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Paige looked out the window as Officer Nathan drove toward town. James gurgled happily, the sun glinted off the sea, she could smell the salt on the breeze...it was perfect.
Was it perfect?
'Cause I really love you, stop
"Can you turn that off?" she asked, irritated, but she couldn't say why.
I'll be thinking of you
"What?" Nathan asked, forehead crinkling like he didn't understand.
Look in my heart and let love keep us together
"That song," she said, reaching for the radio and punching the off button. "I can't handle that song."
"You got something against Captain and Tennille?" he asked, mild, amused.
"You can abuse your ears all you like, but there's no way I'm listening to this." Dimly, from somewhere in the back of her mind, something tingled.
"...There's no way I'm dying to this," she said slowly.
That got a sharp look from Nathan. "Who said anything about dying?"
But she didn't even hear him, too lost in a sudden world of images flashing before her eyes. A whole life, once shrouded, now suddenly unfolding before her in Technicolor. A life of joy and heartbreak and trust and pain, all overlaid by the kind of love that had tears suddenly stinging her eyes. It was a life she'd wanted. And she'd forgotten it.
"Hey, you okay?" Nathan asked, like she wasn't having a full-blown existential crisis in the passenger seat of his bronco.
When she didn't respond, he tried again: "Paige?"
"Audrey," she snapped. Now that the memories were back, so was the rage. "My name is Audrey. And this isn't real."
Audrey looked skyward and called out: "Agent Howard! The seams are showing!"
Just like that, the car vanished, Haven vanished, fake!Nathan vanished, and Audrey once again found herself in the barn. Alone. With Howard.
Of course.
Audrey rounded on him. "Are you kidding me?"
"Now Audrey—"
"No. I'm talking now. 'Paige?' Afraid-of-guns Paige with her baby, needing to be rescued? Have you met me?" Audrey bit out.
Agent Howard remained placid. "This reaction was not the intended one."
"Fantastic! Because you thinking that insipid, postcard vision of heteronormative Americana appeals to me makes me want to puke. And I'd hate to ruin your nice clean floors here."
If Agent Howard could betray emotion, Audrey would guess he was frustrated. Well, boo-freaking-hoo.
"If only you would cooperate. Why must you both be so difficult?"
Audrey stilled. Then she narrowed her eyes. "Take me to Duke."
Agent Howard simply sighed.
***
When Howard let her into Duke's room—as plain and white and empty as all the rest—Duke instantly stood, messy and beautiful and perfect, too much emotion in his eyes for her to even catalogue. And Audrey was completely unprepared for the wave of guilt that crashed down on her. She'd sidelined him, let him go it alone, let him think she didn't care...or that she cared more for Nathan. She'd failed him.
But no. That hadn't happened. None of that was real. And she could make it right, here, now, moving forward. That didn't have to be the story.
For a moment, Audrey let herself feel the heartbreak of it, the wrongness of it...and then she boxed it away. He was here.
She rushed to him, got scooped up in his arms the way she could only handle from him. Or Nathan. The way that instantly felt like home.
"Duke," she breathed into his chest, happy, for once, to smell the stale sweat of him. Happy for something real.
"Audrey," Duke murmured into her hair, relief leaking all over his words.
She pulled back, looking up into his eyes. "Tell me you weren't there for any of that."
Duke frowned. "If you mean Nathan—"
"Oh, thank god." The swell of relief was a surprise, but it really shouldn't be. She didn't want Duke to have those memories. She didn't want him to know how badly she could treat him.
If she had anything to say about it, it'd never happen in reality.
Duke picked up on her inner turmoil. Because Duke. "Aren't you gonna tell me?" he asked, soft, his fingers going to her cheek, like he couldn't believe she was real. The gentleness of it made her ache.
"Agent Howard showed me a vision of the world that I just couldn't accept."
Duke nodded, understanding. "Ruled by clowns?"
Audrey burst out laughing, desperately glad to have him back, here, in her arms. "I think we've all had enough clowns. And discussion of the lost colony at Roanoke."
"Someone in your alt-world really like sixth grade Social Studies?" Duke guessed, letting her off the hook like the wonderful, treasured man he was.
"Don't pretend you went to class," Audrey shot back, quick, light, familiar. They fit together so easily; it was the rest of the world that made it hard.
Duke's eyes crinkled as he smiled and Audrey found herself touching him there, where he betrayed his happiness. That was what she wanted: Duke, happy.
Audrey sobered then. "You followed me."
Duke nodded, hair falling in his eyes in that fetching way he had. "Nathan asked me to. And...I couldn't let you go alone."
Audrey nodded back. As simple as that. Duke did what Audrey asked and kept Nathan from stopping her. Duke did what Nathan asked and followed her into the barn. Duke's loyalty was beyond doubt, beyond reproach, beyond comprehension some days.
Audrey reached for him then, drawing his mouth to hers. It was supposed to be comforting, grateful. But she always managed to forget, Duke was Duke, in the best way possible and it proved true here, Duke opening his mouth, lapping at her bottom lip. What was meant as solace quickly turned molten, Duke making it real, suggestive, overwhelming. Like this was his one shot and he would damn well take it.
Audrey lost herself in it, relishing the taste of him, the feel of him underneath her hands, a solid block of muscle that was real and here and alive.
Finally, she broke the kiss, panting into his mouth for a moment.
Duke dipped his head to get more, but Audrey pulled away, opening a chasm of cold air between them. She had to or else they'd never stop. And she had no intention of giving Agent Howard that kind of show.
"For once, I'm really glad there are no horizontal surfaces in this place," she joked, weak, heart racing.
Duke's eyes darkened. "Don't joke," he said, serious as the grave.
"I'm not," she shot back without thought. She could feel it. She knew herself. She knew how desperately she wanted. And she was tired of pretending it wasn't true.
"But Nathan..."
Audrey shook her head. Of course it was Nathan. It was always Nathan with him. Sometimes she wondered if even he realized how much.
"I've just spent what felt like years living in a nightmare because I had to choose. And you know what, Duke? I'm not choosing. I'm done with choosing."
Something pained flitted across Duke's face at that. He looked away. "Let me guess: last time, you didn't choose me."
He looked back at her for the answer, eyes flickering when he got the confirmation he wanted. "Right. That's what I thought."
"In case you missed it the first time: nightmare. So I am no longer denying myself. I choose you. I choose Nathan. I choose to be happy."
Duke smiled at that, like she was hopeless. And hell, maybe she was. But that didn't make it any less her choice.
"Agent Howard!" she called.
He appeared in front of them, unruffled as ever, but Audrey could sense some distress in him. She didn't know how, but she could feel it.
"Take us back to Nathan," Audrey demanded.
"The barn has not fully recharged. If you leave now, the cycle will not be complete."
"Screw the damn cycle. The barn needs love? I need the men I love." Audrey could feel Duke startle at that, but she stayed focused on Howard, who simply stared at her. "You said I have to want to go into the barn. Well, guess what? I don't want to be here anymore. Take us back."
For a moment, Howard seemed to think it over. Then he nodded, once. "Be warned, there will be consequences for this."
"Bring it," Audrey shot back, unrepentant. Howard just smiled and was gone.
Audrey turned back to Duke, who watched her like he didn't even know if she was real. Like he couldn't believe any of this was happening.
"Nope, not regretting that," she insisted.
"And yet somehow I still doubt it."
"This cycle has to end. Me disappearing, sacrificing my love, it's not working. How many times have I done this? How many times has it failed? Why am I doing the same thing over and over again, like something will change?"
"Because you'll always save Haven. That's what you do."
"I love Haven. And I love you. And Nathan. Differently than I love Haven, obviously," she added.
Duke snorted, but still didn't seem convinced.
Audrey pulled him close again, holding his gaze until he got it, until he believed her on a bone-deep level. And when it settled in...he looked nothing short of gut-punched.
She continued, softly: "Maybe instead of sacrificing my love, I should embrace it. Maybe this is not the punishment we think it is." She could feel her words resonate within herself, something true there. She didn't know what that meant or how it worked, but it was there, as certain as her love for this maddening man.
Duke just shook his head, once. "I would really like that to be true."
"I would really like to have hours of dirty, sweaty sex with you. And Nathan. Think you can handle that?"
Duke shifted, turned on and hiding it, badly—she was a goddamn FBI agent, thank you very much—his eyes widening. "Think you need to check with Nathan on that one."
"I really don't. You two might as well wear neon signs. Someday you'll have to tell me the story."
"After all the dirty, sweaty sex?" he asked, that old spark of mischief in his eyes, the sly humor she'd missed, desperately.
Audrey smiled, wicked. "Well, maybe not after. I plan on having for a long time to come."
Duke snorted, then leaned down for a, mercifully brief, kiss. "Howard wasn't kidding. The barn hasn't got its fill of you."
"The feeling's not mutual."
"Audrey..."
"Whatever comes next, we will figure it out. You, me, Nathan. Together."
Duke nodded. "Together."
***
Fin.