Chapter Text
Theo dipped his toes into the lake, letting the murky water lap and roll over them, sticks and mud pressing into the soles of his feet. He took a step, and then another, wading forward until he was submerged up to his chin, water nipping at the edges of his hair, imperceptibly curling the short strands. The freezing coldness that began to seep into his bones was a welcome distraction, and he relished in the dull ache that throbbed through his limbs.
His teeth began to chatter slightly, but he ignored it, knowing it wouldn’t matter soon, anyway.
He steeled himself, shutting his eyes and pushing a long, drawn-out breath through his nose.
And then he let his head sink fully underwater.
Theo jolted awake with a terrified puff of air escaping his lips as he bolted upright, hand coming to clutch at his chest. Shifting uncomfortably on the bed (Theo still couldn’t believe that Liam had offered him the guest room in his house), his dark eyes flicked towards the open window, the moon sitting directly in his eye-sight, almost seeming as if to mock him, to torment him.
I saw what you did, it leered at him. I saw what you did, I saw what you’ve become, and nothing you ever do can reverse that; your life is tethered to mine.
Theo turned away from its accusing glare, eyes downcast as his hands tangled in the blanket pooling at his hips.
He laughed mirthlessly, and it felt thick and heavy on his tongue, constricting his throat and leaving an ashen aftertaste in its wake. ‘I’m sorry, Tara. I’m so fucking sorry.’
Theo knew better than to ask her for forgiveness anymore, not that he deserved it. All he could do was apologise relentlessly in the hopes that Tara would one day truly believe it.
He shook his head with a sigh, lips thinning as he attempted to blink away the after-images of his nightmares.
His ears picked up the steady beat of Liam’s heart from the adjacent room, slow and strong in sleep. It was a soothing rhythm that the 18 year old had quickly and embarrassingly grown to like, and for whatever reason it was the only thing that seemed to calm him down after an intense nightmare like the one he’d just had.
1, 2, 3, 4
2, 2, 3, 4
3, 2, 3, 4
4, 2, 3, 4
He counted in time with Liam’s heartbeat, metronomically, almost as if it were the beat to a song.
He began to settle back onto the bed, being lulled into a drowsy slumber when there was suddenly an uptick in the beat. One of Theo’s eyes snapped back open – when had they even closed? – and his ears pricked.
Then there was another uptick, and then another, and then it started to thrum more intensely, sporadically, and it felt like there was a large stone sitting in his chest as he realised what was happening.
Liam’s breaths came in heavy, short pants, and Theo could hear the rustling of sheets as the younger boy would have begun to squirm.
And then, the crying started.
There was something undeniably beautiful about the all-encompassing darkness of the lake, and Theo found that he could enjoy it even with the burning sensation expanding in his chest.
Nothing could reach him here, no sound, no light, no nothing. It was somehow as if he were experiencing everything and nothing all at the same time. Theo had thought it would’ve been overwhelming, but found that it was actually quite soothing to his frayed nerves, and his lips quivered into a joyless smile.
Throwing the covers off his lap, the Chimera slinked out of bed, feet padding silently on the carpeted floor. He couldn’t bear to listen to Liam’s whimpers and cries any longer, as he sobbed in his sleep, apologising to Scott, to Melissa, begging Theo not to hurt them.
Something in Tara’s heart had cracked at that.
Slipping out through the open window was too good of an opportunity to pass.
Theo’s mind drifted, thoughts swimming aimlessly. He thought of Scott, whose trust he had broken. He thought of Melissa, the woman he’d seen as his mother when he was just a child, who he’d hurt by very nearly killing her actual son.
And then he thought of Liam.
Liam, whom he had manipulated, had played on his IED to get him to kill his alpha, was planning on killing him.
Liam, who was all lithe and hard lines from dedicating his life to lacrosse, but still had a soft face, a soft nose, soft eyes and ears, gently curved, still so young and innocent and good and all the things that Theo could never be.
Theo was so fucking tired of hurting people, of seeing the consequences of his past actions still playing out despite his best attempts to just be good, and he knew that this was the right thing to do. The only way to make everyone else stop hurting because of his mistakes.
His vision was blurring, eyes stinging, a muffled yet somehow simultaneously amplified roaring echoing through his ears, chest burning and head throbbing as his body cried for air. But this was his penance, and he couldn’t stop now.
When a hand latched onto his wrist like a vice and started tugging frantically, Theo knew it was Tara excitedly dragging him back down to hell.
Theo’s chest heaved as he began to cough and splutter water and vomit from his lips, as it bubbled up his throat, expelling from his lungs in painful, hacking bursts.
There were hands pushing insistently at his sternum, so hard that Theo wouldn’t be surprised if his ribs cracked. But he wasn’t really focusing on that right now, what with the agonising burning pain searing through his entire body, especially his head, as much-needed air invaded his nostrils in an overwhelming crash of waves.
There was a shuddering sob released above him - from his saviour, he realised - as he was manoeuvred onto his side, more water and bile trickling down the corner of his mouth. He felt a cold forehead being pressed into his hip as the sobs grew louder, the smell of fear and relief permeating his senses as the headache gradually faded and he came to.
The forehead belonged to Liam, Theo belatedly realised. Underneath the soaking wetness that had washed Liam’s scent from his pyjamas, the lingering scent of cinnamon sugar still clung to his senses, but it was tainted by the foul stench of despair.
“You’re OK, you’re OK,” Liam was muttering incessantly into Theo’s water-logged sweatpants, and Theo strongly disagreed; his head still ached like hell. But the words on Liam’s tongue sounded thick and choked up, and Theo didn’t want to say something that would sour Liam’s scent even further.
Instead, he slowly shifted the arm pinned underneath his body and settled it on Liam’s back, rubbing it in small circles. Liam only slightly flinched, having likely realised that Theo was somewhat awake now, and buried his head further into the Chimera’s side.
Theo rolled onto his back despite Liam’s protests, pushing himself up and hunching forward, resting his forearms on his knees as he greedily sucked in more oxygen. Liam was now kneeling next to him, completely drenched, eyes wide and brows furrowed, lips slightly parted, his entire body beginning to tremble. Theo assumed the adrenaline was wearing off.
Liam didn’t say anything for a moment, but then his lips quivered and fresh tears sprang to his eyes as he collapsed onto Theo, wrapping his arms around him and weeping into his collarbone, pawing at the back of his shirt.
Tentatively, worried that Liam might crumble under his touch, he brought his hands up and reciprocated the hug, drawing Liam closer to his chest and burying his own nose into Liam’s shoulder. Theo clenched his eyes shut as tears slipped past them, unbidden, and suddenly he was struck with the realisation of what he had just tried to do, what he had very nearly just done, and the dam burst and he broke down, wailing into Liam’s shirt as one hand reached up to tangle in the strands on the back of the younger boy’s head, pulling Liam impossibly closer, almost as if using him as a child would their teddy bear after a nightmare that felt a little too real for comfort.
"Theo... Theo, I- I," Liam gasped out, trembling as the cool night air bit at his already frigid skin, "oh my- " Liam broke off into another sob, and now Theo's chest was aching for an entirely different reason.
Theo realised that Liam must have woken up around the same time he had snuck out the window, must have heard as the Chimera's heartbeat faded as he put more distance between them. Realised that the first thing Liam did after having a nightmare was to actively seek Theo's prescence.
Anchors, Theo realised, breath hitching for a brief second until he felt Liam tense up and made the conscious effort to steady his breathing for the little wolf curled up in his arms. They were each other's anchors. Theo didn't know whether to laugh or cry or throw up again, or maybe perform some amalgamation of all three at the same time, but eventually settled on schooling his breathing and fighting against the rising tide of nausea so he could do the only thing he knew he was good at - be Liam's anchor.
“It’s OK, Liam. I’m OK.” His voice was rough and scratchy, as if he had been drinking sand by the bucket-load, but he continued to repeat similar sentiments into Liam’s ear in a thankfully successful attempt to slow Liam’s rapidly fluctuating heartbeat down.
“No,” Liam shook his head, nose rubbing against Theo’s shoulder. “No, you’re not OK, Theo.” Theo’s breath stuttered at the accusation, even though he knew it was true.
“You’re not OK,” Liam said again, pulling back slightly to look directly into Theo’s eyes, “but you will be.”
And for now, that was enough.