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"Come on Jay! Let's go!" Lucas called out cheerfully, bubbling with excitement.
The blonde was rushing ahead, Marcus and Jayden following behind him. The thing that had the boy so worked up was the fact that the three of them were all heading into the local Fair that had come into town. Every year it came to their sideside town to set up shop on the boardwalk, and bring the community together for some fun. Just ahead were street vendors, carnival game tents, and one large ferris wheel at the edge of the boardwalk. And Lucas was way too excited to contain himself.
"Lu! Wait up!" Marcus called out, watching the blonde with amusement. He turned to Jayden and told him, "He really loves the Fair."
"Oh I know. It's fine," Jayden smiled weakly.
He kinda didn't want to be here. He wasn't exactly in the mood for fun. Not too long ago, his boyfriend Jason ended things with him. While he didn't understand all the reasons, he was aware that he wasn't always the best and most effective boyfriend. And while Jayden would have preferred to wallow in his own self-loathing, Lucas was just too persuasive. His bright blue puppy dog eyes were sparkling with excitment and pleading for him to go. And unfortuantely for Jayden, he just couldn't tell the boy no.
It was probably better for him to at least get SOME fresh air. And he needed to see his friends every once in awhile. It was just harder to do now since Jason was also part of their friend group. And with Jason now seeing someone new, a slightly older and larger man named Cole, things felt even more awkward. He also only agreed to come here because Lucas told him that Jason and Cole would be going out on their own, leaving Marcus and Lucas to hang out with him.
"You gonna be ok walking around in those? Your feet won't get sore?" Marcus asked.
Jayden looked over at the slightly taller tan boy, seeing him pointing down at Jayden's feet. Marcus was gesturing toward his platform boots that he usually wore, giving him a few extra inches of height.
"I wear these all the time. I'll be fine," Jayden assured him. If it was anyone else, wearing platform shoes to walk around in all night would probably suck after awhile. But Jayden was a pro when it came to his punk/emo fashion choices.
"Marcus! They have Frozen plushies at the game booths!" Lucas yelled from up ahead. He was bouncing on his toes, excited like a kid in a candy shop.
Marcus giggled and called back out to him, "Coming!" He turned to look at Jayden before rushing up to meet the other boy. "Ready?"
Jayden looked around real quick before answering, "You go ahead. I'm gonna grab some food first and then I'll come find you guys."
Jayden started to walk off when his hand was grabbed, stopping him in his tracks. He turned back, seeing Marcus looking at him with a sympathetic expression.
"Hey. You gonna be ok?" he asked, letting go of Jayden's hand to respect his personal space.
Jayden plastered on the best fake smile he could muster. "I'm fine Marcus. I promise. Go on ahead. I'll call you guys if I can't find you."
He could tell by the way Marcus hesitated, that he didn't fully believe him. But he seemed to know enough not to push it. He nodded and then went on ahead to meet up with his boyfriend, leaving Jayden alone in a crowd of people.
*******
Jayden made his way over to the food vendors. While he needed a minute to collect himself and prepare for the social interaction onslaught he was about to face, he decided he would at least go and actually get a bite to eat.
As he stood in front of the line of food stalls, trying to decide what he wanted, he heard another cheerful voice call out to him.
"Jayden! Jayden over here!"
Jayden looked around for the source.
Wait. Was that?
"Liam?" Jayden said with surprise, seeing the redheaded boy sprinting up to him.
Liam was one of his slightly older friends, an incredibly friendly and kind individual. They would hang out and get coffee together on occasion. A casual friendship that both boys valued.
And hot on his trail was Jayden's toxic ex, and Liam's current boyfriend, Avery Jones. Man was that a complicated situation. But that was a whole other story.
Avery looked good these days. He'd put on some more muscle, gotten a little taller, and his usual medium length hair that was styled and carefully combed to the side was now just slicked straight back. It suited him. And Jayden was kind of grateful for this new look, because he actually found Avery more attractive before the change. So this made it easier to ignore any lingering feelings of attraction to the man. Jayden just preferred the cute type instead of the masculine one he supposed.
Plus there was the whole situation of Avery being a toxic obssessive ex boyfriend that tried to win Jayden back by being an asshole to all the people around him and tormenting him constantly.
Honestly, Jayden was kinda worried that he would never get rid of Avery. That is until one Liam Summers came into the picture.
By some freaking miracle, Liam found himself drawn to Avery, and Avery felt the same in return. Before too long, Avery dropped his obsession with Jayden, fell in love with Liam, and actually started working toward becoming a better person! Avery even left the local gang he was part of by going through an incredibly painful trial. The same gang that committed petty and violent crimes that made Jayden want to break up with Avery in the first place!
It was kind of frustrating in its own way. Avery wasn't willing to change for Jayden, but he bent over backwards and went through hell for Liam! The truly ironic part was Jayden even helped Liam to rescue Avery from that hellish trial. Of course, that was more a favor to Liam than anything. And now here they all were, together at a local fair like nothing crazy ever happened.
"It's so nice to see you! Are you here by yourself? You can join us if you want!" Liam rambled out quickly, very excited to see Jayden here. It had been awhile since they had an opportunity to hang out, mostly because of Jayden's whole being dumped thing.
"Babe, give him a minute to answer," Avery told him calmly, knowing he needed to reel the boy in before he scared off Jayden.
"Oh sorry. I just got excited," he apologized to Avery before turning back to Jayden, "It's been a bit since we last talked!"
Jayden waved it off as not a big deal. "No its cool. I'm just here with some friends. Marcus and Lucas."
"Oh great! Where are they!?" Liam asked, barely containing himself and looking around.
Avery merely sighed behind him. Either because Liam was getting worked up again, or because of the mention of Marcus, whom Avery did not like very much. They could be civil to each other these days, but he still found the jock annoying as hell.
"I told them to go ahead. I was gonna grab something to eat," Jayden informed the pair, doing his best to keep his eyes on Liam.
While Avery and Jayden had more or less moved past their issues with each other, it still felt incredibly awkward to be around one another. So he found it best to avoid him whenever he could, just like before. And only engage with him when Liam was around to act as a buffer.
"Us too! Want to go together!?" Liam responded, hoping to bring Jayden along to hang out with them.
Avery clasped a hand on Liam's shoulder, "Easy freckles. I don't think he wants to go third wheeling around with us."
"You guys, my friends, it doesn't matter who. All I seem to do now is third wheel," Jayden shrugged, not even bothering to pretend to be happy. He was tired, and was starting to feel actually hungry.
Ever the optimist, Liam tried to come up with a solution. "Oh! I know! What if we meet up with your friends, and then you'll be a fifth wheel instead of a third one!"
"...."
"That's not much better babe," Avery sighed.
"Huh?" Liam was confused.
Avery loved the boy dearly, but damn it if he wasn't just a little bit oblivious and thick sometimes. The detriments of always thinking positively about everything, is that you're less likely to think of the negative reprecussions that actions might have on people. It was sweet though. Liam meant well. Jayden could at least appreciate that.
Jayden politely turned him down. "It's fine Liam. Really. You guys have fun tonight, and me and you can meet up for coffee another day."
He gave them both a small smile and waved goodbye to them, before tunring on his heel and walking over to the other side of the food stalls.
Liam wilted a little bit in response, looking over to his boyfriend for advice or reassurance. "Was it something I said?"
Avery smiled and kissed the shorter boy on the lips quickly before answering. "No babe. I think he's just going through some stuff right now. Come on."
Liam seemed satisfied with that answer, but of course it was clear his heart bled for Jayden. He hated seeing his friends sad, and it hurt a bit knowing he couldn't help. But Avery seemed very sure of the situation, so he would trust him on this.
*******
After his surprising run in with Liam and his own ex, Jayden ended up grabbing some chicken strips and fries. All the tables and chairs were currently full, so Jayden walked as he ate. He looked over some of the artist booths and creative vendors that were stationed at the fair, but nothin of interest cuaght his eye.
After finishing his food he found a trachcan on the boardwalk to dump his plate and drink. And the second he did so, he felt a strong arm grab him by the bicep and start pulling him along.
The sudden action nearly gave him a heart attack and made him almost trip over simultaneously. He was scared for a split second before he remembered he could fight whatever asshole was trying to pull a fast one on him. But looking up he saw that it was Avery dragging him away!
"Hey! What the...! What are you doing!?" Jayden exclaimed, stumbing to regain his balance as he was pulled along.
"We're going somewhere to talk," Avery responded plainly, pulling Jayden along with ease.
"Look, just because we can be civil to each other now doesn't mean I want to talk to you!" Jayden argued, finding his footing and trying to pull back against the larger man.
"Well you need someone to talk to, and it's clear being nice about it isn't going to work," Avery told him, not even phased by the way he was struggling against him.
"Hey, just let go!" Jayden practically screamed, drawing the attention of some people passing by.
And much to his surprise, Avery did, making him almost fall backwards onto his butt. Avery faced him and crossed his arms, as if HE was the one annoyed by this situation. He was the one dragging Jayden away against his will! He's the one that desved to be annoyed!
"Ok. You're let go. What do you want to say?" Avery cocked his head to the side.
Frustration bubbled up in Jayden, making it difficult to get his words out. "You're so...! I can't believe you...! You're just such a....! Where were you taking me anyway!?"
"The beach. Somewhere nearby and private to talk," Avery answered, not bothering to elaborate or provide any further details. Did he really think this was going to help? Who told him that Jayden even wanted to open up and talk to him anyway?
"And what about Liam?" Jayden inquired, wondering where the man left his excitable boyfriend.
"I told him to go hang out with your friends. He actually likes Haircut and Twinkerbell, so he'll be fine till I get back from our talk," Avery informed him, referring to Marcus and Lucas by the mocking nicknames he gave them.
Jayden scoffed, "And you think YOU'RE the one who's going to talk sense into me? You realize how fucked up and ironic that is right?"
Avery merely shrugged. "Maybe. But clearly you're not talking to Liam, and you're not opening up to your friends. So maybe you'll talk to someone who's opinion you could give a shit about. And you can open up about what's bothering you."
Fuck. Why did that make sense?
The taller man walked to the edge of the boardwalk, jumping down onto the sandy beach. "So what do you say? Gonna come with me and spill your heart?" He winked, holding his hand out as if he was about to guide a fair maiden down the steps or something.
"God you're an ass," Jayden responded, annoyed by Avery's smugness.
"Yeah. But one that's willing to help. Because like it or not, I know you. And I know you're never gonna open up to your friends if someone doesn't make you," Avery told him straight up.
Well...
Shit. He kinda was right.
Ever since the breakup, his friends had been coming to him, encouraging him to open up about it and express whatever he needed to. But for whatever reason, he just couldn't. Maybe it was because they were also close to Jason, but he just didn't feel like he could express himself to them. It almost felt rude in a way, to burden them with his negative feelings. But deep down, he did want someone to talk to, he just couldn't bring himself to do it voluntarily.
So in Avery's own words, he kinda did need someone to push and make him open up. And unfortunately, the only one offering to do that right now was Avery Jones.
Jayden stared daggers at him, a bit ticked off that the cause of so much pain in his life was now the person that was going to help him.
"You know, one of these days, we're going to have to have a real talk about our relationship and the fucked up shit you did to me and my friends." Jayden spat at him.
He nodded in response, turning to start walking towards the shoreline. "I know. But for tonight, come sit on the beach with me."
Realizing he was being left behind, Jayden panicked and called out, "Hey! I can't walk in the sand with these shoes on!"
"Then take them off." Aver answered simply, stopping to wait for him with his arms crossed.
"Ughhhh," Jayden growled with frustration. He sat on the boardwalk to unbuckle and take off his large platform shoes, muttering complaints under his breath about the other man. They could have just as easily walked to the edge of the Fair grounds. Why did Avery insist on the beach?
One Jayden got his shoes off, he stepped onto the sandy floor in his socks, walking up to meet his ex whole carrying his platforms. Before, he was close to the larger man's height while wearing the shoes, but now that he was out of them, the difference in height between them was quite obvious. Avery smirked down at him, noticing this detail himself.
Jayden got both embarrassed and irritated, not even needing him to say anything for him to respond with, "Oh fuck you! Let's just go!"
Jayden stomped off down the beach towards the shore, wishing his footsteps made a bigger impact than just kicking sand up into the air.
*******
The pair sat on the edge of the beach for a few minutes in silence, watching the waves gently crash onto the shore and stop inches away from their feet. The moon and stars illuminated the beach in a pale glow that was only matched by the festival lights half a mile behind them.
"It's nice out here." Jayden remarked. He'd almost forgotten.
"We used to do this alot, remember?"
"Yeah, well, I haven't been out here like this in awhile. You tainted that memory for me," Jayden told him honestly. No bitterness. No hatred. He said it like an undisputed fact, because it was true.
They did use to come to the beach alot when they were a couple. It was a place for Avery to get away from his gang, and Jayden to get away from his family. Just a nice quiet place to enjoy one another's embrace. But Avery's toxic behavior towards Jayden after they broke up completely ruined that beautiful memory. And even with his friends, Jayden really didn't like to come back to the beach often.
"I know," Avery said, a clear tone of regret present in his voice. He let that sentiment sit in the air for a moment before buckling down and turning toward Jayden to ask, "So wanna tell me what's going on?"
Jayden sighed, pulling his feet up to his chest and wrapping his arms around them.
"You already know. You're friends with Cole, aren't you?" Jayden asked, referring to the man who was now dating his Jason.
And he WAS one of Avery's friends. Back from when they were in the gang together. Jayden had been acquainted with the man himself back when he was dating Avery. And for a tall and slightly intimidating looking guy, Cole could actually be quite kind and gentle underneath it all.
If it wasn't for that bit of knowledge, Jayden would have been incredibly disapproving of his and Jason's relationship. But from the few glimpses he saw of them together, the pair looked quite happy.
But that just hurt all the more.
So here was Jayden, all alone, getting advice form his toxic and emotionally abusive ex, who was friends with the guy currently dating his most recent ex. Jesus. How did it all get so complicated?
Avery watched the other boy, seeing the gears turn in his head as they both sat there in the quiet. He cut in, telling him, "You need to say it out loud Jay."
Jayden let out a groan of disgust. "Ugh. Don't say my name all familiar like that."
"Meow. Kitty's got claws," Avery said tauntingly.
"Avery!" Jayden exclaimed loudly, pissed off that Avery found now to be an appropriate time to make fun of him.
However, the other man seemed to delight in it. In fact, he was very pleased to see Jayden fly into a rage. "Ahh. There you are! There's the fire in your eyes." He said, smiling at him adoringly. Like the way he used to look at him a long time ago.
Jayden felt immediately flustered by both his gaze and the way he was tricked into reacting. "Aghh!? F... fuck you!"
Avery chuckled, turning his attention back to the ocean waves. "Hey, it's better than that gloomy shit you've been pulling all night."
"I have a right to be gloomy you bastard!" Jayden spat. That was kind of the whole point of this conversation after all!
Avery shrugged, leaning back on his hands to sit in a more casual and relaxed position. "Well I think this more lively version of you is better. You're more honest this way."
"Yeah about how much I hate your ass," Jayden quipped.
"Honesty is honesty," Avery responded quickly, letting the dig at him roll right off his back.
Jayden scoffed, "God you're a smug cunt."
"Why thank you," was the immediate answer.
"Ughhh!"
Damn it. Why did the two of them click so well together whenever they talked? They could quip and banter all night if they wanted. It was infuriating! Because despite all the bad blood between them, they just knew each other so well.
Although, these days it was probably Avery who knew Jayden better. Jayden hadn't changed very much in the time since they were together. The biggest differences were he stopped getting into fights and committing petty crimes to impress his gang leader boyfriend. He then quickly learned how to gain real friends, and then started a healthier romantic relationship. And that had been the norm until recently when that healthy relationship came to a sudden end.
But Avery? He'd changed so much in the time that had passed. He stopped acting like an absolute asshole. He went from the life of a gang leader to a man on the straight and narrow path. He even found love with someone patient enough to help him through it all! He had changed so much and was still changing!
So while there was a sense of familiarity with Avery, that didn't stop the fact that they were now both different people than when they used to be together. Avery just happened to progress even farther. Abd yet there was still thst CLICK between them.
The muscular man laid back on the sand, staring up at the stars. "So now that you're good and energetic, why don't you tell me the truth? Are you really this upset over scarface?"
"It's a birthmark," Jayden quickly corrected, referring to the mark on the side of Jason's face.
"Whatever. The question remains," Avery said, dismissing that information. He really didn't care one way or another.
Jayden decided to answer him. "Of course I'm upset! Someone I loved decided they couldn't love me anymore!" As he answered and reflected on it, the emotions began to bubble up and boil over. The anguish and anger. He was reminded of that night when he was dumped, and how much it hurt. What it felt like to be rejected. "Don't you know what that feels like!?"
Jayden looked over at Avery who was still laying down next to him, and was surprised to see him staring back at him rather intently.
And with his stern and focused gaze, he answered him saying, "Yeah. I do."
Jayden looked away in shame.
Right. He was the one who dumped Avery, after working so hard to make the delinqiuent fall in love with him in the first place. A rather painful situation when he then realized he needed to break the bond that he formed. And Avery, who did not want to trust or fall in love with anyone to begin with, was hurt worst of all.
It would inspire sympathy, if not for Avery's problamatic gang activities that justified Jayden's decision to call it quits. Or all the ways Avery tormented him and his friends post break-up. It was rather messy. An indication of just how devestated, hurt, and betrayed he felt by being left.
So in a choaticly ironic twist, Avery did understand Jayden's feelings. Maybe a little too well.
At least Jayden wasn't going to turn into a sociopath like Avery briefly did.
"Well... Me leaving you was different."
"How so?" Avery quirked an eyebrow.
"You had it coming," Jayden said plainly. It was the truth after all. Avery wasn't a good person back then. He absolutely did love Jayden and treated him good. But he wasn't a good person.
"Ouch. That's a bitchy thing to say," he said, half playing it off as a joke and half actually offended.
Jayden could care less though. No matter how much Avery understood, he was currently happy with someone else now. Their situations were different.
"What do you care? You found your redheaded soulmate," Jayden said, referring to Liam, who for whatever crazy reason, loved and cared for Avery deeply.
Avery rolled over onto his side, propping his head up on one arm to talk to Jayden more directly. "Doesn't mean it didn't hurt when you left me. You think I would have tormented you and your friends if you meant nothing to me? It's because you hurt me so bad by leaving that I did those awful things."
Jayden rolled his eyes. "Oh great. So now your shitty behavior is my fault also?"
"No, you dumbass," Avery corrected him. A damn master of words this one.
Jayden scowled down at him, "You know, you really suck at this motivational talk stuff."
Avery didn't bother to respond to that. Instead he continued on to make his own point. "Look, all I'm trying to tell you is to be aware of your own value. You meant so much to me that I lashed out. I went freaking crazy over it!" Avery said. Whoa. Jayden never thought he'd hear the man own up to it like that himself. Facts were facts, but Avery usually preferred self-flattery. It was impressive to see him speak so candidly. "So just because scarface decided he didn't want to be with you, doesn't mean you're worthless. Okay?"
Jayden eyed him up and down suspiciously. Was this really the man he used to date? He was way too different and way too good at talking people through their emotions. "What is this? How are you actually kind of good at this?"
Avery chuckled, deciding to sit back up fully now. "Blame Liam. He's sweet, and ridiculous. But his kindness and optimism have rubbed off on me whether I like it or not."
The smaller boy sighed. "It's not fair. Why do you get to be happy and I get broken up with?"
He knew it wasn't fair to say that. Not after all the effort and hell Avery went through to get to this point. But didn't Jayden also go through hell being tormented by the man next to him? Didn't he deserve to find his happiness by now?!
"To be fair, you were happy with that boy for a good long time before I found Liam," Avery told him, reminding him in the difference in scale between them.
"So now it's a numbers game!?"
"I wasn't the one keeping score!" Avery yelled defensiely at the other's outburst.
"Fuck you!"
"Fuck you too!"
They stared angrily at each other for a moment, until a sudden urge to laugh overtook both of them. Here they were. Two toxic exes, arguing about fairness and being happy, when they arguably both helped to ruin each other's lives in some form or another. And now they were debating the semantics of how much time they got to be happy and miserable respectively. It was ridiculous! It was funny!
No matter how much they yelled at each other, it would never feel fair. The damage had been done, and they both had moved onto other phases in their lives. It just sucked for Jayden that he was currently in the single phase of his life.
Now it was his turn to fall back and lay on the beach staring up at the night sky. "How did things get so fucked up?"
"We're just two fucked up people I guess," Avery smiled at him. He had made his peace with that long ago. So it made no difference to him.
"Yeah but at least you got your happy ending. I'm by myself right now," Jayden said.
"Yeah, but I had to get beaten half to death to earn this happy ending. All you have to do is just be single for awhile. So, you still want to talk about fair?"
He had a point, buuuuut, Avery also probably deserved that beating. If anything it was all his karma hitting him at once on that day. So one could almost argue that Avery was redeemed. Who was to say?
Jayden choked out a weak laugh, "You know, I think I'd prefer to just get beaten up instead of dealing with this."
Avery smiled softly down at him. "You'll find someone Jaybird. You just have to find the one you want. I mean look at us! Back in the day I wanted nothing to do with you, but that didn't stop you in the slightest."
"Yeah. One of the biggest mistakes of my life," Jayden said sarcstically, playfully jabbing at the other man.
"Fuck you! I'm giving a pep talk here!" Avery snapped back.
"Oh? I thought you were listing all the deadbeats I've dated," Jayden quipped again.
Avery only rolled his eyes. "I'm just saying. You wanted me and you went for it! Then you realized I wasn't right for you..."
"Too good for you, you mean?" Jayden quickly cut in to correct him.
"Debatable," Avery said, 100% serious that time. "But you realized that I wasn't who you needed, and you left me for someone better for you."
Jayden thought about it for a moment and then began to settle back into a gloom. "Until he left me for someone better for him."
"Then fuck him!" Avery shouted.
"Avery!" Jayden was bewildered by that response, shooting up to sit on his hands.
Avery quieted down in an apologetic manner, explaining himself more thouroughly. "Oh sorry. I don't mean have sex with him. I just meant, don't give a shit about him anymore."
"I know what you meant you dumbass," Jayden sighed. "But he's still my friend. I still care about him. I just... I don't know. It hurts to be around him right now. It's hard knowing I wasn't good enough. And maybe I'mnot good enough for anyone else..."
"Just because he didnt want you, doesn't mean no one else does. You're a catch Jay! Hell, I practically became a sociopath trying to get you back." Avery then quickly interuppted himself to snap at Jayden and yell, "Shut your fucking mouth!" He knew that Jayden was gonna respond with some smartass line about Avery saying he ALMOST became a sociopath.
And he was right too, because it made Jayden giggle. "Well, I left you, and the person I wanted left me. So I guess we're even now. I'm just too fucked up to be able to handle a normal relationship I guess," Jayden contemplated aloud.
"Well, I am sorry to say some of that is probably my fault," Avery told him, deciding to own up to that. Avery was technically Jayden's first relationship. So if he had any bad habits, they most likely came from him.
However, Jayden shook his head, denying the man ownership of that. "No. As much as I'd love to blame you, I had my part to play in that as well. They were my choices. And I chose to stick around longer than I should have. So being alone right now is my fault."
"Look, if I can find some completely ridiculous guy to love me through all my faults, I know for a fact you're gonna find someone to love you."
"Ha. You make it sound so easy."
Avery nodded. That was a fair statement to make. "I won't lie, loss sucks. But being with Liam has taught me losing things is an important part of life. If I didn't lose you, I never would have found Liam. And if I hadn't lost my gang ties, I wouldn't be nearly as happy as I am now."
"Yeah, unfortunately I can't argue with that," Jayden relented. "God it's not fair!!" he whined a little playfully.
"What isn't?"
"You're the one who essentially fucked up my relationship, and now you're the one making me feel better!? What kind of bullshit is that!?"
Avery laughed. That was a decent point to make. Avery taught Jayden bad relationship habits, and repeatedly tried to sabotage his new relationship. Even if Jayden wasn't willing to place all the blame on Avery alone, facts were still facts.
"You're right though," Jayden asserted, staring out at the ocean.
"Hmm?"
"As much as I regret our relationship, if it had never happened, I might have never gotten the chance to be with Jason at all. And if I never left you, I may not have gotten the chance to make the friends I have now. I'd be stuck in that warehouse with the lowlifes and dirtbags. No offense," Jayden added on at the end quickly. "So yeah, losing you did bring me to him. And all the good and bad that came with that."
"And that makes you happy? Even though he broke up with you?" Avery led on, wanting him to continue his train of thought.
"Yes, and no. A bit of both I guess," the boy shrugged. "Being with him made me happy. But it also hurt him at times. I really sucked at being a good boyfriend for a long time, and then there were all the times being with me made him a target for you."
"There it is," Avery said matter-of-factly, knowing he would be mentioned as a source of blame at least one more time.
"Hey! Don't act like you didn't have a fucking part to play!" Jayden chided him, throwing a soft punch at his arm.
"Yeah I know," Avery breathed out a soft laugh, rolling Jayden's punch off like it was nothing. "So what do you think now?"
Jayden looked into the moon, as if he was going to find the answers he needed in that bright orb, and spoke from his heart. "I think... that I'm sorry my love hurt him at times. And I'm sorry that he feels so bad for dumping me, when it was probably the best thing for him. But I KNOW, that I don't want to lose him either. He's still important in my life. I still want him to be my close friend. Even if we can't be together like before."
That was probably the part that Jayden struggled with the most. The part he was afraid to admit, and the fact that made him sadder than anything else. He still cared for Jason greatly, obviously. But it was knowing they could never go back to what they were, while also still wishing him to be a part of his life that really stung. How would he cope with and handle those feelings whenever Jason looked at him? How was he supposed to contain himself when they were in a room together, and he knew he wouldn't be allowed to reach out and take his hand anymore? That they weren't meant to be?
And because of that, he thought it might be asking too much to ask Jason to stilll be his friend. To try and talk and hang out like nothing ever happened between them. But that wasn't the right answer. So he avoided him, and refused to open up to his friends as well. However, bottling it all up wasn't the right answer either.
Talking to Avery made him realize that. He realized he was denying himself the true feeling of loss. He hadn't come to terms with it and let go of the other boy. In his heart, he was still hoping for something more, and that was holding him back. Jason had someone new in his life, and Jayden needed to accept that. It was what Jason needed too. The person Jayden loved needed to take this path in life without him, and he needed to let him.
Even if it made Jayden sad or angry. He needed to let go, and find his own path. That was the real answer. And by accepting that, maybe he could work up the courage to talk to Jason. And maybe the two of them could become friends again.
"Sounds like something you should talk with him about," Avery remarked. "And Cole?" He asked, wondering what Jayden's new lifeview had to say about his ex's new boyfriend.
"Is it OK if I say, fuck him?" Jayden grinned sheepishly at him. He definitely wanted to be a better and more complete person. But Cole was still essentially the 'other man.' So a little spite was warranted, right?
"Sure it is! It'll give me something to bust his balls about later," Avery assured the boy. If anything he was pleased about it. "But it sounds like you've finally found your answer."
"There was a question?" Jayden quirked an eyebrow.
"Sure there was. How much you were going to let your feelings for Scarface affect your current and future relationships!" Avery told him, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
Which, Jayden supposed it was. His feelings for Jason were a detriment to his relationships with his friends. And it kept him from reigniting a valuable friendship with Jason most of all. But now Jayden could see that plain as day. He'd gained perspective thanks to Avery.
"Birthmark," Jayden cut in to correct him once again.
"Still don't care," Avery shook his head.
Jayden could only laugh. He looked at the other boy sincerely, incredibly grateful. "Thank you Avery."
"Anytime," he shrugged. He rose to his feet and dusted himself off, holding a hand out for Jayden to grab. "Come on. We have people waiting for us. People waiting for both of us."
"Right." Jayden grabbed his platform boots and took the man's hand, being pulled up onto his feet. And as the pair began to walk back together, Jayden told him, "You know I still don't fully forgive you though, right?"
Avery hummed with delight. "That's fine. I don't need it."
He wasn't bothered, because he knew there needed to be a little bit of bad with the good. Him and Jayden would never be good friends, or always like each other. And there was lots of animosity in their past. But the pair could always talk to each and be their realest self with one other. There was nowhere to hide in each other's presence. They just knew each other too well.
That was the price to pay after all. Gaining something from loss. Finding comfort from someone you used to hate. There was never going to be fully good or fully bad. Good things in life needed a little sting. And now Jayden was aware of that as well. The value of the bittersweet.