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As the sunlight pierced through the curtains, Makoto woke up feeling warmer than usual. He brushed back his sticky bangs glued to his forehead from sweat. He supposed it must be normal as it was the end of November, and the dorm had just turned the heaters on last week.
He pushed back the covers and made his way to the mirror to observe his appearance. His porcelain skin was flushed with a rosy red tone and his entire body felt as if it were on fire. While staring at his disheveled form he brought his arm to his forehead, pressing gently, feeling the intense warmth. He was sure he had a fever but wouldn’t be able to locate a thermometer without raising suspicions from his teammates.
Instead, he opted to head to the bathroom and quickly turned on the shower. It wouldn’t reflect very well on his image if he showed up to school looking like a mess. Perhaps the warmth of the water could ease his symptoms.
Once he finished washing up, he stumbled out of the shower and against the wall, leaning on it for support. It took him longer than usual, having to stop and sit down several times from lightheadedness. The most recent visit to Tartarus must have taken a toll on him, he had never felt so weak before.
After spending some time drying and styling his hair, he finally reached a point that he deemed acceptable enough to show to the outside world. He grabbed his phone off the counter and flipped it open, ignoring several text messages as his eyes landed on the time.
Makoto was already aware that he had overslept, though he must have spent longer than he thought getting ready. It was already past the time everyone would walk to the station together. He rushed back to his room to change into his uniform, shoving the rest of his belongings into his school bag. He quickly ran to the station and was left to catch the monorail by himself.
After selecting a seat in the corner and inserting his headphones, he pressed play on his favorite song. Letting his eyes wander over to the window, watching the sunlight sparkle on the clear blue water below. The scenery provided a temporary relief from his throbbing headache and his eyelids started to feel heavier the longer he stared into the distance.
As the soft lull of the monorail put him to sleep, he began to dream of a certain boy wearing a yellow scarf.
They were holding hands while walking down a path lined with pink sakura trees. Upon further examination, he realized they were walking towards the school. A swift gust of wind blew a sea of petals into the air, many of them getting tangled in Makoto’s hair.
Ryoji stopped in his tracks and reached over to pluck out the petals, releasing them back into the wind. Makoto felt his entire face heat up as he watched the taller boy tend to his hair, gently combing out the strands.
Once the last petal fluttered away from his fingertips, Ryoji’s hand slowly trailed down to cup his face, brushing his thumb across his cheek. He felt his heart skip a beat as Ryoji pulled him closer, their faces now only a few inches apart. Makoto swiftly shut his eyes and prepared for what was to come.
The monorail stopped abruptly, causing him to jolt awake. He rubbed his eyes in an attempt to adjust to the blinding sunlight, overhearing the speaker announce their arrival at Gekkoukan. He slung his school bag over his shoulder and stepped onto the platform, a tinge of pink lingering on his cheeks.
Makoto pushed his dream to the back of his mind, the only thing he needed to worry about was making it to the classroom. His entire body ached as he walked down the path, breathing in the chill of the late November air. He finally reached the classroom around twenty minutes late and quickly sat down, attempting to hide how out of breath he was.
Yukari had given him a concerned look as he walked past her before sitting in his seat. It was common for the two of them to cross paths at some point in the morning. Whether chatting over a simple breakfast or catching the monorail together, it was rare for him to spend the morning alone.
Junpei turned to mouth something to him, though he couldn’t quite hear what it was. It wasn’t long before he received concerning glances from Ryoji and Aigis, seemingly everyone was a bit confused as to why he was late.
Soon after the first class was over he made his way to the bathroom, leaning on the sink for support. It had been a difficult task to concentrate on the lecture when he could feel the slow drip of snot trailing down his nose. After remedying it with some paper towel, he stuffed a piece in his pocket for later, making a mental note to buy some tissues during his next shopping trip.
On his way back to class, he was cornered in the hallway by a tall figure wearing a familiar yellow scarf.
“Is everything okay Makoto? You were late to class today.” Ryoji said with a raised eyebrow.
“Yeah, I’m okay, just tired I guess…” Makoto sniffled as he wiped his nose on the edge of his sleeve.
“Hmm alright, but promise me you’ll come find me if you need anything okay?”
Makoto nodded, spacing out towards the end. He didn’t understand why everyone was so worried about him, he was just a little tired, there was nothing more to it.
-
Makoto had managed to survive the first half of the day, his energy levels hanging on for dear life. He decided to skip out on the crowded lunchroom in favor of eating on a quiet bench outside. The idea of having to listen to everyone’s nonstop chatter while the fluorescent lighting gazed down on him made his stomach churn.
As he sat on the bench a cool breeze filled the air, providing some relief to his overheating body. The exhaustion was weighing heavy on him, causing his appetite to dwindle. He picked at his food for several more minutes before deciding his throat felt too scratchy to eat.
He thought back to the content of various online software he had studied, remembering that warm drinks were supposed to soothe sore throats. There was only one vending machine at the front of the school that he knew carried hot tea. It would have to suffice for the time being.
Makoto stood up from the bench, his head spinning as he grabbed onto the backing for support. Once he regained his senses he made quick work disposing of his lunch, rushing to get back inside. The sound of the first bell rang through the halls, but he hadn’t reached his destination yet. He was determined to acquire his hot drink even if it meant being a little late again.
As he approached the vending machine a sudden wave of nausea washed over his entire body. He immediately clung to the nearest wall for stability as he began to shake from chills. Unsure of how to deal with the strange feeling, he quickly made his way to the machine.
Upon arrival, he fetched some coins from his pocket and inserted them into the slot. A few seconds later it spit out his desired drink and he made his way back down the hallway. Nearly everyone had already reached their classroom, leaving him to wander the halls alone. As he climbed up the stairs, he began to notice how blurry his vision had become.
His entire body felt as if it were on fire again, the bright fluorescent lights felt suffocating as they beamed down on his frail figure. Once he reached the last step he paused to lean against the wall, clinging to the cool surface.
After taking some deep breaths Makoto managed to stand on his feet again. Making one final attempt to reach the classroom before succumbing to the will of his body, falling face down onto the concrete floor.
-
Ryoji couldn’t concentrate on the lecture as he anxiously tapped his foot below the desk. Fifteen minutes had already passed since he had taken his seat, and Makoto was nowhere to be found. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone, hiding it under the desk. He opened a chat message with Yukari, deeming her the most sensible of Makoto’s friends to ask for information.
Ryoji: Have you seen Makoto? I haven’t seen him since before lunch… I'm worried o_O
His fingers quietly tapped at the buttons, hoping that she would receive his message. After a few excruciating minutes, he felt a vibration in his pocket and rushed to check if she had texted him back.
Yukari: No I haven’t, he seemed off today, I wonder what’s up with him.
Fear bubbled in his chest as his suspicions were confirmed true, Makoto was missing yet again.
Ryoji abruptly raised his hand, asking Mr. Ekoda if he could use the bathroom, apologizing for interrupting the middle of his lecture. When his request was approved he immediately stood up and rushed out the sliding door, closing it a little too harshly on his way out.
His eyes scanned the halls, feeling relieved for a short second until he caught a glimpse of someone lying at the very end. His heart sank as he got closer to the figure, recognizing the familiar navy hair sprawled out on the floor. He dropped to his knees and placed his hand along Makoto’s neck, feeling for a pulse.
Once he confirmed that the smaller boy was still breathing his anxiety subdued a small amount, letting out a sigh of relief as he gently rolled Makoto onto his back and lifted him into his lap.
Ryoji wrapped his arms around his unconscious friend, holding him closely for support as he began to examine the situation. His fingers swept away the sticky bangs covering Makoto’s flushed face, carefully placing a hand on his forehead.
He could instantly tell that Makoto had a fever, and was likely the reason for him passing out in the hallway. He reached for his phone and quickly tapped out another message to Yukari, hoping that she would be able to assist.
Ryoji: Makoto passed out in the hall, pls get the nurse !!
Once he pressed send and stuffed his phone back into his pocket, he adjusted their positioning to help Makoto lean against him. Ryoji couldn’t help but stare, despite being unconscious and covered in sweat, Makoto looked breathtaking.
He had always thought that Makoto was beautiful, but never dared to say more than his usual flirty remarks. There wasn’t any way he had an actual chance, Makoto always wore that same blank expression any time someone would ask about his dating life or how he felt about romance.
Time and time again Ryoji had tried to flirt with him, hoping that maybe, just maybe there was a chance he would pick up on his true intentions. Their hangouts came and went, with no progress made on sharing his true feelings. It wouldn’t matter in the end, his flirty exterior was only a facade to hide the painful reality of his ever-present loneliness. He watched all around him as people connected in various ways, some in the form of friendships, while others in the form of romance.
He didn’t understand how everyone made it look so easy, his only attempts at making conversation ended swiftly in rejection. Regardless of how he felt, all he could do was observe and yearn for the day that he would be able to experience these same moments. He only hoped that one day his feelings would be reciprocated.
A small movement dragged him back to the present and Ryoji quickly focused his gaze on the boy sprawled out in his lap. He watched as Makoto’s delicate eyelashes fluttered open, revealing his sky-blue eyes.
As the sick boy slowly came to, his eyes scanned their surroundings to make sense of the situation. He didn’t seem to notice he was practically sitting in Ryoji’s lap but showed no signs of discomfort and continued to stay put.
“Ryoji… what happened?”
“I found you passed out in the hallway, you should have stayed home if you’re sick,” Ryoji said as he tightened his grip around the smaller boy’s body.
Before either of them could speak again, footsteps echoed from the other end of the hallway. Mr. Edogawa and Yukari approached them and began to assist the boys to their feet.
Ryoji stood up and attempted to help Makoto, but the movement proved to be too much for the smaller boy and he nearly tumbled over again. He had managed to act fast, this time catching Makoto before he fully hit the ground.
“You’re too weak to walk, how about I carry you instead?” Ryoji asked as he moved to stabilize Makoto.
A slight nod was all the confirmation he needed, placing one hand near Makoto’s back and the other near his legs, effortlessly lifting him into his arms. He was unsurprisingly light, Ryoji supposed that wasn’t out of the ordinary for someone of his height.
After a short walk to the nurse’s office, the three of them were able to get Makoto settled into a bed. Mr. Edogawa started his check-up procedure, first taking his temperature and then observing his ears, eyes, and throat.
Ryoji watched as the man worked meticulously. Despite being such an odd teacher, he was surprisingly good at his job as the school nurse. Not long after he began to put away the medical tools, signaling the examination was over.
“He doesn’t seem to have anything serious, just a cold with a fever. He needs lots of bed rest, would it be too troubling to ask you both to escort him back to the dorms?” Mr. Edogawa said, adjusting the pencil in his ear.
“I can handle it, don’t worry about it Ryoji-kun, you should just go back to class. I’m sure Junpei or Sanada-senpai wouldn’t mind helping.” Yukari said as she glanced over at Makoto, fast asleep in the bed.
“No wait! Please Yukari-san let me help him… I don’t want to leave his side.” Ryoji exclaimed, the desperation in his voice becoming more present.
“Alright I guess, but he's just a little sick, you’re acting like he's dying.” She said while crossing her arms.
In an effort to not wake him, Ryoji carefully lifted Makoto into his arms once again. Trailing slightly behind Yukari as they walked to the station in silence. Once the three arrived at the dorms, Yukari led the way up the stairs and down the hall to Makoto’s room. Ryoji had only visited the dorms once before, spending the evening assisting Junpei with a rather difficult level in his new game.
He had always wondered what Makoto’s room might look like. Figuring that you could tell a lot about someone based on how they decorate their room, at least that's what the book he had read recently stated.
Upon entering his room, he immediately took notice of the decor. Everything was adorned with a plaid blue pattern, he thought it was cute how it all matched so nicely. His shelf was full of random commodities, likely given to him by his many friends. In the middle sat a picture frame housing a group photo. Some of the faces he recognized, a few were his classmates while the rest he had only seen for a brief moment.
Quickly snapping out of his thoughts, Ryoji gently laid Makoto on his bed. With some assistance from Yukari, they were able to snuggly wrap the blankets around him.
“I’m gonna go get a cold washcloth for his head, I’ll be right back”
Before Ryoji could even react she had already left the room, leaving him alone with Makoto.
Ryoji carefully rolled the desk chair over to Makoto’s bed, making sure he didn’t make too much noise in the process. He began brushing Makoto’s hair away from his forehead, in preparation for the washcloth Yukari was fetching.
The door opened with a swing and Yukari carried the bowl of water to the small ledge at the front of Makoto’s bed. Ryoji watched as she slowly set the bowl down, making sure to not spill any of it.
“I gotta take care of some things, can I leave this to you?” She said as she held out the washcloth, waiting for him to grab it.
“Of course, I’ll take care of him, I promise.” Ryoji smiled as he eagerly took the washcloth from her hands. He stood up and approached the bowl, fully submerging the cloth in the icy water. After squeezing out some of the water, he gently placed it over Makoto’s forehead, hoping the cool sensation would comfort him.
After several more minutes of sitting in silence, making sure Makoto continued to sleep, Ryoji decided to take a look around his room once more. He spotted a book lying on the desk and picked it up, thinking it would be a good way to help pass the time until Makoto woke up again.
-
As he continued to flip through the pages, Ryoji sensed a small rustle coming from the blankets. He peered up from his book to see that Makoto had slowly begun to stir beneath the covers. He smiled softly as he watched the boy sleep, feeling a weird sense of deja vu wash over him. He felt as if he had been in this situation before, inside this very room watching Makoto sleep.
The ominous feeling rattled his brain, there was no possible way he had been here before, they had just met a couple of weeks ago…right?
He snapped himself out of his thoughts and got up from his seat to check on the washcloth, removing it from Makoto’s head. The cloth had returned to room temperature, though an easy fix as he quickly submerged it in the bowl. He gently placed the cold washcloth back onto Makoto’s head, being extra careful to not wake him.
As he stared at the unconscious boy, Ryoji felt his heart flutter as he observed the rise and fall of Makoto’s chest. Seeing his crush cutely bundled up like this made his face heat up, perhaps he had caught Makoto’s fever.
He couldn't help himself and decided to sit down on the edge of the bed, letting his hands wander into Makoto’s hair, and brushing it out of his face again. It was a rare sight to see the entirety of his beautiful face. Ryoji felt special to witness it.
He continued to run his fingers through Makoto’s cerulean hair, combing through the strands to untangle them. Once his hair was feeling silky, Ryoji moved to massage his scalp, suddenly hearing a noise escape his unconscious mouth.
“No…” The smaller boy murmured as he turned to the side.
Ryoji’s heart sank as he froze up. The sudden realization that he had acted impulsively overtook his mind. He had been so excited to take care of Makoto that he had forgotten to even ask if this was okay.
“Stop it, please!” Makoto cried out as tears began to form in the corner of his eyes, slowly rolling down his cheeks.
Ryoji instantly pulled his hands away as he felt his heart rate quicken. Fear engulfed his chest as he stared at the crying boy. His mind raced in opposite directions, the last thing he wanted was to upset him.
Ryoji had thought that taking care of Makoto would be the perfect opportunity to prove his worth as a friend. He had never considered that he may have overstepped boundaries in the process. Regret was the only thing that filled his mind, he had finally managed to make his first friend, only to ruin it weeks later.
“I don’t want you to die…” Makoto whispered. The sudden sound dragged Ryoji back to reality as he focused his gaze back on the bed.
Ryoji looked puzzled as he searched Makoto’s face for any hint of emotion. He assumed that Makoto wanted him to stop touching his hair, however the last sentence didn't make any sense. Upon closer examination, he realized that Makoto was having a nightmare. He didn't want to see his friend in pain anymore and decided to attempt to wake him up.
“Makoto, wake up.” He called out, hoping it would be enough to free him from the harsh grip of his own mind.
His efforts did not produce a reply as the sick boy continued to cry in his sleep. Ryoji decided to try again, this time moving his hand up to Makoto’s cheek, gently wiping his tears.
“You’re okay, wake up Makoto, it's just a nightmare.” He said softly, watching as Makoto slowly began to stir, his glossy eyes widening as a few tears slid down his face.
“I'm right here Makoto, it's okay.” He pulled back some of the blankets in an attempt to help Makoto breathe better. As they locked eyes, he watched him slowly start to calm down, his breathing slowly returning to a normal pace.
Once Makoto had fully calmed down, Ryoji helped adjust the pillows so he could sit up, placing them behind his back for support. Makoto let out an abrupt sneeze, nearly wiping his nose on his sleeve before Ryoji pulled out a tissue from his pocket.
“How did I get back to my room?” Makoto wheezed as he continued to wipe his nose.
“You passed out in the hall, so I carried you here. Yukari-san showed me the way.” Ryoji grabbed the tissue box from the ledge behind the bed, placing it in front of the sniffling boy.
Makoto stayed silent as he reached for another tissue, crumpling the old one into a ball and placing it at his side.
“Do you want to tell me about your nightmare?” Ryoji asked carefully, knowing that he may not get his ideal response. He still was unsure whether Makoto was upset with him or not.
“Uhm….” Makoto’s eyes darted in the opposite direction, refusing to look him in the eye. Ryoji instantly knew something was wrong, the nightmare must've greatly upset him.
“You don't have to tell me, but I'll do my best to listen if you want to.” He offered Makoto a smile, hoping that he would feel comfortable enough to share his thoughts.
“I dreamt of you dying… I had to hold onto your body and watch as the light left your eyes.” Tears began to pool in the corners of Makoto’s eyes as he attempted to recall his nightmare.
Ryoji didn't know what to say as he watched Makoto cry. He remained silent, instead choosing to reach for the smaller boy's hand, intertwining their fingers. His sudden action caused the boy to cry even harder.
“Please don’t leave me Ryoji. I could never live with myself if you died.” Makoto choked out in between sobs, tightening his grip around their hands.
“Shh you’re okay, it was just a nightmare. I’m right here, I promise I won’t leave your side.” Ryoji said softly as he moved closer to Makoto.
Makoto remained quiet as he leaned forward to wrap his arms around Ryoji, allowing a stream of tears to seep into his shirt. Ryoji gently rubbed circles into his back, making an effort to calm him down.
The two stayed holding each other for several minutes, neither wanting to let go.
Makoto was the one to first break their embrace, attempting to sit back up, though the sudden movement proved to be too much for his weak body and he nearly collapsed onto the bed. Ryoji moved quickly to catch Makoto in his arms once again, gently lowering him down onto his pillow.
Glossy sapphire eyes gazed upon him as if there was something left unsaid. Ryoji knew he wouldn't be able to make Makoto speak if he was unwilling and kept quiet so as to not frighten him. After getting to know him for the past few weeks, Ryoji grew to understand how to read Makoto’s expressions. The boy never seemed to say much, but that didn't stop his thoughts from showing on his face.
He began to adjust the blankets around Makoto, smiling down at him in the process. Ryoji nearly finished tucking him into bed when he felt something grab his arm.
“Don't go.” Makoto stared at him with pleading eyes.
“I’m just gonna sit in the chair, I won't leave,” Ryoji said as he placed his free hand on top of Makoto’s, gently squeezing it.
“Sit in bed with me.” Makoto blurted out with desperation.
Ryoji’s brain nearly short-circuited hearing that sentence come out of Makoto’s mouth. Was he asking him to lay in the bed together? No that couldn't be it, he probably just wanted to sit closer to him.
He took a seat on the edge of the bed, placing his hands together in his lap, unsure of what to do next. His heart raced as he awkwardly looked around the room, unable to face Makoto directly.
“Lay in bed with me Ryoji,” Makoto said, this time louder, with an edge in his voice.
Ryoji instantly complied as he didn't want to upset him any further. He felt his cheeks heat up while he stood up to peel back the blankets. He hoped Makoto didn't notice how red his face had gotten.
Makoto carefully scooted near the wall to make enough room for them to lay side by side. Once the two were settled Ryoji covered them up, the warmth of the blankets engulfing their bodies.
He stared at the ceiling, unsure of what to do next. His mind was racing and his heart was nearly beating out of his chest. Maybe Makoto truly did share his same desires.
His suspicions were confirmed true as he felt an arm drape across his stomach, attempting to pull him close. Ryoji turned his head to face Makoto and their eyes locked. The other boy must've already been staring at him, a look of longing was present in his eyes. Makoto moved slightly forward, pausing once their noses were nearly touching.
Ryoji brought his hand up to cup Makoto’s face, gently tilting his chin upwards. He watched Makoto’s eyes flutter closed and leaned in to press their lips together. The warmth of their kiss instantly filled his entire body, he never wanted to let go of this feeling.
Kissing Makoto felt magical, it was everything he had ever wanted and more. He had spent countless nights lying in bed dreaming of what it would be like to someday experience his first kiss. He couldn’t recall when the shadowy figure he’d normally kiss in his dreams took the form of Makoto.
Ryoji snapped out of his thoughts when Makoto pulled away, now realizing how out of breath he had become. A pair of blue eyes stared at him, seemingly confused as to why he looked like he just finished running a marathon. He may have forgotten breathing was a human necessity.
Once he regained a sense of normal breathing, he moved in for another kiss, this time remembering to breathe from his nose. Makoto slid one arm underneath him and draped the other over his waist, pulling him closer to deepen the kiss.
Ryoji began to move his lips against Makoto’s until a soft sound escaped the smaller boy before he quickly pulled away from embarrassment.
“You’re so cute.” Ryoji giggled as he wrapped his arms around Makoto, giving him a soft squeeze.
The two laid in silence and held each other tightly. As they drifted off into a calm slumber, Ryoji began to smile, the feeling he had been longing for was finally within his grasp. His chest felt warm and full of light as if Makoto had lit a fire inside of him, perhaps this was what love felt like. He pressed one last kiss to Makoto’s forehead before lying back on the pillow, letting sleep consume him.