Work Text:
Maya grabbed the hot chocolate and held the warm mug in her hand, bringing it to her lips and looking outside. It had been freezing all night and all day, even with all the fires they were fighting. There wasn’t snow yet, but the decorations were set up around the fire department for Christmas.
“What? You didn’t make me hot chocolate?” Vic asked with a smile, Maya turned and shook her head. “Everything okay?”
“Just cold,” Maya answered simply. Vic nodded her head and grabbed the milk from the fridge, she grabbed a mug and poured some in, popping it into the microwave. “Are we supposed to get snow?”
“I haven’t heard anything yet,” Maya nodded and Vic looked at her. “Hey, how are you and that Carina girl going?”
“Fine, it’s nothing, it’s not going to go anywhere,” Maya shrugged her shoulders and Vic rolled her eyes with a laugh. “She’s beautiful, she’s funny, but I don’t know, I’m not looking for anything serious,”
“I don’t know, Maya, you seemed pretty serious about her,” Vic laughed and Maya shrugged her shoulders. “She seemed nice on the phone, Andrew talks good about her,” Vic said and Maya smiled at her. Vic took her mug out of the microwave and opened the packet of Swiss Miss, dumping its contents into the hot milk.
What the team hadn’t known about this Carina was the little dates in and out of town where Maya and Carina hid out from Grey-Sloan doctors and Seattle firefighters. The small dates that had been going on for months. Throughout the last few months, Maya slowly felt herself falling for the woman Carina was. Her feelings grew slightly larger with each date they had.
Maya pulled her phone out of her pocket and clicked on Carina’s contact, it rang for a few moments before it answered. “Ciao,” Carina's cheery voice answered, pen clicking and the tip of the pen going back into hiding like a turtle hiding in its shell.
“Hey, I probably could’ve just texted you this, I’m sorry for calling,” Maya said and she heard a small chuckle from Carina.
Maya really could have just texted Carina, she knew Carina would’ve answered as quickly as she had answered the phone call, but a part of Maya she wasn’t ready to acknowledge knew that she had wanted to hear Carina’s voice after not hearing it for so long.
“It’s okay, Maya. What do you need?” Carina asked. Carina was always asking what other people needed, Maya wanted to know if Carina ever did anything for herself, it’s part of the reason she had called, to make sure they could still be together tomorrow to treat Carina to a day of things Carina liked.
“Forecast still says no snow, are we still on for tomorrow?” Maya asked and Carina smiled. On the other side of the phone, Caria had started to twirl her pen in her hands, taking a break from what seemed like endless amounts of paperwork that she needed to fill out.
Carina replied to Maya with a soothing tone, “Yes, of course, we are,” Maya stayed on the phone for a second before Carina spoke up again, “Is that all you needed?” Such a soft voice that filled her body with more warmth than hot chocolate or coffee.
“Yeah,” Maya whispered. The feeling in her chest was so unfamiliar that it remained uncategorized. She could not tell if it was fear, excitement, longing, maybe she was just tired, or maybe Carina just made her feel alive in the way a fire could not
Carina listened to the quiet sounds of Maya breathing before she put her phone between her ear and shoulder, and began to fill out the form. “How was your day?” Carina asked and Maya smiled, she had hoped Carina would ask that.
“It was good,” Maya whispered,
“Good,” Carina said and Maya smiled, continuing to walk around the beanery while she and Carina asked each other small talk questions.
**** ***
Maya laughed when she watched Carina jog across the street, gloves covering her hands and beanie over her head. She leaned over and popped open the passenger door for Carina, Carina jumped in the car and pulled it closed behind her. “It’s freezing out there bambina,” Carina shivered, “I feel like my fingertips are going to freeze off,” Carina said and rubbed her fingers together.
Maya laughed and held her hands out for Carina, Carina gave Maya her hands and Maya enclosed them in hers. She rubbed Carina's hands together, breaking apart her hands and breathing a moment of hot air into her mouth. Carina looked at her with soft eyes and let Maya warm up her hands, “Where are we going again?”
“I found a coffee shop, then there’s a bookshop I thought we could go to, you said you needed a new book,” Maya said and let go of Carina's gloved hands. Carina grinned and nodded her head,
“I can’t believe you were listening when I said that, you were hardly answering me,” Carina smiled and Maya started driving,
“I always listen to you. I love the sound of your voice, it’s soothing,” Maya whispered and Carina grinned. “Look, and I know that you love this Christmas song,” Maya turned up the radio and Carina smiled and started to sing along quietly to the sound of Dean Martin's Silver Bells.
The car ride had taken them twenty minutes, Carina singing along to Christmas music the whole way there, for once Maya felt herself able to tolerate the sound of the old classic Christmas carols she had grown up with. “We should read a book together,”
“Like a book club?” Maya asked and Carina nodded, she turned down the music and looked at Maya with wide hopeful eyes.
“Yes but just the two of us. Then we can stop talking about work on the phone. We can talk about books together, or maybe I could lend you one of my books and you can lend me one of yours and we can talk about them together,” Carina said and Maya took a left, pulling into a parking spot and putting the car in park.
“Okay, if you say so,” Maya said and Carina clapped. “Put your gloves back on, you’re going to freeze as soon as we get out of this car,” Maya said and Carina pulled on the mittens. Maya laughed and adjusted Carina’s hat, “Gorgeous,”
“Thank you, Bella. Now, coffee,” Carina got out of the car. She waited patiently for Maya who jogged over to her side of the car, together they took off on the walk to a coffee shop in the small town they had been in. Carina put her hands in her pocket, “And then, plot twist, she was the one who did the murder!”
Carina had a love for mystery books, she hated trying to solve the mystery before it was revealed, just like good suspense and plot twists. The book she had read was something Maya had no particular interest in, allowing Carina to be able to describe the book in detail without having to worry about spoilers.
“No,” Maya gasped and Carina nodded her head, hands waving in front of her face.
“Oh yes, I was not expecting it at all,” Carina said and Maya pulled open a door for her, “Grazie,” Maya smiled and walked into the building after her. “It is cozy in here, I like it,” Carina said and looked up.
“Hello!” A worker from behind the counter greeted them, Maya smiled politely and Carina waved.
Carina stood close to Maya, whispering to her about what they may want until Maya finally decided on something, Carina got whatever Maya had ordered.
Maya had been the one to pay despite Carina’s furious protest, a large Italian complaint falling from her lips as she looked at Maya annoyed. Maya, due to Carina’s insistent nature, got to pick their seat. She had picked a nice booth by a window, something she knew Carina would appreciate.
Maya took her jacket off and put it close to the window and she sat down, warm coffee in her hand. “Why did you become an OB?” Maya asked and Carina smiled,
“I’ve always wanted to be a doctor, my papa is one so I always grew up knowing I wanted to be some kind of doctor. After my mamma died, I lost a lot of light in my life, I was studying a part of the medicinal field that I didn’t want to be in, I was only in it to appease my father. My mother wanted me to stop listening to him, she would tell me “Do what is best for you, Carina, not him” She was right”
“She sounds like she was a wise woman,” Maya said and Carina nodded, taking a sip from her coffee.
Maya held her breath as she waited for a reaction on Carina’s face to tell her if she liked the coffee or not, after a moment Carina looked pleased and Maya let out a breath.
“She was, the smartest woman I’ve ever known,” Carina smiled sadly but she cleared her throat, “I was in the hospital with my dad and I had snuck away from him and somehow I made it to the birthing floor and I just remember being met with an overwhelming sense of peace, like everything finally started to click,”
Maya watched as Carina transported herself back to that moment, relishing and being so grateful to be with her there in that moment, listening to the way she spoke.
“Then, I heard a baby crying and I knew. I knew I was supposed to be there at that moment, I wanted to help the mamma’s have their babies, I wanted that sense of fulfillment. Imagine getting to be there for the first part of a baby’s life, I’m the one who gets to put the baby on their mother's chest once they are born”
“It sounds beautiful,”
“It’s the best job I could have ever wanted. It reminds me that somewhere in the mess of the world we are all the same in some ways. We all got here the same way more or less,” Carina said and Maya smiled. Carina played with her ring and looked at Maya, “And you? How’d you get into firefighting?”
“Lot less inspiring than your story. I was trying to get out of my house and put myself back into the swing of things after the Olympics. I saw a flyer for the fire academy, I applied and I never looked back,” Carina smiled, “I never had that moment of knowing, I just wanted it bad,”
“It’s the same,” Carina whispered as she looked at Maya.
Maya knew it wasn’t the same feeling. Sure, the way she fought fires and got to be a part of a family every single day of her life was amazing. But the feeling of knowing she was on the right track came to her, it was almost like the world just settled for her.
But this feeling of peace that Carina described was something similar to the feeling she felt with Carina. The feeling of oh, this is it. Maya knew the feeling was coming on too strong, too fast, and too unfamiliar, but it felt nice for her heart and mind to take a moment to catch up.
“I think we should get a mystery book,” Carina said and Maya smiled with a small nod,
“Whatever you want, my treat,”
“No, my treat. You drove us here and paid for the coffee,”
“I offered to take you on the date,”
“Doesn’t matter,” Carina said and laughed. She turned her head and gasped, “Maya! It’s snowing!” Carina said, rising from the booth slightly, moving her foot under her. “Look at it!” Maya looked outside and cringed,
“Damn, it said it wasn’t supposed to snow,”
“It’s so beautiful! Look at the snowflakes, they’re huge!” Carina shouted with childlike excitement. “I haven’t seen snow in so long,” Carina smiled and Maya laughed.
The two women stayed within the warmth and comfort of the building for another hour, watching as the snow fell from the sky in delicate and different patterns, coating the world around them in a blanket of white that looked almost as soft as clouds.
When they left the warmth of the coffee shop, Maya rushed Carina to the bookshop across the street. Carina had stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, “Carina, come on! Are you crazy?” Carina held her ungloved hands up, palm facing the sky. Carina smiled when the snow began to land on her hands. “Carina, come on before the light changes,”
“Wait, Maya. Just listen,” Carina said and Maya sighed, allowing herself to do as Carina said.
The two of them listened to the sounds around them, the sounds of harsh winds, the sounds of cars and people talking, and the ringing of small bells when people entered and left stores. Carina looked up and Maya couldn’t help but find so much beauty within Carina’s mind, Carina had wanted them to savor this moment and Maya hadn’t even thought about it.
Carina got out of the road and continued her silent adventure in the snow, nose, and cheeks turning pink and developing to red with the cold air around them. “Do you watch holiday movies, Maya?”
“No, I’m not a big fan of the holidays,” Maya answered and Carina looked at Maya with an unimpressed face, “What? They make me feel lonely, it’s all targeted for happy couples with happy lives or happy people with happy families,”
“Well maybe you don’t have to be lonely this year,” Carina answered and Maya stayed silent. “Please tell me you have a Christmas tree,”
“If I don’t?”
“We’re getting you a Christmas tree,” Carina said and she looked at Maya, laughing when she saw all the snowflakes that had clung to her coat and her hat, her hair. “Let’s go get warm,”
“I don’t know. I like it out here, you were right, it’s beautiful…peaceful,” Maya whispered and Carina took Maya's hand with a grin, pulling her into the bookstore.
The bell chimed above their head and they were immediately met with the warmth of the building, bookshelves that went to the ceiling surrounded them. Carina looked to be in heaven and Maya couldn’t help but smile, at least she knew where to come back to if she needed to get Carina a Christmas present.
**** ***
Carina watched Maya move around outside of the car and looked around before she climbed back in. “It’s going to be a while. It’s a true blizzard now,” Maya said and she rubbed her hands together and blew hot air to them, similar to how she had when Carina first entered the car. “Man, my fingers,” Maya shook them uncomfortably as they burned.
“Let me see,” Carina held out her hands and Maya gave Carina her hands. Carina cupped Maya’s hands on her own and kissed the tips of her fingers softly before rubbing them and blowing the hot air onto them. “So cold, Maya,” Carina whispered and Maya blushed, feeling all the heat go to her cheeks.
“Thank you for today, Carina, I had a really good time,”
“Well, thank you for inviting me,” Carina said and Maya looked out the window.
“Would now be a bad time for confessions?” Maya asked and Carina raised an eyebrow, still focusing on getting the warmth to return to Maya's fingers.
“No, it’s never a bad time,”
“I feel more at peace with you than I have ever felt with anyone in my life,” Maya whispered and Carina started to grin. “There’s something about you that haunts me, you never leave my mind,”
“I haunt you?” Maya nodded her head and Carina frowned, “I’m sorry,”
“You haunt me in all the good ways though,” Maya whispered, “Sometimes I find myself getting ready to text you and praying that you’ll tell me no. It’s dangerous to get your hopes up so high, I try to prepare myself for the worst,”
“Maybe you shouldn’t do that anymore, maybe you should let your hopes be high,”
“You’re the only thing I have left to lose, Carina. My team can hardly stand me, I have my captaincy, I have everything I’ve ever wanted,” Maya whispered and Carina's eyes softened.
Despite the warmth being back to Maya's hand, Carina continued to keep them in her own, lightly dragging her thumbs across the backs of Maya’s hands.
“I have everything I’ve ever wanted. I had everything I ever wanted, and then I met you in the bar,”
“At the hospital,” Carina corrected and Maya rolled her eyes,
“We hardly met at the hospital, Carina,” Maya laughed and Carina grinned, “You stopped my world,” Maya whispered and got close to Carina, “And now I have something I want again. I want bad, I’m determined, and I won’t stop until I get what I want. Sometimes I wish you would tell me no, I just want you to tell me no,”
“Why?”
“Because, I’m afraid of wanting you, of having my hopes up this high. You’re gorgeous, Carina, inside and out. You have a mind like no other, a smile like no other, you always know what to say,” Maya said and Carina chuckled. “Would you tell me no?”
“I know this feeling well, Maya. The feeling of being so hopeful that it crushes your soul and your mind before you’ve even gotten an answer,” Carina said and Maya nodded. Carina put it better than she had, she made it make more sense. “I would never tell you no, Maya, because I feel the same way,”
“You do?”
“I do,” Carina whispered and Maya started to grin, “You make me feel like a kid on Christmas morning and Babbo Natale just left all the presents for us,” Carina said and Maya laughed,
“That’s the perfect way to describe it,” Maya said and she grabbed her phone, feeling it buzz. “One second, it’s Andy,” Maya answered the phone with an irritated voice.
Carina and she sat there for another twenty minutes before the snow started to clear up and Maya began the slow and careful drive home. “And next year I want to love better,”
“Love better how?”
“I want to care more. I want to listen more, I want to hold more, I want to know the feeling of being in love but not quite yet being able to say it. Almost like it’s forbidden. I want to communicate love as though it’s a foreign concept that no one has ever been taught before, I want to find more ways to love,”
Maya knew that feeling all too well too. She had done it a lot today, what she and Carina had wasn’t love yet, but it was care, which isn't too far away from love. She couldn’t wait to love Carina if she was given the opportunity.
“My goal was to learn more,” Maya whispered and Carina grinned,
“About what?”
“Everything,” Maya whispered, and Carina smiled at her. “I want to learn a language,” Carina gasped,
“I can teach you Italian!” Carina volunteered and Maya laughed, nodding her head while keeping her eyes on the road,
A softer, meeker version of the cold Maya Bishop's voice came out, “I’d like that. I’d like that a lot.” Carina smiled, “I want to learn to do something else, like cooking,”
“I’m good at that too!”
“I want to learn to love,” Maya whispered and Carina smiled, “And I want to be able to regulate my air better on calls,”
“Isn’t your friend good at that?”
“Vic? Yeah, she’s amazing,” Maya smiled and turned onto the road where Carina lived, pulling into the parking lot. Carina stayed in the car for a few moments, “Thank you for coming with me,”
“First word you’re going to learn, grazie,” Carina said and Maya looked at her with a wide smile. “It means thank you which you say a lot,”
“Grazie,” Maya said and Carina clapped with a bright smile,
“Bellissima!” Carina said and Maya laughed, “You know, we have similar resolutions,” Carina said and Maya raised an eyebrow, “We both want to learn more about love,” Carina said and Maya's smile began to fluctuate between a bring and a large smile, “Maybe we could learn together,”
“Okay,” Maya whispered and Carina smiled. “I’ll text you when I get home safe, text me when you make it into your apartment building,” Carina nodded and got out of the car, waving to Carina and running into the building.
Together Maya and Carina entered a new realm of love, the type of love that could only be described as one that was held between two soulmates, unending no matter what. The type of love that could wait forever and still be there in the end, the type of love that never dissipates no matter what, the type of love that stuck around through anger, sadness, and any negative emotion.
The type of love they had learned to give to each other was a feeling they didn't know that well, but it was something that they were happy to teach each other, along with other useful skills. Maya taught Carina how to easily solve problems and to persevere through her impatience. Carina taught Maya to show her love in more ways than just words, and she taught her Italian which is something Maya never truly got.