Archive of Our Own ^beta

Leaving his house that afternoon to meet up with his boyfriend, Willie did not yet know that something magical was going to happen. Not magical in the literal sense of sparkles and the miraculous because this is not a fairytale. But magical in the sense of something unexpected. Something good. Something weird. 

Something life-changing.

Willie had been feeling squirrely all day, his brain not exactly on its best behaviour. He couldn’t blame it, considering the day it was, but he was nevertheless hoping that meeting up with Alex at the park would finally chase away the storm clouds in his head and distract him. 

Their dating was still a very new thing and they hadn’t progressed much beyond simple hand holding but Willie was happy to take things slow as long as it meant not spooking Alex. Sure, he was rather looking forward to eventually reaching the kissing stage of their relationship but if he was being completely honest with himself, he also didn’t mind the wait because, while he had plenty of experience with flirting, he didn’t actually have a lot of experience with relationships. Or kissing. And he certainly didn’t want to ruin this. 

Daydreaming about it though was another thing entirely and he had already lost countless hours of concentration due to thoughts about Alex’s lips; to the very vocal disappointment of his teachers. But he was used to disappointing them and had no plans to stop daydreaming about his perfect boyfriend. And about his boyfriend’s perfect lips.

But even if they hadn’t progressed much in their relationship yet, the boyfriend in question had finally relented and agreed to let Willie teach him how to skate so Willie was convinced that this was going to be a good and thoroughly distracting date, no matter the nervous energy thrumming under his skin that had nothing to do with cute boyfriends and very much with things he didn’t want to think about.

Except his perfect boyfriend was a lot more perceptive than Willie would wish for today.

They had met up at the entrance to the park, gotten some hotdogs from one of the vendors and were now sitting on a bench on the edge of one of the less travelled paths of the park. Willie’s leg was bouncing a mile a minute with restless energy, which wasn’t completely unusual though, and Willie had been reasonably confident that he hadn’t given any indications that he was preoccupied with more than just an understandable impatience to finally teach Alex how to skate. 

But there had been frequent glances and as soon as they were finished with their happy munching, Alex frowned at Willie and asked “What’s up?” with an adorable but also concerning frown on his face that made it clear he’d seen right through Willie.

Willie’s stomach dropped and he was pretty sure the hotdog was not to blame.

He shifted on the bench and tossed his hair back over his shoulder, squinting into the distance. “Nothing. What do you mean?” He pulled out a grin and looked over at Alex.

That had been a mistake. Because Alex looked right back at him, all concerned, and said “You know you can tell me, right?” 

Alex wasn’t normally the one to initiate physical contact, although he obviously welcomed it when Willie did, but now his hand lay warm on top of Willie’s, stilling the restless leg underneath, and his blue-green eyes were so soft and full of worry that Willie’s stomach, already somewhere in the general vicinity of his knees, flopped around painfully.

Willie bit his lip and stared at their hands, the park, anywhere that wasn’t Alex's face and yet still feeling haunted by that look of soft concern on it. But he was afraid that speaking about what troubled him would ruin their date.

“It’s nothing,” Willie mumbled eventually. 

A part of him wished Alex could leave it at that but he knew how stubborn Alex could be. There had never been any chance of him just letting it go.

Alex’s fingers flexed around his and there was an intake of breath that promised protest, promised pleading words Willie wouldn’t be able to ignore and so he gave in before Alex could speak, rushing out his own words: “I’m just always a little wired on the anniversary of my parent’s death, you know? It’ll be okay again tomorrow.”

He finally looked up at Alex again whose frown had deepened, lips in a thin line, body suddenly tense. Alex squeezed Willie’s hand again, warm fingers wrapping around Willie’s cold ones. “I’m so sorry, Willie. I didn’t know that was today. Do you … do you want to do something else?”

Willie swallowed and shook his head. “No. No, this is good. My uncle and I are going to have dinner together later and …,” Willie swallowed again, “and remember them. But right now I just want to spend some time with my boyfriend and try to teach him how to skate.” He wrestled a wide grin onto his face, wagging his eyebrows at Alex.

It was maybe a little bit overdone and Willie held no illusions that Alex saw right through the effort but the right corner of Alex’s mouth twitched into a half-smile, his fingers still wrapped securely around Willie’s hand.

“Yeah, okay. We can do that.”

He got up and tugged Willie with him, not letting go of his hand. But then he swayed slightly on the spot, looking first in the direction of the skate park and then back at Willie. There was still a crease between his eyebrows. “Do you … do you want a hug?”

To be perfectly honest, Willie didn’t. Not really. He’d rather just pretend everything was normal for the time being, hiding, as always, from the things that made him uncomfortable. 

Besides, he wasn’t really a hugging type of person. It surprised a lot of people because he didn’t exactly scrimp on physical touches and in fact needed them like air. He was always touching his friends, fistbumping them, clapping them on the shoulder or teasing them with an elbow in their side. And with Alex, he absolutely loved being close to him, holding his hand and pressing up to him when they sat next to each other. 

But there was something about hugs that had never really sat right with him. Too constricting. Too immobile.

Except Alex rather looked like he needed to give Willie a hug, so Willie smiled and shrugged and said “Sure.” 

Alex lost no time and, with a relieved smile, drew him close. Maybe, if he had looked at Willie a little longer, he might have seen right through him again. But as it was, his arms encircled Willie’s shoulders, careful at first but quickly going all in, and Willie slung his own arms around Alex’s waist, trying to match him while already anticipating the inevitable need to move.

But Alex just pulled him even closer, fingers curling into Willie’s shirt, holding him tight like he never wanted to let him go again, like he wanted to hold Willie together and shield him from all evil. Alex tucked his face into the crook of Willie’s neck and heaved out a deep breath in contentment, stirring the fine hairs on Willie’s neck. Willie’s own hands tightened around Alex’s waist almost by reflex.

Willie braced himself for the familiar feeling of being caged in but instead he froze at the unexpected crash of silence into his brain.

It felt like all the hundreds of constantly open browser tabs inside his mind had been forcibly shut down simultaneously, all the non-vital background processes coming to a screeching halt until all there was was Alex. The warmth of Alex’s body pressed so close to his. The hint of hard muscles under soft skin and fabric. The smell of deodorant and shampoo and Alex filling his senses.

A light breeze played with Willie’s hair, blowing one strand of Alex’s repeatedly against Willie’s neck, tickling his skin softly. His right pinky rubbed over a tiny loose thread on the hem of Alex’s t-shirt. And as he moved his left hand higher, he found that Alex’s shoulder was even warmer than the rest of him, shirt and skin soaking up the heat of the sun poking through the trees next to the path.

Willie knew there was a whole park around them, filled with people and animals and noise and yet he could hear none of them.

There was only Alex and him and silence.

After a few seconds, as the first shock had worn off, Willie’s body positively melted into Alex’s embrace and Willie closed his eyes before hiding his face on Alex’s shoulder, inhaling deeply, wanting to breathe in more of him, wanting to feel more, wanting to dissolve and getting drunk on all the tiny details he was suddenly hyper aware of.

It was exhilarating and scary and safe, all jumbled up together and Willie didn’t know what to do with it, except holding on and hoping it would never end. The fact that he felt none of the jitters and restlessness he normally did when being hugged was nothing short of a miracle for him. He didn’t feel confined, wanting to break out. He didn’t feel impatient. He just … was.

For the first time in his life, Willie experienced being one hundred percent calm and being content to stay in the moment, with no thought to before or after.

It was unexpected and weird and good.

It was nothing short of magical.

But even magic ends, eventually, and when Alex, after an eternity or two, moved to let go of him, Willie immediately stepped back, still desperate to understand what had happened but equally desperate to pretend nothing had.

“You feeling better?”

Alex's smile was so genuine and hopeful that Willie smiled back at him even as the familiar nervous energy rushed back into his veins like an army of ants crawling inside of him. “Yeah. Thanks.” 

He didn’t know what to do with his hands. Or any part of his body, really, now that he wasn’t in Alex’s arms anymore. He brushed a strand of hair away from his face only to wish it back the moment it was gone, as if he could hide behind it.

Alex’s smile widened and it made Willie’s efforts with his own smile worth it. 

Willie cleared his throat, trying to finally shake off whatever had happened, and took Alex’s hand again. “Come on, hotdog. Time for some skating lessons.” 

Time to clear his mind and focus on anything else but the life-changing hug he’d just experienced.

His voice sounded almost normal.

Alex laughed and groaned and rolled his eyes but his “Okay” sounded more amused than annoyed and he happily let Willie drag him over to the skating area.

And it was good! It was fun. Alex was terrible but determined and a part of Willie wondered if Alex just pretended to lose his balance as often as he did because he wanted to make Willie laugh and steady him, which Willie readily did. Watching his boyfriend wobble on his skateboard was exactly as exhilarating as Willie had dreamed it would be and he could happily have spent several more hours on the endeavour of teaching Alex how to stop and turn and bail and carve. Or just how to properly stand on the board.

But the hug haunted Willie. The further he got from it, the more it seemed impossible that he had ever felt like that at all. That calm and content.

His teachers had told him to ‘calm down’ so often he’d lost count somewhere in his first month at school. And yet Willie had never really known how to do that. Everyone else around him seemed able to stuff all that buzzing inside their brains into a neat little box and concentrate on whatever thing they were supposed to be working on but Willie only ever figured out how to pretend to be calm. He got better at that over the years, sure, but he could never shake the feeling that he was still missing something.

And, apparently, he had found exactly that in Alex’s arms while he hugged him.

It was not an easy thing to dispel, no matter how cute his boyfriend was while wearing Willie’s helmet and swaying unsteadily on Willie’s board, tongue poking out between his lips in concentration.

Any second Willie wasn’t fully focused on Alex, the hug sneaked back into his thoughts, poking at him.

He’d look at Alex’s hands and remember strong fingers drawing him close, he’d look at his feet and the memory of their sneakers bumping together would suddenly fill his mind. He’d look at his face and remember the shape and warmth and weight of it pressed into his neck.

It was a long afternoon.

Eventually though, hugs and cute boyfriend notwithstanding, Willie could no longer ignore the linear progress of time and how late it was getting and that he needed to get home. He procrastinated for another ten minutes but then awkwardly let Alex know that he had to leave and needed his skateboard and helmet back.

Alex bit his lip and took a deep breath but then he smiled and thanked Willie for his patience while unclipping the helmet. He handed it back with an obvious reluctance to say goodbye and Willie received it with equal reluctance but there was no getting around it. Alex rolled the skateboard over with his foot and Willie kicked it up, grabbing it with one hand.

Saying goodbye to each other had become slightly weird since they’d started dating properly. A little bump to the shoulder and a wave no longer seemed enough but since they weren’t at the kissing stage yet, that wasn’t an option either. 

Willie had figured out it was easier if they just played up the ridiculousness of it all and so today, slightly afraid of receiving another hug if he left the initiative to Alex, he transferred his helmet to his left hand with the skateboard and then caught Alex’s right hand before bowing low over it and pressing a brief kiss to Alex’s knuckles.

“Until we meet again, fair Alex.”

Alex rolled his eyes but he was also blushing as Willie straightened up again and let go of his hand and so Willie’s grin widened.

“Text me when you’re home?” Alex asked, clearing his throat and trying way too hard to appear casual but having trouble looking at Willie, the fingers of his right hand flexing and curling around the strap of his fanny pack.

Willie chuckled and nodded. “I will, hotdog.”

He hesitated for another moment, the lure to stay overpoweringly strong, but eventually he did turn around and got his muscles to move him away, even if it felt like he had to fight an invisible current that wanted nothing more than to sweep him back towards Alex. 

And into Alex’s arms.

The current lessened once he’d left the park and was rolling towards home on his skateboard but he still kept his thoughts firmly on the afternoon spent teaching Alex how to skate, on hands steadying hips, on laughter and whoops of joy, on shared grins and hands clasped tightly together, on sunwarm skin and ocean eyes. 

Because the alternatives were thinking about The Hug. Or about his upcoming dinner with his uncle. And neither seemed a good alternative to Willie at the moment.

The thoughts caught up with him eventually though, of course, and by the time Willie finally reached home, already running late, he was almost convinced that the hug could not have been as magical as he remembered it. It seemed too impossible. Although, maybe he was just more relaxed about hugs in general now? He sure hadn’t tried them in a while, everyone in his life knowing he didn’t like them.

His uncle was already dressed and ready, sitting on one of the bar stools at their kitchen counter and playing with his phone. He looked up as Willie entered and shook his head indulgently at his nephew being late once again. 

“Come on. Hurry up and get changed.” 

He waved his hand to get Willie moving but Willie lingered, biting his lip.

“Hey, uh …”

Willie stopped, not quite sure how to verbalise the thoughts in his head but Caleb’s eyebrow rose in concern and he focused more clearly on Willie, putting his phone down on the marble counter.

“Is everything okay?”

“Uh, yeah. It’s just … uh, could you maybe give me a hug?”

Willie winced at the words and the clear surprise on his uncle’s face. The last time Willie had actively asked for a hug he’d been about six. One last nightmare that couldn’t be shooed away without physical comfort. He’d stopped regularly crawling into Caleb’s bed a few months earlier, about half a year after his parents’ accident.

After a short, stunned silence, Caleb pushed his chair back, legs scraping over the kitchen tiles, and quickly made his way over to where Willie stood with a few long strides.

“Yes, of course!”

Willie just pressed his lips together and nodded as Caleb looked at him searchingly once more, apparently trying to make sure this was really what Willie wanted. Then Caleb put his arms around him and Willie willed himself to return the hug properly. He slung his arms around his uncle and leaned his head against his shoulder, inhaling expensive aftershave, but although a part of him thought the hug was nice and there was an echo of the reassurance he’d received from Caleb as a grief stricken kid, there was still that ever present urge to move making him want to strain against the confinement after just a short moment. There was none of the silence and none of the desire to linger that he had experienced in Alex’s arms, his body instead stiff and thrumming with nervous energy.

The hug didn’t last long and Caleb’s face was still furrowed with concern when he looked down at Willie once more after letting him go and stepping back.

“Are you sure everything is okay?”

Willie forced his lips into a smile. “Yeah. Yeah. Thanks. I’ll go change now.” He turned around and hurried up the stairs towards his bedroom, fleeing his uncle’s questions for the moment. He would probably have to give him some sort of explanation during dinner so his uncle wouldn’t get any ideas about Willie’s relationship with Alex not going well or anything like that but for now he’d rather distract himself by texting Alex to let him know he’d gotten home okay and then by trying to figure out what to wear as quickly as possible. Maybe that way, he could ignore the whispers of guilt and brokenness from the dark corners of his head.

Dinner went well, as these dinners all inevitably went despite Willie’s equally inevitable anxiety about them. Willie told Caleb about his afternoon and his uncle laughed while Willie described Alex’s pitiful first attempts at skating. 

Willie remembered the first few years after his parents’ death and how he had still felt like he wasn’t allowed to laugh or be happy on this day even when the heavy shadow of his grief was starting to dissipate. It had taken a lot of therapy and reassurance to accept that he was allowed to laugh. That the best thing he could do to honour his parents’ memory was to enjoy life as best as he could.

It had become a lot easier now that he was older and he was grateful to his uncle for supporting Willie’s quest to enjoy life as much as possible rather than focus all of his energy on school. Not that Caleb didn’t care about Willie’s performance at school, they’d just come to an agreement that Willie had slightly different priorities and as long as Willie didn’t neglect school completely or got up to any serious trouble, Caleb didn’t interfere. It worked surprisingly well and Willie probably had a better relationship with his uncle than a lot of kids had with their parents. It was certainly a big contrast to how Alex’s parents treated him.

When Caleb eventually teased the story of the hug out of Willie with careful questions, he hummed thoughtfully.

“That certainly explains the hug you requested earlier.”

Willie bit his lip and played with his fork. “Yeah …”

“I take it our hug wasn’t quite as magical as the one with Alex?” 

There was a teasing undertone in Caleb’s voice and a sparkle in his eyes but Willie still felt guilty. He cleared his throat but couldn’t find any words.

Caleb put his own fork aside and laid his hand on Willie’s.

“Don’t worry about it.”

“But shouldn’t I have liked it just as much?”

His uncle actually snorted at that. “I very much doubt it. You are quite smitten with that boy after all. Downright starry eyed!”

Willie drew his hand out from under his uncle’s and rolled his eyes, grabbing his fork again.

But he still couldn’t quite shake the feeling that something was wrong with him. He’d accepted not liking hugs with the help of his therapist who reassured him that it was no different than some people not liking chocolate or roller coasters or sex. Just a personal preference. And as long as Willie had felt uncomfortable with all hugs, it made sense. 

Sure, even then there had been differences. He could accept a hug from Caleb or his closer friends as long as they were quick about it but absolutely refused to even entertain the idea of hugging strangers. 

But all in all, he’d always preferred not to get hugged.

And then Alex had hugged him and had turned his whole world upside down.

After returning home and pacing through his room for at least an hour, Willie accepted the only logical course of action. Another hour later found him climbing the trellis outside Alex’s house and knocking on Alex’s second storey window. His grip on the trellis was a little more precarious than he would have liked and the damn thing rattled unsteadily as if threatening to buck him off any second. He could only hope none of the neighbours were out for a stroll and could hear him. The sound of a television coming from one of the downstairs windows was very reassuring however. Unless Alex was watching tv with his parents, which he honestly doubted though.

In any case, Willie had a newfound respect for Alex regularly escaping home via trellis. Maybe his boyfriend was a little more adventurous than he had given him credit for. It only made Willie like him even more.

Still, he hoped Alex would hurry up, much preferring contemplating his boyfriend’s awesomeness once he was safely inside.

When Alex’s astonished face appeared in the window after Willie had knocked a second time, Willie sighed in relief because he’d been starting to think that this might not have been such a great idea after all.

Alex frowned and pushed the lower part of the window up. “Willie?” he hissed as soon as the glass no longer separated them.

“Yeah, hi.” Willie briefly considered waving at him but decided against taking one hand off the windowsill he was currently gripping. Knocking had already been a harrowing experience.

“What are you doing here?”

“Uh … can I explain that inside?”

Alex looked over his shoulder towards the closed door of his bedroom and then nodded, stepping aside so Willie could gracelessly tumble inside. His foot got caught on the window frame and only Alex’s hand on his arm kept him from falling flat on his face.

“Thanks,” Willie said a little breathlessly and brushed the hair out his eyes, trying to comb it back into a semblance of order.

Alex was still frowning. “Are you okay?”

“Uh … yeah.” 

Willie was a little distracted looking around. He’d been to Alex’s room, and by extension his house, only once and that just for a brief visit to grab some of Alex’s school books he’d forgotten. 

Alex’s room was messier than Willie remembered it, school notes and books strewn all over the desk along with a variety of pens and gum wrappers and some headphones still playing some barely audible music. There seemed to be at least one drum stick on every available surface, one peeking out of the pile of discarded clothes next to Alex’s wardrobe. Another one had half rolled under Alex’s unmade bed.

And then there was Alex himself, wearing baggy sweatpants and his signature pink hoodie, sleeves pushed up and revealing his toned forearms. Willie had become quite obsessed with these forearms ever since meeting Alex. Which probably wasn’t that hard to understand except Willie had also inexplicably become obsessed with the fine golden hairs covering them, getting distracted whenever they caught the light. It also didn’t hurt that Alex’s forearms ended in Alex’s hands which Willie was also just a little bit obsessed with. 

Truth be told, Willie was obsessed with a lot of things about Alex.

Although right now, the fact that Alex wasn’t wearing shoes OR socks was the most distracting thing about him by far. Willie had joked with his friends about how much the existence of Alex’s ankles intrigued him. Because, logically, he must have some but Willie had, so far, never seen them; Alex’s odd habit of stuffing the hem of his pants into his socks assuring that no glimpse of flesh would ever be caught.

It was all a little Victorian how much the sight of Alex’s bare feet distracted Willie from any other thoughts.

“Willie?”

Willie’s head snapped up as he tore his gaze away from Alex’s feet and focused back on Alex’s face. Which now looked equal parts confused and concerned.

“Sorry. You’ve got nice feet.”

Alex was clearly taken aback by this remark and Willie mentally kicked himself. 

Alex rubbed the top of his left foot with his right one. “Uh … thanks?”

“Sorry,” Willie said again. “I just … I didn’t expect them.”

Alex cleared his throat, shifting his weight, a hint of a smile flashing over his face for a moment. “Okay. Well … I didn’t expect you so …,” Alex’s eyebrows drew together again, “are you all right?”

Willie took a deep breath and his mind finally finished freaking out over Alex’s bare feet and concentrated back on why he was here in the first place. Which almost had him freak out all over again. How the fuck was he going to explain that? 

Suddenly, the only logical course of action seemed not so logical anymore.

He bit his lip, thumb rubbing at his elbow as he tried to keep eye contact with his clearly confused boyfriend. “Yeah, look, I’m sorry for dropping in unannounced. I should have—I really don’t know why I didn’t even text you—but I wasn’t really thinking, I just … I wanted … God, this is so stupid!” He swallowed, looking away and wishing he had any idea how to say the things swirling in his head, growing more agitated with each second that he couldn’t.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Alex said, soft and sure, and reached for Willie’s hand that was still worrying at the skin of his elbow. Alex gently pried the hand loose and took it in his and Willie’s shoulders sagged as the warmth of Alex’s hand seeped into his own. “Whatever it is,” Alex continued, “I’m here for you.” He took a step closer.

There were a million things Willie wanted to say in reply to that but instead the words he’d come here for finally crawled out of his throat: “Can I get another hug?”

His voice sounded so small in Alex’s room.

Alex made a surprised sound in the back of his throat but he didn’t hesitate a second, immediately drawing Willie into a hug and—

There.

There was the silence and the warmth and the feeling of security Willie had been chasing. 

It was real.

“Of course,” Alex murmured into Willie’s hair as Willie melted into his arms, clinging to him with a desperation he couldn’t explain even to himself, face pressed into Alex’s shoulder.

He didn’t feel calm this time. Not exactly. All his emotions in turmoil. But he felt safe and loved and instead of breaking out, he wanted to vanish into Alex’s arms or, if he could not accomplish that, then at least stay in his embrace for the next eternity or two.

Alex held him closer, shuffling a little until they were pressed together, burying his own face in Willie’s neck and showing no signs of wanting to let go of Willie anytime soon.

With Alex barefoot and Willie still wearing his shoes, they were pretty much the same height.

Willie lost himself for blissful, uncounted minutes in which he didn’t think, in which he let Alex hold him together, in which his world was only warmth and a soft pink hoodie and a squashed cheek and warm fingers digging ever so slightly into his back.

It was good and weird and magical and it was real.

Willie sagged even further into Alex’s embrace

The silence was filled with their quiet breaths, the song playing on Alex’s headphones, barely recognisable as “Now or Never”, the sound of the TV downstairs with tinny, canned laughter drifting in through the window.

A car passed by. A dog barked.

Willie was calm.

But once the initial agitation had fully drained out of him and Willie felt he’d soaked up enough magical hugging for the moment, he reluctantly disentangled himself from Alex. He would have happily stayed in the hug for much longer—which was still a source of shock to him—but he figured it would just become weird for Alex. Weirder that was. It already felt pretty weird. Good, but weird.

Alex stepped back as well, pushing the hair out of his face, a little frown once again drawing his eyebrows together as he looked at Willie. 

He opened his mouth but before he could say anything, Willie blurted: “You’re pretty spectacular, you know that?”

He hadn’t exactly wanted to say that but the alternative was probably even more embarrassing.

Alex’s mouth closed with an audible clack at Willie’s words and he snorted. “I’m not—” He stopped abruptly and then his face did something complicated, looking as if he’d suddenly swallowed a lemon or twelve, before settling on resignation. He sighed. “I’m pretty okay, I guess.” He did not sound convinced.

Willie, meanwhile, was still far too fascinated with whatever Alex’s face had been doing and he chuckled. “What was that?”

Alex sighed again, his gaze avoiding Willie’s. “Reggie has been trying to make me ‘own up to my own awesomeness.’” He made sarcastic little air quotes, his voice a poor imitation of Reggie’s.

Willie laughed again. “Well, I agree with Reggie on that one. You are pretty awesome.”

“Okay, okay.” Alex chuckled deprecatingly and waved a dismissive hand before focusing back on Willie, his face softening. “You’re pretty awesome yourself.”

Willie was fond of all of Alex’s different sides and he especially enjoyed Alex’s sarcasm and snark but Alex looking at him all soft and vulnerable never failed to make his knees weak. That boy was far too irresistible for Willie’s sanity.

Alex took a step forward and Willie swayed for a second, drawn forward, but then he looked away.

“I should probably go. It’s getting late and I don’t want to get you into any trouble.”

Even from the corner of his eye, Willie could see Alex’s shoulders slumping.

“You … you don’t have to. I mean, you could stay a while? If you want?”

Willie looked up in surprise.

“You sure?”

Clearly sensing an opening, Alex nodded and smiled wide. “Yeah, we can talk or just … cuddle?” His face turned almost as pink as his hoodie and he bit his lip but there was a hopeful glimmer in his eyes.

And well, how could Willie say no to that enticing offer?

He stepped closer. “If you’re really sure?”

“Yeah. I’d really like that.”

“What about your homework?” Willie glanced over at Alex’s desk.

Alex snorted. “It’s a Friday evening. I’ve still got all weekend to complete my homework. Well … almost. We’ve got band practice tomorrow. But still. Besides, I don’t think I would be able to concentrate on it now anyway.”

Willie grinned at him. “Is that so, hotdog?”

Alex shook his head and chuckled. “Well, you see, I got a rather distracting visitor today.”

“The visitor could leave?” Willie tangled their fingers together in direct opposition of his words but his accompanying smile would have given him away in any case.

Alex smiled back at him and lightly swung their hands to and fro. “Wouldn’t mean I could concentrate on homework though. So … he might as well just stay?”

“He might …”

“Please?”

A sudden lump in his throat, Willie could only nod and squeeze Alex’s fingers. 

They looked at each other for a charged moment until Alex nodded, stepping slightly back. “Okay.” He tugged Willie towards the bed, shy and eager at once, brushing the hair out of his face with his free hand.

Willie took a deep breath and slipped out of his shoes before letting Alex pull him onto the bed.

Alex scooted towards the wall and got comfortable, left arm extended to make space for Willie and Willie snuggled up close, head cushioned on Alex’s chest. 

It was almost better than the hug.

Alex put his arm around him and held him close, both shifting a little until they’d reached the perfect position.

Willie could hear Alex’s heartbeat, going slightly fast, but then Wille’s heart was also currently joining a marathon. Lying in bed with your boyfriend for the very first time will probably do that to you, even if nothing more exciting than cuddles are happening.

Willie really liked cuddles.

“This is nice,” he whispered and felt Alex nodding above him.

“You wanna talk or …?”

“Hm … can you tell me something?”

A low chuckle rumbled through Alex’s chest. “Okay. Uhm … what do you wanna hear?”

Willie wasn’t sure. He only knew he didn’t want to be the one talking, wanted only to lie here, soft and warm, and listen to Alex’s voice, letting it wash over him.

He shrugged lightly.

“I don’t know. Something nice? Or funny?”

Alex hummed for a bit, lost in thought but Willie was in no hurry and was content to wait for Alex. 

He marvelled at the contrast between the soft fabric under his cheek and the hard barrier of Alex’s forearm slung around his shoulder. Shifting a little, he got one hand up and started playing with one of the strings of Alex’s hoodie, rolling it between two fingers, looping it around another.

There was a soft breeze from the still open window brushing his ear and playing with a loose strand of his hair.

The staccato of Alex’s heartbeat was slowing down in tandem with Willie’s own heart. 

Then Alex hummed again. “Did I ever tell you about the summer my parents sent me to this church camp?” he finally asked with a soft voice.

“No? But so far that doesn’t sound nice or funny,” Willie replied, his smile half hidden in Alex’s hoodie.

Alex laughed quietly and ran a distracting finger down Willie’s bare arm.

“It wasn’t really at first. I was like twelve and I didn’t want to go but my parents thought it’d be a good idea for me to mingle with kids more like myself. You know, brought up ‘properly’ instead of the heathens I saw each day at public school.” 

Alex lightly jostled Willie’s arm at ‘heathens’ and Willie chuckled. You could call him a lot of things but religious really wasn’t one of them.

“But it turned out,” Alex continued with a smile in his voice, “that what we had in common wasn’t just religion.”

“Ah … let me guess. You found the gays .” Willie grinned into Alex’s hoodie as he lightly tugged on the string still wound around his fingers.

Alex hummed. “A lot of things became a lot clearer during that summer.”

Willie tilted his head up to get a look at Alex’s face. “Any exes I need to worry about?”

Alex smiled. “No. Definitely not.”

Willie grinned and snuggled back into Alex’s side. “Good. Not sure I’d be willing to share you.”

Alex’s chuckle rumbled through Willie. “Okay.” The soft word was followed by a very audible yawn.

Tilting his head back again, Willie asked: “You sure you don’t want me to go?”

Instead of answering, Alex gripped Willie tighter. “Yes.” He sounded adorably determined about it. 

“Hmm, I’m not complaining.” Willie reached for Alex’s other arm and dragged that one around him as well until he was enveloped in pink fabric and strong arms. 

Alex’s heartbeat sped up again.

Willie, on the other hand, was feeling entirely cosy, relaxed, and comfortable, his limbs heavy and relaxed, and his heartbeat steady and slow.

He did not want to be anywhere else but in Alex’s arms, listening to Alex’s heartbeat and breathing, the murmuring of the TV downstairs, and the sounds of the quiet neighbourhood drifting in through the window.

And only silence in his brain.

There was warmth and comfort and contentment—those were the first impressions that floated through Willie’s gradually awakening mind. A little later, he became aware of an arm lying heavily across his chest that did not seem to belong to him. The arm was attached to a warm body pressed to Willie’s side though, a body that felt familiar in a hazy, reassuring way.

That was roughly the moment in which Willie’s memories of the previous day started flooding back into his mind. The date in the park, his sadness about his parents and Alex’s offer of a hug. A hug that was pure magic. And that changed everything.

Willie smiled and snuggled closer to the warmth next to him. He was in no hurry to open his eyes.

But a few moments later, he realised that the light shining onto his face must mean it was morning and that he had spent the night in Alex’s bed. Further observations confirmed that Alex must have woken up at some point but instead of waking Willie up in turn and making him leave, he’d instead closed the window, exchanged his hoodie for a thin t-shirt, and drawn a blanket over both of them.

There were a lot of emotions swirling through Willie’s heart at that but he was too afraid to put any of them into words, just basked in the warm feelings while wondering if he should get up now and try to quietly leave without disturbing Alex or whether he should wait for him to wake up.

He decided to wait.

The house was still quiet, the only sounds drifting in from outside muted and almost unreal. It would have been easy to forget that there was a house and parents and a world outside at all.

It was not at all easy to forget that Alex was lying next to him, breathing evenly and deeply. 

Alex was lying on his back and Willie snuggled closer, taking care not to jostle his boyfriend in the process. Alex’s head was slightly turned away from him, hair falling into his face, lips parted. The sun shining in from the window was painting his hair and skin golden and Willie shamelessly catalogued every inch of Alex’s face he could see. Carefully, Willie brushed the strand of hair back to uncover more.

He’d never really gotten that whole “heart swelling” thing from the songs before but his heart, undeniably, felt about three sizes bigger right now, pressing almost uncomfortably into his rib cage, crowding in his lungs. 

Then Alex frowned and mumbled something. Willie thought he could make out Luke’s name and maybe he should have been concerned about that but Alex sounded adorably annoyed so Willie only chuckled. Apparently, his bandmates never stopped worrying Alex, even in his dreams. 

Did Alex ever dream about him? Willie hoped so. And he very much hoped Alex didn’t sound annoyed when he mumbled Willie’s name in his sleep.

Willie was torn between wanting to watch Alex sleep for as long as possible and the urge to poke him. He was missing Alex’s eyes and his smile and that voice Alex only ever seemed to use for him, soft and raw and open.

Willie could have screamed with how that particular voice made him feel.

He really wanted to know what it would sound like first thing in the morning.

Usually not one to stay in bed for ages after waking up, Willie was actually surprised how long it had taken for his restless energy to make itself known with twitching legs and itching fingers.

He shifted, pulling himself higher until he could nudge his face into Alex’s cheek, a giggle bubbling up in his throat as Alex grumpily protested in his sleep, turning his head away. Willie had to suppress the urge to bite him.

Instead, his restless, itching fingers found release in tickling Alex’s side until Alex squirmed and groaned and finally woke up, a slurred “What” on his lips, which quickly transformed into an O, eyes widening, as he became aware of his surroundings and, more importantly, the impatient boyfriend in his bed.

“There you are, hotdog.”

Willie smiled broadly and Alex’s eyes widened even further.

“Okay. I mean ‘hi’, I … you’re here. Of course you’re here! I mean— … Hi?” Alex rambled, voice hoarse from sleep, seeming slightly panicked to find Willie next to him first thing on waking up.

Willie chuckled. Yes, he liked that early morning voice very much. “Hi.”

Alex shifted, turning towards Willie but at the same time bringing more distance between them, which did not please Willie. Feeling generous, however, he allowed Alex a moment to wake up properly and to digest his boyfriend’s presence in his bed. It was the first time after all that this had happened.

“You … uh …,” Alex started to say but then broke off, frowning a little.

“Yeah, I stayed. I hope that’s okay?” Willie tugged an errant strand of hair behind his ear and frowned, too. “I mean … you could totally have woken me up when I fell asleep yesterday but since you didn’t …?” He let the ending of the sentence dangle, looking hopefully over at Alex.

“Yeah! Yeah, of course!” Alex cleared his throat and then sighed, rubbing his hand over his face. “Sorry, I … I think I’m still a bit asleep,” he added with a sheepish grin and shook the hair out of his face.

Willie hummed. “I’d say I’m sorry I woke you but … I missed that smile.” 

He poked the smile in question with a finger and Alex grunted as he tried to escape it but the smile, though twitching, never disappeared fully.

“You’re a menace, you know that?”

Willie tilted his head and grinned. “Menace and proud.”

Alex rolled his eyes but the smile was still securely in place. He shoved Willie’s shoulder lightly but immediately after, a light frown settling back on his face.

“Are you feeling better?”

Willie had almost forgotten why he found himself in Alex’s bed this morning. He cleared his throat.

“Yeah. Yeah, thank you. Actually, I don’t think I’ve slept this well in years?” He wagged his eyebrows at Alex and Alex rewarded him with a smile but the concern was clearly still there.

“You wanna talk about yesterday?”

Willie huffed out a breath and rolled onto his back, staring at the ceiling. There was the outline of a glow in the dark star almost directly above him.

“It’s … complicated,” he eventually said.

“I thought maybe it was because of your parents?”

Willie shook his head before turning it towards Alex again. “Not really. I mean, I’m never … Like, that particular date is never an easy one but it wasn’t that.”

Alex raised his eyebrows a little but waited patiently for Willie to continue. His fingers ran down Willie’s bare forearm all the way down to his hand, playing with Willie’s fingers.

“I’ve never liked hugs,” Willie finally blurted out after staring at their entangled hands for a little too long and feeling some kind of way about them.

Not surprisingly, Alex looked very surprised at that.

“I just … I always feel caged in and confined and I don’t know, it just … I just don’t like them. But then you hugged me—” Willie retrieved his hand and poked an accusing finger into Alex’s shoulder, making Alex flinch a little, “—and it was just …” Willie sought for the right word, “ magical !” His voice was no less accusing than his finger.

“Oh.”

“Yes ‘oh’,” Willie huffed. “You turned my whole world upside down, you know that? So who’s the menace now?”

“Uhm …” Alex blinked at Willie, lost for words.

“It just … it was a lot to process, okay?” Willie’s gaze slipped away from Alex’s face and he played with the hem of the blanket. “Because nothing made sense anymore and then I asked my uncle for a hug and it was just as always. I mean, he’s one of the people I let hug me the most, especially after my parent’s death, but it never … it never felt like this and so obviously I had to make certain it wasn’t just a fluke but … it’s not.” Willie looked back at Alex. “It’s you.”

Alex looked pensive.

“I’m … glad? No, wait, that came out wrong, I just,” he brushed his hair out of his face, “... so you like it now?”

Willie snorted. “Only if you hug me apparently. Which, I have to say, gives you an unfair advantage in this relationship.”

“Okay.” Colour creeped into Alex’s cheeks and he looked down, hiding behind golden hair. “You do have a lot of unfair advantages, too,” he mumbled.

This was a statement Willie could not just let pass by. He threw himself at Alex, whose eyes widened almost comically, and grinned down at him, propping himself up above his boyfriend. 

“Is that so?” 

He wagged his eyebrows exaggeratedly and then shook his head so his hair tickled Alex’s face.

“Okay,” Alex squeaked, trying to get away from the attack but unable to move much because he was still being pinned down by Willie, hands flailing ineffectually against Willie’s sides.

“So … what would you say my advantages are?” Willie prodded, nodding encouragingly at Alex and blowing strands of hair out of his eyes.

“I …,” Alex cleared his throat, “I’m not telling you that,” he declared, his voice firm after the initial cracking but Alex’s fingers twitched at Willie’s sides.

Willie loved it when Alex tried to pretend that he was all stoic and in control when he was so clearly flustered by Willie. He was so bad at it Willie could never resist an opportunity to try and tease Alex. Luckily, Alex hadn’t tired of Willie’s antics yet even when he pretended otherwise. His eventual soft smile always gave him away.

Right now though, Alex was still doing his best to avoid eye contact but since his gaze kept sliding back to Willie’s again and again, he wasn’t very successful and it only took very little time until his gaze was caught by Willie’s completely.

Willie grinned triumphantly and shook his hair back but he soon realised that maybe this whole thing had been a mistake after all because hovering over Alex with all his sleep-tousled glory and looking up at him with those ocean eyes of his proved to be very, very tempting.

The rush of blood in Willie’s ears was suddenly very loud and he could have counted every single one of Alex’s eyelashes.

He felt like falling even though he held himself completely still.

“I’d really like to kiss you.”

The words were whispered into the silence before his brain had fully caught up to his lips even moving.

Willie was acutely aware of the way Alex’s pupils widened, the way his blush deepened, the bobbing of his throat as Alex swallowed.

“Okay.”

It was more croak than word but Willie heard it even through the thunder of his own heartbeat.

Okay.

Well, here went nothing.

Willie swallowed and took a deep breath and briefly panicked at the prospect of all the possibilities of good and bad and mediocre kisses about to collapse into reality but then he lowered his face, closed his eyes and—

“No, wait …”

His mouth was suddenly covered by Alex’s hand and he snapped his eyes open.

Alex winced and Willie’s thoughts were racing, calculating where he’d gone wrong, if maybe he’d misunderstood, if he’d just jeopardised everything but then Alex bit his lips and mumbled: “Sorry, just, uh …,” he motioned for Willie to roll off him and when he did, clambered awkwardly over him and out of bed. “Just a second.”

Willie half expected him to run out of the room but instead Alex started rummaging for something and now Willie was more confused than terrified he’d made a mistake. He sat up in the bed, watching Alex check out various places in his bedroom.

After less than half a minute, Alex triumphantly pulled a pack of breath mints out of his newly located fanny pack.

Willie dared to breathe again.

He crossed his legs underneath himself and chuckled. “Is that your very subtle way of telling me my breath stinks, hotdog?”

“Uh …” Alex froze and let his hand with the breath mints fall to his side. “I just think neither of us probably has the freshest breath right now …” He raised his eyebrows at Willie.

“Yeah, that’s probably fair,” Willie conceded and nodded.

With a sigh of relief, Alex came back to the bed and sat down next to Willie, offering him a mint before popping one into his own mouth.

They stared at each other as they tried to dissolve their mints as fast as possible, the air charged, the eye contact awkward but Willie couldn’t have looked away even if he’d wanted to. 

Alex swallowed and Willie followed suit, the minty freshness almost stealing his breath away. Or maybe it was just the prospect of finally getting to make all those daydreams come real.

“Ready?” His voice was barely above a whisper as if anything louder could break the spell.

“Yeah,” Alex answered, equally quiet, and swallowed again.

There was a moment of hesitant, uncoordinated hands as they moved closer together and their lips, when they met, did not quite meet where they were supposed to and needed some adjusting, but despite the awkwardness and self-consciousness and being suddenly hyper aware of everything, the kiss felt right in ways Willie couldn’t even describe.

One of his hands ended up cradling Alex’s face, the other one on his shoulder, pulling him closer, while Alex’s hands sent sparks through Willie’s nerve endings, one lying warm and heavy on his thigh, the other buried in Willie’s hair.

They broke apart and breathed in minty air and laughed quietly and then suddenly they got the angle of their heads exactly right and it was … well, it was perfect.

It was still a little awkward and they were both blushing heavily as they finally leaned back again for good but Willie felt like he was glowing with happiness and Alex looked no less radiant.

“I kinda liked that,” Alex confessed, looking at Willie out of the corner of his eyes.

Willie laughed and bonked his head against Alex’s. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

There seemed to be some local gravity malfunction in Alex’s bedroom because Willie felt both heavy and light at the same time, not sure whether he’d float away or melt into the bed.

“I kinda liked it, too,” Willie whispered. “In fact, I’d very much like to kiss you again.”

“Okay.”

“And then I think I need another hug.”

Alex laughed and gently brushed a strand of hair out of Willie’s face, coursing sparks to run down his spine.

“I think that can be arranged.”

This time, they found the right angle on their first try. And Willie, who had too much experience with big life-altering events, discovered that, sometimes, the life-changing event can be as little as two strong arms holding him close and warm lips kissing the minty breath right out of him.

He wasn’t sure how long they kissed for but he felt warm and tingly and the mint on their breath had nearly dissipated when they came apart again and rested their foreheads together.

Alex played with a strand of Willie’s hair and Willie smiled contentedly.

After a while, he cleared his throat and pulled back. “So … how long have you been carrying around those breath mints, huh?” He flicked his eyebrows at Alex, who blushed adorably and ducked his head, fingers letting go of Willie’s hair.

“A while”, he eventually replied.

“A while, huh?”

Alex looked back at him out of the corner of his eye and shrugged. “It never hurts to be prepared.”

Willie chuckled. “How very boyscout of you.”

Alex shrugged again and looked down at where the fingers of his right hand were now plucking at his sweats.

“Okay, so maybe I’d been dreaming about kissing you for a while.”

Humming in agreement, Willie darted forwards and pecked Alex on the cheek, who looked up in surprise. “Same. What stopped you?”

Alex rolled his eyes and poked at Willie’s shoulder. “Maybe I just didn’t want to spook you?”

A laugh burst out of Willie, which he immediately tried to stifle with his hand, afraid Alex’s parents might hear it but even though Alex’s eyes had widened in worry as well, everything remained silent in the house.

“Sorry,” Willie whispered, hand lowered once more. “I had just been under the impression that it was my job not to spook you by being too forward.” He wagged his eyebrows at his boyfriend. 

Alex looked remarkably unimpressed.

“Okay, well, I’m glad we’ve cleared that up.”

“Yeah, me too.” Willie nodded vigorously even though he still had some difficulties wrapping his mind about Alex worrying about spooking him!

He reached for Alex’s hand and interlaced their fingers. “So … I think I was promised another hug after the kissing?”

That teasing smile Willie loved so much settled on Alex’s features. “You’re gonna be very annoying about those, huh?”

“Well, they’re magical!” Willie huffed. “Like some magical drug or something!”

Alex shook his head and chuckled. “Okay. Well, good thing I really like to hug you.”

“Very good thing,” Willie agreed and pulled Alex with him as he settled back into bed, scooting a little towards the wall to make space for Alex next to him.

Not that they needed much space as Alex stretched out next to him and then immediately pulled him back into his arms.

Willie pressed a kiss to the underside of Alex’s jaw and then wriggled until he found the perfect, cosy position before he stilled and sighed.

Yes, he thought, eyes slipping closed, this is definitely magic.