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It was an exciting morning in the Hashira House. The Pillars had spent the past ten days searching for jobs, adjusting to the modern world, and buying necessities. However, one Hashira in particular gave himself a very unique mission…prepare for the holidays. Every single one. And this morning, a fearsome fiddling began to echo through the halls.
It was an incessant, and annoying sound, especially to the Wind Hashira, who enjoyed a late rest on his non-mattress. So, when Sanemi heard the wretched instrument, he grabbed his sword, and marched down the stairs from the attic,“Hey, what the hell is that?!”
“Top of the mornin to ya, Sanemi!!” Greeted Tengen Uzui with a stereotypical Irish accent.
“Why are you talking like that? And what the fuck are you wearing??”
Indeed, Uzui was dressed for the day--a kitschy green shirt that said ‘kiss me I’m Irish’, and several clovers to garnish. Hell, he even painted his nails and makeup green! “Why, I’m dressed for Saint Patrick’s Day, my boy!!~” Tengen smiled, continuing to fiddle the Foggy Dew.
Eventually, several other Hashira were awoken by the commotion, and arrived on the scene, leaving their bedrooms. Unfortunately, there were only six rooms in the house, so a couple Hashira had to squeeze in together.
“Oh my…what is all this, Uzui??” Mitsuri gasped, staring at Tengen in surprise.
“It’s a traditional Irish Song--Go on home British Soldiers!!”
“Ah, I see!” Kyojuro smiled, leaving his own room. “It is Saint Patrick’s Day!!”
“Precisely, best buddy!”
“He just said that thirty seconds ago…” Sanemi groaned.
“Isn’t it offensive to use a fake accent??” Shinobu groaned, smiling at Uzui and imagining her hands around his neck.
“Not at all my dear! Especially when we’re celebrating the culture!!”
“I think it’s especially racist then, Tengen…” Giyu sighed deeply as he walked up the stairs. Like Sanemi, he didn’t take one of the six rooms, instead taking a spare room in the basement.
“Wha…no!!”
“Why does Tengen look so awful?” Muichiro stepped out of his room, Following behind Tomioka. He also slept in a room in the Basement.
“I DO NOT!!” Tengen abandoned his accent, and his tune came to a screeching halt.
“Don’t tell me this is another one of Tengen’s Holiday parties…” Gyomei left his room, still wearing the sleep mask he…didn’t really need actually.
Tengen approached the Stone Pillar, pinching his arm. “You’re not wearing green! That’s bad luck!!”
Obanai sleepily emerged from his own room next, too tired to greet the others. Naturally, Tengen approached to pinch him, the Serpent Pillar shortly grabbing his wrist. “Do not.”
“Woah woah woah! Just kidding around…” Tengen sighed. “Anyways, c’mon, I got the whole day planned!!”
“...Yeah, I’m going back to my room.” Giyu sighed, stumbling back downstairs.
“Fine, be gone with you, ye fecker!!”
“Tengen!” Gyomei gasped.
“What? This is a religious holiday, it’s very important to celebrate!!”
“This is true!” Kyojuro chimed. “Saint Patrick was an incredibly important bishop, whose influence on Christianity can be seen even today! If he were here, I would gladly accept him as a Hashira!!”
“Really?” Shinobu chuckled awkwardly. “Well…how do we celebrate??”
“An excellent question! How do we celebrate, Uzui??”
“Well…” Tengen looked away.
That Night…
“Cheers everyone!!” Kyojuro beamed, tapping his glass to the other pillars’. He didn’t usually drink, but on a holiday with friends, he could spare a pint.
For Cultural Holidays such as St. Patrick's Day, Uzui preferred to have special dinners. So, their dining room table was covered with traditional irish entrees; Cabbage and Sausage, Potato Rolls, Shepherd's Pie, and plenty of Soda Bread!! Several Hashira came around on the holiday (more or less).
Kyojuro, Mitsuri, Muichiro, and even Shinobu wore green, though whether Tokito or Kocho were genuinely celebrating or avoiding a pinch was unclear.
“So what is that stuff, anyways?” Muichiro spoke up, noticing the Hashira’s peculiar green drinks.
“Oh! Uh,” Mitsuri began. “It’s like apple juice, but it’s spicy! You wouldn’t like it.”
“Oh, it’s beer. Okay.”
“Um, yeah!!” Mitsuri blushed; of all the hashira, she babied Muichiro the most.
“Tasty! Buddy, this meal is fantastic!!” Kyojuro spoke, hastily taking another bite of Bread Pudding. “And where did you get this tasty green ale?”
“Well, let’s just say I had help!~” Tengen pulled out an ID—he got a job at the local pub!
“You got the job? Congratulations!!” Shinobu smiled.
“How did they ever hire you?” Giyu asked skeptically.
“What can I say? I’m a man of many skills!” Tengen grinned.
However, not every Hashira was invested in the holiday. Sanemi took another swig of booze and puffed,”This is just cheap beer with food dye!”
“Shinazugawa, this day commemorates a saint, and we should treat it as such!” Gyomei puffed. “Which is why I believe he would be disappointed in all of us for drinking so excessively…”
Gyomei had been praying reverently all day--despite not being christian himself, he had absolute respect for a fellow man of faith. And he could only assume saint Patrick was rolling in his grave thinking about how many people drink because of him.
“Have any of you seen Obanai?” Mitsuri asked.
“Yeah, I gave him an outfit and everything!” Tengen grumbled.
“That’s probably why he’s not coming down…” Giyu added; thankfully his Haori was green, so he didn’t need to worry.
“Hey, Iguro! Kanroji wants ya!!” Tengen shouted into the Alexa.
Iguro shortly responded,”I-I’m not wearing this down!”
Such a sudden, flustered response immediately garnered the Hashira’s attention; what would the Serpent Pillar want to hide??
“Iguro my friend, there’s no shame in it! Following Holiday Traditions is a great way to—“
“CAN IT KYOJURO! I’m not coming down!!” Obanai immediately hissed.
“Please Obi?” Mitsuri pouted. “I helped to make the meal, I want us all to enjoy it together!!…”
“…I’ll be down in a few minutes.” Obanai grumbled.
“Well done, Kanroji.” Gyomei smiled.
“Yeah, I gotta see what he’s talking about!!” Sanemi hurriedly got his phone ready.
At this point, most of the Hashira were fairly buzzed. Even Kyojuro, who usually abstained from drinking, had sipped half a pint! So, Iguro slowly made his way down the stairs, the clicking of buckled shoes immediately drew snickers of excitement from Tengen.
The other Hashira watched around the corner in anticipation, until Obanai revealed himself…like Tengen, he was dressed to impress…however, he was far too well dressed! A green suit, green top hat, even Kaburamaru wore a clover garnish!! But most noticeable…the blazing ginger beard he wore, and the pointy ear pieces. Obanai Iguro, somehow, had been convinced into dressing like a Leprechaun. And his beet red face was a testament to his regret.
“Awww, you look so good!!~” Mitsuri chimed.
“Y-yes!— snrk!— you look great!— wheeze! ” Kyojuro struggled to get a sentence out.
“Yeah! What a flashy little man!!~” Tengen covered his mouth as he tried to laugh.
Shinobu and Sanemi both had a lot to say. But they couldn’t get it out over the violent outburst of their laughter.
“W-why didn’t you dress her up?! She’s the real Leprechaun!!” Obanai pointed towards the Insect Hashira furiously. Sanemi took a long video, that was shortly interrupted by Iguro knocking the phone from his hand, and begrudgingly sitting next to Mitsuri. “Whatever…just get me a damn drink…”
“You know what,” Gyomei stood, and smiled proudly. “I’d like some too!”
“Eh? Really?!” Tengen’s eyes lit up.
“Yes, I suppose I should lighten up more! What could go wrong??”
A couple hours later…
“…Out in the club, and I'm sippin' that bub
And you're not gonna reach my telephone!!” Tengen poured his entire heart and soul into group Karaoke.
Tengen was always an exceptional party planner; each Hashira (minus Giyu) owed their awesome birthday parties to him. And his Holiday parties were truly legendary. So it was no shock that what began as a simple, traditional Irish dinner, rapidly snowballed into a drunken party.
“Hehehe, you should sing with me Mui!!~” Mitsuri giggled, holding her third pint in one hand, and both arms wrapped around the sober Mist Pillar.
“Nah.” Muichiro answered bluntly. It was weird, he was used to being babied by the others, but not this much! Plus, they were all acting funny.
“Hhey…hug’me like ‘dat…”Obanai slurred bluntly, demanding the Love Hashira’s attention. If only anyone understood him. Of the group, he was most definitely the lightweight—he only had a single pint and he was hammered!!
“Kyojuro, could you help me?? Tomioka put the juice on the top shelf, I want a cocktail!” Shinobu puffed, trying to reach the top of the fridge.
“Huh?” Kyojuro turned. He was already hard of hearing, but when buzzed, you’d be better off using sign language.
“I need the juice!”
“Need the wha??”
“JUICE YOU JACKASS!!” Shinobu shrieked. She tended to abandon her kind facade after a few shots.
“What’s wrong Tomioka??” Sanemi puffed, currently locked in an arm wrestling match. He was an angry drunk, but did that surprise anybody. “Afraid you’ll lose to a *real* Hashira?!”
“Funny,” Giyu smiled smugly. He tended to open up more with alcohol, even to Sanemi. “I don’t see Shinobu anywhere. Even she puts up a better challenge.”
“YOU MOTHERFUCKER!!” Sanemi swung at Giyu, who stumbled back, laughing.
“Woah! Did you see that??” Mitsuri pointed at the battling Hashira,“They’re…like an old married couple! Hehe!!~”
“No…” Gyomei sniffed. “I can’t see anything…” He began to blubber. As the Hashira were discovering, Gyomei was a sad drunk.
“Aww, it’s okay big guy!!”
“Yeah…sh’ok…” Obanai nodded. Muichiro used the chance to escape Mitsuri’s grip. He quietly went down to the basement, where his things were set up. Tomorrow was gonna be fun…
The Next Morning…
“Ugh…that…was…GREAT!!” Tengen hopped up from the couch he was sprawled on. Somehow he was never hungover.
“Speak for yourself… HRRK!! ” Obanai had woken up first, vomiting into a trash bin.
“Can both of you shut the hell up?…” Shinobu hissed. At first, both pillars assumed such cruel words came from Sanemi, who laid on the ground with a lampshade on his head.
“Sorry, Short-nobu!!” Tengen laughed, promptly receiving a pillow to the face.
“Hey…where’s Giyu?…” Sanemi groaned as he slowly awoke, wanting to finish that fight he started.
“HEY!!” Giyu shouted from the backyard.
The Waking Hashira funneled out there, to find a hectic scene. Mitsuri was crying and whimpering, desperately flailing the pool net around, trying to catch Giyu, whose mattress floated on the pool.
“Heheh, heh…” Sanemi snickered. Oh yeah, he forgot they did that.
“Where is Gyomei?” Shinobu joined them outside. “We didn’t kill him, right??”
“I live for the applause, hic! applause hic! , applause…” Gyomei mumbled lyrics, sprawled out on the roof.
“Jesus, did any of you have a good night’s rest??” Tengen looked at the other pillars.
“I did.” Muichiro spoke; when the hell did he get there??
“WOAH!!” Tengen flinched…then felt his stomach drop. Did it finally happen? Was he hungover??…“Uh, hey Kid. How was the party?”
“It was loud. I went to bed early.”
“Aww, damn. Here I would’ve slipped you a shot.”
“Like hell you would.” Shinobu glared at Uzui.
“Nah, that stuff tastes gross. Oh yeah, and Kyojuro wanted me to get you guys. He’s in the kitchen.” Muichiro spoke gently.
In the kitchen, Kyojuro wore a strained smile. “Hello friends…” Despite his raspy voice, he still tried to be as friendly as ever.
“Hey buddy..”
“Hey…”
“Hi Kyojuro.”
“Here, everyone take a sip.” Kyojuro offered a jar of pickles, his lips stained green.
That did it. Uzui strained, before vomiting. Perhaps that was divine punishment. Or perhaps, it was the sign of yet another successful party.
The Hashira will return! After they cure their hangover…