Work Text:
…Okay so maybe being a full time vigilante wasn’t the greatest idea, the pay wasn’t the issue, there was no health insurance or insurance of any kind, your coworkers either loved your work ethic or were seemingly out for your blood.
Which is exactly why Izuku was standing behind the register of his favorite coffee spot, blinking as someone berated him for the cappuccino having too much foam.
‘I’d rather fight Stain and All For One in my underpants’ “Sir, a cappuccino is almost all foam with very little milk. You ordered it extra dry which means it’s all foam. Would you like one of my fellow barista’s to remake it?”
“I can’t believe this! A coffee shop that doesn’t know how to make a simple drink! I want to speak with your manager!”
Izuku smiled and nodded as he walked into the back room, pulling out his phone and sending a brief text.
TheLorax
So when is the next purge day?
Cat-somniac
I’m not going to dignify that with an actual response.
Who let you watch those prequirk movies???
I locked those up.
Burnt2Crisp
Oops… what happened now
BloodDonationStation
It’s whenever All for Ass gets out of prison
TheLorax
Bitch better hurry up with it
I’m tired of this shit grandpa
Burnt2Crisp
That’s too damn bad!
Izuku checked the time as he walks back out to the register. “Hi! I’m the manager and owner, how can I help? I heard you had an issue with your drink?” He put on the sweetest voice, one reserved for pissing off Eraser when the man made a snarky comment about Izuku’s caffeine intake. “I can give you a refund or a newly made drink as compensation for your wrong order.”
“YOU CAN’T BE THE OWNER YOU’RE TOO YOUNG I DEMAND A MANAGER”
“Hey hey, can we use our inside voice? Okay thank you friend, see that wasn’t so hard now was it. So, I will not be giving you a refund or a remake because at this point you’re making this more hostile than it has to be. Please get out or I’ll call the police.” Izuku looked up behind the man and his eyes lit up at the sight of Dabi standing menacingly. “Now, please excuse us, I need to help the next person in line.”
Dabi’s mock deep voice clearly startled the irate man as he ordered. “Yeah, I’ll have a large iced latte with…. Do you offer soy milk?”
“Yep.”
“Great, then I’ll add sugar syrup to that.” Dabi scooted the now silent man and paid, sending a mocking questioning face. “Enjoy your drink, after all the owner made it”
~~~
Dabi, Izuku, and Himiko collapsed on the couch, a puddle of exhaustion and a mutual want of food that wasn’t a pastry snuck on break.
“I hate it, I’d rather fight the Yakuza or something.” Izuku groaned as he checked his phone, making sure his loving boyfriend knew he didn’t nearly kill someone, just another Monday in this relationship. “I know ‘Wake Up Coco Cafe’ is popular but whoever let me schedule all of us on the same day with no spare employees needs to be fired.”
“It was you nut boy. You did that.” Dabi’s muffled response came and Himi tried to smother him with a pillow to keep the silence since Izuku was sat up. “Himi stop it, murder is for weekends only.”
“Okay then well I’ll… just hire more people so we only have to go in after UA.” Izuku caught a whiff of himself as he did his usual grand hand waving gesture. He started to pull everyone to a stand and began to corral them to the showers. “We need to shower, I smell like a sugar plum fairy fell into a mop bucket.” Izuku paused as Dabi flipped him off. “If you drown in the shower Bacon Bits I’ll dock your pay.”
“Nice try Nut Boy, you’re too nice for that!”
Izuku sighed as the two walked off to their rooms in the treehouse. “Now you decide to be perky Himi? My favorite nurse betrayed me to the burnt piece of bacon, I see how it is.” Izuku herded himself to the shower, dropping all of the work clothes in the basket then hopping into the steaming hot shower.
Silently wishing Toshi was there to help, Izuku lathered up his hair with the shampoo he’d been gifted by Hawks. Coconut scented of course, as is every. single. personal. product. he. had. Coconut Shampoo, UnderRipe Coconut green tinted conditioner, Colada Cologne, even his lotions had some sort of coconut scent in them. The gag gifts that keep on giving because the joke is on them, Izuku had enough beauty products to last him several years.
The trio reconvened in the living room after some much needed hot water and contemplation as they stared at the wall. “SO! I have horrible news”
“By all means don’t share. Keep it quiet, keep the peace.”
Himi laughs as she snuggles into the couch, Dabi heading into the kitchen to cook and Izuku moves with him to set the table. “We still have to do it again, good news is that more people can go in tomorrow so we can all have actual lunch breaks and short breaks! Izuwu you can even do paperwork so everyone gets paid on time!”
“Don’t remind me” Izuku whined as he jumped over the back of the couch to sit next to his best friend. Handing over a blood bag to keep her occupied, “I hope tomorrow is easier, it’s a Monday but at least we have more people so I can do paperwork and taxes.”
“ Taxes?” A whisper came from the kitchen. “We have to pay taxes? Can’t we just… not?”
“Yeah that’s a thing, if we don’t want to be like any other criminal who got caught by no doing their taxes then we have to be pretty perfect princesses by being legal”
“Since when do we do anything by the book” Dabi quipped, sizzling sounds filling the air with an aroma of spices.
Himiko laughed, blood dripping down her chin. “How the mighty have fallen, 2 months ago we were making people disappear, I was drinking from people, Dabi was… getting revenge or trying to and Izuku was just a genuine lorax!”
“I am not orange Himi!”
“No but you speak for the trees greenie”
“Betrayal of the highest caliber, lies and slander.”
~~~
CoocooforCocoCafe
TheLorax
It’s the way it’s not even 9am
And I’ve gotten a complaint
Cat-somniac
Now what happened??
Why is always when I’m at school
Who was it about
TheLorax
Himi Take it away
BloodDonationStation
A customer walked over to my table
While I was on break
And asked me why I wasn’t working
Burnt2Crisp
Because clearly Izu, Kit and I needed
Help with our 4 customers
There was a line of one after the person
I was ringing out
NoQuirkNoProblem
Literally I was finishing an espresso shot
And then it was just a milk tea
TheLorax
The person called the store
Just now
On the phone
BloodDonationStation
LITERALLY I NEEDED A BLOOD BREAK
But noooooo clearly I need to work
Burnt2Crisp
What’re they sayin?
NoQuirkNoProblem
Probably some bullshit
I told them to leave her alone since
she was on a break and the line was fine
TheLorax
“We’ve lost a valuable customer
since they’re a sidekick for the top heroes”
Meaning the flaming trash pile it turns out
May or may not have already leaked the call to their agency
Oopsie daisy
BirdieBoy
You really enjoy stressing out my bosses huh
Can I have one day off kiddo?
TheLorax
No<3
And I didn’t leak it
Burnt2Crisp
That means the rat did
NoQuirkNoProblem
So uncle leaked it
BloodDonationStation
JINX!
BirdieBoy
Ughhhhh
IZUKU
STOP IT NOW I HAVE
TO TALK TO THAT TRASH CAN
TheLorax
I’d say make me birdie but honestly
I don’t care~
Means I get less assholes
BirdieBoy
Whomp whomp
He’s upsetti spaghetti
You’d think that since he’s on probation that
his infamous temper would cool a bit
But nO
Burnt2Crisp
Whomp Whomp
Maybe he’ll actually go to jail this time
What a prick
BloodDonationStation
You know you can swear right Dabs
Burnt2Crisp
What an absolute refrigerator
BloodDonationStation
Fair enough
Izu! I’m back behind the bar and I’m sending Kitty on break
NoQuirkNoProblem
I’m not a cat Himi
BloodDonationStation
You sure at like one
Go on break
TheLorax
Better hide in the office with me
I’m calling ShiggyDiggy brb
~~~
Izuku leaned back on his spinning office chair, the single best purchase he’d made towards this side hustle. “Shiggy! Big bro”
“What do you want brat”
“Big talk from someone who lost mario kart, would you be able to either come in for a shift or hang around in the lobby tonight?”
“...why would I?”
“Himi is closing tonight, Dabi has patrol tonight on the other side of town, and I have a meeting with some less than pleasant people. Toshi can’t come into work because there's a test tomorrow and he needs to study. Our other employee’s need to be home as mandated by their schools. I was hoping you could keep Himi company?” Izuku tapped his pen against the list of available employees. Truthfully Shigaraki only came in when there was a new game he wanted coming out.
“...for Himiko I’ll hang out in the lobby. I can bring my game console, right?”
“Yeah of course, as long as you can keep an eye out for anyone sus, you dig shiggy?”
“Never say that again”
“Fiiinneeee. Yeah you can bring anything to keep you entertained you Ipad baby. We had a bad experience with an Endeavour sidekick and I don’t want anything happening while Himi is alone.”
Izuku heard the loud sigh at the playful insult. Shigaraki had gotten better at not throwing a fit when Izuku teased him (consensually). “Yeah, does she need blood or anything? I can grab some on the way. When do I need to be there?”
“If you could be there by 4 that would be great, that’s when Dabi and I leave and it’s just Himi and the kiddo. The kid leaves at 5 and will be getting picked up by his dad. As you know the shop closes at 7 so it’ll be two hours of just Himi. She just had a full sized medical blood bag and we have spares in her special fridge up in the office.”
“I’ll bring one just in case.”
~~~
Tomura ended up bringing two packed dinners, freshly made, by his caretaker for the kid and Himiko. Rice, chicken katsu, and stir fried vegetables; one made with ‘special thickener’ for his not daughter. Izuku met him at the door, giving Tomura the spare keys to the office and store just in case. After a brief tour of the office, one that included where the first aid kits were, the employee fridge, and the camera system, Izuku left after making sure the kid’s ride would be there on time and not a second later, asking Tomura to walk the child to the car.
“... oh what’s the kids name by the way? You never told me.” He grumbled into the phone, slouching in the booth after handing out dinner.
“Ohhhh right, so the kiddo does a little bit of stuff for his dad and for legal reasons I can’t give out his name. Just call him whatever’s appropriate, Himi calls him Neko or Kitty, Dabi just calls him kiddo or the infant.”
“Ugh you’re so… lawful it’s sickening. Fine, I’ll just call him kiddo. I made sure the two ate dinner, they covered each other's breaks.”
“Good! I did tell them to take a dinner break before I left. Thank you for bringing the two some homemade food! You get free coffee for the 3 hours, you can have any of the sodas or food too.” There was a rattling noise from the other side. Tomura guessed Izuku was getting his weapons attached while trying to balance the phone. “I gotta run, keep them company yeah? If anything happens, call the police and watch from afar. Don't want my fav brobro to get arrested while doing me a favor”
The telltale click let Tomura know when to set his phone on the table. Playing on his handheld gameboy, he kept looking up whenever the doorbell signaled someone new. He recognized a few faces, keeping the neutrality clause of the shop true he blocked out anyone who wasn’t the kiddo or Himi.
The night ended well, no irate customers or unsavory sidekicks cursed the cutesy coffee shop. The kid went home right on time and Tomura walked him to the car as instructed. Tomura and Himiko spent the rest of the time cleaning together and hanging out from 6 o'clock onwards, the store was empty no one had come in. The doors got locked at exactly 7 and the two turned off ovens, cleaned espresso machines and steam wands, and packed up the leftover pastries to get dropped off at the police station and at the shelter nearby.
“...how are you doing Himi? You’ve been doing well right? Getting enough blood and good stuff right? Nothing expired?”
“Zuku treats me really well, he gives me lots of tasty cute blood! Nurse G makes sure I get some at work!”
Tomura hums as he grabs her coat and does a final check of the inner doors, making sure everything is locked up. “At UA? I’m surprised they allow it with the quirk discrimination.”
“Well, Izu and Dabi may have insinuated some blackmail if any of the teachers say anything. Nurse G got reminded of her healer's oath for helping any quirk. Nedzu is happy I’m there to help some of the Gen Ed kids.” Himiko led him out of the front door, locking the handle and deadbolt. Tomura pulls out his phone and texts his oh so caring babysitter.
GetShiggyWithIt
Kuro, we’re all locked up. Can you portal us to the bar?
MamaGiri
Of course, she’ll need to go straight home though
Do you have the coordinates?
GetShiggyWithIt
no
“Hey Himi, what's the xyz to your base?” He peeks over at her.
“Nice try! Super cute try though! I can get dropped right outside of the forest! The cocopals will walk me the rest of the way!”
GetShiggyWithIt
U can drop her off at the forest
Won't tell me :/
MamaGiri
Fair enough, I’ll send her home.
~~~
“My bagel is too toasted! The lack of communication is astounding. I can’t believe this, I don’t have a problem with the customer service, the food quality, or even the cleanliness; it’s the lack of-”
“Okay ma’am so… what is the issue then. At no point did you ask for a “lightly” toasted bagel. Do you want a new bagel or a refund?”
“... well a new bagel would be nice.”
Izuku rolled his eyes as he swiped the bagel off of the table and dumped it into the trash before signaling to Himiko to start another bagel. “Don’t insult my employees or my cafe. Next time I’ll refuse service” Izuku grumbled as he pulled the pasty bagel out of the toaster. It’d been in for less than twenty seconds but really he was tempted to burn it. Damn Hitoshi and his incessant need to make Izuku less petty.
‘I can only deal with one petty man at a time. Aizawa is needlessly petty to the other teachers.’
‘Awww but babe, I can’t even be mean to people at work?’
‘Other vigilantes? Sure. not the general public babe’
That’d been the end of that, Izuku hated going against his boyfriends wishes like that. He preferred to keep the metaphorical peace at home. That and Toshi had a way with words, a very very nice way with words; incredibly persuasive if you would.
Dabi left the bagel on the counter, announcing it to the cafe. “Very lightly toasted bagel, a wisp of heat and the tiniest amount of color. A breath of-”
“Dabi, that's enough, come here and make this drink.”
Maybe they weren’t really cut out to be ‘normal citizens’... yeah sticking to vigilantism would be better.