him all at once and he dropped to the ground landing hard on his ass. Taking a deep breath, the grief, fear, anger, and all the every other emotion hit him all at once. Putting his head between his knees, Sam let the panic attack hit him, he couldn’t stop it if he tried.
Deep wracking sobs poured out of him as he looked at the body of a young man who had more of a promising future than Sam currently had. The others had been far more innocent and ill prepared for Azazel’s games. Sam still didn’t understand what it was all for, and frankly he didn’t care, he just wanted to get out of this horrible ghost town and get somewhere safe.
“Hey, hey it’s okay, Sam.” Dean had dropped down beside him and wrapped his arms around Sam holding him through his break down.
When Sam finally calmed, pulling himself out of the panic attack, he wiped his face before standing and looking down at Jake’s body once more.
“I’ll take care of him, you go to the car.”
“Dean...”
“No,” Dean cut Sam off before he could protest. “You’ve been through enough. Wait for me in the car.”
Sam closed his eyes, got his emotions under control and did as Dean asked. He didn’t have it in him to argue. The Impala was a safe space. It had been a safe space for much of his life and this day was no different.
Sam woke with a start when Dean climbed into the car and began driving.
“Goin’ to Bobby’s.”
“Good.”
Sam was relieved. He didn’t want to spend anytime in a hotel and Bobby’s was the closest thing he and Dean ever had to a real home.
The six hour drive back to Bobby’s was a long one. Sam fell asleep from exhaustion and only woke up when Dean stopped at a drive through to get something to eat. For once Sam didn’t argue about the food and ate the two burgers and fries like a man starving. He had not eaten anything substantial in almost seventy-two hours and knew food would only help.
“Huh,” Sam almost laughed as he finished off his food.
“What?” Dean asked as he gathered up the trash and stuffed it all into one of the food bags.
“It’s my birthday tomorrow,” Sam laughed, but there was not humor behind it.
“Yeah.” Dean was somber as they got back on the road and Sam once more fell asleep, his long legs stretched out, with his head pressed to the window.
Sam was plagued by strange and terrible dreams the rest of the way to Bobby’s. By the time Dean pulled into the scrap yard, it was early morning. They tried to be as quiet as possible walking into Bobby’s house and up to the rooms they had claimed as their own months before.
Sam didn’t even stop to shower. He stripped and fell face first on the bed in only his boxers, his mind and body were way past exhausted and before he knew it he was dead asleep.
The dreams came again, but Sam slept right through them, not even waking when they terrified him. Eventually his mind settled, and he fell into an even deeper sleep, his body having been deprived of a truly deep sleep for weeks. The experience in Cold Oak made sleep almost impossible.
When Sam finally woke, his body wasn’t as exhausted and his mind was clearer than it had been in far too long. Getting up he grabbed some fo the clothes he had in a dresser and headed to the shower. The hot water felt amazing and helped with the last of the weariness and fatigue that always plagued him.
After dressing and doing his ablutions, Sam wandered down to see if Dean and Bobby were around.
“Well there now, Sam. You look a sight better then ya have for quite a spell.”
Sam smiled, happy to see Bobby.
“Hey, Bobby. How long was I out for?”
“Ya been asleep for almost a whole day. Figured you’d need it. Dean’s out there tinkering with that car a his. Get some food first, kiddo. I got some sausage and bacon done up. You can do the rest I reckon.” Bobby patted Sam on the back and left him while he went outside to do whatever it was that Bobby did around the salvage yard.
Sam cooked up some eggs with veggies he found in Bobby’s fridge. He also was surprised to find some fruit, so he cut some of that up as a side. He thought about the cooked meat, but he had been working his way to becoming more of a vegetarian, but it was sometimes hard to do on the road.
“Hey, Sammy. You’re looking better.”
Sam looked up to see Dean cleaning his hands in the sink before grabbing a cup of coffee and sitting at the table.
“Thanks. And, hey thank you for letting me sleep.”
“You needed it. Probably have needed it for a while.”
Sam didn’t respond, only took
Sam stepped out from the back room of the newly built parts store at the front of Bobby’s junkyard, which they named Singer’s Auto Parts. It had taken the last six months to get the building built, permits applied for and approved, shelves put up with bins of all sizes for parts coming off of the cars that were crushed and sold as scrap to various businesses.
Each section of bins was sorted by manufacturer and each part, big or small, was tagged what it was and the make, model and year of vehicle it came from. The front was a beautifully built counter with a modern register hooked up to a computer system that had real time inventory. Sam took it upon himself to plan everything out, get the blueprints made, work with the builders, and the graphic artist for the signage, and get it all up and running. This was after basically begging Bobby to let him do it, and what took shape was a parts store to rival even the large chain stores. He had even put in a coffee maker, small soda and snack machine, and a few comfortable chairs which gave the place a welcoming atmosphere.
Sam had even built a website from the ground up, as well as an ebay site. Bobby, and Dean as well, thought he was crazy, but after just a month orders started to pour in from their main site, and some of their pieces on ebay had gone for more money than they expected. This was months of labor, and Sam was proud of what they had accomplished. They even had a part-timer come in twice a week to help with the crushing of the cars and selling off the scrap. In fact, they were doing so well, that all three men, Sam, Dean, and Bobby had cash in their pockets from a legitimate source for the first time in years.
Bobby didn’t fight Sam all that hard on the project because he saw that Sam needed something to keep his mind and body occupied to try to quell the memories of what happened to him in a small town in South Dakota not far from where Bobby lived. The memories haunted him and for a while, Sam wanted nothing to do with hunting monsters. Not until he was ready, and he wasn’t ready. Sam wasn’t sure when he would be.
“I still can’t believe this all actually works. You done a good job, kid.” Bobby patted Sam’s shoulder as they set some of the hubcaps they had taken off of the next group of cars to be crushed. The junkyard was actually looking halfway decent. And several rows of old cars had been cleared that had surrounded Bobby’s house. Bobby now had more empty space to work with and he had gained some breathing room.
“Thanks, Bobby. And, uh, thank you for letting me do it. I know...”
“Eh, it wasn’t no big deal, kiddo. And, this place is makin’ money again, can’t complain about that.”
Sam smiled and for the first time in too long he felt pride swell his chest. The three pups that he had adopted ran into the shop whining for company.
“And I gotta admit, them pups are good fer ‘round here. You trainin’ ‘em up real good, Sam.”
Sam had gone to the pound to get a dog after Bobby’s had passed on the year before. They needed some good junkyard dogs, and instead of one, he found three mutts that were smarter than most people figured they would be. Their intelligence shone in their eyes and Sam fell in love almost immediately. He brought them home and Dean almost had a heart attack, but Bobby was over the moon to have some dogs around the place once more.
Sam worked with them about an hour every day, training them up to be guard dogs, while being companions to the three men. He had enrolled them in classes at a local independent pet shop that had a renowned trainer on staff. The pups were doing exceptionally well with the training. When Sam would come home from a session, he showed Bobby and Dean what they learned to reinforce each lesson.
“I’m glad you didn’t tell me to take them back. They’ll be good for you once I start to go out with Dean again.”
“You don’t have to rush it Sam. You take yer time, do it when yer ready, not when Dean thinks ya are.”
“I know, Bobby. I’m still working on the Shelby, and when that’s up and running, I’ll see.”
“How’s she doin’ for ya’?”
“The engine is almost done, ironically I have to go into town and pick up some things I haven’t found around here. I’ve been saving to get the interior redone, and then paint back to as close to the original as possible.” Sam looked out towards Bobby’s garage and again felt that swell of pride at what he had accomplished when he looked over at the 1967 Shelby Fastback Supersnake he had found buried in the mass of cars in the junkyard. Sam was shocked to find it. These cars were collectors items, and favorites of American Muscle Car restorers. It was exceedingly rare to find one amongst junk like Sam had found this one.
Restoring the Shelby had given Sam the idea to build the parts shop. Of course they only kept the good stuff. Engine parts, hubcaps, wheels, head lamps, rear lights, side mirrors, center mirrors, real wood panels, spoilers, roof racks, and even inside seats that were, to all of their surprise, still in great condition. For those, Sam had bought four large sheds that were set up behind the store and special racks put in that the seats could be stored in out of the natural elements. All of the money for the store and sheds came from a surprising source. Sam and Dean found out there was an unclaimed trust fund from their Grandfather Winchester.
It happened like this, after South Dakota, Sam and Dean took a couple of weeks and decided to gather up all of their Dad’s things from all of the various storage facilities that Dean knew about and inventoried it all and brought everything back to a single storage facility not far from Bobby’s place. They were cataloging and properly storing everything when they found two things. One, was a strange key inside of a small puzzle box they were curious about, and two, several bank books that had money in them. Sam and Dean were curious and called each of the banks and were told that, yes those accounts were real and that they were the beneficiaries since John Winchester had died.
To say that the brothers were angry that money had been out there and their father never told them and never actually used any of it was an understatement. It took them a few days and a lot of paperwork that was handled over the internet and fax machines, but they gathered it all into one single bank account. Now, while it didn’t make them millionaires, there was a substantial amount. There was enough that they could pull the interest each month and live off it and not touch the principal unless absolutely necessary.
After they had gotten the money together and a trust set-up in Sam and Dean’s names, they received a letter from the estate of their Grandfather, Henry Winchester. There was an unclaimed insurance policy and other money that had been accruing interest over the years. They were able to cash in the policy, which after forty some-odd years had quite the build-up of interest. The boys had found out it was an interest bearing Insurance Policy, which had been paid for in full, but no one had cashed it out. The money they received was also fairly substantial and it went into the trust. Sam and Dean were paid out an allowance on the trust, while their accountant carefully invested for them.
Sam, though, took some of the principal, with Dean’s permission, cleaned up a few of the drivable cars, sold them off and made a good profit to which he started the parts business. Now, Bobby’s place was no longer just selling off the scrap. It was a thriving three fold business. The parts business, the scrap business, and a second hand car lot set up on land Bobby wasn’t using that was just outside of the junkyard.
Enough good cars came in that with a little elbow grease and new parts, the cars could be sold as second hand vehicles with legitimate pink slips and everything. Now, Bobby’s business, Singer’s Used Cars, was running at a profit.
“How are Stan and Mike working out as salesmen in the car lot?” Sam asked as he went back to the back to pull some inventory for the internet sales that had come through. He knew they would need to hire a couple of part-timers for the parts store soon.
“Keepin’ things legit and not lyin’ to customers. They’re doin’ a’right and I gotta admit, that was a genius idea Sam.” Bobby sighed as he leaned back against the wall and looked around. “I never thought this place could make any kind of real money. Frankly, I was in a place that I didn’t care. I was just existing, Sam. But, now with you and Dean here more, I think I like livin’ again.” Bobby scratched at his beard and looked around. Sam had found some great vintage car posters and had them framed and hung. License plates taken off of the crushed cars had been hung all along the top of the walls, and even some of the more vintage car parts had been cleaned, shined and mounted on the walls. Bobby had been impressed with Sam’s sense of style.
“Been thinkin’ about fixin’ up the house.” Bobby crossed his arms over his chest while Sam laid out items on the counter for packaging up and shipping out.
“Really?” Sam sounded surprised. While the house wasn’t exactly in tip top shape, it always felt more like home than anywhere else he and Dean had stayed.
“Gonna fix the kitchen up first. Now that I got some money comin’ in and what little debts I had paid off, I got one of them home loans. Work one room at a time.”
Sam was surprised. Bobby hated anything to do with banks, or loans, or even living ‘on the grid’, to see that he was caring about life again, and not just existing made Sam choke up a little.
“That’s great, Bobby. Anything I can do to help?”
“Maybe you help me pick out paint and shit. Gettin’ all new appliances too.” A smile crossed the man’s face and it made Sam happy to see it.
“Sure, whatever you need.”
Bobby cleared his throat and came over to the counter, “Need help gettin’ these orders out?”
“Sure, I wanted to pack them up, then head into town.”
Silence reigned for the next hour as the two men worked together. After getting all of the orders sorted, packaged, and labeled, Bobby helped Sam take them out to the car he was using temporarily as the Shelby was getting worked on.
“I’ll be gone for a few hours. Dean is going to be a couple more days on his current hunt. If you need anything, don’t hesitate to call.”
“I’ll be fine, Sam. You go on.”
Sam just smiled, ran back into the store, grabbed his keys he kept under the counter on a hook, and locked up before getting in his car and leaving. Driving, even into town, was something Sam had developed anxiety over. Azazel having kidnapped him like the demon had eroded what little safety Sam thought he had. But, slowly, he was getting better. Sam was taking the time he needed, and thankfully Dean stopped trying to push him. Bobby’s intervention often helped. Sam turned up the radio, took a deep breath and tried to enjoy the short ride into town.
________
The post office was quick as Sam got all of the packages sent off. He then drove to the parts store to purchase a few things for the Shelby that he didn’t have lying around Bobby’s. Walking in he saw it was Ritchie working the counter. He and Sam had gotten friendly over the last few months since Sam’s rescue from the abandoned town he tried not to think about. Shaking his head, Sam walked up to the counter and smiled.
“Hey Ritchie.”
“Afternoon, Sam. What brings you here? How’s things goin’ at Bobby’s place?”
“Good, actually. The store is doing well, and the used cars are selling pretty well.”
“Well, with you and Bobby fixin’ ‘em up before sellin’ yer buildin’ up a good reputation. The place is cleaner ‘n I’ve ever seen it, and Bobby, he’s- different, ‘ya know?”
Sam nodded his acknowledgment. He knew Bobby had a reputation as the town crazy. With all of the businesses actually doing something, folks appeared to be seeing Bobby in a little better light. Plus, he controlled his ramblings these days and stopped getting thrown in jail every few weeks for some minor infraction.
“Yeah, he is different.” Sam had his list out and laid it on the counter.
“Got a list fer me?”
“Yeah, just a few things for the Shelby that I haven’t been able to find in the junkyard. Oh, the online store is doing great, thanks for that idea. We’ve got a good bit of new inventory, and we may need some help soon.”
“You might wanna try the local trade schools and that junior college. Them kids is always lookin’ fer work. Here, be right back for ‘ya.”
“Thanks.” Ritchie took the list and went into the back leaving Sam to peruse the store. He picked up a few things like windshield wipers, cleaning supplies and more. The only modern concession he was going to do on the car was put in a high end stereo system with a CD player and usb ports. Other than that, everything was as close to original as he could get.
Research into paint and interior restorers, Sam found a place in Sioux Falls that had a good reputation, and once the Shelby was fully running he was going to take it there to have an appraisal made.
“Here ‘ya go, Sam. I take it the Shelby is close to bein’ able to run?”
“Yeah, I just got the engine mostly done, these few things will be the last. I’m going to take it to that car restoration that’s a few miles from here.”
“You promise to bring her by once yer done?”
Sam chuckled as he paid for his things. “Yeah, I’ll bring her by.”
Saying goodbye, Sam grabbed his things and headed out to the car. He was about to leave to get some lunch when a new store in the same strip mall as the auto parts store caught his eye. Putting his things in the trunk, he locked the car and approached.
What caught his eye was some of the symbolism painted on the windows as well as the display of crystals, singing bowls, and books on the occult. Sam and Dean had been in numerous stores similar all over the US growing up, but this one looked, and felt different. Slowly he approached and was struck by how accurate the symbols were. They appeared to be a modified demon circle. Curious, Sam went inside.
Immediately he felt a calming effect. Frowning he looked around and tried to locate the source, his eyes landed on the incense burner, with the name of the incense listed underneath. chamomile, lavender, and lemon balm mixture made him relax just a bit.
“Startled there are you?” A man about Sam’s age, maybe a couple of years older, was leaning on the counter and smiling. Something about that smile made Sam’s stomach flip, but in a good way.
“Sorry, I uh, I just wasn’t expecting that particular blend in an incense.”
“Like it?”
“Yeah, I mean I’ve had that combination as a tea, but never have seen it as an incense.”
“We made it ourselves. As we do all of the blended products we sell. Bath, beauty, home cleaning products, and more.”
Sam tore his eyes away from the occult items and looked over at an impressive display of grooming items, household items, and specialty teas.
“How long have you been open?” Sam asked as he looked over the tea selections and was impressed by the variety. He picked out a few, focusing on the sleep and relaxation blends. He also picked out a few of the bath bombs and set them on the counter.
“Oh, about two months now.” A gentle celtic accent flowed as the man spoke. Sam was curious, but he didn’t want to be rude and outright ask.
“You have an interesting collection.”
“That we do. Specially curated and crafted. Some are even blessed.” Sam lifted a brow in curiosity as he picked up a pentagram with some of the same symbols his father had taught him and Dean. The pentagram felt good, and not just the weight, but the aura of the necklace felt really good. He added that to the growing pile.
Sam took some time to look around at the books and noticed a side room with a sign that said it was hard to find and unusual occult books and to ask at the front desk to view them. Natural curiosity won out and Sam wasn’t going to leave until he saw what was in that room. Walking up to the counter, Sam put on his best smile before he spoke.
“You’re ah, your specialty books, would I be able to look at them?”
The man, who Sam had still not gotten his name, reached under the counter and held up a set of keys.
“Might I be askin’ what your interest is?”
“My brother and I, we’ve always had an interest in the occult.”
“Hmmm, I think it might be a bit more than an interest.” The smile was more like a cat caught a canary than it was before. Almost like he knew something and Sam worried what that was.
“I don’t know what you mean.” Sam carefully watched the man open the door to the book room.
“You’re Sam Winchester.”
Sam stilled and frowned as the man waved him inside.
“Ho- how do you know that?”
“We have a Seer on staff. She saw you in one of her visions. She knew you would come in here soon.”
Sam felt uncomfortable that the man knew his name.
“I’m Ian. Ian O’Brian. My brother, his partner and myself built this shop together. I hope you don’t find me too forward, but I’ve heard a bit about you and your brother. I’d like a chance to discuss hunting with you.”
Sam laughed a little and shook his head. He wasn’t sure how he felt about discussing hunting and all of the problems that have come from it, but maybe talking to someone who is an outsider might help him deal with what he went through. He couldn’t talk to Dean, all he got was a grunt and a ‘you’re out of that Sam, we move on.’ Problem was, Sam couldn’t move on, he was waiting for Azazel to make his move, whatever it was going to be.
“Yeah, uh, I ah I think I’d like that. Give me a few days?”
“Of course. In your own time, Sam.”
Sam nodded then was left alone to look through the stock of the strange esoteric book collection that looked like it had been part of someone’s library. Sam was hoping maybe there was something about his particular situation. If so, it would give him time to figure out a plan to stop whatever it was Azazel had planned.
Chapter Two
The night terror was the same as the ones before it. Sam was sitting in a field meditating and finally feeling the kind of peace he had always been seeking. Then Azazel appears and sits down in front of Sam smiling affably. Sam’s fear is bone deep, he’s frozen in place, unable to move, speak, or even think. Azalel’s eyes glow that bright yellow that turns Sam’s stomach. The wide, toothy smile chills Sam’s soul. One hand reaches out for Sam, but it’s no longer a human hand. Fingers are crooked and thick, with scaly, yellow nails that reach out to touch, making scraping motions in the air. Looking back at Azazel his face has changed, his mouth opens wide showing rows and rows of thin, needle like teeth, the mouth unhinges and the demon begins to move forward until he and Sam are but a hairsbreadth apart.
“I could devour you Sammy. You look and smell delicious. But, you’re special. You shall lead Lucifer’s army onto Earth and begin the glorious Apocalypse.”
Sam forces himself to stare into Azazel’s eyes, his heart beats to the rhythm of a far distant drum. The sweat popping out on his face feels like ice as it slides and drips down, slithering under the collar of his shirt. The fire he had going does nothing to reach him, the heat was a distant memory. But through all of this, one thought beat in his mind to that constant staccato rhythm, no, no, no, no.
Finally, his courage claws its way up from deep down inside of him. The love of his family, the strength of his friends bolster that courage and the icy sweat stops falling over his skin, the fire feels warm once more and Sam smiles before he speaks to the monster in front of him.
“No.” One word, but it was powerful enough to keep Azazel from invading anymore of his mind. The mouth opens again and almost at the point where the Demon would begin to tear bits of flesh from Sam’s body, he startles awake and looks around, getting his bearings before closing his eyes and stilling the strained beats of his heart.
“Sam?” Dean calls out as he bursts through the door.
“I’m all right, Dean. It was just a bad dream.”
“These aren’t any regular dreams Sammy. I think it’s time you talked to someone that can help.”
This was the same argument that the brothers had been having for months now. Sam knew it was Azazel trying to get to him, to invade his mind through his dreams and so far, Sam was keeping the Demon at bay. Eventually, though, he knew he would need to deal with it, but he wasn’t ready, not yet.
“Yeah, I know Dean and I already said that I was dealing with it.”
“Sam-”
“Dean, please. I just want to try to go back to sleep, okay?”
The long suffering sigh made Sam roll his eyes, then Dean was leaving letting Sam get back to sleep. Grabbing the pentagram he bought two weeks prior at Shades and Shadows, the occult bookstore he stumbled across, and lay back down. When he slept with it, Sam felt calmer, his mind stilled, and even if he dreamed, they weren’t the paralyzing terror filled ones when Azazel breached his barriers. Sam knew it was only a matter of time when the Demon was going to physically come for him, he just hoped he was ready for it.
Slipping the necklace around his neck, Sam took a deep breath and slowly let it go. By the time he had exhaled all the way, he was falling back to sleep.
The rest of the night Sam slept with no issues. Getting up, he didn’t exactly feel refreshed, but he felt better than he had the night before. Crawling out of bed, Sam went to the bathroom to take a long hot shower to clean off the sweat and grime of a bad night's sleep. After dressing he stripped the bed to throw the sheets in the washer and looked out the window at the rising sun. He liked Bobby’s place, but he felt more and more like he should get his own place somewhere. A place where he could be alone to figure out what it was he wanted from this life, not what his brother always manipulated him into.
Sam stepped away and opened up the fridge to get started on some breakfast. While he worked on making some homemade Johnny cakes, sliding some bacon in the oven and making a fresh fruit salad bowl, he continued his ruminations.
He knew at some point he and Dean were going to have a blowout. It was inevitable, and Sam needed to say a few things to Dean that had been on his mind since their father’s death. The problem was Dean rarely actually listened. He heard Sam’s words, but actually listening was a skill set that Dean didn’t seem to possess. However, if Sam was going to move on and get somewhat of a normal life, his brother needed to finally listen to him.
“What’cha doin’? Bobby asked as he poured himself a cup of coffee.
“Just getting some breakfast started. Should be done soon.”
Bobby leaned against the counter, Sam felt the man’s eyes on him as he worked around the kitchen.
“I ‘preciate you takin’ on so much of the cookin’. I know I’ve been eatin’ better since you boys came here. The contractor’s gonna be here later this mornin’ to begin the work.”
“That’s good, Bobby. I guess we’ll be doing takeout for a while?”
“I got all that campin’ equipment. We can haul all that out and set up some kind ‘a temporary thing.”
Sam looked over at Bobby and saw that he was sincere. If they planned it all out they could easily make do.
“We can move this here fridge to the garage next to the freezer. We’ll do fine.”
Sam’s lips twitched in a smile because he felt that Bobby was right in that they would be okay. Sam poured himself a cup of coffee then got another pot started after pouring Dean’s cup and setting it aside.
Bobby stepped outside and Sam didn’t see where he went, but he had noticed that the areas around the house were slowly getting cleaned up. Bobby was getting rid of a lot of stuff that was just pure junk. He had a few piles going, one was stuff to throw out, the other was stuff he was keeping, and the third was stuff that could be sold off. Sam took a moment to consider the changes in Bobby and thought they were all for the better.
“Ohh, bacon.” Dean grabbed the cup set out for him and munched on the bacon while giving Sam some time to finish up.
Sam called Bobby in for breakfast and they were all quiet as they filled their plates and ate. Sam and Bobby came by it naturally, but Dean, the other two could tell, was fidgety in the silence.
“So I think I have something out in California, up near Yosemite. It’s a weird one, that’s for sure.”
Sam took a bite of pancakes and waited for the pitch.
“You know it might take both of us for this hunt. I hate to say it, but you’re better with the victims and families of victims than me. What do you say Sammy? Ready to get back on out there?”
Sam sipped his coffee and took a little time to consider Dean’s request. The last time he jumped in because it was to try to find Dad, then Jessica...Sam looked down at his plate and closed his eyes. He had not dealt with Jessica’s death, not really. He put off the grief and pushed it down, but with the night terrors, not sleeping, and all of this time to think and be by himself, he was feeling that grief creeping up on him.
“No. No Dean, I’m not. There’s something else I need to do.”
“What’s more important than kilin’ monsters?” Dean smiled a smile that put Sam off a little. Sam always knew Dean enjoyed this part of their ‘family business’ a little too much, but lately there was something darker pushing at Dean and Sam didn’t like it. He wondered if losing their father and Dean coming back like he had affected his brother more than anyone took notice of.
Sam sighed, but kept on eating for a few moments not answering his brother. Something was pulling him to go to Jessica’s grave and had been for a while. Sam didn’t want to think about what it could be.
“Sam!” Dean’s impatience was one of the biggest fights between the brothers.
“Dean, calm down. Look, I just need to do something and I need to do it on my own. Okay?” Sam glared at Dean and knew that fight he had been dreading was closer than ever. Finally, Dean threw up his hands and shook his head.
“Fine, but I thought we weren’t keepin’ secrets from each other anymore.”
“Dean, it’s not that it’s secret, it’s just- personal. Something I need to do and I need to do it without you.”
“Whatever. I’ll be back in a few days any way, do whatever the fuck you want Sam.” Dean threw his napkin on the table and pushed his chair back violently before getting up and storming off. Not more than five minutes later, the front door slammed and the unmistakable sound of the Impala revved and peeled out of the lot.
“Sam, why didn’t you just tell Dean what’cha gonna do?”
“Bobby...” The words died in Sam’s throat as the hot tears he had been fighting back for far too long fell. He turned away from Bobby embarrassed.
“Sam, you know you can tell me anything, kiddo.”
Sam wiped his eyes with the napkin he had in his hand before turning back to Bobby. “I don’t know if I ever told you about Jessica.” Sam swallowed down the emotions that hit him harder than he expected them to.
“A little, but not everything.”
Taking a deep breath, Sam told Bobby everything. Getting into Stanford, his fight with John, being thrown out. How Dean got angry at him for wanting something normal, something safe. And how until the night Jessica had died, Sam knew what safe was. He knew what normalcy was like, and he missed going to school. Then, Jessica died the exact same way his mother died and it tore that illusion of safety away.
“I just pushed it all down. I’ve never gone back, never properly said goodbye and it’s been weighing on me Bobby. If I tell Dean- .”
“He won’t understand. Ah, hell, Sam. That’s a hell of a thing to deal with.” Bobby looked around the kitchen for a few moments then began speaking.
“I never told you boys much about myself and I try and pretend it’s ‘cause I’m a private man. I didn’t want no one close to me, and yet you boys changed that. Anyway, I was married. She was-” Bobby choked up and slowly got up out of his chair, making a show of getting a cup of coffee for himself. “She was everything to me, Sam.”
“What happened?”
“I didn’t know nuthin’ about demons and such. She was possessed and I ended up shootin’ her. It was Rufus who came ‘round and exorcised her, but it was too late, she died from her injuries. I killed my wife and I been holdin’ onto that guilt for a long time.”
Sam took a deep breath and looked at Bobby, “Do you- would you- “ Sam stuttered wanting to ask, but not wanting to ask at the same time.
“If yer askin’ if I’ll come with you, only if you want me to. Might be good for both of us.”
Sam smiled and left the table. He went to his room to pack a bag while he heard Bobby shuffling around before coming upstairs.
“Contractors here, I’ll just get ‘im started, then if you want we can leave.”
“You sure you want to leave with all of that going on?”
“Stan will watch over the place.”
Sam grabbed his bag and nodded once before he and Bobby left the house together, piled into the Shelby, which was running beautifully. Sam just needed to get it into the body shop next, but he felt this was more important. He knew he couldn’t move on until he went to Jessica’s grave and began the healing process. Sam was glad Bobby was coming with him, the man was more father to him than John Winchester had ever been. It didn’t matter that Bobby wasn’t blood, as Bobby often liked to say, Family didn’t end with blood.
________
Sam knelt at the edge of Jessica’s grave, Bobby stood beside him, a hand on his shoulder gently squeezing. He had unashamedly cried when they first got there and Sam fell to his knees, letting out the emotions he had been holding onto tighter than he had realized. The pain had been fresh at first, but slowly as he talked to Jessica, a part of him believing that she could hear him, Sam let those emotions that had been trapped inside, go.
Sam would always love Jessica. But, even he knew it had come time to begin the healing and to move on. Standing up, Sam saw something in Bobby’s eyes.
“Bobby, are you all right?”
A smile crossed his lips and Bobby nodded.
“Yeah, Sam. For the first time in far too long, I don’t feel that hard knot of guilt. I loved Karen, but I been holdin’ on to my guilt and shame for more years than I should have. Maybe it’s time I start lettin’ go same as you are.”
Sam smiled a real smile that he felt down to his soul. Things were feeling right again and Sam was going to fight hard to keep this life he was building. Whether that would include hunting, time would only tell.
Walking back to the car, Sam felt a shift in the air as an eerie silence descended around the quiet cemetery. The gentle noise of the birds was suddenly gone, the sounds that one normally ignores, but knows in the back of their mind that are there, were stilled in a way that made Sam and Bobby stop to try and figure out just what was going on.
The chill Sam began to feel started at the bottom of his feet and slowly crept its way along his skin, seeping through his pores and into his bones, freezing even the marrow. This was a cold that paralyzed, that amped up fears stopping the scream in his throat before it had time to escape. Sam tried not to panic as he wrapped a hand around his throat, willing his speech to come, but no sounds escaped.
Then, the rush of sound that descended on them so quickly that both Sam and Bobby were pushed to their knees. Covering his ears Sam let out a blood curdling scream at the pain from the noise as it grew louder and louder, a single high pitched whine rushed over him making Sam wish for something, anything to make it stop. Mere seconds later after the thought left his mind, the noise abruptly stopped and all normal sounds around him and Bobby returned, but the suddenness of it was almost as bad as that high pitched whine was. Sam was breathing hard to try to calm himself enough to stand without his legs shaking.
“Balls!” Bobby barely whispered, but Sam agreed with the sentiment. Standing, the two men stumbled back towards the car, looking around as they went to try to find the source of the noise. Both Sam and Bobby were silent as they walked through the cemetery. Hours later, there was nothing more out of the ordinary. Everything appeared to go back to normal. They got back to the car with the intention to start their journey back to South Dakota. Sam was about to floor it when he passed a small seemingly abandoned church that appeared off somehow.
Parking down the street onto a turnout, Sam got out of the car with Bobby asking what the hell he was doing. Sam gestured for him to stay in the car as he walked towards the Church. Something there pulled at him, and Sam wasn’t sure he wanted to know what it was, but the compulsion was far too strong.
Sam’s heart pounded as his hand violently shook. Wrapping his hand around the cold metal of the doorknob, Sam almost snatched his hand away, but he took a deep cleansing breath that settled his now raw nerves and inch by slow inch he pushed the door open and looked inside.
At first all he saw was darkness. It was a dark like he had never experienced before. It was not just merely dark, but when Sam stepped inside, the complete absence of light made his heart beat even faster. Taking a further step in, Sam’s eyes tried to adjust to that total lack of light, but he couldn’t focus on anything. The fear slowly snaked around his heart making him jump at the slightest noise. Sam moved forward, trying to get his bearings, but unable to.
When he took a few more steps inside he was driven to his knees by a painful flood of light such as he had never seen before. It wasn’t just bright, the light was tinged with every emotion one could put a name to as well as many that had no name. The overwhelming sense of love was almost too much as Sam struggled against whatever force was holding him down, then even that let up so quickly he almost fell over. When he looked up again he furrowed his brows in confusion.
“What and who are you?” Sam gasped out as he struggled to get up.
“Little Sammy Winchester,” The being, for no ordinary mortal could do the things that this being was doing, took a few steps towards Sam. “I am Gabriel. The angel.”
Sam’s jaw dropped as he looked at the man standing before him, his wings spread wide, all four of them, gleaming an impossibly bright white, the color was indescribable, but they were there. Sam began to reach out, but Gabriel gently tapped his hand.
“Uh un, you gotta buy me dinner first mister. No touchy, well not unless you’re naked and stretched out on a bed ready for some epic sexy times.”
Sam scrunched up his face, not believing what he was hearing.
“I’m sorry, what?”
Gabriel rolled his eyes, pulled his wings back to- somewhere. Sam couldn’t see what he did with them, then sat down on the long altar on the top section of the front of the church.
“Do I need to spell it out for you numbskull? I’m an Angel, and I’m here to help you with your little Azazel problem.”