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“A God. ” Gale breathes, elation clear as day on his face as he flits around his tent, pure excitement making him unable to keep still for a moment. In any other instance, Tav would relish in the happiness upon his lover’s face, but right now, it takes everything in him to hide the hurt on his face.
“Can we please talk about this, Gale?” He manages to get out, tongue heavy as lead in his mouth as he perches himself on the edge of Gale’s ornate bedspread. His fingers curl in the blanket and pull at loose threads. He doesn’t know if he can do this.
“What’s there to talk about?” Gale exclaims, and Tav can hear the laugh on his lips. His knuckles go white from how hard he’s grasping the fabric and he swallows down the emotions that threaten to choke him. “I’m going to become a God, it’s finally in my grasp.”
“Gale–”
“All my hard work, all I’ve done in Mystra’s name is finally being realized.”
Tav closes his mouth once more and burns at the mention of his ex-lover. He knows, he knows the things Mystra put Gale through were abhorrent, and he knows what he felt for her was not love, but he can’t bite back the feelings of hurt that arise from her name on his sweet tongue and it shames him.
“You don’t get it Tav,” He doesn’t, not fully, but what he does know is that since this all started, Gale hasn’t looked at him once. “This is all I’ve ever wanted. Everything has been leading up to this.” Gale goes on, still not even glancing over to where Tav sits on his bed, lost totally in his thoughts of ascendance. “Magic has been my life for as long as I can remember and now…” Gale trails off, magic sparking from his fingertips as he stares at them in reverence, and the dam inside Tav finally breaks.
“But…what about us? ” Tav croaks, staring into the distance between them, one that has never felt so large. The way Gale’s head whips to face him, surprise written across his face, tells him that he’s forgotten he was here and Tav has never felt smaller.
“Well…” Gale begins, taking a step closer to the bed. His voice is less confident than it was before and Tav doesn’t want to begin to think about what that means. “I’m sure you could ascend with me, my love.”
“I don’t want to be a God, Gale. I thought…” He trails off, unsure of how to continue without giving himself away. “I thought we had settled on a mortal life for the two of us. Our first night together, you told me I reminded you of the beauties of mortality, was that even true?”
“Of course it was.” Gale says before the question is fully asked, insult written across his face at the notion that he would lie. “You make life worth living, my love, but why would I choose a mortal life when I can become a God?”
The forwardness of his words has heat pressing behind Tav’s eyes and they burn almost as much as his heart does as it’s crushed inside his chest. If this is what Karlach feels, he doesn’t know how she does it.
“And if I choose a mortal life? Would you go on to live the rest of eternity without me?”
At this, Gale doesn’t answer, and they fall into an uncomfortable silence. In what he does not say in words, he says in actions as he continues to stand feet away, just out of reach. There is pain in his eyes, hurt, and perhaps regret if Tav looks hard enough. Regret at what, he does not know, but he feels it has something to do with himself.
“I will never be good enough for you…will I?” Tav whispers, and his voice cracks on the last two words. Gale flinches, as if hit, or as if he was caught with his true intentions. Thoughts without reason flood into his hurt mind and he knows he should allow Gale the time to find an answer, to explain, but the hurt has him on his feet and his words turn to thorns. They tear at his throat and when he swallows, he tastes blood. They spill from his lips like poison.
“I have always been second in your love. The Weave is as a lover to you and I could never compete with her. Godhood now warms your bed and I am pushed further down the list of things you love. And why should I be first in line? I am no God, I am no Goddess. ” Tav spits out in hysterics without reason or thought, it pours from him and pours and pours and he’s being unfair and he’s being unkind and the regret and the pain and the hurt chokes his throat until it closes and he can speak no more. Hot tears scald his cheeks and drop like molten onto the rug beneath his feet.
Gale is stunned speechless, mouth agape as the insecurities his lover feels fall into the space between. Tav sees them as ugly things, Gale sees them as reminders of his failures.
“Tav…” Gale bemoans, reaching a hand to cup his wet cheek, and he jerks away as if his touch was fire. “You surely cannot believe that. I-”
“I don’t know what I believe anymore.” Tav whispers and the look of hurt in Gale’s eyes makes him feel like throwing up. He can’t be here anymore.
Ripping himself from where he’s planted to the floor, he tears across the tent and through the flaps, not even looking behind when Gale calls after him, panic clear as day in his voice.
He does not say a word to anyone as he stalks across camp, ignoring the exclaims of worry at his tears, and grabs a spare sword from the armory before disappearing in the purple glow of an activated waypoint. The camp falls silent as every head turns to look at where Gale has hurried out of his tent, anxiety and shame etched into the very lines of his face.
Shadowheart is the first to move, unsurprisingly, and she grabs onto the collar of Gale’s shirt, pulling him down to eye level and glaring so fiercely, it would have even Jaheira cowering in fear. “What. Did. You. Do?” She spits, and there is nothing but hatred in her voice.
“I–I–” Gale attempts to get out but his regret leaves him stuttering, eyes filling with hot tears as he looks helplessly at the people around him. They are his friends, yes, but every last one of them is fiercely protective of Tav, and if the situation was switched, he would be the first to threaten harm upon anyone who dared hurt him. Lae’Zel levels her blade at him and even Astarion looks crueler than usual and he manages to push the words from his throat.
“I was simply telling him of my aspirations to reach Godhood and may have…insinuated that I would choose immortality over him-”
“YOU WHAT?” Karlach shrieks at the same time Wyll drops his face into his hands, shaking his head in disappointment.
“May have?” Shadowheart urges him on, shaking him in her grip.
“It was entirely accidental!” Gale gets out in one breath, and it’s true. While he has made mistakes in the past, the orb in his chest testament to that, he has always prided himself on his clever and thoughtful tongue. He does not insult without reason and seldom speaks without thinking, but his mouth moved faster than his thoughts and he was that man again who dreamed of living among the stars. He had been naive, he admits it now, the fantasies of a different man, and those dreams have long since passed.
If he had Godhood within his grasp a year ago, he would have taken that leap without a second thought. But, much has changed in a year’s time, he has changed in a year’s time, and it’s all due to the man that he loves. To know that his thoughtless words caused him such great pain, to know that he had been living with the belief that he was not Gale’s number one priority are knives in his chest that press deeper the longer Tav is gone from his side.
“I spoke without thinking and-”
“Nonsense.” Lae’Zel interrupts, words hissed through her clenched jaw. “You really expect us to believe such a ridiculous claim?”
“Oh, please.” Astarion calls lazily from where he leans against Wyll. He speaks with the voice of someone who would rather be anywhere else but his knuckles are white on his dagger and he is unable to wipe the sneer off his face. “When has Gale ever hurt our little Tav? Why would he start now?”
The camp falls silent at that, the only sound being the flames from the campfire licking the air around it. Shadowheart releases him from her grip and steps back to stand beside Lae’Zel, who lowers her blade after a moment of contemplation. Karlach still stands with her arms crossed in front of her but she no longer looks ready to bite his head off. Wyll’s arms drop to his side and he leans back against Astarion, his hand loosely finding his.
Wyll breaks the growing silence and shadow and hums thoughtfully as he glances over to where Tav disappeared.
“Well.” He begins, eyeing Gale pointedly. His tone holds no room for argument. “You better go get him.”
“Perfectly said, my love.” Astarion chirps, hand finally loosening its grip on his weapon as he begins to pull Wyll over to their tent. Shadowheart and Lae’Zel spare him one more glare, with Lae’Zel drawing one finger across her neck in a cutting motion before they too retreat to their tent. Karlach stands, unmoving, for a few seconds more before leaning in until only Gale can hear her words.
“You could live a thousand lifetimes and you still wouldn’t deserve him.” She says simply before stalking off, and even the burning fire feels cold.
And Gale knows that, Gods , he knows that. Knows he doesn’t deserve him in this life or the next, but he has him and he’s never letting him go. Perhaps he was born selfish, and perhaps he will die that way, but as long Tav remains beside him until the end of their days, he can’t find it in himself to care. He thinks the Gods can forgive him for his selfishness, for his disregard of their lifestyle, as one look at Tav and they too, would be forsaking immortality.
With that thought, he thinks of a location and disappears with a blur of purple, following after his love.
Tav loses track of how long he’s been lying beside the stream. He doesn’t remember where exactly he is, but the ground is cool against his heated skin and the dirt catches his tears as gently as a lover would. The water flows over his fingers from where he skims them across its surface, and even the cold of its embrace does not deter him. He wishes he could slip under the waves and stay there, heavy as a rock as he sinks to the bottom and lets the cold take him, he knows the others would be okay without him, and he knows Gale would move on. But, he also knows Gale will find him eventually, he always does, and he cannot leave him with just a body to pull from the water, as hurt as he is, he won’t do that to him.
The air around him burns with anticipation and he doesn’t need to turn around to see the waypoint spitting Gale out a few meters away. He pushes himself shakily on one numb arm to sit upright and does not wipe the tears on his face away, he knows it fruitless when there are inevitably more to come.
“Tav.” Gale breathes as he pushes out of the foliage of the forest, stumbling upon the clearing that he’s been hiding in. He says his name like it’s something reverent and it has his stomach lurching. He doesn’t think he can do this and he suddenly wishes he had been brave enough to face the unknown alone.
He feels Gale move closer until they are feet apart and this time, it is Tav who doesn’t turn to look at him and it might be the hardest thing he’s ever done.
“Tav,” Gale whispers again, his voice much closer now, and Tav cannot stop himself from curling into himself, hunching his shoulders and making himself as small as possible. He doesn’t think he can take any more heartbreak tonight. “You’ll catch a cold out here.”
They both know those aren’t the words he wishes to say but upon seeing Tav alone and small, beautiful and hurt, he finds cowardice overtaking him.
“Gale.” Tav speaks, still without even a glance back. His voice is broken and he sniffs with enough force that his shoulders jump, his hands shake where they still rest in the water and he prays Gale does not see. “If this is what love feels like, I’m not sure I want to feel it anymore.”
A sob escapes Gale before he can stop himself and he sinks to his knees behind his lover. At the sound of his despair, Tav’s own shoulders start shaking, his muffled sobs are just louder than a whisper. Gale’s heart breaks further at the fact that he now hides from him.
“No, my love.” Gale begins, reaching a hand to the shaking back that faces him, and the cowardice almost takes him once again, before he pushes past that and places his warm palm against his lover's covered skin. “This is not what love should feel like and I will never stop being sorry for making you feel this way. I am a fool of a man.” That gets a snort out of Tav and a wobbly smile makes it onto Gale’s face. “I must admit, when I realized Godhood was attainable, I was thirteen years old again. A boy in love with the stars who never knew anything but the Weave. I spoke thoughtlessly, carelessly, about a dream that has long since passed, and I hurt you.” He splays his hand between Tav’s shoulder blades and continues.
“I would choose you, a thousand times over, in a thousand different lifetimes. I would rather have the privilege of loving you in one mortal lifetime than live a thousand immortal years without you. To know you are to live.” At this, Tav pulls his hands from the water, long since gone numb, and turns to face Gale, unable to keep from looking at him any longer. His face is as ragged as his voice and his eyebrows furrow in despair, but he smiles upon finally gazing upon Tav’s face and raises his hands to cup his wet cheeks.
“It’s you, my love, it’s always been you.”
“I’m so sorry I ever made you believe otherwise.” Gale whispers, pain and love and loss and hope all shine in his eyes and Tav cannot stop from falling into him.
He sobs as he buries his face in Gale’s chest and his sorrow only grows louder as wide palms move across his back in an attempt to soothe him, soft words of love rain down upon his head and they fall lighter than rain.
“Oh, my love.” He hears Gale coo, and his voice is choked with tears. “My Tav.”
“I’m sorry.” Tav wails, rising onto his knees and pushing his face into Gale’s, bumping their foreheads together. “I’m so sorry.”
Gale’s hands fall from his back to curl around his waist as he nuzzles his nose against Tav’s. “You have nothing to be sorry for--”
“I do.” Tav moans, sobs finally quieting to soft cries as he clutches onto his lover like a lifeline. “I’m sorry for doubting you and I’m sorry for the cruel things I said and I’m sorry for making you come after me and–”
“No more of that.” Gale soothes, gently interrupting him as he brings them closer together. They are close, so close, and yet they are still too far apart. “Those things do not need apologizing for.”
“Please forgive me, regardless.” Tav whispers.
“Of course,” Gale whispers back. Pulling back to meet Tav’s eyes, he goes on. “Forgive me?”
“Always.” Tav’s arms curl further around Gale’s neck and his eyes flutter shut in weary at feeling so much at once. What a pair of fools the two of them made. “Will you kiss me?”
A huff of amusement, and then Gale’s lips are on his own, pliant and gentle as he kisses him like he’s something precious. His tongue coaxes his mouth open and Tav is so, so in love with this man and he feels as if he doesn’t tell him immediately, he’s going to lose his mind.
“I love you.” Tav mouths against Gale’s lips, unwilling to part but unwilling to go without professing such a thing to him. Gale moans into his mouth in response and pulls back just enough to get words out.
“I love you.” Gale pants hotly into the air between them and it sends a thrill down Tav’s spine before he is once again, unable to go without kissing him.
He does not know how long they spend kissing, but it’s long enough that the moon is a spotlight just for them in the sky. Begrudgingly, Gale pulls back, smiling at Tav’s whine. He is so tired, he does not even open his eyes as Gale pulls away, but he still does not wish to be parted from him.
“It’s late, my love. Let’s get you to bed.” Gale coaxes gently, and Tav falls into him as easy as breathing. He is blearily aware of them arriving back at camp, at the concerned looks of his friends that relax when they see him safe and unharmed. He only comes back to himself when his head hits the soft pillow of Gale's bed, the warm hands around him retreating to unfasten his day clothes.
"Do you wish me to stay?" His lover whispers, voice still unsure after the events of the evening. "I understand if you'd want some time-"
"Always." Tav interrupts, gently, hands grasping onto the fabric of Gale's nightclothes and pulling him to lay atop him. His eyes drift closed once again as Gale settles into him, mind calmed by the long fingers in his hair. The warm puffs of air keep him awake until his breathing evens and Tav is left with a quiet room and a heart, and arms, full of his love. "Always."