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It was the second Tuesday of the month, movie night. Or at least, it was supposed to be. As it so happened, there was a retro-themed rave that night that Younghyun had stumbled across. He eagerly showed them the post and everyone else found that to be more interesting than the movie Wonpil had picked out. They took turns picking the movie, last movie night Younghyun got to pick and the next one was Dowoon's turn to pick. Wonpil had spent a lot of time figuring out which movie they would all collectively enjoy, but it apparently wasn't good enough to keep the rest of the band from going out.
Well, most of them.
Sungjin was the only one who stayed behind.
He claimed that he was too old to go to such events. Wonpil had bit his tongue, stopping himself from rattling off that he wasn’t old and maybe they should both go as well. But the thought of drinking and being pressed up against everyone while music blared and lights flashed made his stomach curdle.
Maybe Sungjin did have a point of sorts. They were already in their thirties and nothing much had changed from when they were younger except for their ages and the growing awareness of their creeping solitude as their friends started settling down and all they did was watch movies instead of going out.
They were at the stage in their lives where they spent more and more time with one another as more of their friends got married and started raising children, leaving no more room for them than their packed schedules had once allowed.
Their days had fallen into the steady lull of a clock: they woke up alone, they ate together, they worked together, they ate again, they worked again, they clambered into the same car back home, they ate again, they got ready for bed, and finally, they went to sleep alone only to repeat the same process the next day.
These days, those moments when he was alone were the time of day Wonpil hated most.
All the days were starting to blend and it hit Wonpil that it was a Saturday night and not Tuesday. They did have Tuesday movie nights but since he had chosen the Saturday movie night twice in a row, he figured this time it was a Tuesday movie night.
Wonpil scratched the back of his head, maybe he should have gone out.
Now it was just him and Sungjin in on a Saturday night.
At least with Sungjin by his side, the gnawing loneliness would leave him alone for a few hours, at least until he crawled into his bed meant for two that he curled into a ball on the edge.
Wonpil sighed as he slouched against the couch, painfully aware of the lack of warmth the other members provided when they all squished into a couch, feigning that this couch was the best view but really it was them finding an excuse to chase away the cold, desolate spot next to them, at least for a little bit.
Sungjin sat on the other side of the couch and Wonpil didn’t have the other members to pretend that they shoved him by his side or have one of them squished by his side to ease the frigid, empty embrace of the air.
Wonpil crossed his arms as he tried to lose himself in his own warmth and the movie. However, he seemed to have calculated more for the other member’s enjoyment rather than his own as he found his eyes wandering after just a few moments into the movie. He stole a glance at Sungjin, hoping that he liked it better than he did.
Although, it seemed Sungjin didn't seem to care for the movie either as he pulled out his phone and started tapping away.
So much for movie night.
The couch creaked slightly as Wonpil slumped against it, ripping open a bag of sour gummy worms he had sullenly brought out of the pantry. All the other snacks stayed on the shelves since it would've been overkill for just the two of them.
As he thought about the chocolate pretzels locked away from him, he bit his gummy in half, chewing away as the artificial orange flavor danced along his tongue. He worked at breaking down the gummy enough to swallow when he stole another glance at Sungjin who was still engrossed in his phone.
Usually, he perked up at the sound of a snack being opened, but given the lack of snack Sungjin had, Wonpil figured he wasn't in a snacking mood.
Wonpil had opened the pantry wide for Sungjin, telling him to grab as many snacks as he wanted for the movie only to receive Sungjin telling him to only get one and move on. Wonpil had thought that Sungjin got something, given how long it took him to join him on the couch, but he was empty-handed when he sat down.
A soft sigh escaped Wonpil as he kept watching the movie. Things had started to pick up a bit and Wonpil was starting to get invested. At least he could enjoy the failed movie night a bit.
Suddenly, Sungjin spoke.
“Hey, Wonpil?”
Wonpil hummed in response, not glancing at Sungjin.
“Will you marry me?”
Wonpil’s chewing came to an abrupt stop as he nearly snapped his neck turning to look at Sungjin who was still looking down at his phone. Wonpil’s eyebrows scrunched together as he tried to figure out if he had actually heard what he thought he did. He couldn’t figure out anything that sounded remotely similar. He gulped down the semi-chewed gummy, the other half, resting between his stiff fingers.
“Will I…marry you?” Wonpil hesitantly repeated back.
“Yeah.” Sungjin didn’t bother looking up, still engrossed with whatever was on his phone. “Do you want more time to think about it?”
The gummy worms in Wonpil’s stomach suddenly felt like they had come to life as his stomach started twisting and turning. He quickly paused the movie, the noise only adding to his growing confusion. He couldn’t think.
He glanced at the gummy worms, checking that they weren’t laced with anything – he had once ingested a whole tray of infused gummy bears that had him hugging the toilet and getting nursed back to health by the others for a good day or two. However, it seemed that they just had a sour coating, nothing malicious.
He took a deep breath before fully turning to look at Sungjin.
Sungjin who had just asked him to marry him.
So many questions whirled in his mind, yet he could only manage one out.
“Why?”
The question slipped out as though Sungjin’s question had been but a natural question and not one that had Wonpil wondering if he bashed his head into the pantry door and was currently experiencing a concussion dream.
“Why not?” Sungjin countered in the same monotone voice he had been using all night. “If you're not into men, then cool. If you're not into me then fine. You don’t have to say yes.”
Wonpil blinked. If it were anyone else, he'd think it was some odd type of joke or that he was getting pranked for their company to exploit but this was too much even for their company prank videos. Plus, it was Sungjin. He would never have agreed to do anything of the sort, no one could pay him enough to put any of his members through this. And his humor wasn’t anything like this, maybe if it was one of the other members Wonpil could laugh it off but with Sungjin, it was different.
It was serious.
Park Sungjin, his leader, was asking to marry him.
And he wanted to know what Wonpil thought about the idea.
“Well,” Wonpil shifted on the couch, crossing his legs as he subconsciously made himself smaller, “We haven't and aren't dating.”
“I know.”
“So why ask?”
“Wonpil,” Sungjin finally looked up, turning to meet Wonpil’s confused gaze. Wonpil squirmed under the calm, collected gaze, not having expected Sungjin to look at him. Suddenly, it all felt too real. “We're in our thirties. I don't want to date around. I want to get married. I want to start a family. I want the comforting life I’ve always envisioned, not the isolating rut we’re in.”
Wonpil gulped.
“I know,” Wonpil recalled all the late-night and drunken conversations they’d all had, revealing the deep longing to settle down that all of them had. Sungjin had started to mention kids long before the rest of them but he remained single and eventually stopped drinking altogether. It had been a long time since the last time Wonpil had heard any of his desires voiced out, the last time being a late night drive they had to release some stress from working on a comeback and Sungjin had thought he had dozed off. “But,” Wonpil pointed to himself, “Why me?”
“Because.”
“Because?”
“Because you're Wonpil.”
The simplicity yet certainty that Sungjin said his name made Wonpil’s heart skip a beat.
“Do you…like me?”
The room went silent and Wonpil found his body getting warm with anticipation.
He wasn’t aware that Sungjin had such an effect on him. Since when had that happened? Would he really say yes to Sungjin? He was kind, and comforting, looked out for him, and did the little things for him that Wonpil could easily overlook. They had lived together for some time, and he had the thighs and hands that made Wonpil’s eyes linger a little too long. Objectively and hypothetically speaking, wouldn’t they work…?
The idea of waking up next to Sungjin morning after morning made his tummy warm.
Huh.
“I don't not like you.”
Wonpil frowned, the buzzing warmth that had started to spread through his body turned numb. He swiftly turned back ahead at the TV and lifted the remote.
“Then I won't marry you.”
“Why?”
“Because,” Wonpil took in a sharp breath, “I want to be in a loving marriage. Go ask one of the other guys if you're dead set on marrying someone you've known for years for comfort. I’m not your guy for that.”
“No.”
Wonpil sighed, lowering the remote.
“Why not?”
“Because if it's not you then I don't want to.”
Wonpil paused, the familiar warmth creeping back up his neck.
“So...you like me?”
“No.” Wonpil felt like punching Sungjin square in the face. He was sure that Sungjin could sense the growing murderous intent that Wonpil was sure he was radiating as he calculated how fast and how much force he could put into his fist within a second. “Can you hear me out, please?”
Wonpil narrowed his eyes.
“Fine.”
He begrudgingly allowed Sungjin to speak his final words before he showed him what he got for playing with his deepest, darkest longing.
“What I feel for you…It's different. I know we're often at ends and as we mature I would wind up scolding you more often than not, but, it was part of our dynamic charm; especially how you would just smile despite having been just scolded. You’ve always been so bright… these days and in the days now past, I always found myself laughing or smiling at your antics when it usually annoys me with someone else. Nowadays, I catch myself smiling when you smile and my eyes always get drawn back to your radiance. I like the way you make me feel.”
Wonpil’s heart drummed hard in his chest.
“I’m not fond of touching, never really have been, but these days, your touch is warmer than the sun. I find myself around you, sticking by your side like I’m the moon, drawn in by an invisible force, and know no better. I don’t know what changed, but the day is dreary until I see you. You’re the reason days are worth seeing through; you’re more scintillating and warmer than the sun could ever hope to be. When the sun sets, it’s you that I want by my side as the moon rises.” Sungjin paused. “Sorry for rambling it’s just...it's really hard to put into proper words what I feel for you. It goes behind the concept of like and I haven’t been able to make any sense of it. It’s, well…I’m not sure what it is but I know it’s unique to you.”
Wonpil could barely breathe as his gummy slid past his fingers, getting lost somewhere amongst the cushions; the sour powder residue left on the sides of his fingers rubbed against his skin as he intertwined his fingers, playing with them as he did his best to not spiral.
“Y-you're in love with me?” Wonpil barely managed to wheeze out.
He had received countless love confessions before but none of them had ever left him as breathless and flustered as Sungjin’s feelings confessions.
Sungjin fell silent as he looked up at the ceiling while Wonpil kept looking at him, desperate to hear his answer. Wonpil thought that he’d stay quiet for a while, but Sungjin spoke only after a second. He didn’t give the weight of Wonpil’s words time to marinate and leave them basking in suffocating awkwardness or embarrassment. Wonpil had never been so grateful for Sungjin more than at that moment.
“That certainly could be a possibility.”
Wonpil’s heart hammered.
“What makes me different?” He nervously licked his lips. “You've been in love before, why can't you call what you feel for me love too?”
“Because,” Sungjin looked back at Wonpil, “It's different than all those times before. I think…I think you're my soulmate.”
Suddenly the world felt like it was wobbling, moving in a drunken waltz as Wonpil fell back, the armrest of the couch digging into his back as he scrambled to find purchase on anything, to ground himself in the evermoving sensation of the world.
“S-soul…” Wonpil spluttered as his fingers dug into the cushion, desperately trying to ground himself.
“It’s too much of a coincidence for me; the way that you were the first person I met at JYP and you offered me a pen, the way we got shifted and mixed around like a confusing hot pot yet we wound up being in the same band despite all the possible options for both of us, the way we were randomly paired as roommates, the way that our personalities so happened to work perfectly together. Ever since we met, we seem to have never been too far from one another, you being best friends with Jinyoung and me with Jaebum, we always revolved around each other without knowing it. You’re the reason I believe in fate. You’re the person I write soul-felt lyrics for. You’re the one who those sappy love songs are about.”
“Sungjin,” Wonpil whispered, tears welling in his eyes as he clutched at his heart.
“I know this is very sudden and it’s a big commitment, but I’ve never been so sure in my life about anything. As long as you stay in my life, I’ll be okay with whatever you decide. And maybe you’re right, maybe it’s because of the comfort you provide that I feel this way. I don’t know, I’ve always had a hard time identifying these types of feelings, but, really, you’re different from all those before you. Whether that be platonic or romantic. I'm positive you're my soulmate and I want to spend our lives together; you’re the only person I can imagine asking this question to, so,” Sungjin reached into his hoodie pocket and pulled out a familiar cookie box, “Kim Wonpil, will you marry me?”
Wonpil’s eyes softened as he made eye contact with the source of countless scoldings from Sungjin. He smiled as tears rolled down his cheeks. He reached out and wrapped his fingers around the box of Couque D'asse.
“I will.” His fingers brushed against Sungjin’s as they gazed into each other’s eyes. “I will marry you, Park Sungjin.”
A small smile quirked the corners of Sungjin’s lips upwards.
“Cool.”
Wonpil giggled at his fiance’s response.
Sungjin turned back to look down at his phone. While he seemed to look unfazed, Wonpil could see the pink flush in his cheeks and the smile that he was biting down that only made Wonpil grin wider.
Wonpil felt like he was on cloud nine as he resumed his movie, leaving the candy and opening the cookies. He eagerly unwrapped a biscuit, taking a big bite out of it. The recipe had changed so it didn’t crumble like it used to but it tasted just as sweet.
Perhaps that was what happened to Sungjin’s feelings toward him.
Somehow the sweetness of their friendship had taken a different form, keeping all the fond feelings but the form changing completely? Had it been quick or so drawn out that Sungjin didn’t realize? Wait, Sungjin said they were soulmates but he offered up both versions. Sungjin was adamant that he didn’t like or love him either. Just what the hell did that mean? What did that mean for their marriage? Did Sungjin just expect them to continue like this but with a new title?
Wonpil’s mind grew louder and louder with every passing second. His chewing was slow, deliberate as he took nibbles of the biscuit, his eyes transfixed on the TV but his mind elsewhere. He consciously took his time, nipping and licking every crumble off his fingertips until he finished and had thought enough to finally speak.
He let out a little sigh as he set the box and trash down on the couch.
It was better to talk about it now before the dust had even settled.
“Hyung?”
“Hm?”
Wonpil turned to look at Sungjin as he paused the movie and this time Sungjin met his gaze.
“Are you really okay with me?” Wonpil looked down at his lap, his stomach twisting too much to keep looking at Sungjin. “When I say I want to be in a loving marriage, I mean, the whole shebang. I don’t mean continuing like we are right now, yes I love you, but marriage love is different. And that’s the one I want in this marriage. I want to be held and intertwine our hands and exchange soft kisses here and there. I want to be able to touch you like no one else can… I want so much from this, and I have an idea of your feelings for me but, are you really okay with this?” Wonpil gulped. “I want it all. I’m sorry.”
“What are you apologizing for?”
Wonpil refused to meet Sungjin’s gaze.
“Well, this ruins the comfort and stability that you wanted from this marriage. I’m not going to force you to do any of these things and I don’t want to open the marriage for me to receive these things. I know I already said yes but this isn’t fair to you.”
“Wonpil, look at me.” Wonpil squeezed his hands together as he begrudgingly looked up, his eyes meeting Sungjin’s. “I will do anything and everything you want in this marriage. I’ve always known I was a bit different from other people in these aspects, but I’m okay with everything you want. As long as you’re okay with this too.” Sungjin rubbed the back of his neck, looking away. “It takes me a long time to feel these types of things, if ever, and it’s taken me years to get like this with you and we didn’t even date. Really, this sudden feeling for you came out of nowhere; I’ve felt them for a while, trying to figure out what was happening and trying to see if they would stop but they’ve only gotten stronger. My past partners didn’t take to it well, not really understanding why I was this way and it’s usually the reason why we broke up because I couldn’t get to this level with them. Especially not as quickly as they wanted, but you don’t need to worry about that. Somewhere down the line, it all got sorted out for you like a perfectly wrapped present.”
“Hyung,” Wonpil sat up, his eyes fixated on Sungjin as he inched forward slightly in curiosity, “Are you demi-AroAce?”
Sungjin’s eyes nervously met his.
“It took me a while to figure it out, but I’m positive that I’m demiromantic. I’m not too sure about demisexual, so far I haven’t really had a partner last long enough for me to figure it out. I think I’m asexual, but perhaps I’m demi there too.” Sungjin licked his lips. “Do you, do you want me to explain asexuality?”
“No,” Wonpil played with his fingers. “I know what it is…have others not taken kindly to it?”
Sungjin was silent before solemnly nodding.
“I’m not broken. I work down there, but…”
“I know,” Wonpil smiled softly. “Don’t worry, hyung, just do what you’re comfortable with and I’ll love every moment of it.”
“To me,” Sungjin played with the ends of his hoodie, “To me, sex is a very intimate thing and it serves as a bonding ritual rather than a lust-centric act, don’t get me wrong it feels good and everything but it’s the emotional aspect that entices me, so you’re probably going to wind up being the catalyst for when you want it. And I’ll give you everything I have to offer in return. I’ll make sure that every inch of you is worshipped and gets filled with what I feel toward you so there’s never a doubt in your mind about my feelings for you.”
Wonpil’s heart raced.
“Hyung?”
“Yeah?”
“Can you…” Wonpil swallowed the nervous lump in his throat. “Can you kiss me? I know we’ve said all these things, but words are different than actions. If you’re not comfortable kissing me in general, then it seems that our marriage won’t work. Or at least, we’ll give it some more time, but for right now, this is what I need.”
“Okay.”
Sungjin got up and Wonpil nervously watched as he came to his end of the couch. The cushion dipped under Sungjin’s weight and Sungjin being so close made his heart beat like a crazy drum.
Sungjin, however, didn’t seem fazed in the slightest as he brought a hand up to Wonpil’s chin, gently tilting it up as he rested his thumb and forefinger against him.
His breath hitched as Sungjin closed his eyes, leaning in. Wonpil followed Sungjin’s lead, squeezing his eyes shut, barely breathing as he felt his skin burning where Sungjin touched him. He could feel the warmth of Sungjin’s lips near his own and felt the graze of Sungjin’s nose against his own.
Oh god.
However, as hot and heavy as Sungjin had come at him, he was gone within the same moment.
“I’m sorry, I can’t.”
The couch squeaked and Wonpil’s hammering heart fell heavy.
“It’s fine,” he murmured, despite the growing hot tears gathering in the corner of his eyes. “I-”
“Not like this.” Sungjin stood up and Wonpil hesitantly opened his eyes. Sungjin’s back was to him as he was already walking away. “Our first kiss, I don’t want it to happen like this. Come on, let’s go.”
Wonpil’s mind whirled, only spinning quicker at how swiftly he stood up. He only thought enough to grab the cookie box.
“Go where?” Wonpil scrambled after Sungjin, nearing him as he paused at the kitchen counter. “Hyung?”
Sungjin looked up at him, holding up a hand and a soft jingle coming from it. Wonpil stared at the set of keys that Sungjin showed off.
It was his car keys.
“Where are we going?” Wonpil asked, following Sungjin to the entrance of the apartment.
“Somewhere. Anywhere.” Sungjin looked at him, his eyes shining. “Wherever feels right. It might take us a few minutes or it might take us all night. I’ll find the perfect place for our first kiss. I want to be able to tell our kids that our first kiss was magical.”
Wonpil’s eyes welled up as he clasped his hands over his hammering heart.
“You want us to have kids?” He breathlessly asked.
Sungjin nibbled on his bottom lip, his eyes skirting along the flooring pattern.
“Well, yes? We’ve both talked about becoming fathers and adoption shouldn’t be too hard aside from the fact that we’ll be a same-sex couple.”
Wonpil smiled, his heart warming at the notion of not only waking up to someone - Sungjin - by his side but also having young ones in their home.
“Are we going to get a house?” Wonpil asked as they slipped on their shoes.
“Yeah. I’ve always dreamt of having a house with a gate and a family to fill it.”
Wonpil grinned, shyly walking closer to Sungjin as they left their dorm.
“Mm, that does sound a lot better than our dorm. Can we get a house with a garden? I’ve always wanted a house with a garden.”
“Of course.”
“Hyung?”
“Yeah?”
“Can we get a cat?”
“We can get two.”
“What about streaming services?”
“We can keep buying the same ones, just because we’re going to be living away from the dorm doesn’t mean we can’t keep using the other sites the guys pay for.”
“What about the kids? We’re going to have to put kiddie locks on the sites. Oh god, hyung, we’re bad with technology. How are we going to do that? What if the kids wind up watching Train to Busan!? I had nightmares after watching it! How am I supposed to comfort them?”
“Wonpil,” Sungjin turned to Wonpil, making Wonpil stop in his tracks. He held out his hand in a silent offering and Wonpil felt fuzzy all over as he took his hand, feeling Sungjin squeeze his hand before they kept walking to the elevator. “We’ll figure it out.”
“Okay…” Wonpil whispered, looking down, a blush blazing away on his cheeks as they stood outside the elevator, waiting for it to arrive.
It was amazing how quickly things changed between them. Just an hour ago he had been able to touch Sungjin easily, but now his heart stuttered.
“Any more concerns?”
Wonpil squeezed Sungjin’s hand.
“We need to learn how to cook for the kids. We need to get them on a proper diet.”
“We?”
Wonpil flushed.
“You tarnish one meal and all of a sudden-”
“One?”
Wonpil’s cheeks flamed hotter as he pouted, looking away. Sungjin laughed as Wonpil softly whined, dipping his head and nudging it against Sungjin’s shoulder.
“Fine,” Wonpil bit out. “I’ll go to cooking lessons alone since apparently, my future husband is too good for them. Or I could drag Dowoonie along.”
“I could stand to learn to cook more nutritious meals. Why don’t we take some cooking lessons together?”
“Oh? Are you jealous?” Wonpil teased.
Sungjin scoffed as the elevator doors slid open.
“Of course not. Bring Dowoon-ah and Kangbra too, they need to learn how to cook too. Especially for when we move out. Those brats are capable of living on instant noodles otherwise.”
Wonpil laughed, “Ah, that’s true.”
A soft silence hung over them, being broken by Wonpil’s gentle ‘thank you’ when Sungjin opened the door for him. As Sungjin walked to the other side of the car, Wonpil noticed how empty his hand was.
Not even ten minutes into being engaged and he was already becoming attached to Sungjin. Oh, that man was dangerous.
Sungjin turned on the car as Wonpil set up the perfect songs for their drive. Then, as Sungjin pulled out of the parking lot, their hands found their way together again and neither of them said a word about it.
“Hyung?” Wonpil finally spoke after passing several familiar buildings, just letting the music flow into his body.
“Yeah?”
“How are we going to tell everyone?” Wonpil asked softly, staring out the window at the passing world.
“Do you want to tell the others in the morning? Then we can talk to the company and see what they let us do from there.”
“Okay,” Wonpil murmured. “Are we going to get in trouble?”
Sungjin was silent for longer than Wonpil would have liked. He had always been Wonpil’s rock whether it be as the band leader or simply his hyung when he was having a hard time. The only time Wonpil had seen Sungjin unsure and in shambles was when he kept secrets from them, letting the pressure build up until he broke and had to take a hiatus. It had been a hard time, trying to stay positive when he came back to the shell of his comfort person, but Sungjin had allowed him in, letting Wonpil hold him and sharing what troubled him that day, even if it took hours before he was ready.
And Wonpil would do it all over again in a heartbeat.
“I wish I could tell you no.”
Wonpil’s chest constricted as he looked ahead at the forming roads from the car’s headlights.
“It’s okay. Just stay by my side and I can take it.”
“I wouldn’t dream of leaving you alone. If they try to talk to you alone, refuse, kick up a tantrum if you have to. It’s no longer just you and me but rather we, got it?”
Wonpil smiled as he gave Sungjin’s hand a soft squeeze.
“Got it.”
“Wonpil?”
“Yes?”
“I may not love often but when I do, I love hard.”
Wonpil snorted.
“God, you’re cheesy, hyung.”
“You have the rest of our lives to get used to it.”
Wonpil’s face grew hot once more as he stared down at his lap. The word 'our' echoed in his mind. He squeezed Sungjin’s hand and Sungjin squeezed back.
They didn't say anything after that, instead sinking into the comforting silence, as they held hands, and watched the world pass by.
Wonpil loved it.
It wasn't like the silence that used to consume them after work, dreading coming home to lay alone in bed. Now, he had Sungjin to come home to, and to be loved by, and hopefully children in their future.
"Hyung?"
"Hm?"
"Are we going to start sharing a bed, or are we going to wait?" Wonpil turned to look at his fiancee. "How is this going to work, considering we skipped the whole dating part?"
"Well, since we jumped straight to engagement, we're going to be honest with each other if we don't like something. Communication is going to be key, just like any other relationship. We already have a strong foundation from our years together, we just need to expand a bit, but it shouldn't be too hard. As for the bed," Sungjin glanced at Wonpil, "We could start sharing it tonight, but I need you to shower before bed."
Wonpil hummed, knowing how much Sungjin hated his bed getting dirty. He sighed but smiled as he slumped against the car seat.
"That shouldn't be too hard to get used to, except for after concerts."
"I'll try to be understanding as well, but don't get angry when I wash the sheets after. It's like a compulsion I get, I can't help it."
Wonpil reassuringly squeezed Sungjin’s hand.
"Don't worry, hyung, I've known you for years. I got this."
Sungjin grinned as he stroked the back of Wonpil’s hand. Chills ran through Wonpil as he focused on the passing world.
Everything felt right in the world all of a sudden, and Wonpil couldn’t help but wonder if he had secretly liked Sungjin. When he thought about it, if it were Younghyun or Dowoon who had asked, he would have said no outright, but Sungjin…He had entertained the idea before denying it and then accepting it. Sungjin was attractive and they got along great and his heart had allowed itself to start pounding for Sungjin as they discussed it. Maybe, somewhere down the line, these emotions had formed and stayed hidden in the deepest crevices in his heart to remain forgotten and covered by the “one” he had been waiting for his whole life.
He smiled to himself, leaning against the window and watching the city lights turn into stars.
Who knew the one for him was next to him for years?
The night stretched on and eventually, they found themselves engulfed in darkness and forestry. Sungjin spotted a worn-out trail and headed down it, the car jerking along until they entered a clearing in the forest filled with flowers.
“This is it,” Sungjin whispered.
Wonpil felt his blood dilute with adrenaline, his heart quickening its pace as he unclicked his seatbelt, the car coming to a stop. The gentle hum of the car fell silent as Sungjin opened the door, letting in the chirping of bugs and the rustle of shrubbery.
He felt like a young man experiencing love for the first time again, all because of Sungjin.
And for as many times are he’s helped write love lyrics, watched romance dramas, and daydreamed about it, none of it would ever prepare him for the surge of emotions that drowned his nerves when faced with kissing someone. Such a raw and delicate emotion took hold of him, and fear lined his arteries as he faced Sungjin, the cool night breeze moving the hair from his eyes.
Sungjin’s eyes were just as pretty as always.
“Don’t be nervous,” Sungjin said holding his hand out for him again.
Wonpil smiled wryly, “That’s a lot easier said than done. Hyung, I–”
Sungjin pulled him close, placing his other hand on the dip in his hips.
“Just dance with me. Don’t think, just do.”
Wonpil’s fingers trembled between Sungjin’s. His other hand fisted the fabric of Sungjin’s hoodie right below his elbow. His face burned as he and Sungjin turned in the field.
“There’s no music,” he murmured, the embarrassment flooding his cells.
“And?” Sungjin asked, his eyes fondly focused on Wonpil. “No one is here to judge us.”
“Yeah, but– hyung!” Wonpil gasped as Sungjin laughed, pulling him back to his chest from twirling him.
Wonpil lost his footing and slammed harder against Sungjin than he was supposed to, but that didn’t deter Sungjin from keeping their bodies swaying. Instead, he just laughed freely, holding Wonpil tight as he turned them once again.
Wonpil pouted, for a man who couldn’t dance Sungjin was oddly nimble on his feet, and how the hell was he outdancing him? He decided to give Sungjin a taste of his own medicine.
He grinned mischievously as he made sure his feet were firmly planted and he held eye contact with Sungjin before taking a step back and lifting his arm to spin Sungjin. There was a flash of confusion on his face before he regained his joyous expression and went along with Wonpil’s silent demand.
“Hah! Now you’re getting it!”
Wonpil found himself with a ridiculous smile on his face, pulling Sungjin back to him.
“I guess I am!” He said with a laugh.
He wasn’t sure how long they stayed there under the stars, twirling their anxiety away, and dancing to the music of their laughter.
But suddenly they were swaying, a thin layer of sweat and dew on their skin, their chests rising and falling quickly, and their eyes locked. And Sungjin looked so pretty with the moonlight draping over him from behind.
“Your eyes are so beautiful,” Wonpil murmured, raising a hand to caress Sungjin’s cheek.
He had barely touched him when all of a sudden Sungjin was leaning in and then their lips were finally touching.
Wonpil closed his eyes, pressing his lips back as his thumb brushed Sungjin’s cheek. Sungjin’s rough hand encased his, keeping it there as their lips moved as in tune as their bodies had been when they were dancing.
It was perfect.
The couple pulled away, catching their breaths as Sungjin looked at him like he had just found the meaning of life.
"Kissing…does it always feel that good? Usually, it's okay but that- that was, wow," Sungjin breathlessly whispered while still pressing Wonpil’s hand against his face.
Wonpil blushed as he shyly smiled.
"Mm. Do you want to kiss again?"
"Can I?"
“Of course, silly, we’re going to get married. Remember?”
Sungjin’s eyes lit up more – if even possible – and Wonpil giggled, barely getting a proper breath in before Sungjin was ravishing his lips. If his lips were water then Sungjin was a man who had been lost in the desert.
It seemed like he was sucking the oxygen right from his lungs as his mind felt woozy, and he took a step closer to Sungjin, wrapping his arms around his neck. Sungjin’s arms wrapped around his waist and held him as he kissed harder, dipping Wonpil closer to the Earth.
Sungjin only broke away for a moment, keeping close enough that their lips brushed with every syllable uttered.
“Do you want tongue?”
“Do you want to?”
“I want to try.”
“Okay.”
And then they were back at it like hormonal teens.
For a man with little to no sexual attraction, Sungjin sure did know how to use his tongue. He was hesitant at first, but Wonpil coaxed him further, trying to make it as pleasurable for Sungjin after he let out a disgruntled grunt. It wasn’t for everyone, and he didn’t want Sungjin to push himself too far out of his comfort zone since Wonpil could live without French kissing.
But Sungjin was full of surprises that night as they found a nice lull, languidly moving their tongues and occasionally sucking, making the other let out a certain noise.
Wonpil hummed, deciding that any more would make it harder to stop the blood from flowing down there and he knew it would be too much for his fiance. They needed to stick to their stepping stones and making out was already one heck of a leap.
He gently moved his hands to Sungjin’s chest and nudged him enough to signal he wanted to stop.
Sungjin was off of him in the same second and their heavy breath filled the sounds of the night.
He worriedly looked at him and Wonpil smiled, engulfing his chin and cheeks with his hands.
“You were amazing, hyung,” he praised, his heart fluttering as the worry left Sungjin’s handsome face.
“Thanks, but, I don't want to stop kissing you,” Sungjin breathlessly whispered. “I could kiss you for the rest of my life.”
Wonpil blushed but grinned as he guided Sungjin’s face closer.
“You have me for the rest of our lives, remember? Kiss me to your heart's desire.”
And Sungjin did. Kissing him until their lips were red and swollen, and Wonpil was pretty sure he had more of Sungjin’s saliva in his mouth than his own in the end.
Wonpil was pretty sure they only stopped there because the exhaustion of the day finally caught up to them.
“We should head back,” Sungjin murmured after they finally caught their breaths.
“Mm, we should,” Wonpil agreed, staring up at Sungjin and the twinkling stars.
At some point during their make-out session, their legs had gotten tired and they had descended to the ground, rolling around and kissing. Wonpil giggled, picking out a stray flower from Sungjin’s hair – they really had rolled around while kissing and laughing.
Now, Wonpil was lying down while Sungjin lay next to him but hovered enough of his upper body to lean and kiss Wonpil.
Sungjin gave Wonpil one last peck before he hauled himself up and outstretched his hand to help Wonpil up. They helped each other brush off the little bits of nature stuck to their clothing and held hands on their short walk back to the car.
On their way back to the apartment, Wonpil couldn’t help but smile like an idiot.
“Thank you, Sungjin-hyung.”
“Hm?” Sungjin glanced at him. “For what?”
“For everything.” Wonpil sighed, sinking into the car seat and holding a hand against his chest. “For a while, I felt so lonely and couldn’t help but be worried that this was it for me in life. Just an endless cycle of working and going home to an empty bed until the band was ripped from my hands, but then you went and asked me to marry you. My chest feels lighter, and now I get to move forward in life rather than repeat the same day over and over. Thank you for being able to trust me with your sexuality and then going above and beyond in showing me that you could do the more intimate things my biology craves. And thank you in advance for the adventure we’ve just started together.”
The corners of Sungjin’s mouth curved upwards.
“I wanted to thank you too. For saying yes, for being okay with what I am, for returning my feelings, and for showing me what’s so great about kissing and making out.”
Wonpil held out his hand for Sungjin’s and the other quickly filled the missing spot.
“Hyung, I never would have judged you for anything.”
“Sungjin.”
Wonpil blinked.
“What?”
Sungjin squeezed his hand.
“Call me by my name, please. I don’t want my husband to keep calling me ‘hyung’. When it’s just us, I want you to be as relaxed as you want. If you want to keep calling me formally at all times then that’s fine too. I just wanted to let you know you have options.”
Wonpil felt his heart melting in his chest at how considerate Sungjin was. Was he really that surprised though? Sungjin was always thoughtful as a leader, and friend, so it would only make sure that it would transfer to his new position as his lover.
“Ah, Sungjin…” Wonpil locked eyes with Sungjin before his eyes crinkled and he laughed. “What am I going to do? Any more whiplash and my heart may not make it to tomorrow.”
Sungjin chuckled.
“And I’m the cheesy one?”
“I never said I wasn’t,” Wonpil countered.
They were serious for about a second before they burst into laughter and Wonpil couldn’t have expected such a result from a movie night.
And that night – very early morning – as they lay together in bed, Wonpil tucked in Sungjin’s arms, the scents of their body washes mixing, Wonpil couldn’t wait for the morning for the first time in a very long time.