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It was a weird position to be in, being the second guest at Hazbin Hotel. Sir Pentious was surprised he’d even been allowed in, with the reconnaissance mission the Vees sent him on ending as disastrously as it did. Though Charlie was dead set on redemption for every sinner in hell, even a dirtbag like him, so he was let off of the hook and allowed to stay at the hotel not as a spy, but as a proper guest.
All things considered, Pentious had been adjusting to the hotel quite well. It was surprisingly nice, especially considering its unholy location. It was well maintained, the residents and staff of the hotel were surprisingly nice to him and they weren’t even trying to betray him to steal his wondrous inventions. Not like he had much of anything to steal anyways, a hole blown in the ceiling led to a hotel wide ban on pretty much anything dangerous, including a majority of his creations.
That was the thing, the hotel was peaceful, if Pentious had to put a word to it. Sure, every once in a while something would blow up the hotel’s outer walls, but Alastor could just snap his fingers and fix it and then everyone would just go on about their lives like nothing even happened. Pentious liked the security, he definitely appreciated being able to tinker away at his workshop or get some sleep or even just roam the halls of the hotel without having to worry about some petty territory squabble outside breaching inside and dragging him into the crossfire. Though to keep the hotel as safe as it was, Pentious wasn’t able to participate in any citywide power grabs at all, and some part of him yearned for battle, to show off the power of his inventions for all the denizens of hell to see.
Pentious had been in hell for almost 150 years at this point, and most of it had been spent piloting an airship throughout hell and taking control over as much of the city as he could. Large swaths of hell fell under the control of Sir Pentious, he could’ve been an overlord if he wanted, but why contract unwilling souls when you have a near infinite army of egg bois at your beck and call. With his brains and the massive egg army, Pentious was nigh unstoppable, and even the most powerful overlords in hell quaked in their boots at the mere mention of Sir Pentious. He stood unrivaled at the top, any who dared to challenge him either met their second undoing at his hands or ran away in an act of pure cowardice. But just over a hundred years after he arrived, Pentious was finally met with someone who was finally able to stand up to him and live to tell the tale.
Cherri Bomb was truly Pentious’s rival. He had been quick to assign nearly anyone he fought with that moniker, but Cherri Bomb was the only one who was actually able to live up to the lofty title. Her bombs were powerful, able to reduce anything in its path to nothing more than scrap and viscera. He should have been terrified out of his mind, but being finally able to experience a battle where he could lose something, a battle where he was actually at risk of something more than a few hours worth of repairs, it was the most enthralled he’d ever been.
For decades he and Cherri were engaged in a back and forth struggle. For every inch Cherri captured from Pentious, he’d show her the power of science, and for every inch Pentious captured from Cherri, she’d show him the power of nitroglycerin. Every battlefield they fought on was marred with the scars of their rivalry, bits of eggshells and scrap strewn about, holes blown into the surrounding city, the smell of sulfur that wouldn’t leave the area for months, all hallmarks of the battles that had been fought before.
Sir Pentious wondered what Cherri was up to now. Maybe she was eagerly awaiting the grand return of Sir Pentious, holding out hope that his absence meant that he was working on a creation so grand that reducing it to smoke and ash would be the greatest catharsis you could have in hell. Maybe she was bored out of her mind, going through the motions of taking territory without any fun to it now that her greatest rival had just up and left. Maybe … maybe she’d somehow found a new rival, someone else who matched her kilotons of explosive power and proved themselves worthy, but there’s no way she’d have moved on that quickly. Right?
“Are you gonna order a drink or what?” Husk snapped from the bar.
“Oh, sorry, I was just reminisssssscing,” Sir Pentious apologized “about before the hotel.”
“What’s there to even look back on, all the times you got your ass kicked by Cherri?” Angel Dust snickered “didn’t think you’d be into something as rough as that Penty.”
“IT'S NOT A SSSSEX THING,” Sir Pentious hissed, his hood flaring up “I just miss the rush of piloting my inventions throughout the carnage outside. Miss Bomb just happenssss to be one of the few people able to provide a worthy challenge in combat.”
“Ooh a pet name! Yeah it’s totally a sex thing,” Angel taunted as he lightly punched Pentious in the arm.
“Oh fuck you.”
“Well if you’re offering.”
“Hey Angel, lay off of him for a second alright,” Husk scolded firmly. The spider relented and returned to his drink. “Now, Pentious, what do you even miss outside of the hotel, because frankly, I don’t fucking get it.”
“Well uh,” Pentious paused as he thought of the exact words to use “I guess what I miss most is the excitement of it all. Nothing gets the blood pumping like battle, and when you’ve been fighting someone as sssstrong as Miss Bomb, each moment is an explosssive experience that I will never forget. I haven’t seen her at all since becoming a resident here, I never thought I’d misssss the sound of explosions as much as I do.”
“Sounds like you respect Cherri a lot huh,” Husk noted as he absentmindedly cleaned a glass.
“Of coursssse, anyone who can stand up to me is worthy of my respect. Cherri Bomb is the only person truly worthy of being my rival, and I am blessed to have a nemesis as worthy as she is.”
“I don’t think I’d be blessed to have a rival, sounds fucking annoying more than anything.”
“Yeah, ain’t ya supposed to hate your rival?” Angel Dust commented “this sounds like something much more than a rivalry.”
“A rival is more than just someone you hate,” Sir Pentious clarified “You need to command ressspect for each other. Sure you spend most of your time fighting, but it comesss not from hatred, but for admiration. You sssstart to look forward to your confrontations, they become another opportunity to show off what you can do to your nemesis. Compare this to someone like Valentino, he’s not your rival, he’s just an assssshole.”
“You can say that again,” Angel scowled.
“Exsssssactly! Me and Miss Bomb may have been fighting over territory for ages, but we don’t hate each other. I always want to run into Miss Bomb just to show off my latesssst and greatessst contraption of her demise. Of course she usssually blows it to ssscraps by the end of the battle, but she does it with such care and passssion that all it does is motivate me to build another, even better invention.”
“Your shit gets destroyed all the time though,” Husk pointed an accusatory finger “the catalyst for you being here is yet another one of your warships being torn to shreds by Alastor.”
“Well that attack wassss barbaric,” Pentious shot back, “there was no respect for all the effort that went into my construction, just a brutal takedown of what I worked so hard to create. He very clearly thinks im just ssssome common rapscallion that he can bat away effortlessly.”
“So Alastor’s magic is a ‘brutal takedown’, but Cherri’s bombs fucking aren’t.” Angel questioned angrily “seems a little bit hypocritical to me.”
“Well it's becaussssse … because Cherri usessss … or because Alasssstor …” Sir Pentious fumbled over his words. How could he not come up with an explanation as to why he was fine with Cherri and not the millions of other sinners who kicked his ass in combat.
“Face it Pentious, I don’t think you want Cherri Bomb to just be your rival, I think you want her to be something … different,” Husk stated.
“You want to fuck her so bad it makes you look stupid,” Angel dust smirked.
“I DO NOT WANT TO FUCK HER,” Sir Pentious hissed as his face flushed red. “Hussssk can you make him shut the FUCK UP again.”
“A bit more direct than what I was gonna say, but I’m not gonna say he’s wrong,” Husk concurred.
“We-we’re just rivals, that’sssss all,” Pentious vehemently disagreed.
“Uh huh sure buddy,” Angel Dust rolled his eyes “by the way, have I ever told you that Cherri Bomb has a boyfriend.”
“T-that’sssss not true,” Sir Pentious instantly denied the claim “she would have told her greatest rival if such a development in her life happened, and no doubt would i have ussssed such a person as leverage in one of our battles.”
“Why?” Husk asked.
“Because …” Pentious stumbled over another question set up by the other demons he had decided to drink with. It was one word, one stupid tiny fucking word, but Sir Pentious couldn’t come up with a response. Eventually, he stammered out “because, I guesssss I would’ve just liked to know,” as an answer.
“You totally fuckin like her,” Angel Dust snickered “you want to explore every inch of her body don’t you?”
“I think it's best if you stop digging a hole for yourself and just admit it.” Husk advised “you're horrible at hiding it anyways.”
“Ok fine, I may have some … feelingssss for Miss Bomb but … how am I ssssupposed to confessss these feelingssss after being her nemesssisss for so long. I’d probably jusssst sssstumble over my words before i ssssaid anything meaningful.”
“Well you’ve been her rival for a while, and you’re a big fan of your displays of villainy,” Husk reasoned “if you took your confidence in monologuing and put it forth into your confession, I think you could actually do it.”
“Yeah, Cherri loves confidence,” Angel confirmed “and if you don’t confess at all, you’ll never know if she likes you back.”
“I-I guess you two are right. Next time I see Miss Bomb, I'll … I’ll tell her how I feel.”
“Attaboy Pentious,” Angel cheered as he patted Pentious on the back. “I’m sure you’ll do great next time you see her.”
“Yeah, thankssss guys, I just hope I'll be able to see Miss Bomb again ssssoon,”
“Considering how much she likes explosions, I wouldn't be surprised if she blew a hole in the hotel at some point sooner or later,” Angel chuckled.