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Having been on Earth for hundreds of years, Crawley thought he had experienced everything he wanted to from Earth. But clearly he had been missing out on this. Crawley looked down at where Aziraphale was holding his hand and suppressed an urge to smile. Demons didn’t smile. Demons weren’t allowed to be happy.
Well maybe demons could feel some happiness, because that’s what Crawley felt when Aziraphale grabbed his hand when they started walking through the crowd. He had seen humans hold each other's hands constantly and never understood why. But now he understood. No wonder humans held each other’s hands all the time if it felt this nice.
He wasn’t even paying attention to his surroundings, only focusing on the contact between their hands. He wanted to make sure he would remember how holding hands felt like. Crawley started feeling sad when he noticed they were almost out of the crowd. Aziraphale would surely let go of his hand and then he would never get to hold hands with anyone again.
Well maybe he could find some humans to hold hands with. He could probably spin it in some way to report to Hell. But then he remembered, he wasn’t allowed to do anything that felt nice. Demons weren’t allowed to have nice things. He didn’t deserve anything nice for being such a shitty demon. Hastur had told him that so many times. He shouldn’t be letting Aziraphale hold his hand, but he couldn’t bring himself to let go.
As soon as they got out of the crowd, Aziraphale let go of his hand. Crawley resisted the urge to reach out and take Aziraphale’s hand again. That wasn’t demonic at all and would probably end with Aziraphale smiting him. Well, maybe not. Aziraphale was nice. Maybe he would just hit Crawley for daring to touch him.
“Crawley?” Aziraphale said, breaking him out of his thoughts.
Crawley looked up at Aziraphale who was looking at him with concern.
“Is something wrong?” Aziraphale continued, “Did the hand holding bother you? I’m sorry, I should have asked.”
Crawley shook his head, “No! It was fine.”
Aziraphale didn’t seem to believe him, “You don’t have to lie, it’s okay. I won’t do it again.
“No!” Crawley yelled, “It was…good. I didn’t know it felt that nice.”
Aziraphale looked relieved, but a bit shocked, “You didn’t know hand holding felt nice? Our corporations usually enjoy touch. Have you not been touching people?”
Crawley shook his head, “Demons aren’t supposed to feel nice things.”
“Well then,” Aziraphale said, “I guess I have to thwart you by giving you a hug.”
“What’s a hug?” Crawley asked, confused.
He managed not to flinch when he remembered he wasn’t supposed to ask questions. Demons didn’t ask questions, they obeyed blindly. But this was Aziraphale. Aziraphale never hit him for asking questions.
Aziraphale gave him a sad look, before stepping close to him and putting his arms around Crawley. There was a slight increase in pressure and Crawley felt all his tension melt away. Was this a hug? It felt so nice and Crawley wished Aziraphale would never let go.
“You shouldn’t be hugging me,” Crawley said, contradicting his thoughts, “Demons don’t deserve nice things.”
“That’s silly,” Aziraphale said, continuing to hug him, “Aren’t demons supposed to break the rules?”
Crawley considered this. Demons were supposed to do bad things and if hugs were bad, then doing them must be fine. He was sure Hastur would disagree, but Hastur wasn’t around. He could allow himself a hug.
Aziraphale only hugged him for a few more seconds before stepping back. Crowley resisted the urge to ask Aziraphale for another one. Suddenly all he could think about was how nice it felt having Aziraphale’s arms around him.
“Did you like that?” Aziraphale asked.
Crawley nodded. Maybe Aziraphale would give him another hug. But, sadly, Aziraphale didn’t step towards him and hug him again. And Crawley didn’t ask for another hug. He didn’t want to upset Aziraphale by being too needy.
They both continued walking towards the place they were staying at. Aziraphale casually grabbed his hand as they walked.
“Have you heard of cuddling?” Aziraphale asked after a bit of silence.
Crawley shook a bit, trying to remember if he had ever heard about ‘cuddling.’ His mind came up blank. He didn’t want to tell Aziraphale he didn’t know. Aziraphale had been generous enough not to hit him for not knowing about hugs and had even given him one. He knew he would definitely get hit now. But he couldn’t lie either. He had no idea what cuddling was.
Crowley prepared himself and shook his head. He hoped he didn’t look scared. Demons didn’t look scared or act pathetic. Demons took their punishments silently with no complaints.
But Aziraphale didn’t hit him. Just gave him that sad look again, before they both stepped inside. Aziraphale gestured for him to sit down and sat down next to him.
“Cuddling is similar to hugging. But it’s for a longer period of time,” Aziraphale said.
He tugged on Crawley slightly, getting Crawley to lean against him. Then he turned slightly and put one arm around Crawley’s shoulders and his hand in Crawley’s hair, stroking gently. He wrapped his other arm around Crawley’s torso.
“How’s that?” Aziraphale asked.
Crawley melted against Aziraphale, his own arms came up to wrap around Aziraphale, copying the hug from earlier. All the fear left him and he relaxed. Aziraphale hadn’t gotten mad at him for not knowing about cuddles and didn’t yell at him. And they were cuddling.
“‘S nice,” he mumbled, “How long do cuddles last for?”
Crawley didn’t want to be caught off guard if the cuddles abruptly ended like the hug had. He wanted to stay in Aziraphale’s arms forever.
“As long as you want, my dear.”
Demons weren’t supposed to do things that felt this nice, but no one would know. Aziraphale wouldn’t report him to Hastur. Crawley could allow himself to cuddle, for as long as Aziraphale would let him.