Archive of Our Own ^beta

Living in a fandom community has influenced everybody’s life a lot. You don’t need to contribute much, just living in it is enough. A lot of fandom environments are different with others, the cultures, the jokes, and other things. But most of them possibly have similarities with one another, writing fanfiction is one of them.

Boo Seungkwan is not an author, he has other things in life that are much busier to balance. He just enjoys literature works given by several authors and writers on the social media platform. But in idol fandom culture, there’s a thing called fansite. Seungkwan has been running one for years now, even when he’s busy, but he will always make time to meet the love of his life.

POPPY is his fansite name. It’s a running fansite for the idol VERNON or Chwe Hansol. He’s the youngest of 4 members of a group famous for their versatile music genre, ATTACCA. How did Seungkwan come up with his fansite name? Well, it was easy, the word just popped up in his mind whenever he saw his idol.

“He’s cute,” Seungkwan muses, staring at his Vernon’s iPad lock screen that he took for one of his sample pictures before officially opening the fansite social media, “He has always been.” The picture that he took was Vernon in one of his fansigns, scrunching his nose, while having a diamond jewelry chain wrap around on his face. Jeonghan, his fellow colleagues, stare at him with an unreadable expression. “I want to beg to differ but I’m also the same as you,” he says while having S.COUPS’ picture as his phone lock screen.

The birds always flock together nonetheless.

ATTACCA is in their 9th year already. Seungkwan has been a fan for long enough, since they were rookies. He started planning to open a fansite when he was around 23 years old, at that time ATTACCA was still in their 6th year. Seungkwan has been taking pictures with his professional camera before then, so his picture memories of Vernon are a lot.

While handling this fansite alone, Seungkwan made a lot of friends within the fandom, both locals and international. He’s not running social media alone, but that doesn’t erase the fact he’s the founder. Among the admins, Seungkwan is the one who often meets Vernon in fansigns. Vernon even recognizes him because of how often they see each other in fan events.

Seungkwan was never alone when he attended these kinds of fan events, especially fansigns. Jeonghan is always by his side because he himself also runs a fansite for S.COUPS. Both of them met when they first got accepted to work in one of the most prestigious hospitals in Seoul. Jeonghan is still older than him, but they got in at the same time.

Talking about real life work, as you already know where Seungkwan is working at the moment, he’s a nurse. For years, he had already switched places to take care of any kind of patients with different diseases. Most of them are old people, parents, and even children. Seungkwan also once had a part time job taking care of a doctor's children at the hospital day care when he had much more free time.

How did he manage to balance his fandom and work life? The answer is he just did. A lot of sacrifices, a lot of late night work shifts for only 4 hours concerts in two days. But it was worth it. Maybe because he has Jeonghan who thinks the same way as him.

Today is one of those fansign days. Last Friday, ATTACCA had just released their newest mini album. POPPY and other big ATTACCA fansites, including Jeonghan’s OHMYGOD1995, started pooling funds for their comeback streams. The album, as usual, consisted of 2 group songs and 4 solos.

Seungkwan won the first round fansign of the week. Another admin from Japan won the second fansign. Therefore they divided their jobs to take a lot of pictures for Vernon on those days. Preparing for today, Seungkwan had to sleep for a whole week in the hospital to cover all of his shifts only for this day.

Sounds tiring, right? Yes, but that’s what he should do to finally talk again with Vernon. Putting the fansite work aside, Seungkwan just wanted to say a lot of things to his idol. He even prepared a note consisting of his words that he’s going to tell Vernon in a few hours from now. Seungkwan also brought a pair of clothes, a basketball jersey with Vernon’s name on it, for him to pose.

“Are we okay? Are we done?” Jeonghan rushes towards where Seungkwan is. They agreed to meet in front of a bus terminal in front of Jeonghan’s apartment. Seungkwan deadpans at the older, “You’re late.” Jeonghan squeaks, “Only by a few minutes! They are still at the music show, Kwan-ah. Calm down.”

Right, the music shows. Seungkwan couldn’t afford his time to cover the music shows attendees. Aside from the raffle, it’s more because of the schedule. ATTACCA usually start their pre-recording at 5 AM in the morning and in that exact time Seungkwan is probably assisting a lot of doctors for early operation or in ER.

Seungkwan scans Jeonghan from up and down. “Are you sure you didn’t leave everything behind? The jewelry? The knick knacks? Did you bring Seungcheol’s uniform?” He checks all of Jeonghan’s items that the older already told him from last night. Jeonghan opens his pag, checking all of the items he wants S.Coups to wear later on. “University jacket, doctor vest, high school uniform, all done,” Jeonghan says and he grins widely, “Let’s go meet our boyfriends!”

“Please, don’t say that.”

“I am serious about how I feel towards Choi Seungcheol.”

Seungkwan knows that but alas he still goes along with Yoon Jeonghan’s shenanigans. These days, a lot of foreign fans flew all the way from their country to attend the local fansign. Sometimes Seungkwan met the fans who bought his slogans from previous concerts. He maintained a good relationship with them and some of them also asked him if he was going to sell the previous tour slogans in the future concert later on. 

No, he’s not fluent in English. Seungkwan doesn’t even understand English. But he studied the basics for the fans and, of course, Vernon. He once did a cringe pick up line for Vernon in English at a fansign last year and the idol just laughed at him.

“Your English is fine, Seungkwan-ah!” Vernon praised as he scrapes the picture of himself on the album with his square root sign, “It’s always different whenever you show up in our event like this. I thought that because we're the same age, you will probably become busier.” Seungkwan snorted, he failed a lot of times to keep his composure whenever he had to face Vernon face to face like this. “If I become busier, who’s going to scream your name the loudest in every concert?” Vernon pursed his lips, realizing something, “Well, you have a point.” The event coordinator ordered Seungkwan to leave the queue because Vernon was sitting at the end of the table, “Hey, Kwan-ah,” Seungkwan turned to face Vernon who shot him a genuine shark teeth smile back then, “Let’s meet more often in the future.”

It was just a sentence, but Seungkwan found Vernon’s delighted face whenever the idol noticed his camera amidst the concert crowds. Seungkwan is quite famous in ATTACCA fandom, because he’s known to support Vernon and the group itself with a genuine adoration. He follows the basic rules for fans etiquettes, because he started the fansite officially when he was already working, Seungkwan only captured fansign, fanmeeting, and concert pictures. Everything beside that he promised himself to not cross over it, for him and the members' sanity.

Walking into the fansign hall, Seungkwan and Jeonghan got their seats on the third row, close enough for taking a lot of pictures of the members. While preparing his camera, Seungkwan greets the other people who also attend the fansign. He knows some of them and the others he just met for the first time. ATTACCA is a well-known global group and Seungkwan had accepted that for a very long time.

Seungkwan’s phone dings from a notification. “Oh, they’re here,” he says, showing the text from his fansite’s Japanese admin, “Kira’s outside right now.” Jeonghan squints, “Ah, they are wearing the same outfit as today’s pre-recording then.” Seungkwan scrolls the amount of pictures Kira sent to him, Vernon is wearing a sleeveless shirt, which makes his mind short circuited for a second, “What do you mean I will talk to him while he’s wearing a shirt like that?” His gaze immediately fell to the shirt he’s currently wearing, it’s a plain blue pastel shirt and a pair of jeans, “I’m so stupid.”

His thoughts were thrown away to the window when various screams erupted in the hall. The 4 members are walking out from behind the curtain, waving hands at the fans in front of them. With S.Coups saying hello to them with the group's signature greeting, the fansign event starts. From then, Seungkwan gets to work.

It’s 15 minutes for Seungkwan to take a lot of pictures before he starts queuing. Jeonghan is standing behind him and he’s gripping the album in his hand tight. Because the first person who’s going to sign those albums is S.Coups himself. The placement has always been their age order, starting from S.Coups, Wonwoo, Mingyu, and ending with Vernon.

“Oh, Poppy-nim! Hello!” S.Coups greets with his gummy smile, he’s currently wearing a red maroon bomber, and his hair is longer than the last time Seungkwan saw them, “Going to talk with Vernonie again? I didn’t see you at the music show earlier.” Seungkwan sits on the chair, looking at how fast S.Coups signs the album right on his own picture, “I didn’t win the raffle. I was also working last night. I just got off from the shift.” S.Coups let out a small ah while nodding his head. His gaze glances at the side and he immediately perks up, “Jeonghannie is also here too,” Jeonghan is still lining up and Seungkwan also turn to look at S.Coups’s direction, leaving Jeonghan who stare at them like a deer caught in a headlight, “Of course Jeonghannie is also here.”

Seungkwan talks about a cat personified with Wonwoo and what his thoughts are in the current buzzing of him finally acknowledging the cat in him within the fandom. Wonwoo said he’s fine with it, but probably he’s going to talk with Vernon about which one of them who’s the real black cat. With Mingyu, Seungkwan has a strange close friendship. Mingyu, strangely, knows how to find Seungkwan in the crowd, even in concerts before him running to where Vernon is to tell him about it.

Finally, Seungkwan sits on the last chair at the end of the table.

“Kwan-ah,” Vernon greets him with a smile, “How was work? You weren’t at the music show today.” Seungkwan only reacted by scrunching his nose, “I apologize, Your Highness. Work has been hell lately and I needed to choose between the music shows and the fansign.” Vernon finished signing the album, closing it, and gave his full attention to the man sitting in front of him. “And then you chose fansign?” Seungkwan nods, “I can talk closer with you like this,” it’s just a default answer every fan says to such a question, but Vernon is grinning at him, “Tell me all about your work today.”

Seungkwan ended up talking about his work for 3 minutes straight before he was ordered to go back to his seat. The last 30 minutes of the fansign, fans were leaving their questions on a sticky note earlier for the members to answer. In this section, the members can wear all the items the fans gave beforehand. Seungkwan immediately gets back to work, he leaves his items before going back down from the stage.

The members didn’t pick the question from him or Jeonghan, but Vernon wore his basketball jersey. Seungkwan squeals, he raises his hand and waits for Vernon to notice him in the crowd.

“Vernon-ah!” Seungkwan calls and Vernon immediately turns, “This is yours?” he mouths and Seungkwan nods, pointing at his camera. Vernon gives him a peace sign and the shutter goes blast in a few seconds. S.Coups is also wearing the high school uniform and university jacket Jeonghan prepared earlier. “I think I’m going to die,” Jeonghan mutters after the group’s leader gave him a peace sign pose towards his camera.

The fansign event finally ends and the members exit the hall from behind the stage. Before leaving, Seungkwan sent a text to Kira to take a lot of pictures of Vernon exiting the hall. He’s still sitting on his seat, staring at the photocard he got from unboxing the album the members signed earlier. He got both Vernon’s photocards for this album version.

Seungkwan scoffs, looking at the cat pose Vernon is posing for the photocard, “You’re really crazy, Chwe Hansol.” He turns to Jeonghan who’s currently packing his camera back to the bag, “Hyung, let’s buy a Kuromi photocard holder first.”

It has been a week since the fansign happened. Seungkwan still didn’t manage to enter the music show raffle attendances even when ATTACCA got their all kill win on the same week. He tried, but fate just didn’t align for him. Since the fansign, his work has tripled, and he took a lot of rest at his home.

It’s 9.15 PM at night and Seungkwan is currently doing his shift in the hospital day care. At the same time, he’s also a stand by nurse for the ER. Playing with the doctor’s children heals him most of the time. He’s now helping Suki put the puzzle pieces together.

“Uncle Seungkwan.”

“Yes, Suki-ya?”

“When will papa end his work today?” Lee Suki is a 4 year old young girl, she’s the daughter of doctor Lee Seokmin. Seokmin is a surgeon doctor focused around leg and ankle injury. It’s common for him to end his shift late. “Well, I don’t exactly know. But it’s okay, Suki-ya, because uncle is here for you. You need to understand that your papa is trying hard to get to know you while your mama is away for a while,” Seungkwan reassures the young girl and she only nods, putting the last puzzle piece to complete the drawing, “Okay.”

The next thing that they do is watching cocomelon together. Because it’s already night, Seungkwan thinks it’s okay for the 4 year old child to spend some time watching video. Usually in the afternoon, the children will focus on studying and playing with each other. They also took a lot of naps in between.

15 minutes into the video, Suki drifts off to sleep. It’s also not the first time the girl spent her night at a hospital. The day care provided a more comfortable bed for the children who stayed up late at night while waiting for their parents. Seungkwan put Suki carefully on the bed, shooting a quick text to another nurse to change the shift with him because he’s been taking care of Suki for a long time.

Around 10 PM, Seungkwan is at the ER administrative office. He’s talking with Jeonghan at the moment when there’s a sudden call.

“Is the ER open?” Seungkwan opens a note and grabs the nearest pen, “Yes, there are still doctors available.” Jeonghan moves to check the remaining doctors, mouthing Seokmin’s name in between. “There was an accident, one injured. The ambulance is on the way,” Seungkwan nods, finishing writing all the information he gets, “Okay, we will be ready.” Closing the call line, both nurses immediately get to their respective roles at the given moment.

It took a fast 5 minutes for the ambulance to finally arrive. Seungkwan, Jeonghan, and the other ER nurses open the door to make way for the emergency bed to be placed right in front of the ambulance door. The pace is chaotic, but the nurses were trained to be as calm as possible. Seungkwan’s sight is focused, he should be the most focused at this kind of occasion than any other time.

His focus wavered in the middle of it when he saw who’s laying on the emergency bed. Vernon, both eyes are closed, and blood splattered on his white plain shirt. Seungkwan is one of the nurses who pushes the emergency bed into the ER. Seokmin arrived at the ER hallway, looking at the sight in front of him.

“Accident?”

“Yes, a car crash.”

“Bring him to the ICU then.”

Seungkwan’s grip loosened a bit when they passed the ICU door. His sight is buzzing from dizziness to stare at the sight of doctors and assistants slowly hovering the emergency bed with Vernon on it. Seungkwan takes a few steps backwards, exiting the ICU for him to find another chaotic sight. In front of the ICU are the remaining members.

“VERNON!” A man screams in the ER hallway, tears running down on his face, “No, God, no. Not him – God, not him, please –” the wail echoes in the still room. It’s a common sight and yet Seungkwan is still standing frozen. “Shua, Shua, hey,” S.Coups tried to hold the man’s face to look him in the eyes, “Calm down, I need you to calm down. You have to calm down.” Mingyu is the first person who turns his attention to where Seungkwan is, eyes blotchy red from tears, “Wait, why are you here?” Seungkwan wanted to answer the question but his name was called out from the ICU, “I – I’m sorry,” he apologized before running away from their sight.

An hour passed like a blur. Seungkwan handled a lot of emergencies regarding car accidents. Even when there was a lot of blood, he composed himself because it wasn’t the time for it. He was trained for this, it’s his job.

The emergency procedure finished a few minutes ago. Seungkwan immediately straightened up, preparing for the information he’s going to get to assist the news to Vernon’s companies. It’s not like he isn’t chronically online enough to know what ATTACCA did before all of this. They finished their promotion, probably starting to tour later on but there is no announcement yet.

Oh, Seungkwan realizes, the tour.

“He fractured the bone around his ankle,” Seokmin informs, “There is going to be a surgery but first we need to talk about it with his family.” Seungkwan is standing beside Seokmin when they exit the ICU room. The hallway is still filled by the members and other people who're probably Vernon’s company too. “Good evening, gentlemen. Are all of you at least close friends with Chwe Vernon-ssi?” All of them nodded, “How is he? Is he okay?” Wonwoo’s question came out trembling, but he still needed to hold himself back, “Vernon-ssi is fine, he’s resting now. There’s a fracture around his ankle that needs to be taken to surgery later on but, of course, we want him to know first.”

The news triggers various kinds of sighs and grunts coming from them. Seungkwan tightens the grip around the tablet he’s currently holding. When Seokmin asked for it, he gave it to him. Seokmin represents the area of Vernon’s fracture based on the scan they just conducted, how long the treatment goes, including the physical therapy, and other things.

Seungkwan averts his gaze to take time taking the people's information in who shows up late at night. Aside from the members, there’s probably the manager and oh, okay, it’s Lee Jihoon. The group’s main producer, of course he is here. His focus is back to his main job after Seokmin finished explaining and discussing with them.

“Okay, if all of this settles already, one of you can prepare for the hospital stay procedure. Nurse Seungkwan can assist you with it,” Seokmin turned to face Seungkwan for a bit, “Where’s Suki?” Seungkwan straightens, “At the daycare. She’s sleeping, you need to get her home.” Seokmin sighs, brushing his hand on his face, “Okay.” The doctor excuses himself afterwards, leaving Seungkwan trying to not go out of his professional mode. “Who’s going to do the administration? It’s a quick process, just to fill in the patient's name and other important things including that was explained beforehand by the doctor,” it’s hard for Seungkwan to stay calm when the group members that you stan standing in front of you, “I’ll go,” one of them says and the nurse nods, “This way, sir.”

Both men walk side by side exiting the ICU hallway. Seungkwan is trying so hard to ignore the intense stares of the other 3 men behind him, who definitely know who he is. He was waiting for them to confront him or anything, you know, accusing him of being a sasaeng for the worst scenario. But they didn’t, yet, maybe.

The hospital is surprisingly calm around this time. They finally reach the administration office, there’s only one nurse there and they are currently taking care of another patient’s company. Seungkwan takes the administration sheet and starts writing about the information he gets regarding the patient. The man who’s with him spends the time drilling the intense stare he has into Seungkwan’s skull.

“You know him, aren’t you?”

“I work here.”

“That doesn’t justify the fact you wrote his real name on the sheet without even asking me.” Seungkwan blinks, he looks down at Chwe Hansol’s in the name box written by his hand. His grip tightens and the man only lets out a soft sigh, “My mind is in a clearer state than before. I apologize in advance for you to see me like that. This was just –” he pauses, trying to compose himself, “a lot for me,”  Seungkwan brace himself to stare at the man now, his eyes look tired because of the crying, but it still sparkles even in the night, “You probably see me often whenever the group has a schedule. I’m Joshua, their manager.” Seungkwan nods, clumsily showing his nurse ID, “I’m Seungkwan, Boo Seungkwan. A nurse,” it leaves a strange taste on his tongue for him to lie to someone who has a possibility of knowing who the real you is, Joshua shook his head, “It’s fine, that's enough personal information for me.”

The nurse nods and continues writing about the patient information. As Joshua said, he seems calmer than before. Seungkwan had seen the same scene in his mind and he should be casual with it. He can empathize with it, but it shouldn’t be until it bothers the way he’s working.

Seungkwan lets Joshua sign the agreement about the stay procedures and other stuff. It takes a lot of energy for him to not ask about what happened, but as usual, his mind speaks faster than his heart.

“What –” he croaks out a hoarse voice, still can’t believe what’s happening, “what happened?” Joshua sighs, closing his eyes for a second, “We had a company dinner. Hansol left first because he was sleepy.” Hansol, Seungkwan dreams to call the idol by his real name one day, he knows it’s impossible for him to do so. “I saw him left, he was wearing buds like he usually does, but then the crash happened,” Seungkwan’s eyes dilated wide, “We just got the information from police, it was a drunk driver. But the fucker really had the gut to ran him over when he was just walking on the pedestrian.” The manager let out a disbelief sigh with his eyes wide, “He could’ve –” Seungkwan feel a lump in his throat, “he could’ve died.”

That explained enough of Joshua's reaction earlier. Seungkwan would do the same if he’s not the nurse who’s taking care of the said idol. They walk back to where the ICU is and Joshua immediately tells the others about the procedures. Seungkwan gets into the ICU to move Vernon on the new hospital bed, moving him to where he will stay for a while.

It’s late at night and Seungkwan never feels so exhausted from his shift more than this. Trying to not take a quick glance at Vernon’s unconscious rate on the bed, the idol had already changed his clothes to the hospital gown. Which makes his heart even hurt more. After placing him in the room, the hospital staff immediately left the room to give his company more time.

Seungkwan rushed back to the male nurse's changing room. Closing the door behind him, he let himself fall on the floor and cry his heart out.

The next morning, Seungkwan found himself lying on his bed. Last night, he managed to get home when he’s not capable of doing so. When he got out from the employee only exit door, his gaze found the sight of S.Coups smoking. They didn’t exchange any words with each other, unlike in the fansign, it was more with Seungkwan who didn’t give the idol any chance to talk to him because he immediately ran from his sight.

Seungkwan brings himself to get up from the fluffy mattress. It’s already 9 AM in the morning and he needs to go back to the hospital before lunch time. Seungkwan is standing in his bathroom, staring at the mirror, looking at himself. His eyes are blotchy red, his cheeks too, it was all because of the crying he did even after got back home.

He doesn’t even know which area he will assist today. Deep in his heart, he wants to avoid witnessing Vernon’s room. Yes, he was there when the idol was brought into the emergency room, and there’s a big possibility of him helping him to recover because Seokmin is the doctor. It’s not like he’s being hypocritical, he just – he doesn’t want to see all of that.

Seeing Vernon hurt real time is worse than every shift he ever worked.

Eventually, Seungkwan successed dragging his ass back to the hospital right before lunch time. He put his lunch box on the cafeteria table, silently eating it. Seungkwan was unfazed when there’s someone sitting beside him. It took him only by a quick glance to the right side to know it’s just Jeonghan.

“How was your night?”

“You didn’t have to find a topic to talk to me about what happened.”

“I didn’t want to say I had the same shit as you last night, but the person who was in the emergency room was not my idol. So,” Jeonghan asks again, “how was your night?” Seungkwan stuck his chopstick into one of his kimbaps, “I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m feeling right now. Actually I didn’t even know what the fuck happened last night, it was like a fever dream and a nightmare all happened at once.” He turned to face the older man, “Did you know that S.Coups smoke?” Jeonghan slurps his kimchi jjigae broth from his spoon, “Yes. Do you think he won’t smoke while working in that kind of industry? I’m not that naive.” Am I the naive one? Seungkwan finds himself thinking. Jeonghan drap his left arm to wrap around Seungkwan’s shoulder, placing his head on the younger’s shoulder, “You know you can’t always process everything all at one, especially with the things that way out of your control,” Seungkwan sighs, nodding his head at Jeonghan’s words, “Just continue your day as usual. It’s not like you’re going to see him often even when he’s literally sleeping in this hospital.”

Seungkwan wanted to believe that, because shits always happened in his life. Maybe, for this one, all the Gods finally listen to his prayers. Seungkwan continues his day like any other day, he’s at the child doctor area for hours, visiting the daycare to say hi to the children and Suki. At 4 PM, Seokmin called him over.

“I need you to look at Chwe Hansol’s room until the night comes,” Seokmin orders. Seungkwan scowls, “But hyung –” Seokmin shoots him a deadliest glare he can ever give in those years of their relationship together outside the professionalism, “doctor, I mean doctor. I need to be in the daycare. Your daughter literally needs me.” Seokmin raises an eyebrow at him, “What is this?” Seungkwan looks confused, “What is what?” the doctor points at him, “You’re trying to run away from taking care of a patient, which is stupid in the nurse ethics because they need to take care of the patient as their first priority.” Seungkwan let out a desperate sigh, it take a few seconds for Seokmin to understand what it means, “Oh, this person is, oh, Seungkwan-ah –” the fact that Vernon is Seungkwan’s reason to do all of his shifts until it passed midnight multiple times didn’t make Seokmin threw him off the hook.

Seungkwan is now standing in front of Vernon’s room. Seokmin is in the middle of discussing things only doctors understand with one of his peers through his phone regarding Vernon’s condition. Since he started his shift, Seungkwan didn’t have his phone with him. It’s always been like that and he also didn’t keep up with any updates regarding ATTACCA activities.

He couldn’t keep up in the first place because look at the situation he’s currently in right now.

From outside the room, there’s a redeemed person talking. Arguments, to be specific. Flipping the sheets on the board on his grip, it was written Vernon gained his consciousness in early morning. That is good and bad news at the same time for Seungkwan’s well being.

Opening the door to the room, they were welcomed by a clear shouting. “What the fuck did you mean I couldn’t join the concert!?” It’s Vernon, it’s clear as day the voice belongs to him. Joshua averted his eyes to the people who stepped into the room, “Good evening, Doctor Lee.” Seungkwan rushed to stand beside Vernon’s bed, because that’s what most nurses do, the idol on the bed stared at him with a confused look, he tried to mutter something before Mingyu cut him off. “Hansol, I need you to be quiet,” Mingyu mutters slowly at him, another side of Kim Mingyu that Seungkwan never sees in public.

For a whole hour, Seungkwan thinks he’s not in the room. He’s just standing there, gripping the board on his chest beside Vernon’s bed. He also tried hard to ignore Vernon’s deadly stare at him, the idol probably thinks he’s one of those creepy fans who’s in the middle of acting as a nurse. But no, he would never think that way, because Vernon knows Seungkwan is a nurse.

He knows this will happen in one versus thousand billion possibilities. Vernon knows he needs to go on a surgery, he knows he needs a rehab, he just doesn’t want to accept it.

“We have a fanmeeting next month.”

“It can wait, Hansol-ah.”

“Will they?” Seungkwan’s breath hitches, “Will they, hyung?” Joshua turns to look at Seungkwan and the nurse is still staring at the wall blankly. Mingyu let out a harsh sigh, “Sol-ah, come on, it’s not about the fanmeeting anymore. If you don’t follow the procedure, there is a big possibility you won’t even see your fans anymore.” The statement somehow triggered a long silence enveloping in the hospital room. Seungkwan breathed out softly through his nose, preparing for a nerve breaking truth about an idol way of thinking, “None of them want you in this bad place, none of us, Hansol-ah. So, please, take it as your consideration to come back on the stage faster as what they always want you to be,” Mingyu continues.

No one probably wants to be in Seungkwan’s place right now. Most of them probably would kill Seungkwan only to be in his place right now. But no, he wouldn’t recommend it a bit. He thinks he shouldn’t be here, listening to all of this.

It’s forbidden, breaking the fan etiquettes. Seungkwan still thinks he’s here because he’s Vernon’s fan, not because he's been this hospital’s freaking nurse for years. It’s true that he’s been Vernon’s fan longer than he works for this hospital but that’s not the point. This is Lee Seokmin’s fault, Seungkwan chants inside his head, I’m sooo going to kill him after this.

Vernon scoffs at the people in the room. He turns to Seungkwan.

“Are you in this too?” The idol asks the nurse like they are friends or something. Seungkwan blinks frantically, “Why – why would you think of it that way? I work here.” There’s another sigh coming from the older members in the room. “He’s going to proceed with the surgery, doctor. His parents also said okay with it,” Wonwoo informs Seokmin. The doctor nodded after getting the confirmation, “I will schedule the surgery as soon as possible, Seungkwan will give you updates about it.”

“What? Me?”

All of the attention immediately adverts towards the nurse. Seungkwan curses at himself mentally, he also curses at Seokmin too.

“Yes, I will give you updates about it,” Seungkwan plasters his customer service smile. He’s not the only one who thinks this situation is ridiculous, because Kim Mingyu is holding his laugh before Wonwoo nudged him on the ribs, hard. Seungkwan proceeded to do a quick check up at Vernon for a few minutes. Before he left the room, Vernon tugged his wrist, “Were you there when I got here?” ignoring the stares given by approximately 5 people in the room, Seungkwan still managed to answer, “Yes.”

The accident happened late Sunday night. Vernon’s surgery is scheduled for early morning Tuesday. It’s a few hours from now. Seungkwan has finished preparing and he’s ready to get home.

He stopped by at the daycare, finding Suki playing with Jeonghan at the moment. Unlike him, Jeonghan has been successfully avoiding S.Coups in the hospital. In running away competition, the older man is a master with his own way. Seungkwan has not yet changed to his casual clothes, he probably will after this.

“I heard you’re going to be with him tomorrow.”

“I also want to burn Lee Seokmin alive.”

“You want to burn papa alive?” Suki’s innocent question threw Seungkwan off guard, “No, honey, no. No one’s going to burn your papa alive.” Excluding his ex-girlfriend, yes, Seungkwan mentally counters. He sighs, “I think I’m going to die,” Jeonghan quips, “Everyone will one day.” Seungkwan feels like his head is going to explode, “That’s not what I mean,” Jeonghan definitely knows what he means, “I know, that’s why I want to balance it with my humor, dummy. This is not the right time for you to stress about it. Your idol is going to have surgery tomorrow and he wants you to be there. At least do what he wants before you regret it in the end.”

Vernon did ask him to be by his side tomorrow morning. He did because Seungkwan is his nurse now. Even now, they still don’t talk about the bigger issue in this problem, like how they did allow Seungkwan to be near Vernon? Someone should’ve stopped him, he knows everything about Vernon. But they didn’t, Lee Seokmin also didn’t, and Seungkwan doesn’t know why.

Seokmin dropped by at the daycare to pick up Suki. Seungkwan glares at him when the doctor carries his only daughter in his arms, “I’m going to buy you a beef tomorrow after the surgery.” Somehow, it works for the nurse. “Me? Me? What about me?” Both men turn towards Yoon Jeonghan, “Let’s start with not running away whenever Choi Seungcheol appears, hyung,” Seungkwan deadpans and Jeonghan pouts.

Before changing, Seungkwan goes to where Vernon’s room is, 11th floor. It’s the floor where the VIPs rooms are. From the glass on the door, Seungkwan can see Vernon’s figure on the bed. Earlier, his family came because he recognized his sister’s face.

See? Someone should’ve stopped him. Looking at Vernon who’s trying hard to look fine even in front of his parents hurts Seungkwan in many ways. He’s hurting and yet he still can show his shark teeth grin to his mother. Seungkwan witnesses the sight of a hand, probably belonging to his father, ruffles Vernon’s dark hair and the idol is still grinning.

“I think I’m okay,” Seungkwan mutters to himself. He’s closing his locker, finished changing into his go-home clothes, “It’s just Vernon,” it is just Vernon, “I’m going to be fine.”

Vernon is indeed calm while waiting for his surgery time. Seungkwan arrives at the hospital around 5 AM, the surgery will proceed at 7.30. Seokmin is probably going to come at 6. Solely for today, Suki is not going to be in the daycare because her mother decided to step into the chaotic parenting Seokmin is currently conducting.

At 6.10, Seungkwan knocks on the room’s door, announcing his arrival. “Good morning, I need to have Vernon-ssi to get a quick check up before the surgery,” Seungkwan announces and his parents let him in. Vernon is munching a sundubu jjigae, judging from the food on the tray in front of him. “Hi, Seungkwan-ah,” Vernon greets him and Seungkwan manages to reply with a squeak, “Hi.” 

Seungkwan thinks Vernon needs to be in jail at some points. The nurse does his job quickly before Seokmin’s arrival and starts their briefing. He made sure Vernon had already eaten his breakfast, because the surgery will take an hour or two. Throughout him trying to tell about the surgery procedure to Vernon’s parents, the patient on the bed is just staring at him.

Walking out from the room was like finishing a mental war between him and his own mind. Seungkwan let out a loud sigh, eyelids shut for a few seconds before his phone buzzed inside his pocket. Telling it’s time for the brief. He needs to rearrange his priorities at the moment.

“Hi, good morning,” Joshua arrives when Seungkwan pushes Vernon’s hospital bed out of his room. Vernon gives him a quick nod and Seungkwan grunts from behind the bed frame, “Everything’s good? The other boys are going to come after their recording ends.” Oh, right, I forgot I’m not supposed to be here, Seungkwan reminds himself, as per the fan etiquettes. His head lifted to meet Joshua’s gaze halfway, the man shoots him a small smile, “Thank you for your hard work for taking care of our Vernonie.” Seungkwan blinks, Vernon alternatively glances between the nurse and the manager, “I’m just doing my job here,” he replies and the idol chimes in, “He’s doing a very good job.”

In the surgery room, a lot of people are checking to keep the patient’s health perfectly stable. Seungkwan is not going to be by Vernon’s side throughout the surgery and apparently the idol knows. When the doctor assistant team informs Seokmin is on his way, Seungkwan darts his eyes to Vernon who is on his bed. Before the idol gets his anesthesia, he grins at the nurse.

“You need to be here when I wake up.”

“When did I ever break any promises you told me?”

Vernon snickers and Seungkwan exits the room. At some points, he forgot Vernon is an idol, his idol. There aren’t major things that change from his personality, aside from the arguments he had with his members. But Seungkwan understood, it was just him trying to accept reality.

While waiting for the surgery to finish, Seungkwan takes his time to rest at the changing room. Jeonghan won’t come until 9. He takes his time to open his social media, scrolling through his timeline to catch up what he missed. His gaze fell onto most of the tweets asking about the dry updates coming from the members.

“The others didn’t update anything?” Seungkwan mutters to himself. There’s a tweet of the latest round of ticketing for their Japanese fanmeeting. “Oh, right, the slogans,” Seungkwan switched his account to his fansite, checking if the other admins already posted the announcement. He breathed a sigh of relief when they already did it, maybe he already told them in advance in case he couldn’t come online around this time.

Seungkwan actually won the ticketing for both days for Tokyo fanmeeting, he still didn’t tell the other admins about the current situation. Checking the official account too, ATTACCA still doesn’t release any announcement regarding Vernon’s surgery. Looking at the watch on his left wrist, it’s just been an hour since the surgery. Seungkwan shut his phone off and walked out from the changing room.

15 minutes to 9 AM, Seungkwan was called to the surgery room because it was finished. When he passed the hallway to enter the surgery room, the other members were present, including some other familiar faces.

“Oh God,” Seungkwan startled, “It’s Wen Junhui.” The hallway is empty, it’s a common fact that the floor where any surgeries were conducted is empty because of how scary waiting for someone's surgery is. But Seungkwan immediately covered his mouth shut, while the other people in front of him only chuckled, telling him it’s fine. “Is it done already?” S.Coups tries to engage in a conversation and Seungkwan nods, “He’s probably still unconscious. I need to check him first.”

With that, the nurse excuses himself in front of the star studded line up in the hospital hallway. Seokmin is taking off his surgery coat, currently washing his hands at the nearest sink. Judging from the sight in front of him, the surgery was successful. Seungkwan let out a sigh of relief, at least one problem is done.

“The anesthesia is slowly coming off. He’s a determined young man,” Seokmin informs Seungkwan as he walks closer when the nurse moves Vernon from the surgery bed to his hospital bed. Seungkwan shoots the doctor a knownful gaze, “You might be surprised, but he’s just a year younger than you,” he says, “To give you another piece of information, he’s exactly a year younger than you. Same birth date.” Seokmin mutters a little ah under his breath. “Do you think I can pass as an idol?” the doctor asks and the nurse’s eyes wrinkles, “No.”

Vernon shifts on the bed. His eyes slowly flutter open, wrinkles a bit because of the light. Seungkwan immediately rushed to dim the light lower. Seokmin hovers over Vernon’s figure on the bed, smiling at the patient.

“Vernon-ssi, do you feel okay at the moment?” Seokmin asks softly. Vernon scowls at him, “I’m fine.” His voice is hoarse, deeper than usual. Vernon glanced to the left and right side, before finding the sight of Seungkwan a few meters from him, “Baby.”

Seungkwan blinks at the sudden pet name; what the fuck did he just call me?

It gets worse each second. “Boo bear, baby,” Vernon lunge his grabby hands to Seungkwan, “Baaabbbbyyyyyy,” Seokmin shoots him a look with a translation; play. along. This is not something to be played along with! “Okay, okay, that’s enough,” Seungkwan laces their fingers together and Vernon grins at him, nuzzling the nurse’s palm on his cheek, “Baby.” The next minute, Vernon drifts back to his sleep, and before Seokmin opens his mouth, Seungkwan cuts him off, “Don’t say anything.”

They successfully move Vernon back to his room. Seungkwan stepped out of the room to give the family and friends enough time to talk back there. It’s almost lunch and Seungkwan receives a text from Jeonghan, telling he’s already in the hospital and ready as he will ever be to receive any updates coming from him. It has been a chaotic morning, adding the baby part, Seungkwan needs to hold his smile back.

He’s an idol, Seungkwan has to remind himself again, he was unconscious. Anesthesia is like a hookup, Seokmin often uses that metaphor whenever he tries to explain the drug to him and Jeonghan. Nothing serious ever came out from someone’s mouth when they were drugged by it. It’s one of the processes of a human’s immune system trying to react with the drug.

“Seungkwan-ah,” Seungkwan’s head lifts to find Seokmin, “The beef is still available for today’s lunch. Tell Jeonghan hyung too, I’ll bring Minghao.” Seungkwan snickers, grinning widely, “Aye aye, captain.” The nurse takes a quick glance again towards Vernon’s room. Thinking about the early morning incident where he spotted the actor Wen Junhui is also in there blows his mind into pieces for 26 years of him living on this earth, “Famous people are something else,” Seungkwan find himself mutters after sighting the sight of Wen Junhui ruffling the idol’s hair, before kissing top of his head.

They have lunch in the nearest Korean beef restaurant. It’s an expensive one, Seokmin chose it because the possibilities to bump into another doctor are slim. Just like Seokmin told beforehand, there’s also Minghao who joins the sudden buffet by the doctor. Minghao is the hospital’s apothecary, he’s the youngest between the four of them regarding seniority in the hospital, but he insists Seungkwan to still call him with hyung or, sometimes, gege.

“What is this about?” Minghao asks as he takes another piece of meat into his mouth. Seungkwan munched the bossam, “Seokmin hyung asked me to be his patient’s nurse for two days now. It was supposed to be only me.” Minghao raised an eyebrow, turning to Seokmin for explanation. “You forgot to tell him whose the patient is,” Seungkwan grumbles and Jeonghan steps in, “It’s ATTACCA’s Vernon,” the oldest of the four grins at the apothecary, “Seungkwan also has good news for you, HaoHao.”

“What news is enough for me to be measured as good by all of you?”

“Wen Junhui is in the hospital.”

Minghao burst out the meat from his mouth, causing the men on the table to screech. Another thing about Xu Minghao, aside from him being famous as the poker face apothecary by the hospital’s customers, it’s he’s not that different from Seungkwan. His hyperfixation is the actor Wen Junhui. He runs a fanpage for him, not as big as a bar, because he doesn’t have enough time but it’s more of a translation account to hype all of the actor’s projects.

“What – what –” Minghao stammers, eyes wide with shock, “What the fuck is he doing in Korea?” Seungkwan shrugs, “I don’t even know Vernon is also friends with him.” The rest of the lunch time is spent with Minghao covering his face with both of his hands. “Just ignore his presence, it works for me,” Jeonghan suggested, “Let’s wait until the day S.Coups finally steps in and recognizes you from afar,” Seungkwan adds. Seokmin feels left out from the conversation, because he doesn’t have any hyperfixation like them, if he can choose, it’s probably his only daughter Lee Suki.

It is probably fate, or a random shits going on lately in Seungkwan’s life. But for this moment, it’s not his life who’s about to crumble and flip in a few seconds. Because the next thing they knew after hearing the restaurant door’s bell chimes in is a man figure standing beside their table. All 4 of them turn to see the figure, expecting it for the restaurant’s waitress.

It’s not the waitress, but it’s worse than that. At least for Yoon Jeonghan.

“Hi,” S.Coups greets all of the people on the table. Seokmin swallows, Minghao still munching his meat, Seungkwan holds his laughter, and Jeonghan wants to stand up from his seat. He can’t, because S.Coups stops him, “Jeonghan-ah,” he calls and Jeonghan’s eyelids were closed for a second. “Hi,” Jeonghan finally greets him, “Do I know you?”

The term friends here is the other members who take their seats behind S.Coups. There are also Joshua, Lee Jihoon, and Wen Junhui. Minghao’s currently using Seokmin’s bigger figure for hiding himself from his own hyperfixation who is sitting one table from where he is. At first, Seungkwan thinks Jeonghan is just being an asshole, because he’s often like that.

But maybe, probably, he’s wrong for that.

“Jeonghan-ah –”

“Please,” Jeonghan requests, sounds like a plea, “This is not a fansign hall.” Seungkwan was chuckling, but he’s not anymore after hearing the serious tone coming from Jeonghan. More surprisingly is S.Coups who complies and turns his body around to join the others in their own table. Jeonghan sighs, “Can I request for a take out? I need to go back now,” Seokmin nods frantically.

They let Jeonghan go.

Seungkwan goes to check on Vernon in the evening. According to the previous nurse who checked up on him after lunch time, Vernon is still sleeping. The anesthesia works more advanced than he ever expected. There is a possibility for him to wake up tomorrow.

As the company’s request, also what Vernon wanted in the beginning, the idol will be discharged from the hospital approximately in the next two days. His physical therapy will still proceed even when he’s not staying at the hospital. That is what a rehab is for, unless for people who have an addiction to drugs. For Seungkwan, there’s a day left for him to say goodbye to his idol.

The company has released an article regarding Vernon’s successful surgery in the afternoon and the confirmation of him needing to sit out for a while from the fanmeeting. Seungkwan’s phone is filled with texts, mostly from his fansite’s admins, asking if he’s still going or not. He thought about it and there’s a stupid plan he needs to do. Since Vernon arrived at the hospital, Seungkwan was never tried, not even once, let his fanboy self succumb into his professional work mode.

He needs to try it once, if he wants to be selfish. The question is, did Seungkwan ever once be selfish? He’s quite selfish when it comes to his contribution to the ATTACCA fandom. But, for the moment, his idol is in a hospital room where he works. For two days straight he had been avoiding his own idol, trying to not ruin any fan etiquettes.

“That company also needs to make an artist etiquette, I swear to God,” Seungkwan huffs. He was called  baby by his idol without consent. Seungkwan is joking, okay, but his point still stands. “Okay,” Seungkwan sighs, it’s 7 PM at night, “I can do this.”

Knocking on the door, announcing his arrival as usual. Stepping into the room, finding Vernon laying on the bed alone. Both of his eyes are open, he’s awake. Other than only being awake, he’s also alone.

“Where’s your parents?” Seungkwan walks closer to where Vernon’s bed is. The patient put down his phone on the table beside him, “Dad will come back tomorrow morning. Mom and sister are flying back to the States. I can manage here on my own.” Seungkwan nods, proceeding to do the healthy check up he was supposed to do. Throughout the check up, Vernon is staring at him intensely.

It’s nerve wracking, the staring. Seungkwan doesn’t want to pour the liquid into the wrong tube. Vernon should’ve known the power he has towards him. This is wrong, all of this is wrong.

I shouldn’t be here, Seungkwan thinks as he finishes his task, yeah maybe I shouldn’t let my fanboy in at this moment.

“Seungkwan-ah.”

“Hm?”

“I’m sorry that I was run over by a car.” Seungkwan blinks once, twice, and looks up to find Vernon’s hazel orbs under the dim light in the room, “What?” Vernon shrugs, “You looked like you were forced to be here, but I understand you’re also working. You’re not going to be taking care of me, unless I wasn’t too focused listening to music a few nights ago, and didn’t realize there was a car with high speed moving towards me.” You’ve gotta be kidding me, the nurse thinks. He shakes his head, “No, I –” Seungkwan pauses, frowning, and then grunts, “I’m sorry that I act this way. It’s just, no one except your beloved idol was dragged into an ER on a random Sunday night with blood splatter on their shirt and in an emergency of blood loss, right? Yes, that. Just like you said, I’m working here. I swear I’m trying to not cross any lines and invade your privacy, but Seokmin hyung –” Vernon raises an eyebrow, “yes, the doctor, you know who he is, he sometimes just needs me to assist him. He owes me a lot, I did too towards him. Well, this is just the one of a million thousand outcomes of working in a public hospital and stanning a local idol.”

There it goes the rambling he had been pooling inside his gut. Another of him being unprofessional. Unless Seungkwan should’ve changed into his casual clothes first, you know, finished his shift before doing any of these shits. Seungkwan is hard on himself, especially when it comes to his occupation, the only thing he does to earn money for living and survive in this big city.

There’s also tears in his eyes. Fuck, why am I crying? It’s mixed. The feelings of him being guilty to cry in front of Vernon, being sad because he made Vernon apologize for something that wasn’t his fault at all. It’s just too much seeing him hurting like this.

“Hey,” Vernon’s knuckles brush on his cheeks, he shifted on the bed only to do that. Seungkwan looks up to him and the idol purses his lips, “You didn’t cross any lines and you’re not the only one who thought of that. I –” Vernon pauses, hesitating, “The day when you told me we were the same age, I was happy, because I finally found a guy who I can befriend with, that I know there’s a guy who likes my work and everything I do. Then, you were just always there. You told me about POPPY and I love to witness how it progressed over the years. All the things that you did for me, representing my name, I just want to give all of that back to you. You’ve been working hard, Kwan-ah and I just, maybe there’s a little hope, that I want us to be friends.”

Seungkwan blinks; he’s making sure he didn’t hear that wrong.

“We can’t be friends,” the nurse counters.

“Why?” the idol frowns.

“You’re an idol,” Seungkwan replies, “and I’m a nobody.” Vernon’s frowns are even deeper, but Seungkwan is determined at what he just said. “You… can’t be friends with your fans. Not – not like this. It’s dangerous,” Seungkwan says, “I don’t want you to get hurt.” I don’t want myself to get hurt.

Maybe Seungkwan read the situation too much. Like, maybe, idols can be friends with their fans. But no, it is too much for Seungkwan. He knows he’s going to be hurt, not because of Vernon, but because of himself.

Just think about it, how much pride will you have when you know things about your idol that the public don’t know? Seungkwan can control that pride, to be honest. But what if he can’t? What if, in the future, he can’t. He started all of this, stanning ATTACCA, to have fun. Running away from his stressed life.

“Okay,” Vernon accepts, “But at least can we be friends when I’m still here?” Seungkwan straightens his posture. Vernon is going to be discharged in two days, it shouldn’t be hard. “Yeah, sure,” Seungkwan says and that brings a grin on Vernon’s lips. He’s all giddy when he asks again, “What time do you come tomorrow?” Seungkwan hums, “Around 8 or 9, I think. Why though?” Vernon huffs, fidgeting his fingers, “Walk me out. I want to see the hospital.”

Before Seungkwan counter the request, Vernon cut him off.

“I’m still patient even though I'm an idol. You can treat me like one, starting from there.”

Well, he has a point. Why does he always want something from me? Seungkwan wonders.

“Okay.”

Vernon probably took the Your Highness joke Seungkwan often referred to him in fansign events too seriously. But hey, that’s fine. He also had a point. Maybe the reason why Seungkwan feels so burdened taking care of him is because he never sees him as a patient.

Exiting from Vernon’s room and staring at a small mirror he has in his locker. Seungkwan looks at himself in the mirror. He proceeds to take a slow breathing pace, in and out. No one’s going to hurt him in the hospital.

“Okay, Chwe Hansol,” Seungkwan says to the mirror after opening his eyes, “Let’s be the best patient and nurse combo tomorrow.”

The next day, Seungkwan finds himself arriving at the hospital at 8.30 AM. In the early morning, he had already gotten permission from Seokmin to take Vernon out for a walk.

seokmin hyung: he asked you?

 

seungkwan: yes

seungkwan: he looked like he need it

 

seokmin hyung: huh okay

seokmin hyung: just follow me for his morning check up

seokmin hyung: dont bring the wheelchair first because we dont know if his family consent about it

 

seungkwan: okaaay

 

“Hansol wanted to go out?” Mr. Chwe asks the doctor and nurse. He glanced at his son on the bed, “Hansol?” Vernon shrugs, “I never got to see the hospital with my own eyes. Remember that I got dragged in because a car ran me over?” Yeah, please don’t remind anyone about that again, Seungkwan says to himself in his head. “It’s okay, dad. Seungkwan will be with me,” Vernon continues, turning to face the nurse, “We are friends now.” Seungkwan doesn’t have any option except smiling politely at the parent, “Yes, sir. We are friends.”

Mr. Chwe requests for Vernon to finish his breakfast first. Seungkwan and Seokmin give them their time in the morning. Telling Vernon he can call the nurse by only pressing the button. Seungkwan then stood by on the same floor, tapping his fingers on the administration table counter as he witnessed the other nurses doing their jobs.

He was in the middle of moving his body, left and right, when there’s a alarm buzzing from Vernon’s room. The patient in the room is calling for a nurse.

“I’ll get it!” Seungkwan yelps to the nurses on the same floor. He immediately searched for the nearest wheelchair in the floor storage. After finding one, he pushes the wheelchair to Vernon’s room. “I’m going in,” Seungkwan announces his arrival and pushes the door open.

Vernon is already sitting on the edge of his bed. Grinning widely as Seungkwan pushes the wheelchair closer to where he is. Seungkwan bows politely at Mr. Chwe again and the old man made the same gesture at him. He has his hand on Vernon’s shoulders, squeezing it lightly.

“I apologize that my son has a lot of requests for you as his nurse,” Mr. Chwe states and Seungkwan shakes his head frantically, “No, no. This is fine. It’s normal for patients to request a stroll to see things in the hospital. It helps them to reduce some stress.” Vernon turns to his old man, even without Seungkwan seeing it, his gaze means I told you so. Mr. Chwe sighs, ruffling Vernon’s dark hair with his hand, “I trust you with him. I’ll be back in the evening.” Seungkwan nods, “Thank you for the trust, sir. I will make sure he eats his lunch too.”

It comes out automatically. He didn’t even remember that the request also included taking care of the patient after the short stroll from last night. Seungkwan’s train of thoughts got cut in the middle when Vernon called his name. Asking for help to move his body from the bed to the wheelchair.

Both the nurse and the patient’s father work together to move Vernon until he sits comfortably on the wheelchair. After he’s done, Seungkwan excuses themselves as he pulls the wheelchair backwards and pushes until they exit from the room. Vernon is sitting like he’s a good boy. Like a dog expecting a lot of this quick stroll.

They are now waiting for the patient lift to open in front of them when Vernon asks.

“Do you know where we will be going?”

“Honestly, no, Your Highness.”

Vernon chuckles, he turns to Seungkwan who stands behind him. The smile he gives to Seungkwan is the exact smile he had yearned and loved since he was in high school.

He never changed, huh. 

“It’s okay, I trust you with this all my life.” The lift ding! open, it’s not crowded and Seungkwan pushes the wheelchair in, “Thank you for the trust, Your Highness.”

Seungkwan takes Vernon to the kids' floor first. It’s the same floor where the daycare is. Seokmin told him before that Suki is back under his wing again after spending her time with her mother. Seungkwan thinks it’s a good idea for her to meet Vernon or the other way around.

Vernon is not wearing any mask. He’s just wearing a hospital gown and his phone on his lap. Seungkwan wanted to protest at first, but he’s a patient, just like the others in this hospital. He also thinks Vernon doesn’t want to be treated that way by him or by anyone else.

“Vernon-ah –”

“You can call me Hansol.”

Seungkwan stops on his track. “Excuse me?” Vernon doesn’t turn his head, but he knows he’s making that determined face whenever he says something so certain, “You can call me Hansol. We’re friends, remember?” Vernon only wants to be called by his real name from his closest friends, aside from his family. Seungkwan trying to hide his giddiness bubbling inside of him, “Okay, Hansol-ah,” Vernon, no, Hansol chuckles, “Do you like kids?” Hansol hums at the question, the wheelchair continues to move, “I can’t say I’m good with kids. I like looking at them running around though.” The nurse nods, he stops the wheelchair track in front of the indoor playground where the daycare children are currently playing, “This is our first stop.”

Hansol stays silent when he looks at the children running around in front of them. Seungkwan stands beside him before crouching. Getting at the same height level as the patient. It’s when one of the children yelps, recognizing Seungkwan, and runs towards him.

“Uncle Seungkwan!” Suki ran into Seungkwan’s embrace, hugging his neck. Seungkwan catches her, coos at the child before pulling back to see her face, “Hey there, princess. Feels good to be back home with your papa?” He turns to Hansol, “This is Suki, Seokmin hyung’s daughter.” Hansol let out a small ah before bowing at the little girl, “Hello, Suki-ssi. I’m Hansol, your papa’s patient.” Suki replies to the gesture with the same motion, even when she’s shy, and trying to hide her face to the crook of Seungkwan’s neck, “I’m Lee Suki…”

The next place Seungkwan takes Hansol is the lobby. There’s a small local supermarket in the hospital solely for the patients who’s not staying. A café, an authentic Korean restaurant, a bank; a typical local hospital in a big city like Seoul. Hansol requests for a few snacks from the supermarket and Seungkwan helps him.

Beside the supermarket is the apothecary. From afar, Seungkwan can find the sight of Minghao who’s busy taking a lot of medicines under his control. He’s the second in command in their hospital’s apothecary, which is impressive. Hansol is staring at Seungkwan who’s looking at Minghao.

“Is that your friend?” Hansol’s question brings Seungkwan back to reality, “Yes. He’s Minghao ge. He came all the way from China.” Minghao somehow finds the two of them, waving his hand quickly, before getting back to his work rhythm. Hansol nods, “You also came from far away, right? Jeju? There are Jeju tangerines I found from the fruit aisle. Let’s eat one together.” Seungkwan slowly turns to look at Hansol who’s, what the hell is he doing anyway, trying to push the wheelchair wheels on his own.

He failed though, cute, Seungkwan admires him.

Seungkwan ends up taking Hansol to the hospital’s garden rooftop. He knows Hansol has a pollen allergy, but the patient insists. They find themselves sitting on the bench under the gazebo. It’s almost past 10 in the morning and the sun slowly rises to the peak, thankfully the wind helps to calm the heat a bit.

Both of them have their snacks with tangerines per Hansol’s request earlier. Seungkwan is peeling the orange for him before Hansol snatches it.

“I can do it,” Seungkwan protests and Hansol nods, “I know you do.” Hansol peels it until uncovers the tangerine, giving a whole piece for Seungkwan before he peels another for himself. Seungkwan accepted it, never intended to take anything for granted. “Thank you,” Seungkwan takes one piece of tangerine into his mouth, Hansol snickers as he glances at the nurse sitting beside him, “This is nothing compared to what you’ve been doing for me.”

Seungkwan doesn’t understand what that means, but he still accepts it. Both men fall into silence with the wind breeze passing at them. Only the sound of their mouths munching the tangerines remains. Another random thing to do on Tuesday morning with your beloved idol. 

The trash was put into one plastic bag. There’s a pile of orange tangerines in it, funny, but Seungkwan realizes he needs this before he dies one day just like Jeonghan told him.

“You know,” Hansol’s voice pierces to the comfortable silence between them, “I almost did a selfish thing.” Seungkwan raises an eyebrow, “I thought you loved me.” The statement gives shivers through Seungkwan’s body, “What?” Hansol nods, sipping the tea they bought earlier in the hospital café, “Romantically. You know, I thought we could be that romcom cliché couple and broke the stereotypes in the relationship between idol and fan. But maybe I was reading into it too much for years.” Seungkwan blinks frantically, his mouth stutters, “What – how – why did you even think that way?” That came out bitter on top of his tongue, Hansol shrugs, “I’m sorry, as I said before maybe I was reading too much. All of this is new to me, I never tried dating while I’m working. But then Seungcheol hyung started it,” the idol turned to look at the nurse, “Your friend.”

“My friend?”

“Yes,” Hansol replies, “Yoon Jeonghan. They dated for a year.”

Seungkwan feels he just got a whiplash on his face. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK? He’s in whiplash but he’s quick to process this kind of information.

Even the little details.

“Dated? As in past tense?” As far as he remembers, they just went to a fansign together 2 weeks ago. Hansol nods, “They broke up the night I was run over by the car – okay, I’m sorry, I mean the company dinner.” Seungkwan breathe out a disbelief sigh, oh my fucking God, this is, oh, now he understands what is going on with Yoon Jeonghan and his running away mission to avoid Choi Seungcheol as much as he can. “If you ask me about what their deal was, I don’t know. But I just know it’s Seungcheol hyung’s fault,” Hansol snickers, “He’s stupid about this thing and, unfortunately, me too.”

A whole year for a romantic relationship is long. In a whole year, Seungkwan went through a lot with Jeonghan. The days they had to sleep in the hospital to get their paid leave for days. Recalling all those memories, it made sense if Jeonghan did it to meet his boyfriend; a real boyfriend, not a delusional one.

It makes Seungkwan laugh. This is another mixed feeling, he’s confused either to be happy, or sad, or even betrayed by his own hyung. Well, in the end it’s Jeonghan’s personal relationship. He didn’t even know how the older pulled it off, let alone ATTACCA had a 5 months world tour last year.

“How did they make it work? Did you notice it?” Seungkwan asks with curiosity bubbling inside him. Hansol hums again, “I don’t know exactly how they pulled it off or more importantly how hyung made it work. But there were times when we took a short break in Korea, right? Before flying to another country. Seungcheol hyung would immediately go MIA in those days.” There were also times when Jeonghan would take a longer paid leave than him with a reason for holidays. “Oh my God, I’m an idiot,” Seungkwan realizes and Hansol only laughs at him, “Don’t worry, you’re not alone in this.”

Seungkwan also questions the other 2 members and Hansol tells him they are in a relationship. It’s been a long time coming and he had witnessed their push and pull drama for years. The fans also know that Wonwoo and Mingyu are living together. They speculate a lot of things, most of it is true.

The topic they currently have had Seungkwan distracted by the fact Hansol just confessed to him. Which is also insane compared to the other things.

“I’m sorry that I made you feel that way,” Seungkwan mutters, twirling the snack in his grip. The idol only smiles at him, “It’s fine. At least you’re stuck with me now until lunch time.” Hansol shifts on his seat, remembering something, “Hey, can you tell me again about why you chose POPPY? I remember it’s a flower, right?” Seungkwan nods, facing Hansol now, “It means remembrance and hope. Besides how cute it is when it’s written and spoken, it holds an important meaning for a fansite who takes pictures from events and keeps it as a memory for a lot of people.” Seungkwan rubs a circle on the wheelchair’s wheels and Hansol finds it cute, “It also means appealing, which describes your whole persona as an idol.”

“That’s your way of calling me handsome?”

“You’ve always been handsome. It’s a common fact.”

Hansol purses his lips, one of his ways to hold his laughter. They stay on the rooftop for a while longer. Seungkwan told Hansol about his plan to go to Tokyo next month for the fanmeeting. Hansol said he should still go or else the POPPIES, he made the fanclub himself without Seungkwan’s consent, would be sad because they’ve ordered a lot of slogans from him.

As they agreed before, Seungkwan stayed with Hansol until lunch time. He makes sure Hansol finishes all of his lunch before going back to rest. Hansol’s friends come to visit when Hansol is eating his lunch, looking surprised at the sight they just found. There are additional people this time around.

“Hansol hyung~”

“Oh, Chan-ah.”

“Vernon-ah,” Hoshi let out a disbelief sigh, “What the fuck happened?” Then there’s a slap to the back of the dancer’s head from Wonwoo, “A car crash happened, idiot.” Hoshi and Dino are professional dancers that worked with ATTACCA for a long time. Seungkwan knew this because they both also worked together for one of the most famous dance studios in Seoul.

With that, Seungkwan excuses himself to go to eat lunch with his peers. Bowing politely at the star studded lineup he had ever seen before closing the door. In the cafeteria, Seungkwan finds Jeonghan eating alone. He immediately takes a seat beside the older, startling him.

“Oh my God, stop doing that,” Jeonghan protests with a mouth full of rice. Seungkwan only snickers at him, “Are you still going to Tokyo next month?” The question threw Jeonghan off guard. “I don’t know. Maybe I will come only to distribute the slogans and take a stroll afterwards,” Jeonghan answers. Seungkwan nods his head, taking a spoonful of rice and soup into his mouth, “It’s okay,” Jeonghan finds it peculiar with his reaction, “Take your time to heal.”

Seungkwan doesn’t meet Hansol again until he goes home after his shift. The lingering feeling of Hansol’s confession still wraps around his head and heart. It will always stay there, even when he’s trying to forget. But it will pass eventually and at the same time he doesn’t want to.

Because Hansol can’t date a person like him. But they are friends now. Can idols be friends with their fans? It’s rare, but maybe there are idols who are friends with their fans. Seungkwan doesn't know exactly, he’s going to sleep and end this day early.

When tomorrow finally comes, Seungkwan is present in Hansol’s room. Seokmin tells Hansol’s father that he’s good to go to take care of himself. The updates of his physical therapy will be informed through email. Besides his father, Joshua is also present.

Hansol is already in his wheelchair when his manager asks Seokmin a question.

“I know this is a random question, but how old are you, doctor?” Seungkwan and Hansol glance towards each other, Mr. Chwe is in the lobby to take care of the expenses. Seokmin was taken aback, “I’m 27 years old last month.” Joshua finds himself nodding, “Ah, okay,” the manager is trying to hide his intention while Seokmin is too stunned to speak. Hansol covers his face with his hand, the second embarrassment creeping up on him.

Before leaving the hospital, Hansol requested another thing from Seungkwan. Because, of course, he’s Chwe Hansol.

“Can I get your number?” Hansol asks.

“What for?” Seungkwan replies because he can.

“For trying to maintain friendship,” Hansol’s answer triggered a low chuckle from the nurse. He looks really determined with his request, which is cute. “Okay, Your Highness, don’t scowl at me like that,” Seungkwan says as he takes his phone out, “I’m not scowling.” Seungkwan coos, “Sure, sure.”

Hansol is finally discharged from the hospital and it leaves a hollow inside Seungkwan’s heart. He doesn’t know when he will be able to meet Hansol again, on and off stage to be precise. The only thing he wishes for right now is for him to recover quickly, because his fans are waiting for him. Because Seungkwan is waiting for him.

Seungkwan’s phone vibrates, telling there’s a text popping from his notification. He takes out his phone and stifles his smile when he sees the text.

hansol

kwan-ah 

let’s see each other more in the future