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Yuuji's fist connected with the head of the cursed spirit in a satisfying crunch. Blood and pieces of decaying flesh splattered out in all directions, hitting his cheeks and forehead and soaking into his hoodie, staining the bright yellow into a muddy brown. The boy grit his teeth at the stench and moist feeling slowly sliding down his face. On the ground, the cursed spirit twisted its worm-like body in a last death throes. It let out a loud screech that pierced right through his ears and numbed his thoughts for a split second, before disappearing into thin air leaving only spatters of gorey mess behind.
Trying to shoo away the echoes of the curse’s voice, Yuuji forcefully shook his head and attempted to remove the bits of flesh and blood still sticking to his face. Not an easy task, seeing how his fists were still dripping with the wretched substance as well. As his clothes were ruined anyway, he just resorted to using the sleeve of his sweater to wipe away the grime. This was the last of the bunch. Soon he’d be able to take a hot shower and change into something more comfortable, it was no use trying to keep up appearance now.
With a deep sigh he rightened himself, leaned back and stretched his tense muscles. He had only taken down five today, but this last one was definitely a grade one, so that should make up for it and he had managed to do it without getting so much as a scratch. Only his clothes might’ve been a sacrifice if Choso didn’t manage to get the stains out. Would be unfortunate, he really liked this hoodie. His brother had gifted it to him when he started middle school last year. The bright colour was supposed to remind him of all the summers they spent playing together and chase away the dark thoughts that tended to creep up on him every so often. Be it the nervousness of going to a new school or having to go down to his mother’s lab. It had become somewhat of a good luck charm for him, which was why he had wanted it with him on this more strenuous mission. Looking back on it, maybe not the best idea. There had been some grass stains on it before, but cursed blood was something else. Kind of ironic that this gift too would be inevitably tainted by his mother’s work.
It didn’t matter. Even if it wasn’t spotless anymore, that would give him all the more reason to keep wearing it during one of his many missions. Not much more to ruin there and he felt like he’d need some luck for whatever would be thrown at him next, considering he did really well with this case.
After leaning his head to the side and hearing an audible crack as his vertetra realigned itself, he made his way back home in a casual stroll. Thankfully, it was past midnight by now and the darkness hid most of his appearance as he walked through the woods of Yoyogi Park. The train was mostly empty and the few people he encountered didn’t mind how he looked. Due to the colour of curse blood, people probably just assumed he had helped paint a room or gotten into a paintball fight.
Their home was an unassuming house in Musashino. Four rooms and a tiny garden with a few bushes he and his brother resolutely tried to keep alive. Single-floor, but with a hidden basement that covered the whole premise. His mother’s domain that he tried to enter as little as possible, but couldn’t avoid giving a monthly visit for a check-up.
When he walked down the street towards the house, his brother already came flying towards him, likely having spent the whole night biting his nails and waiting for the faintest whiff of Yuuji’s cursed energy to enter his sensory field. He had to repress a chuckle as questions came flying at him as soon as he was within hearing distance.
“Hey Choso, nice to see you too,” he greeted with an exasperated laugh and lightly pushed his brothers hands away that were already padding his body for wounds. “I’m fine, no injuries. It’s all the curse’s blood. Sorry for ruining the hoodie.”
“What took you so long?” Choso shot back immediately. “There were only five, right? You should’ve been back hours ago.”
“One of them was pretty tricky to find.” He sighed. “Good at camouflaging and fairly small too. That made it easy to kill, but I had to find it first. And the last one was grade one I’m sure, so it took me a while to take it down. All worked out in the end though.”
Choso squinted at him, still not quite trusting his statement that everything was alright. “At least write me a text when you know things will take longer. I was close to going out there myself to look for you.”
He gave the other a sheepish smile. “Sorry, I forgot. I’ll remember next time.” His brother shook his head and pushed him towards home, eager to get him safely inside. “So, do you think you can save the hoodie?”
The older boy looked down at him and surveyed the mess. “Probably. There might be some faint stains left, the rims of the blood will be tough, but most should be able to go out if you put it in cold water once we’re inside. If not, I can buy you a new one.”
“No, no,” Yuuji immediately interjected. “I like this one, that’s why I want to keep it. I was just asking because I hate to see it this dirty. I’ll wear it regardless. It’s just that I wouldn’t want these blood spots to be permanent.”
Choso gave him a light smile. “I’m sure we can do something about it.”
Once they entered the house, Yuuji made a beeline for the bathroom, threw his sweater into the bathtub and poured cold water over it to let it soak for the night like his brother had advised. When coming face to face with the mirror, he pulled a grimace at how dirty and beaten he looked. No scratches or black eyes, but his hair was dusty and you could see where he had tried to wipe the blood away, only succeeding in smearing it over his entire face. He washed himself as best as he could and tried to scrape some of the dirt from under his nails with moderate success. Once he didn’t look like he just rolled fresh out of a waste bin, he left the bathroom and found his brother already waiting by the door leading downstairs.
Choso gave him something of an apologetic smile, just like he did every time Yuuji made his descent to the basement, as if it was his fault he had to go down there. At least there shouldn’t be any major procedure this time, he was essentially just giving a mission report, but you never knew with his mother.
The air grew colder as they walked and he wished he had grabbed another sweater before coming down here. The hairs on his arms stood up, goosebumps travelling over his skin and running in a shiver down his spine. It was as much a reaction to the cold as an instinctual response to his surroundings. The slightly musty smell was turned into something truly suffocating as the sharp aroma of disinfectant was added to it. Yuuji discreetly rubbed his nose. It had been years of this same routine and he still wasn’t used to it.
When he was little and barely able to walk the stairs on his own, the stench had always brought tears to his eyes, making him heave when the odour of blood and decay from a fresh corpse was added to it. Once seeing the cold steel of the autopsy table his tears would roll down his cheeks freely and he’d hide in the fabric of Choso’s pants for as long as they could give him a semblance of comfort.
By now, he was used to it. No matter what his mother made him swallow, injected into his veins or what surgery he was forced to help with, nothing could truly surprise him anymore, and while it never became comfortable, he learned to deal with it. Only the shivers remained. He hadn’t been able to suppress them yet, just like the memories he had made down here.
They reached the open room of his mother’s laboratory. In the middle stood the autopsy table, imposing in its deceptive immaculacy. To the right was an assortment of shelves filled with books, medical equipment and jars of preserved organs. To the left was his mother’s desk, quaking under piles of binders, loose notes, a scanner and a two screen computer setup. His mother stood further to the side in front of a big terrarium, watching the large centipede inside eat a chunk of raw flesh. The peculiar pet’s name was Tengen and the thing had been here ever since Yuuji could remember. His mother was taking aggravatingly good care of it, more than their own children.
They glanced up as the children entered and put the forceps used for the feeding aside. Yuuji went to the examination table immediately, already knowing how this would go down. He hopped up on the surface and tried to get as comfortable as was possible on the unforgiving cool steel. Choso stayed by the side, close to the staircase, overlooking the room silently.
“There you are,” his mother greeted him with a measured smile. “What took you so long?”
It wasn’t an accusation, merely honest curiosity about what had happened. He appreciated that lack of judgement, it was probably the best part of these missions. Even if he came home bloody with multiple broken bones, she would only ask what went wrong and what he thought he could’ve done better while healing his most serious injuries. No lecture on being more careful or admonishing him for failing. Choso took over the part of lecturing him about safety. Similar to how he was also the one showing concern for his physical and mental state. If he collapsed out in the field, Choso would be the one to come by and pick him up. Sent there by his mother, but she wasn’t really one to show emotions such as worry openly. He wasn’t even entirely sure if she did feel care for him, maybe she merely wanted to preserve an important test subject and investment. These thoughts used to give him many sleepless nights and angry tantrums in front of his family, all leading to nothing, so he resorted to pushing the anxieties away whenever they came to haunt him again.
“One of the curses was hard to find. Quick and good at camouflaging and deception. It took me a while to see through it and to detect it. The last one was also a grade one I assume and the fight took a little longer than expected,” he recited evenly.
The other hummed, leaning their head to the side and studying his appearance. Their silhouette, accentuated by a black turtleneck and dark jeans, clashed harsh against the bleached clean surroundings and fluorescent light flickering from above.
“No injuries?”
Yuuji shook his head. His mother came closer, walking leisurely, but nonetheless making Yuuji brace himself for contact. They surveyed his body up close and then lifted a hand, tapping a finger against his chin and making him turn his head from side to side by applying slight pressure. As he faced to the right, they stopped him.
“Did you hurt your ear at some point? There is some dried blood here and it seems to be yours.”
He lifted an eyebrow in confusion. “Oh, I think that might’ve been from the last curse. It screamed before dying and the tone was pretty loud.”
They let go of him and grabbed an otoscope from a nearby drawer. He cringed a little at feeling the tool slide into his ear canal.
“Did you feel any long-lasting dizziness or nausea?”
“No. I got disoriented for a second, but no problems since.”
The otoscope disappeared and Yuuji straightened his head again. Taking a step back, his mother gave him a satisfied nod.
“Sounds like your tympanic membrane might’ve been hurt or raptured, but it has all healed up now. I don’t see any damage. Would you say the mission was difficult? Are you satisfied with how it turned out?”
Yuuji crossed his arms in thought. “Hmm, overall I wouldn’t say it was very difficult. There was never a point where I seriously thought I would need help. If I improved at sensing cursed energy, I could’ve found that one small curse faster, but aside from that I think it went well.”
His parent seemed satisfied with his answer. “I’m glad to hear that and I would agree with your assessment. That the ruptured eardrum is your only injury is very impressive.” Involuntarily, the corners of Yuuji’s mouth lifted at the praise. However, as the silence between them stretched on, he became cautious. There was a glint in his mother’s eyes he didn’t like. They wordlessly analysed Yuuji’s state once more before continuing, “I think it is time we take your training to the next level.”
Yuuji didn’t like the sound of that at all. Swallowing nervously, he kneaded his hands in his lap. A lone tear of cold sweat ran down his neck and the shiver from earlier returned. He tried to calm down, chiding himself for panicking at this simple statement. At worst he would have to drink another weird concoction or get poked by a needle, maybe some stronger enemies to kill. Nothing he didn’t know, nothing he wasn’t used to. His nails dug into his palm, providing him with the pain he needed to centre his thoughts.
Any measure of control he managed to regain didn’t last very long as he watched his mother walk over to the nearby shelves, halting in front of a glass cabinet. Yuuji’s blood ran cold and he clenched his fists tighter. Lined up behind the door were eight containers, each one housing a foetus swimming in its midst. His siblings. The Death Paintings.
Usually, he would avoid even looking in the direction of that particular shelf. They had always frightened him. Every time he came here, any time he laid stretched out on the examination table, they would look down on him and silently watch his plight. Ever-present silent observers. Worst of all, they weren’t dead. If he concentrated, he could feel their presence and how their attention seemed always naturally drawn towards him. Little claw hands would twitch and tails occasionally wagged, making it obvious what the state of these creatures was. The ones who had eyes would stare at him, unblinking. When the drugs were kicking in, he often thought they might be pleading with him, begging him to let them out and end their misery, but he had never dared to come near them.
They had always been a warning to him, clear evidence of his mother’s nature if he was ever tempted to forget. If he didn’t behave or stopped being useful, he might end up like them. If his mother hadn’t arbitrarily decided he had potential, he would be sitting up on that shelf as well, aborted before he could prove his worth. He wasn’t any different from them, pure chance had ensured he would even be born. His mother had never threatened him or openly compared him to them, except to tell him how much better he was and how proud she was of him, but as soon as he found out who these creatures were, he couldn’t help but see the arbitrariness of his own life. No matter what his mother said, this fear was inescapable.
His heart sank further as he watched the cabinet open, one of the jars being taken out and carried over to him. Yuuji involuntarily scooted to the side a little bit. From the corner of his eyes he could see Choso coming closer as well, although not interfering with what was happening. Protective as he was of his siblings, the situation put his older brother as much on edge as him.
His mother stopped in front of him, the jar displayed before them between two hands and a dangerously sweet smile on their lips. They playfully tapped their fingers on the lid of the container. “This is Shoso. It was the youngest one before you were born.” Yuuji wanted to throw up. “I’ve been pondering this next step for a while, wondering if this is the right way and how it might help you in the future, but I think you are finally ready.” They stretched out the container towards Yuuji. “I want you to eat Shoso.”
He stared, speechless. First at his mother, then his eyes lowered to the foetus swimming inside the jar. It was a little light brown tadpole-like being with black blotches sprinkled over its pale skin. The spine was crooked and boney, the hands clasped together as if in prayer. Little tentacles splayed from the lower half of its deformed face, giving it an appearance similar to an octopus. Most notable were the eyes however. Big, round, dark and taking up most of the worm’s face. They had a horrible childlike innocence to them and the way it was looking up at him made him think it might be apologising to him for what was about to happen or asking for mercy.
“What?” he croaked out, not taking his eyes off the foetus.
“Just swallow it whole, like a pill. Don’t worry, it doesn’t bite,” his mother joked, voice still soft and making an unsuccessful attempt to be reassuring.
He couldn’t take it. Yuuji jumped off the table and ran a few steps away, trying to escape the oppressive air and get to the relative safety of open space.
“I’m not doing that.”
His mother gave him a sympathetic look that didn’t manage to appear wholly genuine due to the amusement still sparkling in their eyes. A desperate silent beg for help towards Choso didn’t do anything either. His brother stayed behind, surveying the scene thoughtfully. Usually he’d jump in any time he saw a treatment as too harsh, even when Yuuji had already agreed to it, but the involvement of their sibling seemed to make him pause.
“I know this might sound horrible to you,” his mother said in a reassuring tone, “but I picked Shoso for a reason. It is the least human and the weakest one out of all of them. This will help you get used to this process and gradually awaken your true abilities. It should digest and integrate into your body without much problem. Its strength will become your strength and you will use its soul to grow your own.” They gave him a smile that actually seemed sincere for once. “There is so much potential within you, my boy, and this is how you can unlock it. I have made mistakes in the past, but with you, I can turn them into success. My failures, your siblings, can elevate you even now.”
Sweat was running freely down Yuuji’s neck and his breath came out in short panicked gasps, struggling to provide him with oxygen. The air seemed much thinner suddenly. His gaze rapidly snapped between his unborn sibling, his mother and his oldest brother, all watching him expectantly, neither saying anything or coming to help him. He ground his teeth in agitation, helpless at what to do, not knowing how to process this insanity.
“No. This is crazy. I- I can’t do this. I won’t do this!”
This room was too small, too cramped, filled too much with death, undeath and decay. Invisible hands gripped his throat, squeezing the life and his last bit of rationality out of him, getting tighter any time he imagined swallowing the little worm in that jar; his own sibling, who kept looking at him, those big dark eyes inescapable.
He needed out, get away. He couldn’t take this.
Before anyone could say another word, he stormed out of the basement, uncaring if he might get in trouble for it or be reprimanded later. Desperate for fresh air, he ran outside, slamming the front door shut behind him. Unsure of where to go, he blindly stumbled into the little garden behind the house. His feet didn’t take him far and all too soon, he fell down into the damp grass, fingers digging into the earth. The cool air was refreshing and helped even out his breathing, but it didn’t stop the shivering, the sweat, the tears starting to run down his cheeks. Gasping between coughs, sobs and heaves, he weavered out the mental breakdown that had been threatening to overtake him ever since his mother stepped towards that cabinet.
He didn’t know how long he stayed outside, he only knew that at some point his trembling arms were less due to nerves and more because of the cold. His sweat started to cool on his skin. Still, he didn’t want to move, didn’t want to risk breaking this small window of peace where all he was concerned about was breathing, feeling the earth below him, the wind in his hair and the smell of the camellia bushes.
After a while, a warm hand landed on his shoulder. Yuuji flinched at the sudden contact and lifted his head. Choso was looking down at him, a worried crease between his brows.
“Come inside. You will get cold,” he mumbled softly, hand rubbing small circles on Yuuji’s back.
He rightened himself, swiping away his brother’s hand in the process and using his clammy t-shirt to wipe his face. “I’m fine. It’s not that cold.”
His brother gave him a long stare. The cold was clearly not the issue he was really concerned about. It wasn’t like Yuuji wanted him to go away, part of him wished to fall into his arms right now, but after seeing Choso’s expression down in the basement, he was unsure of the other’s intentions.
“Please come inside and we can talk about this,” his brother pleaded once more.
He sniffed. “What is there to talk about? I’m not going down to Mom’s again and I sure as hell am not swallowing that thing.”
Choso sighed and gave him a pitying look. Slowly, he crept closer, until he was sitting right beside Yuuji and laid a strong arm around his shoulders. It was tempting warmth and despite his internal protest, he let himself be pulled closer until his head was lying against his brother’s chest.
“Please don’t talk about our sibling like that. They didn’t choose this either.” His tone was low, fragile and the only reason Yuuji didn’t immediately push him away.
“You want me to do this too?” The following silence was answer enough. “Why? If you care about them, about me, why do you want me to do this? I’m eating my own family. Isn’t that worse?”
Truth be told, if it was dead, if it was some other body part like a finger, Yuuji would be less distraught about it. It wasn’t pretty, he wouldn’t enjoy it, but he could close his eyes and go through with it like any other procedure. But this was a person in some way, a living being, even if it was partially curse. They had a conscience, a will however weak, eyes to watch him with and hands to reach out to him. The mere thought of feeling this writhing body on his tongue send bile up his throat.
“They won’t die,” Choso replied evenly. “Father said they will integrate, become part of you and that way they can live on. Didn’t you feel it as well? They long to be free. It doesn’t matter by which means. They have been trapped down there for over a decade, unable to die or act on their own will, always merely watching Father’s disgusting experiments and your pain. They are forever trapped in those stale containers with no human contact or even a word of affection. They can’t communicate like we do, but I know just like you that they will take any chance to break out of that monotony, that limbo between death and life. You can give them that.” He shifted slightly, so he could meet Yuuji’s gaze. Despite the darkness, he could see tears shimmering in his brother’s eyes. “It might sound cruel, but by eating them, you can release them, give them the kinship they never had and bring us closer together. We could become a real family, united not divided by cruelty and apathy.” The older boy swallowed harshly. His eyes wandered towards the house and the soft yellow light behind the windows. “Maybe…maybe one day, if you get strong enough, together with our siblings, we can escape from here.”
Yuuji stared up at his brother. Running away. That wasn’t really something he had ever considered. Sure, he could get scared, desperate, feel suffocated by his own home, but he had never thought of escaping, even with Choso by his side. It was hard to imagine anything else. Anything outside of the fights, the curses, the basement, his mother’s probing eyes and hands. Would he really want to leave it all behind? He hated his mother’s examinations, but at the same time, during those times she also healed him, asked about his day, complimented his achievements however minor. And she was much more bearable outside that basement. She taught him soccer and how to swim. She would let him watch any movie no matter how disturbing and would bring him to bed if she had the time. Moments like these would push any dark memory of her deeds underground aside. It didn’t really matter if she actually cared about him as a son or if he was just an appreciated test subject to her, as long as she went through the motions, was there for him when he needed her, what difference did it make?
However, he had always been aware of the Death Paintings’ plight. Their consciousness, their will to be saved from their confines, it was exactly what frightened him so much. But to see him eating them as an act of saving them? Perhaps. Perhaps his brother was right and Yuuji was looking at it too selfishly. What was a little discomfort if it meant helping these suffering souls. His own family at that. He wasn’t so sure if it would really bring them closer together, but the act alone might be worth it. His mind returned to those round eyes that had stared up at him through the glass. They had asked for mercy, for freedom, to take them away from the clutches of his mother. They had gone through far worse than he had, trapped forever in a still and quiet hell. Shouldn’t he listen and do his part to help them?
Yuuji sat up and pushed himself off his brother’s lab. “Okay. I’ll do it. If you think it’s for the best and this is how we can help our siblings, I’ll do it.”
Choso smiled up at him warmly. “Thank you. I really appreciate it, little brother. I truly believe this is for the best. Don’t worry, I will keep Father in check. If he tries to push you to do anything more than that, I will interfere. Like always.”
He reached up and ran his fingers through Yuuji’s hair, affirming his promise to be there for him no matter what. Then he stood up and grabbed Yuuji’s hand. Together, they walked back inside.
Once entering the house, they found his mother sitting in the living room, watching some stand-up comedy show and absentmindedly eating the leftover mochi from yesterday. The sight was a stark difference to how he had met her down in the basement. Dressed in sweatpants and a loose shirt instead of the lab clothes, hair freed from the tight ponytail falling over her shoulders, and slumped on the sofa somewhere between sitting and lying down just like Yuuji himself liked to do. This was the side of his mother that made him unsure about leaving. Not the scientist seeking out the improvement of his body, but the parent who told him stories and made silly faces to make him laugh when he was sick from the medicine.
She looked up as they entered, lifting an eyebrow in question.
“I’m doing it,” Yuuji mumbled, avoiding eye contact. “I will eat Shoso.”
Her face immediately brightened and she jumped into action. “Fantastic. I’m glad you have come to your senses. Wait for me in the bathroom, I will prepare everything.” They rushed past the two children and disappeared downstairs again.
Yuuji was quite relieved that they would do it up here. Going back to the cold, sterile basement and having all the other Death Paintings watching him would only make it worse and he didn’t need to add that particular anxiety to this already unpleasant experience.
Once inside the bathroom, he sat down on the rug in front of the bathtub and tried to calm his nerves. Choso was sitting next to him, reassuringly squeezing his hand. The stench from his soaking bloody hoodie hung above them, creeping into his nostrils and fogging his mind. He tried to ignore it. When his mother joined them, Yuuji let go of Choso’s hand and shifted into a more upright position, trying to be confident about this.
His mother crouched down before him, the container with Shoso in hand. For some reason he felt better having her at eye level, both of them on stable ground and not him up on the examination table and them towering above him. It felt more personal this way, like this was a weird little family ritual they were performing. And that descriptor might be quite accurate. All the family he had and who could be here was present, supporting him during this procedure instead of pressuring him on from a distance like earlier in the basement.
The lid of the jar opened and carefully his mother fished the foetus out of the liquid with two fingers. Yuuji tried not to look at the wiggling little thing for too long or his resolve might falter. He reached out his hand and felt a wet, slimy organism be placed into his palm. It moved, the tentacles tickled his skin and the fragile bones bore into his sinews. Risking a glance, he was met with Shoso’s eyes once more. Their body looked even smaller in his hand, helpless and utterly at his mercy. Yet the desperation from earlier was gone. He could feel relief, gratitude, perhaps even some eagerness. There was still that apology somewhere deep in those dark orbs, as if it pained Shoso to have to do this to Yuuji, but in this warm bathroom with Choso’s reassuring presence by his side, he didn’t feel as frightened by it anymore.
Still, the longer he looked at the little creature, the more human it seemed. The hands, fingers, eyes and shallow pulsing heat in his hand made it impossible to imagine him swallowing anything, much less this foetus. With every passing second his throat seemed to clamp up further. He looked over to Choso, then his mother, both reassuring him in their own way it would be okay. Everyone was counting on him.
Squeezing his eyes shut, he lifted his hand to his face, opened his mouth as wide as he could and quickly shoved the little body inside. Skin met his tongue, clammy and bitter. There was movement inside his mouth; a spine piercing into his gums and the head laying near his oesophagus. Immediately, he started to gag. All he could think was to get it out and as far away from him as possible, but before he could follow his impulses, a big hand clamped over his mouth and his head was pushed back, straightening his throat.
Panicked, he opened his eyes and saw his mother leaning over him, a calm smile on their lips as always.
“It’s alright. Breathe slowly, relax your tongue and throat and it will slide down on its own.”
Yuuji had trouble relaxing anything in this situation, but he tried his best. His mother was helping him, in her own way. All he had to do was follow instructions. Again, he tried to widen his jaw as much as possible without opening his mouth and used his tongue to push the writhing body deeper down his throat while making rapid swallowing motions. It was disgusting, the taste brought tears to his eyes. Physical impulses rebelled against rationality. It seemed to take forever. Bit by bit the body moved back before being pushed forwards again by a gag reflex.
He felt bad for Shoso, having to endure and suffer longer due to Yuuji’s weak resolve. Being teased with oblivion only to be pulled back at the last second. That thought gave him strength. All he had to do was swallow - a basic bodily function - and this would all be over.
Taking a deep breath, he tried one more time with heightened emphasis to force the foetus down his throat. One last feeble protest from his muscles and then they gave way. He could feel Shoso slide down his throat, pressing on his windpipe for a moment and making him choke, before passing the threshold and disappearing into his body.
His muscles loosened and he slumped into himself. The hand disappeared from his mouth, letting him slowly rightened his head. Staring at the bathroom floor, unseeing, he tried to process what was happening inside of him.
At first it simply felt like he swallowed an exceptionally large bite of food, but it soon began to dissolve. Heat welled up inside him, first circling inside his belly and then spreading through his entire body, burning through his bones and pushing against the thin shield of his skin. An indescribable force grabbed him, shook him and threatened to overtake his mind. A maelstrom of energy arose from within, turning faster and faster. The only thing he could do was sit and weather it out, planting his hands and feet firmly on the ground, centering himself and his being while his sibling tried to overtake his body.
He could feel Shoso more immanent than ever before. A being somewhere between curse and human, lacking rationality and being driven by the base instinct of freedom and attempting to take hold of what they never had. Years of loneliness, tranquility, murky images of observed torture flashed past him. A vague need to feel something - anything - had become all the more desperate being given human senses now. Shoso tried to take control, not out of maliciousness or hate for Yuuji, but as a simple survival instinct.
The more aware Yuuji became of these emotions, the better he could withstand them, separate them from his own needs, thoughts and soul. With his growing consciousness, Shoso’s withered. The storm blew past, exerting its energy before deflating into a mellow breeze. The energy that used to push at the fabric of his physicality curled into itself, resting as a persistent fiery glimmer in a pocket right underneath Yuuji’s heart, granting him strength to keep them both afloat.
Their souls unified. Yuuji’s body re-established its domain and sovereignty, taking from Shoso what it needed and leaving only a slither of being behind that seamlessly nestled itself into the hollow parts of his soul. His cursed energy grew more potent, feeding off the new source it had been given.
He blinked slowly, becoming aware of his surroundings again. Lifting his head, he came face to face with his smiling mother. She cupped his cheek, her skin cool allaying his fevery hot one.
“I knew you could do it. That is why you are my favourite.” Touching his forehead, she asked, “How do you feel?”
Yuuji glanced to the side and saw his brother look at him with a new found awe and love, clearly proud of him and able to perceive to some extent what had just happened.
“Good. I guess.” He lifted his hand and placed it on his chest, right where the remains of his sibling lay buried. “They threatened to overtake me - it was an innate desire - but didn’t succeed. Shoso gave me their energy, but I can still feel them inside me.”
“It will likely stay that way for the time being, but eventually that too will fade. It is food, there to nurture your body and once it fulfilled its purpose and enhanced your soul as much as it physically could, it will be gone.”
His fist buried into his shirt at the thought. This was likely what Shoso would have wanted, but it still felt wrong, exploitative. His other siblings would likely suffer the same fate until they were all gone and only he was left, being pushed forward by their combined strength. They had been freed from his mother’s prison to enter another one. However, inside him they would be able to cease existing, their ultimate goal if they could not achieve freedom by any other means. A sad reality, but not one he could change, only make it more pleasant for them. That was his purpose now.
“Can you stand?”
His brother reached out a hand to him. Yuuji didn’t need it, his body was brimming with energy, but he still took it. The warm skin and strong grip was comforting and he let himself be pulled to his feet. His head was swimming, making him stumble despite his newfound strength, but Choso caught him. Together, they walked over into the living room and Yuuji gladly let himself fall into the sofa cushions. He sighed and rubbed his eyes.
“Here, to wash away the taste.”
Blinking up, he saw his mother offer a plate of mochi to him. Red beans flavour, exactly what he needed right now. Something rich and savoury, but not too sweet. If it had been strawberry or melon, Yuuji thought he might not have been able to stomach it. With a light smile he took two pieces and started nibbling on them. The taste did easily overwrite any residuals of Shoso’s flesh and his stomach was thankful for receiving real food.
All three of them settled on the sofa, Choso to his left and his mother to his right. Some action flick was playing on TV starring Tom Cruise. Easy entertainment to distract him from what had just happened. Don’t let his thoughts linger too long on it or they would endlessly be turning in circles. He leaned against his mother’s shoulder and stretched his legs over Choso’s lap. His brother laid his arms over his shins and began massaging his tense muscles. Another hand brushed through his hair.
“I’m proud of you,” his mother mumbled.
Yuuji didn’t know what to answer, so he let the statement fade into the room and be swallowed by the noise of the TV. He was so incredibly tired, his eyelids became heavier and heavier, unable to stay open for much longer. Feeling his family next to him was reassuring, despite everything that happened. They cared about him, in their own strange way. They were here with him, supporting him after what he did and assuring him it was the right thing.
Why couldn’t it always be like this? Sitting together watching movies and eating snacks. No aborted foetuses he had to eat, no tests, no laboratory, no curses. Just him, his siblings and his mother. For every horrible mission or experiment there were moments like this, where there was a semblance of normalcy and love between them. Pure companionship untainted by jujutsu or the higher goals of his mother.
It made it all the more difficult to let go. If he ran away with Choso, they would never be able to have this kind of familiarity again. There was so much wrong with everything that happened in this house, he wanted to preserve the little specs of hope whenever they were given to him. He couldn’t leave his mother behind, just how he couldn’t leave his siblings inside their glass prison. This experience had shown him that he had to tough out the hard, unpleasant and disgusting parts to get to the good ones and that was what he would continue to do. That was what kept their family together and allowed for peaceful moments like these. And that was what they all wanted, right?