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It's rare that Zayne gets the evening off, much less the whole day, but he never fails to spend every single minute of his free time with you, despite your encouragement for him to take some much needed 'me-time.'
'I can not relax, knowing that I could be with you instead', is what he says every time you try to insist. It warms your heart, though does not make the guilt of taking up his precious time disappear fully.
So, you have made it your mission to always plan a date that would be relaxing for your dearest doctor. Be that a nice picnic in the sun, a private dinner at his favourite restaurant, or a simple home-date, that last one being your personal favourite for a number of reasons.
Zayne, ever the smart man, knows exactly what you're doing, and subtly tries to throw a wrench into your plans, albeit very gently, so it's really more of a soft nudge than a throw.
Sometimes, he places a hand on your back and, instead of leading you to your, very meticulously chosen, date spot, steers you to the arcade, knowing how much you enjoy playing silly games with him, or seeing him win you yet another plushie at the claw machine. And always, he will use his evol to get you one, if it seems like you'll be going home empty-handed, just to see that radiant smile bloom on your face. Even though he will deny it, he adores the way you cheekily call him out on his cheating too, though he will certainly brush it off each time, saying something along the lines of: 'it will not happen again'. You both know it will.
When he's feeling a bit more bold or energetic, he will make the first move and make a reservation or buy concert tickets for you both, much to your dismay. Not because you don't like the gifts, of course you do, but because Zayne, who works almost non-stop, certainly does not like crowded places, and very much likes staying home and reading a good book while laying in your arms. You chastise him each time, yet it never changes a thing.
And naturally, despite your worries, you love him for his care. He pays close attention to your ramblings of new bands and movies you enjoy, intending to use that information at a later time. He knows your likes and dislikes by heart and always remembers when something new is added to either list. It's one of the most obvious ways for you to know how much you mean to him, and one of the easiest ways for him to show it. Instead of flowery words and bold proclamations of love, he prefers to let his action speak.
As you've come to realize, his actions never seem to shut up about his love for you.
Which is how you find yourself in this position, again and again, cuddled up on the bed with Zayne, his head on your chest, ear right above your heart, one arm wrapped under you to keep you close, his free hand holding yours, letting them lay intertwined next to his head. He never complains about the tingling numbness in his arm, happy to let you lay on it and hold you despite the small needles prickling under his flesh. You, of course, return the favor, using your free hand to play with his hair, scratching his head with your nails, just the way you know makes him melt. It's the type of domestic bliss you never knew you needed.
What makes your heart swell with love even further is the fact that Zayne can never seem to just be content holding your hand. No, it's never enough. No matter where or how he's holding your hand, whether it's at a dinner date, the arcade, in the comfort of your home, or even when he's working in his office, he can never keep his fingers still.
With how frequently it happens, it's no wonder you took quick notice of it. Zayne is not a man who favors public displays of affection, yet hand-holding, or the occasional hand on your lower back, driven by protectiveness, seem to be the exception.
No matter how he's holding on to you, his hands never stay still.
He's always caressing your skin, be it soft circles of his thumb or the rhythmic tapping of his fingers, or, if you're lucky, even the faintest brush of his lips against the back of your hand, he is always doing at least something. It's the smallest actions that many others would disregard, yet mean the world to you. Zayne's love doesn't manifest in big ways, but they're just as meaningful, loud, and loving as any other show of affection. You need only pay attention to it. Even if others will never understand, calling him a cold man, questioning how he found himself a partner in the first place, you know the extent of his adoration for you, and that is enough. Although Zayne would certainly argue that you don't even know half of it.
It's one of your favourite little details about Zayne's behaviour, and it never fails to make you feel comfort beyond what words could ever do.
Even now, as you're both blissfully laying in each other's embrace, Zayne is playing with your hand. He holds it like the most precious of jewels, a piece of glass that could crack under the smallest of pressure. He knows you're tough, one of the strongest people he has ever known, but that doesn't change the fact that, to him, you're the thing that is worth utmost care and protection.
He doesn't need to say it out loud for you to know, it's obvious in everything he does. It's the underlying message in every scolding sentence about your recklessness, hidden beneath each teasing comment and reminder of your appointments with him, and it's certainly clear in the way he practically worships your body, mind and soul whenever he makes love to you.
But that is a thought for another day.
Right now, what Zayne needs most is to feel your presence, your warmth, your touch. He needs you to breathe, as much as he hates to admit it. Whenever you're gone for a mission, or he is especially busy, he feels his spirit turn cold and icy, missing your bright smile and warming touches, so much so that sometimes, it makes his evol act out. This is a part of his punishment too, letting him feel the true meaning of loneliness over and over.
Yet, the moment you step into his office, greeting him with excitement and adoration in your tone, none of it matters anymore and all his troubles melt away, the unforgiving winter giving way to the blissful rays of the sun. You're the only one able to make him feel like winter isn't this ruthless monster, only able to bite and freeze whatever it comes into contact with. You've shown him that the cold gives way to comfort, that the falling snow isn't always a blizzard, instead a gentle caress against ones being. Each little snowflake is unique, and Zayne thinks he could never repay you for making him feel like the gentle snowfall; soft, beautiful, and, most importantly, loved. You look forward to seeing each little snowflake and embrace its flaws, seeing them as nothing less than perfect and whole in their own special way.
To Zayne, this is the definition of love and grace, the most important lesson you've ever taught him, the one thing he will never be able to truly forget.
He could never hope to give back how much you've given him, or so he believes, which is why he tries his best to show you his love in every way he can.
The slow swipe of his thumb over your knuckles, tracing their shape, committing them to his memory. The gentle hold of your hand while he lifts his fingers, letting each come down to tap against you, one after the other, using your heartbeat as a metronome for his affection. An occasional soft squeeze or two when his thoughts become overwhelmingly soft and filled to the brim with the eternal beauty that is you. The graze of his lips against your palm, as if kissing away the small scars left by your weapons, and every single worry with it.
It is a sign of unchanging loyalty, the devotion of his life to save your own. So long as he can feel the beating of your heart under his head and the steady pulse under your wrist, he knows everything will be alright. As long as you're alive, breathing and safe, that's all he could ever wish for. The fact that you grace him with your own love and affection in return is simply a bonus. One that he will certainly never ever take for granted.
He knows you could have anyone you wanted. You're strong, beyond gorgeous, bright and shining like a star in the sky, with an unshakable confidence in your beliefs of right and wrong, and the kindness of an angel to top it all off. You're the definition of divine, and the fact that you settled for Zayne, and decided that he is the one you wish to stay with, is enough to reduce this poor man's heart to mush. He will never understand why you chose him among all of your admirers.
If you ever knew of these thoughts, you'd surely scold him for thinking so lowly of himself. You don't even know the truth of how much he has sacrificed for you, how much he has suffered, and continues to suffer, and yet, with your innocent ignorance, you'd still nag at him for thinking these things. You see him as someone worthy of love and don't shy away from expressing that in every way possible. Despite it all, Zayne will never see himself in the way you see him. He knows you'll never truly realize how you've saved him from the lonely, burning chains of ice he used to be shackled by, and that's okay. It's better if you don't know, as you'd surely feel guilty over the pain you had no way of knowing about. That's how far your kindness reaches, and Zayne wants to keep you safe from the pain that will surely invade your heart, should you ever find out the truth.
Right now, being with you like this in the present moment, is enough for him. Being blessed with your love made everything worth it, and he would do it all over and over again if it meant he would get to hold you like this just one more time.
Sometimes, he wants to tell you about it. He wants to hold you tight and cry in your embrace, to finally let the wounded and scarred parts of his heart heal. But he can't let himself speak of it, not because you wouldn't believe him, no, quite the opposite, he knows you would. You put so much faith in him and his words. He would never use that trust to bring you pain, even if it were accompanied by the truth. Should you ever find out, he hopes you'll never lose that sparkle in your eyes. Should it ever stop glimmering and turn dull, a piece of his heart might just die within him.
So, he will keep you safe and hold you close, trying his best to show his affections in the only way he can without hurting you.
Another soft caress against your skin, the tilt of his head to place a kiss against your jaw, a small shuffle to press himself as close as possible. This is all he needs and more than he deserves.
Zayne's hands have always been cold, stained red with the blood of those who have passed by his actions, and it almost feels sinful to touch your hands with his filthy ones.
Yet the feeling of soft pressure, the squeezing of your hand against his, is enough to make these thoughts melt away instantly. Even if you knew the things he had done, he knows you'd still accept him wholeheartedly. Perhaps, if you're willing to keep holding onto him like this, he might be able to find comfort in the cold buzzing under his skin, just like you do. Maybe, one day in the distant future, he will accept the red phantom stains and freezing chamber of secrets within his soul.
But for now, with you tucked away in his arms, alive and safe, this is enough.