Work Text:
Sometimes the right question would be asked and something in Jesper Fahey’s brain exploded. His nerves and synapses would all rewire themselves to focus all their attention on one topic. It wasn’t really supposed to mean anything, just a passing comment from Matthias about Jesper’s favourite band.
But it was his favourite band, it was the music he put on when he needed to focus or he needed to cry or he needed to sleep or he needed to feel like a human being. Jesper remembered the exact moment he’d discovered the band. He remembered the exact way he felt when it happened.
Somebody understood him. Somebody was just like him. It didn’t help that he was a kid at the time, listening to good music in freshman year changed a person. The summer between freshman and sophomore year was when it all really happened.
Jesper pierced his nose, well his friend’s sister did it for him. He got his first pair of combat boots. He got really into sneaking into nu metal shows because he was tall, it didn’t matter that he wasn’t of age. Colm Fahey didn’t know allowance was going towards basement shows, crumpled up bills being traded for an unforgettable night.
It took a few hours but Jesper had managed to compress the best bits of his favourite band into a presentation, complete with slides that were up on the TV. He was going to force all of his friends, and his boyfriend, to learn the basic history of his favourite thing in the world.
“Are we all seated?” Jesper settled his hands on his hips, he was wearing his slightly fancier ripped jeans, and not a band tee but a dull striped button up. It was not buttoned up correctly or neatly but it was part of the look, the house slippers completed the rest of it.
“You’re literally looking at us all seated.” Nina grumbled, leaning on Matthias and Inej, both holding whatever limb was closest because she was shivering like she’d never been so cold in her life.
“We’re ready.” Wylan said eagerly, he was sitting straight up, ready to learn even though he’d been listening to Jesper talk about this since high school. Jesper tried to include some fun facts Wylan might not know, but if he was to conduct a pop quiz on preexisting knowledge Wylan would for sure get the highest marks.
“Hi class, good afternoon, I’m Jesper.” Jesper pointed to the screen behind him and Kaz rolled his eyes. He was not aware agreeing to watch his presentation would involve roleplay. He was not emotionally prepared to roleplay right now. “This is my presentation on my favourite band, also known as, Recreational Defamation, also known as Recdef.”
“Ohhh, I always thought you mean defamation was your hobby.” Matthias nodded in understanding, because he really had been wondering about this for a little over a year now. Jesper did not blame anybody, how could he? Them not knowing gave him this glowing opportunity to share something important to him.
“So, nu metal is a thing, as in the new wave of American heavy metal,” Jesper began walking around the space between the TV and the coffee table, the screen behind him had barely any text on it, just photos of influential bands of the genre. “A subgenre combining metal with hip-hop, alt-rock, grunge, stuff like that. Yes, question?”
“Is nu metal also your favourite genre?” Inej asked softly, she had already learned a lot from the presentation, namely what bands she had heard of looked like. It was very informative. She had raised her hand from Nina’s leg to ask her question politely.
“Yes it is, double points for you.” Jesper shot a small finger gun at her and she smiled, pleased with herself for somehow getting good marks on a presentation she wasn’t a part of.
“That’s not how presentations work.” Nina complained, because she was cold and hands were not helping to make her any warmer. Jesper wandered away from the presentation to poke at the thermostat while Matthias laid a blanket over Nina’s legs.
“This is how my presentation is gonna work,” Jesper returned to the screen, holding the mouse that was connected to the laptop he was streaming from. “Inej has two points, Nina has negative one and Wylan has five.”
“Negative five or positive five?” Wylan frowned softly, he thought he was doing a fantastic job so far, nodding and being enthusiastic about grunge.
“Positive, always positive, baby.” Jesper nodded back at him, clicking onto the next slide and clearing his throat. “The rest of you have fat zeros, literal goose eggs, so start deciding what you want out of this presentation.”
“I want you to stop presenting it.” Kaz rubbed at his eyebrow and Jesper shook his head, clearly he was really far in the negatives now. Matthias looked like he was seriously considering what it was he wanted out of this. So philosophical that one.
“Recdef makes history by being all black and queer, a big win for the me community.” Jesper drew a heart over the screen where a photo of the band was being displayed. “This was really big for me since I was really struggling with identity and finding myself, and then suddenly here’s this band that look like me and feel like me. It was life-saving.”
“I was doing my own research…” Kaz sighed, because Jesper looked at him out of the corner of his eye, waiting for his hand to be raised like the good little student he was. Kaz begrudgingly put his hand up and Jesper pretended not to see him for a few seconds, then called on him. “I watched a couple music videos where there was somebody on bass that was decidedly white.”
“Okay, so we do not talk about him,” Jesper made a huge X with his arms and everyone stared at Jesper for a long time. They wanted an explanation but it didn’t look like he was going to budge. Wylan knew he was just thinking of how to word it. “Long story short, well, let’s just say…he was a little too comfortable pushing the lead singer around on stage. Let’s just say…he had an alt account in the way that it was alt-right, let’s just say…he was a bit supreme.”
“Ah. Fuck him.” Kaz put his hand down and Jesper nodded solidly at him. Fuck him.
“So, this is Memphis,” Jesper pointed at the lead singer, clearly very excited by this, Wylan couldn’t help but smile. Sometimes, when you really paid attention to Jesper and what he liked, you could pick out the pieces of his favourite things that made him that way. “He’s bisexual which was big for me, a recurring theme of things being big for me.”
Jesper’s friends looked at photos on the screen, they had definitely seen this man before, maybe on Jesper’s story or on his wall or on his phone. He did not do anything without complete dedication. Even if they didn’t know who Memphis was, they knew who he was, simply by being in Jesper’s immediate circle.
“On drums we have Reign, they met each other in university. So there’s still time for us to become a super cool nu metal band guys, I have faith.” Jesper changed slides again and gestured to a couple of photos. Nobody would be surprised if he had organized albums, or if some of the photos were from Jesper’s personal collection.
“This is Neveah, and she’s Memphis’ cousin. She replaced the racist bass player.” Jesper turned to face his friends as he clicked the mouse against his leg. Nina audibly gasped, sitting up on the couch so quickly that it creaked and Inej almost tumbled headfirst into Matthias’ shoulder.
“More about her.” Nina batted her eyes, she did not hate what she saw at all. Sometimes all it took to keep her interest was to be a beautiful woman. “You said all queer? Or am I pretending that’s what you said to keep sane?”
“No, I did say all queer, and could you raise your hand?” Jesper’s mouth straightened into a flat line as Nina raised a middle finger into the air. Malicious compliance at its finest. “Okay, well, yes, she’s a lesbian. In her words she’s a ‘mean lesbian with a heart of gold’ and you know? I trust her.”
Ever so often, Jesper would look at Wylan, right in his eyes. Wylan would blink at him or smile just a little or tilt his head just a smidge. Jesper just needed reassurance sometimes, that somebody cared, that he wasn’t just making a fool of himself.
Wylan had never let Jesper go unlistened to in all the years he had been with him. As his friend, as his boyfriend, as his life partner. Wylan would always be there to listen to him.
“Oh my God, save me mean lesbian save me.” Nina pulled her phone out of her pocket and began rapidly scrolling. Jesper rolled his eyes because she could at least wait for him to finish his presentation. “I trust her with my life, oh she’s such a pretty blonde, that’s like honey.”
“How did you find her Instagram so fast?” Jesper leaned over the table to see that Nina had followed her within seconds, scrolling through her feed like it was her life’s purpose. Nina demonstrated that she simply went to Jesper’s page, then into who he was following, and searched up her name. “Anyway, she's physically fought somebody for cheating on Memphis, so.”
“I need her right now.” Nina had heard all she needed to hear, she honestly was thinking about getting up and leaving the presentation. Instead she leaned back and shared her phone with Inej, and eventually Matthias who was just a little curious about the whole thing.
Jesper felt a weird sense of pride in his chest, yes they were looking at a member of his favourite band, but they weren’t really appreciating the band itself. He guessed he won some and he lost some, this was sort of a win. Exposure was exposure.
“This is Harlyn and they play guitar, both Reign and them are nonbinary.” Jesper got back to work, introducing the members so they each got their time to shine. He’d encourage everybody to check out individual pages as well as the band’s social media, he thought they did a good job, their photographer always knocked it out of the park.
Wylan raised his hand and Jesper stopped everything he was thinking and doing to address him. He flushed pink, because he didn’t usually ask questions in class but instead saved them for office hours, but this was pretend class. This was real Jesper.
“How would you say having intersectional representation helped you growing up?” Wylan said softly, and Jesper smiled at him like the sun hadn’t risen for months and he’d been waiting for it, without a doubt that it would come back one day.
“Okay, what a fucking teacher’s pet.” Nina scoffed, finally putting her phone down only for Inej to pick it up off of her lap and lean over so Matthias could share the screen.
“Excellent question, dare I say the perfect question, from the perfect boy.” Jesper abandoned his presentation to place both hands on the table and lean over as far as he could.
Wylan went bright pink, because he knew exactly what this meant. He was not embarrassed, just overwhelmed. Being wanted, especially in front of people, made him conscious of his skeleton. Wylan could feel everything. He tucked redgold curls behind his ears and met Jesper across the table.
They kissed the way they always did, affectionately and lingering. Jesper was instantly grounded and Wylan’s heart thumped so loudly in his chest he thinks all his friends know he is in love, if they somehow didn’t know before.
“That’s wildly inappropriate.” Kaz mumbled, because usually, people did not stop their presentations in the middle of class to lock lips.
“Why do you hate love?” Jesper leaned back, but not after brushing his hand over Wylan’s warm cheek.
“I never understood the teacher’s pet thing.” Matthias admitted, leaning his head back against the couch. Nina scowled at him, she knew exactly why he was saying it too. That philosopher boyfriend of his. Making Matthias think too hard and ruin Nina’s fun.
“I’d like to hear the answer.” Inej half raised her hand and Nina could not think anything but the world of her. Yes, Nina had favourites. It was not a secret.
There was a dramatic sigh, Jesper breathing through his teeth. He was preparing something, it was hard to tell what.
“Putting somebody down for being invested in learning something new, especially my baby, is a new low.” Jesper had not gotten over Nina making fun of Wylan, something he wasn’t going to stand for. “What about being passionate about education is shameful? Why even bother calling him names, wasting all of our time when this is clearly a waste of yours.”
Sometimes, Jesper’s jokes skirted the line between being funny and being shockingly transparent. His tone of voice was not serious but his words were, the way he moved his hands was not serious, but the pointed gestures were.
“I’m not offended, Jes, I’m good.” Wylan clocked it before anybody else in the room had, it was not necessarily in the defense of the teacher’s pet, it was in defense of him. He did not think he would ever be loved this much in his entire life. He did not know what to do with it.
“You sure? Cause I’ve got you, I got you.” Jesper looked at him and suddenly they were in the living room all alone. Just their hearts, their eyes, and the sound of them breathing. Wylan nodded, he had no problem with being called names, in a way Nina was just calling him smart, he’d take what he could get.
“That was the first time in my life I’ve ever been attracted to you.” Nina admitted, sitting up a little more so she could return her attention to the screen. “I might be tempted to use the word hot. I won’t though. Sorry, Wylan, you’re a very cute asskisser.”
“I’ll take it.” Wylan shrugged, if it was Jesper’s ass he did not mind in the slightest. “You can keep presenting, Jes, everything’s okay.”
“If you say so, but if you start blinking morse code at me…” Jesper checked one last time, neither of them knew morse code, so it would be a big problem. Wylan laughed under his breath, Jesper said it on purpose, he wanted him to be okay so badly. “Good question from the prettiest boy. You know when you feel like something was meant for you? Especially for you?”
“The band? Or Wylan?” Matthias murmured not because he wasn’t paying attention but just so he knew his facts. Wylan could feel his heartbeat in his head. So intense was the thought of being meant for Jesper.
“Well, I’m a Wylan stan first and foremost.” Jesper mimed writing it down and Wylan giggled again, averting his eyes simply because it made him giddy. “But the band too, I was found at a really low point in my life and being seen is really important. Being seen and understood without having to explain every little thing, it’s so hard when you’re a kid and don’t have the words for it.”
“You made Inej cry, you bastard.” Nina wrapped an arm around her shoulder and threw the blanket over Inej like she was freezing to death. Inej was not crying, just had a couple tears in her eyes. She was happy and sympathetic and she wished she had the words for it too.
“Hurry it up, Fahey. Some of us have plans.” Kaz pretended to check his watch, but really he needed an excuse to turn his head in Inej’s direction. He craved nothing more than to read her thoughts and comfort her accordingly, as shit at comforting as he was, he’d maybe like to try.
“Representation is important because for the first time in my life I felt like I belonged somewhere. I felt like I was accepted.” Jesper quickly ran a hand under his eye, only Wylan caught the blur of a tear before he looked at the screen again. “I will now finish the presentation with my objectively correct top five Recdef songs, number five is Absent Angelwing Fleshwound.”
“Ew. No it’s not.” Nina was not squeamish in any way, she was the one that forced her friends to watch horror movies, she was the one that talked paranormal and cryptic. Maybe something about Jesper saying it made her squirm, some words should not be said by others.
“Yeah. It is. Why would I make that up?” Jesper whipped his head around to cast a judging look at Nina, who was still rubbing Inej’s arm like she’d been left out in a snowstorm all alone. “Here’s a little snippet for your, but more importantly, my enjoyment.”
They’d heard the song before. It was impossible to live with somebody who liked such loud music and not hear it. Sure, many of them preferred softer sounds and gentler lyrics, but it was by no means bad.
Jesper went song by song, introducing backstories and production stories. He also showed his album collection off and told his friends which song was off what album. When his favourite song came on, he closed his eyes and really listened to it.
Wylan knew the words, he’d heard it hundreds of times. He loved it because Jesper did. He loved it because he saw the way Jesper’s face changed when he heard it. This meant everything to Jesper, this was important to him.
It was important to Wylan because Jesper was important to him. It was as simple as that. But so incredibly large. Both of them weren’t quite sure what to do about it. Kissing certainly didn’t hurt. Quite the opposite really.
Here was Jesper Fahey standing listening to a song he’d heard for years and years. Here was Wylan Hendriks sitting across from him wondering how many more times they could hear the same song in their lifetimes and not tire of it.
Sometimes Wylan dreamed, literally dreamed, when he was sleeping, that this song would play at their wedding. Other times he’d imagine being there for Jesper when he was a kid, when he was starting high school and he was angry at the world for everything it had done to him.
Wylan slept next to Jesper and dreamed of comforting him, telling him it does get better and it’s not a lie though it sounds like one. Sometimes Jesper would wake up and find Wylan crying a little, still sleeping, and he’d hold him. He didn’t know Wylan was doing the same for him in his head. He didn’t know.
“This is cool, did they sign this in person?” Matthias asked softly, and Wylan shook himself out of his own thoughts. They’d crowded around the table to look at Jesper’s CD collection better, admiring exclusive editions and remastered albums and crisp signatures.
“Yeah, okay, so this was my first signed album and I was like what? 15? 16?” Jesper leaned his knee on the table as he mumbled, his fingers brushing through Wylan’s curls absently. “I remember Memphis said I seemed a little young to be there, didn’t kick me out or anything. Let’s just say I got taller before my voice got deeper, so, you know.”
“Oh, I’d kill to hear your voice cracking talking to your idol. Amazing.” Nina snorted just at the thought, flipping through the lyric booklets to judge the graphic design and photography. Unfortunately it was all very good and she didn’t have material to make fun of Jesper with.
“I’ve always liked this one, it’s pretty.” Wylan poked the album with the holographic accents, most of the case was black and red underneath it. “And I think Overcast Hymnal is on it.”
“You do like that song,” Jesper said softly, twirling a piece of Wylan’s hair around his finger. “And it is on this album, Necromantic Pulse, collector’s edition.”
“Yeah.” Wylan whispered back, tilting his head into Jesper’s hand so he was petting him instead of just playing with his hair.
“Okay, clearly we are interrupting now.” Kaz had learned more about Jesper than he’d ever wanted in such a short amount of time that he had to leave to process it all.
“Thanks for being such a good audience.” Jesper offered his friends little waves and knuckle brushes and side hugs. He never stopped ruffling Wylan’s hair while doing it, and Wylan smiled brightly the entire time.
“Can I do a presentation next? Or can I read tarot for everybody?” Nina grabbed both of Inej’s hands and the two of them lazily waltzed through the living room. It was getting late and they had to get started on their end of the day shower routines, they’d be retiring to their room until post-shower snack time.
“I’d love that.” Matthias looked like he was about to make a pre-shower snack, going straight to the kitchen where he grabbed a pot off of the shelf.
“You are not reading my tarot.” Kaz declined immediately and followed Matthias into the kitchen to investigate if he wanted whatever it was he was making.
Wylan piled up Jesper’s albums neatly as Jesper lovingly patted his head. He really liked it when everything fell into place, when it just felt so right for everybody to be doing their own things.
“I think that’s really fun.” Inej was equal parts nervous and excited about tarot, sometimes Nina would pull a single for her, one was all she could handle. “Maybe presentation night can be a thing.”
“Nice to know that the ole ADHD is good for something.” Jesper leaned down to kiss Wylan on the forehead, scooping up his albums with one hand. He was going to carry all of them in one arm and hold Wylan with the other, but Wylan grabbed the other half of the stack.
“I will be updating you in the groupchat.” Nina decided, nodding her head as Inej and her disappeared down the hallway.
Jesper felt restless, he’d done something good and he’d started something and everybody had been really nice about something he loved. Wylan and Jesper peeked into the kitchen after seeing Kaz visibly brighten when Matthias offered to make pasta.
He was just choosing what shape of pasta he wanted, but Jesper reminded Matthias that Wylan would want to eat after their night time routine too. Matthias would make enough pasta for everybody even if they didn’t ask. Jesper just wanted to make sure.
Once back in their bedroom, Wylan dutifully handed Jesper his albums one by one and Jesper put them back on their shelf. It was a very well-kept shelf, with other merch items like collectibles and prints and stickers and pins living on them.
They stood there admiring Jesper’s display for a little bit, Wylan’s stomach pressed up to Jesper’s hip as they huddled together warmly. Jesper had been collecting for years now, he didn’t think he’d make it this far.
While Jesper was looking at his shelf, Wylan was looking up at him. He liked the pride he saw in those grey eyes, he liked knowing Jesper saw something he worked for and thought he deserved it.
“Oh, hi.” Wylan gasped when Jesper’s hand snuck onto the back of his pants, just holding him. His face must have been bright red, he stood on his toes so Jesper would kiss him.
He did, and Wylan swung himself around so they were stomach to stomach, chest to chest. Jesper smiled against his mouth, laughing when Wylan guided his other hand to grab his backside fully.
“Hi, do you mind?” Jesper snorted, referring to his hands on Wylan’s ass and Wylan neatly stepping back into them so he’d touch him more.
“Nuh uh, do you?” Wylan rested his head on Jesper’s chest, greedily listening to the sound of his leaping heart. He loved him, he made him nervous, he excited him, he did it all for him.
“Not at all.” Jesper kissed Wylan on the top of his head. Everything soared. Wylan didn’t know how to explain the way Jesper made him feel, his touch calmed him and made him jump out of his skin. Jesper was his and he was Jesper’s, eternally.
“Do you wanna get on the bed?” Wylan hummed out, looking up through his lashes at a Jesper who was already shuffling backwards towards it. The back of his knees hit the mattress and Jesper plopped right down, winded by Wylan’s body weight on his lap and his hands on his belt.
“Did you lock the door?” Jesper tilted his head back in a small gasp of disbelief, Wylan had taken his belt off in record speed. He nodded simply, he’d locked the door, of course he did. “When? How?”
“As soon as it closed…with the…lock.” Wylan thought about being more flowery and less blunt, but his brain power was going elsewhere.
“Yeah. Fair enough.” Jesper felt like the room was spinning, he rubbed a hand over his face and attempted to get his wits about him. When he felt like he could focus again, he scooted up on his elbows just in time to see Wylan pull his shirt off quickly. “Damn.”
“Shush.” Wylan knew what was going to happen, he was going to flush down to his chest and there was no way to hide it. He’d just have to deal with being on top of Jesper and being bright pink. “Thanks for defending me, are you just really into nerds?”
“I’m into any and all labels you identify with.” Jesper said smoothly and Wylan laughed happily, what a joy it was to be in love with somebody so eager to please. “So, all I gotta do is get into verbal altercations for you to get you…damn…I can’t say anything about what you’re doing or I’ll…well…”
“You’re so cute.” Wylan sighed, Jesper really, really knew how to make him feel special. They both still had their pants on. Wylan felt absolutely delighted that Jesper couldn’t address Wylan’s hands or hips without losing his mind. “It’s fine if you do.”
“I’d like to be helpful.” Jesper kissed Wylan’s chest and he huffed loudly. Maybe neither of them could be really patient about this. “You’re welcome, by the way, I’m always on your side. You know that.”
“You’ve gotta take your pants off right now.” Wylan said this while surging forward to kiss his boyfriend and Jesper couldn’t even get his laughter out. Both of their hands flew to his waistband, it just made them gasp for air more.
Wylan liked it like this best, when they couldn’t keep a straight face between them and Jesper was unable to hide how intensely Wylan made him lose his cool. Hands were everywhere and nowhere, the same was true about mouths and teeth.
The same was true about their pulses and their thoughts. The world was spinning and everything was perfectly still. Wylan was protected and Jesper was protecting him. Jesper was protected and Wylan was protecting him.
Something was meant for them. Especially for them. It just so happened to manifest in giggling below the belt touching in their shared bed before pasta dinner after a PowerPoint presentation.
Jesper was always on Wylan’s side, the way Wylan had been when he needed him most. It wasn’t about seeing eye to eye, it was soul to soul, it was love to love. It was eternity to eternity.
If it made Jesper happy, Wylan would probably play his favourite band’s entire discography just to make him smile. Just to make him feel seen.
Jesper did not have to explain himself to Wylan, he could look or touch or kiss or fall apart and Wylan would know. Forehead to forehead, they thought about love, and could not stop laughing.
Wylan was Jesper’s favourite person, his favourite song, his favourite genre. Jesper was Wylan’s favourite sound, his favourite frequency, his favourite silence.
Everything was so quiet, this was their quiet.