Chapter Text
Life has a funny way of lulling people into a false sense of security. Like, just when everything feels like it might be okay, the sky begins to fall. All anyone can do is look around in horror, as they wonder what heinous crimes they committed in a past life. What could they have possibly done to deserve all this?
Ellie has asked that question a million times. She has screamed, begged, and bargained for the lives of those she’s buried, but it was never enough. Not for any god or saint to answer, anyway. No, all that was left was her, wiping her own tears and washing the blood from her hands. But that was before. Before Joel, Tommy, Maria, and everyone else. Before she knew what it felt like to have a family.
Of course, now she lives in fear that they’ll be taken from her too. That she’ll have to watch as they die and not be able to do a damn thing to stop it. It’s worse than anything she’s ever felt before, this all-consuming fear. That one day, they’ll be gone and she’ll be alone again. That’s the price people pay when they love someone. She’s terrified that she’d have to grieve them her whole life and it still wouldn’t be enough.
“Kid, what do we think about chicken for dinner?” A voice disrupts her thoughts.
Speak of the devil and he shall appear. Ellie looks up from the homework she hadn’t actually been doing.
“Can we have some mashed potatoes with it?” She asks.
“You gonna help me peel them?” Joel raises an eyebrow.
Ellie sighs dramatically and motions to her homework. “You see, Joel, I’d love to, I really would.”
“Mmhm,” He crosses his arms.
“But you see, I have all this math homework. It’s due tomorrow and as you’ve said before, my education comes first.” She shrugs and smiles.
Joel rolls his eyes and then gives her a fake smile of his own. “You’re right, Ellie. You just sit there and finish up your homework.”
“Aww Joel, you’re just the best dad a girl could ask for.” She says, folding her hand and resting her chin on them.
Joel walks over to where she’s sitting, tucks a stray hair behind her ear, and gives her a shit-eating grin.
“Thanks, sweetheart but you’re gonna have to do way better than that.” He chuckles. “You’ve been staring at that paper for thirty minutes and I haven’t seen you write a godamn thing.”
“Joooeell-” She begins to whine.
“No mashed potatoes tonight,” He says as he begins to walk back towards the kitchen. “Maybe tomorrow, if you actually get your homework done.”
Ellie glares at his retreating back. “I take it back. You need some more training before I offer you the ‘best dad’ award.”
He chuckles while he starts pulling out the chicken. “Oh, yeah? Who would I be trained by?”
“I think Uncle Tommy could give you some pointers.”
Joel’s jaw practically drops before he turns to look at her. “Oh, you absolute little shit-”
Before he can finish his sentence Tommy, the man of the hour, bursts through the front door. He’s panting like he’s just run a mile and he has to lean against the door for a few moments to catch his breath.
Ellie points at him and looks at Joel. “I fucking summoned him, dude. Now he has to train you, it’s fate!”
Joel rolls his eyes before he walks over to stand behind her chair. Ellie expects him to tug at her ponytail in retaliation, but his eyes are focused soley on Tommy.
“What’s goin’ on, Tommy?” He asks.
Tommy’s eyes flit between the two of them before he settles his gaze on Joel. “Marlene and about ten other Fireflies are right outside the gate.”
Joel’s hands tighten where they had settled on her shoulders and Ellie inhales a sharp gasp. Her hands immediately begin to shake. She can’t fucking breathe and her thoughts spiral until they’re just one repeating loop. It’s happening again, it’s happening again, it’s happening again.
She doesn’t know when, but at some point Joel had come to kneel in front of the chair she’s still sitting in.
“Ellie, baby, look at me.” He begs. “You’ve gotta breathe, baby girl.”
His voice sounds distant to her ears but she tries her best to make out what he’s saying. Breathe . Right, she can do that. It feels like the entire population of Jackson is sitting on her chest, but she can do that. She attempts an inhale that sounds shaky even to her, but the much needed oxygen still helps.
Joel caresses her wrist with his thumb. “There you go, baby. Just like that, in and out.”
Ellie grabs his hand and wraps her fingers around his. He squeezes her hand and brings it up to his lips for a quick kiss. She tries to let her breathing get a little more even before she speaks but they don’t have much time before a decision needs to be made.
“Dad-” She gasps out.
“I’ve got you, Ellie.” He promises. “Don’t try to talk yet. Just focus on breathing, okay?”
She shakes her head but her body gives her no choice but to comply with his words.
Tommy makes his way closer to them. He stands behind Joel and puts a hand on his brother’s shoulder.
“We’ve got time, Ellie.” He says. “We took all their guns and we’ve got all of ours pointed straight at them. They can’t do anythin’ but wait and I promise, we’re all happily on your schedule.”
Ellie knows that he’s comforting both her and Joel at the same time. He’s telling her to take her time, while also subtly letting Joel know that there’s no way they can get to her.
She sighs and her hands shake a little less. “Thanks, Uncle Tommy.”
He gives her a fond smile. “No problem, darlin’.”
As she starts to calm down, she notices the tremors she still feels aren’t coming from her, but Joel. His hands shake around hers and his eyes are roaming all over her face, trying to make sure she’s okay. Fuck.
Ellie’s aware that Joel is basically a walking panic attack most of the time. Always ready for a fight, always thinking about the absolute worst case scenario. It’s why he’s so trigger happy. He may think he’s just a monster with uncontrollable violent tendencies, but she knows that’s not true. He cried the first time he held his nephew. He plays board games with her whenever she wants even though he hates them. He holds her through her nightmares while he whispers how much he loves her. No, she’s met real monsters. People who use fear as a weapon and take pleasure in causing pain. Joel’s violence doesn’t come from him, but from a world that has torn him apart in every conceivable way.
What happened the last time they interacted with Marlene surely isn’t helping his anxiety. She feels guilty for scaring him the way she did, everyday. She sees his terrified face in her dreams sometimes. Remembers how he’d thrashed against the arms holding him back to try and get the gun away from her. The look in his eyes, no longer the playful Joel she knew, but a father, who would do whatever it took to avoid losing another daughter. A soldier, who would kill anyone who stood in his way.
She pulls her hands out of his grip and uses them to hold both sides of his face. “Dad, I’m okay. You heard Tommy, they can’t get to me. We’re the ones in control, we’re safe.”
Joel sighs and turns his head to kiss her palm. “I know. I know, baby girl. Everything’s gonna be fine.”
“And hey, if this goes wrong, you might finally get to shoot Marlene the way I know you’ve been wanting to.” Ellie teases.
Joels huffs a laugh. “Don’t tempt me.”
“Seriously, don’t tempt him.” Tommy snorts. “We both know he would and I’d rather not explain a dead body to my wife.”
Joel turns to glare at his brother. “I didn’t say it would be a fatal shot. I do have some self-control.”
Tommy rolls his eyes. “Not when it comes to your kids, you don’t.”
Joel shrugs and turns back towards Ellie. They all know he can’t deny that one.
“You feelin’ okay?” He asks.
Ellie nods. “As okay as I can be.”
Joel nods and stretches up to kiss her forehead. “Whatever you wanna do, sweetheart, we’ll do it.”
Ellie had imagined this day a million times. It was always coming, she just didn’t think it would be this soon. It had been less than a year since the incident in Salt Lake City. She’d told them that if they found a way to extract what they needed for the vaccine without killing her, she’d be all theirs. Now, it seems it’s time for her to make good on her promise.
Sure, they could’ve simply given up on finding a different solution. They could be here to attempt to take her against her will and perform the original surgery, but she doubts it. For Marlene to walk into Jackson with only ten men behind her, out-gunned and vulnerable, would be incredibly stupid. Not to mention, she knows Joel’s been waiting, practically praying, for the opportunity to take her out.
“We’ve gotta at least talk to her, Joel.” Ellie says, waiting for his protest.
“We don’t have to do shit.” He predictably insists. “Her and all the damn Fireflies can go fuck themselves.”
“ I have to talk to her.” She stresses. “I have to know if they’ve found a way. If we can finally end this.”
He sighs. “Ellie-”
“You said whatever I want to do, we’ll do it. This is what I want to do. Please, Dad-” She pleads.
Joel finally stands up and pulls her into his arms. “Okay, okay, baby girl.”
Ellie wraps her arms around his waist and practically sobs into his chest.
“We’ll talk to her, I promise. But Ellie, if I even think for a second that you’re in danger, I don’t know what I’ll do.” He says into her hair.
“I think we all know what you’ll do.” Tommy mumbles.
Ellie doesn’t see the look Joel gives him but she assumes it’s murderous.
“We’ll let Marlene in but nobody else. The rest of her guys can wait outside the gate and I want them watched at all times.” Joel orders. “We’ll grab some guns and bring her here to talk. No one outside this room can know why she’s here.”
“I want Maria here, too.” Ellie interjects.
Joel pulls her away from his chest to look at her in shock. “Ellie, she doesn’t know you’re immune.”
“I know, but I think it’s time to tell her.” She responds.
Joel looks at Tommy, looking for his opinion.
Tommy rubs the back of his neck anxiously. “I mean, Ellie has been here a while now and Maria loves her. If we do end up letting Marlene in, and she’s not full of shit about this vaccine, she’d wanna know.”
“Are you sure?” Joel asks.
Tommy gives him a small smile. “Yeah, I’m sure. She’s gonna be pissed that I didn’t tell her sooner, but I don’t want to keep lying to her.”
“Do you think someone could watch the baby for you guys?” Ellie asks anxiously. “I don’t want him here for whatever this turns out to be.”
“Yeah, darlin’. We’ve got some friends in town who watch him for us sometimes. He’ll be safe, I promise.” Tommy assures her.
Joel nods. “Okay, you go tell Maria and get that kid somewhere safe. Grab all the guns you got and come get me, we’ll go get Marlene together.”
“Sounds like a plan.” Tommy agrees.
He shuffles closer to Ellie and tugs playfully on her ponytail. “I’ll be back, kid. Maria’ll stay with you while your dad and I grab Marlene.”
Ellie flicks his jaw in retaliation. “Okay, give Marcus a wet willie for me.”
“He’s three months old, Ellie.” Tommy snorts.
She shrugs. “Kids gotta learn.”
Tommy just chuckles and heads out the door.
As soon as he’s gone, Joel fixes his shockingly serious gaze on her.
“I need you to listen to me, Ellie.” He orders. “We’re not gonna have a repeat of what happened last time.”
Ellie feels her stomach drop and opens her mouth to apologize for the millionth time.
“I’m not angry, baby.” He says before she gets the chance. “But I need you to understand that I’m making the rules this time.”
She takes a breath and nods for him to continue.
“We’re gonna listen to what she has to say but like I said, If I even have so much as a feeling that she’s lying, I’m gonna kill her.” He states. “And if anything goes wrong, you don’t try to help. You get out of there as fast as you can, you run until you get somewhere safe, understand me?”
Ellie feels her eyes start to burn with tears and shakes her head. “No, Dad-”
“Yes, Ellie.” He gently grips her chin. “No matter what happens, you run. We’re doing this because you want to and I won’t ever take the choice away from you, but I need to know that you’re gonna listen to me. That you’ll be safe.”
There’s no getting around it, he’s gonna make her swear. There’s a determined look in his eyes that says he’s not taking “no” for an answer.
She holds eye contact with him. “Okay.”
“Say it back to me.” He orders.
“What you say goes.” She sighs. “If something goes wrong, I’ll run and get somewhere safe. I’ll listen to you and I won’t put myself in danger, I swear.”
He holds her gaze for a few more seconds before pulling her into his arms. He presses a long kiss into the top of her head.
“I love you, Ellie.” He whispers.
She squeezes her eyes shut to try and stop the onslaught of tears that threaten to spill from her eyes.
“I love you too, Dad.” She chokes out. “Everything’s gonna be fine.”
She really fucking hopes she’s right.
*
tbc