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"God damnit," He cursed out, running his hand through his hair in frustration. The sound of your voicemail rang from his phone for the second time tonight now, making his stomach churn; he wanted to hear you, yes , but he wanted to hear you now .
His hand gripped the steering wheel, as a sigh left him, making him simply just rest his head against it all while still holding the phone to his ear, listening to that voice of yours play back on voicemail yet again- an ache growing in his heart. It was probably three am, and he was sitting in his car, rain thudding against the windshield- alone, and stuck in this pouring rain with his broken heart.
It had been two months , two months of him calling you and wanting you back. Two months of heartache without you. And two months since he probably lost a huge part of him when you left.
He wanted to hear you one more time, just one. And with that, his thumb pressed the dial button again. Third time’s a charm after all, right?
The line rang. Again. And again.
And it kept going on like forever, until Jason felt like he would probably hear that goddamn voicemail of yours he's heard again all the other three times he's called you up tonight- or rather this morning.
And all of a sudden, just when he thought all hope was lost…
"... Hello ?" Your voice came through the line after a long pause and a click- and the whole world seemed to stop again. Jason’s whole body instantly froze as his head perked up hearing his voice- was he dreaming right now? After two whole months of being nothing but empty without a single piece of contact with you- he could finally hear your voice again.
The sound of hearing your voice again was like a cold splash of water to the face; the relief and happiness was almost overwhelming. He could hardly even stop his heart from pounding wildly in his heart now, some warmth finally being able to spread in his numb and cold heart after all this while.
Finally he had managed to reach you.
Finally .
A shaky smile spread across his lips as his free hand reached up to rub at the back of his neck, unsure what to say first or whether to even ask about the hours before anything else now that you actually picked up.
" (name) ..." He began to speak, his voice hoarse and broken, thick with emotion- a voice that instantly jolted your half-asleep self awake, causing your whole body to freeze up just upon hearing that familiar voice of his. It took everything in him to just even try and keep his voice steady, though a slight waver in it was still audible.
It was followed by nothing else but a pause of tense silence on your end of the line, before a deep sigh came through it, followed by the soft sounds of sheets rustling, possibly with how you instantly sat up upon hearing his voice and realising just was happening.
"... Jason ," You whispered out, breaking the pause of silence, your voice now a tone softer- though also with a hint of hesitance and…hurt, a slight ache in my heart hearing his voice again.
"Why are you calling...? It’s like...4 am right now- just what are you doing?" You asked him, the concern in your voice instantly spilling out even with the slightest edge to your tone- was this guy insane or something for calling you up this early in the morning all of a sudden after two whole months- just like how you’ve repeatedly seen his number flash out on your screen countless times all the other nights without fail, even though you tried ignoring it?
Hearing your concern in your voice was almost enough to make him break down. It hurt his heart even more just at the mere thought that you possibly still actually cared - or at least cared enough to ask about everything that much and not just hang up the moment you heard his voice. The last two months have been nothing but torture; he had been nothing but an empty shell without you, that itself is clear to see.
"I... I just wanted to hear you," Jason whispered, as his grip began to ease on the steering wheel, his tense shoulders relaxing, though his heart still continued to pound in his chest. His head was still throbbing now, from all those countless sleepless nights he’s spent before this trying to contact you, all those cold nights he’s spent alone in his car after trying to get the thought of you out his head- though that clearly didn't work. Though thankfully hearing your voice now, it's added some sort of relief to the pounding in his head.
Everything's been reminding him of you lately; that gorgeous smile of yours that makes his heart churn and flutter, that laughter of yours that does nothing else but put a huge smile on his face, and even that tone of concern all those times you’ve told him off for not taking enough care of himself all those times in your relationship when he's neglected his health for the sake of doing his job as the Red Hood .
And now clearly, without you by his side, he's been doing just that.
Can’t you tell? He needs you by his side. He simply just can't live like this without you.
"I've been thinking of you... I..." he trailed off, taking a moment to swallow back the lump growing in his throat, his heart still pounding wildly as he closed his eyes and let his head fall back against the driver seat.
You let out another soft sigh, followed by another inaudible mumble through the line as your brows furrowed hearing those words of his- definitely noticing the faint sound of the rain in the background of his line, along with the soft hum of the engine as well. he was definitely in his car, in the pouring rain- not caring to even get some sleep whatsoever at all- and doing what? calling me? This guy...he really was something else.
"Jason, where are you…?" You spoke out, the concern in my voice growing by the second as you ran your hand through your long hair, sitting up on your bed with my phone to my ear, glancing out the window to look out at the pouring rain in the night sky again, already letting out a slight shiver at the cold wind that blew through your room.
"It’s pouring outside, you'll catch a cold, for god's sake .." You muttered out with a sigh again, making that same sick feeling in his heart grow even more, making him grip onto the steering wheel just a slight bit tighter . He really does feel like an idiot who just can't take care of himself like some kid- but he can't help it. What's the point of trying to live when a huge part of himself has already died down when you left? it seems like he really hasn't been taking care of himself well without you at all these two whole months.
"I'm fine, (name) ," Jason whispered, his lips tight as he held back a shiver at the cold of the night, of the rain, of being alone in the night in his car. At the sound of your concern, despite the bitter sweetness of it in knowing that you cared; the ache in his chest twisted, as he struggled to find a suitable reply to you.
"I just…. god- i need you," he finally said, his voice cracking already with emotion at those last words-the words that came from deep within his heart, the words he wanted to say two months ago, the words that have changed nothing now.
They slipped out too quickly, too full of nothing but pure desperate longing he’s held back in his heart all this while since you left.
By now, you couldn't even deny the growing ache in your own heart, your head spinning with all sorts of thoughts and questions, not knowing how you should even respond, your own heart already beginning to pound with overwhelming feelings.
You should hang up by now. You should just hang up and block him, leave him alone and do absolutely nothing. But you really can't bring yourself to do just that now, can you?
The silence was deafening, the tension growing even through the line so much it was starting to get suffocating before finally…
"... Damnnit ," You muttered out softly as you let out a heavy sigh of defeat and shook my head, the sound of rustling through my line again as you pulled yourself out of bed, grabbing along an umbrella and my coat. Who cares if it's 3 in the morning right now? Even if you, yourself, didn't want to admit it- you still cared . Heck, that was the bittersweet truth about it all.
Even after two whole months after you both went your separate ways and broke up, you still definitely did.
"Tell me where you are, Jason. Now,” You spoke as you clutched your coat and made your way out your apartment, my tone firmer now, though the slight frustration but also clear concern in it was still evident- especially now that the rain outside seemed to be pouring even heavier by the second.
The sound of your concern almost had him tearing up, as he had to hold himself back from just breaking down right there and then.
How much he had missed you.
How much he wished things could have gone differently.
How much he still loved you.
His breath quickened as an ache in his chest tightened, but there was a small sliver of hope that perhaps-despite how small-things could change once again.
Just maybe.
He had to wait.
He had to be patient.
And he would do just that and anything else just for that change to happen.
"I'm... I'm right outside your place," he admitted, after a slight pause of him contemplating if he should even be honest and let you know, a truth that only made you clutch your umbrella a little tighter, your heart aching a little more.
Of course he'd be waiting there right outside your home in the pouring rain, in his car all alone at 3 in the morning- just like the lovesick guy he was.
"Don’t go anywhere else," You told him, before hanging up and causing your line to go dead silent again. Your heart was racing, settling with an uneasy feeling at the thought of just what of a state this guy could have been in all this while for these past two months since we broke up, at the thought of him not even taking care of himself or even at least trying to move on.
All of a sudden, a knock on his door jolted him, and there you were, standing right outside his car, holding an umbrella over your head with your other hand tucked into my coat, your long hair blowing in the cold wind that already made you shiver, the heavy rain pouring heavily down on the streets around you. A sight that instantly caused his eyes to grow wide, his hands gripping tighter onto the steering wheel.
Jason could hardly even believe it. After two whole months of heartache without me, there you were again. Right in front of his eyes, a slight frown of concern on my face as my jaw clenched looking at him through the car window.
The one he missed , the one he loved .
He couldn't even process how beautiful you still were even in this moment; his hand instantly almost frantically reaching for the door, sliding it open to step outside of the rain as if any second later you would disappear from his sight again.
"(name)--" He started, but the words died upon his tongue as you cut him off, the rain already starting to fall onto his hair- at least before you pulled him in under the umbrella with you.
"Are you insane , Jason?" You spoke, causing him to freeze up as his breath caught in his throat, yet your tone wasn't as harsh in the slightest as you expected, not even with the clear edge in it instead revealing nothing but the pure concern you had and the frustration you felt at the thought of him putting himself through all this, just for what ? To see you again even after you’ve broken up for months?
Your jaw clenched and your heart ached seeing him again, seeing him like this- waiting for me out under the pouring rain alone in his car at 3 am, and finally taking a chance to scan your eyes over his appearance- his hair ruffled and the clear dark circles around his eyes unable to even mask just how much sleep he’s lacked all this while.
"Just what are you thinking , huh, going out alone in your car in the rain like this, at what- 3 am?” You spoke out again, making his hands clench at his sides upon seeing that frown on your face of pure disapproval, the concern in your eyes and that tone in your voice.
“What would you have done if i didn't pick up- or if i didn't bother to come down here to see you again-" Your words choked in your throat as my eyes filled with emotions looking at him, your heart throbbing even more the longer you looked at him. This guy was really crazy, to go this far...not even taking care of himself or caring about anything else- all besides seeing me again. One last time.
Jason felt like nothing else but an idiot. He knew he was one, especially ever since the day he let you go like that.
But yet? Only one thought began to linger in his head even as he simply took in all those scoldings and rants of yours at him again.
You were... beautiful.
Even now, with the rain pelting your face and clothes against you, the light of the streetlamps reflecting off of your skin and your hair... Everything about you brought that breathless ache back in his heart, a sensation he had missed so much.
"I..." The words died upon his tongue, but he reached out his hand to touch your cheek, his eyes searching your own.
"I...I just needed to see you again, (name), " he whispered out as his voice wavered with emotions again, looking into your eyes and taking in that sight of you again, so carefully trailing your cheek with his already trembling hands- watching as your breath hitched in your throat at his touch- though you didn't pull away.
Your frown deepened looking at him, though my gaze held nothing else but strong yet gentle emotions- hurt, pain, frustration and guilt all at once.
"You’re such an idiot , Jason," You finally breathed out, quickly looking away from him, averting my gaze when you felt your vision blurrying with tears, your lips quivering a slight bit as all the overwhelming feelings i've bottled up in my heart all these two months threatened to pour out just at the mere sight of him again, upon feeling his gentle and careful touch on your cheek again.
"You’re really an idiot," You whispered out again, making his heart feel like a dagger just stabbed him right through, as your voice broke with emotion, shaking your head as you wiped away your tears with the sleeves of your coat, my jaw clenching as my grip on the umbrella tightened- though my tone wasn't harsh at all.
If anything, it only revealed the pure pain and hurt in your heart upon seeing him again- seeing him do all this to this extent just to see you again
Your words hit him like a sledgehammer, and the breath was instantly knocked out of his lungs.
"I...." he swallowed, as he heard the quiver in your voice, the slight shake of your jaw, and the way your grip on the umbrella tightened even further. Was this anger--or hurt?
"I wanted to..." He whispered, stepping forward towards you, just a tiny bit, only to stop again, the words dying on his tongue. He couldn't even say anything else . What was there left to say after all?
There were tears in his own eyes, as he raised his own gaze to meet yours, taking a moment just to take in a deep shaky breath
"Do you hate me?" He whispered, as his heart pounded into his throat. "Have you been hating me all these past two months?"
Yes, he hoped you’d say. It would definitely hurt less if you said that you did, because he knew he’d absolutely deserved it. But yet?
His words made your breath hitch, your gaze instantly perking up to meet his own teary eyes through your already blurrying vision of tears as your eyes widened so slightly at his words, before your jaw clenched and your frown deepened again- though your gaze had already softened, revealing nothing but emotions of pure hurt that you’ve bottled up all these two months since you've broken up.
“...i've never hated you, Jason," You finally spoke out with a shaky breath, taking in a deep breath in an attempt to calm your racing heart in this thick tension of unspoken words and feelings between you two, forcing yourself to keep my gaze locked on his.
"Not even once have i hated you, no matter how hard i tried to," You added, your voice breaking with emotion at the last words, as your tears now fell down your cheeks, a sight that made his heart shatter into pieces as his gaze filled with pain.
Maybe it would've been easier if you actually hated him. Maybe then you would've actually been able to move on and stop anything like this from happening.
Jason’s own eyes watered, as he was forced to blink back the tears. Everything hurt .
So damn bad.
The thought of not being hated by you made his heart ache even more than hearing the words that you did could, and the thought of it was a torture of its own.
"I've missed you, (name) --" He whispered out, his words a hoarse whisper, as his hands reached to wipe away your tears.
“ I’ve missed you so goddamn much.”
The moment his hands touched your cheeks, you couldn't even hold back the sobs that left your lips, your heart shattering all over again hearing his words.
All those times i've tried to hate him, to move on and forget him- you knew you simply couldn't. And now, feeling that soft , familiar and warm touch of his again, you couldn't even hold back from letting the tears fall down freely down your cheeks, the sounds of the heavy rain behind us still pouring under the night sky as your gaze already looking away from him, unable to even keep holding eye contact anymore.
His fingers brushed away the tears on your cheeks, as his heart ached from the mere action alone. It was a torturous sort of ache--of hope and pain, of wanting-- needing -- to have you back.
He couldn't hold you any tighter in his arms if he tried as his eyes met yours once more, looking so beautiful despite the tears and the rain.
Your gaze made him ache more, however, the look in yours made the hope swell in his heart.
"Just... just tell me... one more chance ... that's all I need...." he whispered out, his voice barely even an audible, desperate and longing whisper.
Instantly at that, you couldn't even resist anymore. In one swift movement, your grip on the umbrella loosened, and your arms moved to wrap around his chest and hold him in your embrace, your hands clutching onto his shirt as you leaned into his chest again, taking in that warmth of his you’ve missed so much, feeling how his huge frame instantly froze up at the sudden touch again, the heavy rain pouring on you two and soaking you to the core though that didn't matter in the slightest to any of you anymore.
Not anymore now that you were both back where you belonged.
Back here in each other's arms.
And god , it just felt so right.
"Don’t you dare leave me again, Jason Todd," you whispered out in between soft sobs and sniffles, feeling as his own body began to tremble against you with his own tears threatening to pour out.
A second chance now; a second chance for us to love again, was finally here.
He didn't resist, not even for a single moment, as he held you in his arms so tightly, taking in your warmth, and letting his fingers brush through your wet hair, under the pouring rain as his hands clasped you close to him.
All this time, all these two whole months, had lead up again to this precious moment.
Another chance.
To be with you again.
"I never want to leave you again, ( name) ..." he whispered just as softly as you spoke, a shaky and warm smile forming on his face, as the rain poured down onto the two of you, soaking both your bodies.
“ Never again.”