Chapter Text
"He was a doctor too."
"In his mind, this past no longer exists."
There is the hum of the helicopter, deafening, comforting. There is the quiet whimpering of DD, lying down at his feet, and there is those voices in his ear, through the earpiece. No David Bowie nor A-Ha nor Kim Wild this time. No catchy songs. Only the confident tone of Ocelot and the calm, strong tone of Big Boss. Of Ishmael. Snake. John. The real one.
Slightly crouched, elbows on his knees, Venom tightens his grip on his iDroid, his face unreadable.
"Your past is his past now. He's going to be your phantom."
He doesn't want to hear this. He doesn't want to know the content of that tape. Of all the tapes. His fingers stand still, out of the off-button's reach. It's already too late to stop; to pretend any of this ever happened.
"He'll be your face on the world stage. Until the time comes for your resurgence. He's experienced all your missions on record, and shares all your knowledge and experience. To make him believe that he is the one true Big Boss." Ocelot pursued on the recording. "So is he the real Big Boss, or a stand-in? What does that mean to him?"
"Nothing." Venom mouthed the word as the Russian says it, answering his own question.
"He was always the best man we had."
Ishmael... No. Big Boss' voice is an odd mix of resignation and fondness. The same fondness as when he called Ahab his friend on the previous tape. The one that started it all. Weirdly enough, hearing it is soothing. It's firm and reassuring. It's real. And he needs reality so bad lately. Because of all those crazy revelations. Because he might lose his mind. Because his hallucinations are so clear it scares him. Because he still can't forget the sight of Paz tearing away her own guts before waking up in front of a room that never existed.
Because he starts to realize that his very existence only belongs to Big Boss from now on.
"Nine years ago, in that helicopter, he threw himself between you and the blast. In that moment, the man you knew died. He died protecting you. And now, by becoming you, he protects you again."
Venom lets a resigned sigh escape his lips. He straightens on his seat and lets his back and head rest against the wall, the helicopter tremors sending vibrations through his skull. Still listening to the tape, his only good eye wanders on the photos he hung on the walls of the vehicle over time. The animals he saw on the field. His Diamond Dogs comrades, smiling at the camera. Eli and the Mbele kids. The old Code Talker. DD. Quiet. Ocelot. Kaz.
He doesn't want to think about Kaz right now.
He feels slightly betrayed by Ocelot. Ocelot knew the truth and he set everything up. Hell, Ocelot might have even conducted some of the hypnosis sessions back then at the Cyprus hospital. His unwavering loyalty is for John, and John only. This is exactly why Venom knows that nothing will change between them. Ocelot’s self-hypnosis wore off way before his, but he was still there dedicated to the task. Even though Venom has this unnerving impression that his friendship with the Russian was fake since the beginning, like a poor setup, at least he understands his motive. No…there is nothing to worry about because Ocelot will stay. Ocelot will still smile at him, and call him "Boss," while handing him cigars. Because it's what the real Boss wants him to do.
But Kaz...
It's only a matter of hours before Ocelot tells him everything as well, that is, if it isn't done already. Kaz knew nothing at all. He was convinced that Venom was his precious brother-in-arms. The one who stop him before blewing both of them up with a grenade on the battlefield in Colombia. With whom he created the Militaires Sans Frontières. Fought side-to-side in Costa Rica. The one with whom he had so many dreams to accomplish.
Things will definitely change with Kaz, and he isn't ready for that.
"Boss, everything's alright?"
Pequod voice is filled with concern, as well as his expression while glancing at Venom before focusing ahead again.
"...I'm fine."
The short pause before his answer mustn't have been very convincing because the pilot, far more observant and intuitive than most people, glanced at him again, slightly longer than the previous time.
However he let it slide and silence falls in the cabin. The iDroid only displays white noise in Venom's ear now. His mind starts drifting away again, thinking too much.
This is the time DD chooses to stand up in front of him, gently barking once to draw his owner's attention. The dog then lays his head on Venom's lap, tail wiggling until he gets the patting he wanted. Indulging him, the soldier feels himself smiling slightly. This dog didn't care if he was Ahab, Ishmael, or anyone else. In his eyes only, he was his master, his human, no more, no less. No expectation, no judgment. Only endless trust, and perhaps some enthusiastic licks on his face when he has been away for too long. Not even an ounce of grudge, just the happiness to have him back.
"You know Boss," Pequod speaks again, "For what it's worth, whoever you are, I'm proud to serve under your orders. I wouldn't want any other boss than you. And I'm sure this big guy here feels the same." He pauses to point at DD gesturing with his head while smiling. "You are the one who said the Diamond Dogs were a family. A lot of the guys at MB are grateful to you for that."
Venom wants to answer, but he has the intuition that Pequod has more to say. He keeps quiet, still patting the dog before him. The walkman and the iDroid were discarded on the side seat somewhere along Pequod's speech.
"Training regimens, languages, countries, skin colors... They're all different, and yet you accept them all. Some of them have no relatives, and enlisted in the army because of that. That's pretty common actually. After all, when you're alone, you have nothing to lose. But you give them all something they can call a family."
The helicopter made a shift toward east and Venom saw the desert by the window. They'll be at the objective shortly.
"The point is, Boss, whatever happens, you have all the Diamond Dogs with you. They gave their loyalty to you, and to nobody else."
The words sank into Venom. His men. He didn't have his identity anymore, but he wasn't alone.
As if confirming his silent thought, DD let out a bark, nudging his wet nose against the prosthetic arm. His lips tugged upward.
"I think this is the first time I hear you talk so much."
"At least it makes one of us Boss."
There's quiet laughs from both of them, and Venom grabs his weapons (the sniper riffle and his faithful tranquillizer gun before everything else), checking them one last time and retrieving the iDroid. The LZ is near and his heart is just a little less heavy in his chest. As he slides open the heavy door, he turns toward Pequod one last time before jumping outside.
"Thanks."
"You're welcome Boss. Oh and—"
The soldier heavily landed on the ground, making a grunt of acknowledgment. When the amused tone of Pequod speaks again, he hears it inside his tactical earpiece.
"Be careful down there."
"As always."
It's only when he and DD are alone in the silence and the heat of the afghan desert that Venom realizes his iDroid's muteness, lacking the useless but usual umpteenth mission debrief by Kaz.
He doesn't know if he's relieved or worried.