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“You can’t go on like this forever.”
Grover Underwood’s voice, hardly known to him, yet so familiar all the same, bore the faintest stain of disappointment as he walked to stand beside Jason by the lake.
“I can certainly try,” he responded dryly.
It had been three weeks since Percy had asked the question. A week since he’d asked again, a little less casually than before. Jason knew it was only a matter of time before his patience ran out, and he’d start asking for answers Jason wasn’t sure he had.
“You’ll end up hurting him, I hope you know that,” Grover said, bringing him out of his thoughts. “You’re not meeting a godsdamned god, Jason. You’re meeting his family. Sally is the sweetest woman you will ever meet, Estelle is the cutest little girl who I know would make even you laugh before ten minutes have gone by, and Paul will pretend to be mad at you for two seconds before they both drag you off for the conversation I already know you know is gonna happen. Annabeth even told you what they’ll say. So what is it? What are you so afraid of?”
Jason gave him no answer. What could he say? ‘I’m terrified and I can’t really up my finger on why` sounded like an excuse he made up on the spot, and ‘I’m not Annabeth, you don’t know that they’ll like me’ was somehow worse, as if he was discarding both Grover and Annabeth’s experiences with Percy’s family in favour of…. something.
Two minutes passed. Then five. The silence continued to linger in the afternoon sun, before it was broken by the call to dinner.
“Think about it,” Grover said. “You won’t have forever to figure this out. And for your sake, I truly hope you do.”
Then he left Jason standing as he had been before he came, gazing into Camp Halfblood’s lake as he searched for the answers he already knew he wouldn’t find.
Piper’s apartment would always be a safe place. Even years after splitting up, Jason still found that she understood him like few others, save for the rest of the Seven that was, and now that she was truly comfortable in her own skin, her words bore more power than any weapon.
Today, he was not so happy with that fact.
“Grover’s right,” she told him, her tone a balm that settled over the skin. “You never got to meet my dad properly, after all. This is the first time you’re doing this. And meeting the parents is a big thing. It’s often what really shows someone that they’re serious about the relationship, that they intend for it to last.”
Jason smiled, even as he felt his eyes grow heavy. “So what should I do then? I don’t have a family to introduce him to. He’s known Thalia longer than I have, probably knows her better too, and my dad is not even happy with this to begin with, so I’m left with nothing. How do I show that when I’m alone?”
Piper sent him a knowing look as she took his hands in hers. His eyes fell closed as pressure built from behind them, emotions rushing over him like the tidal waves Percy made for the younger demigods from time to time.
“Hey.” Her thumbs stroked the back of his hands. “It’s ok, Jason. It’s ok.”
When he failed to respond, the strokes became a squeeze, his eyes flying open in response.
“Look at me,” she said. “Follow my breath. In and out.”
There was no charmspeak in her words. It wasn’t necessary either. Though he stumbled somewhat in the beginning, he felt his heartbeat slow as she continued to guide him back to a state of calm.
When the pressure was gone, and his breaths remained slow and steady, she let go of him.
“Is that what this is truly about?” She asked him. “That you’re worried you won’t be able to show Percy that you mean it as deeply as he does?”
“I don’t-” Jason cut himself off. “Yes. But no? It’s part of it, I think, but at the same time, that’s not all of it. I can’t place it. Not quite. Does that make sense at all?”
Piper nodded. “Remember when I told you I was terrified of meeting Shel’s mom for the first time? For some reason, meeting her dad was fine, but her mom was a terrifying prospect. I didn’t really think about it then, but after I got to know her, I realised that it was because I don’t know what it’s like to have a mom. I mean, I have one, but she can’t see me unless circumstances are dire, and meeting my girlfriend probably doesn’t qualify. Even if she is the goddess of love.”
Jason froze. A shudder ran through him as he pondered her words. The similarities between his current situation, and hers.
“You think the reason why I’m scared is because I don’t know what it means to have a mom?”
Her hands took his again as she answered, her words so very gentle, and yet crushing all the same.
“I think you’re terrified because you don’t know what it means to have a normal family. And the idea of messing it up because of that is unbearable for you. When have you ever been allowed to fail, Jason? When has the expectation been anything other than perfection? You’re used to performing. To being measured. And this, this you have no reference for. Because the only expectation is that you’ll come as yourself. That is all they’ll want. And that, Jason, that, for them, is good enough.”
Eight days after his conversation with Piper, Jason found himself seated in Percy’s cabin at Camp Halfblood, anxiously awaiting the arrival of his boyfriend. The words of his friends had given him much to ponder, and even more to work through, sorting the tangled mess of his feelings and experiences into boxes that made sense. Percy had once explained to him the process of untangling a rope in tight knots, how pulling on it only made it easier to tear, and it was gentle and nimble hands that managed to figure out and resolve the puzzling mess, and as his own work had progressed throughout the week, Jason had come to realise the tale made for an apt metaphor.
His knots had been wound tight. It had taken many a careful pull to finally loosen the rope enough to unwind it all. But it had been worth it. At least, he hoped it would.
The sound of the cabin door opening pulled him from his thoughts, as the familiar figure of Percy came into view, his hair a somewhat untamed mess that still managed to be far too cute. He’d been swimming then, as usual.
“Love?”
Rising from where he sat on the bed, Jason wrapped an arm around Percy the second he was within reach and gave him a sweet kiss. Had things been as they usually were, he would have stayed there until they were both desperate for breath, but as they were not, he settled for a long few seconds before pulling back instead.
Percy took his hand as they both sat down, cradling it in his own as a serious look came over his face.
“You said you wanted to talk?”
Jason nodded. “Yeah.” He swallowed heavily before elaborating. “It’s, uhm, it’s about meeting your family. Why I haven’t said yes yet, that is. I don’t know if I’ll be able to explain it as well as I want to, but you deserve to know what’s going on.”
“I was curious about that,” Percy admitted. “Not that I’d push you or anything, but it’s not something I’ve ever experienced, and you probably know how loved my mom is around here. And it’s not that it hurts, exactly, but it’s weird, really weird.”
“I’m sorry,” Jason responded. “I really am. I’ve been stupid about this whole thing, haven’t I? All of this is stupid, and it’s because of me. Because of what’s been going on with me.”
Percy gave him a sideways smile. “You have kind of been an ass about it, yeah. Annabeth asked me yesterday if she was so off putting for me that I had to find another brain stuffed full of stupidity. She called you Cloud Brain. Somehow, I think Seaweed Brain is a little better than that.”
The chuckle that escaped him at Percy’s words was earnest, but even he could hear how weak it sounded. It was as if his throat had closed off.
“This isn’t easy for me to say,” he began. “I didn’t even have words for this until recently. It’s all been a mess I wasn’t able to handle on my own, no matter how much I tried. The truth is that I’m-” the word caught in his throat as he turned to look at Percy.
A pair of seagreen eyes stared right back, care permeating the entirety of his glance.
“I don’t have a dad,” Jason forced out. “I don’t have a mom. The closest thing I have is a goddess who claims me as her champion when what she ought to do is loath me, and a sister in eternal service to a goddess who hates men. I don’t have a family, Percy. So when you asked me to meet yours, I freaked, I guess. Because I’ve never- It’s- uhm.”
He took a moment to breathe, searching for the words he needed. “You know love like the back of your hand, and I strive to even imagine what it would be like to have someone care for me like that.”
Percy’s eyes bore no sign of pity, only sadness, as he wrapped his arms around Jason and kissed the top of his head.
“How are you so sure that I know love like that?” He asked.
“The promise you drew from the gods on Olympus.” Jason’s voice was tight. Restrained, even as the tears ran freely down his face. “I would never have tried that. When you made them take that vow, it was only because you knew them capable of loving. You had hope, simply because you are amongst the fewest who know they are loved, by even those who ought to hate them. And Percy, I don’t think you understand what a mighty privilege that really is.”
His words hung heavy in the air for several moments.
When Percy responded, his voice was shaken. “Gods, Jason,” he said. “How long have you been alone like that?”
“Longer than I care to admit to myself, I guess.” Letting himself truly sink into Percy’s embrace, Jason felt a tug of warmth envelop his body. He was safe here. He would always be safe here. “I don’t know what a family is. But, if your family is anything like you, maybe it’s time I try to figure that out.”
Percy’s arms tightened around him.
“You’ll feel safer than you ever have. I promise. My mom doesn’t let anyone suffer under her roof. So as long as you’re good with eating more blue food than you probably should, you have nothing to worry about.”
That was all he needed to fully relax against his boyfriend, an unfamiliar sense of sleepiness overcoming him as his body let go of the tension it had carried about the way forward. He knew how it would be now.
As he fell into a state of rest, the last thing he noticed was the sound of Percy’s heartbeat. Strong. Steady. Unwavering.
Safe.
“How didn’t I see it?”
In the clearing that primarily served to host the Council of Cloven Elders, Percy paced back and forth as his anger and confusion took turns being at the forefront. His eyes burned with an intensity of emotions that had nowhere to go, and as Grover continued to let him air his grievances, they only grew brighter, starving for somewhere to go that wasn’t back inside.
“Percy,” he said, his voice stern, steady. “Since when was this about guilt?”
His best friend paused at that. They were frighteningly similar in that regard, Percy and Annabeth, he’d realised. If something was wrong, it had to be their fault, no matter the circumstance. A lot of demigods had that tendency, he supposed, but with his best friends, it was as if guilt only existed to reinforce their own perceived weaknesses. As if the gods didn’t bear the responsibility at least half the time.
“I hate it when you do that,” Percy responded, his angry tone now entwined with a fondness Grover knew was for him. “You’re too good at that.”
“You never fail to give me the practice to keep it up.” His council chair really did help with the confidence, go figure. To some extent, a part of him couldn’t help but see Percy as a subject in need of his aid whenever he took his position. A subject who deserved the truth as it was. “Especially not when it comes to dealing with your messy emotions. When it’s not you, it’s Annabeth. And if it’s not her, it’s probably the Hephaestus kid with the flaming hair. I never run out of demigods to help.”
The eyeroll he received in response told him everything he needed to know. Percy refrained from protesting, however, seeing as he had grown to accept that Grover’s interpretations were, for the most part, correct.
“Maybe we should get to work on that,” Percy muttered to himself, low enough that Grover barely managed to catch it.
As he let a smile creep onto his face, Grover awaited the point where Percy would finally start to ask the right questions. He did not need to wait long.
“Grover?”
“Yes?”
“Why didn’t I pick up on it?”
The satyr resisted the urge to sigh. “I don’t know, Percy. I’m not you. I can make a guess though.”
“Alright.” Pausing his pacing, Percy looked upon him with the eyes that warned of impending sarcasm. “Offer me your wisdom, oh great champion of Pan.”
“Do you really have to do that every time?”
“Absolutely.”
He didn’t sigh, but his eyes did roll in response. As much as he might want to keep the conversation entirely serious, such an endeavour was guaranteed to be fruitless when the person on the other end was Percy Jackson. “Putting that aside, it isn’t all that complicated. Jason is in a position you’ve never experienced. At least, technically. Sally was gone for a bit when the whole bolt thing came up, sure, but she came back. And for that reason, you don’t know what it means to have no one you call family.”
“What does that have to do with anything?” Percy cut in. “I know what it is to be lonely. It’s not like we’re living in two completely different worlds here.”
“Poseidon didn’t call your mom a ‘Queen amongst Mortals’ for no reason, Percy,” Grover responded. “She’s one of the few that’s truly good in this world. Someone who loves and cares without bounds. You are extremely lucky when it comes to that. Even your stepfather embraces it all with open arms. Let me put it this way: have you ever, at any point, doubted if there was someone in this world who would mourn you when you passed?”
A long moment passed, as Percy’s brows furrowed and his attentions became entirely focused on the question. Grover let him ponder it in silence, studying his expressions as he appeared to consider what it really meant.
Then-
“Oh.” Percy’s tone was one of gentle shock, as if all the pieces had finally fallen into place for him. “I need to IM mom. Thanks Grover!”
As he ran off to put an end to the mess that was the fault of no one, Grover smirked to himself. Sometimes, he really was proud of the reach he had into the thick skull of his best friend.
The following week saw the two demigods and the satyr take the long awaited trip to Sally Jackson and Paul Blofis’ Manhattan apartment. Grover had initially not planned to join the couple on their expedition, but when both Percy and Jason expressed a desire to have him there, and he had no other business to attend to, he saw no reason not to.
Jason did his best not to flinch when Percy knocked on the door to announce their arrival. His hair was freshly combed and styled, his clothes the cleanest he had available, and though he knew it wasn’t a performance, the importance of first impressions was still a lesson he refused to let go of.
“She’ll love you,” Percy whispered into his ear. “I promise.”
As the door opened, they were greeted with the sight of a beautiful woman with dark hair and kind eyes, who was balancing a toddler on her hip. A smile danced across her lips as her eyes landed on Percy.
“Percy, there you are. Estelle’s been waiting for you, the food’s been ready since four! Come on in, I’ll get you all situated.”
Entering the apartment, Jason found that the only word he could use to properly describe the space was homely. Love, care, and companionship shone from the slightly messy kitchen and the toy-covered floor of the living room where Sally proceeded to put Estelle down, with Percy following her.
With a nudge from Grover, he took a seat on the couch to watch the two siblings. It was strange, to get a glimpse of the childhood he could have had, had his family been allowed such joy. Would he have laughed as Estelle did? Would Thalia have played with him like Percy did with her?
Those were questions he would never have answers for. But they lingered all the same, as the road not taken, diverted long before he had a chance to choose his own path.
The siblings paused their playing when Sally walked over carrying a large tray of intensely blue muffins. They bore the same hue as the food Percy would eat at camp, as if they carried a piece of the sea within them. Maybe they did. Jason wasn’t a baker, he wasn’t about to assume what could and couldn’t be used for such things.
Following the muffins came a set of waffles he knew Percy would claim sole ownership over. He was about to lean over to push the plate towards his boyfriend when a hand on his shoulder stopped him.
"Here you go, Jason," Sally said, handing him a steaming cup of hot chocolate. Though he was certain she hadn't put any food colouring into it as she had the muffins, he could swear the liquid still bore a slight blue tint. Perhaps it was his mind playing tricks on him. He had been seeing a lot of blue food today.
"Thank you, Mrs Jackson." He offered what was not quite a smile in response. "It looks perfect."
His hands shook as he brought the cup to his lips. This was ....... strange. Unusual. Different. There existed no reference, no rulebook for how he ought to behave. How did children interact with their parents?
“Mrs Jackson? Oh, you’re a polite one. There’s no need for that, Jason, Sally is just fine.”
Engaging in conversation with her was surprisingly easy, considering how tense he still was. Sally had a way about her, he realised, she could take anyone into her home and make it a safe place, no matter where they came from. And when her husband came home from where he’d been working late, he too was much the same. Though he could tell Paul wasn’t quite as adjusted to the world of the gods as Sally was, he still managed to grasp every story they told him.
He estimated it had been about an hour when the door sounded again. As he wrecked his brain trying to figure out who could possibly be missing, the sound of Grover sighing reached his ears.
“Did you really have to invite her too?” He asked. “You know what she’s like!”
“Now now, Grover dear, stop complaining,” the newcomer said, the voice inexplicably god-like. What deity would show up at someone’s door like that? “There is no harm in ensuring your wellness.”
Percy’s eyes narrowed with annoyance.
“Amphitrite,” he announced, “come to inspect him, have you?”
“Since I happened to have time, yes. Would you have preferred that I send my son instead? It has been much too long since Triton’s been able to see you, you know.”
Jason turned around, coming face to face with a woman of black hair, dark eyes and blue-tinted skin. She radiated power where he stood, the way only a powerful god could.
“You’re Poseidon’s wife,” he said. “What- Percy? Is this a joke?”
Percy’s narrowed gaze turned to his mom. “You told her, didn’t you? I thought I told you to take things slow.”
“Then you try to say not to a goddess when she’s made up her mind,” Sally retorted. “Especially when she has a chance to insult the King of the Gods.”
Percy sighed, acquiescing to her point. “Yeah, probably shouldn’t have mentioned that,” he mumbled.
Before anyone else had a chance to respond, Estelle rose to her feet to walk with shaky steps towards the goddess. Amphitrite did not even bat an eye before picking her up as a smile appeared on her face, a genuine grin that bore no resemblance to anything Jason had ever seen on an immortal’s face before.
“Now,” she said, turning her attention towards him. “I hear you’re in need of a god to rely on. Your father has no dignity, that’s been known for as long as he’s existed of course, but to be so callous towards his own son,” she shook her head. “Terrible. From what Sally tells me, it appears I hold more love for my husband’s children than he does for his own.”
Before the end of the visit, she had procured a document that made Jason’s legs as unsteady as Estelle’s.
She had offered to adopt him. And for whatever reason, he didn’t want to say no.
It was strange to want to make an offering at dinner. Normally, the gesture felt empty, hollow, its meaning a duty instead of a message of gratitude. He never got anything in return for it either.
He knew, of course, that it was a risk to negate giving his godly parent anything, but wasn’t he just doing what Jupiter had done the whole time he’d existed? If there was one lesson he’d learned more than anything from the visit, it was that all relationships worth fostering had to be invested in equally by all involved. Who was his father to blame him for finally getting the message?
"Hey, Amphitrite."
Jason's hands shook ever so slightly as he scraped the food into the fire. What he was doing, it still felt like treason down to his very bones. Yet, his heart bore the weight of a feather as he spoke.
"Thank you, for yesterday. I know I'm not easy to reach, or care for, or be around at all really, and I'm sorry I'm not better at that. I just wanted to say that I really appreciate you taking the time to see me, and welcome me into the family in your own way. It's nice, I think, to know there are good families out there. That not every demigod's been given my hand. I still don't know if I feel safe enough to accept your offer, but I'm- yeah, it means a lot that you've given me that option. See you, at some point, I guess?"
As the smell floated back to him. what reached him was not the typical burnt ozone or dry electricity. Instead, he felt the touch of a gentle ocean breeze, a wind akin to that of Mellie, had she had water in her veins. It made him smile. She'd heard him then.
He ignored the small boy in the back of his mind that cried a little more at the realisation that just that act was more than his father had ever done for him.
It took three months and ten visits for Jason to meet the final parent of Percy’s peculiar set. He understood that Poseidon was busy, of course he did, so to be whisked into a room by Paul alone and see the Lord of the Seas waiting for them was quite the experience.
“Jason,” he said, by way of greeting. “You look well.”
“Thank you, Lord Poseidon. I am well. You have the family here and beyond to thank for that.”
He knew, rationally, that the visit would be a short one. Gods like him never stayed long. So when Poseidon told him he was there to offer a promise, he didn’t know how to feel.
“I know there’ll be a time when you’ll plan to kneel down and ask my son to marry you,” he said. “And that you’ll want approval, because you Romans are like that. I’m just here to tell you to ask this one,” he gestured to Paul, “for a word, and we’ll know it’s time.”
Then he disappeared, as if he’d never been there.
Jason turned to ask Paul for what was going on, but found the man was smiling softly, and decided that maybe, the questions could wait.
“Do you think you’ll ever hope for a relationship with your dad?”
Thalia’s hill wasn’t often a place Jason stopped at anymore. But after today, it felt right. To honour the family he maybe should have had, if only for a brief time.
“No,” he answered simply. “I might welcome it if he tried, but I see no reason as to why he would.”
Percy nodded, joining him in looking up at the sky.
“But you think of him. Of course you do.”
“Yeah, I do. More than I should. It never feels good.”
Taking his hand, Percy leaned against him.
“I’m sorry. Do you think it’ll ever get better? Do you even want to hope?”
“Maybe one day, I’ll look upon the clouds again, and not feel lonely,” Jason answered. “But that won’t be because the lighting shoots across the sky and bathes me in comforting white. It’ll be because the rain that falls to the ground offers me an embrace the lighting will never reach down to offer. And even if it did, it would never be as gentle as the drops are, and forever will be.”
Percy squeezed his hand as he kissed him gently on the cheek. “At least you have the drops now.”
“Yeah.” Jason smiled softly. “At least I do.”
They shared a gentle kiss below the stars, sinking in the feeling of the other. Percy knew he would never grow tired of how simple it all was, to be with Jason in every way possible. Where war had formed so many times before, they instead had found peace, calming the storms inside the other without even needing a touch.
Jason pulled back after a few moments to rest his forehead against Percy’s.
“I’ll see you in a bit. Just want to check in on Leo before I go to bed.”
“Yeah, see you then.”
Grover walked up to his best friend then, watching as Jason left in the direction of the Forge.
"He'll be alright, right?"
Percy's voice quivered as he spoke, his eyes still staring at where Jason had disappeared from view the minute before. It reminded Grover of how young he still was, how young they all were, in spite of all the world had seen fit to throw at them.
"I think so," he responded cautiously. "But Percy, whatever happens, it'll be up to him. You me, Sally, Amphitrite, we can be there to support him as best we can, but in the end, it's his choice to make. His effort to find the way forward. Just like you had to let me go, to let me spread Pan's word across this world of ours, you have to let his choice remain with him. I came back, when the first step was done, and he'll do so too. That, I'm sure of."
Leaning into him, Grover felt it as Percy's shoulders finally let go of some of their tension.
"You're a good friend, Grover. You know that, right?"
"Damn right I do. If I weren't, I'd have left you and Annabeth out to dry a long time ago. And I wouldn't have lasted your second round of pining either. What is it with you and blonds, Perce?"
Percy chuckled. Then chuckled again. Soon, they were both on the cusp of laughing, remembering all the times Grover had suffered the blatant tension between Percy and someone who happened to be blond.
The sun set, and with it, their worries finally found rest.
“Paul, may I have a word?”
In spite of how often Jason visited the Jackson-Blofis apartment, he still rarely came alone. It was a habit to join Percy on his visits, enjoying the company of what he now too called his family together with his boyfriend. Simpler, too. He knew he was always wanted there, of course, but old habits die hard, and the kind he’d earned for survival held on tighter than most.
Today however, he had to come alone. Percy not being present was, after all, imperative to what he needed from the visit.
“It’s time?” Without even saying another word, Sally carried Estelle to her room, presumably settling her as they all awaited the arrival of the second set of parents.
It did not take long. Before the minute had passed, Jason stood before the four people who had taken him in and given him the chance to experience what it was to have a parent.
“I don’t have a grand speech prepared, or anything,” he began. “I honestly just want to say thank you, for taking me in as you have. You’ve given me the family I never had, you’ve supported me when I needed it most, and, I just- You know what I’m going to ask for. But I’m still going to say it. Percy is my rock, he’s the most beautiful person I know, both inside and out, and I love him. I’m not going to call it with all my heart, or to the moon and back, because those are both unfit descriptions. I love him the same way I breathe. It’s easy, and it’s right. So, uhm, do I have your permission to ask for his hand, as tacky as it sounds?”
He had stumbled over his words more than once. Nearly mumbled parts of it. None of it mattered. Because when Sally took his hands in hers, smiled, and told him “You’ve had our support since the day we met you,” the final part of his loneliness finally let go.
And he knew better than to ask questions when he woke up the following morning with a message that demanded he let Amphitrite pay for the ring. He’d chosen the family, and now he had to live with that, for better and for worse.
Mostly for the better, though. Most of the time.