Work Text:
Felix was the first boy Jisung had kissed. Jisung was the first anyone Felix had kissed. And they haven’t really stopped.
It was easy, almost too easy, to kiss and fuck around with someone so close to you, someone whose body and brain you basically lived and breathed inside for years. Jisung had been that easy, even with his stupid jokes and nervousness and awkward kisses. Felix hadn’t stood a chance.
Felix has always considered himself a lover. A feeler. Someone who empathizes well and falls a little too hard. He thinks it’s easy to see the good in people; he remembers the heaviness of his chest when he volunteered with a girl in his class for the first time and wanted to see her selfless smile turned to him, remembers first realizing just how hard Chan worked to keep their team afloat, and how silent he was about the ramifications he faced. How Felix wanted to experience his first kiss with both of them, some time ago, and how scary that was.
There’s something in him that wonders if he’s just a little bit in love with everyone he is close to. Wonders if, when Minho smiles fondly at him or Jeongin plays with his hair or Seungmin sticks his tongue out at him and his chest fills with happiness, he loves too effortlessly. Wonders if he’s just greedy. Or easy.
It’s easy to feel greedy when he has Jisung like this, unchallengingly swayed and happy with his kisses and affection. Felix is soaking up the attention in Jisung’s lap, kissing him as heavily as he can without causing too much noise. Felix loves making him pant and gasp because it’s rare he hears him, especially when they’re trying to be quiet. But they also can’t ruin this.
It isn’t something they get often, wrapped up in each other’s arms and whispering little jokes to each other between kisses. They are always careful. Probably too careful, with the way they rarely get time to themselves. Jisung won’t allow it to affect their work and ‘personal lives’ - whatever that means. Felix is just glad to be close to him, even if he does carry a pit in his stomach whenever Jisung lies to cover up their escapades.
But it’s good. It’s good, when Jisung finally gets out of the studio and Felix gets to have him between his fingers, squeezing and twisting so he bends to the shape of his body and can’t unravel. He sometimes says things like that to Jisung and he laughs at him and calls Felix the cutest person alive.
They’re getting tonight as a treat, Felix thinks. They’ve worked so hard at rehearsal and Jisung has had so many late nights in the studio and Felix has a bee buzzing inside his chest, holding all of his anticipation and nervous excitement that spills out into his kisses. He can’t stop nipping at the skin available to him, kiss every part in reach and still it’s not enough to satisfy him. He could kiss Jisung all day. At work, schedules, home in front of everyone. Until Jisung got sick of him.
And Jisung presses hard into the kiss, stopping Felix’s fluttering energy with well placed pressure of his hands against Felix’s neck and waist. Sometimes he matches Felix’s enthusiasm with his own wandering hands and panting, sometimes he slows them down and makes them feel every kiss. Or sometimes, he just wants to make Felix laugh.
“Can I make you feel good tonight?” Jisung says it in English, and Felix giggles into the kiss.
“Tonight specifically? No other night?” He asks. Jisung screws up his face.
“Can I make you feel good every night?”
“Sold!” It’s loud, and Jisung shushes him a little frantically. Felix falls into him, shaking with laughter. He shifts back to Korean for: “don’t offer what you can’t fulfill, baby.”
“I’d have you every night if I could.” It’s always a toss up if Jisung’s dirty talk is sexy enough to make him interested, or silly enough to have him laughing, as Felix has a feeling his intent changes faster than his mind can run the words out his mouth. This one makes him flushed.
“You can start with tonight -”
The words are cut off with a twist of the doorknob, rattling around behind Felix. It’s the door that leads to his shared bathroom with Jeongin, and the anxiety in Felix's stomach when he turns to see it disperses slightly when he realizes it’s not opening. Felix wonders if Jisung knows he never locks that door, knows Jeongin comes in pretty freely when he wants to. They normally do this in Jisung’s room.
“Hyung?” Jeongin’s voice, of course. But then -
“Yeah?” Jisung says, stupidly.
The rattling stops. “Is Jisung hyung in there with you?”
“Yeah, we’re just watching a movie,” Felix says. He wonders if Jeongin can hear the breathlessness in his voice.
“Oh.” Felix and Jisung are frozen. “Does hyung need to use the shower?”
“No, I’m fine.”
They are silent as there are footsteps, and then the sound of the water turning on.
“Fuck,” Jisung breathes. Felix rolls off him and buries his head in the pillow.
“Could have been worse?” He says, muffled by fabric. Just breathing for a moment gives the cramped, panicked feeling in his chest time to seep out, but the lack of response makes him peek his head up, seeing Jisung looking wide-eyed at him. “I mean, there are worse things than Jeonginie finding out?”
“Not much worse?” They’re whispering, but Jisung still sounds frantic. Felix puts a hand on his leg, squeezing the muscle he can reach.
“Of course,” Felix soothes. The conversation is making his head hurt. He wants to ask Jisung why he doesn’t trust their friends, but he is moving away and standing, searching the room for his stuff. He’s throwing himself back into his sweater when Felix says, “you’re not going to stay?”
“Of course not, what if he comes knocking again?”
Felix’s head pounds. The sickening feeling of guilt swirls in his gut. He wishes Jisung would tell him what he did wrong. “Okay.”
“We’ll figure something else out for this week, I promise.” Jisung chucks his phone in his bag, and he finally looks back to the bed. Felix always gives away too much on his face. “Lix?”
“I'm sorry. I’ve just missed you, that’s all.” Greedy.
But Jisung is smiling, walking over to Felix and holding his face in his hands and squishing his cheeks. He recognizes the look as the same one that he gives the animals at the pet café they go to. “You’re too nice for me,” Jisung says, kissing his nose and his philtrum and then his lips. “You know I’ve never had a friend like you before.”
He says it often. “I know, Hannie.”
“I’m sorry if you're sad I have to leave.” He ruffles Felix’s hair. Felix pouts his lips to see what Jisung will do, but he kisses him again, easy as breathing.
“It’s fine, you find it cute, remember?”
Felix was trying to make him smile, but he thinks he missed the mark. “Lix…”
“Don’t worry about it, we’ll figure something out for next time,” Felix says, and he knows they will. As much as Felix worries about his own selfishness taking over, Jisung does seek him out just as often. It’s why they collided like a planet forming and ricocheting into orbit. Beautiful and mangled and drawn together unconditionally.
“I’m going to see your lips in my dreams,” Jisung says, and it’s easy to believe him. He’s smiling like he does when he wants to see Felix laugh, so he gives it to him.
“I know.”
Jisung leaves light footed and careful, and Felix doesn’t have the heart to tell him he looks more suspicious than if he announced to the entire floor that he was just in Felix’s room. Maybe he doesn’t want to. Maybe he would rather Jeongin see and frown and wonder. Maybe he’s selfish about that, too.