Work Text:
"I'm telling you, being on Tinder isn't anything to be ashamed about, ok?" Raven expressed as she leant on the shopping cart she was pushing, following Clarke when the blonde moved an extra few steps. Examining yet more apples. Nobody want's a bruised apple.
"Nobody said I was ashamed of it , that was all you and you're assuming self. Did 8 simple rules teach you nothing?" Clarke finally turned around, 2 apples tied up in a clear plastic bag clutched in her hand, an expectant look on her face.
"I'm not even asking so you don't need to explain." Raven quickly said. Knowing how passionate the younger blonde gets about television shows.
Clarke lifted her hand up in Ravens direction. "The year was'03. I was a mere pre-teen. But I learnt a vaulable lesson from Bridget Hennessy. She told me never to assume. Know why Raven?" Clarke pasued for 0.03 seconds before continuing before Raven could open her mouth. "Because it makes an ASS out of U and ME."
Clarke paused once more, staring at Raven, waiting for the ball to drop. "Do you not get it? let me explain aga--"
"No no. I get it. This is why you're single." The brunette stated as she rolled her eyes and pushed the cart around Clarke. "And using Tinder."
"You're a fucker, dude. " Clarke laughed off. She knew she was stubborn, but Raven is in another league.
"But i'm an honest one. We need peanut butter."
Clarke nodded and followed Raven down the isle until they got to the Reeces peanut butter, cringing when Raven lifted three tubs in. Here's why: this was their weekly shop. "How do you have teeth left, I don't understand. I have a few bars of chocolate and I can practically feel my teeth trying to jump ship."
"Jump ship, hmm? That's probably what your vagina is trying to do."
Clarke gasped and swung her arm out, slapping Raven in the arm. "Raven! Jesus, fine, I'm on Tinder. Who isn't? Besides, it's not like it matters, most people on there tend to be bots these days. You know what it's like to see someone's picture and try and imagine you together and picture what your children would look like only to realise it's a bot? Let's just say Mary-Sue was never meant to be."
"First of all, you're surrounded by weird names your whole life and yet you want to call your child Mary?"
"Hey! Do you know how hard it is to find gift souviners with names like Clarke, Octavia, Monty, Raven, Jasper? Not fun."
"Wait why was I fourth on that list?" Of course that's all Raven heard. "No I joke, I know I'm first really. Anyways, my point was if you're on Tinder, use it! Go on a few dates, hook up, netflix and chilllllll, Clarke."
"Rae, my idea of Netflix and chill is curling up in my onsie and watching Charles Manson documentaries.
Raven paused for a second. "I changed my mind, that's why you're single."
Clarke really needed a better job. Well, no, she needed a better apartment. But to get a better apartment she needed a better job. The idea of living above an old English Pub would be good, at first. Go down whenever she wants for a pint of Newcastle Brown, having music on in the background without needing to pay her spotify bill, and, maybe meet some new people.
Nope.
Nope to all of that.
Within a week she quickly realsied that English Ale does not leave a nice after-taste, the music is too loud to be able to sleep before 1.30AM or when the pub closes, and most people that go in there are middle aged men who think they're entirely a lot more cooler than they are.
Which actually brings us to why Clarke joined Tinder. Ok yeah, half of it was that she'd been single for way to long, the second reason though is that she genuinely just wants some entertainment outside of the people that have known her since she was wetting the bed.
She'd like to say she was really picky and had really high standards, however her mother didn't bring up a liar. Take now for example, Clarke had been looking at the picture in front of her for a solid 2 minutes, admiring the smile on the brunette's face in the picture. She had somehow got the balance of 'oh look at me I'm wearing an adorabley cute flower headband and doing a cute little smile at the camera' with 'we're gonna fuck until you can't walk anymore and then you'll beg me to stop, look at the look in my eyes, i'm not lying.'
How is that even a thing.
Of course she was going to Swipe right.
Her eyes grew wide when she the girl was a match. Clarke quickly looked at the girl again.
Then she regained some chill. This has happened far too many times before, a match comes through, she gets all excited, and it's a bot. She wasn't going to be fooled this time.
"I swear to god if you're a bot i'm gonna slap my fallout 4 disk into teeny tiny pieces."
She recieved a message back after a minute or so. "Hey, I want to have sex with strangers who are also very intimate in bed? If you are one of the same interest like mine, well spare time meeting me at http;/bit.ly/sexx04 and try if we are really compatible to have intimate and unforgettable experience in bed."
Clarke stared at the message again. Of course.
Before she had a chance to drop her phone down on the couch below her, ready to give up for the night, when her phone dinged once more.
"Im just kidding im not a bot." Came the first message, followed by another in quick succession. "but you should really appreciate that i just wrote the whole of that out for you."
Clarke found herself smiling, touche. This could be fun.
"That was cruel and unusual...but also brilliant."
"I know, im hilarious. you can call me Lexa." The reply came quickly.
"You can call me baby ;)" Clarke's eyes went wide, she meant to think that, not type it. "Oh shit im sorry, i turned into a total dude bro."
There was no reply for a few minutes. "Well then baby, you can call me God, because you'll be screaming it later."
Clarke smirked, this took an interesting turn.