Archive of Our Own

Aigis arrives to the Iwatodai Dorm in late July, but it is not until August that she begins to take stock of her dormmates. Kotone Shiomi is the one to whom she is drawn most naturally, but on occasion, she will find herself surrounded by the others when she has taken up a position for the evening. Junpei finds her one such evening in the second floor sitting area, staring at a wall. He himself stares at her for a moment before sitting down in an armchair nearby, crossing his legs and taking out a large book filled primarily with illustrations. The paper itself is gray and flimsy-looking.

Aigis does not pay him any mind. She does not pay much attention to the members of the Specialized Extracurricular Execution Squad— as they call themselves— outside of battle. There is nothing from which to protect them in the dorm. Their conversations, too, elude her— she does not attend school, and thus has nothing to discuss with them outside of their forays into Tartarus.

Not that she was made for discussion. She is not a human.

The front door opens and closes downstairs. A voice calls out “Kotone-chan!” and she nearly leaves her post at this. Kotone has accepted her presence with baffled grace— or so Aigis supposes. Her body language has led her to this interpretation, but she does not fully understand human emotions. Her proximity seems to cause some of them discomfort. 

Junpei’s foot has been twitching for the past minute. How odd. What a waste of energy— why does he not remain still? Aigis’s eyes fall to his tennis shoe. It is halfway unlaced, the ragged tongue sticking straight up. She does not see how he can play sports with such ill-suited equipment.

“Hey, uh, Ai-chan?” At this call, she looks up to his face.

“Yes, Junpei-san?”

“Do you ever… blink? Y’know,” he says. “With your eyes.”

A peculiar question. “I do not. I was designed to conserve energy and further minimize unnecessary expenditure. Such efficiency allows me to go days without requiring recharging.”

“That’s, uh—”

Aigis warms to the topic. She does not know what they discuss in Japanese schools at Junpei’s grade level— perhaps he knows nothing of thermodynamics. “Of course, I am always expending energy. The goal is to use as little as possible, so that I might—”

Junpei stands up quickly. “That’s great, Aigis, but uh—” He checks his watch. “Uh, it’s time for the game to start, so I’ll just be—”

“I did not think Japanese baseball games were played on Mondays, Junpei-san.”

He must not hear her, for he descends the stairs quickly. Aigis watches him go dispassionately before turning once more to the wall.

After a while, a light step comes up the stairway. This Aigis recognizes. Everything about Kotone Shiomi has been admitted to the solid-state drive that makes up her longterm memory. Something about her is very important, draws Aigis inexorably toward her. But Yukari has made the point that Kotone must sleep as well, and so Aigis shouldn’t sneak into her room at night. Or, at the very least, she should do it in such a way that it does not disturb her rest.

“I thought I’d find you up here,” Kotone says in her usual cheerful voice. Aigis turns in her direction immediately. Yukari has also said that Kotone has a magnetic personality; Aigis supposes this is what humans call metaphor, but in her case, it appears to be true. Wherever Kotone Shiomi goes, she is sure to follow.

“Junpei-san informed you of my whereabouts.”

“Well— he did, but I also thought you’d be up here since I didn’t see you when I came in. You’re either in one place or the other.”

“I believe that goes without saying, Kotone-san. One must exist in one space if they are not occupying ‘the other’.”

Kotone scratches the back of her neck. “I just meant— you’re usually here or downstairs by the front door. I don’t often find you on the roof, for example.”

“I see.” Aigis resumes her monitoring of the wall. When there is no further information to relay to one another, she will often go mute around Kotone. Being near her is enough to silence the thrumming current of energy that passes through her body whenever she is nearby. 

“Do you ever do anything for fun, Aigis?”

Aigis turns her head again. Kotone is watching her unsmilingly, which is— unnatural for her. Whenever another person’s eyes are on her, the SEES leader is usually smiling. But perhaps she does not consider Aigis a person.

She isn’t. She is a robot, built to destroy. She protects through violence.

“I was not programmed to engage in displays of frivolity.”

Kotone snorts. “Frivolity, huh. That’s… a little harsh.”

“I meant the word in its most neutral sense, Kotone-san. Everything I do is of the utmost importance.”

“Like protecting humans from Shadows.”

Aigis meets her gaze. Unlike Junpei, she does not seem perturbed by the things that mark her as being a robot. She does not blink as she responds, “Yes. Such as protecting you, as well.”

Kotone leans over the back of an armchair, her gaze intense as she looks at Aigis. Aigis looks back unflinchingly. This is what makes her good at her duty. She will carry out her tasks until such a time as the threat is neutralized or she is no longer able to do so.

“Having fun is important, too, Aigis. If we all just sat around here doing nothing in between our trips to Tartarus, we wouldn’t be able to even set foot in the place. You have to have some downtime, too.”

“Perhaps humans must,” Aigis agrees. “But I was built differently, Kotone-san.”

Kotone’s expression slackens into her more usual one of mirth, as if she shares an intimate secret with her interlocutor. Aigis thinks this is why so many people flock to her. Sometimes Kotone acts as a mirror for those around her, invisible to themselves until they open up to her. Aigis knows she will not see her own reflection within her. Kotone is a warm-blooded human, and she is an automaton.

But still, it is the first time Kotone has ever looked at her that way. Something seems to spark within her chest at the sight. 

“I’ve never heard that one before,” Kotone says. Still smiling slightly, she turns to head back down the stairs. Aigis watches her go.

“Kotone-san.”

Kotone halts, one foot on the top step. “Yes?”

“I was asked by Junpei-san why I do not blink. Is it uncomfortable to you all that I do not?”

Kotone moves her foot back up to the second-floor landing. One hand still rests on the newel post, and she cocks her head to the side as she studies Aigis. “I don’t think that’s what made him uncomfortable, Aigis. It was probably… you staring at the wall.” She quirks one side of her mouth up. “You can come talk to us, you know. Spend time together.”

“I do not—”

“I know. But still… you might learn how to protect us better if you know more about our habits.”

Aigis observes her. “I see. Reconnaissance. That is clever, Kotone-san.” She moves forward to join her.

As they move down the steps, she looks at her slighter companion. “Humans blink fifteen to twenty times per minute.”

Kotone does not bat an eye at this information. “I didn’t know that. Sometimes I blink a lot during lessons.” She gives Aigis a mischievous smile.

“I do not understand.”

Kotone’s smile widens. “I’m trying not to fall asleep, Aigis.”

“I see. Too much blinking can be just as bad as too little. I suppose this is another example of stabilizing selection at work in humans.”

“I… sure.”

Aigis attempts to blink, and is surprised to discover that her eyes can indeed work like that. When she sits beside Junpei and blinks, he raises an eyebrow at her.

“You pick up quick, Ai-chan. Then again,” he grins cheekily at the girls sitting across from him, “Kotone is a pretty good teacher.”

Yukari swats him with a newspaper. “Please don’t be gross around Aigis,” she groans. “She doesn’t need you teaching her bad habits.”

“C’mon, Yuka-tan, I didn’t mean it like that! Get your head out of the gutter.”

As she sits and watches their dormmates interact with one another, Aigis comes to a surprising conclusion, if only so because of the startling clarity with which it occurs to her: Kotone may act as a mirror for those around her, but she does not know that the other members of SEES see her in the same way. 

The thought leaves her almost as suddenly as it occurred to her. It is of no importance to her goal here.

Later, as her dormmates sleep, she discovers that a circuit board within her chest has fried. She pokes the wire curling away from the component. One of the technicians must not have soldered it properly on her last visit to the lab.

-

The leaves begin to change color in September. Her classmates and dormmates take particular notice of this— although Junpei is more interested in the playoffs which will begin next month— but Aigis only pays attention in order to classify and catalogue the trees in her mind.

Her knowledge is expanding through spending time with Kotone. One morning, they had been walking together, when Kotone pointed to a tree with silvery-white bark and leaves in varying shades of yellow and orange, so that it resembled a smoldering fire. Its trunk was many hands across, to the point that Kotone would not have been able to wrap her arms around it and have her fingers touch, as her joints are fixed in place, unlike Aigis’s.

“What type of tree is that?”

Aigis blinked. “I do not possess that sort of knowledge, Kotone-san.”

Kotone looked taken aback herself. “Oh. I thought…” She paused. “You just seem to know so much. I thought maybe you knew about plants, too.”

“No. Botanical knowledge is not useful for fighting Shadows.”

Kotone nodded her head, but she had looked… a little sad. Aigis does not know why she should feel that way. Perhaps she is curious about plants and has no time to learn more about them. Perhaps she is disappointed by Aigis’s lack of knowledge.

So she’s begun reading books on plants native to Japan, but this has proved… not altogether adequate. There are very few invasive flora to Japan, but some ornamental plants are not wholly native, either. So she has gathered even more books, often reading them late into the night when her dormmates are asleep and she does not need to recharge.

It is a good way to pass the downtime, she supposes.

“What type of tree is that, Aigis?”

Her response is automatic. “Prunus itosakura, colloquially known as a weeping cherry tree. Some cultivars have been known to live for thousands of years.”

Kotone pauses before the tree. They are walking Koromaru in the gloaming, in that time between day and night. A strange hour. Almost as strange as the Dark Hour.

Kotone lingers beneath the tree, its long branches reaching down toward her like embracing arms. She caresses one of those slender boughs, the fiery leaves rustling as she runs her fingers through them. Aigis and Koromaru wait patiently for her. She looks very nice there, the backdrop of the fading sun and the tree’s dying leaves wreathing her in brilliant flame. Aigis mentally files the image away for later.

“I always thought it was strange that ginkgos are called maidenhair trees,” Kotone says suddenly. “It always seemed more fitting of the weeping trees, I guess because of their long branches.” She rubs one of the leaves between her thumb and forefinger.

“That is because their leaves resemble the maidenhair fern, Adiantum capillus-veneris. It has nothing to do with their own appearance.”

Kotone smiles. “I see. You’re a wealth of knowledge, Aigis.” Her voice is teasing.

Koromaru huffs out a little sigh. Aigis understands him immediately. “Koromaru-san is growing tired. He wishes to return to the dormitory.”

“Lead on, then.”

They walk a little ways up the street in silence, before Kotone says, “I’ve seen maidenhair fern before. In a school textbook, I think. It doesn’t really look like a woman’s hair, either.”

“Often names are not enough to capture the essence of the thing which they describe.”

Kotone turns to her with raised eyebrows. “That was…” She trails off and does not finish her sentence.

“Do you read Shakespeare, Aigis?”

“No. I am not interested in narratives.”

Kotone clasps her hands behind her back. The streetlights have come on, the last of the natural sunlight beginning to leave the world. The sun has sunk fully below the horizon. The yellow light of the streetlamps does not wash her complexion out, the way it does some of her other human companions. She looks just as effervescent now as she does at any other time of day.

“Your name suits you,” Aigis goes on. This has been happening to her more often, of late, when the two of them are alone like this. Kotone seems to enjoy their conversations, and Aigis… takes pleasure in speaking to her, she supposes. Something compels her to continue speaking to her, long past the point she ordinarily would have stopped.

“I don’t know that harp really describes me all that well,” Kotone snorts.

Aigis is momentarily… surprised. Does she truly not understand? “It matches your Persona. Orpheus. The lyre player.”

The two slow to a stop a block away from the dorms. Kotone has turned to look at her, her face half in shadow. Aigis cannot quite make out her expression.

“I… I didn’t know that.”

“It is Greek in origin. The Orpheus myth.”

Kotone leans against a short brick wall. Koromaru looks back at her with a whine before obediently coming to rest at her feet, sending a cloud of dust into the air as he curls up. Kotone scratches his neck, and the dog gives a contented hum. Aigis stands in the middle of the walkway, watching the two.

“Does anybody else’s name match their Persona?” Kotone asks quietly. 

“My own.” Kotone looks up at her, throwing her face back into shadow. Aigis feels strangely adrift without her body language to rely on. This conversation… it is factual, but there is a strange undertow, one she thinks she may get lost in if she missteps. She tries to keep herself abreast of it. “It is a variant spelling of the word aegis. It is usually interpreted to be the shield carried by Athena.”

“But your Persona—”

“Palladion was the cult image worshiped as a means of protection for the city in which it resided. It was an image of the goddess Athena. It is fitting because I am an image of a human, but I am not truly human.”

Koromaru lets out another low whine. This talk upsets him. Kotone leans forward so that she can see her face, and it is deadly serious. 

“Aigis—”

“How do you write your name, Kotone-san?”

Kotone blinks quickly. Koromaru sits bolt upright before running to the nearest tree. After rooting around at its base, he returns bearing a stick, which he presses against Kotone’s right hand. She accepts it with a laugh.

“Like this,” she says, scratching in the dirt at her feet. She writes the kanji for koto— which Aigis could have inferred— and then one for tranquility or peace. But Aigis knows an alternate interpretation of this second character is considerate, and she says, “Your name suits you, Kotone-san.”

Kotone looks at her again. Her expression is a little strange. Typically she is smiling, be it mischievous or more genuinely happy, but this is a look Aigis has never seen her give anybody else but herself. It’s a serious look, her face all lit up by the warm glow of the streetlamp. Not for the first time, Aigis is made aware of the fact that Kotone is objectively attractive. The other girls at school gossip about it— Kotone does not seem to notice— how she is so slim, her hair falling in just the right way, her eyelashes long and curled at the ends without the aid of mascara. Their male classmates, too, watch her come and go from the room.

But ah— that is not correct, is it? Aigis has also seen the slight inward hunching of her shoulders at the other girls’ whispers, the way she had shifted slightly away from an upperclassman boy who was getting very near her while waiting for Yukari to walk home with her and Aigis. Aigis had naturally inserted herself into this gap, and the boy had left after a bewildered pause.

Koromaru gives another great, shuddering sigh, and Kotone laughs, the sound piercing the sharp silence between them. Koromaru lumbers to his feet and gives his tail two great, wagging thumps before returning to Aigis’s side. 

“Koromaru-san is ready for bed,” she tells Kotone.

“So am I. Let’s go home.”

The rest of the walk passes without further speech. Aigis does not mind. She has nearly forgotten the interlude by the tree when she and Kotone are trudging up the steps together. It had been of no great importance. Kotone stops suddenly at the third-floor landing and grabs Aigis’s hand, giving it a squeeze.

“Just so you know,” she says, “I think your name is fitting, too.”

“I do not—”

“Protector. That’s what you really are, Aigis.”

Then she dashes off to her bedroom.

-

A dense silence pervades the dorm throughout October. Ken has returned to them, but there is a chilly distance between him and the seniors, try as they might to hide it. Aigis observes this distance from afar, seated against the wall beside Kotone.

Kotone herself is very quiet. Aigis has observed this as well, the way she will occasionally form her features into a more cheerful expression around the others before becoming listless after they look away, but this phenomenon has grown in intensity following Shinjiro Aragaki’s death.

“Are you mourning Shinjiro-san?” she asks Kotone. Her leader looks up, startled.

“I— I miss Shinjiro-senpai,” she says quietly. “But… I was actually thinking about my own parents.”

“Your parents,” Aigis echoes. “They are dead?”

Kotone wraps her arms around her legs, resting her chin on her knees. She draws her shoulders closer together, as if she were attempting to make herself smaller.

“Yes. They died when I was pretty young.”

“And Shinjiro-san’s death has reminded you of theirs.”

Kotone draws her legs in closer to her body. “Yes.”

The front door opens, revealing Junpei and Fuuka. A peculiar duo. Aigis does not think she’s ever seen them spend time together before. Fuuka murmurs something to Junpei before trooping upstairs; Junpei himself stops before the sofa in the lounge, hands on his hips. Suddenly, he flings himself down, throwing his legs into Akihiko’s lap.

Akihiko sits up straighter with a start. “Hey—!”

“Sorry, man,” Junpei says, swinging his legs down onto the floor. He leans back into the couch cushions, head cradled against his interlocked fingers, the perfect picture of ease. “I tripped a little.”

Somebody grumbles something, but Kotone rustles beside her.

“I wonder if anybody will miss me when I’m gone,” she says, so softly that none of the others could ever hope to make her out. It’s almost as if she isn’t even speaking to Aigis. “I…” She rubs her hand across the floor, avoiding Aigis’s eyes. “I don’t know why, but sometimes that’s all I can think about.”

“The loss of a close companion is unnerving to humans. It reminds them that their own death is inevitable,” Aigis says. Kotone looks down again. 

“Do you ever think about that, Aigis?”

“I cannot die. If something were to damage my body, the data stored within my various memory drives could be transferred to another. Anti-Shadow weapons were created with such exigencies in mind.”

Kotone’s face is pale, her eyes wide. “I don’t understand you, Aigis,” she whispers. “I—” She stops, swallowing. “How can you speak of your own death so calmly?”

“I told you: it is not a death. I am not truly living.”

Suddenly, Kotone’s hand is clutching her arm. “Don’t talk that way, Aigis. You— you are alive. In all the ways that matter, you’re a person.”

Aigis chooses not to pursue the argument any further. Kotone will not listen to her, she knows, in this frame of mind. Koromaru pads softly over to them, perhaps sensing Kotone’s distress. With a great whumping sigh, he heaves himself down to the floor at her feet, lying down on his side. One of Kotone’s hands reaches out to stroke his fur.

“If you were to die, I would remember you, Kotone-san.”

Kotone looks up. Koromaru is panting slightly, eyes closed in obvious bliss.

“Because I can never really die, I will be able to remember you forever.”

She says these words with her usual flat affect, but the intent behind them is— unusual. She feels as if she is trying to reassure Kotone. She cannot speak for the others, but she, at least, will remember this girl. Her leader, the one who drew her to herself across kilometers without the two ever having met before. The hold she has over Aigis is inexplicable; she has learned not to question it. To be near her is to still that strange hum that strikes up whenever they are apart for too long.

“That sounds lonely,” Kotone says quietly, unexpectedly.

Aigis— does not know how to respond. “Why should you feel lonely? I will be the survivor. I will carry your memory across centuries.” Kotone huffs out a little laugh-sigh.

“That’s what’s lonely, Aigis. Not me. You. Doesn’t it make you sad to think that you might one day only have memories, and not the people? How— how do you live like that—” She cuts herself off, looking away.

Aigis does not understand. Perhaps if Kotone were to explain it better— “Is that what troubles you, Kotone-san? You are haunted by memories?”

Kotone’s eyes widen, and her fist clenches on her knee. “Sometimes, it feels like that’s all I have.”

“That is all many humans have, I have noticed. And yet— you wake up every day and continue to live. You make new memories. You move forward where others do not. These are the things about you I will keep with me, always.”

Kotone’s breath gets caught in her chest momentarily, but before Aigis can start to get her in the proper position for cardiopulmonary resuscitation— should she need it; she would check her airway first, of course— it evens out. She looks down again before looking back up at Aigis through her eyelashes. Her expression is no longer one of naked sorrow, but it is unfamiliar to Aigis.

They sit in silence for some time, Kotone’s posture loosening up as time passes. The group in the lounge remains just as noiseless, the only sound being Akihiko’s flipping the pages of the newspaper or the steady staccato rhythm of Junpei’s fingers drumming against the arm of the couch. At last, she sees Kotone’s arm reaching for her out of her peripheral.

“That was… poetic, Aigis,” she says softly. The pressure of her hand on Aigis’s arm increases. “Thank you.”

“I was not intending to speak in verse.”

Kotone laughs quietly, and her smile seems… brighter than it had previously, when Yukari asked her if she wanted to go to the mall and she had replied yes, I would love to.

Koromaru has shifted so he is supine, the better to allow Kotone to rub his stomach. He seems to take particular pleasure in this, something which Aigis notes aloud. Kotone smiles again.

“Here,” she says to Aigis, drawing her hand into the dog’s thick fur. She cannot feel the sensation of his fur against her hand, only that she is touching him at all. She moves her hand disinterestedly back and forth across his stomach, and the dog’s tail thumps spasmodically on the floor, sharp whines escaping his throat.

Aigis smiles.

Kotone looks at her, eyes wide again. Aigis continues rubbing her hand back and forth across the dog’s fur, the wagging of his tail increasing until it is a steady drumming across the wooden floor. 

“It is amusing, the positions animals will put themselves in for pleasure.”

Kotone herself smiles, reaching her hand out to press against Koromaru’s fur. “He doesn’t mind looking silly in front of us. It’s one of the nice things about being close to people, isn’t it?”

Aigis does not know how to respond to this, either, but Kotone’s hand brushes against hers, and there’s a sudden small jolt of electricity passing from her artificial hand to Kotone’s body.

“Ouch!” she says, slapping her hand to her chest.

“Kotone-san?”

Kotone smiles a little ruefully. “I think I got static shock from you and Koro-chan. You two are a deadly combination.”

“I see. That is not a pleasant sensation, is it?”

“No, but it passes quickly.”

Kotone resumes her petting of the dog, Aigis sitting quietly beside her. She did not know that Kotone held such a mortal fear of death— but it should not surprise her. Most humans fear it, deep down. It is why the Shadows prey upon them.

“Hey, Aigis.”

She turns to look at Kotone. Her mouth is tilted up in a mischievous smile, her eyes on the group in the lounge. Ken looks horribly uncomfortable, staring down at his feet. Akihiko is eyeing him, a morose expression on his face. Mitsuru stands.

“Good night, Akihiko, Iori.” She pauses, and her voice softens. “Good night, Amada. Sleep well.” Ken shrinks even further into the couch.

“Will you do something for me?”

“Yes,” Aigis says immediately.

Kotone whispers her request in Aigis’s ear, and she obeys. Shuffling across the thick carpet that is laid in the center of the lounge, she passes Mitsuru on her way to the quiet group there. Mitsuru raises her eyebrows, but Aigis pays her no mind. 

They do not seem to hear her approach, or if they do, they don’t let on. Junpei is still perusing his cell phone, but he finally turns his head carelessly over his shoulder, perhaps sensing Aigis’s presence.

“Yo, Ai-chan! Come to hang out with us?”

Aigis reaches one hand out, index finger extended, to press against Junpei’s neck.

The effect is immediate: he lets out a sharp yelp, falling sideways off the couch and landing on his back, legs straight up in the air. She hears Kotone’s bright trill of laughter, laid atop the deeper chime of Mitsuru’s, behind her. Akihiko himself is laughing, a more boyish and shy sound than she would have expected from him, and Ken— Ken is shocked, his mouth agape as he stares at Junpei on the floor. His eyes flicker from him, to Aigis, to Akihiko, and then no doubt to the laughing girls behind them, and then he lets out his own gasp of laughter, like he’s just returned to the surface from the deepest reaches of the ocean. The laughter becomes soundless, until he is in tears, sliding off the chair as he clutches his sides.

Junpei springs back up like a prizefighter. “What was that for?” he demands indignantly. His hat has fallen off, but he appears not to have noticed. There are splotches of color high on his cheeks, his fists trembling at his sides.

“Kotone-san asked me to shock you into action.”

“And if Kotone asked you to jump off the Moonlight Bridge, would you? What the hell!” He bends down to pick up his hat, but Aigis sees the smile flash across his face when he is close to the ground and she is the only one who can see him. Grabbing his hat, he stuffs it onto his head, the angry expression returning. Shouldering past her, he stalks out of the lounge room, Mitsuru stepping aside for him where she has paused at the base of the stair. Just before he winds the first turn, he glances back at them. Akihiko’s face is more relaxed, now, and Ken is wiping tears from his own cheeks.

“Come on, Ken,” Akihiko says, standing and offering the boy his hand. Ken looks at it askance for a moment before placing his own within it. Akihiko hoists him up, clapping his back. “Time for bed. We need to be in good shape for our training tomorrow.”

“R-right!”

Junpei’s face softens before he adopts an imperious air. “I shall have my retribution!” he cries before Ken ushers him up to the second floor.

Akihiko and Mitsuru are examining her and Kotone, who has returned to petting Koromaru. Finally, when nobody speaks, Mitsuru glides further up the steps.

“You go to bed as well, Shiomi.”

Kotone nods her head, but she’s still looking at Koromaru. Aigis resumes her seat beside her. 

“Mitsuru-san is right,” she says after a while. “You must get a good night’s sleep.”

Kotone lifts one corner of her mouth up. “Because I’m the leader, right?”

“No,” Aigis says. “Because you are you.”

She does not know quite what message she is trying to get across with these words, but they seem to leave an impression on Kotone. She looks down for a moment before meeting Aigis’s gaze again, and this time, when she holds it, that electricity when they’re apart seems to rush through Aigis, nearly overwhelming her.

Then she looks down again, and it’s gone.

“Okay,” Kotone says. “Let’s go to bed, Aigis.”

-

November finds Aigis in a— strange position. She might even describe it as uncomfortable, but she does not feel discomfort in the way that humans do. Regardless, there is a certain tension in the air, one which she knows she is the perpetrator of.

Kotone begins spending time with Ryoji Mochizuki, much to her… frustration. That is the only word she can use to describe the feeling— although she does not experience emotion— she has whenever she sees the two of them leave the school together, when Kotone answers her phone and leaves the dorm during the evening, casually telling Yukari she is going to see Ryoji.

She does not tell Aigis. She knows what Aigis will say.

“Are you jealous, Aigis?”

Aigis stares at her hands in her lap. They are unnatural, she knows. Her fingertips double as guns, and the hands unhinge where a human would have metacarpal bones. She is made of metal. She can carry Kotone’s bag for her in the way Ryoji does, but—

“What reason do I have to be jealous?”

Yukari looks at her gently. “Kotone has been spending a lot of time with Ryoji-kun lately.”

Aigis’s hackles rise immediately at the name. Koromaru, sitting on the floor at her feet, whines in sympathy. “I don’t trust him. He is unsafe to be around.”

“Because he’s a boy? You’ve never seemed to worry about any of our other male classmates. And that pervert Kenji is even worse than Ryoji…”

For one moment, Aigis is distracted by this question. Because he is a boy. He is a male, and Aigis is not. He is human, and Aigis is not.

Why is this… unsettling her? Her robotic nature has never bothered her before, but now… She replays her memories from when she was first introduced to SEES. The bewildered looks they shared, Yukari’s annoyance with her disrespect for basic human boundaries. Kotone, through it all, spending time with her and brushing aside her strange mannerisms. She had thought nothing of it up until this point, but… had she been merely putting up with her? Would she rather have been spending time with someone else? Had she only viewed Aigis as an amusing robot, not something to be taken seriously?

A strange pit is in her— she does not have a stomach, but she has an analogous region on her body. But she will never have a stomach, and she will always be a robot, and she will always be a girl—

“He is dangerous,” Aigis repeats, her voice betraying no hint of her train of thought.

Yukari casts a beseeching glance around the common room. The only other person present is Fuuka, who is tapping away steadily at her keyboard. At Yukari’s silent call now, she looks up at the two of them. After a second’s hesitation, she removes the headphones from her ears, draping them around her neck.

“Um… Aigis-chan. Do you really think he’s an unsafe person, or do you just dislike that he’s the one Kotone-chan has been going out to see so often?”

“Kotone-san is free to spend her time with whomever she pleases.”

“Yes,” Yukari says patiently, “but… Kotone has never liked any of the boys here, has she?”

“I do not think she favors him—”

“No,” Fuuka pipes up. Aigis feels as if her teammates have backed her into a corner. Is this the way the Shadows feel in Tartarus? “And Ryoji-kun is very honest about his intentions.”

“I—”

Yukari gives her a look of deep sympathy. She reaches out to pat Aigis’s knee, and this— this is a gesture of comfort. But Aigis does not need to be comforted the way human beings do. She was made to destroy Shadows, not—

—become jealous—

“I am not jealous,” she insists. Her voice sounds feeble to her own ears. She wonders what Yukari and Fuuka make of it. Koromaru rests his furry head in her lap. For one wild, gut-churning second, she is afraid Kotone does not rate her any higher than Koromaru. Dogs can feel emotions, can they not? But Aigis— “He is untrustworthy. It is dangerous folly to become close to him.”

He is not good enough for her, this boy whom danger seems to hang about like a dark cloud, enshrouding Kotone’s bright rays. She returns from their outings more and more melancholy each time, and this in and of itself is not what bothers Aigis. Human beings are entitled to their emotions. It is the idea that she is sharing something with him so personal, something that she has never even allowed Aigis to obtain a glimpse of—

“Well,” Yukari says softly, “it’s Kotone’s mistake to make, isn’t it?”

Kotone returns to the dorm around ten o’clock that night. It is a school night, but they will not be going to Tartarus today. Aigis has not quite sat up to wait for her, but she finds herself turning to her automatically as the front door closes behind her. Kotone’s mouth pulls down into a peculiar grimace.

“Have you been out here all night?”

“It is not yet past midnight,” Aigis replies neutrally, and Kotone sighs. 

She gets straight to the point: “I wish you would heed my warning. He is dangerous.”

Kotone sits on the couch beside her, which at one point would have given Aigis— she does not experience joy, not the way humans do, but it would have been a ghost of this emotion. The thought of Kotone sitting this near Ryoji Mochizuki, possibly even nearer, makes her feel—

“Jealousy isn’t a very good look on you, Aigis,” Kotone says sadly. Aigis bristles at her taking up this constant refrain.

“I am not jealous,” she says, and her voice… has taken on a tone. It would be barely perceptible to one who does not know her, but she can hear how clipped it is. Kotone must as well, for she raises her eyebrows at her. “I am merely concerned for your safety,” she continues. “I care for your wellbeing, not for— you.”

She can tell instantly that this was a poor choice of words. Kotone’s eyebrows draw together, and she casts her eyes down to the floor, shoulders hunching as if to protect herself. She does not understand the distinction Aigis was attempting to make.

But is there one? She cares for Kotone’s safety, true, but this extends past her physical form to her emotional state as well. Are the two not linked? Each is as important as the other, the emotional aspect particularly paramount to her at the moment. And when had that occurred? Kotone’s strange spells of melancholy have never fazed her before. And yet now—

“Does he make you happy?” she asks quietly.

“I don’t know,” Kotone admits. “Sometimes, being near him is very, very painful.”

“And yet you remain with him. I don’t understand.”

“He’s a good person, Aigis. I think you would like him.”

“I would not,” she says, succinctly. Kotone sighs, her eyes going to the ceiling.

“Do you love him?”

Kotone makes a huffing sound. It is meant to be a laugh, but Aigis can tell she is not truly amused. In fact, she may even be aggravated with her, and that is strange. Normally the two of them get along quite well. “I barely even know him, Aigis. I certainly don’t love him.”

“But he loves you,” Aigis says, and both she and Kotone are surprised by the conviction and vitriol behind her words. “And when one person is in love, the other is sure to return the feeling.”

Kotone looks at her a little sadly. “That’s not how it works, Aigis. That’s— that’s not how it works at all.”

Aigis racks her brain. Is it not the truth? Every confession of love she has witnessed at school has been reciprocated, and she has seen this play out in the dramas that Yukari and Fuuka will watch in the common room together. 

Kotone is looking into her eyes. One of her hands has reached out to encircle Aigis’s wrist, and she feels the slender delicacy of her fingers, slightly callused from bearing her evoker and naginata.

How strange. She never used to be able to perceive these things. Only the pressure itself, not the finer details of Kotone’s body.

“No,” Aigis says quietly. Her eyes are still on Kotone’s hand. “It is not how it works, is it?”

-

Aigis passes the month of December in stasis. The technicians tinker with her all month long, but her thoughts— if thoughts they be— skew in one direction.

“May I use a phone?” she quietly asks one of the engineers who has come in today. The technician working at his side raises her eyebrows.

“What for?” she asks gently. She has always been kind to Aigis. For the first time, she feels… warmth. It is warm in her chest, as she gazes upon the face of this woman who has never treated her as if she were a mere machine. She has always communicated clearly with Aigis what she is going to do next, where some of the others have disconnected her senses carelessly, without even informing her that she is about to lose control of her limbs. This does not bother her, but the woman’s care has left an impression on her. It’s the same as the care of her dormmates has made her feel.

“There’s somebody I must call.”

“Not right now,” the engineer intercepts as the technician opens her mouth. “I don’t want you exposed to any unnecessary radiation at the moment. It’s hard to tell just yet what that Shadow has done to you.”

She feels a hollow pit in her lower abdomen at his words. She has never been this long from Kotone, and part of her fears— is she well? How has she been handling the loss of that which slept within her, dormant for a decade? He is gone away from her entirely now, although he had stayed so close to her during that last month— and no wonder. It had been because he was once a part of her, as dear to her as her own flesh because he had dwelled inside it for much of her life. All because Aigis had sealed him there, without a second thought as to how it might affect her. What was one child compared to the lives of every human being on Earth?

That one child has become her whole world.

I am so sorry, she wants to tell her. The words come to her clumsily. She can feel the deep regret, but she can barely express it. It is an all-encompassing sensation, foreign to her as the soft pressure as the technician begins soldering together the plates within her chest. She has never been able to feel this gentleness before.

“How do you make amends for a deep wrong?” she whispers to the woman, who looks up in surprise.

“Well,” she says hesitantly, “it’s always better to do it in person than to do it over the phone.” Her eyes are understanding and gentle. Aigis nearly blushes, but— she cannot blush. She has no blood vessels.

The Shadow had appeared in the guise of a human, but unlike Aigis, he had had fully functioning human anatomy. Is that why—

“But you had better prepare yourself for the fact that they may not want to hear it,” the technician continues.

“I understand. Some humans are incapable of moving past such great betrayals.” The technician surprises her with a little laugh.

“That’s not quite what I meant, although that is something to be aware of. Sometimes, they’re not interested in your apologies because they’ve already forgiven you.”

“What I have done is unforgivable.”

“Maybe to you. But maybe not to them.”

The technician tinkers away for some time longer before lightly touching Aigis’s shoulder. “I’m going to put you to sleep for a little while, okay?”

Aigis closes her eyes obediently. Perhaps going offline for a time will help her sort out what she needs to do, reboot her overworked brain. The technician begins her shutdown process, turning off the monitors of her system before turning off the mainframe itself.

“Don’t worry,” she hears before she slides into an artificial sleep. “I’m sure that person is waiting for you, too.”

-

The fluttering feeling that has been creeping up on her over the months finally erupts into full-blown butterflies in January. The brush of Kotone’s hand against hers as they walk to school together; her light, playful kick against the leg of Aigis’s chair during class; the warmth of her body, pressed against Aigis’s side in the lounge. She takes immense pleasure in all of these, and finds herself wishing, at night when all the others are asleep, that things will always be this way.

But she knows they cannot, because Kotone will someday marry, and although Aigis may remain at her side all the while, she’ll have to make certain concessions to her husband. So she decides to bask in this shining moment while it still lasts.

One Saturday morning near the end of the month, Kotone avoids Aigis’s eyes when she leaves her bedroom. Turning to close the door behind her, she raises one hand to hide her chin from Aigis’s view.

“Are you injured?” she asks, attempting to see beneath the shielding hand. If she is, she’ll treat her. That’s why she’s here— to protect her.

“No, I’m alright,” Kotone says evasively. 

“But you’re hiding your face,” Aigis insists. Sighing, Kotone lowers her hand.

“I have a huge zit,” she says, pointing to the blemish in question. Aigis’s hands rise automatically to cradle her face for closer inspection. She sees the inflamed pore on Kotone’s chin, but she thinks huge is an inaccurate descriptor for it. It’s barely noticeable, even to herself, who not only has better eyesight than the humans around her but spends more time observing Kotone as well. She doubts any of their dormmates will take exception to it.

“It’s just a pimple,” she attempts to comfort her. “Nobody will notice it.” Her hands are still holding her face.

“Yes, but now you’ve noticed it,” Kotone stresses. Her cheeks are oddly flushed, her eyes furtive as she looks away from Aigis. She doesn’t twist away from her, but— perhaps she should let go of her? She attempts to release her hold, but her fingers won’t follow the instruction. Is there a short in her system?

“You’re embarrassed,” she says quietly. “Why?”

Kotone sighs, but their conversation is interrupted by Akihiko arriving to usher them to school. 

“What are you two doing?” he asks. “We’re going to be late. Actually, that might be good. Let’s get a good jog in before school, alright?”

In the end, they do not jog, much to Akihiko’s disappointment. He walks between the two of them the whole way to the station, keeping them going at a pace that prevents Kotone from speaking, purposeful as his stride is, and as such they are unable to continue their conversation during the school day.

Aigis ruminates on Kotone’s shyness the whole day, keeping one ear on the lesson (she is trying to do better in school; she wants to go to university someday). There’s no need for her to be embarrassed. Aigis thinks her lovely as she is— even if she were to have a sudden bad outbreak of acne, covering her entire face, it wouldn’t perturb Aigis. She glances sidelong at Kotone; she’d never bothered to hide the action before— one student had complained to Ms. Toriumi during her first month at school about Aigis being a distraction in class— but now she does it surreptitiously, so Kotone doesn’t notice her. The pimple doesn’t matter. She is still pretty, and even if she weren’t, she would still be kind, and funny, with that personality that both puts people at ease and manages to bring out their absolute best; and Aigis would still want—

Suddenly a warm flush spreads from her cheeks down to her— she doesn’t have a collarbone, not exactly. Her body was shaped to be humanlike in form, but the engineers hadn't taken particular care in directly replicating human anatomy down to its minutiae. Arms, legs, face, torso. These she had been given, and these she will have to be content with for the rest of her artificial life. She does not have soft skin, or real hair.

She turns her head to gaze out the window sadly. If she were a human girl, would Kotone be interested in pursuing a romantic relationship with her? She knows there are such girls in Japan— even some in this very school. Aigis could bear the scrutiny of society if Kotone would return her feelings. What would it matter to her, anyway? She has no family, and the other members of SEES would not judge them for this. But she’s not human, and so she can’t ask Kotone to reciprocate her— affection. That's the word. She knows it is, as surely as she knows that Kotone can never feel the same way for her.

“Want to feed the cat today?” Kotone asks when the final bell rings. “Let’s get out of here before Akihiko-senpai tries to get us to run again.”

Aigis rises readily enough, but Kotone frowns at the expression on her face. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. Nothing is the matter, Kotone-san.” When Kotone remains unconvinced, she says, “Don’t you like to run?”

“Sure,” Kotone says, hefting her bag up her shoulder. They move together toward the classroom door, Aigis reaching it first to open it and allow Kotone to pass her into the hallway. “But I’d rather hang out with you alone today.”

The metaphorical heart within her chest flutters at this, and at Kotone’s soft, sweet smile. When they board the train to take them back to greater Tokyo, she slips her hand within Aigis’s, pressing her arm against hers as the train rattles over the ocean. Aigis closes her eyes, her fingers squeezing Kotone’s. This is enough. This is enough, for however long Kotone will allow her to stay with her like this.

They feed one of the cats near the strip mall, Aigis squatting down to allow it to eat directly out of her palm. There are no other shoppers out; many people are only staying outdoors long enough to get to and from work, or to the shops for their basic necessities. The lack of humans makes Aigis feel… regretful. The city is much more vibrant with their presence, the colors of each person painting a brilliant canvas.

The cat doesn’t seem to mind her metallic exterior; once all of the food has been eaten, she rubs her face against Aigis’s hand, again and again, the force of her purr vibrating up Aigis’s arm. Hesitantly, she lifts her other hand to rub the space between the cat’s ears. She closes her eyes in relaxation, jutting her chin out further. Aigis’s chest warms.

“Kotone-san.”

“Hmm?” Her voice is distracted.

“I used to believe… that my sole purpose was to defeat Shadows, and thus protect humanity. And then I met you.” She looks up to meet her eyes. Kotone’s gaze is very intent on her face as she leans against the brick wall, arms crossed. Her cell phone is flipped open in one hand— Aigis wonders what she’s been doing with it. “And then I thought that my purpose was to protect you.”

“What do you think it is now?”

“That is still my greatest purpose,” Aigis says slowly. She hasn’t quite thought through these words before saying them aloud; she’s grown used to this aspect of their relationship, the way to be with Kotone is to allow her thoughts to flow in an audible stream of consciousness over them both. At the beginning of the month, she had grown self-conscious. Surely it must annoy her. But now she knows it doesn’t. “But until we stop the Fall, my other purpose is to protect the rest of Earth. Not just humanity.” She casts her gaze to the cat before her. The cat yawns, exposing her pink tongue, before flopping down to the pavement to begin grooming herself after her meal.

Kotone comes to squat beside her, pressing her side against Aigis’s. Aigis looks at her out of the corner of her eye before cutting her eyes away. A buzzing sensation has begun to take hold of her when Kotone is this near; it’s not painful, or even unpleasant, but she does find it difficult to sit still—

“You always say the nicest things,” Kotone says, looping her arms around Aigis’s own. “I like how thoughtful you are.”

The buzzing sensation increases in both intensity and frequency. She’s having difficulty forming a coherent thought. Does she have a short? Aigis attempts to withdraw her arm, leaning away from Kotone as she does so. Kotone’s hands grasp her upper arm instead, recalling her to her side.

“Did I do something wrong, Aigis?” she asks quietly. 

“I— no, Kotone-san. You have never done anything wrong when it comes to me.”

Kotone smiles, somewhat wistfully. “I think you and I would tend to disagree there.” Before Aigis can contradict her, she says, “You’ve been avoiding me, since…” Her voice is so heavy with meaning that it sinks to an inaudible volume. 

“I haven’t been avoiding you,” Aigis says. “We’re together right now.”

“Yes, but—” Kotone waves one hand in the air demonstratively, impatiently. “You’re acting weird! I mean— aren’t we—”

Aigis is horribly confused. “Yes?”

Kotone’s cheeks are in flames now. Dimly, Aigis is aware that this makes her all the prettier. “Did it not— mean what I thought it did? When you let me touch your heart,” she says, and Aigis flushes. “I thought that was your way of telling me you love me.”

“It— I wanted to be close to you. I’m aware,” she says quietly, touching the back of her neck gently, “that one day you and I will no longer be able to be together. I’ve learned that this year. I’ve learned so many things because of you, Kotone-san. And I wished… I still wish… to carry on your memory, always. Because you’re the most important person to me.”

Kotone swallows. She seems pleased but confused, and then understanding dawns in her eyes. She rests her hand on Aigis’s arm, lightly. “Do you want to kiss, Aigis?”

Aigis’s internal systems shut down.

At the blank look on her face, Kotone withdraws her hand. “Never mind,” she says hastily. “Just forget it—”

“Wait a moment, Kotone-san,” she interrupts, and this time it’s her hands that are reaching out to recall her leader. Kotone stills, coming back down to a crouch. She takes both of Aigis’s hands in her own, looking down at them before squeezing them gently.

She has no time to feel embarrassed or nervous— Kotone leans in suddenly, without warning, pressing her lips against Aigis’s. She overbalances her weight— this is a strange position to be doing this in, Aigis knows— and Aigis instinctively releases her hands to place them on her waist, holding her steady. The cat is scared off by their sudden explosion of movement, but she is only able to feel a second’s regret at the loss of her friend before her body registers the kiss. It’s as if every single circuit within her is awake to the feeling, her head aglow in sparks as it receives the information. This is the last thing she can remember before she’s lost in the sensation of Kotone’s lips against her own, one of Kotone’s arms wrapping around her shoulders to pull her in closer. 

When they part, Kotone is breathless, her eyes wide. Aigis’s hands are still on her waist, but she can’t find it in herself to be concerned with the impropriety of the gesture. Her lips still bear the phantom weight of Kotone’s soft, human lips against her own, the sensation overriding every single other sensory input to the computers that make up her brain. Her head swims as a result.

Is this how humans feel?

“I’ve never kissed anybody before,” Aigis says weakly. She had not been designed to be loved, especially not in a physical way. Her brain is still turning somersaults in her mind, bringing her brief sensations before they’re scattered by electricity: Kotone’s lightly muscled arm resting across her shoulders; the feeling of her waist, soft and warm, against her hands; the strange sense of heavy-lightness in her chest as she gazes at her. Kotone lets out a laugh, giddy and free as the wind.

“Neither have I. We can practice,” she says, before kissing her again.

-

February brings a sudden fluctuation of temperatures which Aigis records using her built-in sensors. She has not much else to do, aside from attending school and returning to the dorm afterward. She makes her weekly visits to the laboratory, but the technicians perform only the most cursory of routine maintenance on her. She has not been in the field recently to sustain any sort of damage. Truthfully, she cannot remember the last time she engaged with a Shadow, outside of her excursion ten years ago. She can tell, in the way they look at the clock or the way they pull at the sleeves of their lab coat, that they would rather be outside enjoying the warmer weather.

One such day, the temperature reaches a high of nineteen degrees Celsius and seems to hold its breath there for the entire day. Meteorologists take this as a harbinger of an early spring, and Aigis sees many people wearing short pants and short-sleeved shirts at the train station, despite the fact that the sky above them is littered with clouds. She can just barely feel the gentle caress of the wind as she climbs the steps leading to the train platform.

The weak gray light continues throughout the school day, but her human classmates take pleasure in the warmth and begin to make plans for the upcoming spring break. Talk of seeing the cherry blossoms is floated by numerous classmates, but it is only when they are leaving after their finals— exam week is drawing to a close— that she takes any notice of it.

“Excuse me,” a girl says to one of her classmates as they straggle outside. The clouds still hang low above them, and Aigis is certain there will be some sort of precipitation later. She is getting ready to move with the sluggish flow of the stream of her fellow students when she is suddenly frozen in place, an ice floe in the surrounding surge. “You’re Kotone Shiomi-san, aren’t you?”

“Yes,” the girl in question replies. 

Aigis is familiar with her, of course. They live in the same dormitory and are even in the same homeroom, but the two do not often interact. Part of this is the fact that Shiomi is very popular with their classmates, and especially good friends with Iori and Takeba, but there’s also something else—

“Please,” the girl says, holding something out to her. Aigis’s line of sight follows her arms to her trembling hands, which cradle her offering: an envelope. Aigis is struck by a sudden, terrible premonition. She has seen such spectacles before. Is this girl—

“Will you give this to Mitsuru-senpai for me? I know you two live in the same dorm, and graduation is so soon—!” Suddenly, she bows low at the waist. Shiomi appears nonplussed. Aigis relaxes. She does not know why the thought that this girl was delivering a love letter addressed to Kotone Shiomi had unsettled her so deeply, but the moment is past. She has nothing to worry about in that quarter.

Worry?

Shiomi gingerly accepts the letter. “Sure, I’ll deliver it to her.” She offers the girl a warm smile, but Aigis takes note of the exhaustion written in the lines of her face, the weary set of her shoulders. It’s as if even this is too great a burden for her body to bear, but she accepts it readily.

“Oh, thank you! Thank you!” The girl bows deeply again, this time thrice, before standing upright. “Even if she tears it up and burns the pieces, at least I’ll have had her attention! As they say, the opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s indifference!”

“Um—”

“Thank you, Shiomi-san! See you next year!” 

The girl waves cheerfully and takes off outside, leaving a stunned Shiomi standing in the middle of the hallway as the remaining students trickle slowly past her. Aigis turns around and fights against the current to reach her side. She does not know why she does, but Shiomi’s eyes widen slightly before her face shutters closed in a strangely guarded expression. Stranger still is Aigis’s knowledge that this is not the way the two usually interact.

“Kotone-san,” she greets her quietly, familiarly. Kotone does not flinch at this. If anything, she leans forward slightly before she actually reels backward, the letter clutched in her fist. Absently, she smooths the wrinkles out. She is not quite successful, a deep crease rending the envelope in two distinct halves.

“I guess I’d better get back to the dorm and give this to Mitsu— Kirijo-senpai,” she says, avoiding Aigis’s gaze. “See you tomorrow.”

Aigis is left standing alone in the entrance hall, until a passing teacher asks her why she has not yet returned home. Without a word, she turns on her heel and walks to the train station.

-

The first day of March of which Aigis takes note is the fifth; later, she will think this is the only day of any importance in this month, being the day that her whole world grinds to a halt, but she will discover even later still that this is not the case.

“Do you need assistance in standing?” she asks Kotone, perched on the edge of her bed. She hesitates briefly before nodding her head, and Aigis places one hand on her elbow, the other on her waist to help her up. That odd feeling of shared energy between the two of them, of an electric current, passes over her body. Kotone’s fingers tighten on her arm before she pulls away.

“I’ll get your uniform,” she tells her. Kotone blinks quickly. She looks even more drawn than she has in the past month, but this is important not just to her, but to Aigis. After the ceremony, they can visit a doctor. Mitsuru’s company knows people. Surely they have doctors who can take Kotone’s unique circumstances into account. Perhaps she has overextended herself in being the bearer of so many Personas…

Kotone begins peeling her sleep clothes away from her body, and after laying her clothing down on the bed, Aigis turns so her back is to her— girlfriend. She thinks this is the word that best describes their relationship. She will give her the privacy she needs in order to dress herself.

She hears a laugh behind her. “You’re very modest today,” Kotone says weakly.

Aigis nearly turns around, but at the last moment, she checks herself. Just because Kotone is teasing her doesn’t mean she actually wants her to look. “The thought of seeing you naked makes me strangely embarrassed,” she confesses. “And… I didn’t think you wished for me to see you in a state of undress.”

She hears the rustle of fabric behind her. “I don’t mind,” Kotone says. “But if it’s weird for you, that’s alright.” Another noise of moving clothing. “I’m covered now. You can turn around if you want.”

Kotone is sitting on the bed, pulling her long socks over her legs. She is very pretty. Aigis has always been cognizant of this fact, but she doesn’t think she has ever been so aware of it as she is now. Somehow the past month of quiescence, of being barely aware of what they mean to one another, has amplified these things for her. Aigis perches beside Kotone on the bed, and one of her fingers presses against Aigis’s, lightly, when she’s finished putting her socks on and leans back on her hands. Her breathing is labored.

“Has it been this way all this time?”

“Worse today, I think,” Kotone says just as quietly. She takes a deep breath. Dressing herself seems to have winded her, her body practically sagging into the mattress beneath them. Will they be able to make it to the school?

“I’m sorry,” Aigis says softly. “I wish I had been there for you. But—” Kotone squeezes her hand. 

“It’s okay. You’re here now.”

“Yes. Yes, I am.”

They make it to the train station slowly, Aigis supporting Kotone the last half of the trek. A passing salaryman’s eyes linger on Aigis’s hand, low on Kotone’s back, but he turns away in embarrassment when Aigis makes eye contact with him.

There are no seats available on the train. Aigis stands, holding on to one of the straps hanging from the railing running over their heads, her other arm wrapped around Kotone’s shoulders. Ordinarily she wouldn’t hold on to the straps at all, but this way Kotone won’t be as jarred by the sudden movements of the train. Both of Kotone’s arms are wrapped around her waist, her head resting on Aigis’s chest. Neither says anything for the first leg of the journey.

Finally, space clears, and Aigis shepherds Kotone into a seat. Her former leader sits down, shoulders slumped. Aigis watches the water behind her. The bay is tranquil today, the early spring sunshine glittering off its waves. Aigis imagines the fish teeming below its surface, although she knows the Sea of Japan contains more numerous and more diverse wildlife.

“Kotone-san,” she says quietly. Kotone looks up at her. “Would you like to make a day trip somewhere over the spring vacation?”

Kotone’s expression falters for a moment before she regains her smile. But it’s strange— it’s slightly wistful. “Where do you want to go?”

“I hadn’t considered that,” Aigis says. “Only the going.” Kotone’s smile settles into something more genuine.

“You’re kind of poetic sometimes,” she says. “I like hearing you talk.”

Aigis chooses to let the thought she’s been mulling over form audible words. “Many of the islands in Tokyo Bay were once built as fortifications to protect the capital.” They had taught her— or, to be more accurate, had programmed her to know— basic Japanese history. Her knowledge of Tokyo is more precise, though, given that she would be using it as her home base. She’s used to reciting these facts to the other members of SEES, but it has only just been in the past few months that she’s begun to provide her interpretation of them. Her fellow team members seem to take more pleasure in hearing her thoughts than they do in hearing rote facts about their nation. “But now they are areas of commerce… or residential areas.”

The train takes a sharp turn, and suddenly one such recreational area rises up behind Kotone, the ferris wheel practically taking up the entire skyline. It is greater than one hundred meters across, Aigis can tell immediately. Actually, she knows its exact measurements, down to the millimeter, but that's not important right now. She has never taken much notice of it before, but—

“It’s interesting,” she says. “Admirable, even, the way humans are able to create something new out of the remnants of structures which no longer serve their purpose.”

Kotone is looking at her softly. She turns around, then, and looks out at the ocean beyond them.

“Do you want to go to Palette Town? To ride the Daikanransha. I think you would like it.” Her words seem carefully selected.

“Perhaps we could go next week,” Aigis says, her own voice warming in response to Kotone’s idea. “Provided you are feeling better. If you aren’t… it can wait until another time.”

Kotone nods her head and smiles. Aigis’s lifespan is much greater than hers, perhaps even infinite until there is nobody to care for her mechanical body. She’s in no hurry. She wants Kotone to be able to enjoy these things with her. And when she is sad, Aigis will stay with her, too. She needn’t hide her suffering anymore.

They climb the stairs to the roof carefully, Kotone clutching the railing on one side and Aigis’s arm on the other. They stop at each landing to allow her to regain her breath, which becomes more and more labored with every floor. When she opens the door to the roof, the fresh air seems to revive her. She takes in deep breaths, and Aigis finds herself doing the same. The air is crisp and sweet, with the promise of a gentle spring borne on its winds. 

“We’re missing the ceremony,” she tells Kotone.

“It’s okay. Hopefully… they’ll remember too.”

They make their way to a bench, Aigis helping Kotone sit. She rests her head against Aigis’s shoulder, breathing slowly and deeply. It’s almost as if she could fall asleep.

“Don’t worry,” Aigis says quietly. “I’m certain they will arrive.” Kotone makes a quiet noise in her throat but otherwise does not speak. The first bell rings. The graduation ceremony has begun below.

“Kotone-san,” she says into the silence. The birdsong has replaced the bell over the school’s public announcement system. She feels a sudden surge of… gladness, of gratefulness for being here, for being with Kotone, and for being herself. She wants to see more of the world with her. “Would you like to go to a cherry blossom viewing festival sometime?”

Kotone is quiet for a long moment. At last, she says, “That would be fun.”

“Fun,” Aigis muses. “I had never really taken it into account before I met you and the others. But… it’s one of the joys of living, isn’t it?”

Kotone is silent for an even longer period of time. Finally, she pulls away. Campus is very quiet. Aigis listens to the sound of waves breaking on the not-too-distant shore, the cry of the gulls overhead. The sun is very warm for early March, and she watches its light play in Kotone’s hair, the smell of her shampoo mingling with the salty air. What a wonderful place. What a wonderful day.

Kotone is looking at her. She touches her face lightly, and Aigis bends forward, eyes closing. Her own hand comes to rest upon Kotone’s, fingertips tracing her wrist. Finally, she opens her eyes.

Kotone smiles at her.