Chapter Text
So.. last night hadn’t gone exactly as planned. For the 2nd time that January, Tsukasa Tenma wasn’t a deceased body laying lifeless somewhere in his cold, empty house after a failed suicide attempt. Who knew that one too many failed attempts would have a 12,000 percent chance of making life as a whole seem just that much worse?
(It seems like he’s the only one who wasn’t informed of this unfortunate phenomenon.)
“No better time to die than the new year..” he had idiotically thought somewhere at 9pm the past night, rushing to the bathroom with newfound motivation, a cheap razor blade bought from the pharmacy down the street(Which was definitely not made for his intended purpose) and his 4 month old suicide note which held a half-assed apology to his troupe and family, Toya included. He didn’t really care about it to be honest, seeing as it’d probably be drenched in blood no one would dare to get close to. His disgusting, unclean blood. It was a thoughtless process to figure out why his presence was mostly unwanted. Everyone would eventually forget about him, and move on with their lives. Sure, it was unnerving to think about, but he wouldn’t have to much longer.
Entering the bathroom, he locked the door immediately before he forgot as he usually does. Taking a deep breath, he made several cuts along his body, some thick and deep beans, and some that wouldn’t do any harm and were just there for “decoration” as he would say.
After a while of drowning his mind with thoughts and making several cuts on any clear spot left on his messed up forearm, Tsukasa had been grown drowsy.
The final act had just been taken care of. The deadly blow. A long deep cut that seemed to have hit an artery, based on how much blood was flowing down his arm.
With his mind going fuzzy, he set the thin razor down and sat himself down on the ground as to not disturb Saki and her friends downstairs if he took a fall. He didn’t want to ruin their time together by potentially causing them all lifelong trauma if they happened to see him. Taking his final breath, so he thought, Tsukasa closed his eyes and believed so it would remain that way forever. At that moment, he felt at peace and let his eyes flutter closed for the last time.
That was, until he woke up to pounding on the bathroom door.
.
.
.
“Tsukasa! Please answer me! Are you okay in there??”
…
The first thing he heard when he awoke was the voice of Saki, his beloved little sister. And she was most likely in a panicked state coming from the tone of her voice, and the fact that she wasn’t calling him big bro as she usually did.
That circumstance wouldn’t be as bad, not considering the fact that Saki’s body was quite… fragile you could say, but it was true, and he couldn’t cause his dear sister to worry so much, lest she start to get sick from the stress.
Though confused and disoriented, Tsukasa answered her while trying to figure out why the hell he wasn’t dead.
“Saki?.. I’m fine. I-I was just a little distracted, I couldn’t hear you.” He answered. That was legitimately the best thing he could come up at the moment, seeing as he was finally starting to make sense of the situation.
He hadn’t died, sadly, he had just passed out. What he hit was most likely a decent sized vein.
Dang it.
“Oh!— Thank goodness you’re alright.. A-Are you sure? Can I come in?” Saki quickly answered, still worried about her big brother’s wellbeing. After all, he had been out for… 30 minutes.
She must’ve just started knocking, or this door would be open by now… thank goodness.. He thought.
Though it felt like it had been about 5 minutes since he passed out, Saki’s band mates were gone, so it was most likely a little before too late to be out.
“Ah.. It’s fine Saki, you don’t need to come in, I was just blasting music through my headphones..” Tsukasa finally took his eyes off of the door, finally getting a look at the ground he was laying on, which looked horrible by the way.
The rug he was laying on was now soaked with his blood, providing an uncomfortable feel to his wet, red elbows. His head was rested on the cabinets, which had also been slightly littered with bloodstains that were now dry.
The countertop and sink had also been drenched in blood, which was now starting to dry around the edges. At least it seemed he was smart enough to do it over the sink, or the floor would take ages to clean up.
He had continued observing the room, which could’ve been mistaken for a crime scene had Saki managed to break in while he was still asleep and completely forgot about his worried little sister right on the other side of the door.
“Tsukasa, what are you doing in there?” …it’d be bad if Saki walked in, so he tried his best to sound natural as if there wasn’t blood everywhere.
“Eh?.. I just told you, I was-“
“Tsukasa I’m not dumb. You wouldn’t play music that loudly.. I just want to make sure you’re okay, especially after…” Saki voice grew silent, reminiscing on the event that had happened a week ago.
——————
It had been way too early in the morning for Tsukasa to still be awake. But believe him, he really wanted to be asleep, but he just couldn’t. That stupid sound just wouldn’t fucking leave. And it repeated time after time again and again and it was always eerily on beat. How many times had this exact situation happened again? 2? Maybe 3..
This little predicament he was in wouldn’t be so sanity draining had the noise just been a simple ticking sound. Still weird, but nothing he couldn’t handle.. He could’ve taken that, barely. But what he couldn’t take was what seemed to be Saki’s voice calling him time after time again and again non-stop. She wasn’t even awake! He wouldn’t wish this torture on his worst enemy.
He had tried everything he could to fall asleep at the ungodly hour of 4:00am that wouldn’t wake Saki up. From shutting his eyes and placing his palms over his ears(she was sound asleep.), to listening to some calming music music(it may had stirred her up a bit.), to banging his head erratically on the bed frame(she was awake and wondering what that sound was), to talking to himself like a mental person to and focusing on that instead of that damn voice(she heard he was awake, so she went to ~check on~ visit him), to scratching his arms to feel somewhat grounded(what is hell Tsukasa doing…?)
..
Saki would’ve groggily shrugged it off to the reason of “practicing for an upcoming show”, but checking her phone, her brother wasn’t the type of person to be this loud at the ungodly hour of 4am.
Still adjusting to being awake as she rose up from her bed, Saki slid into her house slippers and started walking towards Tsukasa’s room. One thing she noticed as she approached his shockingly wide open door was that she no longer heard frantic blabbering, but what seemed to be.. scratching? She wondered what could be going on as she peeked inside the room to see something completely different than what she expected.
“Big bro? What’s going on? ” Saki asked after he failed to notice her staring in shock for a little moment..
“Saki!—“
Tsukasa had scrambled to correct himself and his volume, not wanting his dearest sister to see him in such a vulnerable state. How repulsive it would be to see your older brother, scratching himself red as if he’d gone completely crazy.
“W—What are you doing up—“
“Don’t do that, you’ll hurt yourself!” She lectured, immediately grabbing his wrist and pulling it off his other forearm.
“Ah.. sorry for not noticing you earlier, I think I’m allergic to this blanket.” He said sheepishly, attempting to divert her attention away from the small but noticeable beads of red forming on his arm.
“—But, anyway, what brought you here? Is there something wrong?” Tsukasa attempted to change the subject, but he also did want to know the reason why she felt the need to come to his room so early in the morning… Could it be what he thinks it is? What if her illness flared up again??
“Are you feeling alright?? Did you come here because you were feeling ill—“
“You brought me here, Tsukasa. You woke me up.”
Saki hadn’t meant to make it sound that irritated, but it seems the effects had already taken place. A wave of guilt appeared on Tsukasa’s face before his eventual reply.
“Aha, I guess I didn’t notice how excessively loud I was being.. I apologize for awaking you! You may go back to sleep, I’ll quiet down! Good ni—”
“That’s not all, Tsukasa. Why are you still up?”
She just might’ve left and went back to her room had he not been extremely suspicious with how badly he seemed to want her out, but something was seriously going on. Why was he suddenly acting so.. unlike himself??
The normal Tsukasa would’ve had an answer to her question immediately, but this one just avoided her gaze, looking as if he was imagining an uncomfortably disturbing image.
“I just felt like some extra practice would help. Everything’s okay, but you should go back to bed, or you won’t be able to fall asleep. Good night Saki!” He quickly spoke, leaving no more room for Saki to argue.
“Good…Good night.” Tsukasa was acting really strange all of a sudden. She couldn’t think of any past events that could’ve caused his evasiveness. Walking to her room, she made a mental note to keep a close eye on him for a while, and keep a close eye she had, which is why she’s grown even more suspicious of him this time around.