Chapter Text
Kaveh winced in pain as he turned over in bed, a sharp pain radiating from his hip with the slight jostle from rolling over. A defeated sigh escaped him, slowly shuffling around to try and get at least a little comfortable, but to no avail. The room was otherwise silent, draped in a soft orange glow from the gap in the shutters, indicating that morning had crept up on him once more, while the night refused to relent and grace him with a proper rest.
The pains only worsened day by day, littered with casual excuses too repetitive to not notice a pattern. A sprained wrist here, a rolled ankle there, the list of supposedly minor ailments grew just as Kaveh’s refusal to seek answers did. He probably couldn’t brush it off as a sprain or three any more, his joints had been flaring up for over a year at this point and was quickly diminishing his ability to at least act like a regular person. The strain of keeping up with client demands with a body that refused to cooperate was really taking its toll, and yet he found no solace in the little rest he was able to find.
Kaveh knew something was wrong, the burning ache in his bones taking root and festering as he continued to push it aside, to the muted displeasure of his stoic and unreadable roommate. Stubbornness seemed to run in the family after all, Kaveh himself mirroring the actions of his mother at a similar age, fueled by passion and spite that eventually tore them to shreds. And yet knowing the fate that awaited him he persevered, refusing to be held to the whims of his crumbling form, desperate to keep up the facade of perfection that the title “Light of Ksharewar” cursed him with.
A man adorned with hopes and dreams, an idealist who sees the good in everything. A perfectionist, and beneath the facade that holds him hostage on a pedestal of his own creations, lies a man held victim to the whims of “survival of the fittest” in a fight he cannot win. It should be easy, right? He worked so hard, graduated with honours and is one of the most accomplished architects of his time, so why must life continue to spite him no matter how hard he tries? The debt, at least, was a misery of his own making, but not this.
Nothing could have prepared him for the constant wreck his body would make of itself with no real explanation. A bright and cheerful morning fades to a quiet evening of misery, the deafening silence of the four walls of his home giving way to an unrelenting ache that settles deep within his bones, unrelenting and exhausting. In theory he should have a cushy life, adorned by his success and his craftsmanship, looked up to by his juniors and held in high regard for his dedication. So why is the simple task of functioning like a normal human being so difficult?
With an aching groan, he eventually hauled himself out of bed and onto his feet, bracing himself against the wall as he shuffled into the kitchen in search of water and leftovers while he had the energy to stand. Alhaitham shot him an inquisitive gaze as he lounged across the middle divan, book in hand, and teal eyes boring straight through the blond upon his approach.
“Don’t look at me like that, Alhaitham.”
“Like what, my dear senior? My boar of a roommate drags himself through my house with what I can only assume to be a hangover, and I’m the one in trouble?”
Rage boiled over in an instant, quelled only by the exhaustion chaining him in place, sharp tongue replaced with a heavy sigh. An argument wasn’t worth wasting the scraps of energy he had left, deflecting the remark with a huff before quickly turning on his heels to return to his room with the scraps of cold leftovers he procured. Or at least that was the plan.
“Isn’t your client meeting at two? Usually you’d be rushing around like a maniac scrambling for your blueprints you left all over after your so called midnight bouts of inspiration.”
Shit, the meeting. That was meant for friday, right? Which in Kaveh’s mind was four days away, except that today was friday and he was running late of his usual schedule, even without the flare throwing more stress in the mix.
A pause. One unnecessarily long for simply processing the question, brought to fruit with the remnants of a witty remark condensed down to “of course I know about the meeting.” He paused to regain what shreds of his composure he could grasp, those sharp teal eyes not leaving him for a second.
“Do you really have so little faith in me? Ha, as expected. You really do have no respect for your seniors.”
This was, of course, followed by hurried footsteps accompanied with curses and the occasional wince of pain, but that never stopped Kaveh. He has to keep the flawless image of one of Sumeru's most renowned architects, placed upon a marble pedestal for all to see, despite the ever-waning appreciation of the arts. Kaveh is someone who could never be stopped by some aches and pains, pushing past his limit to achieve technological and artistic visions alike. A people pleaser, in short, and what he regards as a strength is often his undoing. Instead he was what felt like a crumbling wreck of a man, fueled by caffeine, alcohol, and pain that stubbornly made him relent to the use of pain medication as a last resort.
The meeting went just as well as you'd expect, despite forcing himself through it with a pleasant smile, his client rejected the sketches for the fifth time. Five iterations, five weeks of sleepless nights, of stress, of pain, and now there was a sixth. Kaveh considered a drink at Lambad's to at least take the edge off, but with barely enough strength to stand, drinking at home would have to suffice. And to add to his growing pile of problems, his keys were once again nowhere to be seen. So he did the only thing he could, crouching in the doorway until his roommate arrived home at quarter past five, like clockwork. Alhaitham stared down at him, before fishing both sets of keys out of his pouch - the lion keychain dangling in front of him, as if to mock him.
He didn't even have the strength to argue, straining to get back on his feet with a small groan before wordlessly heading inside. Alhaitham seemingly ignored him, the extra cup of warm coffee later left in the kitchen obviously a coincidence. Because clearly his stubborn junior could never be so kind without expecting something in return, especially to someone he can barely tolerate. Only a cold bed and another sleepless night awaited him, so Kaveh eventually decided to take a soak to relieve his aching joints even a little.
Stepping in with tanned skin and stepping out sharing a complexity with a boiled lobster, he seemed a little relieved as dense steam shrouded the bathroom, the heat at least easing the pain temporarily. The water bill was a problem for later, right now it didn't matter as long as it brought a little relief in its wake.
When did this all become normal? Could he even remember a time that pain didn't follow him like a phantom? Not like the insight would change much, this would never go away and Kaveh had resigned to that fact. He had good days, sure, but those are impossible to enjoy, suspended by the fear of triggering another bad flare and going from being able to function at a reasonable level to being almost bedbound is suffocating. Sometimes he could do naught more than exist, an artist unable to create, uninspired and dull as the days all blur into one. It gave no time to enjoy life and all the little things, see friends, meet new people.
The loneliness was one thing, and sometimes a little soft intimacy was all he wanted. To be held close in strong arms that might not solve his problems, but could at least be a safe place. The smell of coffee, old books, and sandalwood, with sharp eyes and golden irises that softened a little in a way only he knew, a daunting expression where the smallest movement could be so telling. The longing to have someone close to him and enjoy the smallest things together, but that wasn't really attainable.
And then there was Alhaitham, always just out of reach, a man who used to be eager and thirsted for knowledge, someone who used to be so close. Someone who likely hated him. Usually Kaveh could get over losing a friend in time, but Alhaitham was different and he wasn't sure why he couldn't let go. He was everywhere and he didn't want to lose that sense of security, yet all too convinced he never deserved it, and all too stubborn to actually talk about it. It's a miracle they became friends again but Kaveh was set in the belief that nothing more could ever happen.
Physical pain aside, Kaveh ached with that sense of longing, clearly going insane to think anything could happen between them, not after their falling out over the research paper. The very same paper that was meticulously taped back together and kept in a box under Kaveh's bed. Aching over this again would solve nothing, however, so after a quick dinner of the leftovers he meant to have for breakfast, he turned in for a restless night, haunted by an ideal he had no right to yearn for.